March 17, 2025 • 33 mins
RICH RELATIONSHIPS REFUGE
Meet: Gil & Renée
Rich Relationships Refuge podcast with Gilbert J and Renée M. Beavers is fantastic because it's the best place to explore the reality of relationships — the good, the bad, and the painful and confusing. This podcast helps to illuminate what it means to be intimate with others and what it teaches people about them. It will make you want to strive for a kinder, more fun relationship with others., This a place where love flourishes, bonds deepen, and relationships thrive. We're Gil and Renee, authors, and marriage coaches, and we're honored to walk alongside you on your journey towards a rich and fulfilling partnership.
In a world where relationships can feel like a maze, we believe in providing you with the compass and map to navigate the path of love with confidence and grace. Whether you're single and seeking, newly dating, or preparing for marriage, our app is your sanctuary—a refuge where you can find guidance, support, and inspiration every step of the way.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil
and Renee, where amazing thingshappen.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Our goal is to help build, repair and restore
healthy relationships.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Thank you.
Hi, my name is Renee and I'mGil from the Rich Relationship
Podcast, and we were justtalking, marcus, thank you so
much.
I was talking, thank you somuch.
We appreciate you.
See, just like that I couldhave got upset or had an
attitude, but thank you forcorrecting us.
We are so, so, very glad thatyou're with us today.
(00:39):
In relationships and it iscalled pride, and I was telling
the story about us we had asituation in our relationship
and our marriage where gilbrought to my attention about a
new goal that he wanted toimplement.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Hi, I'm nay and I'm gil I know you guys probably see
us in the car like why arey'all in the car?
Last time we were in the rv, rvand now we're in the van,
because we were actuallytraveling and so.
But we noticed there was a timechange, yeah.
So we actually said you knowwhat?
We're not going to make it back, so let's pull over and do it
(01:17):
here in our car.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
So we want to make sure that we always keep our
word to you all, thanks.
So we are talking today aboutthe silent killer in
relationships, and that silentkiller is pride, and I talked
about how that silent killernormally comes with.
It's a meal deal.
Pride normally comes along withbeing private and proud, and so
(01:44):
we had a situation in ourrelationship, in our marriage,
where last week gil came to meand brought something to my
attention about realigning ourbudget and making some changes
in our budget.
And when he talked to me aboutit, I'm like, okay, so the holy
spirit, I mean, we just came outof a 21-day prayer and fasting,
and so God put it on my heartto physically sit down and write
(02:09):
down our budget and so that wecan rightly align what our new
goal is and what we're going todo.
And I sat down and I wroteeverything down and as a result
of doing that, it's somethingabout when you write things down
.
That's what the Bible sayswrite the vision down to those
that run can run with clarity.
When you write something down,you can't deny it.
It shows you what's going on.
And so I said I came back toGil and I said babe, I said I
(02:32):
have really not been a goodsteward, I have not been wise in
the way I have utilized ourresources.
And he was like no, no, no, no.
I said no.
I said we have a new goal, sotherefore I have to be willing
to govern myself and I want tomake sure that if we have a goal
, that I'm doing what I can doto make that goal come to pass
(02:54):
and not be working against it.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
How many times have you had to bring something up to
your spouse or your significantother and you knew, or you get
a sense or a feeling that it maycause a conflict, and usually
money.
Just what Renee is using for ourexample, for our story time, as
she called it, was a topic thatis usually confrontational when
it comes to couples and themjust having a conversation, and,
(03:21):
unfortunately, sometimes it'salways from the negative
perspective.
Usually not enough resources,but if God has blessed you
enough to where you have enoughresources to do all your
obligations and all yourresponsibilities, but then you
have a little bit left over.
And what we were talking about,and the reason why the
conversation came up, wasthere's this company that has
(03:44):
these blue trucks that actuallydrive around and they drop stuff
off into your location andwe're not going to say that.
And they come to our house veryfrequently.
Yeah, and that is whatstimulated the conversation,
because not only were theycoming every day, when I went to
look at the account, it waslike bang bang, bang, bang, bang
(04:05):
bang.
And I was like wow, and eventhough it wasn't big
astronomical purchases it couldhave been 10, 20, 30, 40 bucks
here and there, but they add upy'all when you got a lot of them
hitting every day.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
Yeah, and he didn't like yell at me or get mad at me
or say you need to stop doingthat.
He just said I really want usto do some things different this
year.
And my response was not.
My response was okay andinstantly I got up and I said,
like I said, I wrote everythingdown, talked about and I accept
(04:47):
the responsibility for the factthat I was not being as frugal.
And well, I'm always going tobe frugal and thrifty, but you
can still be frugal and thriftyand still not being a good
steward, right.
And so that was just somethingthat I thought about.
In our own life, where pridecould have been a big issue, I
gave a shout out to someone inour community who shared that
they were married before andthen they got divorced and they
(05:10):
got married to each other.
That takes humility.
It took humility for them toshare that openly with us,
because we would have never hada way of knowing that.
To that couple who shared that,thank you for sharing the fact
that, being honest, open andtransparent.
Thank you for sharing the factthat being hot, yeah, honest,
open and transparent.
Thank you for being willing tobe vulnerable, because sometimes
(05:30):
we don't realize when we shareour story, we share our
struggles, we share ourdifficulties.
It helps us to help otherpeople, and so we don't want you
to think that our marriage isperfect and we don't have
difficulties and obstacles andhard things going on because we
do, which is one of the reasonswhy we're in the car.
But we just want you to knowthat when we try to live our
(05:54):
life, allowing the peace of Godand the fruit of the spirit to
govern our life, it makes adifference.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
You know one thing that I wanted to bring up in and
during this session you know,anytime that you've watched, you
probably have said you knowwhat we are always bringing up
self-assessment, self-assessment, self-assessment about the
questions that we ask or thethings that we talk about.
This is one that's a difficultone to talk about, to do a
self-check on, and I thoughtabout it when we said we're
(06:23):
going to talk about pride and Iwas like wait a minute.
I thought about it from my ownperspective and I think early in
our marriage this was somethingthat I struggled with, but not
because I thought I knew all theanswers to everything.
The pride that I had was Ididn't think anything was wrong
(06:45):
with me when it came to ourrelationships, our relationship
together, like there was nodeficiency.
Now, if you can call thatarrogant or you can call it, I
know what I know.
Now I know it was prideful,thinking ain't nothing wrong
with me, I'm good, I'm good.
But if Renee is not telling meI'm good, then more than likely
(07:05):
I'm not good in some area in ourrelationship.
And that was something that Italked about or thought about to
myself, and I'm talking withinthe first, let's just say, one
to five to seven years where Ithought I was doing good as a
husband.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
But you never asked me.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
I never asked her, but I also didn't have so much
pride internally that I didn'tthink anything was wrong.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Thank you.
New subscriber.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
I didn't think anything was wrong and when I
did that and I did thatself-check and I was like, oh
wow, that's something that Ineed to really, really focus on
and work on when it came to me.
So I'm just using that as anexample.
As Renee just said, we don'thave the answers to everything.
We're just sharing to you guyswhat 36 years of marriage can do
when you take that journeyinward, but also when you're hot
(07:56):
with yourself.
We want to be hot with ourspouse first, honest, open,
transparent.
But first you have to be hotwith yourself.
You got to be honest aboutwhat's really going on in your
life and your shortcomings, andwe call them growth areas.
You got to be transparent, evenin knowing just like I was
transparent with myself to sayyou know what?
