November 2, 2023 • 58 mins
Navigating the complex world of blended families can be a daunting task. We had a thought-provoking conversation with Step Family Coach Jen Rogers, who shared her personal journey of blending families and the challenges she encountered. Our discussion centered around the impact of labels on family dynamics and the reasons behind couples separating after decades of marriage. Jen's experiences and insights provided an eye-opening perspective on what it means to merge two households, manage expectations, and avoid common pitfalls.
The mental health of children during these challenging times was another significant topic we explored. Jen highlighted the importance of compassionate listening and understanding the changes children are going through to help them stay optimistic. We shared guidance for parents to help their children navigate this emotional upheaval and emphasized the power of family planning and connection to combat feelings of isolation and depression.
Jen also gave us an inside look at the dynamics of parenting boys, the value of open conversations, and the pressing need for pastors to minister to blended families. She offered insightful advice on fostering family unity, handling conflict between ex-spouses, and the importance of recapturing the moment of falling in love to blend families successfully. We wrapped up with a discussion on the potential healing power of retreats and workshops, and the importance of authentic living. Join us for this insightful conversation, as Jen inspires us with her message of hope and the importance of finding joy in all situations.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Thank you, you in the world right now.
(00:28):
Thank you so much for beinghere with me.
We know that we're living insome crazy times and we know
that the world is changing, solet's create a bridge as we
travel through one another'scountries, coming together as
one people in our home and oneworld.
And as we do this, this is whyour signature talk today
(00:50):
Beautifully Blended StepFamilies is so important, and
today I am so super excited towelcome my guest speaker.
Her name is Jen Rogers andshe's a Step Family coach.
Hi, Jen.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Hi there Gosh, so excited to be here.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
You're so welcome, and this Step Family coaching is
an incredible thing to be doing, because I know so many people
have issues around blendedfamilies and getting along and
especially in a you know, aworld that we're living in, I
think it's just difficult forpeople that aren't blended to
get along at times, right.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
So I think, yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
So I think your expertise in this, you know
capacity, is just going to be soenlightening for so many people
.
But I really want to, you know,take a step back a little bit
and let's start at the beginning.
So you're a step mom, and howlong have you been married to
your husband?
Speaker 2 (01:52):
For a little over six years now.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Okay, and between the two of you, how many kids do
you have?
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Well, I answer that in two different ways Today.
I'm going to answer it and saywe have six.
So we have two girls, we havetwo boys and we have two dogs.
And the reason I include thedogs is because I asked the
question of the six, who do youthink is the easiest to co
parent?
And it's definitely, definitelythe dogs.
They don't see step, they don'tsee blended, whereas the rest
(02:23):
of us in the family we takethose labels and they turn into
some things that we may notexpect them to turn into.
But with the dogs you just getpuppy love all the time.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Yeah, and isn't it interesting?
Because dogs don't have thelabels that people do and, to
your point, you know thelabeling it does impact us and
the fact that there is a labelit's like why can't we just get
rid of those labels, right?
But I love that you're comingon today and sharing with our
(02:55):
audience this topic, because Ifeel like around the world,
especially here in the UnitedStates, we deal with some major
major relationship issues and Ifeel like from my own personal
experience I mean, I grew upwith my grandparents and my
(03:15):
grandparents met when they werechildren and they grew up
together and, you know, fell inlove, got married and they lived
the rest of their years outtogether and we don't see that
anymore.
We just don't see that anymore.
We see people getting togetherand then they end up, you know,
splitting after how many years.
(03:35):
I mean I know so many peoplethat have been married for 20
years and then they'reseparating because of the empty
nest you know situation and theydon't know who they are anymore
and they're not connectinganymore.
So they're seeking out newrelationships and I really feel
like there's something that'sbeen lost along the way and I
(03:59):
don't know how many peoplereally can identify it exactly,
but the fact that you're willingto go into this space where
people are opening themselves upto connect and get married
again and bring familiestogether.
Because that's really whatyou're doing is you're bringing
(04:20):
two families together and yourfamily system has just gotten
bigger, because you've got notonly the original family from
when you know you were marriedwith your partner the first time
and the kids, but now you havethis introduction of this whole
other family dynamic and all oftheir extended relatives.
(04:42):
So there's a lot, a lot, a lotgoing on here.
A lot Makes it very complex,very confusing, I think, for the
kids.
So let's, let's dive into this.
I mean, share with me how thiscame about for you.
How did you become a stepfamily coach?
(05:02):
What happened that triggered itfor you?
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Well, you asked me how long I was married.
So, for six years married.
And when you get remarried, yougo into it thinking I have
these experiences, I have lifeexperiences, I'm comfortable in
my career, I know where I'mheaded, I know what my purpose
is.
And then all of a sudden, thisdivorce comes and things get
(05:29):
shaken up and once you recoverfrom that, for me I made a list
when I get remarried, this guyhas to have this, this, this and
this.
So, truly, I had predecidedthat there were certain things
that were going to happen acertain way, based on my prior
experience.
So I I'm not going to dive intomy first marriage other than to
(05:52):
say that it wasn't a goodmarriage and it was 22 years of
not being a good marriage.
And one day, when someone askedme, why did you, or how long
have you, been trying to getdivorced, I had said, oh my gosh
, almost a whole time, withoutreally understanding.
And as I look back and talk toyou now about it, it does tie
(06:13):
into that connection that therewasn't connection.
So when you spend a couple ofdecades disconnected and you get
an opportunity to start over,you're going to start over with
a mindset that's different, andyou are.
You know some of the challengesin marriage.
So when you get remarried yousay, okay, I'm not going to
(06:35):
experience those again, exceptit doesn't quite work like that.
And so you almost set yourselfup, for you have false
expectations on realisticexpectations, because even
though you may have been marriedbefore, you haven't been
blended before, you haven'tbrought those two households
(06:55):
together, and so there is a lotof collision that goes on.
So when my husband and I gotmarried, our we had I had two
girls that were out of the nest,and then he had two boys that
he brought into the nest.
So for me personally, as astepmom, I had a shift of I was
thanking God for giving me girls.
Surely he knew what he wasdoing by giving me girls.
And then, all of a sudden, Ihave all this testosterone in
(07:19):
the house and I don't know whatto do with it and I don't
understand it.
But going in, I thought I hadprepared myself and made space
to welcome the boys.
At that time they were 13 andnine, so 13 for any of you
parents out there that have a 13year old I.
You hear my.
You know what I'm about to say,I'm sure, as far as the
(07:41):
challenge is related to justdealing with a teenager.
And so I quickly, I quickly feltout of control in my own home
and I questioned the authorityin my own home.
I didn't really know what itmeant to be a stepmom, and so
that doubt and lack of clarityhad had me questioning
(08:04):
everything about myself, thought, now wait a minute.
I had just come from this spacewhere I was so confident and I
thought I had this clarity and Iknew what was important to me.
And so I think that is where Imoved into the stepfamily
coaching to say I was lookingfor resources where I could
(08:25):
figure out what is God callingme to do in this space?
Who am I really?
Okay, there's the label ofstepmom, but what, what?
These are the questions thatpeople will deal with.
Well, what do the kids call you?
What is your custodyarrangement?
Who buys the groceries?
Who cooks the dinner?
Who does the laundry?
Who makes sure the homework isdone?
(08:46):
Who takes them to the doctor?
Can I take them to the doctor?
Because I don't have any legalauthority, but I'm married to
this guy and I'm the step parent.
It's so confusing, and so whenyou have confused parents, you
oftentimes have confused kids,and as we were talking, getting
ready for this interview, wetouched on that several times
(09:07):
about the importance of speakingto the needs of the kids and
honoring their needs, and so ifthere's one message that I could
say to the world right now, Iwould say whether you're in a
step family or you're parentingfor the first time, or you're a
grandparent lending a hand, ifyou have a role in a child's
(09:29):
life, you have this beautifulresponsibility and stewardship
to love on them, not in the waythat you think that they need to
be loved, but in the way thatthey're telling you that they
need to be loved.
And in this year of clarity, inthis 2020 time frame of the
whole world being shaken up, weneed to be able to give our kids
(09:55):
a certain level of confidencethat it's going to be OK when,
even as we know, as parents,we're shaken up too.
So when you add that lack ofclarity in your own life to the
blended lack of clarity, it cancreate a situation where the
kids really feel lost.
So that's why I pursue this.
(10:17):
I could not find a resource outthere that blended God's word
with blending marriages, and sothat's what I'm passionate about
is coming up with a way, astrategy, a game plan in advance
, a vision for really becomingbeautifully blended.
And so that's why I'm here,that's why I'm pursuing this,
because there's a whole lot ofhurt.
(10:39):
Whether you're the stepmom, thestepdad or the bio parent, or
whether you're a kid in thefamily, there's a lot of hurt,
and, as you and I talked earlier, we know that hurting people,
they tend to hurt people, and sowe want to be blended parents
that heal our children, thatprevent, redevore, that model
(11:01):
what it's like to actually leavea legacy for your children to
love.
Well, so that's what I'mpassionate about.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I love all of that and, as you were speaking to
that, it was abundantly clear tome that this sense of hurt that
people are feeling, especiallythe kids, it's a very, very real
thing.
I mean, I've done so many showsthat.
At this point it's abundantlyclear to me that the adult mind
(11:35):
and the child's mind are socompletely different and the way
that it comes through, I meanfor anyone on the planet.
Right now we are living in avarious stage of grief from this
old world that we used to livein and we're suffering from a
lot of trauma because of theenvironment that we're in and
(11:59):
how we're living.
So, depending on the stage ofgrief I mean that can come out
in anger, that can come out asdepression, that can come in
many different aspects.
And for the kids, especiallywhen they don't even understand
how grief is processed andthey're not able to spend time
with their friends and they'renot able to go to school in the
(12:22):
traditional sense that they weregoing to school and there's
more isolation your message tolove them unconditionally in the
space that they're in is soprofound and so necessary in
this time and I reallyappreciate that, jen, that
you're sharing that.
