October 16, 2024 • 20 mins
In our latest podcast, hosts Simone, Tanya and Deb discuss “Death by a Thousand Cuts” a collection of short stories, that comes from author Shashi Bhat. A writer discovers that her ex has published a novel about their breakup. An immunocompromised woman falls in love, only to have her body betray her. After her boyfriend makes an insensitive comment, a college student finds an experimental procedure that promises to turn her brown eyes blue. A Reddit post about a man's habit of grabbing his girlfriend's breasts prompts a shocking confession. An unsettling second date leads to the testing of boundaries. And when a woman begins to lose her hair, she embarks on an increasingly nightmarish search for answers. It’s in these stories that many women will find very familiar moments!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Join us and unwine with a good book.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Welcome to relaxing reads.
Speaker 3 (00:06):
Hides Devin Halifax, Hide samont in Vancouver.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hey, it's Tanya and Edmonton. Well.
Speaker 4 (00:11):
Our latest read.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Death by a Thousand Cuts is a collection of short
stories and comes from author Shaw She Bought. A writer
discovers that her ex has published a novel about their breakup.
An immunocompromised woman falls in love, only to have her
body betray her after her boyfriend makes an insensitive comment.
A college student finds an experimental procedure that promises to
(00:33):
turn her.
Speaker 4 (00:33):
Brown eyes blue. A Reddit post about.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
A man's habit of grabbing his girlfriend's breast prompts to
shocking confession. An unsettling second date leads to the testing
of boundaries, and when a woman begins to lose her hair,
she embarks on an increasingly nightmarish search for answers.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
It's in these stories.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
I believe that many women will find very familiar moments
and ladies.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
I I don't know where to begin, because.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
I was hearing and seeing and feeling all of these
women in other women that I've known a bit of myself.
But I'm wondering if you've connected to one or all or.
Speaker 4 (01:17):
What are your thoughts.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
I mean, there were definitely some of them you connect with.
I think in each there were nine short stories total
in this book, and I think in each of the
stories there is a relatable moment. Maybe it's not to
the full extent, but I feel, yeah, it was a
really good look at to just sometimes our internal thoughts,
what we're thinking, that the things that we've experienced were
(01:38):
not alone and experiencing, like the one about the boyfriend
always grabbing, Like I've experienced that where it's just like
groping and all that, and it's like, no, no, you
can't just do that whenever you want, Like there still
has to be consent there, even if it's a partnership.
So that was interesting. The Giantess was an intern one
(02:00):
as well.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
For me.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
I think that was just a story about a woman
who was just afraid to take up space, and maybe
that was the overall theme, but that was.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
It was really interesting to kind of go through each
story and it changed up and I typically don't read
a lot of short stories, so it was I feel like,
you need more time to absorb each one before you move.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
To the next, orl it can.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
It's easy to kind of be like, wait, what is
that the same character or what happened? So that part
I had to kind of pause with. But yeah, interesting
read for sure.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Yeah I didn't know. I mean I just picked up
the book. Lastly, I went on vacation. I was on
a plane to Montreal and I thought, okay, well, good time,
grab a glass of wine and read the book. And
I found myself reading the first short story and then
the second, and then I'm like, no, Tanya, I think
you need to take some space between the stories and
(02:49):
just let them absorb. I mean, simone to your point,
it's just like with the other books that we've read,
we've had an entire book to digest and to really
connect with the character, and with short stories, you don't
have that much time, right, So I feel like you
just need to pay or I needed to pay just
a little bit more attention to what I was reading
and allowing myself to absorb the stories and then giving
(03:13):
it a space at the end of each one and
then and then starting it up again. So yeah, instantly relatable.
I think with these these stories deb you talked about,
it's like, you know, either with yourself or you know
somebody that you can relate to these stories, you know,
you know somebody. So I kind of felt the same way.
I mean, one of them that related to me really
(03:35):
was the Chicken and Egg about a woman who had
the most beautiful hair. I can just I imagined her
hair and I've never had beautiful hair like that in
my life. And she slowly loses it, and you know,
I went through that. I have a lot of fine hair,
but if I do lose hair, I see it. You know,
(03:56):
you start to see your scalp in that. And definitely
going through menopause, I've been experience and seeing hair loss
and talking to my doctor going no, you know, you
don't understand what it's like as a woman to lose
your hair, like it's frightening and you feel like your
body's betraying you, and there doesn't seem to be any answer.
