April 24, 2025 • 27 mins
PodShare - 'Til the Wheels Fall Off
"Nobody else notices that thing about you except yourself." This powerful revelation anchors our heartfelt conversation about the invisible battle teenagers fight with insecurity in today's comparison-driven world.
Alayna and Liam open up about their personal struggles with self-image, revealing the stark differences between how teenage boys and girls experience and express feelings of inadequacy. While girls often fixate on appearance, weight, and talents, boys typically mask insecurities behind a facade of strength, believing vulnerability makes them "less of a man." The conversation dives deep into how these challenges manifest differently yet stem from the same human need to feel worthy and accepted.
Social media emerges as a central villain in this narrative, bombarding teenagers with filtered, curated images that create impossible standards. We explore how platforms like Instagram and TikTok intensify insecurities by turning everyday life into a performance. As Liam describes, "We just look around and try to say that we're not affected by it, but really we are and we just don't want to accept it."
The discussion takes a critical turn when examining the dangerous coping mechanisms teens develop in response to these feelings: isolation, negative self-talk, substance abuse, and in Elena's candid admission, disordered eating. These behaviors can spiral into serious mental health issues that parents often fail to recognize.
What makes this episode especially meaningful is the biblical perspective we bring to these struggles. Drawing from Scripture like Ephesians 1:4-6 and Psalms, we remind listeners of their inherent value beyond physical appearance or accomplishments. Our conversation bridges the gap between modern teenage struggles and timeless spiritual truths about self-worth.
Whether you're a teenager navigating these waters yourself, a parent trying to understand your child's behavior, or someone still healing from adolescent wounds, this episode offers both comfort and practical strategies for building healthy self-image. Share this with someone who needs to hear they're not alone in their struggle.
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Thank You. I Love You!
SEE YA!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Alayna (00:02):
Hi everybody.
Liam (00:03):
I'm Elena and I'm here with Liam and you're listening
to Till the Wheels Fall Off.
In this podcast, we will talkabout everything from the
epidemic of brain rot toaddiction as a teen.
Alayna (00:13):
We started this podcast to prove that teenagers struggle
with real world problems andhow to battle them biblically.
So today's topic is aboutinsecurities.
I know I personally strugglewith a lot of insecurities as a
woman or a teenage girl, but howdo you guys?
Liam (00:32):
I think we do in the same way.
It's just that how we do is weconstantly close ourselves off
because we don't want to be aburden to anybody, we don't want
to feel like we're weighinganybody down.
We don't want to talk about itbecause we feel like it makes us
less of a man.
I mean, it can be anything,just comparing yourself to the
way others look like, especiallyon social media, your strength,
(00:54):
just not waking up early, nottaking care of yourself, which
is all things you have toimprove about yourself.
Alayna (01:02):
But most people get in their head about it and, uh,
just think that they never canyeah, I know I personally
struggle with not only like thephysical aspects of it, but it's
like oh, she can sing, good, oh, she can draw, and I'm just
like I can talk, that's I can, Ican talk, yeah, uh, I feel that
(01:22):
way as well.
Liam (01:22):
Like, uh, with strength, like that's I can, I can talk.
Yeah, I feel that way as well.
Like with strength, like that's.
That's one of the main thingsthat guys do talk about is uh,
you walk up to a guy, how muchcan you bench press?
You know, we're constantlycomparing ourselves to each
other just to see if we'rebetter than one another, when,
um, I feel like that's notreally healthy, to be honest.
We constantly try to figure outwho's better than one another.
(01:44):
It's, it's like it's not reallyhealthy, to be honest.
We constantly try to figure outwho's better than one another.
It's like it's always acompetition and that's the way
society has made it today.
I feel like it's terrible.
I mean, I don't know what youropinion on that is, alayna.
Alayna (01:54):
It's definitely in girls .
It's more or less like how muchdo you weigh?
Oh, what size do you wear?
Or, like I know me personally,I have a lot of scars on my body
.
So like whenever I go out to goswimming or something, and
there's all these skinny little,skinny little blonde girls and
they're skinny little bathingsuits that just look perfect,
(02:15):
you're just kind of like I wantto go home now yeah, um, guys,
guys could be that way abouteach other.
Liam (02:21):
It's just like, uh, in the way that we do it, we'll just
constantly hide, we'll hide fromourselves, we'll constantly lie
to ourselves to make ourselvesfeel better, but deep down
inside we know that we're messedup.
But I feel like at the sametime, guys in today's society
have been trained.
They feel like they don't talkto anybody, that they shouldn't
talk to anybody, that theyshouldn't tell anybody about
their problems, that they shouldjust deal with it and get over
(02:43):
it.
And it's terrible because itconstantly weighs down on you
and it feels like you're justcarrying a weight all the time.
It's hard to talk to anybody.
I don't know about yourexperience with that, elena.
Alayna (02:52):
It's definitely hard to talk to people, especially when,
like, you're trying to talk tosomeone that you like wish you
had one of their aspects.
Like you said, it's a constantworld of comparison and in
today's world, it's certain guysyou know they have to.
They're like oh, I have to bemasculine, I have to be the
strongest, I have to be thebiggest.
(03:14):
And then now, in today, today'ssociety, you've got all of this
feminine men makeup, masculinewomen going into the gym.
As a girl and seeing thesewomen that are built like
bodybuilders, you're like I wishI was that strong, but I don't
want to look masculine.
Like that's.
One of my fears is lookingmasculine when it comes to
(03:35):
working out, and I know guysstruggle with like they don't
want to look feminine and stufflike that.