And I just wonder because thereis this level of chaos, in a
(12:51):
sense, because there's variousstresses that people feel, you
have your normal stresses, butwhen it's compounded with a
bigger global event and the lackof control that people have
around that, it is much heavier.
(13:11):
So I just wonder do you haveany advice to help parents?
Do you have any advice to helpthe kids that are really, really
struggling right now in anycapacity that they're in?
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Yeah, definitely.
And I want to speak to a coupleof those things that you were
saying, this lack of controllet's talk about that for a
minute.
So if people are listening andthey say, well, I'm not in a
step family, so I don't reallyknow, I'm pretty sure if you're
not in a step family, you knowsomeone who is in a step family.
And if you're in a step family,there are things you just want
(13:51):
to be heard, you want people tohear, and so oftentimes, when we
talk about a hurt that we have,the response of a parent is to
say it's going to be OK.
We don't know how, but it'sgoing to be OK.
And so, as the kids we hadtouched on teeny bopperhood, and
(14:12):
so as the kids get older andthey're figuring out who they
are, they're going to respond toyou differently, with the
classic, you know, the eyeballrole, or the complaining, or the
isolation on top of isolation,the withdrawing, the yelling,
any of those kinds of things,because they're trying to
express that all these thingsare going off in their body and
(14:35):
so they don't feel in control.
So I would suggest that we takethe time to actually listen and
again, something that you and Ihad talked about previously,
this being present, this nophones, eyeball to eyeball, and
(14:55):
while as parents, we do havelots of advice to give, there's
such power in listening.
And so if we were to sit downwhen our kid is telling us this
is wrong or complaining aboutsomething, or you see they're
struggling, asking them about itand actually speaking into that
, instead of telling them it'sgonna be okay, like what gosh?
(15:17):
You seem to be struggling inthis area.
You wanna tell me what's reallygoing on, and, as I remind my
husband often that when I amtalking with him about an issue,
I don't necessarily want him tofix it, I just want him to
listen and I want him to show mecompassion.
And so I think that is thebiggest key is physically being
(15:41):
present with your kid, lookingthem in the eye and using your
ears instead of your mouth andshowing them compassion.
You know when there's a crisisat work and the boss says, oh,
we've gotta get together, we'vegotta tackle this issue, this
thing blew up and so we've gottafix it.
(16:03):
What do they do first?
Well, they huddle together,they come together, and they're
not bringing procedural manualsand they're not bringing
recommendations from priorevents.
They're coming together withtheir creative minds and they're
asking how can we resolve this?
(16:23):
How can we address this?
So they've got a new situationand, while they're gonna use
their past experiences andskills, they've never
encountered this before.
That's a lot like what blendingis actually.
When you come together, youthink you understand it, but it
really is very different than ifyou watched the Brady Bunch and
saw everybody line up in theirboxes.
(16:44):
That does not happen.
Explosions would be going offin those boxes if we truly
showed what was going on withblending.
So to get back to the question,it is, acknowledging the issue
is real, demonstratingcompassion and taking the time
to listen to all work togetherto move from the place that's
(17:07):
tough to a place that may beless tough, but making a space
for that.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
I love all of that and I reminded of how planning
is so important, because I thinkwhen you implement a family
plan together, it really doescreate an outcome of success.
And right now what we know issuicide rates are climbing
across the globe andunfortunately, it's in our young
(17:36):
population that we're seeingthe highest rates.
So I think it's so vitallyimportant that, as parents,
we're very cognitive to thechanges that our children are
experiencing and understandingwhere it is that they're sitting
in the space that they'resitting.
And I think sometimes thesefamily meetings that everybody
(18:01):
cringes that they don't want todo.
I think right now what a bettertime to reconnect with your
family, put a plan together.
Put a plan together aroundconnection, because we know that
connection is the key togetting people out of depression
(18:23):
.
We know that connection is thekey to keeping people in the
light.
So, with your children justsitting around the table and
discussing ideas of what can wedo to find ways to connect with
our community, with each other,with our friends and, I know,
(18:43):
with the platform that we're onright now this video technology,
as wonderful as it is, it ishard also because it's not a
physical connection.
So I think, if you have a petat home.
Just allowing your children toreally cuddle up with that
(19:04):
unconditional love of a pet isso powerful, but also with the
chaos that we go through, justas much as adults need to detox
and get their spiritualalignment, so do the kids, and
there's no time that is betterthan right now, than to get your
kids outside and get that freshair and sunshine and help their
(19:28):
bodies unwind from holding onto the trauma on a cellular
level.
But your point about the chaosof the blended family, I see a
spiritual warfare, as youdescribed it earlier to me,
happening and compounding with alot of different things and I
(19:54):
think, especially with the worldthat we're living in right now.
I think it really is importantthat, as families, that we do
plan for success.
But I mean, if you were to, Iguess if you were to sit
yourself down and you were tohave a conversation with
yourself and just say, jen, I'mgonna buckle you up for this
(20:18):
ride you're about to have.
Here's some advice for you.
What would that advice be?
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Oh my gosh, the imagery that comes to mind.
I'm in a rocket ship and I'm inthis astronauts suit and I'm
gasping for air and the rocketis taking off and I'm trying to
hold on.
That's what just happened whenyou asked me that question.
Oh gosh, honestly, as much as Idon't wanna say it, here's the
(20:45):
truth.
I would say, jen, it's notabout you, and I would say that
because I didn't understand thatthese young men coming into my
(21:06):
life were a blessing.
I didn't understand that andbecause of how I roll, I'm a
list person.
I've got a plan, I get thingsdone.
If you tell me that you'regonna do something, then I'm
expecting that you're going todo it, and I don't know if you
(21:28):
have boys out there.
You know that it doesn't quitework that way.
They look you in the eyes andsay uh-huh, okay, okay.
But as my brother-in-lawreminded me, he said, jen,
they're just waiting for you tobe done.
They're nodding their head andsaying okay, but they're not
hearing anything because theywanna go back to whatever that
(21:49):
thing is that doesn't involveyou at all.
So they're saying okay to getyou to get out of their face,
not because they actually careone way or the other if they're
gonna get it done.
That's not what's important tothem.
And so getting that perspective, I think, was helpful.
But I, as someone who likesthings to well, how would I say
(22:14):
it?
I like planned spontaneity.
Okay, that's probably a goodway.
I love it when we plan ourspontaneous events.
It works really well for me.
So, yeah, just that theblessing is in the journey, the
blessing is in that pain oftransition, and I would
(22:38):
encourage myself, my new stepmomself, to look at things from
the kid's perspective and togive an example again for those
who aren't in blended families.
They may not quite catch whatthe issues are, and I do wanna
take a moment here to encouragepastors to have an extra ear
(23:00):
right now, because about 40% ofyour families and your churches
are blended and no one isministering to them, no one is
talking to them and listening tothem and sharing how they can
move from the hurt to thehealing, and blended is very
different.
So how is it different?
Well, imagine that you arerequired to pack a small bag and
(23:27):
go to a foreign country, into aland where you do not speak the
language, where you do not knowthe customs, you don't like the
food, much less know what thefood is.
Everything is different.
And you're told, hey, have agreat time.
You don't have any currency.
You don't have any money to buyanything because you're not in
(23:52):
relationship.
And there is relationshipcurrency, if you will that you
build trust into yourrelationship.
So you don't have any of that.
And so, and oh, by the way, behappy because your mom or dad,
they just got remarried andthey're really happy.
So be happy.
And so, depending on the ages ofthe kids, they want to be loyal
(24:13):
to their parents, they want tohonor their parents, and many of
them won't express the painthat they're experiencing, or
just the confusion like, ah, Idon't, even this isn't my house,
why do I?
Now, I got to do things thisway and for, um, it's well.
(24:34):
I think that paints a pictureof what some of those challenges
are that we're asking our kidsto completely change their lives
and move into this new set ofnorms where they they can't buy
and sell, yet that they justhave to figure out how to
survive.
And so when you're working onsurviving, we know that you
(24:54):
can't be thriving.
Then You're, because you're sofilled with.
How do I just get through thismoment?
And so if you're a step parentand you don't understand these
transitions with the kids thatare coming in, it's it makes it
pretty challenging, because youtake it personally, like why,
(25:15):
why, why don't they like me?
Even Okay, they don't need tolove me, but, geez, why don't
they like me?
Well, as the manifestation ofmy parents are never getting
back together again, sometimesit's pretty hard to like you,
much less love you, and thatjust hurts.
Right, it just hurts, but it'sreal.
(25:38):
And as we were talking earlier,I kept thinking about the
elephants in the room that wehave got to talk about these
elephants in the room, and so wehave we call them white share
conversations.
So we had a regular dining roomtable and we had the formal
dining room table and there arewhite chairs around the dining
room table and so we'd havewhite chair conversations.
(26:01):
So we knew when we were havingwhite chair conversations that
these were real family meetingconversations that you were
talking about earlier comingtogether.
That, oh gosh, we don't reallywant to do this.
And I'll tell you, we left manyfamily meeting conversations
angry with one another and wemoved from every other weekend,
(26:21):
where the boys came every otherweekend, to an every other week.
So there was a custody battlethat was fought in there.
So that's very challengingtimes and so I have I used to
call them will I still call themSunday night specials.
Sunday was the day of transitionand for a while, there with the
(26:43):
oldest one, we had Sunday nightspecials like, oh my gosh, it
is, it's never good, and we goto bed hurt and frustrated and
annoyed and in full of despair,all of those things, and then
having to work through that andcome back together again and
asking yourself why, why is thisso hard?
(27:05):
So if you are struggling whenyour stepkids come over to your
home, when it's your time on,I'm going to encourage you to do
this one thing.
I'm going to encourage you,encourage you to get together,
you and your partner and thekids, and acknowledge the
elephant in the room and saytoday's transition day, how are
(27:27):
you guys doing?
Is there anything that you'rebringing from your week that we
can help you with this week?
What's going on in yourschedule?
So the boys were in differentactivities in school and so
having that this is what we'redoing this week, it kind of
settles things a little bit tosay, okay, even though I'm in
(27:50):
this house.
Now, with these rules, I'mstill going to do some of these
normal things.
