April 7, 2025 • 31 mins
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What happens when a restaurant owner's identity becomes completely consumed by their business?
In this intimate coaching session, Christin Marvin works with Heather Morrison, co-owner of Restaurant Olivia in Denver, to address the challenge that's holding her back from being her best self as a leader.
Before we dive in—this episode is brought to you by Restaurant Technologies, a company committed to making restaurants safer, smarter, and more efficient. From automated oil management to hood and flue cleaning, they help operators remove daily friction so leaders can focus on what matters most. Learn more at go.rti-inc.com/RestaurantLeadershipPodcast.
Rather than taking the easy route of discussing operational systems or staff training, Heather bravely acknowledges that her foundation—setting personal boundaries and self-care—is where transformation must begin. "Some days I feel like all I am is a work machine," she confesses, articulating a struggle familiar to countless hospitality professionals.
Through powerful questioning, we witness Heather define her "best self" as someone who is strong, capable, kind, and makes others feel comfortable. The conversation reveals how one foundational habit—exercise—can create ripple effects across every leadership challenge she faces. This isn't merely about work-life balance; it's about showing up as the leader her team deserves.
The magic of this episode lies in its simplicity. Complex leadership challenges often have straightforward solutions that require consistent execution. As Heather realizes, "When I feel like the best version of myself, the challenges don't feel as daunting."
If you've ever felt your identity being swallowed by your restaurant, if you've struggled to create boundaries in an industry that demands everything, or if you simply want to lead from a place of strength rather than depletion, this coaching session offers both validation and a practical path forward.
Want help setting boundaries that will enhance your business and your quality of life? Let’s talk—visit christinmarvin.com to connect.
Resources:
More from Christin:
Grab your free copy of my audiobook, The Hospitality Leader's Roadmap: Move from Ordinary to Extraordinary at christinmarvin.com/audio
Curious about one-on-one coaching or leadership workshops? Click this link to schedule a 15 minute strategy session.
Podcast Production: https://www.lconnorvoice.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
as part of my focus for episodes for 2025, I'm
really going to lean in more tocoaching and really continue to
show you guys in the hospitalityindustry what coaching can do
for you, how it can impact yourquality of life and your
business.
Today I am coaching heathermorrison, who's a co-owner of
the most beautiful, fabulousrestaurant, restaurant Olivia,
(00:28):
in Denver, colorado, and we'vebeen working together for some
time.
So you're going to see me kindof push her and challenge her in
some areas where she's whenshe's not standing up for
herself.
But we're going to talk todayabout setting boundaries,
creating personal boundaries andcreating professional
boundaries and you're going tosee that she comes to this
conversation with a laundry listof issues and kind of wants to
(00:51):
go the easy route.
But we dig our heels in and Ireally challenge her to go
tackle the biggest issue.
And you see, through thisepisode, when you start to talk,
when you spend time tacklingthe biggest challenge on your
list, typically all the otherones become insignificant or
much easier to solve or don'tseem as important as they were
(01:12):
when you sat down and wrote themout in the beginning.
So I would challenge you, asyou're listening to this
conversation and the coaching,not just to listen for what
Heather's talking about or someof the questions that I'm asking
and the insights that she'staking away, but also listen for
insights that you can take awayfrom this episode and
immediately apply to your lifeor business.
(01:33):
Creating change is all abouttaking tiny steps, not
monumental leaps, and creating asystem to hold yourself
accountable, and so you're goingto see how we design that
together today.
I hope you enjoy this episode.
I would also love to know whatyour insights are.
Feel free to shoot me a textmessage.
You can text me.
There's a link in the shownotes at the very, very top as
(01:56):
you're listening.
Shoot me a text and let me knowwhat insights you've had.
I'd love to hear what you getout of this episode and what
topics and issues you'd like tohear me address in future
episodes.
Thanks so much.
Welcome to the RestaurantLeadership Podcast, the show
where restaurant leaders learntools, tactics and habits from
(02:18):
the world's greatest operators.
I'm your host, kristen Marvin.
With Solutions by Kristen, I'vespent the last two decades in
the restaurant industry and nowpartner with restaurant owners
to develop their leaders andscale their businesses through
powerful one-on-one coaching,group coaching and leadership
workshops.
This show is complete withepisodes around coaching,
(02:42):
leadership development andinterviews with powerful
industry leaders.
You can now engage with me onthe show and share topics you'd
like to hear about, leadershiplessons you want to learn and
any feedback you have.
Simply click the link at thetop of the show notes and I will
give you a shout out on afuture episode.
Thanks so much for listeningand I look give you a shout out
(03:05):
on a future episode.
Thanks so much for listeningand I look forward to connecting
.
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(03:25):
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(04:32):
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(04:53):
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Heather, how can I support youtoday?
Speaker 2 (05:06):
I have a list you ready for it.
Always All right, some biggerthan others, but some are pretty
big, so we won't get to all ofthem, but I'll share with you
sort of where my brain is.
Some days I feel like I'm ontop of the world.
You know that I feel like, yeah, everything's clicking and I
(05:27):
got this.
And then other days I feel like, am I even good at this?
Like never mind being enough.
Am I is there, like is thereanything good about what I'm
doing?
So today might be one of thosedays which is great because I
get to talk to you.
Which is great because I get totalk to you.
Um couple of options for us andI'm not sure where to start, but
(05:48):
this always plays out naturally, so I'm not worried.
Um, hiring, um, hiring is a bigone, right In restaurants.
I don't know how.
Sometimes I don't know how toattract the people who share our
core values.
I can sit down in the interviewand read them out loud, um, and
they nod and they're like, yeah, totally.
(06:09):
And then, through experiencewith them, I feel like I see,
sometimes it's not a culturalfit and I wonder what I did
wrong in the hiring.
