January 3, 2024 • 51 mins
Have you ever placed your heart in someone else's hands, trusting them to hold it with care? Big Bank's remarkable journey through love's terrain is a testament to that courage. In our latest episode, he sits down with us to share the raw emotions and resilient spirit that have shaped his 22-year marriage. His candid reflections on trust, commitment, and the complex dance of relationships reveal the delicate fabric that binds two people together amidst life's trials and triumphs.
Navigating the waters of fidelity and infidelity, we uncover the nuanced perspectives that can both strengthen and threaten the bonds we hold dear. Big Bank's insights challenge us to confront the societal constructs that govern our understanding of loyalty and the importance of communication in sustaining a partnership over time. Without shying away from the uncomfortable, we dissect the emotional aftermath of betrayal, the struggle to reconcile our actions with our values, and the quest for transparency in the labyrinth of love.
As we wrap up this heart-to-heart, we delve into the indispensable role of self-awareness and the pursuit of personal growth in preparing for and enriching relationships. Through stories of parenting, the influence of family dynamics, and the undying need for resilience, this episode stands as a beacon for anyone seeking to fortify their connections and successfully navigate the complexities of love, trust, and the human experience. Join us and Big Bank as we traverse the intimate landscape of what it means to truly give and receive love.
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Relationships Matter by Chanel Scott
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Opposing experiences, a single woman and a married man, Chanel Scott, and Josh Powell, create a powerful and empathetic team, offering valuable insights and advice on navigating the complexities of romantic relationships and promoting healthier, more fulfilling connections.
Join Chanel and Josh as they unlock the secrets of successful relationships one conversation at a time.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
I'm Chanel Scott, the queen of relationship talk.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
I'm Josh Powell, two-time NBA champion.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
I've journeyed from trauma to healing.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
From the NBA to family, I've learned what really
matters.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
We've come together to unlock the secrets of
successful relationships.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
One conversation at a time.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
One conversation at a time.
Welcome to Relationships Meta,the podcast.
My name is Chanel Scott.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
I am Josh Powell.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
We have a special guest today Big Bank, yeah,
beyond special.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Check it in what's up with y'all?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Check it in.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Y'all got me kind of nervous they ain't never been
nervous before, don't be nervous, don't be nervous.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Y'all do a super fly too.
How Gotta have you?
Speaker 3 (00:47):
They don't flip me it's over.
I can't come back from that.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
They need to.
They need to go ahead and bringyou back.
My boy, I can listen, I promiseyou, man, I love that movie so
much.
Bro, One of my favorite movies,dawg no cap.
No, I appreciate that, bro.
Like everybody did their thing,man, so I definitely want to
take the time to salute you.
I appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
My bro, you sent me that video clip with the guy
that was in there.
He was like you want to besuper fly, or something.
Like I said what?
Speaker 2 (01:12):
I said that's me, that's real.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
He said that the man can't afford to be you Bro
listen, listen bro.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
He said that's me Bro .
Listen, that's me all day bro.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
You put it on the 10 on that one, you that one, that
one, that one.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
But now, bro, I had a salute you man.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
No, I appreciate that , my bro.
I appreciate y'all having metoo, man.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Of course.
So tell us a little bit aboutyourself.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
That's crazy.
I don't even know how toexplain it.
Well, I'm just typical.
Come from humble beginning hood.
You know what I'm saying.
Raised by my grandma.
Dad was going through it.
He did this thing.
He went to the streets, gothooked on drugs and went to jail
when I was 13, 14.
(01:57):
And he gave me a life sentence.
My mom, she was young when shehad me, so my grandma raised us
House full of people.
You know, typical, I just youknow we had to start hustling
early to even have the thingsthat the other people just had
around us.
You get what I'm saying.
So I guess you just say hustle,I blow the wind up.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
OK, what does your personal life look like, though?
Speaker 3 (02:24):
For as I've been married for 22 years.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
OK, so you married yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
But we grew up together, so you know a lot.
Come with that relationship too.
Like what, like everything?
You know what I'm saying.
Like I don't even know how to.
We grew up together so a lot ofshit that I didn't know then.
Still scars hurt from now.
You know what I'm saying and Iknow Just.
I know how I go.
But it's like, man, I don'tknow, I don't know, I don't know
(02:54):
how to explain it.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
22 years Then you got a 28 years, 28 years altogether
and married 22 years.
What do you feel one or two ofthe successes to have longevity
in a relationship?
Speaker 3 (03:12):
What's the success of it?
My kids is my success from arelationship and just to have
somebody that you, the firstperson you loved outside of your
family member, just beat upwith you the whole time, Because
that's like the first person Ilove outside of family you know
(03:32):
like really gave my heart to.
I like I tell people it's it'sthree different types of love.
You can be in love withsomebody, you can love them and
you give your heart to them.
That's different, Like you knowwhat I'm saying.
Like that's different becausewe don't do that.
It's often right.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
So get your heart.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
Yeah, like give your heart, like to give your heart
to somebody saying, yeah, I canbe, I can go fall in love again,
I can love you, I can love it,I love everybody, but I can only
give my heart away one time.
You believe that.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I believe that you believe that?
Like really give it away onetime, one time.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Give your whole heart away one time.
Yes, it's like trying to have athink of somebody else, like
your mom, like had a same lovefor another woman like you love
your mom or your dad.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I think I'm going to give mine away one more.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
You've been in love probably more Well.
You know women different.
I'm to my man.
I'm to my man.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Yeah, because I was going to my next question for
you was like at what point didyou make the decision to say I'm
going to give my heart away,because you men are different,
like what made you make thatdecision?
And say you know what?
I'm going to give my heart awayto this person.
What about her was so specialthat she?
Speaker 3 (04:53):
just had never done it for one.
And then she, and then trust.
I came in with a responsibilityafter real.
We had kids early to go to.
So you know, I'm saying, andthen it's like it was just, it
was just me and her like againstthe world, against everything
like it, but it didn't collide.
(05:13):
This is what it is, this is us,you know.
So, yeah, trust, love, you knoweverything that come with me
Because, yeah, I dealt withplenty women for that, even as a
kid, but just for somedifferent growing up in the
streets.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
What does trust look like for you?
Speaker 3 (05:36):
I don't, I don't got no trust.
I don't know what your spouse.
You know, we can do things in arelationship that break trust
and I can want to trust you forthe rest of our life.
It don't have to do them how todo it, and for that it just
could be shit.
You say you can say certainshit to make me feel like if I
(05:58):
said this to you, you shouldn'ttrust me.
Well, if I do certain things toyou, you shouldn't trust me
ever.
So I based it on how I would,how I would react, and that's
probably a bad thing and I thinkeverybody's different.
But I'm saying I'm saying ifyou was, I could do something to
her, and they make me not trusther because I know if you did
that to me.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
I would never trust you again, like I really don't
fuck with you, like just beingreal.
Yeah, so I don't know it, justyou know.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
But how does that impact the relationship, though?
When you have little trust,though, you find yourself
getting into disagreements often, or questioning often, or yeah,
yeah, it's, it's, it's all ofyour bub.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
It's all of your bub.
I don't, I don't know, I don'tknow how to.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Is there anybody OK, aside from your wife?
Do you feel like there'sanybody in your life that you
can fully trust or fully havethat type of I?
Speaker 3 (06:59):
ain't gonna.
Well, when I say I don't trust,it's like I don't put in that
pants.
Like you know what I'm saying,you'll do it.
I'm big on that, you'll do it.
So that's not trust, I'm big onthat.
That's not trusting.
No matter what it is, no matterhow it goes to this day.
Like my grandma, I could trusther to be exactly who she is to
(07:19):
anyone, not just to me.
She's the same way witheveryone.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
So I trusted her.
I trust.
Let me see, I trust my sister,even though, because I know her,
you know, most of the time youwon't be knowing people that you
love.
You don't even be knowingpeople, you don't know what they
(07:40):
capable of.
But like I feel, like I know mysister heart, like I know her,
I know she'll be get on somebullshit.
I know she'll.
You know what I'm saying.
I trust my brothers too, mybrother Nate, even cause I know
them.
I know what they'll not do tome.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
But you don't have that same trust for your spouse,
though.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Because I ain't never did them wrong.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
You don't have over 27 years I ain't never did them
wrong.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
I trust that you are the best for me, but I'm saying
like I can't, I don't know, Idon't know how to say that.
And her trust don't come fromher.
It come from me, knowing thatif I was to, if you was to do me
this way and the way that youlet me know you felt when I did
these things, how do I trust you?
(08:24):
I don't know.
It's all my fault, everythingis my fault.
I'm taking full accountabilityfor anything, but I have to say
this is who I am.
I don't know how not to feelhow I feel.
What do I need to do?
Speaker 2 (08:40):
What do you think most of that comes from?
Is it a combination ofrelationships?
Is it a combination of how yougrew up being in the streets?
Is it like?
What does all of that entail?
Speaker 3 (08:48):
It's like I think people don't understand like
what a heartbreak is for real,and heartbreak don't have to be
like women's biggest thing isokay.
You cheating on me, not myheart, bro.
You could break a with somewords or with your actions or
with some shit.
I never thought you would doSame way, because if you were
(09:09):
disappointed in your mom orwhoever growing up, they really
broke your heart right.
If your mama was got them acrackhead or whatever she said
about that shit, you got to walkby the people at school and
know you are heartbroken, nomatter how you.
You know what I'm saying.
So if you find somebody thatkinda patch it up a little bit
and they do some shit that younever thought or say some shit
(09:30):
that you never thought, thenwhat do you do?
Speaker 2 (09:32):
So if they do it, do you feel it's intentional or do
you feel it's unintentional?
It done, it's just done.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
It don't matter, it's done like I can do some shit
unintentional, but I still didit.
Right, you still did it.
But how many times we gonna sayhow many times is unintentional
?
Speaker 1 (10:00):
I mean some, I mean especially, like your partner or
your spouse, they know how topinch you.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Okay, but it's okay.
I'm just speaking in general.
I ain't speaking on personallevel right now.
If it was, how many times isintentional, like I said, like
it's unintentional.
If you saying you know how tohit my buttons and I'm telling
you don't do this, it wasintentional for sure.
Yeah, don't do this, becausethis make me feel this way and
(10:27):
you do it to continue, likethat's literally intentionally
trying to make me feel how theway I'm telling you this shit
made me feel right, yeah, howthat work.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Well, it's typically when a woman does that they're
reciprocating whatever emotionyou have given to them.
So then they try to get youback and they tip it If they
study you and they know what'sgonna rub you the wrong way, and
so they'll say stuff out theirmouth that they don't
necessarily mean.
But it was definitelyintentional, but it was to her.
(10:56):
She was not that they wereactually act on or even do it,
but they know that it's gonnamove you.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Yeah, for 30 years.
Right, and that's a great point, sunneb, 30 years, cause you
talked about being almost withjust significant other for that
amount of time total.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
What are the some of the ways that you've grown over
that time span Like?
Speaker 3 (11:25):
oh no, it's a whole, totally different.
It ain't even the same, like ifshe upset with you that I was.
I totally understand that,cause I am too.
Yeah, but I can't, I can't getthem.
That's just like if I committeda crime at 18, I did six months
(11:46):
in jail.
I'm 40, got them 45, now ain'tfinna go back and say, hey, let
me go do six more months forthat shit I did when I was 18.
I already did my time for theshit.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
I'm putting this loyalty to you.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
That's the only thing .
That's the only thing, but it'slike.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
I want to ask you something what does that mean to
you Like?
Define that for you.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
You want to intentionally hurt me or
intentionally not have my back,intentionally, do it.
You're always there for me.
A lawyer person is always notfinancially naïve.