(04:16):
And you know, they say it's stress, and it's like, okay,
well send me for a stress test. Then you know
it's like, well, we can't really do that because that's
not anyway, on and on. So I really felt this woman,
you know, I felt all her time she was going
to the doctor to find out why her hair was
falling out and not really getting an answer. So that
was sort of the most relatable personally for me. What
(04:37):
about you.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Guys, Yeah, that one I can relate to as well,
because I've got very fine hair, and I love this
time of year as we're approaching Halloween because I love wigs.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
I do have a collection of wigs.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
And I'm looking for excuses to wear them because most
of them aren't you know, your regular tones, the good colors.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
But yeah, I'm also going through that. But also.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
I you know, being a single woman and you know,
somebody or everybody thinking if you get into a relationship,
are you going to create a family? You know, So
the first story, I guess it was the first story,
wasn't it?
Speaker 2 (05:19):
The deal breaker?
Speaker 4 (05:21):
The deal breaker?
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Yeah, And I mean I'm sure there are many people
who have deal breakers when it comes to relationships, you know,
Is it a casual thing? Can we do this without
confirming that we need to move into so many weeks,
so many months, without having to.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
Check off this list?
Speaker 1 (05:40):
But yeah, I think there's always so much pressure on
a woman, no matter what the relationship status might be,
like if she's you know, into a serious relationship, they
both want to have kids or not having wanting to
have kids.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
I just think that a lot of these stories.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
If men were to read them, there might be a
lot of men who would, you know, kind of step
back and think, is this really how we treat to
Is this what women go through on dates all the time?
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Anything, yes, anything with like the microaggressions in some of
the dating stories, paying half your way on a date,
and being frugal with money, And that's always an interesting
topic in relationships.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
I really like the.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I'm an Apple or am I the Aster because I
think as we get older as women, we are taking
up a little bit more space or a little bit
more confident, and maybe we say things we don't sugarcoat them,
and so reading that sometimes I'm like, I just sometimes
say what's on my mind, and I don't know if
I should, like, you know, am I just trying to
be open and honest or is it coming across as.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Like I'm making a bit of a now, like you know?
Speaker 3 (06:48):
And so that was that was an interesting interesting one too,
where she couldn't really say the things she was feeling
to her partner. She had to go online and ask
for support and help. And I think that's what happens
with the online community. You post something there, you have
to be prepared for what people are going to say.
So I enjoyed that chapter.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
I'm such a geek. It's like, I've never been on Reddit.
I didn't even so that whole chapter on you know,
I am am I the asshole. I'm like reading it, going, oh,
I need to go on Reddit and see. Like I
didn't even know what an OP was original poster. Okay,
So I didn't know that people just you know, ask
these questions and that people just go and respond on
(07:29):
this in this online community. So that was a learning
thing for me because I didn't know about it. So
now I'm actually going to go and take a peek
and see exactly what is going on on that on
that site.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
You know, I've been there before, but I don't really understand.
I've just you know, looking for certain answers about community.
And my brother was one who if you have a
question about anything in a new city, just do a
search on Reddit and somebody will provide that for you.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Exactly. Good to know, Yes, good too. I could have
used that in Montreal. I really, Oh yeah, I should have. Yeah, yeah,
just to try to navigate my way around that city.
What did you guys think about the short story Death
by a Thousand Cuts? And she talks about finding a
(08:21):
company that changes eye color. Yeah, it was super freaky
for me, super freaky.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Yeah, but isn't that even just go to Okay, so
maybe we can't relate to wanting to change your eye color.
When I was younger, I did have green and blue
contacts that I wore. But I think that just goes
to that whole thought process of wanting to change something
about yourself and going down that Google rabbit hole to
see if things like that exist because someone's made a
comment or said something, and in that case, it was
(08:49):
the boyfriend saying something like, you know about if she
had blue eyes or something like that, how the how
their kids would turn out. And yeah, I mean, that's
not something you can really change about yourself unless there
is I'm kinda is there a procedure like that. I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
I don't know if it exists.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
I think there is something similar. I'm pretty sure at
the back of the I guess we could ask her,
but I'm sure at the back of her books she
did mention a similar company or a similar procedure. But
you know, you can get you know, tattoos in your like, yes,
you can change the color of your eye with a tattoo. Now,
so oh yeah, it's I guess you could do probably
(09:30):
just about anything to change your appearance.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
But that one is, oh, it's such a.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Say well, and I think the area My sense was
like ick, I kind of and I wrote down one
of the lines that the author wrote about that particular
short story. It was embrace your natural beauty, discover the lighter,
brighter you. And I'm like, your natural beauty, and yet
you're saying, well, obviously your natural beauty isn't enough because
(09:58):
you want to change it. Yeah, that was kind of
a weird, weird sentence, and it just kind of oh, yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Well that's the interesting thing. Yeah, I think this novel
is one you don't read in one go, Like that's
what I did, because, like we said, we are twosed
to that. But I think it's like you, you know,
short story, You read the short story and then you
kind of take that time.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
To digest it.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
And because there was a there was like a learning
message in all these right, so it's it's just knowing
what it was. But yeah, like reading it in one go,
you're kind of mixing some of the messages up. So
I definitely, if I read it again, I would take
those pauses.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Yes, absolutely, times where I forgot that they were short
stories and did sort of the same thing, like kept
going in and wondering what happened to that relationship or
where where are we now?