Liam (03:41):
Yeah, yeah it's.
I feel like we're constantlyheld to a standard by each other
and we constantly feel like wehave to prove to one another
that we're good enough.
I feel like there is a certainpoint where that is okay to to
want to do good, to want to bethe best that you can be, but
eventually I think it becomesharmful because, like, um, we
(04:02):
were moving, uh, railroad timesone day and I constantly wanted
to pick one up just to prove toeverybody that I was strong,
that I could do it.
But I mean, you can get hurtdoing that crap.
You can strain and you can pulla muscle.
You can do plenty of thingsthat will mess you up just by
trying to prove to everyone elsethat you're good enough.
When you have to realize thatit's not a race against you and
(04:24):
everybody else, it's just a raceagainst you and yourself.
You know how to be better, howto constantly improve.
Alayna (04:30):
That's how it is, like girls.
I know I specifically struggledwith not being strong, like I
was in weight class, like thatwas one of my classes in ninth
grade and whenever I went inthere there I could not bench,
press nothing.
I couldn't squat, I couldn'tdeadlift and that made me very
(04:51):
insecure because even like theskinniest of girls could lift
weights and I wasn't skinny likeI was, I was a little chunky, I
was a little big.
So coming in and like seeingthese super skinny girls be able
to do it, it kind of you'relike well, if they can do it,
why can't I?
And then you add, in thepressures of social media
nowadays that our parents didn'tnecessarily have, so they don't
(05:13):
really understand.
Like you know, whenever I openmy phone and I look on Instagram
or I look on TikTok and I seethese girls who are just like
built perfect and likesubconsciously you know it's
probably edited, but you'restill like dang, I wish I looked
like that like they get allthese likes, all these followers
, and I've got my mom followingme, you know see, guys can do
(05:37):
that same thing with, like otherpeople in the gym who will be
on like a certain performanceenhancing drugs.
Liam (05:45):
We can say that we know that they're on something and
that it doesn't affect usbecause we know that they are.
But really it does still make aslight compromise in our minds,
like dang, and it also kind ofmakes us want to compromise, to
do those things just so we couldbe like those people, when
really the human body isn't madeto be like that.
We just look around and we tryto say that we're not affected
(06:08):
by it, but really we are and wejust don't want to accept it.
Alayna (06:12):
Yeah Well, and that comes along with the comparison
of, like you know, even withinyour own household.
I have a bunch of siblings andI have my parents and it's
always a constant world ofcomparison.
You know, you don't look likeyour sister or you're not as
smart as your brother, or thingslike that, and like my parents
(06:37):
are very active and I'm very, Iwant to stay at home and watch a
movie, like no, I don't want togo on a run, and so that can
kind of come into it as well.
It's just constant comparison,even within your old household,
like with your friends, and thendefinitely within yourself in
that mirror, you know, justlooking at yourself and being
like, well, this doesn't looklike her.
Or you know, I've got acne, ormy teeth are yellow, and it's
(07:01):
things like that, and it's justthe little things that nobody
else thinks about.
Like that's what you have tothink about.
Nobody else is looking at thatthing on you except for yourself
.
No one else notices that.
No one else notices how yourteeth are two shades darker than
the white piece of paper on thetable.
Liam (07:18):
But you know, you notice that because you're yourself and
you're constantly thinkingabout every little imperfection
see, that's the thing is thatwe're just always trying to put
ourselves down instead of tryingto push ourselves back up.
And it's hard in today'ssociety, because that's that's
all we want to do nowadays isjust push ourselves down.
(07:41):
But really we should try.
Really we should be trying tolift each other up instead of
just always trying to put eachother down and try to show off
who's better and who's stronger,who's smarter.
It doesn't matter about thosethings.
I mean, those are all thingsthat you can improve.
You shouldn't look at thosethings constantly every day and
let them weigh you down.
You should look at those thingsand say, okay, well, yeah, I'm
(08:04):
not as good as this person inthis, but if I would put in the
work every day and if I would bebetter, if I would try harder,
then maybe I could be the sameas that person.
But in the end, really none ofthose things matter.
Truly, truly matter.
It's all.
It's all down to you and whatyou want to be and who you are.
Alayna (08:24):
Yeah, one of my main struggles for a long time was,
you know, things that I can'tnecessarily control.
So, like, I have a very softjawline, whereas my brother has
a very sharp jawline and nomatter how much weight that I
would lose, or the facialexercises or the like skin
tightening stuff, I'm alwaysgoing to have a soft jawline
(08:46):
because that's what I was bornwith.
And you know, my eyes are twodifferent colors.
If you pay attention, they'rebrown around the pupil and then
they're like a greenish bluelooking color on the outside.
And I have a little sister andshe has partial heterochromia,
which means she has a yellowstrip all the way across her
blue eyes and I always thoughtthat's so cool.
(09:09):
But she's 11 now and she, likeshe'll cry about it.
She'll be like kids at schoolthink I'm weird and I'm like
dude, that's so cool.
I wish I had something likethat.
But it's like even thosepermanent things that you really
can't control, that that'llreally get to you because
there's really nothing you cando about it.
So, um, insecurities themselvescause a lot of things when it
(09:36):
comes to the way that you liveyour life, like every day.
Um, what what personally, likeaffects you affects me.
Liam (09:46):
Um, just being happy for real, uh, being happy with who I
am.
Being able to look at myself inthe mirror and say, uh, I'm
okay with what I'm looking at.
And it's hard and I've workedon it for real a good bit, but
it's hard to just look atyourself some days and say, man,
(10:06):
you're good looking, you know.