I'm always there for you, likeI know yeah, that's that.
And then there's, I ain't gotto even question it, that's what
that is.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
But let me answer your question on that.
And that's good.
But I hear men say that's theonly thing, but then they'll
turn right back around and dothe same thing that you just
said.
You don't want that woman to dothat.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
What like what?
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Like you, like you won't intentionally hurt me or
you won't do this to me.
You'll always be there for me,but then the man will go and do
the same thing.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
But then Like fuck a bitch.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Yeah, that's.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
How the fuck is me Like?
How is me getting some pussyintentionally hurting you?
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Oh my God, like you're sharing a part of
yourself with someone else andwe don't want that's being
unfaithful.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
That's being unfaithful.
It's two different things fromwhat we talked about earlier
being unfaithful and loyal.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
So I think you have a different definition for being
unfaithful versus being loyal.
Because a woman is both for me,because I don't want to share,
I don't Like.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
I give what you're saying.
I'm not on here to advocate forcheaters or no shit like that.
What?
Speaker 1 (13:45):
I'm saying is I'm not getting it being real.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
What I'm saying is okay if your husband do whatever
you have, if he steps out onthe marriage right and do
whatever he did, that's the onlything.
You can check out the list thathe's not doing.
Everything else he's doing, Iwouldn't give a damn what it is.
He's the husband.
(14:08):
He cooked.
He takes you out Whatever thefuck it is that you require, but
he got caught sneaking doingsome other shit.
That's the deal breaker.
That's yes or no.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Yes.
Because, now you put me in aprecarious situation now because
you just think you're going outto have sex with another female
.
But now you put us in jeopardybecause now she's going to come
knock on my door or we out,she's going to approach me and
this is going to be a whole bigthing.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
But if it ain't that type of energy, though I'm
saying you just, don't have to,I can't be so sure I'm like that
, like you went in my phone andfound out that you're looking to
be unhappy when you're alreadyhappy.
But what I'm saying is this guyis the guy that's doing
everything to your standards.
Why would you check his phone?
I had to say me, becausenobody's never checked my phone.
Why would you?
(14:56):
Go searching, I wouldn't checkyour phone, so how would you
find out?
Speaker 1 (14:59):
If you're doing everything in the relationship
then I don't know why I would bechecking your phone.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Okay, if you go looking, if one of your nose ass
friends come tell you some shit, you're going to leave your
dude for that.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
No, I'm not going to leave him because she came and
told me nothing.
No, absolutely not.
And even if I'm going to makethe first of all, this is me.
If you're doing everything yousupposed to do in the
relationship and I find out youdid what you did.
I ain't going to leave you, butI'm definitely going to make
your life miserable.
That's just me.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
So why do you want to make a man life miserable?
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Why would you go, step out and have sex with
another woman?
Speaker 3 (15:37):
Let him go do everything he could do for
somebody else.
Why do you got to do that,though?
Why everything got to be awoman way, though?
I don't understand this.
Where's the compromise we gotto compromise?
You got to pick your poisonbecause you got some women
that's laying up with bombs.
She's laying up with a bomb andhe ain't cheating.
But you don't have no time toyell because I got to work.
Every day I'm doing everythingelse, like when are women going
(15:59):
to be satisfied?
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Are you serious?
What one thing can I do?
What I'm saying is okay if Idon't have a job if I don't have
a job right.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
Just imagine I didn't have a job.
That would be a deal breakertoo right?
Am I tripping?
No, you got to do that.
Like it's two different type ofdudes.
It's two different type ofdudes.
All women want the same type ofdudes.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
What's the type they want?
Now let you know All theconversations you have.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
Who that he got a damn to be, that he got to be a
n*** of somebody else, got towant him.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
I do feel like for me that's a preferential thing,
but where I was talking aboutwhat I'm fighting, what you
fighting for your life isBecause I just you know what I'm
saying gave myself to thecreator two years ago, two days
ago.
I'm on this spirits journey,yeah, in that room, even though
(16:54):
I feel the way that I feel right.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
How you feel.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
From a like I'm big on polygamy bro.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Oh, my God In that room.
So the reason I'm saying thatwhat you being that wrong with
that In that room that reason Iain't get to chew.
What do you want to do withthat?
So I'm saying you want to havetwo women or three women?
In your household.
You want to have, you want tobuild a family with multiple
women.
I'm not.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
Each woman, first, first, first.
You out there to pressure, allthis pressure that comes with me
.
Baby, divide that shit, ain'tnobody divide nothing.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Divide Ain't, nobody divide nothing.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
So the reason why I ain't trying to go too hard on
that side of it is because,again, I'm trying to subscribe
to what the word is saying.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
that but they remixed that word a little bit too.
I'm going to keep it going.
Keep it going Be what you be,what you want to be in life.
You ought to be what you wantto be in life, what's in your
spirit.
That's what you got to be, bro.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
I'm telling you, sometimes I will be in my spirit
too.
I want to knock somebody out.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
Oh no, I hear that on being your spirit.
But that being your mind, thatbeing your, emotion.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
That be that.
Be on it sometime.
I can folks right.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
But what if you can't ?
I'm saying some shit that youcan't shake is what's in your
spirit, not just in a moment.
I'm not.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Yeah, I can't shake the urge to be with one another.
We just have no one.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
I'm not saying I'm understanding guys, because I
have friends, I understand guys,I understand their point and if
shit switches over foreverybody, can do it, but that's
just like you mentioned earlier.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Right, you took it to basketball, so I could relate
to that from the standpoint ofby any means necessary, we do
what it got to take, and that'show I was able to reach the peak
that I reached.
Yes, so every situation itrequired a different version of
me.
Yes, so that's where I'm at now.
Right, my current relationshipis requiring a different version
of me.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
I never did this.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
I got to subscribe to the monogamous channel.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
But you got to make sure you comfortable with that
shit first, Because if you'renot comfortable with some shit
just because you like a personso much, you can get into some
shit and be miserable.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
But see, the thing is is I'm doing it for a bigger
purpose.
It's bigger than her and me, IfI'm going according to what
that book say.
So that's the part of where I'mat.
It ain't even got nothing to dowith that.
That's why I believe.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Now, I agree with you on that, that and I'm not
speaking to you on yoursituation, but I'm speaking in
general.
That's why it's important thatyou pick the right partner, like
, yeah, you got to, Because ifyou don't, you are going to
cheat.
That's why I don't subscribe tothe whole idea of just being
with somebody because he likedme or because he he nice to me
(19:37):
or he do nice things for me,because I already know that if I
don't like you, if I'm notattracted to you in that way,
it's only a matter of timebefore.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
I miss someone that.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
I am attracted to.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
And.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
I'm going to be like peace.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
But do women know that they're not perfect though?
Speaker 1 (19:53):
We're not perfect.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
But you know, that's the way women most women that
I've seen- Perfect.
In my life, in my dudes, youknow, just talking to people
because we be having anyconversation all the time
amongst men.
Women probably don't think wedo, but they be like what's up
with it?
It's just like perfect as in.
We don't believe that you haveflaws.
You get what I'm saying.
They play it.
(20:15):
They play it like, just becauseyour flaws are like this,
mine's ain't that bad or thatain't really shit.
How you going to tell me whatain't really shit to me?
I ain't experience what youexperience.
If I experience what youexperience, I probably wouldn't
deal with you, right?
You know what I'm saying.
So you can't tell me the levelof hurt something could bring me
, even though you know you don'tmean it.
(20:35):
Like you said earlier or thisor that, you can't tell me the
level of hurt because I neverexperienced nothing else to hurt
me from you.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
Until your point.
That's also the reason why Ithink about relationship the way
that I think about it.
How do you think about it?
Because when I grew up, Ididn't see people being faithful
Facts.
When I grew up, I didn't seepeople being loyal.
You know what I'm saying,Especially when you understand
what men do.
But then you hear or see like,for example, a woman will say
(21:01):
well, I ain't do what you weredoing, but you're sending that.
Good morning, good night.
Hey, baby, how you doing, howyou day.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
I ain't setting it up that what they do, that what
they do.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
I don't understand, like you, emotionally and
mentally connected with anotherperson.
So it's like I'm watching allof these things and I'm like,
bro, I don't see nobody, reallyabout one person.
And then I just started seeingthe last two and a half three
years of my life out of 40 years.
I just started bumping intopeople that, bro, I don't do
(21:33):
that Like, I really be faithfulto my life.
She get on my nerves or he geton my like, but I'm with that
person.
I'm like where I know it exists.
But to actually see it, see,but that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
So you still ain't met nobody you sitting right in
front of me.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
I just ain't met him, I ain't I don't know you
cheated.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
What episode that you said you cheated on, bro.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
You ain't never heard me say I cheated on nobody.
That's the one thing.
You did not hear me say you didnot hear me say, I cheated on
nobody.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
You ain't even looking me when you answered
that question.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
You look down the whole time.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
You see the cream look down like this the whole
time.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
So you did stop working.
You want to cheat on like it'sjust don't work, no more.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
I can't even answer that question, man, because I
can't answer the questiontruthfully.
I don't know that's, that's,that's major, see what?
Speaker 3 (22:26):
I'm saying Somebody who I can't.
Condition alone mean we can useevery toy in the mother.
I'm about to throw a twist inthere.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
I'm about to be a twist.
I'm about to throw a twist inthere.
I was celibate for eight yearsand then for another four.
I don't know if I could do that.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
But want to be different.
If you got somebody now, well,like, it'll be different, like,
because it's one thing when youlike, I'm not settling for a
relationship, it's another thingbeing in a relationship.
And then this thing happens.
I agree, you know what I'msaying.
Like if I'm with a woman and wetrying to figure out whatever
we're going to figure out,that's what.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
I'm going to do yeah, if I get a divorce.
I just know I would never, evertry to shit.
Really I wouldn't.
I ain't got time, I ain't gotthe mental space in my brain for
that shit.
You say that today.
I mean that because I can'tlive inside of nobody else's
emotions.
I'm too, I'm too much of a man.
I don't want to hear that shitat times.
So it's me.
(23:18):
You know what I'm saying.
If I'm going, my own problem.
And you want to keep, let'stalk, let's talk, let's talk.
I'm talking, I want to go getme some.
I don't want to do the thingsthat I need to do.
I don't want to keep talkingbecause we can get nowhere with
this talk.
So most women want to talk.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
Absolutely, but are you being on communication yes,
I'm communicating.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
Okay, just saying what we're doing.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
But is it your way?
No, I'm going to let it all out.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Hear you out, but I can't keep talking about the
same thing every day.
I just can't do that.
It's like all right, this ishow we want to do it.
How do we fix it?
Let's get a solution.
It's seem like there's nosolution.
What do I do?
There's no solution if you'renot willing, if you, because you
say you, I'm totally going tobe transparent about something,
but if you ask me something thatI just ain't going to do, I'm
(24:01):
going to tell you that I ain'tgoing to do that.
So you need to be thinkingabout your next move.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Certain things I'm just not going to come to it
sounds like your mind is made upand you're going to do what
you're going to do.
And she's going to accept it,or she's not going to accept it,
but that and so in those cases,she's going to keep talking
about it, because the onlyalternative for her is to leave.
So she don't want to leave.
So, in order to find some levelof peace and comfort, she's
going to continue to talk aboutit.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
I've been talking and doing that, but raising Because
you're trying to get you tochange your mind.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
But you ain't willing to change your mind.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
I know that too, that you're not going to change your
mind.
You're just going to make a lot.
That's all you're going to do.
But you say you want the truth.
And then I tell you the truthyou trying to change his mind.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Which one is it?
So then, it's like you put herin a messed up space for who she
either got to pick you or shegot to pick herself.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
But at the end of the day, something got to be picked
.
