January 10, 2024 • 49 mins
Have you ever encountered love in the most unexpected places, only to find it blossoming into something extraordinary? That's precisely what Terri J. Vaughn and Karon Riley did, weaving their initial encounter through shared interests and creative pursuits into a union of heartfelt depth. Today, we're fortunate to have them share their story with us, offering a glimpse into how authenticity and shared joy can forge a connection and a lifelong partnership.
If you're curious about how to maintain your individuality while building a life together, or how to support your partner's dreams without losing sight of your own, Terri and Karon's insights are as enlightening as they are pragmatic. They've navigated the intricacies of juggling family, personal growth, and careers over their marriage, and they're here to tell us how they've mastered the art of presence and support. Their relationship stands as a testament to the power of growth and the conscious choice to journey together, and they're not shy about sharing the challenges they've faced along the way.
Wrapping up, we delve into the crucial importance of self-work and creativity, the cornerstones of any vibrant relationship. Whether it's tackling tough times with resilience or celebrating each other's uniqueness, Terri and Karon remind us that life's events are opportunities for growth and prove that the right partnership can help us navigate them with grace. Listen as they unfold their journey, where challenges are reframed as chances to grow, and creativity is as much a lifeline as it is a love language.
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Opposing experiences, a single woman and a married man, Chanel Scott, and Josh Powell, create a powerful and empathetic team, offering valuable insights and advice on navigating the complexities of romantic relationships and promoting healthier, more fulfilling connections.
Join Chanel and Josh as they unlock the secrets of successful relationships one conversation at a time.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
I'm Chanel Scott, the queen of relationship talk.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
I'm Josh Powell, two-time NBA champion.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
I've journeyed from trauma to healing.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
From the NBA to family, I've learned what really
matters.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
We've come together to unlock the secrets of
successful relationships.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
One conversation at a time.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
One conversation at a time.
Welcome to Relationships Meta,the podcast.
My name is Chanel Scott.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
And I am Josh Powell.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
We have some amazing guests with us today.
We have husband and wife, wifeTerry J Bond and Karan Raleigh.
Welcome to our podcast.
We're so excited to have youguys.
So you know we talk aboutrelationships, right, and
relationships really do matter.
But what I want to start with,I want to know how did you guys
(00:51):
meet?
Talk to me about how you guysmet.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
How do we meet?
Speaker 4 (00:57):
We met during a play.
She was in the play.
I was working in the play withone of the performers, tank.
He was a good friend.
He was on my brother's label soI was assigned to him to work
with him on the play.
Of course I was aspiring to gointo acting, so it was a
two-fold thing is to kind of seethe ins and outs of the
business and also earn a littlemoney as I was transitioning
(01:19):
from football into acting.
And that's where I met her at.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Okay, I was just trying to see if he was going to
Soft points.
But that was basically whathappened.
Yes, I was.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
What would the sauce look like, though, if he did
that?
It comes later, josh.
Oh my goodness, you'll get ataste?
I'm sure he can't help himself.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Okay, but what was it about her that made you like
zone in on Terry?
Speaker 4 (01:43):
I didn't zone in, it was more of a like Initially,
off top you could tell she's avery light spirit, she can't
take herself or life just tooserious, which is appealing to
me because I'm the same way inthat aspect.
So off top I knew she liked tohave fun, which is key to me.
You ain't trying to have funand we can't do nothing, no way.
(02:05):
And then it was like she shouldtell you it was never Initially
, it was just hey, nice to meetyou, you know.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
That is true.
So initially there was nothingProbably Well I don't know about
for him, for me it was nothingI saw.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
She was beautiful.
Obviously it was like, yo, yes,damn, she looks even better
than she does on TV, blah, blah,blah.
That thought hit youimmediately as well.
But again it wasn't nothinglike oh man, I got to get that
and I wasn't none of that.
It was just like, okay, she'sgonna be some cool folks and the
Hangout we can kick is cool.
All right, yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
That's true, I am some cool folks.
Speaker 4 (02:45):
No for me.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Honestly, I was going to Going through a divorce,
it's going through a separation.
So I had no, that just wasn'ton my radar.
I was just happy to be doingthe play, touring, making money,
doing something that I love,and a distraction from what was
(03:07):
going on in my personal life.
So definitely there was.
You know, in first meetingthere was just I'm just meeting
all the folks on the show and asthe show progressed and we went
on tour and all of us arehanging out at the end of the
shows every night, laughing,having fun, hanging out, and
(03:31):
then somewhere in there it waslike oh, he's kind of cute.
I never tripped off of that.
And then I think that came morethrough just conversations like
us hanging out at night andjust talking, talking about
everything books we've read,movies we love, just upbringing
(03:55):
stuff, just getting to know eachother, with no other intention.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
Yeah, nothing on it.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Nothing on it.
And then I think somewhere inthere it just kind of like start
clicking for both of us like ohwe're vibing Like what's
happening when she told me sheread a certain book.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
I was like uh, okay, okay, okay, I'll see where
you're coming from.
All right, all right.
What was that book?
It was the Alchemist.
Yes, which was the book.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
I love that book.
Yeah, me too.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
That's kind of like a barat, like a, that's like a
compass book for me.
You know what I'm saying.
So when I asked her you everread the Alchemist?
She's like yeah, that's one ofmy favorite books.
And I said oh shit, she reads.
She reads and she reads thekind of stuff I read.
So I'm like, okay, and that waskind of for me.
That was the first spark of youknow what I'm saying.
(04:43):
So that was for me and I thinkyou know that was.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
that was because you were dating girls that didn't
read, so that made me stand down.
I mean, I don't know, I'm justwell.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
they read, you know of course, when I got to the
book question when most of themthey failed their question, so
they didn't last long.
That you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
It was all about, I need it.
Speaker 4 (04:59):
I need that intellect in you before we can go any
further than you know tonight.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Yeah, that's dope.
I had a quick question for you.
That's just kind of goingbackwards real quick.
What does the healing processlook like?
Because I know you spoke aboutending one situation and then
kind of being in this space, butwhat did your healing journey
look like?
Speaker 3 (05:18):
For me it was a lot.
It was, for one thing, beingout working doing something that
I love.
That was a part of it.
I'm a huge journaler and I wasmore back then.
I journaled all the time.
That was very, you know, much apart of my healing process.
(05:39):
And, yeah, I think I was veryopen, vulnerable.
I have really good friends thatI talked to about what I was
going through.
I think I just have to expressit, and I express it through my
art.
So thank God for the play atthat time because I was putting
it all in that and I was puttingit in my on my sheets at night
(06:02):
like writing.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
I think there's something so significant about
the way the two of you met,because I talk on my other show
about relationships in terms ofhow you connect with the right
person, right, and I personallydon't believe in the whole, I
don't do not even it's notnecessarily even a the issue of
belief.
I just don't casually dateright.
And so when I talk about how toconnect with the right person,
(06:26):
I think it's important that bothof you were in purpose, doing
something that you love.
You wasn't looking for anyone.
You wasn't looking for anyone,but then you connected and you
got to know each other withoutany of the pressures and the
stressors, and you found outthings about her that you
typically wouldn't find out.
When you just see an attractivewoman, it's like, oh okay, that
person, and then you kind ofapproached them a little
(06:47):
different.
But in this particular instance, you guys got to know things
about each other without anypressures or any strings, and
then you found something incommon and you connected.
You already on the play, butthen you found even more and
then you got to know each otherthat way.
I think that's how people aresupposed to connect If you tap
(07:07):
into purpose first and findthose commonalities and then we
can, because the whole point oftwo people coming together is to
do something that's larger thanthe both of you.
It's not even about theromantic connection.
That's the bonus.
It's really about kingdombuilding, right?
What has God called us to dotogether?
(07:27):
What is our God givenassignment?
And then all the other extrastuff is great.
So I think that that's thefirst time I've ever heard a
couple express like this is howwe met.
We were doing this, and then Inoticed something in the process
of me doing what I love.
I wasn't looking for a man, Iwas going through this, but then
(07:48):
I connected with someone who Ihad things in common with.
I think that's amazing.
I think people need to hearmore of that.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Yeah, I think a lot of times we and I'll just speak
for women we have like a list ofthings of what we want, what we
don't want, how I'm gonna be ina relationship, how I want my
person to be in the relationship, and when we stick so hard to
(08:19):
those solid do's and don'ts, Ithink that we miss out a lot.
I think you have to be fluid.
I think you have to becauseliterally at that time, even
when we did notice that therewas something happening, I was
very clear I did not wanna getmarried.
(08:40):
I was like I don't wanna getmarried again.
I am so open to being in arelationship forever with
someone.
I'm open.
I definitely wanna have morekids, but I absolutely do not
want to get married again.
And it was strictly for thewhole legal process of what
(09:00):
marriage is.
And I got a rude awakening ofthat when I decided I wanna get
a divorce.
I was like then, all of asudden, it's like the judge is
involved, there's lawyersinvolved.
I'm like these people don'teven know us.
Why is this a part of now?
I wanna quit you or you wannaquit me?
It's like it just shouldn't be.
(09:21):
It was so easy for us to getmarried, but it's so difficult
to get divorced.
So I was like I don't need todo that again, I just wanna
follow my heart.
I don't need no legal nothing.
But obviously that changedduring the process of our
relationship.
But that was my thinking and Ithink you just gotta be fluid,
(09:43):
you gotta trust, you gotta sayyes, you gotta be courageous,
you gotta take a chance.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
How important is that foundation Cause no
relationship is perfect, right,and so, when you're having
differences, how important isthe commonalities or the way you
connected, or the things thatyou had?
How important, how big of arole does that play in just
sustaining healthy relationship,even when you're like I ain't
feeling you today, but then youhave all these other things that
(10:15):
you have in common in terms offriendship and things that you
like I think it's reallyimportant.
Speaker 4 (10:21):
But for me it's always about the tally sheet.
I mean, is it over here, thestuff that we may not feel
completely happy with the otherperson about, versus what I am
happy about this person about?
Like as long as the list ofhappy outweighs the list of
unhappy, for me it's always awin.
