We trace the link between emotional health and spiritual growth, and how loving your wounded parts turns pain into usable wisdom. Dean and HollyKem share stories, tools, and a simple framework for self-love that strengthens faith and marriage.
• healthy vs unhealthy religion and the cost of hiding pain
• seminary and street journeys that meet in purpose
• addiction recovery, family systems, and patterns
• loving others by learning to love yourself
• the “true self, wounded self, protector” model
• how belief forms under strong emotion and trauma
• making triggers smaller with attention and compassion
• practical steps for self-love and partner support
• trust as the bridge from belief to surrender
• resources: book, course, YouTube, live coaching
To follow HollyKem & Dr. Dean Sunseri head to iHaveAVoice.com to get the book, join Transform You, and watch 300+ free videos on their YouTube channel.
If you want to read host Sylvia Worsham's free chapter of her bestselling book, In Faith, I Thrive: Finding Joy Through God's Masterplan, head on over to her webpage at www.sylviaworsham.com
To download a free chapter of host Sylvia Worsham's bestselling book, In Faith, I Thrive: Finding Joy Through God's Masterplan, visit her website at www.sylviaworsham.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:02):
If you've ever struggled with fear, doubt,
worry, and wondering what yourtrue purpose was all about, then
this podcast is for you.
In this show, your host, SylviaWarsham, will interview elite
experts and ordinary people thathave created extraordinary
lives.
So here's your host, SylviaWarsham.
SPEAKER_03 (00:36):
Today are our famous couple, Dean and Holly Ken
Sensori.
And they're um a couple thathelps mold couples kind of does
coaching sessions in their ownpodcast.
And hopefully they'll be on ourpodcast soon.
And without further ado, guys,welcome to the show.
Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_01 (00:56):
Thank you so much, so yeah.
It's good to be here.
SPEAKER_03 (00:58):
Yes, we're excited.
It's incredible to see a newcouple come on board and share
their expertise with the rest ofus that are struggling out there
because there's so many peoplewho get these news nowadays.
They don't even work things outanymore.
And and so I when I I got thepublic um click on me like, hey,
(01:22):
here's a couple that does thisfor a living and fun.
How interesting.
SPEAKER_04 (01:25):
And I know you had um you had a master link in
theology.
Is that correct?
SPEAKER_05 (01:36):
Correct.
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (01:37):
That is something I want to get.
A master is really interested intalking to you today because and
making the connection with youbecause it's something that's
been in my heart for a while.
I call myself a spiritualtransformative coach, but for
me, it's it's more about puttingthat first and understanding how
(01:57):
to guide others towards that.
And I remember having fun andsaying, if you're gonna guide
others, you really should havethe schooling for that.
And so I started to get thepromptings to hey, go back to
school and get your masters intheology and kind of have a
combo of psychology and theologybecause there's always that
intersection and thatinterconnection.
(02:19):
People think, oh, the mind.
I said, Well, yeah, the mind isimportant to understand, but
it's also the soul and thespirit.
And because that's all three ofthose aspects are what makes us
one unique, right?
So I'm really interested ingetting in into your story of
transformation, how you came todo what you do.
(02:41):
Can you tell us a little bitmore about your story of
transformation?
SPEAKER_01 (02:45):
Sure, sure.
Well, you know, talking abouttheology, um, you know, I always
believe that I've learned overthe years, you can't have
psychological health withouthaving spiritual health.
But the opposite is true too, isthat you can't really have
spiritual health unless you havepsychological and emotional
health.
And so, uh, you know, way backwhen, when I was 16 years old, I
(03:10):
went to uh Catholic All BoysHigh School in New Orleans, you
know, we're a real Catholichere.
And I had a a pretty radicalencounter with the Lord at a
retreat.
It was a high school retreat,and you know, from that point
on, I I I knew that I wanted toserve him.
And being Catholic, that's kindof like pretty limited.
(03:31):
Uh, priesthood is the the thing,you know.
And so um you know, eventuallywent to the seminary and then uh
you know saw sort of the the thebest and the worst of of
Catholicism being close in theseminary and and eventually
never lost my calling, but butlost the desire for the
(03:53):
priesthood.
And it was at a time when therewas a lot of a lot going on in
my family.
Uh my parents were reallystruggling in their marriage.
Uh my dad's drinking had got toa level where it was uh becoming
a problem.
And really, you know, it wasinteresting because I was
struggling, but I I always hadspiritual health as a top
(04:15):
priority.
But I I went on a journey towhere I was really needed, knew
I needed to do somepsychological and emotional
health work and got into aseries of processes.
My dad went to treatment, made areal brave decision to go to
treatment in my early twenties,and you know, he's been sober
(04:37):
ever since, and it's been youknow 40 years ago, really.
And so I'm just so thankful forthat.
But at that time, you know, backin those days, the treatment
centers, you would stay for 30days, and the family members
would go the entire week on athird week called Family Week.
And that was a real eye-openingexperience for me.
I mean, I I could see thepatterns that I had developed
(05:00):
that weren't healthy, how uh Ihad been impacted by uh his
alcoholism, uh the familysystem, and was really focused
on coming out of that.
And as I came out of that wasthe same time that I began to
come out of the seminary.
And it's an interesting thing,you know, there's two types of
(05:21):
spiritual there's healthyreligion and there's unhealthy
religion.
And there's healthy religion,which actually helps you improve
your connection with God.
Unhealthy religion is using therituals and the the um the
religious system to escape beinghuman.
And so I had quite a combinationof both of those.
(05:43):
And really it was in thatprocess that I was going through
in in terms of recovering who Iam and coming out of uh a lot of
those things and having thatpurified, that it was during
that time that I met Holly Kim.
And Holly Kim had been on hersame journey, uh coming from a
very different place.
I mean, she was coming from thestreets, I was coming from the
(06:04):
seminary, but we were both onthe same journey.
And what what I discovered wasthat um really it's a tribute to
her and also the decisions Imade that our relationship has
really been easy.
You know, we've had we've hadissues, but the issues have been
from outside the relationship,it hasn't been within.
(06:26):
But I really can see now inhindsight, the reason was is
that we both had been committedto doing our emotional,
spiritual, and psychologicalwork for a number of years
before we met.
And because of that, it reallygave us a great foundation uh to
have a marriage.
And so, you know, we we'vecontinued to grow, and that's
become our life work was to helpothers have the same.
SPEAKER_02 (06:47):
Yeah.
Yeah, yes.
Well, that was a God thing.
Um I um I come from a highlydysfunctional family.
You know, I'm 64, and my parentswere divorced when I was
separated when I was six,divorced when I was eight.
And um I was the only my sisterand I were the only children in
(07:08):
our school that we come from aCatholic background, obviously,
in South Louisiana, that werehad divorced parents.
And even though it was a publicschool, it was like a little
Catholic school, you know,because everybody was Catholic.
So, you know, just and then mymother suffered from mental
illness that didn't reallyunderstand then, you know, like
I do now.
(07:28):
So through that process of umgrowing up and just trying to
survive, I became I think I wasborn this way, but I was a I'm a
recovering alcoholic and drugaddict, and I've been sober for
42 years.
SPEAKER_03 (07:44):
That's incredible.
SPEAKER_02 (07:45):
Congratulations to you, because that is a feat to
recognize that.
Thank you.
Um, yes, and that's continuoussobriety.
So, you know, it's you know,January 10th, 1983.
I've been working really hard,and um in that process, as a
little girl, I always lovedJesus.
(08:05):
You know, I've been a Jesusfreak since I was a little girl.
I didn't have a lot of rolemodels, and Jesus was just I
just learned that he for me, hewas a sweet Jesus, and um, that
he loved and he forgave, and Ifelt like he would understand.
Scared of God, totally scared ofGod, but um I thought there
(08:29):
might be some mercy theresomewhere, you know.
And um, even as a drug addict, Iwould pray to Jesus to help me.
Like I knew I had a problem, Ichewed dope with Jesus, you
know, I was a Jesus freak.
And um, which kind of doesn't gotogether, people are like, you
did what?
And I was like, Yeah, but Ibelieve that's why I got sober
(08:50):
at 22 years old.
Uh, I was also a convicted felonby the time I got sober and uh
was looking at 10 years in thepenitentiary, that uh, you know,
if I got in any trouble, that Icould go to prison for 10 years.
So, in that process of making adecision to find a different way
(09:12):
to live, and through uh I wassober two years when I left my
first husband, and uh, you know,took a little while to get a
divorce from there, but ended updivorced and just never looked
back, just kept working onmyself.
And whatever they said to do, Iwould do, I would do double.
(09:33):
Well, of course I'm an addict.
Of course I do double, right?
So if they said, you know, geton your knees and pray and ask
for, you know, everybody thatyou resent it, ask God to give
them everything you want, youknow, I'd wake up on my knees.
So I would just, you know,anybody I could think of every
(09:54):
night, I would just keep sayingit.
So it's just anything that, youknow, I was in the 12 steps,
anything, I would just do it, doit, do it.
And um, and what I what I'velearned about myself is that I'm
not a very competitive person.
Like I'm I'm very umcelebratory, and I think that
might be my culture.
(10:15):
If you ever come to our culture,you know, in New Orleans, South
Louisiana, we celebrateeverything.
So I'm very celebratory.
Whereas like you know, I I see abeautiful woman, it's like
you're so beautiful.
Like, you know, I just reallycelebrate things.
Um, and so I'm not competitive.
However, when it came to mysobriety and it came to my life,
(10:38):
I became extremely competitive.
That the family system I camefrom was not going to win, that
the drug addiction was not goingto win, alcoholism was not going
to win, that I was going to win.
And whatever that took, I woulddo it.
Whatever it was.
(10:59):
And there was there was no ands,ifs and buts about it.
Using was not an option, andbeing miserable was not an
option.
Like I didn't have the playbook,but I was going to fight and
compete, not with other people,but compete with that thing that
was trying to kill me.
(11:20):
That I that like I bought intoall the lies that I wasn't
enough, that I wasn't pretty,that I wasn't kind, that I
wasn't smart, that I wasn't umlovable, that I wasn't anything.
You know, I believed that I wasnothing.
So it was like that is what Iwas coming against.
And, you know, it's kind of likeLauren Daigle's song, you know,
(11:42):
What Do You Say I Am versus WhatDo I Hear I Am?
The voices in my head.
So it was like, that's what Iwas doing.
She wrote a song about what Iwas doing.
I we wrote a book about what Iwas doing.
So it's like in that, justreally fighting.
So through the process, youknow, I met Dean.
And I met Dean, and I guess Ishould tell you, it's tell a
(12:04):
story about what I meant.
It was kind of funny if you wanta funny story.
Um at the time I was in NewOrleans, I moved to New Orleans
working at a treatment center,uh, you know, one of the count
the counselor for the treatmentcenter for drug addiction
alcoholism.
