February 3, 2025 • 12 mins
RICH RELATIONSHIPS REFUGE
Meet: Gil & Renée
Rich Relationships Refuge podcast with Gilbert J and Renée M. Beavers is fantastic because it's the best place to explore the reality of relationships — the good, the bad, and the painful and confusing. This podcast helps to illuminate what it means to be intimate with others and what it teaches people about them. It will make you want to strive for a kinder, more fun relationship with others., This a place where love flourishes, bonds deepen, and relationships thrive. We're Gil and Renee, authors, and marriage coaches, and we're honored to walk alongside you on your journey towards a rich and fulfilling partnership.
In a world where relationships can feel like a maze, we believe in providing you with the compass and map to navigate the path of love with confidence and grace. Whether you're single and seeking, newly dating, or preparing for marriage, our app is your sanctuary—a refuge where you can find guidance, support, and inspiration every step of the way.
https://www.richrrmarriagementors.com/book-online
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Thank you, welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast
with Gil and Renee, whereamazing things happen.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Our goal is to help build, prepare and restore
healthy relationships.
In our imagination are all thecameras on.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Yes, ma'am, okay, so I hope you guys actually got
something out of what we did.
It had a little bit oftechnical difficulty, as they
like to say.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
But we hope you still got something out of it.
We were talking and therewasn't no sound.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Yeah, yeah, and that was unfortunate, but we still
got comments.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Yes, we did, and we had feedback and we had
questions, and, and we havefeedback and we have questions,
and can we start off withanswering one of the questions
we got from our community?
Absolutely Okay, so we're goingto start off answering one of
the questions we got from ourcommunity, from one of the
beautiful people in our TikTokcommunity.
The question was what do you dowhen you have started off the
(01:39):
wrong way?
What do you do when you're onthe wrong track?
And I thought that was a reallygood question.
So I said I would make a video,we would talk about that, and
so I just want to start off bysaying we all start off doing
things the wrong way, like wejust talked about with the video
you know, and and one of thethings we're watching another
(02:00):
video with one of my sister.
We're watching it that we didwhen we were in Alabama.
It was a message about me doinga backsplash with grout and I
had all these plans of how I wasgoing to do it and I did it
wrong and I messed up and it wasterrible.
Gil kept encouraging me, butthe thing that that taught me
was and the thing that I want toencourage the person who asked
(02:22):
that question and I'm going togo back and I'll tag her in the
comments.
But that's the purpose of grace, that's the purpose of
salvation, that's the purpose offorgiveness when you do the
wrong thing.
Hi, thanks for joining us.
When you do the wrong thing,when you start off the wrong way
(02:43):
, you stop, you repent, you askGod to forgive you and if
there's a person that's involvedthat you need to ask them to
forgive, you go to them and say,hey, I'm sorry, I did that
wrong.
Now, I'm not saying that if youthink somebody is mad at you,
you go to them and say thatthat's not what it says.
If you have an art against yourbrother, go to your brother.
(03:04):
Not if you think, if you havean art against your brother, go
to your brother.
Not if you think your brotherhas an art against you, because
sometimes we go to people withthings that really are us and it
has nothing to do with them.
Right, and so if you haveoffended them, you go to them
and you ask for forgiveness.
So that's what you do whenyou're on the wrong track.
When you've done the wrongthing, you've done the human
thing, you repent, you turn away, you ask forgiveness and you
(03:26):
learn new habits and practicesomething you know, I think
about you.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Remember when you were growing up and you were
either playing a game orsomething outside or you at
school playing something or aboard game or whatever.
But what came to mind was youremember something called a
do-over.
Yeah, you know, if you areplaying something or doing
something you're like hold up,wait, wait, wait, I messed up, I
(03:50):
get a do over.
Yeah, well, you actually get ado over when it comes to
mistakes that you may make inrelationships.
Sometimes, you know,unfortunately, sometimes people
won't give you that grace orthat forgiveness and give you
that understanding that you needto get past it.
But you can actually go to themand say don't say I get a do
(04:10):
over.
Say I made a mistake, I own it,you know, especially if it
wasn't malicious or if it wasn'tintentional, if you literally
made a mistake.
Say, hey, I made a mistake andI want to make it right.
