Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:02):
If you've ever
struggled with fear, doubt, or
worry, and wondering what yourtrue purpose was all about, then
this podcast is for you.
In this show, your host, SylviaWarsham, will interview elite
experts and ordinary people thathave created extraordinary
lives.
So here's your host, SylviaWarsham.
SPEAKER_02 (00:31):
Hey Lightbringers,
it's Sylvia Warsham.
Welcome to Release.
And I love when James sends overnew guests for me to interview
on this podcast because everyguest he's ever sent over have
been the most amazing women.
They have amazing stories toshare.
And I was looking up Amy'sInstagram because that's how you
(00:52):
can link up with Amy.
And she has been described as athought habit expert.
And I know that she has in thebackground, you see I see you.
That is her book that releasedon February of last year.
So without further ado, Amy,thank you so much for joining us
this morning.
SPEAKER_01 (01:09):
I'm thrilled to be
here.
Thank you for the invitation andwelcoming me.
SPEAKER_02 (01:13):
Yes, it's so
incredible to have you on the
show.
And I know you have an amazingstory of transformation.
So please do tell us how youbecame the thought habit expert
and the author of ICU.
SPEAKER_01 (01:29):
Oh, I would love to.
My professional journey has beenone of connection but also
variety, I would think.
There are some themes that youcan find throughout.
I started out first originallyteaching high school English and
then started my own business andreally worked in a sales
capacity.
(01:49):
Grew a team, I was leading ateam of about a thousand people
across the United States forover 20 years in a sales
capacity where I was developingleaders, um, helping people to
increase their sales andproductivity.
Um, really loved that work.
And in many ways, I would say Iwas sort of at the top of a
(02:11):
mountain.
You know, I'd kind of achieved alot.
I I had a microphone in my handat a lot of events.
Um, you know, I was thereteaching and leading and and
also just had a fairly likepublic persona in a very small
world, but still um was wellknown and uh respected in this
(02:34):
one small universe.
That was when I started reallyexperienced probably the second
major professional transitionand it was personal as well,
where I think there are somesymptoms of transitions that we
don't often identify orarticulate, but that everyone
experiences, which is the thingsthat you used to love or at
(02:58):
worst just tolerate in the workyou're doing become annoying,
boring, even just like youresist them, you don't want to
do them, you kind of dread them.
It is a deeply disorientingexperience because it's like
(03:22):
wait, I always loved that.
I I never had an issue beingmotivated to do that, that was
my favorite thing to do, and nowall of a sudden I'm waking up in
this thing, I'm dreading it.
So if anyone listening is havingthis experience, I'll tell you
(03:44):
that it's a very normal one Ifound, but when if you've never
heard anyone talk about it, youfeel like something is deeply
wrong with you.
Um I also knew at that time Iwas having conversations with
women that I knew completelyoutside of the context of that
(04:04):
work.
And these were very successfulwomen, maybe who I knew through
the community or just through mykids or through whatever, you
know.
All of them were coming to meand talking to me about the
experience they were having,which was one of isolation, one
of being overwhelmed by thedemands of their professional
(04:25):
world, married with the demandsof the unpaid labor they were
doing at home and the work theywere doing in the community.
Um, but mostly it was thisfeeling of loneliness in that
experience.
And I recognized that all ofthem were coming to me, and I
kept thinking, oh, if I couldconnect these women somehow, I
(04:48):
think something magical couldhappen.
I think they could help eachother, and I really believed
that they needed the communityof each other.
So I was speaking at an event inSalt Lake City.
I had worked with a coach whoused a tool called the Habit
Finder, and this was maybe fouror five years prior to when I
(05:09):
was out in Salt Lake City.
It was the most transformationalwork I had ever done.
My business quadrupled in sizethrough the work over a period
of years, and it was anassessment tool that measured
your subconscious habits ofthinking, and then the
curriculum helped you to replacethe habits of thinking that were
(05:29):
creating resistance in your workor your life with ones that were
more beneficial.
All that to say, I had stayed intouch with this coach.
We were still friends, and hehad worked with many people in
my organization, and so I knew Iwas gonna be in Salt Lake City.