And I got trained in that, andthat's what I did for 17 years.
And so in that process, asfriends around here, and we
(12:24):
didn't have cell phones then,right?
So we all would meet at a coffeeshop.
And, you know, if we're gonna doanything in the city where
alcohol is everywhere, you do itas a group, right?
So we meet at this coffee shopcalled PJ's, and I and my
roommate's there, and he tellsDean, you need to come dancing
with us because you're just soserious.
And so I see Dean, you know, andhe's really good looking, you
(12:48):
know, and I'm like, Oh wow, Iwonder who that guy is.
So we all go, we all I ask myroommate, I'm like, who's that?
And he goes, Well, he's in theseminary.
Well, I'm dyslexic and ADD.
I didn't even know what thatmeant didn't ask, and you know,
whatever.
So it's about 20 of us, andwe're going, and he ha Dean
happens to be walking next to meas we're going to this place to
(13:09):
go dance in the quarter.
And um, I said, Well, I said,Oh, I said, uh, hi, Molly Cam,
and you're Dean, is that right?
He says, Yeah.
I said, Well, I heard you're inthe cemetery.
How is it there?
Because you know I say thingswrong, but I didn't know I said
it wrong, okay, because I can't,you know, my audio's a little
(13:29):
off.
And he goes, Well, it's kind ofdead there.
I said, Well, that's that, youknow, that's not a good thing.
So, you know, we all go dancing,right?
And we're dancing around.
And then someone says to me, Imean, I'm not dancing with him,
you know, everybody just kind ofdanced together and I look and
somebody points a finger at himand says, That guy's gonna be a
Catholic priest.
And I got so excited.
(13:50):
I was like, This is fabulous.
Because remember, I'm a Jesusfreak, right?
So we come back and we'rewalking back, and so I run to
catch up with him.
And I'm like, I'm like, hey, Isaid, I hear you're gonna be a
Catholic priest.
And he goes, Yeah.
I said, I love Jesus.
Okay, because remember, I'm adrug addict and I'm a Jesus
freak, right?
(14:10):
And I said, I is there any waythat we could have coffee and
talk about Jesus?
And he's like, sure.
I said, people can't handle me.
Like, I, you know, like I lovehim.
I love God.
And so he was like, and at thispoint, I was probably uh almost
five years sober.
And so we would meet for coffeeand we would talk about God and
(14:34):
you know, just kind of our lifeand everything, and we became
best friends.
And then he was talking aboutleaving the seminary.
I had a relationship that I hadended, and so we were grieving
those things and just reallysoul searching to be the best we
could be with God.
And he fell in love with me.
(14:56):
I was like not worthy of thatbecause of my history, and I'm
four years older than him, andyou know, all of this stuff.
And he just hung in there until,you know.
I got her until until she, youknow, just said yes, finally,
right?
Yes, until I said yes.
And I, you know, I was like, Ihad to find out from God, is
(15:18):
this real?
Is this true?
And in July, on July 26th, we'llbe married 34 years.
SPEAKER_03 (15:23):
That's awesome.
Journeys are not linear.
It doesn't go from point A topoint B.
It goes from here to there tolike you gotta have like like
connect the dots, like when youwere kids, and we have to
connect the dots to make the tomake the picture come alive.
(15:46):
That's kind of where we see ourjourneys is very different.
And when God is in the mix, it'swhen that's world is in the mix,
it will happen.
I mean, he does use our choices,and sometimes we make a muck of
things because we don't hearhim, and we don't, especially
when we don't act on it.
(16:06):
Yeah, that's a muck of thingsbecause then it's start all over
again.
He has to convince people allover again that's problem and
problem and you know, he'sconstantly doing all that, and
and people don't realize howmuch he's working behind the
scenes, exactly.
SPEAKER_02 (16:24):
Because they're looking for that solution
immediately.
SPEAKER_03 (16:27):
Well, yes, because we we the the instant
gratification world nowadays,like our kids are I want it now,
and it's all about me.
Yeah, and and we find thatthat's what's been wrong for a
long time.
Yeah, the whole concept ofoneness with God, I think, is
missed entirely in our society.
(16:51):
And it was the conversation Ihad prior to to y'all being on
the podcast.
The three interviews I've had,the you've been the third one,
have all had a theme of beingone with God.
Yes, everything with differentbackgrounds, like completely
different backgrounds, differentlanguage, same thing, same
(17:11):
story.
SPEAKER_04 (17:12):
Of I am God, we are one, and if you love me and you
keep me up front and center, andyou love others the way I love
you, you guys will be okay.
That's right.
Yeah, when you get out of thatis when you're not okay.
SPEAKER_03 (17:27):
Exactly.
And I know it sounds so simple,but in reality, that concept is
very hard for people tounderstand.
The oneness with God.
Like, how do how do I let go ofmy control?
Yeah, how do I need to control?
SPEAKER_01 (17:42):
The other dimension of that, uh, Sylvia, is is to
love God and to love others.
But Jesus was real clear, hesaid, love others as you love
yourself.
SPEAKER_05 (17:52):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (17:53):
And, you know, that's a lot of the work that we
do is that we're incapable ofloving someone else if we
haven't loved ourselves in thosesame places.
And what I mean by that, I meanif say that I lost a loved one
and was never didn't reallygrieve that loss and was
(18:13):
carrying the pain of that lossinside of me.
Well, that makes it me unable tolove Holly Cam when she loses
someone close to her.
Because her grief reminded me ofmy grief, and so the way I keep
my grief from coming to thesurface is by shutting her down.
And she feels unloved.
But on the opposite of that, ifif I've been able to be loved
(18:37):
and embrace it and others, mycommunity embrace me, and I've
worked through that grief whenHolly can lose someone that she
loves, I'm able to walk herthrough that and to be there
with her.
And so what we we helpindividuals realize that that
loving others and loving aspectsof yourself that you seem to
(18:58):
believe are unlovable, whetherit's through your behaviors or
experiences or pain that you'vehad.
No, we gotta learn to embracethat, not give it power, but
embrace it.
But as you do embrace that, thenyou're able to embrace that in
others.
So that's that's really one ofour our foundational ideas that
(19:18):
we teach a lot, is that youryour greatest uh your greatest
pain or your greatest secret canbe transformed into your
greatest treasure.
And so whatever our greatestpains are, when they get
transformed by loving the peopleloving us in it by the love of
(19:40):
God, it actually getstransformed into the very thing
that we're able to give toothers, and it becomes a great
treasure.
And that's what we say, okay, wecan't be ashamed of our lives,
our experiences, of the thingsthat we're carrying.
We need to bring it to light, weneed to learn to love it, not
(20:03):
agree with it, not empower it,learn to love it, and have it
transformed so that it canbecome a great treasure to
helping healing others.
SPEAKER_03 (20:13):
You brought up an an amazing point.
And we do want to ask thequestion, how do you love that
part of yourself?
Because people don't they don'teven know where to start.
Yeah.
The concept of self-love.
Can you guide us a little bit onthat?
SPEAKER_02 (20:31):
Yeah, we wrote a whole book on it, and we have an
online course and we do thisevery day.
Um, and it's a great question.
It's that I remember for myself,you know, when I was sober about
two years, I was in a halfwayhouse, about a year and a half,
I was in a halfway house, andbecause I was suicidal.
And Jerry, I couldn't sleep onenight, and I got up and the lady
(20:53):
that worked there, her name wasJerry, and she was like talking
to me, you know, and she's like,You uh she asked me if I loved
myself, and I was like, that'sconceited.
Like that was all I everunderstood.
And um, no, and she's like,Well, I'll love you until you
can.
And that right there changed mylife, that statement and that
(21:18):
truth.
And I just wept and wept andwept because I'd never heard
that.
I never really heard anybody saythey love me, but unless they
wanted something from me, likemy first husband.
And I was still married to himat the time.
So I didn't, I'm not gonna sayhe didn't love me, but it was,
you know, it was conditional bythis point in our life.
And so, in that it was justlike, you know, this is the
(21:41):
journey, this is the realjourney.
And so for me, what God showedme was that there's a part of me
that who he made me to be, mytrue self, who I really am.
And that got smothered by mywounded part of my life, that
everything that I ever beenwounded from from birth to
(22:03):
today, there's a part of methat's like a like has a bucket
full of rocks.
And every time I'm not able tolove that thing that just
happened, maybe for myself oranother person, I didn't give it
enough love.
It's it's like a rock that, youknow, maybe I gave it 10% love,
so it's still a rock that needs90% of love.
It kind of goes in that bucket,and so through my whole life, I
(22:26):
had this bucket full of rocksthat deserve and need more love.
And then there's another part ofme that my true self doesn't
know how to handle that, right?
So there's another part of methat I create, and it's called,
we call it the protector part,and that part protects me from
getting any more rocks.
So if I've been wounded in arelationship and I'm divorced,
(22:49):
that means my protector doesn'twant to get married again,
right?
So even though I may want to bemarried, that part says, nope,
not doing that.
And then, you know, it's like Iget hurt by friends, so it's
like I'm always guarded aroundfriends, right?
So it's hard to get new friends,even though I'm lonely and I
want a friend.
So it's like this part of methat wants to protect me from
(23:11):
all of that.
And so what God showed me wasHolly come that okay, all three
of those are you.
It's just like you have a liver,you have a kidney, and you have
a heart.
Okay, they're all a part of you,but they're all three different
things that do different things.
So it was like, how to put theemotional world and the spirit
world, the soulful life, how doI put that so I can see it?
(23:35):
And as a dyslexic, I see inpictures.
So it's like there's a I putlike there's a part of me that
thinks, sees, and feels like awounded little girl.
And then there's another part ofme that thinks, feels, and sees,
like Beth Dutton on protect mefrom ever getting hurt again,
okay?
Now everybody has their ownBeth.
(23:56):
Sometimes it's a June Cleaver,sometimes it's a really nice
person, sometimes it's uh it'suh uh avoidance person,
sometimes it's uh a CEO or ElonMusk, you know, like whatever it
is.
So it's like mine looks likeBeth Dutton, okay?
So in that, it's like, you know,they're in front of me.
And so I had to learn that Ihave to love the wounded part of
(24:19):
me, the little orphan ShirleyTemple, and I had to learn to
love the Beth Dutton in me.
That no matter how they thought,how they saw the world, and how
they felt, that me as theiradult person that God has put
the word in, that I've worked sohard, that these parts of me
deserve to be loved.
(24:41):
Yes.
So no matter how they see it,the goal here is not to give
them the power where I'mspeaking or I am reacting to the
world out of those thoughts,feelings, and beliefs.
But instead of me being theperson that has to fix all of
that and make it go away where Inever feel those rocks again and
(25:01):
I never get triggered, and Inever think like Beth Dutton,
like that, you know, thing that,you know, like get those people
away from me or let me run away.
