June 18, 2025 • 44 mins
What makes a father truly impactful? Is it the practical skills he passes down, or something deeper?
Drawing from the unexpected metaphor of assembling patio furniture, this episode explores the profound difference between building things and building hearts. Just as inadequate tools can't properly construct furniture, superficial approaches to fatherhood can't create lasting character in our children.
Every father possesses powerful tools that shape their children's futures—influence, strength, discipline, and guidance. The way we wield these tools determines whether we're constructing something that will endure or something that will quickly collapse under life's pressures. When examining scripture like Proverbs 22:6, we discover that directing children onto the right path requires discernment about life's many deceptive routes and unexpected obstacles.
The challenge of discipline emerges as a particularly crucial skill. As Proverbs 3:12 reveals, "the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights." Correction flowing from delight creates understanding rather than resentment. This perspective transforms how we approach difficult conversations with our children.
Perhaps most significantly, we explore how integrity shapes legacy. "The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them." Children might ignore our words, but they never miss observing our actions. Through personal stories of parenting triumphs and failures, we see how even imperfect fathers can create godly impacts.
For every man wondering about his impact as a father, three essential questions emerge: Are you building a strong home? Are you building a legacy of faith? Are you building hearts that seek God? Your answers will shape not just your children's lives but generations to come.
Connect with us to share your own fatherhood journey and discover resources to strengthen your parenting approach.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Emmett, you're bending your knee like a normal
kid today.
He was walking like this fortwo days.
I was like he just likes theattention.
Oh, it had to hurt.
Like, listen, I'm telling you,I can put the picture up on the
screen if you guys want to seeit.
No, there are a lot of you thatwould not like to see that.
(00:23):
I promise you, I could haveprobably taken these three
fingers and stuck it in his knee.
I mean, just peeled.
It was gross.
It was gross.
I told the doctor when they camein to stitch it up.
I didn't mind looking at thewound, but I wasn't about to
watch him put the stitches in.
And I said to the doctor I saidlisten, I can handle a lot of
things.
I'm not going to watch you dothe stitches.
(00:49):
He said good, thank you.
I've picked more than one dadup off the floor who thought he
was tough enough to watch.
It's not the stitches that getme, it's the rolling of the skin
.
It doesn't look like your bodyshould be able to do those
things right, like anyhow.
It was rough but he's good,he's healthy now we're happy
Guys.
Well, mike, you can't answerthis question because you do it
for a living.
Yes, you do this for a living,so you can't.
(01:10):
How many of you men here havehad to build furniture in your
house at some point or another?
I'm not talking like put legson.
I'm like those bookshelves thatare 73,000 pieces, but it
really should only be four.
Anybody ever built Ikeafurniture?
Okay, they do have pictures butno words and nothing ever lines
(01:31):
up the way that it's supposedto.
It is always a challenge tobuild Ikea furniture, but
yesterday my wife, because sheloves me so very much, bought a
new patio set that had to beassembled.
Bought a new patio set that hadto be assembled.
How many floors did you haveleft over?
Well, see, there's a pack thatsaid extras.
(01:55):
I had to use some of those.
So I was a little nervous.
Let's just say I wasn't thefirst one to sit on it.
We let everybody else sit on itfirst.
If it's going to go to theground, it's somebody else's
problem.
But while I was building it Ithought man, it only this kind
of project only works when youhave the right tools.
Amen, listen, they give youthis little tiny Allen wrench
(02:16):
that you can't actually get afull spin on inside of the spot
that they want.
And then they gave you thislittle thin.
It's not even a wrench, it's aflat piece of metal with a
U-shape carved out of it to holdthe other side of the nut.
It wasn't working.
So you know what I did Got theimpact out right, because we're
(02:37):
gonna put this sucker together.
It ain't coming back, apart Alittle bit of Loctite on the
back of the.
My point is, as I was building,that I realized I could sit here
all day and try to use theselittle tiny tools that they gave
me in the box, or I could getthe real tools out and do this
thing in half the time.
Amen, men, right, the realtools.
Like we're going to.
Like I want to be able to losea finger while I'm working on
(02:59):
this project.
I didn't need the sawzall, butI had it out right.
Like you never know, like thatpiece might be too long and hack
it off Again.
I wasn't the first one to sit onit for a reason.
I realized that men oftentimeswere seen as builders.
Right, fathers oftentimes wereseen as builders, but we're not
(03:22):
just builders of houses andfurniture and all of the
Christmas time when all of thosetoys get opened and we sit
there for hours on endassembling Barbie's dream house
and putting stick in there.
Right, we are not the buildersof just things, we are the
builders of hearts as well.
Amen.
And as I was building thatproject yesterday, I kept
(03:43):
thinking man, it is importantthat I understand my role as a
dad.
It's important that Iunderstand my role as a disciple
, as a pastor, as a friend, asall of those things, because I
have to be the builder of hearts, not just the builder of things
.
And as I thought about it, Irealized that a lot of times we
(04:09):
are looking at tools and we'retrying to find the right tool,
but we have more tools in ourtool belt than we realize.
We have the tool of influence,the tool of strength, the tool
of discipline and the tool ofguidance.
Amen, dads, a lot of thosetools can be hard to use.
See, I've had to learn that thetool of discipline cannot be
(04:33):
wielded with a heavy hand.
That's not fun to say.
Right, like Tina Bober and I,we get it right, we get it.
If your kid comes to my houseand your kid misbehaves, your
kid's probably going to getwhooped.
I'm just telling you I look atthings differently than most
people.
We're the neighborhood house.
(04:53):
All the kids want to come toour house and hang out.
If they're swearing or they'reacting a certain way, bounce out
.
I don't need you here teachingmy kids that right.
I don't need a 14-year-old girlteaching my daughter how to
kiss boys or how to.
You know what I mean, right,and so we don't play that game.
I am the builder of hearts.
I have to wield that toollightly, but I have to do it so
(05:18):
that my kids grow up tounderstand what it is to be
responsible, to be faithful andto love Jesus.
Amen, above all things, that'swhat I should be.
Listen, your kids need to knowhow to do math right.
Your kids need to know how toread, but above all of that,
your kids need to know how tolove Jesus.
It's important because they canread really, really well and be
(05:42):
a mean person, right, they canbe fluent in sarcasm, but it
doesn't do them any good.
In the spirit Amen.
A hammer can build or it canbreak, and how a father wields
that tool determines the legacyhe leaves behind.
Amen.
(06:03):
So, fathers, you're all goingto get out there today and I got
everybody new hammers.
Now here's the thing.
Look, did you need a new hammer.
Did you need a new hammer,andrew?
You can grab one on your wayout.
It's okay if you didn't get oneyet, you can grab one on your
way out.
But Alva said she wants one ofthese.
I don't want to know why Alvasaid she wants one of these.
I don't want to know why.
(06:25):
Maybe she's starting a remodelproject that nobody else knows
about.
But I took these hammers afterthey arrived and I took them to
my mom's house and her and Iworked together and we engraved
them with Proverbs 23, 24, andit says the father of godly
children has cause for joy.
What a pleasure to havechildren who are wise, amen.
And so I thought what a perfecttool for us men to have in our
(06:47):
tool belt.
It's a small hammer.
It's for around the house,right, this is something that we
can carry.
But it's important to rememberthat when we wield that wisdom,
that we can either create anamazing legacy or we can do a
lot of damage.
And my question to you is whatdoes your legacy look like today
?
Mine is probably a mixed bag.
(07:09):
You know.
I think about what Father's Daymeans to me and what that looks
like, and none of these are inmy notes.
So we're going to get a littleemotional with you guys for just
a second.
But I realized that my dad andI didn't always have a great
relationship and that was hard.
Growing up right and as anadult, we served together, we
worked together and it's awonderful experience that we
(07:31):
have that ability in life now.
And I think about my two oldestboys, who I probably won't even
see today, who I probably won'teven hear from today.
My legacy that I will leavewith them is not the legacy that
I'm leaving with my other threechildren, and that doesn't feel
fair.
But life sometimes is not fairand I will continue to encourage
(07:54):
them to simply love Jesus aboveall things.
Listen, sometimes my fleshfails and I know that, but I
need everybody in my life, mykids especially, to understand
how important it is to loveJesus every day.
First passage of scripture thismorning is Proverbs 22.6.
(08:17):
It says direct your childrenonto the right path, and when
they are older, they will notleave it.
Amen, direct your children ontothe right path.
Now, here's the problem.
Life is not a single path.
There are constant obstacles atevery turn.
(08:38):
Right, you're going to get down.
What you feel like is thestraight and narrow and then
you're going to have a fork.
You're going to find a wideroad that looks clear until you
start traveling down it, andthen it's going to be full of
briars and thickets and it'sgoing to get harder and narrower
and rougher and it's not goingto feel good.
That is because you've chosenthe wrong path.
Right.
You've chosen a path ofself-righteousness.
(08:59):
You've chosen a path ofself-destruction.
Whatever it may be, it is notthe place that God has called
you to be.
Hence the obstacles where he'strying to stop you.
Amen.
A lot of times we want to give alot of power to the enemy when
those things happen, and I'lltell you that's exactly what
happened last Sunday.
I stepped into the pulpit and Isaid the enemy is trying to
(09:20):
stop this move of the spirit,but really God was trying to
make something great happenRight Now.
It's not to say the enemy istrying to stop this move of the
spirit, but really God wastrying to make something great
happen Right Now.
It's not to say the enemywasn't working, but it's saying
God is always going to makesomething good of that challenge
.
