October 22, 2025 • 30 mins
The hardest conversations often happen in the quiet minutes between calls. We sat down with clinician and co-response partner Amanda Rizoli to explore how real support for first responders is built—on language, trust, and the discipline to show up when services are thin and the need is loud. Amanda works alongside the Milford Police Department’s Family Services Unit and partners with Community Impact, Chris’s Corner Recovery Resource Center, and New England Medical Group to create a wraparound model that meets people where they are.
We talk through the realities of police and EMS life: constant hypervigilance, the pull toward numbing after shift, and the challenge of switching from fight-or-flight to family dinner. Amanda breaks down how she approaches alcohol as a coping strategy without judgment, how she teaches practical skills like structured decompression and tactical breathing, and why brief, timely check-ins during ride-alongs can open doors that a formal office visit can’t. She also shares how a therapy canine lowers defenses on scene, and how clinicians earn credibility by respecting patrol’s turf and knowing when to step back.
Culture and language shape access. As a trilingual clinician, Amanda navigates the nuances of Portuguese and Spanish dialects across Portugal, Brazil, and Latin America, where stigma can be high and immigration status complicates care. We dig into the shift among younger parents willing to break cycles of silence, and how targeted outreach, transparent pathways, and confidentiality build trust. Families matter here: spouses can act as early warning systems, keeping communication open and knowing when work stress is spilling into home. Periodic joint sessions help couples tune the signal without turning the house into a clinic.
If you care about officer wellness, community trust, and practical ways to prevent burnout, this conversation delivers a grounded playbook: co-response done right, multilingual services, stepped care from outpatient to IOP, and the small, repeatable habits that actually make a difference after shift. Subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help more first responders and families find these tools.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_02 (00:02):
Welcome to Resilience Development and
Action with Steve Beast Home.
This is the podcast dedicated tofirst responder mental health,
helping police hire EMS,discounters, and paramedics
create better growthenvironments for themselves and
their team.
Let's get started.
SPEAKER_00 (00:29):
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Well, hi everyone, and welcometo episode 227.
If you haven't listened toepisode 226, it's with Renee
(01:14):
Mansfield.
Renee had two episodes becauseit was so good.
So I hope you go back and listento this.
But for episode 227, I'm herewith someone who apparently I
have harassed to be on thisshow.
I've also apparently harassedher in being in the group that
we work on together.
Apparently I'm a harasser ingeneral, so please, no lawsuits,
(01:36):
just saying.
But uh, and I gotta learn how tospell her name because
apparently I do that wrong too.
Uh but seriously, Amanda Rosoliis someone that I've known for a
couple of years now throughChris's corner, through
community impact, and I'vealways had great interactions
with her.
She has the same passions that Ido, plus more, which she's gonna
(01:57):
talk about today.
But uh Amanda Rosoli, welcome touh Resilience Development in
Action.
SPEAKER_03 (02:03):
Thank you, Steve.
I appreciate the invite to comeon your podcast.
SPEAKER_00 (02:08):
Well, let's let's start off with uh an easy one.
Why do you think I harass you?
SPEAKER_03 (02:14):
Because you're good at it.
Okay.
Um, you know, you just know whatyou want.
So it's I wouldn't really sayit's harassing.
You're persistent, you know, andmaking sure that you can get who
you need or answers to what youneed.
So I wouldn't really sayharassing.
SPEAKER_00 (02:30):
Well, I only harass the people I want to talk to
regularly.
So Perfect.
It's pretty good, right?
Uh Aaron complains about that.
Alexa from our beh Behind theBadge and Beyond group.
Uh and if you ask Lisa, I botherher all the time.
Uh Lisa Truces, who works withyou.
But all joking aside, um I tellus a little bit about yourself.
(02:51):
I obviously know you.
I feel like I really know you,but obviously not everyone knows
you on the podcast, so please goahead and introduce yourself.
SPEAKER_03 (02:57):
Um so I am an outpatient therapist.
I have a master's in socialwork.
I have my LCSW.
I am the clinical programcoordinator and co-response
clinician for Community Impactand the Milford Police
Department's Family ServicesUnit.
And we also partner with Chris'sCorner, as you had mentioned.
We have New England MedicalGroup right here in town with a
(03:20):
partial hospitalization programand an intensive outpatient
program.
So I assist anyone in thecommunity, being trilingual, um,
Portuguese being my firstlanguage and also knowing
Spanish.
I go out with the PD and Iassist in whatever way that I
can, whether it's connectingpeople with mental health
services, detox, you know,domestic violence and things
(03:43):
like that.
And you know, we're alsoinvolved in the schools as well.
If they need um any assistance,we do have a therapy canine
Piper who tags along with us.
She's great.
And um, yeah, that's kind ofwhat I do.
I'm just a girl of all trades.
SPEAKER_00 (03:58):
Yeah, but see, this is what you typically you do,
Amanda.
SPEAKER_03 (04:01):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (04:02):
You you tell me about what you do in life, but
you didn't tell me anythingabout you other than you're
trilingual.
SPEAKER_03 (04:07):
Myself.
SPEAKER_00 (04:07):
Yeah, because trilingual is the first, like,
oh, I did I knew you spoke twolanguages.
Uh I did not not know three, soI've learned something.
SPEAKER_03 (04:15):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (04:15):
But what about Amanda?
I mean, did she like who is she?
SPEAKER_03 (04:19):
I am a wife, uh married to this world.
My husband is a sergeant withthe police department.
We have three beautifulchildren, all girls, and we have
a dog.
Um, you know, I just like to dowhat I do for work and just be
that, you know, attentive mom athome as much as I can.
We have both very strong umfamilies, him being Italian and
(04:44):
Irish and me being 100%Portuguese.
So um we mesh very well andfamilies everything.
SPEAKER_00 (04:50):
How are the arguments?
I mean, Jesus.
SPEAKER_03 (04:53):
I mean, when I'm wrong, I'm wrong, and I'll admit
to it, but we all know that'sfar and few in between.
So they're great.
Of course.
SPEAKER_00 (05:02):
And I'm sure he'd say the exact same thing.
SPEAKER_03 (05:04):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (05:05):
But no, I think that that's always uh cool when you I
think about like Portuguese uhand uh Italians, I don't really
want to argue with either or.
So that's why like I'm likealthough I'm a Quebec, we we are
very stubborn people.
SPEAKER_01 (05:19):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (05:20):
Um But you know, like you said I harassed you,
but you know obviously themission of this podcast, and
you've obviously listened to alittle bit of the podcast.
So what really besidesharassment, what made you decide
to come on here?
SPEAKER_03 (05:32):
I wanted to come on here to talk about um, you know,
the importance of treating andproviding services for our first
responders.
It's it's an area that you knownot many people are well-versed
in or well trained in.
Um and also there's that stigmaof first responders seeking
mental health treatment.
So being able to make that umoption available to individuals
(05:56):
is key, but also knowing how toapproach it and assist them.
So I wanted to really like diveinto that and kind of just talk
about what I do.
SPEAKER_00 (06:05):
And you do so much.
I mean, like, you know, again,um, should probably shout out
Amy, Amy Leone.
SPEAKER_03 (06:12):
Yeah, Amy is my uh clinical director.
She owns um Community Impact andChrist's Corner, and she, you
know, started up the familyservices unit with the Mulva
Police Department.
Um, you know, she part ownco-owns um New England Medical
Group.
She also has her own um soberhouse as well, and she is, you
(06:33):
know, a woman of many expertise,and I wouldn't be where I am
today without her.