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
I actually have a friend who, before she met her
husband and got married, for about a year, went out
on dates with a number of men. There were a
lot of She's she's a beautiful woman, very successful, had
a lot going on, so there were a lot of
men who she.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
Would you know, meet in the community.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
They were hobnobbing because of you know, events they were attending.
They were well to do men. She had no interest
in them. They had a lot of interest in her,
and she was so tired of saying no. When they
asked her out for a date, for a dinner date,
she finally decided, Okay, I'm going to say yes, and
she again did that for about a year with a
(11:25):
number of different guys. Nothing beyond the dinner, but I
think they were always thinking that it might go beyond that,
so they kept asking her.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
That is so great because yeah, in the book, there's
the whole topic of what is it foody? Foody call,
foody call, and around like not paying for your meal
or going on a date. And I think there was
an article like years ago that a woman actually admitted
that she didn't, you know, she went out six days
a week for like two years about free meals. But
I think in today's climate where grocery and everything is
(11:55):
so expensive, and if somebody.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Wants to whine and dine you and.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
They if it's been going on a year and they're
not getting anything else out of.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
It, maybe it's just you keep it going.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
I don't know what the answer to this is. If
someone was all raying, it's not like you're saying, can
you take me?
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Can you pay for me?
Speaker 3 (12:12):
But if someone's like I would love to spoil you
and take you out, sounds good.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah, you know. I had a situation about when I
first moved to Vancouver and I was twenty three. I
was pretty naive, but I went out for a date
with this guy don't even know how I met him,
and I offered to pay my share and he's like, no, no, no,
don't worry about it. Okay, fine, And then we walked
out to his car. It was the summertime. He was
in a convertible and I was just going to go
(12:38):
get the train home and he's like, well, aren't you
like we're going to go somewhere else after this, babe,
back to my players or whatever. I'm like, yeah, no,
I don't think so. And he called me a nasty
name and I took a twenty out of my purse
and I threw it at him and said some nasty
words to him, and I walked away. So it's like,
sometimes you offered to pay and they say no, and
(13:01):
then well they're something.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
And they're holding that exation.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Yes. Yeah, So that was like, oh still remember that.
Oh that's totally gosh, yeah, totally yeah. Yeah. But you know,
these stories, they're all they're about relationships. And you know,
one of the things that I actually have never thought about,
and and Shashi wrote it, is that you know when
you when you're swiping as a single and looking at profiles,
(13:28):
you go beyond the person that you're looking at, and
you're thinking about all the different lives you could have.
Like when you start to date someone, you start to
get to know their friends, and then you get relatives
and then you get a family. Right, So it's like,
I'm like, I never really thought of that, Like every
person has a different life. Every you could be going
into a different life, well, you would be right, And
(13:50):
I never thought that deep. And I thought that was
kind of interesting that she brought that up because I've
never ever thought of that, and all the Internet dating
and stuff that I've done, it was just like get
past the first date and then but then it is
about friends, family, all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
Yeah, and not being afraid to ask those questions like
you say when you're younger, if you meet your partner younger,
you're not really asking a lot of those questions. You
still haven't figured out your career. Like I met my
now husband when we were I was nineteen, So at
that point, I have not thought about a lot of things.
I have not thought about what I'm going to do
for you know, where I'm going to be working, where
(14:27):
I'm going to be living, how many kids were going
to have and all that, And it kind of just
came with time.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Before we got married.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
Like we were together about seven years before we got married,
so we had a lot of time to figure it out.
But at the same time, I think now, you know,
you as you get older, there's you don't have the
seven years to put into date.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
You're just like, what do you want your life? Do
you want children? Yes or no?
Speaker 3 (14:46):
What is your relationship with your family? Is family important
to you or you know, are we doing family with
you know, Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family?
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Like you have to kind of put it all.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Out there, and it can scare people who are just
looking for the casual hookup or whatever. But at the
same time, you know, we we can ask those questions
because you want to not waste time in your life.