I have some deficiencies inthis area and I need to really
(08:19):
focus on those things.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
Yeah, and I think some of the mistakes that we
make is I can't tell myself thatI'm a good wife.
Only Gil can tell me that, so Ihave to ask him If I want to
know if I'm doing well in anarea.
I have to ask the person thatcan give me their honest opinion
, because I can't tell Gil thathe's a good father.
I can tell him he's a goodhusband yeah, I can tell him
(08:41):
he's a good friend husband.
I can tell him he's a goodfriend.
I can't tell him he's a goodemployee.
And so we have to make surethat we are open enough and that
we're humble enough, that weare asking for feedback, that
we're open to feedback.
Just like Marcus, if I wouldhave not been reading the
comments, I would have not knownthat our volume was down, and
(09:01):
so we have to be willing to havechecks and balances and be open
to correction.
I thank you guys.
When you guys check ourspelling and when you correct us
on things, I don't get mad.
I'm grateful for you all,because I know that we're a
community and we will neverreach our full potential just on
our own, and so the reason whywe say you know, put your
(09:21):
comments in there.
Let us know where you're comingin from.
We want you.
One of the reasons this issomething you know sidebar A lot
of times when you see peopleyou're watching YouTube and they
say subscribe to our channel,comment like, share, watch our
long content.
(09:48):
Business and YouTube allows usto share content that encourages
and inspires and instructssingles and people in marriage,
but it also allows us toeventually be monetized and in
order for that to happen, weneed you all to watch the long
videos, like the people who joinus on these lives.
Each week, we get a hundredwatch hours.
This year we need to get to3000.
We already have 1000 watchhours if, because I think a lot
(10:09):
of times you say like, but youdon't know why so the reason why
people are asking you, that isbecause they are trying to use
their gifts and talents andtheir work as a stream of income
.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
And it's no cost to you except your time.
You hear us say thank you foryour investment in time, because
that's exactly what it is.
You know, it doesn't costanything to hit a little button
on your screen to say thumbs up,we like this and share with
some other people.
Even if you don't refer it tosomeone else, YouTube will look
at it and say, hey, maybe otherpeople want to see this and
(10:41):
they'll make a suggestion to you.
But that's one thing that wejust want to bring, as Renee
said, as a sidebar.
But I'll ask you this questionand we were talking about this
as we are driving is when itcomes to pride, have you ever
had and you guys can answer ityourself had a problem admitting
when you're wrong?
And we were even talking aboutit?
Did you say story time already?
(11:03):
Are even talking about?
It, did you say story?
time already.
Oh, you can do story time.
I got a story time and I'm notcalling my wife out, but this is
a real life situation that wehad and if I say the word,
she'll know exactly what I'mtalking about he's going to say
teal carpet.
It's a teal carpet, y'all.
If you haven't heard this, I'lllet her start it out.
And this is at the verybeginning of our marriage.
(11:25):
I would say we were marriedunder 10 years, yeah, yeah,
under 10 years, and we have justbought our first house.
And you know, when you excitedwhen you get your first house,
you just want to do everything.
But when you broke, you can'tdo everything.
You got to do it in stages andstart thinking about what is it
that is important to you.
And this is so funny now thatwe look back at it, because the
(11:50):
house was, I want to say, and Iremember this, it was a bungalow
house back in Detroit, 943square feet, y'all.
Yeah, I said 943 square feet.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
That was our first tiny house, that was a for real
tiny house by today.
We had three.
We had three children and wewere the house where everybody
else took their kids.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Oh my Lord, okay, so one bathroom.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
Oh, we sure did.
No, we have one in the basement.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
No, we had a toilet in the basement but one bathroom
, not her 43 square feet.
But Anyway, we were at a stagewhere we were going to go get
carpet and so, renee, we went tothe carpet store and Renee said
I found the carpet that I wantin the entire house.
You know, sometimes you breakit up and you put it in a living
room and bedroom and a littlebit different.
(12:35):
This is a lesson in pride.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Yeah, and it's a lesson in just because it's
cheap, it doesn't mean it'sgoing to last.
And sometimes pride, you knowpride will make you stay longer
than you were supposed to stay,spend more than you're supposed
to spend and go out of your way.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Take you longer than you want to go.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
Take you longer than you want to go, and so I wanted
this carpet, and the carpet thatI wanted was teal.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
The color teal, y'all .
Speaker 3 (13:03):
And the carpet was really cheap carpet.
They were going to do the wholehouse and it was going to be
$1,000, and it was $100 a monthfor 12 months, zero interest,
and it was like, renee, that'snot a good idea.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Now the whole house, y'all did y'all hear that.
How much again?
$1,000.
A thousand dollars, and that'sincluding carpet padding and
insulation yeah, a thousandbucks y'all.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
If it sounds so good to be true, it is too good to be
true and so I was like, babe,this may not be a good idea, but
I wanted what I wanted andthat's what pride does I wasn't
open to listening and I poutedand I turned away and gil was
like Got upset y'all.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Yeah, I was mad, and we'll do.
And I have to say, at thatstage in our relationship I was
so prideful in the senseremember I said earlier that I
didn't think anything was wrongI just said you know what, all
right, I'm just going to let itgo, I'm just going to sweep it
under the rug, I'm not going totalk about it, I'm not going to
really voice my opinion, I'm notgoing to push back, so to speak
(14:03):
, and say why we shouldn't getthis.
I said one sentence, I gave it,and I said it may not be the
best idea.
And then I left it at that.
And then she kept going on, andon, and on, and I said, fine,
fine, you know us guys, we justwant peace more than anything
else.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
I just said, fine, got the carpet.
And how long did it last?
Three months, three months,that's right, because we had
kids and a dog and everybodyelse's kids and it looked
horrible.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
And y'all know, in Detroit it's snowy and rainy and
muddy, and you bring it intothe house on a really, really
light-colored carpet, you knowwhat's going to happen.
Yeah, you get dirt and slagmarks.
And we tried cleaning thisthing because we were cleaning
it monthly.
But then it got.
She got.
Renee got so frustrated with itinstead of saying it took her a
(14:55):
little while, but then shefinally came and said her pride
diminished.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
No, first I took it up.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
This is what I hear, continuing with story time.
So after those few months goesby, I wake up in the middle of
the night to this ripping sound.
I mean like midnight, oneo'clock in the morning, renee is
with a utility knife movingfurniture and ripping up carpet.
I mean literally slicing it upwith a utility knife and pulling
(15:25):
it up.
And why did you do that?
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Because I realized that he was right and I should
have listened and I said, baby,from now on I am going to listen
to you because you think aboutthings that I don't think about.
And that was the beginning ofme learning that we're different
.
Think about and that was thebeginning of me learning that
(15:48):
we're different and I have to bewilling to submit to our
differences and and and realizethat he's going to see things
that I don't see.
And so from that so we callthat the, the um, the, the teal
carpet experience, because thatwas the first time I really
realized if I would have justlistened to him.
And so then I got to the pointthat I would say, hey, babe,
what would you think?
Speaker 1 (16:08):
But the one thing that came to mind for the going
back to the carpet just for onesecond was Proverbs 16.
Eight Pride cometh before thefall, or the tear up or the cut
up or the rip up or anythinglike that, and that was just
something that just like I usedthe example and the cut up or
the rip up or anything like that, and that was just something
that just like I used theexample, and I wasn't putting
Renee on blast or anything, butthat was something that we had
(16:29):
talked about as we were talkingabout this subject matter.
That that came to my mind fromand she even shared it.
