March 24, 2025 • 58 mins
RICH RELATIONSHIPS REFUGE
Meet: Gil & Renée
Rich Relationships Refuge podcast with Gilbert J and Renée M. Beavers is fantastic because it's the best place to explore the reality of relationships — the good, the bad, and the painful and confusing. This podcast helps to illuminate what it means to be intimate with others and what it teaches people about them. It will make you want to strive for a kinder, more fun relationship with others., This a place where love flourishes, bonds deepen, and relationships thrive. We're Gil and Renee, authors, and marriage coaches, and we're honored to walk alongside you on your journey towards a rich and fulfilling partnership.
In a world where relationships can feel like a maze, we believe in providing you with the compass and map to navigate the path of love with confidence and grace. Whether you're single and seeking, newly dating, or preparing for marriage, our app is your sanctuary—a refuge where you can find guidance, support, and inspiration every step of the way.
https://www.richrrmarriagementors.com/book-online
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil
and Renee, where amazing thingshappen.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Our goal is to help build, repair and restore
healthy relationships.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
And I'm Gil from the Rich Relationship Refuge and we
oh, he asked to kiss me thistime, y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
That's so sweet.
That's so sweet.
We are in day 14 and we aregrowing and learning and getting
stronger.
And we are 14th of the 21 dayprayer and fasting, just so you
guys know.
But we are excited about thisepisode.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Today's episode is Before we jump into today's
episode.
I got a disclaimer.
Okay, you might see somethingkind of consistent but different
.
We are not endorsed by anyprofessional organizations.
Oh yeah, get your.
We're not endorsed by anyprofessional organizations.
Oh yeah, detroit.
We're not endorsed by anybody.
We're just fans and we'rerepping our team for tonight's
(01:12):
game.
Oh, it's tonight.
It's tonight.
Oh, I thought it was tomorrow.
So we are just showing oursupport.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
We are from the 313.
We are both born and raised inDetroit.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
And if you are anti Detroit Lions, then please don't
click off.
Still hang out with us.
We ain't going to take itagainst you or anything like
that, we're not going.
So we're just saying that, justbecause we just don't want any
problems with our video stillgoing out.
Oh, it's going to go out, it'sgoing to go out, but we just
want to let y'all know out.
(01:44):
Oh, it's going to go out, it'sgoing to go out, but we just
want to let y'all know.
As they say in thosedisclaimers, the express written
opinions of the hosts aretheirs and theirs alone, and no
representation of anyorganization.
I know that sounds crazy, butin this day and times you got to
protect yourself.
So I'm just going to put thatout there because I'm a part,
because I'm fearful what thatcould happen.
(02:04):
But no, that kind of goes intowhat we're talking about today
okay.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
So today's episode is fear or love.
What is the foundation that youare building your relationships
on, and who would want to builda relationship on fear?
You'd be like, oh no, I don'twant to do that.
Well, we're going to start offwith fear.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Why start off with the fear?
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Because you know people say you got good news and
bad news, which you want first.
If you got a choice betweengood news and bad news, which
would you like to have first?
You want the good news first oryou want the bad news first,
which you want, babe?
Speaker 1 (02:43):
We can start out with the challenging stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
I'd rather start off with the challenging stuff,
because you're going to rememberwhat we say last.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
And so we're going to start off with that's a good
way to put it, so we can end ona good note.
Yeah, I can relate to that.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Yeah, so you got to take the castor oil and then,
after the castor oil, they giveyou some orange or something
delicious to wash away theflavor.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
And the reason why we are talking about love and fear
.
It's from our book.
It's from our book, it's overthere, but you can see it
probably behind us.
But it's from the Marital Codeto Oneness, yes, and it's about
love and fear because you reallydon't think about it as they
are connected as far as buildingyour relationship on.
That's why we call it love orfear, based on where you're at
(03:32):
in the relationship.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Yeah, and I think it's first.
Let's talk about what fear is.
You know, as believers, webelieve fear is false evidence
appearing real.
That's the way you're lookingat it.
We're going to give you someacronyms today.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
So hold on y'all you ready to write these down?
We do acronyms and stuff likethat a lot because it helps you
to remember the details it does,it does, it does.
But go ahead, false evidenceappearing real.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
But there are two legitimate fears that we are
born with, because fear canprotect you as well.
And so the two legitimate fearsthat God gave us, that we're
born with, is the fear offalling and the fear of loud
noises.
For those of you who have boys,you probably think that they
(04:18):
don't have those fears, but theydo, because boys are not afraid
of climbing and jumping andthey're super loud, but they are
.
So we're all born with thosetwo fears the fear of loud
noises and the fear of falling.
And so where do the other fearsthat we get?
Where do they come from?
I mean, how does it become apart of the way we live life and
(04:43):
relationships and how we livelife and work and play, and just
in every aspect of our life?
It can come from our childhood,it can come from society
Experiences, it can come fromexperiences, it can come from
our own human, naturalinsecurities.
And so if you're hearing all ofthis, I guess you would say no,
I don't want to build myrelationship on fear, but I
think sometimes we are, becausewe don't understand that if fear
(05:07):
and love are the root, thenwhat happens?
When something has a root, thenit has fruit.
And so for those of you who arebelievers, you've probably
already gone to where I'm going,is that?
Speaker 1 (05:22):
well, what is the evidence or the manifestation of
fear, and how does that affectus in our relationship and we're
going to give you some thingsthat actually talk about it
today and we're going to startout with some things that can
create barriers in yourrelationship, especially when it
comes to fear and Renee kind ofmentioned it just now, a few
minutes ago Now.
Insecurity we talked a littlebit about it last week.
(05:44):
You kind of mentioned it alittle bit, but when you think
about insecurity, we all havethem.
Some are more prevalent thanothers in individuals and some
people tend to be holding tothem and feel like they're in
bondage to them.
But you don't have to be.
But it can be something that hasspilled over into your
relationship and createdinsecurities in how you feel
(06:06):
about your significant other oryour husband, your couples.
It's almost like having bricks,and every time you have a
(06:27):
barrier or something thathappens, you're stacking a brick
up in between us, right here,to where we are so isolated that
we can't be our partner in thisrelationship because we have
barriers that have been set up,that we have set up, and
sometimes your spouse can set uptheirs.
It's almost like having thosetwo walls and it can be a
(06:50):
hindrance to the relationshipand it can be something that is
going to cause a problem, andthat usually stems from our
fears and you know what.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
You wouldn't think of insecurity as being a part of
fear, but I think about when wefirst got married.
I was extremely insecure and asa result of being but why was
that?
Because I had low self-esteemand that came from the things I
was told.
We always talk about that, thethree questions you need to ask
(07:19):
yourself who told you that?
How do you make people feel?
Who told you that?
How do you make people feel?
And who told you that how doyou make people feel?
It's three of them, and rightnow, my brain is on fast forward
.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
She's all over my brain, but that's okay.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
It's important for us to understand that the things
that we bring to ourrelationship that are obstacles,
or we talk about the differencebetween luggage and baggage, is
that if I'm insecure, no matterwhat Gil does or says, I am
going to always not believe him.
And so the reason why this isimportant to not build your life
(07:54):
on it, hi, thanks for joiningus.
Hey, ms Kemp, the reason whyit's important for you not to
build your life on it is becauseif you build your life on fear
and insecurities, it's going toagain keep each other from
getting close to each other.
And I think about how hard itwas in the beginning, and it
affects every facet ofrelationship.
(08:15):
It's hard to get close tosomeone when they don't feel
good about themselves.
Wow, it affects our ability tobe emotionally intimate,
spiritually intimacy and evenhave communication.
Because if I'm insecure and I'mfeeling bad about myself, no
matter what you say and one ofthe things that Laura showed me
was that I had to begin to sayabout myself what he said about
(08:39):
me Because if he's saying to me,beautiful daughter, come to me
and I'm saying, ugly, fat girl,we're going to miss each other.
And so until you begin toconfront those insecurities and
be honest about even though youlove each other.
It doesn't mean you're buildingyour relationship on love.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Right, and that kind of spills into what you already
mentioned.
It was one word that youmentioned during what you were
just talking about, as I waslistening to you was doubt.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
That doubt is another barrier that comes into your
relationship that can causethese blocks to be built up and
when you think about that, it isactually going to hinder any
kind of progression that you'regoing to have in the
relationship.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Yeah, and so it's just important that when you're
thinking about what are youbuilding we're talking today
about love or fear.
What is the foundation thatyou're building your
relationship on?
How many of you would want tobuild your relationship on fear?
Speaker 1 (09:35):
And sometimes you are doing it unintentionally, right
and you?
Speaker 2 (09:38):
don't know it.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
You may never be aware that.
Am I really doing that?
And that's why we give youlists and acronyms and all these
different things that you cango back and do that
self-assessment.
On that you can say, hey, isthis me and am I doing this?
Or how do I actually play intomy relationship with when it
comes to these obstacles orbarriers, or we call them growth
(09:59):
areas in our relationship?
Speaker 2 (10:01):
And one of the things you know like in our community,
we've had people who've beenasking questions and well, what
do you do when the other personyou're doing everything you can
do and you're working oneverything and the other person
is not?
Well, then the question I wouldhave if you're doing everything
(10:21):
you can do, then the onlyperson you have control over is
you Right.
But if we're building ourrelationship on love, you're
going to have a differentperspective than if you're with
presently.
Doesn't get the opportunity todisappoint you or fail you,
(10:47):
because you're still holding onto who disappointed you and
failed you before.
Oh yeah, and so when you'rebuilding a relationship on fear,
it's really about you buildingeverything that happens.
So, every day, the Bible sayshis mercies are new every day,
and so, therefore, each day, Gilgets to experience a new
version of me.
Gil is reading the comments.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Oh yeah, Sorry.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Thank you guys.
Yeah, put them in there becausewe're going to try to blend
them into the conversation thatwe're having, because we know
you guys can't actuallyverbalize it, but we're going to
pick up those beneficialcomments that we believe
everybody can gleam somethingfrom.
Thank you, keep putting them inthere, go ahead, thank you,
thank you.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
And so it's just important that we understand
that through this process ofbecause when people say, oh, you
guys have such a greatrelationship and you know, I
wish I could have that or Ican't have that Everyone can
have a God honor relationship,but so many times we don't know
what that looks like.
Well, how do you do that?
(11:43):
And so we want to make surethat we give you the tools, the
insight and information and thebiblical application of what it
looks like to have a Godhonoring relationship.
And so that just something assimple as because sometimes we
get so caught up in all of thelittle symptoms that we lose
sight of the fact that, if youknow that in order to have a
(12:04):
healthy, enjoyable, fulfillingmarriage, it has to be built on
love, you check yourself everyday.
It's like, well, wait a minute,is this love or is this fear?
And another thing to thinkabout some of the fruits of, or
the evidence of building yourlife on fear is a lack of trust.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
You know, anxiety A lot of the things that we
attribute to our mental healthis a result of us building our
life on fear, and so we have tobe very mindful of where are we
getting our sources ofinformation, and are we giving
(12:47):
the people in our life the bestversion of ourselves, or are we
giving them the version ofourselves that was hurt from the
day before?
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Oh yeah, absolutely.
And when you think about whatRenee was just saying, some of
the barriers when it comes toyour mental state think of AIDS,
AIDS or just aid, anxiety,isolation, depression those
things can actually build thatbarrier, be a part of the
barrier that is causing thehindrances that happen in your
relationship.
And you may not be aware ofwhere the source of this thing
(13:16):
is, because you have just livedlife or experienced things and
when they happen to you, youhave a natural response and a
reaction to them that has beenand become a habit for us.
So when you happen to you, youhave a natural response and a
reaction to them that has becomea habit for us.
So when you think about thehabits that we have established,
if they're built out of fear,it's going to be something that
is always, ever present, alwayscoming around and always there
(13:37):
when you have those relationshiphindrances that actually come
up.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I love when you said that made it an acronym, because
just like there's fruit fromlove, there's evidence from fear
and those things you named.
We have to look at it.
Am I isolating myself?
Am I anxious?
