October 20, 2023 • 57 mins
Ever felt like you're trapped in a numbing routine, seeking external validation while neglecting your inner peace? Discover how our guest, Taylor, broke free from the pernicious cycle of addiction, trauma, and self-deprecation. Taylor takes us on an empowering journey, recounting her battle with addiction, her experiences with sexual assault and abuse, and her transition to a life of self-care, boundary-setting, and forgiveness.
Filled with profound insights, Taylor shares how she shed the damaging labels that once defined her. She illustrates the danger of the 'work hard, numb, hard' mentality prevalent in our society, emphasizing the importance of self-worth over external validation. You'll hear about her fear of change, the courage she mustered to step into the unknown, and the transformative power of forgiveness - towards herself and others.
In our conversation, we delve into Taylor's process of self-discovery, examining the significance of setting boundaries for personal protection and relationship preservation. We also discuss Taylor's approach to self-care, and the importance of recognizing and detaching from labels to pursue authentic self-growth. Be inspired by Taylor's journey, as she beautifully illustrates how to use your pain to serve others, emphasizing that we are all, indeed, enough. So, join us for this riveting episode, as you may find Taylor's story a beacon of hope and inspiration in your journey to peace.
Please visit us at: http://retreattopeace.com to find out more about the shows you love to listen to, the upcoming retreats we have planned and your favorite merchandise to help support those in need. Also, send us your testimonial of how the show or Catherine has helped you. We would love to share your story on the air.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Hello, this is Retreat to Peace and this is
Katherine Daniels, your host.
I am sending a very specialmessage out into the world today
.
I know a lot of us are touchedby someone in our life who has
an addiction and it seems that,the way of the world, there's
(00:55):
more and more people that areturning to drugs and alcohol and
various vices to escape what ishappening in the world today.
I wanted to take a moment andjust talk through how intimate
(01:19):
this is as far as what it isthat we go through and how we go
through it and navigate throughit.
So today I have a very specialguest who shares with us her
journey.
She is a recovered addict andshe shares with us a very
(01:40):
intimate journey and how she hadto give herself forgiveness,
but not just herself, but otherpeople.
I think one of the things thathappens is when we are in our
journey, we lose sight of things, the small things, the small
things that occur that maybe wejust overlooked.
(02:03):
And when we identify thosesmall things, when you look back
on them and how they add up andhow they affect an individual,
it can be really profound.
I know for myself personally.
I have been touched by manypeople as far as their addiction
(02:26):
and various forms of addictionand have worked with them in
regards to being suicidal, beingin the depths of hell when they
were in such a space that wasdangerous for themselves, and I
would encourage anyone andeveryone if anyone is listening
(02:52):
to this message today and youare suicidal, please, please,
find yourself some support inyour community and reach out for
that support.
You do not have to do thisalone.
A lot of times, people gothrough a variety of things in
(03:13):
their life and they lose theirway because they've lost their
connectedness.
Please, continue to reach outto other people.
Especially now.
It is important that everyoneis staying connected to other
individuals your family, yourfriends.
(03:35):
Don't isolate yourself.
Allow yourself to be vulnerableenough to invite someone in and
allow them to help you.
Life really is about this yinand yang concept where, when
someone is feeling weak, there'ssomeone else that can be your
(03:59):
strength and give you thesupport and vice versa.
I know currently there areseveral people in my life that
are going through some really,really life-transforming things
that are completely turningtheir lives upside down inside
(04:20):
out and are changing their livesfor what is to come in the
years to come, and this momentis doing that for a lot of
people.
I've heard from many peopleabout people that are moving,
people that are leavingrelationships, people that are
reinventing themselves as far aswhat their life looks like.
(04:43):
It's been a very unique spacein the sense that people have
been forced to go inward, andtoday, as part of the message of
going inward, is this messageof forgiveness, this message of
not just forgiving oneself, butforgiving other people as well.
(05:06):
One of the things that we talkabout in our interview today is
around boundaries, and for manypeople, this idea of boundaries
is a difficult one.
For a long time I know formyself I didn't live with
(05:26):
boundaries.
I didn't know what boundarieswere, and I always said yes to
everything and anything.
If someone needed my help, evenif it was a detriment to myself
, I would say yes.
I expended myself at everyoneelse's expense and eventually
(05:47):
that got me to a place that Iwas not well.
I had to relearn how not to dothat, how to understand what I
needed to protect myself fromnot being well.
In a moment like this, thinkabout how you're feeling, think
(06:11):
about what kind of energiesyou're taking on with other
people, think about what itmeans to be in the space that
you're living in today.
You don't need to reinvent orisolate yourself or succumb to a
(06:31):
place that is not authentic toyourself or use vices.
That is not going to be in yourbest self A lot of times.
The best way to heal ourselvesis to make the moment-to-moment
decisions around healing, askingyourself the question is this
(06:55):
something that is going to helpme or heal me, or is this
something that's going to hurtme?
Many times, decisions are madebased on information that may
not even be true.
So ask yourself when you'refeeling challenged or you're not
certain of something is thistrue?
(07:17):
Because sometimes, if we askthat question, we might find
that it's not necessarily true.
Maybe it's true for you, butsomeone else's experience may
look different.
One time I had heard about twopeople standing across from each
(07:39):
other and someone had drawn anumber in between them.
On one side, to one person, itlooked like the number six and
on the other side, to the otherperson, it looked like the
number nine, and both peoplewere arguing about whether it
(08:00):
was a six or whether it was thenumber nine.
In reality, what was in frontof them was true for each person
.
You see, everything hassubjectivity to it.
What one person's experience is, it's just that it's their
(08:23):
experience and it is true forthem.
Every individual has the rightto that experience and to own
that experience.
If you are living in a spacewhere your experience is
unhealthy, look for ways to makeit healthy.
(08:44):
Look for ways to invite someenergy that is going to be
youthful and fun.
Look for things that are goingto make you happy.
What does that mean for you?
In this segment, when I talk tomy guest speaker, taylor, she
(09:07):
is this beautiful, radiant soulthat has so much life and has
been on this incredible,incredible journey, and she
talks about how uncomfortable itwas to go through some of these
experiences, but how beautifulall of these experience had,
(09:31):
manifested in such a way that itgave her permission to be who
she is today, living even moreauthentically in herself in her
heart space.
Taylor's discussion aroundlabels is also quite unique, and
(09:52):
I also think that a lot oftimes, labels that are put on to
individuals are never their own.
They're usually something thatsomeone else has given them.
I know for myself.
I lived for a long time withlabels that were put on to me by
(10:13):
adults in my life and I neverunderstood during my childhood,
in early young adulthood, why Ihad this nagging feeling,
persistent nagging feeling ofsomething that just didn't feel
right, something that just feltoff as far as what it was that I
(10:37):
was experiencing For myself.
I was constantly told, over andover and over, that I would
never amount to anything.
Well, that was a projectionthat someone tried to put on to
me, to bring me down, andthroughout my life I was
(11:00):
constantly striving to show them.
Quote unquote.
It took me a long time tofinally identify how that
labeling was transforming mylife.
Even though I used it for good,it did a lot of negative in my
(11:22):
thought process Because it droveme to do things that maybe I
wasn't really happy about doing.
Maybe it was more about tryingto prove a point that I really
didn't have to prove.
It's interesting how we gothrough life and we pick up
(11:44):
things and we don't reallyunderstand why at the time, and
sometimes that's just personalgrowth in part of our journey,
and sometimes we just need tounderstand that maybe that isn't
for us, maybe that's somethingabout somebody else who is
insecure with their own place,with their own well-being.
(12:08):
Isn't it said that when there'sa finger pointing at you,
there's three fingers pointingback.
I'm not sure, but I know formyself.
It took me a while to learnforgiveness over the fact that
that wasn't for me, that was forsomeone else, that was part of
(12:33):
their journey, part of theirstory.
When we remove labels from whowe are, it's really interesting
because it changes the dynamicsof everything.
At three years old, I waslocked in a closet by my mother
and what I know is that when weare born, we come into the light
(12:54):
, and when we die, we go intothe light, and when we are in
this in-between space, thelabels are what are put onto us
or how we identify ourselves.
But we are not born with labels, nor do we leave with labels.
(13:16):
So I invite you to listen tothis incredible journey that
Taylor brings us on, inviting usinto her world and inviting us
on her journey of how she findsforgiveness Forgiveness not just
for herself, but for her fatherand her family.
(13:39):
Taylor is an amazing individualthat has literally, literally,
transformed her entire life,just at a young age, just moving
through what it is that makesher her best self and happy in
(14:03):
the place that she's in.
As you listen to her story,take it all in and understand
that her heart is so genuine andso pure and for most of my
interactions with anybody andeveryone that I know personally
(14:27):
and even through acquaintance,that when someone is going
through addiction and hasrecovered from addiction, these
people have literally beenthrough hell and back.
Their souls are so beautiful.
Their souls are so beautifuland so special because they do
(14:54):
understand what it means to livein a space of hell.
They do understand thisauthenticity of having
appreciation and gratitude.
I personally have sat in aspiritual worship center with a
(15:19):
community of recovered addictswhether they were drug addicts,
alcoholics and one by one, theywould go up in front of the
group and share their testimonyand how, in their darkest hour,
how their higher power came tothem and shared a message that
(15:42):
was so profound that it madethem change their entire life
and a lot of those labels werejust removed and the forgiveness
that they had for themselveswas so impactful and so powerful
.
And it really started with them.
And it started also with thisidea that their higher power was
(16:07):
with them.
Their higher power had alwaysbeen with them and I would say
to anyone who thinks that you'realone, you're never, ever alone
.
You always have the guidance ofyour higher power and people
(16:29):
that love you and are prayingfor you and trying to help you
and support you.
Please allow them in.
Please connect with yourcommunities, please connect with
your family, your friends andother individuals and, as always
(16:49):
, please, moment to moment,every day, moment to moment,
hour to hour, make a decisionthat is around health being your
best self.