(10:42):
I'm always I break down what'sthe score here.
I'm saying like we got way moredope stuff going than we do
anything bad.
And even as you grow you end upstarting to actually enjoy and
what you don't like becomes thestuff that really keeps you
holding on.
Really, it becomes endearing tome.
(11:05):
For me, like the stuff that 15years ago that might've got all
my nerves about her.
It's like it makes me laugh.
Now it's what lets me know it'sher.
It lets me know that's my wife,that's who.
I love those imperfections.
You know what I'm saying.
What she's great at is whatshe's great at, who she is.
That's easy.
(11:25):
But the stuff that's taught memore about myself is the things
that now I lean on to saying man, we're not having no other way.
You know what I'm saying, likethat's what keeps it good for me
, is that part?
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Was there anything like a part of the journey and
the process?
Were there any stereotypes?
Because I know you both beingin the industry, right, and you
being an athlete and just thosedifferent things.
Like, was there anything thateither one of y'all were kind of
like you put somebody in a box,right, because where I'm coming
(12:00):
from is I know us as athletes.
A lot of times we get a bad rapLike you know, are you dating
this, that and the third.
So I just wanted to know, likewas there any stereotypes that
you-.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
I had no desire to date a professional athlete
because of the reputation ofprofessional athletes.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
What's the?
Speaker 3 (12:21):
reputation, womenizers, partyers, you know,
woman after woman not gonnacommit yeah.
And I was like I'm too grown, Idon't need any of that, I don't
want any of that and I don'tchoose that.
And so that was definitely athing for me.
(12:44):
And you know, I got wind ofsome of the females that he did
date prior than me and I'm likenone of them are like me.
Like, are those the kind ofgirls he liked?
Because that's not me.
And I think that the comfortcame in knowing that he was
(13:08):
waking up every day choosing meand I had to get past my own
insecurities and all that stuffand saying, yeah, he's dated
those women, but he's herechoosing me and he was very
consistent and on all the thingsthat he said he was and I'm not
saying that everything wasperfect and nothing like that
(13:31):
but I can boldly say that hedefinitely chose me every day
since we've been together.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Because I was going to ask what separates.
You know what I mean, and thenchoosing is definitely important
.
So I guess safety Veryimportant Right.
Making you feel safe yes, stufflike that.
So is there anything that youhad, maybe?
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Before you answer that question, I want you to
talk about your athletic career,because we didn't really get
into it and there may be viewerswho don't know, so All right,
so I'll answer the question thatwe are on right now.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
Then we'll get to the athletic part, because I like
to stand or I'll lose track ofwhat we're doing, even though I
haven't had anything today.
But I am Like.
She said the stereotypes yeah,we both went into it and I'll
sit here and say I was all ofthem.
I was all of the athleticstereotypes.
I was a womanizer, I was didall the things that you think I
(14:28):
definitely does, and I think thereason that I saw in her which
made me realize that she was theone for me is that I saw a
version of myself differentlythrough her eyes and I was
willing to put the work in to besomething different.
And I think that was like meworking really hard to beat the
(14:52):
stereotype and change thestereotype.
I think that is what I was youknow, leaning into her so much
for and why I loved her in thatmoment and that time and that
space where we were at then,because I knew for myself Josh
can attest to this there's onlyso much partying, there's only
(15:13):
so much womanizer, there's onlyso much that you can do if
you're an intelligent being thatafter a while becomes mundane
and you start to feel like, wait, a minute, that's not really
who I am.
And Josh not talked about thisoff camera earlier, about how,
as an athlete, we have to livein a certain part of ourselves
(15:33):
to be that, right, it's a veryprimal profession, right, you
can't really be the soft spiritthat you may really be to really
compete and do the type ofthings you got to do in that
arena.
And with that comes, you know,your libido's up.
(15:55):
All those things come with aman that wants to conquer, right
, so you become a conqueror ineverything you do, and that
doesn't just stop in your sport.
I see that woman, I gotta havethat.
That's just who I was at thattime.
Right, and meeting Terry, youknow the stereotypes are actress
, they dingy, they like, youknow.
(16:18):
But she read, she studied,she's spiritual.
She broke all of thosestereotypes for me and I was
like we'll shoot, I mean breakmy stereotypes for her.
Unknowingly, I don't think weknow these are the conversations
we had longer into ourrelationship, but at that time
that was the conversation I washaving with myself about man.
Why are you feeling this wayabout this woman?
(16:38):
You know, like what's differentthan whatever, right, and you
know, being honest and lookingback.
You gotta understand now thatthat's what it was and that's
what it was.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
So what sport did you play?
Speaker 4 (16:52):
Oh yeah, I played football.
I played professional footballfor seven years.
My love was basketball.
Like I love basketball, like Ilove my wife, like I love my
kids, football was a side piece,you know.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
I was about to say something.
Speaker 4 (17:10):
Football was.
It was to me.
It was one of those things.
I was good at it and I alsoknew God gave me an ability.
So I was like I was raised tobelieve that if you have a gift,
it's your, my responsibility touse that gift for whatever.
For how long?
I can and never love football.
But I did it and I was good atit and did it for seven years
(17:32):
and you know I really talk aboutit even now.
To this day, I'm an actor.
Now I'm a producer.
I'm in a new phase of life.
I usually don't talk about whatwas done, what I did and who I
used to be and that version ofme, because he's gone, that's
gone.
All I got is arthritis andeverything and you know what I'm
saying and a pinch in the showfor it, right?
So yeah, football career wasthat you know.
(17:55):
All time sack leader,university minnows.
So the history to this day.
I'll talk your smack.
I still hang my hat on that onebecause it's a 25 year record.
You know, that's something.
That's an accomplishment thatI'm still, you know, proud of.
Like you know, I put that workin and my NFL career wasn't much
to talk about.
That's why it's a short segment, but again, you get to flow.
(18:17):
Yeah, but I did it.
You know what I'm saying.
I got my pension, I got, youknow, my family's taking care of
through the stuff I did in theleague with our insurance things
we do.
So it served its purpose right.
So, yeah, that was it.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
But not just that.
Right, Just a quick second onthat, Like to make it to the top
of anything you know is a hugeaccomplishment, you know y'all
both are examples of that.
But just to kind of go intosomething else I was thinking
about as you both were talking,it is for both of you what makes
you both feel safe about eachother, Like really being your
(18:55):
natural self.
Because I feel like and thereason I asked that question I
think is so important I believeone of my theories is a lot of
people are in relationshipsbecause they're just in them,
something to do, no matter howlong they might last or anything
like that.
But you're not really gettingthe true version of the person
(19:16):
right, Because we've learned howto program and we're
conditioned to just move and bea certain way to make it work
and be comfortable.
But because you both have hadto do so much changing and
evolving, still, you know it's anever-ending journey.
Speaker 4 (19:31):
Like I was gonna tell people you know what.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
I mean but what does that look like for you?
Both Like safety for you andsafety for you.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
For me it's the consistency of, like I said,
choosing Because we both could.
Yeah, he could go off and meetsomebody else, or if he's tired
of being here, I mean he could,you know he'll be fine.
I too, I could choose the otherway and not wanna deal with the
(20:05):
little things about him thatget on my nerves, and I could
say, okay, I'm done with it andI know I'll be fine.
I know I will.
But what I love now, where weare and it is a journey we've
been married 15 years nowTogether how long?
though 17.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
So 17 total, okay yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
It's the consistency of growing together, because
we're not the same individualsthat we were when we first met.
Neither one of us are Havingsomeone that I know complements
and appreciates my growth,because I know I'm a lot, I know
(20:52):
I am and I like myself.
It's who I am.
I love being a lot, whateverthat means, and he allows me to
be there.
He never tries to make me feelinadequate and secure, that I'm
missing out on something.
You know, because in our workwe have to be gone for certain
(21:15):
amounts of time.
As a mom of three, I get thatlike dang, I'm missing something
or I'm feeling kind of guilty.
He always pours into me.
I got this.
This is what you're supposed todo.
Do you love your career?
Do you love what you're doing?
I love it.
I don't wanna give it up.
Then you're doing what you'resupposed to do.
That's why you got me Like he'sconstantly pouring into me,
(21:37):
like that, so I don't have toworry about when I have to be
gone.
I love that about himGoosebumps goosebumps.
I love that.
That's like my favorite thing.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
I like the way that you describe the consistency
wanting to be chosen.
I think a lot of women areafraid to say I want to be
chosen, and that's somethingthat I harp on a lot Like I want
to be chosen, I want to bechosen.
I've experienced a tremendousamount of rejection in my life
(22:07):
and it's important that I feelchosen.
Yes, and I want to say that Isee that a lot on social media
people are saying oh, you willpick me.
I want to be picked, I do.
I don't see anything wrong withthat terminology, especially if
I have an affinity for aparticular person, I want him to
pick me.
So you call me a, pick me.
Call me a, pick me.
I want to be chosen, and thatdoesn't.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Because they have a choice, right, absolutely, they
have a choice who they want tobe with.
And I want you to choose me andI think we've upset those exact
words to him in arguments andstuff like I need you to choose
me.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
That's the only way this is going to work, and if
you're not choosing me, I haveto go.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Absolutely.
Speaker 4 (22:53):
Yeah, and women aren't the only people that feel
that they want to be chosen.
Like I mean, I can go back tothem.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
Do you ever feel like ?
Speaker 4 (23:00):
you have been chosen, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Really Okay, because I just think men don't no, we do
.
There's so many options.
Do you ever feel like you'renot chosen?
Speaker 4 (23:08):
We just are sensitive and we just as emotional as
y'all are, if not more so.
It's just the way we translatethe choosing of it.
You know what I'm saying.
I think, like she said at thebeginning when she started
talking, like I love myself,love I love.
I mean, there's nobody I lovemore than me.
(23:30):
You know my kids, it's me, mykids, my wife, my, you know my
God.
But again, if I say I love me,I love my God, because I feel
like we are the same, inconnection, in the same way.
So I believe my self-love iswhat has kept me safe in
anything.