You know, say them again, babe.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Eight yeah, anxiety, isolation, depression.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Yeah, and so we have to understand that.
And there are more, and we'llput those in the show notes
because, just like we, becausemost of us, know the fruits of
the spirit and Galatians 5 isgreat, because Galatians 5 gives
you a clear path of walking inthe spirit and walking in the
flesh.
So, for those of us who arebelievers, we know that we're
supposed to walk in the spiritand not in the flesh, but we're
(14:22):
talking about it from theperspective of are we living our
life on fear?
Are we living our life on love?
And so we want to help you tounderstand what that looks like.
And so some of the barriers.
We appreciate that.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
I like the comments, the positive ones, we actually
love.
Yes, actually put them in thereand be positive with them,
because this is actuallybuilding and helping the
community at large.
The ones that are just nonsenseand don't really make sense, we
just ignore.
So, one of the things that wejust want to say thanks for
greeting, Thanks for hanging outwith us on this Saturday of the
Rich Relationship Podcast withGil and Renee that we're
(14:58):
actually talking about love andfear.
This actually is from the bookyou can probably see it behind
us there the Marital Code toOneness.
So we're talking about fearfirst, because we're going to
give you one scripture that youcan use.
At the very end and I'm goingto read it to you from a version
that I read as we were studyingand preparing for this I was
thinking man, this is awesomewhen you can have a list.
(15:20):
People talk about the Bible notgiving you answers when you need
it.
We can have a list that you canuse in the Bible that you can
compare to yourself and intoyour relationship to say, wow,
this is how I should be buildinglove on my relationship.
But we're talking about fear,though.
Fear, though, when it comes tothis first barrier or when it
(15:41):
comes into, when you talk aboutrelationship, uncommunicated
expectations.
Why is this so big?
Because we all have them, Idon't care what stage and age
and grace and period of lifethat you come from.
We have these things that makesense in our mind, but when we
pull them into our relationships, if we have not talked about
(16:03):
them or communicated to theperson that is in the
relationship with us, it can bea barrier that is hindering and
therefore that is built out offear.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
And another thing is not being afraid to communicate
that you're afraid, and I knowthat it's probably easier I
won't say it's easy for womenbecause one another, one of the
big elements Okay, if we'regoing to talk about fear, one of
the another, one of the drivingforces in fear is pride.
(16:35):
I'm going to pause because wedon't realize how much pride
hinders us from really havinghealthy relationships.
What does pride look like in arelationship?
Oh well, I would really like tolet them know that I want to
spend more time with them and Ineed their words of affirmation,
(16:58):
but I ain't going to saynothing because they should just
know that is pride.
Or you know, you know what Ithink.
I'm gonna get up this morningand and make and make his coffee
or coffee, or I don't want todo that because I don't want
them to think I'm weak.
When you start talking yourselfout of doing things that would
(17:20):
benefit someone else and notjust you check it.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
It's fear and pride.
It's amazing how pridemanifests in relationships in so
many different ways.
We just talked about just fiveof them.
That they look like Pride isthe source, but what does it
look like in action?
It looks like insecurity, itlooks like isolation, it looks
like anxiety.
It looks like doubt.
It looks like depression.
It looks like anxiety.
It looks like doubt.
(17:45):
It looks like depression.
It looks like uncommunicatedexpectation.
It has all these differentfacets that, when we think about
it, it is the source that ishindering our relationship from
growing.
That is built on fear when itcomes to our relationships.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
And we are not saying that depression is not real.
Oh it is real Because it is veryreal, and there are clinical
reasons why you struggle withdepression.
There are spiritual reasons whyyou struggle with depression,
and there are life cycles,because your hormones change.
So we're not saying thatdepression, um, as as a whole,
(18:21):
is a result of fear, but they'rerooted in all the things we go
through.
Everything that we go throughhas an origin, and so if we
could go to the origin of it andsometimes you think about it is
are you focusing too much onyourself?
Are you focusing on what youdon't have control over?
Are you focused on what theother person?
(18:41):
So sometimes our anxiety andour depression is self-created
by what we watch, what we listento and what we are putting in
our bodies.
All of those things have aneffect on you, because I believe
that depression is one of thecycles of grief, and when you
(19:04):
get married, there are somethings that you're going to have
to let go of, and so, therefore, that's a loss.
So, in the beginning of yourmarriage, you may feel this
feeling of depression, or youmay feel this feeling of because
you're having to let go of somethings, and so it's just a
matter of being honest withyourself.
It's like, hey, I'm reallyscared.
(19:24):
When we got married.
We were 21 and we moved fromDetroit, michigan, where I lived
my whole life, to Minot, northDakota, where there was like-.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
I'm sorry, I did that too.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
It's okay, I mean, but you know it was.
I didn't even think about itthough, yeah, because I was
building my life on love.
I didn't think about what I wasgoing to lose.
I didn't think about the factthat I was going to be able to,
because at the time we wereMoving away from home and family
and friends.
I wasn't thinking about family,I was thinking about that, and
(19:58):
so I think that sometimes wehave like glimpses where we walk
and we live our life on love,and then we but for the most
part, it's more human nature andit's more natural to live your
life on fear.
But in order to get a differentresult, you have got to do
something different, and so wewant to make sure that we're not
(20:18):
just giving you this pie in thesky idea of the fact that our
relationship is just wonderfulbecause we just wake up like
that every day.
No, there's some internalthings we have to do in our mind
, in our spirit, in our heart,and then there's some emotional
things we have to do to reallyreconcile, and so being with
another person for the rest ofyour life takes the thing that
(20:41):
we talked about before, and it'sselflessness, and so when
you're building your life onfear, you don't realize that
every little thing isintensified, because if you're
holding an account, it's like so.
If you're keeping a tally ofeverything that that person has
done wrong to disappoint you,it's not going to last.
(21:03):
And I'm not saying that becauseone of the young ladies someone
put in a post in a comments andit's like I prayed for her and
I'm praying.
We are not talking about that.
You make accommodations forabuse.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
No.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Physical, verbal, emotional abuse is not biblical,
it's not acceptable.
And so, no, gil has never hitme.
I have never hit him.
We don't put our hands on eachother, and so that's not what
we're talking about.
We're not talking about that.
You don't talk about what'sgoing on that you overlook or
that you dismiss.
(21:38):
No, we're talking about beingopen and honest with each other
about what's going on in yourheart, and sometimes that means
that if I'm afraid or if I'minsecure, the person I'm going
to tell is going to be myhusband, and that's how you get
to be, that's how you grow close, that's how you become one, not
by just telling the otherpeople around you.
(22:00):
But the person that's closestto you should know your fears,
your dreams, your hopes, yourinsecurities.
I mean anything that's in yourheart that you don't unpack and
you don't share, because wealways say whatever you don't
talk out, you are going to actit out.
So, please, in yourrelationship.
The reason why so many of ourmarriages fail is because we
(22:23):
were never really taught aboutbeing vulnerable.
We were not taught about beingavailable.
We're not taught about beinghonest, and we can be sharp and
mean, but we can't be vulnerableand soft, and I think that's
another one of those evidence,or the fruit of living your life
(22:45):
and building your own fear.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Right.
And so when you think about it,it is something that you have
to gauge and you have to look atwhen it comes to your
relationship.
It's always thatself-assessment that you're
actually doing.
You made one point in therethat is so true, and somebody
put a negative comment in there.
But and it kind of spills intothe fear side of things is when
you're afraid to be vulnerableto your partner or your spouse
(23:09):
because you're fearful of howthey're going to perceive it.
That goes back to pride.
It goes back to you havingthose insecurities, those doubts
, those things that are notgoing to be beneficial to you in
the relationship, because youthinking it is something that's
going to be a hindrance.
Right?
So we got another acronym foryou that we used in one of the
teachings that we did a whileback on.
(23:30):
I love this one.
It's called COLD.
This is a fear gauge that youcan use.
It's three letters C-O-L-D, andthey stands for closed,
obstinate, lazy and dishonest.
You look at that If you say amI showing or displaying one of
these four attributes when itcomes to my relationship and how
(23:51):
it actually does?
Yes, sandra, just like you'resaying there, it's a
self-assessment, it is.
People do not like doingself-assessments.
Why?
Because you cannot look outsideof yourself when you're doing
that self-assessment and pointat somebody else as being the
source and the cause for why youare the way that you are.
(24:13):
When we talk about being closed, obstinate, lazy and dishonest,
this is when you're buildingyour relationship on fear that
you can say am I doing that?
When we talk about being closed, obstinate, lazy and dishonest,
this is when you're buildingyour relationship on fear that
you can say am I doing that?
When we talk about being closed, I'll start out with closed.
Closed is just you, just likewe said, being open and
vulnerable and having thatemotional intimacy that you
desire, but you keep it toyourself.
(24:34):
Yeah, when you're closed, keepit to yourself yeah, when you're
closed, when you're closed offfrom your partner and you don't
want to tell them the thingsthat are concerns to you, things
that are goals to you, thingsthat are a part of who you are
as an individual, that's youdon't like.
Yeah, those are things thatyou're closing yourself off to
this person and you have to askand go back to say why do I do
that?
So part of it is closed.
(24:56):
Next one is obstinate.
If that's a word that you'relike, what that's probably like
one of them, old school wordsthat they saying.
A better way to put it isstubborn yes.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
You want to talk about that one?
Yes, and I think sometimes wedon't realize that our inability
to be open to someone tellingus something that they don't
like, a part of being obstinateis.
This is how I am.
You just got to accept me likethis.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
Just deal with it.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Yeah, and it's not realistic to think that
everything about you issomething that someone else
wants.
And so when you're beingobstinate, you're not flexible,
you're not teachable.
Obstinate, you're not flexible,you're not teachable.
You, you can't be told good orbad, you know.
And so these are things we haveto be examining our hearts for
(25:44):
and look for, and I knowsometimes as women, um, we make
it seem as if someone's hurtingour feelings when they're
telling us something about usthat we already know.
It shouldn't hurt your feelings.
When someone tells yousomething and you already know
it, if anything, the responseshould.
So what does it look like to notbe obstinate?
You know what?
Thank you for telling me that,and Gil always says it.
(26:06):
Okay, I don't like the way thatfelt, but the rule we talk
about in our marriage.
I know he has my back, so ifhe's saying something to me that
he needs from me or somethingthat he would like to see change
in me, then that's for both ofour good, because I can see and
you can examine yourself all youwant to.
(26:27):
There are still going to beareas of your life that you
cannot see.
I can't see my back, but he can, and so a part of this living
your life not living your lifeon fear is being open to someone
giving you the good, the great,the bad and the ugly.
It can't just be that they'regoing to tell you how wonderful
(26:50):
you are.
You have to be open to theperson that you're spending your
life with, telling yousometimes you know you need to
work on that.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Right, and if you have those things that you're
looking at from being obstinateor stubborn and we find that
this happens a lot in some ofour older couples, our older
that we've seen I'm just the waythat I am and it's too late to
change.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
It's never too late.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Never too late If you want to have a blessed
relationship.
If you don't, if you want tostay single, be single.
More power to you, there'snothing wrong with that.
But don't think that you're notgoing to change when you've
been in a relationship.
We've been in a relationshiptogether for 38 years and 36
years married, as far as we justcelebrated our last anniversary
.
And for me, or even Renee, tothink that I'm never going to
(27:34):
change or I don't want to changeor I don't have to change,
that's going to be a very shortlived relationship or marriage.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
And ladies, let me give you a secret the best way
to make the people around youchange is for you to change,
because one of the things theLord showed me is, when I
learned to control myself,everyone around me changed.
It's not about you, because Ithink a part of the problem, I
think as believers, I think wetalk too much.
(28:04):
I think we tell people what todo, we talk about it, we preach
about it, we sing about it.
Why don't we start showingpeople what to do?
That's a part of the reason whywe're doing what we're doing.
We're showing you.
We're not just reading a bookto you, we're showing you.
So I think it's important thatwe realize that we have to make
(28:24):
sure, as trainers like to say,we got to eat our own dog food.
As believers, we got to makesure that the scriptures and the
Bible and the principles arewhat we are living and not just
talking about it.
