May 12, 2025 • 41 mins
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Ever felt like you're faking it despite working incredibly hard to get where you are? This deeply personal coaching conversation with Nokkie Lipsey, Director of Operations at the Olive and Finch Collective, explores the challenging terrain of imposter syndrome in leadership roles.
Nokkie candidly shares how she's spent years climbing her career mountain only to find herself questioning whether she deserves to be at the summit. Having recently taken over operations for five locations, she's grappling with fully embracing her accomplishments and celebrating her wins.
As restaurant leaders like Nokkie focus on their mental and emotional growth, many are simultaneously looking to eliminate unnecessary operational burdens. Solutions like those from Restaurant Technologies (https://go.rti-inc.com/RestaurantLeadershipPodcast) help by automating back-of-house tasks like oil management, allowing leaders to redirect their valuable mental energy toward team development and guest experience rather than mundane operational challenges.
The discussion reveals how cultural background, perfectionism, and past experiences create persistent limiting beliefs that can undermine even the most successful leaders. "I am like water," Nokkie explains, describing her leadership philosophy of navigating obstacles with adaptability rather than force. This powerful metaphor illustrates how she's managed to overcome barriers in her career while maintaining her authentic self. Yet the conversation reveals a striking paradox: while Nokkie excels at recognizing, celebrating, and pouring into her team members, she struggles to accept the same recognition for herself.
The session explores what might be possible if Nokkie could fully let go of the belief that she doesn't deserve her success. "I would be unstoppable," she acknowledges. Her vision extends beyond personal growth—she aims to transform leadership development in hospitality by focusing on emotional intelligence and empathy rather than just operational systems.
Whether you're battling self-doubt, managing cultural expectations, or building your leadership presence, this episode offers validation and practical wisdom for embracing your hard-earned achievements. Ready to take off those blinders and enjoy the view from your own mountain summit? Listen now and discover your path to becoming the humble, empowered leader you're meant to be.
Resources:
P.S. Ready to take your restaurant to the next level? Here are 3 ways I can support you:
- One-on-One Coaching - Work directly with me to tackle your biggest leadership challenges and scale your operations with confidence. Learn more at christinmarvin.com
- Multi-Unit Mastery Book - Get the complete Independent Restaurant Framework that's helped countless owners build thriving multi-location brands. Grab your copy at https://www.IRFbook.com
- Group Coaching & Leadership Workshops - Join other passionate restaurant leaders in transformative group sessions designed to elevate your entire team. Details at christinmarvin.com
Podcast Production: https://www.lconnorvoice.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
If you have ever been in a position in your career
where you have told yourselfthat you do not deserve to be in
the position that you're in,this episode is for you.
This week, I am doing acoaching session with Noki Lipsy
, who is the director ofoperations for the Olive and
Finch Collective.
She's been in her position nowfor about five weeks and she's
(00:31):
overseeing five locations,working with a company that's
growing.
We spend a lot of time talkingabout how she felt like she's
been climbing a mountain in hercareer in order to find her
voice and be seen, some of thelimiting beliefs and cultural
things that she has had toovercome as she has risen
(00:51):
through the ranks as a woman inhospitality, and what she has
needed to let go of in order tofully embrace her superpower as
being a humble leader.
I hope you enjoy this episode.
Welcome to the RestaurantLeadership Podcast, the show
where restaurant leaders learntools, tactics and habits from
(01:14):
the world's greatest operators.
I'm your host, kristen Marvin,with Solutions by Kristen.
I've spent the last two decadesin the restaurant industry and
now partner with restaurantowners to develop their leaders
and scale their businessesthrough powerful one-on-one
coaching, group coaching andleadership workshops.
This show is complete withepisodes around coaching,
(01:39):
leadership development andinterviews with powerful
industry leaders.
You can now engage with me onthe show and share topics you'd
like to hear about, leadershiplessons you want to learn and
any feedback you have.
Simply click the link at thetop of the show notes and I will
give you a shout out on afuture episode.
Thanks so much for listeningand I look forward to connecting
(02:03):
.
Thanks so much for listeningand I look forward to connecting
.
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(02:27):
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(02:50):
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Speaker 2 (03:34):
Noki, how can I make this an extraordinary
conversation for you today?
You know I am struggling withimposter syndrome, something I
definitely really want to getbetter at and really kind of
navigate how I can move past it.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Say more about imposter syndrome.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
You know, imposter syndrome.
Very often, like you know, I'vebeen working towards a career.
Every job that I've taken hasbeen to a point where I could do
something better and greaterand make more impact.
And you know, as I'm climbingthis mountain, I'm like, oh, I
wish I could do this, or I wishI can be this person.
And at one point in time, whenyou reach the top of the
(04:10):
mountain, where I feel like I'mkind of at the moment, you kind
of forget that you actually didall the work that you were
wishing and you were hoping andyou were seeing all these other
people doing.
And so it's for me, like whenI'm talking to my teams and they
are just in awe of me, of likewow, look at your trajectory and
your growth and all thisexperience.
(04:30):
I have struggle, giving thatback to myself, you know, and
understanding that I actuallydid the work and all the things
that I dreamt and talked about,leading to where I'm at right
now, I have a problem withsaying, you know, yeah, like
this is me, like I feel like I'mjust showing up as this person
that I imagined to be and Ihaven't accepted that for myself
(04:53):
yet.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
So it sounds like what you're saying is you've
been climbing this mountain, youfeel like you're at the top,
but there's something getting inthe way of you being able to
fully embrace it and celebrateit and give yourself the credit
for it.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
And I think it's just because, you know, I'm always
on this mindset of like what'snext, what do we have to do next
, what do we have to do next?
It's never like that stoppingmoment where, like you know, you
appreciate those moments andthe work that you did and then
actually feel good about it.
You know, I think I feel, Ifeel like I did a lot of work,
but I don't actually like itdoesn't resonate with me.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
It sounds like you're really good about living in the
future and maybe not so goodabout living in the present.
What's coming up for you when Isay that?
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Um, I mean, you know I I'm in a new position, so I'm
thinking about, like all thehundred things that I have in
the future and like how can Ishow up, how can I be there for
it, versus, I've done thisbefore and I'm fully equipped
and I have all this knowledge.
So, instead of how can I showup, being like this is me and
we're going to be great and thisis how it's going to happen,
(06:07):
it's that transition, it's thisgray area where I'm like for me,
behind the closed doors, awayfrom my teams, I'm like can I
even do this and am I the rightperson to do it?
And why do they have so muchbelief in me?
Well, because I've done allthis stuff already.
And that's where thatdisconnect is.
(06:29):
I'm struggling with puttingthose connections together.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Yeah, absolutely Feel that for sure, and I know that
people listening can'tnecessarily see Noki's very
animated talking with her hands,which is amazing.
But you were just pullingsomething.
You were like I've got this,I've done this, I know how to do
this.
It's like you're pulling theknowledge and the information
and everything that you, youneed and all the tools and
resources that you've, you'vecollected along the journey
(06:56):
climbing that mountain, and thenyou go into this worry and then
you go into this worry mode.
What's in the middle of that?
Speaker 2 (07:16):
You know I want to say it's that self-sabotage
mindset.
You know it's my limitingbeliefs, it's my inner mental
blocks, like it's me trying to.
It's sometimes it's assumptions.
You know of what other peopleare thinking, of how I'm leading
and yeah, I think it's a lot oflike this, this middle
interceptor of my energy.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
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What limiting beliefs are yousaying to yourself?
Speaker 2 (08:59):
I, you know, I, I think it's it's trauma.
It's like childhood trauma.
You know it's growing up in avery traditional Asian
environment and home wherepraise is not something that's
often given and like when you'reachieving things, it's really
you're not really beingrecognized for it.
It's like oh, you know you didthis, but you could have done
(09:20):
better.
Like it's always like oh you,you know you were able to do
this performance, but there wassome nitpicking in the side.