You don't have that energy to date someone for years
and not have a plan for what you both want, Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
And you know I think about it. I mean, I
just got back from vacation and we met a bunch
of people that had you know, they're my age in retiring,
and I came away from that vacation with a couple
of observations and one of them was I need a
plan because I don't have one, and I'm getting older
and every year, you know. And the second one is like,
you know, I kind of related to some of these
stories where like, you know, I'm with somebody and like
(15:34):
I'm hearing them chew their food or I'm like I'm
hearing like little things that are like irritating me. And
I'm like, Tanya, i think you've been single too long.
Like I wonder, I wonder sometimes if maybe Anyway, I
went to this store in Parry Sound. Sorry, I'm going
on a bit in Parry Sound, which is above the Muskocas,
and this woman has a bookstore that has over three
(15:56):
hundred thousand books and she knows where all the books are. Anyway,
I happened to go into the relationship corner didn't even
know and I saw this book that said fix that
shit and what it is about. It's about maybe in
the relationship it's not the other person, maybe it's you.
And I picked up the book and I'm going to
read the book because I thought, well, you know, maybe
(16:17):
I need to look at myself in something. Sorry, I'm
going off on the ten. No, that's great though. That's
about relationships.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
Right, And that ties into am I the asshole?
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Right?
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Like when we start to think the other person is
doing something? And like even with my partner, right, like
had we met now, would we still want each other?
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Like we've kind of grown together.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
But like now at the age i'm at if I
am single, am I still choosing the same person? Or
have we just kind of grown to accept each other's faults?
We all have them. When it gets to the point
where it's too much, you have to understand, why is
this triggering me?
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Why am I so bothered by their actions? If they're
not bad actions?
Speaker 4 (16:56):
Right?
Speaker 3 (16:56):
Some people do toru loudly, some people snore, some people
do things and that's it's out of their hands. But
it's like, do you like dislike that person because of
those little flaws but overall they love you? Right, But
it's the have you guys seen Nobody Wants This? The
show with Christine Bell and Adam Brody?
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Okay watch this? Yes? Oh I love it? Okay, I
gotta watch it. You do.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
But it reminds me of like this one conversation around
like Tanya, you mentioned getting the ick or the ick factor,
where you know things are so great and then you
suddenly start to start to think, oh my god, yeah,
like they're chewing too loudly, or they don't do this,
the toilet paper is facing the wrong way, like you
get into your head. But it's like really is it
going to matter? And I think that's like what you said,
when we have to look at ourselves and understand why
(17:39):
is something bothering us?
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Like am I the well once I finished reading the book,
I'll be able to tell you. Oh yeah, yeah, I know.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
My mom had asked me a couple of times over
the years. She said, can you just stop and take
a moment and look at this person's good thing, like
the good don't always look at the neatives. If you
can look at their good things first, focus on that,
and then see where the bad things or what you
consider bad things are taking you, because you seem to
(18:10):
focus more on the bad than the good. And again,
not like really bad things, but it could be yeah,
just habits that that annoy you or things that you
wouldn't do.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
So I don't know. I think we do.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
I agree, we do get into our heads a lot more.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
But yeah, you know, and and my mom dad, My
mom said, and of course this was a thing a
few years ago, that that whole thing resting face. Hmm, right,
you've heard that, yes, And so my mom told me
one time we were in the store and this is
before she passed, and she said, she said, Tania. She says,
you know, you don't have a very pleasant look on
(18:46):
your face. She goes, nobody's ever going to like come
up to you because you look like you're such a
And I'm like, I have no idea, Like I don't
know that when I'm concentrating or I'm looking at something
that I get this look on my face and I'm like, ah,
maybe that's why. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
But we.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Can't always be smiling.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
There are moments you're thinking or you're pondering, and then
you know, it's like, oh, why do you.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Look at like that?
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Yes, but as long as if someone acknowledges you and
then you're not like hi, and it continues if you
can shift and say hello, But then I think we're okay.
But yeah, like again, this is a great I think. Yeah,
I think I would definitely go back and read these
slowly and really pick up on the messaging because there
(19:34):
is like a great message in all of them and
a lot of things to kind of ponder. And I
think we all the three of us have talked about
this that we're just kind of at that point when
we read a book, we think about it, we ponder it,
and then we look, it's there's reflection about what can
we be doing in our in our life to change
things that for the better for yourself?
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Right right? Absolutely? Okay, great reads.