So um she's definitely someonethat I enjoy um highly working
with, and she is always there toencourage us to do what it is
that we want to do and supportus in our journeys.
SPEAKER_00 (06:52):
I've um I met Amy years ago, I can't even remember
how long ago, uh, and we weretalking about Reiki at the time,
and I don't think communityimpact existed too too long
before we talked.
Okay.
And we look at JAG today, whichworks with the juvenile uh
advocacy group, which we do uhquarterly.
A little more than quarterly,but every other month, yep.
(07:14):
Yeah.
Um but you know what I've alwaysfound fascinating is uh Amanda,
you were sitting there in thatgroup.
I remember being at the policestation and and I saw you there
for the first time, and you havethis energy about working with
this community in general.
And for me personally, that'salways something admirable
because as much as I am a painin the butt and I certainly talk
(07:38):
the way I do, I also believe inthe community for first
responders, but to help firstresponders, we gotta help the
community too.
Uh, because if we're not helpingthe community, please the first
responders have it worse.
Correct.
So you gotta find a way to kindof find a balance.
SPEAKER_01 (07:51):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (07:51):
Um, what made you like what possessed someone to
become a mental healthcounselor, work in the community
with what I consider sometimesthe people who are the most
needy, but will never reach outfor help?
SPEAKER_03 (08:04):
Yeah, I mean, for me, I've always just been a
helper, you know, growing up,um, first generation born here,
um, you know, my family didn'tknow much of English.
So having to help my parentswith that process, you know,
whether it was filling outforms, going to doctor's
appointments and things likethat, to, you know, growing up
(08:24):
and helping my grandmother whenshe was ill and things, I always
just had that niche for wantingto help individuals.
And, you know, there's a hugestigma with mental health with
um, you know, individuals whoseprimary language isn't English,
but there's also a lack ofservices for those individuals.
So I figured, you know, why notcan't be that voice and that
support for those individuals sothat they can also get um proper
(08:47):
support and treatment as well.
SPEAKER_00 (08:48):
And I think it's speaking Portuguese in the what
I consider in Massachusetts,Marlborough, Framingham,
Milford, kind of that triad isso essential.
SPEAKER_01 (08:57):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (08:58):
Um, I remember having therapists who are
Portuguese speaking, they wouldbe full in about two seconds.
SPEAKER_01 (09:03):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (09:04):
Uh and when we talk about Portuguese, a lot of
people misunderstand that theythink it's Brazil and
Brazilians, which is fine, butthere's also a large number of
Portuguese from Portugal thatare in the area that people
don't understand.
And there are culturaldifferences between hundred
percent.
How do you kind of like managethat?
Because when people know I speakFrench, they like they go into
(09:26):
Parisian French or somethingabout Paris.
I'm from Quebec.
That's all all fine and good.
I'm not putting France down,kind of.
Uh but I'm not from there.
SPEAKER_01 (09:35):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (09:36):
I'm from Quebec, which is a little more gritty, a
little more New England-ish, butwe speak French.
SPEAKER_01 (09:40):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (09:41):
Um, how do you navigate these cultural
differences?
Because it is like I you know,you don't you don't discuss the
same thing like you show up 20minutes late in Brazil, who
cares?
Right.
You show up 20 minutes late inPortugal?
Okay, it's a little off.
Right.
But that I'm talking about very,very uh big, very small things,
but I'm sure there's differentYeah, so I mean just there's
(10:03):
different dialects, you know,obviously between Portugal and
Brazil, but even just if youlook at just Brazil or just
Portugal, from north to south,there's different dialects.
SPEAKER_03 (10:12):
You know, look at the United States.
You have us New Englanders uphere, and you know, we can't
pronounce our Rs, but you havesomeone down south and you may
not even understand what they'resaying.
So it's it's kind of like that,and just understanding the
different like lingo terms andand learning those things, and
just evolving in and educatingyourself about the different
(10:33):
norms and you know what'sculturally accepted and not
within all these differentcommunities.
And that goes for the same forthe Spanish population.
I mean, um Milford has a verystrong um Ecuadorian population
here in town, and you know, theyall have different dialects, and
that that goes just you know,whether you're from Spain or you
know, Puerto Rico or you know,El Salvador, they their dialects
(10:56):
are all different, and it'slearning those different
dialects.
SPEAKER_00 (10:59):
So don't call someone from Costa Rica El
Salvadorians, is that whatyou're saying?
Right.
Well, and that's somethingthat's seems very uh intuitive
for people who speak twolanguages.
SPEAKER_01 (11:09):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (11:10):
But um as we don't pronounce our Rs here, and I
mean we over, you know, and Ineed to see Dorchester, that's
uh for someone who's in theother side of this window, and
you just need to say Dorchester.
SPEAKER_01 (11:21):
Dorchester.
SPEAKER_00 (11:22):
Just to say it properly.
But um I think that it's alsothinking about how you approach
things, because I think thatwhen I worked, I worked in
Framingham for several years onthe crisis team and approaching
uh the Brazilian populationabout domestic violence,
approaching them in regards togetting their own rights when
they you know they have those uhstatuses in this country that
(11:46):
are different.
And I'm trying to be aspolitically freaking correct as
I can right now.
Um how do you uh uh you knowreally approach that
differently?
Because I I see even thedifference you said El Salvador,
you know, Costa Rica, don't tellsomeone from Chile that they're
from Spain.
SPEAKER_01 (12:02):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (12:02):
I mean, but also like these logistics are
difficult because technicallyPortuguese are and again,
percentage-wise, this is not memaking it up, most of them are
here more legally than Brazil.
How do you navigate thosethings?
Because that's tough.
SPEAKER_03 (12:18):
Right.
So the issue in regards to thatis you know, you have to just
offer what is available.
And you know, you're gonna endup with barriers, whether it's
language, whether it's healthinsurance, or whether it's just
not something that's culturallyaccepted.
And you know, a lot of um theseimmigrant communities, they
mental health isn't a thing forthem.
(12:39):
It's you know, suck it up,buttercup, you know, move on,
like you'll be fine kind ofthing.
Um I think that you're startingto now see this younger
generation of parents startingto be a little more accepting
and open to these servicesbecause they now see their kids
going through it, and it'sstarting to trigger their own
generational trauma.
(13:00):
And they're like, okay, so thisactually isn't okay.
It wasn't okay to be this way.
And you know, a huge mentalitywith you know this generation is
trying to break thatgenerational trauma and being
bigger and better than what yourparents were.
And I feel like that's somethingthat every parent strives to be
is always better than what theirparents were.
What for good or you know,whether their childhood was
(13:22):
perfect or you know, if therewere some downfalls, they just
want to be better.
Um and I think that you'restarting to see that a little
more now with the this up-andcoming generation of parents.
SPEAKER_00 (13:32):
And I and it's good to see that there is some
barriers that are being broken.
I mean, I I see people reachingout a little more, uh, not
seeing the police as the enemyall the time, although it still
occurs, but oh I just beingtruthful.
Um But you know, when you'refacing so many barriers, so many
difficulties, you know, firstfirst uh generation born here,
(13:54):
uh Portuguese, how what keepsyou going?
I mean, for me, I think that'sone of the questions that comes
up constantly for people.
These are a lot of barriers.
When I worked in the the socialservices field, um barrier after
barrier after barrier afterbarrier, and it was so freaking
like aggravating for me.
(14:15):
How do you like what keeps yougoing?
Because this is not easy.
I see all of you go on, andChris is corner and community
impact and the New EnglandMedical Group.
