October 24, 2023 • 53 mins
What if you knew the secret to maintaining a loving relationship amidst career struggles, personal turmoil and the complexities of co-parenting? Join us for an enriching conversation with our guests, Tray and Ayesha Chaney, as they unveil their personal journey dating back to their club days in 2002 to the relationship they've meticulously built over time. They share their early experiences, with Tray juggling between his budding career and personal life, and how they sustained a connection as a young man transitioned into a responsible man.
Through Tray and Ayesha candid conversation, we get an intimate glimpse into their experiences of introducing Trey to his daughter, and the emotional journey that ensued when his daughter's biological father returned. As we navigate this chapter, Tray shares his heartfelt reflections on fatherhood, opening up about the sensitive conversations he had with his daughters biological father and the tactics they adopted to maintain harmony.
But, success doesn't come without its fair share of setbacks. They discuss a year-long separation, the growth they experienced, and the lessons they learned about balancing household responsibilities. They share their struggles with control issues, and how they made conscious efforts to reach a healthier balance. Tune in to this episode rich in insights and an honest depiction of love, as we learn from Tray and Ayesha's journey. Their tale is a testament to the power of communication, compromise, and understanding in relationships.
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Opposing experiences, a single woman and a married man, Chanel Scott, and Josh Powell, create a powerful and empathetic team, offering valuable insights and advice on navigating the complexities of romantic relationships and promoting healthier, more fulfilling connections.
Join Chanel and Josh as they unlock the secrets of successful relationships one conversation at a time.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Chanel Scott (00:23):
Welcome to Relationships Matter, the
podcast.
My name is Chanel Scott.
Josh Powell (00:27):
And I am Josh Powell.
Chanel Scott (00:30):
And we have amazing guest Trey and Aisha
Chaney here with us today.
Yeah, Now you guys know Treyfrom the wire.
Tray Chaney (00:37):
Y'all know that.
Chanel Scott (00:38):
Y'all know none of that.
He's done more work since then,but you know we was.
You know you left an impression.
Yeah, there was an impressionleft, you know.
So today, you guys know thatthe premise of the show is
relationships matter.
So I want to start off by justasking you guys how did you meet
?
Tray Chaney (00:56):
So you wanted to start with me, or you want to
start Go, you, start you know,normally the versions are
slightly different, so I'm goingto let Miss Asha you decide.
Chanel Scott (01:05):
Yeah, you want to hear his version first.
Yeah, go ahead and give us asecond.
Tray Chaney (01:09):
We met in Washington DC, which is where
we're originally from, back in2002.
Ok, I'm from Foolsville, merlin, my wife is from Southeast
Washington DC and we met at anevent at a club called VIP.
It was a very popular club inDC and nightlife, you know just
out and this was actually myfirst time being able to, like
(01:35):
you know, get in the club.
I had just turned 21.
Ok, so, in being as though thatmy career had just started with
the wire, yeah, my first timeat the club was a VIP experience
.
It's like, oh, you do do fromthe wire, come on, whoever you,
it come in.
So we in there, we partying.
This beautiful woman walks pastme with this wrap on her head,
(01:58):
this black dress, which wasAisha.
So she walks past and she, youknow, we caught each other's
eyes.
She stopped.
She's like, yeah, you are youthe guy on the wire.
I think in the wire was probablylike around the third or fourth
episode.
It was very early on, but theyhad, you know, aired it already
where, if you were hip to it,you know you were seeing it.
(02:22):
But, like I said, a fairly newshow, right, but you know she.
I'm like, yeah, you know, I'mon the wire.
I play Pood and I'm an actor,and you know, and we just
started.
You know, it was like aconversation, like a very short
conversation, but when she wasabout to walk away, I grabbed
her arm gently, not in no forcefor that, not aggressively.
(02:46):
Not aggressive, but I justgrabbed her arm and correct me
if I'm wrong.
I know men in that supposed toask women off the rip how old
they are, but I'm like, yeah, Ithink I was like are you, how do
you?
I mean, like I said I was 21.
She said I'm 27.
(03:06):
So I said, oh, in the firstthing I said I said do you mind
like talking to younger men?
You know, like in I don't evenremember what you say, but it
was just like whatever.
Yeah, I mean, it was just likewe exchange numbers.
Yes, and I stopped right here,we exchanged numbers and yeah,
(03:29):
that's that's all.
Josh Powell (03:31):
This is back in 2002.
2002.
And the detail in that?
Chanel Scott (03:36):
He remember.
Tray Chaney (03:37):
Yeah, it's the.
I remember those details.
Now she might give you herversion.
What's your?
Chanel Scott (03:43):
version.
It's the same version, so y'allexchange numbers.
Tray Chaney (03:48):
Yeah, exchange numbers.
Ayesha Chaney (03:49):
So this was before Like cell phones was
really.
Tray Chaney (03:55):
Yeah, it was still house phones.
Ayesha Chaney (03:56):
So I was living with this, I was a two way pager
or the pager?
Tray Chaney (04:01):
Yeah, the two ways was out, but I don't think.
I had one, yet OK, yeah, Iwasn't really.
I just started getting a littlebit of money.
I wasn't getting money likethat yet.
Yeah.
Chanel Scott (04:11):
OK.
Tray Chaney (04:11):
But it's a way to change numbers and I'm going to
bounce around a little bit.
I was, I would pull adisappearing act.
Yeah, I would disappear forlike a month.
It was young, it was no, it wasno apparent reason, but it was
just.
You know, I was, he was feelingthis.
(04:32):
I just got on the show and Iwas meeting, meeting everybody,
I mean you know, differentcelebrities, I mean.
But no, it was, it was.
It was definitely nothing withbetween me and I should.
You know, it wasn't like I'mjust disappearing for nothing,
(04:53):
because any time I would see her, it was always like, hey, I
want to.
You know, I want to kick it.
Let's, let's hang out.
Let me come over your house.
She had her own place, I had myown place.
No, she had her own place orown car, job, I had nothing.
I was living with my mother andfather in a basement, my mother
, father, my sister.
I lived in a basement.
(05:14):
I had no car.
I was just the guy from thewire that would borrow my
father's car to dry the set.
But my wife had had every.
She to me.
I'm like, yeah, you got yourown place, your own car, and I
just always it was a connectionfrom the beginning.
I can say that when I met mywife in the club it was a
(05:36):
connection off the rip.
You know what I'm saying.
So you know a couple of littledisappearing acts and she would
cuss me out and be like what?
Chanel Scott (05:46):
is it what you been at and you said you don't
have anything to do with her?
But it's good that you'resaying that, because people will
personalize and internalize andmake it about them.
Yeah, that's true.
When, in fact, you was like Ihad nothing to do with her.
No, that's just where I was atthe time.
Tray Chaney (05:59):
Yeah, I was just the space that I was in as a
young man.
Like I said, I mean, just think, my first experience I'm 21 and
I'm on a show, yeah.
So I always tell like peoplethis I never experienced
standing in the line, you knowwhat I'm saying.
I came out the gauges, the wirewas my first job as an actor.
So my experience, on just beingin the clubs, it was always
(06:25):
like the VIP treatment because,like I said, being on the wire,
an international show, my firstjob as an actor, that's all I,
that's what I experienced firsthand.
So but it brings me back to thepoint of the disappearing acts.
Like you said, it wasn't aboutbecause I had a problem with her
Pearl, you know it.
(06:46):
Just, that was just young.
And and one thing I can say,when we would communicate, it
was always love, it was alwayslike.
Chanel Scott (06:58):
So, would you just disappear.
And then just one day we'relike let me call Haisha.
Ayesha Chaney (07:02):
Well, my first time calling him.
Well, the second time.
The first time I called, hewasn't there.
Second time I said this is mylast time calling, I'm not
calling him anymore.
Yeah, and then he answered.
Tray Chaney (07:13):
Then I answered the phone.
Ayesha Chaney (07:13):
So we talked that night to like Four or five of
them or something.
Tray Chaney (07:18):
Yeah, we got on the phone at what 10 o'clock and we
talked to four, five in themorning, just conversation and I
had to go to work and I love Imean, I knew I loved a
conversation.
You know like, yeah, we talkedall night and, yeah, she had to
go to work and we would talk thenext day.
(07:40):
Any time we talked, it wasalways like a great conversation
, long conversation, until wesay let's go out on a date.
You know Now, our first datewas at Cheesecake Factory.
Yeah, we still loved CheesecakeFactory because it was our
(08:02):
first date, our first date over20 years ago.
Chanel Scott (08:08):
What was different about her than?
Tray Chaney (08:10):
maybe Than me dealing with whoever else.
Right, you know what?
What was different about Aishawas definitely her maturity.
You know, I got to say thatbecause I was 21.
This was, like my maybe secondtime dealing with a woman a
little older than me.
Chanel Scott (08:32):
Was that your preference back then?
Tray Chaney (08:34):
I think I got to say I have to say yeah, but no,
I had never dealt with a womanmore than six years older than
me.
It was my first time dealingwith a woman more than six years
older than me.
But what was different aboutAisha is she in my eyes, she had
everything together and also Irespected how.
(08:58):
Not only did she have her ownplace or her own car, but she
was a mother.
You know Our daughter Tina.
I met our daughter Tina whenTina was eight years old, so I
respected that.
I'm like, yeah, she's doing allthis single mother you know
what I'm saying Working, andjust she just had everything, in
(09:21):
my eyes, together.
I'm like, yeah, and me I'm likeI don't got nothing together,
I'm just a celebrity or whatever.
I'm just doing whatever I want.
But no, and I always respectedher thoughts on certain things
that we would talk about.
We would talk about a lot ofdeep stuff.
I mean, even to this day, likeI said, we speak about a lot of
(09:44):
things and I could learn a lotfrom her as well.
I learned a lot from her evenin the beginning of us talking
and us coming up together and asfar as coming up together in a
relationship and learning eachother still learning each other
20-something years later, andthat's what I appreciated about
(10:08):
Aisha.
Josh Powell (10:09):
So I there were so many things.
I wanted to ask One of thethings from the standpoint I
guess it's a two-part questionbecause you already had a child.
So what went into the decisionof allowing another person to be
in that space?
Because I know that space issacred, it is.
(10:29):
You know what I mean.
So what went into that decision?
And then my question for you,King, would be you now taking on
that type of role.
So this is something that I wasjust literally thinking about.
Ayesha Chaney (10:44):
Well, partly was from his household.
He's from a two-parenthousehold.
I had met his mom, his dad, hissister.
Tray Chaney (10:53):
My whole family.
At the time, yeah, his aunt wasliving there, very
family-oriented.
Ayesha Chaney (10:58):
Yeah, and that's what I loved about it, so about
him, and so that's what made meopen up a little more for him to
be able to come in to our space.
Tray Chaney (11:10):
So, yeah, I just wanted to piggyback off of that,
like I used to say, myupbringing, I came up in a
two-parent household.
It was always my mom, my dadand my sister.
My mom's the opposite, hers wastotally opposite, totally.
She came up.
Josh Powell (11:28):
Would that have been and I didn't mean to cut
you off would that have affectedthe decision?
If, for example, like that wasone of the things you noticed,
but would that have affectedyour decision?
If the household, if thestructure wasn't the same?
You think?
Ayesha Chaney (11:43):
A little.
Yeah, it would have.
Josh Powell (11:45):
I see, yeah, I just wanted to ask you.
Tray Chaney (11:49):
No, that's real because you know me coming up
and always seeing my father work.
My father just retired a coupleof years ago from FedEx after
35, something 40 years.
Ayesha Chaney (11:58):
You see his father with his mother.
Tray Chaney (12:00):
Yeah, and the way my father, how he is to this day
with my mother and the way mymother is with my father.