If you saying that you can'tdeal with this, I'm telling you
this is what you're doing?
Speaker 1 (25:05):
What is the?
Speaker 3 (25:05):
compromise, though?
Who's compromise on them?
That's just like right now, bro, I want you to shave your beard
off.
I don't like that beard anymuch.
I want you to go booty fakeBaby.
I'm not doing that.
What are you talking about?
Who's going to do that?
But she talked about this everyday.
Are you doing it?
Certain things you're notcompromising.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
But that beard is not doing anything to you.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
We talk about behavior, I ain't talking about
really cheating and all thisstuff.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
Anything that may happen to a person.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
That's of a person.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
But I noticed that you keep saying cheating.
No, I'm saying no, but youthink like that's like the thing
.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
That's like to me, women's deal breaker.
So that's what I thought I'mthinking you saying, like I'm
saying like anything that's ofmy choice, of I could choose a
career that you don't like womenfeel like some women ain't
gonna say all women.
Some women feel as if, though,they supposed to have an opinion
on everything in your life, andI don't believe that.
I don't believe that.
I don't believe that I don't.
(26:03):
That ain't nothing to talkabout.
This ain't nothing to talkabout.
So don't even and, like I said,I'm not personalized, I'm just
speaking from everybody point ofview who talk.
You know what I'm saying, causeso many go through so much shit
with women, like everythingelse you ask.
Now we got to communicate abouteverything by being in it.
You ain't got to worry aboutthat.
Baby.
I got this shit handle, or youdon't?
(26:25):
You just, I don't know, I don'tknow how to explain it, but you
get what I'm saying.
Come and shave your beard off.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
No, I'm falling.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
I'm falling.
But have you ever heard of awoman try to really convince you
of some shit that you just wantto do?
It happens.
Have you ever tried to convince?
A man of some shit that henever did, maybe really.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
Something that he never did.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
You would never change, nah, yeah that's what
I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
But I mean, I've been in situations where I know the
person wasn't faithful.
I mean and this is before I wascool with Chanel, so I will
overstate my welcome.
So that was that conversationon repeat, because you was
hoping you heard somethingdifferent.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
So what would you?
What would you what would like?
What would you deal with from aman Like if you had to deal
with one thing from a man like Ijust got to deal with that,
what would you deal with?
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I mean outside of him , just being him, what I knew of
when we got together, like ifyou had to pick a flaw, because
everybody got a flaw right.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
If you got to pick your poison on what you can deal
with from a man, what would itbe?
I don't know, that's what I'msaying.
Like everybody looking forperfect, I can tell you what I
ain't going to deal with.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
He got to be perfect.
I can tell you what I ain'tgoing to deal with.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
What you ain't going to do.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
I ain't going to do it, I just can't.
He can't, he can't be sleepwith other women.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
All right cool so.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
I just don't, I just I, just I, because you got to
know you, because everybody notbuilt the same yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
No facts, no facts.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
I got.
I know me and I know that thatjust wouldn't sit well with me.
I end up in prison somewhere.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
I feel you on that side.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
But sleeping with another woman.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
But why would you end up in?
Speaker 1 (27:57):
prison Because, man, that it just does something to
you, because it's like why?
Speaker 2 (28:02):
But why would you end up in prison?
Speaker 1 (28:04):
though, because the level of pain that comes along
with that for me isundescribable.
So you telling, me.
About a level of devastationthat the pain of it all.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
That you're a lay somebody down, yeah, yeah you
said like a boyfriend that youmarried.
It's a situation.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
How long you got to know you though that's what I'm
saying you got to know you.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
You know you.
How long, how long, how long ofa relationship.
What if I just know you for ayear?
You rich, you're going to kidme it depends.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
It's relative.
It's relative, though you doknow me.
It's relative.
It's just like I don't know.
It's relative.
Every situation is different.
You know what I'm saying?
You going through something,y'all going through something,
y'all.
Take some space away.
He go and do whatever.
He go, dip off, that's not hisbehavior.
To just be out there slingingit, community dig, then that's
(28:55):
different.
You can work through that, youcan talk through it.
But if you, with somebody whojust doing it and don't give a
kid, don't care how you feel,don't have no regard for you,
yeah, and then you got womenapproaching you, showing up on
you, that's different doing that.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
You're causing harm or some cheeks.
What you mean?
You causing somebody harm oversome cheeks?
No, he'll not.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
He's like I feel like I feel like I wouldn't give it.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
I feel like bro he already said he put that bad Go
to jail or kill somebody, diebehind a woman.
Speaker 3 (29:25):
It's too many.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
It's easy to say, because it hasn't happened, I
wouldn't give a damn what youshow.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
God gave you that pussy, not me.
You decided to give it away,baby.
That's what you need to do withit.
I can't tell you what to dowith that and ruin my whole life
about that.
How many of those?
This is what I do to guardagainst that.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
I hear what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
You don't cause like, but how to guard against it.
If you know someone has atendency to do that, because you
know before you can get deeperto a relationship how somebody
moving don't get involved.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
People be different every day, though they do.
Your wife can be at work, gotin the same, know when she sad,
when she happy, when she down,when she up Brought you some
food.
I did this so they down therein a relationship.
One of them days you're goingto be like this.
You never know, bro.
Y'all have been created a wholerelationship outside of us.
(30:22):
You know how to hold your headup.
Queen the date.
Don't let nothing stress you,no matter what it is in life.
Stick a smooth head boy tocologne for her Sooner or later.
You never know how this shit gogo, bro.
You never know.
You got some slick ass.
You never can say what you godo till you do it.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Hey, how long will it do wait for the opportunity
Forever?
Speaker 3 (30:49):
But he's right, forever.
I'm friend, friend, friend.
He's gonna never go with hismove.
He gonna let you go with yourmove.
You wanted that.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
I'm just gonna beat you.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
No, that's a lot of that happening out here.
That's just my brother, though,no, we just no bro.
Bro sitting he waiting, yes, hewaiting.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
So then in situations like that, say you in a
relationship and the person youin a relationship with got a
friend that's a man.
How do you handle that?
What do you think?
Speaker 2 (31:26):
I don't say nothing.
I support it, do you For theshow.
But what?
Listen, I have a light mindwith bank because I don't see
way too much stuff and I don'tput anything past any human
being.
I don't think I don't putnothing because I've seen.
First of all, I've seen how myfamily done did me, the people
(31:48):
that tell you they love you andI ain't got no choice with them.
Exactly my friends done did mea certain type of way.
Teammates done did me a certaintype of way I done seen way too
much stuff.
The women that I've chosen,that I've given my heart to have
done some things, and I'm likeI gotta take that on the chain.
I don't put nothing past nobody.
(32:10):
So you got my support, but justunderstand what that come with.
I'm telling you.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
But you know what I gotta ask, because you say you
know, I gave my heart to someoneand they did this, but what did
you do first?
Speaker 2 (32:23):
I hold myself accountable for anything I done,
been I guess you could sayunfaithful.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Live my life, but this ain't a tip for Tatthane
though.
So to your point, wherever youtrying to go with that is never
a tip for that thing.
I'm not saying that's right,but they call it, but it ain't
about, it ain't about coping ifyou ain't, if that ain't who you
are, if you ain't about that,don't do it, just leave that's
all you gotta do, but they don'twant to leave, so the
alternative is to do what you doyou definitely ain't gonna hurt
(32:51):
me, no bro.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
And that type of way.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
I think that, but maybe they didn't know that.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
Do you think women love unconditional, men love
unconditional.
We talked about that one time.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
On that I don't think I think there's conditions to
everybody's love, is it's justgiven the right situation.
I think I would like to thinkthat I love someone
unconditionally, but I know, ifyou put me in the right
situation, that love is going togo away because you're going to
wear me out.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
I ain't gonna say that because you could love your
mom and dad under this.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
No, I kept look with space.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
Yeah, but you still love them.
Yeah, I still love them.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
Yeah, but I don't have to engage you.
I can love you, but I don'thave to engage you.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Yeah, I feel like man we love unconditionally.
Speaker 3 (33:35):
Yeah, because when they get, we get you.
We don't care what you got, wedon't care Now, we just that's a
lie now.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
I don't agree with that.
I'm just saying I don't agreewith that.
Men do care what you got Nowthat we go, I ain't tell you all
that bro Bitch, what you gotgoing on, I ain't gonna care
about nothing I ain't doing thatnow.
No grown men will say like inthe beginning oh, I'm talking
about right now.
Girl, I ain't say that.
Hey man, we got to match myenergy.
Speaker 3 (33:57):
That what they said.
We match your energy.
Who doing what you doing there,baby?
Speaker 1 (34:02):
They ain't gonna do that for me backwards, okay, I
just want to be clear for thefolk who listening they care
what you got.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
People got to understand people not going to
go into the relationship at thispoint in our lives the same way
you would went into it from thebeginning.
Like when you just fresh onlove and fresh on you know what
I'm saying Give me your heartout and fresh, like, even though
you say you gave your heart outthree times, three and a half
times that two and a half didn'tget that same.
Like that first time I'm here,down what you say.
(34:32):
I'm just saying it's impossiblebecause you, I don't know, I
can't say different.
Learn if you did, you get yourheart broke by the first.
Whenever you get your heartbroke, bro, it's impossible to
(34:56):
love another woman the same waythe one that broke that's
impossible I got she might giveme for that, but I Got.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
My heart broke on my mama bro.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
And we all did like.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
For me that been a part of the.
The choice is From anexperienced standpoint.
You know certain things thathappen, like even even in adult
years.
You know that had that has aneffect.
(35:31):
You know what I'm saying and Ilove my mama dearly, bro.
I'm not judging her, no,nothing.
But these are the things thatyou carry with you.
You know what I'm saying and Ido a lot of work.
I'm still working on me everyday and I've grown, I've gotten
so much better.
But to your point, like you saidat the beginning of this is
certain things that happen thatyou can't.
You can't change that, youcan't unwire the way that you
(35:54):
already that that system is set.
You know I'm saying and andthen it's crazy because whether
it's an environment thing or allof these things, you got great
energy.
I Don't think you walkingaround him, people just like me.
I'll bro this down the thirdand they might be that.
It might not, but you still seewhat you see.
You're part of the conversation, you're part of you.
You you see how men and womenmoving.
(36:15):
Is this it just you can't not,you can't put your blinders on
to be like I just never lovethat.
That's a part of and then whenyou see, like I Always question,
like what somebody tell youthey love you and then they just
go off for say some, while I'mlike bro, how you.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
You know, josh, you'll be like they say, they
love me.
And then and I ain't talkingabout your family, talking about
personal relationship- but,then it's like you say, but then
they didn't follow through onthat.
But you got to take intoconsideration how you broke the
trust.
So love is not gonna be thesame.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
Like I mean be like saying, man be like saying love
me.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
I'm gonna hurt you, I'm a devastating you, but love
me, regardless of what I do, orleave me, and spend the rest of
my life trying to fix this.
Speaker 3 (37:06):
I understand that.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
But you know what?
Speaker 3 (37:07):
you and I apologize for that.
But what can I do?
If you try 100% to be the total, a totally different person,
you apologize.
If I say, okay, I can't, wecan't, I'm never walk away from
this, I get your 100% or theperson you say you want.
If I do that and I'm stilltalking about some old shit,
what can I do with that?
Speaker 2 (37:26):
bang.
Why do people cheat I?
Speaker 3 (37:30):
don't know why women cheat dudes that cheat Jack, cuz
I feel Cuz ain't no reason, Ifeel like a women cheat cheat to
replace you some Cuz we knowlike, okay, I fuck, what about
shit?
Fuck, I think I'm down to you.
Show you it's fuck all right.