So there's a lot of like I'magain a perfectionist.
I think it's that.
It's that mindset of like I canalways do better and be better.
Because I've never beenacknowledged for doing just
enough.
Yeah, and so my belief is likeI'm just not doing enough
(09:43):
because I can do more.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
How has that cultural ?
Speaker 2 (10:00):
upbringing of this constant drive to do better and
make it better and do it againnext time.
How has that helped you besuccessful in your career?
I would say I mean it gives mea drive for sure.
Where it's.
You know, I don't look atobstacles as obstacles.
I, you know it's like they are,I'll figure out.
If there's an obstacle, I'llfigure out a way to go over
under, through it.
You know, because I have to,because you know, at the end I
just have to be better.
(10:21):
So like it doesn't matter whatgets thrown in the way For me, I
will have to be better.
So like it doesn't matter whatgets thrown in the way for me, I
will figure out a way.
So I guess it.
It helps me pivot a lot easierand faster when things happen,
especially in our industry, whenthings are constantly changing.
And yeah, I think it's justthat like constant natural drive
of like pushing yourself harderevery day.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
When you think about these obstacles, going over them
, going around them, going abovethem, beyond them, whatever it
is and you think about youpivoting, is there an image or
metaphor that comes up for you?
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Absolutely, and I tell people all the time I am
like water, I really am.
I will go with the flow and Iwon't force it.
Water will always figure out away to navigate around the
obstacles, whether it's throughthe smallest crack or going over
a giant boulder.
But I really am all aboutflowing and not forcing.
(11:22):
So when I'm pivoting, I alwaystell people that the way I look
at it is is just how water justnaturally finds its way to where
it needs to be.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Yeah, and sometimes the water is crystal clear and
sometimes it's a little muddy,right yeah?
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Yeah, but either way, it's still moving as long as
there's like an opportunity forit to move, so like it can be
stagnant at some time.
And then, of course, maybe thechallenge of a stagnant water is
finding what's blocking it andmoving it out of the way so you
can continue to move forward.
And so, yeah, I would say mymetaphor for that is definitely
(11:58):
like just being like water.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Yeah, how are you like water right now?
What's the water doing?
Speaker 2 (12:04):
The water right now is pretty.
I feel like I'm a steady streamright now.
Nothing's too chaotic, it'sreally honestly peaceful and
it's like a good kind of flow.
And I feel like I'm definitelyflowing towards an ocean, just
because there's some crazy stuffcoming up in the pathways of
(12:26):
just getting locations open,being in a new space with a new
team wanting to show up for myteam and really kind of showing
them a different way to be seen,heard and appreciated.
So I feel like I'm in a goodstream right now, but up ahead I
know there's a huge ocean thathas like a lot of huge waves
(12:46):
coming in and I just need toprepare for that.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Yeah, ride the waves right.
Yeah, love it.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
They're on the way, I can see them.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
What does it feel like for you right now?
In terms of like riding thewave, or In terms of kind of
emotionally and physically,where you are right now with the
water, with being kind of inflow.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Yeah, I mean emotionally I feel a little bit
of pressure Again, that pressurethat I'm always putting on
myself.
But I'm not you know, I'mhonestly not a very emotional
(13:34):
person huge capacity to give andlove others, and it's always in
a positive environment.
So emotionally I'm always likevery positive, very uplifting,
and not often am I ever reallyfeeling like down.
And if I do feel down, it'smore of like the stress of like
(13:56):
my expectations for myself andnever, really anything outwardly
, because I mean again, in theindustry you have to have thick
skin.
So a lot of things I don't takepersonally, it's more of my own
personal attack that's hurtingme more than anything else.
And physically, you know I amvery big on being very healthy
and staying in shape and so youknow I'm at the gym five days a
(14:19):
week to give myself.
I always tell people you haveto pour back into yourself.
We are always giving andpouring into others all day.
Every day I pour into fivedifferent locations with full
teams and so you know for me tobe able to not feel drained and
physically just exhausted, andemotionally and mentally
exhausted, the gym has been kindof like my relief, of like some
(14:41):
a time that I can give back tomyself, put back into to me when
it comes to physical, mentaland emotional state.
Um, it's for me to work on myown strengths and and build my
own strengths.
Is is kind of that place for meis the gym.
Um, so I'm very, verydisciplined when it comes to
(15:01):
making that space for myself soI can pour back into myself
comes to making that space formyself so I can pour back into
myself.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
It sounds like you, because you've got five teams,
five locations that you'releading, and soon to be more.
You are feeding five littlestreams, right, that are all
kind of flowing in their owndirection and doing their own
things and have their ownobstacles, yeah, and those are
going to continue to split andgrow, but it sounds like you're
doing a really awesome job ofnurturing yourself and taking
(15:33):
care of yourself first.
So your water is super crystalclear, so you're pouring good
energy and good nutrients andgood water into those streams.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
I am trying my very best.
This is what I say, and again,that's where I go back to you.
Know, you said that to me,right?
You're like you're doing it,you're pouring it in, and of
course, my natural response wasI'm trying, not doing right.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Like, it's like that.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
It's that like yeah, you know what you're right, like
I am doing this and it is greatand it's so amazing and here I
am just reflecting again to whatyou just said is like oh yeah,
well, I'm, I'm trying to do itas best for everybody.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
You're just like.
You're just like kicking itright, you're like reflecting it
back off to me like a ballbouncing off.
You Like nope, there you go.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
My back and forth that I do all the time.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Totally, it's like a ping pong.
We're playing ping pong now.
What would it feel like for youto just sit with that for a
second?
Except you are doing this.
You have earned this, yes.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
You know, I don't know, like I think guilt is the
wrong word because I've, youknow, not deserving, I think, is
like what pops in my head andI'm not sure why that like just
sits with me of like notdeserving.
Maybe it's just past people whodidn't believe in me, you know,
or people who told me that Icouldn't do it, you know, or
(17:00):
people who told me that Icouldn't do it.
So I think that that has a lotto do with why I struggle with
receiving those compliments.
I very often just like kick itright back, you know, no, no, no
, no, you know, it's not, it'snot really that much or that big
of a deal.
Or, you know, I'm never able toaccept it and if I do, it's
like a thank you.
But you know, it's just, it'sjust what I do, like it's never.
(17:21):
It's never, like you said, thatmoment where I'm fully
accepting it and appreciating it.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
You just leaned back a second when you said, like
just fully accepting it, givingyourself that space to accept it
.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
What's that feel like ?
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Um, again, not not deserving.
Like you know, I, before I satwith you, I'm like who in the
world would want to spend sometime to talk to me about the
things that I'm doing?
Um, because I again, like I'mjust so into the grind and the
next project and the next stepthat it's like does it really
(17:57):
matter to really stop and smellthe roses?
You know, when I walk by themall the time and you know, for
me it's just the, for me it's,yeah, it's.
It's like why?
Why does it matter?
Cause, again, I'm always justforward thinking and yeah, like
(18:18):
you saying all that and peoplesaying it to me is it always
feels awkward for me.
I, you know, front facing, I'llalways smile and thank people,
but like leaving it makes mefeel like, oh, okay, Thank you.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Thank you.
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(19:16):
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Speaker 2 (19:22):
were not deserving and they were questioning why it
matters to stop and celebratetheir achievements and celebrate
the work that they've done themthat it's important for them to
take the time to reflect on thework that they've done, because
(19:47):
the things that they do, it gotdone because they did it and it
was great because they did itand it was because of who they
are that really made it a bigthing.
I tell people in my teams allthe time celebrate your wins,
the smallest ones.
I don't care about the big ones, because everybody will always
celebrate the big ones, but thesmall ones, you know, you got
your checklist up to date today.
Great job.
It wouldn't have happened if itwasn't for you and your
(20:07):
attention to detail and the timethat you took out to get this
done.
So I see you, I appreciate you,and you were just crushing it.