Speaker 4 (19:57):
Yeah I do have to go back, Yeah I really
I do. It was a quick one, as always, lovely chatting.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
With you both.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
Lovely chatting, and as always, thank you to you for
listening along. You can always turn on your notifications to
know when the next podcast will be out. Our next
one will feature a Q and A with the author
of Death by a Thousand Cuts shushy Butt, so tune
in for that.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Have a good one.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
Thank you for kicking back and relaxing with us. We
hope you'll join us again on relaxing Reads.
Join us and unwine with a good book.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Welcome to relaxing reads.
Speaker 3 (00:06):
Hides Devin Halifax, Hide samont in Vancouver.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hey, it's Tanya and Edmonton. Well.
Speaker 4 (00:11):
Our latest read.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Death by a Thousand Cuts is a collection of short
stories and comes from author Shaw She Bought. A writer
discovers that her ex has published a novel about their breakup.
An immunocompromised woman falls in love, only to have her
body betray her after her boyfriend makes an insensitive comment.
A college student finds an experimental procedure that promises to
(00:33):
turn her.
Speaker 4 (00:33):
Brown eyes blue. A Reddit post about.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
A man's habit of grabbing his girlfriend's breast prompts to
shocking confession. An unsettling second date leads to the testing
of boundaries, and when a woman begins to lose her hair,
she embarks on an increasingly nightmarish search for answers.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
It's in these stories.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
I believe that many women will find very familiar moments
and ladies.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
I I don't know where to begin, because.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
I was hearing and seeing and feeling all of these
women in other women that I've known a bit of myself.
But I'm wondering if you've connected to one or all or.
Speaker 4 (01:17):
What are your thoughts.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
I mean, there were definitely some of them you connect with.
I think in each there were nine short stories total
in this book, and I think in each of the
stories there is a relatable moment. Maybe it's not to
the full extent, but I feel, yeah, it was a
really good look at to just sometimes our internal thoughts,
what we're thinking, that the things that we've experienced were
(01:38):
not alone and experiencing, like the one about the boyfriend
always grabbing, Like I've experienced that where it's just like
groping and all that, and it's like, no, no, you
can't just do that whenever you want, Like there still
has to be consent there, even if it's a partnership.
So that was interesting. The Giantess was an intern one
(02:00):
as well.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
For me.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
I think that was just a story about a woman
who was just afraid to take up space, and maybe
that was the overall theme, but that was.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
It was really interesting to kind of go through each
story and it changed up and I typically don't read
a lot of short stories, so it was I feel like,
you need more time to absorb each one before you move.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
To the next, orl it can.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
It's easy to kind of be like, wait, what is
that the same character or what happened? So that part
I had to kind of pause with. But yeah, interesting
read for sure.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Yeah I didn't know. I mean I just picked up
the book. Lastly, I went on vacation. I was on
a plane to Montreal and I thought, okay, well, good time,
grab a glass of wine and read the book. And
I found myself reading the first short story and then
the second, and then I'm like, no, Tanya, I think
you need to take some space between the stories and
(02:49):
just let them absorb. I mean, simone to your point,
it's just like with the other books that we've read,
we've had an entire book to digest and to really
connect with the character, and with short stories, you don't
have that much time, right, So I feel like you
just need to pay or I needed to pay just
a little bit more attention to what I was reading
and allowing myself to absorb the stories and then giving
(03:13):
it a space at the end of each one and
then and then starting it up again. So yeah, instantly relatable.
I think with these these stories deb you talked about,
it's like, you know, either with yourself or you know
somebody that you can relate to these stories, you know,
you know somebody. So I kind of felt the same way.
I mean, one of them that related to me really
(03:35):
was the Chicken and Egg about a woman who had
the most beautiful hair. I can just I imagined her
hair and I've never had beautiful hair like that in
my life. And she slowly loses it, and you know,
I went through that. I have a lot of fine hair,
but if I do lose hair, I see it. You know,
(03:56):
you start to see your scalp in that. And definitely
going through menopause, I've been experience and seeing hair loss
and talking to my doctor going no, you know, you
don't understand what it's like as a woman to lose
your hair, like it's frightening and you feel like your
body's betraying you, and there doesn't seem to be any answer.
(04:16):
And you know, they say it's stress, and it's like, okay,
well send me for a stress test. Then you know
it's like, well, we can't really do that because that's
not anyway, on and on. So I really felt this woman,
you know, I felt all her time she was going
to the doctor to find out why her hair was
falling out and not really getting an answer. So that
was sort of the most relatable personally for me. What
(04:37):
about you.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Guys, Yeah, that one I can relate to as well,
because I've got very fine hair, and I love this
time of year as we're approaching Halloween because I love wigs.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
I do have a collection of wigs.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
And I'm looking for excuses to wear them because most
of them aren't you know, your regular tones, the good colors.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
But yeah, I'm also going through that. But also.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
I you know, being a single woman and you know,
somebody or everybody thinking if you get into a relationship,
are you going to create a family? You know, So
the first story, I guess it was the first story,
wasn't it?
