February 5, 2025 • 32 mins
In this episode, Tina Djuretic shares her transformative journey of healing from childhood trauma and toxic relationships through writing her memoir, "Finding My Sovereignty." She discusses the importance of acknowledging generational trauma, finding spiritual guidance, and the healing power of sharing one's story.
• Tina’s experience growing up in a strict religious environment
• The impact of dysfunctional family relationships on adult life
• Realizing and breaking the cycle of toxic partnerships
• Seeking help through spiritual practices instead of traditional therapy
• Writing as a tool for healing and self-discovery
• The connection between healing generational trauma and forgiveness
• Overcoming fear and emotional hurdles in the writing process
• Importance of protecting oneself spiritually during healing
• Elements within her memoir that inspire others to seek their own healing
• Where to find her book and journey further into healing
Please visit sovereignandsage.com for more information and resources. You can also find her social media stuff there too.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi and welcome to Finding your Way Through Therapy
.
A proud member of thePsychCraft Network, the goal of
this podcast is to demystifytherapy, what can happen in
therapy and the wide array ofconversations you can have in
and about therapy Throughpersonal experiences.
Guests will talk about therapy,their experiences with it and
(00:24):
how psychology and therapy arepresent in many places in their
lives, with lots of authenticityand a touch of humor.
Here is your host, steve Bisson.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Il fait un peu plus noir que d'habitude.
It's darker than usual.
Welcome to episode 190.
Intro's being done from my oldstudio.
I'm still working out the kinks, so hopefully people understand
.
I hope that you enjoyed What89.
I really talked about mycoaching and what I do, so I
hope you can go back and listento that and if you want to join
me for coaching, just DM me.
(00:58):
It would be great.
But episode 190 is with TinaJuretic.
I hope I pronounced that rightbecause there's a D there, but
I'm trying to guess.
Hopefully I'm right.
Tina is a Canadian author whowas raised by strict religious
parents who isolated her fromthe rest of the world.
What followed were three toxicrelationships that nearly kill
her.
We'll definitely talk aboutthat.
After her last breakup shesought a form, a channeler, who
(01:22):
sent her on the path to healingwhile writing her memoir.
Her memoir is called Finding mySovereignty Go get it.
She learned how to forgiveherself and her abusers.
The process has taught her alot about generational trauma
and gaslighting narcissism andputting up healthy boundaries.
Today she's thriving and wantsto share her story and I can't
wait for you guys to listen toit.
(01:42):
And here is her story.
Well, hi everyone, and welcometo episode 190.
You know, very excited alwayshaving a fellow Canadian.
Yes, I know I'm an Americancitizen now, but I love my
Canadians.
I still am Canadian.
I will remain Canadian for therest of my life and it was great
to connect with her on Facebookand I'm looking forward to our
(02:03):
interview.
And Tina Juretik, welcome toFinding your Way.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Thank you.
Thank you for having me.
It's a pleasure to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Well, you know, I read your story and you gave me
your bio.
I asked everyone to give metheir bio.
Most people don't know who youare, so how about you introduce
yourself to my audience?
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Sure, my name's Tina, as Steve said, and I come from
Vancouver and, uh, I'm a newauthor.
I just published my first bookand it's a, a memoir about my
life and, um, you know, a quicksummary is just as, as a child,
like a lot of people growing up,I think, especially as Gen X I
don't know if you're Gen X, II'm Gen X, but, uh, gen X and
older, right, we grew up verydifferently from everybody else.
I think the younger generationsright and uh, so I'm one of
those.
But Gen X and older, right, wegrew up very differently from
everybody else, I think theyounger generations right, and
so I'm one of those people thathad a pretty toxic childhood,
(02:50):
really difficult childhood, andso I buried it.
I don't remember it, it wascompletely gone.
I, you know, I knew the broadstrokes of the things that had
happened, obviously anythingthat all Gen X went through
raising ourselves right, youknow all of those things that
came with it, but also somepretty, in my case, severe abuse
(03:17):
on both my mother's and myfather's side.
My mother is also mentallyunwell, so there was a lot of
mental and emotional abuse.
And to top it all off, just toyou know, complete that circle
there.
When I was 10, my parents joineda really fanatical Christian
cult, like church, and you knowthat just gave them full
permission to just be who theywanted to be then, and with the
(03:38):
fear of God behind them and alsothe power of God on their side.
So, you know, things justcontinued to get worse and I
left home just barely after Iturned 17, took control of the
reins, so to speak.
But of course I'm a brokenchild, right, I don't know that.
But I'm this broken childtrying to make my way in the
(03:59):
world, and in some areas I didwell.
I love to travel, so I justbecame this world traveler,
lived in multiple countries, hadlots of interesting experiences
.
But the flip side to that is myrelationships were a hot mess I
mean a hot mess and I justcouldn't seem to find good
relationships.
I would go years in betweenthem without any kind of partner
(04:23):
at all, which I was neversomeone to jump from one person
to the next.
So you know, that's how I didthings, I guess.
But by the time I got to thethird partner, major partner I
realized I had a pattern andthat even though I had buried my
childhood and I thought it wasdoing me a favor by doing that,
not remembering all the pain andhorror that came with childhood
(04:43):
.
I learned the hard way.
You're still not escapingchildhood.
You are doomed to repeatchildhood and date your parents
over and over until you healedit.
Until you heal right, thelesson will repeat itself until
it is learned.
So that's kind of what broughtme to writing the memoir was
(05:04):
realizing that I had to stopasking what's wrong with all the
men out there and I had to askwhat's wrong with me that I have
this pattern and that I keeprepeating it.
And that's kind of my story andhow we got to be here and
through the writing, becausethis is really important.
I found my own healing, ofcourse.
So, yes, that's the end of thestory.
Is the important.
I found my own healing, ofcourse.
(05:25):
So, yes, that's the end of thestory is the healing and not
repeating the pattern again.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Well, I disagree with you on a couple of things.
The healing is not over, italways goes on and there's no
story that ends without usending.
So we keep on working on ourstory, and my dad had always
said to me those who ignorehistory are doomed to repeat it.
So when you said, that reallyresonated.
And you know what's funny ispre-interview.
(05:51):
We were talking about howrelationships have been
difficult and Quebec friends.
I'm meaning this as a joke.
How the hell did you end up inQuebec being someone who doesn't
speak French?
I mean, I don't get it.
Why would you ever go to Quebecbeing someone who doesn't speak
French?
I mean, I don't get it.
Why would you ever go to QuebecAgain?
Quebec, it's a joke, take it.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Many people in Quebec speak English, that's for sure.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
I'm the living proof, but what made you end up there?
Speaker 3 (06:16):
To get to Quebec.
Sorry, you're breaking up alittle, so that's what I'm
trying to follow here.
I followed a partner, my secondpartner.
He was a Quebecois, and when hefirst moved to Vancouver in the
middle of June he went oh myGod, you live close to the beach
.
This is the best place in thewhole wide world.
How come everybody doesn't livehere?
Then October happened and itrained for three months and by
December he was singing adifferent song oh my God, it
(06:36):
rains here all the time.
I'm suicidal.
How does anybody live here?
And that's how I ended up inQuebec.
So he was originally fromMontreal and he said listen, it
was a work thing as well.
He had more work offered inMontreal and I said oh my God,
you're about to bring aVancouver girl to Montreal in
December.
I hate the snow passionately, Imean, unless it's in a mountain
(06:59):
, somewhere where it belongs,but not in the city, when you've
got to walk in it and drive init.
I've never been as cold in mylife as when I lived in Montreal
for nine months.
Because he didn't just take itthere, he brought me to Mont
Saint-Sauveur.
Sorry if I'm saying it wrong,but he brought me to a ski
resort and I don't ski, so wewere living on a ski hill, yeah.
(07:19):
But as I was, saying to you thisis what narcissists do, don't
they?