(37:53):
Hey, hey, on faith time.
Hey, she found that.
Don't call me no more.
That's what that is.
Whoo-whoo, whatever I need todo, stand half a 10 years
straight.
That's what I'm.
You know I'm saying whatever.
I'm just saying like, but awoman, she damn no, she get
caught.
She, she down there looking atboth y'all like I don't know who
to choose.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
Yeah, no, but woman, she have foot already out the
door.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
She gone, so why not leave Trying to make sure?
Speaker 3 (38:19):
Sure, make sure he's like I'm in comfort, but I'm out
of love.
Yeah, I'm in love over here,but they love don't pay no bill,
so I'm always just stayingcomfortable.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
You're not definitely people getting into a
relationship not for love.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
No, they get in it for love at first and then
what's it?
Speaker 1 (38:38):
happen?
Yeah, it's not now.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
Like I said, this ain't the time you ain't locked
in.
It's over with the offensechanges you.
Speaker 1 (38:46):
First of all, there is a such thing as somebody
wearing you down, wearing youout, I don't care how much you
love you can.
There's such thing as somebodybeing warned.
I have.
(39:07):
So I got lucky, love you todeath, but you wear me out.
I'm out so.
I don't love you from overthere.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
So the reason why I asked that bank, cuz it's like I
feel like a lot of time womenI'm focused on like break you
cheap, right, and even thoughyou just said like we gonna do,
we gonna be on whatever time we,but it's like your significant
other will ignore the fact thatyou trying to talk to tell how
you feel ain't no respect in thecareer, it's a lot of respect
(39:35):
you if you out there.
Yeah, you ain't got nothing togo.
It ain't got nothing to gothere.
Speaker 3 (39:40):
Once you got caught up.
You owe me, bro.
You owe me to make mecompletely happy.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
But I'm talking about .
I'm talking about prior to that.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
That's why I asked you, because I just had a, but
listen to me it ain't gotnothing to do with the violation
.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
You know what a lot of times where it go wrong in
relationship is like the mantrying to be on whatever he on,
be a communicator, you know,show up for this, do that.
And then the woman, forwhatever reason, she like brah,
I'm good.
I don't want to hear that todayDid it, it does so it's like it
ain't got nothing to do withhow breath feel or what he doing
.
So then when the man is, youknow, saying getting a little
(40:15):
energy, or he just on what he on, now you want to pinpoint that.
So she did Everything everythingthat doesn't happen prior to
that.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
That's why I was asking Because I've been
dismissive, then yeah, youdriving that man and somebody
else arms.
Speaker 3 (40:29):
If she being dismissive and not but but if
you hurt, you don't know how you, you don't know how you coming
out.
Same thing you say if you, ifyou hurt, right, if the woman
hurt, she don't know that, shebeing dismissive because she
feel like you gotta make me notfeel how I still feel About this
shit, yeah, that right there Ican hear then you saying, bro,
you might want to shut the fuckup and fix this yeah, I agree
(40:51):
with you on that, but why areyou?
why you feeling like I need tofix this.
You fucking me up, mo, youpushing me on hold, on, do it
now.
I gotta watch you, mm-hmm,because it's like you ain't you
a.
You ain't hearing me trying tofix it or seeing it, so now it
becomes impossible.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
You're not reassuring her.
Speaker 3 (41:11):
I'm reassuring you by trying to still communicate
with you, who ain't sayinganything, saying nothing.
If I'm still talking to you,still arguing with you, still
picking up the phone like theyknow you tripping, I'm saying
this okay, now, when I stoptalking, like, yeah, what you
think how it goes, takes youback, you gonna take me shit.
(41:31):
They're long got damn stupid.
Oh, okay, shit, I'm throughtalking.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
Hey what?
What are you?
I work though, baby.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
I can't fix what I fucked it up, true, anybody,
anybody like through these yearsI'm, but I I feel like me I'm
just a lawyer.
Well, not lawyer, I ain't gonnasay lawyer whatever y'all cuz I
just feel like I'm a person.
Once I give my heart I try withup no sense.
So that's just what it is.
But you gonna do you, but yougonna try whatever I'm gonna say
do me what's do me, do what youwant to do, whatever that is.
(42:09):
But no, I told him to give ahundred first before I just do
that.
You know I'm saying I've doneme the worst is a little worse
way.
So I understand the trauma inthe.
I understand how that is istotal my fault.
Whatever that I receive is myfault.
But at the end of the day Ican't keep living right now.
I can't keep living in thatmoment, right?
(42:31):
Is it like me crying the sameway I cry every day about with
my grandma past Everyday for therest of my life?
I can't keep living in thatmoment.
I gotta now put her in a betterplace in my mind and on my
heart and do something else,right?
Speaker 1 (42:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:46):
No, that's, that's deep.
What do you Feel?
That if you could Advise a roomfull of young men and young
women?
What do you feel is somethingthat Relationships need in order
to thrive and be successful?
Speaker 3 (43:02):
I feel like, first of all, you need to know who you
is before you even try to bewith somebody.
I'm a jet, the main part of it.
You gotta know who you is soyou can get a personal choice
from the beginning not fallinglove somebody, then y'all in
love with each other.
Then you find out who you is,why y'all in love now, you being
somebody else or they beingsomebody else, and this Shit
just a whole bunch ofscribble-scrabble, not real
(43:23):
she's.
You gotta know who you is.
Speaker 2 (43:25):
It you know I'm saying Is there anything that's
happened or that you've done tosomebody that you have, that you
feel that you haven't forgivenyourself for?
Speaker 3 (43:37):
Hey, yeah, I ain't forget myself for a lot of shit,
man, when it come.
Well, I really have now.
That's why I feel like, but itwas for a long time I'm.
I forgive the times that I seenmy wife crying like that shit,
no, saying boss, some shit Idone did.
I can't like it, but that's whyI feel like you can start a
relationship so young and begrowing up and still don't know
(43:59):
shit.
I met her today, who she wastoday and I'm who I am today.
We'll have no problem Like wewon't be going back for only why
we go back and forth is becauseof shit that I've done.
That's it.
Other than that, we have noproblem.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
You got any deal breakers?
Huh, you got any deal breakers.
Speaker 3 (44:19):
Disrespect in the form.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
To your point though what?
What is that disrespect?
Look like, because I, because Ifelt like you separated, like
if I've done something, shecoming at me crazy, but what?
Speaker 3 (44:40):
is yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That disrespect is like I'mjust like you ain't coming home
or some shit, like shit, youain't been at home, she ain't at
home, she ain't at home, shitlike that, like, oh man, you
turn your location up, I don'tknow something, just disrespect,
shit, shit.
That made me feel like fuck meto my core.
(45:00):
You know what I'm saying.
I don't feel like that.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
What are some of the things that you get, that you
kid, get my kid.
Speaker 3 (45:07):
They grew up with us.
I'm gonna get out to mygrandparent.
I ain't get him shit, I justtalk shit.
What are some?
Speaker 2 (45:13):
of them, life lessons .
Speaker 3 (45:14):
Look like Nah nah, they my best friend, my daughter
, she 30, my son 27,.
My other baby, 21.
He be all over the place.
He don't fuck with me right now, but they grown so, coming up,
I just always showed them shitLike life lessons, like how shit
(45:35):
go, like got me going throughit, explaining to them what I
went through.
This is what happened.
I did this and this, how thiswent.
You know what I'm saying?
Basically, shit like I can'teven you know what I'm saying.
Talk about just different shit.
And I push you.
You ain't got a word for nobody.
You work for yourself.
I've been pushing that on themforever.
You know what I'm saying.
You can start out work forsomebody, but you can do this
(45:55):
shit just yourself.
So all of them entrepreneursand shit basically.
And if you ain't ready to learn, nobody don't try it.
Don't try it, don't try it.
If you ain't ready, you gottabe ready for that shit.
You gotta be ready for thatshit.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
So if you could do it again, because I know you
mentioned where you are now, butwhat would be like an ideal age
for you, for bank, to start arelationship?
Speaker 3 (46:19):
If I could do it again and know what I know now,
I could start at 16.
Speaker 2 (46:22):
If I know what I know now, but if you didn't but you
have the chance to yeah if youdidn't know what would you say,
would be your best age when youstart saying like okay, at this
point.
Speaker 3 (46:34):
What I was doing.
Before I, like I was having Iprobably wouldn't even know what
I was doing Like.
What would I have been doing?
Like what kind of life would Ihave?
I mean by like me yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
If it, if it's still a part of your maturity and your
process.
Speaker 3 (46:49):
I probably.
If I wouldn't admit her, Iprobably have baby mommas and
shit like that.
I probably ain't never gotmarried.
Speaker 2 (46:56):
I probably ain't never been in a relationship,
because I also feel like yeah, Ialso feel like two the things
that you see, like that helpsnavigate these spaces too.
You know what I'm saying, likehow you can come at a situation
on grip.
Speaker 3 (47:09):
Like that's what her family come from.
People married like nobody evenmarried them.
I'm like married with it.
That's his bitch, or this isbaby momma.
You know what I'm saying?
He's like I guess that hurt tooA lot, not even knowing like
the meaning of that shit.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
She asked me to marry her.
Speaker 3 (47:28):
I'm gonna say yeah.
Speaker 1 (47:30):
You say yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:30):
Yeah, but I said yeah just because I loved it so much
.
I ain't wanna lose it.
I ain't know like we oftenain't got nothing to be.
There's a contract to this.
You gotta read this and thishow you be married.
I'm just saying we feel to betogether forever.
Nah, I switch in this In 21.
What I was?
21, 22?
Huh.
Speaker 2 (47:52):
Nah, that makes sense , and switching gears and this
dope.
I ain't never, I've never met aperson that said nah.
My wife asked me, but I knowyou was talking about like, how
you're, how you feel in regardsto your grandmother, is there
something that's left?
And if your grandmother washere, like what would you say to
(48:14):
her?
Is there something that?
Is there something unresolved?
Is you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (48:20):
Nah, nah nah, I just tell her you're right, and I
knew you were right when youtelling her to about everything.
I ain't let you tell her man,shit, she right.
She tell my wife that boy ain'tgonna never leave you.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
She love the other deaf too.
Speaker 3 (48:38):
Yeah, they were right out there, she a little thot up
, but she right, she the kid Joe, she right I hit a pry out, bro
.
What a look man.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
She tell my, I'm gonna be a pastor though, oh
shit.
Speaker 3 (48:56):
I'm gonna be a pastor .
I'm gonna be a pastor, though.
Real shit, I'm looking we infront of Mike's Shit.
That's our congregation, that'sright.
Like she, real shit.
She go like we in the pool pit.
Speaker 2 (49:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (49:17):
Nah this was dope.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
I appreciate you, appreciate you.
Speaker 3 (49:21):
You know, I told her what's your sign, Tars.
Oh my God.
Speaker 1 (49:25):
What.
Speaker 3 (49:27):
Yeah, I knew it.
Speaker 1 (49:28):
How you know.
Speaker 3 (49:32):
I know them tar.
Speaker 1 (49:34):
What's that with the Torah?
Speaker 3 (49:35):
Did?
I been with her for 28 years.
She saying is that she soundlike.
Speaker 2 (49:43):
But yeah, man, but we definitely appreciate you, bro,
for taking your time.
Speaker 3 (49:47):
I appreciate you.
Man you got me feeling, feelingaway a little bit.
Speaker 2 (49:54):
Man, I love you big dog, like I really really,
really appreciate you man Justas a solid man, bro, and what
you doing in the community as ahusband, as a father man and as
a leader you know what I'msaying.
Like you've lived a life thatmost people you know what I mean
Couldn't couldn't reallyunderstand or dive into, and the
fact that you've been able tomake it and overcome so many
(50:15):
different obstacles I should beshaking in the mouth.