Everything's getting bigger inthe Milford, Massachusetts area
with that.
SPEAKER_01 (14:30):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (14:30):
But at one point you gotta like it it gets
exhausting.
I don't know about you, butthat's how I felt sometimes.
SPEAKER_03 (14:36):
I mean, for me, it's just, you know, I want it even
if it's just one family, oneperson, if I can turn their day
around or be of that support,like that's that's my my end
goal.
Um, you know, working um, youknow, in various jobs, you know,
between the states and theschools, and now here, um, you
(14:58):
know, there were those culturalbarriers because of whether it
was status or you know, languagecapabilities and things like
that.
And the way I look at it is Iwas one of those kids growing
up, you know.
Um, my parents migrated here,and you know, I had that
language barrier issue growingup because my parents didn't
know.
They know now because theylearned.
(15:19):
But, you know, if I can be thatpivotal uh pillar for them to
make that shift so that they canget what they need, why not be
that person for them?
SPEAKER_00 (15:30):
Wow, you have a lot of passion.
You know, um it's good that itkeeps you going and helping one
person.
It's a little bit of what I sayabout this podcast, too.
If only one person listened tothis and got something out of
it, I'm very happy.
It means I've done my job.
Um but sometimes it getsexhausting.
SPEAKER_01 (15:49):
It does.
SPEAKER_00 (15:50):
Uh and as I record this, I'm actually on vacation
from work, but I'm so happy todo the podcast, so it's still
not work for me.
Is it there are times, is theretimes where you're working and
you're like, oh, this doesn'tfeel like work.
This is actually enjoyable.
SPEAKER_03 (16:04):
For the most part, that's how I always feel at
work.
Um, because I just I love doingwhat I do.
Um, I love again, I love helpingpeople.
I think the only time that itgets frustrating is when there
isn't that specific serviceattainable or reachable for
those individuals, and it's likeI have to dig deep to try to
find it, but also kind of beingthat um intermittent person to
(16:27):
help keep them, you know, atbay, not not at bay, but help
them, you know, stay in apositive environment in the
meantime till we can get them umconnected with the appropriate
service.
So just trying to be thatuplifting person while they're
kind of in limbo.
SPEAKER_00 (16:42):
And being uplifting is so easy yet difficult.
SPEAKER_01 (16:46):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (16:47):
Because they face barriers that we do.
Uh a lot of people facebarriers.
And you know, you talk abouthelping them through.
I remember getting a call at 11o'clock at night.
Um where can you get someone ina homeless shelter at 11 o'clock
at night in Massachusetts?
A prayer.
SPEAKER_01 (17:05):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (17:06):
Um and you got to be creative, which is the other
part too that I give you a lotof credit for.
You are a very creative personwith um the stuff that you do.
Is that the other part too tocontinue to be creative, not
only helping one person, butbeing creative when a problem
occurs?
Because I've been in thatvehicle with the officer turning
around, like, what the hell arewe supposed to do with this?
(17:28):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (17:28):
Yeah, and and and you have to be.
You have to be creative.
You have to, you know, sometimesyou just gotta think on your
toes because granted, a same thesame call may come in, but every
scenario is different.
Um, every person's view isdifferent of, you know, when we
respond and you know, whatthey're willing to accept and
what they're not willing toaccept.
(17:49):
So you kind of have to becreative in your approach and
how you're gonna get them toengage.
SPEAKER_00 (17:54):
And how do we get people to engage in general?
I mean, it to me that's thethat's the hardest part, not
only about our work with thecommunity, but I think that even
like again, you were we worktogether, I'm sure we're gonna
talk about a little more, butbut working with the first
responder group, getting to themto engage.
I mean, I found my owntechniques, but I'm wondering if
(18:16):
you have found things thatreally do work with because the
cultural competency of workingwith first responders, I think
is the same cultural competencyworking with Brazilians,
Portuguese, El Salvadorians.
Um, and again, I'm talking aboutpeople around even Puerto Rico,
because sometimes peopleconsider like again, sorry to
break a wall here, but PuertoRico is part of the US.
(18:38):
Please remember that.
And a lot of people treat itlike it's a different country.
SPEAKER_01 (18:42):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (18:43):
Uh I I mean you're you need to adapt all the time.
So how do you keep going?
How do you do that and keeppeople going and helping the
first responder world, helpingthe different cultures?
But I think that for me it'sreally engaging into um it's
it's hard.
I I I don't know how to put itin words right now.
(19:05):
It's really hard for me to, butit's it's just so difficult
because my first responderpeople are different than uh
I've had a couple of FrenchCanadians come in for therapy.
And it's different than workingwith my Americans from here.
And working for the AmericansI've got a few in California
that I do over the phone.
SPEAKER_01 (19:20):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (19:21):
And the Colorado people, and again, sorry for the
general uh stereotype, butsometimes I'd be like, okay,
just don't smoke weed fourminutes, four hours prior to our
session.
SPEAKER_01 (19:31):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (19:31):
Um first responders are the same thing.
How do you deal with thecultural differences with from
day day to day because theychange constantly?
SPEAKER_03 (19:39):
I mean, with the first responder population, it's
not just being culturallycompetent in what their
day-to-day typically entails,it's also how they process
things.
Their mentality is extremelydifferent than just, you know, a
a regular person, you know, theyare constant fight or fighting.
SPEAKER_00 (19:58):
Wait, let me write that down.
SPEAKER_03 (20:00):
They're constantly fight or flight mode, you know.
They see things that not atypical person sees in their
day-to-day.
And it's understanding how theyprocess those things, how they
deal with those things, and howthey continue to move forward.
You know, are they isolating?
Are they, you know, turning topoor coping skills, whether it's
avoiding or, you know,substances or infidelity,
(20:23):
whatever those things may be tokind of get their minds off of
things, you know, what is itthat they're doing, and then how
can we reframe that mindset?
SPEAKER_00 (20:30):
And how do we reframe that mindset?
Because for me, like I it's hardfor them for me to tell them,
don't have a drink after work tocalm your nerves.
SPEAKER_01 (20:39):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (20:39):
I mean, that's sometimes as simple as that.
And it's not about calming yournerves for the record only from
work.
Sometimes it's the stress cominghome and stuff like that.
SPEAKER_03 (20:49):
Right.
I mean, I think it's definitelyfiguring out how they cope first
and then figuring out why theycope the way that they do and
how they want to improve thosecoping skills.
So whether, I mean, we'll bringit back to the drinking.
Is that the only way they knowhow to cope?
So that's all they do?
Is it because they don't knowany other skills?
Do they want to learn any otherskills?
(21:09):
Is it even an issue?
You know, are they just havinglike one drink just to take the
edge off to just calm theirnerves and then be done?
Or is it, you know, they'redowning a bottle?
You know, like what where isthat line of um, you know, using
that mechanism as a copingskill?
But then also looking at thebigger picture.
What are they coming home to?
(21:29):
You know, are they coming hometo kids, to an empty house, a
wife, a girlfriend?
How are they of support?
And that's also anotherimportant thing about treating
first responders is also, youknow, making sure that their
loved ones also know how tosupport them because it's just
it's different because again,they see things and not a
typical person sees on aday-to-day.
(21:52):
Um, you know, their lives arethreatened on a daily.
And, you know, when they walkout that door to go on shift,
you know, you don't know ifthey're coming back home that
day.
And that's the unfortunatereality of the first responders
in this world in today's day andage.
Um, I mean, not to say thatisn't for everybody.