He brought me to a place wherenobody spoke English, to a place
where I couldn't drive, wherethere was no public transit, and
I was trapped.
I was trapped in the middle ofnowhere.
It was pretty, but it wasisolating.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Well, first and foremost, you pronounced it well
for an English speaker inQuebec, so that's good enough
for us Quebecers.
Number one Number two you knowlike I'm listening to the family
, I'm hearing about how you grewup and I'm hearing about these
relationships.
A standard question here ishave you ever been in therapy?
My guess is I know the answer,but let's go with it anyway.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
No, I have not.
As a typical Gen Xer, I did notgo to therapy, yeah of course.
You know what I'm going to say.
This, though Mostly, I wouldsay, because I couldn't afford
it.
To be honest, I was neveragainst therapy.
I don't know that I was runningtowards it, but I certainly
couldn't afford it as well.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Yeah, and Canada doesn't always cover it, so if
you've never been in therapy,how did you heal, which is a
really good question becausethis is a lot of things to heal.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Oh well, very interesting story.
Oh, a lot to heal.
There was a lot to unpack.
I um uh.
So when I, when the last one Ihad a, had a breakup and I
realized he was bipolar like mymother, that really smashed me
in the face I'm not going to lieLike that was a gut punch that
brought me to my knees andthat's when I went.
If I'm dating my mother and Ididn't even see that coming,
(08:44):
that's what stopped me in mytracks and made me go.
Man, it's not them.
Then it's me Like how did I notsee the signs?
I've lived with a bipolarparent my whole life.
I had many, many bipolar friends, because, of course, you repeat
the pattern again.
Whether it's relationships orjust friendships is the same.
(09:04):
I really didn't see this comingand it took me by surprise.
And then I was angry.
I was angry at myself for notseeing it coming, for really
investing in this relationship,thinking it was the last one and
the final one.
I was angry at him.
Knowing my family history andhiding it from me.
That made me really angry.
I was angry at the universebecause I felt so deceived and I
also just felt Like, how comesome people have these beautiful
(09:27):
, charmed lives and they justthey're born into money, they
get to everything they want,they have these beautiful lives.
Of course we don't know what'sgoing on behind doors, but the
perception right.
They have these beautifulrelationships.
Why is my life just one bigpile of steaming crap after
another?
Right, like, why is thishappening?
And so I sought help.
And so I sought help.
(09:47):
And maybe I didn't go totherapy in my life, but there
were probably five or six timesin my life where I sought help
in the form of a spiritualteacher, meaning either a tarot
card reader or a channel orwhatever was a shaman.
I lived in Mexico for many years, so shamans were being
presented to me.
So I went to this channeler, Isought her out.
I asked some friends forsomeone who was legit, you know,
(10:09):
and she's the one who reallysort of laid the trauma out for
me so that I could see it.
But also, really what I lovedabout her is she didn't just
walk me through my own childhoodtrauma and then how it was
repeated in relationships.
She took me back into pastlives where some of my habits
formed, so that that could behealed, and she also really
(10:32):
walked me through my parents'trauma and really showed me the
generational trauma which we'vealready talked about.
It keeps repeating itself,right?
It repeats itself and repeatsitself generationally until
someone does some healing andstops that generational trauma.
So, by showing me that it hadhappened to my parents as well,
(10:53):
when it came time for me towrite the memoir and then start
doing my own healing, this gaveme the grace to be able to
forgive them for the things thatthey had done.
So writing the memoir andfinding the healing for me were
things that went hand in hand.
Because you know, if you'vebeen through therapy and clearly
you probably know somethingabout therapy right, you're
asking about it.
(11:13):
So one of the number one toolsthey're going to give you is to
journal, journal, journal,journal, journal, journal.
Well, writing a memoir isjournaling on speed.
So, yeah, I found my ownpatterns and you know brokenness
, if you will through thewriting, and I would write and
write, and write, and then Iwould get writer's block and I
would go what's going on here?
I know what comes next, and Iwould realize that spirit was
(11:35):
saying to me no, you don't getto write anymore until you heal
that what you just spent youknow whatever a week writing
about no, you don't get to moveforward now.
I need you to heal that first.
So it really was like hand inhand in hand this writing and
healing and it was beautiful.
The healing was beautiful.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Well, writing is healing and I do believe that
firmly, not only because of whatI do, but also having written a
journal myself since 1992.
So I certainly relate to that.
I also created a book about howpeople want to start journaling
.
So definitely believe in thejournaling process and when
you're writing, I've written abook about how people want to
start journaling.
So definitely believe in thejournaling process and when
you're writing I've written acouple of books myself I know
(12:15):
how that feels too.
Besides the little writer'sblock, was there any other
difficulties you felt along theway, especially getting to
things that might've been morepainful than others?
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Oh, absolutely the whole thing was.
Again, the beauty of it for mewas that I didn't have a
timeline, like I didn't have aneditor or a publisher, sort of
going I need you to be done thisFor me it was just.
However long this takes is howlong it takes, because it's more
about the healing for me.
So I mean, my first major blockis how do you write about a
childhood you don't remember?
Because it has to be authentic.
I didn't want to make anythingup, even writing about my family
(12:47):
and my exes.
That was the first thing I hadto come to term with.
I did not want to do that.
I never wanted to expose themor put them on the spot like
that or point fingers or blame.
So that was just that.
Just getting over that hurdlewas already huge.
And in order to do that, notonly did I change all the names
of the people in the book whichmost people are going to do,
that anyways I didn't put my ownname on it for the first draft,
(13:09):
even the second and the thirdand the fourth, because I edited
it that many times myselfbefore handing it over and my
channeler the whole time keptsaying, okay, when I'm like I'm
not putting my name on this.
She's like okay.
And then you know, three yearsin, she's like so about that
name?
And I'm like no, no, no, no.
I said I'm not putting my nameon it.
She's like you have to put yourname on it and I'm like but why
(13:31):
?
I don't understand.
She's like how can you tellpeople to live in their
sovereignty, to stand in theirsovereignty, if you're not
standing in yours and if you'restill worried about putting your
name out there?
Like have I got news for you?
Your face is going to be outthere.
And that made perfect sense.
(13:51):
So my name went on it.
But I think in order to writeit, I needed to feel like my
name wouldn't be on it, right?
You know what I'm saying.
So the first hurdle was toreally sit with my older sister
and say, please, please, walk methrough childhood.
I need some details here.
Here's sort of the big picturemoments I remember.
Now, can you give me thedetails I need?
(14:13):
I then also really wanted tomake sure that I was fair by
displaying the generationaltrauma.
I really wanted this to showthrough the book.
This wasn't just my story.
This is how generational traumagets passed down.
So I had to go back.
My father comes from formerYugoslavia.
This country doesn't even existanymore.
So I went back and I didresearch.
(14:34):
I looked at the dates of birth.
I went back and looked wherethey were born both parents and
I really wanted a picture ofwhere they came from, and since
they never talked about theirpast, I couldn't ask them.
They also didn't know I waswriting this book.
It was all done quietly so Ididn't have anyone to ask.
Then you've got your loversthat you're writing about, right
(14:57):
.
It was hard to.
I'd say the middle one was themost challenging to write about
and the one I cried the most.
Well, the one thing I would say-Because he was a drug addict
and I had to-.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
I know there's a delay, but and I had to I know
there's a delay, but I justwanted to say that, as a
therapist, I find it interestingthat you didn't want to
identify to your own story,because that's what it is when
we don't put our names on it,and sometimes it's a way to be
safe, like you said.
You know, not putting your nameon it, you can be more truthful,
but that dissociation is reallyinteresting to find you know it
(15:27):
gives you like that, and that'snot me, that's some story I'm
writing on a piece of paper, andso just the thought here.
But please continue your story.
You talked about the hardsecond X, so please go ahead.
Just wanted to mention that.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
Yeah, no, it actually didn't even occur to me.
But that's sure Disassociation.