So hiring is one culture couldbe a whole other conversation,
sort of how to maintain it, whenyou see those moments of slip
where you're like, oh gosh,that's happening in our culture
and I don't, that's, that's notright, shouldn't be happening.
(06:34):
I also wouldn't mind touchingon personal boundaries and how
to create them.
That one's like I just theseare all, there's so many of them
, but um, how to, kind of, wetalk about saving space, right,
for being human being, a wife,being a mom, just being alone,
just being calm, um, and I'm notvery good at that.
(06:57):
I feel like everywhere I go,I'm still a restaurateur, so I
have to be on and I'm strugglingto create some space for myself
.
Sounds simple, turns out.
The execution is superchallenging for me, real big one
, but truly like we could spendhours on this, bridging the wage
(07:20):
gap and still attracting goodfront-of-the-house skill and
talent.
I have two more.
Which is ridiculous, but Ithink I want to start with the
last one, so bear with me.
Not being too woke is anotherone.
(07:41):
Which is funny because that I'mquoting somebody who put that
in a review.
Which is hysterical because,like, come on, we are trying to
do the right thing for theplanet and for our staff, and
please don't insult us for it,but what I mean by that is
telling the story table side forthose who want to hear it, and
learning how to teach the staffwho wants to hear it.
(08:02):
Like, what are those clues thatpeople are giving?
Do they lean in a little morewhen you talk about
sustainability?
And then you know that's yourgo.
But so I could spend all daytalking about that and someday
we will.
The last one is sort of thatnatural cycle of reminders over
time, and it's interestingbecause you had a, I think,
(08:24):
something on LinkedIn todaytalking about when we react to
either a customer feedback orsomething that goes wrong.
Right, and I have fallen victimto that many times.
But I also use that as a littlereminder that there might be a
bump in our progression andthere might be something that we
(08:44):
as a whole need to payattention to.
And it leads me into this like,how do I systematize the
reminders?
It's not just full hands in,full hands out, right, it's, you
know.
It's the reminders to take careof yourself and be kind to each
other.
And you know, if there's aproblem, bring it to somebody
(09:05):
you trust in management.
Or it's as simple as you know,scrape your plates before you
put them in the dish pit,because the dishwasher doesn't
want to have to scrape and washGive me a break, so that might
be the easiest one.
to start on is sort of how tosystematize that cycle.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Hi everybody, we're taking a quick break to offer
you an exciting opportunity.
If you're a restaurant owner ormanager looking to enhance your
leadership skills, I invite youto join my 12-day leadership
challenge.
In just 12 days, you'll receivea guided packet with actionable
strategies to transform yourleadership in less than five
(09:48):
minutes a day.
Join the challenge and thecommunity and grab your copy at
kristinmarvincom slash 12 days.
Now let's get back to the show.
Okay, so I'm going to repeatback what you just this list.
Thank you for coming soprepared.
With such a large list, you feellike you're on top of the world
(10:12):
sometimes and then you feellike you ask yourself I wonder
if I'm doing anything right.
I wonder if I'm doing anythinggood.
Digging deeper into hiringaround cultural values?
Digging deeper into hiringaround cultural values
specifically, how are youattracting those people and then
measuring them against yourculture?
So how?
What happens?
And how do you handle momentswhen you see culture not taking
(10:35):
shape in your restaurant?
How to create personalboundaries?
You're very much a localcelebrity, so how can you go out
in public and turn it off?
But also, you love buildingcommunity when you're out and
you see that that building ofcommunity directly translates to
the restaurant.
So how do we find something inthe middle there, bridging the
wage gap huge area ofconversation right now, and
(10:57):
frustration for many, especiallyin the Denver area Not being
too woke and telling your storyto the people that specifically
want to hear it in a way that'snot intrusive or preachy, right,
and this natural cycle of thereminders when a bump happens,
when something tests the systemthat you currently have set up,
(11:19):
what happens?
Or how do you be proactive andinfuse those reminders into your
daily operations?
So I'm going to challenge youfor a second.
You said seven would be theeasiest, but let's go for the
most challenging.
Okay, which one of these thingson the list feels like the
biggest challenge for you andwhich one is going to have the
(11:41):
biggest impact on you as aleader?
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Well, you got me there.
I think it's pretty obvious.
It's put the mask on yourselffirst, right?
So we can start with personalboundaries.
And how in the world do Icreate some space?
Because some days I feel likeall I am is a work machine, you
know, and even when I'm not evenand it makes me less effective
(12:09):
at all Like if I don't have thatseparation of Heather time as
mom, as whatever's filling mybucket that week, and then work
time, then my worktime is reallyvague and blah and not that
good.
So, um and, and you know, mybusiness partner is one of my
(12:30):
business partners is my husband,and so we, we talk about work
all the time.
You know, it's not like I canbe like, well, we'll just go on
a date night, because datenights are in restaurants.
That's not a date, that's work.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
What?
Uh, I love the the um analogyused of put your mask on first.
Put your mask on yourself first.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Say more about that um, if I'm not bringing my best
self to the restaurant, then youknow I'm not going to be as
effective as I should be, and soI can't.
I can't lead a culture, I can't.
I can't lead a culture.
I can't hire properly, you know, and I can't teach people how
to read the guest if I'm not thebest version of myself.
(13:10):
So it's so, it's sofoundational and I I feel it
slipping.
So I could use some sort oftools in my toolbox.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Who are you when you're the best version of
yourself?
Speaker 2 (13:24):
That's a good one.
Oh boy, who am I when I'm thebest version of myself?
Are we looking for a character,or should I just throw out some
, some descriptors?
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Yeah, characteristics .
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Okay, cool, so strong and capable, kind, loving, good
listener.
This, honestly, doesn't happenvery often.
I'm not always a good listener.
(14:04):
I talk more than I listen,which is terrible.