I mean, we could be driving downthe street and have a freak
accident.
Like we all don't know, but it'smore heightened for them,
(22:15):
essentially.
And being able to support thoseindividuals themselves and also
their significant others ortheir family members at home is
like huge to have that, youknow, what we call the
wraparound service.
SPEAKER_00 (22:27):
The wraparound service, yes.
I it is very important.
I think that one of the skillsthat I've developed over the
course of the uh time I workedwith first responders is to
bring in the spouses.
Not for the whole, like not forlike every week.
Right.
But you know, once every threemonths, every two months, every
six months.
Hey, how's everything going?
How's the com communication athome?
(22:49):
Uh sometimes I've beensuccessful, sometimes I haven't
been as successful.
Um you have a particularposition on that uh that we
haven't brought up here,obviously I know this, but um as
a spouse of um first slashemergency responder, because I
(23:09):
hear that's a thing now thatcall it emergency responder.
SPEAKER_01 (23:12):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (23:12):
Uh but just saying that someone said that to me.
Um but um how unique are thechallenges, especially for you?
With th you got three girls, wesaid?
SPEAKER_03 (23:22):
Yep, three girls.
SPEAKER_00 (23:24):
Three girls, you your poor husband is like
already like outnumbered.
Correct.
Um but how do you deal withthis?
Like you have a specific expexperience with that house, so
how do you deal with all thatstuff?
SPEAKER_03 (23:38):
I mean, for us, it's just you know, having that open
line of communication and it'slearning how to communicate,
especially during like certainum events, like whether it's a
traumatic call or just like acrappy day at work, you know.
Sometimes he doesn't want totalk about it, and that's fine.
But I just leave the door openbeing like, you want to talk
about it?
I'm here.
You know, I always have toremind him like I'm coming at
(24:01):
you as your wife, not as aclinician, so remember that.
I was like, but if you want meto put my clinician hat on, I'll
gladly do that.
Um, but it's just, you know,keeping that open line of
communication and just sometimesthey just need to decompress and
like last thing they want to dois come home and talk about
work, you know.
But once it starts affecting thehome life, whether it's, you
(24:21):
know, the intimacy at home,whether it's the communication,
whether it's the children intheir presence, whether they're
just physically there, but theirmind is somewhere else, then
that as a spouse is when youneed to learn when it is that
you need to step in.
SPEAKER_00 (24:36):
Right.
And do you have any advice as towhen to step in for anyone?
SPEAKER_03 (24:42):
Um as a f as a wife of a first responder, for me, um
it's more so when I start seeingthat whatever it is that he's
going through, or even otherfirst responders, because you
know, I do ride along with thepolice, so then we know we do
talk about these things.
And you know, with otherofficers that I have been out on
(25:03):
calls on, it's you know, whenyou start seeing that work is
spilling over to home and youcan't leave it at the door,
that's when it needs to betalked about.
Whether it's, you know, you'rejust having a real tough time at
work and you don't know how toleave it at the door, or you
know, you're upset aboutsomething at work and then
you're taking it out on yourloved ones at home who have no
(25:24):
fault in any of that.
Um so I think recognizing thosesigns is is important in knowing
how to approach your loved oneabout that.
Because again, you also don'twant them to feel attacked.
Um, you know, you want toapproach it in an appropriate
way so that they will open up toyou.
Because again, first respondersare hesitant to seek treatment
(25:46):
as it is.
And you know, never mind justopening up to a loved one at
home.
So making sure that you know howto do though that that
appropriately and learning thoseskills is imperative.
SPEAKER_00 (25:58):
And not come up come off as the mental health
counselor, which is veryimportant too, because I think
that that's what some spouseswho are not in our field, you
know, oh you should go talk tosomeone or whatever.
They the the way to present themessage is so important because
um you know, me sitting aroundum with some ride-alongs or
(26:18):
whatever you want to call itnow, because it they they change
the name constantly.
Um I remember that most of thetime I'd end up going on two or
three calls, but the rest of thetime is two to three hours of an
officer opening up aboutdifferent things.
And that's the unique umperspective that I got, and I
and I'm sure that you get notonly as a spouse of but also
(26:41):
being in the ride-along andgoing on a call and being able
to talk between calls becauseit's not always as dramatic as
we sound.
SPEAKER_01 (26:49):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (26:50):
But we also have some calls that are like, wow,
that's really screwed up.
SPEAKER_03 (26:53):
Right.
And and we do, especially whenour unit first started, we did
do that a lot.
I mean, and we still do now, youknow, we would process that
call, like, hey, how do youthink that went?
You know, and again, it's alsolearning each other's style and
learning, you know, where thatfine line is of, you know, this
is the clinician's aspect of it,this is where the clinician
(27:14):
steps in.
But then once things are nolonger being effective, now the
police needs to step in and dotheir part.
So it's also as a clinician,learning that line of not of
staying in your lane,essentially, you know, doing
what it is that you're there todo.
But if if the message isn'tbeing um accepted and they're
just not getting it, now thepolice need to step forward and
(27:35):
you need to take a step back andlet them do what they need to
do.
SPEAKER_00 (27:38):
I remember years ago when I started, it was 2006,
that's how old it is.
Um, one of the things that uhSarah Abbott, who has done it's
great.
She's awesome, has said,remember you're on their turf.
SPEAKER_01 (27:53):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (27:54):
And to me, that's the great lesson to learn is
that you're on their turf.
Respect or turf.
So you talk about staying intheir lane, I say respect or
turf.
You know, so you don't you theysay, hey, you know what, back
off, you don't go well.
I think no, no, no, you don'tthink anything, you sit back and
you do it.
You can have that conversationafter.
SPEAKER_03 (28:11):
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (28:12):
But sit back when they tell you to sit back.
SPEAKER_03 (28:14):
Exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (28:15):
Um as we run out of time again, um I think this went
really well.
I hope that you can come back atsome point.
SPEAKER_03 (28:22):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (28:23):
Um, because I like the setup and really like
talking to you.
But is there any particularthings you want to talk about?
SPEAKER_03 (28:28):
Want to make sure that people know about that
you're doing right now or umagain, so I I am the the
clinician here with the familyservices unit.
I do respond out in the Milfordcommunity.
Uh we do assist with other umlocal towns surrounding us if
needed.
Um we do have our recoveryresource center, Chris's corner,
as well.
Um we have therapists, casemanagers down there, and
(28:49):
recovery coaches.
Um we have New England MedicalGroup with the PHP IOP as well
for mental health as theprimary, um, which is a great
resource here in the area.
And community impact for ouroutpatient therapy that we offer
as well.
Um so I'm very accessible,whether it's calling the PD and
(29:10):
asking to be connected with me.
You can find us on the MilfordPD's website, or you can call
over to Community Impact.
That's where my office islocated.
So that's where you can find meif you need any assistance or
being connected with resources.
Um but yeah, I mean I'd love tocome back so we can dive in some
more into you know treating ourfirst responders and supporting
their loved ones.
SPEAKER_00 (29:30):
Well, I know about all those services, they'll be
in the show notes.
SPEAKER_01 (29:33):
Awesome.
SPEAKER_00 (29:34):
Uh make sure people click on it.
And Amanda, you are trulysomeone that again, um I never
got this conversation with youper se.
Um very happy.
And I know that uh our group uhbehind the badge and beyond uh
we're getting to know each otherreally well, and it's nice to
have people who think similarly.
(29:55):
Correct.
Uh so I do appreciate you,really appreciate your time, and
uh, can't wait to have you.
