February 10, 2025 • 40 mins
Have you ever considered that the unresolved issues within yourself might be the true root of conflicts in your relationship? We promise to shed light on how self-awareness and personal growth can transform your personal and married life. Join us as we share candid insights from our 36-year marriage journey and explore how engaging with both singles and couples can unveil strengths and growth areas for everyone. Using the metaphor of a skincare routine, we highlight the continuous care and effort needed to nurture relationships, offering practical strategies that benefit anyone looking to build healthier connections.
Imagine your relationship as a triangle where both partners are connected with God. This episode invites you to explore the profound impact of spirituality on relationships, especially in a Christ-centered marriage. Through humility, self-examination, and mutual prioritization, we discuss the importance of involving God as a central figure and challenge common misconceptions and unrealistic expectations. It's a reminder that while emotional and past pains can affect daily interactions, professional help and spiritual mentoring can pave the way for enduring and fulfilling partnerships.
Engagement is key to building a supportive relationship community, so we encourage you to subscribe and join us on this journey. Your involvement helps us create content that resonates, and by sharing these episodes, you help spread insights that can change lives. Communicate with us through comments and questions, and stay connected for more enriching discussions. Together, let's work on personal change, kindness, and love, with resources available like our books at Barnes & Noble to guide you on your path.
RICH RELATIONSHIPS REFUGE
Meet: Gil & Renée
Rich Relationships Refuge podcast with Gilbert J and Renée M. Beavers is fantastic because it's the best place to explore the reality of relationships — the good, the bad, and the painful and confusing. This podcast helps to illuminate what it means to be intimate with others and what it teaches people about them. It will make you want to strive for a kinder, more fun relationship with others., This a place where love flourishes, bonds deepen, and relationships thrive. We're Gil and Renee, authors, and marriage coaches, and we're honored to walk alongside you on your journey towards a rich and fulfilling partnership.
In a world where relationships can feel like a maze, we believe in providing you with the compass and map to navigate the path of love with confidence and grace. Whether you're single and seeking, newly dating, or preparing for marriage, our app is your sanctuary—a refuge where you can find guidance, support, and inspiration every step of the way.
https://www.richrrmarriagementors.com/book-online
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil
and Renee, where amazing thingshappen.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Our goal is to help build, prepare and restore
healthy relationships.
Our very first marriage retreatwe ever went to was with Frank
and Bunny Wilson.
That was our first, and Kenanand Sharnika Jones treated us
and invited us.
We love you, kenan, andsharnika jones treated us,
invited us.
So we love you, kenan andsharnika.
Thank you for introducing us tofrankie, bunny wilson.
But one of the things that theydid that I thought was very
(00:32):
unique and I'm not seeinganybody else do it.
They included the singles andthe couples together, because so
many times, singles think thatmarried people have it going on
and married people think thatsingle people have it going on.
But guess what?
We all have growth areas andstrengths.
So we're going to practice thatsame model of if you are single
(00:52):
and seeking marriage, or ifyou're single and you are dating
.
Please join us during thesesessions as well, because it
applies to you.
You can ask questions, you canput your comments and your
feedback.
We still want you to be engaged, we want you to be involved,
and so we just thank you youknow, one of the things I
appreciated about the way lastyear ended out.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I think it was a few episodes that we did.
We had more engagement fromthis type of format and that's
what we're trying differentthings to bring you, the
information that God has put onour heart to bring to you guys,
to invest in your relationships.
So that's what we're our maingoal is to do and if you've
gotten someone out of it, Iappreciate everyone who chimes
(01:32):
in um with the chimes or thechats and everything.
We're reading those and we'retrying to incorporate that into
the conversation.
But if you have something tosay or comments, or even on
topic or off topic, we welcomeit.
Be positive.
You know, as we're going intothe new year, sometimes people
just want to poke just for thesake of poking, for whatever
reason.
(01:53):
Well, we like to say yeah yeah,hurting people hurt other people
, right, but what we like to sayis we are trying to make
investments and bring value toyou.
So if you're not bringing value, we're going to ignore you.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yeah, simple as that.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
We're not going to even comment, we're not going to
even say it.
You know, and I've seen it,where people in the comments, in
the chats, usually jump on theother people who are jumping in
there, who bring in thenegativity.