And so when you're on that pathand you're experiencing the
challenges, you have to stop andsay why am I continuing to do
this to myself?
Why am I not allowing God tomove in my life and put me on
(09:41):
the straight and narrow A pathof clarity, a path of clear
direction?
Why am I not allowing that?
I'm not allowing that becausethe self-righteous part of me
wants to continue to be thedominant part of me.
Right?
Amen?
How many of us feel that everyday?
Right?
Sometimes it's self-satisfying,it's self-serving.
(10:02):
I don't want to be that way.
Sometimes it's self-satisfying,it's self-serving.
I don't want to be that way.
God, please take that away fromme.
But I realize that a hammerdrives nails with purpose and
direction.
But that purpose and directioncomes from your hands.
Amen.
(10:22):
I set the nail.
Roger swings and misses andsmashes my thumb.
I set the nail where it'ssupposed to.
That's why I don't let him havea hammer anymore.
I set the nail, I swing.
As long as I hit that nail onthe head, that nail is going to
go exactly where I told it to go.
God operates in the same way.
So long as that nail is set inthe right place, when he swings
(10:45):
it is guaranteed to driveexactly where it has been set to
drive.
A godly father is intentionalin shaping the values and faith
of his children.
If we direct them onto theright path, they will not stray.
That's not to say that they'renot listen.
I'm raising three kids in thechurch every Sunday, Sometimes
(11:08):
Wednesday nights, sometimesTuesday nights, sometimes Monday
nights.
Right, my kids will tell you.
Are we going to the churchagain?
They think they live here.
Their bedrooms are just wherethey sleep.
We are always in this buildingdoing something.
If you want to turn up the airbecause everybody's cold, I'm
not, but everybody else is here,hold on, let me turn this bad
boy up there.
(11:30):
I need my big fan back, noteverybody.
I'm like, I'm sweating throughthis shirt, you're comfortable.
Well, that's good.
Nobody else is Like.
People are getting blankets out, so I'll give on this one.
It's only 66 degrees in here,almost hang meat.
(11:52):
I know that it is important forme to shape their lives into
loving Jesus, into understandingwhat service to the kingdom is
right Amen.
Because service is not justshowing up on Sunday morning and
singing praise and worship andthen headed out at the end of
the day.
Service is mowing grass.
I sent a picture to the youngadults one time, and it's always
(12:12):
funny when I do this stuffbecause I do it intentionally.
I sent a picture and I wasoutside push mowing and I was so
stinking sweaty and I saidsometimes this is what worship
looks like.
Sometimes worship looks like abloody fingernail because Roger
smashed it with a hammer andlike we joke about that stuff.
But it's true.
If you understood the amount oflabor that goes into
(12:34):
maintaining a building, you knowAl came out and killed all the
weeds in our parking lot.
For us that is worship in a realform, because when you're doing
that you're serving the bodyand you're serving the kingdom,
amen.
But a lot of times we thinkworship is simply coming and
sitting and listening to a fewsongs and complaining, really,
that we didn't like the songsthat were played.
Right, I didn't like that songthis morning.
(12:56):
That song this morning was just, I just couldn't get into it.
Listen, not everything is herefor you, right?
Sometimes you're sitting hereand you're like man, I'm feeling
convicted.
But I'm mad that I wasconvicted Because, if I right,
I'm being convicted, god isspeaking to me, but I'm angry
about it because I don't want tobe called out for that.
Worship does not always comefrom the pulpit or from a song.
(13:19):
Sometimes worship.
Worship is done through service, amen.
And so we're teaching that toour kids.
Now I said that to say this At21, my kids are likely going to
walk away from the church.
I'm not speaking that intoexistence, but I'm looking at it
as a reality.
Pastors' kids tend to run fromthe church because they've been
raised in it, they've playedunder the pews, like my kids'
(13:42):
DNA are in this building becausethey live here all the time.
And at 21, they're going towalk away from the church, but
by 25, they're going to be backin the church and they're going
to be really hard to challengebecause they were raised in it
and they know what it is right,they get it, they understand it.
They're not going to walk intoa Pentecostal church and be
afraid.
See, a lot of us show up in aPentecostal church or show up in
(14:05):
a full gospel church and we'reafraid of it because we weren't
raised with it right, god didn'tteach us or we didn't come to
learn what God would do in ourlives.
I'm telling you as fathers, asthe leaders of your houses,
ladies, some of you, ladies, I'mtalking to you.
There's some single moms inhere, whatever the case may be,
but I'm talking to you just asmuch.
It is important for us tounderstand that we are raising
(14:27):
godly children.
Every day we are raising godlychildren and we should be
encouraging them to be in thehouse.
Emmett used to mow the grass atthe church all the time.
It was when I could bring him Ican't bring him now.
When I could bring him to mowthe grass, he did that every
week for free.
When I could bring him to mowthe grass, he did that every
week for free.
And he did that because he feltlike that was what he was
supposed to do.
(14:47):
That's what he was called to do.
That's important, guys.
There are grown adults whocan't do that.
There are grown adults whocan't understand what service is
right.
And I could go through the listof things that we wanna get
done.
You know we need to pressurewash.
We need to.
It's still still got weedsgrowing.
I don't think we're ever goingto kill them all, are we, al?
(15:07):
I think we could set theparking lot on fire and those
suckers are still going to grow.
There are so many things thatneed to be done around the
building and if I say thosethings, people are like oh yeah,
I'll come and help.
But then we get here andeverybody's standing around
talking Marcus and I were justtalking about that we don't
really get anything done aboutthat.
We don't really get anythingdone.
Do you know how desperatelythis building needs a real good,
deep, clean, walls washed,toilets scrubbed?
You know what I mean?
Like we can only do so muchevery week.
(15:29):
But the thing is is, even whenwe do it, if our hearts aren't
in it for the service, if it'sto make Pastor Michael happy,
right.
If it's to do it so that he'llstop complaining about it,
you're not doing it for theright reason.
Listen, I said to church council.
I said listen, pastor Roger,and I have a big project coming
(15:49):
up.
I'm going to need lots of.
I need lots of prayer for helpand I said I need to.
We need people to help mow thegrass, just so we can make sure
it's maintained.
Marcus does a fantastic job,but he's also working full-time
and has a family at home.
Miss Teresa says teach me howto mow, I'll do it.
Listen, that ain't fun work.
But if she wants to do it,we'll let her do it, won't we,
(16:12):
marcus?
Put her out back.
She can't even hit nothing withthat mower right.
That's big open field.
You can get stuck.
You can get stuck.
This will be easy.
This is a breeze.
Then my point is if we can allcome together and understand
what it is to serve as ourchildren, see, that our children
walk into service and ministryright.
Because let me ask, you know,children's ministry is always
(16:36):
dicey, and that's not just ourchurch, it is every church.
I was talking to a mega churchpastor and he said listen, we
can't get enough volunteers.
He said you have a small church.
You only have a handful of kids.
You've got small classrooms.
He said it feels like astruggle for you.
And he goes.
You look at us and you say ohwell, they've got 75 volunteers,
he's like but we've got 14classes four Sundays a month and
(16:58):
we have to have three to fourvolunteers in each of those
classrooms.
It looks on the outside likebecause they have more
volunteers in each of thoseclassrooms.
It looks on the outside likebecause they have more
volunteers, it's easier, butthey also have more kids.
They're struggling with theexact same thing that we are,
and my question is this why arewe struggling with it if every
one of us sitting here know thatthat generation is the next
generation of the church.
Why are we struggling withchildren's ministry if we know
(17:21):
that we are all old and going todie someday?
Amen, yes, willing to admitthat that at some point my body
is going to give out If we don'ttrain these children?
What happens to the nextgeneration of children?
What happens to the next?
If we are called to lead ourchildren onto the path of
righteousness, why are we notwilling to do that in the house
(17:44):
of God?
Why are we not Everybody's likewe got a couple of people?
Hey man, those are us with kids.
Right, because we know it takesa village.
We can't do it by ourselvesbecause we can't be everywhere
all the time.
I wish sometimes, no, I don'twish I could be everywhere all
the time.
We caught Easton playing in amud puddle the other day.
(18:05):
Now, listen, kids will be kids,right, I want him to get dirty
to play.
The problem is the mud puddlethe other day.
Now, listen, kids will be kids.
Right, I want him to get dirtyto play.
The problem is the mud puddlewas in somebody's yard and he's
digging a freaking hole in themud.
He comes home he's covered headto toe in mud.
It's in his ears.
Alyssa hosed him off outside.
You ain't coming in untilyou're clean, right?
(18:26):
He gets in the shower, he getsout.
There's still mud in his hairin his ears.
I'm like you're just going tohave to be an outside kid now.
I don't know what else to do,so I don't want to be everywhere
all the time.
But if I could split myself tocontinue to teach these kids and
children, that would be myheart's desire, because I know
that we need to do better toraise this generation so the
(18:49):
next generation has some hope.
Amen, amen.
Okay.
What passage of scripture wasthat?
That was 22.6?
Okay.
So here's what I want you tothink about.
Envision this have any of youever built a tree house or maybe
a fort out of pallets orsomething fun like that?
You have Great.
(19:10):
Well, I would say as a dad,because the idea is did your dad
help you build that?
No, you did it all by yourself.
Oh, that's probably a firehazard.
Then Use extension cords toplug stuff in.
That's how we do it here.
Imagine building something likethat as a father with your
(19:31):
children.