She brought it up as far as asa lesson that we've learned
individually from a prideexperience about what happens
when you don't do or you don'tself-govern.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Or you don't consult the other person that this
decision is going to affect andso I see someone.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Oh, brianna, hey, Brianna coming from.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
Dallas, thanks, thank you, we're so glad you're here.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Four years.
That's right.
We just invest in.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Okay, but go ahead what I want to ask.
I want to ask the question toyou all what are some of the
ways that pride shows up in yourrelationship and your
communication?
I'm going to give you anexample.
We can talk about some of theways that pride shows up.
Well, I don't like what yousaid about the budget.
(17:28):
Why, why are you?
Why are you?
Why are you talking to me aboutthat?
I, I didn't do anything wrong.
So pride shows up when, whenyou're, when something is
brought to you, pride makes youyou defensive.
Or if he's telling me somethingoh, I'm sorry you feel that way
.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Say that again.
I'm sorry you feel the way youfeel.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
Yeah.
So there's different ways andwe're going to put it in notes
different ways that pride issneaking into our relationships
and you don't realize that it'scausing you to drift apart.
And so the reason why we'retalking about it because if we
don't get a grip on pride, if wedon't become aware of how it
slips into our relationships,we'll drift further and further
(18:12):
apart.
And I really believe thateveryone says it's sex and money
, but no, pride is at the rootof most of the reasons why
people get divorced.
People can't go back.
And you go back and ask forforgiveness.
You have to be willing tohumble yourself.
And so, after I sat down andlooked at the budget that the
other night and I went to Giland I said, babe, I am going to
(18:34):
do better, this is what I'mgoing to do, not just oh, I'm
sorry, no, this is what I'mgoing to do, this is the plan of
actions.
I wrote everything down.
I said OK.
So I said no, I'm not upset.
I understand.
I said, if we say we have thisgoal, we have to learn Another
thing that pride doesn't like todo.
Pride does not like to delaygratification.
(18:55):
Pride wants what it wants whenit wants it.
How much you can't have it all.
You know you can't say that youwant to.
You know, have this big goalyou want to accomplish and
you're not willing to give upanything for that to happen.
It shouldn't just be Gil'sresponsibility to make
sacrifices and delaygratification.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
We both have to do that and I want to bring back
something that you said when wecame up and we started talking
about just the finances.
This is an indicator of how youknow that you may be operating.
A little pride is if, whensomething, someone, brings
something up to your attention,you flip the script and you flip
it back around on them and comeup with justification and
(19:33):
reasons why you did what you didor responded the way you
responded.
And then that's called, we callit we said this before in
another episode that's whippingout your blame thrower, right,
yes, I said blame thrower Justlike a flame thrower.
You whip out your blame throwerand start blaming everybody in
different situations anddifferent circumstances, for why
(19:53):
you did what you did or why youresponded the way you responded
in this particular situation,and that is not going to be
beneficial to the relationshipat all.
So if you find yourselfdefensive and retaliating and
blaming others, that's walkingin pride.
But just like what Renee didwhen it came to, when she sat
(20:15):
down and did some assessment inher own, checked her, look at
her spending and said you knowwhat?
Oh, I need to reel that in alittle bit.
That's called.
That's the.
The counter to pride ishumility.
If you have to be humble enoughto say you know what, I got
that wrong, I'm going to fix it.
And this is how I'm going tofix it.
If you bring that to yoursignificant other, your spouse,
(20:39):
with your own plan of action,because if they tell you you
need to fix that, guess whatyou're going to do Blame thrower
, or you're going to startdefending what you did again,
right, so ultimately, I have tobe, I have to control and govern
myself.
Yes.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
I'm not coming.
I said this before.
Whenever I go to God about you,God always tells me about the
other person.
And so we need to be trying tofigure out.
What do I need to do different?
When you bring something to myattention, I need to say, OK,
he's telling me what he needs,so what can I do to give him
that, versus making him feellike something is wrong because
(21:15):
he asked me a legitimatequestion and so just like I
don't know.
someone saying in this personthe person that we need to be
bringing to these our timestogether is us.
Yes, another way that you knowthat you're operating in pride
if everything you hear oh yeah,she needs to hear that.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Or somebody else comes to mind.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Or he needs to hear that, when you're listening to
this and when we're all comingtogether, this is a time for me
to look at Renee and for Gil tolook at Gil.
It's not for me to look at Giland say, well, gil needs to do,
and for Gil to look at Gil.
It's not for me to look at Giland say what Gil needs to do,
because throughout the wholeBible, the only control God
gives us is self-control.
The only person I'm ever goingto be able to control and the
only person I'm going to ever beable to help, and the only
person I'm ever going to be ableto change is me.
(21:55):
And so it's just important thatwe realize that we have become
a very prideful generation, andit's easier for us to look at
the other person versus lookingat the reflection in the mirror
and saying, hey, I need to dosomething different.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
And I appreciate Z and I want to say Zion.
I don't want to butcher thename, I'm just going to say Z.
When you just put, I was justreading your post while Rene
just said that, and thescripture that came up to my
mind from the Bible was Proverbs12, 12, 1.
It talks about anytime you loveknowledge and discipline.
(22:32):
That is the fear.
Whoever loves discipline lovesknowledge, but whoever hates
correction is stupid.
That's what the Bible says inProverbs 12.
Check it out.
That's not our words.
That's exactly what you'retalking about, because all we're
trying to do is share the yearsof experience to the next
(22:54):
generation or the people who arefollowing us or following after
us, to plant those seeds.
I keep saying it over and overevery week.
I try to say it.
That's what we want to do isplant the seeds, and these
aren't our seeds.
All we're doing is sharing withyou the Bible, biblical
principles that we've learnedand we've engrafted into our
spirits and into ourrelationship.
That is going to pay dividendsto you.
(23:15):
So, hopefully, as you listen toit don't listen to us as us
checking you or like we feellike we're walking in pride, but
we're trying to say hey, thisis how it showed up in me yes,
absolutely.
We're using ourselves as anexample to say, yes, I continue
to struggle with these things ona daily basis.
The Bible also says work outyour own soul salvation, because
(23:36):
this is a daily walk.
This is things that you'regoing to have to continuously
think about and regurgitate toyourself if you want to manifest
the success in your life and inyour relationships regurgitate
to yourself if you want tomanifest the success in your
life and in your relationships.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
And I think so many times people talk about the
problem and they're alwaystalking about the next
generation.
Well, we feel that we want to bea part of the solution and we
feel that how can we expect forsomeone to know what to do if no
one ever tells them?
So we want to make sure thatwe're giving you examples and
scriptures and help you to seeyourself in the story, as well
as to see the biblical principle.
But so many times people say,well, life doesn't come with
instructions.
(24:12):
Life does come withinstructions.
The Bible gives you clearinstructions on how to do
everything, but so many times wejust don't know how to apply it
.
And so the reason why we andthis is from the book our
marital code to Oneness, youknow, right now we're talking to
our married couples and evenour singles, who want to learn
and get the insight of what itlooks like to have a healthy,
(24:33):
god-honored relationship.
This is from one of the chaptersin the book about the code
breaker, because we talked aboutbuilding your working in your
marriage, working on yourmarriage.
We talked about the foundationof what are you building on?
Love or fear?
We talked about, um, uh, whatis the framework?
You know what keeps it togethertrust, identity and empathy.
(24:57):
And then, um, this week wassupposed to be about salvation.
We're going to do that nextweek because we felt that we'd
rather talk about the codebreaker, um, which is pride and
so.