Let's see, you know an exampleof hospitality, which is a big
one.
But I feel like there's areason why I love hospitality
and it's because I'm good at it,you know, and it resonates with
me and I love taking care ofpeople, to a fault probably.
(14:27):
And so you know I'm making I'mmy, when I'm the best version of
myself, I'm making people feelcomfortable when they're around
me and hopefully happy, you know, maybe not always, but guests
hopefully happy.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Okay.
So making people feelcomfortable, I'm going to add
quiet confidence in there too.
Okay, you said you know you're,you know you're good at what
you do.
Yeah, yeah, okay, you're goodat what you do, yeah, yeah, okay
.
So we've got strong, capable,kind, loving, a good listener,
(15:02):
someone with quiet confidenceand someone who makes people
feel comfortable.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I think that's fair.
Anything else, best version ofmyself.
Yeah, I'm also like interestingto talk to, um, to, and a
leader that people want tofollow, but that's best version.
That's kind of like that daythat you're having a superhero
day.
You know, I don't feel thatoften enough, really Okay.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
What do you need to do to feel strong?
Speaker 2 (15:35):
What do you need to do to be to feel strong?
Okay, so the word that popsinto my head is so silly, but
it's true, it's exercise, and Ihaven't been making the time to
do that.
Achilles tendon injury isvexing me.
It's taking a long time to healfrom, so I haven't been able to
do my normal workout routineand I haven't pivoted.
(15:55):
You know, I haven't found aplace to go swimming or just
something else to do.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Okay, what do you need to do to feel capable?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Um, usually work a shift.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Okay, what do you need to do to feel kind?
Hang out with my kid.
How about loving?
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Same same Dog kid husband Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Good listener.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Shut up and listen.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
What do you need to do to shut up?
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Maybe Okay.
So what I would say honestly,what's popping into my head, is
to remind myself, read my noteson the art of active listening,
like I just need to to read,maybe have a little reminder of
what it means and what it doesfor the other person.
Because, gosh, when you'relistened to in a in a really
(17:03):
engaging way, there is nothingmore soothing for your soul.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Okay, what do you need to do to have that quiet
confidence?
Okay, what do you need to do tohave that quiet confidence.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
I have to be quiet.
Yeah, work, talking to staffand being in standup and having
a great shift where things areclicking and you know that helps
.
(17:41):
What do you need to do to makepeople feel comfortable?
That one's easy.
I think I get to just be myselfon that one.
Say more Okay.
(18:11):
I think I have sort of thatnatural way about me with guests
and with people like atJazzercise, taekwondo, wherever
it is that I am engaging church.
Whichever of my other places Igo to, I feel like there's sort
of the natural.
It's just real.
And at work.
Wait, what are we answeringright now?
What number are we on?
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Making people feel comfortable, making people feel
comfortable, sorry.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
So yeah, I think that sort of comes naturally to me
because I do like to askquestions and listen to people's
answers.
I do love to just take care ofpeople in that way.
I think sometimes with thestaff that can.
That's the case too, and itmakes it hard to manage.
It makes it hard when I have todiscipline.
(18:48):
I've gotten better at it.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Okay, what do you need to do to feel interesting
to others?
Speaker 2 (18:58):
I have something more to talk about than dogs in
restaurants.
I don't know, I don't knowabout that.
One Interesting is kind of apie in the sky.
It's possible that that's justcoming from a place of
insecurity that I don't thinkI'm terribly interesting.
There's a big world out therewith a lot of issues, and I am
(19:22):
not up to speed on those issues.
I sort of do the head buried inthe sand kind of thing, and so
it's possible that's just aninsecurity I have.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Who do you need, or what do you need to do, to be
the leader that people want tofollow?
Oh, I don't know.
Do I need to write a book?
Do I need to walk the walk?
I think?
Which, boy?
That's harder than it sounds,right?
You know, we have our corevalues and I tell people all the
time, like we don't expect youto fully embrace these a hundred
percent, every moment of everyday.
These are, they're our Northstar.
(20:07):
This is what we follow, this iswhat we strive for.
But, yeah, am I perfect?
Hell, no, I can think of 10mistakes I've made this week.
Um, so what do I need to do tobe the leader that people want
to follow?
Uh, I don't know, I think.
I think that might be the bigquestion.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
What kind of leader do you want to be?
Speaker 2 (20:32):
what kind of leader do you want to be?
All the characteristics youjust named pretty much, but plus
, plus, kind of like, plus taxand service.
But you know, I want to inspirepeople, I want to have them see
how great this, this line ofwork, can be, you know, and that
(20:54):
not only is it great for peoplewho want to stay in our
industry, which I love, but, um,it's there's so many life
lessons for like, for people whoaren't like Will Goddard's book
.
Is it all about restaurants?
Yeah, it kind of is.
But is it great for people inbanking, in hospitals, in every
other industry?
(21:14):
Yeah, so I kind of want to be,I want to inspire just people in
general, to be able to take mylist of things you know and
personify them and teach them.
That's the hardest part for meis I don't, I'm not, I'm not a
(21:38):
great teacher.
I want to be.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
I'm going to call bullshit on that, Okay, Because
we we we've been workingtogether for a while.
We're constantly talking aboutways you can teach, how you
teach what all thisinstitutional knowledge that you
have, how you break it down,how you systematize it and how
you teach it, and it's showingin the guest experience that you
guys are offering at therestaurant, so I'm going to call
(22:02):
you out on that.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
I hope so.
Sometimes I just don't know howto get it out of my head and
into a manual for like, how todo this, yeah, but thank you.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Unlock the skills to transform your leadership with
the hospitality leaders roadmapmove from ordinary to
extraordinary, packed withpractical strategies to lead
with confidence and createlasting impact in your
restaurant.
Visit kristinmarvincom slashaudio to download your free
(22:34):
audio book today.