It's like, no, I learn andteach, and Dean and I do.
We teach how to love that wound,listen to it, love it, learn how
to love that part of me thatwants to flight or you know, um
(25:23):
run away or avoid and love that,and then it gets really quiet,
and then I can hear myself and Ican get connected to God.
SPEAKER_05 (25:33):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (25:34):
That's an awesome explanation.
SPEAKER_03 (25:37):
Actually, brought me back that was giving me a vision
as you were speaking.
Back in 2020, I had the same asI was writing my first book,
which was A Radical Obedience toGod, it'd been prompting me for
years, and I've been telling himno.
(25:57):
And when 2020 did, he's like,it's time, trust me, you need to
do it now.
And then what I did, excuse me,because what happened was he was
trying to teach me the conceptof self-love.
And I couldn't understand theconcept until I reflected back
on the wounded parts of me, ofmy mind, of how my ego was
(26:23):
playing a role in it.
My ego not being because the egois the self-image, but it was
comprised of belief systems thathad been formed long ago by
trauma and by experiences, good,bad, ugly experiences, because
we have good beliefs like wehave bad beliefs about
ourselves.
And we don't even realize whatthey are until you start asking
(26:49):
the right questions, until youstart reflecting and asking God
to show you what are the answersto this.
I had gotten to a point where myanxiety was hurting the marriage
and it was hurting theparenting.
My my children were were feelingmy anxiety, and it was just it
(27:09):
was bad all the way around.
And I decided from one day tothe next to end that anxiety, to
start meditation, because that'swhat God put in my heart to do.
He said, You need to startmeditating and creating new
pathways, Sylvia.
You've got to you have it withinyou.
And in one of those meditations,it was a really interesting
(27:30):
vision.
He gave me the three differentpersons.
So he gave me my baby self.
I took out a picture of when Iwas a toddler, of the person it
created me to be before all thetrauma and all the junk came.
And then I had a picture of meafter my high school graduation,
which is when I had gotten sobullied so extensively in high
(27:54):
school that it had impacted mybelief systems to a degree that
it was now impacting mymarriage.
And so I had all these picturesand I made peace with them.
No, and as you were talking, Iwas like, oh my goodness.
He shared with me the same thingin a different way.
Right.
(28:14):
As I was meditating, I wascoming to terms with loving
those parts of me instead ofbeing ashamed of them.
SPEAKER_05 (28:22):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (28:22):
Because I was ashamed of being weak, so weak
that people bullied me.
Yeah.
And yeah, go ahead.
SPEAKER_01 (28:30):
Yeah, what's beautiful about that is you
know, the original question youhad was how do you love
yourself?
And you know, how do you loveanother person?
If if my son is distressed aboutsomething, how do I love him?
Is I see him and I pay attentionto what he's saying.
(28:50):
I attend to what he's saying.
If Holly Kim's distressed orupset, how do I love her?
I need to see her and see whatshe's going through, and I need
to hear her with a caring earand to understand.
And as simple as that sounds, Imean that's a lot of what we do
in counseling and in coaching.
Is that we're we're we're seeingand we're we're hearing, we're
(29:16):
apprehending what's going on.
So it's the same thing we do forourselves.
Like you were describing, I sawa part of me before it was
untouched by the painful thingsof life.
And I saw it and I recognizedit, I reconnected.
And I saw the uh the teenagerwho had been bullied and who had
(29:38):
developed certain beliefs basedon the injuries and the the
trauma of the bullying.
But I saw her and began tounderstand her, and just by
having a picture, began todevelop a relationship with that
part of you.
And as you do that, that'sthat's loving yourself.
You're seeing and you'reattending to.
(30:00):
And when we do that, then itdevelops a self-compassion, just
like it does when we do it withanother.
And it starts as in a healingprocess because you know the
only thing that heals is love.
Yes.
And you know, we we learnedthis.
We have a a good friend of ourswho's a pastor in Juarez,
Mexico, Pastor Pancho Marguilla.
(30:23):
And Pancho is awesome.
He's the most extraordinary man.
SPEAKER_02 (30:27):
He's a rock star for Jesus.
SPEAKER_01 (30:28):
He began a prayer movement in Juarez.
Juarez was the murder capital ofthe world.
5,000 people.
SPEAKER_03 (30:36):
I come from South Texas.
I come from the other border.
So I'm very familiar withClarence.
And I both my parents areMexican.
SPEAKER_01 (30:44):
So you would love Pancho.
You would love Pancho.
But Pancho started a movement ofpraying for the Sicarios,
adopting them, praying for thecity of Juarez.
He stood up in the hill.
He said, Juarez, you're nolonger an orphan.
You've been adopted by God.
You've been adopted by me.
(31:06):
And within in 19 months, themurder rate went down 70%.
It was unprecedented.
But it was interesting.
We were interviewing Poncho andhe said, Dean, you know, Dean in
Holly County, you can't changeanything you don't love.
(31:26):
If you can't learn to love it,then you can't change.
You can't change a scicariountil you learn to love them.
You can't change.
And he said, We learned to lovethe city, and it started to
change.
And so that insight was sorevolutionary, but it's so
simple.
But I said, Well, that's thesame thing for our internal
life.
We can't change anything aboutourselves that we can't learn to
(31:48):
love.
Doesn't mean we agree with, justlike you don't agree with the
Sicario does, but you learn tolove it.
And then it's in that processthat things begin to change.
And so, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (32:02):
It's like loving the the part of you that was so hurt
by the b bullies.
You know?
And by loving her, even thoughthe best she could do was what
she did, you know, it's like notfight 'em or hide or believe
something that they said.
No, we're not happy about it,but it's what she did to
survive.
(32:23):
I mean, she had to do that.
SPEAKER_05 (32:24):
I had to do that to survive.
SPEAKER_03 (32:26):
I had to.
And that's right.
When I wrote about it, it wasinteresting how God was showing
me how the beliefs had beenformed and how they were
impacting my present moment.
SPEAKER_06 (32:39):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (32:39):
You know, so I mean that's it.
Like your relationship withGod's so real, I can tell you
right now, because for me to getlike for me to explain that to
people, and in in the Christianworld, we call it a strong,
unhealthy stronghold, right?
Which is an unhealthy beliefsystem, right?
So it's like, but God showed youlike this belief of whatever it
(33:02):
is, is not who I say you are,and it is not you.
And by you separating that andloving that part and like being
kind, like this is what she hadto do to survive.
And I don't want to live thereanymore because I'm not in
survival.
I live in love, I live in, youknow, who cares about me.
Right.
Right?
SPEAKER_03 (33:22):
Because we're identifying in Christ now.
You feel we identified with thewound, yes, the wound itself.
And once you separate that, it'sit's now but people see people
love because they need tocontrol that.
They know how to control that.
That's right.
They know how to lose in thewound.
(33:44):
That's all they know.
SPEAKER_02 (33:45):
And it's so tough.
Yeah, and a lot of us are taughtin the church is that is that it
the word is going to take itaway.
Okay.
Is God is the word, Jesus is theword, okay?
It became life, it became flesh,it's real.
However, if that was if that wassolely true, okay, that if I
(34:09):
just believe the word, that it'sgonna go away.
If that was solely true, youknow, I'm just from Louisiana,
I'm gonna just pick on uhPastor, you know, uh Jimmy
Swaggard, okay.
We know he knew the word, heknows the word, he teaches the
word.
More people have been saved allover the world, this huge
ministry.
(34:30):
However, he had a wound that forwhatever reason he believed to
sweep it under the rug.
Okay, not because he's a badperson, he had a wound, but by
sweeping it under the rug andbelieving that it was just gonna
go away, that he would be okay,but it didn't.
(34:51):
And then that wound needed avoice, that wound needed to be
loved.
I'm not saying by the world, byhim and whoever was safe, but he
just kept sweeping it away,okay?
And through that process, heacted it out.
SPEAKER_04 (35:06):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (35:07):
And was that it's gonna come out, it's gonna come
out because we're human.
SPEAKER_01 (35:14):
We either talk it out or act it out.
SPEAKER_02 (35:15):
We talk it out or act it out, and in a safe place.
I'm not just saying, you know,you go to the pulpit and say
whatever, whatever.
I'm just saying that, you know,and then the devastation for
himself and his family and thecongregation and the world and
people who turn away from Godbecause of this man, and you
know, that's about them.
But I'm just saying that yes,the word works.
Like I had a creative miracle.
(35:37):
I had a I had a liver that wasfailing or failed, and I needed,
you know, God to heal it.
And I got a creative miracle.
I have a new liver.
I got it in uh 412 of 05.
Okay, have a perfect liver, nohepatitis, had hepatitis B since
I was 17.
I'm completely healed.
Okay, I know a lot of peoplethat have liver problems and
(35:57):
need a new liver, but noteverybody gets one.
They might believe the word ofGod more than me.
Okay, I only had learned thatGod healed like in the real
world, like a creative miraclefor two weeks when I got a
liver.
Okay.
Some people have been believingthat for 50, 60 years and they
don't get one.
So it's like I'm not saying itcan't happen.
(36:18):
But what I am saying is that wehave to love what is there.
And if God gives us the creativemiracle where he zips it and I
never get triggered again andit's gone, it's like, and he
zips my you know, protectivesystem from that set situation
and belief system, fantastic.
But I still have to do my workin case I'm the one for 50 or 60
(36:42):
years that maybe, just maybe,I'm going away, working fine,
did all my work, and I gettriggered.
I watch a movie, I gettriggered, and then my
protector, that belief systemcomes.
Like, how do I love it after allof that time and still go back
in and do this?
It's it's like I always talkabout the Vietnam vet, you know,
(37:04):
a wife and him come to me andthey're very upset.
She's very, very upset becauseevery night for the last 30
years, I have to get aflashlight with him and go look
around the house to make surethere's no gooks in the house
before he can go to sleep.
And I'm sick of it.
What can you just fix this?
I don't want to do it anymore.
And you know what my answer is?
(37:25):
Not only are you gonna get aflashlight, you're gonna get
three and four of them, andyou're gonna say, before he says
anything, honey, let's go.
Let's go.
It's just a pattern of hisbehavior, it's his mind.
It's his mind.
It's his mind.
Guess what?
You loving him in this sadsituation that he lived in so
much fear in the jungle that ifyou just be the head of it and
(37:49):
say, just like we had athree-year-old, let's go look
for the monsters, let mama showyou there's no monsters, you
would do it for athree-year-old, you wouldn't
even think twice about it.
That one day he they're gonnasay, I don't need to look
anymore.
SPEAKER_01 (38:01):
Right.
You know, that this this is thestronger the beliefs are this
the stronger the emotionalimpact of an experience is
directly proportionate to howstrong the beliefs will be
internally.