And so we just want you guys tobe aware of it, because so many
times we don't realize thatit's those, the Bible says, it's
the small foxes, that destroythe vine.
And so in the notes, we giveyou like a little check for you
to check yourself, to check yourpride, to make sure that in a
(25:21):
situation where you can presentyourself in humility or in pride
, I had a situation today whereI was talking to someone and Gil
was like Renee, you need to bethe kind you.
It's so natural for us tooperate from our anger and from
(25:41):
our frustration.
You guys know I've said I'm adirect communicator, I'm a
pioneer, and all of those can bestrengths but they can also be
hindrances.
So I have to allow him to tellme babe, reel it back in, Calm
down, Don't get in your emotions.
Share the facts.
And so we have to be.
(26:01):
The only way we're ever goingto be the best version of
ourselves is by being open tosomeone saying, hey, that's not
okay.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Right.
And one thing that and shewrote something down here and I
was looking at one of the notesthat here, when it talks about
pride the opposite of when youactually are walking in pride
this is something.
How you can gauge and put thatthing in check is to serve
others selflessly.
We talked about that before,maybe a couple of weeks ago,
about being selfless.
(26:30):
Well, when you serve othersselfless, that means because
pride will do the opposite.
Pride will say it's about me.
You'll put yourself ahead ofanything and anybody.
When it comes to something, justlike Renee with the teal carpet
or something that I may bedoing in our relationship,
thinking about what I wantversus what's best for us as a
(26:52):
whole, you know that's one thingthat we have to think about is
am I putting the others that areimportant in my life ahead of
the things that I want, desireand feel I deserve?
And if that's happening, thatshould be a gauge for you to say
, hmm, let me look at pride inmyself and see, am I doing
(27:12):
something that is triggeringthat?
Or it could be something fromthe past that you just feel like
you deserve, and there'snothing wrong with those things.
But when it becomes a drivingfactor and a driving force in
your life.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
you have to get that Read some of those examples of
what pride sounds like, what itlooks like and how it presents
itself.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
I want what I.
You said it earlier and itcan't kind of register with me
when you say I want what I want,when I want it.
We were talking about something.
I had been.
There was something that Iwanted for a lot of years, you
know, and we talked about itfrom the past for the RV.
I wanted a new RV and what Ikept saying was I work hard, I
do my job, I give selflessly.
(27:53):
You notice how I'm givingmyself credit for the good
behaviors and the good thingsthat I'm doing and I feel like I
deserve it.
Well, that made me go ooh.
When you get to the point whereyou feel like you deserve
anything, I don't care if it'ssomething big or something small
, that's that, that entitlement,when you feel like you are
(28:13):
entitled to certain things justbecause you are who you are
Pride.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
And another thing is well, well, I'm better than them
.
Well, I'm not.
I'm doing better than them.
Comparing yourself to someoneelse is another really big
indicator of pride, because, atthe end of the day, comparing
yourself to someone else isgoing to always make you look
better, because we always have atendency to find someone who is
below where we are, versustrying to, and the Lord showed
(28:41):
me that.
He said I need you to be betterthan me.
Then you can say I'm the gauge.
God is the gauge, not peoplearound you, because, guess what?
We're all human, we're allflawed, and so we need to make
sure that the Bible and God isour standard and not other
people.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Yeah, so we wanted to just come on.
We have some anotherappointment that we have to take
, so we won't be able to stickaround for this whole hour, but
we wanted to just stop where wewere going, what we were doing,
to say you know what?
We made a commitment to come onhere and talk about the things
that are whether it's in thebook or what's going on in our
regular life to drop seeds tohelp you guys and to just give
(29:16):
you examples of things that haveresonated with us.
As we say, we just reverseengineered the things that have
been pluses and minuses when itcomes to relationship and
building the healthy marriagesand successful relationships
that you may desire, and giveyou some things to think about
or even challenges that you maybe like, oh, I need to work on
that or, hey, I'm doing good inthat area.
(29:38):
That's what these are all about.
So, when we come to you guys onthese Saturdays, for all those
who chime and I see the thumbsup and all that we really
appreciate you guys.
We really appreciate you guysleaving comments, and even Renee
and I have been well, renee,more than me and I'm working on
that Always responding to thecomments.
Renee answers a lot, but I'vebeen trying to jump in there
(30:00):
y'all, so it's both of us.
So we appreciate you guys.
We just wanted to come on andsay thank you.
We appreciate y'all.
We, we appreciate you guys.
We just wanted to come on andsay thank you.
We appreciate y'all.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
We're looking at the comments.
We appreciate you, z.
Yeah, we appreciate you.
We appreciate you all forwatching and being a part of
this community, because we knowthat you only keep what you give
away If we don't ever share theareas where we struggle and
where we felt, where we fallen.
And guess what?
We're still 36 years laterwe're still falling, we're still
stumbling, we're still gettingup again, and so it's
(30:31):
understanding that you're goingto fall.
Another really big indicator ofpride is the fear of failure.
Guess what?
The only way you're ever goingto learn how to do something is
by failing.
So don't be afraid to fail.
Don't be afraid to say, hey, Imissed it yesterday, can you
forgive me?
I want to try this again.
Every single day is a newopportunity to have a new
(30:52):
relationship.
Don't let a day go by where youdon't make sure to people that
you love, that they know it,that you tell them, that you
show them, because tomorrow isnot promised to us.
We have to make sure we onlyhave today.
Gil always says at the end ofthe day, all the points go back
to zero and everything that youdid good today is gone and you
have to start doing it all overagain tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Yes, absolutely, and practice that gratitude.
So that's what it's all about.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
Being grateful, serving others, making sure that
you, you're looking at yourselfand saying you know what.
What can I do to help someonewho can't pay me back?
You know what?
What can I do to help someonewho can't pay me back?
Yes, and doing something goodfor someone without letting
someone know is another greatway for you to operate in
gratitude and humility.
And so, if pride is the secretkiller, what brings life and
(31:40):
what destroys pride is humilityand gratitude.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
So, if you don't take nothing else away from this
humility, and gratitude.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
It's a superpower.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
So we love you guys.
We appreciate you guys hangingout.
Thanks for sticking us in yourears.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Remember to do all the Like, subscribe, watch the
long videos.
If you don't know how to dothat.
If you go to our channel,you're going to see at the top
it's going to say Shorts LivePodcast.
At the top up there You'll getto see all the videos.
We have lots of like one hourlong episodes on our podcast,
which is on every podcastingplatform Apple, alexa, I heart
(32:15):
radio.
We're on there as well, but forvideos we're on YouTube and if
you go, watch the long videos ithelps us to get more watch
hours.
Don't just watch the littleshort ones, watch the long ones
and give us your feedback.
The short ones, watch the longones and give us your feedback.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
share your comments Um Zyla Z Z we definitely want
to help.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Please send us an email help at
richrelationshiprefugecom.
We would love to help, to serveyou and help you to really get
a grip on what God wants for you, for your marriage.
And, uh, if you guys havequestions you have questions you
don't want to share in thisplatform please send it to help
at richrelationshiprefugecom.
We will respond to you.
We're praying for you.
We want to see you guys be yourbest self, and so gratitude and
(32:56):
humility.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
So love you guys.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
And we'll see you guys next Saturday at 12 noon
Central Standard Time.
Share this video.
Leave your comments.
And we'll see you guys nextSaturday.
We love you, true standard time.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Share this video leave your comments and we'll
see you guys next Saturday.
