Relative Insights sits down with a special guest to discuss the trauma experienced in a same sex marriage with a person who exhibits narcissistic traits and subsequent trauma experienced when trying to separate yourself.
It's unfortunate, but many victims come to the understanding that divorce/separation doesn’t stop the narcissistic abuse; in fact, it often escalates when a victim finds the courage to separate. Many are under the misconception that females cannot have narcissistic traits, but this is untrue. Men are diagnosed with NPD at much higher rates, but female narcissists do exist. As Hack discussed, her wife exhibited those traits and caused tremendous narcissistic trauma towards her. She shares her empowering story and raw truths about her marriage and divorce from her wife.
We also discuss ways in which to heal and navigate through the trauma of divorce from a narcissist.
What Can I Do To Prepare?
Understanding the realities of divorcing a narcissist can be overwhelming and terrifying. Here are some things to keep in mind:
- They lie about anything. Be prepared to prove reality, but only if you have to.
- They will paint a picture of you that is unrecognizable.
- Get an extremely effective attorney
- Gather irrefutable evidence
- Build your support tribe and lean on them!
- Develop good coping skills and engage in self-care.
- Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries - set them and maintain them, especially communication boundaries
- Document everything.
This is not an exhaustive list of tactics that abusers may use against victims, but below are some common ways that narcissistic abusers during and after divorce:
- Blaming you solely for breaking up the family
- Gaslighting the children
- Calling CPS on the victim for made up concerns
- Hiring a nanny to spy on you and make false allegations against you
- Fighting for full custody by making false allegations about the victim’s parenting skills or mental health
- Turning the victim’s family, friends, clergy, and community against her
- Stalking the victim
- Calling, emailing, texting, and visiting the victim under the guise of parenting
- Ignoring the children’s needs
- Emotionally, verbally, and psychologically abusing children
- Keeping the victim’s property hostage
- Releasing private information, photographs, or other private material about the victim to humiliate them
Check these sites out:
https://www.survivedivorce.com/divorcing-narcissist
https://narcissistabusesupport.com/
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-find-a-narcissistic-abuse-support-group-5271477
https://medium.com/the-virago/6-powerful-books-helped-me-recover-from-narcissistic-abuse-da1d17e1f512
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