I can totally see how thatwould go and I think even if I
tried to do that, though, spiritwasn't letting that happen.
The whole point was to heal it.
I wasn't allowed todisassociate.
So, in fact, sometimes I wouldwrite it and I would see that it
was a bit dry and I'd go, ohgosh, this happened so many
(16:01):
years ago.
So I would just close my eyesand just say, spirit, this is a
really big, pivotal moment, andI remember when it happened how
much it changed my life.
So I really need to dive alittle deeper into this.
Please show me.
How did this feel?
Oh geez, if you ask thatquestion, you'll get answers.
(16:24):
And all of a sudden, I wouldjust have this overwhelming
sense of emotions, you know,anxiety in my stomach.
I'd start shaking, I'd startcrying, I would start and I'd go
.
That's how it my stomach.
I'd start shaking, I'd startcrying, I would start and I'd go
.
That's how it feels.
And I'd start writing, like,because I would describe what I
was feeling.
So, even if I tried to pullback so that I wasn't reliving
it, yes, spirit wasn't having it.
That was part of the healingand it was part of making it a
(16:45):
good story, if you will, right?
So yeah, those details had togo in there.
But because I dated a drugaddict for seven years, he's
probably the one who put methrough the most pain, if you
will only because I tried tobreak free three times and he
just kept coming back.
I just couldn't escape this oneand I lost myself in that
relationship.
So it was hard to write aboutthat.
(17:06):
The third one was the freshestone, so that also was a little
challenging in the way that itwas fresh.
It's the most recent one.
But I'd say the scariestchallenge for me was on a
spiritual level, because I'mhaving two things happen at once
.
I'm going through a massivespiritual awakening.
I'm going through my dark nightof a soul as I'm writing my
(17:27):
memoir.
I mean things are coming at mefrom all directions.
And because my childhood was sofear-based, not only was I
afraid of my parents and afraidof them, but I was afraid of God
, I was afraid of church.
This was a fear-mongeringchurch, right, this was a loud
Pentecostal style in your facego to church four times a week.
(17:50):
Go to school seven days a week,because we're not allowed to go
to public school.
We got to go to your schoolcomplete brainwashing, complete
isolation, separation, but alsolike exorcisms and demons, and
every day the threat of if youdisobey us.
Therefore God right, my parentsloved this you're going to burn
in hell for all eternity.
(18:17):
The amount of fear I had in mylife.
I had to walk through that, andit was the first thing I had to
walk through when I startedwriting and when I started
having my dark night of my soul.
You have to conquer your fears.
I started to actually feeldemons touching me and I spent
my life telling myself thiswasn't even real.
So to have it go like, oh myGod whether you call it entities
or darkness or demons whatevername you want to use for it I
(18:38):
had to deal with the fact thatthat was real.
And then, while I was writingabout them, they came to visit
and I actually had to call aReiki person and say I can feel
them touching me.
They're touching, and that'swhen I had a meltdown because I
was like in my entire life I'vebeen afraid of them, but
nothing's ever touched me before.
And so there was that level ofmy own fear to go through and I
(19:01):
realized I was doing things allwrong.
I was writing, and thenafterwards I would do a little
meditation, I would cleansemyself, but I had let everything
in when I was writing.
She, my Reiki person, taught meno, no, no, tina, you're going
backwards.
Meditate, protect yourself andyour home first, so that stuff's
not coming in so there were allkinds of different layers to
learning how to become a writerand how to heal myself.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
I think you said a Reiki person, being a Reiki
practitioner myself, findingthat balance is absolutely key,
especially when you feel sounbalanced and I don't do Reiki
with people who are going to belike, all right, after this, I'm
going to be quote pure and Ican do all these great things.
No, this is just the balance soyou can move forward.
This is not the answer, becausethere's a lot of shit to be
(19:46):
processed.
Answer because there's a lot ofshit to be processed.
So you know, you talk aboutgeneration Xers.
We don't like to do the process, we like to get to the solution
.
That's not how we started asgeneration Xers, though it just
turned out that way as adults.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Right, but I want to hear more about.
Well, because you know, even askids, we were like there has to
be a faster way to do thisright.
Get right to the point.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Yeah, and I wanted to just ask you a question,
because one of the things yousaid in pre-interview in your
notes is that there's arelationship that nearly killed
you.
Is that the relationship itself?
Is it something more sinisterthan we can think about?
But can you tell me more aboutthat?
Speaker 3 (20:25):
Yeah, my first relationship would have been to
my parents, if we're being fair,and they very the demons that
control them, let's put it thatway very much wanted me dead for
sure.
I do remember my father beatingme with a hammer one time.
So you're kind of looking to dosome damage if you're picking
up a hammer, um, and then mymother.
You know when she watched my mymother?
(20:46):
You know when she watched mymother's get one of her games,
because she had many games as a,as a narcissist and bipolar,
you know, pitting the girls, mysisters, against each other so
that we would never, you know,bond together.
This is one game.
But also she loved to createproblems so that we would
disobey.
So, for example, she'd saysomething like go outside, don't
(21:07):
come back till six o'clock,that's when we're having dinner.
So we'd come back at six andthen it would be like, hey,
you're late, I told you to behere at five.
And we're like no, all three ofus heard six and it was like oh
, are you calling me a liar,right?
It's like, and then you'recaught, like you know how do you
even react to that, knowingthat this?
And then she would have thepleasure of beating us all.
And so she played these gamesand we couldn't.
We knew we couldn't win becauseshe would just lie.
(21:29):
Well, the next game began as wegot a little older and she
couldn't just smack us around asmuch, cause, you know, she was
a five foot, you know six, andwe were becoming that too.
So you know.
Then the next game became oh, Ilove to watch as as as I make
my husband beat you, make yourfather beat you, so she would
create problems, so that whenhe'd come home he'd be like I
(21:53):
gotta go beat the children,right.
And then he'd go beat thechildren and she would watch,
and my older sister because I'mthe one who took most of the
beatings would, would sometimesbeg her he's going to kill her
mom, please make him stop.
And she would go.
Why would I do that?
Like there was actually a smileon her.
When I'd look over, I'dactually see a smile, a sinister
(22:14):
smile on her face, and I couldsee the darkness in her eyes.
I really could.
So my parents wanted me dead,that's for sure.
My middle boyfriend it's notthat he wanted me dead, it's
that he was a coke addict forseven years, and I mean an
intravenous user, not a.
It was not about the party.
For him it was all nightmare.
He brought me down with himjust because I was part of it.
(22:37):
So it's not that he wanted medead, but the demons inside of
him sure did.
Another narcissist right,another person filled with
darkness who wanted me dead, andthat would have been more that.
I lost myself completely and Icertainly considered suicide you
know those kinds of things toescape that.
The third one I never, everthought he would physically harm
(22:59):
me.
I never thought any of mypartners would physically harm
me.
Actually, to be honest, I'mgoing to give them that because
I never felt that threat.
But the day we broke up when Idiscovered, oh my God, you're
bipolar like my mother, and itall just came to a head for the
first time ever and he was analcoholic as well and 6'3" so
I'm 5'6", he's 6'3" when hestood over me and put his finger
(23:21):
in my face and sort of attack,like sort of just verbally
attacked me for that splitsecond, I thought, oh my God,
you could hurt me and that wasthe thought that went through my
mind.
Oh my God, I'm in trouble.
And when I looked in his eyes Isaw the exact same demons I saw
in my mother's eyes and I evensaid to him because I know he's
(23:41):
not a violent man, you'rescaring me right now.
And he kind of sneered andsmiled like good, and then he
backed off.
So yeah, I do think that theserelationships nearly killed me.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Well, I'm happy you're here then.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
Me too.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
I think it's hard because I think that when we're
in it too you talked aboutaddiction and personality
disorders I think that oncewe're in it, sometimes it's
really hard to see what we'reactually in it and we think
we're the problem and thegaslighting and everything that
goes with that.