And then the fact that I can bemy full version of whatever
(23:59):
vision I see of myself in anymoment, I, the safety with her,
comes in.
She's not gonna run to the highhills, you know the high hills
if it gets a little weird,because again, I understand,
like she said, she's a lot, Iknow I'm a lot.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Yes, he is yeah exactly so, and you mean into
the mic but I, yeah, yeah, no,I'm with it.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
I agree, like it is what it is, and you know, I
think that's and it's just likeshe said, we both have the
ability to choose elsewhere ifwe choose to do that, and I
think, like where we are now inour marriage and where we are as
a couple and just not in ourspiritual walk together in this
journey, is like I think that'sthe biggest thing that's changed
for us.
Now it's like we live in thedays, we live in our moments, as
(24:47):
opposed to worrying aboutsomething that happened in the
past or we're not really overtlyconcerned about tomorrow.
We're really good today.
That's where we at and we lovethat.
You know what I'm saying and ifsome changes, we both now
understand and feel like I don'town her and she don't own me,
(25:08):
and we're here every day becauseI like spending time with her
more than anybody else on theplanet.
You know what I'm saying andright now that's the same way
for her.
But we also have understandingwith each other too, like when
we have a you know, atransparency with us that
understands like I understand,she can wake up tomorrow and be
like look, I'm doing somethingdifferent, I want to do
something different.
(25:28):
I'm like well, shoot, send me apostcard and I could do the
same thing and she would do thesame thing, and it would be.
It would hurt because you'relosing something that you wasn't
doing.
But in the day, we understandthat this journey ain't about us
.
We both have something biggerthat we're here to do and here
for, so we're not caught up inthe minutiae of personal
(25:52):
whatever idea of whatever youthink is supposed to be, and I
think that's the freedom thatwe're living in now, and I think
that freedom is giving us morestrength and more power as a
couple than we ever had.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
And I don't feel obligated, but you're here
because you want to be.
Speaker 4 (26:07):
Yeah, absolutely yeah , we ain't.
No, let me look at her, look atme.
Think we're going to be lonelyanywhere.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Respect.
What do you think is the?
Speaker 1 (26:17):
ingredient to a long lasting relationship.
Speaker 4 (26:21):
Everything we've been talking about, I think,
constant elevating, constantelevation, with internally, each
other, supporting each I, eachversion of said person that
comes out of the fire.
Each time it's like now she's atotally different woman and I'm
(26:43):
a totally different man.
But you know, it's fun becausenow I get to relearn a new
spirit, a new version, like shegets to relearn and, you know,
fall in love again and figure itall out and understand like, oh
, wow, this is, this is newabout you, this is nice and you
know, and this, I think that'swhere it is.
And then the communication partjust understanding the, the
checking in and understandinglike yo, last year I was
(27:04):
thinking this, this year I'mhere because it's fluid, like
she's, everything is fluid.
Like I'm not hard on I know Iused to be a really hard lying
guy Like this is what I believe,this is what it's going to be,
period.
Now, yeah, this is what I kindof feel and believe.
(27:25):
But again, I'm open to it allnow, like I don't, I don't
squeeze the soap on anything.
It's like I'm just holding thesoap in life now, like I'm not
squeezing, I'm not, I'm notchasing nothing, I'm not, I'm
just, I'm just standing alignedin my own self and I'm pulling
and creating the world that Iwant to see in my marriage and
my my career internally first,and I'm just letting it all come
(27:49):
to me as this is going to come.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
So I had a quick question because with both of
you obviously the individual yougot your personal grind, you
got your spiritual life, you gotall of these different things.
How do you balance family?
Like, how do you?
Because you got to spend time,you know you spend, you do what
you do for yourself, you spendtime with each other.
But I know a lot of peoplethat's like a struggle.
(28:13):
You know what I'm sayingBecause they're constantly
working or constantly gone.
So what is a blueprint ofsuccess?
How does that look for you all?
Speaker 3 (28:23):
To me.
We, you know I love my life,right, I love having a family, I
love being a mother.
I love those kids.
I love being his wife.
We have a lot of fun.
You know, we, we have greatconversations and we, we value
(28:47):
our home space Like our space isour sanctuary.
We love being home.
I also equally love my careerand I think my career I think I
know my career is is a part ofmy purpose on this earth.
To to tell stories, to to dothe things that I do is purpose
(29:11):
driven and I have a reason why Ilove it.
It's, you know, it's when wecan talk about that.
It's a whole nother show,representation, all the things.
So I do my work with a purposeand I do my home with a purpose
and I think any, any given timeif I'm at work, I'm fully, 100%
(29:35):
free at work, I'm giving thatall my attention.
I cannot give mommy stuffattention, which is why I'm so
happy to have a great teammateand we have support.
We have a support system aswell, and when I'm home with the
kids, I'm pouring into that100%.
Got to put the phone on hold,but you know, as much as I can,
(29:58):
because this life is, you know,but I try to give those kids
100%, just like I do when I'm atwork.
So it really isn't a balancing.
I feel like it's more of ajuggle, like sometimes the kids
are up top and he's in themiddle and the work is at the
bottom, and sometimes that workup top and he in the middle and
the kids at the bottom, and it'sjust like because I love them
(30:20):
all and if God gave them to me Ican do them all and it's, you
know, it's, it's really justagain, a faith walk, knowing I'm
living in my purpose, givingeach other grace, all those
things Because I love it all.
My house is crazy, it's wacky,those kids are crazy, my
(30:40):
daughter is a beast, likeeverybody wants and needs
everything and y'all get it whenI get there.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Based on your experience, what are some of the
more common relationshipchallenges that people face
today?
Speaker 3 (30:58):
Again, I think people are too rigid in what they
believe and been taught arelationship is supposed to be.
I think that you cannot go into, you can't even live your life
like that and be fully happy.
I feel like you have to behonest and true to yourself as
an individual, and that may notmatch what your mother did or
(31:20):
what your grandmother did orwhat the church tells you you're
supposed to be.
It may not be none of that.
And if you're not, if you'reonly living to satisfy those
lanes that you were taught andyou are, you're going to live an
unhappy life, an unfulfilledlife, and you're not living in
your God-given purpose, becauseyour God-given purpose is going
(31:41):
to make you feel good.
So you have to make yourrelationships your spiritual
walk, your career path.
You have to live that from theinside, not from the outside in.
And as long as you're doingthat, I think that you and it's
not easy, it's certainly noteasy to do at all Relationships
(32:06):
you might lose some friends, youmight feel really lonely
sometimes.
But if God is giving you thatreasoning, that purpose, that
feeling, who are you going toanswer to?
You're going to answer to thatvoice inside of you or are you
going to answer to those voicesoutside of you?
Speaker 4 (32:27):
So I think that's it, yeah, and I totally agree with
her.
Basically, just to break itdown, like I think everybody is
looking outside for the answersin relationships.
You're looking at otherpeople's relationships compared
to what they have versus whatyou have.
And even just see, her and I, weused to crack jokes back when
we first started, like we'regoing to be like the new Will
and Jada type energy in our lifeand saying that we weren't.
(32:53):
You know, we want the essence,the powerfulness of the essence
of that.
But then we grown, weunderstand and mature.
You start saying no we don'twant a Will and Jada, we us he's
Terry and Karan.
This is us how we do it, youknow what I'm saying.
Like we can't look to anythingoutside of us to try to make
what it worked for us.
And I think us even us in ourcommunity we're struggling with
(33:18):
our family dynamics and ourrelationships because, again,
like Terry stated, we're lookingoutside for all answers.
We're looking, we're learning,we're learning from people that
never really have really hadgood relationships in their
lives in any point in time.
So what do we expect?
Right?
So we, again, we got to getback to our source, back to our
(33:39):
truths, and really start there.
I think, instead of chasing anideal, locking in on you and
it'll find you, the relationshipthat you need, that's supposed
to be for you, will appearnaturally, instinctively, and I
think both of us have naturallybeen those kind of people and
(34:03):
that's why we found each otherwhere we found each other and as
we've grown, we've now startedto learn things.
Now I understand why I'm theway I am and how it starts to
all make sense, and I think whatyou just said is outside,
looking outside.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
Yeah, and I have to think this is powerful.
You guys allow each other to beyourself.
That's the most important thing.
No one is stifling, like Iheard you say.
It gives me I can be me, freelybe me, even if.
Speaker 4 (34:31):
I want to be loved, period.
It's reciprocity.
I'm not going to, I'm going tooperate in our relationship
exactly how I want you tooperate with me.
Now.
Does it work like that all thetime?
No, because she's still her andshe's going to love me the way
she wants to be loved.
And that's where you becauseafter a while you become a
mirror right.
So, like I get it when, whenthere's certain things going on,
(34:54):
she gets them certain thingsgoing on.
But again, I'm going to loveher the way I want to be loved.
Like I understand I need myspace.
Sometime I need to be by myself.
I love being by myself.
That's why I ride bikes.
What's your love language?
My love language is probablyphysical touch, affirmation and
(35:14):
um.
Yeah, physical touch andaffirmation for me.
Everything else.
I don't need gifts, I don'tneed um.
What's the other ones?
Speaker 2 (35:23):
Access.
What's the other?
Speaker 4 (35:24):
one.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
Quality time and access service.
Speaker 4 (35:27):
Quality time Quality time is maybe 50% of my love
language.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
I love.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
I do love spending time.
I do need to get in there withyou and be in that moment with
you for a minute.
But yeah, the main two isprobably physical touch and
affirmations.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
What about?
Speaker 3 (35:41):
you too.
I would say uh time, time spent, was that the quality time and
affirmations as well.
And also I was going to say, youknow we're speaking a lot about
, um, our individualism andaccepting each other as we are,
(36:02):
but I think in that as well,when you, when you get to a
point where you, where you havethat base, you also operate in a
space.
Of this is my mate, and thereare things I do sacrifice
because, because I love him andI, and even though I'm an
(36:22):
individual and I got the thingsthat I like and stuff that I,
you know, sometimes I'll like,okay, let me do this because I
know he likes this and I thinkthat's a part of relationship
being relation, shipping.