Speaker 3 (50:19):
That's why I stand you for faith.
Let them know, like shit ain'tall good, but it's all good.
You know what I'm saying.
It's all good.
Could we able to do it?
Some people ain't able to do itwhat we from.
You know what I'm saying, butshit man, hey man, you got to go
through shit, everything beshake.
Sometimes you have to step backfrom shit to see shit for what
it really is.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying,but when it ain't that, it
ain't that.
When it daddy that, that isthat.
(50:40):
That is that.
When it daddy that, that makesit, though.
You know, I know.
Speaker 2 (50:46):
You know what I'm saying.
You know, I know, man, but weappreciate you, brother.
Catch y'all next time, man.
Relationships matter.
I need to understandrelationships matter.
I'm Chanel Scott, the queen of relationship talk.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
I'm Josh Powell, two-time NBA champion.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
I've journeyed from trauma to healing.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
From the NBA to family, I've learned what really
matters.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
We've come together to unlock the secrets of
successful relationships.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
One conversation at a time.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
One conversation at a time.
Welcome to Relationships Meta,the podcast.
My name is Chanel Scott.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
I am Josh Powell.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
We have a special guest today Big Bank, yeah,
beyond special.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Check it in what's up with y'all?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Check it in.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Y'all got me kind of nervous they ain't never been
nervous before, don't be nervous, don't be nervous.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Y'all do a super fly too.
How Gotta have you?
Speaker 3 (00:47):
They don't flip me it's over.
I can't come back from that.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
They need to.
They need to go ahead and bringyou back.
My boy, I can listen, I promiseyou, man, I love that movie so
much.
Bro, One of my favorite movies,dawg no cap.
No, I appreciate that, bro.
Like everybody did their thing,man, so I definitely want to
take the time to salute you.
I appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
My bro, you sent me that video clip with the guy
that was in there.
He was like you want to besuper fly, or something.
Like I said what?
Speaker 2 (01:12):
I said that's me, that's real.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
He said that the man can't afford to be you Bro
listen, listen bro.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
He said that's me Bro .
Listen, that's me all day bro.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
You put it on the 10 on that one, you that one, that
one, that one.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
But now, bro, I had a salute you man.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
No, I appreciate that , my bro.
I appreciate y'all having metoo, man.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Of course.
So tell us a little bit aboutyourself.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
That's crazy.
I don't even know how toexplain it.
Well, I'm just typical.
Come from humble beginning hood.
You know what I'm saying.
Raised by my grandma.
Dad was going through it.
He did this thing.
He went to the streets, gothooked on drugs and went to jail
when I was 13, 14.
(01:57):
And he gave me a life sentence.
My mom, she was young when shehad me, so my grandma raised us
House full of people.
You know, typical, I just youknow we had to start hustling
early to even have the thingsthat the other people just had
around us.
You get what I'm saying.
So I guess you just say hustle,I blow the wind up.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
OK, what does your personal life look like, though?
Speaker 3 (02:24):
For as I've been married for 22 years.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
OK, so you married yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
But we grew up together, so you know a lot.
Come with that relationship too.
Like what, like everything?
You know what I'm saying.
Like I don't even know how to.
We grew up together so a lot ofshit that I didn't know then.
Still scars hurt from now.
You know what I'm saying and Iknow Just.
I know how I go.
But it's like, man, I don'tknow, I don't know, I don't know
(02:54):
how to explain it.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
22 years Then you got a 28 years, 28 years altogether
and married 22 years.
What do you feel one or two ofthe successes to have longevity
in a relationship?
Speaker 3 (03:12):
What's the success of it?
My kids is my success from arelationship and just to have
somebody that you, the firstperson you loved outside of your
family member, just beat upwith you the whole time, Because
that's like the first person Ilove outside of family you know
(03:32):
like really gave my heart to.
I like I tell people it's it'sthree different types of love.
You can be in love withsomebody, you can love them and
you give your heart to them.
That's different, Like you knowwhat I'm saying.
Like that's different becausewe don't do that.
It's often right.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
So get your heart.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
Yeah, like give your heart, like to give your heart
to somebody saying, yeah, I canbe, I can go fall in love again,
I can love you, I can love it,I love everybody, but I can only
give my heart away one time.
You believe that.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I believe that you believe that?
Like really give it away onetime, one time.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Give your whole heart away one time.
Yes, it's like trying to have athink of somebody else, like
your mom, like had a same lovefor another woman like you love
your mom or your dad.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I think I'm going to give mine away one more.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
You've been in love probably more Well.
You know women different.
I'm to my man.
I'm to my man.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Yeah, because I was going to my next question for
you was like at what point didyou make the decision to say I'm
going to give my heart away,because you men are different,
like what made you make thatdecision?
And say you know what?
I'm going to give my heart awayto this person.
What about her was so specialthat she?
Speaker 3 (04:53):
just had never done it for one.
And then she, and then trust.
I came in with a responsibilityafter real.
We had kids early to go to.
So you know, I'm saying, andthen it's like it was just, it
was just me and her like againstthe world, against everything
like it, but it didn't collide.
(05:13):
This is what it is, this is us,you know.
So, yeah, trust, love, you knoweverything that come with me
Because, yeah, I dealt withplenty women for that, even as a
kid, but just for somedifferent growing up in the
streets.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
What does trust look like for you?
Speaker 3 (05:36):
I don't, I don't got no trust.
I don't know what your spouse.
You know, we can do things in arelationship that break trust
and I can want to trust you forthe rest of our life.
It don't have to do them how todo it, and for that it just
could be shit.
You say you can say certainshit to make me feel like if I
(05:58):
said this to you, you shouldn'ttrust me.
Well, if I do certain things toyou, you shouldn't trust me
ever.
So I based it on how I would,how I would react, and that's
probably a bad thing and I thinkeverybody's different.
But I'm saying I'm saying ifyou was, I could do something to
her, and they make me not trusther because I know if you did
that to me.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
I would never trust you again, like I really don't
fuck with you, like just beingreal.
Yeah, so I don't know it, justyou know.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
But how does that impact the relationship, though?
When you have little trust,though, you find yourself
getting into disagreements often, or questioning often, or yeah,
yeah, it's, it's, it's all ofyour bub.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
It's all of your bub.
I don't, I don't know, I don'tknow how to.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Is there anybody OK, aside from your wife?
Do you feel like there'sanybody in your life that you
can fully trust or fully havethat type of I?
Speaker 3 (06:59):
ain't gonna.
Well, when I say I don't trust,it's like I don't put in that
pants.
Like you know what I'm saying,you'll do it.
I'm big on that, you'll do it.
So that's not trust, I'm big onthat.
That's not trusting.
No matter what it is, no matterhow it goes to this day.
Like my grandma, I could trusther to be exactly who she is to
(07:19):
anyone, not just to me.
She's the same way witheveryone.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
So I trusted her.
I trust.
Let me see, I trust my sister,even though, because I know her,
you know, most of the time youwon't be knowing people that you
love.
You don't even be knowingpeople, you don't know what they
(07:40):
capable of.
But like I feel, like I know mysister heart, like I know her,
I know she'll be get on somebullshit.
I know she'll.
You know what I'm saying.
I trust my brothers too, mybrother Nate, even cause I know
them.
I know what they'll not do tome.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
But you don't have that same trust for your spouse,
though.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Because I ain't never did them wrong.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
You don't have over 27 years I ain't never did them
wrong.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
I trust that you are the best for me, but I'm saying
like I can't, I don't know, Idon't know how to say that.
And her trust don't come fromher.
It come from me, knowing thatif I was to, if you was to do me
this way and the way that youlet me know you felt when I did
these things, how do I trust you?
(08:24):
I don't know.
It's all my fault, everythingis my fault.
I'm taking full accountabilityfor anything, but I have to say
this is who I am.
I don't know how not to feelhow I feel.
What do I need to do?
Speaker 2 (08:40):
What do you think most of that comes from?
Is it a combination ofrelationships?
Is it a combination of how yougrew up being in the streets?
Is it like?
What does all of that entail?
Speaker 3 (08:48):
It's like I think people don't understand like
what a heartbreak is for real,and heartbreak don't have to be
like women's biggest thing isokay.
You cheating on me, not myheart, bro.
You could break a with somewords or with your actions or
with some shit.
I never thought you would doSame way, because if you were
(09:09):
disappointed in your mom orwhoever growing up, they really
broke your heart right.
If your mama was got them acrackhead or whatever she said
about that shit, you got to walkby the people at school and
know you are heartbroken, nomatter how you.
You know what I'm saying.
So if you find somebody thatkinda patch it up a little bit
and they do some shit that younever thought or say some shit
(09:30):
that you never thought, thenwhat do you do?
Speaker 2 (09:32):
So if they do it, do you feel it's intentional or do
you feel it's unintentional?
It done, it's just done.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
It don't matter, it's done like I can do some shit
unintentional, but I still didit.
Right, you still did it.
But how many times we gonna sayhow many times is unintentional
?
Speaker 1 (10:00):
I mean some, I mean especially, like your partner or
your spouse, they know how topinch you.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Okay, but it's okay.
I'm just speaking in general.
I ain't speaking on personallevel right now.
If it was, how many times isintentional, like I said, like
it's unintentional.
If you saying you know how tohit my buttons and I'm telling
you don't do this, it wasintentional for sure.
Yeah, don't do this, becausethis make me feel this way and
(10:27):
you do it to continue, likethat's literally intentionally
trying to make me feel how theway I'm telling you this shit
made me feel right, yeah, howthat work.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Well, it's typically when a woman does that they're
reciprocating whatever emotionyou have given to them.
So then they try to get youback and they tip it If they
study you and they know what'sgonna rub you the wrong way, and
so they'll say stuff out theirmouth that they don't
necessarily mean.
But it was definitelyintentional, but it was to her.
(10:56):
She was not that they wereactually act on or even do it,
but they know that it's gonnamove you.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Yeah, for 30 years.
Right, and that's a great point, sunneb, 30 years, cause you
talked about being almost withjust significant other for that
amount of time total.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
What are the some of the ways that you've grown over
that time span Like?
Speaker 3 (11:25):
oh no, it's a whole, totally different.
It ain't even the same, like ifshe upset with you that I was.
I totally understand that,cause I am too.
Yeah, but I can't, I can't getthem.
That's just like if I committeda crime at 18, I did six months
(11:46):
in jail.
I'm 40, got them 45, now ain'tfinna go back and say, hey, let
me go do six more months forthat shit I did when I was 18.
I already did my time for theshit.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
I'm putting this loyalty to you.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
That's the only thing .
That's the only thing, but it'slike.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
I want to ask you something what does that mean to
you Like?
Define that for you.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
You want to intentionally hurt me or
intentionally not have my back,intentionally, do it.
You're always there for me.
A lawyer person is always notfinancially naïve.
I'm always there for you, likeI know yeah, that's that.
And then there's, I ain't gotto even question it, that's what
that is.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
But let me answer your question on that.
And that's good.
But I hear men say that's theonly thing, but then they'll
turn right back around and dothe same thing that you just
said.
You don't want that woman to dothat.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
What like what?
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Like you, like you won't intentionally hurt me or
you won't do this to me.
You'll always be there for me,but then the man will go and do
the same thing.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
But then Like fuck a bitch.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Yeah, that's.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
How the fuck is me Like?
How is me getting some pussyintentionally hurting you?
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Oh my God, like you're sharing a part of
yourself with someone else andwe don't want that's being
unfaithful.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
That's being unfaithful.
It's two different things fromwhat we talked about earlier
being unfaithful and loyal.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
So I think you have a different definition for being
unfaithful versus being loyal.