Have you back on.
SPEAKER_03 (30:00):
Thanks, Steve.
Appreciate it.
SPEAKER_00 (30:02):
And for those of you who will be joining us,
hopefully you'd enjoy episode227 with Amanda Rizzoli with at
onesie.
Um and I hope that you come backnext time for episode 228.
Thank you very much.
SPEAKER_02 (30:15):
Please like, subscribe, and follow this
podcast on your favoriteplatform.
A glowing review is alwayshelpful.
And as a reminder, this podcastis for informational,
educational, and entertainmentpurposes only.
If you're struggling with amental health or substance abuse
issue, please reach out to aprofessional counselor for
consultation.
If you are in a mental healthcrisis, call 988 for assistance.
(30:39):
This number is available in theUnited States and Canada.
Welcome to Resilience Development and
Action with Steve Beast Home.
This is the podcast dedicated tofirst responder mental health,
helping police hire EMS,discounters, and paramedics
create better growthenvironments for themselves and
their team.
Let's get started.
SPEAKER_00 (00:29):
You know, you've heard me talk about this before.
Get free.ai.
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your goals, good for everythingthat you do on a HIPAA compliant
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Well, hi everyone, and welcometo episode 227.
If you haven't listened toepisode 226, it's with Renee
(01:14):
Mansfield.
Renee had two episodes becauseit was so good.
So I hope you go back and listento this.
But for episode 227, I'm herewith someone who apparently I
have harassed to be on thisshow.
I've also apparently harassedher in being in the group that
we work on together.
Apparently I'm a harasser ingeneral, so please, no lawsuits,
(01:36):
just saying.
But uh, and I gotta learn how tospell her name because
apparently I do that wrong too.
Uh but seriously, Amanda Rosoliis someone that I've known for a
couple of years now throughChris's corner, through
community impact, and I'vealways had great interactions
with her.
She has the same passions that Ido, plus more, which she's gonna
(01:57):
talk about today.
But uh Amanda Rosoli, welcome touh Resilience Development in
Action.
SPEAKER_03 (02:03):
Thank you, Steve.
I appreciate the invite to comeon your podcast.
SPEAKER_00 (02:08):
Well, let's let's start off with uh an easy one.
Why do you think I harass you?
SPEAKER_03 (02:14):
Because you're good at it.
Okay.
Um, you know, you just know whatyou want.
So it's I wouldn't really sayit's harassing.
You're persistent, you know, andmaking sure that you can get who
you need or answers to what youneed.
So I wouldn't really sayharassing.
SPEAKER_00 (02:30):
Well, I only harass the people I want to talk to
regularly.
So Perfect.
It's pretty good, right?
Uh Aaron complains about that.
Alexa from our beh Behind theBadge and Beyond group.
Uh and if you ask Lisa, I botherher all the time.
Uh Lisa Truces, who works withyou.
But all joking aside, um I tellus a little bit about yourself.
(02:51):
I obviously know you.
I feel like I really know you,but obviously not everyone knows
you on the podcast, so please goahead and introduce yourself.
SPEAKER_03 (02:57):
Um so I am an outpatient therapist.
I have a master's in socialwork.
I have my LCSW.
I am the clinical programcoordinator and co-response
clinician for Community Impactand the Milford Police
Department's Family ServicesUnit.
And we also partner with Chris'sCorner, as you had mentioned.
We have New England MedicalGroup right here in town with a
(03:20):
partial hospitalization programand an intensive outpatient
program.
So I assist anyone in thecommunity, being trilingual, um,
Portuguese being my firstlanguage and also knowing
Spanish.
I go out with the PD and Iassist in whatever way that I
can, whether it's connectingpeople with mental health
services, detox, you know,domestic violence and things
(03:43):
like that.
And you know, we're alsoinvolved in the schools as well.
If they need um any assistance,we do have a therapy canine
Piper who tags along with us.
She's great.
And um, yeah, that's kind ofwhat I do.
I'm just a girl of all trades.
SPEAKER_00 (03:58):
Yeah, but see, this is what you typically you do,
Amanda.
SPEAKER_03 (04:01):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (04:02):
You you tell me about what you do in life, but
you didn't tell me anythingabout you other than you're
trilingual.
SPEAKER_03 (04:07):
Myself.
SPEAKER_00 (04:07):
Yeah, because trilingual is the first, like,
oh, I did I knew you spoke twolanguages.
Uh I did not not know three, soI've learned something.
SPEAKER_03 (04:15):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (04:15):
But what about Amanda?
I mean, did she like who is she?
SPEAKER_03 (04:19):
I am a wife, uh married to this world.
My husband is a sergeant withthe police department.
We have three beautifulchildren, all girls, and we have
a dog.
Um, you know, I just like to dowhat I do for work and just be
that, you know, attentive mom athome as much as I can.
We have both very strong umfamilies, him being Italian and
(04:44):
Irish and me being 100%Portuguese.
So um we mesh very well andfamilies everything.
SPEAKER_00 (04:50):
How are the arguments?
I mean, Jesus.
SPEAKER_03 (04:53):
I mean, when I'm wrong, I'm wrong, and I'll admit
to it, but we all know that'sfar and few in between.
So they're great.
Of course.
SPEAKER_00 (05:02):
And I'm sure he'd say the exact same thing.
SPEAKER_03 (05:04):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (05:05):
But no, I think that that's always uh cool when you I
think about like Portuguese uhand uh Italians, I don't really
want to argue with either or.
So that's why like I'm likealthough I'm a Quebec, we we are
very stubborn people.
SPEAKER_01 (05:19):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (05:20):
Um But you know, like you said I harassed you,
but you know obviously themission of this podcast, and
you've obviously listened to alittle bit of the podcast.
So what really besidesharassment, what made you decide
to come on here?
SPEAKER_03 (05:32):
I wanted to come on here to talk about um, you know,
the importance of treating andproviding services for our first
responders.
It's it's an area that you knownot many people are well-versed
in or well trained in.
Um and also there's that stigmaof first responders seeking
mental health treatment.
So being able to make that umoption available to individuals
(05:56):
is key, but also knowing how toapproach it and assist them.
So I wanted to really like diveinto that and kind of just talk
about what I do.
SPEAKER_00 (06:05):
And you do so much.
I mean, like, you know, again,um, should probably shout out
Amy, Amy Leone.
SPEAKER_03 (06:12):
Yeah, Amy is my uh clinical director.
She owns um Community Impact andChrist's Corner, and she, you
know, started up the familyservices unit with the Mulva
Police Department.
Um, you know, she part ownco-owns um New England Medical
Group.
She also has her own um soberhouse as well, and she is, you
(06:33):
know, a woman of many expertise,and I wouldn't be where I am
today without her.
So um she's definitely someonethat I enjoy um highly working
with, and she is always there toencourage us to do what it is
that we want to do and supportus in our journeys.
SPEAKER_00 (06:52):
I've um I met Amy years ago, I can't even remember
how long ago, uh, and we weretalking about Reiki at the time,
and I don't think communityimpact existed too too long
before we talked.
Okay.
And we look at JAG today, whichworks with the juvenile uh
advocacy group, which we do uhquarterly.
A little more than quarterly,but every other month, yep.
(07:14):
Yeah.
Um but you know what I've alwaysfound fascinating is uh Amanda,
you were sitting there in thatgroup.
I remember being at the policestation and and I saw you there
for the first time, and you havethis energy about working with
this community in general.