So I don't know if that's whatyou experienced, but that's kind
of what I see in a whole lot ofrelationships that I work with,
where there's a lot of traumaand a lot of hurt, either from
(24:20):
the past or the currentsituation.
Speaker 3 (24:22):
Absolutely, absolutely.
You have no self-worth, even ifon the outside, because I was
always a vivacious, outgoing,really outspoken person.
But my inner voice did notmatch the masks that I wore for
the rest of the world, that isfor sure.
My inner voice was my mother,and I didn't realize that till I
started healing.
You know, even just every day,looking in the mirror and just
(24:43):
going oh, I look so fat, right,that was my mother's voice.
Every day of my life, my mothertold me I was fat and that I
was ugly and not worthy and Iwould never be anything.
When I grew up, how do you eversucceed when that's what your
true inner voice is, thinkingright?
Speaker 2 (24:59):
I don't agree.
I think that when it's not onlyyour inner voice, it's how
people value you.
And if you're told that you'revalued as to how you look or
things like that, and hey,welcome, you know the whole
feminist in me, thank you verymuch.
But also how the world is right, you kind of see yourself that
way, also, Absolutely Right.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
I'm happy that you don't see yourself, I mean
because it's not also, you know,that was my own self-therapy,
if you will.
One of the first things I didto heal myself was to reparent
my inner child right.
So first I reparented my innerchild because she lived in so
much fear, and then I reparentedmy adult.
Well, I reprogrammed my innervoice and that took a long time,
(25:41):
but I put the work in.
I saw how valuable this was.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
And well, I also saw where my life was going and I
didn't want to repeat it.
So major changes needed to bemade and that's where you led
you to making those changes.
But, more importantly, talk alittle bit more.
You wrote the memoir.
You talked a little about theprocess.
How long has the book been out?
What does it talk about mostly,and stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
I put the book out just this past September, so it
just came out recently and itreally is.
It is a truly a memoir.
So I do walk through childhood.
I don't write it chronologicalorder.
It's more flashbacks because Ireally wanted people to see.
For example, there comes apoint in the book where I don't
leave him and my editor was likeright now, I think you're a
(26:27):
moron, so you really need toexplain to me so that I'm on
your side, because this is whata good editor does.
You know why you fell in lovewith this guy, because I'm only
seeing the bad and also, why didyou stay?
So that's where I started toplace the flashbacks and take an
actual childhood thing thatcaused me not to leave him.
Because this made sense to me.
I really wanted.
(26:48):
I think the people who pick upmy book and read it are going to
be people like me, right Peoplewho are trapped in a toxic
relationship, who don't know howto get out, who maybe also you
can't see the forest for thetrees, right who don't see why
their pattern developed or thatthey have a pattern.
So I really almost wanted tomake like a case study of my
life, which means I had toreveal all my crap, right like,
(27:11):
and then, when it's all there inblack and white, you can't hide
from it, you can't make excuses, right?
I mean, the first person youhave to forgive is yourself for
all the terrible decisions andlousy decisions you made in your
life.
Because, again, living my lifefor 50 years is one thing.
Writing it all down in in twoyears in a book and seeing it
all in black and white is adifferent story.
So the book does walk youthrough childhood till I meet
(27:35):
this channeler, and a little bitpast that, to where I meet the
Reiki person and boom, myspiritual awakening just
explodes.
And I leave it on that positivenote, because that is the whole
point.
Right Is that you can heal.
The channeler said to me notonly will you write this book,
but once you're finished and youend with this wonderful healing
(27:58):
if that's where it ends,because she never told me where
to end it people are then goingto have the question okay, so
what did you do to heal?
So I am just finished writingthis week, actually the workbook
to follow it up, because I tooknotes the entire four years I
was working and editing on this,since I knew a workbook was
next.
Thank God, I took all the notesof the things that I did.
(28:20):
And because this all happenedduring COVID, not only was I
isolated and not working,because I work in tourism, so of
course my job was decimated.
My whole industry was decimated, which was a blessing for me.
I had two solid years without ajob, frightening financially,
but on a healing front, oh man,the isolation was a gift.
Again, I had nowhere to hide, Ihad nowhere to go, but I also
(28:43):
had no one to turn to when Ineeded to heal something and was
like, okay, cool, I need toheal that.
Wow, how do I do that?
And I was broke.
I couldn't keep calling theReiki person my, my girlfriend
you know that she became agirlfriend or the channel, or
they both cost money.
I didn't have any money comingin, so I needed to find how to
heal and I needed it to be free.
(29:04):
And that was a a driving factorwhen I wrote the second book.
I believe in therapy, I believein Reiki, I believe in all these
things.
I also think some people can'tafford it and, yes, I'm all for
manifesting, but when we're allbroken and we're just starting,
manifesting isn't exactly in ourwheelhouse, is it Right, like?
(29:25):
So?
It all goes hand in hand withthe healing and manifesting.
So I made sure that everythingI put in my book was something
you could do at home by yourselffor free, so that people don't
feel like I can't afford to heal, I can't afford a therapist, so
how am I supposed to heal?
Because I felt like thatgrowing up I couldn't afford a
therapist right.
So that that was a drivingfactor as well.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Well, I think that it's interesting because I had
another guest about a year agowho wrote a book called this
Book is Cheaper Than Therapy.
So it definitely sounds thesame type of I don't know
decision-making skills right.
So where can we find the book?
Speaker 3 (30:01):
The book is for sale on Amazon, so you can just go to
any Amazon site, depending whatcountry you live in, and it's
called Finding my Sovereignty.
So Finding my Sovereignty.
My name's Tina.
I also have an author's website.
You can take a link throughthere if you want.
It will take you to Amazoncom.
To be fair, I brought it to theUS site just as a simplistic
(30:23):
reason, and my website is calledSovereignAndSagecom Sovereign
and Sage.
And my website is calledsovereignandsagecom Sovereign
and Sage.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
And my Quebecer friends will like to be
sovereign too.
So I get it.
But I'm happy that you wrotethis book.
I'm hoping that people will goand get it.
And is there any other way toreach you?
I mean, there's got to be waysto.
If they want to contact you, itmust be the web.
You said the website.
Is there any other way to reachyou?
Speaker 3 (30:46):
Yeah, so obviously it's Amazon.
You're just purchasing thememoir.
But I also have a Facebook pageat Sovereign and Sage.
This one has the funny littleand in it I'm sure it has a name
, but my website is Sovereignand Sage.
I actually wrote the word andSays the Quebecer hyperstand.
Do you know the name for it?
You do, don't you?
Okay, there you go.
I can see it on your face thatyou knew the name.
(31:07):
So the website is at Sovereignand Sage for Facebook.
And yeah, then you could makecomments, you could reach out.
I also have a newsletter.
You can sign up for mynewsletter on my, on my author's
website.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Well, we're going to put this in the show notes to
make sure people can reach you.
Tina, I really appreciate yousharing your story.
I know it's healing for us toshare our stories sometimes, but
it's still a courageous act toreally be honest about ourselves
.
I want to give you a lot ofcredit.
So thank you for doing that andplease go to our website, go to
sovereignandsagecom, go get ourbook, go on Amazon.
(31:42):
Reach on Facebook andnewsletter would be awesome too.
So please go do that, and Ireally appreciate your time,
tina.
Speaker 3 (31:50):
Thank you.
Thank you for having me on,Steve.
You're exactly right.
By sharing our stories, we helpothers right, and that is the
ultimate mission.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
I can't tell you how important it is for me to share
these stories with people.
So you said you give hope.
This is cheaper than therapy.
It's even cheaper than yourbook.
It's free to go on a podcast.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Thank you for your time.
Well, this completes episode190, tina Juretic, and now I
know I pronounced it right.
Thank you so much.
I hope everyone enjoyed theepisode.
