December 24, 2024 • 28 mins
This episode of Releasing Her explores the transformative power of gratitude as a healing force, urging listeners to face grief with vulnerability and acceptance.
Journey with Ola Moore, through the complex emotions of love, anger, and profound sorrow as she recounts her niece, Myiah' untimely passing.
Themes:
- Personal memories of Myiah and family bonding
- Deep impact of unexpected loss on family dynamics
- Messages about the purpose of waking up each day
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
My name is Ola Moore and you're listening to
Releasing Her.
Join me as I share my journeyof overcoming trauma, the power
of resilience and self-discovery.
My hope is to encourage andempower one to not give up.
Are you ready to heal andreclaim your power?
(00:22):
If so, let's be vulnerable andgrow together as we are
Releasing Her.
Welcome back to the ReleasingHer podcast.
I'm Ola Moore.
It's the holiday season as I'mrecording this episode, and I
(00:45):
told my therapist the last timeI spoke with her that I've been
having such good days that I'mtrying to avoid triggers.
She told me basically, you knowI can't control it.
Anything could make me, makethe grief come back out again
(01:07):
and the sadness and um becausetoday's episode I'm going to
talk about my niece.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
So I was, I'm sorry and I'm working on not
apologizing.
I was in a Hobby Lobbyyesterday as I was preparing to
get a gift for my cousin'slittle boy, and as I was walking
through the aisles I noticedlittle boxes you know that you
(01:37):
could put cookies in or makeyour own little gift and they
was already prepaid and littlestockings and a paper wrapping.
And that triggered me yesterdaybecause I remember, you know,
when she was still here, that Ihad bought all the stuff from
(01:57):
Hobby Lobby because I waspreparing myself, you know, for
when she go to college.
I wanted to be that, you know,that great auntie to make a
little packages that I couldsend her, you know, while she
was in school.
And so, um, I quickly foundmyself walking out that aisle
because I didn't know how badthe grief was gonna hit me.
(02:21):
You know, just remembering thatit was a good memory, but still
I didn't want to have to dothat in public.
So today is going to be one ofthe first of a couple episodes
maybe many that I'm going totalk about my grief.
(02:44):
And, like I said before, thisis starting with my niece
because she was the firstimmediate family member, besides
my aunts and uncles, that Ilost, and my family circle got
small, real quick, real quick.
(03:14):
So I remember one day I was inmy car listening to the radio
and Whitney Houston song, thegreatest love of all, came on,
and that began to trigger mebecause it made me think what
happens when children are notour future?
No one imagines that the babythey're holding, the little girl
(03:38):
or little boy that they carefor, may not be here tomorrow.
No, no one imagines that theirchild will not be able to go to
prom or graduate high school.
But it happens and it happenedto us.
I had mentioned previously thatmy father's death wasn't the
(04:05):
first.
Like I said before, today I'mgoing to speak on my first real
loss that really made me awareof true pain of losing someone.
Today I'm going to speak on theexperience of losing my niece
(04:25):
Maya.
She would have been 26 thisyear.
I often sat down and I imaginedhow she would look, what she
would have been doing when shehad found love, and called me to
(04:48):
laugh or complain about theunnecessary foolishness we go
through as women.
Thinking about her makes mesmile and it makes me angry at
the same time, because thischild lost her life and there's
(05:12):
people walking around here thatare murderers and living their
life like they don't care, andit just doesn't seem fair, you
know.
So I forced myself to focus onpositive memories and moments
(05:34):
that I've shared with her.
I remember the summer I spentwith my sister in New Orleans
after she came home from thehospital, with Maya.
Many times I got to babysit herand I remember the birthdays
and the holidays.
(05:54):
Maya was such a sweet soul.
She had dreams of becoming aveterinarian and she wanted to
send LSU so she could be closerto her dad.
I had always wanted a littlesister, so my niece was almost
(06:17):
like a two-in-one deal for me.
She was a a new light for myfamily, a true gift from God.
I remember when my sister hadcome home and let my family know
that she was pregnant.
We were all excited and then mysister gave birth.