And you know, in our day andtime, now that we're living in,
I think sometimes people have aproblem with taking ownership of
when they make mistakes or theydo things wrong.
(04:33):
Or even if you made anintentional mistake, but guess
what?
And you, if you own it and goback on to it, go back over it.
I think people are looking toforgive.
I really believe that.
If you ask them to yeah, Ireally believe that, because we
always want to put the best orbelieve the best in people.
I believe you know, in ourworld and our day and times that
(04:54):
you look at, you can turn onthe news or turn on television
or whatever, and you can seeconstant negativity or negative
energy or however you want,toxic behavior.
However you want to describe itand see it.
But guess what?
It takes more effort and energyto do the opposite.
You know, like forgive someoneor take ownership of something
that you may have made a mistakein and get over, you know, and
(05:18):
try to make restitution or makeamends or whatever.
And sometimes you don't getthat opportunity, you know,
unfortunately, because sometimespeople don't necessarily want
to.
What's the word I'm looking for?
re, reconcile, reconcile theydon't want to reconcile if it's
beyond that, but as you stillhave a duty to make ownership of
(05:39):
it.
So that's something that wewanted to answer.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
That's how I see it yeah, and I think it's important
that we understand that there'sa difference between a mistake
and a bad choice.
Right, a mistake is I spilledthe milk and I knocked it over.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Unintentional Right.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
So a mistake is an unintentional error.
A bad choice is you knowinglyknew that you were doing the
wrong thing and you still did itanyway, and I think that is
something we have to be mindfulof.
We have to.
We talk about living a life offear and regret, so you want to
make sure that making mistakesthat's going to happen.
You're going to knock stuffover.
You know you're going to dothings that maybe you may have
(06:18):
said something or offendedsomebody that you didn't know
what they didn't mean to.
But we have to be moreconscious of not willfully doing
things that we know are goingto hurt the people who we love
and care about and the peoplewho we're in a relationship with
.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Yeah, and I think it's all about motivation.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
It is.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
What was your motivation for doing, or even
whether it was a mistake, oreven if it was intentional, what
was your motivation forwhatever happened.
You know and that's the partthat you really have to own
there's a thing calledintentionality or malicious
motives.
When you intentionally set outto do wrong against someone,
(06:56):
that's definitely one of thosethings that you have to really
take a hard, look in the mirrorand say why am I like this?
Why am I doing this?
Because and especially ifyou're looking at it from a
relationship standpoint, thatcan be even more challenging
because you're going to be proneto make those same mistakes
over and over and over again.
So so we appreciate you guyscoming to hang out with us on
(07:16):
this saturday.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Yeah, if you're watching now, if you're watching
later, put in the commentswhere you're coming in from and
we how you found out about us.
Let us know that.
We want to know that yeah, andquestions comments.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
This is an engaged interactive thing, you know last
, I think it was maybe two weeksago or a week ago, no, two
weeks ago we had peopleinteracting and asking in the
community and that was awesome,you know, because, yes, we can
get up here and talk about thethings, whether it's in the book
of our own experience of beingtogether for 35 years, going
into 36 this month, buteverybody has their own
(07:49):
experience and you can learnfrom something, yeah, and we can
definitely learn from you guys.
As you put things in the chatand we can, we'll respond to it.
Renee responds to the commentsa lot more than I do.
I read them, but renee is likeshe's on it this is my thing.
Yes, yes, so, but what we'retalking about.
If you're just joining us overthe past eight weeks or six
(08:10):
weeks, roughly a a few weeksI'll just put it that way A
while We've been going throughthe chapters in the singles
blueprint.
The book that we wrote last yearwas last year this year, this
year and basically focusing onthe singles and even some of the
behavior and some of the thingsthat you can hopefully empower
you with some of the tools andskills that we always talk about
(08:33):
on the Rich Relationship Refuge, whether it's the podcast or
the other videos.
We want to help empower, wewant to join a community of
like-minded individuals tryingto get better at relationships.
Man, I cannot believe that,steve.
Are you really in Scotland?
Come on, man.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Hey, thanks for joining us in Scotland.
Man, what time is it inScotland.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Boy, you are dedicated.