Speaker 4 (36:35):
I just made that word .
It's relation shipping.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
Yeah, you, you do do that a lot.
It's like you make sacrifices.
We make sacrifices for our kids.
We don't want to do all thatstuff all the time.
I don't want to go to everygame and every dance recital, I
don't want to do all that, butwe do because we love them and
we want to pour into them.
And I do the same for him andhe does the same, for I know he
does a lot of stuff that hedon't want to do.
(37:00):
I know it, but he does it,that's so important to say that
Because I want him to.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
That's so important to say that.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Oh yeah, that's important.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
That's how you build.
I did have another thought,because you know, we the
longevity right Y'all both 17and counting.
Speaker 3 (37:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
I think that's really beautiful.
But what are some red flags, ifany like?
What are some things where youjust like, mm-mm, we got it, we
got to come to the table andtalk about that, because I do
feel that sometimes when peopleare in relationships and again
they become hamsters and theyown that wheel and you know
(37:37):
they'll overlook some things.
It'll just be like whatever ata certain point.
But what are some no-no's fory'all to just like nah, we,
we're not overlooking that.
Speaker 3 (37:46):
I know for me.
I know we're in a trouble zoneor a challenge zone when I feel
myself shut down.
Okay, because sometimes I maynot want the confrontation and
I'm innately a people pleaser,like I want people to be happy
(38:08):
around me.
So if I have something that Ithink is going to piss him off,
or because he's pissing me off,and if I bring it up it's going
to piss him off, I would shutdown and just not say it and
hold it in.
And then things are building upnow.
Right, because I'll keepholding stuff in.
So that was my MO and things.
(38:28):
So I can catch myself now likeno, just say it and just deal
with you know, I'm making anassumption on what I think his
reaction is going to be.
Let me not do that.
And that assumption is based onsomething from the past.
Right, let me not do that.
This is a new day, a newsituation.
Speaker 4 (38:50):
Let me tell him that this made me mad or whatever,
and I think that's yeah, I mean,I'm agreeing with her.
My red flag is the opposite ofthat.
My red flag is that shut down,you shut down, I mean you shut
down.
I mean the store is closed.
We ain't good with being likefor me, I need, let's get it,
let's figure it, let's work it,let's figure the thing out Like
(39:12):
if I did something to piss youoff, let's talk about it, let's
figure that out.
I'm not.
I've never been a man who ranaway from accountability.
You know what I'm saying.
Like I preach that, I try totry.
I raise my sons, my daughter, Iteach them like, at the end of
the day, man, you got to ownyour shit.
You know like, and I've been athat's kind of who I kind of
stand on.
Like I'm going to own mymistakes because I'm all my wins
(39:34):
too.
Like you know what I'm going totell you straight up.
I did that and like, if I did,I did that too.
Yep, trick that off.
That was me.
And I guess for a red flag forme in the past, or just my MO,
was if you shutting down on me,then all right, well, shit, I
can shut down too, and it'd bewhat it is.
You know, I don't, but I again,like she said, we don't.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
How do you, how did you overcome that though?
Speaker 4 (39:57):
Oh, I think, landmark , landmark.
We did, we did a, we did a selfkind of a self help seminar for
couples.
And you know people, head ofindustries and things of that
nature, where you go into this,this, this, this, um, this
workshop program and theybasically teach you how to get
out of your own way.
Um, it teaches you to notcreate rackets of your, of your
(40:21):
life and people in your life,your mother, your father, your
wife, your boss, your, youremployees.
Based on something Terry and Imight be talking about on Sunday
and it didn't go well, but onMonday, if we're about to have a
whole new conversation, but nowI'm created a whole new story
about how this conversation cango before we even get to it.
That's called self self.
(40:43):
Um, you know, based selfsabotage.
Okay, right, so you have togive the moment, the moment.
You can't live.
What, what, what did I do?
What I did yesterday?
Let's see what this moment isand that's where we're going to
be at.
And I think that is how we gotto that place of understanding,
like we're going to be in themoment today, like, yeah, I
might have pissed you off onSaturday, but today is Sunday
(41:04):
and let's figure out if it'sgoing to be the same or not, and
if I talk about it honestly onSaturday that it upset me, and
if you love me and I love herlike she loves me, and on Sunday
we talk about something else,I'm going to do the self work
for myself to not.
I was just going to say thatupset her based on what she told
me before.
I don't know, I'm fucking upuntil you tell me.
(41:24):
You know, in my mind it wasjust I'm doing it.
This is what it is.
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (41:28):
I think the self work is has been the key for us, um,
and not thinking like, well, heneeds to change, he needs to do
it.
It was like let me go in on meand doing that work, reading,
like you said, um, we did athing called landmark.
Um, I just are studyingspiritually where we are now,
(41:54):
like we're doing a lot of selfreflection, self improvement,
self growing, um, and we'rewe've always been very open to
that Like I couldn't be withsomebody.
That was not about that, um,because we are always changing,
we're always growing fromexperiences and we're supposed
(42:17):
to, because there is never, wenever get to the answer whatever
this life, answer of what ourwhole life and dream and purpose
.
Why are we here?
It is an ongoing journey, anongoing research, and if you're
not living your life every dayon that journey of of finding
(42:38):
with that path, with that truth,what it is I, I cannot be with
somebody that's not on thatjourney.
And that doesn't mean we're onthe at the same place, at the
same time.
Sometimes you're up here, I'mback here, and then whoa, I did
a little bit more research.
Now it's ongoing and that'swhat makes this life really fun,
(42:59):
really exciting, reallyvulnerable.
You know a lot of crying, a lotof laughing, a lot of cocktails
, a lot of you know all of it,um, but all for the purpose of
wanting to be our best selvesfor the world not for ourselves,
but for the world.
(43:19):
What am I giving to you guysright now?
Being in this moment thatyou're getting all of my
studying and breakdowns andcrying, and this is what you're
getting right now, and I lovebeing on this journey with him.
Doing that.
That makes it exciting for me,that makes me choose him every
(43:40):
day, it makes me feel good, itmakes me feel safe.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
That's beautiful.
I just taking a pause on that.
But stepping into your craft,because I know you both, you
know creators, and outside ofthis strike going on, is there
anything that you're working on,anything, any projects you
wanna let people know about?
You know, just kind of put thatout.
I think it's, you know, a goodchance to go into that world a
(44:06):
little bit too.
Speaker 4 (44:07):
Oh, man, like you said, we creators man and I,
like the new thing I've been onis just, I'm a co-creator with
the universe and God, right?
So, yeah, the strike ishappening, but I still believe
man can't dictate what I'm hereto do.
So for me I've just beencreating.
You know, I did anotherpainting.
(44:28):
I created a new key peltin'jacket for my line, started
doing skits on the lion side,based on the series she and I
created years ago called thelion's crumbs, and just being
creative man, like not lettingthe fear of the world penetrate
(44:48):
the love of my creator and mycreation inside of me and
letting that state thriving.
That's all you know, and justbeing ready.
I know everything in life comesto an end like the strike will,
and we'll go back to thehustling, bustling, be chibi,
some kind of directing or acting.
I'll be on some kind ofdirecting, acting, but do
whatever it is we gonna be doingand this moment in time will be
(45:11):
oh, it's over already andthat's just how I, you know,
stand moving.
Speaker 3 (45:17):
Yeah, and I feel like we're always right here at this
moment for what there is areason.
Like God does not make mistakes, so being in this atmosphere of
the strike is for a reason.
So it's my job to go inside.
What are you supposed to belearning?
Doing so again, just continuingto create, to lean in and push
(45:40):
myself further than what I hadbeen?
Because, to be honest, I gotcomfortable.
I was booked.
I was booked through the end ofthe year on directing gigs, so
I was like easy breezy this whatI do.
Life is good.
I love my house, I love my man,I love my kids, I love my
career.
Easy, I was too complacent.
(46:00):
So there's things that I hadsaid that I wanted to do that I
put aside because I was busyworking.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
What are some of those things that you don't mind
?
Speaker 3 (46:09):
So now it's a one woman show.
I'm learning how to play theguitar.
I have my own television seriesthat I've been talking about
for years.
I'm putting a team together toshoot a sizzle for that.
Like all these things that Iwanted to do, I'm doing them now
, in this moment of the strike.
Speaker 4 (46:32):
Nick, as life happens for you, not to you.
I mean, that's the energy thatwe keep in the house Like the
worst thing that the world maylook at it.
It may happen to you If you cankeep your mindset on this
happened for me versus happenedto me you'll find your way
around a lot of challenges inlife and you'll get the lesson
(46:54):
that was sent to you for areason.
And then we got to rememberwhat our vision is and what we
ask and from what we're planningand doing every day, because
we'll pray for one thing andthen one thing will happen and
then we'll forget that we askedfor this.
But in order for you to getwhat you asked for, these things
got to happen for this tohappen.
So you got to keep yourself ina bird's eye view of everything
and understanding.
Like, look man, God knows whatyou're going for.
(47:16):
And this strike, like she said,it's happening for us, it's
happening for me, Like it's justthe time I take these times,
like, all right, this is thetime for me to level up why
everybody's running around.
Oh no, it's time for me to getfree and really go at what I
want, and that's where it's at.
Speaker 2 (47:35):
If you had a young man in front of you right now,
what would be some words thatyou would give him?
Speaker 4 (47:44):
Trust your vision, believe in yourself, first and
foremost.
Your mom and your daddy, yourcousin, your brother, your
pastor, nobody got to believe inyou or will believe in until
you do.
And I would say, once you seethe vision, believe in it, find
out what it takes to work to getthat vision and just keep
pedaling until you hit your headon it.
That's all I got All right,what about you?
Speaker 3 (48:08):
For a little girl.
I'm a son of a.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
You're a young lady?
Yeah, because we got up liftman.
This you know.
Passing down this game isimportant For sure.
Speaker 3 (48:16):
I would definitely tell her to trust herself.
I think, especially as women,we question ourselves all the
time.