Thank you for being with ustoday and I'm excited to jump
(17:13):
into my interview with Taylorand, as always, please
authentically live your life inpeace and be gentle with your
process, because everyone isgrowing, everyone is
uncomfortable and it's okay tobe in, so let's jump in with our
(17:33):
interview with Taylor.
Hey you, wherever you are inthe world right now.
(18:04):
Thank you so much for beinghere with me.
We know that we live in somevolatile times and we know that
the world is changing, so let'screate a bridge as we travel
through one another's countries,removing all labels, coming
together as one people, findingour home in one world.
And as we do this, this is whyour signature talk today having
(18:27):
forgiveness during uncomfortabletimes is so important.
And today I'm very excited towelcome my guest speaker, Taylor
Martin Hi.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Taylor Hi, thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
I am so excited to have Taylor today.
She actually is coming to usfrom France and she's the
daughter of addiction and aformer member of the work hard,
numb, hard society.
Taylor knows the suffocatingeffects of addiction and fear.
In a pursuit to find herauthentic self, taylor removed
(19:05):
all titles and affiliations toher name, becoming just Taylor.
She allowed herself to journeyaround the world and live the
life of her literal dreams.
Her mission to inspire and tobe inspired led her to forge new
career paths as both a writerand a teacher.
In her writings, taylor sharesher triumphs and overcoming
(19:29):
limitations created by her pastof addiction, sexual assault and
abuse.
As a teacher, she coaches womenglobally on how to find and
pursue their greatest potentials, showing them how to detach
themselves from their defininglabels so that they too can face
their fears and become theirtruest selves.
(19:51):
Taylor, this whole work hard,numb, hard society I'm sorry
you're going to have to go backup and explain a little bit to
the audience about what thatmeans.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Work hard, numb hard.
You know it's really funny.
I just got like incrediblyemotional listening to my own
bio.
I think it's just like it waslike a nice refresher of myself.
The work hard, numb hardsociety.
I think that it's very typicalin American culture.
We're taught to go, go, go, gogo.
Working more is producing more,and producing more and working
(20:26):
more is a reflection of ourvalue, not only to ourselves but
to society and to the world asa whole.
Because I couldn't find valuewithin myself in any way, I
really hated myself.
The only way I could providevalue was by working, and I
worked all the time.
I worked 90 hours a week, likeon average, and then when I
(20:49):
wasn't working, then I wasnumbing my pain and so I was
getting very, very drunk.
I was consuming a lot ofprescription pills.
I was not feeding myself, I wasblacking out a lot.
I was just any pain, all of thepain that I carried with me
(21:09):
from my childhood and my collegeexperiences, and as a young
adult I numbed either by workingor I numbed by using external
forces, including men.
I use men also to numb.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
Yeah, and then your process of removing labels.
I mean, I'm sure part of thatwas just being associated with
trauma and some of what you weregoing through.
Is that right?
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Yeah, we don't know what we absorb.
Parents don't know what theygive to children We've talked
about them before we don't knowwhat we're giving or what we're
teaching, and so what we may beteaching is family pride.
The child may and this is whatI did.
My dad was teaching me beingreally proud of who we are, and
what happened was I looked atthe way that I look and I looked
(22:01):
at my family and I was like Idon't look like you all.
There's something wrong with me.
And then I looked at myfamily's education, my cousin's
education and their SES statusbecause they had more money than
we did and I was like I don'tfit in there either, like I
don't fit in in any way.
And so, in addition to like notlooking and feeling like I
(22:25):
matched my family, I also hadlike a lot of turmoil between my
parents because they were bothvery ill and we had two broken
people who took it out on eachother physically and through
addiction, and so, like myhousehold was really chaotic and
really there was just a lot.
So like I felt like therealways needed to be control and
(22:45):
that I didn't have any control,and so that was something that
was wrong with me and then Icarried that through and in
carrying those pains I absorbedother traumas, so sexual assault
, addiction, domestic abuse andthose kind of attached
themselves to my worth and mylabeling.
So I was a victim and I wasworthless and I was just a party
(23:09):
girl and I was just just.
But in all these just were justlike reflections of not labels,
of not being enough.
And so I tried to do I justcouldn't be, I couldn't let
myself be what I wanted to bebecause I wasn't deserving of it
.
And then eventually thatattached to like I'm Taylor,
(23:30):
what is my value?
How do I sell myself to otherpeople?
Because I can't really sellmyself to myself.
Well, I'm Taylor with thisorganization.
I'm Taylor with this company.
I'm Taylor, the fiance of thisman.
I'm Taylor, I own this.
Like these are all the things Ihave.
Look at all of my things andstuff, label, label, label.
Do you find value in me?
Yet, like, how can I sellmyself to you?
(23:52):
And I lost.
When I lost them and when Ifelt like I had nothing was when
I ultimately gained myself.
I stopped caring truly abouteverything and I felt completely
lost.
And when I lost the I'm thefiance of because he canceled
(24:12):
the wedding, and when I lost thewell, this, when I realized
like this is not my, this careeris not my soul, so I'm not
doing this anymore, and Idecided to give up on that, and
when I kind of just stoppedcaring because at some point we
all kind of get low enough orwe're just like I just don't
care I went to a group of peopleand I was like I'm Taylor.
(24:34):
It was like a group that Ididn't know that I was traveling
with and I just said I'm Taylorand normally, like everybody
else is like I'm Taylor, I'mso-and-so and I'm an actress,
I'm so-and-so and I'm a dentist,and I was just Taylor.
And it turned.
It was.
It was like someone turned on alight in my head and I was like
, oh, I'm just Taylor, that's it, that's it and it.
(24:56):
And that was just like thisreally beautiful catalyst that
sparked an entire life change.
But it was just like that onething of like I don't have
anything, I'm just me.
Oh yeah, I'm just me, and itwas.
It's like a ramp up, it'sexciting, versus, not enough.
For the first time in my entirelife.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
I love this whole process of discovery because I
feel like right now, in ourcurrent environment, there's so
many people that have to goinward into those dark spaces
and rediscover who they are andstrip away all that external
stuff that they definethemselves with right.
(25:39):
So I think you know everythingyou just said is so on point and
it kind of gives everybody thepermission just to be in their
space and be okay with that.
So I love that you're sharingthat with us.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
Thank you really thank you and I know it's really
hard in the beginning whenyou're so used to looking at
your.
I mean, especially with thepandemic there were a lot.
I was stuck, not stuck, but Iwas totally isolated with myself
and that was a gift 100%.
I got to really heal thingsthat like I thought that I had
(26:14):
already healed and I did not.
But there I know a lot ofpeople who were with their
partners or with their families,and those unresolved same thing
like with myself but with otherpeople those unresolved things
start coming up and you're likewhat am I who?
I'm so angry at you and I'vebeen angry at you since like
1945, but I never told you andall these things.
(26:36):
And we have the opportunity tojust kind of just like, sit in
it, which is what we have to do,but we avoid it.
We don't sit in it and saidwe're like, oh, I got to go to
work, oh, I got to go to the gym, oh, I got to go take Johnny to
his piano lessons, but I don'thave time to sit and do it.
And then we're forced to lookat it and it's like this big,
ugly, heavy, million pound rockthat we've been schlepping
(26:58):
around.
And when we look at it, it'sreally not even that ugly, it's
just like it's so.
There's so much depth, we canlike stick our hand in it and
we're like, wow, there's a lotof stuff in here that we didn't
really know about.
Like we look at our partner,our friends or our family and
we're so focused on like youwronged me, you did this, you,
(27:19):
you, you, you, you.
And we never actually take thetime to like look at ourselves
and we're like well, what am Idoing?
Why am I?
Why is this making me upset?
Why am I contributing to thefire?
Why am I feeling this fire sohard?
Why am I carrying this torch?
Why am I?
What about me?
What am I doing?
And when we flip the lens andjust look at ourselves which is
what the pandemic has providedan opportunity for us to do we
(27:44):
get to.
We get to, we get to do ourportion of the work.
And it's not our responsibilityand I think this is where a lot
of relationships crack it's notour responsibility to make sure
that somebody else does theirwork.
Like, well, you're not showingup and you're not going to
couples therapy and you're not,you're not, you're not.
It's an opportunity for us tolook inward and to take care and
(28:05):
do our part.
Because when we do our part andwhen we shed all that BS and
when we really heal and it's somuch, it's like it's just like
so much for every human on theplanet, like I know it.
I'm like heavy feeling about it, but like there's so much.
But when we do our part just toheal ourselves, it's cosmic how
(28:27):
things kind of fall in line andit and it's once we quit
focusing on anybody else outsideof ourselves.
But we don't know that we likeour egos and whatever else
external forces like trick usinto thinking that we have to
focus on everything around us.
Sorry for all my gestures.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Nobody can see your gestures.
That are listening to it.
But for the people that arelistening to it, Taylor is in
this beautiful setting.
She's got this beautifulgreenery behind her.
She's got the water.
You'll have to tell us againwhere you are exactly like with
the water.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
I'm in Montpellier on the les la les.
It runs.
I don't know how far it runs.
I knew that I actually knew theanswer to that yesterday and
today I've forgotten.
But it runs pretty far and it'sjust like this really beautiful
river.
That is my everything.
She is my soul sister.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
It is beautiful and you know everything about.
It's very beautiful and sereneand just very tranquil.
So when we're going throughthis process, it's really
interesting because I'm sure youhave a lot to share with us in
regards to what you did toyourself, in a sense, when you
(29:44):
weren't forgiving of someone.
Or you talk about these labelsthat were put onto you, but you
kind of adopted those labels aswell, right, because you didn't
know any different, or you were,when you were young and you
were developing and learning.
This has kind of become part ofyour script that was in your
head.
(30:04):
So how did that affect you andI know you have this addiction
but how did that affect you asfar as causing you to find a way
to disconnect from it and whatdid that do to you?
Speaker 2 (30:23):
I.