(06:40):
My niece was actually a preemieand I remember how my mom had
to get to her, you know, get tomy sister to check in on her.
The birth of my niece appearedto have, in a sense, awakened a
part of my mom that I had notseen in a while.
(07:02):
Her motherly side showed up.
That did for me to see that.
It had given me hope that thesofter side of my mom had not
yet completely disappeared.
(07:31):
And I remember today I washeaded home and I actually
turned around and was headed tothe gym and I got the call from
my dad and you know he asked mehey, ola, what you doing?
And I told him I was, like youknow, I decided to go to the gym
(07:53):
.
So I'm headed to the gym.
In a stern voice he told me topull over and I thought to
myself okay, that was weird,because my dad always called me,
you know, and he would jokearound and laugh, you know.
So I pulled over, like he askedme to, and I was in the grocery
(08:15):
store parking lot.
I was parked and I asked himwhat was wrong, because it was
making me scared, because henever did that before.
Until this day, I don't thinkmy mind fully comprehended what
(08:42):
my dad told me, because all Iheard was found her dead.
So immediately, my thoughtprocess I was, like you know,
I'm a guy you know, Maya, how isMaya?
because I was thinking to myselfthat my niece had found my
sister and I, you know, asked mydad.
I was like, do you need for meto come get her?
(09:04):
And I just started thinkingabout all the things I needed to
move her in with me, becausethat was a longer, long-term
plan.
You see, I had purchased myhouse because if something were
to happen to my sister, the planwas that my niece would come
(09:25):
stay with me.
The neighborhood that I'm in isnice, with a lot of kids for
her to play.
It has a pool and, in myopinion, some good schools in
the area.
I just naturally again asked mydad did he need for me to come
get her?
My dad paused and I'll neverforget it was a low tone and he
(10:04):
just said ola, I need you tofocus because you're not hearing
(10:38):
me.
Your sister fell, maya, dead.
I just sat there, confused, andall I could think was that it
wasn't fair, it wasn't right.
How could this happen?
I told my dad that I needed togo home and rest before I could
drive to my sister's house,because it was just a lot for me
to deal with and I didn't wantto have a wreck driving down
(11:06):
there.
So when I finally got to thepoint where I could drive, I
drove down there and when I gotto my sister's house I could
tell everyone had been crying,my brother especially.
By the time I had gotten there,my niece's body was already
gone.
It's amazing how God willprovide comfort.
(11:29):
I had a tragedy.
A relative had asked my sisterwhat happened.
She pointed to the couch andsaid that is where she found her
.
She explained that my niece hadwent to a football game the
(11:50):
night before with some friends.
When she got home she had wentto my sister's room and laid
down with her, as they did manynights.
She told my sister how much funshe had, gave her a kiss and
told my sister that she lovedher and that she would be in the
living room Because she wantedto watch some TV before going to
(12:12):
bed.
You see, my niece took a nap onthe couch and never woke up.
My dad had mentioned to me togo outside so we could talk.
He had explained to me that mybrother was taking it hard and
(12:37):
my brother had actually arrivedat my sister's house.
He rushed to my niece andgrabbed her and he began rocking
her and yelling for her.
To wake up.
My brother was very sensitiveand could not take death well,
(13:02):
and Maya was his heart.
Even all the wrong he was doing, maya gave him hope, as most
children do with us.
My dad also explained that mymother was taking it hard, which
I figured.
She just looked lost.
(13:25):
You see, I had to put on mysuperwoman cape before I left
home so I tried not to allow toomany people to see me cry.
I had to be strong that day andhelp my dad deal with the
(13:46):
family.
My niece was my sister's onlychild.
She was the only grandchild.
We lost a baby of a family thatday.
I don't have any kids, so Idon't know what it's like, but I
(14:10):
know our family took a hit thatday.
The light that my niece hadbrought to us had become dim.
With my introduction episode Ihad mentioned the toxic
(14:30):
relationship that I had with mymom, but I truly believe that a
child's love can soften thehardest heart, because I saw it
with my mom.
To me it seemed that my niecegave my mom a second chance to
get it right.