I seen the example, you know, Iwatched the example.
They've been married going on42, 43 years now.
Like I said, it was always mom,dad and my sister, my sister's
four years younger than me,candice Cheney, and we like
(12:21):
twins, you know, even thoughshe's four years younger than me
.
But I came up just around allfamily, all of my friends.
To this day they considerfamily, they can go over my
parents' house without me evenbeing there.
So that's how I came up andasking her to question in
reference to what that hadchanged things.
(12:42):
I think it probably would haveif I would have just been just
out here, just whatever, becausegetting a little personal, you
know, her past relationships orwhatever she had went through.
We spoke about that and it wastotally different from me, you
know.
No-transcript.
Josh Powell (13:04):
I know, I know for me, like you know, if I could
look.
When I look back at otherrelationships, like paying
attention to that familystructure, I feel like a lot of
us missed the ball, missed themark, yeah, and that doesn't
mean you judge the person basedon that too, that's true.
Out of fairness.
Ayesha Chaney (13:19):
That's true.
Josh Powell (13:21):
But I like what you said because it was like well,
what intrigues you about him?
You immediately went to aWeisshauss family and I think
that's a big part of a lot oftimes in the decision making you
know a lot of people.
Ayesha Chaney (13:33):
when you date them, they don't let you meet
their family, that's true, whichis kind of weird.
The first, but that's a sign ofwhat you're going to get.
Tray Chaney (13:42):
The first time.
The first time, the first timewe the first time I invited you
over, probably after, you know,hadn't talked to you in a while.
She came to my house when myhouse was Every night.
My house used to just be my mom, my dad, the music is up.
We got him in drinks and youknow just, she came into my home
(14:03):
like this, with Tina, ourdaughter, so they got it at the
same time.
This is what I do.
I live in a basement, buteverybody's over here every day,
so this is what we bring inAisha and Tina into my space
with what I'm used to.
That helped a lot as well.
(14:25):
You know what I'm saying.
Chanel Scott (14:27):
But I have to ask, with the age difference though,
yeah.
So it was different, aside fromthe family dynamic, because
that is important, but in termsof attraction, what was it about
him?
Because there was a six yeardifference.
What was what stood out abouthim and his personality, or what
you saw in Over against whatyou'd experienced in your
(14:48):
previous relationship?
What was the major difference?
Ayesha Chaney (14:52):
Well, Trey was older in maturity versus his age
, so I guess that was thedifference.
I mean, I've dated, alwaysdated older guys, but the
maturity level wasn't older.
Chanel Scott (15:09):
A lot of times they still act young even though
they're older, because at thatage I mean, I guess the older
you get, then the age reallykind of just fades out.
But at that particular age hewas 21.
Ayesha Chaney (15:19):
21, just turned 21.
You know what I'm saying.
Chanel Scott (15:21):
He just turned 21, but there was still something
that stood out about him.
Ayesha Chaney (15:25):
He was really mature for his age and I learned
that talking to him and I'mlike oh wow, he's not as young
as his age.
So that's how we connected.
Tray Chaney (15:39):
We connected.
It was a connection and evenAisha being six years older than
me, I didn't really look at age.
We love the same At that age.
Yeah Right, we love the samemusic, we love the same things,
(16:00):
we do the same things.
We.
I can't yeah that one wordconnection.
Josh Powell (16:05):
It was a real connection from the start, so I
picked up on something else thatyou shared, too, when you spoke
about, because you mentionedthat she had.
Basically her life was together, right, and in a sense, in a
sense Even though you're havingsuccess, but to most people it's
like bro still living at homewith it, bro with it, dad.
(16:25):
But I think it's beautiful, sofor you to overlook that, I
guess, so to speak, to give aword to somebody right.
That's probably in thatsituation, because now we're in
the age of bosses.
Tray Chaney (16:41):
And everybody.
Josh Powell (16:43):
You know what I mean, and it's like if
somebody's in this type ofsituation, you overlook that,
for whatever your reason was.
I just want you to kind of talkabout that.
Ayesha Chaney (16:53):
I always say don't block your blessing.
You don't know who your personis.
Right, yeah, you're looking atthe outside or just the physical
stuff, but that could be yourperson and you might pass up
that person and end up with thewrong person Because you was
(17:15):
looking at the wrong things.
Chanel Scott (17:17):
How did you balance the new relationship,
because you had aneight-year-old daughter and then
her dad?
How did you fit all thosepieces with the co-parenting
thing?
Ayesha Chaney (17:28):
What did that look like?
I was a single mother.
Tray Chaney (17:30):
Single single.
Ayesha Chaney (17:31):
Single, single Meaning, with a capital S
Meaning.
He was non-existent, so thatwasn't the issue.
Tray Chaney (17:39):
So even for me, because that's something that I
would have had to, that'ssomething that fortunately, I
didn't have to deal with thatBecause he and this is not the
bad talk anybody but for himnever to be in her life,
regardless, or in their life,regardless of whatever
(18:01):
circumstances that he might feelhe wasn't around.
And when I first met Martina,our daughter, she was eight
years old.
Martina's 30 now.
So just the experience with ourgranddaughter, morocco.
So just I had always said, man,I never dated a woman with kids
(18:26):
and I fell in love with Aisha, Ifell in love with Tina and it
was like, okay, and being a partof that journey with Aisha,
raising Tina as her father,regardless of the circumstances,
it's been a beautiful journeyto see her from eight years old
(18:49):
to now, see her now as a motherand we grandparents, our
granddaughter's three years old.
So and I'm not going to sayeverything was super smooth, you
know, with me and Tina.
You know what I'm sayingBecause I had to understand this
(19:10):
even now as the years went on,tina, you know her biological
father she still was hurt.
You know, she still was hurt,even though they might've never
seen each other for 15 years.
But I had to understand, well,it's still something with, you
know, a child, male or littlefemale, but especially the
(19:33):
female it's like my father wasjust never in my life.
So when we would, you know ifwe were getting into
disagreements or something,certain things that had to be
corrected, you know we would wegot to talk this out, we got to
figure out how we're going toget past it and we've been
fortunate enough to get pastcertain things and just you know
(19:57):
, having her as my daughter, youknow, I mean, she's been
calling me dad since we met.
You know what I'm saying, sincewe, since me and Aisha got
married and we together, and soI'm like you know what, I must
be doing something right.
You know, we, we did ittogether, but me as the father
figure and the man in the house,I'm doing something.
(20:18):
How do you?
Josh Powell (20:19):
handle like that emotional roller coaster.
I'm sure that that has to betough, right From the standpoint
of there's so many differentemotions in this situation.
Right you allowing him to comein you know what I mean.
The daughter now adjusting, butthen the daughter still dealing
with, and then you being ableto trust right, because y'all
(20:39):
are building.
You're coming in because youknow you're now turning into a
father.
Tray Chaney (20:44):
There's so much to unpack.
Definitely wasn't easy.
You know what I'm saying.
And literally it's just like Isay over 20, something years
later it's just getting likeokay, this is, this is what it
is.
It's not so much to unpack, nomore now, because teen is 30.
We, you know, and we, I want tosay from age maybe 13, yeah, her
(21:08):
teenage years to maybe like 20,21, her teenage years, that
when she became an adult, that'swhen emotions and stuff had to
unpack, then you know we had togo through certain things and
I'm going to tell you, the mainkey for how we dealt with it was
the communication layingeverything out on the table.
Josh Powell (21:31):
Everything has to be laid out on the table, like
when she asked, or did y'allcome to her with stuff, or you
waited till she asked.
Tray Chaney (21:39):
When you say laying stuff on the table, Well,
laying stuff on the table couldmean just getting into argument
or something, Cause Tina waslike she's very mature.
She was a very mature eightyear old, because it was always
her and her mom.
No man around you know, it wasjust her and her mom.
Ayesha Chaney (21:58):
You know, she get it from being with her mother
Get it from her.
Tray Chaney (22:01):
Yeah, so it was always like it was never nothing
where I had to come ask heranything.
She is sad.
Ayesha Chaney (22:09):
Yeah, she's going to speak.
Tray Chaney (22:11):
And it was never nothing where she had to come
ask me anything.
I say it If you need to dosomething, you need to do
something.
And then if she had come backat me, then we got to go back
and forth.
She got to get in the middle ofit.
You know what I'm saying.
We're not really taking sides,but the respect of me as her
husband, as Tina's father, theonly father that she knows.
(22:33):
The man of the house that tookcare, that takes care of her.
You know, even to this day, Imean, that's my daughter, she's
30 years old.
Chanel Scott (22:40):
Yeah, I hear you say it Our daughter.
Yeah, I don't even care.
Tray Chaney (22:42):
You know, whatever she needs, she get.
Josh Powell (22:45):
How did you go about supporting the reason why
I'm like I'm so interested inthis is because so many of us
are in this co-parenting,parents-in-situational situation
, and healthy, no matter what itlooks like, is what's of most
importance.
But just in your situation, youknow how do you go about
(23:05):
supporting him to now be thatfather figure?
You know what I mean, becausethat is something that, no
matter the platform, the people,the whatever I haven't come
across that one like people tobe able to properly discuss that
part of it, because that'simportant to support.
Chanel Scott (23:21):
And at such a young age, yeah right.
Tray Chaney (23:23):
Because at 21, you still a child to a certain age.
Chanel Scott (23:25):
Yeah, you know, you still young, right.
Ayesha Chaney (23:28):
Yeah, certain things you know, but I just I
tried to sit back.
Once we got married, I tried tolike sit back and let him lead,
let him be the man of the houseand let him handle a lot of
those situations on his own.
I didn't a lot of times Ididn't get in the middle of it
(23:48):
and they sound like my situation.
Yeah, and they worked it out.
Tray Chaney (23:53):
Yeah, it always got worked out.
And one thing I have to say,like I said a lot of my ways as
a man too, it does come from myfather, my grandfather, saying
how they stepped up, how theytake care of their kids.
And my grandfather was somebodyyou know Rest in Peace there me
(24:14):
passed away in 2016, but he wassomebody that would take in
somebody else's child, and youknow what I'm saying.
Like, I picked up on it's a lotof stuff that I may have picked
up on that I didn't evenrealize when it came to.
You know, when me and Aisha gotmarried, I had Tina as my
daughter.
This was before we had our son,Malachi.
(24:35):
You know what I'm saying, who's17 now, and but I just picked up
on certain things, man, andreally just say I'm here to step
up as a responsible man, aresponsible black man, and if,
regardless of the circumstances,with her biological father, you
(24:58):
never have to, you never haveto come out of your mouth and
call me a stepfather, I ain'teven want to accept that title.
I'm your father.
You know what I'm saying.
Josh Powell (25:11):
To this day.
I just truly appreciate, youknow, to be able to hear that
type of support.
What does it look like when youknow anything deal with your
son is different because youknow it is?
You both created that right.
But in regards to her, when shedid have questions, how did
(25:31):
y'all go about handling theinformation?
In regards to dad or in regardsto other feelings of upbringing
are just different, because youknow, naturally kids are going
to ask questions.
When they get to a certain point, it's like all right, what's
going on?
You know what I'm saying.
Ayesha Chaney (25:49):
I think me and my daughter just actually recently
had that conversation.
Tray Chaney (25:54):
Really they did.
Ayesha Chaney (25:55):
To where she's like.
Well, I don't understand.
Like where was he?
What happened?
She asked this question likethat now, and you know like
where did he go?
Where did he disappear to?
And just recently, like it wasaround her birthday, birthdays
in April I had to sit down andhave a conversation with her
because he's now come backaround and want to have a
(26:19):
relationship with her.