We love you.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
Remember we're stronger together.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
And you are more than enough Later.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for your investmentin time.
Remember to subscribe to theshow and hit the notification
icon to be notified when newepisodes are posted on the
podcast platform that you'relistening from, or you can
always find us on our website atrichrelationshipsuscom, or our
YouTube channel, richRelationships with Gil Renee.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
If you found this podcast helpful or you think it
could help someone that you knowand care about, please pass it
along and share it with them.
Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil
and Renee, where amazing thingshappen.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Our goal is to help build, repair and restore
healthy relationships.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Thank you.
Hi, my name is Renee and I'mGil from the Rich Relationship
Podcast, and we were justtalking, marcus, thank you so
much.
I was talking, thank you somuch.
We appreciate you.
See, just like that I couldhave got upset or had an
attitude, but thank you forcorrecting us.
We are so, so, very glad thatyou're with us today.
(00:39):
In relationships and it iscalled pride, and I was telling
the story about us we had asituation in our relationship
and our marriage where gilbrought to my attention about a
new goal that he wanted toimplement.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Hi, I'm nay and I'm gil I know you guys probably see
us in the car like why arey'all in the car?
Last time we were in the rv, rvand now we're in the van,
because we were actuallytraveling and so.
But we noticed there was a timechange, yeah.
So we actually said you knowwhat?
We're not going to make it back, so let's pull over and do it
(01:17):
here in our car.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
So we want to make sure that we always keep our
word to you all, thanks.
So we are talking today aboutthe silent killer in
relationships, and that silentkiller is pride, and I talked
about how that silent killernormally comes with.
It's a meal deal.
Pride normally comes along withbeing private and proud, and so
(01:44):
we had a situation in ourrelationship, in our marriage,
where last week gil came to meand brought something to my
attention about realigning ourbudget and making some changes
in our budget.
And when he talked to me aboutit, I'm like, okay, so the holy
spirit, I mean, we just came outof a 21-day prayer and fasting,
and so God put it on my heartto physically sit down and write
(02:09):
down our budget and so that wecan rightly align what our new
goal is and what we're going todo.
And I sat down and I wroteeverything down and as a result
of doing that, it's somethingabout when you write things down
.
That's what the Bible sayswrite the vision down to those
that run can run with clarity.
When you write something down,you can't deny it.
It shows you what's going on.
And so I said I came back toGil and I said babe, I said I
(02:32):
have really not been a goodsteward, I have not been wise in
the way I have utilized ourresources.
And he was like no, no, no, no.
I said no.
I said we have a new goal, sotherefore I have to be willing
to govern myself and I want tomake sure that if we have a goal
, that I'm doing what I can doto make that goal come to pass
(02:54):
and not be working against it.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
How many times have you had to bring something up to
your spouse or your significantother and you knew, or you get
a sense or a feeling that it maycause a conflict, and usually
money.
Just what Renee is using for ourexample, for our story time, as
she called it, was a topic thatis usually confrontational when
it comes to couples and themjust having a conversation, and,
(03:21):
unfortunately, sometimes it'salways from the negative
perspective.
Usually not enough resources,but if God has blessed you
enough to where you have enoughresources to do all your
obligations and all yourresponsibilities, but then you
have a little bit left over.
And what we were talking about,and the reason why the
conversation came up, wasthere's this company that has
(03:44):
these blue trucks that actuallydrive around and they drop stuff
off into your location andwe're not going to say that.
And they come to our house veryfrequently.
Yeah, and that is whatstimulated the conversation,
because not only were theycoming every day, when I went to
look at the account, it waslike bang bang, bang, bang, bang
(04:05):
bang.
And I was like wow, and eventhough it wasn't big
astronomical purchases it couldhave been 10, 20, 30, 40 bucks
here and there, but they add upy'all when you got a lot of them
hitting every day.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
Yeah, and he didn't like yell at me or get mad at me
or say you need to stop doingthat.
He just said I really want usto do some things different this
year.
And my response was not.
My response was okay andinstantly I got up and I said,
like I said, I wrote everythingdown, talked about and I accept
(04:47):
the responsibility for the factthat I was not being as frugal.
And well, I'm always going tobe frugal and thrifty, but you
can still be frugal and thriftyand still not being a good
steward, right.
And so that was just somethingthat I thought about.
In our own life, where pridecould have been a big issue, I
gave a shout out to someone inour community who shared that
they were married before andthen they got divorced and they
(05:10):
got married to each other.
That takes humility.
It took humility for them toshare that openly with us,
because we would have never hada way of knowing that.
To that couple who shared that,thank you for sharing the fact
that, being honest, open andtransparent.
Thank you for sharing the factthat being hot, yeah, honest,
open and transparent.
Thank you for being willing tobe vulnerable, because sometimes
(05:30):
we don't realize when we shareour story, we share our
struggles, we share ourdifficulties.
It helps us to help otherpeople, and so we don't want you
to think that our marriage isperfect and we don't have
difficulties and obstacles andhard things going on because we
do, which is one of the reasonswhy we're in the car.
But we just want you to knowthat when we try to live our
(05:54):
life, allowing the peace of Godand the fruit of the spirit to
govern our life, it makes adifference.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
You know one thing that I wanted to bring up in and
during this session you know,anytime that you've watched, you
probably have said you knowwhat we are always bringing up
self-assessment, self-assessment, self-assessment about the
questions that we ask or thethings that we talk about.
This is one that's a difficultone to talk about, to do a
self-check on, and I thoughtabout it when we said we're
(06:23):
going to talk about pride and Iwas like wait a minute.
I thought about it from my ownperspective and I think early in
our marriage this was somethingthat I struggled with, but not
because I thought I knew all theanswers to everything.
The pride that I had was Ididn't think anything was wrong
(06:45):
with me when it came to ourrelationships, our relationship
together, like there was nodeficiency.
Now, if you can call thatarrogant or you can call it, I
know what I know.
Now I know it was prideful,thinking ain't nothing wrong
with me, I'm good, I'm good.
But if Renee is not telling meI'm good, then more than likely
(07:05):
I'm not good in some area in ourrelationship.
And that was something that Italked about or thought about to
myself, and I'm talking withinthe first, let's just say, one
to five to seven years where Ithought I was doing good as a
husband.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
But you never asked me.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
I never asked her, but I also didn't have so much
pride internally that I didn'tthink anything was wrong.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Thank you.
New subscriber.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
I didn't think anything was wrong and when I
did that and I did thatself-check and I was like, oh
wow, that's something that Ineed to really, really focus on
and work on when it came to me.
So I'm just using that as anexample.
As Renee just said, we don'thave the answers to everything.
We're just sharing to you guyswhat 36 years of marriage can do
when you take that journeyinward, but also when you're hot
(07:56):
with yourself.
We want to be hot with ourspouse first, honest, open,
transparent.
But first you have to be hotwith yourself.
You got to be honest aboutwhat's really going on in your
life and your shortcomings, andwe call them growth areas.
You got to be transparent, evenin knowing just like I was
transparent with myself to sayyou know what?
I have some deficiencies inthis area and I need to really
(08:19):
focus on those things.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
Yeah, and I think some of the mistakes that we
make is I can't tell myself thatI'm a good wife.
Only Gil can tell me that, so Ihave to ask him If I want to
know if I'm doing well in anarea.
I have to ask the person thatcan give me their honest opinion
, because I can't tell Gil thathe's a good father.
I can tell him he's a goodhusband yeah, I can tell him
(08:41):
he's a good friend husband.