So be positive and be try to behelpful, be inquisitive.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
You want to know.
We don't know everything, butwe will share what we do
absolutely so we are going to betalking about what today we're
going to be talking about thedifference between working in
and on your marriage.
This is in the beginning of thebook.
Um, it's in the beginning ofthe workbook and in the
beginning of the book, and itwas something that I thought was
an important thing to focus on,because throughout the workbook
(02:41):
it's really it asks youquestions.
But I want you guys tounderstand why it asks you those
questions, because how many ofyou?
Sometimes you don't read thebeginning of the book.
You just start going into thefirst chapter.
With our books you don't wantto do that.
There are always going to benuggets and insights into who we
are and why we do what we do atthe beginning of the book.
So, the beginning of the book,it talks about working in your
(03:03):
marriage and working on yourmarriage.
Well, and I see here that longball.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
I think that's long ball actually put in there.
That leaves me out.
Nope, no maybe you missed thebeginning, but we said you could
be a fly on the wall, becausethis stuff is the information
that is applicable to when youactually get married.
So by all means, stick around,still stay in and hang out get
married.
So by all means, stick around,still, stay in and hang out.
(03:28):
But the reason why we actuallytitled this chapter was when we
first got married.
I went back to work after wewere uh, got married literally
the week after you were 21 yeah,we were very young and anybody
know anybody in my marriedcouples how many people try to
give you advice about we need tofind out.
you're newlywed.
Everybody just comes with alist of what you need to do and
what you don't need to do.
Well, that happened to me whenI went back to work.
(03:49):
My supervisor at the time,trying to be helpful, basically
said you know, if you just wantto have a good marriage, you
just need to work on yourmarriage.
And I said, okay, and I'msitting there waiting for some
kind of nuggets or someinformation.
And that person gave me zero,gave me nothing, and I thought
about that and I was like well,you know what?
(04:10):
What does that really mean?
Working in and on your marriageand I took that and that was
literally at the very beginningof our marriage and God sold
that into my heart and I alwayskept that in the back of my mind
as we have grown in ourrelationship of 36 years.
We just celebrated ouranniversary a couple weeks ago,
or actually last week, um, andone thing that actually
(04:32):
resonated with me was well, workon your marriage.
And that means applying some ofthe things that we're going to
share with you today about whatthat actually means when we say
work in and on your marriage andso I'm going to give you an
example, because you guys know Ilike examples.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Okay, so this, this will be.
This will be geared towardsfemales, but men will understand
it too.
Okay, this is a product.
This is not a sponsored ad.
This is just something I haveused for years.
This is, um, it's actually aclay.
It is actually a deep cleansingmask.
You can use it's bentonite clay.
You can wash your face with thepeople, even if they do a lot
(05:07):
of different things withbentonite clay, but this is, I
have found to be a very gooddeep cleansing mask to clean
your skin, right, right.
And then this is one of myfavorite companies.
Again, this is not sponsored.
I like the lipstick bar, I liketheir lipstick and that's how I
can kiss Gil and not get makeupon him, but this is a concealer,
(05:29):
so these are both for your skin, right?
Well, this one deep cleans andleaves your skin because Gil
even said it feels so smoothLeaves it clean and smooth and
with nothing on it, this you canhave bumps and pimples and this
(05:49):
covers it up.
When we're talking aboutworking on your marriage, we're
talking about a deep clean andyou really getting to know you,
the areas where you need to growthe areas where you need to
change, the areas where you needto mature.
Working on your marriage isjust giving you a tool,
communication and consequences.
So the difference betweenworking in and on is the end is
really about you and the on isabout the tools you use to make
(06:14):
things better.
That's good, so thank you.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
That's the dealer gaming that's actually pretty
good so that's we talked today.
We're talking about working inyour marriage so the very first
one that we actually talk about.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Renee kind of mentioned it, right there the on
, we're on, so it's just you On.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Well now, I'm going to always remember this y'all
when it comes to the clay.
So when we say on that's numberone.
That's number one is actuallythat personal inventory.
When you think about personalinventory of an individual, of
(07:01):
yourself, we if you've looked atany of the other videos in the
past, all the videos we got outthere and all the stuff we talk,
or even if you've seen us teachlive and things like that, we
are individual.
