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January 2, 2024 58 mins

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When your body wages a war against itself, where do you turn for peace? Kounthea Richards bravely steps into our space, sharing not just her strife with lupus but also the emotional landscape of generational trauma. Her narrative isn't just a chronicle of pain, but a beacon of hope, illustrating the transformative power of the mind-body connection. As Kounthea recounts her journey through the darkest valleys of her illness, she sheds light on the emotional and mental roots of autoimmune diseases and how self-reflection, lifestyle changes, and the influential work of Dr. Joe Dispenza helped her to emerge stronger, healthier, and more optimistic than ever before.

Healing isn't a sprint; it's a marathon with hurdles of inherited emotional legacies and personal triggers. This episode is a profound exploration of that healing path, as Kounthea opens up about the guilt and shame tied to family struggles and how these burdens took form as lupus, particularly during the stress of pregnancy. She emphasizes the importance of pausing, listening to our bodies, and understanding the narratives we carry. In doing so, she invites us to join her in reverse engineering our thinking to address issues at their core, fostering a move from a victim mentality to one of self-advocacy and empowerment.

This conversation is a testament to the human spirit's resilience and the strength found in supportive communities. Kounthea's commitment to creating a nurturing environment for her child, the incremental lifestyle changes that pave the way for better health, and the shared significance of parental figures in our lives, all converge to paint a picture of a journey towards healing. As we wrap up with a reminder to live authentically and embrace peace, we also set the stage for our next session with Paul Foreshine, aimed at enriching your mindset and guiding you towards an authentic life. Join us and carry with you the spirit of peace, as we continue to unravel the stories that shape our well-being.

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Hey you, wherever you are in the world right now.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
We know that we're living insome crazy times.
We know that the world ischanging and let's just create a
bridge as we travel through oneanother's country, removing all
the labels, coming together asone people, finding our home in

(00:50):
one world as we do this.
This is why our signature talktoday is so important, and today
I am so, so excited to welcomemy dear friend Kanteer Richards.
Hi Kanteer.

Speaker 2 (01:05):
Hi Catherine, Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1 (01:07):
Thank you so much for being with me.
Now you're a mom, you're acomeback coach, you're an
unshakable optimist and amindset.
Ninja, I love it.
Oh, thank you.
And you really help people tobreak through their limiting
beliefs, their emotionalchallenges, so that they can

(01:28):
step into their brilliance andcreate different realities.
I love this, ninja part, becauseit just creates this picture in
my mind of like, you know, youjust like owning it and, you
know, really really going afterit.
So I love that, thank you.
And I know, I know, kanteer, wehave spoke offline and you have

(01:49):
.
You have such a beautifulspirit and you have such a
remarkable story for ouraudience today.
So I'm really excited to youknow, dive into this and for a
lot of people in the audience.
You know we're we're evolvinginto this new space with the new
earth and healing the new earth, and I think part of this

(02:11):
healing journey really isputting light into, you know,
the darkness that people live in, right, and the darkness that
people live in sometimes theydon't even recognize that the
darkness that they're living inis really this generational
trauma, the stuff that has beenhanded to us generation from

(02:33):
generation.
And I know we could talk fordays around this, you and I
offline together, but let's kindof snapshot it in our talk
today and if you could, let mejust have you start, you know,
with this and we'll start ourconversation.
So how did your generationaltrauma start for you?

Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yes.
So I'm just going to take youkind of like a couple of years
back to 2013, when I wasdiagnosed with lupus.
And so lupus pretty much is ait's an autoimmune disease where
in my case, it pretty muchattacked it almost every organ
in my body.
You know, you name it my brain,my, my kidneys, my heart, my

(03:18):
skin, just everything.
It's almost like, you know,when you have a virus in your
computer and it attacks one fileand then the whole system shuts
down.
Well, at that time, pretty muchmy body just pretty much shut
down because of this systemicattack that lupus was doing to
my body and I was extremely sickmentally, physically and

(03:42):
spiritually for a period from2013 all the way up to 2017.
And in 2017 was sort of like thepivotal moment for me because I
started, it was my last relapseand I it was actually in 2016,
I apologize, 2017 was when Istarted to kind of pick myself

(04:03):
back up and say you know, enoughis enough.
I'm going to make a change, I'mmaking a commitment and I'm
going to heal myself, regardlessof what other people were
telling me.
So I started to go down thisjourney of self healing, started
to sort of unlearn many thingsthat I've learned, and just just

(04:23):
going down to this, this, downthis rabbit hole, and I
discovered this whole new worldof mind body connection.
The work of Dr Joe Dispenza,which is actually his work, was
what propel me in my healingjourney and I started reading
materials.

(04:44):
That was just like newinformation for me.
You know about how you know,sometimes when we experience
things in our body is not justit's not because, as a result of
something physical, there's anemotional, mental component to
it.
So I knew at that time in 2017,I was getting better.

(05:06):
I felt like you know, you knowI can actually make this change.
So I started digging deeper andstarted doing like the deeper
inner work and starting tofigure out why am I so triggered
?
Like you know, I've changedeverything.
I changed my lifestyle.
I'm eating better, I'm eatinghealthy, I'm moving.
I'm actually able to movebecause at one point, my doctor

(05:28):
recommended a hippo placementbecause that part of my, that
bone in that hip here, wasdeteriorating.
It was very brittle and shesaid you need a hip replacement.
So I opt out.
I say, let me figure this, letme just clean up my diet and do
the things that I can to changethis.
So I did that and, hooray, Ican walk, I'm working out and

(05:50):
I'm just, I can move now withoutpain.
And when I started to divedeeper into understanding, while
I'm feeling great and all, whyam I so triggered by so many
things?
Like a lot of things are justgetting to me?
So I started to read more and Istarted to think about, you

(06:13):
know, my family history, likewhat they've been through, like
my family, my family is fromCambodia.
We came to the United Statesbecause at that time there was a
war, so we were seeking asylum,we were refugees, immigrants,
and that was the story.
That was my sister told me,because I wasn't born yet and I

(06:36):
started reflecting back okay,how can some of these things
impact my upbringing and how canthat perhaps create what I'm
experiencing now?
So I started asking a lot ofquestions and it got me, you
know, going deeper into thisrabbit hole.
And then I discovered thatgenerational trauma like can

(06:58):
that be?
Can this part of me inducelupus?
Can that create symptoms thatcan show up, and show up as a
diagnosis of lupus?
Because everyone is different,right?
So I started reading more andmore and realizing that there's
an emotional, mental componentto chronic illnesses.