Just to be happy with yourself,wouldn't you agree, elena?
Alayna (10:13):
Yeah, I get that look in the mirror and to be like.
You know I have to like havelittle sticky notes over my
mirror and you know God createdyou like this for a reason.
You know you were made for sucha time as this.
Um, you know she's moreprecious than rubies and pearls,
which is kind of a femininething.
(10:34):
But, like I know, in my case,whenever I get super insecure
about something, um, I very muchlike isolate myself, like I
don't want to be around people,I don't want to hang around my
friends.
You know you get that anxietyof like, if I can see it,
everyone else can see it too,and it's just like I don't want
to go anywhere.
No, I don't want to go to thegym with you.
Liam (10:55):
No, like you know, I'm kind of like that um, I'll shut
myself down in my own mind, I'lluh, I want everything to be
quiet, just so I can focus onthat one thing and just get in
my head about it and just uh,not be able to overcome it.
And it's hard.
It's hard to just dig yourselfout of your own hole that you
(11:15):
dig in.
It's terrible, for real yeah, Iget that.
Alayna (11:19):
Um, you know, when it comes to shutting off your mind,
you know having insecuritiescan actually like cause, like
anxiety, which can lead todepression, and both anxiety and
depression shut off differentparts of your mind.
Like, if you view an MRI ofsomeone with depression, it's
going to be a lot darker thansomeone who is known for being
(11:40):
happy, and it can actually causelearning disorders, adhd,
someone who can't focus, orsomeone with ADD who hyper,
focuses on every little thingyou know.
And then perfectionism, ocd,you know everything has to be
perfect and if it's not, I'mgoing to like crash out.
Liam (11:59):
I get like that sometimes, uh, where everything about me
has to be just right, oreverything about something that
I'm doing has to be perfect,otherwise I won't be good enough
.
I won't be able to show, likemy parents or my friends, that
I'm good enough, that I'm worthy.
Alayna (12:15):
I'm not able to prove myself unless it's all just
perfectly right yeah, and thatcan also lead into like
appearance choices, like whatyou choose to do with your
appearance.
I know I used to struggle verymuch with like being bigger.
Yeah, like I used to be bigger,so I would always wear like the
baggy jeans and like thehoodies or the sweatpants and
(12:38):
I'd always kind of dress like alittle boy.
I had blonde hair at that pointand I just like I let everybody
else's opinions control what Idid.
And now obviously you can tellthat I've come to be more with
like myself and how I want tolook, which gets me judgment,
which sometimes gets in my head.
I know, whenever I got my nosepierced and I got my piercings
(13:00):
on the top of my ear, the firstthing, um, somebody said was you
look emo.
And immediately it got in myhead.
And then I went to dye my hairmy natural color and I was like,
oh, everybody's gonna think I'memo now, like they're all gonna
like think I'm like crazy and Iwant to die.
And then I come to school andlike literally two people
(13:23):
noticed I dyed my hair like likeyou put yourself under such a
spotlight that you're not evenreally in.
You put yourself under that andyou know.
It's a pride thing, honestly,when you think about it, because
you're lifting yourself upwhile tearing yourself down,
because you're so focused on youthat you're building yourself
this pedestal that if you don'tmeet, then you feel like you're
(13:47):
nothing.
Liam (13:48):
Absolutely.
I totally agree with that part,especially about the pride.
And you'll rip yourself apartby doing that, because you'll
just constantly, constantlycompare yourself and it'll
destroy you.
Just constantly, constantlycompare yourself and it'll
destroy you.
That's another thing is youconstantly have to have somebody
look at you is what it alsowill cause.
You have to have somebody tonotice you, otherwise you don't
(14:09):
feel like you're doing enough.
Or some people are just likeabsolutely crazy about that and
are just attention freaks andhave to have it.
They like can't survive withoutit and they overreact.
You know, not getting your way.
Alayna (14:22):
this is what some people be called to do I know I
definitely sometimes like, ifI'm not getting enough attention
, like it'll definitely wear onme, and I'm like guys, I still
exist too, like hi guys yeah, Iget that way sometimes where, uh
, I just feel like nobody caresabout me and it's just me trying
(14:43):
to lie to myself, to makemyself feel like a piece of crap
.
Liam (14:46):
So somebody will notice me just because I want that
attention yeah, well, I knowcertain people.
Alayna (14:52):
I'm very loud, not talk a lot, but I know people who are
explicitly loud and just verybossy and just like overly want
somebody to notice them, even ifit's bad attention.
Like I've noticed that a lot ingirls who don't have a father
figure growing up is you alwayswant someone to fill that need
for that attention and then,even if it's bad attention,
(15:16):
you're still like it's attention.
So a win is a win and you knowthat'll really tear you down a
lot more than you think it would.
So when it comes into that, youknow you have coping skills and
there are healthy coping skillsand there are unhealthy coping
(15:36):
skills and then there's thatkind of middle ground that this
could be healthy and then itcould turn into something very
unhealthy, like naps.
I love naps, but sometimes Iwill just sleep and sleep and
sleep so I don't have to feelanything.
Liam (15:57):
And one of the most common unhealthy ones I would would
say about guys, which is what Isaid before is uh just holding
everything in and uh blamingyourself, uh just constantly not
wanting to talk to people, notwanting to talk about how you're
feeling truly on the inside.
You know, and um, it's hard.
(16:17):
It's hard to uh let in intoday's society, especially
because all that men have beenreally told to do nowadays is
just shut up and get over it.
You know Boys aren't supposedto cry.
I know that girls talk to eachother.