So to the point of what we weretalking about earlier, that even
now those normal things aretaken away, anytime we can
normalize any of this, where wecan have many traditions, if you
will, many habits, atomichabits that help us blend
(28:10):
together in a way thatacknowledges those elephants,
this is hard.
I'd rather be at my mom's house, or I'd rather be at my dad's
house.
What parent wants to hear that?
No parent wants to hear that,but it's real.
Okay, so let's, let's talkabout that and of course, that's
something that it takes time toget to that point.
(28:34):
But, as we were talking earlier,if we can say right now, if
you're in the thick of somethingthat's really difficult in your
blended family, I'm going toencourage you to move just a
month down the road.
Is it going to be this way in amonth, or is there something
that you could do, that couldmove from where you are right
now in this boiling pot to maybejust simmering, and what would
(28:59):
that thing be?
And Begin to ask yourself thatquestion, because oftentimes we,
we, we just feel defeated, andwhen we're defeated, we're not
solving, we're not beingcreative.
We're not inspired, we're notasking ourselves hey, if I were
just to be curious about how Icould move from here to there,
(29:20):
what would happen?
And so curiosity goes a longway in asking ourselves how do
we Move from where we are towhere we want to go?
And if we don't know where wewant to go, we can't even begin
to answer that question.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Yeah, I think there's so much in that that you just
shared that is so powerfulbecause it does identify the
conflict, it identifies somesolution and, you know,
identifies a lot of things thatpeople are going through.
And Even for people that arecontemplating getting into this
(29:58):
environment, I think it's justvery helpful to have some tools
that are available that they canimplement immediately.
And you know, I go back to mygrandparents, who, you know,
remained married forever and,and that generation they didn't
have the ability to just up andleave like the women stayed home
(30:18):
and the men were thebreadwinners and you know, they
that's the way that generationoperated.
But in today's world we havethe ability to leave, and I
think that's one of the thingsthat makes it really hard for
the kids to Is that?
Do we have to worry about, youknow, this new person in our
(30:39):
life leaving, and that'ssomething I think is one of the
elephants in the room.
You know we're building arelationship again and do we
have to worry that this person'sgonna leave us too?
I mean, how do you haveconversations around that?
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Yeah.
So as you were saying that, Ijust felt this arrow in my heart
right, like what's the point ofEven trying to be in
relationship with you when Idon't trust that you're gonna be
here tomorrow, kind of thing.
That's what I heard you asking,and so it is.
It's very easy for us to focuson the negative.
(31:16):
That's what we do.
It goes back to the beginningpart of our survival instinct,
how we were created to make surethat we kept breathing right,
and so we were aware of thenegative in a way that it just
can overtake the positive.
And so that goes to reallybeing intentional about what
(31:38):
we're doing and understandingthat challenge that our kids may
fear that.
And so I'll tell you my husbandand I committed to each other
that we were never gonna say theD word.
Do you think we kept thatcommitment?
No, no, we didn't.
We didn't because we reallyweren't.
(31:58):
I mean, we thought we were, butwe didn't understand that we
needed to actually kind of writea covenant down, just like you
write your wedding vows, somepeople write their wedding vows
down.
It is like that to say thattogether, our vision together,
is to stay married and to bringour kids into that vision like
(32:22):
working out the plan with them.
So, as adults, we have aresponsibility to provide a home
, so we put a roof over the kidshead right and we feed them and
we close them and we nurturethem and we educate them.
But we also have aresponsibility to Encourage them
to be creative and to seethings that are possible even
(32:45):
though they're not there rightnow.
And so when we say, hey, allthings are possible with God, we
mean that it, this marriage, ispossible with God, that we Are
staying married to one another,and we understand that it's not
gonna be an easy thing everysingle day, but we also
(33:07):
understand that we can have somefun doing this together.
So one of the projects that Iwould work on with parents and
kids together is creating afamily crest, and that's where
everybody gets to come up withhey, this thing, this is what I
like to do.
So if they're real little, youknow, maybe they have a baby
doll that they really like.
And if they're older, maybethey play baseball or they're an
(33:28):
avid reader, or they play theguitar, it all this is age
dependent, of course, but comingup with some sort of symbol
that represents this is what welook like together blended, and
I have.
I have people that I want to bea part of.
I have people that I work with.
There.
They have developed thisgenogram where you put in all
(33:48):
the players of your family andit shows you the connections of
who's in your blend.
So for me, like I said, it's meand my husband and the six, the
two girls, two boys and twodogs.
Well, who's in the house rightnow?
Well, there's only one in thehouse right now because all the
older three they're out doingadulting and the oldest one is
(34:11):
making lovely grandbabies for us.
So we love that, um, but what?
What actually is, um, I think,helpful to understand is that
when we're together in thishouse, we're not the only ones
who are influencing this home.
And that's what this genogram,this family map, does.
(34:34):
It shows you the outsideinfluences.
So if you're married for thefirst time and creating your
family, you could identify someoutside influences.
Like my mother-in-law doesn't,like my husband I, that could be
one right.
That could be a negativeinfluence.
When you're in a step family,you've got lots more adults
(34:56):
involved and therefore you havelots more adults feeding in and
influencing your children andsome of what you know and some
of what you don't, depending onwhat your custody schedule is
and how Often they are with youversus how often they're in the
other home.
And so, when you create thismap, you begin to understand
that, while you thought when yougot remarried you would be, you
(35:19):
would have more control basedon your experience, when you
blend you, actually withoutunderstanding it, you actually
lose control, because there aremore players involved and more
people giving you advice orReminding you that you signed up
for this.
Then, then, if it's one family,and so the visual
(35:45):
representation, I think, isincredibly helpful to understand
how complex these families are.
And so when, again, when you'rein your home, even though there
are outside influences, a thinglike a family crest says hey,
this is what we look liketogether, blended, and we
understand that there areoutside influences and we want
(36:07):
to be aware of those.
We want to, actually, we wantto embrace them Instead of
resist them.
We, we use a lot more energyresisting them than embracing
them, and so I just want to takea moment, if I can, and speak
to those parents out there whoare dealing with a high conflict
.
Ex spouse, you can only changeyou, that's, that's it.
(36:34):
You can only change you, and so, no matter what that other
person is doing, yourresponsibility to steward and
love your stepchildren does notchange.
It does not change and God isasking you to love the way he
(36:54):
loves, and we know that thatlove involves sacrifice, and
that sacrifice you know, back tothis gen.
Telling the newly married genadvice would be sacrifice is
required and the pride that youhave will be shaved off and you
(37:17):
will embrace humility, and youwon't like it because it doesn't
feel good.
Right, who likes to bedisciplined?
Nobody likes to be disciplined,and yet that's what you
experience as you blend.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Yeah, and you know that's part of growth, though,
is being uncomfortable.
You know when you're growingyou're uncomfortable, so you
talk about not liking something.
That's just part of growing.
So I appreciate that there'sthere's so much that is involved
in this process of blendingfamilies and I just wonder is
(37:52):
there any anything we miss thatmaybe you could share with the
audience that could be helpfulin implementing today?
Speaker 2 (38:03):
Yeah, I would say the most important thing is this
that, just as you and I, in thisconversation, are creating
something bigger than either oneof us could have created on our
own, it's the same with you andyour partner that you, you got
married because you love thisperson and because you wanted to
(38:25):
build a life together.
And when you attempt to parentin whatever your blended
situation is without yourpartner, it's not going to be
good.
It just is not.
You need that person to supportyou, to love you, to back you
(38:45):
up.
You need to have conversationswith them about what are our
boundaries.
My gosh, there's so much thatwe haven't talked about.
But you really, you really needeach other.
You really do.
And if you could go back andrecapture that starry eyed
moment when you fell in love andremember that this is why, that
(39:09):
this is what you're fightingfor.
You are fighting for thatsecond chance that you've been
given to love Well, to blendwell to this, to blend
beautifully together.
And that requires work.
And we know, when we thinkabout people who we admire, we
admire people who are willing todo the work.
We.
We are inspired by people whohave this confidence that I
(39:33):
don't know how, but I know thatI can do this next thing.
So all of that to say that itgoes so much better when you're
in it with the one that youtruly love, and so be in it
together.
You two decide together what'simportant.
Recapture that time that youhad and begin to build out a
(39:55):
vision for your family that says, wherever we are right now,
this is the direction that wewant to go, and then fulfill
your call to lead in thatdirection.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
You're right, there's so many things that we haven't
discussed, but I think right now, with the way the world is, I
mean we hit some high, highlevel pieces that people can
implement today and start tomake these soft.
You know these soft, small,subtle changes in their family
(40:28):
system.
And it's just really.
I mean really the whole contextis around using tools.
You know, using tools to createa better situation, a better
environment, not just for yourmarriage, but, you know, your
family system, for the kids, foreverybody.
That's connected, as you talkedabout, with the, the geogram
(40:52):
and the family system, and Ilike that idea because it really
does show theinterconnectedness of how we
need each other and how wereally do have these six degrees
of separation right, but we'reall interconnected in some way
and it just kind of reinforcesthat.
But, jen, this has been soenlightening on so many levels
(41:17):
and I appreciate so much.
You know the space that you'recoming from, because I just
really, I really know thatthere's so many people that
don't go into this space becausethey just think that they're
just going to get married andsomehow they're going to make it
work and it doesn't matter howmessy or ugly it is.
(41:38):
You know, this is what it isand we're just going to own it
the way it is, but you'reshowing us a different way to
own it.
You're showing us a differentway of embracing it and not
making it feel so bad, right.
So I love.
I love that, that inspirationof hope.
I love that light that you puton the subject and you're the
(42:00):
perfect person to do that,because you're in it and you
understand it and you know it.
And yeah, boys and girls aredefinitely different.
I mean, I'm the mom of both, soI get it and, yeah, very, very
different.
But I mean what a blessing theyare nonetheless, and they teach
us so, so much.
(42:21):
They teach us how we have thisinner strength that we don't
even know that we have, and theyteach us our purpose and they
teach us so many things that wedon't even see about ourselves.
That bubbles up to the surface,and there's so many blessings
in that too, and that's a wholeanother show.