I called him up and said, I'mgonna be there, let's meet for
dinner, we had dinner, and Isaid, Oh, I keep on having this
(05:50):
feeling about you know, gettingthese women together, I'm
supposed to do something, but itfeels so ridiculous because my
my business was so big, my thedemands at home were really
high.
My kids at that age were like umI call it the Uber era of
parenting where like nobodydrives and everybody's in stuff.
(06:11):
And so my husband is a highschool administrator and um
coach, and so it was like reallyintensely busy.
And he said to me, I think youneed to take action on this
idea.
And on Monday, we're starting atraining for people to use the
(06:31):
Habit Finder tool andcurriculum, and I think you
should really consider using it.
Now, up to that point, I was Ihad never thought about
coaching, I'd never thoughtabout using a tool, I'd never, I
was not look, you know, it wasjust the craziest thing that I
(06:54):
trusted it.
It was so crazy, and I wenthome, talked to my husband, and
he said, every time we've everinvested in you, it's been worth
it.
I love that.
That's so supportive, yes.
So good, so rare.
And so we made a verysignificant financial investment
(07:15):
for me to be trained to use thistool.
So I thought, oh, I'll justscratch this itch, I'll lead a
group of women through thisprocess and you know, get this
off my chest, and then maybeI'll I'll feel like doing this
work that's becoming dreadful tome for a weird reason, right?
And so um I started just a fewshort months later with my first
(07:39):
two groups of eight women, uh,and it grew so quickly.
So I always kind of tease that Iaccidentally started a business.
I had no long-term strategicplan.
I didn't intend to start a wholenew company.
Um, I never thought that itwould lead to my writing a book,
(08:01):
though the book has been alifelong dream of mine, and yet
everything about it when I lookback is the same work I loved to
do in every role I've had, whichis the development of people and
the helping them free up um anyresistance they have to creating
what it is that they're here tocreate.
And so, yeah, so super cool.
(08:22):
So now currently, my the companyis eight years old.
My work is in small groups andone-on-one settings with people
using this tool and thiscurriculum that measures our
subconscious habits of thinking.
SPEAKER_02 (08:36):
That's amazing, and
I love that because most people
don't realize how much how many,first of all, how many thoughts
come into our mind on a dailybasis.
And then they tend to listen toall those thoughts and act on
them without realizing thatthey're doing it.
Even though it's a consciousability of your mind, the
(08:56):
thought process, we know thatthere are belief systems that
are driving those thoughts.
And that's the subconscious partof us that is on automatic.
We just automatically react tothese feelings that we're
getting that are being promotedby all these thoughts.
So if we don't change the waywe're thinking, we're not gonna
(09:17):
change the course of our life.
It's just gonna keep on repeatover and over and over again.
And I find it fascinating thatthe way you you came about this,
you know, because there is amoment, I believe, in a woman's
life, and it usually starts atthe end or somewhere in the
(09:39):
mid-30s, maybe towards the endof the 30s, where you realize
that perhaps you're in the wrongact of life, and something's
pulling you, and what used toreally fill you doesn't anymore,
and you really start that searchfor what that divine purpose
(09:59):
really is like.
SPEAKER_01 (10:00):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (10:01):
And I find it
interesting.
SPEAKER_01 (10:03):
I also will mention
that when I tell the story, it
sounds like that transition wasjust very easy and smooth and
simple.
Yeah, no, no.
No.
The thing about transitions isthat they're some of the most
painful, disorienting parts ofour life, and that typically
(10:24):
everything in you that needs tobe healed comes up when you're
going through a transition.
If you rush through atransition, you will not be
prepared for the next era, thenext thing that is ahead for
you.
Because what a transition hasfor you is the character
(10:45):
development.
In my faith walk, I would say,like, God uses a transition to
prepare you for the next thingthat He's calling me to do,
right?
SPEAKER_02 (10:54):
Yes, the next big
thing on the horizon.
And that's why sometimes, andthis has been a current theme of
my previous interview and evenfrom last night.
I have a good friend of minethat I met with for coffee, and
she was discussing how she hadshe's feeling like why certain
things keep happening over andover again.
(11:15):
And I said, Well, have youlearned the lesson that God is
teaching you through this darkchapter?
And she it just stopped herentirely.
I said, There is a lesson herethat He is asking you to look
into, and you gotta work throughit.