Alayna (16:31):
I'm pretty sure I mean, I don't really know- Well, I
personally, like some girls do,and then like I feel like every
girl has their one person thatthey just go and talk to about
things, um, like my personrecently left, so I feel alone,
um, but like on the unhealthynotice, like I used to starve
(16:53):
myself because, like I wanted tolose weight and starvation was
just like the easiest way tolike just lose the weight and
then, obviously, you know,physical harm has a range, um,
you know whether it's toyourself or to others.
I know my sister used to getvery angry and take her own
(17:15):
insecurities out on other people, whether it was she made a
girl's teeth go through her lipsat one point, like she was just
very aggressive because shedidn't like herself.
So she made it reflect ontoother people.
And you know, like you said,the um avoidance behavior, you
know not wanting to be aroundpeople, and that can lead into,
(17:37):
like when you're alone, thatnegative self-talk when you're
just like I'm nothing see, anduh also with the uh holding
everything in and blamingyourself and just a constant
appearance.
Liam (17:49):
That's another thing about exercising.
It does certainly uh come to apoint sometimes with some people
with like a body bodydysmorphia or like you just
constantly look at everybodyelse in that gym and you say I'm
not them, and that also moreinsecurities can sprout from
that.
But you have to look atyourself and say, well, I
haven't been going here but likea month or two, which is
(18:12):
another hard thing that guysstruggle with yeah, well, I like
I can go into the gym and seelike those really buff guys and
you know they look superintimidating.
Alayna (18:25):
But once you talk to them they're like I've been
going here for you know 10 yearsand it's like, well, no wonder
you're built like that.
I've been going to the gym forlike all of three weeks and I
have seen nothing.
Um, but you know, with that umalso just being alone.
(18:47):
Being alone has been known tolet into substance abuse,
whether it's drugs or alcohol,and a lot of people don't think
that teenagers ever experiencethat.
But teenagers are one of themost high dealing um drug like
buyers and alcohol consumers, um.
(19:08):
And then you bring in the factthat they prescribe adderall
which, when you actually breakit down, is basically
methamphetamines for children.
Um, is basicallymethamphetamines for children.
It's very like, if you takeback and look at the drug
epidemic, it affects very, veryyoung kids.
(19:31):
At a school near us there was athird grader caught with a bag
of cocaine in his backpack Athird grader pack a third grader
.
Liam (19:47):
We've talked about, uh, you know, just insecurities and
unhealthy coping skills.
Uh, I think we need to go oversome more healthy ones.
Like, uh, you know, especiallyguys.
You just got to reach out andtalk to people.
Uh, socializing, which isreally hard sometimes,
especially in public.
Like just uh, people don't wantto go up to each other and make
friends anymore and it's hard.
I feel like we lose that oncewe start to get a little bit
(20:07):
older and get out of our teenageyears.
We just don't know how to talkto each other anymore.
We should normalize that more.
Alayna (20:16):
Wouldn't you agree?
I know, even now, the only timethat anyone ever comes up to me
in social media or anyoneanytime anyone ever comes out to
me in public, like if it's aguy, they're like you're fine,
do you have snap?
No, but like very rarely dogirls ever come up to me.
(20:38):
Like my favorite thing is to goup and just compliment people
in public because you see thesmile on their face, like that
should be a whole like thingthat people do is just
compliment each other becauseyou don't realize, like, how
much it really makes someone'sday for a complete stranger.
Just take five seconds out oftheir day to, you know, tell
(21:02):
them their hair looks nice.
You know, someone could behaving the worst day of their
lives and you could very simplybe like, oh my god, your hair
looks so pretty and that justchanged their whole mood and
brightened their whole day.
Um, I know, like my my skillsthat I try to keep very frequent
is reading, whether it's theBible or just an overall good
(21:26):
book, and then seeking supportwithin my built family, the
family that I've built formyself, people that will pray
for me and that will fight forme, and just people that will
pray for me and that will fightfor me and just like people that
I trust.
So now we've overwent somehealthy and unhealthy coping
(21:48):
mechanisms.
Now let's kind of like bringbible verses to kind of build on
and lean on whenever we arefeeling insecure okay, I've got
uh some myself.
Liam (21:59):
Uh got this one right here .
Ephesians 1, 4 through 6,.
Even before he made the world,god loved us and chose us in
Christ to be holy, without faultin his eyes.
God decided in advance to adoptus into his own family by
bringing us to himself throughJesus Christ.
(22:21):
And also 1 Samuel, 16, verse 7,.
But the Lord said to SamuelDon't judge by his appearance or
height, for I have rejected him.
The Lord doesn't see things theway you see them.
People judge by outwardappearance, but the Lord looks
at the heart.
Alayna (22:38):
Those are both very good .
I have my personal favoritethat is actually written on my
mirror and it's Songs of Solomon, 4-7, which says you are
altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way.
And then I do believe this isPsalms.
It says you made all thedelicate inner parts of my body
and knit me together in mymother's wombs.
(23:00):
Thank you for making me sowonderfully complex.
Your workmanship is marvelous.
How well I know it.
And those verses are justreally good to stand on and be
like you know.
Liam (23:18):
God created me and God judges me for who I am, not how.
Alayna (23:19):
I look Absolutely.
I love the first time you won,though Me too, so that was
really fun.
I really enjoyed being able tostay here and take the time to
do that with you.
Liam (23:28):
Absolutely.
It was great.
It was kind of awkward at first, but eventually we warmed up to
it.
We're going to have to comeback and do this again.
Alayna (23:35):
Most definitely.
We're definitely going to haveto do some more episodes, but
just to take a second to speakto those listening.