But I can't thank you enoughfor being with us today.
(42:47):
Thank you so, so much.
Speaker 2 (42:50):
Yeah, I've absolutely loved it.
It's just been.
It's always eye-opening to talkand reflect about where you
come from and where you're going, and I definitely like this
space and again just want toencourage your listeners to keep
your eyes forward.
That it is.
(43:10):
There's so many beautifulplaces that you get to go as a
blended parent just to encouragethem.
That it's really amazing.
It can be really reallybeautiful.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
Yeah, and I love that so much.
And just as a caveat, you know,because we talked a little bit
earlier about the youngpopulation demographics being
highly susceptible to suicide,if you are finding any changes
in your child and you may thinkthat this may be part of you
(43:41):
know, their journey, please,please, please, reach out to
your community and get thesupport you need.
And if this is for yourself,you know, do that for yourself.
But please do that because weare living in a space that is
uncomfortable and, you know, asthe rates go up around the world
, I feel a personalresponsibility to make sure I
(44:03):
make mention of this, you know,when we have a conversation
around it.
So, yeah, so, jen, I mean again, thank you so much.
Thank you for, you know, reallyputting a beautiful light on
this topic and really, really, Iguess, spearheading this vision
, that it is absolutelysomething that can be very
(44:25):
beautiful.
So, thank you.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
Sure my pleasure.
Really enjoyed it, thank you.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
Okay.
So if I were to pick up yourEarth Angel feather off the
ground, what would your messageto the world be?
Speaker 2 (44:39):
Be joyful in all situations.
Be joyful, and I know you and Ihad this blended perspective
conversation, but it doesn'tmatter where you are, the world
needs your joy, so that's thatwould be my feather.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
I love that.
I love that so much.
Jen, thank you so much forbeing with us today, so filled
with gratitude, and I just thankyou so much.
Speaker 2 (45:07):
Absolutely.
You too take care.
Speaker 1 (45:09):
And again, this is Catherine Daniels, with Retreat
to Peace, reminding you to liveyour authentic life with peace.
And, as always, retreat toPeace.
We'll see you next time.
I love Jen's step familyconversation.
It was so amazing just to hearsome insight around blending
families together, and I dothink it is difficult to take a
(45:32):
bunch of adults and a bunch ofchildren and blend them when
they don't have a history tobond from and jump off of.
So creating that history doestake time.
But the geogram idea, the familycrest idea, the family map I
mean there's so many things thatshe offered in our conversation
(45:53):
and just thought they were soinstrumental and I know we could
talk for a long time about that, because there's so many layers
of becoming a step family andhow that works with the world
today.
I think it's really importantthat, heeding the advice that it
really is not about you, thatyou, the only person you can
(46:14):
change, is yourself.
So just look for the blessingsand and as she said, the world
does need your joy.
So it's really important thatwe look at that.
I know for myself when I had mykids in you know, as they were
growing up, it was reallyinteresting, because one of the
things that I always tried to dois look at them as individuals
(46:35):
and look at their individualunique traits and try to focus
on those special parts of themand strengthen them, because I
thought for for anything.
When they go to school,everybody is kind of bucketed
into this one bucket.
So, as a parent, it was reallymy job to look at the
individuality of each of thechildren and give them their own
(46:59):
self identity as far as whattheir strengths were.
When we went through difficulttimes, I tried to really respect
their individuality, try toshare space with them, try to
listen to them, not justautomatically solve their
problems, because we do need toraise children that can function
in the world and think on theirown, and I think that's so, so
(47:20):
important.
So sometimes you just have tolisten.
Sometimes you you do have toshare a conversation with them
and learn about where it is thatthey're at and how you can help
them.
But then there will be othertimes that, yes, as a parent, we
do have to step in and we dohave to solution whatever the
problem is for them.
So, respectfully, just tryingto identify where they're at and
(47:42):
where they're going I think isso, so helpful.
So maybe that will resonatewith someone in my audience and
will be helpful to them.
Recently I did a presentationfor Denver, colorado, weibo
Networking Group.
It's a bunch of entrepreneurialwomen and it was really amazing
(48:04):
to be in the room with thesewomen and literally watch their
lives change right in front ofme.
This is part of what I do withRetreat to Peace and I just
wanted to share with you sometestimony of that experience, as
I had received some beautifulthank you notes.
So the first one is from Beth,and she says Catherine, I want
(48:25):
to thank you so much forspeaking at Weibo North Denver.
Your presentation really spoketo me and I know it did the rest
of the group as well.
Thank you also for taking someextra time.
It was truly a pleasure to haveyou and I would love to connect
again.
And, beth, absolutely I wouldlove to connect with you as well
.
This other one comes fromDestiny.
(48:45):
Destiny is amazing.
She says Catherine, thank youso much for your presentation At
Weibo's.
It was heartfelt and groundingand opened up so many
possibilities.
I could tell your message waslanding and your passion was
shining through.
And then I also have this othernote that came from Jackie.
(49:05):
She says Kathy, thank you forbeing so instrumental to me in
my healing journey.
I'm not the person I was when Istarted.
I love all of you and thank youso much for sharing those
messages with me.
I mean, it's just incrediblehow retreat to peace is working
and working through individuals.
(49:26):
Today, I wanted to share withyou a message from Rumi.
It's called.
Every Moment, every moment, avoice out of this world calls on
our soul to wake up and rise.
This soul of ours is like aflame, with more smoke than
(49:48):
light, blackening our vision,letting no light through.
Lesson.
The smoke and more lightbrightens your house, the house
you dwell in now and the abodeyou eventually move to.
On my precious soul, how longare you going to waste yourself
(50:11):
in this wandering journey?
Can't you hear the voice?
Can't you use your swifterwings and answer the call?
What is it that you've beenignoring about your calling or
what is it that you need amessage for?
(50:33):
I want to let my audience knowthat retreat to peace has found
a host camp that is going to behosting 2021 retreats, and it
will be hosted at a camp inPennsylvania, camp Inaba, which
(50:54):
is literally the Lenape name forthe Great Spirit is with us.
It is a beautiful space.
It's actually a little bit moreof a summer camp in the sense
that you would think of sendingyour kids to, but this was by
design because, with 2020 andthe impact of jobs and
(51:18):
tightening up the budgets andthings like that, it was really
important that we made thisaffordable.
So I wanted to let everyoneknow that this is going to be
live.
We actually have camp datesthat are in the works right now.
Some of our camps are going tobe around literally creating a
(51:40):
sisterhood.
So we've got soul sisterhood.
We've got a motherlessdaughters camp that will be
running, and some of these campsyou can actually use a tent.
Some you can stay in a cabin,some you can stay in a lodge, so
you will have an opportunity topick which one works for you.
(52:04):
One of the things that we'll bedoing at this camp is we will be
working on what it is thatyou're feeling.
As far as what that's insidevoice, inside your head, is kind
of knowing at you.
So are you struggling withwhere you're going, with your
career?
Are you struggling with what isyour life purpose?
Are you struggling with yourrelationships with other people
(52:29):
or maybe, in you know withyourself.
So we're going to look at avariety of things and literally,
when you come to the camp, youknow the first day there'll be a
little bit of a team buildingevent.
The next day, depending on whatyou select, you will have an
opportunity to work specificallywith me for a day to just focus
(52:52):
in on working with your innerself and getting yourself
connected to your authenticpurpose, to your authentic
journey and your direction asfar as what it is that you were
meant to do here on earth.
The next couple of days aregoing to be filled with
activities.
One of them will be with aguest speaker that is going to
(53:15):
be a dietitian who's going tofocus on your diet, focus on
what it is that you're puttinginto your body and how it
manifests into disease.
So, if you remember, claudiaBallmer was the registered
dietitian that I had interviewedrecently.
She is going to be one of theguest speakers.
We also have activities thatwe'll be doing.
(53:39):
So we'll be doing some someactual healing activities with
art therapy, where we'll bedoing some journaling.
We'll be doing actual soundhealing Reiki.
There'll be other sessions aswell, and a lot of this is going
to be a very hands-on, fullexperience as far as the body,
(54:03):
the mind and the soul, so thetrinity of the body, the mind
and the soul.
This is going to be a workshopthat, literally, when you come
in, you're going to be one way,but when you leave, you're going
to have a total transformation,such as what I did with the
women in Denver, colorado, butthis will be a much more deeper,
(54:25):
fulfilled experience.
So if you're looking forinformation around any of this,
please get me your email addressand I will send all of that to
you.
So you want to email atretreat2pcllc at gmailcom and
(54:46):
we'll get over to you all thedates and all of the information
.
As of right now, you can findsome of the retreats on
Eventbrite, and that will be forPennsylvania.
Spring City.
Pennsylvania, is where the campis, so that's where you can
find it and, again, that will belive.
(55:09):
There's a couple out there thatare live already and for the
entire 2021 calendar.
They are being uploaded as wespeak.
So not all of them are uploadedas of yet, but they will be,
and just keep your eyes open forthat.
So, anyway, just wanted to sharea lot of love and gratitude for
(55:31):
the beautiful people that Icontinue to meet.
I want to also just say thatlast week was an amazing week
filled with energy.
The previous week, I know itwas pretty heavy, but last week
there was some really goodenergy.
So I am working on writing mythird book.
All three books, all threetitles, will be released at the
(55:55):
same time, and that wassomething that I was guided to
do by God and Spirit.
So I'm continuing to honor thatspace and I just wonder if
you're doing anything to honoryour space.
Is there anything that you feellike you should be doing to
bridge that to a deeper leveland really get connected?
(56:17):
So I invite you to just ponderthat question and think on it
and make some time for yourselfto just really get in a space
where you're taking care ofyourself and just really know
that you are surrounded by a lotof love.
(56:37):
And as we continue this journey, together with Retreat to Peace
, I look forward to continuingto give you guidance and healing
.
And as my message continues togrow and builds out there, I'm
super grateful for every singleone of you that has allowed me
(56:58):
to be part of your space andreally just be there alongside
of you.