I appreciate you just jumpingon and looking and hanging out
with us.
Put comments in there, steve,if you have questions, things
you want to know why do we dothis.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
We do this because we realize that, after working
with couples for 19 years, wework with engaged couples, you
work with married couples but werealize why not be proactive?
Why wait until someone isalready engaged to start talking
to them about marriage?
So what we're trying to do iswe're trying to be proactive and
(09:25):
help the people in ourcommunity and the people in our
world and around the world havean understanding of what a
realistic understanding of whathealthy, god-honoring,
fulfilling relationships looklike.
And so we're right now goingthrough the singles blueprint.
But, as you mentioned, we haveanother book.
It's called our marital code tooneness.
(09:47):
We wrote it during the pandemicwith 21 other couples and we
created the workbook, and sowe're going to go through the
workbook for the couples next,and I just want to encourage you
all.
I know that right now, everybodylike wants us to come in
february and do love stuff andtalk about relationships, but
unfortunately, most couples byjanuary if they have already
(10:09):
struggled all year, they'regetting a divorce in january.
So we want to be proactive andencourage you that if you feel
like you're at the end of yourrope, please do something
different.
Join us, reach out to us,become a part of our community.
We have over 1600 videos onyoutube to kind of answer some
of your questions and if itdoesn't answer it, put the
questions in the comments in thefeed and we will answer them.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
So we're actually going to be talking about
commitment or engagement.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Which one comes first ?
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Well, that's what we're going to talk about.
Actually, when you think aboutwhat the word commitment and
engagement are, sometimes peoplemake the two synonymous.
They make them two.
They're exactly the same.
But in the context ofrelationships you think about
when you go forward towards anengagement, there's some things
that should have alreadyhappened long before you got the
(10:59):
ring and you came up with theperfect color scheme and you
knew who's going to be in thewedding before you start
planning it and all those thingsand that's what the chapter in
the book is talking about isknowing the difference between
the two.
So we're going to start outtalking about commitment and
engagement and as you listen tothese things, you tell us which
one do you think comes first.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
You know, and we're already going to say well, I
think commitment comes waybefore well, and if you think
about it, it would have to,because if I engage, get engaged
to someone I'm not committed toyou know people do that.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for your investmentin time.
Remember to subscribe to theshow and hit the notification
icon to be notified when newepisodes are posted on the
podcast platform that you'relistening from, or you can
always find us on our website atrichrelationshipsuscom, or our
YouTube channel, richRelationships with Gil Renee.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
If you found this podcast helpful or you think it
could help someone that you knowand care about, please pass it
along and share it with them.
Thank you, welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast
with Gil and Renee, whereamazing things happen.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Our goal is to help build, prepare and restore
healthy relationships.
In our imagination are all thecameras on.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Yes, ma'am, okay, so I hope you guys actually got
something out of what we did.
It had a little bit oftechnical difficulty, as they
like to say.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
But we hope you still got something out of it.
We were talking and therewasn't no sound.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Yeah, yeah, and that was unfortunate, but we still
got comments.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Yes, we did, and we had feedback and we had
questions, and, and we havefeedback and we have questions,
and can we start off withanswering one of the questions
we got from our community?
Absolutely Okay, so we're goingto start off answering one of
the questions we got from ourcommunity, from one of the
beautiful people in our TikTokcommunity.
The question was what do you dowhen you have started off the
(01:39):
wrong way?
What do you do when you're onthe wrong track?
And I thought that was a reallygood question.
So I said I would make a video,we would talk about that, and
so I just want to start off bysaying we all start off doing
things the wrong way, like wejust talked about with the video
you know, and and one of thethings we're watching another
(02:00):
video with one of my sister.
We're watching it that we didwhen we were in Alabama.
It was a message about me doinga backsplash with grout and I
had all these plans of how I wasgoing to do it and I did it
wrong and I messed up and it wasterrible.
Gil kept encouraging me, butthe thing that that taught me
was and the thing that I want toencourage the person who asked
(02:22):
that question and I'm going togo back and I'll tag her in the
comments.
But that's the purpose of grace, that's the purpose of
salvation, that's the purpose offorgiveness when you do the
wrong thing.
Hi, thanks for joining us.