Speaker 2 (05:19):
The deal breaker?
Speaker 4 (05:21):
The deal breaker?
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Yeah, And I mean I'm sure there are many people
who have deal breakers when it comes to relationships, you know,
Is it a casual thing? Can we do this without
confirming that we need to move into so many weeks,
so many months, without having to.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
Check off this list?
Speaker 1 (05:40):
But yeah, I think there's always so much pressure on
a woman, no matter what the relationship status might be,
like if she's you know, into a serious relationship, they
both want to have kids or not having wanting to
have kids.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
I just think that a lot of these stories.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
If men were to read them, there might be a
lot of men who would, you know, kind of step
back and think, is this really how we treat to
Is this what women go through on dates all the time?
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Anything, yes, anything with like the microaggressions in some of
the dating stories, paying half your way on a date,
and being frugal with money, And that's always an interesting
topic in relationships.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
I really like the.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I'm an Apple or am I the Aster because I
think as we get older as women, we are taking
up a little bit more space or a little bit
more confident, and maybe we say things we don't sugarcoat them,
and so reading that sometimes I'm like, I just sometimes
say what's on my mind, and I don't know if
I should, like, you know, am I just trying to
be open and honest or is it coming across as.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Like I'm making a bit of a now, like you know?
Speaker 3 (06:48):
And so that was that was an interesting interesting one too,
where she couldn't really say the things she was feeling
to her partner. She had to go online and ask
for support and help. And I think that's what happens
with the online community. You post something there, you have
to be prepared for what people are going to say.
So I enjoyed that chapter.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
I'm such a geek. It's like, I've never been on Reddit.
I didn't even so that whole chapter on you know,
I am am I the asshole. I'm like reading it, going, oh,
I need to go on Reddit and see. Like I
didn't even know what an OP was original poster. Okay,
So I didn't know that people just you know, ask
these questions and that people just go and respond on
(07:29):
this in this online community. So that was a learning
thing for me because I didn't know about it. So
now I'm actually going to go and take a peek
and see exactly what is going on on that on
that site.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
You know, I've been there before, but I don't really understand.
I've just you know, looking for certain answers about community.
And my brother was one who if you have a
question about anything in a new city, just do a
search on Reddit and somebody will provide that for you.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Exactly. Good to know, Yes, good too. I could have
used that in Montreal. I really, Oh yeah, I should have. Yeah, yeah,
just to try to navigate my way around that city.
What did you guys think about the short story Death
by a Thousand Cuts? And she talks about finding a
(08:21):
company that changes eye color. Yeah, it was super freaky
for me, super freaky.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Yeah, but isn't that even just go to Okay, so
maybe we can't relate to wanting to change your eye color.
When I was younger, I did have green and blue
contacts that I wore. But I think that just goes
to that whole thought process of wanting to change something
about yourself and going down that Google rabbit hole to
see if things like that exist because someone's made a
comment or said something, and in that case, it was
(08:49):
the boyfriend saying something like, you know about if she
had blue eyes or something like that, how the how
their kids would turn out. And yeah, I mean, that's
not something you can really change about yourself unless there
is I'm kinda is there a procedure like that. I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
I don't know if it exists.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
I think there is something similar. I'm pretty sure at
the back of the I guess we could ask her,
but I'm sure at the back of her books she
did mention a similar company or a similar procedure. But
you know, you can get you know, tattoos in your like, yes,
you can change the color of your eye with a tattoo. Now,
so oh yeah, it's I guess you could do probably
(09:30):
just about anything to change your appearance.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
But that one is, oh, it's such a.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Say well, and I think the area My sense was
like ick, I kind of and I wrote down one
of the lines that the author wrote about that particular
short story. It was embrace your natural beauty, discover the lighter,
brighter you. And I'm like, your natural beauty, and yet
you're saying, well, obviously your natural beauty isn't enough because
(09:58):
you want to change it. Yeah, that was kind of
a weird, weird sentence, and it just kind of oh, yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Well that's the interesting thing. Yeah, I think this novel
is one you don't read in one go, Like that's
what I did, because, like we said, we are twosed
to that. But I think it's like you, you know,
short story, You read the short story and then you
kind of take that time.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
To digest it.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
And because there was a there was like a learning
message in all these right, so it's it's just knowing
what it was. But yeah, like reading it in one go,
you're kind of mixing some of the messages up. So
I definitely, if I read it again, I would take
those pauses.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Yes, absolutely, times where I forgot that they were short
stories and did sort of the same thing, like kept
going in and wondering what happened to that relationship or
where where are we now?
