Not All Thoughts Are True

Overthinking (especially about the future) is rarely worth its price. Although learning from the past and planning for the future are essential, the real action is in the present.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
[ music].
Hi, this is Rob Sepich, andwelcome to Relaxing with Rob.
Back in episode 10,"StartingCollege Successfully," I briefly

(00:20):
suggested that you not believeeverything you think, or it'll
drive you nuts, especiallythoughts about the future.
Today, I'd like to go into moredetail on that point because
I've known too many people whosuffer from this kind of worry.
And by the way, I used to be oneof them.

(00:40):
We're not talking about thoughtdisorders, but just about times
when you find yourself obsessingabout possible problems, however
unlikely, and you wind up losingsleep over them.
Growing up, I remember that mymom framed one of her
needlepoint creations and hungit in our living room.
And it read,"Today is the'tomorrow' that worried you

(01:03):
yesterday, and all is well." Ithought the sentiment was kind
of lame.
But the older I got, the more Icame to see its wisdom.
A few years ago, around MemorialDay, I had an unusual bike
accident.
It was sort of minor at thetime, but it left me in extreme

(01:24):
pain all along one of my legs,basically from my toes up to the
middle of my back.
I had to use a wheelchair andthen a walker for several weeks,
and had a lot of medical teststo try to figure out what was
going on.
My wife joined me in anorthopedic surgeon's office in a
hospital and the physician wasstudying one of my MRIs, and he

(01:48):
found an area of edema on thefemur.
And he said,"I'm very worriedabout this." These aren't words
you want to hear from a doctor.
He said,"This could be leukemia,lymphoma, or multiple myeloma.
Let's get you an MRI withcontrast to figure this out."
Well, he left the office andafter a few minutes he came back

(02:11):
and he said,"We're getting youin at 8:00 a.m.
tomorrow morning." Wow.
It's a privilege to get suchprompt medical attention.
But it was also scary to getsuch prompt medical attention.
This was a perfect opportunityto worry and to overthink.

(02:35):
So on the way home from thehospital, we talked about it and
decided not to go online tolearn all about leukemia,
lymphoma and multiple myeloma.
Instead we watched a Netflixcomedy that night.
In other words, we had fears,but we chose not to focus on

(02:55):
them.
Fortunately, it turned out justto be none of those.
Just some severe nerve damagethat would heal over the course
of the summer at the rate ofabout a millimeter per day.
And I always think of thatsummer as my advanced seminar in
patience and gratitude.
There's a sports psychologist inChicago who works with

(03:18):
professional and Olympicathletes.
And I read an interview with hima while ago and he said, these
people spend about 80% of theirtime in the present moment.
And the rest of their attentionseems to be pretty evenly
divided between the past and thefuture.
He said they're just this way,whether they're competing or

(03:38):
not.
So I would describe this tostudents as a 10/ 80/ 10
division of attention.
It's what I aim for.
I'm certainly never 100% focusedon the present moment.
The young adults I know spendmost of their energy on the
future.

(03:59):
It's not precise, but when I askfor an estimate, it usually
comes out to about two thirds oftheir attention.
For example, you're takingclasses now, but you're figuring
out what you need next year tograduate on time.
Or you've got a part time jobnow, but you're really thinking
about how you're going to havethe energy for a full time job

(04:20):
sometime.
Or you're in a pretty solidrelationship now, but you're
wondering if it'll stay thatway, and if not, whose fault
will that be?
And how will you cope if youbreak up?
Does this sound at all familiar?
If so, as an experiment, can youreallocate just a bit of that

(04:45):
future-oriented focus into thepresent?
When we put more energy into thepresent, we're of course more
likely to help influence thefuture in the way that we want.
I've read several of the DalaiLama's books and was able to
attend one of his speeches aswell.

(05:05):
He's one of the most presentpeople I can imagine.
But one of my favorite images ofhim comes from a book of photos.
There was a photographer who wasgranted pretty close access to
him for several months and Ipaged through his book of
photos.
And there was one of himpreparing for a talk in New

(05:27):
York.
He was sitting on a bed in ahotel suite with a few other
people around him, and alongwith his notes and speech on the
bed, I think he had a pen in hishand.
I noticed a cup and saucer oftea on the bed, and like a small
plate of biscuits or muffins.
And the caption didn't pointthis out, but my reaction when I

(05:49):
saw that picture was,"Whoa, eventhe Dalai Lama multitasks!"
Maybe normally he's able toinhale the fragrance of tea
before mindfully savoring theflavor.
But when you're working on adeadline, what are you gonna do?
Of course I knew he was human,but with that photo he became

(06:14):
impressively even more so.
Which brings us back to that 10/80/ 10 division of attention
that the psychologist observed.
Of course, spend some time inthe past.
Learn from mistakes andsuccesses.
Try not to repeat our mistakes,but maybe instead make new ones.

(06:38):
And of course it's fine to spendsome time in the future; plan
for it.
Don't just let it happen to you.
But the place to really hangout, to really use our power and
have an effect is the present.
So if you're spending too muchtime in the past, can you say

(06:59):
something to yourself like,"I'vemade mistakes, and I'm more than
my mistakes." But if you'refocusing too much on the future,
can you say something toyourself like,"I have fears, and
I'm more than my fears." Likehow I felt on that night before

(07:20):
the MRI.
That way I was still able to geta good night's sleep.
So remember, since not allthoughts are true, we don't need
to spend too much time trying tochange them or control them.
Our effort is better spenthanging out in the present.

(07:44):
Thank you for listening, andwe'll talk again soon.
[ music]