Just like uh ball was justsaying here I'm single, I don't
need.
Well, this doesn't apply to me.
Well, it does because at thevery beginning, you're an
individual and you're actuallygoing to need to know yourself
very, very well.
That's where that personalinventory comes in, to where you
(07:22):
want to go into yourrelationship having a clear,
confident understanding of whoyou are as an individual.
First, because what tends tohappen and it happened even in
our marriage, you know, becausewe all have experiences and
things that we have come throughand past hurts and pains and
all those things.
Well, we got to bring thoseinto our relationship.
(07:42):
Well, when you bring that intoyour relationship, that is going
to always set you up forchallenges that you're going to
go through, because you have towork through some things prior
to actually understanding whoyou are as an individual, before
you can ever become a couple.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
And let's give you some examples of what that looks
like.
Ok, Psalms 139.
Search me, o Lord.
And so we need to be searchingourselves.
We need to be looking to seeokay, do I know my communication
style?
Do I know?
There are so many things.
Do you know your love language?
There's a new book that we'restudying and we're reading right
now.
It's called the Five Voices.
(08:18):
Do you know your voice?
There are so many assessments.
If you get our app, our, ourmarital code, if you go to the
app store and look up marriagementors, rich, rr, there are
assessments on there so that youcan search and examine yourself
.
You need to know what's yourcommunication style, what's your
(08:40):
personality, what are yourlikes, what are your dislikes,
what are your strengths, whatare your growth areas.
You need to know all that aboutyourself so that when you get
with another person and they sayto you, oh, you're
short-tempered, or oh, you knowyou're very direct, you can say
you know what I am and you knowwhat?
(09:01):
I think that's something.
How does that make you feel?
So?
If you are, if someone tells yousomething about you that you
don't already know, it's very,very easy to get defensive and
to start, um, making it seemlike it's the other person.
We always say there's no suchthing as marriage problems.
They're only individualproblems that you bring into
(09:23):
your marriage.
So if you don't take the timeto get to know you as an
individual, how are you going toreally be able to receive or
even work on getting to know theother person?
If you're still trying to getto know you, how you can get to
know this other person?
So it's very, very, very, very,very crucial that you take that
long journey and work and youlearn all these things about
(09:45):
yourself that are going to helpyou to better understand you and
then begin to do some of thethings you say you like for
yourself, that you do that byyourself.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Absolutely.
You know, proverbs talks aboutguarding your heart, when
Proverbs four talks aboutguarding your heart, because
when you don't do that, you haveto examine your heart on top of
that.
When you examine your heart,this is where some of your past
hurts, your past pains, some ofthe things that you have
experienced throughout lifeactually comes up, and this is
(10:15):
where you want to really take adeep dive into looking at those
things, because anything thatyou don't talk about and work
out, you're going to bring intoyour next relationship you don't
talk, you're going to bring itin.
And when you don't understandwhere is this coming from, why?
Why does?
When this person does ABC, Ireact with CD and E, and when
you don't understand where isthis coming from, that is going
(10:37):
to set you up for challengesthat you may not be equipped to
do, but when you hang out withus, you read some of the books
that we may mention.
You actually are working onyourself.
That's where you become awareof the things and the challenges
that you have had in your lifethat actually are going to set
you up for success, because thebeginning of it is god, put two
(10:58):
people together.
It's in even in yourrelationship.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
It's got to be three yes you want to tell about the
yes okay, it's a triangle, sothere has to be you and your,
your person down here and god atthe top, because without god
being a part of it, the thingsthat you're expected to do to be
kind and patient and loving andgentle and slow to speak and
(11:22):
presenting yourself to God inliving sacrifice holy, all these
things that it takes to makeyour relationship work the two
of you will not be able to do it.
It's not until you get into arelationship with God as an
individual that you begin to see.
Because one of the things thatwe talk about and we were
watching y'all know I love theirFuture Wifey podcast y'all know
(11:43):
I do.
And we were watching y'all knowI love their future wifey
podcast I know I do.
And we were watching theepisode with Fawn and Keith
Weaver.
And one of the things that Isaid that just resonated with me
so much was it's amazing to mewhen someone says and
articulates what you live.