And so a part of that is beingopen to realizing that the Bible
says fear not, fear not, fearnot, fear not, fear not.
(28:47):
And so why would he say fearnot if we're supposed to be
living in fear?
To realize that maybe thereason why your relationship is
struggling is because you havebuilt it on an unsolid,
unreliable foundation, which isfear.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Yes and lazy.
So that's the L in cold lazy.
Another way to look at it iscomplacent.
We've been together as long aswe have and if you get
complacent in your relationshipyou can best believe you're
going to have struggles.
Complacency is thinking thatyou don't have to continue to do
or be reinventing or continueto do things that is going to
(29:29):
keep your partner interested, oryour husband and your wife.
Sometimes we think I got itlike that or I'm good based on
what I did last year or what Idid at the very beginning of the
relationship.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Tell me about the points.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
All points expire at midnight.
I don't care what you didduring the day, I don't care
what gifts you did, I don't carewhat words you used, I don't
care how much you appreciated orthat person appreciated, what
you did.
Your points expire at midnightand you got to start all over
again.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
And another thing that we think is important to
understand is I cannot tellmyself that I am a good wife.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
I can't say I'm a good husband.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
The only person that can tell me that I'm a good wife
is the person I'm married to.
Your girlfriends can't tell youyou're a good wife.
Your mama, your daddy.
The only person that can tellyou that you are a good wife is
the person that you are a wifeto.
So check in and ask hey, babe,how am I doing?
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
How is your love tank ?
You know, I know Gil's lovelanguage is quality time.
So therefore I got to check in.
Babe, I give you enough time.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Yeah, I know Renee's words of affirmation.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
If I'm not affirming her and re-encouraging her and
telling her how good of a jobshe's doing, in whatever area,
then you're going to have thosestruggles yeah struggles, yeah,
and so being lazy is not just,and you can be lazy emotionally,
physically, financially,spiritually because you and I,
while we've been on this path,he was like baby why I feel so
(31:15):
good?
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Why did we stop doing ?
Speaker 2 (31:16):
this I said because we lazy or complacent.
It's human nature for us todrift.
It's human nature for us to dothe minimum.
It's human nature for us towant to get a lot and give a
little Right.
But when you live your lifewith that as your standard,
you're not going to benefit from, you're not going to have
(31:36):
abundance when you're giving theminimum.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
And then the last one , in cold, is dishonest and
that's pretty self-explanatory.
But we're specifically talkingabout in the context of your
relationship is when you're nothonest with the person that
you're in relationship with.
How you doing, fine, but you'rereally not fine.
Fine, but you're really notfine.
You mad Nope, you're really madabout something, but you don't
(32:06):
want to be honest about what itis.
One because you want to holdthis person I call it
emotionally hostage to beggingand groveling at you to get your
forgiveness for whatever mayhave happened, whatever
transgression that may havehappened.
That is something that you haveto be honest, not only with
yourself about first being clearabout what am I really upset
about?
What am I mad about, as in anexample of conflict?
(32:27):
But what is it that really bugsme or bothers me that my person
did that I have to communicateto them to come to a resolution
and come to a peace.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
And you know there's other ways that you can be
dishonest.
Another way that you can bedishonest is by not giving all
of the information.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Omission.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Yes, and so because you didn't tell them, everything
is not the same as you beinghonest, and so you need to be
clear about again are webuilding it on fear?
Because fear is basically froma mindset of you being in
control, you being the authority, you being your source, you
(33:11):
being your everything, and so ifI am my everything, then I'm in
trouble because I got to sleep,I got to eat.
There's things that humans haveto do, that God doesn't have to
do, that a whole world could bedestroyed while you're sleeping
, and so don't put your trust inyourself.
One of the things I think is abig issue in our society now is
(33:34):
our lack of reverence forsubmission to a need for a
higher authority than yourself,and so we talk about isolation.
Another big issue with fear isalso autonomy.
It's my life, it's my world.
(33:55):
I can do what I want to do, andwhile you may not think that
that's being dishonest, it isbeing dishonest Because, guess
what?
You didn't create you.
You don't wake you up, youdon't give you breath, you don't
give you.
So again, that goes back topride, and so, in thinking about
building your life on fear, canyou see why so many marriages
(34:19):
fail?
Because we said it and we saidit again and we're going to keep
saying it marriage takes threeyou, your spouse and God.
There is no other combination.
I don't care what anyone tellsyou, marriage takes three.
And as long as it's youyourself, you, I and your spouse
(34:42):
, that's not three.
It only needs three.
But when you're living yourlife with you as the head of
your life and you as your source, and you don't have a head, you
don't have a source, then it'sgoing to crumble.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
I appreciate.
Thank you, guys for joining us,thanks for hanging out.
This weekend we're talkingabout love and fear on the Rich
Relationship Podcast, or thelive session that we do every
Saturday 12 noon CentralStandard Time, and those who are
putting the positive comments.
We really appreciate it.
Sandra, yeah, pride is.
This is actually good when wetalk about those things.
Captain T, I seen your commentearlier.
Appreciate that, because whenyou think about the comments
(35:20):
that are actually being put,this is a community.
That's what we're trying tobuild for people who want to get
better at their relationship,for people who just want to come
in and crack jokes and dothings, that's fine, but we're
just going to ignore it.
So one thing that we want totalk about in this session we
talked about love and fear isgoing into.
Now let's finish this offtalking about the love side.
Love has got to be thefoundation for what you are
(35:45):
building your relationship on.
Just like we gave you a listexcuse me of fear, we are
actually want to talk to youabout the love side because
that's where our focus, that'swhere our attention should be on
building our relationshipsStarting out.
It has to be the cornerstone ofyour foundation, of your
relationship.
(36:05):
When we talk about love, theBible gives you multiple
definitions in it, differenttypes, different stages of love.
Yeah, but this is actually areflection of God's love for us
when we show our relationshipand our marriages to others, Two
things that we put in the bookand we talked about it, that we
just want to address two typesof love.
(36:25):
You got agape love, which isthe unconditional love that we
should be constantly strivingfor and that's what God has
actually put on this earth forus to demonstrate and exercise
towards our significant others.
But unfortunately and it's nota bad thing, but it has its
place is eros love.
Eros love is the romantic type.
That's the kind we always startout this love relationship with
(36:48):
now we start with phileo.
We start affectionate love,affectionate love.
But then we go.
Well, you should go intoromance, that's where you should
be, but going into eros lovewhere?
That's where you are seeingthis person as somebody that I
want to spend the rest of mylife with and that's what you
should be exercising and lookingtowards.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
And you know I am so grateful for all of you, the
time that you stop and take andHang out with us and invest in
putting your comments andsharing and watching and
listening is it helps us to knowthat we're sowing seeds on good
ground.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
And let's pause for a second because I see
Dominique's questions have y'allcheated on each other?
No, no, you know that issomething that we had.
We started out with ourrelationship on that we talked
about.
When it came to, what doescheating mean when you boyfriend
and girlfriend has a totallydifferent context than when you
are married, when you have oneof these and you made a
commitment to each other.
(37:47):
Cheating on when you weregrowing up cheating on your
boyfriend or your girlfriendbecause you talked to somebody
else or you actually gotsomebody else's phone number or
you spent some time withsomebody else Some people will
consider that cheating.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
But in a marriage it's called adultery.
And no, we have never committedadultery towards each other.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
No, because you think about it, that is more of an
individual issue than it is amarriage issue.
We always say marriage is twopeople that come together to
have their own issues andchallenges and then they come
into a marriage and they bringit into the marriage and
marriage gets the blame.
Well, it's not the marriage youdidn't do or the marriage did
(38:26):
something wrong.
It's you had some unresolvedthings that you didn't work out
in the relationship before yousaid I do that you guys are now
reaping the consequences of whenit comes to because it kind of
goes back to the fear thingsthat we were talking about.
So hopefully that answers yourquestion.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
Yeah, and I think a part of it is understanding that
if you are the kind of personthat you cheat, it really has
nothing to do with the otherperson in your week.
People cheat because they builttheir life on fear and they are
their own God and so, insteadof God fulfilling them, they're
(39:04):
expecting for a person tofulfill them when someone cheats
.
Ladies men, if someone cheatson you, it has nothing to do
with you, your value, how greatyou are, how amazing you are,
how much greatness you bring toa relationship.
It has everything to do with abroken child inside of them that
(39:29):
is looking for fulfillment fromanother human being.
Adultery has nothing to do withsex.
It has nothing to do with youweren't enough.
It has everything to do withthey had some spiritual and
emotional and sometimespsychological areas in their
life that have been unresolved,and whether you marry them two
(39:54):
years or four years later, untilthat is addressed, until their
relationship with God isresolved, until those pains are
healed, they're going tocontinue to cheat.
Marriage doesn't keep you fromcheating.
Marriage is a covenant.
Keep you from cheating.
Marriage is a covenant betweenyou and God.
What keeps you from cheating isyour own integrity, your
character and how you viewyourself.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
Yep, and that kind of goes back into what we talked
about.
Talking about fear, let's talkabout communication.
This is another way to buildyour relationship.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Talking about love.
Talking about love.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
Talking about love being hot.
We've used this acronymmultiple times.
Speaker 2 (40:27):
We have shirts.
Speaker 1 (40:28):
You may have heard it in different areas and in
different teachings, and notjust by us, by other people.
It stands for honest, open andtransparent.
When you are honest with theperson that you're with, it kind
of prevents the cheating fromhappening because you are
talking about the deficienciesthat you have that is causing
you to cheat or causing you todo other things in a
(40:49):
relationship that is causingdamage to the relationship
because you haven't been honestwith your communication about
what's really going on with you.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
And you know, I think it's also I think, about being
honest.
Again, we got to be honest withourselves, we have to be honest
with God, and before we can behonest with somebody else, we
got to be honest with ourselves.
We have to be willing to reallyget to know yourself so that
you can I always say, you can'tgive yourself away until you
(41:20):
know who you are.
And so that's an important partand, like for us, we got
married at 21.
So the way that God gave ustime to get to know ourselves
was through deployments.
When Gil would go away, god waslike okay, it's me and you,
renee, okay, gil, it's me, andit allowed us to be apart, but
it brought us closer togetherand so, being honest, being open
(41:45):
, and then transparent beingopen, being open to and I think
we don't like this.
I have to be open to my husbandtelling me the things about me
that I love and the things aboutme that needs work.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Yeah, and it goes both ways.
It's those times when you haverelationship where you feel like
you can't come to the otherperson with them being
transparent about things thatyou see that are challenging the
struggle and the relationshipthat you guys need to work on.
It's not just Renee's issue,it's my issue as well that we
have to come together as a teamto say you know what we need to
(42:22):
work on, our relationship inthis area, in this capacity.
So we appreciate you guyshanging out with us on this
Saturday.
We appreciate all the commentsin there.
That's good and all that, sotalking about love and action as
we get closer Honest open,transparent.
Yeah, you talked abouttransparent.
I did yeah.
Yeah, being transparent, beingopen, showing what's really
going on Hon and showing what'sreally going on.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Okay, honest, transparent.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
Yes, yes, and love and action.
Actually looked at Reneementioned it earlier in the
context of the.
It can't talk about fear asbeing a counterproductive.
But the other one was beingselfless.
If you are selfish, that's fear.
You have to be selfless whenyou want to operate in love,
when it comes to yourrelationship, because a selfless
person will do anything forthis person that I'm in a
(43:07):
relationship with.
So if you have an issue orchallenge with putting someone
else ahead of you, stay single,don't get married, because until
you can get past thatselfishness and get to a point
of being selfless, you're goingto struggle.
I don't care if you're justdating, you're going to struggle
.
I don't care if you're justdating, you're going to struggle
.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:28):
And it's important.
So we talked about the root ofand the fruit.
So what are the fruits of love?
We all know them.
I want y'all to put them in thecomments Love, joy, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness,meekness and self-control.
(43:49):
So God makes it clear and peoplealways say well, life don't
come with instructions, you willlie.
God loved us so much that hecreated us in his image and his
likeness.