I can tell him he's a goodfriend.
I can't tell him he's a goodemployee.
And so we have to make surethat we are open enough and that
we're humble enough, that weare asking for feedback, that
we're open to feedback.
Just like Marcus, if I wouldhave not been reading the
comments, I would have not knownthat our volume was down, and
(09:01):
so we have to be willing to havechecks and balances and be open
to correction.
I thank you guys.
When you guys check ourspelling and when you correct us
on things, I don't get mad.
I'm grateful for you all,because I know that we're a
community and we will neverreach our full potential just on
our own, and so the reason whywe say you know, put your
(09:21):
comments in there.
Let us know where you're comingin from.
We want you.
One of the reasons this issomething you know sidebar A lot
of times when you see peopleyou're watching YouTube and they
say subscribe to our channel,comment like, share, watch our
long content.
(09:48):
Business and YouTube allows usto share content that encourages
and inspires and instructssingles and people in marriage,
but it also allows us toeventually be monetized and in
order for that to happen, weneed you all to watch the long
videos, like the people who joinus on these lives.
Each week, we get a hundredwatch hours.
This year we need to get to3000.
We already have 1000 watchhours if, because I think a lot
(10:09):
of times you say like, but youdon't know why so the reason why
people are asking you, that isbecause they are trying to use
their gifts and talents andtheir work as a stream of income
.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
And it's no cost to you except your time.
You hear us say thank you foryour investment in time, because
that's exactly what it is.
You know, it doesn't costanything to hit a little button
on your screen to say thumbs up,we like this and share with
some other people.
Even if you don't refer it tosomeone else, YouTube will look
at it and say, hey, maybe otherpeople want to see this and
(10:41):
they'll make a suggestion to you.
But that's one thing that wejust want to bring, as Renee
said, as a sidebar.
But I'll ask you this questionand we were talking about this
as we are driving is when itcomes to pride, have you ever
had and you guys can answer ityourself had a problem admitting
when you're wrong?
And we were even talking aboutit?
Did you say story time already?
(11:03):
Are even talking about?
It, did you say story?
time already.
Oh, you can do story time.
I got a story time and I'm notcalling my wife out, but this is
a real life situation that wehad and if I say the word,
she'll know exactly what I'mtalking about he's going to say
teal carpet.
It's a teal carpet, y'all.
If you haven't heard this, I'lllet her start it out.
And this is at the verybeginning of our marriage.
(11:25):
I would say we were marriedunder 10 years, yeah, yeah,
under 10 years, and we have justbought our first house.
And you know, when you excitedwhen you get your first house,
you just want to do everything.
But when you broke, you can'tdo everything.
You got to do it in stages andstart thinking about what is it
that is important to you.
And this is so funny now thatwe look back at it, because the
(11:50):
house was, I want to say, and Iremember this, it was a bungalow
house back in Detroit, 943square feet, y'all.
Yeah, I said 943 square feet.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
That was our first tiny house, that was a for real
tiny house by today.
We had three.
We had three children and wewere the house where everybody
else took their kids.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Oh my Lord, okay, so one bathroom.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
Oh, we sure did.
No, we have one in the basement.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
No, we had a toilet in the basement but one bathroom
, not her 43 square feet.
But Anyway, we were at a stagewhere we were going to go get
carpet and so, renee, we went tothe carpet store and Renee said
I found the carpet that I wantin the entire house.
You know, sometimes you breakit up and you put it in a living
room and bedroom and a littlebit different.
(12:35):
This is a lesson in pride.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Yeah, and it's a lesson in just because it's
cheap, it doesn't mean it'sgoing to last.
And sometimes pride, you knowpride will make you stay longer
than you were supposed to stay,spend more than you're supposed
to spend and go out of your way.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Take you longer than you want to go.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
Take you longer than you want to go, and so I wanted
this carpet, and the carpet thatI wanted was teal.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
The color teal, y'all .
Speaker 3 (13:03):
And the carpet was really cheap carpet.
They were going to do the wholehouse and it was going to be
$1,000, and it was $100 a monthfor 12 months, zero interest,
and it was like, renee, that'snot a good idea.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Now the whole house, y'all did y'all hear that.
How much again?
$1,000.
A thousand dollars, and that'sincluding carpet padding and
insulation yeah, a thousandbucks y'all.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
If it sounds so good to be true, it is too good to be
true and so I was like, babe,this may not be a good idea, but
I wanted what I wanted andthat's what pride does I wasn't
open to listening and I poutedand I turned away and gil was
like Got upset y'all.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Yeah, I was mad, and we'll do.
And I have to say, at thatstage in our relationship I was
so prideful in the senseremember I said earlier that I
didn't think anything was wrongI just said you know what, all
right, I'm just going to let itgo, I'm just going to sweep it
under the rug, I'm not going totalk about it, I'm not going to
really voice my opinion, I'm notgoing to push back, so to speak
(14:03):
, and say why we shouldn't getthis.
I said one sentence, I gave it,and I said it may not be the
best idea.
And then I left it at that.
And then she kept going on, andon, and on, and I said, fine,
fine, you know us guys, we justwant peace more than anything
else.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
I just said, fine, got the carpet.
And how long did it last?
Three months, three months,that's right, because we had
kids and a dog and everybodyelse's kids and it looked
horrible.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
And y'all know, in Detroit it's snowy and rainy and
muddy, and you bring it intothe house on a really, really
light-colored carpet, you knowwhat's going to happen.
Yeah, you get dirt and slagmarks.
And we tried cleaning thisthing because we were cleaning
it monthly.
But then it got.
She got.
Renee got so frustrated with itinstead of saying it took her a
(14:55):
little while, but then shefinally came and said her pride
diminished.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
No, first I took it up.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
This is what I hear, continuing with story time.
So after those few months goesby, I wake up in the middle of
the night to this ripping sound.
I mean like midnight, oneo'clock in the morning, renee is
with a utility knife movingfurniture and ripping up carpet.
I mean literally slicing it upwith a utility knife and pulling
(15:25):
it up.
And why did you do that?
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Because I realized that he was right and I should
have listened and I said, baby,from now on I am going to listen
to you because you think aboutthings that I don't think about.
And that was the beginning ofme learning that we're different
.
Think about and that was thebeginning of me learning that
(15:48):
we're different and I have to bewilling to submit to our
differences and and and realizethat he's going to see things
that I don't see.
And so from that so we callthat the, the um, the, the teal
carpet experience, because thatwas the first time I really
realized if I would have justlistened to him.
And so then I got to the pointthat I would say, hey, babe,
what would you think?
Speaker 1 (16:08):
But the one thing that came to mind for the going
back to the carpet just for onesecond was Proverbs 16.
Eight Pride cometh before thefall, or the tear up or the cut
up or the rip up or anythinglike that, and that was just
something that just like I usedthe example and the cut up or
the rip up or anything like that, and that was just something
that just like I used theexample, and I wasn't putting
Renee on blast or anything, butthat was something that we had
(16:29):
talked about as we were talkingabout this subject matter.
That that came to my mind fromand she even shared it.
She brought it up as far as asa lesson that we've learned
individually from a prideexperience about what happens
when you don't do or you don'tself-govern.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Or you don't consult the other person that this
decision is going to affect andso I see someone.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Oh, brianna, hey, Brianna coming from.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
Dallas, thanks, thank you, we're so glad you're here.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Four years.
That's right.
We just invest in.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Okay, but go ahead what I want to ask.
I want to ask the question toyou all what are some of the
ways that pride shows up in yourrelationship and your
communication?