You know you specifically.
We appreciate you taking thetime out of your day to listen
to a couple of kids talk aboutsome random things.
We really appreciate you justlistening and we'd really
appreciate if you came back.
(23:55):
You know, if you'd like toleave us a review and leave us a
message for us to read, justlet us know what you think about
it and, you know, share it withyour friends or family.
Liam (24:07):
And however, you listen to us, just make sure you follow
us, and if you know anybody whoreally needs to hear this,
please we ask that you share itto them and that you show it to
them.
Alayna (24:16):
Well, that's all for this episode.
Thank you so much for listening, and please be sure to join me
next time.
I'm Elena.
Liam (24:22):
And I'm William.
Alayna (24:23):
And this is Till the Wheels Fall Off.
Liam (24:25):
Catch you in the plow dirt .
Alayna (24:27):
Bye buddy, I hope you find your dad.
Hi everybody.
Liam (00:03):
I'm Elena and I'm here with Liam and you're listening
to Till the Wheels Fall Off.
In this podcast, we will talkabout everything from the
epidemic of brain rot toaddiction as a teen.
Alayna (00:13):
We started this podcast to prove that teenagers struggle
with real world problems andhow to battle them biblically.
So today's topic is aboutinsecurities.
I know I personally strugglewith a lot of insecurities as a
woman or a teenage girl, but howdo you guys?
Liam (00:32):
I think we do in the same way.
It's just that how we do is weconstantly close ourselves off
because we don't want to be aburden to anybody, we don't want
to feel like we're weighinganybody down.
We don't want to talk about itbecause we feel like it makes us
less of a man.
I mean, it can be anything,just comparing yourself to the
way others look like, especiallyon social media, your strength,
(00:54):
just not waking up early, nottaking care of yourself, which
is all things you have toimprove about yourself.
Alayna (01:02):
But most people get in their head about it and, uh,
just think that they never canyeah, I know I personally
struggle with not only like thephysical aspects of it, but it's
like oh, she can sing, good, oh, she can draw, and I'm just
like I can talk, that's I can, Ican talk, yeah, uh, I feel that
(01:22):
way as well.
Liam (01:22):
Like, uh, with strength, like that's I can, I can talk.
Yeah, I feel that way as well.
Like with strength, like that's.
That's one of the main thingsthat guys do talk about is uh,
you walk up to a guy, how muchcan you bench press?
You know, we're constantlycomparing ourselves to each
other just to see if we'rebetter than one another, when,
um, I feel like that's notreally healthy, to be honest.
We constantly try to figure outwho's better than one another.
(01:44):
It's, it's like it's not reallyhealthy, to be honest.
We constantly try to figure outwho's better than one another.
It's like it's always acompetition and that's the way
society has made it today.
I feel like it's terrible.
I mean, I don't know what youropinion on that is, alayna.
Alayna (01:54):
It's definitely in girls .
It's more or less like how muchdo you weigh?
Oh, what size do you wear?
Or, like I know me personally,I have a lot of scars on my body
.
So like whenever I go out to goswimming or something, and
there's all these skinny little,skinny little blonde girls and
they're skinny little bathingsuits that just look perfect,
(02:15):
you're just kind of like I wantto go home now yeah, um, guys,
guys could be that way abouteach other.
Liam (02:21):
It's just like, uh, in the way that we do it, we'll just
constantly hide, we'll hide fromourselves, we'll constantly lie
to ourselves to make ourselvesfeel better, but deep down
inside we know that we're messedup.
But I feel like at the sametime, guys in today's society
have been trained.
They feel like they don't talkto anybody, that they shouldn't
talk to anybody, that theyshouldn't tell anybody about
their problems, that they shouldjust deal with it and get over
(02:43):
it.
And it's terrible because itconstantly weighs down on you
and it feels like you're justcarrying a weight all the time.
It's hard to talk to anybody.
I don't know about yourexperience with that, elena.
Alayna (02:52):
It's definitely hard to talk to people, especially when,
like, you're trying to talk tosomeone that you like wish you
had one of their aspects.
Like you said, it's a constantworld of comparison and in
today's world, it's certain guysyou know they have to.
They're like oh, I have to bemasculine, I have to be the
strongest, I have to be thebiggest.
(03:14):
And then now, in today, today'ssociety, you've got all of this
feminine men makeup, masculinewomen going into the gym.
As a girl and seeing thesewomen that are built like
bodybuilders, you're like I wishI was that strong, but I don't
want to look masculine.
Like that's.
One of my fears is lookingmasculine when it comes to
(03:35):
working out, and I know guysstruggle with like they don't
want to look feminine and stufflike that.
Liam (03:41):
Yeah, yeah it's.
I feel like we're constantlyheld to a standard by each other
and we constantly feel like wehave to prove to one another
that we're good enough.
I feel like there is a certainpoint where that is okay to to
want to do good, to want to bethe best that you can be, but
eventually I think it becomesharmful because, like, um, we
(04:02):
were moving, uh, railroad timesone day and I constantly wanted
to pick one up just to prove toeverybody that I was strong,
that I could do it.
But I mean, you can get hurtdoing that crap.
You can strain and you can pulla muscle.
You can do plenty of thingsthat will mess you up just by
trying to prove to everyone elsethat you're good enough.
When you have to realize thatit's not a race against you and
(04:24):
everybody else, it's just a raceagainst you and yourself.
You know how to be better, howto constantly improve.
Alayna (04:30):
That's how it is, like girls.