He sent his son to bring usback to him and he left us a
whole love letter ofinstructions and guidance and
(44:09):
direction on us to be able toknow him and understand him.
And I told you guys, sidebar, Itold you guys I'm reading the
Bible, through the whole Bible,four chapters a day, every day,
and I'm in Exodus.
And I'm in Exodus and the thingthat I love about how detail
oriented God is is that he waslike I want you to not.
(44:31):
So when I'm reading, I'm likeLord, I'm not trying to learn
the Bible, I am trying tounderstand you better and I'm
trying to see all the steps youhave taken to keep me in a
relationship with you, andthat's really what the Bible is
about.
And so it's just important thatwhen you think about love and
joy and goodness andfaithfulness and gentleness and
(44:53):
meekness and self-control.
Those are all the evidence andthe fruit and those are like the
power.
That's what everybody talksabout, what God's power is.
God's power is love, and whenyou think about that, when you
all want the power, I just wantto love.
The way that we are the mostlike Christ is when we are
(45:14):
loving the lovely, the ugly, thehateful, and your love is not
tested when you're loving people.
You love.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:24):
Your love is tested when you're loving someone who
has been Challenging Challengingthat person at the grocery
store who's maybe rude, or theperson in the car that may have.
Speaker 1 (45:35):
Or a person in the comments.
Speaker 2 (45:36):
Yeah, this is the thing.
What you put in the commentssays so much about your heart
and not ours, because doing whatwe do takes work, discipline,
time, money, sacrifice, and soit's easier to critique than it
(46:01):
is to create.
And again, when you think aboutlove or fear, that's fear.
That's okay.
That's fear.
Speaker 1 (46:08):
But you got to choose to come out, you got to choose.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
You have to choose, and so we just want to make sure
that we're giving you somepractical understanding of how
do you navigate this life withanother person.
And, yes, all the things thathappen to other people happen to
us.
Have I had opportunities tocheat?
Yes.
Has Gil had opportunity?
Yeah, but you got to haveopportunity and desire.
(46:31):
See, that's the problem.
If you don't have a desire tocheat, the opportunity won't
matter, but if you have a desireto cheat, you're going to make
the opportunity.
Speaker 1 (46:41):
Or the opportunity, which is the enemy is going to
present it to you constantly.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
Right, but there has to be both Desire and
opportunity.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
But you're going to fall.
If you're living through fear,you're going to fall right into
it.
Yeah, so then the last onewe're going to talk about is
love is a journey.
Speaker 2 (46:55):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (46:56):
Love is a journey.
When we talk about it,especially when you start out
dating, that's always the greattime.
Everybody loves it.
When it's at the beginning,when it's new, when it's new,
everything is.
Whether you got a new car, anew house, a new anything, you
love everything about it.
Well, when we say it's ajourney, you're going to go from
that new stage to one thatyou're, more familiar with one,
(47:18):
that you're actually discoveringdifferent things about this
person, and that's where itshould be going.
Speaker 2 (47:23):
Like they do things, like they breath, snake in the
morning or they fart.
That's all a part of it.
If you decide you're not goingto like somebody or I don't like
him because everybody is goingto fart, everyone is going to
have bad breath in the morning,everybody is going to have good
days and bad days.
That is what you're signing upfor.
You're signing up for sharingyour imperfect life with another
(47:44):
imperfect person.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
Yes, moving towards that journey is to get to the
state of being unconditionallove towards this person.
You know it's good whenunconditional love hits because
things that used to matter don'tmatter as much anymore.
Things that they used to dothat just sets you off much
anymore.
Things that they used to dothat just sets you off.
When you have resolved andworked through some of the fears
(48:07):
that you have in your own lifeand in your own relationship,
they don't bother you as much asthey did.
Speaker 2 (48:12):
Gil is very organized .
I am very messy and I know thatit drove him crazy and I have
seasons where, during this fast,I have not been as neat as I
normally had learned to be.
I've been tired y'all, and soI'm just grateful for the fact
(48:35):
that we don't nitpick each other.
Speaker 1 (48:37):
About stuff that don't matter.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
I will say that during the fast Gil said I gave
him a stink eye because I'vebeen doing raw and Gil I've been
still-.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Everybody's fast is different, yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:49):
Yeah, everybody's fast is different.
And so he wanted to eat atortilla and I was like, babe,
you need to eat some lettuce.
And he was like, did you justgive me the stink eye?
I said I'm sorry.
You're right, Baby, you want toeat your tortilla.
You gave up.
He said I'm not eating nothing.
I said oh, baby, I'm sorry.
So we have to make sure that wedon't project our standards
(49:09):
onto the person that we love,Because, again, when I learned
to control myself, everyonearound me changed.
Ladies say that with me.
When I learned to controlmyself, because we are good at
controlling everybody else.
I don't know about men, I'mjust talking about us ladies.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
Well, no, it's not, it's both.
Speaker 2 (49:29):
I can only.
But I'm only a girl.
I only know how to be a woman.
I don't try to correct men.
Let me just say that it is notmy job or my role as a wife and
a helpmate to check him andcorrect him.
It is my job and my goal and myrole as a wife to support him
and to lead by example and tolovingly redirect things that
(49:54):
are unhealthy by my actions, notmy words.
Yes, I'm not going to try totell he a grown man.
Speaker 1 (50:01):
Because how many people can tell somebody else to
do and they just do it.
If somebody tell you somethingto do and they just do it.
If somebody tell you somethingto do, they can advise you, but
ultimately you're going to haveto decide if you're going to
follow through and do whateverit is they're suggesting that
you actually do.
So you can't control anybody,no only you.
So when it comes to buildingyour love on relationship, I
told you guys at the end, uh,being to your relationship on
(50:23):
love.
I told you guys in the end,being to your relationship on
love, I told you guys in theBible it actually gives you a
checklist that you can actuallylook at and it's in First
Corinthians, chapter three,chapter 13, verses four through
seven.
And I got it and I love it inthe message because it actually
gives you a list that you can asa definition of what does it
(50:45):
look like?
That you can as a definition ofwhat does it look like.
So, if you look at, listen tothis and you see it, compare
what you do in your viewpoint onlove, especially when you're in
a relationship with someoneelse, how do you measure up?
When it comes to this?
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others thanfor self.
Love doesn't want what itdoesn't have.
(51:07):
Love doesn't strut, doesn'thave a swelled head, doesn't
force itself on others, isn'talways me first, doesn't fly off
the handle, doesn't keep scoreof sins the sins of others.
Doesn't revel when othersgrovel the sins of others,
(51:29):
doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flower
and the following of flowing oftruth.
It puts up with everything,trust God, always, always, look
for the best, never looks back,but keeps going to the end.
It is something when you gauge,not on the things that we
talked about for almost thishour, whether it's fear or love,
(51:49):
but when you compare your lifeand your standards against the
Bible standards, the things thatwe're telling you.
We're just sharing with youwhat the Bible says, what we've
experienced, and let's leave itup to you guys to decide if
you're going to practice it ornot, which is fine.
We're just telling you from.
As they say, we got thereceipts for 39 years of being
together and 36 years happilymarried, and I'm saying it for
(52:13):
myself.
Speaker 2 (52:14):
And I am joyfully, happily, gratefully married.
Speaker 1 (52:17):
So, if we're saying it, those are the receipts that
we have, and all we're doing istrying to sow seeds and share
with you the things that we havewalked out and learned.
And that we are walking out andwe practice, just so we all can
build these relationships thatwe so desire.
But it takes work, it takeseffort, it takes you looking at
yourself, just like Sandra saidearlier, that inventory list
(52:40):
that we are always doing andwe're gauging ourselves against,
don't gauge yourself up againstlists that people put up just
because we gave you something.
Go to the Bible, check it out.
Look at 1 Corinthians, chapter13.
Speaker 2 (52:53):
Look at Galatians 5.
Speaker 1 (52:55):
How do I line up with this?
Then that is the standard.
Not us at the standard, notanything that anybody says is
the standard.
Check the Bible against thethings that people are saying,
not check what people are sayingand look at and say, oh OK, let
me see if the Bible backs thatup.
No, it's the other way around.
It's what we're saying backedup by the Bible, right, and we
(53:18):
just share with you guys overthis last 50 plus minutes, the
things that we have been talkedabout and learned about.
When it comes to love and fear,which one are you living your
life on or building yourrelationship on?
So we appreciate you guyshaving all the comments, the
positive ones, I'm going tochime in.
Speaker 2 (53:35):
So what I want to do right now, I want to give you
guys a chance to ask questions,and I'm going to screenshot some
of these comments because, forsome reason, on YouTube, the
comments don't translate over.
So if there's something thatyou want us to see in the
comments, or a question that youhave wait until this video goes
up and then put it in thosecomments, because our live
(53:58):
there's always people herecommenting and we don't.
We can't go back and watch themlater.
Speaker 1 (54:03):
So if there's a comment that you have or
something that you want to know,or for real question that you
want to discuss or talk about,by all means put it in the
comments and put a cue.
Not in this comment.
Not in this comment.
After the video goes up and putit a cue in there for something
that you really want us tofeedback on, Because sometimes
people we appreciate you guys somuch for hanging out with us.
Speaker 2 (54:22):
We love you guys.
Speaker 1 (54:29):
You know we had a big encouraged and increased growth
in people coming and hangingout with us.
That tells us that evidently wemust be talking about a subject
that people want to talk about,and that's what we are trying
to do is to help build thoserelationships.
So if there's a question or acomment that you want us to
address in response to, by allmeans put it in there.
We will, because we sat backhere yesterday for almost two
hours trying to answer everycomment.
(54:50):
Either Renee did it or I did it.
We did it together and we'reresponse to you guys because we
appreciate your investment andtime we do and hanging out with
us.
Speaker 2 (55:00):
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(55:21):
Hit the bell notification sothat when we go live you won't
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We post three times a day, sevendays a week.
We do our live once a week andwe post up a video like this
week's video I posted up was memaking whole plant-based juice.
How to do that?
I have a certification inplant-based nutrition.
(55:42):
I have been on this journeywith my learning how to eat
healthy and have a betterlifestyle since I was 11.
I started dieting at 11.
But for the past 10 years, I'vemaintained a healthy weight
because we are plant-based, andso, during this fasting journey,
I want to share some of thethings that we're learning and
(56:04):
how to make it fast, affordableand delicious, because so many
people comment about my skin andhow we look.
It is prayer.
Speaker 1 (56:11):
I think it's pretty good for 57.
Speaker 2 (56:13):
Fasting, good loving and a plant-based lifestyle, In
that order.
And so Gil is wanting me to domore videos explaining food
science.
I am a food science nerd.
I love.
Speaker 1 (56:26):
All I can say is she makes it easy to follow, and if
you want that, that's a wholenother.
It's on our website.
Yeah, we have a plant-basedarea.
We have a section, just for ifyou want to focus on the
plant-based nutrition and thethings that Renee does on that
capacity, go there, check it out, look at it.
We appreciate you guys hangingout with us on this.
Speaker 2 (56:44):
Saturday yeah, we love you guys.
Speaker 1 (56:45):
We done took up too much of y'all time because we
got to get ready.
We seen some of the negative.
I was looking at those negativecomments Don't be mad, don't be
mad.
Speaker 2 (56:53):
He tried to get to everyone.
Speaker 1 (56:54):
We've been struggling for 50 plus years.
So, brandy, I seen your comment.
Thank you so much you guys.
Speaker 2 (57:09):
Thank you all.
Yeah, so love you guys.
We will see you guys nextsaturday at 12 noon, central
standard time.
Unless jesus comes, we'll allbe gone.
You won't need to be doing this, so we'll see you guys next
saturday.
Please, um, share this videowith your family and friends.
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(57:32):
Have questions or relationshipquestions?
Please reach us.
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So we want to get rid of anyexcuse that you have, any excuse
(57:52):
that you have to not get help.
So we love you and we'll seeyou guys next Saturday at 12
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Speaker 1 (57:58):
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Speaker 2 (58:12):
Or you can always find us on our website at
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Relationships with Gil Renee.
If you found this podcasthelpful or you think it could
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and share it with them.
Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil
and Renee, where amazing thingshappen.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Our goal is to help build, repair and restore
healthy relationships.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
And I'm Gil from the Rich Relationship Refuge and we
oh, he asked to kiss me thistime, y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
That's so sweet.
That's so sweet.
We are in day 14 and we aregrowing and learning and getting
stronger.
And we are 14th of the 21 dayprayer and fasting, just so you
guys know.
But we are excited about thisepisode.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Today's episode is Before we jump into today's
episode.
I got a disclaimer.
Okay, you might see somethingkind of consistent but different
.
We are not endorsed by anyprofessional organizations.
Oh yeah, get your.
We're not endorsed by anyprofessional organizations.
Oh yeah, detroit.
We're not endorsed by anybody.
We're just fans and we'rerepping our team for tonight's
(01:12):
game.
Oh, it's tonight.
It's tonight.
Oh, I thought it was tomorrow.
So we are just showing oursupport.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
We are from the 313.
We are both born and raised inDetroit.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
And if you are anti Detroit Lions, then please don't
click off.
Still hang out with us.
We ain't going to take itagainst you or anything like
that, we're not going.
So we're just saying that, justbecause we just don't want any
problems with our video stillgoing out.
Oh, it's going to go out, it'sgoing to go out, but we just
want to let y'all know out.
(01:44):
Oh, it's going to go out, it'sgoing to go out, but we just
want to let y'all know.
As they say in thosedisclaimers, the express written
opinions of the hosts aretheirs and theirs alone, and no
representation of anyorganization.
I know that sounds crazy, butin this day and times you got to
protect yourself.
So I'm just going to put thatout there because I'm a part,
because I'm fearful what thatcould happen.
(02:04):
But no, that kind of goes intowhat we're talking about today
okay.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
So today's episode is fear or love.
What is the foundation that youare building your relationships
on, and who would want to builda relationship on fear?
You'd be like, oh no, I don'twant to do that.
Well, we're going to start offwith fear.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Why start off with the fear?
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Because you know people say you got good news and
bad news, which you want first.
If you got a choice betweengood news and bad news, which
would you like to have first?
You want the good news first oryou want the bad news first,
which you want, babe?
Speaker 1 (02:43):
We can start out with the challenging stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
I'd rather start off with the challenging stuff,
because you're going to rememberwhat we say last.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
And so we're going to start off with that's a good
way to put it, so we can end ona good note.
Yeah, I can relate to that.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Yeah, so you got to take the castor oil and then,
after the castor oil, they giveyou some orange or something
delicious to wash away theflavor.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
And the reason why we are talking about love and fear
.
It's from our book.
It's from our book, it's overthere, but you can see it
probably behind us.
But it's from the Marital Codeto Oneness, yes, and it's about
love and fear because you reallydon't think about it as they
are connected as far as buildingyour relationship on.
That's why we call it love orfear, based on where you're at
(03:32):
in the relationship.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Yeah, and I think it's first.
Let's talk about what fear is.
You know, as believers, webelieve fear is false evidence
appearing real.
That's the way you're lookingat it.
We're going to give you someacronyms today.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
So hold on y'all you ready to write these down?
We do acronyms and stuff likethat a lot because it helps you
to remember the details it does,it does, it does.
But go ahead, false evidenceappearing real.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
But there are two legitimate fears that we are
born with, because fear canprotect you as well.
And so the two legitimate fearsthat God gave us, that we're
born with, is the fear offalling and the fear of loud
noises.
For those of you who have boys,you probably think that they
(04:18):
don't have those fears, but theydo, because boys are not afraid
of climbing and jumping andthey're super loud, but they are
.
So we're all born with thosetwo fears the fear of loud
noises and the fear of falling.
And so where do the other fearsthat we get?
Where do they come from?
I mean, how does it become apart of the way we live life and
(04:43):
relationships and how we livelife and work and play, and just
in every aspect of our life?
It can come from our childhood,it can come from society
Experiences, it can come fromexperiences, it can come from
our own human, naturalinsecurities.
And so if you're hearing all ofthis, I guess you would say no,
I don't want to build myrelationship on fear, but I
think sometimes we are, becausewe don't understand that if fear
(05:07):
and love are the root, thenwhat happens?
When something has a root, thenit has fruit.
And so for those of you who arebelievers, you've probably
already gone to where I'm going,is that?
Speaker 1 (05:22):
well, what is the evidence or the manifestation of
fear, and how does that affectus in our relationship and we're
going to give you some thingsthat actually talk about it
today and we're going to startout with some things that can
create barriers in yourrelationship, especially when it
comes to fear and Renee kind ofmentioned it just now, a few
minutes ago Now.
Insecurity we talked a littlebit about it last week.
(05:44):
You kind of mentioned it alittle bit, but when you think
about insecurity, we all havethem.
Some are more prevalent thanothers in individuals and some
people tend to be holding tothem and feel like they're in
bondage to them.
But you don't have to be.
But it can be something that hasspilled over into your
relationship and createdinsecurities in how you feel
(06:06):
about your significant other oryour husband, your couples.
It's almost like having bricks,and every time you have a
(06:27):
barrier or something thathappens, you're stacking a brick
up in between us, right here,to where we are so isolated that
we can't be our partner in thisrelationship because we have
barriers that have been set up,that we have set up, and
sometimes your spouse can set uptheirs.
It's almost like having thosetwo walls and it can be a
(06:50):
hindrance to the relationshipand it can be something that is
going to cause a problem, andthat usually stems from our
fears and you know what.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
You wouldn't think of insecurity as being a part of
fear, but I think about when wefirst got married.
I was extremely insecure and asa result of being but why was
that?
Because I had low self-esteemand that came from the things I
was told.
We always talk about that, thethree questions you need to ask
(07:19):
yourself who told you that?
How do you make people feel?
Who told you that?
How do you make people feel?
And who told you that how doyou make people feel?
It's three of them, and rightnow, my brain is on fast forward
.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
She's all over my brain, but that's okay.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
It's important for us to understand that the things
that we bring to ourrelationship that are obstacles,
or we talk about the differencebetween luggage and baggage, is
that if I'm insecure, no matterwhat Gil does or says, I am
going to always not believe him.
And so the reason why this isimportant to not build your life
(07:54):
on it, hi, thanks for joiningus.
Hey, ms Kemp, the reason whyit's important for you not to
build your life on it is becauseif you build your life on fear
and insecurities, it's going toagain keep each other from
getting close to each other.
And I think about how hard itwas in the beginning, and it
affects every facet ofrelationship.
(08:15):
It's hard to get close tosomeone when they don't feel
good about themselves.
Wow, it affects our ability tobe emotionally intimate,
spiritually intimacy and evenhave communication.
Because if I'm insecure and I'mfeeling bad about myself, no
matter what you say and one ofthe things that Laura showed me
was that I had to begin to sayabout myself what he said about
(08:39):
me Because if he's saying to me,beautiful daughter, come to me
and I'm saying, ugly, fat girl,we're going to miss each other.
And so until you begin toconfront those insecurities and
be honest about even though youlove each other.
It doesn't mean you're buildingyour relationship on love.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Right, and that kind of spills into what you already
mentioned.
It was one word that youmentioned during what you were
just talking about, as I waslistening to you was doubt.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
That doubt is another barrier that comes into your
relationship that can causethese blocks to be built up and
when you think about that, it isactually going to hinder any
kind of progression that you'regoing to have in the
relationship.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Yeah, and so it's just important that when you're
thinking about what are youbuilding we're talking today
about love or fear.
What is the foundation thatyou're building your
relationship on?
How many of you would want tobuild your relationship on fear?
Speaker 1 (09:35):
And sometimes you are doing it unintentionally, right
and you?
Speaker 2 (09:38):
don't know it.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
You may never be aware that.
Am I really doing that?
And that's why we give youlists and acronyms and all these
different things that you cango back and do that
self-assessment.
On that you can say, hey, isthis me and am I doing this?
Or how do I actually play intomy relationship with when it
comes to these obstacles orbarriers, or we call them growth
(09:59):
areas in our relationship?
Speaker 2 (10:01):
And one of the things you know like in our community,
we've had people who've beenasking questions and well, what
do you do when the other personyou're doing everything you can
do and you're working oneverything and the other person
is not?
Well, then the question I wouldhave if you're doing everything
(10:21):
you can do, then the onlyperson you have control over is
you Right.
But if we're building ourrelationship on love, you're
going to have a differentperspective than if you're with
presently.
Doesn't get the opportunity todisappoint you or fail you,
(10:47):
because you're still holding onto who disappointed you and
failed you before.
Oh yeah, and so when you'rebuilding a relationship on fear,
it's really about you buildingeverything that happens.
So, every day, the Bible sayshis mercies are new every day,
and so, therefore, each day, Gilgets to experience a new
version of me.
Gil is reading the comments.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Oh yeah, Sorry.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Thank you guys.
Yeah, put them in there becausewe're going to try to blend
them into the conversation thatwe're having, because we know
you guys can't actuallyverbalize it, but we're going to
pick up those beneficialcomments that we believe
everybody can gleam somethingfrom.
Thank you, keep putting them inthere, go ahead, thank you,
thank you.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
And so it's just important that we understand
that through this process ofbecause when people say, oh, you
guys have such a greatrelationship and you know, I
wish I could have that or Ican't have that Everyone can
have a God honor relationship,but so many times we don't know
what that looks like.
Well, how do you do that?
(11:43):
And so we want to make surethat we give you the tools, the
insight and information and thebiblical application of what it
looks like to have a Godhonoring relationship.
And so that just something assimple as because sometimes we
get so caught up in all of thelittle symptoms that we lose
sight of the fact that, if youknow that in order to have a
(12:04):
healthy, enjoyable, fulfillingmarriage, it has to be built on
love, you check yourself everyday.
It's like, well, wait a minute,is this love or is this fear?
And another thing to thinkabout some of the fruits of, or
the evidence of building yourlife on fear is a lack of trust.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
You know, anxiety A lot of the things that we
attribute to our mental healthis a result of us building our
life on fear, and so we have tobe very mindful of where are we
getting our sources ofinformation, and are we giving
(12:47):
the people in our life the bestversion of ourselves, or are we
giving them the version ofourselves that was hurt from the
day before?
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Oh yeah, absolutely.
And when you think about whatRenee was just saying, some of
the barriers when it comes toyour mental state think of AIDS,
AIDS or just aid, anxiety,isolation, depression those
things can actually build thatbarrier, be a part of the
barrier that is causing thehindrances that happen in your
relationship.
And you may not be aware ofwhere the source of this thing
(13:16):
is, because you have just livedlife or experienced things and
when they happen to you, youhave a natural response and a
reaction to them that has beenand become a habit for us.
So when you happen to you, youhave a natural response and a
reaction to them that has becomea habit for us.
So when you think about thehabits that we have established,
if they're built out of fear,it's going to be something that
is always, ever present, alwayscoming around and always there
(13:37):
when you have those relationshiphindrances that actually come
up.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I love when you said that made it an acronym, because
just like there's fruit fromlove, there's evidence from fear
and those things you named.
We have to look at it.
Am I isolating myself?
Am I anxious?
You know, say them again, babe.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Eight yeah, anxiety, isolation, depression.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Yeah, and so we have to understand that.
And there are more, and we'llput those in the show notes
because, just like we, becausemost of us, know the fruits of
the spirit and Galatians 5 isgreat, because Galatians 5 gives
you a clear path of walking inthe spirit and walking in the
flesh.
So, for those of us who arebelievers, we know that we're
supposed to walk in the spiritand not in the flesh, but we're
(14:22):
talking about it from theperspective of are we living our
life on fear?
Are we living our life on love?
And so we want to help you tounderstand what that looks like.
And so some of the barriers.
We appreciate that.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
I like the comments, the positive ones, we actually
love.
Yes, actually put them in thereand be positive with them,
because this is actuallybuilding and helping the
community at large.
The ones that are just nonsenseand don't really make sense, we
just ignore.
So, one of the things that wejust want to say thanks for
greeting, Thanks for hanging outwith us on this Saturday of the
Rich Relationship Podcast withGil and Renee that we're
(14:58):
actually talking about love andfear.