(14:50):
With all the mistakes she madewith us, or the lack of being
present, my niece bought out apart of her that I had not seen
since I was a little girl.
I truly want to believe that mymom knew that God had given her
(15:14):
another opportunity to reallylove a child.
And I say that because, afterthe conversation with my dad, I
went back into the home and tosee the look on my mother's face
it was like a part of her diedand she was truly heartbroken.
(15:39):
The pain of losing my niece wasso bad that my mom was given
medication to be able to helpher sleep.
I always tell people that mymom may have not been a good
mother to me, but she definitelyshowed up as a great
(16:03):
grandmother to my niece and Ihad not seen it with my own eyes
, I don't think I would havebelieved it.
My niece had brought so much joyand hope to my family.
I know for myself.
The birth of my niece allowedan opportunity for me to build a
(16:25):
relationship with my sister.
You see, my sister and I are 10years apart.
Not too long after shegraduated high school, she went
to the Navy, so I didn't grow upwith her.
She graduated high school, shewent to the Navy, so I didn't
grow up with her.
My niece became that bridgebetween our two worlds and sadly
(16:51):
, after my niece's death, thatbridge was gone.
I don't think the foundationbetween my sister and me was
strong enough to survive LosingMaya.
So, after all the family hadbeen made aware, we stopped by
the house.
The not so fun activities beganand for those that have lost
(17:12):
someone, you know what thatmeans.
I finally got the chance to seeher.
I went to Maya's godmother'shome to drop off some things and
we went and met up at thefuneral home.
Maya, peaceful.
(17:35):
I touched her hair.
It touched her and I ran myfingers through her hair.
The mortician asked me if Iwanted a clip of her hair.
I said yes, I just wanted apiece of her to carry with me
(18:02):
and I still have it to this dayWith her passing so fresh.
I had days where I used to pullout her hair and just smell it.
Pull out her hair and justsmell it and hold it for a
minute.
For those who have lost someone, you know it feels to just be.
(18:30):
You just want to be close tothem.
Then they asked her to bringthe clothes to put on her for
the service.
My niece's godmother stepped upand volunteered for that.
You see, my niece passed awayin the fall of her junior year
(18:51):
in high school.
She would never get the chanceto go to prom so it was decided
that we would.
She would be buried in her promdress.
The notion was great, but to goshopping for a prom dress for
an actual funeral made me feelsome type of way.
(19:12):
But we went shopping.
Maya's favorite color waspurple and just thinking to go
shopping for an event that wouldnever have happened, it just
felt weird to me.
The whole time we were in thestore but we had to honor her,
(19:38):
and that's the way we did it.
Her godmother was so adamant toget her the perfect dress and
accessories Because she hadpromised Maya that she would
handle everything for her prom.
So I got it, and I didn't wantto take that from her or say
anything, I just went along.
My niece had also turned 16that year and me being auntie,
(20:08):
slash, bitch, sister, I tried to, you know, spoil her.
And whatever my niece wanted,she got it set for the laptop
she asked for.
My parents stepped in and toldme no with that, but anything
(20:29):
else I was happy to get it for.
So that year, for her 16thbirthday, I, you know, called
and asked her you know, maya,what you want for your birthday?
And she told me she loved Tomsneakers.
She, um, was in the process ofbeing on her route to become a
(20:50):
vegetarian and hopefully a vegan, so Tom sneakers was something
that allowed her to explore thatas well.
And she showed me the sneakersshe wanted.
I spent weeks looking for thoseshoes, going to different
stores and malls, and I didn'tmind, because I wanted her to
(21:12):
have what she wanted.
I know what it's like as achild to want something and
never get it, and I just didn'twant her to feel that way If I
could help it.
So I finally found the shoes.
So when her birthday came, mysister said she would have to
(21:35):
work and I could drop them offthe next day.
I told her no and I would drivedown because to me it defeats
the purpose of celebrating yourbirthday after the fact.
It's just, it's just not thesame.
So after I got off work I droveto my sister's house and I
(21:57):
delivered the shoes.
My aunt was so happy to getthem.
One thing did bother me and itstill bothers me to this day.