On episode 191, we're going tobe talking about grief and I
hope you join us then.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Please like, subscribe and follow this
podcast on your favoriteplatform.
A glowing review is alwayshelpful and, as a reminder, this
podcast is for informational,educational and entertainment
purposes only.
If you're struggling with amental health or substance abuse
issue, please reach out to aprofessional counselor for
consultation.
If you are in a mental healthcrisis, call 988 for assistance.
(32:47):
This number is available in theUnited States and Canada.
Hi and welcome to Finding your Way Through Therapy
.
A proud member of thePsychCraft Network, the goal of
this podcast is to demystifytherapy, what can happen in
therapy and the wide array ofconversations you can have in
and about therapy Throughpersonal experiences.
Guests will talk about therapy,their experiences with it and
(00:24):
how psychology and therapy arepresent in many places in their
lives, with lots of authenticityand a touch of humor.
Here is your host, steve Bisson.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Il fait un peu plus noir que d'habitude.
It's darker than usual.
Welcome to episode 190.
Intro's being done from my oldstudio.
I'm still working out the kinks, so hopefully people understand
.
I hope that you enjoyed What89.
I really talked about mycoaching and what I do, so I
hope you can go back and listento that and if you want to join
me for coaching, just DM me.
(00:58):
It would be great.
But episode 190 is with TinaJuretic.
I hope I pronounced that rightbecause there's a D there, but
I'm trying to guess.
Hopefully I'm right.
Tina is a Canadian author whowas raised by strict religious
parents who isolated her fromthe rest of the world.
What followed were three toxicrelationships that nearly kill
her.
We'll definitely talk aboutthat.
After her last breakup shesought a form, a channeler, who
(01:22):
sent her on the path to healingwhile writing her memoir.
Her memoir is called Finding mySovereignty Go get it.
She learned how to forgiveherself and her abusers.
The process has taught her alot about generational trauma
and gaslighting narcissism andputting up healthy boundaries.
Today she's thriving and wantsto share her story and I can't
wait for you guys to listen toit.
(01:42):
And here is her story.
Well, hi everyone, and welcometo episode 190.
You know, very excited alwayshaving a fellow Canadian.
Yes, I know I'm an Americancitizen now, but I love my
Canadians.
I still am Canadian.
I will remain Canadian for therest of my life and it was great
to connect with her on Facebookand I'm looking forward to our
(02:03):
interview.
And Tina Juretik, welcome toFinding your Way.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Thank you.
Thank you for having me.
It's a pleasure to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Well, you know, I read your story and you gave me
your bio.
I asked everyone to give metheir bio.
Most people don't know who youare, so how about you introduce
yourself to my audience?
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Sure, my name's Tina, as Steve said, and I come from
Vancouver and, uh, I'm a newauthor.
I just published my first bookand it's a, a memoir about my
life and, um, you know, a quicksummary is just as, as a child,
like a lot of people growing up,I think, especially as Gen X I
don't know if you're Gen X, II'm Gen X, but, uh, gen X and
older, right, we grew up verydifferently from everybody else.
I think the younger generationsright and uh, so I'm one of
those.
But Gen X and older, right, wegrew up very differently from
everybody else, I think theyounger generations right, and
so I'm one of those people thathad a pretty toxic childhood,
(02:50):
really difficult childhood, andso I buried it.
I don't remember it, it wascompletely gone.
I, you know, I knew the broadstrokes of the things that had
happened, obviously anythingthat all Gen X went through
raising ourselves right, youknow all of those things that
came with it, but also somepretty, in my case, severe abuse
(03:17):
on both my mother's and myfather's side.
My mother is also mentallyunwell, so there was a lot of
mental and emotional abuse.
And to top it all off, just toyou know, complete that circle
there.
When I was 10, my parents joineda really fanatical Christian
cult, like church, and you knowthat just gave them full
permission to just be who theywanted to be then, and with the
(03:38):
fear of God behind them and alsothe power of God on their side.
So, you know, things justcontinued to get worse and I
left home just barely after Iturned 17, took control of the
reins, so to speak.
But of course I'm a brokenchild, right, I don't know that.
But I'm this broken childtrying to make my way in the
(03:59):
world, and in some areas I didwell.
I love to travel, so I justbecame this world traveler,
lived in multiple countries, hadlots of interesting experiences
.
But the flip side to that is myrelationships were a hot mess I
mean a hot mess and I justcouldn't seem to find good
relationships.
I would go years in betweenthem without any kind of partner
(04:23):
at all, which I was neversomeone to jump from one person
to the next.
So you know, that's how I didthings, I guess.
But by the time I got to thethird partner, major partner I
realized I had a pattern andthat even though I had buried my
childhood and I thought it wasdoing me a favor by doing that,
not remembering all the pain andhorror that came with childhood
(04:43):
.
I learned the hard way.
You're still not escapingchildhood.
You are doomed to repeatchildhood and date your parents
over and over until you healedit.
Until you heal right, thelesson will repeat itself until
it is learned.
So that's kind of what broughtme to writing the memoir was
(05:04):
realizing that I had to stopasking what's wrong with all the
men out there and I had to askwhat's wrong with me that I have
this pattern and that I keeprepeating it.
And that's kind of my story andhow we got to be here and
through the writing, becausethis is really important.
I found my own healing, ofcourse.
So, yes, that's the end of thestory.
Is the important.
I found my own healing, ofcourse.
(05:25):
So, yes, that's the end of thestory is the healing and not
repeating the pattern again.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Well, I disagree with you on a couple of things.
The healing is not over, italways goes on and there's no
story that ends without usending.
So we keep on working on ourstory, and my dad had always
said to me those who ignorehistory are doomed to repeat it.
So when you said, that reallyresonated.
And you know what's funny ispre-interview.
(05:51):
We were talking about howrelationships have been
difficult and Quebec friends.
I'm meaning this as a joke.
How the hell did you end up inQuebec being someone who doesn't
speak French?
I mean, I don't get it.
Why would you ever go to Quebecbeing someone who doesn't speak
French?
I mean, I don't get it.
Why would you ever go to QuebecAgain?
Quebec, it's a joke, take it.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Many people in Quebec speak English, that's for sure.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
I'm the living proof, but what made you end up there?
Speaker 3 (06:16):
To get to Quebec.
Sorry, you're breaking up alittle, so that's what I'm
trying to follow here.
I followed a partner, my secondpartner.
He was a Quebecois, and when hefirst moved to Vancouver in the
middle of June he went oh myGod, you live close to the beach
.
This is the best place in thewhole wide world.
How come everybody doesn't livehere?
Then October happened and itrained for three months and by
December he was singing adifferent song oh my God, it
(06:36):
rains here all the time.
I'm suicidal.
How does anybody live here?
And that's how I ended up inQuebec.
So he was originally fromMontreal and he said listen, it
was a work thing as well.
He had more work offered inMontreal and I said oh my God,
you're about to bring aVancouver girl to Montreal in
December.
I hate the snow passionately, Imean, unless it's in a mountain
(06:59):
, somewhere where it belongs,but not in the city, when you've
got to walk in it and drive init.
I've never been as cold in mylife as when I lived in Montreal
for nine months.
Because he didn't just take itthere, he brought me to Mont
Saint-Sauveur.
Sorry if I'm saying it wrong,but he brought me to a ski
resort and I don't ski, so wewere living on a ski hill, yeah.
(07:19):
But as I was, saying to you thisis what narcissists do, don't
they?
He brought me to a place wherenobody spoke English, to a place
where I couldn't drive, wherethere was no public transit, and
I was trapped.
I was trapped in the middle ofnowhere.
It was pretty, but it wasisolating.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Well, first and foremost, you pronounced it well
for an English speaker inQuebec, so that's good enough
for us Quebecers.
Number one Number two you knowlike I'm listening to the family
, I'm hearing about how you grewup and I'm hearing about these
relationships.
A standard question here ishave you ever been in therapy?