So I looked at the labels and Ilooked at what those qualities
like, what the qualities of aperson with that label have, and
that's what we like.
I think that's what everybodydoes like.
What are the qualities of adaughter?
What are the conventional,according to convention and
societal norms?
What are their qualities of adaughter?
(30:43):
What are the qualities of awoman who has been in,
experienced domestic abuse tothe degree that I didn't?
And I think there's all formsof verbal abuse, eating disorder
, whatever, like.
What are the qualities of aperson, or do I think those
qualities of a person are?
And the thing is like I wasraised in a way that was like we
weren't very wealthy but I wasraised to think really
(31:05):
pretentiously and so like in myhead, a person who experiences
the things that I experiencedand the person who did the
things that I did was just scumof the earth, just awful.
It was like not even worthhaving a breath on the planet,
and so like that's what Ithought about myself.
(31:25):
And when I looked at thequalities of the person that
matched those labels and then myactual qualities, they didn't
line up.
Yes, I experienced domesticabuse, but no, I didn't like I
didn't have those otherqualities that, like I told
myself that that person had yes,I am a party girl, but also
(31:48):
like I'm incredibly spiritual,that, yes, I healed by doing
substances, but also like Idon't lie, cheat and steal and
not that those are bad, thoseare all actions out of pain but
like I had other qualities.
It was like really confusing tome when I started looking at
the qualities of the labelsversus the qualities that I
(32:10):
actually had and realizing thatlike we're so, when I realized
that we're multifaceted, thatthere's no one way, one
conventional definition ofanything, it got even it gets
more confusing.
You're like what I can do thisand that.
Like what does that mean?
How can I be this and that?
But the reality is like we canbe this and that.
(32:31):
And when I looked at how all ofthese labels had prevented me
from really living the way Iwanted to live, I got like this
gross feeling of shame and Iasked myself what will I think
about myself in 60 years?
I'm on my deathbed.
What does Taylor think aboutthe life that she's lived if I
continue to live the life thatI've been living, the way that
(32:53):
I'm living it?
And that like feeling just likeI almost vomited.
It was just like fear, shame,regret nothing.
You never, I never fully livedbecause I was so attached to
what I thought society expectedof me and I thought that I
expected of myself.
Except for that, I never hadthose fantasies Like I never,
really I've never fantasizedabout being married.
(33:14):
I've never fantasized abouthaving a family when I was a
little like never my entire life.
The things that I fantasizedabout were like travel and
adventure and becoming a writerand teaching and growing and
like exploring and like reallypursuing my curiosities and even
like spirituality.
Even as a little child like Ireally was into the idea of it,
(33:38):
but I didn't understand thatthere were other options besides
Christianity.
I didn't know that at the time,and so when I started pursuing
them and I started allowingmyself just to do the things I
was afraid of and it was arequirement of 2019, if you have
never done it, you will do it.
If you are afraid to do it,you're gonna do it anyways.
If there is no guarantee thatyou will die, you are doing it
(34:01):
and I did it, and every time Idid something, it was like I
shed another layer of skin and Irealized I'm so much more
capable than I knew if I theshell just like, kept me boxed
in and it was so bizarre that,as those like well, a party girl
and the last one was like mysobriety, like cause Taylor is
(34:22):
like, I'm a party girl, I'm verysocial, I'm very fun, I'm loud,
I'm also a Martin and we have Iwas taught like we are the life
of the party and I've carriedthat my entire life and like now
I'm 33, I was 32, when, likethis, like well, is it possible
to be a party girl and a Martinand sober, is that possible?
(34:42):
Well, I don't know, but I don'tknow why I'm so.
I've never tried, I've neverdone anything sober before.
I've never been, I've nevertraveled sober, I've never dated
sober, I've never done allthese things sober.
So I'm gonna try it and I am onmy.
I'm in my 11th month of sobrietyand I was so afraid.
I was afraid that I couldn't beloved.
I was afraid I couldn't besocial, I was afraid I couldn't
(35:03):
handle pain.
And let me tell you, as we allin the world know, of pain of
2020, cause it is a, it's been,we are unified by pain of this
year.
Experiencing pain and is thebest soberly is the best, is
(35:23):
truly the best remedy.
I've been able to forgive peoplethat I I could never have
forgiven if I'd been drinking,and that's like.
That's how it so.
Like back to the originalquestion like how did I deal
with it?
I've been able to look at a lotof the things on a lot of my
actions, but I thought that I'dmoved past and I've done a lot
of things out of pain and I'vedone a lot of things out of
(35:44):
sadness and a lot of things that, like, I'm not proud that I did
them at all, and I've had toforgive that version of myself
and tell myself that, like it'sokay, cause I'm learning and I'm
sharing my experience so thatother people don't have to
experience the same things thatI experienced.
Like that's my way of forgivingmyself and forgiving other
(36:05):
people who I know.
I know that they're acting outof pain themselves.
And I have the lens now, becauseI've forgiven myself.
I have the lens to be able tosay like you're acting out of
pain, you don't know any better.
If you knew better, you woulddo better, because that's the
rule.
My Angelou said, it overWinfrey says it.
(36:27):
It's true when you know better,you do better.
I'm able to view them withcompassion, and just because I
forgive them doesn't mean theyhave to be welcome in an active
part of my life.
I can say in my head to myhigher power I wanna forgive
them and release them and sendthem with love, and they don't.
I don't have to interact withthem.
That's my choice.
It's also like that's a verybig part of forgiveness is like
(36:49):
having healthy boundaries andallowing ourselves to love well.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Yeah, and you're part of your process, like the
cycling that you kind of havegone through with the labeling
and then trying to release thatand shed that, like you said.
I think that's really reallyhard for people to do because
there's a lot of fear that goesinto it.
You've talked a little bitabout that, a fear kind of not
(37:17):
knowing who you will be on theother side and what that's gonna
look like.
A fear of being in unfamiliarspace and territory where it's
like will people still accept mein my new skin per se quote
unquote and I think there's fora lot of people it's just easier
(37:38):
just to be comfortable in theirsame space because that's what
they know.
So how do you bust through thisfear factor where you're kind
of like no whole bars, I'm justgonna go for it and I'm gonna
try this and just know that it'sgonna be okay on the other side
?
Speaker 2 (37:56):
It's not.
I think that that's.
I think we think that it's like, well, we're jumping ahead
first and we don't know if it'sshallow or deep, and that's not
how it is.
It's very small, like when wedo it like that it doesn't last.
It's the same thing as like adiet or any sort of like drastic
lifestyle change.
(38:17):
When we go ahead first, we burnout quick.
It's a slow burn, it's okay.
Well, I know how I want this tolook like and we can take like
very specific scenarios.
Like I know how I want myrelationships to look like with
my partner.
I know how I want myrelationship with my parent to
look like.
This is how it looks like now.
(38:37):
What are the things that I cando?
What are the situations thatcome up that really like fire it
up and like I use my like.
An example is like with my dad.
Like my dad was a horriblealcoholic.
We had a full blowout in 2017.
I like I soberly attacked mydad because he was so
(38:58):
intoxicated that he said he saidthings that like it just
triggered me and that's nothealthy and I knew it wasn't
healthy.
But because I use the excusethat family is obligated, then I
put myself in unhealthysituations.
And so I looked at therelationship and I'm like that's
not how Taylor Martin shows upin anything.
Taylor is not an attacker,taylor's not that angry, taylor
doesn't do that.
(39:19):
What do I want my relationshipwith my dad to look like?
What does it look like now?
And then, what can I doactively to address it?
And it was very small, likeokay, sorry, I'm not going to be
there, because that's one thingthat I can control, because I
love my daddy so much.
(39:39):
I love him so much for, likealcohols when he present and I'm
not going to present.
That was very easy.
I didn't show up for a lot ofthings.
And then the and then, like Iwas able to like okay, so like
conversations mean that we canonly do it in this timeframe
because, like, these are thetime frames that he's sober, and
then, like that kind of changeand that got really drastic and
things still didn't like reallywork out.
And so I was like, hey, daddy,not an ultimatum, just like,
(39:59):
this is not healthy for me rightnow and I've got to work on
myself.
So we're going to take a littlebreak from communication and
I'm sorry if you don'tunderstand, but like, this is
about me, this is not about you,and remembering that, like, the
way that we show up is about us, not about them.
And that was really scary.
But I started with what can I doto fix this very specific
(40:21):
scenario?
And it can be like withanything.
It's like okay, well, I knowthat when I'm at work and I go
to the coffee machine and thatother person walks up, it makes
me anxious because I don't likethat person or whatever.
Well, what can I do to controlthat I won't go to that coffee
machine?
I'm bringing my own coffee fromwork, from home.
So, like very small steps ofhow can I protect myself?
(40:41):
How can I protect myself?
How can I protect myself?
And then they lead to what'sthe next step?
What's the next step?
What's the next step?
I don't know if those are goodexamples.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
I think they are, and it creates a process of putting
boundaries in place.
And part of putting boundariesin place is, to your point, you
have to find ways to take careof yourself.
And it's not always about theother person, it's about you.
And it's that inward process ofhaving that choice where
(41:14):
there's been many times in yourlife you didn't have the choice,
like how, these things, theselabels that were put upon you
necessarily weren't yours, theywere given to you by someone
else.
So that makes perfect sense.
What other kind of boundarieswould you use?
You know these smallincremental boundaries, but what
other boundaries would you usejust to help you to heal?
Speaker 2 (41:39):
I use boundaries.
Every relationship hasboundaries I have to.
I mean boundaries of myself,like and I guess all boundaries
are boundaries with ourselves.
The thing about boundaries islike we have to remember that
boundaries ebb and flow.
As we ebb and flow, so likesometimes I'm really mentally
well, sometimes I'm thriving andI'm not.
I don't have a lot of likeother external forces and so
(41:59):
like I can tolerate more, we cantolerate more, and so like we
can maybe deal with a friend.
That is always the catastrophic.
In a way, that's different.