(07:21):
You know.
We in a sense kind ofunderstand that.
You know when you're stressed,you know you start to feel
symptoms and you're like maybeyou know you start to feel like
you have a headache or your backstart hurting.
I just never really draw theconnection of how can something
be passed down from generationto have an impact on someone's

(07:45):
life later on.
So I started digging deep intomy family history and I realized
that you know my mom, whopassed away when I was 15, she
had endured so many difficultiesand hardship and so many things
.
Where Could that, could herupbringing, her conditioning, be

(08:09):
passed down to me in some of mybehaviors, in terms of how I
look at myself, how I perceivethe world?
And that was pretty much whattriggered me to realize that
part of my healing journey wasbeing able to go back to heal
those parts of me, those beliefs, those conditioning that I took

(08:30):
on as a young child.
That created a lot of shame, alot of guilt and a lot of fear
inside of me.
And I realized that theseemotions, these difficult
emotions, have a bearing in thedevelopment of my, of this

(08:52):
diagnosis.
And this is just coming from myown perspective, my own
experience.
You know, everyone's different.
The trauma shows up differentlyin different people.
Sometimes it manifests as adisease, sometimes it manifests,
as you know, addiction tosomething.
But I can speak for myself thata part of this onset of this

(09:12):
disease process it's also has todo with my perception of the
world.
How I was brought up.
In this world I was.
You know there's a lot of guiltand shame and fear.
That's that's that I held on sodeeply, you know.
And once I started uncoveringwhere the shame came from, you

(09:33):
know, I was just a quick example.
You know, I grew up in apatriarchal household where, you
know, as a girl, a little girl,as a woman, you're not supposed
to.
You have your place, you haveyour role.
So you can't do certain thingsand if you speak up you would
get hit.
You know, and think about itfrom a child perspective.
You know it's kind of like ohmy gosh, so I can't even say

(09:54):
anything, I can't speak my voice.
So that has a lot of.
There was a lot of conditioningand what that did to me was I
just I grew up to become sort ofnot an introvert, I was, I
would speak, but I would speak.
I would sort of be very carefulwhen I communicate because I,
you know, it's this part of methat's like saying, oh, you

(10:16):
shouldn't speak because it'slike life threatening or
something.
So that was like the skill andthe shame that I was holding on
for so long, like I didn't wantto speak up.
I didn't want to, you know,speak up, even though I know
that it's right.
So I believe that has a lot todo with some of the symptoms
that I've had experience in thepast.
And when I started to prettymuch do the inner work and start

(10:40):
to release the charges, theenergy around the stories that
kept playing in my head, Irealized that all of this stuff,
the pain that I wasexperiencing, just slowly went
away.
So a lot of it is what storiesare you telling yourself, you
know?
So I think that's just that'sjust something that I've learned

(11:04):
to, to now be mindful of.
And then, for anyone who'sdealing with any type of chronic
illnesses, you know, what areyou believing about?
What your condition, thecondition that you're in right
now?
And I think that's like thefirst, it's like a self inquiry,
that you have to start thisconversation, you have to start
this dialogue so then you'reable to kind of trace back to

(11:26):
what.
How is this impacting my lifenow?
How, how?
Why am I feeling the way I'mfeeling now?
You know.

Speaker 1 (11:33):
Yeah.
So there's so many things that Iwant to like kind of go off in
directions to talk about, but Ithink the generational trauma is
really interesting because, youknow, as humans we come into
this world and we are thecellular structures of our
parents and we really, you knowI mean, when we go to a doctor's

(11:57):
office and they ask us to fillout our medical history and what
our parents have and what youknow, maybe they have passed off
or whatever I mean it's vitalinformation because it's part of
our DNA, it's part of who weare, it's part of our, our
makeup as humans, and I can, Ican understand how this

(12:20):
generational trauma, you know,can manifest and how it can move
through another person.
The thing that I guess I'mcoming back to is you talked
about the shame, you talkedabout the fear, you talked about
the guilt.
So I wonder, I mean you diddiscuss a little bit about being

(12:40):
not being able to use yourvoice and I grew up like that
you were to be seen and notheard.
If you were heard, then therewould be consequences of using
your voice.
So I understand what that feelslike, and I also understand
what it feels like living in aspace where you're constantly

(13:01):
testing because you're not sureif it is okay to speak your mind
or say what you have to say,and that can be a very you know
scary place.
But what was it that you feltguilt around Like?
Why were you feeling guilty?