My guess is I know the answer,but let's go with it anyway.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
No, I have not.
As a typical Gen Xer, I did notgo to therapy, yeah of course.
You know what I'm going to say.
This, though Mostly, I wouldsay, because I couldn't afford
it.
To be honest, I was neveragainst therapy.
I don't know that I was runningtowards it, but I certainly
couldn't afford it as well.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Yeah, and Canada doesn't always cover it, so if
you've never been in therapy,how did you heal, which is a
really good question becausethis is a lot of things to heal.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Oh well, very interesting story.
Oh, a lot to heal.
There was a lot to unpack.
I um uh.
So when I, when the last one Ihad a, had a breakup and I
realized he was bipolar like mymother, that really smashed me
in the face I'm not going to lieLike that was a gut punch that
brought me to my knees andthat's when I went.
If I'm dating my mother and Ididn't even see that coming,
(08:44):
that's what stopped me in mytracks and made me go.
Man, it's not them.
Then it's me Like how did I notsee the signs?
I've lived with a bipolarparent my whole life.
I had many, many bipolar friends, because, of course, you repeat
the pattern again.
Whether it's relationships orjust friendships is the same.
(09:04):
I really didn't see this comingand it took me by surprise.
And then I was angry.
I was angry at myself for notseeing it coming, for really
investing in this relationship,thinking it was the last one and
the final one.
I was angry at him.
Knowing my family history andhiding it from me.
That made me really angry.
I was angry at the universebecause I felt so deceived and I
also just felt Like, how comesome people have these beautiful
(09:27):
, charmed lives and they justthey're born into money, they
get to everything they want,they have these beautiful lives.
Of course we don't know what'sgoing on behind doors, but the
perception right.
They have these beautifulrelationships.
Why is my life just one bigpile of steaming crap after
another?
Right, like, why is thishappening?
And so I sought help.
And so I sought help.
(09:47):
And maybe I didn't go totherapy in my life, but there
were probably five or six timesin my life where I sought help
in the form of a spiritualteacher, meaning either a tarot
card reader or a channel orwhatever was a shaman.
I lived in Mexico for many years, so shamans were being
presented to me.
So I went to this channeler, Isought her out.
I asked some friends forsomeone who was legit, you know,
(10:09):
and she's the one who reallysort of laid the trauma out for
me so that I could see it.
But also, really what I lovedabout her is she didn't just
walk me through my own childhoodtrauma and then how it was
repeated in relationships.
She took me back into pastlives where some of my habits
formed, so that that could behealed, and she also really
(10:32):
walked me through my parents'trauma and really showed me the
generational trauma which we'vealready talked about.
It keeps repeating itself,right?
It repeats itself and repeatsitself generationally until
someone does some healing andstops that generational trauma.
So, by showing me that it hadhappened to my parents as well,
(10:53):
when it came time for me towrite the memoir and then start
doing my own healing, this gaveme the grace to be able to
forgive them for the things thatthey had done.
So writing the memoir andfinding the healing for me were
things that went hand in hand.
Because you know, if you'vebeen through therapy and clearly
you probably know somethingabout therapy right, you're
asking about it.
(11:13):
So one of the number one toolsthey're going to give you is to
journal, journal, journal,journal, journal, journal.
Well, writing a memoir isjournaling on speed.
So, yeah, I found my ownpatterns and you know brokenness
, if you will through thewriting, and I would write and
write, and write, and then Iwould get writer's block and I
would go what's going on here?
I know what comes next, and Iwould realize that spirit was
(11:35):
saying to me no, you don't getto write anymore until you heal
that what you just spent youknow whatever a week writing
about no, you don't get to moveforward now.
I need you to heal that first.
So it really was like hand inhand in hand this writing and
healing and it was beautiful.
The healing was beautiful.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Well, writing is healing and I do believe that
firmly, not only because of whatI do, but also having written a
journal myself since 1992.
So I certainly relate to that.
I also created a book about howpeople want to start journaling
.
So definitely believe in thejournaling process and when
you're writing, I've written abook about how people want to
start journaling.
So definitely believe in thejournaling process and when
you're writing I've written acouple of books myself I know
(12:15):
how that feels too.
Besides the little writer'sblock, was there any other
difficulties you felt along theway, especially getting to
things that might've been morepainful than others?
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Oh, absolutely the whole thing was.
Again, the beauty of it for mewas that I didn't have a
timeline, like I didn't have aneditor or a publisher, sort of
going I need you to be done thisFor me it was just.
However long this takes is howlong it takes, because it's more
about the healing for me.
So I mean, my first major blockis how do you write about a
childhood you don't remember?
Because it has to be authentic.
I didn't want to make anythingup, even writing about my family
(12:47):
and my exes.
That was the first thing I hadto come to term with.
I did not want to do that.
I never wanted to expose themor put them on the spot like
that or point fingers or blame.
So that was just that.
Just getting over that hurdlewas already huge.
And in order to do that, notonly did I change all the names
of the people in the book whichmost people are going to do,
that anyways I didn't put my ownname on it for the first draft,
(13:09):
even the second and the thirdand the fourth, because I edited
it that many times myselfbefore handing it over and my
channeler the whole time keptsaying, okay, when I'm like I'm
not putting my name on this.
She's like okay.
And then you know, three yearsin, she's like so about that
name?
And I'm like no, no, no, no.
I said I'm not putting my nameon it.
She's like you have to put yourname on it and I'm like but why
(13:31):
?
I don't understand.
She's like how can you tellpeople to live in their
sovereignty, to stand in theirsovereignty, if you're not
standing in yours and if you'restill worried about putting your
name out there?
Like have I got news for you?
Your face is going to be outthere.
And that made perfect sense.
(13:51):
So my name went on it.
But I think in order to writeit, I needed to feel like my
name wouldn't be on it, right?
You know what I'm saying.
So the first hurdle was toreally sit with my older sister
and say, please, please, walk methrough childhood.
I need some details here.
Here's sort of the big picturemoments I remember.
Now, can you give me thedetails I need?
(14:13):
I then also really wanted tomake sure that I was fair by
displaying the generationaltrauma.
I really wanted this to showthrough the book.
This wasn't just my story.
This is how generational traumagets passed down.
So I had to go back.
My father comes from formerYugoslavia.
This country doesn't even existanymore.
So I went back and I didresearch.
(14:34):
I looked at the dates of birth.
I went back and looked wherethey were born both parents and
I really wanted a picture ofwhere they came from, and since
they never talked about theirpast, I couldn't ask them.
They also didn't know I waswriting this book.
It was all done quietly so Ididn't have anyone to ask.
Then you've got your loversthat you're writing about, right
(14:57):
.
It was hard to.
I'd say the middle one was themost challenging to write about
and the one I cried the most.
Well, the one thing I would say-Because he was a drug addict
and I had to-.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
I know there's a delay, but and I had to I know
there's a delay, but I justwanted to say that, as a
therapist, I find it interestingthat you didn't want to
identify to your own story,because that's what it is when
we don't put our names on it,and sometimes it's a way to be
safe, like you said.
You know, not putting your nameon it, you can be more truthful,
but that dissociation is reallyinteresting to find you know it
(15:27):
gives you like that, and that'snot me, that's some story I'm
writing on a piece of paper, andso just the thought here.
But please continue your story.
You talked about the hardsecond X, so please go ahead.
Just wanted to mention that.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
Yeah, no, it actually didn't even occur to me.
But that's sure Disassociation.
I can totally see how thatwould go and I think even if I
tried to do that, though, spiritwasn't letting that happen.
The whole point was to heal it.
I wasn't allowed todisassociate.
So, in fact, sometimes I wouldwrite it and I would see that it
was a bit dry and I'd go, ohgosh, this happened so many
(16:01):
years ago.
So I would just close my eyesand just say, spirit, this is a
really big, pivotal moment, andI remember when it happened how
much it changed my life.