When you do the wrong thing,when you start off the wrong way
(02:43):
, you stop, you repent, you askGod to forgive you and if
there's a person that's involvedthat you need to ask them to
forgive, you go to them and say,hey, I'm sorry, I did that
wrong.
Now, I'm not saying that if youthink somebody is mad at you,
you go to them and say thatthat's not what it says.
If you have an art against yourbrother, go to your brother.
(03:04):
Not if you think, if you havean art against your brother, go
to your brother.
Not if you think your brotherhas an art against you, because
sometimes we go to people withthings that really are us and it
has nothing to do with them.
Right, and so if you haveoffended them, you go to them
and you ask for forgiveness.
So that's what you do whenyou're on the wrong track.
When you've done the wrongthing, you've done the human
thing, you repent, you turn away, you ask forgiveness and you
(03:26):
learn new habits and practicesomething you know, I think
about you.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Remember when you were growing up and you were
either playing a game orsomething outside or you at
school playing something or aboard game or whatever.
But what came to mind was youremember something called a
do-over.
Yeah, you know, if you areplaying something or doing
something you're like hold up,wait, wait, wait, I messed up, I
(03:50):
get a do over.
Yeah, well, you actually get ado over when it comes to
mistakes that you may make inrelationships.
Sometimes, you know,unfortunately, sometimes people
won't give you that grace orthat forgiveness and give you
that understanding that you needto get past it.
But you can actually go to themand say don't say I get a do
(04:10):
over.
Say I made a mistake, I own it,you know, especially if it
wasn't malicious or if it wasn'tintentional, if you literally
made a mistake.
Say, hey, I made a mistake andI want to make it right.
And you know, in our day andtime, now that we're living in,
I think sometimes people have aproblem with taking ownership of
when they make mistakes or theydo things wrong.
(04:33):
Or even if you made anintentional mistake, but guess
what?
And you, if you own it and goback on to it, go back over it.
I think people are looking toforgive.
I really believe that.
If you ask them to yeah, Ireally believe that, because we
always want to put the best orbelieve the best in people.
I believe you know, in ourworld and our day and times that
(04:54):
you look at, you can turn onthe news or turn on television
or whatever, and you can seeconstant negativity or negative
energy or however you want,toxic behavior.
However you want to describe itand see it.
But guess what?
It takes more effort and energyto do the opposite.
You know, like forgive someoneor take ownership of something
that you may have made a mistakein and get over, you know, and
(05:18):
try to make restitution or makeamends or whatever.
And sometimes you don't getthat opportunity, you know,
unfortunately, because sometimespeople don't necessarily want
to.
What's the word I'm looking for?
re, reconcile, reconcile theydon't want to reconcile if it's
beyond that, but as you stillhave a duty to make ownership of
(05:39):
it.
So that's something that wewanted to answer.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
That's how I see it yeah, and I think it's important
that we understand that there'sa difference between a mistake
and a bad choice.
Right, a mistake is I spilledthe milk and I knocked it over.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Unintentional Right.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
So a mistake is an unintentional error.
A bad choice is you knowinglyknew that you were doing the
wrong thing and you still did itanyway, and I think that is
something we have to be mindfulof.
We have to.
We talk about living a life offear and regret, so you want to
make sure that making mistakesthat's going to happen.
You're going to knock stuffover.
You know you're going to dothings that maybe you may have
(06:18):
said something or offendedsomebody that you didn't know
what they didn't mean to.
But we have to be moreconscious of not willfully doing
things that we know are goingto hurt the people who we love
and care about and the peoplewho we're in a relationship with
.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Yeah, and I think it's all about motivation.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
It is.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
What was your motivation for doing, or even
whether it was a mistake, oreven if it was intentional, what
was your motivation forwhatever happened.
You know and that's the partthat you really have to own
there's a thing calledintentionality or malicious
motives.
When you intentionally set outto do wrong against someone,
(06:56):
that's definitely one of thosethings that you have to really
take a hard, look in the mirrorand say why am I like this?
Why am I doing this?
Because and especially ifyou're looking at it from a
relationship standpoint, thatcan be even more challenging
because you're going to be proneto make those same mistakes
over and over and over again.