And for me personally, that'salways something admirable
because as much as I am a painin the butt and I certainly talk
(07:38):
the way I do, I also believe inthe community for first
responders, but to help firstresponders, we gotta help the
community too.
Uh, because if we're not helpingthe community, please the first
responders have it worse.
Correct.
So you gotta find a way to kindof find a balance.
SPEAKER_01 (07:51):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (07:51):
Um, what made you like what possessed someone to
become a mental healthcounselor, work in the community
with what I consider sometimesthe people who are the most
needy, but will never reach outfor help?
SPEAKER_03 (08:04):
Yeah, I mean, for me, I've always just been a
helper, you know, growing up,um, first generation born here,
um, you know, my family didn'tknow much of English.
So having to help my parentswith that process, you know,
whether it was filling outforms, going to doctor's
appointments and things likethat, to, you know, growing up
(08:24):
and helping my grandmother whenshe was ill and things, I always
just had that niche for wantingto help individuals.
And, you know, there's a hugestigma with mental health with
um, you know, individuals whoseprimary language isn't English,
but there's also a lack ofservices for those individuals.
So I figured, you know, why notcan't be that voice and that
support for those individuals sothat they can also get um proper
(08:47):
support and treatment as well.
SPEAKER_00 (08:48):
And I think it's speaking Portuguese in the what
I consider in Massachusetts,Marlborough, Framingham,
Milford, kind of that triad isso essential.
SPEAKER_01 (08:57):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (08:58):
Um, I remember having therapists who are
Portuguese speaking, they wouldbe full in about two seconds.
SPEAKER_01 (09:03):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (09:04):
Uh and when we talk about Portuguese, a lot of
people misunderstand that theythink it's Brazil and
Brazilians, which is fine, butthere's also a large number of
Portuguese from Portugal thatare in the area that people
don't understand.
And there are culturaldifferences between hundred
percent.
How do you kind of like managethat?
Because when people know I speakFrench, they like they go into
(09:26):
Parisian French or somethingabout Paris.
I'm from Quebec.
That's all all fine and good.
I'm not putting France down,kind of.
Uh but I'm not from there.
SPEAKER_01 (09:35):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (09:36):
I'm from Quebec, which is a little more gritty, a
little more New England-ish, butwe speak French.
SPEAKER_01 (09:40):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (09:41):
Um, how do you navigate these cultural
differences?
Because it is like I you know,you don't you don't discuss the
same thing like you show up 20minutes late in Brazil, who
cares?
Right.
You show up 20 minutes late inPortugal?
Okay, it's a little off.
Right.
But that I'm talking about very,very uh big, very small things,
but I'm sure there's differentYeah, so I mean just there's
(10:03):
different dialects, you know,obviously between Portugal and
Brazil, but even just if youlook at just Brazil or just
Portugal, from north to south,there's different dialects.
SPEAKER_03 (10:12):
You know, look at the United States.
You have us New Englanders uphere, and you know, we can't
pronounce our Rs, but you havesomeone down south and you may
not even understand what they'resaying.
So it's it's kind of like that,and just understanding the
different like lingo terms andand learning those things, and
just evolving in and educatingyourself about the different
(10:33):
norms and you know what'sculturally accepted and not
within all these differentcommunities.
And that goes for the same forthe Spanish population.
I mean, um Milford has a verystrong um Ecuadorian population
here in town, and you know, theyall have different dialects, and
that that goes just you know,whether you're from Spain or you
know, Puerto Rico or you know,El Salvador, they their dialects
(10:56):
are all different, and it'slearning those different
dialects.
SPEAKER_00 (10:59):
So don't call someone from Costa Rica El
Salvadorians, is that whatyou're saying?
Right.
Well, and that's somethingthat's seems very uh intuitive
for people who speak twolanguages.
SPEAKER_01 (11:09):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (11:10):
But um as we don't pronounce our Rs here, and I
mean we over, you know, and Ineed to see Dorchester, that's
uh for someone who's in theother side of this window, and
you just need to say Dorchester.
SPEAKER_01 (11:21):
Dorchester.
SPEAKER_00 (11:22):
Just to say it properly.
But um I think that it's alsothinking about how you approach
things, because I think thatwhen I worked, I worked in
Framingham for several years onthe crisis team and approaching
uh the Brazilian populationabout domestic violence,
approaching them in regards togetting their own rights when
they you know they have those uhstatuses in this country that
(11:46):
are different.
And I'm trying to be aspolitically freaking correct as
I can right now.
Um how do you uh uh you knowreally approach that
differently?
Because I I see even thedifference you said El Salvador,
you know, Costa Rica, don't tellsomeone from Chile that they're
from Spain.
SPEAKER_01 (12:02):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (12:02):
I mean, but also like these logistics are
difficult because technicallyPortuguese are and again,
percentage-wise, this is not memaking it up, most of them are
here more legally than Brazil.
How do you navigate thosethings?
Because that's tough.
SPEAKER_03 (12:18):
Right.
So the issue in regards to thatis you know, you have to just
offer what is available.
And you know, you're gonna endup with barriers, whether it's
language, whether it's healthinsurance, or whether it's just
not something that's culturallyaccepted.
And you know, a lot of um theseimmigrant communities, they
mental health isn't a thing forthem.
(12:39):
It's you know, suck it up,buttercup, you know, move on,
like you'll be fine kind ofthing.
Um I think that you're startingto now see this younger
generation of parents startingto be a little more accepting
and open to these servicesbecause they now see their kids
going through it, and it'sstarting to trigger their own
generational trauma.
(13:00):
And they're like, okay, so thisactually isn't okay.
It wasn't okay to be this way.
And you know, a huge mentalitywith you know this generation is
trying to break thatgenerational trauma and being
bigger and better than what yourparents were.
And I feel like that's somethingthat every parent strives to be
is always better than what theirparents were.
What for good or you know,whether their childhood was
(13:22):
perfect or you know, if therewere some downfalls, they just
want to be better.
Um and I think that you'restarting to see that a little
more now with the this up-andcoming generation of parents.
SPEAKER_00 (13:32):
And I and it's good to see that there is some
barriers that are being broken.
I mean, I I see people reachingout a little more, uh, not
seeing the police as the enemyall the time, although it still
occurs, but oh I just beingtruthful.
Um But you know, when you'refacing so many barriers, so many
difficulties, you know, firstfirst uh generation born here,
(13:54):
uh Portuguese, how what keepsyou going?
I mean, for me, I think that'sone of the questions that comes
up constantly for people.
These are a lot of barriers.
When I worked in the the socialservices field, um barrier after
barrier after barrier afterbarrier, and it was so freaking
like aggravating for me.
(14:15):
How do you like what keeps yougoing?
Because this is not easy.
I see all of you go on, andChris is corner and community
impact and the New EnglandMedical Group.
Everything's getting bigger inthe Milford, Massachusetts area
with that.
SPEAKER_01 (14:30):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (14:30):
But at one point you gotta like it it gets
exhausting.
I don't know about you, butthat's how I felt sometimes.
SPEAKER_03 (14:36):
I mean, for me, it's just, you know, I want it even
if it's just one family, oneperson, if I can turn their day
around or be of that support,like that's that's my my end
goal.
Um, you know, working um, youknow, in various jobs, you know,
between the states and theschools, and now here, um, you
(14:58):
know, there were those culturalbarriers because of whether it
was status or you know, languagecapabilities and things like
that.
And the way I look at it is Iwas one of those kids growing
up, you know.
Um, my parents migrated here,and you know, I had that
language barrier issue growingup because my parents didn't
know.