Yeah, because if you don't workthrough it, the problem with not
(11:36):
working through it is you won'tuncover the belief system that
is really driving this thing.
And so it'll keep coming backover and over and over again
because it the belief is whatpromotes the thought.
The thoughts.
And so the key is to I identifythat maybe work backwards in
(11:57):
your mind, is how I coach myclients is okay, you gotta look
at the clues that your mind hasgiven you.
And your thoughts are very bigclues, very big clues, and I
would write them down, and Iwould like to look at them, and
then I would also see whichfeeling is showing up with these
thoughts constantly because thatfeeling is also attached to a
lot of the triggers, a lot ofthe responses, a lot of the
(12:20):
habits.
We form habits around thesereactions and and patterns of
behavior get assigned to thisfeeling as well.
So we gotta kind of understandhow we're programming our own
mind.
Yeah, and we we keep doing thatover the repetitive nature of
our habits.
And so it's it's an interestingtopic, and I think most women to
(12:44):
get unstuck really need tounderstand where they can start.
Can you give some tips on sayyou you have these repetitive
thoughts, they keep you stuck?
How do you get people to startworking with their thoughts?
SPEAKER_01 (13:01):
That's a good
question.
Well, first, it's very importantthat you have language to
describe even what's happening.
And so I would recommend um, inthe work that I do, just taking
the free habit finder assessmentbecause we're actually really
bad at seeing ourselves.
(13:21):
We and then I I have a hunch.
I'm actually working on this alittle bit lately, but a hunch
that we don't see ourselves.
That's why we're designed tolive in community with other
people, because we need otherpeople to help us understand
ourselves.
And so this tool, um, two-thirdsof the thoughts that are
happening in our brains arehappening below the surface.
(13:44):
We're unaware of them, and weare hardwired to survive.
So most of our patterns ofthinking have been created to
conserve energy so that we cansurvive.
For example, you don't want tohave to think about breathing.
You don't want to have toconsciously remember to breathe.
(14:05):
And so we have a subconsciouswiring where we just breathe.
It's a pattern, it's well worn,and we do.
Uh that being said, some ofthose patterns that we used to
survive at certain stages oflife no longer are serving us,
and they're actually harming usor preventing us from making
(14:25):
progress.
We don't need them anymore.
But you don't really know.
And so, this tool, it's the onlytool I've ever found that really
captures that.
And I often have people when Iwalk through it with them say,
like, how did it know that?
Because it resonates as so true,but they don't recognize that
(14:46):
that's what's happened.
Really important also that youunderstand that you are not your
thoughts.
Thoughts are just things,they're out there happening, but
you are deeply impacted by yourthoughts.
And so the retraining orrewiring of your brain can lead
to vastly different outcomes.
(15:08):
Let me give you maybe just amore concrete example of this
because it can get a little bitfluffy or a little bit like
vague.
unknown (15:16):
Again.
SPEAKER_01 (15:39):
Entrepreneurs tend
to resist that kind of
structure, right?
Uh, in some ways that'sbeneficial because a lot of
entrepreneurs, we're just notgoing to do something that's
inefficient, or we don't have alot of red tape.
We don't want a big bureaucracywhere things get slowed down by
processes.
(16:00):
And so you can move quickly, youcan create things quickly, you
can change quickly, you caninnovate, and there are benefits
to that.
The problem is that groove inyour brain of being resistant to
process and procedure, then youbecome your own boss.
And you say to yourself, self,you need to have a budget for
(16:25):
your business.
And your resistant patterns ofthinking say, I don't want to.
(16:55):
We create resistance to thegrowth of our business because
we do need to know where ourmoney is moving, and you know,
we need to make wise financialdecisions and that kind of thing
as we're growing a business.
So these patterns of thinkingthat are just absolutely running
your world are happening belowthe surface, and until you
recognize what's happening, youwill resist them.
(17:17):
I'll give you a funny examplethat I just realized I did
today.
Um, so I use a tool called thesix most important things list
every morning.
Um, I do it the day before, butbefore my day is over, I make a
list of six things that are themost important things that get
(17:37):
done the next day.
And usually throughout the dayI'm making the list, like I've
already got three things on thelist for tomorrow because I
know, like, oh, that needs toget done tomorrow.
Well, I created a sheet thatthis is so funny.