I know I specifically struggledwith not being strong, like I
was in weight class, like thatwas one of my classes in ninth
grade and whenever I went inthere there I could not bench,
press nothing.
I couldn't squat, I couldn'tdeadlift and that made me very
(04:51):
insecure because even like theskinniest of girls could lift
weights and I wasn't skinny likeI was, I was a little chunky, I
was a little big.
So coming in and like seeingthese super skinny girls be able
to do it, it kind of you'relike well, if they can do it,
why can't I?
And then you add, in thepressures of social media
nowadays that our parents didn'tnecessarily have, so they don't
(05:13):
really understand.
Like you know, whenever I openmy phone and I look on Instagram
or I look on TikTok and I seethese girls who are just like
built perfect and likesubconsciously you know it's
probably edited, but you'restill like dang, I wish I looked
like that like they get allthese likes, all these followers
, and I've got my mom followingme, you know see, guys can do
(05:37):
that same thing with, like otherpeople in the gym who will be
on like a certain performanceenhancing drugs.
Liam (05:45):
We can say that we know that they're on something and
that it doesn't affect usbecause we know that they are.
But really it does still make aslight compromise in our minds,
like dang, and it also kind ofmakes us want to compromise, to
do those things just so we couldbe like those people, when
really the human body isn't madeto be like that.
We just look around and we tryto say that we're not affected
(06:08):
by it, but really we are and wejust don't want to accept it.
Alayna (06:12):
Yeah Well, and that comes along with the comparison
of, like you know, even withinyour own household.
I have a bunch of siblings andI have my parents and it's
always a constant world ofcomparison.
You know, you don't look likeyour sister or you're not as
smart as your brother, or thingslike that, and like my parents
(06:37):
are very active and I'm very, Iwant to stay at home and watch a
movie, like no, I don't want togo on a run, and so that can
kind of come into it as well.
It's just constant comparison,even within your old household,
like with your friends, and thendefinitely within yourself in
that mirror, you know, justlooking at yourself and being
like, well, this doesn't looklike her.
Or you know, I've got acne, ormy teeth are yellow, and it's
(07:01):
things like that, and it's justthe little things that nobody
else thinks about.
Like that's what you have tothink about.
Nobody else is looking at thatthing on you except for yourself
.
No one else notices that.
No one else notices how yourteeth are two shades darker than
the white piece of paper on thetable.
Liam (07:18):
But you know, you notice that because you're yourself and
you're constantly thinkingabout every little imperfection
see, that's the thing is thatwe're just always trying to put
ourselves down instead of tryingto push ourselves back up.
And it's hard in today'ssociety, because that's that's
all we want to do nowadays isjust push ourselves down.
(07:41):
But really we should try.
Really we should be trying tolift each other up instead of
just always trying to put eachother down and try to show off
who's better and who's stronger,who's smarter.
It doesn't matter about thosethings.
I mean, those are all thingsthat you can improve.
You shouldn't look at thosethings constantly every day and
let them weigh you down.
You should look at those thingsand say, okay, well, yeah, I'm
(08:04):
not as good as this person inthis, but if I would put in the
work every day and if I would bebetter, if I would try harder,
then maybe I could be the sameas that person.
But in the end, really none ofthose things matter.
Truly, truly matter.
It's all.
It's all down to you and whatyou want to be and who you are.
Alayna (08:24):
Yeah, one of my main struggles for a long time was,
you know, things that I can'tnecessarily control.
So, like, I have a very softjawline, whereas my brother has
a very sharp jawline and nomatter how much weight that I
would lose, or the facialexercises or the like skin
tightening stuff, I'm alwaysgoing to have a soft jawline
(08:46):
because that's what I was bornwith.
And you know, my eyes are twodifferent colors.
If you pay attention, they'rebrown around the pupil and then
they're like a greenish bluelooking color on the outside.
And I have a little sister andshe has partial heterochromia,
which means she has a yellowstrip all the way across her
blue eyes and I always thoughtthat's so cool.
(09:09):
But she's 11 now and she, likeshe'll cry about it.
She'll be like kids at schoolthink I'm weird and I'm like
dude, that's so cool.
I wish I had something likethat.
But it's like even thosepermanent things that you really
can't control, that that'llreally get to you because
there's really nothing you cando about it.
So, um, insecurities themselvescause a lot of things when it
(09:36):
comes to the way that you liveyour life, like every day.
Um, what what personally, likeaffects you affects me.
Liam (09:46):
Um, just being happy for real, uh, being happy with who I
am.
Being able to look at myself inthe mirror and say, uh, I'm
okay with what I'm looking at.
And it's hard and I've workedon it for real a good bit, but
it's hard to just look atyourself some days and say, man,
(10:06):
you're good looking, you know.
Just to be happy with yourself,wouldn't you agree, elena?
Alayna (10:13):
Yeah, I get that look in the mirror and to be like.
You know I have to like havelittle sticky notes over my
mirror and you know God createdyou like this for a reason.
You know you were made for sucha time as this.
Um, you know she's moreprecious than rubies and pearls,
which is kind of a femininething.
(10:34):
But, like I know, in my case,whenever I get super insecure
about something, um, I very muchlike isolate myself, like I
don't want to be around people,I don't want to hang around my
friends.
You know you get that anxietyof like, if I can see it,
everyone else can see it too,and it's just like I don't want
to go anywhere.
No, I don't want to go to thegym with you.
Liam (10:55):
No, like you know, I'm kind of like that um, I'll shut
myself down in my own mind, I'lluh, I want everything to be
quiet, just so I can focus onthat one thing and just get in
my head about it and just uh,not be able to overcome it.