Speaker 2 (13:18):
You know, I, I, I honestly I didn't realize this,
this, this guilt part, untilmaybe a couple of years ago,
when I started to pieceeverything together, that a lot
of the guilt came around fromjust growing up and seeing my
mom just being the backbone ofthe family, doing everything,

(13:38):
you know, taking a lot, of, alot of stuff, you know, just
pretty much supporting thefamily.
You know, and as a child youknow you feel I mean hopeless
one and you're powerless and youcan't really do anything.
So you kind of take on this.
Well, I know from myself I tookon this, this narrative of oh,

(13:59):
I wish I if I would have helpedmom.
Maybe she won't be this way, ifI would have helped mom, she
won't be sick If I would have.
You know, it's just a lot ofstories playing on and I didn't
realize that that this could bea partial reason to the
diagnosis I also another thingthat came up for me was, you

(14:20):
know, my mom had me when she wasin her late 40s.
She came to America a yearlater she was like 48 or 49.
So she was at the the, I guess,the stage where she didn't want
a baby.
You know, and I remember justgrowing up, she would tell me,
you know, I would have given youup for adoption, but your

(14:41):
father told me to keep you.
I don't even you know.
It's one of those things where,even though you're just saying
telling a story as a joke andyou're just being funny about it
, but as a child, think about achild just taking in all this
and hearing it from her momsaying that to her.
So you know, I starteddeveloping this belief about oh,
you know, I'm not loved, and Istarted to feel guilty because,

(15:06):
oh wow, she's in her late 40s,right?
She can't really take care ofme.
So there's a lot of guilt fromlike day one, in a sense, you
know, even now I'm in her womb,right, there's an energetic feel
that I may be experiencing, butI can't, I'm not able to
articulate, right, until nowwhen I'm a mother myself, right.
So the guilt just came fromdifferent direction.

(15:27):
When my mom got sick, I heardmy sister said that it was
because of me, Because when shegave birth to me it was really
complicated, there was a lot ofthings going on and now she
needs a new kidney, and that initself was like guilt for me and
I was like, oh my gosh, it'smaybe.
My mom passed away because ofme, so I carried that.

(15:49):
That was at the age of 15.
So you have guilt starting from,you know, as a child, into
being 15 years old and youcontinue to carry this on
through life.
I was diagnosed with lupus whenI was 30 years old and imagine
living in a state of survivalsince day one because I felt,
you know, I had to.
There was kind of like thisabandonment in a sense, like

(16:12):
they were physically there butemotionally they were not there
and I just have this narrativeof I'm not loved.
So, as a child and into, okay,the day that my mother passed,
here I am with another guilt andthen carrying it on and on and
I believe that it's only amatter of time that it's going

(16:33):
to trigger something.
And it just so happened that ittriggered during my pregnancy,
when things are kind of likehormones are up, and you know it
was also a stressful time of mylife.
I was starting a new career,things are going great, but it
was also stressful.
So you know, when you carrythese unhealed wounds, there's a

(16:53):
physiological, there's justthat biology.
You're impacting your biologyin so many ways, you know, and I
didn't realize all that until Istarted piecing everything
together and I realized, wow,this goes deeper.
This goes deeper than justbeing physical.
It just you know, this physicaldisease, it's more than just
physical, there's more to it.

(17:14):
So that's where the guilt camein.
I just carry that guilt and Irealized when I started to draw
the correlation to my mom'sdeath and maybe it has a role in
my lupus diagnosis that's whenI things start to fall into
place, where I started to notexperience some of these
symptoms anymore.
I'm no longer triggered bycertain things anymore.

(17:35):
So that was kind of like apivotal moment for me as well.

Speaker 1 (17:40):
Yeah, and was there any time that you had to?
I don't know.
Take a step back in practice.
Forgiveness work.

Speaker 2 (17:49):
Oh, yes, yes, that was.
I remember at one point I keptsaying, yeah, I forgive, I
forgive, but it was all in myhead, I didn't really feel, I
just said it, just to kind ofsay I said it.
But I remember when I didpractice forgiveness and I wrote
a letter, I wrote a letter tomyself, I wrote a letter to my
mom, I wrote a letter to my dad,and I just let everything out

(18:12):
and I remember, whew, all ofthat, just whatever I was
carrying, just slowly juststarted to dissipate and I felt
better.
You know, and I think that's ahuge part, because, forgiveness,
holding onto this stuff, it'slike you're killing yourself
softly, right?
You're just carrying thisinvisible weight on yourself and

(18:37):
I think that's what I've beencarrying, not knowing that I've
been carrying it.
So honestly, in my opinion, Ifeel that if you've been dealing
with something in your life,whether it's a chronic condition
of any sort, it's go deeper.
It's more than just somethingon the surface level.
You know, try to.

(18:58):
The first thing I would say,try to understand.
Well, not try to understand,but figure out what's triggering
you.
And I think when you are ableto answer that question, it's
gonna leave clues to allow youto go deeper and deeper and
deeper.
That's just the first thingthat for me, that was kind of

(19:19):
pretty much what started thisjourney of revisiting childhood,
revisiting how my parents wereraised and their history, and
just from answering thatquestion, allow me to dig deeper
and allow me to uncover so manythings.
So that's definitelyself-inquiry has been something
that has helped me with myhealing journey.

Speaker 1 (19:41):
I love that you're sharing your story because I
think there's so many people outthere that are afraid of doing
that inward work and doing someof this trauma work and a lot of
times the trauma like you saidit's not always our trauma, but
we are attached to it and it's amatter of detaching from it.

(20:02):
And I just wonder becausesomebody in our audience is
probably wondering you wrotethese letters.
What happened to the letters?
Did you keep them or did youget rid?

Speaker 2 (20:13):
of them, I get rid of them.
I wrote it and I ripped it.
I didn't know, I mean I couldhave burned it, but I just felt
like, just let me rip this.
I mean this is something that Ifelt that was best for me at
that time.
Yeah, it was a huge, hugerelease.
And then I actually felt it inmy heart.
I felt wider, you know.