It has four days of six mostimportant things on it, and it's
just a cute little sheet, it hasmy branding, and it's just a fun
little tool.
(17:58):
I'm so resistant to structure inthis pattern of thinking that
today, for some reason, Idecided I didn't want to write
my list on that sheet that Icreated, so I made my own little
list, right?
I mean, it's so silly, like whocares?
But but my wiring, and it's I'velearned to like let myself do
(18:19):
that at times just to like getit out of my system.
I'm still doing the list, itdoesn't really matter where I
wrote it, you know.
But I laugh out loud because I'mlike, wow, that is very strong.
SPEAKER_02 (18:32):
But it just it
happens because it's it's
helping me think of one examplethat is also kind of relatable.
You know, you're on this healthplan, right?
And your body, you know, thosechanges are tough changes to
make because your body's used tothe sugar, it's used to this.
Like right now, the one of mydoctors has me on this plan
(18:55):
where I can't have anything withadded sugars.
And so your body can really kickinto like it's craving sugar.
Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (19:04):
That's an addiction.
SPEAKER_02 (19:05):
It's an addiction.
And I remember having anutritionist that said, Sylvia,
when your body's doing that, youalso have to allow it from time
to time.
Because otherwise, then when youwant to do another major change,
it's gonna resist it.
So you may just want to havethat slice of cake.
(19:26):
It's fine, it's not gonna killyou, it's not gonna hurt you,
you know, because our fear mindwill sometimes be like, oh my
gosh, oh my gosh, and it goesinto total overwhelm.
And it's like, no, it's notgonna do that.
So this morning I needed carbsbecause I was gonna get on the
pickleball court, and I've beenlike just completely like, I was
(19:48):
like, no, I need to have carbsbecause I'm on an antibiotic
right now.
And the doctor specifically toldme, Sylvia, have something like
carby, like starchy.
And I was like, I didn't havecrackers, I didn't have the
normal stuff that I couldnormally have, and I didn't want
to make oatmeal this one.
I was tired of it, and so then Ijust said, you know what?
I made pancakes for my familyyesterday.
I'm going to have one of those,it's not gonna kill me.
(20:10):
And I just had it and I didn'tfeel guilt or anything, and my
body is just fine, my joints arefine, it's not gonna kill me,
you know, but it reminds me ofthat.
It's don't let your mind kind ofkick you into that crazy
overthinking, overwhelm becauseit will sometimes if you allow
(20:30):
it, but it totally, but yougotta kind of bring it back to
center.
SPEAKER_01 (20:34):
I write about this
in in the chapter of my book
called Surrender to Structure.
Um, people who embrace highlevels of structure also have
periods of rest from it on aconsistent basis.
We are designed to live inrhythm and we are designed to
embrace structure, but then alsoto rest and enjoy.
(20:59):
Yeah, absolutely.
The other interesting thingabout structure, I love to pay
attention to where we resist itmost.
Um, you know, on the beach,those when people walk along and
they find the treasures, youknow, the metal detectors.
Yes.
So if you can imagine, uh, ifyou can step back from yourself
(21:20):
and observe yourself, the placesin our lives where we resist
structure, if you dig down underthe surface, like it beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep, dig down rightthere, almost always you will
find unhealed pain.
So in my case, um, the placewhere I will resist structure
(21:42):
the most is in money.
And when I dig down there, Ihave some um, I wouldn't call it
unhealed pain, I would call itum healing pain around um
finances and running businessesfor so long, just some events
that were really challenging anddifficult, and a lot of pressure
(22:03):
and a lot of um decisions that Iwould feel shame around or um
that were difficult.
So when when you have that kindof situation like in your past,
embracing a rigid structure inthat area is not a good idea.
(22:23):
Uh so for me, I have a budget,but it is not a to the penny
budget, and I give myself a lotof leeway.
I have people around me who helpme embrace the structures around
money.
I have systems that help meembrace structure and make wise
decisions, and but I know thatthis is a risk area for me.
(22:48):
For women, a lot of times wehave a lot of unhealed pain
around our bodies, the way ourbodies look, the way they
function, the size of ourbodies, what's been done to our
bodies, how our bodies have beentreated, what's been said about
them, right?
And so when we get really rigidaround our bodies, it is
(23:08):
unsustainable and unhealthy, um,and will not create lasting
change because of that.