One of the things that Irealized when me and Gil first
got married, I noticed a patternEvery single time I went to God
(12:06):
about Gil, God would always saywell, what about you?
And I remember the Lord.
I would go to the Lord aboutthe girls.
Well, they're doing this andthey're doing that.
And he said how about I changeyou so that when they do what
they're going to do, it doesn'taffect you?
And so one of the things thatVaughn said was we have to have
(12:27):
the mindset, and she justarticulated we have to have the
mindset that I am not going tolook at what happens between us
as Gil, I'm going to look atwhat happens to us as me,
(12:48):
happens to us as me.
We, when other things arebothering you, external things
we always say you really don'thave a, it's not a um, your
temper is really a problem.
That's an internal issue.
The reason why things bump you,they only push out of you what
was inside of you when you getmarried.
Marriage is the place whereyou're going to see the things
about yourself that you neverknew were there.
And so that's not his fault,that's me.
(13:08):
And so we have to go intorelationships with the mindset.
Is the only thing someone cando is pull what's inside of me
out.
I need to find out where itcame from.
How did it get there and changeme?
So we have to approachsituations with the mindset that
I only have control over me.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
You know it's always easy to find the growth areas in
others and seeing that theBible talks about it in Matthew,
about remove the plank fromyour eye you know one thing that
we have to focus on, especiallywhen you're getting into
another relationship, it's easyto identify problems and, just
like Mr Ball is just saying here, when that problem comes up and
the person doesn't want tofocus on it or doesn't want to
(13:50):
respond to it in a way thatactually says you know what, we
need to work on this.
You know that's why Godpartnered you in with somebody
and you're going to find that,more than likely, this person
has some strengths in the areasthat you have growth areas and
vice versa, because they are thethings that God is bringing to
you to help you get throughthose things, because if not,
(14:11):
they wouldn't be growth areas.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
You wouldn't have any struggles, you wouldn't have
any problems and it's all abouthow you respond, because it's
something we.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
I gave the example about when I burned the air
fryer, the fire outside, and Gilcame and said you know, we in a
marriage, in order for amarriage, in order for any
relationship to have longevity,there has to be this one thing
that is like a superpower, andit's called humility.
We have to approach each otherwith love and kindness.
(14:41):
And if you don't start off withthat because most people have
it in the beginning, when theyfirst start dating, you're so
nice and kind and gentle, youdon't want to hurt their
feelings, but then the longeryou get you've been together,
the more abrasive and the lessrespect and restraint you have
for one another.
You have to have that samelevel of gentleness and kindness
(15:03):
, and one of the things that meand Gil have as a rule is that I
already know that if he'ssaying something to me, it's
because he loves me, he wants tomake me better, it's not
because he's trying to destroyme or he's trying to hurt my
feelings.
And so there's some guidelines.
Number one God has to be at thecenter of it.
Number two, you have to havehumility.
And number three, you have tounderstand he is here or she is
(15:25):
here to have my back and thenmake me better, and sometimes a
part of making you better meansthey're going to say something
that you may not like, and soyou have to prepare yourself for
that.
So I know that.
I know how Gil is.
I know how his mind works.
Gil's very analytical, gil is aa think, he is a visionary,
he's looking at the future, andthat's not the way I operate,
(15:48):
and so I had to learn how to sayokay, babe, I see how that
could be beneficial.
Whereas when I was younger, mydream was and one of the things
I came up with, you always blowout my candles, and that was my
mindset was that when I wouldbring him something big and I
was excited about it, he'dalways tell me all the things
that could go wrong, and insteadof seeing that as a negative, I
(16:10):
had to see that as provisionand insight you know, when you
think about the relationshipsthat you're in, you have to
credit the person with havingyour back.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Yes, you have to credit the person with the
righteousness and the positivitythat you're seeking, or you
probably wouldn't be inrelationship with them If you
automatically gravitate to anegative aspect of this person
excuse me, of this person whoyou are actually spending the
rest of your life with and wantto spend the rest of life with,
and then you are alreadycrediting them with undermining
(16:41):
you or doing something negativetowards you.
You may have to do some morereassessing and reevaluating.
Maybe there's issues that youhave unresolved as far as trust
issues or unrealisticexpectations or things that you
have brought into therelationship that this person
had nothing to do with, thatthis person had nothing to do
(17:01):
with.