SPEAKER_05 (38:17):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (38:17):
So that's why trauma is such a difficult thing
because you have this hugeemotional experience, but those
belief systems that come withthat trauma get impacted so much
deeper because of the highemotional experience.
That hur that happens both forthe good and the bad.
In the sense that a realcelebratory experience that's
(38:38):
really exciting, the beliefsystems that get entrenched with
that become entrenched deeper.
A traumatic experience, it getsentrenched deeper.
That's why it needs to be youneed to know what the beliefs
are, like you were saying.
But we you need to you need tovalidate and love the experience
and and kind of break up theemotional entrenchment of it,
(39:00):
because then that starts tobreak up the belief system.
SPEAKER_03 (39:04):
What to be true in the writing of the book, and I
agree with you, is that thefeeling is central.
The feeling kind of gives youthe biggest clue, the mind.
And that feeling is attached tothis pattern of behavior that
shows up, like your protectorthat you were talking about, Ali
Kim.
And it has the trigger isattached to it as well.
(39:26):
There is there's several thingsattached to it.
The belief is attached to thefeeling as well.
When that feeling shows up, thethe belief kicks intogether and
it promotes the thoughts, andthen the thoughts become the
feeling.
Once the feeling comes above,then we have this reaction to
that feeling.
And sometimes we form habitsaround those reactions.
(39:46):
Yeah, and that's what's thepattern of behavior.
The protector comes out, thecontroller, you know, the one
that has to control theircircumstances.
I called her the securityseeker.
This came out and she wanted tocontrol her circumstances after
major trauma at the age ofseven.
And that's how the book starts.
The book starts with the trauma,and I share how the mind kind of
(40:10):
the feeling is the big clue.
And you can start to identifywhat those beliefs are when you
sit in reflection and you askGod to show you because God will
show you, He'll say you gottawait.
SPEAKER_01 (40:23):
Yeah, I had a I had a lady one time that just uh it
opened my eyes to the power ofhealing that's possible for
everybody.
And she had a schizophrenicfather who tortured her, raped
her, you know, just uh justhorrendous, horrendous.
And she was talking to me.
We were waiting in line to gointo a conference, and I was
(40:45):
like, This this woman should bein and out of psychiatric
hospitals on all kinds of psychmeds, you know, unable to
function given her history.
But she's just as normal as canbe.
So I said, Can I ask you aquestion?
She said, Yes.
I said, How are you doing sowell given your history?
She said, I can tell you exactlywhy.
She said, I went out there,there was a a revival in
(41:08):
Toronto, Canada.
I lived in Detroit.
She said I would go to thatrevival on Thursdays, Fridays,
I'd stay there till Sunday.
And God's presence was so strongwe just lay on the floor and
soaked in his presence.
So she said, When I was layingin his presence, he started
bringing back to memory theexperiences I had with my father
(41:31):
and started almost pulling himout.
And I said, Wow.
And she said, But that's notwhen I got better.
I said, What she said, Icontinued to soak in those
experiences.
She said, then God started toshow me the things that I said
about myself and to herself toherself when those things
(41:52):
happened.
And when he started to removethose belief systems, then I
started getting better.
She said, in my twenties, I wasin and out of psychiatric
hospitals, I couldn't function,I was this and that, this and
that.
So, but after these experiencesof having these the memories,
but also the belief systemsremoved, reminded and removed
(42:14):
while I was laying in God'spresence, was when I started
getting better, and now I hold ajob, I have lots of friendships,
I'm no longer on any psych meds,I no longer see a psychiatrist,
and was per uh healed at anunbelievable level.
And I've never forgotten thatbecause it's not only the
experiences, but like we'reidentifying, it's the belief
(42:34):
systems connected to thoseexperiences, right?
And when they're handled in aloving context, or spiritually,
in her case with God, thenthat's when full healing can
occur.
SPEAKER_03 (42:45):
Right.
Absolutely.
And I do believe that sowholeheartedly.
I think that's like a reallygood visual that I found during
2020 was of standing in themiddle of a tornado and having
certain belief systems beingpulled out of me and visualizing
that because I'm visual that youreally can.
Yeah, I gotta visualize this,and and it thumbs all the way to
(43:08):
the sky where God is with hisarms widespread open, receiving
that from me.
And I would visualize thatbecause you see, what most
people right there is beautiful.
You saw that thing, yeah.
And what I kind of guide peopleon is you gotta give this to
(43:29):
God.
You cannot do this alone.
This is not alone sucks forstarters, and alone takes
forever to do.
You know, God, the things thatare impossible for him are so
like impossible for us are sopossible for him.
He just can quiet the ocean justby saying quiet, and that's it,
(43:50):
and it's done, you know.
But you gotta give it to him.
Yes, you gotta give it to him,you gotta give it to him, and
you gotta release it becausewe're holding on so tightly to
those beliefs.
Like it's what does my husbandsay when they say the comfort
zone versus like when youstretch outside of the comfort
zone?
He goes, I wouldn't call itcomfort zone, I would call it
(44:11):
misery zone.
It's a miserable and that'sgreen, and he's right, we're
still miserable, we're stillmiserable, and we're holding on
because it's all we know, it'sall it's all we know, and and
God is trying to show us here'sthe better way, honey.
Let me show you.
Let me gotta let go first, yougotta trust.
(44:32):
And the the trust part is Ithink where most people get
stuck.
They believe in them, but Ialways remind them, well, great,
that's great that you believe inthem.
Unit state believes in them too,right?
Even exist if you know, and andeven like even women exist if we
didn't believe, right?
(44:53):
Yes.
So we gotta go past the belief,we gotta go into the trust, and
for trust, it you gotta let go.
Yeah.
And and so I I have had such ajoyful time with both of you on
the show because I think there'sbeen so much wisdom shared,
particularly around the subjectmatter of self-love and healing
(45:13):
our past wounds, because it isimportant.
Uh, is your purpose here tostay, or do you find this as a
seasonal purpose in life?
SPEAKER_02 (45:23):
Oh no, this is this is our life, this is our
lifestyle, and our goal is toteach this lifestyle.
So, you know, it's uh it's beenthis way since we've been
together, you know, for 35years, and we've been teaching
this this whole time.
And uh I've been teaching it for40 years, and he's been teaching
(45:44):
it, you know, as long as we'vebeen together.
So it's you know, it's our book,it's our course, you know.
We have wrote a book called TheRoadmap to the Soul, which shows
how to do this.
It's like a workbook, and that'swhat we use in everything we do,
and then and but we live this.
And then now with the internet,like you know, we have an online
(46:06):
course where we take youthrough, we do the videos, the
online demand, and then we giveyou assignments to do, um, and
then application, you know, andthen we have online course, we
have online coaching twice aweek.
So they come on and they askquestions and we teach and we
coach them uh how to get thisinto them, where they're in a
(46:29):
they're in a constant mindset ofhow to love themselves.
And then it what happens by themdoing that, they're able to see
it in others and go, okay,that's not my husband's true
self that's talking to me.
You know, that's not my child'strue self, that's not my
mother's true self.
And then they're like, okay, Idon't need to react to this,
(46:52):
yeah.
And how to be kind internally tothemselves, and then how to
receive and how to live out oftheir true self, but always
knowing that at any moment itcould come up, you know, how to
work out, and how not to feellike a failure, like, oh God, I
didn't do my work, but how to goin and love it, and so they
(47:15):
could get back to what theirrenewed mind with the word of
God says, and living that, butnot be controlled by the other
parts.
So, yeah, this is this is aforever thing.
SPEAKER_03 (47:27):
So, how how do we buy your book and and get on
your online course?
Where do we reach you at?
SPEAKER_01 (47:34):
Yeah, the easiest thing to do is to go to our
website, i have a voice.com.
And that'll have our YouTubechannel.
You can purchase the bookthrough that.
SPEAKER_02 (47:44):
Yeah, I love it.
SPEAKER_01 (47:45):
Uh we have uh transform you is our online
coaching program.
So I have a voice.com is thebest way to connect with us.
SPEAKER_03 (47:53):
That's awesome.
And I I'll definitely be on yourwebpage purchasing your book
because I do I love to supportthe people I have on the podcast
because I'm supporting yourlight and sharing your light
with the world, with myaudience.
And the more we do that witheach other, the more we will
spread as much love as we can.
(48:14):
But like you said, love isreally the solution, it's it's
the only way, it's the onlything that can um get rid of all
the evil and the out there inthe world.
And I've thoroughly enjoyedhaving you guys on the show.
Any last words before we signoff?
SPEAKER_02 (48:36):
Yeah, I was gonna say we also have a YouTube
channel called I Have a Voice.
And if you put our last name in,Sarah, you get to it really
quick.
But it has over 300 videos fromuh 30 seconds to an hour on all
subjects, and it's all free.
So for somebody that, you know,maybe looking up about addiction
(48:56):
or marriage or affairs oranything, we, you know, Dean
always posts things that we door teach, the grief process,
anything so people can get thatfor free.
Because not everybody can afforda course or go to counseling
because when I was gettingbetter, you know, it was like I
didn't even understand that Iwas worthy of that, right?
I would go get my hair done andbuy new shoes, but I didn't
(49:17):
understand that, okay, I can letthat go and go spend your money
here.
But if you don't know, you don'tknow.
So we wanted to make, you know,there's some things that you pay
for, but there are other thingsthat are free.
And then the podcast is alsowhere we do the coaching live.
And that's called Transform YouLive Coaching, but we do that so
people could see you don't haveto be afraid of going to
(49:40):
counseling or going to coaching,that it's a great thing, and you
get to learn how to loveyourself.
So, you know, and that I guessthe last thing for me is that
you're worth it no matter whatyou've gone through, what's
happened to you, you are worthfinding out and recovering your
true self.
SPEAKER_01 (49:58):
Yeah, and I and I would add to that, Sylvia.
We you know, we bless you andyour work.
Uh we can tell just by talkingwith you that you have you're
committed to your spiritualgrowth, sharing it with others,
wanting to help as many peopleas possible.
So we ask the Lord's blessingupon you and your ministry, and
may it expand and reach all thepeople that he needs to reach
(50:20):
through you.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (50:21):
I appreciate that so much.
It actually filled me withemotion as you were saying that.
So I know the Holy Spirit is inthe room.
And I appreciate that very much.
Because I actually asked him fora sign this morning.
It was interesting.
And he said, What do you want meto do with this podcast?
Do you want me to continue thisor not?
Or what do I how do I continueto express my love for you?
(50:44):
And so when he just said that, Ikind of felt the confirmation
from him like I'm on the rightpath.
So I appreciate it very, verymuch.
Dean and Holly Kim, thank you somuch for joining us on Released
Out Reveal Purpose.
And for the listeners, rememberMatthew 5.14.
Be the light.
Have a wonderful week.
SPEAKER_04 (51:03):
Stay safe.
Love y'all.
Bye now.