This actually is from the bookyou can probably see it behind
us there the Marital Code toOneness.
So we're talking about fearfirst, because we're going to
give you one scripture that youcan use.
At the very end and I'm goingto read it to you from a version
that I read as we were studyingand preparing for this I was
thinking man, this is awesomewhen you can have a list.
(15:20):
People talk about the Bible notgiving you answers when you need
it.
We can have a list that you canuse in the Bible that you can
compare to yourself and intoyour relationship to say, wow,
this is how I should be buildinglove on my relationship.
But we're talking about fear,though.
Fear, though, when it comes tothis first barrier or when it
(15:41):
comes into, when you talk aboutrelationship, uncommunicated
expectations.
Why is this so big?
Because we all have them, Idon't care what stage and age
and grace and period of lifethat you come from.
We have these things that makesense in our mind, but when we
pull them into our relationships, if we have not talked about
(16:03):
them or communicated to theperson that is in the
relationship with us, it can bea barrier that is hindering and
therefore that is built out offear.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
And another thing is not being afraid to communicate
that you're afraid, and I knowthat it's probably easier I
won't say it's easy for womenbecause one another, one of the
big elements Okay, if we'regoing to talk about fear, one of
the another, one of the drivingforces in fear is pride.
(16:35):
I'm going to pause because wedon't realize how much pride
hinders us from really havinghealthy relationships.
What does pride look like in arelationship?
Oh well, I would really like tolet them know that I want to
spend more time with them and Ineed their words of affirmation,
(16:58):
but I ain't going to saynothing because they should just
know that is pride.
Or you know, you know what Ithink.
I'm gonna get up this morningand and make and make his coffee
or coffee, or I don't want todo that because I don't want
them to think I'm weak.
When you start talking yourselfout of doing things that would
(17:20):
benefit someone else and notjust you check it.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
It's fear and pride.
It's amazing how pridemanifests in relationships in so
many different ways.
We just talked about just fiveof them.
That they look like Pride isthe source, but what does it
look like in action?
It looks like insecurity, itlooks like isolation, it looks
like anxiety.
It looks like doubt.
It looks like depression.
It looks like anxiety.
It looks like doubt.
(17:45):
It looks like depression.
It looks like uncommunicatedexpectation.
It has all these differentfacets that, when we think about
it, it is the source that ishindering our relationship from
growing.
That is built on fear when itcomes to our relationships.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
And we are not saying that depression is not real.
Oh it is real Because it is veryreal, and there are clinical
reasons why you struggle withdepression.
There are spiritual reasons whyyou struggle with depression,
and there are life cycles,because your hormones change.
So we're not saying thatdepression, um, as as a whole,
(18:21):
is a result of fear, but they'rerooted in all the things we go
through.
Everything that we go throughhas an origin, and so if we
could go to the origin of it andsometimes you think about it is
are you focusing too much onyourself?
Are you focusing on what youdon't have control over?
Are you focused on what theother person?
(18:41):
So sometimes our anxiety andour depression is self-created
by what we watch, what we listento and what we are putting in
our bodies.
All of those things have aneffect on you, because I believe
that depression is one of thecycles of grief, and when you
(19:04):
get married, there are somethings that you're going to have
to let go of, and so, therefore, that's a loss.
So, in the beginning of yourmarriage, you may feel this
feeling of depression, or youmay feel this feeling of because
you're having to let go of somethings, and so it's just a
matter of being honest withyourself.
It's like, hey, I'm reallyscared.
(19:24):
When we got married.
We were 21 and we moved fromDetroit, michigan, where I lived
my whole life, to Minot, northDakota, where there was like-.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
I'm sorry, I did that too.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
It's okay, I mean, but you know it was.
I didn't even think about itthough, yeah, because I was
building my life on love.
I didn't think about what I wasgoing to lose.
I didn't think about the factthat I was going to be able to,
because at the time we wereMoving away from home and family
and friends.
I wasn't thinking about family,I was thinking about that, and
(19:58):
so I think that sometimes wehave like glimpses where we walk
and we live our life on love,and then we but for the most
part, it's more human nature andit's more natural to live your
life on fear.
But in order to get a differentresult, you have got to do
something different, and so wewant to make sure that we're not
(20:18):
just giving you this pie in thesky idea of the fact that our
relationship is just wonderfulbecause we just wake up like
that every day.
No, there's some internalthings we have to do in our mind
, in our spirit, in our heart,and then there's some emotional
things we have to do to reallyreconcile, and so being with
another person for the rest ofyour life takes the thing that
(20:41):
we talked about before, and it'sselflessness, and so when
you're building your life onfear, you don't realize that
every little thing isintensified, because if you're
holding an account, it's like so.
If you're keeping a tally ofeverything that that person has
done wrong to disappoint you,it's not going to last.
(21:03):
And I'm not saying that becauseone of the young ladies someone
put in a post in a comments andit's like I prayed for her and
I'm praying.
We are not talking about that.
You make accommodations forabuse.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
No.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Physical, verbal, emotional abuse is not biblical,
it's not acceptable.
And so, no, gil has never hitme.
I have never hit him.
We don't put our hands on eachother, and so that's not what
we're talking about.
We're not talking about that.
You don't talk about what'sgoing on that you overlook or
that you dismiss.
(21:38):
No, we're talking about beingopen and honest with each other
about what's going on in yourheart, and sometimes that means
that if I'm afraid or if I'minsecure, the person I'm going
to tell is going to be myhusband, and that's how you get
to be, that's how you grow close, that's how you become one, not
by just telling the otherpeople around you.
(22:00):
But the person that's closestto you should know your fears,
your dreams, your hopes, yourinsecurities.
I mean anything that's in yourheart that you don't unpack and
you don't share, because wealways say whatever you don't
talk out, you are going to actit out.
So, please, in yourrelationship.
The reason why so many of ourmarriages fail is because we
(22:23):
were never really taught aboutbeing vulnerable.
We were not taught about beingavailable.
We're not taught about beinghonest, and we can be sharp and
mean, but we can't be vulnerableand soft, and I think that's
another one of those evidence,or the fruit of living your life
(22:45):
and building your own fear.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Right.
And so when you think about it,it is something that you have
to gauge and you have to look atwhen it comes to your
relationship.
It's always thatself-assessment that you're
actually doing.
You made one point in therethat is so true, and somebody
put a negative comment in there.
But and it kind of spills intothe fear side of things is when
you're afraid to be vulnerableto your partner or your spouse
(23:09):
because you're fearful of howthey're going to perceive it.
That goes back to pride.
It goes back to you havingthose insecurities, those doubts
, those things that are notgoing to be beneficial to you in
the relationship, because youthinking it is something that's
going to be a hindrance.
Right?
So we got another acronym foryou that we used in one of the
teachings that we did a whileback on.
(23:30):
I love this one.
It's called COLD.
This is a fear gauge that youcan use.
It's three letters C-O-L-D, andthey stands for closed,
obstinate, lazy and dishonest.
You look at that If you say amI showing or displaying one of
these four attributes when itcomes to my relationship and how
(23:51):
it actually does?
Yes, sandra, just like you'resaying there, it's a
self-assessment, it is.
People do not like doingself-assessments.
Why?
Because you cannot look outsideof yourself when you're doing
that self-assessment and pointat somebody else as being the
source and the cause for why youare the way that you are.
(24:13):
When we talk about being closed, obstinate, lazy and dishonest,
this is when you're buildingyour relationship on fear that
you can say am I doing that?
When we talk about being closed, obstinate, lazy and dishonest,
this is when you're buildingyour relationship on fear that
you can say am I doing that?
When we talk about being closed, I'll start out with closed.
Closed is just you, just likewe said, being open and
vulnerable and having thatemotional intimacy that you
desire, but you keep it toyourself.
(24:34):
Yeah, when you're closed, keepit to yourself yeah, when you're
closed, when you're closed offfrom your partner and you don't
want to tell them the thingsthat are concerns to you, things
that are goals to you, thingsthat are a part of who you are
as an individual, that's youdon't like.
Yeah, those are things thatyou're closing yourself off to
this person and you have to askand go back to say why do I do
that?
So part of it is closed.
(24:56):
Next one is obstinate.
If that's a word that you'relike, what that's probably like
one of them, old school wordsthat they saying.
A better way to put it isstubborn yes.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
You want to talk about that one?
Yes, and I think sometimes wedon't realize that our inability
to be open to someone tellingus something that they don't
like, a part of being obstinateis.
This is how I am.
You just got to accept me likethis.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
Just deal with it.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Yeah, and it's not realistic to think that
everything about you issomething that someone else
wants.
And so when you're beingobstinate, you're not flexible,
you're not teachable.
Obstinate, you're not flexible,you're not teachable.
You, you can't be told good orbad, you know.
And so these are things we haveto be examining our hearts for
(25:44):
and look for, and I knowsometimes as women, um, we make
it seem as if someone's hurtingour feelings when they're
telling us something about usthat we already know.
It shouldn't hurt your feelings.
When someone tells yousomething and you already know
it, if anything, the responseshould.
So what does it look like to notbe obstinate?
You know what?
Thank you for telling me that,and Gil always says it.
(26:06):
Okay, I don't like the way thatfelt, but the rule we talk
about in our marriage.
I know he has my back, so ifhe's saying something to me that
he needs from me or somethingthat he would like to see change
in me, then that's for both ofour good, because I can see and
you can examine yourself all youwant to.
(26:27):
There are still going to beareas of your life that you
cannot see.
I can't see my back, but he can, and so a part of this living
your life not living your lifeon fear is being open to someone
giving you the good, the great,the bad and the ugly.
It can't just be that they'regoing to tell you how wonderful
(26:50):
you are.
You have to be open to theperson that you're spending your
life with, telling yousometimes you know you need to
work on that.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Right, and if you have those things that you're
looking at from being obstinateor stubborn and we find that
this happens a lot in some ofour older couples, our older
that we've seen I'm just the waythat I am and it's too late to
change.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
It's never too late.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Never too late If you want to have a blessed
relationship.
If you don't, if you want tostay single, be single.
More power to you, there'snothing wrong with that.
But don't think that you're notgoing to change when you've
been in a relationship.
We've been in a relationshiptogether for 38 years and 36
years married, as far as we justcelebrated our last anniversary
.
And for me, or even Renee, tothink that I'm never going to
(27:34):
change or I don't want to changeor I don't have to change,
that's going to be a very shortlived relationship or marriage.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
And ladies, let me give you a secret the best way
to make the people around youchange is for you to change,
because one of the things theLord showed me is, when I
learned to control myself,everyone around me changed.
It's not about you, because Ithink a part of the problem, I
think as believers, I think wetalk too much.
(28:04):
I think we tell people what todo, we talk about it, we preach
about it, we sing about it.
Why don't we start showingpeople what to do?
That's a part of the reason whywe're doing what we're doing.
We're showing you.
We're not just reading a bookto you, we're showing you.
So I think it's important thatwe realize that we have to make
(28:24):
sure, as trainers like to say,we got to eat our own dog food.
As believers, we got to makesure that the scriptures and the
Bible and the principles arewhat we are living and not just
talking about it.
And so a part of that is beingopen to realizing that the Bible
says fear not, fear not, fearnot, fear not, fear not.
(28:47):
And so why would he say fearnot if we're supposed to be
living in fear?
To realize that maybe thereason why your relationship is
struggling is because you havebuilt it on an unsolid,
unreliable foundation, which isfear.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Yes and lazy.
So that's the L in cold lazy.
Another way to look at it iscomplacent.
We've been together as long aswe have and if you get
complacent in your relationshipyou can best believe you're
going to have struggles.
Complacency is thinking thatyou don't have to continue to do
or be reinventing or continueto do things that is going to
(29:29):
keep your partner interested, oryour husband and your wife.
Sometimes we think I got itlike that or I'm good based on
what I did last year or what Idid at the very beginning of the
relationship.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Tell me about the points.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
All points expire at midnight.
I don't care what you didduring the day, I don't care
what gifts you did, I don't carewhat words you used, I don't
care how much you appreciated orthat person appreciated, what
you did.