I know I had mentioned that myniece had bought a softer side
(22:22):
to my mom.
Unfortunately, over the yearsyears that had disappeared and I
guess the demons she had beenfighting took over and she had
start to begin treating my niecejust like I had been treated
growing up.
And I was was in my niece'sroom with her, you know talking,
(22:45):
and she asked me Ola, why so?
She said Ola, why is Granny somean to me?
She was so sad and disappointedand all I could tell her is
(23:10):
that I didn't know.
That's just who my mom was.
(23:38):
I told my sister when my niecehad asked me die, thinking that
her grandmother didn't like heror was mean to her.
I don't get it.
I personally I don't understandhow and why you would treat
(24:10):
your only grandchild like that.
There was, for my mom, no morere-dos, because neither of us
had any more kids since then.
More kids, sister Maya, was it?
To anyone that is listening,does it mean so much To be stuck
(24:31):
in your ways or always be right?
We are not promised tomorrow,and if God gives you a second
chance, take it and please doright by it or ask for help if
(24:53):
you are lost and don't know whatto do.
My niece's death made meappreciate life so much.
After her death, people wouldask me how I was doing and I
would literally tell them I wokeup this morning and sometimes
(25:16):
they would look at me or replyand say we know that and I would
try to explain to them how myniece literally she literally
went to sleep and didn't wake up.
I didn't have to wake up thismorning, you didn't have to wake
(25:40):
up this morning.
You didn't have to wake up.
And if you're listening to thisbecause you're grieving over
something, realize the momentyou wake up that you have
purpose.
I don't know what that is foryou, but do know this you are
(26:07):
meant to be here, even when itdoesn't seem fair that we I say
we myself and you we are stillhere and the words we love are
(26:27):
not.
I had to let my guard down.
I had to be vulnerable to beginhealing.
As stubborn and headstrong as Iam, I acknowledge my feelings
(26:48):
of grief and I have to allowmyself to experience them, even
when it hurts them, even when ithurts.
(27:11):
So I want you to say toyourself I am grateful for the
time I had with my loved one andthe impact that they made on my
life, as my therapist alwaystold me.
I'm speaking to myself rightnow and if this episode has made
you think or triggered asituation, take a moment and
(27:36):
breathe, and breathe again andremember release whatever you
need to release.
Until next time, thank you you.
My name is Ola Moore and you're listening to
Releasing Her.
Join me as I share my journeyof overcoming trauma, the power
of resilience and self-discovery.
My hope is to encourage andempower one to not give up.
Are you ready to heal andreclaim your power?
(00:22):
If so, let's be vulnerable andgrow together as we are
Releasing Her.
Welcome back to the ReleasingHer podcast.
I'm Ola Moore.
It's the holiday season as I'mrecording this episode, and I
(00:45):
told my therapist the last timeI spoke with her that I've been
having such good days that I'mtrying to avoid triggers.
She told me basically, you knowI can't control it.
Anything could make me, makethe grief come back out again
(01:07):
and the sadness and um becausetoday's episode I'm going to
talk about my niece.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
So I was, I'm sorry and I'm working on not
apologizing.
I was in a Hobby Lobbyyesterday as I was preparing to
get a gift for my cousin'slittle boy, and as I was walking
through the aisles I noticedlittle boxes you know that you
(01:37):
could put cookies in or makeyour own little gift and they
was already prepaid and littlestockings and a paper wrapping.
And that triggered me yesterdaybecause I remember, you know,
when she was still here, that Ihad bought all the stuff from
(01:57):
Hobby Lobby because I waspreparing myself, you know, for
when she go to college.
I wanted to be that, you know,that great auntie to make a
little packages that I couldsend her, you know, while she
was in school.
And so, um, I quickly foundmyself walking out that aisle
because I didn't know how badthe grief was gonna hit me.
(02:21):
You know, just remembering thatit was a good memory, but still
I didn't want to have to dothat in public.
So today is going to be one ofthe first of a couple episodes
maybe many that I'm going totalk about my grief.
(02:44):
And, like I said before, thisis starting with my niece
because she was the firstimmediate family member, besides
my aunts and uncles, that Ilost, and my family circle got
small, real quick, real quick.