SPEAKER_05 (51:05):
Love you.
Bye-bye.
SPEAKER_00 (51:08):
So that's it for today's episode of Released Out
Reveal Purpose.
Head on over to iTunes orwherever you listen and
subscribe to the show.
One lucky listener every singleweek who posts a review on
iTunes.
We'll win a chance to grandprize drawing to win a
twenty-five thousand dollarprivate VIP day with Sylvia
(51:30):
Worsham herself.
Be sure to head on over torelease out reveal purpose
podcast.com and pick up a freecopy of Sylvia's gift and join
us on the next episode.
If you've ever struggled with fear, doubt,
worry, and wondering what yourtrue purpose was all about, then
this podcast is for you.
In this show, your host, SylviaWarsham, will interview elite
experts and ordinary people thathave created extraordinary
lives.
So here's your host, SylviaWarsham.
SPEAKER_03 (00:36):
Today are our famous couple, Dean and Holly Ken
Sensori.
And they're um a couple thathelps mold couples kind of does
coaching sessions in their ownpodcast.
And hopefully they'll be on ourpodcast soon.
And without further ado, guys,welcome to the show.
Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_01 (00:56):
Thank you so much, so yeah.
It's good to be here.
SPEAKER_03 (00:58):
Yes, we're excited.
It's incredible to see a newcouple come on board and share
their expertise with the rest ofus that are struggling out there
because there's so many peoplewho get these news nowadays.
They don't even work things outanymore.
And and so I when I I got thepublic um click on me like, hey,
(01:22):
here's a couple that does thisfor a living and fun.
How interesting.
SPEAKER_04 (01:25):
And I know you had um you had a master link in
theology.
Is that correct?
SPEAKER_05 (01:36):
Correct.
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (01:37):
That is something I want to get.
A master is really interested intalking to you today because and
making the connection with youbecause it's something that's
been in my heart for a while.
I call myself a spiritualtransformative coach, but for
me, it's it's more about puttingthat first and understanding how
(01:57):
to guide others towards that.
And I remember having fun andsaying, if you're gonna guide
others, you really should havethe schooling for that.
And so I started to get thepromptings to hey, go back to
school and get your masters intheology and kind of have a
combo of psychology and theologybecause there's always that
intersection and thatinterconnection.
(02:19):
People think, oh, the mind.
I said, Well, yeah, the mind isimportant to understand, but
it's also the soul and thespirit.
And because that's all three ofthose aspects are what makes us
one unique, right?
So I'm really interested ingetting in into your story of
transformation, how you came todo what you do.
(02:41):
Can you tell us a little bitmore about your story of
transformation?
SPEAKER_01 (02:45):
Sure, sure.
Well, you know, talking abouttheology, um, you know, I always
believe that I've learned overthe years, you can't have
psychological health withouthaving spiritual health.
But the opposite is true too, isthat you can't really have
spiritual health unless you havepsychological and emotional
health.
And so, uh, you know, way backwhen, when I was 16 years old, I
(03:10):
went to uh Catholic All BoysHigh School in New Orleans, you
know, we're a real Catholichere.
And I had a a pretty radicalencounter with the Lord at a
retreat.
It was a high school retreat,and you know, from that point
on, I I I knew that I wanted toserve him.
And being Catholic, that's kindof like pretty limited.
(03:31):
Uh, priesthood is the the thing,you know.
And so um you know, eventuallywent to the seminary and then uh
you know saw sort of the the thebest and the worst of of
Catholicism being close in theseminary and and eventually
never lost my calling, but butlost the desire for the
(03:53):
priesthood.
And it was at a time when therewas a lot of a lot going on in
my family.
Uh my parents were reallystruggling in their marriage.
Uh my dad's drinking had got toa level where it was uh becoming
a problem.
And really, you know, it wasinteresting because I was
struggling, but I I always hadspiritual health as a top
(04:15):
priority.
But I I went on a journey towhere I was really needed, knew
I needed to do somepsychological and emotional
health work and got into aseries of processes.
My dad went to treatment, made areal brave decision to go to
treatment in my early twenties,and you know, he's been sober
(04:37):
ever since, and it's been youknow 40 years ago, really.
And so I'm just so thankful forthat.
But at that time, you know, backin those days, the treatment
centers, you would stay for 30days, and the family members
would go the entire week on athird week called Family Week.
And that was a real eye-openingexperience for me.
I mean, I I could see thepatterns that I had developed
(05:00):
that weren't healthy, how uh Ihad been impacted by uh his
alcoholism, uh the familysystem, and was really focused
on coming out of that.
And as I came out of that wasthe same time that I began to
come out of the seminary.
And it's an interesting thing,you know, there's two types of
(05:21):
spiritual there's healthyreligion and there's unhealthy
religion.
And there's healthy religion,which actually helps you improve
your connection with God.
Unhealthy religion is using therituals and the the um the
religious system to escape beinghuman.
And so I had quite a combinationof both of those.
(05:43):
And really it was in thatprocess that I was going through
in in terms of recovering who Iam and coming out of uh a lot of
those things and having thatpurified, that it was during
that time that I met Holly Kim.
And Holly Kim had been on hersame journey, uh coming from a
very different place.
I mean, she was coming from thestreets, I was coming from the
(06:04):
seminary, but we were both onthe same journey.
And what what I discovered wasthat um really it's a tribute to
her and also the decisions Imade that our relationship has
really been easy.
You know, we've had we've hadissues, but the issues have been
from outside the relationship,it hasn't been within.
(06:26):
But I really can see now inhindsight, the reason was is
that we both had been committedto doing our emotional,
spiritual, and psychologicalwork for a number of years
before we met.
And because of that, it reallygave us a great foundation uh to
have a marriage.
And so, you know, we we'vecontinued to grow, and that's
become our life work was to helpothers have the same.
SPEAKER_02 (06:47):
Yeah.
Yeah, yes.
Well, that was a God thing.
Um I um I come from a highlydysfunctional family.
You know, I'm 64, and my parentswere divorced when I was
separated when I was six,divorced when I was eight.
And um I was the only my sisterand I were the only children in
(07:08):
our school that we come from aCatholic background, obviously,
in South Louisiana, that werehad divorced parents.
And even though it was a publicschool, it was like a little
Catholic school, you know,because everybody was Catholic.
So, you know, just and then mymother suffered from mental
illness that didn't reallyunderstand then, you know, like
I do now.
(07:28):
So through that process of umgrowing up and just trying to
survive, I became I think I wasborn this way, but I was a I'm a
recovering alcoholic and drugaddict, and I've been sober for
42 years.
SPEAKER_03 (07:44):
That's incredible.
SPEAKER_02 (07:45):
Congratulations to you, because that is a feat to
recognize that.
Thank you.
Um, yes, and that's continuoussobriety.
So, you know, it's you know,January 10th, 1983.
I've been working really hard,and um in that process, as a
little girl, I always lovedJesus.
(08:05):
You know, I've been a Jesusfreak since I was a little girl.
I didn't have a lot of rolemodels, and Jesus was just I
just learned that he for me, hewas a sweet Jesus, and um, that
he loved and he forgave, and Ifelt like he would understand.
Scared of God, totally scared ofGod, but um I thought there
(08:29):
might be some mercy theresomewhere, you know.
And um, even as a drug addict, Iwould pray to Jesus to help me.
Like I knew I had a problem, Ichewed dope with Jesus, you
know, I was a Jesus freak.
And um, which kind of doesn't gotogether, people are like, you
did what?
And I was like, Yeah, but Ibelieve that's why I got sober
(08:50):
at 22 years old.
Uh, I was also a convicted felonby the time I got sober and uh
was looking at 10 years in thepenitentiary, that uh, you know,
if I got in any trouble, that Icould go to prison for 10 years.
So, in that process of making adecision to find a different way
(09:12):
to live, and through uh I wassober two years when I left my
first husband, and uh, you know,took a little while to get a
divorce from there, but ended updivorced and just never looked
back, just kept working onmyself.
And whatever they said to do, Iwould do, I would do double.
(09:33):
Well, of course I'm an addict.
Of course I do double, right?
So if they said, you know, geton your knees and pray and ask
for, you know, everybody thatyou resent it, ask God to give
them everything you want, youknow, I'd wake up on my knees.
So I would just, you know,anybody I could think of every
(09:54):
night, I would just keep sayingit.
So it's just anything that, youknow, I was in the 12 steps,
anything, I would just do it, doit, do it.
And um, and what I what I'velearned about myself is that I'm
not a very competitive person.
Like I'm I'm very umcelebratory, and I think that
might be my culture.
(10:15):
If you ever come to our culture,you know, in New Orleans, South
Louisiana, we celebrateeverything.
So I'm very celebratory.
Whereas like you know, I I see abeautiful woman, it's like
you're so beautiful.
Like, you know, I just reallycelebrate things.
Um, and so I'm not competitive.
However, when it came to mysobriety and it came to my life,
(10:38):
I became extremely competitive.
That the family system I camefrom was not going to win, that
the drug addiction was not goingto win, alcoholism was not going
to win, that I was going to win.
And whatever that took, I woulddo it.
Whatever it was.
(10:59):
And there was there was no ands,ifs and buts about it.
Using was not an option, andbeing miserable was not an
option.
Like I didn't have the playbook,but I was going to fight and
compete, not with other people,but compete with that thing that
was trying to kill me.
(11:20):
That I that like I bought intoall the lies that I wasn't
enough, that I wasn't pretty,that I wasn't kind, that I
wasn't smart, that I wasn't umlovable, that I wasn't anything.
You know, I believed that I wasnothing.
So it was like that is what Iwas coming against.
And, you know, it's kind of likeLauren Daigle's song, you know,
(11:42):
What Do You Say I Am versus WhatDo I Hear I Am?
The voices in my head.
So it was like, that's what Iwas doing.
She wrote a song about what Iwas doing.
I we wrote a book about what Iwas doing.
So it's like in that, justreally fighting.
So through the process, youknow, I met Dean.
And I met Dean, and I guess Ishould tell you, it's tell a
(12:04):
story about what I meant.
It was kind of funny if you wanta funny story.
Um at the time I was in NewOrleans, I moved to New Orleans
working at a treatment center,uh, you know, one of the count
the counselor for the treatmentcenter for drug addiction
alcoholism.
And I got trained in that, andthat's what I did for 17 years.
And so in that process, asfriends around here, and we
(12:24):
didn't have cell phones then,right?
So we all would meet at a coffeeshop.
And, you know, if we're gonna doanything in the city where
alcohol is everywhere, you do itas a group, right?
So we meet at this coffee shopcalled PJ's, and I and my
roommate's there, and he tellsDean, you need to come dancing
with us because you're just soserious.
And so I see Dean, you know, andhe's really good looking, you
(12:48):
know, and I'm like, Oh wow, Iwonder who that guy is.