Your points expire at midnightand you got to start all over
again.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
And another thing that we think is important to
understand is I cannot tellmyself that I am a good wife.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
I can't say I'm a good husband.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
The only person that can tell me that I'm a good wife
is the person I'm married to.
Your girlfriends can't tell youyou're a good wife.
Your mama, your daddy.
The only person that can tellyou that you are a good wife is
the person that you are a wifeto.
So check in and ask hey, babe,how am I doing?
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
How is your love tank ?
You know, I know Gil's lovelanguage is quality time.
So therefore I got to check in.
Babe, I give you enough time.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Yeah, I know Renee's words of affirmation.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
If I'm not affirming her and re-encouraging her and
telling her how good of a jobshe's doing, in whatever area,
then you're going to have thosestruggles yeah struggles, yeah,
and so being lazy is not just,and you can be lazy emotionally,
physically, financially,spiritually because you and I,
while we've been on this path,he was like baby why I feel so
(31:15):
good?
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Why did we stop doing ?
Speaker 2 (31:16):
this I said because we lazy or complacent.
It's human nature for us todrift.
It's human nature for us to dothe minimum.
It's human nature for us towant to get a lot and give a
little Right.
But when you live your lifewith that as your standard,
you're not going to benefit from, you're not going to have
(31:36):
abundance when you're giving theminimum.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
And then the last one , in cold, is dishonest and
that's pretty self-explanatory.
But we're specifically talkingabout in the context of your
relationship is when you're nothonest with the person that
you're in relationship with.
How you doing, fine, but you'rereally not fine.
Fine, but you're really notfine.
You mad Nope, you're really madabout something, but you don't
(32:06):
want to be honest about what itis.
One because you want to holdthis person I call it
emotionally hostage to beggingand groveling at you to get your
forgiveness for whatever mayhave happened, whatever
transgression that may havehappened.
That is something that you haveto be honest, not only with
yourself about first being clearabout what am I really upset
about?
What am I mad about, as in anexample of conflict?
(32:27):
But what is it that really bugsme or bothers me that my person
did that I have to communicateto them to come to a resolution
and come to a peace.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
And you know there's other ways that you can be
dishonest.
Another way that you can bedishonest is by not giving all
of the information.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Omission.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Yes, and so because you didn't tell them, everything
is not the same as you beinghonest, and so you need to be
clear about again are webuilding it on fear?
Because fear is basically froma mindset of you being in
control, you being the authority, you being your source, you
(33:11):
being your everything, and so ifI am my everything, then I'm in
trouble because I got to sleep,I got to eat.
There's things that humans haveto do, that God doesn't have to
do, that a whole world could bedestroyed while you're sleeping
, and so don't put your trust inyourself.
One of the things I think is abig issue in our society now is
(33:34):
our lack of reverence forsubmission to a need for a
higher authority than yourself,and so we talk about isolation.
Another big issue with fear isalso autonomy.
It's my life, it's my world.
(33:55):
I can do what I want to do, andwhile you may not think that
that's being dishonest, it isbeing dishonest Because, guess
what?
You didn't create you.
You don't wake you up, youdon't give you breath, you don't
give you.
So again, that goes back topride, and so, in thinking about
building your life on fear, canyou see why so many marriages
(34:19):
fail?
Because we said it and we saidit again and we're going to keep
saying it marriage takes threeyou, your spouse and God.
There is no other combination.
I don't care what anyone tellsyou, marriage takes three.
And as long as it's youyourself, you, I and your spouse
(34:42):
, that's not three.
It only needs three.
But when you're living yourlife with you as the head of
your life and you as your source, and you don't have a head, you
don't have a source, then it'sgoing to crumble.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
I appreciate.
Thank you, guys for joining us,thanks for hanging out.
This weekend we're talkingabout love and fear on the Rich
Relationship Podcast, or thelive session that we do every
Saturday 12 noon CentralStandard Time, and those who are
putting the positive comments.
We really appreciate it.
Sandra, yeah, pride is.
This is actually good when wetalk about those things.
Captain T, I seen your commentearlier.
Appreciate that, because whenyou think about the comments
(35:20):
that are actually being put,this is a community.
That's what we're trying tobuild for people who want to get
better at their relationship,for people who just want to come
in and crack jokes and dothings, that's fine, but we're
just going to ignore it.
So one thing that we want totalk about in this session we
talked about love and fear isgoing into.
Now let's finish this offtalking about the love side.
Love has got to be thefoundation for what you are
(35:45):
building your relationship on.
Just like we gave you a listexcuse me of fear, we are
actually want to talk to youabout the love side because
that's where our focus, that'swhere our attention should be on
building our relationshipsStarting out.
It has to be the cornerstone ofyour foundation, of your
relationship.
(36:05):
When we talk about love, theBible gives you multiple
definitions in it, differenttypes, different stages of love.
Yeah, but this is actually areflection of God's love for us
when we show our relationshipand our marriages to others, Two
things that we put in the bookand we talked about it, that we
just want to address two typesof love.
(36:25):
You got agape love, which isthe unconditional love that we
should be constantly strivingfor and that's what God has
actually put on this earth forus to demonstrate and exercise
towards our significant others.
But unfortunately and it's nota bad thing, but it has its
place is eros love.
Eros love is the romantic type.
That's the kind we always startout this love relationship with
(36:48):
now we start with phileo.
We start affectionate love,affectionate love.
But then we go.
Well, you should go intoromance, that's where you should
be, but going into eros lovewhere?
That's where you are seeingthis person as somebody that I
want to spend the rest of mylife with and that's what you
should be exercising and lookingtowards.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
And you know I am so grateful for all of you, the
time that you stop and take andHang out with us and invest in
putting your comments andsharing and watching and
listening is it helps us to knowthat we're sowing seeds on good
ground.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
And let's pause for a second because I see
Dominique's questions have y'allcheated on each other?
No, no, you know that issomething that we had.
We started out with ourrelationship on that we talked
about.
When it came to, what doescheating mean when you boyfriend
and girlfriend has a totallydifferent context than when you
are married, when you have oneof these and you made a
commitment to each other.
(37:47):
Cheating on when you weregrowing up cheating on your
boyfriend or your girlfriendbecause you talked to somebody
else or you actually gotsomebody else's phone number or
you spent some time withsomebody else Some people will
consider that cheating.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
But in a marriage it's called adultery.
And no, we have never committedadultery towards each other.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
No, because you think about it, that is more of an
individual issue than it is amarriage issue.
We always say marriage is twopeople that come together to
have their own issues andchallenges and then they come
into a marriage and they bringit into the marriage and
marriage gets the blame.
Well, it's not the marriage youdidn't do or the marriage did
(38:26):
something wrong.
It's you had some unresolvedthings that you didn't work out
in the relationship before yousaid I do that you guys are now
reaping the consequences of whenit comes to because it kind of
goes back to the fear thingsthat we were talking about.
So hopefully that answers yourquestion.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
Yeah, and I think a part of it is understanding that
if you are the kind of personthat you cheat, it really has
nothing to do with the otherperson in your week.
People cheat because they builttheir life on fear and they are
their own God and so, insteadof God fulfilling them, they're
(39:04):
expecting for a person tofulfill them when someone cheats
.
Ladies men, if someone cheatson you, it has nothing to do
with you, your value, how greatyou are, how amazing you are,
how much greatness you bring toa relationship.
It has everything to do with abroken child inside of them that
(39:29):
is looking for fulfillment fromanother human being.
Adultery has nothing to do withsex.
It has nothing to do with youweren't enough.
It has everything to do withthey had some spiritual and
emotional and sometimespsychological areas in their
life that have been unresolved,and whether you marry them two
(39:54):
years or four years later, untilthat is addressed, until their
relationship with God isresolved, until those pains are
healed, they're going tocontinue to cheat.
Marriage doesn't keep you fromcheating.
Marriage is a covenant.
Keep you from cheating.
Marriage is a covenant betweenyou and God.
What keeps you from cheating isyour own integrity, your
character and how you viewyourself.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
Yep, and that kind of goes back into what we talked
about.
Talking about fear, let's talkabout communication.
This is another way to buildyour relationship.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Talking about love.
Talking about love.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
Talking about love being hot.
We've used this acronymmultiple times.
Speaker 2 (40:27):
We have shirts.
Speaker 1 (40:28):
You may have heard it in different areas and in
different teachings, and notjust by us, by other people.
It stands for honest, open andtransparent.
When you are honest with theperson that you're with, it kind
of prevents the cheating fromhappening because you are
talking about the deficienciesthat you have that is causing
you to cheat or causing you todo other things in a
(40:49):
relationship that is causingdamage to the relationship
because you haven't been honestwith your communication about
what's really going on with you.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
And you know, I think it's also I think, about being
honest.
Again, we got to be honest withourselves, we have to be honest
with God, and before we can behonest with somebody else, we
got to be honest with ourselves.
We have to be willing to reallyget to know yourself so that
you can I always say, you can'tgive yourself away until you
(41:20):
know who you are.
And so that's an important partand, like for us, we got
married at 21.
So the way that God gave ustime to get to know ourselves
was through deployments.
When Gil would go away, god waslike okay, it's me and you,
renee, okay, gil, it's me, andit allowed us to be apart, but
it brought us closer togetherand so, being honest, being open
(41:45):
, and then transparent beingopen, being open to and I think
we don't like this.
I have to be open to my husbandtelling me the things about me
that I love and the things aboutme that needs work.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Yeah, and it goes both ways.
It's those times when you haverelationship where you feel like
you can't come to the otherperson with them being
transparent about things thatyou see that are challenging the
struggle and the relationshipthat you guys need to work on.
It's not just Renee's issue,it's my issue as well that we
have to come together as a teamto say you know what we need to
(42:22):
work on, our relationship inthis area, in this capacity.
So we appreciate you guyshanging out with us on this
Saturday.
We appreciate all the commentsin there.
That's good and all that, sotalking about love and action as
we get closer Honest open,transparent.
Yeah, you talked abouttransparent.
I did yeah.
Yeah, being transparent, beingopen, showing what's really
going on Hon and showing what'sreally going on.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Okay, honest, transparent.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
Yes, yes, and love and action.
Actually looked at Reneementioned it earlier in the
context of the.
It can't talk about fear asbeing a counterproductive.
But the other one was beingselfless.
If you are selfish, that's fear.
You have to be selfless whenyou want to operate in love,
when it comes to yourrelationship, because a selfless
person will do anything forthis person that I'm in a
(43:07):
relationship with.
So if you have an issue orchallenge with putting someone
else ahead of you, stay single,don't get married, because until
you can get past thatselfishness and get to a point
of being selfless, you're goingto struggle.
I don't care if you're justdating, you're going to struggle
.
I don't care if you're justdating, you're going to struggle
.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:28):
And it's important.
So we talked about the root ofand the fruit.
So what are the fruits of love?
We all know them.
I want y'all to put them in thecomments Love, joy, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness,meekness and self-control.
(43:49):
So God makes it clear and peoplealways say well, life don't
come with instructions, you willlie.
God loved us so much that hecreated us in his image and his
likeness.
He sent his son to bring usback to him and he left us a
whole love letter ofinstructions and guidance and
(44:09):
direction on us to be able toknow him and understand him.
And I told you guys, sidebar, Itold you guys I'm reading the
Bible, through the whole Bible,four chapters a day, every day,
and I'm in Exodus.
And I'm in Exodus and the thingthat I love about how detail
oriented God is is that he waslike I want you to not.
(44:31):
So when I'm reading, I'm likeLord, I'm not trying to learn
the Bible, I am trying tounderstand you better and I'm
trying to see all the steps youhave taken to keep me in a
relationship with you, andthat's really what the Bible is
about.
And so it's just important thatwhen you think about love and
joy and goodness andfaithfulness and gentleness and
(44:53):
meekness and self-control.
Those are all the evidence andthe fruit and those are like the
power.
That's what everybody talksabout, what God's power is.
God's power is love, and whenyou think about that, when you
all want the power, I just wantto love.