And it's hard.
It's hard to just dig yourselfout of your own hole that you
(11:15):
dig in.
It's terrible, for real yeah, Iget that.
Alayna (11:19):
Um, you know, when it comes to shutting off your mind,
you know having insecuritiescan actually like cause, like
anxiety, which can lead todepression, and both anxiety and
depression shut off differentparts of your mind.
Like, if you view an MRI ofsomeone with depression, it's
going to be a lot darker thansomeone who is known for being
(11:40):
happy, and it can actually causelearning disorders, adhd,
someone who can't focus, orsomeone with ADD who hyper,
focuses on every little thingyou know.
And then perfectionism, ocd,you know everything has to be
perfect and if it's not, I'mgoing to like crash out.
Liam (11:59):
I get like that sometimes, uh, where everything about me
has to be just right, oreverything about something that
I'm doing has to be perfect,otherwise I won't be good enough
.
I won't be able to show, likemy parents or my friends, that
I'm good enough, that I'm worthy.
Alayna (12:15):
I'm not able to prove myself unless it's all just
perfectly right yeah, and thatcan also lead into like
appearance choices, like whatyou choose to do with your
appearance.
I know I used to struggle verymuch with like being bigger.
Yeah, like I used to be bigger,so I would always wear like the
baggy jeans and like thehoodies or the sweatpants and
(12:38):
I'd always kind of dress like alittle boy.
I had blonde hair at that pointand I just like I let everybody
else's opinions control what Idid.
And now obviously you can tellthat I've come to be more with
like myself and how I want tolook, which gets me judgment,
which sometimes gets in my head.
I know, whenever I got my nosepierced and I got my piercings
(13:00):
on the top of my ear, the firstthing, um, somebody said was you
look emo.
And immediately it got in myhead.
And then I went to dye my hairmy natural color and I was like,
oh, everybody's gonna think I'memo now, like they're all gonna
like think I'm like crazy and Iwant to die.
And then I come to school andlike literally two people
(13:23):
noticed I dyed my hair like likeyou put yourself under such a
spotlight that you're not evenreally in.
You put yourself under that andyou know.
It's a pride thing, honestly,when you think about it, because
you're lifting yourself upwhile tearing yourself down,
because you're so focused on youthat you're building yourself
this pedestal that if you don'tmeet, then you feel like you're
(13:47):
nothing.
Liam (13:48):
Absolutely.
I totally agree with that part,especially about the pride.
And you'll rip yourself apartby doing that, because you'll
just constantly, constantlycompare yourself and it'll
destroy you.
Just constantly, constantlycompare yourself and it'll
destroy you.
That's another thing is youconstantly have to have somebody
look at you is what it alsowill cause.
You have to have somebody tonotice you, otherwise you don't
(14:09):
feel like you're doing enough.
Or some people are just likeabsolutely crazy about that and
are just attention freaks andhave to have it.
They like can't survive withoutit and they overreact.
You know, not getting your way.
Alayna (14:22):
this is what some people be called to do I know I
definitely sometimes like, ifI'm not getting enough attention
, like it'll definitely wear onme, and I'm like guys, I still
exist too, like hi guys yeah, Iget that way sometimes where, uh
, I just feel like nobody caresabout me and it's just me trying
(14:43):
to lie to myself, to makemyself feel like a piece of crap
.
Liam (14:46):
So somebody will notice me just because I want that
attention yeah, well, I knowcertain people.
Alayna (14:52):
I'm very loud, not talk a lot, but I know people who are
explicitly loud and just verybossy and just like overly want
somebody to notice them, even ifit's bad attention.
Like I've noticed that a lot ingirls who don't have a father
figure growing up is you alwayswant someone to fill that need
for that attention and then,even if it's bad attention,
(15:16):
you're still like it's attention.
So a win is a win and you knowthat'll really tear you down a
lot more than you think it would.
So when it comes into that, youknow you have coping skills and
there are healthy coping skillsand there are unhealthy coping
(15:36):
skills and then there's thatkind of middle ground that this
could be healthy and then itcould turn into something very
unhealthy, like naps.
I love naps, but sometimes Iwill just sleep and sleep and
sleep so I don't have to feelanything.
Liam (15:57):
And one of the most common unhealthy ones I would would
say about guys, which is what Isaid before is uh just holding
everything in and uh blamingyourself, uh just constantly not
wanting to talk to people, notwanting to talk about how you're
feeling truly on the inside.
You know, and um, it's hard.
(16:17):
It's hard to uh let in intoday's society, especially
because all that men have beenreally told to do nowadays is
just shut up and get over it.
You know Boys aren't supposedto cry.
I know that girls talk to eachother.
Alayna (16:31):
I'm pretty sure I mean, I don't really know- Well, I
personally, like some girls do,and then like I feel like every
girl has their one person thatthey just go and talk to about
things, um, like my personrecently left, so I feel alone,
um, but like on the unhealthynotice, like I used to starve
(16:53):
myself because, like I wanted tolose weight and starvation was
just like the easiest way tolike just lose the weight and
then, obviously, you know,physical harm has a range, um,
you know whether it's toyourself or to others.
I know my sister used to getvery angry and take her own
(17:15):
insecurities out on other people, whether it was she made a
girl's teeth go through her lipsat one point, like she was just
very aggressive because shedidn't like herself.
So she made it reflect ontoother people.
And you know, like you said,the um avoidance behavior, you
know not wanting to be aroundpeople, and that can lead into,
(17:37):
like when you're alone, thatnegative self-talk when you're
just like I'm nothing see, anduh also with the uh holding
everything in and blamingyourself and just a constant
appearance.