Chanel Scott (26:20):
Wow, why now it was just, that's my question.
Tray Chaney (26:24):
But we but see, we had an issue.
Ayesha Chaney (26:25):
I had to, you know, I had to sit back and I
had to let her, him and himhandle that situation, because
she's an adult, I'm not in thatsituation anymore, but I did sit
down and have a conversationwith her.
Tray Chaney (26:40):
Yeah, because we and.
Ayesha Chaney (26:41):
I had to tell her what happened, why, and you
know, and break it down to her.
Tray Chaney (26:48):
And I and this is something that I can definitely
speak on when her biologicalfather did decide to come back
around at this age.
I'm still not agreeing withthat.
I'm still kind of like you knowpacking that.
(27:09):
You know what I'm saying and Imean, I'm just, you know, being
honest on the podcast right now.
I can really.
I didn't show up to herbirthday because of that.
Ayesha Chaney (27:20):
Was he there?
Yeah, yeah, he was there.
Tray Chaney (27:22):
You know.
So I had an issue with that.
I'm like, wait a minute, Ididn't have a choice at 21 to
say, well, that's your daughter,I ain't raising her, she ain't
my daughter.
I'm just dealing with my wifeand my son.
I ain't had that choice.
I've raised her all the way upuntil now.
And then for you for you know,her biological father to come
(27:48):
back around and to be like, ohyeah, now I'm like you looking
at what I poured into, right,how beautiful she look, how she
got money, whatever she needfrom me and her mother she got.
And now you want to come backaround and you, daddy, how was
that conversation with him?
Josh Powell (28:07):
I didn't have a conversation with him.
You did have a conversationwith him.
Tray Chaney (28:11):
Yeah she wanted us to have a conversation, but that
wasn't working with me.
Ayesha Chaney (28:14):
Yeah, I haven't been like that, yet Not yet.
Tray Chaney (28:16):
Yeah, the conversation.
I'm not ready for that yet,because my thing was what am I
actually going to talk to youabout?
Right, what am I going to talkto you about without you know me
raising my voice or havinganimosity or not, or disliking
you because of, in the scenarios, this?
(28:40):
I just couldn't understand howa man with a daughter could just
be like, okay, a new man comesinto the picture, I come into
the picture and you just younever have no communication with
your child's mother or yourdaughter ever.
You don't know what type of manI am.
I could have been terrible, youknow what I'm saying.
(29:02):
I could have been somebody outhere doing harmful things to
kids or whatever, but so thatwas my take on it.
So, the conversation with meand him it hasn't happened.
I don't know when it happened.
You know what I'm saying Imean-.
Chanel Scott (29:19):
But don't you ask what is she saying.
Tray Chaney (29:21):
What is she saying?
She was trying to understandwhy you don't want to.
He came back around in my lifeand I'm like she ain't it Like
it's-.
Ayesha Chaney (29:29):
Yeah, but she's the child trying to yeah,
process it all, process it, andshe wants it to be Me and him.
You know she wants it to be onebig family situation, one big
family situation.
She really does, she reallydoes, she does, I mean because
that's her personality, that'sthe type of person she is.
Josh Powell (29:46):
Yeah, so you think that that's forgiveness and
grace?
Tray Chaney (29:51):
I mean I'm trying my best to get to that point.
Chanel Scott (30:01):
But was he having issues back then?
I mean, what was his situation?
Ayesha Chaney (30:05):
I don't know, he was in her life for like maybe
two years.
Tray Chaney (30:11):
Yeah, because he didn't meet her until she was
like two.
Ayesha Chaney (30:15):
He just disappeared, and then Now he's
gonna disappear.
He got locked up and then hegot out when she was like hey,
hey, and that was-.
Tray Chaney (30:28):
And that was it.
And I even asked him I don'tknow, I asked him years ago.
I'll never forget.
I was just like what I think itwas leading up to when she was
getting ready to graduate.
Her prom and graduation no no,no, it was during the time it
was probably between the ages,when she was eight, between
eight and ten.
(30:49):
I think he had came to abirthday party or something and
I think I had had a conversationwith him like well, what was it
about Aisha?
Because I I mean, just beingreal, I'm sorry, I'm married to
Aisha, you know, and Tina, thisis your and he told me it was
(31:10):
nothing with her.
It was nothing, he just wasn'tready for a child.
So when you Another child,another child, because he had
another son already.
But when you get those type ofanswers, it's like and we're
actually very close to herbrother.
Ayesha Chaney (31:26):
Her brother, yeah , Because you know his first
child.
Tray Chaney (31:30):
Yeah, and all of the rounds are all about
functions and all of that, butso so.
So that's why that's what takesme back to the whole
forgiveness and gracing and I'mlike, well, what am I going to
speak to you about?
About how I raised Tina and youwasn't there.
Josh Powell (31:51):
Or maybe you can take the time to ask some of
those questions the questions.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
Yeah, because it's nothing toyour point.
It's nothing that he can askyou about in regards to that.
Tray Chaney (32:03):
That's what I'm saying.
Josh Powell (32:05):
But as a buffer, because you had a household as a
buffer.
It's like, all right, but,darling, you want to have this
conversation?
Then help me understand how andwhat happened with this little
girl.
Tray Chaney (32:16):
I think he wants to have the conversation and I
might just be a little.
I'm like nah, you can't evenget around, you ain't even going
to be in my presence, you, nah.
But like I said, eventuallythat might happen.
I hope it does.
Yeah, I feel you, you know whatI'm saying A lot of people feel
today, a lot of people wantthat to happen, man and I just I
(32:37):
got to get, I got to get allthe way in that space because I
don't know.
Josh Powell (32:41):
I feel like you in it.
You want me to tell you why.
Why?
Because 20 something years agoyou made a decision.
Yeah, so you already took thaton 20 something years ago, not
even realizing that you wastaking that on.
Right, I feel you.
You're doing it 100%.
So you know what I'm saying.
Like you doing, like it'sreally a beautiful thing, and I
(33:02):
got to take my hats off to bothof y'all, because this is like
there's so many different.
I know me, my own personal, justwishing you can get that
support.
Wow, like consistently for one,for two, like from a genuine
place.
Yeah, right, yeah, but to yourpoint, like I'm sure that if he
was available, then it'll belike y'all could all do this
(33:23):
thing.
Right, because that's theenergy that I'm getting.
It's not like it ain't no, weain't tripping, but you came
into this situation like allright bet, like he ain't here.
I got you.
You know what I'm saying.
Yeah, but there are othersituations where people are
present and want to be there,and then you get this when you,
when you shouldn't get this, andthen you hear stories like this
, like, for example, like minein that room.
(33:44):
I wish they could come in hereand hear that you feel me All
right, because you never reallyunderstand perspective as
everything.
And then you got somebody thatwishes they knew.
And now all of a sudden, it'slike 20 something years later,
here we are trying to figure outthis, but then, hey, I'm dead
(34:04):
because I've been on deck Likewhat we doing.
Yeah, so I'm not.
I'm not mad at you, I get itLike I get it and I get your
stance on it.
You know what I'm saying, butalso think it's beautiful too,
because she like yo, that's histhing and we, and that's hurt.
You know what I'm saying.
Tray Chaney (34:17):
That's y'all's daughter, but technically,
that's what I'm saying, butshe's just like yo.
Josh Powell (34:22):
I'm this my husband .
This is how we moving.
You don't get that often, yeah.
You know, what I'm saying and Ijust think that that's really,
you know, a beautiful thing andthat speaks to the connection in
the club, that speaks to a lotof those things.
Because it's like this thiscame together, but you know I'm
(34:43):
I really hope and pray thatwhenever the time is right.
Yeah.
But for sure, because I thinkyou'll see her take that that
next, wherever she's at in herlife.
You know what I'm sayingSomething that's good for her.
I struggle, I know I got a lotof different situations.
I could talk y'all head offabout a lot of things on my end,
(35:03):
but just thinking about, youknow, having a conversation with
my old man a couple of yearsago you know what I'm saying my
dad been in and out and it ain'tbeen the healthiest, but I
remember just telling him like,bro, it's nothing that you can
give me as a man, but it'll benice to have a man to go to If
you just wanted to lean onsomebody for a second, I
shouldn't have to go to my mypartners you know what I'm
(35:26):
saying or wait till I get tochurch every Saturday in order
to have certain conversation.
But me and my dad, but thatrelationship is there.
I love brother death.
I was nothing on him, but Itried to have a conversation,
but at least I made the effort.
Now, what you do with that, youdo with it.
I got you.
You know what I'm saying.
It's just something that we canjust go and pass and just keep
(35:47):
it.
Tray Chaney (35:47):
Yeah, just keep it moving.
Josh Powell (35:48):
So I really do, I really do pray.
You know what I'm saying.
Tray Chaney (35:51):
No, that's what's up, man, I appreciate that yeah.
Chanel Scott (35:55):
So you guys have been together for how many years
22.
Tray Chaney (35:59):
22.
22 years We've been married,going on 19.
So that's a long time.
So we've been married.
Chanel Scott (36:04):
What are the key ingredients to having a long,
lasting relationship?
Tray Chaney (36:09):
Man, I'm telling you, we talk about this all the
time and it's communication.
And when I say communication,I'm talking about if I have an
issue with something I have totell her.
I have to tell her immediatelyif I got an issue.
(36:31):
Now I got to feel like this iswhat's happening.
If she has an issue with me,she has to tell me, because in
2010, and it's the first timewe're sharing this but in 2010,
this was after we had beenmarried Six.
No, we got married in 2002.
Ayesha Chaney (36:52):
So that's how many years, it was seven.
Eight years, yeah, 2010.
Tray Chaney (36:58):
We separated for one year in 2010.
Chanel Scott (37:00):
Wow, okay.
Tray Chaney (37:01):
Because of communication.
I am the business at the timein me.
As a man, I can put this on me.
The business at the time justwasn't that going good for me,
but I wasn't focused on.
Okay, what's more important isbusiness with my wife and my
kids.
I was more focused on.
(37:22):
This business is now workingfor me.
So I'm not happy with myself.
So it made me just not happywith nothing, which wasn't a way
to look at things.
You know what I'm saying.
I think that type of energybringing it in the household, it
(37:42):
rubs off on her.
So now we both not reallycommunicating or sharing what
the issue is.
So me in 2010, saying I think Ishould leave, she said, all
right, I think you should too.
And I left.
(38:03):
And that's what you feel.
And the crazy thing is, at thetime, we were living in an
apartment.
Her apartment was here and meand my sister he got an
apartment here next door.
So if her apartment was 40, 15,my apartment was 40, 13.
So I would see her walk out ofthe house with my son oh my God,
(38:26):
I'm not kidding so I would seeher walk out of the house with
my son every morning.
Ayesha Chaney (38:31):
That is a silly thing.
Hey, that'll get you back inthe crib.
Josh Powell (38:33):
It did not.
Ayesha Chaney (38:34):
It did not.
Tray Chaney (38:36):
We argued bad for like a year.
Why'd you let me leave?
And she's like well, why'd youleave your family?
So that was the argument.
Why'd you let me leave Everyother day?
Why'd you tell me yeah, you canleave?
I wanted you to be like no,don't leave, you know, but yeah,
it was.
Josh Powell (38:54):
You know it's crazy you arguing from a place of
what you saw growing up and thenshe did the same thing.
Ayesha Chaney (39:00):
Yeah because I grew up I didn't have a father
when I you know was just likeokay all right bye.
Josh Powell (39:07):
I'm good Process that immediately.
Tray Chaney (39:09):
Oh yeah, and I'm like that's what we doing and
I'm like, nah, like you know, itwas that easy.
I'm like, oh, all right, well,I'm gonna pack my bag.