(20:33):
I felt like, oh, wow, like youknow, it's not my fault that you
know you can't control whathappens to other people, right?
And I think I took on thisnarrative at a young age where I
wish I could have helped mom orI wish I could have done this,
you know.
But I've learned that that'snot in your control.

(20:55):
What's in your control isrealizing that you have these
triggers.
You have these, maybe these,you know patterns that are not
serving you, and figure this out, figure why are you trigger?
You know, and start workingfrom there.
Just reverse engineer yourthinking and start working
backward.
You know, and that's what I did, you know.

Speaker 1 (21:16):
It's so profound that you had this ability and this
insight to be able to recognizeit and then work it backwards.
Like you said, I think a lot ofpeople, when they experience
something, sometimes it may be astate of denial, Like they just
don't want to recognize thatthey're going through something
and maybe it's linked to otherthings.

(21:38):
But then you know you have thisinvisible rug that keeps
getting pulled and you'reslammed down and then it gets
pulled again.
You're slammed down and, in asense, these reoccurrences of
these situations, they dofrustrate people because they're

(21:58):
like well, why is this blackcloud over me, why are these
things happening to me?
And sometimes I think, juststepping back and taking a
deeper dive into the possibilitythat maybe some of this healing
work needs to be done andaddressed to help you not have
that reoccurrence of a situation.

(22:20):
And I've interviewed so manypeople and they have shared with
me their very intimate detailsof their life and how it's
manifested into disease orillness or whatever it may be.
And in your particularsituation, I know you had shared
with me that you were pregnantwhen you got your lupus
diagnosis and I just wonder,first of all, if you could

(22:44):
explain to people, because I'msure someone doesn't even
understand what lupus means.
If you could explain to peoplewhat lupus is and how it really
affects the person who has lupus.

Speaker 2 (22:59):
Yeah.
So just to kind of give you aquick like Google dictionary,
it's an autoimmune disease whereit attacks.
It's systemic.
So your immune system isactually attacking itself.
And that's pretty much what youwould get if you asked a doctor
, a conventional doctor, orGoogle it.
Right, it's your immune systemattacking yourself.
And early on, even when I heardthat it just never, I wasn't

(23:23):
convinced.
Like why would my immune systemattack itself?
Like I've always had that kindof the detective mind going on.
Like early on, right, I waslike what am I doing to my body?
And then no one could ever giveme a straight answer Like we
don't know, we don't know.
So for me, for my particularsituation, it was systemic.

(23:48):
So lupus attacks pretty muchalmost every organ in my body.
I was at one point I couldn'tremember I had I guess you call
it a it's a mini stroke, and atthat time I couldn't remember my
husband's name.
Yeah, I couldn't rememberanyone.
So that was like terrifying inits own.

(24:09):
I was, I just gave birth, youknow.
It attacked at my skin.
I had all these rashes on myskin.
Joint pain was severe.
I couldn't even grip, let aloneeven brush my teeth, you know.
So think about me wanting tohold my child.
It was just like I was reallyin a bad place.

(24:29):
My hair was really thin, wasfalling off, and I was also put
on steroids.
For those of you know, forthose who have any autoimmune
disease or have lupus, steroidsis it's a I call it the devil's
medicine because it's so bad inso many ways Like I would get

(24:52):
mood swings, I would bedepressed and then I would feel
happy.
It's like I feel like like thisconstant mood swing is just
unbearable.
I was extremely fatigued.
There's so many symptoms I'mjust trying to think of, I think
, because I haven't experiencedfor so long that I'm just like.
I don't even remember how theyfeel like.

(25:12):
But you know, it was justattacking everything, my bones
especially, you know, and at onepoint I couldn't even walk and
when I would walk I would haveto hold onto something.
It was really bad because I'mpretty active.
I was like I'm an avid gym goerand then when that hit me, like
I felt like my whole life justshattered.
I had to.
I became this helpless person,you know, and that, to me, was

(25:37):
just like I was.
I became depressed, you know.
I was suicidal at one point.
You know, it was very hard.
While I have a great supportsystem, my husband, an amazing
husband who's like playingdoctor and researcher and
nutritionist for me, all in one,I was just.
I was in such a dark place thatI wasn't open to receiving any

(26:00):
of the love or the supportbecause I was so much in kind of
that victim mentality at onepoint that I felt like there's
nothing for me here, you know,anymore, even though I was a new
mom.
But then I realized that wait,hold up like this is not right.
You know, this is not how Iwant to end my story.
I've always been a big believerof you know.

(26:22):
I want to go out to this world,I want to do everything.
And here I am.
Am I going to allow this tocripple me, cripple my way of
thinking?
And I know I didn't mention thisto you, but what pretty much
was the pivotal moment for mewas when I had a miscarriage.
That was when I decidedwholeheartedly that I was going

(26:48):
to do whatever, whatever ittakes, to get better and I
wasn't going to take anyoneelse's story as my story.
So that's when I startedchanging and that's when I
started to become my ownresearcher, to become my own
advocate, you know, for healingand become accountable for my
own healing.
That's pretty much what I did.
So yeah, lupus can affectpeople differently, but for me I

(27:12):
felt like it just tookeverything out of me and I had
to start from scratch.
I had to learn to love myselfagain.
I had to learn to hold on tolike a toothbrush.
I had to learn to kind of thinksimple things, because that's
how much it sort of wiped.
It just wiped me out, you know.

Speaker 1 (27:31):
You said something really fast that I want to
revisit.
You had to learn to loveyourself again.
Yes, I think that that is sopowerful and it bears repeating,
because a lot of times I feellike when someone is going
through a difficult time andthey're in that darkness,
they're in that space ofdarkness they lose the insight

(27:56):
of needing to love themselves.
So you had briefly mentionedthat you were suicidal and, if I
could ask you, what was it thatreversed course for you and
gave you the ability to havethis insight that you know

(28:17):
something?
There was a reason that youwere meant to be here.