Like I'm so good at pouring backinto others, but then and I
think I've been so programmed tothe point where I've always
(20:28):
poured back into others and Ididn't have circles that I was
getting poured back into,circles of people that were
pouring back into me.
So then I was self, I was doingthat myself, and so I guess,
when others started to do it andmy circle started to attract
people who wanted to pour backinto me, I felt very like why
I've always done this.
(20:48):
I don't need you to do this, Ican do it.
And again, it's that steppingback and letting those who want
to pour into me and giving themspace to pour into me and for me
to accept it, because I'm justthat person I'm like I will to
pour into me and giving themspace to pour into me and for me
to accept it.
Because I'm just that personI'm like.
I will constantly pour intopeople, because I believe in
everybody.
I believe in the best.
I believe that you know, thereis greatness in everyone.
(21:08):
They just need somebody thatcares enough to say, hey, like I
see it in you and I want to behere to help you navigate
through that.
And again, my upbringing Ididn't have parents that were
pouring back into me, so it waslike I needed to pour back into
myself.
The people that I wanted topour into me weren't doing it.
(21:29):
So at one point in time I waslike you know what, don't even
worry about it.
Like I got me, I'll figure itout.
And I mean, I have my husband,which is great, and my daughter,
who are always pouring backinto me every day, and I think
that's another.
You know that's, but they'veseen my struggle and they've
been through my process and sofor me, I think it's easier for
(21:55):
me to accept that becausethey've seen every good and bad,
especially the most worst partsof my journey, and have always
tried to pick me back up.
But for when it's coming fromother people who haven't seen
that journey, for me it just islike I can't really feel very
genuine and received on theother end, because there's so
much more about what I actuallyhad to go through that I don't
(22:16):
think people can understand.
And I think that's where Istruggle with that outside
feedback, because the outsidefeedback is only coming from
people who only see things fromwhat I'm showing in my outside
life and what I'm allowingpeople to see.
So, of course, everything thatI'm putting out is always super
positive and great.
(22:36):
And so everyone's like oh, thisis so you're're.
So, yeah, thank you, that'swhat I'm giving you.
That, that's what I'm likeputting out there for everybody.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Yeah, it's no wonder.
It's no wonder you're in aleadership role.
You've you've been able to takeyour upbringing and identify
what you weren't getting.
To take your upbringing andidentify what you weren't
getting and then build a wholelife and career around making
sure that you're surroundingyourself with people that are
giving it to you, even thoughyou're not necessarily accepting
(23:06):
it all the time, but also beingable to serve other people and
provide what you didn't get tothem every single day in the
hospitality business.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
It's very important for me.
I really I mean, I tell peoplethis is being able to pour back
into others and again I'llrepeat it my capacity to give
and to love is, like you know,infinite.
I feel, like you know, becauseI, growing up, I really, like
you said, I really wanted tofeel these things and I really
(23:37):
wanted to be seen and heard.
Not, you know, at a very youngage.
And I had a daughter when I was18.
And I was like you know what I'mgoing to make sure that I pour
into her every single day,because I don't ever want her to
feel those moments where shedidn't feel like, after doing an
orchestra concert, that afterall of those hours of practicing
and being on stage, that itwasn't good enough or it could
(24:00):
have been better, or oh, youmissed a note, or you're not
sitting in the first chair.
You know, at the end of the day, you're on that stage and
you're performing with yourteams, like I'm so proud of you.
It doesn't matter what chairyou're sitting in, it doesn't
matter if you missed a step, itdoesn't matter if you might have
fumbled in the middle of a song, like I wanted always for her
to feel like, no matter what shedid.
(24:21):
Any effort that was, that wasdone should be celebrated, no
matter how small it was.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
What's on the other side of the limiting belief that
you're telling yourself thatyou do not deserve to be where
you are?
Speaker 2 (24:37):
The other side of that, like the positive side,
it's honestly my work, it'sseeing everything that I've been
able to do, everything thatI've been able to do, and it's
(25:00):
also the people that I'veimpacted and touched.
I am very often reminded by thepeople that I've crossed paths
with of the impact that I make.
So outside of that, like on theopposite side of that, I have
it in bounds, where you know,people are constantly reaching
out and wanting to have coffeeor sharing their stories with me
, or something that I said inthe past.
It still sticks with them everyday.
Like that for me is, yeah, theopposite side of me saying I
(25:23):
don't deserve it, and it's thepeople saying, hey, the one
thing you said in pre-shift 10years ago still resonates with
me today.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
And that's like okay, yeah, no, this is yeah, I'm
glad, like that's why I did it.
It was, you know, in hopes thatthe things that I was sharing
and the space that I was givingwas something that you can use
for life and not just for thetime that we spent in whatever
organization we were in.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Yeah, yeah.
What if you, if you let go ofthat limiting belief?
How would that impact your lifeand your performance?
Speaker 2 (26:02):
I mean I would be unstoppable, right Like I would
just be crushing it.
I think if I didn't have thatself-doubt, I would.
I would take more risk, I wouldbe more bold.
You know I'm, I would, I wouldjust you, just I'd go shout it
to the world and be like hey.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
What would you shout to the world?
Yeah, yeah, what would youshout?
Speaker 2 (26:25):
This is who I am.
This is what I do.
I am a person who overloves andis too caring, and those are
(26:47):
all good things and those areall things that people need.
And here it is in this package.
Take it or leave it.
Always told that I was too niceand I cared too much and I
needed to be more, more sternand and I needed to be more
direct.
And I was like, no, like I,that's not who I am.
And then I had to code switchand I had to try to navigate
(27:12):
those types of leadershipsbecause I was being told not to
lead that way.
And then I realized that, likethat wasn't working, like the
way that you're trying to tellme to be does not work there.
It doesn't sit with people, itdoesn't it?
Really you're leading with fearand ego and and I'm just not
about that.
And so, like, as I've beennavigating my leadership career,
I want to again be my highestand best, but my most authentic
(27:36):
self.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Yeah, and.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
I'm kind of, yeah, like I'm comfortable in your own
skin.
Yeah, In this era again, fromthat transition of like doing
all the work to being the workright, like I did all the work
and I've, I've, I've gonethrough the trenches and I've,
you know, fought all the battlesand now here I am, there is no
war.
All the battles, and now here Iam, there is no war.
(28:04):
There is more of like this,this, this path of just building
and growth and and leadershipand and positivity Right.
So we go from like this sectionhere, where it's like boots on
the ground, hustle hard, keepyour head down to now pouring
into others and coaching anddeveloping.
And this space that I'm inright now I'm super excited
(28:25):
about and I love what I do.
I love love the connections thatI'm making with my teams.
I love watching somebody's facelight up, when I'm like, oh my
gosh, I saw that you organizedthe closet and it is amazing, a
staff member who normallydoesn't dress up and put herself
(28:46):
together in his uniform showsup to work one day with her
makeup done and her hair.
And the first thing I did whenI walked in was like, oh my gosh
, you look so beautiful today.
Those moments mean so much tome and I want to continue doing
that, and when I leave work, Isit there and I'm having
conversations with my husbandand I'm like you know, I wish I
could be this.
And he was like well, you are.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
You are helping.
You are and you are helpingrecognize and appreciate the
people around you and empowerthem to take charge and make an
impact is with something assmall as organizing something
right on the team and thencelebrating their achievements
(29:31):
and and the result is they'reshowing up proud to work with
you and for the company that youwork with every single day.
It's been great.
That's incredible.
That's incredible what comes upfor you when I say that.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
It's a proud moment.
You know.
I've been trying to reflectmore about my wins.
I tell my team all the time,all of your little wins, you
know.
So, like as of recently and whenI say recently I'm only talking
like maybe a week- or two whereI am like, oh my gosh, I had
such a great meeting today andit really resonated and I try to
(30:13):
be in that moment and celebratethat moment for myself.
Try to be in that moment andcelebrate that moment for myself
.