And so it's just a really, yeah,it's a fascinating, it's
basically all the things thatyou set news resolutions about,
you know, your your budget, yourmoney, your you know, all of
those.
Yeah, all of those things, ourhealth, our time, um, are all of
(23:32):
those areas where we tend toresist structure.
SPEAKER_02 (23:36):
Yes, we do.
But like we said, there'sthere's moments where we need
rest.
And I do think we need toemphasize that because women in
general, we tend to keep going.
Go, go, go, go, go.
We don't understand the conceptof rest sometimes.
Or joy, forget joy.
(23:56):
That one, that one should thereshould be more books written on
how to be more in joy, and I'msaying that very specifically
because we know how to checkthings off our lists, we know
how to achieve.
We've been conditioned to dothat since we were very little.
What we haven't been conditionedto do is to rest, to enjoy, to
(24:22):
just be in the moment.
We don't understand thatconcept.
We certainly don't understand itin this country.
I know that when I lived abroadin France, I understood it more
because the French were verykeen on, yes, they work hard,
but they also know how to rest.
Yeah.
Just be in community, having acup of coffee, just chatting.
SPEAKER_01 (24:44):
Yeah.
We I probably am best known formy work with guilt-free play.
Um, I am absolutely committed toscheduled guilt-free play time.
Oh yeah.
And if you are an overworker oryou know that you feel guilty
(25:09):
when you are resting or takingtime off, I've rarely heard I've
rare, I've rarely seen it workwhere you restrict yourself.
I'm not gonna work as much.
That doesn't really work.
What works is I'm schedulingdinner with my friends for five
o'clock, and so I know thateverything has to be done before
them.
Like today, I'm playingpickleball, I know, at five
(25:32):
o'clock, right?
That's I'm actually giddyexcited about it.
It's gonna be a really fun game.
I know, you know, but I havescheduled guilt-free play
because when we play thesynapses in our brain that
create solutions to problemsthat um give us an attractive
(25:53):
energy that grows ourbusinesses, that keeps us from
overworking, overthinking,overdoing, over-creating, like
hyper-functioning.
Um, we we actually like open newpathways in our brain.
So whether that be reading agreat book, whether that be
dinner with friends, or youenjoy some sort of sport or
(26:18):
whatever, it is vital that thatis a scheduled part.
And then not only on a dailybasis, but also on a quarterly
basis of giving yourself timeaway, and then on a yearly or
annual basis, looking at howmany vacations you want to take,
but that that is scheduled andprotected, uh, probably at a
(26:39):
higher level of likeintentionality than your work
is.
That is actually the key to mecreating what it is that I want
to create in my life.
SPEAKER_02 (26:51):
I totally agree with
you.
And what I've done, I we haveErin Condren here in Austin,
Texas.
I'm not sure where you're at,Amy, but it's a it's an awesome
story.
We get our planners and stuff,and they're really bright and
beautiful planners, and I lovethem because they have lots of
space for us to build.
But one of the things that Iremember doing and is color
(27:15):
coding my calendar to see, like,for example, for joyful events,
they were in yellow and brightyellow.
If they were, you know, planswith my husband, they were in a
blue shade.
If I'm doing anythinghousework-wise, it was pink
because I think of Barbie and Ithink of housework doing that,
(27:35):
and all these things.
And then I would like take aninventory of like how many
yellows do I have on there?
Is there enough yellow on mycalendar or is it just work?
Because work was all purple.
That's my branding.
And I was like, if I just sawlike all purple, I'm like, nope,
that's not gonna work because Ican't be there a hundred percent
(27:56):
for my family if I'm on fumes,operating on fumes, right?
And so we really, as women, gotto understand that we need to
take care of ourselves, and howwe do that is to inject more joy
in our lives and intentionallyinject more joy because we have
a tendency to just keep goingbecause we're the nurturers and
(28:17):
we have our family, and we'reconstantly being pulled in 150
directions, and and people arealways wondering, how did you
write a book?
And I I I had to I had to do itat five o'clock in the morning
because that's the only time inthe morning that no one's
pulling at me, and I couldactually devote to writing a
book and to stay obedient toChrist, like prompting to write
(28:39):
this thing.