So for the list of things to do, we've got exercise, running,
running shifts.
So exercising to feel strong.
Running shifts to feel capable.
Hanging out with Olivia tomaintain your kindness.
(22:54):
Hanging out with your dog,olivia, and your hubby to bring
in that loving feeling.
To be a good listener.
Shutting up and reading notesaround how to be a better
listener.
Confidence, you said runninggreat shifts For making people
(23:15):
feel comfortable.
You said just be yourself, becurious, ask questions To be
interesting, you said battlingthe insecurity and feeling
confident.
And then for being a leaderthat people want to follow and
someone that inspires walkingthe walk yeah, people want to
follow and someone that inspireswalking the walk yeah, which
one of those would you like tosay yes to and lean into a
(23:40):
little bit more?
Speaker 2 (23:44):
I have to pick just one.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
One tiny step, I think I need to start honestly
with exercise.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
It's the only thing that makes sense.
Is that.
I put it first, it's top ofmind, it's making me crazy.
You know I'm a grouch if Idon't sweat a little bit.
You know, and that's just whoI've been my whole life.
I found myself telling mydoctor I was like I have always
been two things I have alwaysbeen optimistic and I have
(24:13):
always been strong.
And I'm feeling those slip inmy in in these last few years
and that scares the crap out ofme because I don't want to.
I don't want to go there.
So I think, since we'restarting with me, I think
exercise might be the one,something that's just for me,
right, it's for me.
Only, what does?
Speaker 1 (24:33):
that look like.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Well, in the past it's looked like, you know,
doing taekwondo and jazzexercise a couple of times a
week.
So it's going to look likefinding a different, like
there's a social accountabilityto going to a class that you're
part of a community Like you goone.
I go to taekwondo because Ilove to spend time with my kiddo
(24:58):
and we do it together.
But I go to get to the nextlevel.
You know I'm working toward myblack belt.
So, having that taken away, andthe jazz exercise, I go cause I
love those women and I love theexercise.
It's so much fun.
Um, so now I have to kind offigure out what I am going to do
(25:19):
and I can do it from home.
I've got a bike, so maybe itlooks like getting on that bike
a couple of times a day anddoing something else while I'm
doing it.
What's the commitment?
Speaker 1 (25:30):
Yeah, I'm going to push you.
What's the commitment you wantto make?
Speaker 2 (25:33):
I want to make the commitment to um, I think four
times four, four times a week,um to work up a sweat.
Work up a sweat Like I don't, Idon't, I don't have other
measurement metrics, but like,oh, close my ring on my, on my
(25:57):
phone, on my watch.
That's easy, it's already set.
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
So four times a week you're going to sweat and close
the rings on your watch.
Okay, so four times a weekyou're going to sweat and close
the rings on your watch, yeah,yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
What do you need to say no to in order to make that
happen?
I don't know how vulnerable Iwant to get, but I'll go for it.
Um, saying no to the lettingthe weight of everything dragged
me down, um, and so I think Ineed to say no to putting it off
.
I think I that's the answer.
(26:38):
I need to say I need to do itin the morning, because life is
just a lot Right, um, and for me, I think I got to knock it out
first thing so that it gets done.
So say no to procrastinating,heather.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Puppies are always welcome on the show, by the way.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
Oh good, the whole neighborhood is involved, right
now Everybody's here.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
I love it.
Okay.
So you're saying yes to fourtimes a week of exercise,
closing your rings, and you'resaying no to putting it off.
You're saying no toprocrastination and you're
making a commitment to work outto yourself in the mornings.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Love it.
How's that sound?
Speaker 2 (27:25):
It sounds easy.
It sounds not easy, but youknow it's the slight edge, right
, it's easy to do, but it's alsoeasy not to do.
So I need to.
Um, yeah, I guess I just needto check in with you.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
It's not easy, but it's simple, right?
We've simplified the complexissue around setting boundaries,
taking one tiny step at a time,putting in some effort and then
creating a new habit.
You know it takes time to buildnew habits.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Yeah, what kind of accountability do you want for
me around this?
Speaker 2 (28:06):
I think I'm going to and tell me if this is like.
I've never asked for thisbefore.
What if I text you every timeI'm done Because we've tried it
where at the end of the week I,you know, check in, do an
accountability check-in?
Sometimes by then it's too late.
I haven't done it.
(28:27):
So if I can just shoot you aquick text after I've closed my
ring, that would be pretty cool.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Okay, will you?
Will you send me a picture ofyour, of your?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (28:38):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
And when do you want to start?
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Not today.
I have to be at work rightafter this and then I'm closing
tonight.
So, um, yeah, tomorrow,tomorrow starting tomorrow, okay
, I look forward to celebratingthis with you.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
It's going to be really exciting.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Yeah me too, it's so basic, it's so foundational.
I feel like I've been herebefore, you know, but I'm
starting to like, hmm, it'ssinking in at age 54 that, uh,
this is so important, takingcare of myself is so important,
and all of this other stuff willfeel a little bit easier when I
(29:35):
feel better about myself.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Is this going to have an impact on every single item
you listed when we first startedthe call?
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Let's see, I don't know.
I mean, I'm still gonna needsome help.
It'll influence it, because ifI'm showing up feeling strong,
then these don't feel asdaunting and I can even point to
like okay, actually, some ofthese, I've already got this.
You know like I've got a goodidea of where our conversation
(30:05):
is going to go.
Already got this.
You know like I've got a goodidea of where our conversation
is going to go.
Do I know how to set personalboundaries and have them stick?
Not really, but it's not asscary when I feel like that best
version of myself, like thislist won't be as scary.
And that's where the fun is isour conversations go so far, and
sometimes you're just draggingme out of a hole.