So we all go, we all I ask myroommate, I'm like, who's that?
And he goes, Well, he's in theseminary.
Well, I'm dyslexic and ADD.
I didn't even know what thatmeant didn't ask, and you know,
whatever.
So it's about 20 of us, andwe're going, and he ha Dean
happens to be walking next to meas we're going to this place to
(13:09):
go dance in the quarter.
And um, I said, Well, I said,Oh, I said, uh, hi, Molly Cam,
and you're Dean, is that right?
He says, Yeah.
I said, Well, I heard you're inthe cemetery.
How is it there?
Because you know I say thingswrong, but I didn't know I said
it wrong, okay, because I can't,you know, my audio's a little
(13:29):
off.
And he goes, Well, it's kind ofdead there.
I said, Well, that's that, youknow, that's not a good thing.
So, you know, we all go dancing,right?
And we're dancing around.
And then someone says to me, Imean, I'm not dancing with him,
you know, everybody just kind ofdanced together and I look and
somebody points a finger at himand says, That guy's gonna be a
Catholic priest.
And I got so excited.
(13:50):
I was like, This is fabulous.
Because remember, I'm a Jesusfreak, right?
So we come back and we'rewalking back, and so I run to
catch up with him.
And I'm like, I'm like, hey, Isaid, I hear you're gonna be a
Catholic priest.
And he goes, Yeah.
I said, I love Jesus.
Okay, because remember, I'm adrug addict and I'm a Jesus
freak, right?
(14:10):
And I said, I is there any waythat we could have coffee and
talk about Jesus?
And he's like, sure.
I said, people can't handle me.
Like, I, you know, like I lovehim.
I love God.
And so he was like, and at thispoint, I was probably uh almost
five years sober.
And so we would meet for coffeeand we would talk about God and
(14:34):
you know, just kind of our lifeand everything, and we became
best friends.
And then he was talking aboutleaving the seminary.
I had a relationship that I hadended, and so we were grieving
those things and just reallysoul searching to be the best we
could be with God.
And he fell in love with me.
(14:56):
I was like not worthy of thatbecause of my history, and I'm
four years older than him, andyou know, all of this stuff.
And he just hung in there until,you know.
I got her until until she, youknow, just said yes, finally,
right?
Yes, until I said yes.
And I, you know, I was like, Ihad to find out from God, is
(15:18):
this real?
Is this true?
And in July, on July 26th, we'llbe married 34 years.
SPEAKER_03 (15:23):
That's awesome.
Journeys are not linear.
It doesn't go from point A topoint B.
It goes from here to there tolike you gotta have like like
connect the dots, like when youwere kids, and we have to
connect the dots to make the tomake the picture come alive.
(15:46):
That's kind of where we see ourjourneys is very different.
And when God is in the mix, it'swhen that's world is in the mix,
it will happen.
I mean, he does use our choices,and sometimes we make a muck of
things because we don't hearhim, and we don't, especially
when we don't act on it.
(16:06):
Yeah, that's a muck of thingsbecause then it's start all over
again.
He has to convince people allover again that's problem and
problem and you know, he'sconstantly doing all that, and
and people don't realize howmuch he's working behind the
scenes, exactly.
SPEAKER_02 (16:24):
Because they're looking for that solution
immediately.
SPEAKER_03 (16:27):
Well, yes, because we we the the instant
gratification world nowadays,like our kids are I want it now,
and it's all about me.
Yeah, and and we find thatthat's what's been wrong for a
long time.
Yeah, the whole concept ofoneness with God, I think, is
missed entirely in our society.
(16:51):
And it was the conversation Ihad prior to to y'all being on
the podcast.
The three interviews I've had,the you've been the third one,
have all had a theme of beingone with God.
Yes, everything with differentbackgrounds, like completely
different backgrounds, differentlanguage, same thing, same
(17:11):
story.
SPEAKER_04 (17:12):
Of I am God, we are one, and if you love me and you
keep me up front and center, andyou love others the way I love
you, you guys will be okay.
That's right.
Yeah, when you get out of thatis when you're not okay.
SPEAKER_03 (17:27):
Exactly.
And I know it sounds so simple,but in reality, that concept is
very hard for people tounderstand.
The oneness with God.
Like, how do how do I let go ofmy control?
Yeah, how do I need to control?
SPEAKER_01 (17:42):
The other dimension of that, uh, Sylvia, is is to
love God and to love others.
But Jesus was real clear, hesaid, love others as you love
yourself.
SPEAKER_05 (17:52):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (17:53):
And, you know, that's a lot of the work that we
do is that we're incapable ofloving someone else if we
haven't loved ourselves in thosesame places.
And what I mean by that, I meanif say that I lost a loved one
and was never didn't reallygrieve that loss and was
(18:13):
carrying the pain of that lossinside of me.
Well, that makes it me unable tolove Holly Cam when she loses
someone close to her.
Because her grief reminded me ofmy grief, and so the way I keep
my grief from coming to thesurface is by shutting her down.
And she feels unloved.
But on the opposite of that, ifif I've been able to be loved
(18:37):
and embrace it and others, mycommunity embrace me, and I've
worked through that grief whenHolly can lose someone that she
loves, I'm able to walk herthrough that and to be there
with her.
And so what we we helpindividuals realize that that
loving others and loving aspectsof yourself that you seem to
(18:58):
believe are unlovable, whetherit's through your behaviors or
experiences or pain that you'vehad.
No, we gotta learn to embracethat, not give it power, but
embrace it.
But as you do embrace that, thenyou're able to embrace that in
others.
So that's that's really one ofour our foundational ideas that
(19:18):
we teach a lot, is that youryour greatest uh your greatest
pain or your greatest secret canbe transformed into your
greatest treasure.
And so whatever our greatestpains are, when they get
transformed by loving the peopleloving us in it by the love of
(19:40):
God, it actually getstransformed into the very thing
that we're able to give toothers, and it becomes a great
treasure.
And that's what we say, okay, wecan't be ashamed of our lives,
our experiences, of the thingsthat we're carrying.
We need to bring it to light, weneed to learn to love it, not
(20:03):
agree with it, not empower it,learn to love it, and have it
transformed so that it canbecome a great treasure to
helping healing others.
SPEAKER_03 (20:13):
You brought up an an amazing point.
And we do want to ask thequestion, how do you love that
part of yourself?
Because people don't they don'teven know where to start.
Yeah.
The concept of self-love.
Can you guide us a little bit onthat?
SPEAKER_02 (20:31):
Yeah, we wrote a whole book on it, and we have an
online course and we do thisevery day.
Um, and it's a great question.
It's that I remember for myself,you know, when I was sober about
two years, I was in a halfwayhouse, about a year and a half,
I was in a halfway house, andbecause I was suicidal.
And Jerry, I couldn't sleep onenight, and I got up and the lady
(20:53):
that worked there, her name wasJerry, and she was like talking
to me, you know, and she's like,You uh she asked me if I loved
myself, and I was like, that'sconceited.
Like that was all I everunderstood.
And um, no, and she's like,Well, I'll love you until you
can.
And that right there changed mylife, that statement and that
(21:18):
truth.
And I just wept and wept andwept because I'd never heard
that.
I never really heard anybody saythey love me, but unless they
wanted something from me, likemy first husband.
And I was still married to himat the time.
So I didn't, I'm not gonna sayhe didn't love me, but it was,
you know, it was conditional bythis point in our life.
And so, in that it was justlike, you know, this is the
(21:41):
journey, this is the realjourney.
And so for me, what God showedme was that there's a part of me
that who he made me to be, mytrue self, who I really am.
And that got smothered by mywounded part of my life, that
everything that I ever beenwounded from from birth to
(22:03):
today, there's a part of methat's like a like has a bucket
full of rocks.
And every time I'm not able tolove that thing that just
happened, maybe for myself oranother person, I didn't give it
enough love.
It's it's like a rock that, youknow, maybe I gave it 10% love,
so it's still a rock that needs90% of love.
It kind of goes in that bucket,and so through my whole life, I
(22:26):
had this bucket full of rocksthat deserve and need more love.
And then there's another part ofme that my true self doesn't
know how to handle that, right?
So there's another part of methat I create, and it's called,
we call it the protector part,and that part protects me from
getting any more rocks.
So if I've been wounded in arelationship and I'm divorced,
(22:49):
that means my protector doesn'twant to get married again,
right?
So even though I may want to bemarried, that part says, nope,
not doing that.
And then, you know, it's like Iget hurt by friends, so it's
like I'm always guarded aroundfriends, right?
So it's hard to get new friends,even though I'm lonely and I
want a friend.
So it's like this part of methat wants to protect me from
(23:11):
all of that.
And so what God showed me wasHolly come that okay, all three
of those are you.
It's just like you have a liver,you have a kidney, and you have
a heart.
Okay, they're all a part of you,but they're all three different
things that do different things.
So it was like, how to put theemotional world and the spirit
world, the soulful life, how doI put that so I can see it?
(23:35):
And as a dyslexic, I see inpictures.
So it's like there's a I putlike there's a part of me that
thinks, sees, and feels like awounded little girl.
And then there's another part ofme that thinks, feels, and sees,
like Beth Dutton on protect mefrom ever getting hurt again,
okay?
Now everybody has their ownBeth.
(23:56):
Sometimes it's a June Cleaver,sometimes it's a really nice
person, sometimes it's uh it'suh uh avoidance person,
sometimes it's uh a CEO or ElonMusk, you know, like whatever it
is.
So it's like mine looks likeBeth Dutton, okay?
So in that, it's like, you know,they're in front of me.
And so I had to learn that Ihave to love the wounded part of
(24:19):
me, the little orphan ShirleyTemple, and I had to learn to
love the Beth Dutton in me.
That no matter how they thought,how they saw the world, and how
they felt, that me as theiradult person that God has put
the word in, that I've worked sohard, that these parts of me
deserve to be loved.
(24:41):
Yes.
So no matter how they see it,the goal here is not to give
them the power where I'mspeaking or I am reacting to the
world out of those thoughts,feelings, and beliefs.
But instead of me being theperson that has to fix all of
that and make it go away where Inever feel those rocks again and
(25:01):
I never get triggered, and Inever think like Beth Dutton,
like that, you know, thing that,you know, like get those people
away from me or let me run away.
It's like, no, I learn andteach, and Dean and I do.
We teach how to love that wound,listen to it, love it, learn how
to love that part of me thatwants to flight or you know, um
(25:23):
run away or avoid and love that,and then it gets really quiet,
and then I can hear myself and Ican get connected to God.
SPEAKER_05 (25:33):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (25:34):
That's an awesome explanation.
SPEAKER_03 (25:37):
Actually, brought me back that was giving me a vision
as you were speaking.
Back in 2020, I had the same asI was writing my first book,
which was A Radical Obedience toGod, it'd been prompting me for
years, and I've been telling himno.