I'm going to give you anexample.
We can talk about some of theways that pride shows up.
Well, I don't like what yousaid about the budget.
(17:28):
Why, why are you?
Why are you?
Why are you talking to me aboutthat?
I, I didn't do anything wrong.
So pride shows up when, whenyou're, when something is
brought to you, pride makes youyou defensive.
Or if he's telling me somethingoh, I'm sorry you feel that way
.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Say that again.
I'm sorry you feel the way youfeel.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
Yeah.
So there's different ways andwe're going to put it in notes
different ways that pride issneaking into our relationships
and you don't realize that it'scausing you to drift apart.
And so the reason why we'retalking about it because if we
don't get a grip on pride, if wedon't become aware of how it
slips into our relationships,we'll drift further and further
(18:12):
apart.
And I really believe thateveryone says it's sex and money
, but no, pride is at the rootof most of the reasons why
people get divorced.
People can't go back.
And you go back and ask forforgiveness.
You have to be willing tohumble yourself.
And so, after I sat down andlooked at the budget that the
other night and I went to Giland I said, babe, I am going to
(18:34):
do better, this is what I'mgoing to do, not just oh, I'm
sorry, no, this is what I'mgoing to do, this is the plan of
actions.
I wrote everything down.
I said OK.
So I said no, I'm not upset.
I understand.
I said, if we say we have thisgoal, we have to learn Another
thing that pride doesn't like todo.
Pride does not like to delaygratification.
(18:55):
Pride wants what it wants whenit wants it.
How much you can't have it all.
You know you can't say that youwant to.
You know, have this big goalyou want to accomplish and
you're not willing to give upanything for that to happen.
It shouldn't just be Gil'sresponsibility to make
sacrifices and delaygratification.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
We both have to do that and I want to bring back
something that you said when wecame up and we started talking
about just the finances.
This is an indicator of how youknow that you may be operating.
A little pride is if, whensomething, someone, brings
something up to your attention,you flip the script and you flip
it back around on them and comeup with justification and
(19:33):
reasons why you did what you didor responded the way you
responded.
And then that's called, we callit we said this before in
another episode that's whippingout your blame thrower, right,
yes, I said blame thrower Justlike a flame thrower.
You whip out your blame throwerand start blaming everybody in
different situations anddifferent circumstances, for why
(19:53):
you did what you did or why youresponded the way you responded
in this particular situation,and that is not going to be
beneficial to the relationshipat all.
So if you find yourselfdefensive and retaliating and
blaming others, that's walkingin pride.
But just like what Renee didwhen it came to, when she sat
(20:15):
down and did some assessment inher own, checked her, look at
her spending and said you knowwhat?
Oh, I need to reel that in alittle bit.
That's called.
That's the.
The counter to pride ishumility.
If you have to be humble enoughto say you know what, I got
that wrong, I'm going to fix it.
And this is how I'm going tofix it.
If you bring that to yoursignificant other, your spouse,
(20:39):
with your own plan of action,because if they tell you you
need to fix that, guess whatyou're going to do Blame thrower
, or you're going to startdefending what you did again,
right, so ultimately, I have tobe, I have to control and govern
myself.
Yes.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
I'm not coming.
I said this before.
Whenever I go to God about you,God always tells me about the
other person.
And so we need to be trying tofigure out.
What do I need to do different?
When you bring something to myattention, I need to say, OK,
he's telling me what he needs,so what can I do to give him
that, versus making him feellike something is wrong because
(21:15):
he asked me a legitimatequestion and so just like I
don't know.
someone saying in this personthe person that we need to be
bringing to these our timestogether is us.
Yes, another way that you knowthat you're operating in pride
if everything you hear oh yeah,she needs to hear that.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Or somebody else comes to mind.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Or he needs to hear that, when you're listening to
this and when we're all comingtogether, this is a time for me
to look at Renee and for Gil tolook at Gil.
It's not for me to look at Giland say, well, gil needs to do,
and for Gil to look at Gil.
It's not for me to look at Giland say what Gil needs to do,
because throughout the wholeBible, the only control God
gives us is self-control.
The only person I'm ever goingto be able to control and the
only person I'm going to ever beable to help, and the only
person I'm ever going to be ableto change is me.
(21:55):
And so it's just important thatwe realize that we have become
a very prideful generation, andit's easier for us to look at
the other person versus lookingat the reflection in the mirror
and saying, hey, I need to dosomething different.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
And I appreciate Z and I want to say Zion.
I don't want to butcher thename, I'm just going to say Z.
When you just put, I was justreading your post while Rene
just said that, and thescripture that came up to my
mind from the Bible was Proverbs12, 12, 1.
It talks about anytime you loveknowledge and discipline.
(22:32):
That is the fear.
Whoever loves discipline lovesknowledge, but whoever hates
correction is stupid.
That's what the Bible says inProverbs 12.
Check it out.
That's not our words.
That's exactly what you'retalking about, because all we're
trying to do is share the yearsof experience to the next
(22:54):
generation or the people who arefollowing us or following after
us, to plant those seeds.
I keep saying it over and overevery week.
I try to say it.
That's what we want to do isplant the seeds, and these
aren't our seeds.
All we're doing is sharing withyou the Bible, biblical
principles that we've learnedand we've engrafted into our
spirits and into ourrelationship.
That is going to pay dividendsto you.
(23:15):
So, hopefully, as you listen toit don't listen to us as us
checking you or like we feellike we're walking in pride, but
we're trying to say hey, thisis how it showed up in me yes,
absolutely.
We're using ourselves as anexample to say, yes, I continue
to struggle with these things ona daily basis.
The Bible also says work outyour own soul salvation, because
(23:36):
this is a daily walk.
This is things that you'regoing to have to continuously
think about and regurgitate toyourself if you want to manifest
the success in your life and inyour relationships regurgitate
to yourself if you want tomanifest the success in your
life and in your relationships.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
And I think so many times people talk about the
problem and they're alwaystalking about the next
generation.
Well, we feel that we want to bea part of the solution and we
feel that how can we expect forsomeone to know what to do if no
one ever tells them?
So we want to make sure thatwe're giving you examples and
scriptures and help you to seeyourself in the story, as well
as to see the biblical principle.
But so many times people say,well, life doesn't come with
instructions.
(24:12):
Life does come withinstructions.
The Bible gives you clearinstructions on how to do
everything, but so many times wejust don't know how to apply it
.
And so the reason why we andthis is from the book our
marital code to Oneness, youknow, right now we're talking to
our married couples and evenour singles, who want to learn
and get the insight of what itlooks like to have a healthy,
(24:33):
god-honored relationship.
This is from one of the chaptersin the book about the code
breaker, because we talked aboutbuilding your working in your
marriage, working on yourmarriage.
We talked about the foundationof what are you building on?
Love or fear?
We talked about, um, uh, whatis the framework?
You know what keeps it togethertrust, identity and empathy.
(24:57):
And then, um, this week wassupposed to be about salvation.
We're going to do that nextweek because we felt that we'd
rather talk about the codebreaker, um, which is pride and
so.
And so we just want you guys tobe aware of it, because so many
times we don't realize thatit's those, the Bible says, it's
the small foxes, that destroythe vine.
And so in the notes, we giveyou like a little check for you
to check yourself, to check yourpride, to make sure that in a
(25:21):
situation where you can presentyourself in humility or in pride
, I had a situation today whereI was talking to someone and Gil
was like Renee, you need to bethe kind you.