(30:26):
Go so far, and sometimes you'rejust dragging me out of a hole
right To get me to baseline, andsometimes I'm coming in above
baseline and you and I are liketaking it next level.
So I'm psyched to get back tobaseline so that I can then go
above and beyond with you withthese talks.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Awesome, great job, great noticing, great noticing.
When we start with the biggestchallenge, it's it tends to
knock all these other littleones down right.
Like you said, they don't seemas significant or you are
showing up with more confidence,knowing how to tackle each of
these challenges.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
That's good.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
Nice job lady.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
No, thank you.
That's awesome, awesome.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
All right.
Well, that is going to do itfor us.
Thank you all so much fortuning in.
Thank you, heather, for showingup as you did today, confident
and curious and vulnerable Lovethat you've joined me on this
journey to help introducecoaching to this industry that
you and I both love and haveworked in for many, many years.
(31:25):
So, thank you so much.
I appreciate your time.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Thank you for your superpower at getting me to you
know be on the right path.
I appreciate it so much.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Yeah, awesome.
All right, guys, that's goingto do it for us this week.
Please share this episode withanybody that you know in the
industry who could benefit, andwe'll talk to you soon.
as part of my focus for episodes for 2025, I'm
really going to lean in more tocoaching and really continue to
show you guys in the hospitalityindustry what coaching can do
for you, how it can impact yourquality of life and your
business.
Today I am coaching heathermorrison, who's a co-owner of
the most beautiful, fabulousrestaurant, restaurant Olivia,
(00:28):
in Denver, colorado, and we'vebeen working together for some
time.
So you're going to see me kindof push her and challenge her in
some areas where she's whenshe's not standing up for
herself.
But we're going to talk todayabout setting boundaries,
creating personal boundaries andcreating professional
boundaries and you're going tosee that she comes to this
conversation with a laundry listof issues and kind of wants to
(00:51):
go the easy route.
But we dig our heels in and Ireally challenge her to go
tackle the biggest issue.
And you see, through thisepisode, when you start to talk,
when you spend time tacklingthe biggest challenge on your
list, typically all the otherones become insignificant or
much easier to solve or don'tseem as important as they were
(01:12):
when you sat down and wrote themout in the beginning.
So I would challenge you, asyou're listening to this
conversation and the coaching,not just to listen for what
Heather's talking about or someof the questions that I'm asking
and the insights that she'staking away, but also listen for
insights that you can take awayfrom this episode and
immediately apply to your lifeor business.
(01:33):
Creating change is all abouttaking tiny steps, not
monumental leaps, and creating asystem to hold yourself
accountable, and so you're goingto see how we design that
together today.
I hope you enjoy this episode.
I would also love to know whatyour insights are.
Feel free to shoot me a textmessage.
You can text me.
There's a link in the shownotes at the very, very top as
(01:56):
you're listening.
Shoot me a text and let me knowwhat insights you've had.
I'd love to hear what you getout of this episode and what
topics and issues you'd like tohear me address in future
episodes.
Thanks so much.
Welcome to the RestaurantLeadership Podcast, the show
where restaurant leaders learntools, tactics and habits from
(02:18):
the world's greatest operators.
I'm your host, kristen Marvin.
With Solutions by Kristen, I'vespent the last two decades in
the restaurant industry and nowpartner with restaurant owners
to develop their leaders andscale their businesses through
powerful one-on-one coaching,group coaching and leadership
workshops.
This show is complete withepisodes around coaching,
(02:42):
leadership development andinterviews with powerful
industry leaders.
You can now engage with me onthe show and share topics you'd
like to hear about, leadershiplessons you want to learn and
any feedback you have.
Simply click the link at thetop of the show notes and I will
give you a shout out on afuture episode.
Thanks so much for listeningand I look give you a shout out
(03:05):
on a future episode.
Thanks so much for listeningand I look forward to connecting
.
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Heather, how can I support youtoday?
Speaker 2 (05:06):
I have a list you ready for it.
Always All right, some biggerthan others, but some are pretty
big, so we won't get to all ofthem, but I'll share with you
sort of where my brain is.
Some days I feel like I'm ontop of the world.
You know that I feel like, yeah, everything's clicking and I
(05:27):
got this.
And then other days I feel like, am I even good at this?
Like never mind being enough.
Am I is there, like is thereanything good about what I'm
doing?
So today might be one of thosedays which is great because I
get to talk to you.
Which is great because I get totalk to you.
Um couple of options for us andI'm not sure where to start, but
(05:48):
this always plays out naturally, so I'm not worried.
Um, hiring, um, hiring is a bigone, right In restaurants.
I don't know how.
Sometimes I don't know how toattract the people who share our
core values.
I can sit down in the interviewand read them out loud, um, and
they nod and they're like, yeah, totally.
(06:09):
And then, through experiencewith them, I feel like I see,
sometimes it's not a culturalfit and I wonder what I did
wrong in the hiring.
So hiring is one culture couldbe a whole other conversation,
sort of how to maintain it, whenyou see those moments of slip
where you're like, oh gosh,that's happening in our culture
and I don't, that's, that's notright, shouldn't be happening.
(06:34):
I also wouldn't mind touchingon personal boundaries and how
to create them.
That one's like I just theseare all, there's so many of them
, but um, how to, kind of, wetalk about saving space, right,
for being human being, a wife,being a mom, just being alone,
just being calm, um, and I'm notvery good at that.
(06:57):
I feel like everywhere I go,I'm still a restaurateur, so I
have to be on and I'm strugglingto create some space for myself
.
Sounds simple, turns out.
The execution is superchallenging for me, real big one
, but truly like we could spendhours on this, bridging the wage
(07:20):
gap and still attracting goodfront-of-the-house skill and
talent.
I have two more.
Which is ridiculous, but Ithink I want to start with the
last one, so bear with me.
Not being too woke is anotherone.