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
I actually have a friend who, before she met her
husband and got married, for about a year, went out
on dates with a number of men. There were a
lot of She's she's a beautiful woman, very successful, had
a lot going on, so there were a lot of
men who she.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
Would you know, meet in the community.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
They were hobnobbing because of you know, events they were attending.
They were well to do men. She had no interest
in them. They had a lot of interest in her,
and she was so tired of saying no. When they
asked her out for a date, for a dinner date,
she finally decided, Okay, I'm going to say yes, and
she again did that for about a year with a
(11:25):
number of different guys. Nothing beyond the dinner, but I
think they were always thinking that it might go beyond that,
so they kept asking her.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
That is so great because yeah, in the book, there's
the whole topic of what is it foody? Foody call,
foody call, and around like not paying for your meal
or going on a date. And I think there was
an article like years ago that a woman actually admitted
that she didn't, you know, she went out six days
a week for like two years about free meals. But
I think in today's climate where grocery and everything is
(11:55):
so expensive, and if somebody.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Wants to whine and dine you and.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
They if it's been going on a year and they're
not getting anything else out of.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
It, maybe it's just you keep it going.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
I don't know what the answer to this is. If
someone was all raying, it's not like you're saying, can
you take me?
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Can you pay for me?
Speaker 3 (12:12):
But if someone's like I would love to spoil you
and take you out, sounds good.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah, you know. I had a situation about when I
first moved to Vancouver and I was twenty three. I
was pretty naive, but I went out for a date
with this guy don't even know how I met him,
and I offered to pay my share and he's like, no, no, no,
don't worry about it. Okay, fine, And then we walked
out to his car. It was the summertime. He was
in a convertible and I was just going to go
(12:38):
get the train home and he's like, well, aren't you
like we're going to go somewhere else after this, babe,
back to my players or whatever. I'm like, yeah, no,
I don't think so. And he called me a nasty
name and I took a twenty out of my purse
and I threw it at him and said some nasty
words to him, and I walked away. So it's like,
sometimes you offered to pay and they say no, and
(13:01):
then well they're something.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
And they're holding that exation.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Yes. Yeah, So that was like, oh still remember that.
Oh that's totally gosh, yeah, totally yeah. Yeah. But you know,
these stories, they're all they're about relationships. And you know,
one of the things that I actually have never thought about,
and and Shashi wrote it, is that you know when
you when you're swiping as a single and looking at profiles,
(13:28):
you go beyond the person that you're looking at, and
you're thinking about all the different lives you could have.
Like when you start to date someone, you start to
get to know their friends, and then you get relatives
and then you get a family. Right, So it's like,
I'm like, I never really thought of that, Like every
person has a different life. Every you could be going
into a different life, well, you would be right, And
(13:50):
I never thought that deep. And I thought that was
kind of interesting that she brought that up because I've
never ever thought of that, and all the Internet dating
and stuff that I've done, it was just like get
past the first date and then but then it is
about friends, family, all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
Yeah, and not being afraid to ask those questions like
you say when you're younger, if you meet your partner younger,
you're not really asking a lot of those questions. You
still haven't figured out your career. Like I met my
now husband when we were I was nineteen, So at
that point, I have not thought about a lot of things.
I have not thought about what I'm going to do
for you know, where I'm going to be working, where
(14:27):
I'm going to be living, how many kids were going
to have and all that, And it kind of just
came with time.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Before we got married.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
Like we were together about seven years before we got married,
so we had a lot of time to figure it out.
But at the same time, I think now, you know,
you as you get older, there's you don't have the
seven years to put into date.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
You're just like, what do you want your life? Do
you want children? Yes or no?
Speaker 3 (14:46):
What is your relationship with your family? Is family important
to you or you know, are we doing family with
you know, Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family?
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Like you have to kind of put it all.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Out there, and it can scare people who are just
looking for the casual hookup or whatever. But at the
same time, you know, we we can ask those questions
because you want to not waste time in your life.
You don't have that energy to date someone for years
and not have a plan for what you both want, Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
And you know I think about it. I mean, I
just got back from vacation and we met a bunch
of people that had you know, they're my age in retiring,
and I came away from that vacation with a couple
of observations and one of them was I need a
plan because I don't have one, and I'm getting older
and every year, you know. And the second one is like,
you know, I kind of related to some of these
stories where like, you know, I'm with somebody and like
(15:34):
I'm hearing them chew their food or I'm like I'm
hearing like little things that are like irritating me. And
I'm like, Tanya, i think you've been single too long.