And again, my husband's beenthe greatest supporter and
number one fan, because I'llcall him and I'll be like, oh my
gosh, I had this meeting, I wasconcerned, but it ended up this
way and they really feltappreciated and the first thing
(30:34):
he'll always say is great job,not surprised, because it's you.
And then it's like me kickingback and I'm like, oh yeah, yeah
it is me, but still wasn't thatgreat.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
You just, you just took two seconds to celebrate it
and go yeah, that's great,accept it, and then you just
jump right back into it.
So maybe I need to extend thatcelebration time right Like I
need to Sure what do you, whatdo you need to let go of in?
Speaker 2 (31:01):
order to do that.
I don't know, I think it's thatkind of maybe I need to take
off the horse blinders, becauseit's always that like straight
focus, vision, and maybe if Itook those off and not feel, not
put the pressure on myself thatI have to keep pushing and not
taking a break.
You know, it's that hustlementality where I feel like a
(31:26):
hustle mentality is great forentrepreneurs, it's great for
business owners, it's great forleaders, but very often you're
not giving yourself that time tojust stop, reflect, appreciate,
enjoy.
You're going to think this iscrazy, but since I started my
transition from one job to thenext, we never celebrated, we
never took that moment to go outand have dinner.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
That's not crazy, that's what you do.
You've just spent 26 minutescommunicating that you don't
take time to celebrate.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
Like we never really.
It was just like hey, I'mleaving one, starting the next.
They were very open of like hey, like, give us a start date.
I gave myself two days, I gavemyself a weekend from one job to
the next and I was like thosetwo days are going to be fun,
it's great, I'm so excited forthis new opportunity.
And that was what was drivingthat short term break was like
(32:20):
I'm so excited to go do morework.
And I think it's at that timewhere I need to again pause for
a second and be like wow, lookat the opportunity I'm about to
have and how exciting is this.
And let's, go's go and, youknow, celebrate what it took to
(32:41):
get here.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
What did it take?
Speaker 2 (32:44):
So much Lots of long hours and doing everyone's job
and not being seen, and it tooka lot of trying to code, switch
and adapt so I can be in therooms.
You know it took being a yesperson and never saying no just
(33:07):
so I can be seen, only to findout that I still wasn't seen.
It took a lot of you know youcan't do this and a lot of you
know you're not ready for this.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Hey there, podcast friends.
I hope you're enjoying theseimpactful conversations and
leadership insights I'm bringingyou each week.
Before we dive back intotoday's episode, I want to take
a moment and reach out and ask asmall favor.
That would go a long way insupporting the show.
If you've been loving thecontent I'm providing, please
take a moment to leave a ratingand review.
(33:40):
Wherever you listen to yourpodcasts, Not only does it make
my day, but it also plays apivotal role in helping the show
grow.
Your reviews boost myvisibility, attract new
listeners and encourage excitingguests to join me on the mic.
So if you want to be part of myshow's growth journey, hit that
(34:01):
review button and let me knowwhat you think.
Thanks a million for beingawesome listeners.
Where are you at today?
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Very empowered.
I'm very I'm again like Ijoined a team that was like, oh
my gosh, we brought in a leaderwho ran Michelin and James Beard
concepts and and everybody'slike, wow, this is so great.
And I'm like, no, no, no, no,no, no, I'm just normal, no, key
, we're going to have fun, it'sgoing to be great.
(34:31):
Um, so it's.
It's stepping into this newspace of again.
My teams are not used to beingpraised, Neither am I.
I think me getting the spaceand the autonomy to do what I do
best where I'm at is very newfor me.
(34:51):
My leadership team believe inme so much and, like, pour into
me and were like you know what?
Like you have great ideas, gofor it.
So I'm feeling very much likemy leaders are feeling with me
showing up in their spaces ofbeing you got this, you're a
crusher.
And I, too, am on the other sideof it with my leadership or
(35:11):
with my executive teams, andthey're like no, these are all
great ideas, go for it.
And I'm sitting here like, areyou sure?
Like, do you need me to do?
Like, do you need a proposal?
Do I need to?
Like budget this out for you?
And they're like no, no, no,Like we're pretty sure you've
already like done your duediligence.
You're good, Go crush it.
And I'm like, okay, Um sure.
(35:32):
So I think, on on the otherside of it, I feel very much
like my teams, of getting havinga space and people that are
actually truly believing in whoyou are as your authentic self
and allowing you to do your joband be your highest and best in
a space that is very safe andsupportive and empowering.
(35:53):
I just don't let my team see itright.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
And empowering, I just don't let my teens see it
right.
What's the, what's it going tofeel like?
Speaker 2 (36:10):
Well, let me, let me ask this what's waiting for you
when you get to the ocean.
You know I'm hoping, when I getto the ocean, what's waiting
for me?
I'm hoping that I can actuallyfind the courage to step out on
my own and and and have my ownbusiness eventually.
(36:33):
Like I've always talked aboutthat, like I've always said, you
know and I started in thekitchen my passion is in the
kitchen.
I wanted, I wanted to be a chef.
I was told that I couldn't be achef because I'm too bubbly and
I'm very small and that kind ofpersonality doesn't exist in
there.
But I would love to, and andagain, my journey has pivoted in
so many ways but, like, at theend, I would love to be able to
(36:55):
have my own business in a senseof like, where I can still
impact others.
I really want to teachleadership on and leadership in
terms of like, emotionalintelligence and more thoughtful
leadership.
I feel like leadership istaught when managers get
onboarded and there's an MITtraining.
(37:16):
We teach systems, sops,financial literacy, but we don't
have a coaching element toteach our managers how to coach
and lead their teams.
We are not teaching them aboutempathy.
We are not teaching thememotional intelligence.
We are not teaching leaders howto lead, but we're giving them
all the tools to run operations,like we're giving them
(37:36):
everything they need to runoperations.
Like we're giving themeverything that they need to
check their labor.
Read a P&L report.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it Right?
Speaker 2 (37:45):
So like we're giving you all these things, go run a
restaurant, but we're notteaching you how to build teams.
We're not teaching you how tobuild a bench, we're not
teaching you how to show up foryour teams and how important
your presence is to anenvironment.
And I think that's what I wantto do, like I want to go in and
I want to teach people that thepower of leadership and the
(38:09):
power of presence can reallymake and break your businesses.
And you know, in a businesswhere it is led by people, it is
so important to show up foryour people.
And how do you do it?
While still staying verybusiness focused and operations
focused and financial focused,but making this, this idea of
(38:31):
empathy, leadership, the toppriority priority.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
Yeah, I mean, I've got this just beautiful
visualization of you making itto the beach.
You've just gotten out of thewater, you know that everything
is calm, your teams are all setup behind you and you start
walking down the beach to findyour next journey.
They say we're the best atteaching.
What we still need to learn,right, that emotional
(38:55):
intelligence, the celebration,the leadership component, and
you're doing an incredible jobof leading by example already,
and your team is reallyresponding to that.
I think, for my two cents, forwhat it's worth, that you are
such an incredible humble leaderand that's your superpower.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Thank you, thank you, and that's honestly.
Thank you, thank you, andthat's honestly.
That's what I want to do.
I want that.
That's how I want to be seenwhen I show up in these spaces.
That's that's really how I wantto be seen.
I want to be a selfless leaderand I want to be able to.
You know, when my, when the Diowalks into an establishment.
(39:34):
I don't want tension, you know.
I don't want this like, oh crap, dio's here, did we put our
sanny buckets away?
I don't want that Like.
I want it to be like, oh mygosh, I'm so glad, I can't wait
to hear what's going on.
Like I can't wait to have aconversation and share what I
did this weekend with her.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
Like I want to fill people in a more uplifting and
spiritual way yeah, cause it'simportant Sounds like you are
exactly where you need to beright now.
You are at.
You said it at the beginningyou're at the top of the
mountain.