(07:41):
Which is funny because that I'mquoting somebody who put that
in a review.
Which is hysterical because,like, come on, we are trying to
do the right thing for theplanet and for our staff, and
please don't insult us for it,but what I mean by that is
telling the story table side forthose who want to hear it, and
learning how to teach the staffwho wants to hear it.
(08:02):
Like, what are those clues thatpeople are giving?
Do they lean in a little morewhen you talk about
sustainability?
And then you know that's yourgo.
But so I could spend all daytalking about that and someday
we will.
The last one is sort of thatnatural cycle of reminders over
time, and it's interestingbecause you had a, I think,
(08:24):
something on LinkedIn todaytalking about when we react to
either a customer feedback orsomething that goes wrong.
Right, and I have fallen victimto that many times.
But I also use that as a littlereminder that there might be a
bump in our progression andthere might be something that we
(08:44):
as a whole need to payattention to.
And it leads me into this like,how do I systematize the
reminders?
It's not just full hands in,full hands out, right, it's, you
know.
It's the reminders to take careof yourself and be kind to each
other.
And you know, if there's aproblem, bring it to somebody
(09:05):
you trust in management.
Or it's as simple as you know,scrape your plates before you
put them in the dish pit,because the dishwasher doesn't
want to have to scrape and washGive me a break, so that might
be the easiest one.
to start on is sort of how tosystematize that cycle.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Hi everybody, we're taking a quick break to offer
you an exciting opportunity.
If you're a restaurant owner ormanager looking to enhance your
leadership skills, I invite youto join my 12-day leadership
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(09:48):
minutes a day.
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Now let's get back to the show.
Okay, so I'm going to repeatback what you just this list.
Thank you for coming soprepared.
With such a large list, you feellike you're on top of the world
(10:12):
sometimes and then you feellike you ask yourself I wonder
if I'm doing anything right.
I wonder if I'm doing anythinggood.
Digging deeper into hiringaround cultural values?
Digging deeper into hiringaround cultural values
specifically, how are youattracting those people and then
measuring them against yourculture?
So how?
What happens?
And how do you handle momentswhen you see culture not taking
(10:35):
shape in your restaurant?
How to create personalboundaries?
You're very much a localcelebrity, so how can you go out
in public and turn it off?
But also, you love buildingcommunity when you're out and
you see that that building ofcommunity directly translates to
the restaurant.
So how do we find something inthe middle there, bridging the
wage gap huge area ofconversation right now, and
(10:57):
frustration for many, especiallyin the Denver area Not being
too woke and telling your storyto the people that specifically
want to hear it in a way that'snot intrusive or preachy, right,
and this natural cycle of thereminders when a bump happens,
when something tests the systemthat you currently have set up,
(11:19):
what happens?
Or how do you be proactive andinfuse those reminders into your
daily operations?
So I'm going to challenge youfor a second.
You said seven would be theeasiest, but let's go for the
most challenging.
Okay, which one of these thingson the list feels like the
biggest challenge for you andwhich one is going to have the
(11:41):
biggest impact on you as aleader?
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Well, you got me there.
I think it's pretty obvious.
It's put the mask on yourselffirst, right?
So we can start with personalboundaries.
And how in the world do Icreate some space?
Because some days I feel likeall I am is a work machine, you
know, and even when I'm not evenand it makes me less effective
(12:09):
at all Like if I don't have thatseparation of Heather time as
mom, as whatever's filling mybucket that week, and then work
time, then my worktime is reallyvague and blah and not that
good.
So, um and, and you know, mybusiness partner is one of my
(12:30):
business partners is my husband,and so we, we talk about work
all the time.
You know, it's not like I canbe like, well, we'll just go on
a date night, because datenights are in restaurants.
That's not a date, that's work.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
What?
Uh, I love the the um analogyused of put your mask on first.
Put your mask on yourself first.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Say more about that um, if I'm not bringing my best
self to the restaurant, then youknow I'm not going to be as
effective as I should be, and soI can't.
I can't lead a culture, I can't.
I can't lead a culture.
I can't hire properly, you know, and I can't teach people how
to read the guest if I'm not thebest version of myself.
(13:10):
So it's so, it's sofoundational and I I feel it
slipping.
So I could use some sort oftools in my toolbox.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Who are you when you're the best version of
yourself?
Speaker 2 (13:24):
That's a good one.
Oh boy, who am I when I'm thebest version of myself?
Are we looking for a character,or should I just throw out some
, some descriptors?
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Yeah, characteristics .
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Okay, cool, so strong and capable, kind, loving, good
listener.
This, honestly, doesn't happenvery often.
I'm not always a good listener.
(14:04):
I talk more than I listen,which is terrible.
Let's see, you know an exampleof hospitality, which is a big
one.
But I feel like there's areason why I love hospitality
and it's because I'm good at it,you know, and it resonates with
me and I love taking care ofpeople, to a fault probably.
(14:27):
And so you know I'm making I'mmy, when I'm the best version of
myself, I'm making people feelcomfortable when they're around
me and hopefully happy, you know, maybe not always, but guests
hopefully happy.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Okay.
So making people feelcomfortable, I'm going to add
quiet confidence in there too.
Okay, you said you know you're,you know you're good at what
you do.
Yeah, yeah, okay, you're goodat what you do, yeah, yeah, okay
.
So we've got strong, capable,kind, loving, a good listener,
(15:02):
someone with quiet confidenceand someone who makes people
feel comfortable.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I think that's fair.
Anything else, best version ofmyself.
Yeah, I'm also like interestingto talk to, um, to, and a
leader that people want tofollow, but that's best version.
That's kind of like that daythat you're having a superhero
day.
You know, I don't feel thatoften enough, really Okay.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
What do you need to do to feel strong?
Speaker 2 (15:35):
What do you need to do to be to feel strong?