(25:57):
And when 2020 did, he's like,it's time, trust me, you need to
do it now.
And then what I did, excuse me,because what happened was he was
trying to teach me the conceptof self-love.
And I couldn't understand theconcept until I reflected back
on the wounded parts of me, ofmy mind, of how my ego was
(26:23):
playing a role in it.
My ego not being because the egois the self-image, but it was
comprised of belief systems thathad been formed long ago by
trauma and by experiences, good,bad, ugly experiences, because
we have good beliefs like wehave bad beliefs about
ourselves.
And we don't even realize whatthey are until you start asking
(26:49):
the right questions, until youstart reflecting and asking God
to show you what are the answersto this.
I had gotten to a point where myanxiety was hurting the marriage
and it was hurting theparenting.
My my children were were feelingmy anxiety, and it was just it
(27:09):
was bad all the way around.
And I decided from one day tothe next to end that anxiety, to
start meditation, because that'swhat God put in my heart to do.
He said, You need to startmeditating and creating new
pathways, Sylvia.
You've got to you have it withinyou.
And in one of those meditations,it was a really interesting
(27:30):
vision.
He gave me the three differentpersons.
So he gave me my baby self.
I took out a picture of when Iwas a toddler, of the person it
created me to be before all thetrauma and all the junk came.
And then I had a picture of meafter my high school graduation,
which is when I had gotten sobullied so extensively in high
(27:54):
school that it had impacted mybelief systems to a degree that
it was now impacting mymarriage.
And so I had all these picturesand I made peace with them.
No, and as you were talking, Iwas like, oh my goodness.
He shared with me the same thingin a different way.
Right.
(28:14):
As I was meditating, I wascoming to terms with loving
those parts of me instead ofbeing ashamed of them.
SPEAKER_05 (28:22):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (28:22):
Because I was ashamed of being weak, so weak
that people bullied me.
Yeah.
And yeah, go ahead.
SPEAKER_01 (28:30):
Yeah, what's beautiful about that is you
know, the original question youhad was how do you love
yourself?
And you know, how do you loveanother person?
If if my son is distressed aboutsomething, how do I love him?
Is I see him and I pay attentionto what he's saying.
(28:50):
I attend to what he's saying.
If Holly Kim's distressed orupset, how do I love her?
I need to see her and see whatshe's going through, and I need
to hear her with a caring earand to understand.
And as simple as that sounds, Imean that's a lot of what we do
in counseling and in coaching.
Is that we're we're we're seeingand we're we're hearing, we're
(29:16):
apprehending what's going on.
So it's the same thing we do forourselves.
Like you were describing, I sawa part of me before it was
untouched by the painful thingsof life.
And I saw it and I recognizedit, I reconnected.
And I saw the uh the teenagerwho had been bullied and who had
(29:38):
developed certain beliefs basedon the injuries and the the
trauma of the bullying.
But I saw her and began tounderstand her, and just by
having a picture, began todevelop a relationship with that
part of you.
And as you do that, that'sthat's loving yourself.
You're seeing and you'reattending to.
(30:00):
And when we do that, then itdevelops a self-compassion, just
like it does when we do it withanother.
And it starts as in a healingprocess because you know the
only thing that heals is love.
Yes.
And you know, we we learnedthis.
We have a a good friend of ourswho's a pastor in Juarez,
Mexico, Pastor Pancho Marguilla.
(30:23):
And Pancho is awesome.
He's the most extraordinary man.
SPEAKER_02 (30:27):
He's a rock star for Jesus.
SPEAKER_01 (30:28):
He began a prayer movement in Juarez.
Juarez was the murder capital ofthe world.
5,000 people.
SPEAKER_03 (30:36):
I come from South Texas.
I come from the other border.
So I'm very familiar withClarence.
And I both my parents areMexican.
SPEAKER_01 (30:44):
So you would love Pancho.
You would love Pancho.
But Pancho started a movement ofpraying for the Sicarios,
adopting them, praying for thecity of Juarez.
He stood up in the hill.
He said, Juarez, you're nolonger an orphan.
You've been adopted by God.
You've been adopted by me.
(31:06):
And within in 19 months, themurder rate went down 70%.
It was unprecedented.
But it was interesting.
We were interviewing Poncho andhe said, Dean, you know, Dean in
Holly County, you can't changeanything you don't love.
(31:26):
If you can't learn to love it,then you can't change.
You can't change a scicariountil you learn to love them.
You can't change.
And he said, We learned to lovethe city, and it started to
change.
And so that insight was sorevolutionary, but it's so
simple.
But I said, Well, that's thesame thing for our internal
life.
We can't change anything aboutourselves that we can't learn to
(31:48):
love.
Doesn't mean we agree with, justlike you don't agree with the
Sicario does, but you learn tolove it.
And then it's in that processthat things begin to change.
And so, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (32:02):
It's like loving the the part of you that was so hurt
by the b bullies.
You know?
And by loving her, even thoughthe best she could do was what
she did, you know, it's like notfight 'em or hide or believe
something that they said.
No, we're not happy about it,but it's what she did to
survive.
(32:23):
I mean, she had to do that.
SPEAKER_05 (32:24):
I had to do that to survive.
SPEAKER_03 (32:26):
I had to.
And that's right.
When I wrote about it, it wasinteresting how God was showing
me how the beliefs had beenformed and how they were
impacting my present moment.
SPEAKER_06 (32:39):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (32:39):
You know, so I mean that's it.
Like your relationship withGod's so real, I can tell you
right now, because for me to getlike for me to explain that to
people, and in in the Christianworld, we call it a strong,
unhealthy stronghold, right?
Which is an unhealthy beliefsystem, right?
So it's like, but God showed youlike this belief of whatever it
(33:02):
is, is not who I say you are,and it is not you.
And by you separating that andloving that part and like being
kind, like this is what she hadto do to survive.
And I don't want to live thereanymore because I'm not in
survival.
I live in love, I live in, youknow, who cares about me.
Right.
Right?
SPEAKER_03 (33:22):
Because we're identifying in Christ now.
You feel we identified with thewound, yes, the wound itself.
And once you separate that, it'sit's now but people see people
love because they need tocontrol that.
They know how to control that.
That's right.
They know how to lose in thewound.
(33:44):
That's all they know.
SPEAKER_02 (33:45):
And it's so tough.
Yeah, and a lot of us are taughtin the church is that is that it
the word is going to take itaway.
Okay.
Is God is the word, Jesus is theword, okay?
It became life, it became flesh,it's real.
However, if that was if that wassolely true, okay, that if I
(34:09):
just believe the word, that it'sgonna go away.
If that was solely true, youknow, I'm just from Louisiana,
I'm gonna just pick on uhPastor, you know, uh Jimmy
Swaggard, okay.
We know he knew the word, heknows the word, he teaches the
word.
More people have been saved allover the world, this huge
ministry.
(34:30):
However, he had a wound that forwhatever reason he believed to
sweep it under the rug.
Okay, not because he's a badperson, he had a wound, but by
sweeping it under the rug andbelieving that it was just gonna
go away, that he would be okay,but it didn't.
(34:51):
And then that wound needed avoice, that wound needed to be
loved.
I'm not saying by the world, byhim and whoever was safe, but he
just kept sweeping it away,okay?
And through that process, heacted it out.
SPEAKER_04 (35:06):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (35:07):
And was that it's gonna come out, it's gonna come
out because we're human.
SPEAKER_01 (35:14):
We either talk it out or act it out.
SPEAKER_02 (35:15):
We talk it out or act it out, and in a safe place.
I'm not just saying, you know,you go to the pulpit and say
whatever, whatever.
I'm just saying that, you know,and then the devastation for
himself and his family and thecongregation and the world and
people who turn away from Godbecause of this man, and you
know, that's about them.
But I'm just saying that yes,the word works.
Like I had a creative miracle.
(35:37):
I had a I had a liver that wasfailing or failed, and I needed,
you know, God to heal it.
And I got a creative miracle.
I have a new liver.
I got it in uh 412 of 05.
Okay, have a perfect liver, nohepatitis, had hepatitis B since
I was 17.
I'm completely healed.
Okay, I know a lot of peoplethat have liver problems and
(35:57):
need a new liver, but noteverybody gets one.
They might believe the word ofGod more than me.
Okay, I only had learned thatGod healed like in the real
world, like a creative miraclefor two weeks when I got a
liver.
Okay.
Some people have been believingthat for 50, 60 years and they
don't get one.
So it's like I'm not saying itcan't happen.
(36:18):
But what I am saying is that wehave to love what is there.
And if God gives us the creativemiracle where he zips it and I
never get triggered again andit's gone, it's like, and he
zips my you know, protectivesystem from that set situation
and belief system, fantastic.
But I still have to do my workin case I'm the one for 50 or 60
(36:42):
years that maybe, just maybe,I'm going away, working fine,
did all my work, and I gettriggered.
I watch a movie, I gettriggered, and then my
protector, that belief systemcomes.
Like, how do I love it after allof that time and still go back
in and do this?
It's it's like I always talkabout the Vietnam vet, you know,
(37:04):
a wife and him come to me andthey're very upset.
She's very, very upset becauseevery night for the last 30
years, I have to get aflashlight with him and go look
around the house to make surethere's no gooks in the house
before he can go to sleep.
And I'm sick of it.
What can you just fix this?
I don't want to do it anymore.
And you know what my answer is?
(37:25):
Not only are you gonna get aflashlight, you're gonna get
three and four of them, andyou're gonna say, before he says
anything, honey, let's go.
Let's go.
It's just a pattern of hisbehavior, it's his mind.
It's his mind.
It's his mind.
Guess what?
You loving him in this sadsituation that he lived in so
much fear in the jungle that ifyou just be the head of it and
(37:49):
say, just like we had athree-year-old, let's go look
for the monsters, let mama showyou there's no monsters, you
would do it for athree-year-old, you wouldn't
even think twice about it.
That one day he they're gonnasay, I don't need to look
anymore.
SPEAKER_01 (38:01):
Right.
You know, that this this is thestronger the beliefs are this
the stronger the emotionalimpact of an experience is
directly proportionate to howstrong the beliefs will be
internally.
SPEAKER_05 (38:17):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (38:17):
So that's why trauma is such a difficult thing
because you have this hugeemotional experience, but those
belief systems that come withthat trauma get impacted so much
deeper because of the highemotional experience.
That hur that happens both forthe good and the bad.
In the sense that a realcelebratory experience that's
(38:38):
really exciting, the beliefsystems that get entrenched with
that become entrenched deeper.
A traumatic experience, it getsentrenched deeper.
That's why it needs to be youneed to know what the beliefs
are, like you were saying.
But we you need to you need tovalidate and love the experience
and and kind of break up theemotional entrenchment of it,
(39:00):
because then that starts tobreak up the belief system.