So thank you so much and I justsend a lot of healing prayers
around the world right now, aswe continue to go through
adversity and a lot of changes,and I know there's a lot of
distortions and people aren'treally sure what is truth or
(57:20):
what is not truth, and I wouldsay that is true of wherever you
are in the world, but we'llstill continue to be there for
one another.
So continue to be in your highvibration.
I wish you all love and peaceand again, this is Catherine
Daniels, with Retreat to Peace,reminding you to live your
authentic life in peace, andwe'll see you next time.
(57:44):
And don't forget to join uswhen we have Casey Compton and
her shared talk about losingeverything.
I'm not going to want to missthat.
Have a great week.
Thank you, you in the world right now.
(00:28):
Thank you so much for beinghere with me.
We know that we're living insome crazy times and we know
that the world is changing, solet's create a bridge as we
travel through one another'scountries, coming together as
one people in our home and oneworld.
And as we do this, this is whyour signature talk today
(00:50):
Beautifully Blended StepFamilies is so important, and
today I am so super excited towelcome my guest speaker.
Her name is Jen Rogers andshe's a Step Family coach.
Hi, Jen.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Hi there Gosh, so excited to be here.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
You're so welcome, and this Step Family coaching is
an incredible thing to be doing, because I know so many people
have issues around blendedfamilies and getting along and
especially in a you know, aworld that we're living in, I
think it's just difficult forpeople that aren't blended to
get along at times, right.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
So I think, yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
So I think your expertise in this, you know
capacity, is just going to be soenlightening for so many people
.
But I really want to, you know,take a step back a little bit
and let's start at the beginning.
So you're a step mom, and howlong have you been married to
your husband?
Speaker 2 (01:52):
For a little over six years now.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Okay, and between the two of you, how many kids do
you have?
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Well, I answer that in two different ways Today.
I'm going to answer it and saywe have six.
So we have two girls, we havetwo boys and we have two dogs.
And the reason I include thedogs is because I asked the
question of the six, who do youthink is the easiest to co
parent?
And it's definitely, definitelythe dogs.
They don't see step, they don'tsee blended, whereas the rest
(02:23):
of us in the family we takethose labels and they turn into
some things that we may notexpect them to turn into.
But with the dogs you just getpuppy love all the time.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Yeah, and isn't it interesting?
Because dogs don't have thelabels that people do and, to
your point, you know thelabeling it does impact us and
the fact that there is a labelit's like why can't we just get
rid of those labels, right?
But I love that you're comingon today and sharing with our
(02:55):
audience this topic, because Ifeel like around the world,
especially here in the UnitedStates, we deal with some major
major relationship issues and Ifeel like from my own personal
experience I mean, I grew upwith my grandparents and my
(03:15):
grandparents met when they werechildren and they grew up
together and, you know, fell inlove, got married and they lived
the rest of their years outtogether and we don't see that
anymore.
We just don't see that anymore.
We see people getting togetherand then they end up, you know,
splitting after how many years.
(03:35):
I mean I know so many peoplethat have been married for 20
years and then they'reseparating because of the empty
nest you know situation and theydon't know who they are anymore
and they're not connectinganymore.
So they're seeking out newrelationships and I really feel
like there's something that'sbeen lost along the way and I
(03:59):
don't know how many peoplereally can identify it exactly,
but the fact that you're willingto go into this space where
people are opening themselves upto connect and get married
again and bring familiestogether.
Because that's really whatyou're doing is you're bringing
(04:20):
two families together and yourfamily system has just gotten
bigger, because you've got notonly the original family from
when you know you were marriedwith your partner the first time
and the kids, but now you havethis introduction of this whole
other family dynamic and all oftheir extended relatives.
(04:42):
So there's a lot, a lot, a lotgoing on here.
A lot Makes it very complex,very confusing, I think, for the
kids.
So let's, let's dive into this.
I mean, share with me how thiscame about for you.
How did you become a stepfamily coach?
(05:02):
What happened that triggered itfor you?
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Well, you asked me how long I was married.
So, for six years married.
And when you get remarried, yougo into it thinking I have
these experiences, I have lifeexperiences, I'm comfortable in
my career, I know where I'mheaded, I know what my purpose
is.
And then all of a sudden, thisdivorce comes and things get
(05:29):
shaken up and once you recoverfrom that, for me I made a list
when I get remarried, this guyhas to have this, this, this and
this.
So, truly, I had predecidedthat there were certain things
that were going to happen acertain way, based on my prior
experience.
So I I'm not going to dive intomy first marriage other than to
(05:52):
say that it wasn't a goodmarriage and it was 22 years of
not being a good marriage.
And one day, when someone askedme, why did you, or how long
have you, been trying to getdivorced, I had said, oh my gosh
, almost a whole time, withoutreally understanding.
And as I look back and talk toyou now about it, it does tie
(06:13):
into that connection that therewasn't connection.
So when you spend a couple ofdecades disconnected and you get
an opportunity to start over,you're going to start over with
a mindset that's different, andyou are.
You know some of the challengesin marriage.
So when you get remarried yousay, okay, I'm not going to
(06:35):
experience those again, exceptit doesn't quite work like that.
And so you almost set yourselfup, for you have false
expectations on realisticexpectations, because even
though you may have been marriedbefore, you haven't been
blended before, you haven'tbrought those two households
(06:55):
together, and so there is a lotof collision that goes on.
So when my husband and I gotmarried, our we had I had two
girls that were out of the nest,and then he had two boys that
he brought into the nest.
So for me personally, as astepmom, I had a shift of I was
thanking God for giving me girls.
Surely he knew what he wasdoing by giving me girls.
And then, all of a sudden, Ihave all this testosterone in
(07:19):
the house and I don't know whatto do with it and I don't
understand it.
But going in, I thought I hadprepared myself and made space
to welcome the boys.
At that time they were 13 andnine, so 13 for any of you
parents out there that have a 13year old I.
You hear my.
You know what I'm about to say,I'm sure, as far as the
(07:41):
challenge is related to justdealing with a teenager.
And so I quickly, I quickly feltout of control in my own home
and I questioned the authorityin my own home.
I didn't really know what itmeant to be a stepmom, and so
that doubt and lack of clarityhad had me questioning
(08:04):
everything about myself, thought, now wait a minute.
I had just come from this spacewhere I was so confident and I
thought I had this clarity and Iknew what was important to me.
And so I think that is where Imoved into the stepfamily
coaching to say I was lookingfor resources where I could
(08:25):
figure out what is God callingme to do in this space?
Who am I really?
Okay, there's the label ofstepmom, but what, what?
These are the questions thatpeople will deal with.
Well, what do the kids call you?
What is your custodyarrangement?
Who buys the groceries?
Who cooks the dinner?
Who does the laundry?
Who makes sure the homework isdone?
(08:46):
Who takes them to the doctor?
Can I take them to the doctor?
Because I don't have any legalauthority, but I'm married to
this guy and I'm the step parent.
It's so confusing, and so whenyou have confused parents, you
oftentimes have confused kids,and as we were talking, getting
ready for this interview, wetouched on that several times
(09:07):
about the importance of speakingto the needs of the kids and
honoring their needs, and so ifthere's one message that I could
say to the world right now, Iwould say whether you're in a
step family or you're parentingfor the first time, or you're a
grandparent lending a hand, ifyou have a role in a child's
(09:29):
life, you have this beautifulresponsibility and stewardship
to love on them, not in the waythat you think that they need to
be loved, but in the way thatthey're telling you that they
need to be loved.
And in this year of clarity, inthis 2020 time frame of the
whole world being shaken up, weneed to be able to give our kids
(09:55):
a certain level of confidencethat it's going to be OK when,
even as we know, as parents,we're shaken up too.
So when you add that lack ofclarity in your own life to the
blended lack of clarity, it cancreate a situation where the
kids really feel lost.
So that's why I pursue this.
(10:17):
I could not find a resource outthere that blended God's word
with blending marriages, and sothat's what I'm passionate about
is coming up with a way, astrategy, a game plan in advance
, a vision for really becomingbeautifully blended.
And so that's why I'm here,that's why I'm pursuing this,
because there's a whole lot ofhurt.
(10:39):
Whether you're the stepmom, thestepdad or the bio parent, or
whether you're a kid in thefamily, there's a lot of hurt,
and, as you and I talked earlier, we know that hurting people,
they tend to hurt people, and sowe want to be blended parents
that heal our children, thatprevent, redevore, that model
(11:01):
what it's like to actually leavea legacy for your children to
love.
Well, so that's what I'mpassionate about.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I love all of that and, as you were speaking to
that, it was abundantly clear tome that this sense of hurt that
people are feeling, especiallythe kids, it's a very, very real
thing.
I mean, I've done so many showsthat.
At this point it's abundantlyclear to me that the adult mind
(11:35):
and the child's mind are socompletely different and the way
that it comes through, I meanfor anyone on the planet.
Right now we are living in avarious stage of grief from this
old world that we used to livein and we're suffering from a
lot of trauma because of theenvironment that we're in and
(11:59):
how we're living.
So, depending on the stage ofgrief I mean that can come out
in anger, that can come out asdepression, that can come in
many different aspects.
And for the kids, especiallywhen they don't even understand
how grief is processed andthey're not able to spend time
with their friends and they'renot able to go to school in the
(12:22):
traditional sense that they weregoing to school and there's
more isolation your message tolove them unconditionally in the
space that they're in is soprofound and so necessary in
this time and I reallyappreciate that, jen, that
you're sharing that.
And I just wonder because thereis this level of chaos, in a
(12:51):
sense, because there's variousstresses that people feel, you
have your normal stresses, butwhen it's compounded with a
bigger global event and the lackof control that people have
around that, it is much heavier.
(13:11):
So I just wonder do you haveany advice to help parents?
Do you have any advice to helpthe kids that are really, really
struggling right now in anycapacity that they're in?
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Yeah, definitely.
And I want to speak to a coupleof those things that you were
saying, this lack of controllet's talk about that for a
minute.
So if people are listening andthey say, well, I'm not in a
step family, so I don't reallyknow, I'm pretty sure if you're
not in a step family, you knowsomeone who is in a step family.