The way that we are the mostlike Christ is when we are
(45:14):
loving the lovely, the ugly, thehateful, and your love is not
tested when you're loving people.
You love.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:24):
Your love is tested when you're loving someone who
has been Challenging Challengingthat person at the grocery
store who's maybe rude, or theperson in the car that may have.
Speaker 1 (45:35):
Or a person in the comments.
Speaker 2 (45:36):
Yeah, this is the thing.
What you put in the commentssays so much about your heart
and not ours, because doing whatwe do takes work, discipline,
time, money, sacrifice, and soit's easier to critique than it
(46:01):
is to create.
And again, when you think aboutlove or fear, that's fear.
That's okay.
That's fear.
Speaker 1 (46:08):
But you got to choose to come out, you got to choose.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
You have to choose, and so we just want to make sure
that we're giving you somepractical understanding of how
do you navigate this life withanother person.
And, yes, all the things thathappen to other people happen to
us.
Have I had opportunities tocheat?
Yes.
Has Gil had opportunity?
Yeah, but you got to haveopportunity and desire.
(46:31):
See, that's the problem.
If you don't have a desire tocheat, the opportunity won't
matter, but if you have a desireto cheat, you're going to make
the opportunity.
Speaker 1 (46:41):
Or the opportunity, which is the enemy is going to
present it to you constantly.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
Right, but there has to be both Desire and
opportunity.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
But you're going to fall.
If you're living through fear,you're going to fall right into
it.
Yeah, so then the last onewe're going to talk about is
love is a journey.
Speaker 2 (46:55):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (46:56):
Love is a journey.
When we talk about it,especially when you start out
dating, that's always the greattime.
Everybody loves it.
When it's at the beginning,when it's new, when it's new,
everything is.
Whether you got a new car, anew house, a new anything, you
love everything about it.
Well, when we say it's ajourney, you're going to go from
that new stage to one thatyou're, more familiar with one,
(47:18):
that you're actually discoveringdifferent things about this
person, and that's where itshould be going.
Speaker 2 (47:23):
Like they do things, like they breath, snake in the
morning or they fart.
That's all a part of it.
If you decide you're not goingto like somebody or I don't like
him because everybody is goingto fart, everyone is going to
have bad breath in the morning,everybody is going to have good
days and bad days.
That is what you're signing upfor.
You're signing up for sharingyour imperfect life with another
(47:44):
imperfect person.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
Yes, moving towards that journey is to get to the
state of being unconditionallove towards this person.
You know it's good whenunconditional love hits because
things that used to matter don'tmatter as much anymore.
Things that they used to dothat just sets you off much
anymore.
Things that they used to dothat just sets you off.
When you have resolved andworked through some of the fears
(48:07):
that you have in your own lifeand in your own relationship,
they don't bother you as much asthey did.
Speaker 2 (48:12):
Gil is very organized .
I am very messy and I know thatit drove him crazy and I have
seasons where, during this fast,I have not been as neat as I
normally had learned to be.
I've been tired y'all, and soI'm just grateful for the fact
(48:35):
that we don't nitpick each other.
Speaker 1 (48:37):
About stuff that don't matter.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
I will say that during the fast Gil said I gave
him a stink eye because I'vebeen doing raw and Gil I've been
still-.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Everybody's fast is different, yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:49):
Yeah, everybody's fast is different.
And so he wanted to eat atortilla and I was like, babe,
you need to eat some lettuce.
And he was like, did you justgive me the stink eye?
I said I'm sorry.
You're right, Baby, you want toeat your tortilla.
You gave up.
He said I'm not eating nothing.
I said oh, baby, I'm sorry.
So we have to make sure that wedon't project our standards
(49:09):
onto the person that we love,Because, again, when I learned
to control myself, everyonearound me changed.
Ladies say that with me.
When I learned to controlmyself, because we are good at
controlling everybody else.
I don't know about men, I'mjust talking about us ladies.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
Well, no, it's not, it's both.
Speaker 2 (49:29):
I can only.
But I'm only a girl.
I only know how to be a woman.
I don't try to correct men.
Let me just say that it is notmy job or my role as a wife and
a helpmate to check him andcorrect him.
It is my job and my goal and myrole as a wife to support him
and to lead by example and tolovingly redirect things that
(49:54):
are unhealthy by my actions, notmy words.
Yes, I'm not going to try totell he a grown man.
Speaker 1 (50:01):
Because how many people can tell somebody else to
do and they just do it.
If somebody tell you somethingto do and they just do it.
If somebody tell you somethingto do, they can advise you, but
ultimately you're going to haveto decide if you're going to
follow through and do whateverit is they're suggesting that
you actually do.
So you can't control anybody,no only you.
So when it comes to buildingyour love on relationship, I
told you guys at the end, uh,being to your relationship on
(50:23):
love.
I told you guys in the end,being to your relationship on
love, I told you guys in theBible it actually gives you a
checklist that you can actuallylook at and it's in First
Corinthians, chapter three,chapter 13, verses four through
seven.
And I got it and I love it inthe message because it actually
gives you a list that you can asa definition of what does it
(50:45):
look like?
That you can as a definition ofwhat does it look like.
So, if you look at, listen tothis and you see it, compare
what you do in your viewpoint onlove, especially when you're in
a relationship with someoneelse, how do you measure up?
When it comes to this?
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others thanfor self.
Love doesn't want what itdoesn't have.
(51:07):
Love doesn't strut, doesn'thave a swelled head, doesn't
force itself on others, isn'talways me first, doesn't fly off
the handle, doesn't keep scoreof sins the sins of others.
Doesn't revel when othersgrovel the sins of others,
(51:29):
doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flower
and the following of flowing oftruth.
It puts up with everything,trust God, always, always, look
for the best, never looks back,but keeps going to the end.
It is something when you gauge,not on the things that we
talked about for almost thishour, whether it's fear or love,
(51:49):
but when you compare your lifeand your standards against the
Bible standards, the things thatwe're telling you.
We're just sharing with youwhat the Bible says, what we've
experienced, and let's leave itup to you guys to decide if
you're going to practice it ornot, which is fine.
We're just telling you from.
As they say, we got thereceipts for 39 years of being
together and 36 years happilymarried, and I'm saying it for
(52:13):
myself.
Speaker 2 (52:14):
And I am joyfully, happily, gratefully married.
Speaker 1 (52:17):
So, if we're saying it, those are the receipts that
we have, and all we're doing istrying to sow seeds and share
with you the things that we havewalked out and learned.
And that we are walking out andwe practice, just so we all can
build these relationships thatwe so desire.
But it takes work, it takeseffort, it takes you looking at
yourself, just like Sandra saidearlier, that inventory list
(52:40):
that we are always doing andwe're gauging ourselves against,
don't gauge yourself up againstlists that people put up just
because we gave you something.
Go to the Bible, check it out.
Look at 1 Corinthians, chapter13.
Speaker 2 (52:53):
Look at Galatians 5.
Speaker 1 (52:55):
How do I line up with this?
Then that is the standard.
Not us at the standard, notanything that anybody says is
the standard.
Check the Bible against thethings that people are saying,
not check what people are sayingand look at and say, oh OK, let
me see if the Bible backs thatup.
No, it's the other way around.
It's what we're saying backedup by the Bible, right, and we
(53:18):
just share with you guys overthis last 50 plus minutes, the
things that we have been talkedabout and learned about.
When it comes to love and fear,which one are you living your
life on or building yourrelationship on?
So we appreciate you guyshaving all the comments, the
positive ones, I'm going tochime in.
Speaker 2 (53:35):
So what I want to do right now, I want to give you
guys a chance to ask questions,and I'm going to screenshot some
of these comments because, forsome reason, on YouTube, the
comments don't translate over.
So if there's something thatyou want us to see in the
comments, or a question that youhave wait until this video goes
up and then put it in thosecomments, because our live
(53:58):
there's always people herecommenting and we don't.
We can't go back and watch themlater.
Speaker 1 (54:03):
So if there's a comment that you have or
something that you want to know,or for real question that you
want to discuss or talk about,by all means put it in the
comments and put a cue.
Not in this comment.
Not in this comment.
After the video goes up and putit a cue in there for something
that you really want us tofeedback on, Because sometimes
people we appreciate you guys somuch for hanging out with us.
Speaker 2 (54:22):
We love you guys.
Speaker 1 (54:29):
You know we had a big encouraged and increased growth
in people coming and hangingout with us.
That tells us that evidently wemust be talking about a subject
that people want to talk about,and that's what we are trying
to do is to help build thoserelationships.
So if there's a question or acomment that you want us to
address in response to, by allmeans put it in there.
We will, because we sat backhere yesterday for almost two
hours trying to answer everycomment.
(54:50):
Either Renee did it or I did it.
We did it together and we'reresponse to you guys because we
appreciate your investment andtime we do and hanging out with
us.
Speaker 2 (55:00):
And so if in the comments you leave a heart, no
matter what it is, when youleave a comment in our feed we
are going to respond, because weknow that you could just hit a
like and not leave a comment.
That means a lot to us.
We appreciate you.
If you have not subscribed toour channel, please subscribe
and not only subscribe.
(55:21):
Hit the bell notification sothat when we go live you won't
miss it.
We post three times a day, sevendays a week.
We do our live once a week andwe post up a video like this
week's video I posted up was memaking whole plant-based juice.
How to do that?
I have a certification inplant-based nutrition.
(55:42):
I have been on this journeywith my learning how to eat
healthy and have a betterlifestyle since I was 11.
I started dieting at 11.
But for the past 10 years, I'vemaintained a healthy weight
because we are plant-based, andso, during this fasting journey,
I want to share some of thethings that we're learning and
(56:04):
how to make it fast, affordableand delicious, because so many
people comment about my skin andhow we look.
It is prayer.
Speaker 1 (56:11):
I think it's pretty good for 57.
Speaker 2 (56:13):
Fasting, good loving and a plant-based lifestyle, In
that order.
And so Gil is wanting me to domore videos explaining food
science.
I am a food science nerd.
I love.
Speaker 1 (56:26):
All I can say is she makes it easy to follow, and if
you want that, that's a wholenother.
It's on our website.
Yeah, we have a plant-basedarea.
We have a section, just for ifyou want to focus on the
plant-based nutrition and thethings that Renee does on that
capacity, go there, check it out, look at it.
We appreciate you guys hangingout with us on this.
Speaker 2 (56:44):
Saturday yeah, we love you guys.
Speaker 1 (56:45):
We done took up too much of y'all time because we
got to get ready.
We seen some of the negative.
I was looking at those negativecomments Don't be mad, don't be
mad.
Speaker 2 (56:53):
He tried to get to everyone.
Speaker 1 (56:54):
We've been struggling for 50 plus years.
So, brandy, I seen your comment.
Thank you so much you guys.
Speaker 2 (57:09):
Thank you all.
Yeah, so love you guys.
We will see you guys nextsaturday at 12 noon, central
standard time.
Unless jesus comes, we'll allbe gone.
You won't need to be doing this, so we'll see you guys next
saturday.
Please, um, share this videowith your family and friends.
Please watch our long content.
Everyone's watching the shorts.
We have lots of long content.
Please watch that.
Please, again, if you want toreach us personally, reach out
to help atrichrelationshiprefugecom.
(57:32):
Have questions or relationshipquestions?
Please reach us.
We do one-on-one sessions.
That's through our website.
We do all the ways we try to dofree ways to help couples.
That's why we go live everyweek.
We have content, we have apodcast, we have books.
So we want to get rid of anyexcuse that you have, any excuse
(57:52):
that you have to not get help.
So we love you and we'll seeyou guys next Saturday at 12
noon, central Center time.
Speaker 1 (57:58):
And our international partners.
We thank you guys.
We'll see you guys next week.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for your investmentin time.
Remember to subscribe to theshow and hit the notification
icon to be notified when newepisodes are posted on the
podcast platform that you'relistening from.
Speaker 2 (58:12):
Or you can always find us on our website at
richrelationshipsuscom, or ourYouTube channel, rich
Relationships with Gil Renee.
If you found this podcasthelpful or you think it could
help someone that you know andcare about, please pass it along
and share it with them.
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