Speaker 2 (28:22):
Yeah, you know I mentioned to you briefly about
the miscarriage and I realizedthat I think the miscarriage for
me was what was kind of likethe not aha moment, but that
kind of like I hit thatpsychological threshold where

(28:42):
I've lost something so dear, sogreatly from me.
Then I realized that I stillhave a little one who needs me
and I realized that she you knowGod took something precious
from me but he still has to haveone that's with me.
And for her to thrive and togrow and to develop into this

(29:02):
human that I want her to be, sheneeds a mom, and my daughter
Bella is her name, is prettymuch the force, the anchor that
has helped me to get through allof this.
Like, even when I was just sosick you know, she was her smile
, just being around her she wasthe one who lifted me up and I

(29:23):
say you know what I'm gonna dothis for my daughter.
And I think when you start tonot think about yourself anymore
when you're sick because that'sall I did at that time, like I
was thinking about my symptoms,I was in my story, you know, I
was on top of my story you knowthat when you start to have a
higher purpose and that purposeis something bigger than you,

(29:45):
which is another human being.
You're no longer.
You know you're.
You have a different, you'reoperating from a different space
now.
Now you're saying that forKinter to be the mom that she
needs to be, she needs to thinkof her daughter she needs.
So what does Kinter have to doright now, at this moment, so

(30:06):
she can be a better mom mentally, physically?
So that's what.
That was one of the questionsthat I would ask myself, like
what do I need to do for myselfright now?
You know?
So that was kind of the thestarting point for me to get
better, because I had this baby.
You know that I want to be herefor her.
You know, I was very gratefulthat I have my in-laws who were

(30:26):
taking care of her, but I wantto be the one taking care of her
.
You know, I want to be the onecreating memories for her.
So she was my anchor to gettingbetter.

Speaker 1 (30:36):
And she was absolutely your earth angel to
shed light into your dark spaceand just have you see the
ability of seeing it through herlens?
I mean, you spent all these,all these years or all this time
healing your generationaltrauma and there had to have

(30:58):
been a piece of you that waslike I don't want my daughter
yes To go through what Iexperienced with my mom, Right.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
Yes, definitely.
That was something that Istarted realizing that, you know
, I want to give her the I don'twant her to hear, I don't just
want her to hear love or hearjoy.
I wanted to experience it.
So I made a commitment and thatwas something that I
intentionally make sure Iprovided to her on a daily basis

(31:28):
.
You know, I'm not a perfect mom.
I have my moments, but I alsodo realize that when I'm trigger
by certain things or from her,that's what she's doing.
I know that.
All right, I have to checkmyself, take a step back.
What is it that I need to workon, you know?
And that's just.
It comes in just being aware ofyour actions and what you're
doing daily, right?
So with her, I wanted to makesure I created this nurturing,

(31:53):
loving environment for her,because I don't want her to go
through what I've been through,and even more so.
I wanted to break this pattern.
I wanted to be the one to sayyou know what I'm done with this
.
Let me cut this off right now.
So this that's why I'm heretoday, and I'm just so grateful
that I'm.
You know it's it's a work inprogress, but it's it's work

(32:14):
that's going.
It's turning into somethingbeautiful.

Speaker 1 (32:17):
So, Kanter, when you were in this darkness and you
made a decision because that'sliterally what it came down to
you made a decision that youweren't going to be in that
space anymore.
Yeah, what?
What was it like?
What was your first step toclimbing out of that darkness?

Speaker 2 (32:37):
You know a lot of it.
It was my mindset, Like I hadchanged my diet.
I was sort of like walking, youknow, even though I was in pain
.
But I, you know, I drank allthe green smoothies.
I ate, you know, salad, andjust try to eat clean as much as
I can.
But what I started to reallywork on was the way I think,

(32:57):
what was my perception or mybelief about this condition.
You know, a lot of it came frommy husband, who would tell me
all the time, like you know,you're doing fine, but once you
leave the doctor's office, itfelt like you had a bad surgery
or something like this darkclouds over you, have your
depress, just because yourdoctor say that you, you might

(33:21):
have to get hip surgery, or justbecause your doctor say
something that you didn't wantto hear.
So that was like kind of like alight bulb moment for me where
I realized that wait, hold up,If I'm feeling fine and dandy,
before going to the doctor'soffice, and when I would leave
the office I would feel gloomy.
What does that?
What is that telling me?
It's, it's a lot.
It has a lot to do with what amI believing about this?

(33:43):
The prognosis?
What am I believing about thiscondition?
Because you know, everyone istelling me, yeah, you're going
to have to live with thiscondition forever.
And at one point in time I didtake on that narrative.
I started to believe that maybethis is my life.
And then I started to realize,I started to ask myself, like,
do I mean, am I in control atleast some part of this disease

(34:06):
process?
And the answer is yes, I dohave control.
After research and realizingthat, you know, while a portion
of it may be genetic, the otherportion, based on the research
that I was reviewing, it's aboutwhat?
90% is environmental factorsthat's when I start to realize,
oh my gosh, this is anempowering statistic.

(34:27):
Let me start to stop makingchanges, Things that I have
control over, which is what Ieat and how I think.
And that was like a hard roadfor me because I was so stuck on
, you know, like I'm broken, I'msick.
And when you started, when thishas been your story for so long
, it's hard to just break it.
But I started realizing that ifthere are other people who have

(34:50):
come before me who's healed andare doing great, then I can do
the same.
It's all about perspective andthat's been something that I
operate on till this day.
You know, like when I gothrough things Now, when I go
through things that arechallenging or put to me in a
fearful state, I start askingmyself like what am I believing

(35:11):
about this situation or what amI believing about the story?
And that has been a gamechanger for me and making myself
look at things differently.