Ayesha Chaney (39:19):
He was packing his stuff up and I didn't even
know how to do that.
Tray Chaney (39:23):
I didn't know how to.
I did not have to pack.
You know what I'm saying.
I ain't know how to be like, ohyeah, I'm going to pack and I'm
going to get out of here.
I've never seen this like tothis day.
My father, my uncles, they likeyou really.
You really did that back then.
You packed and you step for younext door.
(39:44):
You know what I'm saying and itwas a constant.
You know we.
You probably will hear about mywife being out at places that
we go to.
She probably will hear about mebeing out.
Chanel Scott (39:58):
I was going to say how did y'all manage that with
the apartments being right there?
Tray Chaney (40:02):
Well, we wouldn't see each other.
Ayesha Chaney (40:03):
I just like this with my head up oh my.
Tray Chaney (40:05):
God, yeah, it was, it was, it was ugly, and then
some nights, you know I'd bedrinking.
I'm like yo, I'm ready to comehome.
She like talking crazy.
No, I call and try to sussaround and stuff.
It was bad.
We would cuss each other outand but.
(40:26):
But until I'm telling you thatthat was a year.
But then that year of me leavingwas the year that I became, and
I want to say who I am now, thehustler that I am in in getting
into them with myself andunderstanding the more important
things.
Like I said, I was goingthrough something where I didn't
understand the downs of thebusiness.
(40:47):
Back then I'm like, yeah,everything up and then, whatever
, everything go down.
Then my my thinking switch andI get the trip and like man, I
ain't nothing going right for me, but it's like Trev, you would
have just.
Okay, this is, this is whathappens in this business.
Your wife and your kids are themost important thing.
You know what I'm saying.
(41:08):
You know talk things out withyour wife.
I wasn't doing that, you know.
It was just I had to understanda lot about myself and I guess
I can sort of say too, livingwith my sister it was.
It was like it's my own.
I had my own place.
You know what I'm saying.
So it was like that for me.
I just got a chance to reallysee but what it was like not to
(41:34):
be in a house every day withwith my wife, and then fast
forward.
After all of the smoke clearedand after all the arguments, she
called me one night.
It was in April of 2011.
I'll never forget.
I know that I'm good with dates.
So it was April of 2011 and shesays she couldn't sleep and my
(41:58):
son at the time was at myapartment, me and my sister's
apartment.
Ayesha Chaney (42:01):
He's still, don't even know we've separated.
Tray Chaney (42:03):
He thinks my son to this day, 17,.
He knows, he knows now.
He thought back then he had twoplaces.
He used to be happy like, ohyeah, I'm going.
Josh Powell (42:12):
I got two, I got two houses, you know whatever,
two apartments.
Tray Chaney (42:16):
So he was with me at the time and she had called
me in April 2011.
She was like I can't sleep.
And I was like, oh, you know, Istill my wife, we, we always
used to we get in a divorce, gosign the papers.
We never signed papers, nevergot a divorce.
So I walked next door and I'mlike what's what's going on?
(42:36):
I brought some, some, somedrinks over there and I'm like
come on, let's take a drink.
And then we was just sittinghere, we was taking a couple of
shots or whatever, and we wasjust talking and I think the
question came up why did weseparate?
Right, we was like, why do?
Why do we separate?
Like what, what do we?
(42:56):
What do we do?
What are we doing?
We couldn't answer the question.
I said never again, never again, I don't care what, I don't
care what's happening.
Josh Powell (43:07):
Let me ask you this , because I know you know your
daughter went through thatalready.
Oh man, so no she, it was bad,that's what that's what I was
going to ask.
Tray Chaney (43:15):
It got bad.
Josh Powell (43:16):
Yeah that, do you feel like that kind of got in
the way of their relationship Atfirst?
Tray Chaney (43:24):
at first.
Well, now that I think back,yeah, leading up to that point,
because she was a senior in highschool too.
Leading up to that point ofbeing in teen is like and then I
left four years, oh yeah, she,major trigger.
She started calling me Trey.
Oh wow, and I got it.
I got it.
I got into it where I'm like,if you ain't going to call me
dad, don't ever call me Trey,call me nothing, don't say
(43:47):
nothing.
It just be like, hey, that's it.
We used to.
It used to.
It got crazy because I'm like,yeah, I left, but now I'm back.
You know what I'm saying.
But it did.
It did trigger her.
I'm fine, that's fine.
It triggered her, it triggeredher, but that took a minute.
It eventually all worked itselfout.
(44:08):
It worked itself out and we,like that night, I said I'm
never leaving again, I wouldn't,I don't, and that's what a
whole communication thing wentout.
When we first started talkingabout this, I was like I just
need, I need to know what'sgoing on, like, is it something
that I can fix?
(44:29):
Is it something that I'm doing?
Okay, I feel like you doingthis.
Well, no, I'm talking, talkingit out.
You know, not going to bedwithout we would go a day in the
house and not even say nothingto each other, and I used to be
like I can't believe, like youknow.
But now the communication.
(44:52):
For me, when you say, what'sthe key?
It's the communication, it'sthe honesty, it's the being
upfront, it's the respect, it'salways, it's the consistently
dating.
We go out.
We probably are in after goingon 19 years of marriage.
(45:13):
We hang out all the time.
We party hard, we'll be party,we do whatever we go.
We go, we go out of town.
I mean it's almost like mygirlfriend you know what I'm
saying.
She's like yeah, my best friendis like, oh yeah, and I'm always
looking for ways to blow hermind in a sense, in a good way,
(45:35):
like what can I do?
Let me, let me surprise,because I like that.
I love making my wife feel likeshe's appreciated, she wanted.
You know, I'm constantly,always affectionate with her,
I'm always on her.
You know what I'm saying.
And, yeah, that's what we attoday, in 2023.
Josh Powell (46:00):
What are some things right 20 plus years in,
yeah, what are some things thatyou both feel like, even 20 plus
years in, that you could bebetter at, that you could work
on Better at, because I thinksometimes people have they hit
this.
You know they're coasting theyget to a certain point.
(46:22):
And it is just my perspective,but I feel like we're forever
learning and growing, until theday we're called home.
You know what I mean.
So if y'all could pick onething, you know, what do you
think it will be for you as ahusband and as a father?
And I would ask the same thingfor you, wayne.
Tray Chaney (46:40):
All right, Keep biggest love at home, I think
for me is being quicker to andI'm saying this from a recent
thing being quicker to say ifit's something that she really,
(47:01):
really wants to do.
Being quicker to be like okay,all right, yeah, this does make
sense, let's do it.
So, I think, being quicker toagree on certain things that do
benefit and make sense for us,because sometimes I might have a
delay.
Chanel Scott (47:21):
Why.
If you know it's a good thing.
Tray Chaney (47:25):
Well, no, I'm going to give you a prime example.
She rearranged our whole closet.
My wife loves to build design.
She can take this right now andmake a picture out of it.
She knows how to do everythingright.
So if I'm in that space of look, I don't feel like bringing all
my clothes down and doing allthis right now.
I don't got time.
If I could just be more likeyou know what, when you do have
(47:49):
time, yeah, if I could just belike yeah, this makes sense,
because my side of the closet isjunky.
So if I could just be morequick to say think better.
If I could think about it moreand say okay, this makes sense,
let's do it, instead of givingher the run around, maybe for
(48:11):
giving her and he quick to do it.
Ayesha Chaney (48:14):
I'm like he was doing his videos, his YouTube
video.
I said why don't you put thering light over here so you can
see better, instead of turningon the light up here?
Tray Chaney (48:22):
I said no.
Ayesha Chaney (48:23):
No.
Tray Chaney (48:24):
I'm good.
No, I'm good, I got it already.
Ayesha Chaney (48:26):
I go upstairs to come out there and guess where
the light at.
Tray Chaney (48:28):
I did the ring light, so if I could be quicker
to just be like Is it a control?
Thing.
Yep, it's not really a controlthing, because I'm not a
controlling person.
I'm not a controlling person.
Chanel Scott (48:39):
You don't like to be told what to do.
He don't.
Tray Chaney (48:41):
Yeah, sometimes.
Sometimes I don't whensomething is working for me and
I'm like it's not working.
If I'm like yo this alreadyworking for me.
Well it Half the stuff she saysit eventually works out for me.
So I got to be a little bit ofcontrol.
Chanel Scott (48:59):
You know, I take the long way.
I take the long way I behave inher light.
Tray Chaney (49:10):
I behave in her light.
She be like.
She be like what you don't wantto do this.
Ayesha Chaney (49:16):
I give you a better example of the long way.
Go ahead, go ahead, spill itGetting ready to relocate.
You know it takes a.
It takes you like, literallylike six months to prepare and
get everything together.
I mean finding schools, homes,department, whatever it is.
Yes, he Still didn't pack up.
(49:39):
This is like a month in when weGraylee he still hadn't packed
up nothing, none of his clothes,nothing.
I mean.
I got stuff packed up in thedining room boxes.
Tray Chaney (49:49):
She pack out.
Ayesha Chaney (49:50):
Wait Nothing.
Even a week before.
That's when he started packinghis clothes, and then I gave
about two days before.
Then it finally hit him like oh, we are leaving.
Tray Chaney (50:03):
Yeah, that's another thing I want to touch on
too.
Ayesha Chaney (50:07):
Then he started helping, trying to get stuff
together, I'm just like what inthe world?
Tray Chaney (50:12):
When I spoke about being more like in agreeing with
her a little bit more becauseof the benefits, that was the
thing we're moving.
I was content with living in DCall my life and DMV.
And sometimes it's men.
We're like, yeah, we goteverything under control.
But when your wife or yoursignificant other, your woman,
(50:34):
jump you out there like on somereal man stuff, like you already
traveling to Atlanta threemonths at a time, we still here
in DC.
When you come back to DC, ain'ttoo much going on with the
field that you in acting musicwe need to relocate, it hit me.
Nah, I'm good, I just go backout there.
(50:58):
I was content with living inDMV she's the reason why we live
here now and was successfulafter six and a half years.
I had a crib built from theground up three years ago, so
and I wasn't on that back sixyears ago I was like, nah, I
don't want to move.
Chanel Scott (51:19):
So it's safe to say women, women knows best.
Tray Chaney (51:23):
She had potential.
She seen potential in me that Ididn't see at myself at the
time.
She like I know what you'll getout in Atlanta.
I know you Now as a fatherplease don't forget them.
Josh Powell (51:40):
What will be one thing as a father?
Tray Chaney (51:43):
Yeah, that you feel like at this point, probably
the same thing, because when mykids say certain things even my
son and my daughter I'm like,hey, wait a minute, I got
everything figured out, hearingthem more as a father, just
hearing their thoughts on thingsand getting down to the bottom
of whatever it is, instead ofhaving that little piece of
(52:07):
control that I have sometimes.
Chanel Scott (52:10):
Well, at least you can admit it.
Yeah, now I can admit it.
First step to recovery.
Tray Chaney (52:14):
Yeah, so I got a little bit of it, you know, and
I'm working on it.
It's getting better.
What about you, queen?
Ayesha Chaney (52:21):
I guess allowing them me saying them, my son and
him to do more physically in thehouse.
That's it.
Oh yeah, Because they mightcatch me in the house moving a
flat screen off the wall.
Tray Chaney (52:38):
And that's just like with the closet.
I'm like, but I love the closet.
Now it's amazing.
I'll be showing it off.
I did my side first.
Ayesha Chaney (52:45):
And then he was like I see, so we get right
started.
He was like nah, I'm good.
Tray Chaney (52:51):
So we just want to have half a closet.
I said no, we could do it in acouple of weeks when I get back
in time, because I travel andshe like, she like.