They know now because theylearned.
(15:19):
But, you know, if I can be thatpivotal uh pillar for them to
make that shift so that they canget what they need, why not be
that person for them?
SPEAKER_00 (15:30):
Wow, you have a lot of passion.
You know, um it's good that itkeeps you going and helping one
person.
It's a little bit of what I sayabout this podcast, too.
If only one person listened tothis and got something out of
it, I'm very happy.
It means I've done my job.
Um but sometimes it getsexhausting.
SPEAKER_01 (15:49):
It does.
SPEAKER_00 (15:50):
Uh and as I record this, I'm actually on vacation
from work, but I'm so happy todo the podcast, so it's still
not work for me.
Is it there are times, is theretimes where you're working and
you're like, oh, this doesn'tfeel like work.
This is actually enjoyable.
SPEAKER_03 (16:04):
For the most part, that's how I always feel at
work.
Um, because I just I love doingwhat I do.
Um, I love again, I love helpingpeople.
I think the only time that itgets frustrating is when there
isn't that specific serviceattainable or reachable for
those individuals, and it's likeI have to dig deep to try to
find it, but also kind of beingthat um intermittent person to
(16:27):
help keep them, you know, atbay, not not at bay, but help
them, you know, stay in apositive environment in the
meantime till we can get them umconnected with the appropriate
service.
So just trying to be thatuplifting person while they're
kind of in limbo.
SPEAKER_00 (16:42):
And being uplifting is so easy yet difficult.
SPEAKER_01 (16:46):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (16:47):
Because they face barriers that we do.
Uh a lot of people facebarriers.
And you know, you talk abouthelping them through.
I remember getting a call at 11o'clock at night.
Um where can you get someone ina homeless shelter at 11 o'clock
at night in Massachusetts?
A prayer.
SPEAKER_01 (17:05):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (17:06):
Um and you got to be creative, which is the other
part too that I give you a lotof credit for.
You are a very creative personwith um the stuff that you do.
Is that the other part too tocontinue to be creative, not
only helping one person, butbeing creative when a problem
occurs?
Because I've been in thatvehicle with the officer turning
around, like, what the hell arewe supposed to do with this?
(17:28):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (17:28):
Yeah, and and and you have to be.
You have to be creative.
You have to, you know, sometimesyou just gotta think on your
toes because granted, a same thesame call may come in, but every
scenario is different.
Um, every person's view isdifferent of, you know, when we
respond and you know, whatthey're willing to accept and
what they're not willing toaccept.
(17:49):
So you kind of have to becreative in your approach and
how you're gonna get them toengage.
SPEAKER_00 (17:54):
And how do we get people to engage in general?
I mean, it to me that's thethat's the hardest part, not
only about our work with thecommunity, but I think that even
like again, you were we worktogether, I'm sure we're gonna
talk about a little more, butbut working with the first
responder group, getting to themto engage.
I mean, I found my owntechniques, but I'm wondering if
(18:16):
you have found things thatreally do work with because the
cultural competency of workingwith first responders, I think
is the same cultural competencyworking with Brazilians,
Portuguese, El Salvadorians.
Um, and again, I'm talking aboutpeople around even Puerto Rico,
because sometimes peopleconsider like again, sorry to
break a wall here, but PuertoRico is part of the US.
(18:38):
Please remember that.
And a lot of people treat itlike it's a different country.
SPEAKER_01 (18:42):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (18:43):
Uh I I mean you're you need to adapt all the time.
So how do you keep going?
How do you do that and keeppeople going and helping the
first responder world, helpingthe different cultures?
But I think that for me it'sreally engaging into um it's
it's hard.
I I I don't know how to put itin words right now.
(19:05):
It's really hard for me to, butit's it's just so difficult
because my first responderpeople are different than uh
I've had a couple of FrenchCanadians come in for therapy.
And it's different than workingwith my Americans from here.
And working for the AmericansI've got a few in California
that I do over the phone.
SPEAKER_01 (19:20):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (19:21):
And the Colorado people, and again, sorry for the
general uh stereotype, butsometimes I'd be like, okay,
just don't smoke weed fourminutes, four hours prior to our
session.
SPEAKER_01 (19:31):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (19:31):
Um first responders are the same thing.
How do you deal with thecultural differences with from
day day to day because theychange constantly?
SPEAKER_03 (19:39):
I mean, with the first responder population, it's
not just being culturallycompetent in what their
day-to-day typically entails,it's also how they process
things.
Their mentality is extremelydifferent than just, you know, a
a regular person, you know, theyare constant fight or fighting.
SPEAKER_00 (19:58):
Wait, let me write that down.
SPEAKER_03 (20:00):
They're constantly fight or flight mode, you know.
They see things that not atypical person sees in their
day-to-day.
And it's understanding how theyprocess those things, how they
deal with those things, and howthey continue to move forward.
You know, are they isolating?
Are they, you know, turning topoor coping skills, whether it's
avoiding or, you know,substances or infidelity,
(20:23):
whatever those things may be tokind of get their minds off of
things, you know, what is itthat they're doing, and then how
can we reframe that mindset?
SPEAKER_00 (20:30):
And how do we reframe that mindset?
Because for me, like I it's hardfor them for me to tell them,
don't have a drink after work tocalm your nerves.
SPEAKER_01 (20:39):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (20:39):
I mean, that's sometimes as simple as that.
And it's not about calming yournerves for the record only from
work.
Sometimes it's the stress cominghome and stuff like that.
SPEAKER_03 (20:49):
Right.
I mean, I think it's definitelyfiguring out how they cope first
and then figuring out why theycope the way that they do and
how they want to improve thosecoping skills.
So whether, I mean, we'll bringit back to the drinking.
Is that the only way they knowhow to cope?
So that's all they do?
Is it because they don't knowany other skills?
Do they want to learn any otherskills?
(21:09):
Is it even an issue?
You know, are they just havinglike one drink just to take the
edge off to just calm theirnerves and then be done?
Or is it, you know, they'redowning a bottle?
You know, like what where isthat line of um, you know, using
that mechanism as a copingskill?
But then also looking at thebigger picture.
What are they coming home to?
(21:29):
You know, are they coming hometo kids, to an empty house, a
wife, a girlfriend?
How are they of support?
And that's also anotherimportant thing about treating
first responders is also, youknow, making sure that their
loved ones also know how tosupport them because it's just
it's different because again,they see things and not a
typical person sees on aday-to-day.
(21:52):
Um, you know, their lives arethreatened on a daily.
And, you know, when they walkout that door to go on shift,
you know, you don't know ifthey're coming back home that
day.
And that's the unfortunatereality of the first responders
in this world in today's day andage.
Um, I mean, not to say thatisn't for everybody.
I mean, we could be driving downthe street and have a freak
accident.
Like we all don't know, but it'smore heightened for them,
(22:15):
essentially.
And being able to support thoseindividuals themselves and also
their significant others ortheir family members at home is
like huge to have that, youknow, what we call the
wraparound service.
SPEAKER_00 (22:27):
The wraparound service, yes.
I it is very important.
I think that one of the skillsthat I've developed over the
course of the uh time I workedwith first responders is to
bring in the spouses.
Not for the whole, like not forlike every week.
Right.
But you know, once every threemonths, every two months, every
six months.
Hey, how's everything going?
How's the com communication athome?
(22:49):
Uh sometimes I've beensuccessful, sometimes I haven't
been as successful.