It teaches more than justskills and how to build right.
It teaches them patience, itteaches them trust.
It teaches them how importantit is to start or to finish what
you start.
Amen.
Those projects are importantfor a reason.
However, you as a father arenot teaching simple life skills
(19:55):
when you're teaching your childhow to be patient, how to be
kind.
I probably said six timesyesterday while I was building
that furniture I hate doing thisstuff.
And Emmett started counting andI was like I couldn't figure
out what he was doing the firsttime.
He's like one, two, three.
I'm like what are you counting?
He's like how many times yousay you hate doing?
This Sounds funny because Ireally do hate doing it, but it
(20:22):
is a service to my wife.
I didn't see my wife all nightlast night.
She spent the entire evening onthat patio set out on the back
porch.
I went out and sat with her fora while.
She was out there long after Ihad gone to bed.
It is important that we speaklife.
Listen.
There are things in life Isimply don't want to do right.
(20:46):
But if I can do all thingsthrough Christ, who gives me
strength, then I can build apatio furniture without swearing
, without saying I hate it right, and teaching my kids the
importance of serving people youlove right.
That's hard Because when you'reserving people that you love
sometimes you're serving peopleeven when you're mad at them,
right, even when you'refrustrated with them.
Listen, my wife makes me dinnerevery night and most nights.
(21:10):
She probably don't like me.
She hasn't once poisoned me.
She hasn't once withheld dinnerfrom me because I've made her
mad.
That is love right, and we areteaching something that is
intangible you can't touch.
Teaching somebody how to lovewell, amen, amen, amen.
(21:33):
Proverbs 3.12,.
It says for the Lord correctsthose he loves, just as a father
corrects a child in whom hedelights.
I want to point out that itsays a child in whom he delights
.
So, as a father, if you arewilling to correct your child,
(21:53):
that means you delight in thatchild right?
That means I want you to livelife to the fullest.
Living life to the fullest doesnot mean being reckless and
being haphazard.
Living life to the fullestmeans understanding rewards and
consequences.
You know we live in a worldthat wants to give participation
(22:14):
awards to everybody, right,like, just because you show up,
you get an award.
That's not how it works.
When we went bowling as a groupthe other weekend, I wasn't
about to get an award, for thebest bowler was I, marcus?
I probably wasn't even.
How many of us were there?
Five, six, something like that.
Five of us.
I probably wasn't in the topfive.
(22:38):
Life cannot be.
Life has to.
Our kids have to understandthat in life, not everything is
handed to you, that in life,hard work is rewarded.
Listen, if you're trying, I'mexcited for you and I'm going to
support you in that trying, butwork is rewarded.
Listen, if you're trying, I'mexcited for you and I'm gonna
support you in that trying, butresults are rewarded amen.
You are rewarded when you giveyour life to Jesus.
You are rewarded when you knowthat he is your Lord and savior,
(23:01):
when you learn to worshipcorrectly, in spirit and in
truth, not just hands raised andsinging a song right In spirit
and in truth.
When you can give over yourlife to something that you can't
see.
There's reward in that, andthat reward doesn't come on
earth.
You're not getting a bag ofmoney just because you follow
Jesus.
Some of us like to think thatthat because I follow Jesus,
(23:24):
life will be easy.
That's not how this works.
You will be rewarded in heaven.
Your riches are stored up there.
You are teaching your childrenthat every single day.
I look at that passage ofscripture, for the Lord corrects
those he loves, just as afather corrects a child in whom
he delights.
(23:44):
When the Lord corrects us, howdo we handle that?
Because it's called conviction.
Right, and we just talked aboutit.
I'm feeling convicted, but nowI'm angry because I don't want
to have to change.
Conviction isn't correction.
There is a difference.
Right, when your pastor says toyou that's not okay, that's
(24:06):
correction.
But when the Holy Spirit speaksto you and says that's not okay
, that's called conviction.
But when the Holy Spirit speaksto you and says that's not okay
, that's called conviction.
I'm going to tell you youbetter listen to the Holy Spirit
a lot faster than you listen tome, because I'm going to tell
you.
I say it, you get offended, youget mad, whatever.
I don't care.
I don't care, because if theHoly Spirit is telling me you
need to correct them.
(24:27):
That's what I'm going to do,amen.
But when the Holy Spirit isspeaking to you and to your
heart and you're not listeningto him, you're in trouble,
because that means that yourears, your spiritual ears, have
been turned off and you're notinterested in what God would
have in your life.
Listen, all good things comefrom God.
(24:47):
He's not giving you bad things.
So when he tells you, hey, youneed to stop smoking, you need
to stop smoking.
When he tells you, hey, stoptalking about those people, you
need to stop talking.
And it should be as soon as youhear, uh-uh, nope, even if
you're in the middle of theconversation.
It needs to stop.
Because I'm telling you when Godis moving in your life, you
(25:09):
need to be prepared to hear it,because if he is correcting you,
it's because he delights in you.
It's because he delights in you.
I don't know about you, but Ikind of like that idea.
God delights in me.
(25:31):
When he hears my name, hebecomes excited.
When he hears my name, hethinks that is my child, with
whom I am well pleased, and Ican walk proud in that, and not
in a confident, arrogant way,but in a very humble.
I have the capability to raisepeople from the dead, because
the same power that rose Jesusfrom the grave lives in me.
(25:52):
Amen, amen.
Godly father, does notdiscipline in anger, but in love
.
How many of you ever snatchedahold of a kid before?
If you didn't raise your hand,you're probably lying to me, but
that's okay.
You worked out with the HolySpirit.
All right, you guys worked thatout.
(26:13):
But here's the thing when youraise children in today's world
and now some of you legacymembers aren't going to
understand this, okay, becausethe world is a little bit
different now I can't justsnatch ahold of my kid in
Walmart anymore, because CPSwill show up at my house and
take my kid right.
So it doesn't work like thatanymore.
(26:34):
However, all I have to do islook at my children.
Did you guys see me thismorning?
Come up front.
I leaned into that group.
I said if you can't stand thereand be quiet, you can go back
to your seats.
And everybody went.
Okay, and they stopped.
All I have to do is look at mychildren, and it's not because
I'm angry.
Adeline knows, she knows andshe doesn't get yelled at.
(26:59):
She's a sweetheart.
It's hard to yell at her.
She's such a little princess.
Dads, if you don't have alittle girl, let me tell you, if
you ever get one, all bets areoff.
It's game over.
It really is.
It really is.
My daughter got a hamster forkeeping her room clean.
She kept her room clean and Ibought her a hamster $170.
(27:20):
Later I'm walking out of thestore.
The hamster was $20.
I don't know how it happened,but I'll tell you I'm a sucker.
That's how it happened.
I mean, I'm not going to lie toyou, but I understand that
discipline has to come in love.
And she cannot keep her roomclean.
She is like she's the artsytype, very like crafty.
(27:43):
Nothing is trash to her.
She keeps everything.
She's trying to keep this giantbox that our patio furniture
came in because she wants tobuild a maze for her hamster in
it.
That box is like eight feetlong.
The hamster is this big.
I don't think it's necessary.
But nothing is trash to her.
So her keeping her room cleanis not something that's
important to her.
But is it a life skill thatpeople should learn?
(28:04):
Yes, because otherwise whathappens?
You end up on an episode ofHoarders.
Right, she's got 72 hamsters,48 eight foot boxes and we're
there cleaning her house out.
Right, it's not healthy and soyou have to learn to teach that.
But I have learned that Icannot teach that in anger I
can't say your room is dirty, goand clean it.
(28:26):
I have to say sweetheart, ifyou want to have nice things, we
have to take care of them.
Let's go clean your room.
Do I want to spend my afternooncleaning her room.
No, but I know that if I bringthat correction in love, she can
do it For 30 days.
She did it all by herself Atday 31,.
Guess what?
It was an explosion and her momsaid to her well, sissy, you've
(28:50):
got a hamster now and if youwant to be able to play with her
in your room, you have to keepyour room clean.
She goes, oh yeah, and cleanedthe entire room.
There is something aboutteaching responsibility in love,
bringing correction in love.
That works differently thanteaching responsibility in love
than when we bring it in anger.
Amen, just like our heavenlyfather, when he brings
(29:13):
correction, it is with love.
It is designed to grow us, notto push us back.
Oftentimes we want to feelpushed back, but really it's
growth and it's stretching.
It's just uncomfortable.
Proverbs 27 says the godly walkwith integrity.
(29:35):
Blessed are their children whofollow them.
Men, can I tell you somethingtoday?
This is the biggest thing thatyou can do for your children is
you can live with integrity.
Every person in this roomshould be living with integrity.
That means my wife is probablythe most honest person I've ever
(29:58):
met in my entire life, like shewon't even call and dispute a
late fee on a credit card if itwas our fault, right?
Like if you just genuinelyforget.
She won't call and dispute alate charge.
She is just the most honestperson.
Now me, on the other hand, I'llcall him and try to talk him
out of that late fee every time,right, because I don't want to
spend any money on somethinglike that.
(30:18):
As men, when we walk withintegrity, when we know we can
walk into a room with our headheld high because we haven't
done, said or acted a certainway towards anybody in that room
, our children will learn tolive with integrity.
Because when we look to God,god didn't send Jesus to the
earth to die on the cross sothat we could live sinful lives
(30:41):
just because Grace and mercy arewonderful, but we cannot abuse
it.
Once we become saved, we haveto learn that grace is given to
us as a gift and when we fallshort, we are covered by it, but
we cannot abuse it.