But when we start feeling likeourselves, myself, like if I
feel like there's a little bittoo much fluctuation, there's
too much happening in mypersonal life, maybe I like I'm
(42:21):
just not as available to anotherperson, the way that I am when
I'm feeling good, or alcohol forme was like a really big one,
like my boundary with myselfwith alcohol.
And I'll be totally honest, thisweekend was really hard for me
and I've committed previously.
I committed oh, this is a verygood example I committed to
(42:43):
exactly one year of sobriety.
I was like October 16th 2020,I'm gonna start drinking again.
Well, this past weekend I hadso much internal fluctuation, I
was determined to drink, I washeadstrong.
And when I took a walk and Icalmed down, I said you know
what?
I haven't evolved enough yet,because I've had so much,
(43:06):
because I've had so much anxietythat I wanna drink this badly.
I'm not going to drink again.
It's no longer October 16th,it's going to be when I know
exactly where I'm going to livefor one year minimum.
And that doesn't mean that I'mgonna immediately start drinking
whenever I find that out.
But that's just like a newbarrier of like you know what,
when Taylor's in fluctuation ofhomes, taylor's not okay, and so
(43:31):
that means that Taylor has tohave a boundary around alcohol.
And that felt, it was like Ifelt so good about that boundary
and I was like in tears and solike yes, yes, yes, like way to
show up for yourself, way to setboundaries around that,
boundaries with work.
Like no, americans have a crazywork ethic I don't quite
(43:53):
understand.
Like if I'm around Europeansand they're like 35 hours is a
lot of hours and I'm like 35hours is barely a part time job,
but that's not true, but likethat's like what they think, and
so observing it and saying andwatching these people have two
hour lunch breaks and havingenjoyable afternoons and
leisurely outings and likeevenings that last forever and
(44:13):
no one's like really, really.
It's just that the culture istotally different and I can look
at myself and say you know what, like I get to have work
boundaries If I get to mypurpose in life is beyond just
my monetary means, and that isincredible.
That is incredible becausenature is really important and
(44:38):
being in it sometimes involveswork but sometimes doesn't.
You know, like having thatbalance, that's a really like,
that's a boundary.
I think that those are and Idon't know.
I have a lot to like.
I don't wanna.
I'll ramble, you know I will.
Speaker 1 (44:54):
So having forgiveness during uncomfortable times.
I think part of that is justhaving forgiveness for yourself.
Part of that is also havingforgiveness for other people.
How do you practice forgiveness?
Speaker 2 (45:12):
I have to forgive myself every day.
I have to forgive myself everyday and with everybody it's
different.
So I journal every single dayand every single my journal is
gratitude.
Intention may I I am, andgratitude is just like what I'm
(45:32):
grateful for, and sometimes likeI'm just grateful to have
breath.
And then today, for example,like I'm really grateful for the
people who have served me,including the people who have
served me who have caused mepain, because from the pain I
have grown so much.
That doesn't mean that like Ireally wish that I could go back
to that time where I thoughtthat I was going to die by the
(45:54):
hand of my partner.
Like I don't wish that I couldgo back to that, but I'm
grateful that I overcame thatexperience and that I dropped
that victim mentality that I hadfrom it.
And I'm grateful that I hadpeople around me that were
strangers, that lifted me up andsaid you are strong enough to
leave the situation, come walkwith us.
(46:15):
I'm so grateful because thatthere ended up being a window of
opportunity, as all verychallenging things do, and so in
my finding opportunity from thepain, I am able to forgive that
man.
Same thing with my rape, samething with my sexual assault,
same thing with the actions thatI have committed.
(46:36):
All the time I have to lookback and think like, okay, had I
not, then this wouldn't havehappened, then this wouldn't
have happened, then thiswouldn't have happened and I
would not be sitting here withyou on the list.
And so finding the opportunityin the pain allows us to forgive
, I think, allows us to forgive,and sometimes we have to
forgive over and over and overand over and over again, and
that's okay because we'regrowing.
Speaker 1 (47:00):
And part of that, too , is understanding that it is a
mindset, it is a choice, butpeople aren't always going to
change at your pace or changewith you.
So identifying that, I think,is important as well.
But then also, you know, usingyour boundaries to protect
yourself and taking care ofyourself.
(47:22):
What do you say to people rightnow in the world that are, you
know, feeling a lot ofdiscontent because it's so
uncomfortable, the space thatthey're living in is so
uncomfortable, and that could bejust the way of the world.
It could be a personalrelationship with somebody in
(47:42):
their life and they're justreally having a hard time with
that forgiveness process.
What's your advice for them?
Speaker 2 (47:52):
Sit in it, it's like it's awful, it's horrible.
But to sit not necessarily stewor dwell, because that's
different Dwelling is unhealthy.
Dwelling is an attachment tothe pain.
It's as if, and we absorb thatpain and it becomes a part of
(48:13):
our identity and we carry itwith us through our generation,
but also we pass it on to othergenerations and we pass it on to
other people.
Dwelling is very unhealthy.
But to feel the actually justsit in the pain and just just
feel uncomfortable, not with,not with any external substances
, and then, when we're feelingit, just get to know it, like
(48:41):
why does that hurt me so badly?
Why am I still holding ontothis?
What could I, what can I dowithin myself to release that?
And a lot of times it's justlooking at somebody with
compassion.
But we have to be able to lookat ourselves with compassion and
we have to really feel the paininstead of just like brushing
it off.
And it's weird because, likeyou know, you've you can hear
(49:04):
people who, like their painbecomes their identity and
that's all they have to talkabout.
It's like, well, you know meand I don't know.
Did I tell you that I had this?
Did I tell you that I have thisand I like, and you're like,
yes, you've told me that everytime I've met you, it your name
is Steve and you lost your footin 1945.
Yes, you've told me, and we'veknown each other for 45 years
and yet you keep on telling methis, like I understand this,
(49:26):
but could that have served youin any way?
Like, can we, can we move pastthis?
You know I'm and apologies toany Steve from 1945 who lost
their foot Like, I am sure thatit's traumatic, but it's, we can
move past it and we can use theexperience to serve others and
we can.
I don't know, I don't know.
(49:47):
It's forgiving is hard andfeeling it is hard and nobody
wants to feel uncomfortable.
It sucks, it really sucks, butlike it, it's.
So the feeling after you've letit go is so incredible and it's
so great and it's so.
I don't know what the word,what's this word?
(50:10):
I don't know what this word is,but like, it's just like.
Speaker 1 (50:14):
Taylor's throwing her arms up in the air for the
audience who can't see her.
Speaker 2 (50:19):
What the word is, but like it's that, it's like.
It's like an internalamplification of like, of light
and gold, when you're able tofully allow yourself to detach
from that that pain.
And sometimes you have to do itevery single day, but like it's
still like it's.
(50:39):
You get to have that feelingevery single day.
It's so lightning, it'swonderful.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
I think part of the process, too, is just
recognizing what it is thatyou're feeling.
So when you know, you talkabout sitting in it and it's
like if you're, if you'resitting in it and you're getting
familiar with what that feelingis.
The next time that it emergesyou recognize it and you can
identify it.
But then do you continue tohold onto it or do you imagine
(51:08):
that it's a balloon and you justrelease it?
And if you can imagine it's aballoon and release it, then
you're letting go, and if youcan let go, then it just changes
everything, right.
So, but I think you're you'reabsolutely correct in saying
that compassion is so necessary,so necessary, just to be
(51:30):
compassionate to every human,especially now, because with
everything that's happeningaround the world, there's so
many people that are living in astate of psychological trauma
or they're living in a state ofgrief, and all those stages of
grief are very different, youknow.
(51:51):
So if you, if you're dealingwith someone who's very angry,
or someone who's depressed, orthese different things that you
know evolve with grief, havingcompassion for that individual
is going to change how yourespond, how you're going to
respond to them.
But if other people can becompassionate with you as well,
(52:11):
because you're not always goingto be on, you're not always
going to be at a capacity whereyou can handle every situation
that's coming your way.
So if people could be moregentle as far as how they're
working with other individuals,I think it would just help the
world.
So so much.
(52:32):
And I know I know, with ouraudience listening to this, if
there's one thing that you cantake away from this particular
segment, having forgiveness isjust so empowering.
It's really, really empoweringand, taylor, you have been
remarkable in sharing theempowerment and how beautiful
(52:54):
that empowerment unfolds, andyou're a testament of how it
unfolds and how it creates a newversion of you, right, and
that's something that everybodycan have.
So it's really beautiful.
I have one more question, asyou sit by this beautiful river
(53:15):
and in this beautiful setting,before we let you go, and I
wanted to ask you, taylor, if Iwere to find your earth angel
feather on the ground and I wereto pick it up, what would your
message to the world be?
Speaker 2 (53:31):
You are enough.
You are enough, that's 100%.
That's amazing.
Speaker 1 (53:41):
Taylor, I am so filled with gratitude for the
time that you shared with metoday and just being here and
being part of this humanitarianeffort to spread messages around
the world of hope andinspiration and really give
people an opportunity to find asafe way that they can heal
(54:05):
right and your sobriety.
I'm so proud of you and I knowyou want to change your date
from October 16th 2020 tosomething else, but I just
congratulate you because everyday, moment to moment, it's a
celebration for you.
(54:25):
So, on behalf of myself and somany others, I just want you to
know I'm very, very, very proudof you for doing that and just
taking that moment to momentdecision and making it the best
one for yourself.
So congratulations on that.
Speaker 2 (54:47):
It is.
You know, I don't know like ifanyone in your audience is
thinking the new popular tremoris so curious, but like it is.
Yeah, thank you, it's 100%.
Just like every day I get tochoose, and it's not when we get
wrapped up in forever, that'swhen we get terrified.
It's the same as jumping headand the deep end, but it is.
(55:08):
It's just moment to moment.
And when we make, when wechoose ourselves like the best
thing for ourselves in themoment, the moment after is the
empowering just feels just asgood as forgiveness, just
amplifying all the time.