Because a woman is both for me,because I don't want to share,
I don't Like.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
I give what you're saying.
I'm not on here to advocate forcheaters or no shit like that.
What?
Speaker 1 (13:45):
I'm saying is I'm not getting it being real.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
What I'm saying is okay if your husband do whatever
you have, if he steps out onthe marriage right and do
whatever he did, that's the onlything.
You can check out the list thathe's not doing.
Everything else he's doing, Iwouldn't give a damn what it is.
He's the husband.
(14:08):
He cooked.
He takes you out Whatever thefuck it is that you require, but
he got caught sneaking doingsome other shit.
That's the deal breaker.
That's yes or no.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Yes.
Because, now you put me in aprecarious situation now because
you just think you're going outto have sex with another female
.
But now you put us in jeopardybecause now she's going to come
knock on my door or we out,she's going to approach me and
this is going to be a whole bigthing.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
But if it ain't that type of energy, though I'm
saying you just, don't have to,I can't be so sure I'm like that
, like you went in my phone andfound out that you're looking to
be unhappy when you're alreadyhappy.
But what I'm saying is this guyis the guy that's doing
everything to your standards.
Why would you check his phone?
I had to say me, becausenobody's never checked my phone.
Why would you?
(14:56):
Go searching, I wouldn't checkyour phone, so how would you
find out?
Speaker 1 (14:59):
If you're doing everything in the relationship
then I don't know why I would bechecking your phone.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Okay, if you go looking, if one of your nose ass
friends come tell you some shit, you're going to leave your
dude for that.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
No, I'm not going to leave him because she came and
told me nothing.
No, absolutely not.
And even if I'm going to makethe first of all, this is me.
If you're doing everything yousupposed to do in the
relationship and I find out youdid what you did.
I ain't going to leave you, butI'm definitely going to make
your life miserable.
That's just me.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
So why do you want to make a man life miserable?
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Why would you go, step out and have sex with
another woman?
Speaker 3 (15:37):
Let him go do everything he could do for
somebody else.
Why do you got to do that,though?
Why everything got to be awoman way, though?
I don't understand this.
Where's the compromise we gotto compromise?
You got to pick your poisonbecause you got some women
that's laying up with bombs.
She's laying up with a bomb andhe ain't cheating.
But you don't have no time toyell because I got to work.
Every day I'm doing everythingelse, like when are women going
(15:59):
to be satisfied?
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Are you serious?
What one thing can I do?
What I'm saying is okay if Idon't have a job if I don't have
a job right.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
Just imagine I didn't have a job.
That would be a deal breakertoo right?
Am I tripping?
No, you got to do that.
Like it's two different type ofdudes.
It's two different type ofdudes.
All women want the same type ofdudes.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
What's the type they want?
Now let you know All theconversations you have.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
Who that he got a damn to be, that he got to be a
n*** of somebody else, got towant him.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
I do feel like for me that's a preferential thing,
but where I was talking aboutwhat I'm fighting, what you
fighting for your life isBecause I just you know what I'm
saying gave myself to thecreator two years ago, two days
ago.
I'm on this spirits journey,yeah, in that room, even though
(16:54):
I feel the way that I feel right.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
How you feel.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
From a like I'm big on polygamy bro.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Oh, my God In that room.
So the reason I'm saying thatwhat you being that wrong with
that In that room that reason Iain't get to chew.
What do you want to do withthat?
So I'm saying you want to havetwo women or three women?
In your household.
You want to have, you want tobuild a family with multiple
women.
I'm not.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
Each woman, first, first, first.
You out there to pressure, allthis pressure that comes with me
.
Baby, divide that shit, ain'tnobody divide nothing.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Divide Ain't, nobody divide nothing.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
So the reason why I ain't trying to go too hard on
that side of it is because,again, I'm trying to subscribe
to what the word is saying.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
that but they remixed that word a little bit too.
I'm going to keep it going.
Keep it going Be what you be,what you want to be in life.
You ought to be what you wantto be in life, what's in your
spirit.
That's what you got to be, bro.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
I'm telling you, sometimes I will be in my spirit
too.
I want to knock somebody out.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
Oh no, I hear that on being your spirit.
But that being your mind, thatbeing your, emotion.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
That be that.
Be on it sometime.
I can folks right.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
But what if you can't ?
I'm saying some shit that youcan't shake is what's in your
spirit, not just in a moment.
I'm not.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Yeah, I can't shake the urge to be with one another.
We just have no one.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
I'm not saying I'm understanding guys, because I
have friends, I understand guys,I understand their point and if
shit switches over foreverybody, can do it, but that's
just like you mentioned earlier.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Right, you took it to basketball, so I could relate
to that from the standpoint ofby any means necessary, we do
what it got to take, and that'show I was able to reach the peak
that I reached.
Yes, so every situation itrequired a different version of
me.
Yes, so that's where I'm at now.
Right, my current relationshipis requiring a different version
of me.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
I never did this.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
I got to subscribe to the monogamous channel.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
But you got to make sure you comfortable with that
shit first, Because if you'renot comfortable with some shit
just because you like a personso much, you can get into some
shit and be miserable.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
But see, the thing is is I'm doing it for a bigger
purpose.
It's bigger than her and me, IfI'm going according to what
that book say.
So that's the part of where I'mat.
It ain't even got nothing to dowith that.
That's why I believe.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Now, I agree with you on that, that and I'm not
speaking to you on yoursituation, but I'm speaking in
general.
That's why it's important thatyou pick the right partner, like
, yeah, you got to, Because ifyou don't, you are going to
cheat.
That's why I don't subscribe tothe whole idea of just being
with somebody because he likedme or because he he nice to me
(19:37):
or he do nice things for me,because I already know that if I
don't like you, if I'm notattracted to you in that way,
it's only a matter of timebefore.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
I miss someone that.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
I am attracted to.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
And.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
I'm going to be like peace.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
But do women know that they're not perfect though?
Speaker 1 (19:53):
We're not perfect.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
But you know, that's the way women most women that
I've seen- Perfect.
In my life, in my dudes, youknow, just talking to people
because we be having anyconversation all the time
amongst men.
Women probably don't think wedo, but they be like what's up
with it?
It's just like perfect as in.
We don't believe that you haveflaws.
You get what I'm saying.
They play it.
(20:15):
They play it like, just becauseyour flaws are like this,
mine's ain't that bad or thatain't really shit.
How you going to tell me whatain't really shit to me?
I ain't experience what youexperience.
If I experience what youexperience, I probably wouldn't
deal with you, right?
You know what I'm saying.
So you can't tell me the levelof hurt something could bring me
, even though you know you don'tmean it.
(20:35):
Like you said earlier or thisor that, you can't tell me the
level of hurt because I neverexperienced nothing else to hurt
me from you.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
Until your point.
That's also the reason why Ithink about relationship the way
that I think about it.
How do you think about it?
Because when I grew up, Ididn't see people being faithful
Facts.
When I grew up, I didn't seepeople being loyal.
You know what I'm saying,Especially when you understand
what men do.
But then you hear or see like,for example, a woman will say
(21:01):
well, I ain't do what you weredoing, but you're sending that.
Good morning, good night.
Hey, baby, how you doing, howyou day.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
I ain't setting it up that what they do, that what
they do.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
I don't understand, like you, emotionally and
mentally connected with anotherperson.
So it's like I'm watching allof these things and I'm like,
bro, I don't see nobody, reallyabout one person.
And then I just started seeingthe last two and a half three
years of my life out of 40 years.
I just started bumping intopeople that, bro, I don't do
(21:33):
that Like, I really be faithfulto my life.
She get on my nerves or he geton my like, but I'm with that
person.
I'm like where I know it exists.
But to actually see it, see,but that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
So you still ain't met nobody you sitting right in
front of me.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
I just ain't met him, I ain't I don't know you
cheated.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
What episode that you said you cheated on, bro.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
You ain't never heard me say I cheated on nobody.
That's the one thing.
You did not hear me say you didnot hear me say, I cheated on
nobody.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
You ain't even looking me when you answered
that question.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
You look down the whole time.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
You see the cream look down like this the whole
time.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
So you did stop working.
You want to cheat on like it'sjust don't work, no more.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
I can't even answer that question, man, because I
can't answer the questiontruthfully.
I don't know that's, that's,that's major, see what?
Speaker 3 (22:26):
I'm saying Somebody who I can't.
Condition alone mean we can useevery toy in the mother.
I'm about to throw a twist inthere.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
I'm about to be a twist.
I'm about to throw a twist inthere.
I was celibate for eight yearsand then for another four.
I don't know if I could do that.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
But want to be different.
If you got somebody now, well,like, it'll be different, like,
because it's one thing when youlike, I'm not settling for a
relationship, it's another thingbeing in a relationship.
And then this thing happens.
I agree, you know what I'msaying.
Like if I'm with a woman and wetrying to figure out whatever
we're going to figure out,that's what.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
I'm going to do yeah, if I get a divorce.
I just know I would never, evertry to shit.
Really I wouldn't.
I ain't got time, I ain't gotthe mental space in my brain for
that shit.
You say that today.
I mean that because I can'tlive inside of nobody else's
emotions.
I'm too, I'm too much of a man.
I don't want to hear that shitat times.
So it's me.
(23:18):
You know what I'm saying.
If I'm going, my own problem.
And you want to keep, let'stalk, let's talk, let's talk.
I'm talking, I want to go getme some.
I don't want to do the thingsthat I need to do.
I don't want to keep talkingbecause we can get nowhere with
this talk.
So most women want to talk.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
Absolutely, but are you being on communication yes,
I'm communicating.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
Okay, just saying what we're doing.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
But is it your way?
No, I'm going to let it all out.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Hear you out, but I can't keep talking about the
same thing every day.
I just can't do that.
It's like all right, this ishow we want to do it.
How do we fix it?
Let's get a solution.
It's seem like there's nosolution.
What do I do?
There's no solution if you'renot willing, if you, because you
say you, I'm totally going tobe transparent about something,
but if you ask me something thatI just ain't going to do, I'm
(24:01):
going to tell you that I ain'tgoing to do that.
So you need to be thinkingabout your next move.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Certain things I'm just not going to come to it
sounds like your mind is made upand you're going to do what
you're going to do.
And she's going to accept it,or she's not going to accept it,
but that and so in those cases,she's going to keep talking
about it, because the onlyalternative for her is to leave.
So she don't want to leave.
So, in order to find some levelof peace and comfort, she's
going to continue to talk aboutit.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
I've been talking and doing that, but raising Because
you're trying to get you tochange your mind.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
But you ain't willing to change your mind.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
I know that too, that you're not going to change your
mind.
You're just going to make a lot.
That's all you're going to do.
But you say you want the truth.
And then I tell you the truthyou trying to change his mind.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Which one is it?
So then, it's like you put herin a messed up space for who she
either got to pick you or shegot to pick herself.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
But at the end of the day, something got to be picked
.
If you saying that you can'tdeal with this, I'm telling you
this is what you're doing?
Speaker 1 (25:05):
What is the?
Speaker 3 (25:05):
compromise, though?
Who's compromise on them?
That's just like right now, bro, I want you to shave your beard
off.
I don't like that beard anymuch.
I want you to go booty fakeBaby.
I'm not doing that.
What are you talking about?
Who's going to do that?
But she talked about this everyday.
Are you doing it?
Certain things you're notcompromising.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
But that beard is not doing anything to you.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
We talk about behavior, I ain't talking about
really cheating and all thisstuff.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
Anything that may happen to a person.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
That's of a person.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
But I noticed that you keep saying cheating.
No, I'm saying no, but youthink like that's like the thing
.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
That's like to me, women's deal breaker.