If you abuse grace, I have toask you are you really saved If
(31:01):
you are constantly walkingthrough life living outside of
the will of God and not havingstrong integrity?
My question to you is do youreally know who God is and what
he would want in your life.
See, my children always jokethat I'm never home Like they
see me in the evenings.
I'm always on the go.
(31:22):
Dad's always doing something.
But we had an Elvis show at anursing home last Thursday in
Mount Vernon.
It's an hour and a half drive.
One way.
The kids go with us and we getthere and I'm watching my kids
set up all of the equipment bythemselves Like they know what
(31:43):
they're doing.
I know that that sounds silly,almost like slave labor.
That's not the point.
I take a road crew guys.
No, they have learned that thatis part of our ministry.
We consider that part of ourministry when we go into these
places and we sing to thesepeople.
You guys saw the pictures thatmy wife posted.
(32:04):
I don't see that in the momentbecause oftentimes I'm
distracted by what's happeningaround me, but the joy that
comes to those people my kidsare learning that.
Every time we go somewheretogether, every time they're in
this building, every time theygo to a birthday party, my kids
tell people, if I tell mydaughter I love you, I love you
more than you love me, and shewon't say I love you.
(32:26):
It's always I love you morethan you love me.
My children know how to loveand love.
Well, my daughter will give anyone of you a gift for
absolutely no reason.
Now again, sounds silly, butthat's my love language.
That's how I show her love andher mom love, and she sees that
and because she sees it, sheembraces it.
Right, like, I feel like I canshow my wife the best.
(32:50):
My wife's love language isquality time and physical touch.
Both of those things drive mebananas.
Right, I am a busybody.
I want to be moving.
So if she wants to spend timewith me and it's at Target, I'm
cool.
We can go shop all day long.
I don't want to spend timesitting on the couch.
I'm not going to stare lovinglyinto her eyes.
Right, it's not who I am, but Ihave to learn how to make time
(33:15):
for that, because my kids see it.
Now, if you ask my kids,they'll tell you.
My wife and I fight all the timebecause we love to argue with
each other for the sake of theargument.
Right, like anybody do Wordleevery day.
Nobody even knows what Wordleis.
Anybody do Wordle every day.
(33:35):
Nobody even knows what Wordleis.
Okay, it's a New York Timesgame where you have to guess a
five-letter word and it's adifferent word every day and you
get six guesses.
Okay, we challenge each otherevery day to beat the other
person, right, and so I love thedays that I get to beat her
because I rub it in her face.
Right, it doesn't happen.
Often she's way smarter than me.
But then when she beats me, sherubs it in my face and my kids
are like will you guys stopfighting about Wordle?
They don't know what fightingis.
(33:57):
They've never seen parentsfight to know what fighting is.
I can promise you there are someof us in here who have had
fights with our spouses that areknock-down, drag-out, screaming
matches right?
My wife and I have neverexperienced that in our marriage
and I'm thankful for that.
But that makes my kids a littlebit skewed to the world, right,
(34:20):
because they're not going tounderstand, but they're also not
going to accept if a spousetreats them that way, because
they see what love is.
They see what it's like to bein a safe and loving environment
.
It is important for us to walkwith that integrity every single
day.
Right, if your kids are in theback seat and you pass somebody
on the highway and you flip themoff.
(34:41):
Your kids are going to learnthat right and they're going to
think it's acceptable.
I look back and I think, man,I've done some stupid stuff in
front of my kids.
I'll've done some stupid stuffin front of my kids.
I'll probably do some stupidstuff in front of my kids this
afternoon.
I'm not proud of it.
I'm saying that as a Christianwho is still learning and
(35:01):
maturing and growing.
Those things are going tohappen.
That is where I am covered bygrace.
But when I do it willingly andknowingly, then I am asking for
them to question my integrity atevery turn.
I know I've told you guys thisonce before and I want to share
this quick story again.
Several years ago actually manyyears ago, when my wife and I
had first gotten married, ourmarriage was not perfect and it
(35:25):
wasn't hard.
We didn't hate each other oranything like that, but there
was a struggle and we could feelit.
We knew.
And that year for Christmas sheasked me what I wanted and I
said I want you to write me alist of everything that I do
that does not bring good fruitto our marriage.
I remember getting that gift onChristmas morning.
It was the worst gift I've everreceived and that sounds funny,
(35:49):
like I asked for it.
It hurt because it made merealize all of the things that
I'm doing that are not good andthey're not helping my wife or
my marriage.
I have that note to this day.
I keep it in my sock drawer andevery once in a while I pull
that note out and I look and Igo.
I have come such a long waysince I've been married and I'm
(36:13):
thankful for that every day.
But I'll tell you, I lean on mywife to show me integrity, to
help keep me accountable.
Right, it's important that weunderstand the power of
relationship with one another.
Accountability is what makes usand what holds us to being of
strong integrity.
Amen.
I know that if we do it, thatour children will learn it and
(36:37):
they will continue to walk in it.
My children do not hang onevery word that I say, right,
unless it's the wrong one.
Easton proved that thatChristmas Eve where he stood up
and told everybody I was gettingcold because I say swear words.
He thought that was hilarious.
He still tells that story topeople.
(36:57):
It doesn't matter the goodthings that we do, because they
hold on to the bad things,because that's what the world
has conditioned and we have tobreak that cycle.
Amen, was that Proverbs 27?
Yes, so we're going to go to 2Corinthians 6, 18, and I'm going
to button up for you.
It says and I will be yourfather and you will be my sons
(37:18):
and daughters, says the LordAlmighty.
At the end of the day, he iswhat we should be looking to for
guidance, for integrity, forleadership, all of the things we
could go through the Bible andwe could talk about all of the
people that he has anointed andall of the wonderful things that
they have done.
But oftentimes we get stuck ontheir downfalls, don't we?
(37:41):
You know, if you guys listen tothe podcast I have listened to
their episode about Jonah andthe whale probably a half a
dozen times and I've probablygot seven messages alone out of
that podcast episode becauseoftentimes we remember the story
of Jonah as him being swallowedby a whale.
Right, that's the story.
(38:01):
There's so much before and somuch after that we tend to not
pay attention to.
That is what life is like withour children every day.
They have one thing that theyfocus on, if you ask my kids and
maybe we should do this someSunday we should.
Everybody should write down onething that they know about me on
their way into the building.
Right, my kids, I guarantee,will all relate back to Elvis in
(38:27):
some way, shape or form,because it's how they identify.
Yesterday, emmett had to showone of his friends all of my
Elvis jumpsuits.
They were in my way, shape orform, because it's how they
identify.
Yesterday, emmett had to showone of his friends all of my
Elvis jumpsuits.
They were in my office.
He saw one on the mannequin andEmmett's like oh, that's
nothing, and he's opening thiscloset door.
There's two there.
Open that closet door, there'sfour there.
And to him I don't want to sayhe's embarrassed by it, but
(38:47):
there was something about that.
That that's just how theyidentify me.
That's fun for me, but it's nothow I want my life to be.
I don't want my legacy to beleft on simply on music.
I want my kids to remember mefor being a godly man.
I want my kids to remember mefor being of integrity.
I want my kids to remember mefor always being the best leader
(39:07):
that I could possibly be Amen.
Sometimes that is hard to do,but it is our responsibility.
I will be your father and youwill be my sons and daughters,
says the Lord Almighty.
We are responsible for lookingto him for all things, not just
looking to one another.
We shouldn't be comparingourselves to other dads on TV.
(39:27):
Can I tell you something?
That's all fake.
They have time to rehearse thatright?
You know, when your kid bustsout the garage window with a
baseball bat, you don't getrehearsal.
Before you handle that, right?
We had a broken garage windowyears ago that we still don't
know who did it.
My kids ain't admitting to it.
You know why?
Because dad yells right.
(39:49):
Somebody's getting whacked witha wiffle ball bat because they
put it through the garage window.
We have to learn to correct inlove, because we gain so much
more from that.
God sent his one and only sonto die on the cross so that we
might be saved.
That is dedication.
That is commitment to what ourlives should look like.
(40:10):
Amen.
Remember, whether you had agodly father or not, you have a
perfect father in heaven.
He invites you to be like himstrong, wise and full of grace.
And, dads, as we leave heretoday and you grab your hammer,
(40:31):
I want you to focus on thesethree questions Are you building
a strong home?
Are you building a legacy offaith and are you building a
heart that seeks God?
You and you alone hold thathammer.
You wield faith.
You wield fear.
(40:52):
It's your choice.
Every day, kids have a shortturnaround.
Just because you're angry onemoment doesn't mean you have to
hold on to that all day.
We do that, right People ingeneral.
I had a bad five minutes and somy day is ruined and I'm gonna
(41:12):
be mean to everybody that I comein contact with.
It's not how life works.
It is our responsibility tounderstand how to lead with love
and not just strength.
I'm encouraged by the men ofthis church.
I am encouraged by all of thepeople that I've had in my life.
Again, life hasn't encouragedby all of the people that I've
had in my life.
Again.
(41:33):
Life hasn't been perfect.
Not every person that I've evermet has been a great father
figure.
Some of them have led me down apath of destruction, but God
never wanted that for me and hewas able to stop me and turn me
around, and I am thankful forthat every single day.
Let's pray together, father.
(41:54):
As I stand here, I am thankfulfor my father, for my
grandfather, lord, for all ofthe men in my life, who have
been father figures, who havetaught me how to love, how to
have grace and mercy.