It could have been from pastexperiences that you have
brought into the presentrelationship or even in your
marriage, that you say you knowwhat this person I know Renee is
never going to try to hurt meintentionally.
I have to believe that from thevery beginning, or we wouldn't
have made it this long thatwe've been together, because if
your natural response is toalways think that there's
something negative brewing orsomething negative coming up
(17:21):
that this person is as she said.
I'm trying to blow out hercandles, not because she doesn't
want to celebrate, but I'mtrying to.
I see it as protection.
When you have this person Ithink as a man we naturally are
Are we going to protect modefirst?
Yes, that's our normal default,that's just what we do.
And when you do that, renee hasto think about OK, he's not
(17:45):
trying to hurt me, he's nottrying to disappoint me, he's
not trying to lower my, my fundmeter.
He's actually trying to see thethings that, because I want her
to be successful in the thingsthat she's trying to do, but I'm
thinking about the things thatcan become obstacles or could
become hindrances tosuccessfully accomplishing what
it is that she set out to do.
Because, guess what, I'm tryingto protect her from
disappointment, yes, so when youthink about that, that is the
(18:07):
focus and the goal that the manshould actually.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
That's our default right and it's important to
understand that when you getmarried, the two you know it's
called our marital code tooneness.
The goal of marriage is for twodifferent people to become one,
and that takes three.
That takes you, god and theother person.
But does that mean you becomethe same person?
No, it means that I look at hisstrengths and I see them as a
(18:34):
benefit, even though they mayfeel foreign to me.
And he has to do the same,because there's things that I'm
going to introduce him to thathe may not have ever thought of
and he could dismiss it as, oh,that's not necessary.
But a part of becoming one isrealizing that everything about
me is not right and great andeverything about him is not
(18:55):
right and great, and everythingabout me is not broken and wrong
, and everything about him isnot broken and wrong and about
him is not broken and wrong.
And so it's reallyunderstanding and knowing
yourself and knowing I know mygrowth areas, I know my
strengths, I know the thingsabout me that I think, areas
where I need to grow, and, andin a marriage relationship and
even in your friendships, that'swhat that rub is going to come
(19:16):
from, and if your relationshipsdon't make you better and draw
you closer to God, then I wouldask you to reevaluate the value
of those relationships.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Absolutely.
You know one thing that weactually are bringing to you in
this episode of our Saturdayafternoon chat, or whatever you
want to say we're talking about,if you just joined us we're
talking about the marital codeto oneness.
We appreciate you guys hangingout with us on these Saturdays,
because what we're trying to dois start out the new year
working on even our relationshipAfter 36 years we are still
(19:47):
trying to work and figure thingsout.
And that's what we are bringingto you guys the things that we
do on a regular habit and aregular daily basis, the tools
and the skills to invest intoyou guys to actually say you
know what, make it your own.
We're not telling you to do itverbatim, but we're telling you
the principle and the guidelinesof things that you need to be
thinking about as you navigatethis thing called marriage,
(20:09):
because it is bring it up topoint number three it is
spiritual warfare.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
It is, and I think that's something that's so
important for people tounderstand.
That's why God ordainedmarriage, and so, therefore, he
is the only one that has thepower to protect and sustain it.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
So if he's not a part , of it.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
That's why the divorce rate is so high because
we go into something that Godcreated and we don't want him to
be a part of it.
We say, well, that was good formy parents and my grandparents.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
But you know, I got this new thing going on and I'm
worried about vibrations and I'mworrying about the.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Uh, the bible says there is nothing new under the
sun.
We have got to, got to, got to,got to, got to let the lord be
the head of our life, the lordbe the head of our relationships
, because if we don't, we willallow ourselves and the and
media.
And you got to hit that babe,because if not, it's going to
cut the volume off.
It's important.
I don't know if the sound wentout or not, but we have got to
(21:10):
let the Lord be the part, thehead.
It'll come back on.
Okay, youtube, come on back onone.
(21:31):
I wonder if it's still filming,or do we?
How long did we go?
Speaker 1 (21:37):
23 minutes and it stopped, did it?
Why is it on one minute?
And there we go, we just had ahiccup, sorry.