(03:14):
So I remember one day I was inmy car listening to the radio
and Whitney Houston song, thegreatest love of all, came on,
and that began to trigger mebecause it made me think what
happens when children are notour future?
No one imagines that the babythey're holding, the little girl
(03:38):
or little boy that they carefor, may not be here tomorrow.
No, no one imagines that theirchild will not be able to go to
prom or graduate high school.
But it happens and it happenedto us.
I had mentioned previously thatmy father's death wasn't the
(04:05):
first.
Like I said before, today I'mgoing to speak on my first real
loss that really made me awareof true pain of losing someone.
Today I'm going to speak on theexperience of losing my niece
(04:25):
Maya.
She would have been 26 thisyear.
I often sat down and I imaginedhow she would look, what she
would have been doing when shehad found love, and called me to
(04:48):
laugh or complain about theunnecessary foolishness we go
through as women.
Thinking about her makes mesmile and it makes me angry at
the same time, because thischild lost her life and there's
(05:12):
people walking around here thatare murderers and living their
life like they don't care, andit just doesn't seem fair, you
know.
So I forced myself to focus onpositive memories and moments
(05:34):
that I've shared with her.
I remember the summer I spentwith my sister in New Orleans
after she came home from thehospital, with Maya.
Many times I got to babysit herand I remember the birthdays
and the holidays.
(05:54):
Maya was such a sweet soul.
She had dreams of becoming aveterinarian and she wanted to
send LSU so she could be closerto her dad.
I had always wanted a littlesister, so my niece was almost
(06:17):
like a two-in-one deal for me.
She was a a new light for myfamily, a true gift from God.
I remember when my sister hadcome home and let my family know
that she was pregnant.
We were all excited and then mysister gave birth.
(06:40):
My niece was actually a preemieand I remember how my mom had
to get to her, you know, get tomy sister to check in on her.
The birth of my niece appearedto have, in a sense, awakened a
part of my mom that I had notseen in a while.
(07:02):
Her motherly side showed up.
That did for me to see that.
It had given me hope that thesofter side of my mom had not
yet completely disappeared.
(07:31):
And I remember today I washeaded home and I actually
turned around and was headed tothe gym and I got the call from
my dad and you know he asked mehey, ola, what you doing?
And I told him I was, like youknow, I decided to go to the gym
(07:53):
.
So I'm headed to the gym.
In a stern voice he told me topull over and I thought to
myself okay, that was weird,because my dad always called me,
you know, and he would jokearound and laugh, you know.
So I pulled over, like he askedme to, and I was in the grocery
(08:15):
store parking lot.
I was parked and I asked himwhat was wrong, because it was
making me scared, because henever did that before.
Until this day, I don't thinkmy mind fully comprehended what
(08:42):
my dad told me, because all Iheard was found her dead.
So immediately, my thoughtprocess I was, like you know,
I'm a guy you know, Maya, how isMaya?
because I was thinking to myselfthat my niece had found my
sister and I, you know, asked mydad.
I was like, do you need for meto come get her?
(09:04):
And I just started thinkingabout all the things I needed to
move her in with me, becausethat was a longer, long-term
plan.
You see, I had purchased myhouse because if something were
to happen to my sister, the planwas that my niece would come
(09:25):
stay with me.
The neighborhood that I'm in isnice, with a lot of kids for
her to play.
It has a pool and, in myopinion, some good schools in
the area.
I just naturally again asked mydad did he need for me to come
get her?
My dad paused and I'll neverforget it was a low tone and he
(10:04):
just said ola, I need you tofocus because you're not hearing
(10:38):
me.
Your sister fell, maya, dead.
I just sat there, confused, andall I could think was that it
wasn't fair, it wasn't right.
How could this happen?
I told my dad that I needed togo home and rest before I could
drive to my sister's house,because it was just a lot for me
to deal with and I didn't wantto have a wreck driving down
(11:06):
there.
So when I finally got to thepoint where I could drive, I
drove down there and when I gotto my sister's house I could
tell everyone had been crying,my brother especially.