You've spent all these yearshearing the nose, hearing the,
what you can't and can't do.
You've been climbing themountain and now you're at the
top.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
Yeah, and I have to be like yeah, thank you.
I have to like be excited aboutit, right, like I gotta be like
, wow, like look at the viewfrom up here, cause I guarantee
you I have not taken a look atthe view, yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
Take those blinders off Right.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
Right Cause.
Speaker 1 (40:39):
I'm like, oh, look at that peak over there, it's a
little higher, Let me see if Ican get over there.
A hundred percent.
Yeah, noki, you are incredible.
Thank you so much for sharingyour journey.
I resonate so much with so manythings that you've said.
It's so exciting to see youknow.
We've just connected recentlyand last time we were together
we were in front of speaking infront of 200 people, which is
terrifying.
And now to check in six weekslater, a couple of weeks later,
(41:08):
however long it's been, I'mterrible with time and just see
the path that you're on and theempowerment that you have around
you and the support is justmagical.
So congratulations.
You're a total badass and we'reso lucky to have you in the
industry.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
Thank you so much and I'm going to sit with that.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
Okay, good, good, I love it, I love it.
Well, that's going to do it forus this week.
Please share this episode withanyone that you know that could
benefit, and we will talk to youall next week.
Thanks so much.
If you have ever been in a position in your career
where you have told yourselfthat you do not deserve to be in
the position that you're in,this episode is for you.
This week, I am doing acoaching session with Noki Lipsy
, who is the director ofoperations for the Olive and
Finch Collective.
She's been in her position nowfor about five weeks and she's
(00:31):
overseeing five locations,working with a company that's
growing.
We spend a lot of time talkingabout how she felt like she's
been climbing a mountain in hercareer in order to find her
voice and be seen, some of thelimiting beliefs and cultural
things that she has had toovercome as she has risen
(00:51):
through the ranks as a woman inhospitality, and what she has
needed to let go of in order tofully embrace her superpower as
being a humble leader.
I hope you enjoy this episode.
Welcome to the RestaurantLeadership Podcast, the show
where restaurant leaders learntools, tactics and habits from
(01:14):
the world's greatest operators.
I'm your host, kristen Marvin,with Solutions by Kristen.
I've spent the last two decadesin the restaurant industry and
now partner with restaurantowners to develop their leaders
and scale their businessesthrough powerful one-on-one
coaching, group coaching andleadership workshops.
This show is complete withepisodes around coaching,
(01:39):
leadership development andinterviews with powerful
industry leaders.
You can now engage with me onthe show and share topics you'd
like to hear about, leadershiplessons you want to learn and
any feedback you have.
Simply click the link at thetop of the show notes and I will
give you a shout out on afuture episode.
Thanks so much for listeningand I look forward to connecting
(02:03):
.
Thanks so much for listeningand I look forward to connecting
.
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Speaker 2 (03:34):
Noki, how can I make this an extraordinary
conversation for you today?
You know I am struggling withimposter syndrome, something I
definitely really want to getbetter at and really kind of
navigate how I can move past it.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Say more about imposter syndrome.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
You know, imposter syndrome.
Very often, like you know, I'vebeen working towards a career.
Every job that I've taken hasbeen to a point where I could do
something better and greaterand make more impact.
And you know, as I'm climbingthis mountain, I'm like, oh, I
wish I could do this, or I wishI can be this person.
And at one point in time, whenyou reach the top of the
(04:10):
mountain, where I feel like I'mkind of at the moment, you kind
of forget that you actually didall the work that you were
wishing and you were hoping andyou were seeing all these other
people doing.
And so it's for me, like whenI'm talking to my teams and they
are just in awe of me, of likewow, look at your trajectory and
your growth and all thisexperience.
(04:30):
I have struggle, giving thatback to myself, you know, and
understanding that I actuallydid the work and all the things
that I dreamt and talked about,leading to where I'm at right
now, I have a problem withsaying, you know, yeah, like
this is me, like I feel like I'mjust showing up as this person
that I imagined to be and Ihaven't accepted that for myself
(04:53):
yet.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
So it sounds like what you're saying is you've
been climbing this mountain, youfeel like you're at the top,
but there's something getting inthe way of you being able to
fully embrace it and celebrateit and give yourself the credit
for it.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
And I think it's just because, you know, I'm always
on this mindset of like what'snext, what do we have to do next
, what do we have to do next?
It's never like that stoppingmoment where, like you know, you
appreciate those moments andthe work that you did and then
actually feel good about it.
You know, I think I feel, Ifeel like I did a lot of work,
but I don't actually like itdoesn't resonate with me.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
It sounds like you're really good about living in the
future and maybe not so goodabout living in the present.
What's coming up for you when Isay that?
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Um, I mean, you know I I'm in a new position, so I'm
thinking about, like all thehundred things that I have in
the future and like how can Ishow up, how can I be there for
it, versus, I've done thisbefore and I'm fully equipped
and I have all this knowledge.
So, instead of how can I showup, being like this is me and
we're going to be great and thisis how it's going to happen,
(06:07):
it's that transition, it's thisgray area where I'm like for me,
behind the closed doors, awayfrom my teams, I'm like can I
even do this and am I the rightperson to do it?
And why do they have so muchbelief in me?
Well, because I've done allthis stuff already.
And that's where thatdisconnect is.
(06:29):
I'm struggling with puttingthose connections together.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Yeah, absolutely Feel that for sure, and I know that
people listening can'tnecessarily see Noki's very
animated talking with her hands,which is amazing.
But you were just pullingsomething.
You were like I've got this,I've done this, I know how to do
this.
It's like you're pulling theknowledge and the information
and everything that you, youneed and all the tools and
resources that you've, you'vecollected along the journey
(06:56):
climbing that mountain, and thenyou go into this worry and then
you go into this worry mode.
What's in the middle of that?
Speaker 2 (07:16):
You know I want to say it's that self-sabotage
mindset.
You know it's my limitingbeliefs, it's my inner mental
blocks, like it's me trying to.
It's sometimes it's assumptions.
You know of what other peopleare thinking, of how I'm leading
and yeah, I think it's a lot oflike this, this middle
interceptor of my energy.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
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Don't miss it, and I hope tosee you there.
What limiting beliefs are yousaying to yourself?
Speaker 2 (08:59):
I, you know, I, I think it's it's trauma.
It's like childhood trauma.
You know it's growing up in avery traditional Asian
environment and home wherepraise is not something that's
often given and like when you'reachieving things, it's really
you're not really beingrecognized for it.
It's like oh, you know you didthis, but you could have done
(09:20):
better.
Like it's always like oh you,you know you were able to do
this performance, but there wassome nitpicking in the side.
So there's a lot of like I'magain a perfectionist.
I think it's that.
It's that mindset of like I canalways do better and be better.
Because I've never beenacknowledged for doing just
enough.
Yeah, and so my belief is likeI'm just not doing enough
(09:43):
because I can do more.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
How has that cultural ?
Speaker 2 (10:00):
upbringing of this constant drive to do better and
make it better and do it againnext time.
How has that helped you besuccessful in your career?
I would say I mean it gives mea drive for sure.
Where it's.
You know, I don't look atobstacles as obstacles.
I, you know it's like they are,I'll figure out.
If there's an obstacle, I'llfigure out a way to go over
under, through it.
You know, because I have to,because you know, at the end I
just have to be better.
(10:21):
So like it doesn't matter whatgets thrown in the way For me, I
will have to be better.
So like it doesn't matter whatgets thrown in the way for me, I
will figure out a way.
So I guess it.
It helps me pivot a lot easierand faster when things happen,
especially in our industry, whenthings are constantly changing.
And yeah, I think it's justthat like constant natural drive
of like pushing yourself harderevery day.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
When you think about these obstacles, going over them
, going around them, going abovethem, beyond them, whatever it
is and you think about youpivoting, is there an image or
metaphor that comes up for you?