So I really need to dive alittle deeper into this.
Please show me.
How did this feel?
Oh geez, if you ask thatquestion, you'll get answers.
(16:24):
And all of a sudden, I wouldjust have this overwhelming
sense of emotions, you know,anxiety in my stomach.
I'd start shaking, I'd startcrying, I would start and I'd go
.
That's how it my stomach.
I'd start shaking, I'd startcrying, I would start and I'd go
.
That's how it feels.
And I'd start writing, like,because I would describe what I
was feeling.
So, even if I tried to pullback so that I wasn't reliving
it, yes, spirit wasn't having it.
That was part of the healingand it was part of making it a
(16:45):
good story, if you will, right?
So yeah, those details had togo in there.
But because I dated a drugaddict for seven years, he's
probably the one who put methrough the most pain, if you
will only because I tried tobreak free three times and he
just kept coming back.
I just couldn't escape this oneand I lost myself in that
relationship.
So it was hard to write aboutthat.
(17:06):
The third one was the freshestone, so that also was a little
challenging in the way that itwas fresh.
It's the most recent one.
But I'd say the scariestchallenge for me was on a
spiritual level, because I'mhaving two things happen at once
.
I'm going through a massivespiritual awakening.
I'm going through my dark nightof a soul as I'm writing my
(17:27):
memoir.
I mean things are coming at mefrom all directions.
And because my childhood was sofear-based, not only was I
afraid of my parents and afraidof them, but I was afraid of God
, I was afraid of church.
This was a fear-mongeringchurch, right, this was a loud
Pentecostal style in your facego to church four times a week.
(17:50):
Go to school seven days a week,because we're not allowed to go
to public school.
We got to go to your schoolcomplete brainwashing, complete
isolation, separation, but alsolike exorcisms and demons, and
every day the threat of if youdisobey us.
Therefore God right, my parentsloved this you're going to burn
in hell for all eternity.
(18:17):
The amount of fear I had in mylife.
I had to walk through that, andit was the first thing I had to
walk through when I startedwriting and when I started
having my dark night of my soul.
You have to conquer your fears.
I started to actually feeldemons touching me and I spent
my life telling myself thiswasn't even real.
So to have it go like, oh myGod whether you call it entities
or darkness or demons whatevername you want to use for it I
(18:38):
had to deal with the fact thatthat was real.
And then, while I was writingabout them, they came to visit
and I actually had to call aReiki person and say I can feel
them touching me.
They're touching, and that'swhen I had a meltdown because I
was like in my entire life I'vebeen afraid of them, but
nothing's ever touched me before.
And so there was that level ofmy own fear to go through and I
(19:01):
realized I was doing things allwrong.
I was writing, and thenafterwards I would do a little
meditation, I would cleansemyself, but I had let everything
in when I was writing.
She, my Reiki person, taught meno, no, no, tina, you're going
backwards.
Meditate, protect yourself andyour home first, so that stuff's
not coming in so there were allkinds of different layers to
learning how to become a writerand how to heal myself.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
I think you said a Reiki person, being a Reiki
practitioner myself, findingthat balance is absolutely key,
especially when you feel sounbalanced and I don't do Reiki
with people who are going to belike, all right, after this, I'm
going to be quote pure and Ican do all these great things.
No, this is just the balance soyou can move forward.
This is not the answer, becausethere's a lot of shit to be
(19:46):
processed.
Answer because there's a lot ofshit to be processed.
So you know, you talk aboutgeneration Xers.
We don't like to do the process, we like to get to the solution
.
That's not how we started asgeneration Xers, though it just
turned out that way as adults.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Right, but I want to hear more about.
Well, because you know, even askids, we were like there has to
be a faster way to do thisright.
Get right to the point.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Yeah, and I wanted to just ask you a question,
because one of the things yousaid in pre-interview in your
notes is that there's arelationship that nearly killed
you.
Is that the relationship itself?
Is it something more sinisterthan we can think about?
But can you tell me more aboutthat?
Speaker 3 (20:25):
Yeah, my first relationship would have been to
my parents, if we're being fair,and they very the demons that
control them, let's put it thatway very much wanted me dead for
sure.
I do remember my father beatingme with a hammer one time.
So you're kind of looking to dosome damage if you're picking
up a hammer, um, and then mymother.
You know when she watched my mymother?
(20:46):
You know when she watched mymother's get one of her games,
because she had many games as a,as a narcissist and bipolar,
you know, pitting the girls, mysisters, against each other so
that we would never, you know,bond together.
This is one game.
But also she loved to createproblems so that we would
disobey.
So, for example, she'd saysomething like go outside, don't
(21:07):
come back till six o'clock,that's when we're having dinner.
So we'd come back at six andthen it would be like, hey,
you're late, I told you to behere at five.
And we're like no, all three ofus heard six and it was like oh
, are you calling me a liar,right?
It's like, and then you'recaught, like you know how do you
even react to that, knowingthat this?
And then she would have thepleasure of beating us all.
And so she played these gamesand we couldn't.
We knew we couldn't win becauseshe would just lie.
(21:29):
Well, the next game began as wegot a little older and she
couldn't just smack us around asmuch, cause, you know, she was
a five foot, you know six, andwe were becoming that too.
So you know.
Then the next game became oh, Ilove to watch as as as I make
my husband beat you, make yourfather beat you, so she would
create problems, so that whenhe'd come home he'd be like I
(21:53):
gotta go beat the children,right.
And then he'd go beat thechildren and she would watch,
and my older sister because I'mthe one who took most of the
beatings would, would sometimesbeg her he's going to kill her
mom, please make him stop.
And she would go.
Why would I do that?
Like there was actually a smileon her.
When I'd look over, I'dactually see a smile, a sinister
(22:14):
smile on her face, and I couldsee the darkness in her eyes.
I really could.
So my parents wanted me dead,that's for sure.
My middle boyfriend it's notthat he wanted me dead, it's
that he was a coke addict forseven years, and I mean an
intravenous user, not a.
It was not about the party.
For him it was all nightmare.
He brought me down with himjust because I was part of it.
(22:37):
So it's not that he wanted medead, but the demons inside of
him sure did.
Another narcissist right,another person filled with
darkness who wanted me dead, andthat would have been more that.
I lost myself completely and Icertainly considered suicide you
know those kinds of things toescape that.
The third one I never, everthought he would physically harm
(22:59):
me.
I never thought any of mypartners would physically harm
me.
Actually, to be honest, I'mgoing to give them that because
I never felt that threat.
But the day we broke up when Idiscovered, oh my God, you're
bipolar like my mother, and itall just came to a head for the
first time ever and he was analcoholic as well and 6'3" so
I'm 5'6", he's 6'3" when hestood over me and put his finger
(23:21):
in my face and sort of attack,like sort of just verbally
attacked me for that splitsecond, I thought, oh my God,
you could hurt me and that wasthe thought that went through my
mind.
Oh my God, I'm in trouble.
And when I looked in his eyes Isaw the exact same demons I saw
in my mother's eyes and I evensaid to him because I know he's
(23:41):
not a violent man, you'rescaring me right now.
And he kind of sneered andsmiled like good, and then he
backed off.
So yeah, I do think that theserelationships nearly killed me.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Well, I'm happy you're here then.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
Me too.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
I think it's hard because I think that when we're
in it too you talked aboutaddiction and personality
disorders I think that oncewe're in it, sometimes it's
really hard to see what we'reactually in it and we think
we're the problem and thegaslighting and everything that
goes with that.
So I don't know if that's whatyou experienced, but that's kind
of what I see in a whole lot ofrelationships that I work with,
where there's a lot of traumaand a lot of hurt, either from
(24:20):
the past or the currentsituation.
Speaker 3 (24:22):
Absolutely, absolutely.
You have no self-worth, even ifon the outside, because I was
always a vivacious, outgoing,really outspoken person.