Liam (17:49):
That's another thing about exercising.
It does certainly uh come to apoint sometimes with some people
with like a body bodydysmorphia or like you just
constantly look at everybodyelse in that gym and you say I'm
not them, and that also moreinsecurities can sprout from
that.
But you have to look atyourself and say, well, I
haven't been going here but likea month or two, which is
(18:12):
another hard thing that guysstruggle with yeah, well, I like
I can go into the gym and seelike those really buff guys and
you know they look superintimidating.
Alayna (18:25):
But once you talk to them they're like I've been
going here for you know 10 yearsand it's like, well, no wonder
you're built like that.
I've been going to the gym forlike all of three weeks and I
have seen nothing.
Um, but you know, with that umalso just being alone.
(18:47):
Being alone has been known tolet into substance abuse,
whether it's drugs or alcohol,and a lot of people don't think
that teenagers ever experiencethat.
But teenagers are one of themost high dealing um drug like
buyers and alcohol consumers, um.
(19:08):
And then you bring in the factthat they prescribe adderall
which, when you actually breakit down, is basically
methamphetamines for children.
Um, is basicallymethamphetamines for children.
It's very like, if you takeback and look at the drug
epidemic, it affects very, veryyoung kids.
(19:31):
At a school near us there was athird grader caught with a bag
of cocaine in his backpack Athird grader pack a third grader
.
Liam (19:47):
We've talked about, uh, you know, just insecurities and
unhealthy coping skills.
Uh, I think we need to go oversome more healthy ones.
Like, uh, you know, especiallyguys.
You just got to reach out andtalk to people.
Uh, socializing, which isreally hard sometimes,
especially in public.
Like just uh, people don't wantto go up to each other and make
friends anymore and it's hard.
I feel like we lose that oncewe start to get a little bit
(20:07):
older and get out of our teenageyears.
We just don't know how to talkto each other anymore.
We should normalize that more.
Alayna (20:16):
Wouldn't you agree?
I know, even now, the only timethat anyone ever comes up to me
in social media or anyoneanytime anyone ever comes out to
me in public, like if it's aguy, they're like you're fine,
do you have snap?
No, but like very rarely dogirls ever come up to me.
(20:38):
Like my favorite thing is to goup and just compliment people
in public because you see thesmile on their face, like that
should be a whole like thingthat people do is just
compliment each other becauseyou don't realize, like, how
much it really makes someone'sday for a complete stranger.
Just take five seconds out oftheir day to, you know, tell
(21:02):
them their hair looks nice.
You know, someone could behaving the worst day of their
lives and you could very simplybe like, oh my god, your hair
looks so pretty and that justchanged their whole mood and
brightened their whole day.
Um, I know, like my my skillsthat I try to keep very frequent
is reading, whether it's theBible or just an overall good
(21:26):
book, and then seeking supportwithin my built family, the
family that I've built formyself, people that will pray
for me and that will fight forme, and just people that will
pray for me and that will fightfor me and just like people that
I trust.
So now we've overwent somehealthy and unhealthy coping
(21:48):
mechanisms.
Now let's kind of like bringbible verses to kind of build on
and lean on whenever we arefeeling insecure okay, I've got
uh some myself.
Liam (21:59):
Uh got this one right here .
Ephesians 1, 4 through 6,.
Even before he made the world,god loved us and chose us in
Christ to be holy, without faultin his eyes.
God decided in advance to adoptus into his own family by
bringing us to himself throughJesus Christ.
(22:21):
And also 1 Samuel, 16, verse 7,.
But the Lord said to SamuelDon't judge by his appearance or
height, for I have rejected him.
The Lord doesn't see things theway you see them.
People judge by outwardappearance, but the Lord looks
at the heart.
Alayna (22:38):
Those are both very good .
I have my personal favoritethat is actually written on my
mirror and it's Songs of Solomon, 4-7, which says you are
altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way.
And then I do believe this isPsalms.
It says you made all thedelicate inner parts of my body
and knit me together in mymother's wombs.
(23:00):
Thank you for making me sowonderfully complex.
Your workmanship is marvelous.
How well I know it.
And those verses are justreally good to stand on and be
like you know.
Liam (23:18):
God created me and God judges me for who I am, not how.
Alayna (23:19):
I look Absolutely.
I love the first time you won,though Me too, so that was
really fun.
I really enjoyed being able tostay here and take the time to
do that with you.
Liam (23:28):
Absolutely.
It was great.
It was kind of awkward at first, but eventually we warmed up to
it.
We're going to have to comeback and do this again.
Alayna (23:35):
Most definitely.
We're definitely going to haveto do some more episodes, but
just to take a second to speakto those listening.
You know you specifically.
We appreciate you taking thetime out of your day to listen
to a couple of kids talk aboutsome random things.
We really appreciate you justlistening and we'd really
appreciate if you came back.
(23:55):
You know, if you'd like toleave us a review and leave us a
message for us to read, justlet us know what you think about
it and, you know, share it withyour friends or family.
Liam (24:07):
And however, you listen to us, just make sure you follow
us, and if you know anybody whoreally needs to hear this,
please we ask that you share itto them and that you show it to
them.
Alayna (24:16):
Well, that's all for this episode.
Thank you so much for listening, and please be sure to join me
next time.
I'm Elena.
Liam (24:22):
And I'm William.
Alayna (24:23):
And this is Till the Wheels Fall Off.
Liam (24:25):
Catch you in the plow dirt .
Alayna (24:27):
Bye buddy, I hope you find your dad.
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