And if you're in a step family,there are things you just want
(13:51):
to be heard, you want people tohear, and so oftentimes, when we
talk about a hurt that we have,the response of a parent is to
say it's going to be OK.
We don't know how, but it'sgoing to be OK.
And so, as the kids we hadtouched on teeny bopperhood, and
(14:12):
so as the kids get older andthey're figuring out who they
are, they're going to respond toyou differently, with the
classic, you know, the eyeballrole, or the complaining, or the
isolation on top of isolation,the withdrawing, the yelling,
any of those kinds of things,because they're trying to
express that all these thingsare going off in their body and
(14:35):
so they don't feel in control.
So I would suggest that we takethe time to actually listen and
again, something that you and Ihad talked about previously,
this being present, this nophones, eyeball to eyeball, and
(14:55):
while as parents, we do havelots of advice to give, there's
such power in listening.
And so if we were to sit downwhen our kid is telling us this
is wrong or complaining aboutsomething, or you see they're
struggling, asking them about itand actually speaking into that
, instead of telling them it'sgonna be okay, like what gosh?
(15:17):
You seem to be struggling inthis area.
You wanna tell me what's reallygoing on, and, as I remind my
husband often that when I amtalking with him about an issue,
I don't necessarily want him tofix it, I just want him to
listen and I want him to show mecompassion.
And so I think that is thebiggest key is physically being
(15:41):
present with your kid, lookingthem in the eye and using your
ears instead of your mouth andshowing them compassion.
You know when there's a crisisat work and the boss says, oh,
we've gotta get together, we'vegotta tackle this issue, this
thing blew up and so we've gottafix it.
(16:03):
What do they do first?
Well, they huddle together,they come together, and they're
not bringing procedural manualsand they're not bringing
recommendations from priorevents.
They're coming together withtheir creative minds and they're
asking how can we resolve this?
(16:23):
How can we address this?
So they've got a new situationand, while they're gonna use
their past experiences andskills, they've never
encountered this before.
That's a lot like what blendingis actually.
When you come together, youthink you understand it, but it
really is very different than ifyou watched the Brady Bunch and
saw everybody line up in theirboxes.
(16:44):
That does not happen.
Explosions would be going offin those boxes if we truly
showed what was going on withblending.
So to get back to the question,it is, acknowledging the issue
is real, demonstratingcompassion and taking the time
to listen to all work togetherto move from the place that's
(17:07):
tough to a place that may beless tough, but making a space
for that.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
I love all of that and I reminded of how planning
is so important, because I thinkwhen you implement a family
plan together, it really doescreate an outcome of success.
And right now what we know issuicide rates are climbing
across the globe andunfortunately, it's in our young
(17:36):
population that we're seeingthe highest rates.
So I think it's so vitallyimportant that, as parents,
we're very cognitive to thechanges that our children are
experiencing and understandingwhere it is that they're sitting
in the space that they'resitting.
And I think sometimes thesefamily meetings that everybody
(18:01):
cringes that they don't want todo.
I think right now what a bettertime to reconnect with your
family, put a plan together.
Put a plan together aroundconnection, because we know that
connection is the key togetting people out of depression
(18:23):
.
We know that connection is thekey to keeping people in the
light.
So, with your children justsitting around the table and
discussing ideas of what can wedo to find ways to connect with
our community, with each other,with our friends and, I know,
(18:43):
with the platform that we're onright now this video technology,
as wonderful as it is, it ishard also because it's not a
physical connection.
So I think, if you have a petat home.
Just allowing your children toreally cuddle up with that
(19:04):
unconditional love of a pet isso powerful, but also with the
chaos that we go through, justas much as adults need to detox
and get their spiritualalignment, so do the kids, and
there's no time that is betterthan right now, than to get your
kids outside and get that freshair and sunshine and help their
(19:28):
bodies unwind from holding onto the trauma on a cellular
level.
But your point about the chaosof the blended family, I see a
spiritual warfare, as youdescribed it earlier to me,
happening and compounding with alot of different things and I
(19:54):
think, especially with the worldthat we're living in right now.
I think it really is importantthat, as families, that we do
plan for success.
But I mean, if you were to, Iguess if you were to sit
yourself down and you were tohave a conversation with
yourself and just say, jen, I'mgonna buckle you up for this
(20:18):
ride you're about to have.
Here's some advice for you.
What would that advice be?
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Oh my gosh, the imagery that comes to mind.
I'm in a rocket ship and I'm inthis astronauts suit and I'm
gasping for air and the rocketis taking off and I'm trying to
hold on.
That's what just happened whenyou asked me that question.
Oh gosh, honestly, as much as Idon't wanna say it, here's the
(20:45):
truth.
I would say, jen, it's notabout you, and I would say that
because I didn't understand thatthese young men coming into my
(21:06):
life were a blessing.
I didn't understand that andbecause of how I roll, I'm a
list person.
I've got a plan, I get thingsdone.
If you tell me that you'regonna do something, then I'm
expecting that you're going todo it, and I don't know if you
(21:28):
have boys out there.
You know that it doesn't quitework that way.
They look you in the eyes andsay uh-huh, okay, okay.
But as my brother-in-lawreminded me, he said, jen,
they're just waiting for you tobe done.
They're nodding their head andsaying okay, but they're not
hearing anything because theywanna go back to whatever that
(21:49):
thing is that doesn't involveyou at all.
So they're saying okay to getyou to get out of their face,
not because they actually careone way or the other if they're
gonna get it done.
That's not what's important tothem.
And so getting that perspective, I think, was helpful.
But I, as someone who likesthings to well, how would I say
(22:14):
it?
I like planned spontaneity.
Okay, that's probably a goodway.
I love it when we plan ourspontaneous events.
It works really well for me.
So, yeah, just that theblessing is in the journey, the
blessing is in that pain oftransition, and I would
(22:38):
encourage myself, my new stepmomself, to look at things from
the kid's perspective and togive an example again for those
who aren't in blended families.
They may not quite catch whatthe issues are, and I do wanna
take a moment here to encouragepastors to have an extra ear
(23:00):
right now, because about 40% ofyour families and your churches
are blended and no one isministering to them, no one is
talking to them and listening tothem and sharing how they can
move from the hurt to thehealing, and blended is very
different.
So how is it different?
Well, imagine that you arerequired to pack a small bag and
(23:27):
go to a foreign country, into aland where you do not speak the
language, where you do not knowthe customs, you don't like the
food, much less know what thefood is.
Everything is different.
And you're told, hey, have agreat time.
You don't have any currency.
You don't have any money to buyanything because you're not in
(23:52):
relationship.
And there is relationshipcurrency, if you will that you
build trust into yourrelationship.
So you don't have any of that.
And so, and oh, by the way, behappy because your mom or dad,
they just got remarried andthey're really happy.
So be happy.
And so, depending on the ages ofthe kids, they want to be loyal
(24:13):
to their parents, they want tohonor their parents, and many of
them won't express the painthat they're experiencing, or
just the confusion like, ah, Idon't, even this isn't my house,
why do I?
Now, I got to do things thisway and for, um, it's well.
(24:34):
I think that paints a pictureof what some of those challenges
are that we're asking our kidsto completely change their lives
and move into this new set ofnorms where they they can't buy
and sell, yet that they justhave to figure out how to
survive.
And so when you're working onsurviving, we know that you
(24:54):
can't be thriving.
Then You're, because you're sofilled with.
How do I just get through thismoment?
And so if you're a step parentand you don't understand these
transitions with the kids thatare coming in, it's it makes it
pretty challenging, because youtake it personally, like why,
(25:15):
why, why don't they like me?
Even Okay, they don't need tolove me, but, geez, why don't
they like me?
Well, as the manifestation ofmy parents are never getting
back together again, sometimesit's pretty hard to like you,
much less love you, and thatjust hurts.
Right, it just hurts, but it'sreal.
(25:38):
And as we were talking earlier,I kept thinking about the
elephants in the room that wehave got to talk about these
elephants in the room, and so wehave we call them white share
conversations.
So we had a regular dining roomtable and we had the formal
dining room table and there arewhite chairs around the dining
room table and so we'd havewhite chair conversations.
(26:01):
So we knew when we were havingwhite chair conversations that
these were real family meetingconversations that you were
talking about earlier comingtogether.
That, oh gosh, we don't reallywant to do this.
And I'll tell you, we left manyfamily meeting conversations
angry with one another and wemoved from every other weekend,
(26:21):
where the boys came every otherweekend, to an every other week.
So there was a custody battlethat was fought in there.
So that's very challengingtimes and so I have I used to
call them will I still call themSunday night specials.
Sunday was the day of transitionand for a while, there with the
(26:43):
oldest one, we had Sunday nightspecials like, oh my gosh, it
is, it's never good, and we goto bed hurt and frustrated and
annoyed and in full of despair,all of those things, and then
having to work through that andcome back together again and
asking yourself why, why is thisso hard?
(27:05):
So if you are struggling whenyour stepkids come over to your
home, when it's your time on,I'm going to encourage you to do
this one thing.
I'm going to encourage you,encourage you to get together,
you and your partner and thekids, and acknowledge the
elephant in the room and saytoday's transition day, how are
(27:27):
you guys doing?
Is there anything that you'rebringing from your week that we
can help you with this week?
What's going on in yourschedule?
So the boys were in differentactivities in school and so
having that this is what we'redoing this week, it kind of
settles things a little bit tosay, okay, even though I'm in
(27:50):
this house.
Now, with these rules, I'mstill going to do some of these
normal things.
So to the point of what we weretalking about earlier, that even
now those normal things aretaken away, anytime we can
normalize any of this, where wecan have many traditions, if you
will, many habits, atomichabits that help us blend
(28:10):
together in a way thatacknowledges those elephants,
this is hard.
I'd rather be at my mom's house, or I'd rather be at my dad's
house.
What parent wants to hear that?
No parent wants to hear that,but it's real.
Okay, so let's, let's talkabout that and of course, that's
something that it takes time toget to that point.
(28:34):
But, as we were talking earlier,if we can say right now, if
you're in the thick of somethingthat's really difficult in your
blended family, I'm going toencourage you to move just a
month down the road.