Speaker 1 (35:20):
Yeah, mindset is so powerful, like the brain is so
incredibly powerful, and itliterally can, you know, bring
you into this darkness or it canbring you into the light.
And it's really about making adecision and what it is that
you're going to do.
And I know you said that youstarted to look around your

(35:41):
environment and you started tochange some of those factors in
your environment.
So what was it that was in yourenvironment that was making you
sick?

Speaker 2 (35:52):
Well, I know first off the food that I was
consuming.
Everyone is different, you know, some people can tell a certain
things what may be healthy forone person is not healthy for
another person.
So what I started doing, Istarted just kind of
experimenting with different,first different foods and I 100%
eliminated inflammatory foods,like I remove dairy, I remove

(36:16):
gluten, I remove white sugar andI pretty much have taken pretty
much yes, pretty much removedprocessed food as well for a
short period of time, because Iknew, with the research I was
doing and reading, that leakygut is one of the triggers to
auto immunity.
So I have the first step.
The first thing that I did wasI made sure I eat clean.

(36:39):
I ate a lot of plant based food.
I and that helped a lot with,you know, healing my gut, now
being able to feel better, andthat was the first step.
The second step was after Istarted feeling a little bit
better.
I know that movement is soimportant because I've always
been a big exercise person, likeI've always moved my body.

(36:59):
So it and and when I startedjust to move and so started to
jump on the trampoline, that wasthe first thing I did actually
just to kind of get my bodygoing was jumping on a mini, the
trampoline, and that helped alot with the circulation, the
blood flow.
And then I started walking andit was all about just taking
baby steps, because when you'rereally sick and you're in

(37:21):
chronic pain, you know, thethought of moving is like, no,
I'm not moving because I'm inpain.
But it's actuallycounterintuitive.
Like you want to move, you wantto get your body going.
So I started changing.
My diet was one, moving is thesecond one.
I mean you don't have to doanything crazy.
Running, that's not what I did.
And I started to doingrestorative yoga.

(37:42):
I started just to practicingjust mindfulness work and yoga
was absolute change, gamechanger for me.
It helps in so many level, youknow, managing my stress and
anxiety.
That was like the best thingever.
And then, when it came to mymindset, I started to realize I

(38:03):
started just to become moreaware of things that would go in
and out of my head, like thestories, like when I would get
trigger, like what did I justthink about?
That make, that made me feelanxious or made me feel guilty,
you know.
And once I started becomingmore aware and this is all
mindfulness practices, you knowonce I started becoming aware of

(38:24):
these, these, these, thesedialogue that I was having in my
head.
I started to say, maybe this iswhy I'm feeling this way.
So I started working on mymindset.
I started, you know, there werethings that I had to make sure I
put in the forefront because,even though I was eating clean,
I also had cravings for sweetsand, you know, every once in a

(38:46):
while I would probably indulge,but then I would, you know,
start feeling the symptoms againand I'm like, okay, now this is
a self sabotage and behavior.
Right, like you're, you knowbetter, but you're still doing
it.
So I start to work on, like,why do I feel the need to want
to eat this?
You know, why do I feel theneed to want sugar?
So I started to, instead ofgoing cold turkey, I started

(39:06):
maybe having a piece of fruitinstead, you know.
So it's just like, kind of, it'sall about baby steps.
For me, and I think, for anyonewho's dealing with any type of
illnesses or diseases, you know,baby step is the way to go
because it's more sustainable,you know, and you know your body
.
That's the one thing I'velearned.

(39:26):
Like no one knows your bodymore than yourself, I think,
when you take the time to listento your body, to actually just
sit and listen and pause, it'sall in here, all the answers in
there, and that's what I'velearned in my own healing
journey.

Speaker 1 (39:42):
Yeah, and you're just very insightful as to that
inner space of you that neededthe healing, and I think that's
something that 2020 has reallyhighlighted for a lot of people
is that there is this inwardspace, that there is a space
that does need the healing work,and you've done so much in, you

(40:05):
know, during the course of yourjourney with the generational
trauma, you know, recoveringfrom looping from lupus and
continuing on that journey andjust making a very decisive
decision around what your nextsteps were going to be to make
it your best.
You know life and for yourdaughter and your family and

(40:26):
everyone and I just think thisis so inspiring because many
people it would be easier not todo that.
It would be easier just to youknow, not move and continue to
eat things that are going todamage the body.
It would be easier to do that.
If you were to give yourselfadvice at any point during your

(40:51):
journey, what advice would yougive yourself?

Speaker 2 (40:58):
Pause.
I've always been a doer, a doer, a doer because I see that
growing up, I see my mom overlike she's this overachiever,
and I took on that behavior.
I took on this pattern, I tookon this condition and when you
pause, you allow yourself totake in the things that are

(41:19):
happening to you.
I think part of what triggeredthis disease process in my body
was I never took time off.
I kept going and going andgoing, and when you do that,
it's only over time that yourbody can take so much of it.
You're just taking all of thisstress and stuff you go through.

(41:40):
Pausing has been my solemedicine.
That's what it's been for me.
When I pause, I can actuallythink better and I'm able to get
in touch with myself and,honestly, I'm able to make
better decision because I'mgoing in instead of, you know,
taking in all the noises that'sout there.
Pause is definitely somethingthat's been my anchor for

(42:05):
healing.

Speaker 1 (42:07):
And I think you know, with the yoga that you talked
about and the mindfulness I meanyoga, they have shown just when
we go through trauma, how weretain it in our bodies and
stored memory, and the yogaprocess actually undoes that
storage.