Like I wonder, I wonder sometimes if maybe Anyway, I
went to this store in Parry Sound. Sorry, I'm going
on a bit in Parry Sound, which is above the Muskocas,
and this woman has a bookstore that has over three
(15:56):
hundred thousand books and she knows where all the books are. Anyway,
I happened to go into the relationship corner didn't even
know and I saw this book that said fix that
shit and what it is about. It's about maybe in
the relationship it's not the other person, maybe it's you.
And I picked up the book and I'm going to
read the book because I thought, well, you know, maybe
(16:17):
I need to look at myself in something. Sorry, I'm
going off on the ten. No, that's great though. That's
about relationships.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
Right, And that ties into am I the asshole?
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Right?
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Like when we start to think the other person is
doing something? And like even with my partner, right, like
had we met now, would we still want each other?
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Like we've kind of grown together.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
But like now at the age i'm at if I
am single, am I still choosing the same person? Or
have we just kind of grown to accept each other's faults?
We all have them. When it gets to the point
where it's too much, you have to understand, why is
this triggering me?
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Why am I so bothered by their actions? If they're
not bad actions?
Speaker 4 (16:56):
Right?
Speaker 3 (16:56):
Some people do toru loudly, some people snore, some people
do things and that's it's out of their hands. But
it's like, do you like dislike that person because of
those little flaws but overall they love you? Right, But
it's the have you guys seen Nobody Wants This? The
show with Christine Bell and Adam Brody?
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Okay watch this? Yes? Oh I love it? Okay, I
gotta watch it. You do.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
But it reminds me of like this one conversation around
like Tanya, you mentioned getting the ick or the ick factor,
where you know things are so great and then you
suddenly start to start to think, oh my god, yeah,
like they're chewing too loudly, or they don't do this,
the toilet paper is facing the wrong way, like you
get into your head. But it's like really is it
going to matter? And I think that's like what you said,
when we have to look at ourselves and understand why
(17:39):
is something bothering us?
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Like am I the well once I finished reading the book,
I'll be able to tell you. Oh yeah, yeah, I know.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
My mom had asked me a couple of times over
the years. She said, can you just stop and take
a moment and look at this person's good thing, like
the good don't always look at the neatives. If you
can look at their good things first, focus on that,
and then see where the bad things or what you
consider bad things are taking you, because you seem to
(18:10):
focus more on the bad than the good. And again,
not like really bad things, but it could be yeah,
just habits that that annoy you or things that you
wouldn't do.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
So I don't know. I think we do.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
I agree, we do get into our heads a lot more.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
But yeah, you know, and and my mom dad, My
mom said, and of course this was a thing a
few years ago, that that whole thing resting face. Hmm, right,
you've heard that, yes, And so my mom told me
one time we were in the store and this is
before she passed, and she said, she said, Tania. She says,
you know, you don't have a very pleasant look on
(18:46):
your face. She goes, nobody's ever going to like come
up to you because you look like you're such a
And I'm like, I have no idea, Like I don't
know that when I'm concentrating or I'm looking at something
that I get this look on my face and I'm like, ah,
maybe that's why. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
But we.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Can't always be smiling.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
There are moments you're thinking or you're pondering, and then
you know, it's like, oh, why do you.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Look at like that?
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Yes, but as long as if someone acknowledges you and
then you're not like hi, and it continues if you
can shift and say hello, But then I think we're okay.
But yeah, like again, this is a great I think. Yeah,
I think I would definitely go back and read these
slowly and really pick up on the messaging because there
(19:34):
is like a great message in all of them and
a lot of things to kind of ponder. And I
think we all the three of us have talked about
this that we're just kind of at that point when
we read a book, we think about it, we ponder it,
and then we look, it's there's reflection about what can
we be doing in our in our life to change
things that for the better for yourself?
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Right right? Absolutely? Okay, great reads.
Speaker 4 (19:57):
Yeah I do have to go back, Yeah I really
I do. It was a quick one, as always, lovely chatting.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
With you both.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
Lovely chatting, and as always, thank you to you for
listening along. You can always turn on your notifications to
know when the next podcast will be out. Our next
one will feature a Q and A with the author
of Death by a Thousand Cuts shushy Butt, so tune
in for that.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Have a good one.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
Thank you for kicking back and relaxing with us. We
hope you'll join us again on relaxing Reads.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.