Is it going to be this way in amonth, or is there something
that you could do, that couldmove from where you are right
now in this boiling pot to maybejust simmering, and what would
(28:59):
that thing be?
And Begin to ask yourself thatquestion, because oftentimes we,
we, we just feel defeated, andwhen we're defeated, we're not
solving, we're not beingcreative.
We're not inspired, we're notasking ourselves hey, if I were
just to be curious about how Icould move from here to there,
(29:20):
what would happen?
And so curiosity goes a longway in asking ourselves how do
we Move from where we are towhere we want to go?
And if we don't know where wewant to go, we can't even begin
to answer that question.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Yeah, I think there's so much in that that you just
shared that is so powerfulbecause it does identify the
conflict, it identifies somesolution and, you know,
identifies a lot of things thatpeople are going through.
And Even for people that arecontemplating getting into this
(29:58):
environment, I think it's justvery helpful to have some tools
that are available that they canimplement immediately.
And you know, I go back to mygrandparents, who, you know,
remained married forever and,and that generation they didn't
have the ability to just up andleave like the women stayed home
(30:18):
and the men were thebreadwinners and you know, they
that's the way that generationoperated.
But in today's world we havethe ability to leave, and I
think that's one of the thingsthat makes it really hard for
the kids to Is that?
Do we have to worry about, youknow, this new person in our
(30:39):
life leaving, and that'ssomething I think is one of the
elephants in the room.
You know we're building arelationship again and do we
have to worry that this person'sgonna leave us too?
I mean, how do you haveconversations around that?
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Yeah.
So as you were saying that, Ijust felt this arrow in my heart
right, like what's the point ofEven trying to be in
relationship with you when Idon't trust that you're gonna be
here tomorrow, kind of thing.
That's what I heard you asking,and so it is.
It's very easy for us to focuson the negative.
(31:16):
That's what we do.
It goes back to the beginningpart of our survival instinct,
how we were created to make surethat we kept breathing right,
and so we were aware of thenegative in a way that it just
can overtake the positive.
And so that goes to reallybeing intentional about what
(31:38):
we're doing and understandingthat challenge that our kids may
fear that.
And so I'll tell you my husbandand I committed to each other
that we were never gonna say theD word.
Do you think we kept thatcommitment?
No, no, we didn't.
We didn't because we reallyweren't.
(31:58):
I mean, we thought we were, butwe didn't understand that we
needed to actually kind of writea covenant down, just like you
write your wedding vows, somepeople write their wedding vows
down.
It is like that to say thattogether, our vision together,
is to stay married and to bringour kids into that vision like
(32:22):
working out the plan with them.
So, as adults, we have aresponsibility to provide a home
, so we put a roof over the kidshead right and we feed them and
we close them and we nurturethem and we educate them.
But we also have aresponsibility to Encourage them
to be creative and to seethings that are possible even
(32:45):
though they're not there rightnow.
And so when we say, hey, allthings are possible with God, we
mean that it, this marriage, ispossible with God, that we Are
staying married to one another,and we understand that it's not
gonna be an easy thing everysingle day, but we also
(33:07):
understand that we can have somefun doing this together.
So one of the projects that Iwould work on with parents and
kids together is creating afamily crest, and that's where
everybody gets to come up withhey, this thing, this is what I
like to do.
So if they're real little, youknow, maybe they have a baby
doll that they really like.
And if they're older, maybethey play baseball or they're an
(33:28):
avid reader, or they play theguitar, it all this is age
dependent, of course, but comingup with some sort of symbol
that represents this is what welook like together blended, and
I have.
I have people that I want to bea part of.
I have people that I work with.
There.
They have developed thisgenogram where you put in all
(33:48):
the players of your family andit shows you the connections of
who's in your blend.
So for me, like I said, it's meand my husband and the six, the
two girls, two boys and twodogs.
Well, who's in the house rightnow?
Well, there's only one in thehouse right now because all the
older three they're out doingadulting and the oldest one is
(34:11):
making lovely grandbabies for us.
So we love that, um, but what?
What actually is, um, I think,helpful to understand is that
when we're together in thishouse, we're not the only ones
who are influencing this home.
And that's what this genogram,this family map, does.
(34:34):
It shows you the outsideinfluences.
So if you're married for thefirst time and creating your
family, you could identify someoutside influences.
Like my mother-in-law doesn't,like my husband I, that could be
one right.
That could be a negativeinfluence.
When you're in a step family,you've got lots more adults
(34:56):
involved and therefore you havelots more adults feeding in and
influencing your children andsome of what you know and some
of what you don't, depending onwhat your custody schedule is
and how Often they are with youversus how often they're in the
other home.
And so, when you create thismap, you begin to understand
that, while you thought when yougot remarried you would be, you
(35:19):
would have more control basedon your experience, when you
blend you, actually withoutunderstanding it, you actually
lose control, because there aremore players involved and more
people giving you advice orReminding you that you signed up
for this.
Then, then, if it's one family,and so the visual
(35:45):
representation, I think, isincredibly helpful to understand
how complex these families are.
And so when, again, when you'rein your home, even though there
are outside influences, a thinglike a family crest says hey,
this is what we look liketogether, blended, and we
understand that there areoutside influences and we want
(36:07):
to be aware of those.
We want to, actually, we wantto embrace them Instead of
resist them.
We, we use a lot more energyresisting them than embracing
them, and so I just want to takea moment, if I can, and speak
to those parents out there whoare dealing with a high conflict
.
Ex spouse, you can only changeyou, that's, that's it.
(36:34):
You can only change you, and so, no matter what that other
person is doing, yourresponsibility to steward and
love your stepchildren does notchange.
It does not change and God isasking you to love the way he
(36:54):
loves, and we know that thatlove involves sacrifice, and
that sacrifice you know, back tothis gen.
Telling the newly married genadvice would be sacrifice is
required and the pride that youhave will be shaved off and you
(37:17):
will embrace humility, and youwon't like it because it doesn't
feel good.
Right, who likes to bedisciplined?
Nobody likes to be disciplined,and yet that's what you
experience as you blend.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Yeah, and you know that's part of growth, though,
is being uncomfortable.
You know when you're growingyou're uncomfortable, so you
talk about not liking something.
That's just part of growing.
So I appreciate that there'sthere's so much that is involved
in this process of blendingfamilies and I just wonder is
(37:52):
there any anything we miss thatmaybe you could share with the
audience that could be helpfulin implementing today?
Speaker 2 (38:03):
Yeah, I would say the most important thing is this
that, just as you and I, in thisconversation, are creating
something bigger than either oneof us could have created on our
own, it's the same with you andyour partner that you, you got
married because you love thisperson and because you wanted to
(38:25):
build a life together.
And when you attempt to parentin whatever your blended
situation is without yourpartner, it's not going to be
good.
It just is not.
You need that person to supportyou, to love you, to back you
(38:45):
up.
You need to have conversationswith them about what are our
boundaries.
My gosh, there's so much thatwe haven't talked about.
But you really, you really needeach other.
You really do.
And if you could go back andrecapture that starry eyed
moment when you fell in love andremember that this is why, that
(39:09):
this is what you're fightingfor.
You are fighting for thatsecond chance that you've been
given to love Well, to blendwell to this, to blend
beautifully together.
And that requires work.
And we know, when we thinkabout people who we admire, we
admire people who are willing todo the work.
We.
We are inspired by people whohave this confidence that I
(39:33):
don't know how, but I know thatI can do this next thing.
So all of that to say that itgoes so much better when you're
in it with the one that youtruly love, and so be in it
together.
You two decide together what'simportant.
Recapture that time that youhad and begin to build out a
(39:55):
vision for your family that says, wherever we are right now,
this is the direction that wewant to go, and then fulfill
your call to lead in thatdirection.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
You're right, there's so many things that we haven't
discussed, but I think right now, with the way the world is, I
mean we hit some high, highlevel pieces that people can
implement today and start tomake these soft.
You know these soft, small,subtle changes in their family
(40:28):
system.
And it's just really.
I mean really the whole contextis around using tools.
You know, using tools to createa better situation, a better
environment, not just for yourmarriage, but, you know, your
family system, for the kids, foreverybody.
That's connected, as you talkedabout, with the, the geogram
(40:52):
and the family system, and Ilike that idea because it really
does show theinterconnectedness of how we
need each other and how wereally do have these six degrees
of separation right, but we'reall interconnected in some way
and it just kind of reinforcesthat.
But, jen, this has been soenlightening on so many levels
(41:17):
and I appreciate so much.
You know the space that you'recoming from, because I just
really, I really know thatthere's so many people that
don't go into this space becausethey just think that they're
just going to get married andsomehow they're going to make it
work and it doesn't matter howmessy or ugly it is.
(41:38):
You know, this is what it isand we're just going to own it
the way it is, but you'reshowing us a different way to
own it.
You're showing us a differentway of embracing it and not
making it feel so bad, right.
So I love.
I love that, that inspirationof hope.
I love that light that you puton the subject and you're the
(42:00):
perfect person to do that,because you're in it and you
understand it and you know it.
And yeah, boys and girls aredefinitely different.
I mean, I'm the mom of both, soI get it and, yeah, very, very
different.
But I mean what a blessing theyare nonetheless, and they teach
us so, so much.
(42:21):
They teach us how we have thisinner strength that we don't
even know that we have, and theyteach us our purpose and they
teach us so many things that wedon't even see about ourselves.
That bubbles up to the surface,and there's so many blessings
in that too, and that's a wholeanother show.
But I can't thank you enoughfor being with us today.
(42:47):
Thank you so, so much.
Speaker 2 (42:50):
Yeah, I've absolutely loved it.
It's just been.
It's always eye-opening to talkand reflect about where you
come from and where you're going, and I definitely like this
space and again just want toencourage your listeners to keep
your eyes forward.
That it is.
(43:10):
There's so many beautifulplaces that you get to go as a
blended parent just to encouragethem.
That it's really amazing.
It can be really reallybeautiful.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
Yeah, and I love that so much.