Thank you, thank you for yoursupport.
That means a lot to me.
Speaker 1 (55:27):
You're welcome.
No, it's really important and Ithink it's important to address
it.
So I just need to make a noteof that, because I know you had
given a specific D and I justkind of wanted to undo that for
you, because, as much as it is amilestone and a mile marker for
you, I think every day is amile marker and a milestone.
(55:48):
So so I just encourage you to,you know, live in that space and
embrace it, and you know, knowthat there's people that are
cheering you on as well.
So, so, anyway, that is all wehave time for today.
This is Catherine Daniels, fromRetreat to Peace and reminding
(56:10):
you just to live your authenticlife with peace, and we will see
you next time.
We'll see you next time.
Hello, this is Retreat to Peace and this is
Katherine Daniels, your host.
I am sending a very specialmessage out into the world today
.
I know a lot of us are touchedby someone in our life who has
an addiction and it seems that,the way of the world, there's
(00:55):
more and more people that areturning to drugs and alcohol and
various vices to escape what ishappening in the world today.
I wanted to take a moment andjust talk through how intimate
(01:19):
this is as far as what it isthat we go through and how we go
through it and navigate throughit.
So today I have a very specialguest who shares with us her
journey.
She is a recovered addict andshe shares with us a very
(01:40):
intimate journey and how she hadto give herself forgiveness,
but not just herself, but otherpeople.
I think one of the things thathappens is when we are in our
journey, we lose sight of things, the small things, the small
things that occur that maybe wejust overlooked.
(02:03):
And when we identify thosesmall things, when you look back
on them and how they add up andhow they affect an individual,
it can be really profound.
I know for myself personally.
I have been touched by manypeople as far as their addiction
(02:26):
and various forms of addictionand have worked with them in
regards to being suicidal, beingin the depths of hell when they
were in such a space that wasdangerous for themselves, and I
would encourage anyone andeveryone if anyone is listening
(02:52):
to this message today and youare suicidal, please, please,
find yourself some support inyour community and reach out for
that support.
You do not have to do thisalone.
A lot of times, people gothrough a variety of things in
(03:13):
their life and they lose theirway because they've lost their
connectedness.
Please, continue to reach outto other people.
Especially now.
It is important that everyoneis staying connected to other
individuals your family, yourfriends.
(03:35):
Don't isolate yourself.
Allow yourself to be vulnerableenough to invite someone in and
allow them to help you.
Life really is about this yinand yang concept where, when
someone is feeling weak, there'ssomeone else that can be your
(03:59):
strength and give you thesupport and vice versa.
I know currently there areseveral people in my life that
are going through some really,really life-transforming things
that are completely turningtheir lives upside down inside
(04:20):
out and are changing their livesfor what is to come in the
years to come, and this momentis doing that for a lot of
people.
I've heard from many peopleabout people that are moving,
people that are leavingrelationships, people that are
reinventing themselves as far aswhat their life looks like.
(04:43):
It's been a very unique spacein the sense that people have
been forced to go inward, andtoday, as part of the message of
going inward, is this messageof forgiveness, this message of
not just forgiving oneself, butforgiving other people as well.
(05:06):
One of the things that we talkabout in our interview today is
around boundaries, and for manypeople, this idea of boundaries
is a difficult one.
For a long time I know formyself I didn't live with
(05:26):
boundaries.
I didn't know what boundarieswere, and I always said yes to
everything and anything.
If someone needed my help, evenif it was a detriment to myself
, I would say yes.
I expended myself at everyoneelse's expense and eventually
(05:47):
that got me to a place that Iwas not well.
I had to relearn how not to dothat, how to understand what I
needed to protect myself fromnot being well.
In a moment like this, thinkabout how you're feeling, think
(06:11):
about what kind of energiesyou're taking on with other
people, think about what itmeans to be in the space that
you're living in today.
You don't need to reinvent orisolate yourself or succumb to a
(06:31):
place that is not authentic toyourself or use vices.
That is not going to be in yourbest self A lot of times.
The best way to heal ourselvesis to make the moment-to-moment
decisions around healing, askingyourself the question is this
(06:55):
something that is going to helpme or heal me, or is this
something that's going to hurtme?
Many times, decisions are madebased on information that may
not even be true.
So ask yourself when you'refeeling challenged or you're not
certain of something is thistrue?
(07:17):
Because sometimes, if we askthat question, we might find
that it's not necessarily true.
Maybe it's true for you, butsomeone else's experience may
look different.
One time I had heard about twopeople standing across from each
(07:39):
other and someone had drawn anumber in between them.
On one side, to one person, itlooked like the number six and
on the other side, to the otherperson, it looked like the
number nine, and both peoplewere arguing about whether it
(08:00):
was a six or whether it was thenumber nine.
In reality, what was in frontof them was true for each person
.
You see, everything hassubjectivity to it.
What one person's experience is, it's just that it's their
(08:23):
experience and it is true forthem.
Every individual has the rightto that experience and to own
that experience.
If you are living in a spacewhere your experience is
unhealthy, look for ways to makeit healthy.
(08:44):
Look for ways to invite someenergy that is going to be
youthful and fun.
Look for things that are goingto make you happy.
What does that mean for you?
In this segment, when I talk tomy guest speaker, taylor, she
(09:07):
is this beautiful, radiant soulthat has so much life and has
been on this incredible,incredible journey, and she
talks about how uncomfortable itwas to go through some of these
experiences, but how beautifulall of these experience had,
(09:31):
manifested in such a way that itgave her permission to be who
she is today, living even moreauthentically in herself in her
heart space.
Taylor's discussion aroundlabels is also quite unique, and
(09:52):
I also think that a lot oftimes, labels that are put on to
individuals are never their own.
They're usually something thatsomeone else has given them.
I know for myself.
I lived for a long time withlabels that were put on to me by
(10:13):
adults in my life and I neverunderstood during my childhood,
in early young adulthood, why Ihad this nagging feeling,
persistent nagging feeling ofsomething that just didn't feel
right, something that just feltoff as far as what it was that I
(10:37):
was experiencing For myself.
I was constantly told, over andover and over, that I would
never amount to anything.
Well, that was a projectionthat someone tried to put on to
me, to bring me down, andthroughout my life I was
(11:00):
constantly striving to show them.
Quote unquote.
It took me a long time tofinally identify how that
labeling was transforming mylife.
Even though I used it for good,it did a lot of negative in my
(11:22):
thought process Because it droveme to do things that maybe I
wasn't really happy about doing.
Maybe it was more about tryingto prove a point that I really
didn't have to prove.
It's interesting how we gothrough life and we pick up
(11:44):
things and we don't reallyunderstand why at the time, and
sometimes that's just personalgrowth in part of our journey,
and sometimes we just need tounderstand that maybe that isn't
for us, maybe that's somethingabout somebody else who is
insecure with their own place,with their own well-being.
(12:08):
Isn't it said that when there'sa finger pointing at you,
there's three fingers pointingback.
I'm not sure, but I know formyself.
It took me a while to learnforgiveness over the fact that
that wasn't for me, that was forsomeone else, that was part of
(12:33):
their journey, part of theirstory.
When we remove labels from whowe are, it's really interesting
because it changes the dynamicsof everything.
At three years old, I waslocked in a closet by my mother
and what I know is that when weare born, we come into the light
(12:54):
, and when we die, we go intothe light, and when we are in
this in-between space, thelabels are what are put onto us
or how we identify ourselves.
But we are not born with labels, nor do we leave with labels.
(13:16):
So I invite you to listen tothis incredible journey that
Taylor brings us on, inviting usinto her world and inviting us
on her journey of how she findsforgiveness Forgiveness not just
for herself, but for her fatherand her family.
(13:39):
Taylor is an amazing individualthat has literally, literally,
transformed her entire life,just at a young age, just moving
through what it is that makesher her best self and happy in
(14:03):
the place that she's in.
As you listen to her story,take it all in and understand
that her heart is so genuine andso pure and for most of my
interactions with anybody andeveryone that I know personally
(14:27):
and even through acquaintance,that when someone is going
through addiction and hasrecovered from addiction, these
people have literally beenthrough hell and back.
Their souls are so beautiful.
Their souls are so beautifuland so special because they do
(14:54):
understand what it means to livein a space of hell.
They do understand thisauthenticity of having
appreciation and gratitude.
I personally have sat in aspiritual worship center with a
(15:19):
community of recovered addictswhether they were drug addicts,
alcoholics and one by one, theywould go up in front of the
group and share their testimonyand how, in their darkest hour,
how their higher power came tothem and shared a message that
(15:42):
was so profound that it madethem change their entire life
and a lot of those labels werejust removed and the forgiveness
that they had for themselveswas so impactful and so powerful
.
And it really started with them.
And it started also with thisidea that their higher power was
(16:07):
with them.
Their higher power had alwaysbeen with them and I would say
to anyone who thinks that you'realone, you're never, ever alone
.
You always have the guidance ofyour higher power and people
(16:29):
that love you and are prayingfor you and trying to help you
and support you.
Please allow them in.
Please connect with yourcommunities, please connect with
your family, your friends andother individuals and, as always
(16:49):
, please, moment to moment,every day, moment to moment,
hour to hour, make a decisionthat is around health being your
best self.
Thank you for being with ustoday and I'm excited to jump
(17:13):
into my interview with Taylorand, as always, please
authentically live your life inpeace and be gentle with your
process, because everyone isgrowing, everyone is
uncomfortable and it's okay tobe in, so let's jump in with our
(17:33):
interview with Taylor.
Hey you, wherever you are inthe world right now.
(18:04):
Thank you so much for beinghere with me.
We know that we live in somevolatile times and we know that
the world is changing, so let'screate a bridge as we travel
through one another's countries,removing all labels, coming
together as one people, findingour home in one world.
And as we do this, this is whyour signature talk today having
(18:27):
forgiveness during uncomfortabletimes is so important.