Boy, we were just going to hitthat button and say oh, man, we
went.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
No, we did it we still here.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
We still here.
Nw we still here.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
Sorry, we're here.
We're here.
Can you hear us?
Speaker 1 (21:59):
NW, put a thumbs up or thumbs up.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Give us some hearts.
Give us some hearts.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
If you can still hear us.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
Can you hear us?
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Let us know, hopefully you're still there,
but we're just going to keepgoing.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Yes, okay.
So we need to understand thatmarriage is something that was
ordained by God and in order formarriage to work, it takes
three, and in all of yourrelationships, it takes you and
that other person to God becausejust, let's just be honest
we're living in a time whenpeople's emotions and anxiety
(22:29):
and past pain is leaving them.
They're being governed by that.
So if we don't allow the Lordand the fruit to the spirit to
govern us, everyone you come incontact with is going to be in a
bad mood and have a badattitude, and so you have to
make a decision that you are notgoing to be that person that
you are going to search me, lord, because I don't believe that
(22:53):
you know when people talk about.
Oh, you know what I have roadrage.
No, you had bathroom ragekitchen rage grocery store
grocery store rage, church rage.
You have to really ask yourselfwhy does that make me so mad?
Why does something as simple asI can remember, something as
(23:14):
simple as when um, I rememberwhen Erin was little, she had
this big thing of barrettes andit fell over and I lost it and
the Lord was like.
Now she's like two.
I understand her temper tantrum, but why are you so angry
inside?
We have to ask ourselves why amI so angry inside?
Why am I so on edge?
Why am I so easily offended?
(23:37):
And so it's important that weexamine ourselves.
And if you look at ourselvesand sometimes other than just we
need Jesus, we need community,we need therapy.
Some of us need to see atrained professional.
Some of us need to help, havesomeone to help us walk through
(23:58):
the pain of our past.
We will tell you what we dowith couples.
We help them with communitysupport tools, accountability
and assessments.
If we assess and go throughworking with you and we realize
that there are some things thatyou need to see a professional
therapist, we do not have anypride in saying, hey, what you
(24:20):
need is beyond our skill set.
So we're coaches and mentors.
We are not therapists, we arenot psychotherapists, we are not
counselors and we are verycomfortable and secure in the
vein that we are called to walkin and that is where we will
stay and you won't pull us intoor drag us into an area that we
know we're not.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
There's no grace on the line for us again if you
just join us.
We had that little hiccup inthe video in a quick second, but
we're talking about working inand on your marriage no, and
today.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Next week is on on.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
So we're talking about in and on your marriage,
and this is in deep okay, thisis from the marital code to one
is the actual book that we didthis.
This is the workbook and we'rejust sharing this with you.
We invested in our singles thelast.
What was it?
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Four months of the year.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
The last four months we talked a lot about the
singles, things that singlesactually go through.
If you want to see what thosevideos are all about, go back to
the channel, check out thosethings.
We're talking specifically tothe singles and about those
things.
Nw checked in here and he waslike, uh, this doesn't apply to
me.
Well, if you want somethingspecifically tailored to singles
, go look at that.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Those videos, they're out there and you can get the
book from barnes and noble.
It's called the singlesblueprint for dating and
marriage.
It's at barnes and noble.
You can get it online at barnesand noble.
And so now we're talking aboutour marital code to oneness,
which is also available atBarnes Noble, and we're going to
put the names of the authorsfor the other books in there.
I want to share something.
(25:46):
Go ahead, no, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Okay, so I'm going to share something.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
So if you guys watched our video from our trip
to Houston we did the unboxingyesterday and I thought it was
so hot it made me sad, becauseGil was really disappointed,
because it was just shinier thanI thought.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
No, it was not as shiny, as you thought that it
was going to turn out to be.
I know you're probably sayingwhat are you talking about, this
shiny thing?
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Okay, so I'm going to show you.
I'm going to show you.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Okay, so he was disappointed with the way it
looked, and so you, you know, ify'all know me, I am crafty, and
so I said you know what baby sokind of make him look better.
So what we did, was.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
If you see, go check out the video.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
When they did it was it a short yesterday I did the
long video and the long video.
But anyway, we were doing datenight and we were having some
fun and we went and did thislittle artsy thing.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
This is the creating something.