And just as a caveat, you know,because we talked a little bit
earlier about the youngpopulation demographics being
highly susceptible to suicide,if you are finding any changes
in your child and you may thinkthat this may be part of you
(43:41):
know, their journey, please,please, please, reach out to
your community and get thesupport you need.
And if this is for yourself,you know, do that for yourself.
But please do that because weare living in a space that is
uncomfortable and, you know, asthe rates go up around the world
, I feel a personalresponsibility to make sure I
(44:03):
make mention of this, you know,when we have a conversation
around it.
So, yeah, so, jen, I mean again, thank you so much.
Thank you for, you know, reallyputting a beautiful light on
this topic and really, really, Iguess, spearheading this vision
, that it is absolutelysomething that can be very
(44:25):
beautiful.
So, thank you.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
Sure my pleasure.
Really enjoyed it, thank you.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
Okay.
So if I were to pick up yourEarth Angel feather off the
ground, what would your messageto the world be?
Speaker 2 (44:39):
Be joyful in all situations.
Be joyful, and I know you and Ihad this blended perspective
conversation, but it doesn'tmatter where you are, the world
needs your joy, so that's thatwould be my feather.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
I love that.
I love that so much.
Jen, thank you so much forbeing with us today, so filled
with gratitude, and I just thankyou so much.
Speaker 2 (45:07):
Absolutely.
You too take care.
Speaker 1 (45:09):
And again, this is Catherine Daniels, with Retreat
to Peace, reminding you to liveyour authentic life with peace.
And, as always, retreat toPeace.
We'll see you next time.
I love Jen's step familyconversation.
It was so amazing just to hearsome insight around blending
families together, and I dothink it is difficult to take a
(45:32):
bunch of adults and a bunch ofchildren and blend them when
they don't have a history tobond from and jump off of.
So creating that history doestake time.
But the geogram idea, the familycrest idea, the family map I
mean there's so many things thatshe offered in our conversation
(45:53):
and just thought they were soinstrumental and I know we could
talk for a long time about that, because there's so many layers
of becoming a step family andhow that works with the world
today.
I think it's really importantthat, heeding the advice that it
really is not about you, thatyou, the only person you can
(46:14):
change, is yourself.
So just look for the blessingsand and as she said, the world
does need your joy.
So it's really important thatwe look at that.
I know for myself when I had mykids in you know, as they were
growing up, it was reallyinteresting, because one of the
things that I always tried to dois look at them as individuals
(46:35):
and look at their individualunique traits and try to focus
on those special parts of themand strengthen them, because I
thought for for anything.
When they go to school,everybody is kind of bucketed
into this one bucket.
So, as a parent, it was reallymy job to look at the
individuality of each of thechildren and give them their own
(46:59):
self identity as far as whattheir strengths were.
When we went through difficulttimes, I tried to really respect
their individuality, try toshare space with them, try to
listen to them, not justautomatically solve their
problems, because we do need toraise children that can function
in the world and think on theirown, and I think that's so, so
(47:20):
important.
So sometimes you just have tolisten.
Sometimes you you do have toshare a conversation with them
and learn about where it is thatthey're at and how you can help
them.
But then there will be othertimes that, yes, as a parent, we
do have to step in and we dohave to solution whatever the
problem is for them.
So, respectfully, just tryingto identify where they're at and
(47:42):
where they're going I think isso, so helpful.
So maybe that will resonatewith someone in my audience and
will be helpful to them.
Recently I did a presentationfor Denver, colorado, weibo
Networking Group.
It's a bunch of entrepreneurialwomen and it was really amazing
(48:04):
to be in the room with thesewomen and literally watch their
lives change right in front ofme.
This is part of what I do withRetreat to Peace and I just
wanted to share with you sometestimony of that experience, as
I had received some beautifulthank you notes.
So the first one is from Beth,and she says Catherine, I want
(48:25):
to thank you so much forspeaking at Weibo North Denver.
Your presentation really spoketo me and I know it did the rest
of the group as well.
Thank you also for taking someextra time.
It was truly a pleasure to haveyou and I would love to connect
again.
And, beth, absolutely I wouldlove to connect with you as well
.
This other one comes fromDestiny.
(48:45):
Destiny is amazing.
She says Catherine, thank youso much for your presentation At
Weibo's.
It was heartfelt and groundingand opened up so many
possibilities.
I could tell your message waslanding and your passion was
shining through.
And then I also have this othernote that came from Jackie.
(49:05):
She says Kathy, thank you forbeing so instrumental to me in
my healing journey.
I'm not the person I was when Istarted.
I love all of you and thank youso much for sharing those
messages with me.
I mean, it's just incrediblehow retreat to peace is working
and working through individuals.
(49:26):
Today, I wanted to share withyou a message from Rumi.
It's called.
Every Moment, every moment, avoice out of this world calls on
our soul to wake up and rise.
This soul of ours is like aflame, with more smoke than
(49:48):
light, blackening our vision,letting no light through.
Lesson.
The smoke and more lightbrightens your house, the house
you dwell in now and the abodeyou eventually move to.
On my precious soul, how longare you going to waste yourself
(50:11):
in this wandering journey?
Can't you hear the voice?
Can't you use your swifterwings and answer the call?
What is it that you've beenignoring about your calling or
what is it that you need amessage for?
(50:33):
I want to let my audience knowthat retreat to peace has found
a host camp that is going to behosting 2021 retreats, and it
will be hosted at a camp inPennsylvania, camp Inaba, which
(50:54):
is literally the Lenape name forthe Great Spirit is with us.
It is a beautiful space.
It's actually a little bit moreof a summer camp in the sense
that you would think of sendingyour kids to, but this was by
design because, with 2020 andthe impact of jobs and
(51:18):
tightening up the budgets andthings like that, it was really
important that we made thisaffordable.
So I wanted to let everyoneknow that this is going to be
live.
We actually have camp datesthat are in the works right now.
Some of our camps are going tobe around literally creating a
(51:40):
sisterhood.
So we've got soul sisterhood.
We've got a motherlessdaughters camp that will be
running, and some of these campsyou can actually use a tent.
Some you can stay in a cabin,some you can stay in a lodge, so
you will have an opportunity topick which one works for you.
(52:04):
One of the things that we'll bedoing at this camp is we will be
working on what it is thatyou're feeling.
As far as what that's insidevoice, inside your head, is kind
of knowing at you.
So are you struggling withwhere you're going, with your
career?
Are you struggling with what isyour life purpose?
Are you struggling with yourrelationships with other people
(52:29):
or maybe, in you know withyourself.
So we're going to look at avariety of things and literally,
when you come to the camp, youknow the first day there'll be a
little bit of a team buildingevent.
The next day, depending on whatyou select, you will have an
opportunity to work specificallywith me for a day to just focus
(52:52):
in on working with your innerself and getting yourself
connected to your authenticpurpose, to your authentic
journey and your direction asfar as what it is that you were
meant to do here on earth.
The next couple of days aregoing to be filled with
activities.
One of them will be with aguest speaker that is going to
(53:15):
be a dietitian who's going tofocus on your diet, focus on
what it is that you're puttinginto your body and how it
manifests into disease.
So, if you remember, claudiaBallmer was the registered
dietitian that I had interviewedrecently.
She is going to be one of theguest speakers.
We also have activities thatwe'll be doing.
(53:39):
So we'll be doing some someactual healing activities with
art therapy, where we'll bedoing some journaling.
We'll be doing actual soundhealing Reiki.
There'll be other sessions aswell, and a lot of this is going
to be a very hands-on, fullexperience as far as the body,
(54:03):
the mind and the soul, so thetrinity of the body, the mind
and the soul.
This is going to be a workshopthat, literally, when you come
in, you're going to be one way,but when you leave, you're going
to have a total transformation,such as what I did with the
women in Denver, colorado, butthis will be a much more deeper,
(54:25):
fulfilled experience.
So if you're looking forinformation around any of this,
please get me your email addressand I will send all of that to
you.
So you want to email atretreat2pcllc at gmailcom and
(54:46):
we'll get over to you all thedates and all of the information
.
As of right now, you can findsome of the retreats on
Eventbrite, and that will be forPennsylvania.
Spring City.
Pennsylvania, is where the campis, so that's where you can
find it and, again, that will belive.
(55:09):
There's a couple out there thatare live already and for the
entire 2021 calendar.
They are being uploaded as wespeak.
So not all of them are uploadedas of yet, but they will be,
and just keep your eyes open forthat.
So, anyway, just wanted to sharea lot of love and gratitude for
(55:31):
the beautiful people that Icontinue to meet.
I want to also just say thatlast week was an amazing week
filled with energy.
The previous week, I know itwas pretty heavy, but last week
there was some really goodenergy.
So I am working on writing mythird book.
All three books, all threetitles, will be released at the
(55:55):
same time, and that wassomething that I was guided to
do by God and Spirit.
So I'm continuing to honor thatspace and I just wonder if
you're doing anything to honoryour space.
Is there anything that you feellike you should be doing to
bridge that to a deeper leveland really get connected?
(56:17):
So I invite you to just ponderthat question and think on it
and make some time for yourselfto just really get in a space
where you're taking care ofyourself and just really know
that you are surrounded by a lotof love.
(56:37):
And as we continue this journey, together with Retreat to Peace
, I look forward to continuingto give you guidance and healing
.
And as my message continues togrow and builds out there, I'm
super grateful for every singleone of you that has allowed me
(56:58):
to be part of your space andreally just be there alongside
of you.
So thank you so much and I justsend a lot of healing prayers
around the world right now, aswe continue to go through
adversity and a lot of changes,and I know there's a lot of
distortions and people aren'treally sure what is truth or
(57:20):
what is not truth, and I wouldsay that is true of wherever you
are in the world, but we'llstill continue to be there for
one another.
So continue to be in your highvibration.
I wish you all love and peaceand again, this is Catherine
Daniels, with Retreat to Peace,reminding you to live your
authentic life in peace, andwe'll see you next time.
(57:44):
And don't forget to join uswhen we have Casey Compton and
her shared talk about losingeverything.
I'm not going to want to missthat.
Have a great week.
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