By the time I had gotten there,my niece's body was already
gone.
It's amazing how God willprovide comfort.
(11:29):
I had a tragedy.
A relative had asked my sisterwhat happened.
She pointed to the couch andsaid that is where she found her
.
She explained that my niece hadwent to a football game the
(11:50):
night before with some friends.
When she got home she had wentto my sister's room and laid
down with her, as they did manynights.
She told my sister how much funshe had, gave her a kiss and
told my sister that she lovedher and that she would be in the
living room Because she wantedto watch some TV before going to
(12:12):
bed.
You see, my niece took a nap onthe couch and never woke up.
My dad had mentioned to me togo outside so we could talk.
He had explained to me that mybrother was taking it hard and
(12:37):
my brother had actually arrivedat my sister's house.
He rushed to my niece andgrabbed her and he began rocking
her and yelling for her.
To wake up.
My brother was very sensitiveand could not take death well,
(13:02):
and Maya was his heart.
Even all the wrong he was doing, maya gave him hope, as most
children do with us.
My dad also explained that mymother was taking it hard, which
I figured.
She just looked lost.
(13:25):
You see, I had to put on mysuperwoman cape before I left
home so I tried not to allow toomany people to see me cry.
I had to be strong that day andhelp my dad deal with the
(13:46):
family.
My niece was my sister's onlychild.
She was the only grandchild.
We lost a baby of a family thatday.
I don't have any kids, so Idon't know what it's like, but I
(14:10):
know our family took a hit thatday.
The light that my niece hadbrought to us had become dim.
With my introduction episode Ihad mentioned the toxic
(14:30):
relationship that I had with mymom, but I truly believe that a
child's love can soften thehardest heart, because I saw it
with my mom.
To me it seemed that my niecegave my mom a second chance to
get it right.
(14:50):
With all the mistakes she madewith us, or the lack of being
present, my niece bought out apart of her that I had not seen
since I was a little girl.
I truly want to believe that mymom knew that God had given her
(15:14):
another opportunity to reallylove a child.
And I say that because, afterthe conversation with my dad, I
went back into the home and tosee the look on my mother's face
it was like a part of her diedand she was truly heartbroken.
(15:39):
The pain of losing my niece wasso bad that my mom was given
medication to be able to helpher sleep.
I always tell people that mymom may have not been a good
mother to me, but she definitelyshowed up as a great
(16:03):
grandmother to my niece and Ihad not seen it with my own eyes
, I don't think I would havebelieved it.
My niece had brought so much joyand hope to my family.
I know for myself.
The birth of my niece allowedan opportunity for me to build a
(16:25):
relationship with my sister.
You see, my sister and I are 10years apart.
Not too long after shegraduated high school, she went
to the Navy, so I didn't grow upwith her.
She graduated high school, shewent to the Navy, so I didn't
grow up with her.
My niece became that bridgebetween our two worlds and sadly
(16:51):
, after my niece's death, thatbridge was gone.
I don't think the foundationbetween my sister and me was
strong enough to survive LosingMaya.
So, after all the family hadbeen made aware, we stopped by
the house.
The not so fun activities beganand for those that have lost
(17:12):
someone, you know what thatmeans.
I finally got the chance to seeher.
I went to Maya's godmother'shome to drop off some things and
we went and met up at thefuneral home.
Maya, peaceful.
(17:35):
I touched her hair.
It touched her and I ran myfingers through her hair.
The mortician asked me if Iwanted a clip of her hair.
I said yes, I just wanted apiece of her to carry with me
(18:02):
and I still have it to this dayWith her passing so fresh.
I had days where I used to pullout her hair and just smell it.
Pull out her hair and justsmell it and hold it for a
minute.
For those who have lost someone, you know it feels to just be.
(18:30):
You just want to be close tothem.
Then they asked her to bringthe clothes to put on her for
the service.
My niece's godmother stepped upand volunteered for that.
You see, my niece passed awayin the fall of her junior year
(18:51):
in high school.
She would never get the chanceto go to prom so it was decided
that we would.
She would be buried in her promdress.
The notion was great, but to goshopping for a prom dress for
an actual funeral made me feelsome type of way.