But my inner voice did notmatch the masks that I wore for
the rest of the world, that isfor sure.
My inner voice was my mother,and I didn't realize that till I
started healing.
You know, even just every day,looking in the mirror and just
(24:43):
going oh, I look so fat, right,that was my mother's voice.
Every day of my life, my mothertold me I was fat and that I
was ugly and not worthy and Iwould never be anything.
When I grew up, how do you eversucceed when that's what your
true inner voice is, thinkingright?
Speaker 2 (24:59):
I don't agree.
I think that when it's not onlyyour inner voice, it's how
people value you.
And if you're told that you'revalued as to how you look or
things like that, and hey,welcome, you know the whole
feminist in me, thank you verymuch.
But also how the world is right, you kind of see yourself that
way, also, Absolutely Right.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
I'm happy that you don't see yourself, I mean
because it's not also, you know,that was my own self-therapy,
if you will.
One of the first things I didto heal myself was to reparent
my inner child right.
So first I reparented my innerchild because she lived in so
much fear, and then I reparentedmy adult.
Well, I reprogrammed my innervoice and that took a long time,
(25:41):
but I put the work in.
I saw how valuable this was.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
And well, I also saw where my life was going and I
didn't want to repeat it.
So major changes needed to bemade and that's where you led
you to making those changes.
But, more importantly, talk alittle bit more.
You wrote the memoir.
You talked a little about theprocess.
How long has the book been out?
What does it talk about mostly,and stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
I put the book out just this past September, so it
just came out recently and itreally is.
It is a truly a memoir.
So I do walk through childhood.
I don't write it chronologicalorder.
It's more flashbacks because Ireally wanted people to see.
For example, there comes apoint in the book where I don't
leave him and my editor was likeright now, I think you're a
(26:27):
moron, so you really need toexplain to me so that I'm on
your side, because this is whata good editor does.
You know why you fell in lovewith this guy, because I'm only
seeing the bad and also, why didyou stay?
So that's where I started toplace the flashbacks and take an
actual childhood thing thatcaused me not to leave him.
Because this made sense to me.
I really wanted.
(26:48):
I think the people who pick upmy book and read it are going to
be people like me, right Peoplewho are trapped in a toxic
relationship, who don't know howto get out, who maybe also you
can't see the forest for thetrees, right who don't see why
their pattern developed or thatthey have a pattern.
So I really almost wanted tomake like a case study of my
life, which means I had toreveal all my crap, right like,
(27:11):
and then, when it's all there inblack and white, you can't hide
from it, you can't make excuses, right?
I mean, the first person youhave to forgive is yourself for
all the terrible decisions andlousy decisions you made in your
life.
Because, again, living my lifefor 50 years is one thing.
Writing it all down in in twoyears in a book and seeing it
all in black and white is adifferent story.
So the book does walk youthrough childhood till I meet
(27:35):
this channeler, and a little bitpast that, to where I meet the
Reiki person and boom, myspiritual awakening just
explodes.
And I leave it on that positivenote, because that is the whole
point.
Right Is that you can heal.
The channeler said to me notonly will you write this book,
but once you're finished and youend with this wonderful healing
(27:58):
if that's where it ends,because she never told me where
to end it people are then goingto have the question okay, so
what did you do to heal?
So I am just finished writingthis week, actually the workbook
to follow it up, because I tooknotes the entire four years I
was working and editing on this,since I knew a workbook was
next.
Thank God, I took all the notesof the things that I did.
(28:20):
And because this all happenedduring COVID, not only was I
isolated and not working,because I work in tourism, so of
course my job was decimated.
My whole industry was decimated, which was a blessing for me.
I had two solid years without ajob, frightening financially,
but on a healing front, oh man,the isolation was a gift.
Again, I had nowhere to hide, Ihad nowhere to go, but I also
(28:43):
had no one to turn to when Ineeded to heal something and was
like, okay, cool, I need toheal that.
Wow, how do I do that?
And I was broke.
I couldn't keep calling theReiki person my, my girlfriend
you know that she became agirlfriend or the channel, or
they both cost money.
I didn't have any money comingin, so I needed to find how to
heal and I needed it to be free.
(29:04):
And that was a a driving factorwhen I wrote the second book.
I believe in therapy, I believein Reiki, I believe in all these
things.
I also think some people can'tafford it and, yes, I'm all for
manifesting, but when we're allbroken and we're just starting,
manifesting isn't exactly in ourwheelhouse, is it Right, like?
(29:25):
So?
It all goes hand in hand withthe healing and manifesting.
So I made sure that everythingI put in my book was something
you could do at home by yourselffor free, so that people don't
feel like I can't afford to heal, I can't afford a therapist, so
how am I supposed to heal?
Because I felt like thatgrowing up I couldn't afford a
therapist right.
So that that was a drivingfactor as well.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Well, I think that it's interesting because I had
another guest about a year agowho wrote a book called this
Book is Cheaper Than Therapy.
So it definitely sounds thesame type of I don't know
decision-making skills right.
So where can we find the book?
Speaker 3 (30:01):
The book is for sale on Amazon, so you can just go to
any Amazon site, depending whatcountry you live in, and it's
called Finding my Sovereignty.
So Finding my Sovereignty.
My name's Tina.
I also have an author's website.
You can take a link throughthere if you want.
It will take you to Amazoncom.
To be fair, I brought it to theUS site just as a simplistic
(30:23):
reason, and my website is calledSovereignAndSagecom Sovereign
and Sage.
And my website is calledsovereignandsagecom Sovereign
and Sage.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
And my Quebecer friends will like to be
sovereign too.
So I get it.
But I'm happy that you wrotethis book.
I'm hoping that people will goand get it.
And is there any other way toreach you?
I mean, there's got to be waysto.
If they want to contact you, itmust be the web.
You said the website.
Is there any other way to reachyou?
Speaker 3 (30:46):
Yeah, so obviously it's Amazon.
You're just purchasing thememoir.
But I also have a Facebook pageat Sovereign and Sage.
This one has the funny littleand in it I'm sure it has a name
, but my website is Sovereignand Sage.
I actually wrote the word andSays the Quebecer hyperstand.
Do you know the name for it?
You do, don't you?
Okay, there you go.
I can see it on your face thatyou knew the name.
(31:07):
So the website is at Sovereignand Sage for Facebook.
And yeah, then you could makecomments, you could reach out.
I also have a newsletter.
You can sign up for mynewsletter on my, on my author's
website.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Well, we're going to put this in the show notes to
make sure people can reach you.
Tina, I really appreciate yousharing your story.
I know it's healing for us toshare our stories sometimes, but
it's still a courageous act toreally be honest about ourselves
.
I want to give you a lot ofcredit.
So thank you for doing that andplease go to our website, go to
sovereignandsagecom, go get ourbook, go on Amazon.
(31:42):
Reach on Facebook andnewsletter would be awesome too.
So please go do that, and Ireally appreciate your time,
tina.
Speaker 3 (31:50):
Thank you.
Thank you for having me on,Steve.
You're exactly right.
By sharing our stories, we helpothers right, and that is the
ultimate mission.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
I can't tell you how important it is for me to share
these stories with people.
So you said you give hope.
This is cheaper than therapy.
It's even cheaper than yourbook.
It's free to go on a podcast.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Thank you for your time.
Well, this completes episode190, tina Juretic, and now I
know I pronounced it right.
Thank you so much.
I hope everyone enjoyed theepisode.
On episode 191, we're going tobe talking about grief and I
hope you join us then.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Please like, subscribe and follow this
podcast on your favoriteplatform.
A glowing review is alwayshelpful and, as a reminder, this
podcast is for informational,educational and entertainment
purposes only.
If you're struggling with amental health or substance abuse
issue, please reach out to aprofessional counselor for
consultation.
If you are in a mental healthcrisis, call 988 for assistance.
(32:47):
This number is available in theUnited States and Canada.
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