EP9: Give Me the Relationship Manual

Mateo's mind has settled down dramatically. But now that he's in this good feeling, he wants the manual on how to keep it. The problem is, it's his escape from the intellect, from the "how-to", that's helping him live in this better feeling, and pulling the intellect back in to try and figure out how to package and repurpose the feeling, will take him further away from it. There isn't a magic how-to, rather there is a deepening in our seeing of who we are and where our experience comes from and the experiential learning that goes along with it.

By the end of the session, Mateo starts to see this for himself. In his words, "wow, maybe the understanding is  the reset." Mateo has an insight about the way he judges Alicia, and about all of the internal complaining he's been up to. From this perspective, he can see how trivial his headspace is when he's judging her and that really it's just a waste of time. Judgment comes from within, it's not about the other person, and he has to live in the painful feeling of all that judging. Angus points out that judgment is in fact the flip side of presence.

There is no technique for staying in this space - we will slip up - but with experiential learning, we can surf our emotional experience more gracefully. We can surrender to the flow of our essential nature, which is our wisdom; our GPS system. It's not about never slipping up, it's about flexing our muscle to bounce back.

This episode explores:

• Compassion as a natural byproduct of presence
• How to hold space for others when they're angry with us: to not take a personal attack personally
• When we complain internally, we are creating our own movies about our partners
• The illusion that we won't perform as well with a quiet mind - when it's actually the opposite
• Surrendering our conditioning and programming to what's always been there and what will always be
• There is no perfection in this
• This approach is not new, it's natural.

Show Notes
Magic carpet ride to wellbeing: presence and understanding.
Blood and gusto: Angus's special mix of idioms.
Crazyland: a place only women travel to. No, just kidding, but a helpful term to use with Mateo during rapport building.
Boom: What you say before you drop the mic.
A-side: one side of a 45 record, or presence and compassion (b-side being judgment).

Podcast music
Rewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area. Episode 9 includes selections from: Violet/Balance; Blue/Calm; Orange/Nourishment; Yellow/Clarity.

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Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: therewilders.org.