No, it only takes a day to putthis up.
I can show you why not.
I don't want to do it right now.
Chanel Scott (53:09):
You got to spend one time convincing him.
Ayesha Chaney (53:12):
No, because then I just go, I just go do it, and
she do it.
Tray Chaney (53:15):
And I see her and I be like I ain't going to let
her do this by herself.
I know she ain't going to beable to lift that.
So I know eventually I'm goingto have to get thrown out there
and say, ok, I got to lift thisup for her.
Can you bring this upstairs?
I'm like all right, but I don'tfeel like it.
But I'm going to do it.
Chanel Scott (53:37):
Well, guys, this was an amazing conversation.
That's our show.
I appreciate it.
Trey and Aisha ChaneyRelationships matter.
The podcast.
Welcome to Relationships Matter, the
podcast.
My name is Chanel Scott.
Josh Powell (00:27):
And I am Josh Powell.
Chanel Scott (00:30):
And we have amazing guest Trey and Aisha
Chaney here with us today.
Yeah, Now you guys know Treyfrom the wire.
Tray Chaney (00:37):
Y'all know that.
Chanel Scott (00:38):
Y'all know none of that.
He's done more work since then,but you know we was.
You know you left an impression.
Yeah, there was an impressionleft, you know.
So today, you guys know thatthe premise of the show is
relationships matter.
So I want to start off by justasking you guys how did you meet
?
Tray Chaney (00:56):
So you wanted to start with me, or you want to
start Go, you, start you know,normally the versions are
slightly different, so I'm goingto let Miss Asha you decide.
Chanel Scott (01:05):
Yeah, you want to hear his version first.
Yeah, go ahead and give us asecond.
Tray Chaney (01:09):
We met in Washington DC, which is where
we're originally from, back in2002.
Ok, I'm from Foolsville, merlin, my wife is from Southeast
Washington DC and we met at anevent at a club called VIP.
It was a very popular club inDC and nightlife, you know just
out and this was actually myfirst time being able to, like
(01:35):
you know, get in the club.
I had just turned 21.
Ok, so, in being as though thatmy career had just started with
the wire, yeah, my first timeat the club was a VIP experience
.
It's like, oh, you do do fromthe wire, come on, whoever you,
it come in.
So we in there, we partying.
This beautiful woman walks pastme with this wrap on her head,
(01:58):
this black dress, which wasAisha.
So she walks past and she, youknow, we caught each other's
eyes.
She stopped.
She's like, yeah, you are youthe guy on the wire.
I think in the wire was probablylike around the third or fourth
episode.
It was very early on, but theyhad, you know, aired it already
where, if you were hip to it,you know you were seeing it.
(02:22):
But, like I said, a fairly newshow, right, but you know she.
I'm like, yeah, you know, I'mon the wire.
I play Pood and I'm an actor,and you know, and we just
started.
You know, it was like aconversation, like a very short
conversation, but when she wasabout to walk away, I grabbed
her arm gently, not in no forcefor that, not aggressively.
(02:46):
Not aggressive, but I justgrabbed her arm and correct me
if I'm wrong.
I know men in that supposed toask women off the rip how old
they are, but I'm like, yeah, Ithink I was like are you, how do
you?
I mean, like I said I was 21.
She said I'm 27.
(03:06):
So I said, oh, in the firstthing I said I said do you mind
like talking to younger men?
You know, like in I don't evenremember what you say, but it
was just like whatever.
Yeah, I mean, it was just likewe exchange numbers.
Yes, and I stopped right here,we exchanged numbers and yeah,
(03:29):
that's that's all.
Josh Powell (03:31):
This is back in 2002.
2002.
And the detail in that?
Chanel Scott (03:36):
He remember.
Tray Chaney (03:37):
Yeah, it's the.
I remember those details.
Now she might give you herversion.
What's your?
Chanel Scott (03:43):
version.
It's the same version, so y'allexchange numbers.
Tray Chaney (03:48):
Yeah, exchange numbers.
Ayesha Chaney (03:49):
So this was before Like cell phones was
really.
Tray Chaney (03:55):
Yeah, it was still house phones.
Ayesha Chaney (03:56):
So I was living with this, I was a two way pager
or the pager?
Tray Chaney (04:01):
Yeah, the two ways was out, but I don't think.
I had one, yet OK, yeah, Iwasn't really.
I just started getting a littlebit of money.
I wasn't getting money likethat yet.
Yeah.
Chanel Scott (04:11):
OK.
Tray Chaney (04:11):
But it's a way to change numbers and I'm going to
bounce around a little bit.
I was, I would pull adisappearing act.
Yeah, I would disappear forlike a month.
It was young, it was no, it wasno apparent reason, but it was
just.
You know, I was, he was feelingthis.
(04:32):
I just got on the show and Iwas meeting, meeting everybody,
I mean you know, differentcelebrities, I mean.
But no, it was, it was.
It was definitely nothing withbetween me and I should.
You know, it wasn't like I'mjust disappearing for nothing,
(04:53):
because any time I would see her, it was always like, hey, I
want to.
You know, I want to kick it.
Let's, let's hang out.
Let me come over your house.
She had her own place, I had myown place.
No, she had her own place orown car, job, I had nothing.
I was living with my mother andfather in a basement, my mother
, father, my sister.
I lived in a basement.
(05:14):
I had no car.
I was just the guy from thewire that would borrow my
father's car to dry the set.
But my wife had had every.
She to me.
I'm like, yeah, you got yourown place, your own car, and I
just always it was a connectionfrom the beginning.
I can say that when I met mywife in the club it was a
(05:36):
connection off the rip.
You know what I'm saying.
So you know a couple of littledisappearing acts and she would
cuss me out and be like what?
Chanel Scott (05:46):
is it what you been at and you said you don't
have anything to do with her?
But it's good that you'resaying that, because people will
personalize and internalize andmake it about them.
Yeah, that's true.
When, in fact, you was like Ihad nothing to do with her.
No, that's just where I was atthe time.
Tray Chaney (05:59):
Yeah, I was just the space that I was in as a
young man.
Like I said, I mean, just think, my first experience I'm 21 and
I'm on a show, yeah.
So I always tell like peoplethis I never experienced
standing in the line, you knowwhat I'm saying.
I came out the gauges, the wirewas my first job as an actor.
So my experience, on just beingin the clubs, it was always
(06:25):
like the VIP treatment because,like I said, being on the wire,
an international show, my firstjob as an actor, that's all I,
that's what I experienced firsthand.
So but it brings me back to thepoint of the disappearing acts.
Like you said, it wasn't aboutbecause I had a problem with her
Pearl, you know it.
(06:46):
Just, that was just young.
And and one thing I can say,when we would communicate, it
was always love, it was alwayslike.
Chanel Scott (06:58):
So, would you just disappear.
And then just one day we'relike let me call Haisha.
Ayesha Chaney (07:02):
Well, my first time calling him.
Well, the second time.
The first time I called, hewasn't there.
Second time I said this is mylast time calling, I'm not
calling him anymore.
Yeah, and then he answered.
Tray Chaney (07:13):
Then I answered the phone.
Ayesha Chaney (07:13):
So we talked that night to like Four or five of
them or something.
Tray Chaney (07:18):
Yeah, we got on the phone at what 10 o'clock and we
talked to four, five in themorning, just conversation and I
had to go to work and I love Imean, I knew I loved a
conversation.
You know like, yeah, we talkedall night and, yeah, she had to
go to work and we would talk thenext day.
(07:40):
Any time we talked, it wasalways like a great conversation
, long conversation, until wesay let's go out on a date.
You know Now, our first datewas at Cheesecake Factory.
Yeah, we still loved CheesecakeFactory because it was our
(08:02):
first date, our first date over20 years ago.
Chanel Scott (08:08):
What was different about her than?
Tray Chaney (08:10):
maybe Than me dealing with whoever else.
Right, you know what?
What was different about Aishawas definitely her maturity.
You know, I got to say thatbecause I was 21.
This was, like my maybe secondtime dealing with a woman a
little older than me.
Chanel Scott (08:32):
Was that your preference back then?
Tray Chaney (08:34):
I think I got to say I have to say yeah, but no,
I had never dealt with a womanmore than six years older than
me.
It was my first time dealingwith a woman more than six years
older than me.
But what was different aboutAisha is she in my eyes, she had
everything together and also Irespected how.
(08:58):
Not only did she have her ownplace or her own car, but she
was a mother.
You know Our daughter Tina.
I met our daughter Tina whenTina was eight years old, so I
respected that.
I'm like, yeah, she's doing allthis single mother you know
what I'm saying Working, andjust she just had everything, in
(09:21):
my eyes, together.
I'm like, yeah, and me I'm likeI don't got nothing together,
I'm just a celebrity or whatever.
I'm just doing whatever I want.
But no, and I always respectedher thoughts on certain things
that we would talk about.
We would talk about a lot ofdeep stuff.
I mean, even to this day, likeI said, we speak about a lot of
(09:44):
things and I could learn a lotfrom her as well.
I learned a lot from her evenin the beginning of us talking
and us coming up together and asfar as coming up together in a
relationship and learning eachother still learning each other
20-something years later, andthat's what I appreciated about
(10:08):
Aisha.
Josh Powell (10:09):
So I there were so many things.
I wanted to ask One of thethings from the standpoint I
guess it's a two-part questionbecause you already had a child.
So what went into the decisionof allowing another person to be
in that space?
Because I know that space issacred, it is.
(10:29):
You know what I mean.
So what went into that decision?
And then my question for you,King, would be you now taking on
that type of role.
So this is something that I wasjust literally thinking about.
Ayesha Chaney (10:44):
Well, partly was from his household.
He's from a two-parenthousehold.
I had met his mom, his dad, hissister.
Tray Chaney (10:53):
My whole family.
At the time, yeah, his aunt wasliving there, very
family-oriented.
Ayesha Chaney (10:58):
Yeah, and that's what I loved about it, so about
him, and so that's what made meopen up a little more for him to
be able to come in to our space.
Tray Chaney (11:10):
So, yeah, I just wanted to piggyback off of that,
like I used to say, myupbringing, I came up in a
two-parent household.
It was always my mom, my dadand my sister.
My mom's the opposite, hers wastotally opposite, totally.
She came up.
Josh Powell (11:28):
Would that have been and I didn't mean to cut
you off would that have affectedthe decision?
If, for example, like that wasone of the things you noticed,
but would that have affectedyour decision?
If the household, if thestructure wasn't the same?
You think?
Ayesha Chaney (11:43):
A little.
Yeah, it would have.
Josh Powell (11:45):
I see, yeah, I just wanted to ask you.
Tray Chaney (11:49):
No, that's real because you know me coming up
and always seeing my father work.
My father just retired a coupleof years ago from FedEx after
35, something 40 years.
Ayesha Chaney (11:58):
You see his father with his mother.
Tray Chaney (12:00):
Yeah, and the way my father, how he is to this day
with my mother and the way mymother is with my father.
I seen the example, you know, Iwatched the example.
They've been married going on42, 43 years now.
Like I said, it was always mom,dad and my sister, my sister's
four years younger than me,candice Cheney, and we like
(12:21):
twins, you know, even thoughshe's four years younger than me
.
But I came up just around allfamily, all of my friends.
To this day they considerfamily, they can go over my
parents' house without me evenbeing there.
So that's how I came up andasking her to question in
reference to what that hadchanged things.
(12:42):
I think it probably would haveif I would have just been just
out here, just whatever, becausegetting a little personal, you
know, her past relationships orwhatever she had went through.
We spoke about that and it wastotally different from me, you
know.
No-transcript.
Josh Powell (13:04):
I know, I know for me, like you know, if I could
look.