Okay, so the word that popsinto my head is so silly, but
it's true, it's exercise, and Ihaven't been making the time to
do that.
Achilles tendon injury isvexing me.
It's taking a long time to healfrom, so I haven't been able to
do my normal workout routineand I haven't pivoted.
(15:55):
You know, I haven't found aplace to go swimming or just
something else to do.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Okay, what do you need to do to feel capable?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Um, usually work a shift.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Okay, what do you need to do to feel kind?
Hang out with my kid.
How about loving?
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Same same Dog kid husband Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Good listener.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Shut up and listen.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
What do you need to do to shut up?
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Maybe Okay.
So what I would say honestly,what's popping into my head, is
to remind myself, read my noteson the art of active listening,
like I just need to to read,maybe have a little reminder of
what it means and what it doesfor the other person.
Because, gosh, when you'relistened to in a in a really
(17:03):
engaging way, there is nothingmore soothing for your soul.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Okay, what do you need to do to have that quiet
confidence?
Okay, what do you need to do tohave that quiet confidence.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
I have to be quiet.
Yeah, work, talking to staffand being in standup and having
a great shift where things areclicking and you know that helps
.
(17:41):
What do you need to do to makepeople feel comfortable?
That one's easy.
I think I get to just be myselfon that one.
Say more Okay.
(18:11):
I think I have sort of thatnatural way about me with guests
and with people like atJazzercise, taekwondo, wherever
it is that I am engaging church.
Whichever of my other places Igo to, I feel like there's sort
of the natural.
It's just real.
And at work.
Wait, what are we answeringright now?
What number are we on?
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Making people feel comfortable, making people feel
comfortable, sorry.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
So yeah, I think that sort of comes naturally to me
because I do like to askquestions and listen to people's
answers.
I do love to just take care ofpeople in that way.
I think sometimes with thestaff that can.
That's the case too, and itmakes it hard to manage.
It makes it hard when I have todiscipline.
(18:48):
I've gotten better at it.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Okay, what do you need to do to feel interesting
to others?
Speaker 2 (18:58):
I have something more to talk about than dogs in
restaurants.
I don't know, I don't knowabout that.
One Interesting is kind of apie in the sky.
It's possible that that's justcoming from a place of
insecurity that I don't thinkI'm terribly interesting.
There's a big world out therewith a lot of issues, and I am
(19:22):
not up to speed on those issues.
I sort of do the head buried inthe sand kind of thing, and so
it's possible that's just aninsecurity I have.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Who do you need, or what do you need to do, to be
the leader that people want tofollow?
Oh, I don't know.
Do I need to write a book?
Do I need to walk the walk?
I think?
Which, boy?
That's harder than it sounds,right?
You know, we have our corevalues and I tell people all the
time, like we don't expect youto fully embrace these a hundred
percent, every moment of everyday.
These are, they're our Northstar.
(20:07):
This is what we follow, this iswhat we strive for.
But, yeah, am I perfect?
Hell, no, I can think of 10mistakes I've made this week.
Um, so what do I need to do tobe the leader that people want
to follow?
Uh, I don't know, I think.
I think that might be the bigquestion.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
What kind of leader do you want to be?
Speaker 2 (20:32):
what kind of leader do you want to be?
All the characteristics youjust named pretty much, but plus
, plus, kind of like, plus taxand service.
But you know, I want to inspirepeople, I want to have them see
how great this, this line ofwork, can be, you know, and that
(20:54):
not only is it great for peoplewho want to stay in our
industry, which I love, but, um,it's there's so many life
lessons for like, for people whoaren't like Will Goddard's book
.
Is it all about restaurants?
Yeah, it kind of is.
But is it great for people inbanking, in hospitals, in every
other industry?
(21:14):
Yeah, so I kind of want to be,I want to inspire just people in
general, to be able to take mylist of things you know and
personify them and teach them.
That's the hardest part for meis I don't, I'm not, I'm not a
(21:38):
great teacher.
I want to be.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
I'm going to call bullshit on that, Okay, Because
we we we've been workingtogether for a while.
We're constantly talking aboutways you can teach, how you
teach what all thisinstitutional knowledge that you
have, how you break it down,how you systematize it and how
you teach it, and it's showingin the guest experience that you
guys are offering at therestaurant, so I'm going to call
(22:02):
you out on that.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
I hope so.
Sometimes I just don't know howto get it out of my head and
into a manual for like, how todo this, yeah, but thank you.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Unlock the skills to transform your leadership with
the hospitality leaders roadmapmove from ordinary to
extraordinary, packed withpractical strategies to lead
with confidence and createlasting impact in your
restaurant.
Visit kristinmarvincom slashaudio to download your free
(22:34):
audio book today.
So for the list of things to do, we've got exercise, running,
running shifts.
So exercising to feel strong.
Running shifts to feel capable.
Hanging out with Olivia tomaintain your kindness.
(22:54):
Hanging out with your dog,olivia, and your hubby to bring
in that loving feeling.
To be a good listener.
Shutting up and reading notesaround how to be a better
listener.
Confidence, you said runninggreat shifts For making people
(23:15):
feel comfortable.
You said just be yourself, becurious, ask questions To be
interesting, you said battlingthe insecurity and feeling
confident.
And then for being a leaderthat people want to follow and
someone that inspires walkingthe walk yeah, people want to
follow and someone that inspireswalking the walk yeah, which
one of those would you like tosay yes to and lean into a
(23:40):
little bit more?
Speaker 2 (23:44):
I have to pick just one.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
One tiny step, I think I need to start honestly
with exercise.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
It's the only thing that makes sense.
Is that.
I put it first, it's top ofmind, it's making me crazy.
You know I'm a grouch if Idon't sweat a little bit.
You know, and that's just whoI've been my whole life.