So that's what I thought I'mthinking you saying, like I'm
saying like anything that's ofmy choice, of I could choose a
career that you don't like womenfeel like some women ain't
gonna say all women.
Some women feel as if, though,they supposed to have an opinion
on everything in your life, andI don't believe that.
I don't believe that.
I don't believe that I don't.
(26:03):
That ain't nothing to talkabout.
This ain't nothing to talkabout.
So don't even and, like I said,I'm not personalized, I'm just
speaking from everybody point ofview who talk.
You know what I'm saying, causeso many go through so much shit
with women, like everythingelse you ask.
Now we got to communicate abouteverything by being in it.
You ain't got to worry aboutthat.
Baby.
I got this shit handle, or youdon't?
(26:25):
You just, I don't know, I don'tknow how to explain it, but you
get what I'm saying.
Come and shave your beard off.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
No, I'm falling.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
I'm falling.
But have you ever heard of awoman try to really convince you
of some shit that you just wantto do?
It happens.
Have you ever tried to convince?
A man of some shit that henever did, maybe really.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
Something that he never did.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
You would never change, nah, yeah that's what
I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
But I mean, I've been in situations where I know the
person wasn't faithful.
I mean and this is before I wascool with Chanel, so I will
overstate my welcome.
So that was that conversationon repeat, because you was
hoping you heard somethingdifferent.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
So what would you?
What would you what would like?
What would you deal with from aman Like if you had to deal
with one thing from a man like Ijust got to deal with that,
what would you deal with?
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I mean outside of him , just being him, what I knew of
when we got together, like ifyou had to pick a flaw, because
everybody got a flaw right.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
If you got to pick your poison on what you can deal
with from a man, what would itbe?
I don't know, that's what I'msaying.
Like everybody looking forperfect, I can tell you what I
ain't going to deal with.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
He got to be perfect.
I can tell you what I ain'tgoing to deal with.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
What you ain't going to do.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
I ain't going to do it, I just can't.
He can't, he can't be sleepwith other women.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
All right cool so.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
I just don't, I just I, just I, because you got to
know you, because everybody notbuilt the same yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
No facts, no facts.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
I got.
I know me and I know that thatjust wouldn't sit well with me.
I end up in prison somewhere.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
I feel you on that side.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
But sleeping with another woman.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
But why would you end up in?
Speaker 1 (27:57):
prison Because, man, that it just does something to
you, because it's like why?
Speaker 2 (28:02):
But why would you end up in prison?
Speaker 1 (28:04):
though, because the level of pain that comes along
with that for me isundescribable.
So you telling, me.
About a level of devastationthat the pain of it all.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
That you're a lay somebody down, yeah, yeah you
said like a boyfriend that youmarried.
It's a situation.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
How long you got to know you though that's what I'm
saying you got to know you.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
You know you.
How long, how long, how long ofa relationship.
What if I just know you for ayear?
You rich, you're going to kidme it depends.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
It's relative.
It's relative, though you doknow me.
It's relative.
It's just like I don't know.
It's relative.
Every situation is different.
You know what I'm saying?
You going through something,y'all going through something,
y'all.
Take some space away.
He go and do whatever.
He go, dip off, that's not hisbehavior.
To just be out there slingingit, community dig, then that's
(28:55):
different.
You can work through that, youcan talk through it.
But if you, with somebody whojust doing it and don't give a
kid, don't care how you feel,don't have no regard for you,
yeah, and then you got womenapproaching you, showing up on
you, that's different doing that.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
You're causing harm or some cheeks.
What you mean?
You causing somebody harm oversome cheeks?
No, he'll not.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
He's like I feel like I feel like I wouldn't give it.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
I feel like bro he already said he put that bad Go
to jail or kill somebody, diebehind a woman.
Speaker 3 (29:25):
It's too many.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
It's easy to say, because it hasn't happened, I
wouldn't give a damn what youshow.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
God gave you that pussy, not me.
You decided to give it away,baby.
That's what you need to do withit.
I can't tell you what to dowith that and ruin my whole life
about that.
How many of those?
This is what I do to guardagainst that.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
I hear what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
You don't cause like, but how to guard against it.
If you know someone has atendency to do that, because you
know before you can get deeperto a relationship how somebody
moving don't get involved.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
People be different every day, though they do.
Your wife can be at work, gotin the same, know when she sad,
when she happy, when she down,when she up Brought you some
food.
I did this so they down therein a relationship.
One of them days you're goingto be like this.
You never know, bro.
Y'all have been created a wholerelationship outside of us.
(30:22):
You know how to hold your headup.
Queen the date.
Don't let nothing stress you,no matter what it is in life.
Stick a smooth head boy tocologne for her Sooner or later.
You never know how this shit gogo, bro.
You never know.
You got some slick ass.
You never can say what you godo till you do it.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Hey, how long will it do wait for the opportunity
Forever?
Speaker 3 (30:49):
But he's right, forever.
I'm friend, friend, friend.
He's gonna never go with hismove.
He gonna let you go with yourmove.
You wanted that.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
I'm just gonna beat you.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
No, that's a lot of that happening out here.
That's just my brother, though,no, we just no bro.
Bro sitting he waiting, yes, hewaiting.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
So then in situations like that, say you in a
relationship and the person youin a relationship with got a
friend that's a man.
How do you handle that?
What do you think?
Speaker 2 (31:26):
I don't say nothing.
I support it, do you For theshow.
But what?
Listen, I have a light mindwith bank because I don't see
way too much stuff and I don'tput anything past any human
being.
I don't think I don't putnothing because I've seen.
First of all, I've seen how myfamily done did me, the people
(31:48):
that tell you they love you andI ain't got no choice with them.
Exactly my friends done did mea certain type of way.
Teammates done did me a certaintype of way I done seen way too
much stuff.
The women that I've chosen,that I've given my heart to have
done some things, and I'm likeI gotta take that on the chain.
I don't put nothing past nobody.
(32:10):
So you got my support, but justunderstand what that come with.
I'm telling you.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
But you know what I gotta ask, because you say you
know, I gave my heart to someoneand they did this, but what did
you do first?
Speaker 2 (32:23):
I hold myself accountable for anything I done,
been I guess you could sayunfaithful.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Live my life, but this ain't a tip for Tatthane
though.
So to your point, wherever youtrying to go with that is never
a tip for that thing.
I'm not saying that's right,but they call it, but it ain't
about, it ain't about coping ifyou ain't, if that ain't who you
are, if you ain't about that,don't do it, just leave that's
all you gotta do, but they don'twant to leave, so the
alternative is to do what you doyou definitely ain't gonna hurt
(32:51):
me, no bro.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
And that type of way.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
I think that, but maybe they didn't know that.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
Do you think women love unconditional, men love
unconditional.
We talked about that one time.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
On that I don't think I think there's conditions to
everybody's love, is it's justgiven the right situation.
I think I would like to thinkthat I love someone
unconditionally, but I know, ifyou put me in the right
situation, that love is going togo away because you're going to
wear me out.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
I ain't gonna say that because you could love your
mom and dad under this.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
No, I kept look with space.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
Yeah, but you still love them.
Yeah, I still love them.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
Yeah, but I don't have to engage you.
I can love you, but I don'thave to engage you.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Yeah, I feel like man we love unconditionally.
Speaker 3 (33:35):
Yeah, because when they get, we get you.
We don't care what you got, wedon't care Now, we just that's a
lie now.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
I don't agree with that.
I'm just saying I don't agreewith that.
Men do care what you got Nowthat we go, I ain't tell you all
that bro Bitch, what you gotgoing on, I ain't gonna care
about nothing I ain't doing thatnow.
No grown men will say like inthe beginning oh, I'm talking
about right now.
Girl, I ain't say that.
Hey man, we got to match myenergy.
Speaker 3 (33:57):
That what they said.
We match your energy.
Who doing what you doing there,baby?
Speaker 1 (34:02):
They ain't gonna do that for me backwards, okay, I
just want to be clear for thefolk who listening they care
what you got.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
People got to understand people not going to
go into the relationship at thispoint in our lives the same way
you would went into it from thebeginning.
Like when you just fresh onlove and fresh on you know what
I'm saying Give me your heartout and fresh, like, even though
you say you gave your heart outthree times, three and a half
times that two and a half didn'tget that same.
Like that first time I'm here,down what you say.
(34:32):
I'm just saying it's impossiblebecause you, I don't know, I
can't say different.
Learn if you did, you get yourheart broke by the first.
Whenever you get your heartbroke, bro, it's impossible to
(34:56):
love another woman the same waythe one that broke that's
impossible I got she might giveme for that, but I Got.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
My heart broke on my mama bro.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
And we all did like.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
For me that been a part of the.
The choice is From anexperienced standpoint.
You know certain things thathappen, like even even in adult
years.
You know that had that has aneffect.
(35:31):
You know what I'm saying and Ilove my mama dearly, bro.
I'm not judging her, no,nothing.
But these are the things thatyou carry with you.
You know what I'm saying and Ido a lot of work.
I'm still working on me everyday and I've grown, I've gotten
so much better.
But to your point, like you saidat the beginning of this is
certain things that happen thatyou can't.
You can't change that, youcan't unwire the way that you
(35:54):
already that that system is set.
You know I'm saying and andthen it's crazy because whether
it's an environment thing or allof these things, you got great
energy.
I Don't think you walkingaround him, people just like me.
I'll bro this down the thirdand they might be that.
It might not, but you still seewhat you see.
You're part of the conversation, you're part of you.
You you see how men and womenmoving.
(36:15):
Is this it just you can't not,you can't put your blinders on
to be like I just never lovethat.
That's a part of and then whenyou see, like I Always question,
like what somebody tell youthey love you and then they just
go off for say some, while I'mlike bro, how you.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
You know, josh, you'll be like they say, they
love me.
And then and I ain't talkingabout your family, talking about
personal relationship- but,then it's like you say, but then
they didn't follow through onthat.
But you got to take intoconsideration how you broke the
trust.
So love is not gonna be thesame.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
Like I mean be like saying, man be like saying love
me.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
I'm gonna hurt you, I'm a devastating you, but love
me, regardless of what I do, orleave me, and spend the rest of
my life trying to fix this.
Speaker 3 (37:06):
I understand that.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
But you know what?
Speaker 3 (37:07):
you and I apologize for that.
But what can I do?
If you try 100% to be the total, a totally different person,
you apologize.
If I say, okay, I can't, wecan't, I'm never walk away from
this, I get your 100% or theperson you say you want.
If I do that and I'm stilltalking about some old shit,
what can I do with that?
Speaker 2 (37:26):
bang.
Why do people cheat I?
Speaker 3 (37:30):
don't know why women cheat dudes that cheat Jack, cuz
I feel Cuz ain't no reason, Ifeel like a women cheat cheat to
replace you some Cuz we knowlike, okay, I fuck, what about
shit?
Fuck, I think I'm down to you.
Show you it's fuck all right.
(37:53):
Hey, hey, on faith time.
Hey, she found that.
Don't call me no more.
That's what that is.
Whoo-whoo, whatever I need todo, stand half a 10 years
straight.
That's what I'm.
You know I'm saying whatever.
I'm just saying like, but awoman, she damn no, she get
caught.
She, she down there looking atboth y'all like I don't know who
to choose.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
Yeah, no, but woman, she have foot already out the
door.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
She gone, so why not leave Trying to make sure?
Speaker 3 (38:19):
Sure, make sure he's like I'm in comfort, but I'm out
of love.
Yeah, I'm in love over here,but they love don't pay no bill,
so I'm always just stayingcomfortable.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
You're not definitely people getting into a
relationship not for love.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
No, they get in it for love at first and then
what's it?
Speaker 1 (38:38):
happen?