When I look back at otherrelationships, like paying
attention to that familystructure, I feel like a lot of
us missed the ball, missed themark, yeah, and that doesn't
mean you judge the person basedon that too, that's true.
Out of fairness.
Ayesha Chaney (13:19):
That's true.
Josh Powell (13:21):
But I like what you said because it was like well,
what intrigues you about him?
You immediately went to aWeisshauss family and I think
that's a big part of a lot oftimes in the decision making you
know a lot of people.
Ayesha Chaney (13:33):
when you date them, they don't let you meet
their family, that's true, whichis kind of weird.
The first, but that's a sign ofwhat you're going to get.
Tray Chaney (13:42):
The first time.
The first time, the first timewe the first time I invited you
over, probably after, you know,hadn't talked to you in a while.
She came to my house when myhouse was Every night.
My house used to just be my mom, my dad, the music is up.
We got him in drinks and youknow just, she came into my home
(14:03):
like this, with Tina, ourdaughter, so they got it at the
same time.
This is what I do.
I live in a basement, buteverybody's over here every day,
so this is what we bring inAisha and Tina into my space
with what I'm used to.
That helped a lot as well.
(14:25):
You know what I'm saying.
Chanel Scott (14:27):
But I have to ask, with the age difference though,
yeah.
So it was different, aside fromthe family dynamic, because
that is important, but in termsof attraction, what was it about
him?
Because there was a six yeardifference.
What was what stood out abouthim and his personality, or what
you saw in Over against whatyou'd experienced in your
(14:48):
previous relationship?
What was the major difference?
Ayesha Chaney (14:52):
Well, Trey was older in maturity versus his age
, so I guess that was thedifference.
I mean, I've dated, alwaysdated older guys, but the
maturity level wasn't older.
Chanel Scott (15:09):
A lot of times they still act young even though
they're older, because at thatage I mean, I guess the older
you get, then the age reallykind of just fades out.
But at that particular age hewas 21.
Ayesha Chaney (15:19):
21, just turned 21.
You know what I'm saying.
Chanel Scott (15:21):
He just turned 21, but there was still something
that stood out about him.
Ayesha Chaney (15:25):
He was really mature for his age and I learned
that talking to him and I'mlike oh wow, he's not as young
as his age.
So that's how we connected.
Tray Chaney (15:39):
We connected.
It was a connection and evenAisha being six years older than
me, I didn't really look at age.
We love the same At that age.
Yeah Right, we love the samemusic, we love the same things,
(16:00):
we do the same things.
We.
I can't yeah that one wordconnection.
Josh Powell (16:05):
It was a real connection from the start, so I
picked up on something else thatyou shared, too, when you spoke
about, because you mentionedthat she had.
Basically her life was together, right, and in a sense, in a
sense Even though you're havingsuccess, but to most people it's
like bro still living at homewith it, bro with it, dad.
(16:25):
But I think it's beautiful, sofor you to overlook that, I
guess, so to speak, to give aword to somebody right.
That's probably in thatsituation, because now we're in
the age of bosses.
Tray Chaney (16:41):
And everybody.
Josh Powell (16:43):
You know what I mean, and it's like if
somebody's in this type ofsituation, you overlook that,
for whatever your reason was.
I just want you to kind of talkabout that.
Ayesha Chaney (16:53):
I always say don't block your blessing.
You don't know who your personis.
Right, yeah, you're looking atthe outside or just the physical
stuff, but that could be yourperson and you might pass up
that person and end up with thewrong person Because you was
(17:15):
looking at the wrong things.
Chanel Scott (17:17):
How did you balance the new relationship,
because you had aneight-year-old daughter and then
her dad?
How did you fit all thosepieces with the co-parenting
thing?
Ayesha Chaney (17:28):
What did that look like?
I was a single mother.
Tray Chaney (17:30):
Single single.
Ayesha Chaney (17:31):
Single, single Meaning, with a capital S
Meaning.
He was non-existent, so thatwasn't the issue.
Tray Chaney (17:39):
So even for me, because that's something that I
would have had to, that'ssomething that fortunately, I
didn't have to deal with thatBecause he and this is not the
bad talk anybody but for himnever to be in her life,
regardless, or in their life,regardless of whatever
(18:01):
circumstances that he might feelhe wasn't around.
And when I first met Martina,our daughter, she was eight
years old.
Martina's 30 now.
So just the experience with ourgranddaughter, morocco.
So just I had always said, man,I never dated a woman with kids
(18:26):
and I fell in love with Aisha, Ifell in love with Tina and it
was like, okay, and being a partof that journey with Aisha,
raising Tina as her father,regardless of the circumstances,
it's been a beautiful journeyto see her from eight years old
(18:49):
to now, see her now as a motherand we grandparents, our
granddaughter's three years old.
So and I'm not going to sayeverything was super smooth, you
know, with me and Tina.
You know what I'm sayingBecause I had to understand this
(19:10):
even now as the years went on,tina, you know her biological
father she still was hurt.
You know, she still was hurt,even though they might've never
seen each other for 15 years.
But I had to understand, well,it's still something with, you
know, a child, male or littlefemale, but especially the
(19:33):
female it's like my father wasjust never in my life.
So when we would, you know ifwe were getting into
disagreements or something,certain things that had to be
corrected, you know we would wegot to talk this out, we got to
figure out how we're going toget past it and we've been
fortunate enough to get pastcertain things and just you know
(19:57):
, having her as my daughter, youknow, I mean, she's been
calling me dad since we met.
You know what I'm saying, sincewe, since me and Aisha got
married and we together, and soI'm like you know what, I must
be doing something right.
You know, we, we did ittogether, but me as the father
figure and the man in the house,I'm doing something.
(20:18):
How do you?
Josh Powell (20:19):
handle like that emotional roller coaster.
I'm sure that that has to betough, right From the standpoint
of there's so many differentemotions in this situation.
Right you allowing him to comein you know what I mean.
The daughter now adjusting, butthen the daughter still dealing
with, and then you being ableto trust right, because y'all
(20:39):
are building.
You're coming in because youknow you're now turning into a
father.
Tray Chaney (20:44):
There's so much to unpack.
Definitely wasn't easy.
You know what I'm saying.
And literally it's just like Isay over 20, something years
later it's just getting likeokay, this is, this is what it
is.
It's not so much to unpack, nomore now, because teen is 30.
We, you know, and we, I want tosay from age maybe 13, yeah, her
(21:08):
teenage years to maybe like 20,21, her teenage years, that
when she became an adult, that'swhen emotions and stuff had to
unpack, then you know we had togo through certain things and
I'm going to tell you, the mainkey for how we dealt with it was
the communication layingeverything out on the table.
Josh Powell (21:31):
Everything has to be laid out on the table, like
when she asked, or did y'allcome to her with stuff, or you
waited till she asked.
Tray Chaney (21:39):
When you say laying stuff on the table, Well,
laying stuff on the table couldmean just getting into argument
or something, Cause Tina waslike she's very mature.
She was a very mature eightyear old, because it was always
her and her mom.
No man around you know, it wasjust her and her mom.
Ayesha Chaney (21:58):
You know, she get it from being with her mother
Get it from her.
Tray Chaney (22:01):
Yeah, so it was always like it was never nothing
where I had to come ask heranything.
She is sad.
Ayesha Chaney (22:09):
Yeah, she's going to speak.
Tray Chaney (22:11):
And it was never nothing where she had to come
ask me anything.
I say it If you need to dosomething, you need to do
something.
And then if she had come backat me, then we got to go back
and forth.
She got to get in the middle ofit.
You know what I'm saying.
We're not really taking sides,but the respect of me as her
husband, as Tina's father, theonly father that she knows.
(22:33):
The man of the house that tookcare, that takes care of her.
You know, even to this day, Imean, that's my daughter, she's
30 years old.
Chanel Scott (22:40):
Yeah, I hear you say it Our daughter.
Yeah, I don't even care.
Tray Chaney (22:42):
You know, whatever she needs, she get.
Josh Powell (22:45):
How did you go about supporting the reason why
I'm like I'm so interested inthis is because so many of us
are in this co-parenting,parents-in-situational situation
, and healthy, no matter what itlooks like, is what's of most
importance.
But just in your situation, youknow how do you go about
(23:05):
supporting him to now be thatfather figure?
You know what I mean, becausethat is something that, no
matter the platform, the people,the whatever I haven't come
across that one like people tobe able to properly discuss that
part of it, because that'simportant to support.
Chanel Scott (23:21):
And at such a young age, yeah right.
Tray Chaney (23:23):
Because at 21, you still a child to a certain age.
Chanel Scott (23:25):
Yeah, you know, you still young, right.
Ayesha Chaney (23:28):
Yeah, certain things you know, but I just I
tried to sit back.
Once we got married, I tried tolike sit back and let him lead,
let him be the man of the houseand let him handle a lot of
those situations on his own.
I didn't a lot of times Ididn't get in the middle of it
(23:48):
and they sound like my situation.
Yeah, and they worked it out.
Tray Chaney (23:53):
Yeah, it always got worked out.
And one thing I have to say,like I said a lot of my ways as
a man too, it does come from myfather, my grandfather, saying
how they stepped up, how theytake care of their kids.
And my grandfather was somebodyyou know Rest in Peace there me
(24:14):
passed away in 2016, but he wassomebody that would take in
somebody else's child, and youknow what I'm saying.
Like, I picked up on it's a lotof stuff that I may have picked
up on that I didn't evenrealize when it came to.
You know, when me and Aisha gotmarried, I had Tina as my
daughter.
This was before we had our son,Malachi.
(24:35):
You know what I'm saying, who's17 now, and but I just picked up
on certain things, man, andreally just say I'm here to step
up as a responsible man, aresponsible black man, and if,
regardless of the circumstances,with her biological father, you
(24:58):
never have to, you never haveto come out of your mouth and
call me a stepfather, I ain'teven want to accept that title.
I'm your father.
You know what I'm saying.
Josh Powell (25:11):
To this day.
I just truly appreciate, youknow, to be able to hear that
type of support.
What does it look like when youknow anything deal with your
son is different because youknow it is?
You both created that right.
But in regards to her, when shedid have questions, how did
(25:31):
y'all go about handling theinformation?
In regards to dad or in regardsto other feelings of upbringing
are just different, because youknow, naturally kids are going
to ask questions.
When they get to a certain point, it's like all right, what's
going on?
You know what I'm saying.
Ayesha Chaney (25:49):
I think me and my daughter just actually recently
had that conversation.
Tray Chaney (25:54):
Really they did.
Ayesha Chaney (25:55):
To where she's like.
Well, I don't understand.
Like where was he?
What happened?
She asked this question likethat now, and you know like
where did he go?
Where did he disappear to?
And just recently, like it wasaround her birthday, birthdays
in April I had to sit down andhave a conversation with her
because he's now come backaround and want to have a
(26:19):
relationship with her.
Chanel Scott (26:20):
Wow, why now it was just, that's my question.
Tray Chaney (26:24):
But we but see, we had an issue.
Ayesha Chaney (26:25):
I had to, you know, I had to sit back and I
had to let her, him and himhandle that situation, because
she's an adult, I'm not in thatsituation anymore, but I did sit
down and have a conversationwith her.
Tray Chaney (26:40):
Yeah, because we and.
Ayesha Chaney (26:41):
I had to tell her what happened, why, and you
know, and break it down to her.
Tray Chaney (26:48):
And I and this is something that I can definitely
speak on when her biologicalfather did decide to come back
around at this age.
I'm still not agreeing withthat.
I'm still kind of like you knowpacking that.
(27:09):
You know what I'm saying and Imean, I'm just, you know, being
honest on the podcast right now.