(19:12):
But we went shopping.
Maya's favorite color waspurple and just thinking to go
shopping for an event that wouldnever have happened, it just
felt weird to me.
The whole time we were in thestore but we had to honor her,
(19:38):
and that's the way we did it.
Her godmother was so adamant toget her the perfect dress and
accessories Because she hadpromised Maya that she would
handle everything for her prom.
So I got it, and I didn't wantto take that from her or say
anything, I just went along.
My niece had also turned 16that year and me being auntie,
(20:08):
slash, bitch, sister, I tried to, you know, spoil her.
And whatever my niece wanted,she got it set for the laptop
she asked for.
My parents stepped in and toldme no with that, but anything
(20:29):
else I was happy to get it for.
So that year, for her 16thbirthday, I, you know, called
and asked her you know, maya,what you want for your birthday?
And she told me she loved Tomsneakers.
She, um, was in the process ofbeing on her route to become a
(20:50):
vegetarian and hopefully a vegan, so Tom sneakers was something
that allowed her to explore thatas well.
And she showed me the sneakersshe wanted.
I spent weeks looking for thoseshoes, going to different
stores and malls, and I didn'tmind, because I wanted her to
(21:12):
have what she wanted.
I know what it's like as achild to want something and
never get it, and I just didn'twant her to feel that way If I
could help it.
So I finally found the shoes.
So when her birthday came, mysister said she would have to
(21:35):
work and I could drop them offthe next day.
I told her no and I would drivedown because to me it defeats
the purpose of celebrating yourbirthday after the fact.
It's just, it's just not thesame.
So after I got off work I droveto my sister's house and I
(21:57):
delivered the shoes.
My aunt was so happy to getthem.
One thing did bother me and itstill bothers me to this day.
I know I had mentioned that myniece had bought a softer side
(22:22):
to my mom.
Unfortunately, over the yearsyears that had disappeared and I
guess the demons she had beenfighting took over and she had
start to begin treating my niecejust like I had been treated
growing up.
And I was was in my niece'sroom with her, you know talking,
(22:45):
and she asked me Ola, why so?
She said Ola, why is Granny somean to me?
She was so sad and disappointedand all I could tell her is
(23:10):
that I didn't know.
That's just who my mom was.
(23:38):
I told my sister when my niecehad asked me die, thinking that
her grandmother didn't like heror was mean to her.
I don't get it.
I personally I don't understandhow and why you would treat
(24:10):
your only grandchild like that.
There was, for my mom, no morere-dos, because neither of us
had any more kids since then.
More kids, sister Maya, was it?
To anyone that is listening,does it mean so much To be stuck
(24:31):
in your ways or always be right?
We are not promised tomorrow,and if God gives you a second
chance, take it and please doright by it or ask for help if
(24:53):
you are lost and don't know whatto do.
My niece's death made meappreciate life so much.
After her death, people wouldask me how I was doing and I
would literally tell them I wokeup this morning and sometimes
(25:16):
they would look at me or replyand say we know that and I would
try to explain to them how myniece literally she literally
went to sleep and didn't wake up.
I didn't have to wake up thismorning, you didn't have to wake
(25:40):
up this morning.
You didn't have to wake up.
And if you're listening to thisbecause you're grieving over
something, realize the momentyou wake up that you have
purpose.
I don't know what that is foryou, but do know this you are
(26:07):
meant to be here, even when itdoesn't seem fair that we I say
we myself and you we are stillhere and the words we love are
(26:27):
not.
I had to let my guard down.
I had to be vulnerable to beginhealing.
As stubborn and headstrong as Iam, I acknowledge my feelings
(26:48):
of grief and I have to allowmyself to experience them, even
when it hurts them, even when ithurts.
(27:11):
So I want you to say toyourself I am grateful for the
time I had with my loved one andthe impact that they made on my
life, as my therapist alwaystold me.
I'm speaking to myself rightnow and if this episode has made
you think or triggered asituation, take a moment and
(27:36):
breathe, and breathe again andremember release whatever you
need to release.
Until next time, thank you you.
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