(42:27):
So it helps to detox the body,remove that from the body.
So I think that's very powerful.
But the mindfulness is equallyas powerful.
So I appreciate you sharingthat and I you know for people
that, because, briefly, wetalked about suicide, but I just
want to make mention.

(42:47):
If there is anyone listening inthe audience and you feel like
you're in that space of suicidalthoughts, ideology, whatever,
please go and get yourself thatcommunity support.
Get yourself whatever you needto get yourself into a space
that's healthy and healing andit's going to work for you.

(43:11):
We know suicide around the globehas climbed with the pandemic
and we just want to bring thosenumbers down as much as possible
.
But if you're hearing thismessage and you have any, any
thoughts of suicide, please getyourself some support.
But come here.
I appreciate our conversationso much.

(43:33):
You have so you have so much tooffer in the sense of healing
and the healing work and thehealing journey for our audience
and it's just beautiful to hearyou know, not just to hear your
story, but to see you living ina space where this healing work
has manifested and has reallychanged your life completely.

(43:55):
I mean, if there's anythinglike what, could you talk to you
about how your life is todayversus what you thought it was
going to be?

Speaker 2 (44:04):
Yeah, oh my gosh, it's like a star contrast.
My life today is just filledwith joy, and I'm not saying
this just because I want to sayjoy.
It's because I choose to wantto feel joy.
I choose love, I choose joyover all the stuff that's going
on right now.
You know, and when youconsciously make decisions every

(44:25):
day from a place of intention,like how you want to feel, this
is how you operate, this is howyou start to go into this world
and perceive in the world.
So, for me, I'm just, I'm active.
I've, you know, I've just beendoing a lot of things now, the
things that I couldn't do beforeI'm getting back.

(44:47):
I'm doing weight training.
I'm just doing so many thingswith my life right now and, you
know, taking care of my daughter.
It's just been a beautifulblessings for me and I just love
everything because before Icouldn't even do it, I was on
the couch sleeping.
I was, I felt like I wasbedridden in a sense, you know.
But now you know, I learnedthat you know you're going to

(45:07):
have people telling you youcan't in so many ways.
But it's not about what theythink, it's about how do you,
how do you want to write yourstory, and that's something that
I tell a lot of people liketell me how do you want to write
your story, because you canrewrite your story.
And it's all about perspective.

Speaker 1 (45:25):
Yeah, do you find?
Do you find that yourgenerational trauma and this
diagnosis of lupus, do you thinkthat was something that I don't
want to say gifted to you, butwas it gifted for you?

Speaker 2 (45:40):
as far as giving you a different perspective, yes, I
think that you know, we can goin like different ways with this
, but I believe that I had to gothrough this to become a better
mom, to slow down, to pause, totake in, to be in the moment,

(46:00):
because I've always been thislike, always up to something and
again that's a trauma response,right, this flight like you're
always busy, busy, busy.
And that's what I've beenoperating my life, the past,
what 30 something years until Igot hit with this.
Then I realized that you know,this is probably something I had
to go through and I'm okay withit.
Now I accept that this is thecivil lining, because look at

(46:22):
where I am right now.
I'm a better mom, I'm a betterperson to myself, because I've
learned to come back home tomyself, to feel safe on my body
and to accept every part ofmyself.
And that's beautiful, becausenow I'm able to raise a daughter
from a place of wholeness andnot feeling that I'm not enough,
and that's really what I'vebeen struggling with for so long
.

Speaker 1 (46:43):
Yeah, yeah, and even in chronic illness.
I mean, you were enough.
It was just the way that itshows up it's different.
Yes, yeah, definitely, yeah,this has been an incredible
conversation and I justappreciate you sharing your
journey, sharing your story withall of us.
So thank you so, so much.

(47:03):
Thank you, thank you so muchfor having me on.
Yeah, and I always ask all ofmy speakers if I were to pick up
your earth angel feather off ofthe ground, what would your
message to the world be?

Speaker 2 (47:19):
You get to decide the outcome of your story.
It's all about perspective.
That's perfect, yeah and itreally is.
It's so so, true, it's so sotrue.

Speaker 1 (47:31):
So thank you so so much again for being with us
today and just appreciate youbeing transparent and sharing
all of this with us.
So thank you for that.
Thank you, and that's all wehave time for today.
This is Catherine Daniels, fromRetreat to Peace, reminding you
to live your authentic lifewith peace.
And, as always, retreat toPeace, we'll see you next time.

(47:54):
So welcome back.
Wasn't it amazing to hear aboutgenerational trauma and exactly
what Kanita had put together forher life and change it and just
make it completely differentfrom what it was that she had as
far as being given to her, andjust changing her diet, changing

(48:16):
her mindset, changingeverything when it came to her
lupus diagnosis and theautoimmune condition?
I know in weeks past, when Ihad spoke with Claudia Ballmer,
she had talked about how a lotof times, just the food we're
eating and what it is we'redoing with our bodies, how it
manifests into disease orconcrete autoimmune conditions.

(48:38):
So I think it's reallyfascinating when we get into a
space where we're talking tosomeone who really understands
exactly what that means.
Next week, I have a guestspeaker who's going to share a
very personal, intimate story ofhis own journey, and Paul is
going to come to us and he'sgoing to share how he literally,

(49:00):
as a child, undid this labelingthat was put upon him, not
necessarily by people around him, but just in general the
labeling.
And this is something thatyou're not going to want to miss
, because he actually talksabout ways to improve your

(49:20):
mindset and he shares with ushis own personal journey and
what that looked like for him.
And Paul is just this, reallythis amazing person that is
really just a breath of freshair.
So Paul and I met literallylast summer and we had this
really intimate conversation andit was really nice.