SPEAKER_03 (39:04):
What to be true in the writing of the book, and I
agree with you, is that thefeeling is central.
The feeling kind of gives youthe biggest clue, the mind.
And that feeling is attached tothis pattern of behavior that
shows up, like your protectorthat you were talking about, Ali
Kim.
And it has the trigger isattached to it as well.
(39:26):
There is there's several thingsattached to it.
The belief is attached to thefeeling as well.
When that feeling shows up, thethe belief kicks intogether and
it promotes the thoughts, andthen the thoughts become the
feeling.
Once the feeling comes above,then we have this reaction to
that feeling.
And sometimes we form habitsaround those reactions.
(39:46):
Yeah, and that's what's thepattern of behavior.
The protector comes out, thecontroller, you know, the one
that has to control theircircumstances.
I called her the securityseeker.
This came out and she wanted tocontrol her circumstances after
major trauma at the age ofseven.
And that's how the book starts.
The book starts with the trauma,and I share how the mind kind of
(40:10):
the feeling is the big clue.
And you can start to identifywhat those beliefs are when you
sit in reflection and you askGod to show you because God will
show you, He'll say you gottawait.
SPEAKER_01 (40:23):
Yeah, I had a I had a lady one time that just uh it
opened my eyes to the power ofhealing that's possible for
everybody.
And she had a schizophrenicfather who tortured her, raped
her, you know, just uh justhorrendous, horrendous.
And she was talking to me.
We were waiting in line to gointo a conference, and I was
(40:45):
like, This this woman should bein and out of psychiatric
hospitals on all kinds of psychmeds, you know, unable to
function given her history.
But she's just as normal as canbe.
So I said, Can I ask you aquestion?
She said, Yes.
I said, How are you doing sowell given your history?
She said, I can tell you exactlywhy.
She said, I went out there,there was a a revival in
(41:08):
Toronto, Canada.
I lived in Detroit.
She said I would go to thatrevival on Thursdays, Fridays,
I'd stay there till Sunday.
And God's presence was so strongwe just lay on the floor and
soaked in his presence.
So she said, When I was layingin his presence, he started
bringing back to memory theexperiences I had with my father
(41:31):
and started almost pulling himout.
And I said, Wow.
And she said, But that's notwhen I got better.
I said, What she said, Icontinued to soak in those
experiences.
She said, then God started toshow me the things that I said
about myself and to herself toherself when those things
(41:52):
happened.
And when he started to removethose belief systems, then I
started getting better.
She said, in my twenties, I wasin and out of psychiatric
hospitals, I couldn't function,I was this and that, this and
that.
So, but after these experiencesof having these the memories,
but also the belief systemsremoved, reminded and removed
(42:14):
while I was laying in God'spresence, was when I started
getting better, and now I hold ajob, I have lots of friendships,
I'm no longer on any psych meds,I no longer see a psychiatrist,
and was per uh healed at anunbelievable level.
And I've never forgotten thatbecause it's not only the
experiences, but like we'reidentifying, it's the belief
(42:34):
systems connected to thoseexperiences, right?
And when they're handled in aloving context, or spiritually,
in her case with God, thenthat's when full healing can
occur.
SPEAKER_03 (42:45):
Right.
Absolutely.
And I do believe that sowholeheartedly.
I think that's like a reallygood visual that I found during
2020 was of standing in themiddle of a tornado and having
certain belief systems beingpulled out of me and visualizing
that because I'm visual that youreally can.
Yeah, I gotta visualize this,and and it thumbs all the way to
(43:08):
the sky where God is with hisarms widespread open, receiving
that from me.
And I would visualize thatbecause you see, what most
people right there is beautiful.
You saw that thing, yeah.
And what I kind of guide peopleon is you gotta give this to
(43:29):
God.
You cannot do this alone.
This is not alone sucks forstarters, and alone takes
forever to do.
You know, God, the things thatare impossible for him are so
like impossible for us are sopossible for him.
He just can quiet the ocean justby saying quiet, and that's it,
(43:50):
and it's done, you know.
But you gotta give it to him.
Yes, you gotta give it to him,you gotta give it to him, and
you gotta release it becausewe're holding on so tightly to
those beliefs.
Like it's what does my husbandsay when they say the comfort
zone versus like when youstretch outside of the comfort
zone?
He goes, I wouldn't call itcomfort zone, I would call it
(44:11):
misery zone.
It's a miserable and that'sgreen, and he's right, we're
still miserable, we're stillmiserable, and we're holding on
because it's all we know, it'sall it's all we know, and and
God is trying to show us here'sthe better way, honey.
Let me show you.
Let me gotta let go first, yougotta trust.
(44:32):
And the the trust part is Ithink where most people get
stuck.
They believe in them, but Ialways remind them, well, great,
that's great that you believe inthem.
Unit state believes in them too,right?
Even exist if you know, and andeven like even women exist if we
didn't believe, right?
(44:53):
Yes.
So we gotta go past the belief,we gotta go into the trust, and
for trust, it you gotta let go.
Yeah.
And and so I I have had such ajoyful time with both of you on
the show because I think there'sbeen so much wisdom shared,
particularly around the subjectmatter of self-love and healing
(45:13):
our past wounds, because it isimportant.
Uh, is your purpose here tostay, or do you find this as a
seasonal purpose in life?
SPEAKER_02 (45:23):
Oh no, this is this is our life, this is our
lifestyle, and our goal is toteach this lifestyle.
So, you know, it's uh it's beenthis way since we've been
together, you know, for 35years, and we've been teaching
this this whole time.
And uh I've been teaching it for40 years, and he's been teaching
(45:44):
it, you know, as long as we'vebeen together.
So it's you know, it's our book,it's our course, you know.
We have wrote a book called TheRoadmap to the Soul, which shows
how to do this.
It's like a workbook, and that'swhat we use in everything we do,
and then and but we live this.
And then now with the internet,like you know, we have an online
(46:06):
course where we take youthrough, we do the videos, the
online demand, and then we giveyou assignments to do, um, and
then application, you know, andthen we have online course, we
have online coaching twice aweek.
So they come on and they askquestions and we teach and we
coach them uh how to get thisinto them, where they're in a
(46:29):
they're in a constant mindset ofhow to love themselves.
And then it what happens by themdoing that, they're able to see
it in others and go, okay,that's not my husband's true
self that's talking to me.
You know, that's not my child'strue self, that's not my
mother's true self.
And then they're like, okay, Idon't need to react to this,
(46:52):
yeah.
And how to be kind internally tothemselves, and then how to
receive and how to live out oftheir true self, but always
knowing that at any moment itcould come up, you know, how to
work out, and how not to feellike a failure, like, oh God, I
didn't do my work, but how to goin and love it, and so they
(47:15):
could get back to what theirrenewed mind with the word of
God says, and living that, butnot be controlled by the other
parts.
So, yeah, this is this is aforever thing.
SPEAKER_03 (47:27):
So, how how do we buy your book and and get on
your online course?
Where do we reach you at?
SPEAKER_01 (47:34):
Yeah, the easiest thing to do is to go to our
website, i have a voice.com.
And that'll have our YouTubechannel.
You can purchase the bookthrough that.
SPEAKER_02 (47:44):
Yeah, I love it.
SPEAKER_01 (47:45):
Uh we have uh transform you is our online
coaching program.
So I have a voice.com is thebest way to connect with us.
SPEAKER_03 (47:53):
That's awesome.
And I I'll definitely be on yourwebpage purchasing your book
because I do I love to supportthe people I have on the podcast
because I'm supporting yourlight and sharing your light
with the world, with myaudience.
And the more we do that witheach other, the more we will
spread as much love as we can.
(48:14):
But like you said, love isreally the solution, it's it's
the only way, it's the onlything that can um get rid of all
the evil and the out there inthe world.
And I've thoroughly enjoyedhaving you guys on the show.
Any last words before we signoff?
SPEAKER_02 (48:36):
Yeah, I was gonna say we also have a YouTube
channel called I Have a Voice.
And if you put our last name in,Sarah, you get to it really
quick.
But it has over 300 videos fromuh 30 seconds to an hour on all
subjects, and it's all free.
So for somebody that, you know,maybe looking up about addiction
(48:56):
or marriage or affairs oranything, we, you know, Dean
always posts things that we door teach, the grief process,
anything so people can get thatfor free.
Because not everybody can afforda course or go to counseling
because when I was gettingbetter, you know, it was like I
didn't even understand that Iwas worthy of that, right?
I would go get my hair done andbuy new shoes, but I didn't
(49:17):
understand that, okay, I can letthat go and go spend your money
here.
But if you don't know, you don'tknow.
So we wanted to make, you know,there's some things that you pay
for, but there are other thingsthat are free.
And then the podcast is alsowhere we do the coaching live.
And that's called Transform YouLive Coaching, but we do that so
people could see you don't haveto be afraid of going to
(49:40):
counseling or going to coaching,that it's a great thing, and you
get to learn how to loveyourself.
So, you know, and that I guessthe last thing for me is that
you're worth it no matter whatyou've gone through, what's
happened to you, you are worthfinding out and recovering your
true self.
SPEAKER_01 (49:58):
Yeah, and I and I would add to that, Sylvia.
We you know, we bless you andyour work.
Uh we can tell just by talkingwith you that you have you're
committed to your spiritualgrowth, sharing it with others,
wanting to help as many peopleas possible.
So we ask the Lord's blessingupon you and your ministry, and
may it expand and reach all thepeople that he needs to reach
(50:20):
through you.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (50:21):
I appreciate that so much.
It actually filled me withemotion as you were saying that.
So I know the Holy Spirit is inthe room.
And I appreciate that very much.
Because I actually asked him fora sign this morning.
It was interesting.
And he said, What do you want meto do with this podcast?
Do you want me to continue thisor not?
Or what do I how do I continueto express my love for you?
(50:44):
And so when he just said that, Ikind of felt the confirmation
from him like I'm on the rightpath.
So I appreciate it very, verymuch.
Dean and Holly Kim, thank you somuch for joining us on Released
Out Reveal Purpose.
And for the listeners, rememberMatthew 5.14.
Be the light.
Have a wonderful week.
SPEAKER_04 (51:03):
Stay safe.
Love y'all.
Bye now.
SPEAKER_05 (51:05):
Love you.
Bye-bye.
SPEAKER_00 (51:08):
So that's it for today's episode of Released Out
Reveal Purpose.
Head on over to iTunes orwherever you listen and
subscribe to the show.
One lucky listener every singleweek who posts a review on
iTunes.
We'll win a chance to grandprize drawing to win a
twenty-five thousand dollarprivate VIP day with Sylvia
(51:30):
Worsham herself.
Be sure to head on over torelease out reveal purpose
podcast.com and pick up a freecopy of Sylvia's gift and join
us on the next episode.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.