So I know that the tips you'veshared so far have been
life-altering, and I know thatwomen listening to this episode
are gonna gain so much out ofit.
How can we reach you, Amy?
How can we hook up with you?
We want to do the habit finderor get your book.
SPEAKER_01 (29:00):
Yeah.
Anyone can take the habit finderfor free on my website, which is
just my name.
So am Y K-E-M-P dot com.
And it just says take the freehabit finder, you get your
results immediately.
You can look at um a full reportof six different habits of
thinking areas where we havehabits of thinking, and that's a
(29:22):
really, just a reallyfascinating way for you to kind
of start to even consider what'shappening below the surface in
my brain.
Uh, like you mentioned at thebeginning, I love to have people
follow me on Instagram.
So Amy Kemp Inc is the officialhandle of my Instagram, and you
can follow me there as well ason LinkedIn.
SPEAKER_02 (29:45):
I'm definitely gonna
well, I'm already following you
on Instagram, but I'm definitelygonna hook up with you on
LinkedIn.
One, because when this thingreleases, I certainly wanna hand
you um the episode so you canshare with your audience.
But second, because I do thinkthere's a lot of alignment here
in the way we've we've operatedinto star stories.
(30:07):
There's some alignment there.
And pickleball, of course,because you know, pickleball
unites us all.
I was a college tennis playerand this was like such an easy
transition from you'refortunate.
That's a that is a good.
SPEAKER_01 (30:20):
I played basketball
in college, so not the mission.
SPEAKER_02 (30:24):
You still have to
like aim and fire and you know,
get it in a court.
So, you know, if you can dobasketball, you can do
pickleball.
It's not that hard.
SPEAKER_01 (30:32):
We were giggling
yesterday, the fourth son that I
played with.
We were saying, I said, I'malmost embarrassed to tell you
how excited I was all dayyesterday to play this game.
And we were comparing it to whenyou were little and you would
get home from school and youcouldn't wait to get outside and
play with your friends.
Yes.
That's how I feel.
That's how I did that.
SPEAKER_02 (30:51):
When I looked at my
calendar this morning, I said,
okay, when did my interviewstart?
And because I saw a group of myfriends getting together just
down the street to play.
And I thought, and my firstinterview wasn't till 11 a.m.
Texas time, and they weregetting together at 8.
And I was like, I can do that.
I can I can get my girl intocamp and I could drive back.
(31:12):
I was there by 8:15, and it'sperfect because the weather down
here, it's getting hotter andhotter.
Where are you at, Amy?
I live near Chicago.
Oh, bless you.
Yeah, but you're actually yoursummers are cool too.
It's hot now.
It's hot, yeah.
But my parents lived in Chicagowhen they first moved to the
United States.
Um, my father was finishing hismedical career here, and they he
(31:36):
ended up doing um an internshipat what was once known as St.
Elizabeth's Hospital.
I don't think it's in existenceanymore.
My dad um passed away last yearfrom um from a tumor he
developed uh and from hisservice in Vietnam.
So that's another story foranother time.
But um, but yeah, Chicago, theyalways talk such beautiful
things about Chicago, but theydid not like the weather.
(31:58):
They said the winters were superharsh and the summers were real
hot.
Like I know you're in heat.
I'm sure you do very late in theevening or probably early
morning pickleball, or you woulddie.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (32:12):
Or you just sweat a
lot.
SPEAKER_02 (32:15):
So I really
appreciate your time here today,
Amy.
I know that we've learned somuch from you, and I I look
forward to keeping in touch withyou, sharing pickleball stories
over time.
And for the listeners ofReleased Out Revealed Purpose,
remember Matthew 5.14 to be thelight.
Have a wonderful week.
(32:35):
Stay safe.
Love y'all.
Bye now.
SPEAKER_00 (32:42):
So that's it for
today's episode of Released Out
Reveal Purpose.
Head on over to iTunes orwherever you listen and
subscribe to the show.
One lucky listener every singleweek who posts a review on
iTunes.
We'll win a chance to grandprize drawing to win a
twenty-five thousand dollarprivate VIP day with Sylvia
(33:03):
Worsham herself.
Be sure to head on over torelease out at reveal purpose
podcast.com and pick up a freecopy of Sylvia's gift and join
us on the next episode.