And today I'm very excited towelcome my guest speaker, Taylor
Martin Hi.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Taylor Hi, thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
I am so excited to have Taylor today.
She actually is coming to usfrom France and she's the
daughter of addiction and aformer member of the work hard,
numb, hard society.
Taylor knows the suffocatingeffects of addiction and fear.
In a pursuit to find herauthentic self, taylor removed
(19:05):
all titles and affiliations toher name, becoming just Taylor.
She allowed herself to journeyaround the world and live the
life of her literal dreams.
Her mission to inspire and tobe inspired led her to forge new
career paths as both a writerand a teacher.
In her writings, taylor sharesher triumphs and overcoming
(19:29):
limitations created by her pastof addiction, sexual assault and
abuse.
As a teacher, she coaches womenglobally on how to find and
pursue their greatest potentials, showing them how to detach
themselves from their defininglabels so that they too can face
their fears and become theirtruest selves.
(19:51):
Taylor, this whole work hard,numb, hard society I'm sorry
you're going to have to go backup and explain a little bit to
the audience about what thatmeans.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Work hard, numb hard.
You know it's really funny.
I just got like incrediblyemotional listening to my own
bio.
I think it's just like it waslike a nice refresher of myself.
The work hard, numb hardsociety.
I think that it's very typicalin American culture.
We're taught to go, go, go, gogo.
Working more is producing more,and producing more and working
(20:26):
more is a reflection of ourvalue, not only to ourselves but
to society and to the world asa whole.
Because I couldn't find valuewithin myself in any way, I
really hated myself.
The only way I could providevalue was by working, and I
worked all the time.
I worked 90 hours a week, likeon average, and then when I
(20:49):
wasn't working, then I wasnumbing my pain and so I was
getting very, very drunk.
I was consuming a lot ofprescription pills.
I was not feeding myself, I wasblacking out a lot.
I was just any pain, all of thepain that I carried with me
(21:09):
from my childhood and my collegeexperiences, and as a young
adult I numbed either by workingor I numbed by using external
forces, including men.
I use men also to numb.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
Yeah, and then your process of removing labels.
I mean, I'm sure part of thatwas just being associated with
trauma and some of what you weregoing through.
Is that right?
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Yeah, we don't know what we absorb.
Parents don't know what theygive to children We've talked
about them before we don't knowwhat we're giving or what we're
teaching, and so what we may beteaching is family pride.
The child may and this is whatI did.
My dad was teaching me beingreally proud of who we are, and
what happened was I looked atthe way that I look and I looked
(22:01):
at my family and I was like Idon't look like you all.
There's something wrong with me.
And then I looked at myfamily's education, my cousin's
education and their SES statusbecause they had more money than
we did and I was like I don'tfit in there either, like I
don't fit in in any way.
And so, in addition to like notlooking and feeling like I
(22:25):
matched my family, I also hadlike a lot of turmoil between my
parents because they were bothvery ill and we had two broken
people who took it out on eachother physically and through
addiction, and so, like myhousehold was really chaotic and
really there was just a lot.
So like I felt like therealways needed to be control and
(22:45):
that I didn't have any control,and so that was something that
was wrong with me and then Icarried that through and in
carrying those pains I absorbedother traumas, so sexual assault
, addiction, domestic abuse andthose kind of attached
themselves to my worth and mylabeling.
So I was a victim and I wasworthless and I was just a party
(23:09):
girl and I was just just.
But in all these just were justlike reflections of not labels,
of not being enough.
And so I tried to do I justcouldn't be, I couldn't let
myself be what I wanted to bebecause I wasn't deserving of it
.
And then eventually thatattached to like I'm Taylor,
(23:30):
what is my value?
How do I sell myself to otherpeople?
Because I can't really sellmyself to myself.
Well, I'm Taylor with thisorganization.
I'm Taylor with this company.
I'm Taylor, the fiance of thisman.
I'm Taylor, I own this.
Like these are all the things Ihave.
Look at all of my things andstuff, label, label, label.
Do you find value in me?
Yet, like, how can I sellmyself to you?
(23:52):
And I lost.
When I lost them and when Ifelt like I had nothing was when
I ultimately gained myself.
I stopped caring truly abouteverything and I felt completely
lost.
And when I lost the I'm thefiance of because he canceled
(24:12):
the wedding, and when I lost thewell, this, when I realized
like this is not my, this careeris not my soul, so I'm not
doing this anymore, and Idecided to give up on that, and
when I kind of just stoppedcaring because at some point we
all kind of get low enough orwe're just like I just don't
care I went to a group of peopleand I was like I'm Taylor.
(24:34):
It was like a group that Ididn't know that I was traveling
with and I just said I'm Taylorand normally, like everybody
else is like I'm Taylor, I'mso-and-so and I'm an actress,
I'm so-and-so and I'm a dentist,and I was just Taylor.
And it turned.
It was.
It was like someone turned on alight in my head and I was like
, oh, I'm just Taylor, that's it, that's it and it.
(24:56):
And that was just like thisreally beautiful catalyst that
sparked an entire life change.
But it was just like that onething of like I don't have
anything, I'm just me.
Oh yeah, I'm just me, and itwas.
It's like a ramp up, it'sexciting, versus, not enough.
For the first time in my entirelife.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
I love this whole process of discovery because I
feel like right now, in ourcurrent environment, there's so
many people that have to goinward into those dark spaces
and rediscover who they are andstrip away all that external
stuff that they definethemselves with right.
(25:39):
So I think you know everythingyou just said is so on point and
it kind of gives everybody thepermission just to be in their
space and be okay with that.
So I love that you're sharingthat with us.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
Thank you really thank you and I know it's really
hard in the beginning whenyou're so used to looking at
your.
I mean, especially with thepandemic there were a lot.
I was stuck, not stuck, but Iwas totally isolated with myself
and that was a gift 100%.
I got to really heal thingsthat like I thought that I had
(26:14):
already healed and I did not.
But there I know a lot ofpeople who were with their
partners or with their families,and those unresolved same thing
like with myself but with otherpeople those unresolved things
start coming up and you're likewhat am I who?
I'm so angry at you and I'vebeen angry at you since like
1945, but I never told you andall these things.
(26:36):
And we have the opportunity tojust kind of just like, sit in
it, which is what we have to do,but we avoid it.
We don't sit in it and saidwe're like, oh, I got to go to
work, oh, I got to go to the gym, oh, I got to go take Johnny to
his piano lessons, but I don'thave time to sit and do it.
And then we're forced to lookat it and it's like this big,
ugly, heavy, million pound rockthat we've been schlepping
(26:58):
around.
And when we look at it, it'sreally not even that ugly, it's
just like it's so.
There's so much depth, we canlike stick our hand in it and
we're like, wow, there's a lotof stuff in here that we didn't
really know about.
Like we look at our partner,our friends or our family and
we're so focused on like youwronged me, you did this, you,
(27:19):
you, you, you, you.
And we never actually take thetime to like look at ourselves
and we're like well, what am Idoing?
Why am I?
Why is this making me upset?
Why am I contributing to thefire?
Why am I feeling this fire sohard?
Why am I carrying this torch?
Why am I?
What about me?
What am I doing?
And when we flip the lens andjust look at ourselves which is
what the pandemic has providedan opportunity for us to do we
(27:44):
get to.
We get to, we get to do ourportion of the work.
And it's not our responsibilityand I think this is where a lot
of relationships crack it's notour responsibility to make sure
that somebody else does theirwork.
Like, well, you're not showingup and you're not going to
couples therapy and you're not,you're not, you're not.
It's an opportunity for us tolook inward and to take care and
(28:05):
do our part.
Because when we do our part andwhen we shed all that BS and
when we really heal and it's somuch, it's like it's just like
so much for every human on theplanet, like I know it.
I'm like heavy feeling about it, but like there's so much.
But when we do our part just toheal ourselves, it's cosmic how
(28:27):
things kind of fall in line andit and it's once we quit
focusing on anybody else outsideof ourselves.
But we don't know that we likeour egos and whatever else
external forces like trick usinto thinking that we have to
focus on everything around us.
Sorry for all my gestures.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Nobody can see your gestures.
That are listening to it.
But for the people that arelistening to it, Taylor is in
this beautiful setting.
She's got this beautifulgreenery behind her.
She's got the water.
You'll have to tell us againwhere you are exactly like with
the water.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
I'm in Montpellier on the les la les.
It runs.
I don't know how far it runs.
I knew that I actually knew theanswer to that yesterday and
today I've forgotten.
But it runs pretty far and it'sjust like this really beautiful
river.
That is my everything.
She is my soul sister.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
It is beautiful and you know everything about.
It's very beautiful and sereneand just very tranquil.
So when we're going throughthis process, it's really
interesting because I'm sure youhave a lot to share with us in
regards to what you did toyourself, in a sense, when you
(29:44):
weren't forgiving of someone.
Or you talk about these labelsthat were put onto you, but you
kind of adopted those labels aswell, right, because you didn't
know any different, or you were,when you were young and you
were developing and learning.
This has kind of become part ofyour script that was in your
head.
(30:04):
So how did that affect you andI know you have this addiction
but how did that affect you asfar as causing you to find a way
to disconnect from it and whatdid that do to you?
Speaker 2 (30:23):
I.
So I looked at the labels and Ilooked at what those qualities
like, what the qualities of aperson with that label have, and
that's what we like.
I think that's what everybodydoes like.
What are the qualities of adaughter?
What are the conventional,according to convention and
societal norms?
What are their qualities of adaughter?
(30:43):
What are the qualities of awoman who has been in,
experienced domestic abuse tothe degree that I didn't?
And I think there's all formsof verbal abuse, eating disorder
, whatever, like.
What are the qualities of aperson, or do I think those
qualities of a person are?
And the thing is like I wasraised in a way that was like we
weren't very wealthy but I wasraised to think really
(31:05):
pretentiously and so like in myhead, a person who experiences
the things that I experiencedand the person who did the
things that I did was just scumof the earth, just awful.