And, lord, I know you placedthem in my life for such a time
(42:15):
as this.
Every season, every moment, youwere working things out for my
good.
Father, I pray for every manthat's sitting in this building
today that they would be able tolead their family with love,
with strength and kindness, withgrace and with mercy.
Lord, all of the things thatyou have given to us.
(42:37):
I pray that we're able to givethem to our children, that we
can lift them up and not tearthem down.
Lord, there are no words thatwe can speak that will show the
exact love that you have for us.
The only thing that we can dois to continue to point towards
(42:59):
you in all things.
We know that on the straightand narrow, father, you will
bring our children into yourfold, under your wings.
Father, god, you will protectthem, but a praying father will
help facilitate.
Lord, every man that's in thisbuilding.
I'm praying for great strengthin them today that they might be
(43:22):
able to find confidence in youand not in the world.
Lord, I thank you and I praiseyou.
I give you all the honor andglory In the mighty name of
Jesus, and the church says Amen.
Love you guys.
Emmett, you're bending your knee like a normal
kid today.
He was walking like this fortwo days.
I was like he just likes theattention.
Oh, it had to hurt.
Like, listen, I'm telling you,I can put the picture up on the
screen if you guys want to seeit.
No, there are a lot of you thatwould not like to see that.
(00:23):
I promise you, I could haveprobably taken these three
fingers and stuck it in his knee.
I mean, just peeled.
It was gross.
It was gross.
I told the doctor when they camein to stitch it up.
I didn't mind looking at thewound, but I wasn't about to
watch him put the stitches in.
And I said to the doctor I saidlisten, I can handle a lot of
things.
I'm not going to watch you dothe stitches.
(00:49):
He said good, thank you.
I've picked more than one dadup off the floor who thought he
was tough enough to watch.
It's not the stitches that getme, it's the rolling of the skin
.
It doesn't look like your bodyshould be able to do those
things right, like anyhow.
It was rough but he's good,he's healthy now we're happy
Guys.
Well, mike, you can't answerthis question because you do it
for a living.
Yes, you do this for a living,so you can't.
(01:10):
How many of you men here havehad to build furniture in your
house at some point or another?
I'm not talking like put legson.
I'm like those bookshelves thatare 73,000 pieces, but it
really should only be four.
Anybody ever built Ikeafurniture?
Okay, they do have pictures butno words and nothing ever lines
(01:31):
up the way that it's supposedto.
It is always a challenge tobuild Ikea furniture, but
yesterday my wife, because sheloves me so very much, bought a
new patio set that had to beassembled.
Bought a new patio set that hadto be assembled.
How many floors did you haveleft over?
Well, see, there's a pack thatsaid extras.
(01:55):
I had to use some of those.
So I was a little nervous.
Let's just say I wasn't thefirst one to sit on it.
We let everybody else sit on itfirst.
If it's going to go to theground, it's somebody else's
problem.
But while I was building it Ithought man, it only this kind
of project only works when youhave the right tools.
Amen, listen, they give youthis little tiny Allen wrench
(02:16):
that you can't actually get afull spin on inside of the spot
that they want.
And then they gave you thislittle thin.
It's not even a wrench, it's aflat piece of metal with a
U-shape carved out of it to holdthe other side of the nut.
It wasn't working.
So you know what I did Got theimpact out right, because we're
(02:37):
gonna put this sucker together.
It ain't coming back, apart Alittle bit of Loctite on the
back of the.
My point is, as I was building,that I realized I could sit here
all day and try to use theselittle tiny tools that they gave
me in the box, or I could getthe real tools out and do this
thing in half the time.
Amen, men, right, the realtools.
Like we're going to.
Like I want to be able to losea finger while I'm working on
(02:59):
this project.
I didn't need the sawzall, butI had it out right.
Like you never know, like thatpiece might be too long and hack
it off Again.
I wasn't the first one to sit onit for a reason.
I realized that men oftentimeswere seen as builders.
Right, fathers oftentimes wereseen as builders, but we're not
(03:22):
just builders of houses andfurniture and all of the
Christmas time when all of thosetoys get opened and we sit
there for hours on endassembling Barbie's dream house
and putting stick in there.
Right, we are not the buildersof just things, we are the
builders of hearts as well.
Amen.
And as I was building thatproject yesterday, I kept
(03:43):
thinking man, it is importantthat I understand my role as a
dad.
It's important that Iunderstand my role as a disciple
, as a pastor, as a friend, asall of those things, because I
have to be the builder of hearts, not just the builder of things
.
And as I thought about it, Irealized that a lot of times we
(04:09):
are looking at tools and we'retrying to find the right tool,
but we have more tools in ourtool belt than we realize.
We have the tool of influence,the tool of strength, the tool
of discipline and the tool ofguidance.
Amen, dads, a lot of thosetools can be hard to use.
See, I've had to learn that thetool of discipline cannot be
(04:33):
wielded with a heavy hand.
That's not fun to say.
Right, like Tina Bober and I,we get it right, we get it.
If your kid comes to my houseand your kid misbehaves, your
kid's probably going to getwhooped.
I'm just telling you I look atthings differently than most
people.
We're the neighborhood house.
(04:53):
All the kids want to come toour house and hang out.
If they're swearing or they'reacting a certain way, bounce out
.
I don't need you here teachingmy kids that right.
I don't need a 14-year-old girlteaching my daughter how to
kiss boys or how to.
You know what I mean, right,and so we don't play that game.
I am the builder of hearts.
I have to wield that toollightly, but I have to do it so
(05:18):
that my kids grow up tounderstand what it is to be
responsible, to be faithful andto love Jesus.
Amen, above all things, that'swhat I should be.
Listen, your kids need to knowhow to do math right.
Your kids need to know how toread, but above all of that,
your kids need to know how tolove Jesus.
It's important because they canread really, really well and be
(05:42):
a mean person, right, they canbe fluent in sarcasm, but it
doesn't do them any good.
In the spirit Amen.
A hammer can build or it canbreak, and how a father wields
that tool determines the legacyhe leaves behind.
Amen.
(06:03):
So, fathers, you're all goingto get out there today and I got
everybody new hammers.
Now here's the thing.
Look, did you need a new hammer.
Did you need a new hammer,andrew?
You can grab one on your wayout.
It's okay if you didn't get oneyet, you can grab one on your
way out.
But Alva said she wants one ofthese.
I don't want to know why Alvasaid she wants one of these.
I don't want to know why.
(06:25):
Maybe she's starting a remodelproject that nobody else knows
about.
But I took these hammers afterthey arrived and I took them to
my mom's house and her and Iworked together and we engraved
them with Proverbs 23, 24, andit says the father of godly
children has cause for joy.
What a pleasure to havechildren who are wise, amen.
And so I thought what a perfecttool for us men to have in our
(06:47):
tool belt.
It's a small hammer.
It's for around the house,right, this is something that we
can carry.
But it's important to rememberthat when we wield that wisdom,
that we can either create anamazing legacy or we can do a
lot of damage.
And my question to you is whatdoes your legacy look like today
?
Mine is probably a mixed bag.
(07:09):
You know.
I think about what Father's Daymeans to me and what that looks
like, and none of these are inmy notes.
So we're going to get a littleemotional with you guys for just
a second.
But I realized that my dad andI didn't always have a great
relationship and that was hard.
Growing up right and as anadult, we served together, we
worked together and it's awonderful experience that we
(07:31):
have that ability in life now.
And I think about my two oldestboys, who I probably won't even
see today, who I probably won'teven hear from today.
My legacy that I will leavewith them is not the legacy that
I'm leaving with my other threechildren, and that doesn't feel
fair.
But life sometimes is not fairand I will continue to encourage
(07:54):
them to simply love Jesus aboveall things.
Listen, sometimes my fleshfails and I know that, but I
need everybody in my life, mykids especially, to understand
how important it is to loveJesus every day.
First passage of scripture thismorning is Proverbs 22.6.
(08:17):
It says direct your childrenonto the right path, and when
they are older, they will notleave it.
Amen, direct your children ontothe right path.
Now, here's the problem.
Life is not a single path.
There are constant obstacles atevery turn.
(08:38):
Right, you're going to get down.
What you feel like is thestraight and narrow and then
you're going to have a fork.
You're going to find a wideroad that looks clear until you
start traveling down it, andthen it's going to be full of
briars and thickets and it'sgoing to get harder and narrower
and rougher and it's not goingto feel good.
That is because you've chosenthe wrong path.
Right.
You've chosen a path ofself-righteousness.
(08:59):
You've chosen a path ofself-destruction.
Whatever it may be, it is notthe place that God has called
you to be.
Hence the obstacles where he'strying to stop you.
Amen.
A lot of times we want to give alot of power to the enemy when
those things happen, and I'lltell you that's exactly what
happened last Sunday.
I stepped into the pulpit and Isaid the enemy is trying to
(09:20):
stop this move of the spirit,but really God was trying to
make something great happenRight Now.
It's not to say the enemy istrying to stop this move of the
spirit, but really God wastrying to make something great
happen Right Now.
It's not to say the enemywasn't working, but it's saying
God is always going to makesomething good of that challenge
.
And so when you're on that pathand you're experiencing the
challenges, you have to stop andsay why am I continuing to do
this to myself?
Why am I not allowing God tomove in my life and put me on
(09:41):
the straight and narrow A pathof clarity, a path of clear
direction?
Why am I not allowing that?
I'm not allowing that becausethe self-righteous part of me
wants to continue to be thedominant part of me.