Um you have a particularposition on that uh that we
haven't brought up here,obviously I know this, but um as
a spouse of um first slashemergency responder, because I
(23:09):
hear that's a thing now thatcall it emergency responder.
SPEAKER_01 (23:12):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (23:12):
Uh but just saying that someone said that to me.
Um but um how unique are thechallenges, especially for you?
With th you got three girls, wesaid?
SPEAKER_03 (23:22):
Yep, three girls.
SPEAKER_00 (23:24):
Three girls, you your poor husband is like
already like outnumbered.
Correct.
Um but how do you deal withthis?
Like you have a specific expexperience with that house, so
how do you deal with all thatstuff?
SPEAKER_03 (23:38):
I mean, for us, it's just you know, having that open
line of communication and it'slearning how to communicate,
especially during like certainum events, like whether it's a
traumatic call or just like acrappy day at work, you know.
Sometimes he doesn't want totalk about it, and that's fine.
But I just leave the door openbeing like, you want to talk
about it?
I'm here.
You know, I always have toremind him like I'm coming at
(24:01):
you as your wife, not as aclinician, so remember that.
I was like, but if you want meto put my clinician hat on, I'll
gladly do that.
Um, but it's just, you know,keeping that open line of
communication and just sometimesthey just need to decompress and
like last thing they want to dois come home and talk about
work, you know.
But once it starts affecting thehome life, whether it's, you
(24:21):
know, the intimacy at home,whether it's the communication,
whether it's the children intheir presence, whether they're
just physically there, but theirmind is somewhere else, then
that as a spouse is when youneed to learn when it is that
you need to step in.
SPEAKER_00 (24:36):
Right.
And do you have any advice as towhen to step in for anyone?
SPEAKER_03 (24:42):
Um as a f as a wife of a first responder, for me, um
it's more so when I start seeingthat whatever it is that he's
going through, or even otherfirst responders, because you
know, I do ride along with thepolice, so then we know we do
talk about these things.
And you know, with otherofficers that I have been out on
(25:03):
calls on, it's you know, whenyou start seeing that work is
spilling over to home and youcan't leave it at the door,
that's when it needs to betalked about.
Whether it's, you know, you'rejust having a real tough time at
work and you don't know how toleave it at the door, or you
know, you're upset aboutsomething at work and then
you're taking it out on yourloved ones at home who have no
(25:24):
fault in any of that.
Um so I think recognizing thosesigns is is important in knowing
how to approach your loved oneabout that.
Because again, you also don'twant them to feel attacked.
Um, you know, you want toapproach it in an appropriate
way so that they will open up toyou.
Because again, first respondersare hesitant to seek treatment
(25:46):
as it is.
And you know, never mind justopening up to a loved one at
home.
So making sure that you know howto do though that that
appropriately and learning thoseskills is imperative.
SPEAKER_00 (25:58):
And not come up come off as the mental health
counselor, which is veryimportant too, because I think
that that's what some spouseswho are not in our field, you
know, oh you should go talk tosomeone or whatever.
They the the way to present themessage is so important because
um you know, me sitting aroundum with some ride-alongs or
(26:18):
whatever you want to call itnow, because it they they change
the name constantly.
Um I remember that most of thetime I'd end up going on two or
three calls, but the rest of thetime is two to three hours of an
officer opening up aboutdifferent things.
And that's the unique umperspective that I got, and I
and I'm sure that you get notonly as a spouse of but also
(26:41):
being in the ride-along andgoing on a call and being able
to talk between calls becauseit's not always as dramatic as
we sound.
SPEAKER_01 (26:49):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (26:50):
But we also have some calls that are like, wow,
that's really screwed up.
SPEAKER_03 (26:53):
Right.
And and we do, especially whenour unit first started, we did
do that a lot.
I mean, and we still do now, youknow, we would process that
call, like, hey, how do youthink that went?
You know, and again, it's alsolearning each other's style and
learning, you know, where thatfine line is of, you know, this
is the clinician's aspect of it,this is where the clinician
(27:14):
steps in.
But then once things are nolonger being effective, now the
police needs to step in and dotheir part.
So it's also as a clinician,learning that line of not of
staying in your lane,essentially, you know, doing
what it is that you're there todo.
But if if the message isn'tbeing um accepted and they're
just not getting it, now thepolice need to step forward and
(27:35):
you need to take a step back andlet them do what they need to
do.
SPEAKER_00 (27:38):
I remember years ago when I started, it was 2006,
that's how old it is.
Um, one of the things that uhSarah Abbott, who has done it's
great.
She's awesome, has said,remember you're on their turf.
SPEAKER_01 (27:53):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (27:54):
And to me, that's the great lesson to learn is
that you're on their turf.
Respect or turf.
So you talk about staying intheir lane, I say respect or
turf.
You know, so you don't you theysay, hey, you know what, back
off, you don't go well.
I think no, no, no, you don'tthink anything, you sit back and
you do it.
You can have that conversationafter.
SPEAKER_03 (28:11):
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (28:12):
But sit back when they tell you to sit back.
SPEAKER_03 (28:14):
Exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (28:15):
Um as we run out of time again, um I think this went
really well.
I hope that you can come back atsome point.
SPEAKER_03 (28:22):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (28:23):
Um, because I like the setup and really like
talking to you.
But is there any particularthings you want to talk about?
SPEAKER_03 (28:28):
Want to make sure that people know about that
you're doing right now or umagain, so I I am the the
clinician here with the familyservices unit.
I do respond out in the Milfordcommunity.
Uh we do assist with other umlocal towns surrounding us if
needed.
Um we do have our recoveryresource center, Chris's corner,
as well.
Um we have therapists, casemanagers down there, and
(28:49):
recovery coaches.
Um we have New England MedicalGroup with the PHP IOP as well
for mental health as theprimary, um, which is a great
resource here in the area.
And community impact for ouroutpatient therapy that we offer
as well.
Um so I'm very accessible,whether it's calling the PD and
(29:10):
asking to be connected with me.
You can find us on the MilfordPD's website, or you can call
over to Community Impact.
That's where my office islocated.
So that's where you can find meif you need any assistance or
being connected with resources.
Um but yeah, I mean I'd love tocome back so we can dive in some
more into you know treating ourfirst responders and supporting
their loved ones.
SPEAKER_00 (29:30):
Well, I know about all those services, they'll be
in the show notes.
SPEAKER_01 (29:33):
Awesome.
SPEAKER_00 (29:34):
Uh make sure people click on it.
And Amanda, you are trulysomeone that again, um I never
got this conversation with youper se.
Um very happy.
And I know that uh our group uhbehind the badge and beyond uh
we're getting to know each otherreally well, and it's nice to
have people who think similarly.
(29:55):
Correct.
Uh so I do appreciate you,really appreciate your time, and
uh, can't wait to have you.
Have you back on.
SPEAKER_03 (30:00):
Thanks, Steve.
Appreciate it.
SPEAKER_00 (30:02):
And for those of you who will be joining us,
hopefully you'd enjoy episode227 with Amanda Rizzoli with at
onesie.
Um and I hope that you come backnext time for episode 228.
Thank you very much.
SPEAKER_02 (30:15):
Please like, subscribe, and follow this
podcast on your favoriteplatform.
A glowing review is alwayshelpful.
And as a reminder, this podcastis for informational,
educational, and entertainmentpurposes only.
If you're struggling with amental health or substance abuse
issue, please reach out to aprofessional counselor for
consultation.
If you are in a mental healthcrisis, call 988 for assistance.
(30:39):
This number is available in theUnited States and Canada.
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