I can really.
I didn't show up to herbirthday because of that.
Ayesha Chaney (27:20):
Was he there?
Yeah, yeah, he was there.
Tray Chaney (27:22):
You know.
So I had an issue with that.
I'm like, wait a minute, Ididn't have a choice at 21 to
say, well, that's your daughter,I ain't raising her, she ain't
my daughter.
I'm just dealing with my wifeand my son.
I ain't had that choice.
I've raised her all the way upuntil now.
And then for you for you know,her biological father to come
(27:48):
back around and to be like, ohyeah, now I'm like you looking
at what I poured into, right,how beautiful she look, how she
got money, whatever she needfrom me and her mother she got.
And now you want to come backaround and you, daddy, how was
that conversation with him?
Josh Powell (28:07):
I didn't have a conversation with him.
You did have a conversationwith him.
Tray Chaney (28:11):
Yeah she wanted us to have a conversation, but that
wasn't working with me.
Ayesha Chaney (28:14):
Yeah, I haven't been like that, yet Not yet.
Tray Chaney (28:16):
Yeah, the conversation.
I'm not ready for that yet,because my thing was what am I
actually going to talk to youabout?
Right, what am I going to talkto you about without you know me
raising my voice or havinganimosity or not, or disliking
you because of, in the scenarios, this?
(28:40):
I just couldn't understand howa man with a daughter could just
be like, okay, a new man comesinto the picture, I come into
the picture and you just younever have no communication with
your child's mother or yourdaughter ever.
You don't know what type of manI am.
I could have been terrible, youknow what I'm saying.
(29:02):
I could have been somebody outhere doing harmful things to
kids or whatever, but so thatwas my take on it.
So, the conversation with meand him it hasn't happened.
I don't know when it happened.
You know what I'm saying Imean-.
Chanel Scott (29:19):
But don't you ask what is she saying.
Tray Chaney (29:21):
What is she saying?
She was trying to understandwhy you don't want to.
He came back around in my lifeand I'm like she ain't it Like
it's-.
Ayesha Chaney (29:29):
Yeah, but she's the child trying to yeah,
process it all, process it, andshe wants it to be Me and him.
You know she wants it to be onebig family situation, one big
family situation.
She really does, she reallydoes, she does, I mean because
that's her personality, that'sthe type of person she is.
Josh Powell (29:46):
Yeah, so you think that that's forgiveness and
grace?
Tray Chaney (29:51):
I mean I'm trying my best to get to that point.
Chanel Scott (30:01):
But was he having issues back then?
I mean, what was his situation?
Ayesha Chaney (30:05):
I don't know, he was in her life for like maybe
two years.
Tray Chaney (30:11):
Yeah, because he didn't meet her until she was
like two.
Ayesha Chaney (30:15):
He just disappeared, and then Now he's
gonna disappear.
He got locked up and then hegot out when she was like hey,
hey, and that was-.
Tray Chaney (30:28):
And that was it.
And I even asked him I don'tknow, I asked him years ago.
I'll never forget.
I was just like what I think itwas leading up to when she was
getting ready to graduate.
Her prom and graduation no no,no, it was during the time it
was probably between the ages,when she was eight, between
eight and ten.
(30:49):
I think he had came to abirthday party or something and
I think I had had a conversationwith him like well, what was it
about Aisha?
Because I I mean, just beingreal, I'm sorry, I'm married to
Aisha, you know, and Tina, thisis your and he told me it was
(31:10):
nothing with her.
It was nothing, he just wasn'tready for a child.
So when you Another child,another child, because he had
another son already.
But when you get those type ofanswers, it's like and we're
actually very close to herbrother.
Ayesha Chaney (31:26):
Her brother, yeah , Because you know his first
child.
Tray Chaney (31:30):
Yeah, and all of the rounds are all about
functions and all of that, butso so.
So that's why that's what takesme back to the whole
forgiveness and gracing and I'mlike, well, what am I going to
speak to you about?
About how I raised Tina and youwasn't there.
Josh Powell (31:51):
Or maybe you can take the time to ask some of
those questions the questions.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
Yeah, because it's nothing toyour point.
It's nothing that he can askyou about in regards to that.
Tray Chaney (32:03):
That's what I'm saying.
Josh Powell (32:05):
But as a buffer, because you had a household as a
buffer.
It's like, all right, but,darling, you want to have this
conversation?
Then help me understand how andwhat happened with this little
girl.
Tray Chaney (32:16):
I think he wants to have the conversation and I
might just be a little.
I'm like nah, you can't evenget around, you ain't even going
to be in my presence, you, nah.
But like I said, eventuallythat might happen.
I hope it does.
Yeah, I feel you, you know whatI'm saying A lot of people feel
today, a lot of people wantthat to happen, man and I just I
(32:37):
got to get, I got to get allthe way in that space because I
don't know.
Josh Powell (32:41):
I feel like you in it.
You want me to tell you why.
Why?
Because 20 something years agoyou made a decision.
Yeah, so you already took thaton 20 something years ago, not
even realizing that you wastaking that on.
Right, I feel you.
You're doing it 100%.
So you know what I'm saying.
Like you doing, like it'sreally a beautiful thing, and I
(33:02):
got to take my hats off to bothof y'all, because this is like
there's so many different.
I know me, my own personal, justwishing you can get that
support.
Wow, like consistently for one,for two, like from a genuine
place.
Yeah, right, yeah, but to yourpoint, like I'm sure that if he
was available, then it'll belike y'all could all do this
(33:23):
thing.
Right, because that's theenergy that I'm getting.
It's not like it ain't no, weain't tripping, but you came
into this situation like allright bet, like he ain't here.
I got you.
You know what I'm saying.
Yeah, but there are othersituations where people are
present and want to be there,and then you get this when you,
when you shouldn't get this, andthen you hear stories like this
, like, for example, like minein that room.
(33:44):
I wish they could come in hereand hear that you feel me All
right, because you never reallyunderstand perspective as
everything.
And then you got somebody thatwishes they knew.
And now all of a sudden, it'slike 20 something years later,
here we are trying to figure outthis, but then, hey, I'm dead
(34:04):
because I've been on deck Likewhat we doing.
Yeah, so I'm not.
I'm not mad at you, I get itLike I get it and I get your
stance on it.
You know what I'm saying, butalso think it's beautiful too,
because she like yo, that's histhing and we, and that's hurt.
You know what I'm saying.
Tray Chaney (34:17):
That's y'all's daughter, but technically,
that's what I'm saying, butshe's just like yo.
Josh Powell (34:22):
I'm this my husband .
This is how we moving.
You don't get that often, yeah.
You know, what I'm saying and Ijust think that that's really,
you know, a beautiful thing andthat speaks to the connection in
the club, that speaks to a lotof those things.
Because it's like this thiscame together, but you know I'm
(34:43):
I really hope and pray thatwhenever the time is right.
Yeah.
But for sure, because I thinkyou'll see her take that that
next, wherever she's at in herlife.
You know what I'm sayingSomething that's good for her.
I struggle, I know I got a lotof different situations.
I could talk y'all head offabout a lot of things on my end,
(35:03):
but just thinking about, youknow, having a conversation with
my old man a couple of yearsago you know what I'm saying my
dad been in and out and it ain'tbeen the healthiest, but I
remember just telling him like,bro, it's nothing that you can
give me as a man, but it'll benice to have a man to go to If
you just wanted to lean onsomebody for a second, I
shouldn't have to go to my mypartners you know what I'm
(35:26):
saying or wait till I get tochurch every Saturday in order
to have certain conversation.
But me and my dad, but thatrelationship is there.
I love brother death.
I was nothing on him, but Itried to have a conversation,
but at least I made the effort.
Now, what you do with that, youdo with it.
I got you.
You know what I'm saying.
It's just something that we canjust go and pass and just keep
(35:47):
it.
Tray Chaney (35:47):
Yeah, just keep it moving.
Josh Powell (35:48):
So I really do, I really do pray.
You know what I'm saying.
Tray Chaney (35:51):
No, that's what's up, man, I appreciate that yeah.
Chanel Scott (35:55):
So you guys have been together for how many years
22.
Tray Chaney (35:59):
22.
22 years We've been married,going on 19.
So that's a long time.
So we've been married.
Chanel Scott (36:04):
What are the key ingredients to having a long,
lasting relationship?
Tray Chaney (36:09):
Man, I'm telling you, we talk about this all the
time and it's communication.
And when I say communication,I'm talking about if I have an
issue with something I have totell her.
I have to tell her immediatelyif I got an issue.
(36:31):
Now I got to feel like this iswhat's happening.
If she has an issue with me,she has to tell me, because in
2010, and it's the first timewe're sharing this but in 2010,
this was after we had beenmarried Six.
No, we got married in 2002.
Ayesha Chaney (36:52):
So that's how many years, it was seven.
Eight years, yeah, 2010.
Tray Chaney (36:58):
We separated for one year in 2010.
Chanel Scott (37:00):
Wow, okay.
Tray Chaney (37:01):
Because of communication.
I am the business at the timein me.
As a man, I can put this on me.
The business at the time justwasn't that going good for me,
but I wasn't focused on.
Okay, what's more important isbusiness with my wife and my
kids.
I was more focused on.
(37:22):
This business is now workingfor me.
So I'm not happy with myself.
So it made me just not happywith nothing, which wasn't a way
to look at things.
You know what I'm saying.
I think that type of energybringing it in the household, it
(37:42):
rubs off on her.
So now we both not reallycommunicating or sharing what
the issue is.
So me in 2010, saying I think Ishould leave, she said, all
right, I think you should too.
And I left.
(38:03):
And that's what you feel.
And the crazy thing is, at thetime, we were living in an
apartment.
Her apartment was here and meand my sister he got an
apartment here next door.
So if her apartment was 40, 15,my apartment was 40, 13.
So I would see her walk out ofthe house with my son oh my God,
(38:26):
I'm not kidding so I would seeher walk out of the house with
my son every morning.
Ayesha Chaney (38:31):
That is a silly thing.
Hey, that'll get you back inthe crib.
Josh Powell (38:33):
It did not.
Ayesha Chaney (38:34):
It did not.
Tray Chaney (38:36):
We argued bad for like a year.
Why'd you let me leave?
And she's like well, why'd youleave your family?
So that was the argument.
Why'd you let me leave Everyother day?
Why'd you tell me yeah, you canleave?
I wanted you to be like no,don't leave, you know, but yeah,
it was.
Josh Powell (38:54):
You know it's crazy you arguing from a place of
what you saw growing up and thenshe did the same thing.
Ayesha Chaney (39:00):
Yeah because I grew up I didn't have a father
when I you know was just likeokay all right bye.
Josh Powell (39:07):
I'm good Process that immediately.
Tray Chaney (39:09):
Oh yeah, and I'm like that's what we doing and
I'm like, nah, like you know, itwas that easy.
I'm like, oh, all right, well,I'm gonna pack my bag.
Ayesha Chaney (39:19):
He was packing his stuff up and I didn't even
know how to do that.
Tray Chaney (39:23):
I didn't know how to.
I did not have to pack.
You know what I'm saying.
I ain't know how to be like, ohyeah, I'm going to pack and I'm
going to get out of here.
I've never seen this like tothis day.
My father, my uncles, they likeyou really.
You really did that back then.
You packed and you step for younext door.
(39:44):
You know what I'm saying and itwas a constant.
You know we.
You probably will hear about mywife being out at places that
we go to.
She probably will hear about mebeing out.
Chanel Scott (39:58):
I was going to say how did y'all manage that with
the apartments being right there?
Tray Chaney (40:02):
Well, we wouldn't see each other.