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Absolutely, and I tell people all the time I am
like water, I really am.
I will go with the flow and Iwon't force it.
Water will always figure out away to navigate around the
obstacles, whether it's throughthe smallest crack or going over
a giant boulder.
But I really am all aboutflowing and not forcing.
(11:22):
So when I'm pivoting, I alwaystell people that the way I look
at it is is just how water justnaturally finds its way to where
it needs to be.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Yeah, and sometimes the water is crystal clear and
sometimes it's a little muddy,right yeah?
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Yeah, but either way, it's still moving as long as
there's like an opportunity forit to move, so like it can be
stagnant at some time.
And then, of course, maybe thechallenge of a stagnant water is
finding what's blocking it andmoving it out of the way so you
can continue to move forward.
And so, yeah, I would say mymetaphor for that is definitely
(11:58):
like just being like water.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Yeah, how are you like water right now?
What's the water doing?
Speaker 2 (12:04):
The water right now is pretty.
I feel like I'm a steady streamright now.
Nothing's too chaotic, it'sreally honestly peaceful and
it's like a good kind of flow.
And I feel like I'm definitelyflowing towards an ocean, just
because there's some crazy stuffcoming up in the pathways of
(12:26):
just getting locations open,being in a new space with a new
team wanting to show up for myteam and really kind of showing
them a different way to be seen,heard and appreciated.
So I feel like I'm in a goodstream right now, but up ahead I
know there's a huge ocean thathas like a lot of huge waves
(12:46):
coming in and I just need toprepare for that.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Yeah, ride the waves right.
Yeah, love it.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
They're on the way, I can see them.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
What does it feel like for you right now?
In terms of like riding thewave, or In terms of kind of
emotionally and physically,where you are right now with the
water, with being kind of inflow.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Yeah, I mean emotionally I feel a little bit
of pressure Again, that pressurethat I'm always putting on
myself.
But I'm not you know, I'mhonestly not a very emotional
(13:34):
person huge capacity to give andlove others, and it's always in
a positive environment.
So emotionally I'm always likevery positive, very uplifting,
and not often am I ever reallyfeeling like down.
And if I do feel down, it'smore of like the stress of like
(13:56):
my expectations for myself andnever, really anything outwardly
, because I mean again, in theindustry you have to have thick
skin.
So a lot of things I don't takepersonally, it's more of my own
personal attack that's hurtingme more than anything else.
And physically, you know I amvery big on being very healthy
and staying in shape and so youknow I'm at the gym five days a
(14:19):
week to give myself.
I always tell people you haveto pour back into yourself.
We are always giving andpouring into others all day.
Every day I pour into fivedifferent locations with full
teams and so you know for me tobe able to not feel drained and
physically just exhausted, andemotionally and mentally
exhausted, the gym has been kindof like my relief, of like some
(14:41):
a time that I can give back tomyself, put back into to me when
it comes to physical, mentaland emotional state.
Um, it's for me to work on myown strengths and and build my
own strengths.
Is is kind of that place for meis the gym.
Um, so I'm very, verydisciplined when it comes to
(15:01):
making that space for myself soI can pour back into myself
comes to making that space formyself so I can pour back into
myself.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
It sounds like you, because you've got five teams,
five locations that you'releading, and soon to be more.
You are feeding five littlestreams, right, that are all
kind of flowing in their owndirection and doing their own
things and have their ownobstacles, yeah, and those are
going to continue to split andgrow, but it sounds like you're
doing a really awesome job ofnurturing yourself and taking
(15:33):
care of yourself first.
So your water is super crystalclear, so you're pouring good
energy and good nutrients andgood water into those streams.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
I am trying my very best.
This is what I say, and again,that's where I go back to you.
Know, you said that to me,right?
You're like you're doing it,you're pouring it in, and of
course, my natural response wasI'm trying, not doing right.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Like, it's like that.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
It's that like yeah, you know what you're right, like
I am doing this and it is greatand it's so amazing and here I
am just reflecting again to whatyou just said is like oh yeah,
well, I'm, I'm trying to do itas best for everybody.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
You're just like.
You're just like kicking itright, you're like reflecting it
back off to me like a ballbouncing off.
You Like nope, there you go.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
My back and forth that I do all the time.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Totally, it's like a ping pong.
We're playing ping pong now.
What would it feel like for youto just sit with that for a
second?
Except you are doing this.
You have earned this, yes.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
You know, I don't know, like I think guilt is the
wrong word because I've, youknow, not deserving, I think, is
like what pops in my head andI'm not sure why that like just
sits with me of like notdeserving.
Maybe it's just past people whodidn't believe in me, you know,
or people who told me that Icouldn't do it, you know, or
(17:00):
people who told me that Icouldn't do it.
So I think that that has a lotto do with why I struggle with
receiving those compliments.
I very often just like kick itright back, you know, no, no, no
, no, you know, it's not, it'snot really that much or that big
of a deal.
Or, you know, I'm never able toaccept it and if I do, it's
like a thank you.
But you know, it's just, it'sjust what I do, like it's never.
(17:21):
It's never, like you said, thatmoment where I'm fully
accepting it and appreciating it.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
You just leaned back a second when you said, like
just fully accepting it, givingyourself that space to accept it
.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
What's that feel like ?
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Um, again, not not deserving.
Like you know, I, before I satwith you, I'm like who in the
world would want to spend sometime to talk to me about the
things that I'm doing?
Um, because I again, like I'mjust so into the grind and the
next project and the next stepthat it's like does it really
(17:57):
matter to really stop and smellthe roses?
You know, when I walk by themall the time and you know, for
me it's just the, for me it's,yeah, it's.
It's like why?
Why does it matter?
Cause, again, I'm always justforward thinking and yeah, like
(18:18):
you saying all that and peoplesaying it to me is it always
feels awkward for me.
I, you know, front facing, I'llalways smile and thank people,
but like leaving it makes mefeel like, oh, okay, Thank you.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Thank you.
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exciting opportunity.
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(19:16):
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Speaker 2 (19:22):
were not deserving and they were questioning why it
matters to stop and celebratetheir achievements and celebrate
the work that they've done themthat it's important for them to
take the time to reflect on thework that they've done, because
(19:47):
the things that they do, it gotdone because they did it and it
was great because they did itand it was because of who they
are that really made it a bigthing.
I tell people in my teams allthe time celebrate your wins,
the smallest ones.
I don't care about the big ones, because everybody will always
celebrate the big ones, but thesmall ones, you know, you got
your checklist up to date today.
Great job.
It wouldn't have happened if itwasn't for you and your
(20:07):
attention to detail and the timethat you took out to get this
done.
So I see you, I appreciate you,and you were just crushing it.
Like I'm so good at pouring backinto others, but then and I
think I've been so programmed tothe point where I've always
(20:28):
poured back into others and Ididn't have circles that I was
getting poured back into,circles of people that were
pouring back into me.
So then I was self, I was doingthat myself, and so I guess,
when others started to do it andmy circle started to attract
people who wanted to pour backinto me, I felt very like why
I've always done this.
(20:48):
I don't need you to do this, Ican do it.
And again, it's that steppingback and letting those who want
to pour into me and giving themspace to pour into me and for me
to accept it, because I'm justthat person I'm like I will to
pour into me and giving themspace to pour into me and for me
to accept it.
Because I'm just that personI'm like.
I will constantly pour intopeople, because I believe in
everybody.
I believe in the best.
I believe that you know, thereis greatness in everyone.
(21:08):
They just need somebody thatcares enough to say, hey, like I
see it in you and I want to behere to help you navigate
through that.
And again, my upbringing Ididn't have parents that were
pouring back into me, so it waslike I needed to pour back into
myself.
The people that I wanted topour into me weren't doing it.
(21:29):
So at one point in time I waslike you know what, don't even
worry about it.
Like I got me, I'll figure itout.
And I mean, I have my husband,which is great, and my daughter,
who are always pouring backinto me every day, and I think
that's another.