Right?
Amen?
How many of us feel that everyday?
Right?
Sometimes it's self-satisfying,it's self-serving.
(10:02):
I don't want to be that way.
Sometimes it's self-satisfying,it's self-serving.
I don't want to be that way.
God, please take that away fromme.
But I realize that a hammerdrives nails with purpose and
direction.
But that purpose and directioncomes from your hands.
Amen.
(10:22):
I set the nail.
Roger swings and misses andsmashes my thumb.
I set the nail where it'ssupposed to.
That's why I don't let him havea hammer anymore.
I set the nail, I swing.
As long as I hit that nail onthe head, that nail is going to
go exactly where I told it to go.
God operates in the same way.
So long as that nail is set inthe right place, when he swings
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it is guaranteed to driveexactly where it has been set to
drive.
A godly father is intentionalin shaping the values and faith
of his children.
If we direct them onto theright path, they will not stray.
That's not to say that they'renot listen.
I'm raising three kids in thechurch every Sunday, Sometimes
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Wednesday nights, sometimesTuesday nights, sometimes Monday
nights.
Right, my kids will tell you.
Are we going to the churchagain?
They think they live here.
Their bedrooms are just wherethey sleep.
We are always in this buildingdoing something.
If you want to turn up the airbecause everybody's cold, I'm
not, but everybody else is here,hold on, let me turn this bad
boy up there.
(11:30):
I need my big fan back, noteverybody.
I'm like, I'm sweating throughthis shirt, you're comfortable.
Well, that's good.
Nobody else is Like.
People are getting blankets out, so I'll give on this one.
It's only 66 degrees in here,almost hang meat.
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I know that it is important forme to shape their lives into
loving Jesus, into understandingwhat service to the kingdom is
right Amen.
Because service is not justshowing up on Sunday morning and
singing praise and worship andthen headed out at the end of
the day.
Service is mowing grass.
I sent a picture to the youngadults one time, and it's always
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funny when I do this stuffbecause I do it intentionally.
I sent a picture and I wasoutside push mowing and I was so
stinking sweaty and I saidsometimes this is what worship
looks like.
Sometimes worship looks like abloody fingernail because Roger
smashed it with a hammer andlike we joke about that stuff.
But it's true.
If you understood the amount oflabor that goes into
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maintaining a building, you knowAl came out and killed all the
weeds in our parking lot.
For us that is worship in a realform, because when you're doing
that you're serving the bodyand you're serving the kingdom,
amen.
But a lot of times we thinkworship is simply coming and
sitting and listening to a fewsongs and complaining, really,
that we didn't like the songsthat were played.
Right, I didn't like that songthis morning.
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That song this morning was just, I just couldn't get into it.
Listen, not everything is herefor you, right?
Sometimes you're sitting hereand you're like man, I'm feeling
convicted.
But I'm mad that I wasconvicted Because, if I right,
I'm being convicted, god isspeaking to me, but I'm angry
about it because I don't want tobe called out for that.
Worship does not always comefrom the pulpit or from a song.
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Sometimes worship.
Worship is done through service, amen.
And so we're teaching that toour kids.
Now I said that to say this At21, my kids are likely going to
walk away from the church.
I'm not speaking that intoexistence, but I'm looking at it
as a reality.
Pastors' kids tend to run fromthe church because they've been
raised in it, they've playedunder the pews, like my kids'
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DNA are in this building becausethey live here all the time.
And at 21, they're going towalk away from the church, but
by 25, they're going to be backin the church and they're going
to be really hard to challengebecause they were raised in it
and they know what it is right,they get it, they understand it.
They're not going to walk intoa Pentecostal church and be
afraid.
See, a lot of us show up in aPentecostal church or show up in
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a full gospel church and we'reafraid of it because we weren't
raised with it right, god didn'tteach us or we didn't come to
learn what God would do in ourlives.
I'm telling you as fathers, asthe leaders of your houses,
ladies, some of you, ladies, I'mtalking to you.
There's some single moms inhere, whatever the case may be,
but I'm talking to you just asmuch.
It is important for us tounderstand that we are raising
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godly children.
Every day we are raising godlychildren and we should be
encouraging them to be in thehouse.
Emmett used to mow the grass atthe church all the time.
It was when I could bring him Ican't bring him now.
When I could bring him to mowthe grass, he did that every
week for free.
When I could bring him to mowthe grass, he did that every
week for free.
And he did that because he feltlike that was what he was
supposed to do.
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That's what he was called to do.
That's important, guys.
There are grown adults whocan't do that.
There are grown adults whocan't understand what service is
right.
And I could go through the listof things that we wanna get
done.
You know we need to pressurewash.
We need to.
It's still still got weedsgrowing.
I don't think we're ever goingto kill them all, are we, al?
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I think we could set theparking lot on fire and those
suckers are still going to grow.
There are so many things thatneed to be done around the
building and if I say thosethings, people are like oh yeah,
I'll come and help.
But then we get here andeverybody's standing around
talking Marcus and I were justtalking about that we don't
really get anything done aboutthat.
We don't really get anythingdone.
Do you know how desperatelythis building needs a real good,
deep, clean, walls washed,toilets scrubbed?
You know what I mean?
Like we can only do so muchevery week.
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But the thing is is, even whenwe do it, if our hearts aren't
in it for the service, if it'sto make Pastor Michael happy,
right.
If it's to do it so that he'llstop complaining about it,
you're not doing it for theright reason.
Listen, I said to church council.
I said listen, pastor Roger,and I have a big project coming
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up.
I'm going to need lots of.
I need lots of prayer for helpand I said I need to.
We need people to help mow thegrass, just so we can make sure
it's maintained.
Marcus does a fantastic job,but he's also working full-time
and has a family at home.
Miss Teresa says teach me howto mow, I'll do it.
Listen, that ain't fun work.
But if she wants to do it,we'll let her do it, won't we,
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marcus?
Put her out back.
She can't even hit nothing withthat mower right.
That's big open field.
You can get stuck.
You can get stuck.
This will be easy.
This is a breeze.
Then my point is if we can allcome together and understand
what it is to serve as ourchildren, see, that our children
walk into service and ministryright.
Because let me ask, you know,children's ministry is always
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dicey, and that's not just ourchurch, it is every church.
I was talking to a mega churchpastor and he said listen, we
can't get enough volunteers.
He said you have a small church.
You only have a handful of kids.
You've got small classrooms.
He said it feels like astruggle for you.
And he goes.
You look at us and you say ohwell, they've got 75 volunteers,
he's like but we've got 14classes four Sundays a month and
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we have to have three to fourvolunteers in each of those
classrooms.
It looks on the outside likebecause they have more
volunteers in each of thoseclassrooms.
It looks on the outside likebecause they have more
volunteers, it's easier, butthey also have more kids.
They're struggling with theexact same thing that we are,
and my question is this why arewe struggling with it if every
one of us sitting here know thatthat generation is the next
generation of the church.
Why are we struggling withchildren's ministry if we know
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that we are all old and going todie someday?
Amen, yes, willing to admitthat that at some point my body
is going to give out If we don'ttrain these children?
What happens to the nextgeneration of children?
What happens to the next?
If we are called to lead ourchildren onto the path of
righteousness, why are we notwilling to do that in the house
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of God?
Why are we not Everybody's likewe got a couple of people?
Hey man, those are us with kids.
Right, because we know it takesa village.
We can't do it by ourselvesbecause we can't be everywhere
all the time.
I wish sometimes, no, I don'twish I could be everywhere all
the time.
We caught Easton playing in amud puddle the other day.
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Now, listen, kids will be kids,right, I want him to get dirty
to play.
The problem is the mud puddlethe other day.
Now, listen, kids will be kids.
Right, I want him to get dirtyto play.
The problem is the mud puddlewas in somebody's yard and he's
digging a freaking hole in themud.
He comes home he's covered headto toe in mud.
It's in his ears.
Alyssa hosed him off outside.
You ain't coming in untilyou're clean, right?
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He gets in the shower, he getsout.
There's still mud in his hairin his ears.
I'm like you're just going tohave to be an outside kid now.
I don't know what else to do,so I don't want to be everywhere
all the time.
But if I could split myself tocontinue to teach these kids and
children, that would be myheart's desire, because I know
that we need to do better toraise this generation so the
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next generation has some hope.
Amen, amen.
Okay.
What passage of scripture wasthat?
That was 22.6?
Okay.
So here's what I want you tothink about.
Envision this have any of youever built a tree house or maybe
a fort out of pallets orsomething fun like that?
You have Great.
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Well, I would say as a dad,because the idea is did your dad
help you build that?
No, you did it all by yourself.
Oh, that's probably a firehazard.
Then Use extension cords toplug stuff in.
That's how we do it here.
Imagine building something likethat as a father with your
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children.
It teaches more than justskills and how to build right.
It teaches them patience, itteaches them trust.
It teaches them how importantit is to start or to finish what
you start.
Amen.
Those projects are importantfor a reason.
However, you as a father arenot teaching simple life skills
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when you're teaching your childhow to be patient, how to be
kind.
I probably said six timesyesterday while I was building
that furniture I hate doing thisstuff.
And Emmett started counting andI was like I couldn't figure
out what he was doing the firsttime.
He's like one, two, three.
I'm like what are you counting?
He's like how many times yousay you hate doing?
This Sounds funny because Ireally do hate doing it, but it
(20:22):
is a service to my wife.
I didn't see my wife all nightlast night.