It was like not even worthhaving a breath on the planet,
and so like that's what Ithought about myself.
(31:25):
And when I looked at thequalities of the person that
matched those labels and then myactual qualities, they didn't
line up.
Yes, I experienced domesticabuse, but no, I didn't like I
didn't have those otherqualities that, like I told
myself that that person had yes,I am a party girl, but also
(31:48):
like I'm incredibly spiritual,that, yes, I healed by doing
substances, but also like Idon't lie, cheat and steal and
not that those are bad, thoseare all actions out of pain but
like I had other qualities.
It was like really confusing tome when I started looking at
the qualities of the labelsversus the qualities that I
(32:10):
actually had and realizing thatlike we're so, when I realized
that we're multifaceted, thatthere's no one way, one
conventional definition ofanything, it got even it gets
more confusing.
You're like what I can do thisand that.
Like what does that mean?
How can I be this and that?
But the reality is like we canbe this and that.
(32:31):
And when I looked at how all ofthese labels had prevented me
from really living the way Iwanted to live, I got like this
gross feeling of shame and Iasked myself what will I think
about myself in 60 years?
I'm on my deathbed.
What does Taylor think aboutthe life that she's lived if I
continue to live the life thatI've been living, the way that
(32:53):
I'm living it?
And that like feeling just likeI almost vomited.
It was just like fear, shame,regret nothing.
You never, I never fully livedbecause I was so attached to
what I thought society expectedof me and I thought that I
expected of myself.
Except for that, I never hadthose fantasies Like I never,
really I've never fantasizedabout being married.
(33:14):
I've never fantasized abouthaving a family when I was a
little like never my entire life.
The things that I fantasizedabout were like travel and
adventure and becoming a writerand teaching and growing and
like exploring and like reallypursuing my curiosities and even
like spirituality.
Even as a little child like Ireally was into the idea of it,
(33:38):
but I didn't understand thatthere were other options besides
Christianity.
I didn't know that at the time,and so when I started pursuing
them and I started allowingmyself just to do the things I
was afraid of and it was arequirement of 2019, if you have
never done it, you will do it.
If you are afraid to do it,you're gonna do it anyways.
If there is no guarantee thatyou will die, you are doing it
(34:01):
and I did it, and every time Idid something, it was like I
shed another layer of skin and Irealized I'm so much more
capable than I knew if I theshell just like, kept me boxed
in and it was so bizarre that,as those like well, a party girl
and the last one was like mysobriety, like cause Taylor is
(34:22):
like, I'm a party girl, I'm verysocial, I'm very fun, I'm loud,
I'm also a Martin and we have Iwas taught like we are the life
of the party and I've carriedthat my entire life and like now
I'm 33, I was 32, when, likethis, like well, is it possible
to be a party girl and a Martinand sober, is that possible?
(34:42):
Well, I don't know, but I don'tknow why I'm so.
I've never tried, I've neverdone anything sober before.
I've never been, I've nevertraveled sober, I've never dated
sober, I've never done allthese things sober.
So I'm gonna try it and I am onmy.
I'm in my 11th month of sobrietyand I was so afraid.
I was afraid that I couldn't beloved.
I was afraid I couldn't besocial, I was afraid I couldn't
(35:03):
handle pain.
And let me tell you, as we allin the world know, of pain of
2020, cause it is a, it's been,we are unified by pain of this
year.
Experiencing pain and is thebest soberly is the best, is
(35:23):
truly the best remedy.
I've been able to forgive peoplethat I I could never have
forgiven if I'd been drinking,and that's like.
That's how it so.
Like back to the originalquestion like how did I deal
with it?
I've been able to look at a lotof the things on a lot of my
actions, but I thought that I'dmoved past and I've done a lot
of things out of pain and I'vedone a lot of things out of
(35:44):
sadness and a lot of things that, like, I'm not proud that I did
them at all, and I've had toforgive that version of myself
and tell myself that, like it'sokay, cause I'm learning and I'm
sharing my experience so thatother people don't have to
experience the same things thatI experienced.
Like that's my way of forgivingmyself and forgiving other
(36:05):
people who I know.
I know that they're acting outof pain themselves.
And I have the lens now, becauseI've forgiven myself.
I have the lens to be able tosay like you're acting out of
pain, you don't know any better.
If you knew better, you woulddo better, because that's the
rule.
My Angelou said, it overWinfrey says it.
(36:27):
It's true when you know better,you do better.
I'm able to view them withcompassion, and just because I
forgive them doesn't mean theyhave to be welcome in an active
part of my life.
I can say in my head to myhigher power I wanna forgive
them and release them and sendthem with love, and they don't.
I don't have to interact withthem.
That's my choice.
It's also like that's a verybig part of forgiveness is like
(36:49):
having healthy boundaries andallowing ourselves to love well.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Yeah, and you're part of your process, like the
cycling that you kind of havegone through with the labeling
and then trying to release thatand shed that, like you said.
I think that's really reallyhard for people to do because
there's a lot of fear that goesinto it.
You've talked a little bitabout that, a fear kind of not
(37:17):
knowing who you will be on theother side and what that's gonna
look like.
A fear of being in unfamiliarspace and territory where it's
like will people still accept mein my new skin per se quote
unquote and I think there's fora lot of people it's just easier
(37:38):
just to be comfortable in theirsame space because that's what
they know.
So how do you bust through thisfear factor where you're kind
of like no whole bars, I'm justgonna go for it and I'm gonna
try this and just know that it'sgonna be okay on the other side
?
Speaker 2 (37:56):
It's not.
I think that that's.
I think we think that it's like, well, we're jumping ahead
first and we don't know if it'sshallow or deep, and that's not
how it is.
It's very small, like when wedo it like that it doesn't last.
It's the same thing as like adiet or any sort of like drastic
lifestyle change.
(38:17):
When we go ahead first, we burnout quick.
It's a slow burn, it's okay.
Well, I know how I want this tolook like and we can take like
very specific scenarios.
Like I know how I want myrelationships to look like with
my partner.
I know how I want myrelationship with my parent to
look like.
This is how it looks like now.
(38:37):
What are the things that I cando?
What are the situations thatcome up that really like fire it
up and like I use my like.
An example is like with my dad.
Like my dad was a horriblealcoholic.
We had a full blowout in 2017.
I like I soberly attacked mydad because he was so
(38:58):
intoxicated that he said he saidthings that like it just
triggered me and that's nothealthy and I knew it wasn't
healthy.
But because I use the excusethat family is obligated, then I
put myself in unhealthysituations.
And so I looked at therelationship and I'm like that's
not how Taylor Martin shows upin anything.
Taylor is not an attacker,taylor's not that angry, taylor
doesn't do that.
(39:19):
What do I want my relationshipwith my dad to look like?
What does it look like now?
And then, what can I doactively to address it?
And it was very small, likeokay, sorry, I'm not going to be
there, because that's one thingthat I can control, because I
love my daddy so much.
(39:39):
I love him so much for, likealcohols when he present and I'm
not going to present.
That was very easy.
I didn't show up for a lot ofthings.
And then the and then, like Iwas able to like okay, so like
conversations mean that we canonly do it in this timeframe
because, like, these are thetime frames that he's sober, and
then, like that kind of changeand that got really drastic and
things still didn't like reallywork out.
And so I was like, hey, daddy,not an ultimatum, just like,
(39:59):
this is not healthy for me rightnow and I've got to work on
myself.
So we're going to take a littlebreak from communication and
I'm sorry if you don'tunderstand, but like, this is
about me, this is not about you,and remembering that, like, the
way that we show up is about us, not about them.
And that was really scary.
But I started with what can I doto fix this very specific
(40:21):
scenario?
And it can be like withanything.
It's like okay, well, I knowthat when I'm at work and I go
to the coffee machine and thatother person walks up, it makes
me anxious because I don't likethat person or whatever.
Well, what can I do to controlthat I won't go to that coffee
machine?
I'm bringing my own coffee fromwork, from home.
So, like very small steps ofhow can I protect myself?
(40:41):
How can I protect myself?
How can I protect myself?
And then they lead to what'sthe next step?
What's the next step?
What's the next step?
I don't know if those are goodexamples.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
I think they are, and it creates a process of putting
boundaries in place.
And part of putting boundariesin place is, to your point, you
have to find ways to take careof yourself.
And it's not always about theother person, it's about you.
And it's that inward process ofhaving that choice where
(41:14):
there's been many times in yourlife you didn't have the choice,
like how, these things, theselabels that were put upon you
necessarily weren't yours, theywere given to you by someone
else.
So that makes perfect sense.
What other kind of boundarieswould you use?
You know these smallincremental boundaries, but what
other boundaries would you usejust to help you to heal?
Speaker 2 (41:39):
I use boundaries.
Every relationship hasboundaries I have to.
I mean boundaries of myself,like and I guess all boundaries
are boundaries with ourselves.
The thing about boundaries islike we have to remember that
boundaries ebb and flow.
As we ebb and flow, so likesometimes I'm really mentally
well, sometimes I'm thriving andI'm not.
I don't have a lot of likeother external forces and so
(41:59):
like I can tolerate more, we cantolerate more, and so like we
can maybe deal with a friend.
That is always the catastrophic.
In a way, that's different.
But when we start feeling likeourselves, myself, like if I
feel like there's a little bittoo much fluctuation, there's
too much happening in mypersonal life, maybe I like I'm
(42:21):
just not as available to anotherperson, the way that I am when
I'm feeling good, or alcohol forme was like a really big one,
like my boundary with myselfwith alcohol.
And I'll be totally honest, thisweekend was really hard for me
and I've committed previously.
I committed oh, this is a verygood example I committed to
(42:43):
exactly one year of sobriety.
I was like October 16th 2020,I'm gonna start drinking again.
Well, this past weekend I hadso much internal fluctuation, I
was determined to drink, I washeadstrong.
And when I took a walk and Icalmed down, I said you know
what?