Yeah, it's not now.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
Like I said, this ain't the time you ain't locked
in.
It's over with the offensechanges you.
Speaker 1 (38:46):
First of all, there is a such thing as somebody
wearing you down, wearing youout, I don't care how much you
love you can.
There's such thing as somebodybeing warned.
I have.
(39:07):
So I got lucky, love you todeath, but you wear me out.
I'm out so.
I don't love you from overthere.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
So the reason why I asked that bank, cuz it's like I
feel like a lot of time womenI'm focused on like break you
cheap, right, and even thoughyou just said like we gonna do,
we gonna be on whatever time we,but it's like your significant
other will ignore the fact thatyou trying to talk to tell how
you feel ain't no respect in thecareer, it's a lot of respect
(39:35):
you if you out there.
Yeah, you ain't got nothing togo.
It ain't got nothing to gothere.
Speaker 3 (39:40):
Once you got caught up.
You owe me, bro.
You owe me to make mecompletely happy.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
But I'm talking about .
I'm talking about prior to that.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
That's why I asked you, because I just had a, but
listen to me it ain't gotnothing to do with the violation
.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
You know what a lot of times where it go wrong in
relationship is like the mantrying to be on whatever he on,
be a communicator, you know,show up for this, do that.
And then the woman, forwhatever reason, she like brah,
I'm good.
I don't want to hear that todayDid it, it does so it's like it
ain't got nothing to do withhow breath feel or what he doing
.
So then when the man is, youknow, saying getting a little
(40:15):
energy, or he just on what he on, now you want to pinpoint that.
So she did Everything everythingthat doesn't happen prior to
that.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
That's why I was asking Because I've been
dismissive, then yeah, youdriving that man and somebody
else arms.
Speaker 3 (40:29):
If she being dismissive and not but but if
you hurt, you don't know how you, you don't know how you coming
out.
Same thing you say if you, ifyou hurt, right, if the woman
hurt, she don't know that, shebeing dismissive because she
feel like you gotta make me notfeel how I still feel About this
shit, yeah, that right there Ican hear then you saying, bro,
you might want to shut the fuckup and fix this yeah, I agree
(40:51):
with you on that, but why areyou?
why you feeling like I need tofix this.
You fucking me up, mo, youpushing me on hold, on, do it
now.
I gotta watch you, mm-hmm,because it's like you ain't you
a.
You ain't hearing me trying tofix it or seeing it, so now it
becomes impossible.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
You're not reassuring her.
Speaker 3 (41:11):
I'm reassuring you by trying to still communicate
with you, who ain't sayinganything, saying nothing.
If I'm still talking to you,still arguing with you, still
picking up the phone like theyknow you tripping, I'm saying
this okay, now, when I stoptalking, like, yeah, what you
think how it goes, takes youback, you gonna take me shit.
(41:31):
They're long got damn stupid.
Oh, okay, shit, I'm throughtalking.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
Hey what?
What are you?
I work though, baby.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
I can't fix what I fucked it up, true, anybody,
anybody like through these yearsI'm, but I I feel like me I'm
just a lawyer.
Well, not lawyer, I ain't gonnasay lawyer whatever y'all cuz I
just feel like I'm a person.
Once I give my heart I try withup no sense.
So that's just what it is.
But you gonna do you, but yougonna try whatever I'm gonna say
do me what's do me, do what youwant to do, whatever that is.
(42:09):
But no, I told him to give ahundred first before I just do
that.
You know I'm saying I've doneme the worst is a little worse
way.
So I understand the trauma inthe.
I understand how that is istotal my fault.
Whatever that I receive is myfault.
But at the end of the day Ican't keep living right now.
I can't keep living in thatmoment, right?
(42:31):
Is it like me crying the sameway I cry every day about with
my grandma past Everyday for therest of my life?
I can't keep living in thatmoment.
I gotta now put her in a betterplace in my mind and on my
heart and do something else,right?
Speaker 1 (42:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:46):
No, that's, that's deep.
What do you Feel?
That if you could Advise a roomfull of young men and young
women?
What do you feel is somethingthat Relationships need in order
to thrive and be successful?
Speaker 3 (43:02):
I feel like, first of all, you need to know who you
is before you even try to bewith somebody.
I'm a jet, the main part of it.
You gotta know who you is soyou can get a personal choice
from the beginning not fallinglove somebody, then y'all in
love with each other.
Then you find out who you is,why y'all in love now, you being
somebody else or they beingsomebody else, and this Shit
just a whole bunch ofscribble-scrabble, not real
(43:23):
she's.
You gotta know who you is.
Speaker 2 (43:25):
It you know I'm saying Is there anything that's
happened or that you've done tosomebody that you have, that you
feel that you haven't forgivenyourself for?
Speaker 3 (43:37):
Hey, yeah, I ain't forget myself for a lot of shit,
man, when it come.
Well, I really have now.
That's why I feel like, but itwas for a long time I'm.
I forgive the times that I seenmy wife crying like that shit,
no, saying boss, some shit Idone did.
I can't like it, but that's whyI feel like you can start a
relationship so young and begrowing up and still don't know
(43:59):
shit.
I met her today, who she wastoday and I'm who I am today.
We'll have no problem Like wewon't be going back for only why
we go back and forth is becauseof shit that I've done.
That's it.
Other than that, we have noproblem.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
You got any deal breakers?
Huh, you got any deal breakers.
Speaker 3 (44:19):
Disrespect in the form.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
To your point though what?
What is that disrespect?
Look like, because I, because Ifelt like you separated, like
if I've done something, shecoming at me crazy, but what?
Speaker 3 (44:40):
is yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That disrespect is like I'mjust like you ain't coming home
or some shit, like shit, youain't been at home, she ain't at
home, she ain't at home, shitlike that, like, oh man, you
turn your location up, I don'tknow something, just disrespect,
shit, shit.
That made me feel like fuck meto my core.
(45:00):
You know what I'm saying.
I don't feel like that.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
What are some of the things that you get, that you
kid, get my kid.
Speaker 3 (45:07):
They grew up with us.
I'm gonna get out to mygrandparent.
I ain't get him shit, I justtalk shit.
What are some?
Speaker 2 (45:13):
of them, life lessons .
Speaker 3 (45:14):
Look like Nah nah, they my best friend, my daughter
, she 30, my son 27,.
My other baby, 21.
He be all over the place.
He don't fuck with me right now, but they grown so, coming up,
I just always showed them shitLike life lessons, like how shit
(45:35):
go, like got me going throughit, explaining to them what I
went through.
This is what happened.
I did this and this, how thiswent.
You know what I'm saying?
Basically, shit like I can'teven you know what I'm saying.
Talk about just different shit.
And I push you.
You ain't got a word for nobody.
You work for yourself.
I've been pushing that on themforever.
You know what I'm saying.
You can start out work forsomebody, but you can do this
(45:55):
shit just yourself.
So all of them entrepreneursand shit basically.
And if you ain't ready to learn, nobody don't try it.
Don't try it, don't try it.
If you ain't ready, you gottabe ready for that shit.
You gotta be ready for thatshit.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
So if you could do it again, because I know you
mentioned where you are now, butwhat would be like an ideal age
for you, for bank, to start arelationship?
Speaker 3 (46:19):
If I could do it again and know what I know now,
I could start at 16.
Speaker 2 (46:22):
If I know what I know now, but if you didn't but you
have the chance to yeah if youdidn't know what would you say,
would be your best age when youstart saying like okay, at this
point.
Speaker 3 (46:34):
What I was doing.
Before I, like I was having Iprobably wouldn't even know what
I was doing Like.
What would I have been doing?
Like what kind of life would Ihave?
I mean by like me yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
If it, if it's still a part of your maturity and your
process.
Speaker 3 (46:49):
I probably.
If I wouldn't admit her, Iprobably have baby mommas and
shit like that.
I probably ain't never gotmarried.
Speaker 2 (46:56):
I probably ain't never been in a relationship,
because I also feel like yeah, Ialso feel like two the things
that you see, like that helpsnavigate these spaces too.
You know what I'm saying, likehow you can come at a situation
on grip.
Speaker 3 (47:09):
Like that's what her family come from.
People married like nobody evenmarried them.
I'm like married with it.
That's his bitch, or this isbaby momma.
You know what I'm saying?
He's like I guess that hurt tooA lot, not even knowing like
the meaning of that shit.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
She asked me to marry her.
Speaker 3 (47:28):
I'm gonna say yeah.
Speaker 1 (47:30):
You say yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:30):
Yeah, but I said yeah just because I loved it so much
.
I ain't wanna lose it.
I ain't know like we oftenain't got nothing to be.
There's a contract to this.
You gotta read this and thishow you be married.
I'm just saying we feel to betogether forever.
Nah, I switch in this In 21.
What I was?
21, 22?
Huh.
Speaker 2 (47:52):
Nah, that makes sense , and switching gears and this
dope.
I ain't never, I've never met aperson that said nah.
My wife asked me, but I knowyou was talking about like, how
you're, how you feel in regardsto your grandmother, is there
something that's left?
And if your grandmother washere, like what would you say to
(48:14):
her?
Is there something that?
Is there something unresolved?
Is you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (48:20):
Nah, nah nah, I just tell her you're right, and I
knew you were right when youtelling her to about everything.
I ain't let you tell her man,shit, she right.
She tell my wife that boy ain'tgonna never leave you.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
She love the other deaf too.
Speaker 3 (48:38):
Yeah, they were right out there, she a little thot up
, but she right, she the kid Joe, she right I hit a pry out, bro
.
What a look man.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
She tell my, I'm gonna be a pastor though, oh
shit.
Speaker 3 (48:56):
I'm gonna be a pastor .
I'm gonna be a pastor, though.
Real shit, I'm looking we infront of Mike's Shit.
That's our congregation, that'sright.
Like she, real shit.
She go like we in the pool pit.
Speaker 2 (49:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (49:17):
Nah this was dope.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
I appreciate you, appreciate you.
Speaker 3 (49:21):
You know, I told her what's your sign, Tars.
Oh my God.
Speaker 1 (49:25):
What.
Speaker 3 (49:27):
Yeah, I knew it.
Speaker 1 (49:28):
How you know.
Speaker 3 (49:32):
I know them tar.
Speaker 1 (49:34):
What's that with the Torah?
Speaker 3 (49:35):
Did?
I been with her for 28 years.
She saying is that she soundlike.
Speaker 2 (49:43):
But yeah, man, but we definitely appreciate you, bro,
for taking your time.
Speaker 3 (49:47):
I appreciate you.
Man you got me feeling, feelingaway a little bit.
Speaker 2 (49:54):
Man, I love you big dog, like I really really,
really appreciate you man Justas a solid man, bro, and what
you doing in the community as ahusband, as a father man and as
a leader you know what I'msaying.
Like you've lived a life thatmost people you know what I mean
Couldn't couldn't reallyunderstand or dive into, and the
fact that you've been able tomake it and overcome so many
(50:15):
different obstacles I should beshaking in the mouth.
Speaker 3 (50:19):
That's why I stand you for faith.
Let them know, like shit ain'tall good, but it's all good.
You know what I'm saying.
It's all good.
Could we able to do it?
Some people ain't able to do itwhat we from.
You know what I'm saying, butshit man, hey man, you got to go
through shit, everything beshake.
Sometimes you have to step backfrom shit to see shit for what
it really is.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying,but when it ain't that, it
ain't that.
When it daddy that, that isthat.
(50:40):
That is that.
When it daddy that, that makesit, though.
You know, I know.
Speaker 2 (50:46):
You know what I'm saying.
You know, I know, man, but weappreciate you, brother.
Catch y'all next time, man.
Relationships matter.
I need to understandrelationships matter.
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