We'll feel something like Ishould do that or I should say
this, but no, I shouldn't,because Trust your instincts and
(48:38):
go for it.
And, like he said, your vision,which you've been given,
which's been dropped inside ofyou from God, is yours.
Your mom may not understand it,your father may not understand
it.
Your brother and they're givingyou advice based on their own
visions.
(48:58):
You have to trust yours and dothe work to get it, because it's
possible.
If you thought of it, you cando it and, yes, it may be hard
work, but so what?
Speaker 4 (49:11):
So it was making a diamond.
Nothing comes without pressureand time and dirt.
Speaker 1 (49:17):
That's the show.
Terry J Bond.
Sorry, Karan Raleigh.
Relationships Matter.
See you next time,Relationships Matter.
I need you to understand.
Relationships Matter.
I'm Chanel Scott, the queen of relationship talk.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
I'm Josh Powell, two-time NBA champion.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
I've journeyed from trauma to healing.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
From the NBA to family, I've learned what really
matters.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
We've come together to unlock the secrets of
successful relationships.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
One conversation at a time.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
One conversation at a time.
Welcome to Relationships Meta,the podcast.
My name is Chanel Scott.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
And I am Josh Powell.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
We have some amazing guests with us today.
We have husband and wife, wifeTerry J Bond and Karan Raleigh.
Welcome to our podcast.
We're so excited to have youguys.
So you know we talk aboutrelationships, right, and
relationships really do matter.
But what I want to start with,I want to know how did you guys
(00:51):
meet?
Talk to me about how you guysmet.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
How do we meet?
Speaker 4 (00:57):
We met during a play.
She was in the play.
I was working in the play withone of the performers, tank.
He was a good friend.
He was on my brother's label soI was assigned to him to work
with him on the play.
Of course I was aspiring to gointo acting, so it was a
two-fold thing is to kind of seethe ins and outs of the
business and also earn a littlemoney as I was transitioning
(01:19):
from football into acting.
And that's where I met her at.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Okay, I was just trying to see if he was going to
Soft points.
But that was basically whathappened.
Yes, I was.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
What would the sauce look like, though, if he did
that?
It comes later, josh.
Oh my goodness, you'll get ataste?
I'm sure he can't help himself.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Okay, but what was it about her that made you like
zone in on Terry?
Speaker 4 (01:43):
I didn't zone in, it was more of a like Initially,
off top you could tell she's avery light spirit, she can't
take herself or life just tooserious, which is appealing to
me because I'm the same way inthat aspect.
So off top I knew she liked tohave fun, which is key to me.
You ain't trying to have funand we can't do nothing, no way.
(02:05):
And then it was like she shouldtell you it was never Initially
, it was just hey, nice to meetyou, you know.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
That is true.
So initially there was nothingProbably Well I don't know about
for him, for me it was nothingI saw.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
She was beautiful.
Obviously it was like, yo, yes,damn, she looks even better
than she does on TV, blah, blah,blah.
That thought hit youimmediately as well.
But again it wasn't nothinglike oh man, I got to get that
and I wasn't none of that.
It was just like, okay, she'sgonna be some cool folks and the
Hangout we can kick is cool.
All right, yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
That's true, I am some cool folks.
Speaker 4 (02:45):
No for me.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Honestly, I was going to Going through a divorce,
it's going through a separation.
So I had no, that just wasn'ton my radar.
I was just happy to be doingthe play, touring, making money,
doing something that I love,and a distraction from what was
(03:07):
going on in my personal life.
So definitely there was.
You know, in first meetingthere was just I'm just meeting
all the folks on the show and asthe show progressed and we went
on tour and all of us arehanging out at the end of the
shows every night, laughing,having fun, hanging out, and
(03:31):
then somewhere in there it waslike oh, he's kind of cute.
I never tripped off of that.
And then I think that came morethrough just conversations like
us hanging out at night andjust talking, talking about
everything books we've read,movies we love, just upbringing
(03:55):
stuff, just getting to know eachother, with no other intention.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
Yeah, nothing on it.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Nothing on it.
And then I think somewhere inthere it just kind of like start
clicking for both of us like ohwe're vibing Like what's
happening when she told me sheread a certain book.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
I was like uh, okay, okay, okay, I'll see where
you're coming from.
All right, all right.
What was that book?
It was the Alchemist.
Yes, which was the book.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
I love that book.
Yeah, me too.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
That's kind of like a barat, like a, that's like a
compass book for me.
You know what I'm saying.
So when I asked her you everread the Alchemist?
She's like yeah, that's one ofmy favorite books.
And I said oh shit, she reads.
She reads and she reads thekind of stuff I read.
So I'm like, okay, and that waskind of for me.
That was the first spark of youknow what I'm saying.
(04:43):
So that was for me and I thinkyou know that was.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
that was because you were dating girls that didn't
read, so that made me stand down.
I mean, I don't know, I'm justwell.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
they read, you know of course, when I got to the
book question when most of themthey failed their question, so
they didn't last long.
That you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
It was all about, I need it.
Speaker 4 (04:59):
I need that intellect in you before we can go any
further than you know tonight.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Yeah, that's dope.
I had a quick question for you.
That's just kind of goingbackwards real quick.
What does the healing processlook like?
Because I know you spoke aboutending one situation and then
kind of being in this space, butwhat did your healing journey
look like?
Speaker 3 (05:18):
For me it was a lot.
It was, for one thing, beingout working doing something that
I love.
That was a part of it.
I'm a huge journaler and I wasmore back then.
I journaled all the time.
That was very, you know, much apart of my healing process.
(05:39):
And, yeah, I think I was veryopen, vulnerable.
I have really good friends thatI talked to about what I was
going through.
I think I just have to expressit, and I express it through my
art.
So thank God for the play atthat time because I was putting
it all in that and I was puttingit in my on my sheets at night
(06:02):
like writing.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
I think there's something so significant about
the way the two of you met,because I talk on my other show
about relationships in terms ofhow you connect with the right
person, right, and I personallydon't believe in the whole, I
don't do not even it's notnecessarily even a the issue of
belief.
I just don't casually dateright.
And so when I talk about how toconnect with the right person,
(06:26):
I think it's important that bothof you were in purpose, doing
something that you love.
You wasn't looking for anyone.
You wasn't looking for anyone,but then you connected and you
got to know each other withoutany of the pressures and the
stressors, and you found outthings about her that you
typically wouldn't find out.
When you just see an attractivewoman, it's like, oh okay, that
person, and then you kind ofapproached them a little
(06:47):
different.
But in this particular instance, you guys got to know things
about each other without anypressures or any strings, and
then you found something incommon and you connected.
You already on the play, butthen you found even more and
then you got to know each otherthat way.
I think that's how people aresupposed to connect If you tap
(07:07):
into purpose first and findthose commonalities and then we
can, because the whole point oftwo people coming together is to
do something that's larger thanthe both of you.
It's not even about theromantic connection.
That's the bonus.
It's really about kingdombuilding, right?
What has God called us to dotogether?
(07:27):
What is our God givenassignment?
And then all the other extrastuff is great.
So I think that that's thefirst time I've ever heard a
couple express like this is howwe met.
We were doing this, and then Inoticed something in the process
of me doing what I love.
I wasn't looking for a man, Iwas going through this, but then
(07:48):
I connected with someone who Ihad things in common with.
I think that's amazing.
I think people need to hearmore of that.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Yeah, I think a lot of times we and I'll just speak
for women we have like a list ofthings of what we want, what we
don't want, how I'm gonna be ina relationship, how I want my
person to be in the relationship, and when we stick so hard to
(08:19):
those solid do's and don'ts, Ithink that we miss out a lot.
I think you have to be fluid.
I think you have to becauseliterally at that time, even
when we did notice that therewas something happening, I was
very clear I did not wanna getmarried.
(08:40):
I was like I don't wanna getmarried again.
I am so open to being in arelationship forever with
someone.
I'm open.
I definitely wanna have morekids, but I absolutely do not
want to get married again.
And it was strictly for thewhole legal process of what
(09:00):
marriage is.
And I got a rude awakening ofthat when I decided I wanna get
a divorce.
I was like then, all of asudden, it's like the judge is
involved, there's lawyersinvolved.
I'm like these people don'teven know us.
Why is this a part of now?
I wanna quit you or you wannaquit me?
It's like it just shouldn't be.
(09:21):
It was so easy for us to getmarried, but it's so difficult
to get divorced.
So I was like I don't need todo that again, I just wanna
follow my heart.
I don't need no legal nothing.
But obviously that changedduring the process of our
relationship.
But that was my thinking and Ithink you just gotta be fluid,
(09:43):
you gotta trust, you gotta sayyes, you gotta be courageous,
you gotta take a chance.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
How important is that foundation Cause no
relationship is perfect, right,and so, when you're having
differences, how important isthe commonalities or the way you
connected, or the things thatyou had?
How important, how big of arole does that play in just
sustaining healthy relationship,even when you're like I ain't
feeling you today, but then youhave all these other things that
(10:15):
you have in common in terms offriendship and things that you
like I think it's reallyimportant.
Speaker 4 (10:21):
But for me it's always about the tally sheet.
I mean, is it over here, thestuff that we may not feel
completely happy with the otherperson about, versus what I am
happy about this person about?
Like as long as the list ofhappy outweighs the list of
unhappy, for me it's always awin.
(10:42):
I'm always I break down what'sthe score here.
I'm saying like we got way moredope stuff going than we do
anything bad.
And even as you grow you end upstarting to actually enjoy and
what you don't like becomes thestuff that really keeps you
holding on.
Really, it becomes endearing tome.
(11:05):
For me, like the stuff that 15years ago that might've got all
my nerves about her.
It's like it makes me laugh.
Now it's what lets me know it'sher.
It lets me know that's my wife,that's who.
I love those imperfections.
You know what I'm saying.
What she's great at is whatshe's great at, who she is.
That's easy.
(11:25):
But the stuff that's taught memore about myself is the things
that now I lean on to saying man, we're not having no other way.
You know what I'm saying, likethat's what keeps it good for me
, is that part?