She spent the entire evening onthat patio set out on the back
porch.
I went out and sat with her fora while.
She was out there long after Ihad gone to bed.
It is important that we speaklife.
Listen.
There are things in life Isimply don't want to do right.
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But if I can do all thingsthrough Christ, who gives me
strength, then I can build apatio furniture without swearing
, without saying I hate it right, and teaching my kids the
importance of serving people youlove right.
That's hard Because when you'reserving people that you love
sometimes you're serving peopleeven when you're mad at them,
right, even when you'refrustrated with them.
Listen, my wife makes me dinnerevery night and most nights.
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She probably don't like me.
She hasn't once poisoned me.
She hasn't once withheld dinnerfrom me because I've made her
mad.
That is love right, and we areteaching something that is
intangible you can't touch.
Teaching somebody how to lovewell, amen, amen, amen.
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Proverbs 3.12,.
It says for the Lord correctsthose he loves, just as a father
corrects a child in whom hedelights.
I want to point out that itsays a child in whom he delights
.
So, as a father, if you arewilling to correct your child,
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that means you delight in thatchild right?
That means I want you to livelife to the fullest.
Living life to the fullest doesnot mean being reckless and
being haphazard.
Living life to the fullestmeans understanding rewards and
consequences.
You know we live in a worldthat wants to give participation
(22:14):
awards to everybody, right,like, just because you show up,
you get an award.
That's not how it works.
When we went bowling as a groupthe other weekend, I wasn't
about to get an award, for thebest bowler was I, marcus?
I probably wasn't even.
How many of us were there?
Five, six, something like that.
Five of us.
I probably wasn't in the topfive.
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Life cannot be.
Life has to.
Our kids have to understandthat in life, not everything is
handed to you, that in life,hard work is rewarded.
Listen, if you're trying, I'mexcited for you and I'm going to
support you in that trying, butwork is rewarded.
Listen, if you're trying, I'mexcited for you and I'm gonna
support you in that trying, butresults are rewarded amen.
You are rewarded when you giveyour life to Jesus.
You are rewarded when you knowthat he is your Lord and savior,
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when you learn to worshipcorrectly, in spirit and in
truth, not just hands raised andsinging a song right In spirit
and in truth.
When you can give over yourlife to something that you can't
see.
There's reward in that, andthat reward doesn't come on
earth.
You're not getting a bag ofmoney just because you follow
Jesus.
Some of us like to think thatthat because I follow Jesus,
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life will be easy.
That's not how this works.
You will be rewarded in heaven.
Your riches are stored up there.
You are teaching your childrenthat every single day.
I look at that passage ofscripture, for the Lord corrects
those he loves, just as afather corrects a child in whom
he delights.
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When the Lord corrects us, howdo we handle that?
Because it's called conviction.
Right, and we just talked aboutit.
I'm feeling convicted, but nowI'm angry because I don't want
to have to change.
Conviction isn't correction.
There is a difference.
Right, when your pastor says toyou that's not okay, that's
(24:06):
correction.
But when the Holy Spirit speaksto you and says that's not okay
, that's called conviction.
But when the Holy Spirit speaksto you and says that's not okay
, that's called conviction.
I'm going to tell you youbetter listen to the Holy Spirit
a lot faster than you listen tome, because I'm going to tell
you.
I say it, you get offended, youget mad, whatever.
I don't care.
I don't care, because if theHoly Spirit is telling me you
need to correct them.
(24:27):
That's what I'm going to do,amen.
But when the Holy Spirit isspeaking to you and to your
heart and you're not listeningto him, you're in trouble,
because that means that yourears, your spiritual ears, have
been turned off and you're notinterested in what God would
have in your life.
Listen, all good things comefrom God.
(24:47):
He's not giving you bad things.
So when he tells you, hey, youneed to stop smoking, you need
to stop smoking.
When he tells you, hey, stoptalking about those people, you
need to stop talking.
And it should be as soon as youhear, uh-uh, nope, even if
you're in the middle of theconversation.
It needs to stop.
Because I'm telling you when Godis moving in your life, you
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need to be prepared to hear it,because if he is correcting you,
it's because he delights in you.
It's because he delights in you.
I don't know about you, but Ikind of like that idea.
God delights in me.
(25:31):
When he hears my name, hebecomes excited.
When he hears my name, hethinks that is my child, with
whom I am well pleased, and Ican walk proud in that, and not
in a confident, arrogant way,but in a very humble.
I have the capability to raisepeople from the dead, because
the same power that rose Jesusfrom the grave lives in me.
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Amen, amen.
Godly father, does notdiscipline in anger, but in love
.
How many of you ever snatchedahold of a kid before?
If you didn't raise your hand,you're probably lying to me, but
that's okay.
You worked out with the HolySpirit.
All right, you guys worked thatout.
(26:13):
But here's the thing when youraise children in today's world
and now some of you legacymembers aren't going to
understand this, okay, becausethe world is a little bit
different now I can't justsnatch ahold of my kid in
Walmart anymore, because CPSwill show up at my house and
take my kid right.
So it doesn't work like thatanymore.
(26:34):
However, all I have to do islook at my children.
Did you guys see me thismorning?
Come up front.
I leaned into that group.
I said if you can't stand thereand be quiet, you can go back
to your seats.
And everybody went.
Okay, and they stopped.
All I have to do is look at mychildren, and it's not because
I'm angry.
Adeline knows, she knows andshe doesn't get yelled at.
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She's a sweetheart.
It's hard to yell at her.
She's such a little princess.
Dads, if you don't have alittle girl, let me tell you, if
you ever get one, all bets areoff.
It's game over.
It really is.
It really is.
My daughter got a hamster forkeeping her room clean.
She kept her room clean and Ibought her a hamster $170.
(27:20):
Later I'm walking out of thestore.
The hamster was $20.
I don't know how it happened,but I'll tell you I'm a sucker.
That's how it happened.
I mean, I'm not going to lie toyou, but I understand that
discipline has to come in love.
And she cannot keep her roomclean.
She is like she's the artsytype, very like crafty.
(27:43):
Nothing is trash to her.
She keeps everything.
She's trying to keep this giantbox that our patio furniture
came in because she wants tobuild a maze for her hamster in
it.
That box is like eight feetlong.
The hamster is this big.
I don't think it's necessary.
But nothing is trash to her.
So her keeping her room cleanis not something that's
important to her.
But is it a life skill thatpeople should learn?
(28:04):
Yes, because otherwise whathappens?
You end up on an episode ofHoarders.
Right, she's got 72 hamsters,48 eight foot boxes and we're
there cleaning her house out.
Right, it's not healthy and soyou have to learn to teach that.
But I have learned that Icannot teach that in anger I
can't say your room is dirty, goand clean it.
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I have to say sweetheart, ifyou want to have nice things, we
have to take care of them.
Let's go clean your room.
Do I want to spend my afternooncleaning her room.
No, but I know that if I bringthat correction in love, she can
do it For 30 days.
She did it all by herself Atday 31,.
Guess what?
It was an explosion and her momsaid to her well, sissy, you've
(28:50):
got a hamster now and if youwant to be able to play with her
in your room, you have to keepyour room clean.
She goes, oh yeah, and cleanedthe entire room.
There is something aboutteaching responsibility in love,
bringing correction in love.
That works differently thanteaching responsibility in love
than when we bring it in anger.
Amen, just like our heavenlyfather, when he brings
(29:13):
correction, it is with love.
It is designed to grow us, notto push us back.
Oftentimes we want to feelpushed back, but really it's
growth and it's stretching.
It's just uncomfortable.
Proverbs 27 says the godly walkwith integrity.
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Blessed are their children whofollow them.
Men, can I tell you somethingtoday?
This is the biggest thing thatyou can do for your children is
you can live with integrity.
Every person in this roomshould be living with integrity.
That means my wife is probablythe most honest person I've ever
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met in my entire life, like shewon't even call and dispute a
late fee on a credit card if itwas our fault, right?
Like if you just genuinelyforget.
She won't call and dispute alate charge.
She is just the most honestperson.
Now me, on the other hand, I'llcall him and try to talk him
out of that late fee every time,right, because I don't want to
spend any money on somethinglike that.
(30:18):
As men, when we walk withintegrity, when we know we can
walk into a room with our headheld high because we haven't
done, said or acted a certainway towards anybody in that room
, our children will learn tolive with integrity.
Because when we look to God,god didn't send Jesus to the
earth to die on the cross sothat we could live sinful lives
(30:41):
just because Grace and mercy arewonderful, but we cannot abuse
it.
Once we become saved, we haveto learn that grace is given to
us as a gift and when we fallshort, we are covered by it, but
we cannot abuse it.
If you abuse grace, I have toask you are you really saved If
(31:01):
you are constantly walkingthrough life living outside of
the will of God and not havingstrong integrity?
My question to you is do youreally know who God is and what
he would want in your life.
See, my children always jokethat I'm never home Like they
see me in the evenings.
I'm always on the go.
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Dad's always doing something.
But we had an Elvis show at anursing home last Thursday in
Mount Vernon.
It's an hour and a half drive.
One way.
The kids go with us and we getthere and I'm watching my kids
set up all of the equipment bythemselves Like they know what
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they're doing.
I know that that sounds silly,almost like slave labor.
That's not the point.
I take a road crew guys.
No, they have learned that thatis part of our ministry.
We consider that part of ourministry when we go into these
places and we sing to thesepeople.
You guys saw the pictures thatmy wife posted.