I found myself telling mydoctor I was like I have always
been two things I have alwaysbeen optimistic and I have
(24:13):
always been strong.
And I'm feeling those slip inmy in in these last few years
and that scares the crap out ofme because I don't want to.
I don't want to go there.
So I think, since we'restarting with me, I think
exercise might be the one,something that's just for me,
right, it's for me.
Only, what does?
Speaker 1 (24:33):
that look like.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Well, in the past it's looked like, you know,
doing taekwondo and jazzexercise a couple of times a
week.
So it's going to look likefinding a different, like
there's a social accountabilityto going to a class that you're
part of a community Like you goone.
I go to taekwondo because Ilove to spend time with my kiddo
(24:58):
and we do it together.
But I go to get to the nextlevel.
You know I'm working toward myblack belt.
So, having that taken away, andthe jazz exercise, I go cause I
love those women and I love theexercise.
It's so much fun.
Um, so now I have to kind offigure out what I am going to do
(25:19):
and I can do it from home.
I've got a bike, so maybe itlooks like getting on that bike
a couple of times a day anddoing something else while I'm
doing it.
What's the commitment?
Speaker 1 (25:30):
Yeah, I'm going to push you.
What's the commitment you wantto make?
Speaker 2 (25:33):
I want to make the commitment to um, I think four
times four, four times a week,um to work up a sweat.
Work up a sweat Like I don't, Idon't, I don't have other
measurement metrics, but like,oh, close my ring on my, on my
(25:57):
phone, on my watch.
That's easy, it's already set.
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
So four times a week you're going to sweat and close
the rings on your watch.
Okay, so four times a weekyou're going to sweat and close
the rings on your watch, yeah,yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
What do you need to say no to in order to make that
happen?
I don't know how vulnerable Iwant to get, but I'll go for it.
Um, saying no to the lettingthe weight of everything dragged
me down, um, and so I think Ineed to say no to putting it off
.
I think I that's the answer.
(26:38):
I need to say I need to do itin the morning, because life is
just a lot Right, um, and for me, I think I got to knock it out
first thing so that it gets done.
So say no to procrastinating,heather.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Puppies are always welcome on the show, by the way.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
Oh good, the whole neighborhood is involved, right
now Everybody's here.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
I love it.
Okay.
So you're saying yes to fourtimes a week of exercise,
closing your rings, and you'resaying no to putting it off.
You're saying no toprocrastination and you're
making a commitment to work outto yourself in the mornings.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Love it.
How's that sound?
Speaker 2 (27:25):
It sounds easy.
It sounds not easy, but youknow it's the slight edge, right
, it's easy to do, but it's alsoeasy not to do.
So I need to.
Um, yeah, I guess I just needto check in with you.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
It's not easy, but it's simple, right?
We've simplified the complexissue around setting boundaries,
taking one tiny step at a time,putting in some effort and then
creating a new habit.
You know it takes time to buildnew habits.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Yeah, what kind of accountability do you want for
me around this?
Speaker 2 (28:06):
I think I'm going to and tell me if this is like.
I've never asked for thisbefore.
What if I text you every timeI'm done Because we've tried it
where at the end of the week I,you know, check in, do an
accountability check-in?
Sometimes by then it's too late.
I haven't done it.
(28:27):
So if I can just shoot you aquick text after I've closed my
ring, that would be pretty cool.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Okay, will you?
Will you send me a picture ofyour, of your?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (28:38):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
And when do you want to start?
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Not today.
I have to be at work rightafter this and then I'm closing
tonight.
So, um, yeah, tomorrow,tomorrow starting tomorrow, okay
, I look forward to celebratingthis with you.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
It's going to be really exciting.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Yeah me too, it's so basic, it's so foundational.
I feel like I've been herebefore, you know, but I'm
starting to like, hmm, it'ssinking in at age 54 that, uh,
this is so important, takingcare of myself is so important,
and all of this other stuff willfeel a little bit easier when I
(29:35):
feel better about myself.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Is this going to have an impact on every single item
you listed when we first startedthe call?
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Let's see, I don't know.
I mean, I'm still gonna needsome help.
It'll influence it, because ifI'm showing up feeling strong,
then these don't feel asdaunting and I can even point to
like okay, actually, some ofthese, I've already got this.
You know like I've got a goodidea of where our conversation
(30:05):
is going to go.
Already got this.
You know like I've got a goodidea of where our conversation
is going to go.
Do I know how to set personalboundaries and have them stick?
Not really, but it's not asscary when I feel like that best
version of myself, like thislist won't be as scary.
And that's where the fun is isour conversations go so far, and
sometimes you're just draggingme out of a hole.
(30:26):
Go so far, and sometimes you'rejust dragging me out of a hole
right To get me to baseline, andsometimes I'm coming in above
baseline and you and I are liketaking it next level.
So I'm psyched to get back tobaseline so that I can then go
above and beyond with you withthese talks.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Awesome, great job, great noticing, great noticing.
When we start with the biggestchallenge, it's it tends to
knock all these other littleones down right.
Like you said, they don't seemas significant or you are
showing up with more confidence,knowing how to tackle each of
these challenges.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
That's good.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
Nice job lady.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
No, thank you.
That's awesome, awesome.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
All right.
Well, that is going to do itfor us.
Thank you all so much fortuning in.
Thank you, heather, for showingup as you did today, confident
and curious and vulnerable Lovethat you've joined me on this
journey to help introducecoaching to this industry that
you and I both love and haveworked in for many, many years.
(31:25):
So, thank you so much.
I appreciate your time.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Thank you for your superpower at getting me to you
know be on the right path.
I appreciate it so much.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Yeah, awesome.
All right, guys, that's goingto do it for us this week.
Please share this episode withanybody that you know in the
industry who could benefit, andwe'll talk to you soon.
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