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Was there anything like a part of the journey and
the process?
Were there any stereotypes?
Because I know you both beingin the industry, right, and you
being an athlete and just thosedifferent things.
Like, was there anything thateither one of y'all were kind of
like you put somebody in a box,right, because where I'm coming
(12:00):
from is I know us as athletes.
A lot of times we get a bad rapLike you know, are you dating
this, that and the third.
So I just wanted to know, likewas there any stereotypes that
you-.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
I had no desire to date a professional athlete
because of the reputation ofprofessional athletes.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
What's the?
Speaker 3 (12:21):
reputation, womenizers, partyers, you know,
woman after woman not gonnacommit yeah.
And I was like I'm too grown, Idon't need any of that, I don't
want any of that and I don'tchoose that.
And so that was definitely athing for me.
(12:44):
And you know, I got wind ofsome of the females that he did
date prior than me and I'm likenone of them are like me.
Like, are those the kind ofgirls he liked?
Because that's not me.
And I think that the comfortcame in knowing that he was
(13:08):
waking up every day choosing meand I had to get past my own
insecurities and all that stuffand saying, yeah, he's dated
those women, but he's herechoosing me and he was very
consistent and on all the thingsthat he said he was and I'm not
saying that everything wasperfect and nothing like that
(13:31):
but I can boldly say that hedefinitely chose me every day
since we've been together.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Because I was going to ask what separates.
You know what I mean, and thenchoosing is definitely important
.
So I guess safety Veryimportant Right.
Making you feel safe yes, stufflike that.
So is there anything that youhad, maybe?
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Before you answer that question, I want you to
talk about your athletic career,because we didn't really get
into it and there may be viewerswho don't know, so All right,
so I'll answer the question thatwe are on right now.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
Then we'll get to the athletic part, because I like
to stand or I'll lose track ofwhat we're doing, even though I
haven't had anything today.
But I am Like.
She said the stereotypes yeah,we both went into it and I'll
sit here and say I was all ofthem.
I was all of the athleticstereotypes.
I was a womanizer, I was didall the things that you think I
(14:28):
definitely does, and I think thereason that I saw in her which
made me realize that she was theone for me is that I saw a
version of myself differentlythrough her eyes and I was
willing to put the work in to besomething different.
And I think that was like meworking really hard to beat the
(14:52):
stereotype and change thestereotype.
I think that is what I was youknow, leaning into her so much
for and why I loved her in thatmoment and that time and that
space where we were at then,because I knew for myself Josh
can attest to this there's onlyso much partying, there's only
(15:13):
so much womanizer, there's onlyso much that you can do if
you're an intelligent being thatafter a while becomes mundane
and you start to feel like, wait, a minute, that's not really
who I am.
And Josh not talked about thisoff camera earlier, about how,
as an athlete, we have to livein a certain part of ourselves
(15:33):
to be that, right, it's a veryprimal profession, right, you
can't really be the soft spiritthat you may really be to really
compete and do the type ofthings you got to do in that
arena.
And with that comes, you know,your libido's up.
(15:55):
All those things come with aman that wants to conquer, right
, so you become a conqueror ineverything you do, and that
doesn't just stop in your sport.
I see that woman, I gotta havethat.
That's just who I was at thattime.
Right, and meeting Terry, youknow the stereotypes are actress
, they dingy, they like, youknow.
(16:18):
But she read, she studied,she's spiritual.
She broke all of thosestereotypes for me and I was
like we'll shoot, I mean breakmy stereotypes for her.
Unknowingly, I don't think weknow these are the conversations
we had longer into ourrelationship, but at that time
that was the conversation I washaving with myself about man.
Why are you feeling this wayabout this woman?
(16:38):
You know, like what's differentthan whatever, right, and you
know, being honest and lookingback.
You gotta understand now thatthat's what it was and that's
what it was.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
So what sport did you play?
Speaker 4 (16:52):
Oh yeah, I played football.
I played professional footballfor seven years.
My love was basketball.
Like I love basketball, like Ilove my wife, like I love my
kids, football was a side piece,you know.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
I was about to say something.
Speaker 4 (17:10):
Football was.
It was to me.
It was one of those things.
I was good at it and I alsoknew God gave me an ability.
So I was like I was raised tobelieve that if you have a gift,
it's your, my responsibility touse that gift for whatever.
For how long?
I can and never love football.
But I did it and I was good atit and did it for seven years
(17:32):
and you know I really talk aboutit even now.
To this day, I'm an actor.
Now I'm a producer.
I'm in a new phase of life.
I usually don't talk about whatwas done, what I did and who I
used to be and that version ofme, because he's gone, that's
gone.
All I got is arthritis andeverything and you know what I'm
saying and a pinch in the showfor it, right?
So yeah, football career wasthat you know.
(17:55):
All time sack leader,university minnows.
So the history to this day.
I'll talk your smack.
I still hang my hat on that onebecause it's a 25 year record.
You know, that's something.
That's an accomplishment thatI'm still, you know, proud of.
Like you know, I put that workin and my NFL career wasn't much
to talk about.
That's why it's a short segment, but again, you get to flow.
(18:17):
Yeah, but I did it.
You know what I'm saying.
I got my pension, I got, youknow, my family's taking care of
through the stuff I did in theleague with our insurance things
we do.
So it served its purpose right.
So, yeah, that was it.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
But not just that.
Right, Just a quick second onthat, Like to make it to the top
of anything you know is a hugeaccomplishment, you know y'all
both are examples of that.
But just to kind of go intosomething else I was thinking
about as you both were talking,it is for both of you what makes
you both feel safe about eachother, Like really being your
(18:55):
natural self.
Because I feel like and thereason I asked that question I
think is so important I believeone of my theories is a lot of
people are in relationshipsbecause they're just in them,
something to do, no matter howlong they might last or anything
like that.
But you're not really gettingthe true version of the person
(19:16):
right, Because we've learned howto program and we're
conditioned to just move and bea certain way to make it work
and be comfortable.
But because you both have hadto do so much changing and
evolving, still, you know it's anever-ending journey.
Speaker 4 (19:31):
Like I was gonna tell people you know what.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
I mean but what does that look like for you?
Both Like safety for you andsafety for you.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
For me it's the consistency of, like I said,
choosing Because we both could.
Yeah, he could go off and meetsomebody else, or if he's tired
of being here, I mean he could,you know he'll be fine.
I too, I could choose the otherway and not wanna deal with the
(20:05):
little things about him thatget on my nerves, and I could
say, okay, I'm done with it andI know I'll be fine.
I know I will.
But what I love now, where weare and it is a journey we've
been married 15 years nowTogether how long?
though 17.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
So 17 total, okay yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
It's the consistency of growing together, because
we're not the same individualsthat we were when we first met.
Neither one of us are Havingsomeone that I know complements
and appreciates my growth,because I know I'm a lot, I know
(20:52):
I am and I like myself.
It's who I am.
I love being a lot, whateverthat means, and he allows me to
be there.
He never tries to make me feelinadequate and secure, that I'm
missing out on something.
You know, because in our workwe have to be gone for certain
(21:15):
amounts of time.
As a mom of three, I get thatlike dang, I'm missing something
or I'm feeling kind of guilty.
He always pours into me.
I got this.
This is what you're supposed todo.
Do you love your career?
Do you love what you're doing?
I love it.
I don't wanna give it up.
Then you're doing what you'resupposed to do.
That's why you got me Like he'sconstantly pouring into me,
(21:37):
like that, so I don't have toworry about when I have to be
gone.
I love that about himGoosebumps goosebumps.
I love that.
That's like my favorite thing.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
I like the way that you describe the consistency
wanting to be chosen.
I think a lot of women areafraid to say I want to be
chosen, and that's somethingthat I harp on a lot Like I want
to be chosen, I want to bechosen.
I've experienced a tremendousamount of rejection in my life
(22:07):
and it's important that I feelchosen.
Yes, and I want to say that Isee that a lot on social media
people are saying oh, you willpick me.
I want to be picked, I do.
I don't see anything wrong withthat terminology, especially if
I have an affinity for aparticular person, I want him to
pick me.
So you call me a, pick me.
Call me a, pick me.
I want to be chosen, and thatdoesn't.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Because they have a choice, right, absolutely, they
have a choice who they want tobe with.
And I want you to choose me andI think we've upset those exact
words to him in arguments andstuff like I need you to choose
me.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
That's the only way this is going to work, and if
you're not choosing me, I haveto go.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Absolutely.
Speaker 4 (22:53):
Yeah, and women aren't the only people that feel
that they want to be chosen.
Like I mean, I can go back tothem.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
Do you ever feel like ?
Speaker 4 (23:00):
you have been chosen, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Really Okay, because I just think men don't no, we do
.
There's so many options.
Do you ever feel like you'renot chosen?
Speaker 4 (23:08):
We just are sensitive and we just as emotional as
y'all are, if not more so.
It's just the way we translatethe choosing of it.
You know what I'm saying.
I think, like she said at thebeginning when she started
talking, like I love myself,love I love.
I mean, there's nobody I lovemore than me.
(23:30):
You know my kids, it's me, mykids, my wife, my, you know my
God.
But again, if I say I love me,I love my God, because I feel
like we are the same, inconnection, in the same way.
So I believe my self-love iswhat has kept me safe in
anything.
And then the fact that I can bemy full version of whatever
(23:59):
vision I see of myself in anymoment, I, the safety with her,
comes in.
She's not gonna run to the highhills, you know the high hills
if it gets a little weird,because again, I understand,
like she said, she's a lot, Iknow I'm a lot.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Yes, he is yeah exactly so, and you mean into
the mic but I, yeah, yeah, no,I'm with it.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
I agree, like it is what it is, and you know, I
think that's and it's just likeshe said, we both have the
ability to choose elsewhere ifwe choose to do that, and I
think, like where we are now inour marriage and where we are as
a couple and just not in ourspiritual walk together in this
journey, is like I think that'sthe biggest thing that's changed
for us.