It's so natural for us tooperate from our anger and from
(25:41):
our frustration.
You guys know I've said I'm adirect communicator, I'm a
pioneer, and all of those can bestrengths but they can also be
hindrances.
So I have to allow him to tellme babe, reel it back in, Calm
down, Don't get in your emotions.
Share the facts.
And so we have to be.
(26:01):
The only way we're ever goingto be the best version of
ourselves is by being open tosomeone saying, hey, that's not
okay.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Right.
And one thing that and shewrote something down here and I
was looking at one of the notesthat here, when it talks about
pride the opposite of when youactually are walking in pride
this is something.
How you can gauge and put thatthing in check is to serve
others selflessly.
We talked about that before,maybe a couple of weeks ago,
about being selfless.
(26:30):
Well, when you serve othersselfless, that means because
pride will do the opposite.
Pride will say it's about me.
You'll put yourself ahead ofanything and anybody.
When it comes to something, justlike Renee with the teal carpet
or something that I may bedoing in our relationship,
thinking about what I wantversus what's best for us as a
(26:52):
whole, you know that's one thingthat we have to think about is
am I putting the others that areimportant in my life ahead of
the things that I want, desireand feel I deserve?
And if that's happening, thatshould be a gauge for you to say
, hmm, let me look at pride inmyself and see, am I doing
(27:12):
something that is triggeringthat?
Or it could be something fromthe past that you just feel like
you deserve, and there'snothing wrong with those things.
But when it becomes a drivingfactor and a driving force in
your life.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
you have to get that Read some of those examples of
what pride sounds like, what itlooks like and how it presents
itself.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
I want what I.
You said it earlier and itcan't kind of register with me
when you say I want what I want,when I want it.
We were talking about something.
I had been.
There was something that Iwanted for a lot of years, you
know, and we talked about itfrom the past for the RV.
I wanted a new RV and what Ikept saying was I work hard, I
do my job, I give selflessly.
(27:53):
You notice how I'm givingmyself credit for the good
behaviors and the good thingsthat I'm doing and I feel like I
deserve it.
Well, that made me go ooh.
When you get to the point whereyou feel like you deserve
anything, I don't care if it'ssomething big or something small
, that's that, that entitlement,when you feel like you are
(28:13):
entitled to certain things justbecause you are who you are
Pride.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
And another thing is well, well, I'm better than them
.
Well, I'm not.
I'm doing better than them.
Comparing yourself to someoneelse is another really big
indicator of pride, because, atthe end of the day, comparing
yourself to someone else isgoing to always make you look
better, because we always have atendency to find someone who is
below where we are, versustrying to, and the Lord showed
(28:41):
me that.
He said I need you to be betterthan me.
Then you can say I'm the gauge.
God is the gauge, not peoplearound you, because, guess what?
We're all human, we're allflawed, and so we need to make
sure that the Bible and God isour standard and not other
people.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Yeah, so we wanted to just come on.
We have some anotherappointment that we have to take
, so we won't be able to stickaround for this whole hour, but
we wanted to just stop where wewere going, what we were doing,
to say you know what?
We made a commitment to come onhere and talk about the things
that are whether it's in thebook or what's going on in our
regular life to drop seeds tohelp you guys and to just give
(29:16):
you examples of things that haveresonated with us.
As we say, we just reverseengineered the things that have
been pluses and minuses when itcomes to relationship and
building the healthy marriagesand successful relationships
that you may desire, and giveyou some things to think about
or even challenges that you maybe like, oh, I need to work on
that or, hey, I'm doing good inthat area.
(29:38):
That's what these are all about.
So, when we come to you guys onthese Saturdays, for all those
who chime and I see the thumbsup and all that we really
appreciate you guys.
We really appreciate you guysleaving comments, and even Renee
and I have been well, renee,more than me and I'm working on
that Always responding to thecomments.
Renee answers a lot, but I'vebeen trying to jump in there
(30:00):
y'all, so it's both of us.
So we appreciate you guys.
We just wanted to come on andsay thank you.
We appreciate y'all.
We, we appreciate you guys.
We just wanted to come on andsay thank you.
We appreciate y'all.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
We're looking at the comments.
We appreciate you, z.
Yeah, we appreciate you.
We appreciate you all forwatching and being a part of
this community, because we knowthat you only keep what you give
away If we don't ever share theareas where we struggle and
where we felt, where we fallen.
And guess what?
We're still 36 years laterwe're still falling, we're still
stumbling, we're still gettingup again, and so it's
(30:31):
understanding that you're goingto fall.
Another really big indicator ofpride is the fear of failure.
Guess what?
The only way you're ever goingto learn how to do something is
by failing.
So don't be afraid to fail.
Don't be afraid to say, hey, Imissed it yesterday, can you
forgive me?
I want to try this again.
Every single day is a newopportunity to have a new
(30:52):
relationship.
Don't let a day go by where youdon't make sure to people that
you love, that they know it,that you tell them, that you
show them, because tomorrow isnot promised to us.
We have to make sure we onlyhave today.
Gil always says at the end ofthe day, all the points go back
to zero and everything that youdid good today is gone and you
have to start doing it all overagain tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Yes, absolutely, and practice that gratitude.
So that's what it's all about.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
Being grateful, serving others, making sure that
you, you're looking at yourselfand saying you know what.
What can I do to help someonewho can't pay me back?
You know what?
What can I do to help someonewho can't pay me back?
Yes, and doing something goodfor someone without letting
someone know is another greatway for you to operate in
gratitude and humility.
And so, if pride is the secretkiller, what brings life and
(31:40):
what destroys pride is humilityand gratitude.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
So, if you don't take nothing else away from this
humility, and gratitude.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
It's a superpower.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
So we love you guys.
We appreciate you guys hangingout.
Thanks for sticking us in yourears.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Remember to do all the Like, subscribe, watch the
long videos.
If you don't know how to dothat.
If you go to our channel,you're going to see at the top
it's going to say Shorts LivePodcast.
At the top up there You'll getto see all the videos.
We have lots of like one hourlong episodes on our podcast,
which is on every podcastingplatform Apple, alexa, I heart
(32:15):
radio.
We're on there as well, but forvideos we're on YouTube and if
you go, watch the long videos ithelps us to get more watch
hours.
Don't just watch the littleshort ones, watch the long ones
and give us your feedback.
The short ones, watch the longones and give us your feedback.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
share your comments Um Zyla Z Z we definitely want
to help.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Please send us an email help at
richrelationshiprefugecom.
We would love to help, to serveyou and help you to really get
a grip on what God wants for you, for your marriage.
And, uh, if you guys havequestions you have questions you
don't want to share in thisplatform please send it to help
at richrelationshiprefugecom.
We will respond to you.
We're praying for you.
We want to see you guys be yourbest self, and so gratitude and
(32:56):
humility.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
So love you guys.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
And we'll see you guys next Saturday at 12 noon
Central Standard Time.
Share this video.
Leave your comments.
And we'll see you guys nextSaturday.
We love you, true standard time.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Share this video leave your comments and we'll
see you guys next Saturday.
We love you.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
Remember we're stronger together.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
And you are more than enough Later.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for your investmentin time.
Remember to subscribe to theshow and hit the notification
icon to be notified when newepisodes are posted on the
podcast platform that you'relistening from, or you can
always find us on our website atrichrelationshipsuscom, or our
YouTube channel, richRelationships with Gil Renee.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
If you found this podcast helpful or you think it
could help someone that you knowand care about, please pass it
along and share it with them.
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