You know that's, but they'veseen my struggle and they've
been through my process and sofor me, I think it's easier for
(21:55):
me to accept that becausethey've seen every good and bad,
especially the most worst partsof my journey, and have always
tried to pick me back up.
But for when it's coming fromother people who haven't seen
that journey, for me it just islike I can't really feel very
genuine and received on theother end, because there's so
much more about what I actuallyhad to go through that I don't
(22:16):
think people can understand.
And I think that's where Istruggle with that outside
feedback, because the outsidefeedback is only coming from
people who only see things fromwhat I'm showing in my outside
life and what I'm allowingpeople to see.
So, of course, everything thatI'm putting out is always super
positive and great.
(22:36):
And so everyone's like oh, thisis so you're're.
So, yeah, thank you, that'swhat I'm giving you.
That, that's what I'm likeputting out there for everybody.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Yeah, it's no wonder.
It's no wonder you're in aleadership role.
You've you've been able to takeyour upbringing and identify
what you weren't getting.
To take your upbringing andidentify what you weren't
getting and then build a wholelife and career around making
sure that you're surroundingyourself with people that are
giving it to you, even thoughyou're not necessarily accepting
(23:06):
it all the time, but also beingable to serve other people and
provide what you didn't get tothem every single day in the
hospitality business.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
It's very important for me.
I really I mean, I tell peoplethis is being able to pour back
into others and again I'llrepeat it my capacity to give
and to love is, like you know,infinite.
I feel, like you know, becauseI, growing up, I really, like
you said, I really wanted tofeel these things and I really
(23:37):
wanted to be seen and heard.
Not, you know, at a very youngage.
And I had a daughter when I was18.
And I was like you know what I'mgoing to make sure that I pour
into her every single day,because I don't ever want her to
feel those moments where shedidn't feel like, after doing an
orchestra concert, that afterall of those hours of practicing
and being on stage, that itwasn't good enough or it could
(24:00):
have been better, or oh, youmissed a note, or you're not
sitting in the first chair.
You know, at the end of the day, you're on that stage and
you're performing with yourteams, like I'm so proud of you.
It doesn't matter what chairyou're sitting in, it doesn't
matter if you missed a step, itdoesn't matter if you might have
fumbled in the middle of a song, like I wanted always for her
to feel like, no matter what shedid.
(24:21):
Any effort that was, that wasdone should be celebrated, no
matter how small it was.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
What's on the other side of the limiting belief that
you're telling yourself thatyou do not deserve to be where
you are?
Speaker 2 (24:37):
The other side of that, like the positive side,
it's honestly my work, it'sseeing everything that I've been
able to do, everything thatI've been able to do, and it's
(25:00):
also the people that I'veimpacted and touched.
I am very often reminded by thepeople that I've crossed paths
with of the impact that I make.
So outside of that, like on theopposite side of that, I have
it in bounds, where you know,people are constantly reaching
out and wanting to have coffeeor sharing their stories with me
, or something that I said inthe past.
It still sticks with them everyday.
Like that for me is, yeah, theopposite side of me saying I
(25:23):
don't deserve it, and it's thepeople saying, hey, the one
thing you said in pre-shift 10years ago still resonates with
me today.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
And that's like okay, yeah, no, this is yeah, I'm
glad, like that's why I did it.
It was, you know, in hopes thatthe things that I was sharing
and the space that I was givingwas something that you can use
for life and not just for thetime that we spent in whatever
organization we were in.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Yeah, yeah.
What if you, if you let go ofthat limiting belief?
How would that impact your lifeand your performance?
Speaker 2 (26:02):
I mean I would be unstoppable, right Like I would
just be crushing it.
I think if I didn't have thatself-doubt, I would.
I would take more risk, I wouldbe more bold.
You know I'm, I would, I wouldjust you, just I'd go shout it
to the world and be like hey.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
What would you shout to the world?
Yeah, yeah, what would youshout?
Speaker 2 (26:25):
This is who I am.
This is what I do.
I am a person who overloves andis too caring, and those are
(26:47):
all good things and those areall things that people need.
And here it is in this package.
Take it or leave it.
Always told that I was too niceand I cared too much and I
needed to be more, more sternand and I needed to be more
direct.
And I was like, no, like I,that's not who I am.
And then I had to code switchand I had to try to navigate
(27:12):
those types of leadershipsbecause I was being told not to
lead that way.
And then I realized that, likethat wasn't working, like the
way that you're trying to tellme to be does not work there.
It doesn't sit with people, itdoesn't it?
Really you're leading with fearand ego and and I'm just not
about that.
And so, like, as I've beennavigating my leadership career,
I want to again be my highestand best, but my most authentic
(27:36):
self.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Yeah, and.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
I'm kind of, yeah, like I'm comfortable in your own
skin.
Yeah, In this era again, fromthat transition of like doing
all the work to being the workright, like I did all the work
and I've, I've, I've gonethrough the trenches and I've,
you know, fought all the battlesand now here I am, there is no
war.
All the battles, and now here Iam, there is no war.
(28:04):
There is more of like this,this, this path of just building
and growth and and leadershipand and positivity Right.
So we go from like this sectionhere, where it's like boots on
the ground, hustle hard, keepyour head down to now pouring
into others and coaching anddeveloping.
And this space that I'm inright now I'm super excited
(28:25):
about and I love what I do.
I love love the connections thatI'm making with my teams.
I love watching somebody's facelight up, when I'm like, oh my
gosh, I saw that you organizedthe closet and it is amazing, a
staff member who normallydoesn't dress up and put herself
(28:46):
together in his uniform showsup to work one day with her
makeup done and her hair.
And the first thing I did whenI walked in was like, oh my gosh
, you look so beautiful today.
Those moments mean so much tome and I want to continue doing
that, and when I leave work, Isit there and I'm having
conversations with my husbandand I'm like you know, I wish I
could be this.
And he was like well, you are.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
You are helping.
You are and you are helpingrecognize and appreciate the
people around you and empowerthem to take charge and make an
impact is with something assmall as organizing something
right on the team and thencelebrating their achievements
(29:31):
and and the result is they'reshowing up proud to work with
you and for the company that youwork with every single day.
It's been great.
That's incredible.
That's incredible what comes upfor you when I say that.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
It's a proud moment.
You know.
I've been trying to reflectmore about my wins.
I tell my team all the time,all of your little wins, you
know.
So, like as of recently and whenI say recently I'm only talking
like maybe a week- or two whereI am like, oh my gosh, I had
such a great meeting today andit really resonated and I try to
(30:13):
be in that moment and celebratethat moment for myself.
Try to be in that moment andcelebrate that moment for myself
.
And again, my husband's beenthe greatest supporter and
number one fan, because I'llcall him and I'll be like, oh my
gosh, I had this meeting, I wasconcerned, but it ended up this
way and they really feltappreciated and the first thing
(30:34):
he'll always say is great job,not surprised, because it's you.
And then it's like me kickingback and I'm like, oh yeah, yeah
it is me, but still wasn't thatgreat.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
You just, you just took two seconds to celebrate it
and go yeah, that's great,accept it, and then you just
jump right back into it.
So maybe I need to extend thatcelebration time right Like I
need to Sure what do you, whatdo you need to let go of in?
Speaker 2 (31:01):
order to do that.
I don't know, I think it's thatkind of maybe I need to take
off the horse blinders, becauseit's always that like straight
focus, vision, and maybe if Itook those off and not feel, not
put the pressure on myself thatI have to keep pushing and not
taking a break.
You know, it's that hustlementality where I feel like a
(31:26):
hustle mentality is great forentrepreneurs, it's great for
business owners, it's great forleaders, but very often you're
not giving yourself that time tojust stop, reflect, appreciate,
enjoy.
You're going to think this iscrazy, but since I started my
transition from one job to thenext, we never celebrated, we
never took that moment to go outand have dinner.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
That's not crazy, that's what you do.