Now it's like we live in thedays, we live in our moments, as
(24:47):
opposed to worrying aboutsomething that happened in the
past or we're not really overtlyconcerned about tomorrow.
We're really good today.
That's where we at and we lovethat.
You know what I'm saying and ifsome changes, we both now
understand and feel like I don'town her and she don't own me,
(25:08):
and we're here every day becauseI like spending time with her
more than anybody else on theplanet.
You know what I'm saying andright now that's the same way
for her.
But we also have understandingwith each other too, like when
we have a you know, atransparency with us that
understands like I understand,she can wake up tomorrow and be
like look, I'm doing somethingdifferent, I want to do
something different.
(25:28):
I'm like well, shoot, send me apostcard and I could do the
same thing and she would do thesame thing, and it would be.
It would hurt because you'relosing something that you wasn't
doing.
But in the day, we understandthat this journey ain't about us
.
We both have something biggerthat we're here to do and here
for, so we're not caught up inthe minutiae of personal
(25:52):
whatever idea of whatever youthink is supposed to be, and I
think that's the freedom thatwe're living in now, and I think
that freedom is giving us morestrength and more power as a
couple than we ever had.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
And I don't feel obligated, but you're here
because you want to be.
Speaker 4 (26:07):
Yeah, absolutely yeah , we ain't.
No, let me look at her, look atme.
Think we're going to be lonelyanywhere.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Respect.
What do you think is the?
Speaker 1 (26:17):
ingredient to a long lasting relationship.
Speaker 4 (26:21):
Everything we've been talking about, I think,
constant elevating, constantelevation, with internally, each
other, supporting each I, eachversion of said person that
comes out of the fire.
Each time it's like now she's atotally different woman and I'm
(26:43):
a totally different man.
But you know, it's fun becausenow I get to relearn a new
spirit, a new version, like shegets to relearn and, you know,
fall in love again and figure itall out and understand like, oh
, wow, this is, this is newabout you, this is nice and you
know, and this, I think that'swhere it is.
And then the communication partjust understanding the, the
checking in and understandinglike yo, last year I was
(27:04):
thinking this, this year I'mhere because it's fluid, like
she's, everything is fluid.
Like I'm not hard on I know Iused to be a really hard lying
guy Like this is what I believe,this is what it's going to be,
period.
Now, yeah, this is what I kindof feel and believe.
(27:25):
But again, I'm open to it allnow, like I don't, I don't
squeeze the soap on anything.
It's like I'm just holding thesoap in life now, like I'm not
squeezing, I'm not, I'm notchasing nothing, I'm not, I'm
just, I'm just standing alignedin my own self and I'm pulling
and creating the world that Iwant to see in my marriage and
my my career internally first,and I'm just letting it all come
(27:49):
to me as this is going to come.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
So I had a quick question because with both of
you obviously the individual yougot your personal grind, you
got your spiritual life, you gotall of these different things.
How do you balance family?
Like, how do you?
Because you got to spend time,you know you spend, you do what
you do for yourself, you spendtime with each other.
But I know a lot of peoplethat's like a struggle.
(28:13):
You know what I'm sayingBecause they're constantly
working or constantly gone.
So what is a blueprint ofsuccess?
How does that look for you all?
Speaker 3 (28:23):
To me.
We, you know I love my life,right, I love having a family, I
love being a mother.
I love those kids.
I love being his wife.
We have a lot of fun.
You know, we, we have greatconversations and we, we value
(28:47):
our home space Like our space isour sanctuary.
We love being home.
I also equally love my careerand I think my career I think I
know my career is is a part ofmy purpose on this earth.
To to tell stories, to to dothe things that I do is purpose
(29:11):
driven and I have a reason why Ilove it.
It's, you know, it's when wecan talk about that.
It's a whole nother show,representation, all the things.
So I do my work with a purposeand I do my home with a purpose
and I think any, any given timeif I'm at work, I'm fully, 100%
(29:35):
free at work, I'm giving thatall my attention.
I cannot give mommy stuffattention, which is why I'm so
happy to have a great teammateand we have support.
We have a support system aswell, and when I'm home with the
kids, I'm pouring into that100%.
Got to put the phone on hold,but you know, as much as I can,
(29:58):
because this life is, you know,but I try to give those kids
100%, just like I do when I'm atwork.
So it really isn't a balancing.
I feel like it's more of ajuggle, like sometimes the kids
are up top and he's in themiddle and the work is at the
bottom, and sometimes that workup top and he in the middle and
the kids at the bottom, and it'sjust like because I love them
(30:20):
all and if God gave them to me Ican do them all and it's, you
know, it's, it's really justagain, a faith walk, knowing I'm
living in my purpose, givingeach other grace, all those
things Because I love it all.
My house is crazy, it's wacky,those kids are crazy, my
(30:40):
daughter is a beast, likeeverybody wants and needs
everything and y'all get it whenI get there.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Based on your experience, what are some of the
more common relationshipchallenges that people face
today?
Speaker 3 (30:58):
Again, I think people are too rigid in what they
believe and been taught arelationship is supposed to be.
I think that you cannot go into, you can't even live your life
like that and be fully happy.
I feel like you have to behonest and true to yourself as
an individual, and that may notmatch what your mother did or
(31:20):
what your grandmother did orwhat the church tells you you're
supposed to be.
It may not be none of that.
And if you're not, if you'reonly living to satisfy those
lanes that you were taught andyou are, you're going to live an
unhappy life, an unfulfilledlife, and you're not living in
your God-given purpose, becauseyour God-given purpose is going
(31:41):
to make you feel good.
So you have to make yourrelationships your spiritual
walk, your career path.
You have to live that from theinside, not from the outside in.
And as long as you're doingthat, I think that you and it's
not easy, it's certainly noteasy to do at all Relationships
(32:06):
you might lose some friends, youmight feel really lonely
sometimes.
But if God is giving you thatreasoning, that purpose, that
feeling, who are you going toanswer to?
You're going to answer to thatvoice inside of you or are you
going to answer to those voicesoutside of you?
Speaker 4 (32:27):
So I think that's it, yeah, and I totally agree with
her.
Basically, just to break itdown, like I think everybody is
looking outside for the answersin relationships.
You're looking at otherpeople's relationships compared
to what they have versus whatyou have.
And even just see, her and I, weused to crack jokes back when
we first started, like we'regoing to be like the new Will
and Jada type energy in our lifeand saying that we weren't.
(32:53):
You know, we want the essence,the powerfulness of the essence
of that.
But then we grown, weunderstand and mature.
You start saying no we don'twant a Will and Jada, we us he's
Terry and Karan.
This is us how we do it, youknow what I'm saying.
Like we can't look to anythingoutside of us to try to make
what it worked for us.
And I think us even us in ourcommunity we're struggling with
(33:18):
our family dynamics and ourrelationships because, again,
like Terry stated, we're lookingoutside for all answers.
We're looking, we're learning,we're learning from people that
never really have really hadgood relationships in their
lives in any point in time.
So what do we expect?
Right?
So we, again, we got to getback to our source, back to our
(33:39):
truths, and really start there.
I think, instead of chasing anideal, locking in on you and
it'll find you, the relationshipthat you need, that's supposed
to be for you, will appearnaturally, instinctively, and I
think both of us have naturallybeen those kind of people and
(34:03):
that's why we found each otherwhere we found each other and as
we've grown, we've now startedto learn things.
Now I understand why I'm theway I am and how it starts to
all make sense, and I think whatyou just said is outside,
looking outside.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
Yeah, and I have to think this is powerful.
You guys allow each other to beyourself.
That's the most important thing.
No one is stifling, like Iheard you say.
It gives me I can be me, freelybe me, even if.
Speaker 4 (34:31):
I want to be loved, period.
It's reciprocity.
I'm not going to, I'm going tooperate in our relationship
exactly how I want you tooperate with me.
Now.
Does it work like that all thetime?
No, because she's still her andshe's going to love me the way
she wants to be loved.
And that's where you becauseafter a while you become a
mirror right.
So, like I get it when, whenthere's certain things going on,
(34:54):
she gets them certain thingsgoing on.
But again, I'm going to loveher the way I want to be loved.
Like I understand I need myspace.
Sometime I need to be by myself.
I love being by myself.
That's why I ride bikes.
What's your love language?
My love language is probablyphysical touch, affirmation and
(35:14):
um.
Yeah, physical touch andaffirmation for me.
Everything else.
I don't need gifts, I don'tneed um.
What's the other ones?
Speaker 2 (35:23):
Access.
What's the other?
Speaker 4 (35:24):
one.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
Quality time and access service.
Speaker 4 (35:27):
Quality time Quality time is maybe 50% of my love
language.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
I love.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
I do love spending time.
I do need to get in there withyou and be in that moment with
you for a minute.
But yeah, the main two isprobably physical touch and
affirmations.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
What about?
Speaker 3 (35:41):
you too.
I would say uh time, time spent, was that the quality time and
affirmations as well.
And also I was going to say, youknow we're speaking a lot about
, um, our individualism andaccepting each other as we are,
(36:02):
but I think in that as well,when you, when you get to a
point where you, where you havethat base, you also operate in a
space.
Of this is my mate, and thereare things I do sacrifice
because, because I love him andI, and even though I'm an
(36:22):
individual and I got the thingsthat I like and stuff that I,
you know, sometimes I'll like,okay, let me do this because I
know he likes this and I thinkthat's a part of relationship
being relation, shipping.
Speaker 4 (36:35):
I just made that word .
It's relation shipping.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
Yeah, you, you do do that a lot.
It's like you make sacrifices.
We make sacrifices for our kids.
We don't want to do all thatstuff all the time.
I don't want to go to everygame and every dance recital, I
don't want to do all that, butwe do because we love them and
we want to pour into them.
And I do the same for him andhe does the same, for I know he
does a lot of stuff that hedon't want to do.
(37:00):
I know it, but he does it,that's so important to say that
Because I want him to.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
That's so important to say that.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Oh yeah, that's important.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
That's how you build.
I did have another thought,because you know, we the
longevity right Y'all both 17and counting.
Speaker 3 (37:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
I think that's really beautiful.