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I don't see that in the momentbecause oftentimes I'm
distracted by what's happeningaround me, but the joy that
comes to those people my kidsare learning that.
Every time we go somewheretogether, every time they're in
this building, every time theygo to a birthday party, my kids
tell people, if I tell mydaughter I love you, I love you
more than you love me, and shewon't say I love you.
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It's always I love you morethan you love me.
My children know how to loveand love.
Well, my daughter will give anyone of you a gift for
absolutely no reason.
Now again, sounds silly, butthat's my love language.
That's how I show her love andher mom love, and she sees that
and because she sees it, sheembraces it.
Right, like, I feel like I canshow my wife the best.
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My wife's love language isquality time and physical touch.
Both of those things drive mebananas.
Right, I am a busybody.
I want to be moving.
So if she wants to spend timewith me and it's at Target, I'm
cool.
We can go shop all day long.
I don't want to spend timesitting on the couch.
I'm not going to stare lovinglyinto her eyes.
Right, it's not who I am, but Ihave to learn how to make time
(33:15):
for that, because my kids see it.
Now, if you ask my kids,they'll tell you.
My wife and I fight all the timebecause we love to argue with
each other for the sake of theargument.
Right, like anybody do Wordleevery day.
Nobody even knows what Wordleis.
Anybody do Wordle every day.
(33:35):
Nobody even knows what Wordleis.
Okay, it's a New York Timesgame where you have to guess a
five-letter word and it's adifferent word every day and you
get six guesses.
Okay, we challenge each otherevery day to beat the other
person, right, and so I love thedays that I get to beat her
because I rub it in her face.
Right, it doesn't happen.
Often she's way smarter than me.
But then when she beats me, sherubs it in my face and my kids
are like will you guys stopfighting about Wordle?
They don't know what fightingis.
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They've never seen parentsfight to know what fighting is.
I can promise you there are someof us in here who have had
fights with our spouses that areknock-down, drag-out, screaming
matches right?
My wife and I have neverexperienced that in our marriage
and I'm thankful for that.
But that makes my kids a littlebit skewed to the world, right,
(34:20):
because they're not going tounderstand, but they're also not
going to accept if a spousetreats them that way, because
they see what love is.
They see what it's like to bein a safe and loving environment
.
It is important for us to walkwith that integrity every single
day.
Right, if your kids are in theback seat and you pass somebody
on the highway and you flip themoff.
(34:41):
Your kids are going to learnthat right and they're going to
think it's acceptable.
I look back and I think, man,I've done some stupid stuff in
front of my kids.
I'll've done some stupid stuffin front of my kids.
I'll probably do some stupidstuff in front of my kids this
afternoon.
I'm not proud of it.
I'm saying that as a Christianwho is still learning and
(35:01):
maturing and growing.
Those things are going tohappen.
That is where I am covered bygrace.
But when I do it willingly andknowingly, then I am asking for
them to question my integrity atevery turn.
I know I've told you guys thisonce before and I want to share
this quick story again.
Several years ago actually manyyears ago, when my wife and I
had first gotten married, ourmarriage was not perfect and it
(35:25):
wasn't hard.
We didn't hate each other oranything like that, but there
was a struggle and we could feelit.
We knew.
And that year for Christmas sheasked me what I wanted and I
said I want you to write me alist of everything that I do
that does not bring good fruitto our marriage.
I remember getting that gift onChristmas morning.
It was the worst gift I've everreceived and that sounds funny,
(35:49):
like I asked for it.
It hurt because it made merealize all of the things that
I'm doing that are not good andthey're not helping my wife or
my marriage.
I have that note to this day.
I keep it in my sock drawer andevery once in a while I pull
that note out and I look and Igo.
I have come such a long waysince I've been married and I'm
(36:13):
thankful for that every day.
But I'll tell you, I lean on mywife to show me integrity, to
help keep me accountable.
Right, it's important that weunderstand the power of
relationship with one another.
Accountability is what makes usand what holds us to being of
strong integrity.
Amen.
I know that if we do it, thatour children will learn it and
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they will continue to walk in it.
My children do not hang onevery word that I say, right,
unless it's the wrong one.
Easton proved that thatChristmas Eve where he stood up
and told everybody I was gettingcold because I say swear words.
He thought that was hilarious.
He still tells that story topeople.
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It doesn't matter the goodthings that we do, because they
hold on to the bad things,because that's what the world
has conditioned and we have tobreak that cycle.
Amen, was that Proverbs 27?
Yes, so we're going to go to 2Corinthians 6, 18, and I'm going
to button up for you.
It says and I will be yourfather and you will be my sons
(37:18):
and daughters, says the LordAlmighty.
At the end of the day, he iswhat we should be looking to for
guidance, for integrity, forleadership, all of the things we
could go through the Bible andwe could talk about all of the
people that he has anointed andall of the wonderful things that
they have done.
But oftentimes we get stuck ontheir downfalls, don't we?
(37:41):
You know, if you guys listen tothe podcast I have listened to
their episode about Jonah andthe whale probably a half a
dozen times and I've probablygot seven messages alone out of
that podcast episode becauseoftentimes we remember the story
of Jonah as him being swallowedby a whale.
Right, that's the story.
(38:01):
There's so much before and somuch after that we tend to not
pay attention to.
That is what life is like withour children every day.
They have one thing that theyfocus on, if you ask my kids and
maybe we should do this someSunday we should.
Everybody should write down onething that they know about me on
their way into the building.
Right, my kids, I guarantee,will all relate back to Elvis in
(38:27):
some way, shape or form,because it's how they identify.
Yesterday, emmett had to showone of his friends all of my
Elvis jumpsuits.
They were in my way, shape orform, because it's how they
identify.
Yesterday, emmett had to showone of his friends all of my
Elvis jumpsuits.
They were in my office.
He saw one on the mannequin andEmmett's like oh, that's
nothing, and he's opening thiscloset door.
There's two there.
Open that closet door, there'sfour there.
And to him I don't want to sayhe's embarrassed by it, but
(38:47):
there was something about that.
That that's just how theyidentify me.
That's fun for me, but it's nothow I want my life to be.
I don't want my legacy to beleft on simply on music.
I want my kids to remember mefor being a godly man.
I want my kids to remember mefor being of integrity.
I want my kids to remember mefor always being the best leader
(39:07):
that I could possibly be Amen.
Sometimes that is hard to do,but it is our responsibility.
I will be your father and youwill be my sons and daughters,
says the Lord Almighty.
We are responsible for lookingto him for all things, not just
looking to one another.
We shouldn't be comparingourselves to other dads on TV.
(39:27):
Can I tell you something?
That's all fake.
They have time to rehearse thatright?
You know, when your kid bustsout the garage window with a
baseball bat, you don't getrehearsal.
Before you handle that, right?
We had a broken garage windowyears ago that we still don't
know who did it.
My kids ain't admitting to it.
You know why?
Because dad yells right.
(39:49):
Somebody's getting whacked witha wiffle ball bat because they
put it through the garage window.
We have to learn to correct inlove, because we gain so much
more from that.
God sent his one and only sonto die on the cross so that we
might be saved.
That is dedication.
That is commitment to what ourlives should look like.
(40:10):
Amen.
Remember, whether you had agodly father or not, you have a
perfect father in heaven.
He invites you to be like himstrong, wise and full of grace.
And, dads, as we leave heretoday and you grab your hammer,
(40:31):
I want you to focus on thesethree questions Are you building
a strong home?
Are you building a legacy offaith and are you building a
heart that seeks God?
You and you alone hold thathammer.
You wield faith.
You wield fear.
(40:52):
It's your choice.
Every day, kids have a shortturnaround.
Just because you're angry onemoment doesn't mean you have to
hold on to that all day.
We do that, right People ingeneral.
I had a bad five minutes and somy day is ruined and I'm gonna
(41:12):
be mean to everybody that I comein contact with.
It's not how life works.
It is our responsibility tounderstand how to lead with love
and not just strength.
I'm encouraged by the men ofthis church.
I am encouraged by all of thepeople that I've had in my life.
Again, life hasn't encouragedby all of the people that I've
had in my life.
Again.
(41:33):
Life hasn't been perfect.
Not every person that I've evermet has been a great father
figure.
Some of them have led me down apath of destruction, but God
never wanted that for me and hewas able to stop me and turn me
around, and I am thankful forthat every single day.
Let's pray together, father.
(41:54):
As I stand here, I am thankfulfor my father, for my
grandfather, lord, for all ofthe men in my life, who have
been father figures, who havetaught me how to love, how to
have grace and mercy.
And, lord, I know you placedthem in my life for such a time
(42:15):
as this.
Every season, every moment, youwere working things out for my
good.
Father, I pray for every manthat's sitting in this building
today that they would be able tolead their family with love,
with strength and kindness, withgrace and with mercy.
Lord, all of the things thatyou have given to us.
(42:37):
I pray that we're able to givethem to our children, that we
can lift them up and not tearthem down.
Lord, there are no words thatwe can speak that will show the
exact love that you have for us.
The only thing that we can dois to continue to point towards
(42:59):
you in all things.
We know that on the straightand narrow, father, you will
bring our children into yourfold, under your wings.
Father, god, you will protectthem, but a praying father will
help facilitate.
Lord, every man that's in thisbuilding.
I'm praying for great strengthin them today that they might be
(43:22):
able to find confidence in youand not in the world.
Lord, I thank you and I praiseyou.
I give you all the honor andglory In the mighty name of
Jesus, and the church says Amen.
Love you guys.
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