(49:41):
So you're going to be able toexperience this interview from
the, the early days of retreatto peace and, as far as you know
, just getting in front of youwith some of these stories and I
have so many of them that itwas just really hard to get
everybody out in front, you know, in a timely manner.
But I do want to also put outthere that I think this is a

(50:05):
very special time of year whenwe acknowledge all the mothers,
we acknowledge all the fathersand just acknowledge the people
that took care of us when wewere growing up.
For some people, they didn'thave a traditional family.
They didn't have thetraditional mom or dad, or maybe
it looked different, and I knowfor myself, I was in that boat

(50:26):
and I would just say that, nomatter who it is, that was a
father-like figure, for me thatwould have been my grandfather,
or a mother-like figure, andagain for me that would have
been my grandmother.
I just asked that you go tothem and thank them and just
wrap your arms around them andlet them know that you
appreciate them.
I think, in this time thatwe're living in right now, it's

(50:50):
really, really important that wedo really recognize one another
and show our appreciation whenwe can.
The other thing that I wanted toshare with you is that more
recently, I'm hearing more andmore conversations around people
that are dying from theinjection that they've gotten or

(51:12):
from other aspects of what itis that they've experienced with
illness and things like that,and I know, as we're, you know,
in these dark days of peoplepassing, that we really do
remain mindful that we are onthis journey.
We're here for a purpose, we'rehere for a reason, and we need

(51:32):
to utilize every single day thatwe have to the best of our
ability and we need to remain ina high vibration.
So, again, if you're having anykind of struggle around
remaining in a high vibration, Iencourage you to turn on some
music, get some feel-good musicthat is going to revitalize you

(51:55):
and energize you and disconnectthose thoughts that you may have
that may be weighing you downand for a lot of people you know
, these thoughts could be justheavy thoughts around how it is
that you're going to do basicthings, and I encourage you to
look for ways to be creative andjust get yourself out of going

(52:19):
down these dark roads thatpeople can go down.
I know people close to me thatare experiencing darkness.
Um, it seems over the course ofthe year, year and a half, that
people have either gone onedirection or another and a lot
of people are shifting.
So they're shifting into theirauthentic, true space as far as

(52:43):
what it is that they would liketo do and design for their life.
But then there's other peoplethat may have been forced into a
space that they didn'tnecessarily think they would be
living in and it has created aspiral effect.
So, regardless of where you are,just remain mindful that you do
have the power, you do have thecontrol to engage yourself in

(53:08):
what it is that you want tomanifest.
So if you want happiness, youcan decide that for yourself.
You can manifest your ownhappiness.
Look for all the things thatbring you happiness and show
gratitude and appreciation forit and, as I said, put music on
to disengage the darkness andget you into a space of euphoria

(53:29):
and happiness.
But remember to be mindful toenjoy the fresh air, enjoy the
sunshine, enjoy the simplepleasures that really are very
basic to every human being thatis on the planet and for people
that are listening that areexperiencing troubling times

(53:49):
with their governments or withhow they're living.
Again, remain mindful that youdo have the power of controlling
your thoughts and controllingwhat it is that you are able to
do.
The other thing that you canalso do to help detox your body
is to journal.
One of the things that reallyhelps with undoing traumas

(54:14):
journaling and it allows you togo into spaces that you may not
have otherwise known.
We're sitting there, so I had areally intimate conversation
last evening, actually, withsome friends around my book and
I had talked about how I startedmy book and it literally was
the journaling entries that Ihad made that really became the

(54:38):
precipice of putting a booktogether because there was so
much to it.
So when you start doing that,you start reliving some of the
details, and by reliving some ofthose details, you actually are
creating healing, and there's alot of healing work that you
can do and manifest withinyourself.
But it is a choice, it is adecision, and if you're looking

(54:59):
for self-exploration, of healingsome of generational trauma or
healing those spaces that youwere uncomfortable with within
yourself, I encourage you tostart journaling, and the best
way to do that is literally justsit down and put your timer on
for five minutes, 10 minutes, 15minutes, whatever it is that

(55:21):
you're comfortable with, andjust write whatever comes to you
.
I mean, if you're thinking thisis stupid, I don't want to
write, then just write that down.
It's okay.
But what it will do is it willstart to develop into a place
where your body will get morecomfortable and at ease, where
you can just start to let it go.
And, as Kanita had shared withus with her letters, she

(55:44):
actually, you know, ripped themup and destroyed them.
You can do the same exact thingwith your journal entries if
it's something that you're notcomfortable with and you just
want to release.
So there's multitude of waysthat you can help detox the body
, but that's one great way tohelp with releasing the
generational trauma, removing itfrom your cells and just

(56:08):
getting into a space of healing.
I always say make every decisionaround healing, and that will
definitely be on somemerchandise that's coming up, so
that's getting prepared as wespeak.
But I encourage each and everyone of you, wherever you are,
wrap around your loved ones andjust let them know how much you

(56:28):
love them and appreciate themand just do everything you can
to take care of them.
These times that we're in, theyare hard and they are nothing
like we've ever thought we'd beexperiencing, but we can help
each other in the best way thatwe know how, and the best way
that we can do that is just toshow love and give love and be

(56:48):
love and be light.
Just be the light in sunshineand the ray of sunshine for
someone who is in the darknessand experiencing darkness, it's
just not enough to be said forthat.
So take your smile, share itwith the world, share it with
everybody you know and just doyour part to raise your

(57:10):
vibration and everyone else'svibration around you.
So this is Catherine Daniels,with Retreat to Peace,
encouraging you to live yourauthentic life with peace.
And, as always, retreat toPeace and join us next time as I
speak to Paul Foreshine in histalk about ways to improve your

(57:30):
mindset.
You're not going to want tomiss this one, so have a great
week and we'll see you next week.
Until then, retreat to Peace.
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