So so we appreciate you guyscoming to hang out with us on
(07:16):
this saturday.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Yeah, if you're watching now, if you're watching
later, put in the commentswhere you're coming in from and
we how you found out about us.
Let us know that.
We want to know that yeah, andquestions comments.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
This is an engaged interactive thing, you know last
, I think it was maybe two weeksago or a week ago, no, two
weeks ago we had peopleinteracting and asking in the
community and that was awesome,you know, because, yes, we can
get up here and talk about thethings, whether it's in the book
of our own experience of beingtogether for 35 years, going
into 36 this month, buteverybody has their own
(07:49):
experience and you can learnfrom something, yeah, and we can
definitely learn from you guys.
As you put things in the chatand we can, we'll respond to it.
Renee responds to the commentsa lot more than I do.
I read them, but renee is likeshe's on it this is my thing.
Yes, yes, so, but what we'retalking about.
If you're just joining us overthe past eight weeks or six
(08:10):
weeks, roughly a a few weeksI'll just put it that way A
while We've been going throughthe chapters in the singles
blueprint.
The book that we wrote last yearwas last year this year, this
year and basically focusing onthe singles and even some of the
behavior and some of the thingsthat you can hopefully empower
you with some of the tools andskills that we always talk about
(08:33):
on the Rich Relationship Refuge, whether it's the podcast or
the other videos.
We want to help empower, wewant to join a community of
like-minded individuals tryingto get better at relationships.
Man, I cannot believe that,steve.
Are you really in Scotland?
Come on, man.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Hey, thanks for joining us in Scotland.
Man, what time is it inScotland.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Boy, you are dedicated.
I appreciate you just jumpingon and looking and hanging out
with us.
Put comments in there, steve,if you have questions, things
you want to know why do we dothis.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
We do this because we realize that, after working
with couples for 19 years, wework with engaged couples, you
work with married couples but werealize why not be proactive?
Why wait until someone isalready engaged to start talking
to them about marriage?
So what we're trying to do iswe're trying to be proactive and
(09:25):
help the people in ourcommunity and the people in our
world and around the world havean understanding of what a
realistic understanding of whathealthy, god-honoring,
fulfilling relationships looklike.
And so we're right now goingthrough the singles blueprint.
But, as you mentioned, we haveanother book.
It's called our marital code tooneness.
(09:47):
We wrote it during the pandemicwith 21 other couples and we
created the workbook, and sowe're going to go through the
workbook for the couples next,and I just want to encourage you
all.
I know that right now, everybodylike wants us to come in
february and do love stuff andtalk about relationships, but
unfortunately, most couples byjanuary if they have already
(10:09):
struggled all year, they'regetting a divorce in january.
So we want to be proactive andencourage you that if you feel
like you're at the end of yourrope, please do something
different.
Join us, reach out to us,become a part of our community.
We have over 1600 videos onyoutube to kind of answer some
of your questions and if itdoesn't answer it, put the
questions in the comments in thefeed and we will answer them.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
So we're actually going to be talking about
commitment or engagement.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Which one comes first ?
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Well, that's what we're going to talk about.
Actually, when you think aboutwhat the word commitment and
engagement are, sometimes peoplemake the two synonymous.
They make them two.
They're exactly the same.
But in the context ofrelationships you think about
when you go forward towards anengagement, there's some things
that should have alreadyhappened long before you got the
(10:59):
ring and you came up with theperfect color scheme and you
knew who's going to be in thewedding before you start
planning it and all those thingsand that's what the chapter in
the book is talking about isknowing the difference between
the two.
So we're going to start outtalking about commitment and
engagement and as you listen tothese things, you tell us which
one do you think comes first.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
You know, and we're already going to say well, I
think commitment comes waybefore well, and if you think
about it, it would have to,because if I engage, get engaged
to someone I'm not committed toyou know people do that.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for your investmentin time.
Remember to subscribe to theshow and hit the notification
icon to be notified when newepisodes are posted on the
podcast platform that you'relistening from, or you can
always find us on our website atrichrelationshipsuscom, or our
YouTube channel, richRelationships with Gil Renee.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
If you found this podcast helpful or you think it
could help someone that you knowand care about, please pass it
along and share it with them.
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