Ayesha Chaney (40:03):
I just like this with my head up oh my.
Tray Chaney (40:05):
God, yeah, it was, it was, it was ugly, and then
some nights, you know I'd bedrinking.
I'm like yo, I'm ready to comehome.
She like talking crazy.
No, I call and try to sussaround and stuff.
It was bad.
We would cuss each other outand but.
(40:26):
But until I'm telling you thatthat was a year.
But then that year of me leavingwas the year that I became, and
I want to say who I am now, thehustler that I am in in getting
into them with myself andunderstanding the more important
things.
Like I said, I was goingthrough something where I didn't
understand the downs of thebusiness.
(40:47):
Back then I'm like, yeah,everything up and then, whatever
, everything go down.
Then my my thinking switch andI get the trip and like man, I
ain't nothing going right for me, but it's like Trev, you would
have just.
Okay, this is, this is whathappens in this business.
Your wife and your kids are themost important thing.
You know what I'm saying.
(41:08):
You know talk things out withyour wife.
I wasn't doing that, you know.
It was just I had to understanda lot about myself and I guess
I can sort of say too, livingwith my sister it was.
It was like it's my own.
I had my own place.
You know what I'm saying.
So it was like that for me.
I just got a chance to reallysee but what it was like not to
(41:34):
be in a house every day withwith my wife, and then fast
forward.
After all of the smoke clearedand after all the arguments, she
called me one night.
It was in April of 2011.
I'll never forget.
I know that I'm good with dates.
So it was April of 2011 and shesays she couldn't sleep and my
(41:58):
son at the time was at myapartment, me and my sister's
apartment.
Ayesha Chaney (42:01):
He's still, don't even know we've separated.
Tray Chaney (42:03):
He thinks my son to this day, 17,.
He knows, he knows now.
He thought back then he had twoplaces.
He used to be happy like, ohyeah, I'm going.
Josh Powell (42:12):
I got two, I got two houses, you know whatever,
two apartments.
Tray Chaney (42:16):
So he was with me at the time and she had called
me in April 2011.
She was like I can't sleep.
And I was like, oh, you know, Istill my wife, we, we always
used to we get in a divorce, gosign the papers.
We never signed papers, nevergot a divorce.
So I walked next door and I'mlike what's what's going on?
(42:36):
I brought some, some, somedrinks over there and I'm like
come on, let's take a drink.
And then we was just sittinghere, we was taking a couple of
shots or whatever, and we wasjust talking and I think the
question came up why did weseparate?
Right, we was like, why do?
Why do we separate?
Like what, what do we?
(42:56):
What do we do?
What are we doing?
We couldn't answer the question.
I said never again, never again, I don't care what, I don't
care what's happening.
Josh Powell (43:07):
Let me ask you this , because I know you know your
daughter went through thatalready.
Oh man, so no she, it was bad,that's what that's what I was
going to ask.
Tray Chaney (43:15):
It got bad.
Josh Powell (43:16):
Yeah that, do you feel like that kind of got in
the way of their relationship Atfirst?
Tray Chaney (43:24):
at first.
Well, now that I think back,yeah, leading up to that point,
because she was a senior in highschool too.
Leading up to that point ofbeing in teen is like and then I
left four years, oh yeah, she,major trigger.
She started calling me Trey.
Oh wow, and I got it.
I got it.
I got into it where I'm like,if you ain't going to call me
dad, don't ever call me Trey,call me nothing, don't say
(43:47):
nothing.
It just be like, hey, that's it.
We used to.
It used to.
It got crazy because I'm like,yeah, I left, but now I'm back.
You know what I'm saying.
But it did.
It did trigger her.
I'm fine, that's fine.
It triggered her, it triggeredher, but that took a minute.
It eventually all worked itselfout.
(44:08):
It worked itself out and we,like that night, I said I'm
never leaving again, I wouldn't,I don't, and that's what a
whole communication thing wentout.
When we first started talkingabout this, I was like I just
need, I need to know what'sgoing on, like, is it something
that I can fix?
(44:29):
Is it something that I'm doing?
Okay, I feel like you doingthis.
Well, no, I'm talking, talkingit out.
You know, not going to bedwithout we would go a day in the
house and not even say nothingto each other, and I used to be
like I can't believe, like youknow.
But now the communication.
(44:52):
For me, when you say, what'sthe key?
It's the communication, it'sthe honesty, it's the being
upfront, it's the respect, it'salways, it's the consistently
dating.
We go out.
We probably are in after goingon 19 years of marriage.
(45:13):
We hang out all the time.
We party hard, we'll be party,we do whatever we go.
We go, we go out of town.
I mean it's almost like mygirlfriend you know what I'm
saying.
She's like yeah, my best friendis like, oh yeah, and I'm always
looking for ways to blow hermind in a sense, in a good way,
(45:35):
like what can I do?
Let me, let me surprise,because I like that.
I love making my wife feel likeshe's appreciated, she wanted.
You know, I'm constantly,always affectionate with her,
I'm always on her.
You know what I'm saying.
And, yeah, that's what we attoday, in 2023.
Josh Powell (46:00):
What are some things right 20 plus years in,
yeah, what are some things thatyou both feel like, even 20 plus
years in, that you could bebetter at, that you could work
on Better at, because I thinksometimes people have they hit
this.
You know they're coasting theyget to a certain point.
(46:22):
And it is just my perspective,but I feel like we're forever
learning and growing, until theday we're called home.
You know what I mean.
So if y'all could pick onething, you know, what do you
think it will be for you as ahusband and as a father?
And I would ask the same thingfor you, wayne.
Tray Chaney (46:40):
All right, Keep biggest love at home, I think
for me is being quicker to andI'm saying this from a recent
thing being quicker to say ifit's something that she really,
(47:01):
really wants to do.
Being quicker to be like okay,all right, yeah, this does make
sense, let's do it.
So, I think, being quicker toagree on certain things that do
benefit and make sense for us,because sometimes I might have a
delay.
Chanel Scott (47:21):
Why.
If you know it's a good thing.
Tray Chaney (47:25):
Well, no, I'm going to give you a prime example.
She rearranged our whole closet.
My wife loves to build design.
She can take this right now andmake a picture out of it.
She knows how to do everythingright.
So if I'm in that space of look, I don't feel like bringing all
my clothes down and doing allthis right now.
I don't got time.
If I could just be more likeyou know what, when you do have
(47:49):
time, yeah, if I could just belike yeah, this makes sense,
because my side of the closet isjunky.
So if I could just be morequick to say think better.
If I could think about it moreand say okay, this makes sense,
let's do it, instead of givingher the run around, maybe for
(48:11):
giving her and he quick to do it.
Ayesha Chaney (48:14):
I'm like he was doing his videos, his YouTube
video.
I said why don't you put thering light over here so you can
see better, instead of turningon the light up here?
Tray Chaney (48:22):
I said no.
Ayesha Chaney (48:23):
No.
Tray Chaney (48:24):
I'm good.
No, I'm good, I got it already.
Ayesha Chaney (48:26):
I go upstairs to come out there and guess where
the light at.
Tray Chaney (48:28):
I did the ring light, so if I could be quicker
to just be like Is it a control?
Thing.
Yep, it's not really a controlthing, because I'm not a
controlling person.
I'm not a controlling person.
Chanel Scott (48:39):
You don't like to be told what to do.
He don't.
Tray Chaney (48:41):
Yeah, sometimes.
Sometimes I don't whensomething is working for me and
I'm like it's not working.
If I'm like yo this alreadyworking for me.
Well it Half the stuff she saysit eventually works out for me.
So I got to be a little bit ofcontrol.
Chanel Scott (48:59):
You know, I take the long way.
I take the long way I behave inher light.
Tray Chaney (49:10):
I behave in her light.
She be like.
She be like what you don't wantto do this.
Ayesha Chaney (49:16):
I give you a better example of the long way.
Go ahead, go ahead, spill itGetting ready to relocate.
You know it takes a.
It takes you like, literallylike six months to prepare and
get everything together.
I mean finding schools, homes,department, whatever it is.
Yes, he Still didn't pack up.
(49:39):
This is like a month in when weGraylee he still hadn't packed
up nothing, none of his clothes,nothing.
I mean.
I got stuff packed up in thedining room boxes.
Tray Chaney (49:49):
She pack out.
Ayesha Chaney (49:50):
Wait Nothing.
Even a week before.
That's when he started packinghis clothes, and then I gave
about two days before.
Then it finally hit him like oh, we are leaving.
Tray Chaney (50:03):
Yeah, that's another thing I want to touch on
too.
Ayesha Chaney (50:07):
Then he started helping, trying to get stuff
together, I'm just like what inthe world?
Tray Chaney (50:12):
When I spoke about being more like in agreeing with
her a little bit more becauseof the benefits, that was the
thing we're moving.
I was content with living in DCall my life and DMV.
And sometimes it's men.
We're like, yeah, we goteverything under control.
But when your wife or yoursignificant other, your woman,
(50:34):
jump you out there like on somereal man stuff, like you already
traveling to Atlanta threemonths at a time, we still here
in DC.
When you come back to DC, ain'ttoo much going on with the
field that you in acting musicwe need to relocate, it hit me.
Nah, I'm good, I just go backout there.
(50:58):
I was content with living inDMV she's the reason why we live
here now and was successfulafter six and a half years.
I had a crib built from theground up three years ago, so
and I wasn't on that back sixyears ago I was like, nah, I
don't want to move.
Chanel Scott (51:19):
So it's safe to say women, women knows best.
Tray Chaney (51:23):
She had potential.
She seen potential in me that Ididn't see at myself at the
time.
She like I know what you'll getout in Atlanta.
I know you Now as a fatherplease don't forget them.
Josh Powell (51:40):
What will be one thing as a father?
Tray Chaney (51:43):
Yeah, that you feel like at this point, probably
the same thing, because when mykids say certain things even my
son and my daughter I'm like,hey, wait a minute, I got
everything figured out, hearingthem more as a father, just
hearing their thoughts on thingsand getting down to the bottom
of whatever it is, instead ofhaving that little piece of
(52:07):
control that I have sometimes.
Chanel Scott (52:10):
Well, at least you can admit it.
Yeah, now I can admit it.
First step to recovery.
Tray Chaney (52:14):
Yeah, so I got a little bit of it, you know, and
I'm working on it.
It's getting better.
What about you, queen?
Ayesha Chaney (52:21):
I guess allowing them me saying them, my son and
him to do more physically in thehouse.
That's it.
Oh yeah, Because they mightcatch me in the house moving a
flat screen off the wall.
Tray Chaney (52:38):
And that's just like with the closet.
I'm like, but I love the closet.
Now it's amazing.
I'll be showing it off.
I did my side first.
Ayesha Chaney (52:45):
And then he was like I see, so we get right
started.
He was like nah, I'm good.
Tray Chaney (52:51):
So we just want to have half a closet.
I said no, we could do it in acouple of weeks when I get back
in time, because I travel andshe like, she like.
No, it only takes a day to putthis up.
I can show you why not.
I don't want to do it right now.
Chanel Scott (53:09):
You got to spend one time convincing him.
Ayesha Chaney (53:12):
No, because then I just go, I just go do it, and
she do it.
Tray Chaney (53:15):
And I see her and I be like I ain't going to let
her do this by herself.
I know she ain't going to beable to lift that.
So I know eventually I'm goingto have to get thrown out there
and say, ok, I got to lift thisup for her.
Can you bring this upstairs?
I'm like all right, but I don'tfeel like it.
But I'm going to do it.
Chanel Scott (53:37):
Well, guys, this was an amazing conversation.
That's our show.
I appreciate it.
Trey and Aisha ChaneyRelationships matter.
The podcast.
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