I haven't evolved enough yet,because I've had so much,
(43:06):
because I've had so much anxietythat I wanna drink this badly.
I'm not going to drink again.
It's no longer October 16th,it's going to be when I know
exactly where I'm going to livefor one year minimum.
And that doesn't mean that I'mgonna immediately start drinking
whenever I find that out.
But that's just like a newbarrier of like you know what,
when Taylor's in fluctuation ofhomes, taylor's not okay, and so
(43:31):
that means that Taylor has tohave a boundary around alcohol.
And that felt, it was like Ifelt so good about that boundary
and I was like in tears and solike yes, yes, yes, like way to
show up for yourself, way to setboundaries around that,
boundaries with work.
Like no, americans have a crazywork ethic I don't quite
(43:53):
understand.
Like if I'm around Europeansand they're like 35 hours is a
lot of hours and I'm like 35hours is barely a part time job,
but that's not true, but likethat's like what they think, and
so observing it and saying andwatching these people have two
hour lunch breaks and havingenjoyable afternoons and
leisurely outings and likeevenings that last forever and
(44:13):
no one's like really, really.
It's just that the culture istotally different and I can look
at myself and say you know what, like I get to have work
boundaries If I get to mypurpose in life is beyond just
my monetary means, and that isincredible.
That is incredible becausenature is really important and
(44:38):
being in it sometimes involveswork but sometimes doesn't.
You know, like having thatbalance, that's a really like,
that's a boundary.
I think that those are and Idon't know.
I have a lot to like.
I don't wanna.
I'll ramble, you know I will.
Speaker 1 (44:54):
So having forgiveness during uncomfortable times.
I think part of that is justhaving forgiveness for yourself.
Part of that is also havingforgiveness for other people.
How do you practice forgiveness?
Speaker 2 (45:12):
I have to forgive myself every day.
I have to forgive myself everyday and with everybody it's
different.
So I journal every single dayand every single my journal is
gratitude.
Intention may I I am, andgratitude is just like what I'm
(45:32):
grateful for, and sometimes likeI'm just grateful to have
breath.
And then today, for example,like I'm really grateful for the
people who have served me,including the people who have
served me who have caused mepain, because from the pain I
have grown so much.
That doesn't mean that like Ireally wish that I could go back
to that time where I thoughtthat I was going to die by the
(45:54):
hand of my partner.
Like I don't wish that I couldgo back to that, but I'm
grateful that I overcame thatexperience and that I dropped
that victim mentality that I hadfrom it.
And I'm grateful that I hadpeople around me that were
strangers, that lifted me up andsaid you are strong enough to
leave the situation, come walkwith us.
(46:15):
I'm so grateful because thatthere ended up being a window of
opportunity, as all verychallenging things do, and so in
my finding opportunity from thepain, I am able to forgive that
man.
Same thing with my rape, samething with my sexual assault,
same thing with the actions thatI have committed.
(46:36):
All the time I have to lookback and think like, okay, had I
not, then this wouldn't havehappened, then this wouldn't
have happened, then thiswouldn't have happened and I
would not be sitting here withyou on the list.
And so finding the opportunityin the pain allows us to forgive
, I think, allows us to forgive,and sometimes we have to
forgive over and over and overand over and over again, and
that's okay because we'regrowing.
Speaker 1 (47:00):
And part of that, too , is understanding that it is a
mindset, it is a choice, butpeople aren't always going to
change at your pace or changewith you.
So identifying that, I think,is important as well.
But then also, you know, usingyour boundaries to protect
yourself and taking care ofyourself.
(47:22):
What do you say to people rightnow in the world that are, you
know, feeling a lot ofdiscontent because it's so
uncomfortable, the space thatthey're living in is so
uncomfortable, and that could bejust the way of the world.
It could be a personalrelationship with somebody in
(47:42):
their life and they're justreally having a hard time with
that forgiveness process.
What's your advice for them?
Speaker 2 (47:52):
Sit in it, it's like it's awful, it's horrible.
But to sit not necessarily stewor dwell, because that's
different Dwelling is unhealthy.
Dwelling is an attachment tothe pain.
It's as if, and we absorb thatpain and it becomes a part of
(48:13):
our identity and we carry itwith us through our generation,
but also we pass it on to othergenerations and we pass it on to
other people.
Dwelling is very unhealthy.
But to feel the actually justsit in the pain and just just
feel uncomfortable, not with,not with any external substances
, and then, when we're feelingit, just get to know it, like
(48:41):
why does that hurt me so badly?
Why am I still holding ontothis?
What could I, what can I dowithin myself to release that?
And a lot of times it's justlooking at somebody with
compassion.
But we have to be able to lookat ourselves with compassion and
we have to really feel the paininstead of just like brushing
it off.
And it's weird because, likeyou know, you've you can hear
(49:04):
people who, like their painbecomes their identity and
that's all they have to talkabout.
It's like, well, you know meand I don't know.
Did I tell you that I had this?
Did I tell you that I have thisand I like, and you're like,
yes, you've told me that everytime I've met you, it your name
is Steve and you lost your footin 1945.
Yes, you've told me, and we'veknown each other for 45 years
and yet you keep on telling methis, like I understand this,
(49:26):
but could that have served youin any way?
Like, can we, can we move pastthis?
You know I'm and apologies toany Steve from 1945 who lost
their foot Like, I am sure thatit's traumatic, but it's, we can
move past it and we can use theexperience to serve others and
we can.
I don't know, I don't know.
(49:47):
It's forgiving is hard andfeeling it is hard and nobody
wants to feel uncomfortable.
It sucks, it really sucks, butlike it, it's.
So the feeling after you've letit go is so incredible and it's
so great and it's so.
I don't know what the word,what's this word?
(50:10):
I don't know what this word is,but like, it's just like.
Speaker 1 (50:14):
Taylor's throwing her arms up in the air for the
audience who can't see her.
Speaker 2 (50:19):
What the word is, but like it's that, it's like.
It's like an internalamplification of like, of light
and gold, when you're able tofully allow yourself to detach
from that that pain.
And sometimes you have to do itevery single day, but like it's
still like it's.
(50:39):
You get to have that feelingevery single day.
It's so lightning, it'swonderful.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
I think part of the process, too, is just
recognizing what it is thatyou're feeling.
So when you know, you talkabout sitting in it and it's
like if you're, if you'resitting in it and you're getting
familiar with what that feelingis.
The next time that it emergesyou recognize it and you can
identify it.
But then do you continue tohold onto it or do you imagine
(51:08):
that it's a balloon and you justrelease it?
And if you can imagine it's aballoon and release it, then
you're letting go, and if youcan let go, then it just changes
everything, right.
So, but I think you're you'reabsolutely correct in saying
that compassion is so necessary,so necessary, just to be
(51:30):
compassionate to every human,especially now, because with
everything that's happeningaround the world, there's so
many people that are living in astate of psychological trauma
or they're living in a state ofgrief, and all those stages of
grief are very different, youknow.
(51:51):
So if you, if you're dealingwith someone who's very angry,
or someone who's depressed, orthese different things that you
know evolve with grief, havingcompassion for that individual
is going to change how yourespond, how you're going to
respond to them.
But if other people can becompassionate with you as well,
(52:11):
because you're not always goingto be on, you're not always
going to be at a capacity whereyou can handle every situation
that's coming your way.
So if people could be moregentle as far as how they're
working with other individuals,I think it would just help the
world.
So so much.
(52:32):
And I know I know, with ouraudience listening to this, if
there's one thing that you cantake away from this particular
segment, having forgiveness isjust so empowering.
It's really, really empoweringand, taylor, you have been
remarkable in sharing theempowerment and how beautiful
(52:54):
that empowerment unfolds, andyou're a testament of how it
unfolds and how it creates a newversion of you, right, and
that's something that everybodycan have.
So it's really beautiful.
I have one more question, asyou sit by this beautiful river
(53:15):
and in this beautiful setting,before we let you go, and I
wanted to ask you, taylor, if Iwere to find your earth angel
feather on the ground and I wereto pick it up, what would your
message to the world be?
Speaker 2 (53:31):
You are enough.
You are enough, that's 100%.
That's amazing.
Speaker 1 (53:41):
Taylor, I am so filled with gratitude for the
time that you shared with metoday and just being here and
being part of this humanitarianeffort to spread messages around
the world of hope andinspiration and really give
people an opportunity to find asafe way that they can heal
(54:05):
right and your sobriety.
I'm so proud of you and I knowyou want to change your date
from October 16th 2020 tosomething else, but I just
congratulate you because everyday, moment to moment, it's a
celebration for you.
(54:25):
So, on behalf of myself and somany others, I just want you to
know I'm very, very, very proudof you for doing that and just
taking that moment to momentdecision and making it the best
one for yourself.
So congratulations on that.
Speaker 2 (54:47):
It is.
You know, I don't know like ifanyone in your audience is
thinking the new popular tremoris so curious, but like it is.
Yeah, thank you, it's 100%.
Just like every day I get tochoose, and it's not when we get
wrapped up in forever, that'swhen we get terrified.
It's the same as jumping headand the deep end, but it is.
(55:08):
It's just moment to moment.
And when we make, when wechoose ourselves like the best
thing for ourselves in themoment, the moment after is the
empowering just feels just asgood as forgiveness, just
amplifying all the time.
Thank you, thank you for yoursupport.
That means a lot to me.
Speaker 1 (55:27):
You're welcome.
No, it's really important and Ithink it's important to address
it.
So I just need to make a noteof that, because I know you had
given a specific D and I justkind of wanted to undo that for
you, because, as much as it is amilestone and a mile marker for
you, I think every day is amile marker and a milestone.
(55:48):
So so I just encourage you to,you know, live in that space and
embrace it, and you know, knowthat there's people that are
cheering you on as well.
So, so, anyway, that is all wehave time for today.
This is Catherine Daniels, fromRetreat to Peace and reminding
(56:10):
you just to live your authenticlife with peace, and we will see
you next time.
We'll see you next time.
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