But what are some red flags, ifany like?
What are some things where youjust like, mm-mm, we got it, we
got to come to the table andtalk about that, because I do
feel that sometimes when peopleare in relationships and again
they become hamsters and theyown that wheel and you know
(37:37):
they'll overlook some things.
It'll just be like whatever ata certain point.
But what are some no-no's fory'all to just like nah, we,
we're not overlooking that.
Speaker 3 (37:46):
I know for me.
I know we're in a trouble zoneor a challenge zone when I feel
myself shut down.
Okay, because sometimes I maynot want the confrontation and
I'm innately a people pleaser,like I want people to be happy
(38:08):
around me.
So if I have something that Ithink is going to piss him off,
or because he's pissing me off,and if I bring it up it's going
to piss him off, I would shutdown and just not say it and
hold it in.
And then things are building upnow.
Right, because I'll keepholding stuff in.
So that was my MO and things.
(38:28):
So I can catch myself now likeno, just say it and just deal
with you know, I'm making anassumption on what I think his
reaction is going to be.
Let me not do that.
And that assumption is based onsomething from the past.
Right, let me not do that.
This is a new day, a newsituation.
Speaker 4 (38:50):
Let me tell him that this made me mad or whatever,
and I think that's yeah, I mean,I'm agreeing with her.
My red flag is the opposite ofthat.
My red flag is that shut down,you shut down, I mean you shut
down.
I mean the store is closed.
We ain't good with being likefor me, I need, let's get it,
let's figure it, let's work it,let's figure the thing out Like
(39:12):
if I did something to piss youoff, let's talk about it, let's
figure that out.
I'm not.
I've never been a man who ranaway from accountability.
You know what I'm saying.
Like I preach that, I try totry.
I raise my sons, my daughter, Iteach them like, at the end of
the day, man, you got to ownyour shit.
You know like, and I've been athat's kind of who I kind of
stand on.
Like I'm going to own mymistakes because I'm all my wins
(39:34):
too.
Like you know what I'm going totell you straight up.
I did that and like, if I did,I did that too.
Yep, trick that off.
That was me.
And I guess for a red flag forme in the past, or just my MO,
was if you shutting down on me,then all right, well, shit, I
can shut down too, and it'd bewhat it is.
You know, I don't, but I again,like she said, we don't.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
How do you, how did you overcome that though?
Speaker 4 (39:57):
Oh, I think, landmark , landmark.
We did, we did a, we did a selfkind of a self help seminar for
couples.
And you know people, head ofindustries and things of that
nature, where you go into this,this, this, this, um, this
workshop program and theybasically teach you how to get
out of your own way.
Um, it teaches you to notcreate rackets of your, of your
(40:21):
life and people in your life,your mother, your father, your
wife, your boss, your, youremployees.
Based on something Terry and Imight be talking about on Sunday
and it didn't go well, but onMonday, if we're about to have a
whole new conversation, but nowI'm created a whole new story
about how this conversation cango before we even get to it.
That's called self self.
(40:43):
Um, you know, based selfsabotage.
Okay, right, so you have togive the moment, the moment.
You can't live.
What, what, what did I do?
What I did yesterday?
Let's see what this moment isand that's where we're going to
be at.
And I think that is how we gotto that place of understanding,
like we're going to be in themoment today, like, yeah, I
might have pissed you off onSaturday, but today is Sunday
(41:04):
and let's figure out if it'sgoing to be the same or not, and
if I talk about it honestly onSaturday that it upset me, and
if you love me and I love herlike she loves me, and on Sunday
we talk about something else,I'm going to do the self work
for myself to not.
I was just going to say thatupset her based on what she told
me before.
I don't know, I'm fucking upuntil you tell me.
(41:24):
You know, in my mind it wasjust I'm doing it.
This is what it is.
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (41:28):
I think the self work is has been the key for us, um,
and not thinking like, well, heneeds to change, he needs to do
it.
It was like let me go in on meand doing that work, reading,
like you said, um, we did athing called landmark.
Um, I just are studyingspiritually where we are now,
(41:54):
like we're doing a lot of selfreflection, self improvement,
self growing, um, and we'rewe've always been very open to
that Like I couldn't be withsomebody.
That was not about that, um,because we are always changing,
we're always growing fromexperiences and we're supposed
(42:17):
to, because there is never, wenever get to the answer whatever
this life, answer of what ourwhole life and dream and purpose
.
Why are we here?
It is an ongoing journey, anongoing research, and if you're
not living your life every dayon that journey of of finding
(42:38):
with that path, with that truth,what it is I, I cannot be with
somebody that's not on thatjourney.
And that doesn't mean we're onthe at the same place, at the
same time.
Sometimes you're up here, I'mback here, and then whoa, I did
a little bit more research.
Now it's ongoing and that'swhat makes this life really fun,
(42:59):
really exciting, reallyvulnerable.
You know a lot of crying, a lotof laughing, a lot of cocktails
, a lot of you know all of it,um, but all for the purpose of
wanting to be our best selvesfor the world not for ourselves,
but for the world.
(43:19):
What am I giving to you guysright now?
Being in this moment thatyou're getting all of my
studying and breakdowns andcrying, and this is what you're
getting right now, and I lovebeing on this journey with him.
Doing that.
That makes it exciting for me,that makes me choose him every
(43:40):
day, it makes me feel good, itmakes me feel safe.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
That's beautiful.
I just taking a pause on that.
But stepping into your craft,because I know you both, you
know creators, and outside ofthis strike going on, is there
anything that you're working on,anything, any projects you
wanna let people know about?
You know, just kind of put thatout.
I think it's, you know, a goodchance to go into that world a
(44:06):
little bit too.
Speaker 4 (44:07):
Oh, man, like you said, we creators man and I,
like the new thing I've been onis just, I'm a co-creator with
the universe and God, right?
So, yeah, the strike ishappening, but I still believe
man can't dictate what I'm hereto do.
So for me I've just beencreating.
You know, I did anotherpainting.
(44:28):
I created a new key peltin'jacket for my line, started
doing skits on the lion side,based on the series she and I
created years ago called thelion's crumbs, and just being
creative man, like not lettingthe fear of the world penetrate
(44:48):
the love of my creator and mycreation inside of me and
letting that state thriving.
That's all you know, and justbeing ready.
I know everything in life comesto an end like the strike will,
and we'll go back to thehustling, bustling, be chibi,
some kind of directing or acting.
I'll be on some kind ofdirecting, acting, but do
whatever it is we gonna be doingand this moment in time will be
(45:11):
oh, it's over already andthat's just how I, you know,
stand moving.
Speaker 3 (45:17):
Yeah, and I feel like we're always right here at this
moment for what there is areason.
Like God does not make mistakes, so being in this atmosphere of
the strike is for a reason.
So it's my job to go inside.
What are you supposed to belearning?
Doing so again, just continuingto create, to lean in and push
(45:40):
myself further than what I hadbeen?
Because, to be honest, I gotcomfortable.
I was booked.
I was booked through the end ofthe year on directing gigs, so
I was like easy breezy this whatI do.
Life is good.
I love my house, I love my man,I love my kids, I love my
career.
Easy, I was too complacent.
(46:00):
So there's things that I hadsaid that I wanted to do that I
put aside because I was busyworking.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
What are some of those things that you don't mind
?
Speaker 3 (46:09):
So now it's a one woman show.
I'm learning how to play theguitar.
I have my own television seriesthat I've been talking about
for years.
I'm putting a team together toshoot a sizzle for that.
Like all these things that Iwanted to do, I'm doing them now
, in this moment of the strike.
Speaker 4 (46:32):
Nick, as life happens for you, not to you.
I mean, that's the energy thatwe keep in the house Like the
worst thing that the world maylook at it.
It may happen to you If you cankeep your mindset on this
happened for me versus happenedto me you'll find your way
around a lot of challenges inlife and you'll get the lesson
(46:54):
that was sent to you for areason.
And then we got to rememberwhat our vision is and what we
ask and from what we're planningand doing every day, because
we'll pray for one thing andthen one thing will happen and
then we'll forget that we askedfor this.
But in order for you to getwhat you asked for, these things
got to happen for this tohappen.
So you got to keep yourself ina bird's eye view of everything
and understanding.
Like, look man, God knows whatyou're going for.
(47:16):
And this strike, like she said,it's happening for us, it's
happening for me, Like it's justthe time I take these times,
like, all right, this is thetime for me to level up why
everybody's running around.
Oh no, it's time for me to getfree and really go at what I
want, and that's where it's at.
Speaker 2 (47:35):
If you had a young man in front of you right now,
what would be some words thatyou would give him?
Speaker 4 (47:44):
Trust your vision, believe in yourself, first and
foremost.
Your mom and your daddy, yourcousin, your brother, your
pastor, nobody got to believe inyou or will believe in until
you do.
And I would say, once you seethe vision, believe in it, find
out what it takes to work to getthat vision and just keep
pedaling until you hit your headon it.
That's all I got All right,what about you?
Speaker 3 (48:08):
For a little girl.
I'm a son of a.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
You're a young lady?
Yeah, because we got up liftman.
This you know.
Passing down this game isimportant For sure.
Speaker 3 (48:16):
I would definitely tell her to trust herself.
I think, especially as women,we question ourselves all the
time.
We'll feel something like Ishould do that or I should say
this, but no, I shouldn't,because Trust your instincts and
(48:38):
go for it.
And, like he said, your vision,which you've been given,
which's been dropped inside ofyou from God, is yours.
Your mom may not understand it,your father may not understand
it.
Your brother and they're givingyou advice based on their own
visions.
(48:58):
You have to trust yours and dothe work to get it, because it's
possible.
If you thought of it, you cando it and, yes, it may be hard
work, but so what?
Speaker 4 (49:11):
So it was making a diamond.
Nothing comes without pressureand time and dirt.
Speaker 1 (49:17):
That's the show.
Terry J Bond.
Sorry, Karan Raleigh.
Relationships Matter.
See you next time,Relationships Matter.
I need you to understand.
Relationships Matter.
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