You've just spent 26 minutescommunicating that you don't
take time to celebrate.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
Like we never really.
It was just like hey, I'mleaving one, starting the next.
They were very open of like hey, like, give us a start date.
I gave myself two days, I gavemyself a weekend from one job to
the next and I was like thosetwo days are going to be fun,
it's great, I'm so excited forthis new opportunity.
And that was what was drivingthat short term break was like
(32:20):
I'm so excited to go do morework.
And I think it's at that timewhere I need to again pause for
a second and be like wow, lookat the opportunity I'm about to
have and how exciting is this.
And let's, go's go and, youknow, celebrate what it took to
(32:41):
get here.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
What did it take?
Speaker 2 (32:44):
So much Lots of long hours and doing everyone's job
and not being seen, and it tooka lot of trying to code, switch
and adapt so I can be in therooms.
You know it took being a yesperson and never saying no just
(33:07):
so I can be seen, only to findout that I still wasn't seen.
It took a lot of you know youcan't do this and a lot of you
know you're not ready for this.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Hey there, podcast friends.
I hope you're enjoying theseimpactful conversations and
leadership insights I'm bringingyou each week.
Before we dive back intotoday's episode, I want to take
a moment and reach out and ask asmall favor.
That would go a long way insupporting the show.
If you've been loving thecontent I'm providing, please
take a moment to leave a ratingand review.
(33:40):
Wherever you listen to yourpodcasts, Not only does it make
my day, but it also plays apivotal role in helping the show
grow.
Your reviews boost myvisibility, attract new
listeners and encourage excitingguests to join me on the mic.
So if you want to be part of myshow's growth journey, hit that
(34:01):
review button and let me knowwhat you think.
Thanks a million for beingawesome listeners.
Where are you at today?
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Very empowered.
I'm very I'm again like Ijoined a team that was like, oh
my gosh, we brought in a leaderwho ran Michelin and James Beard
concepts and and everybody'slike, wow, this is so great.
And I'm like, no, no, no, no,no, no, I'm just normal, no, key
, we're going to have fun, it'sgoing to be great.
(34:31):
Um, so it's.
It's stepping into this newspace of again.
My teams are not used to beingpraised, Neither am I.
I think me getting the spaceand the autonomy to do what I do
best where I'm at is very newfor me.
(34:51):
My leadership team believe inme so much and, like, pour into
me and were like you know what?
Like you have great ideas, gofor it.
So I'm feeling very much likemy leaders are feeling with me
showing up in their spaces ofbeing you got this, you're a
crusher.
And I, too, am on the other sideof it with my leadership or
(35:11):
with my executive teams, andthey're like no, these are all
great ideas, go for it.
And I'm sitting here like, areyou sure?
Like, do you need me to do?
Like, do you need a proposal?
Do I need to?
Like budget this out for you?
And they're like no, no, no,Like we're pretty sure you've
already like done your duediligence.
You're good, Go crush it.
And I'm like, okay, Um sure.
(35:32):
So I think, on on the otherside of it, I feel very much
like my teams, of getting havinga space and people that are
actually truly believing in whoyou are as your authentic self
and allowing you to do your joband be your highest and best in
a space that is very safe andsupportive and empowering.
(35:53):
I just don't let my team see itright.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
And empowering, I just don't let my teens see it
right.
What's the, what's it going tofeel like?
Speaker 2 (36:10):
Well, let me, let me ask this what's waiting for you
when you get to the ocean.
You know I'm hoping, when I getto the ocean, what's waiting
for me?
I'm hoping that I can actuallyfind the courage to step out on
my own and and and have my ownbusiness eventually.
(36:33):
Like I've always talked aboutthat, like I've always said, you
know and I started in thekitchen my passion is in the
kitchen.
I wanted, I wanted to be a chef.
I was told that I couldn't be achef because I'm too bubbly and
I'm very small and that kind ofpersonality doesn't exist in
there.
But I would love to, and andagain, my journey has pivoted in
so many ways but, like, at theend, I would love to be able to
(36:55):
have my own business in a senseof like, where I can still
impact others.
I really want to teachleadership on and leadership in
terms of like, emotionalintelligence and more thoughtful
leadership.
I feel like leadership istaught when managers get
onboarded and there's an MITtraining.
(37:16):
We teach systems, sops,financial literacy, but we don't
have a coaching element toteach our managers how to coach
and lead their teams.
We are not teaching them aboutempathy.
We are not teaching thememotional intelligence.
We are not teaching leaders howto lead, but we're giving them
all the tools to run operations,like we're giving them
(37:36):
everything they need to runoperations.
Like we're giving themeverything that they need to
check their labor.
Read a P&L report.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it Right?
Speaker 2 (37:45):
So like we're giving you all these things, go run a
restaurant, but we're notteaching you how to build teams.
We're not teaching you how tobuild a bench, we're not
teaching you how to show up foryour teams and how important
your presence is to anenvironment.
And I think that's what I wantto do, like I want to go in and
I want to teach people that thepower of leadership and the
(38:09):
power of presence can reallymake and break your businesses.
And you know, in a businesswhere it is led by people, it is
so important to show up foryour people.
And how do you do it?
While still staying verybusiness focused and operations
focused and financial focused,but making this, this idea of
(38:31):
empathy, leadership, the toppriority priority.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
Yeah, I mean, I've got this just beautiful
visualization of you making itto the beach.
You've just gotten out of thewater, you know that everything
is calm, your teams are all setup behind you and you start
walking down the beach to findyour next journey.
They say we're the best atteaching.
What we still need to learn,right, that emotional
(38:55):
intelligence, the celebration,the leadership component, and
you're doing an incredible jobof leading by example already,
and your team is reallyresponding to that.
I think, for my two cents, forwhat it's worth, that you are
such an incredible humble leaderand that's your superpower.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Thank you, thank you, and that's honestly.
Thank you, thank you, andthat's honestly.
That's what I want to do.
I want that.
That's how I want to be seenwhen I show up in these spaces.
That's that's really how I wantto be seen.
I want to be a selfless leaderand I want to be able to.
You know, when my, when the Diowalks into an establishment.
(39:34):
I don't want tension, you know.
I don't want this like, oh crap, dio's here, did we put our
sanny buckets away?
I don't want that Like.
I want it to be like, oh mygosh, I'm so glad, I can't wait
to hear what's going on.
Like I can't wait to have aconversation and share what I
did this weekend with her.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
Like I want to fill people in a more uplifting and
spiritual way yeah, cause it'simportant Sounds like you are
exactly where you need to beright now.
You are at.
You said it at the beginningyou're at the top of the
mountain.
You've spent all these yearshearing the nose, hearing the,
what you can't and can't do.
You've been climbing themountain and now you're at the
top.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
Yeah, and I have to be like yeah, thank you.
I have to like be excited aboutit, right, like I gotta be like
, wow, like look at the viewfrom up here, cause I guarantee
you I have not taken a look atthe view, yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
Take those blinders off Right.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
Right Cause.
Speaker 1 (40:39):
I'm like, oh, look at that peak over there, it's a
little higher, Let me see if Ican get over there.
A hundred percent.
Yeah, noki, you are incredible.
Thank you so much for sharingyour journey.
I resonate so much with so manythings that you've said.
It's so exciting to see youknow.
We've just connected recentlyand last time we were together
we were in front of speaking infront of 200 people, which is
terrifying.
And now to check in six weekslater, a couple of weeks later,
(41:08):
however long it's been, I'mterrible with time and just see
the path that you're on and theempowerment that you have around
you and the support is justmagical.
So congratulations.
You're a total badass and we'reso lucky to have you in the
industry.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
Thank you so much and I'm going to sit with that.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
Okay, good, good, I love it, I love it.
Well, that's going to do it forus this week.
Please share this episode withanyone that you know that could
benefit, and we will talk to youall next week.
Thanks so much.
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