It's a bank.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
It's a bank.
It's something that we did as acouple's date night.
It was in the Archie For our36th anniversary In.
Houston for our anniversary.
On our anniversary weekend trip.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
But you know, and so that was a really good example
Of how our expectations Couldlead us to disappointment,
because things don't always Turnout the way you planned.
So what do you do?
When things don't go as planned?
You have to add to it and makeit better.
So this is what I have done tomake him more aesthetically
(27:07):
pleasing, and Gil said that hethought that she looked really
cute.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
A lot better.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
And so I'm going to put some clear coat over it.
So, rather than throwing thisaway because it didn't meet our
expectations, we just added toit and made it better, and
that's what we have to bewilling to do with our
relationships and if you knowanything about us, you could
probably imagine who's the goldand glitter and who's the gray.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
So I'll just say that this is a blending.
This is just like what yourmarriage is like.
It's a blending of two differentthings and some things two
different people coming togetherto create one thing, and you'll
notice that there's some goldmixed in there and there's some
gray mixed into the gold andsome gold mixed into the gray.
Well, guess what your marriageis going to be just like that.
There are going to be someareas that get mixed in to each
(27:55):
other that you're going to haveto work out.
And it doesn't mean that it'sgoing to be bad or it's going to
be, and it doesn't mean thatit's going to be bad, or it's
going to be and it's not goingto be perfect, no, but it is a
blending of.
The two shall become one.
That's what the Bible talksabout it the two shall becoming
one.
Well, we were talking about thelast point that we were talking
about is having a thriving inyour relationship, because it
has to be Christ centered.
(28:16):
That is something that webelieve at the nucleus and at
the foundation of ourrelationship, and what we
believe when we work withcouples is God has got to be the
center, and what does that looklike?
We talked about it beingspiritual warfare, because God
is going to show you thingsabout your relationship and
about your spouse and yoursignificant other that there's
(28:37):
no other way you can find thesethings out, because there may be
things about Renee that she iseven unaware of, and things
about me that I'm unaware ofbecause they are blind spots.
There are things that about usthat we have no idea that is
impacting our relationships.
But when you have someone whohas had a for real relationship
with God and is seeking God onyour behalf on a daily basis
(28:58):
with prayer and interceding andreading the word, and there God
is going to show you thingsabout them that you are going to
be there to be an aid to Right.
In Matthew 15, it talks aboutloving one another.
Love is, and that's what we aretrying to actually talk about
and demonstrate, Even when wetalk about having a God centered
God.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Thriving marriage is because that is the essence of
who you are as an individual andwhen it comes to your
relationship and the reason whywe're saying is spiritual
warfare is because there's gonnabe external forces trying to
push constantly that God is notthe source of the spiritual
warfare, he is the protector ofspiritual warfare.
Yes, the enemy is going toattack what?
(29:39):
And one of the things that Ithink is important for you to be
like well, until I got married,I was fine.
Well, and when you go intosomething that God created, now
you become a threat to the enemy.
Yes, because marriage is aninstitution ordained by God,
whether you go into it knowingthat or not.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Whether people believe it or not.
Whether people believe it ornot, it's irrelevant.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Whether people believe it or not.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
Whether people believe, it or not, it's
irrelevant.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
You will experience difficulty and adversity, that,
without the power of God and theword of God and the fruits of
the spirit and the angels andall the things that God provides
your life with, you will getinto the attack of the enemy.
That makes you say I marriedthe wrong person, I made the
(30:21):
wrong decision.
Just like when Gil saw this, hecould have said, oh, I married
the wrong person, I made thewrong decision.
Just like when Gil saw this, hecould have said, oh no, throw
it away.
That's not what I wanted,that's not the way I wanted it
to look.
Let's just throw it away.
Well, no, you got to work on it.
You got to be willing to makesome investments, you have to be
willing to make someimprovements and it has to
reflect you both.
And so I think it's importantthat we understand that, just
(30:44):
like some of the things that we,some of the decisions we make
and the projects we create andthe choices, you're going to be
willing to go through thedifficulty and the adversity and
be on the other side of that,because you will never become
everything you want to becomewithout some adversity, without
some difficulty, without somepulling and then the other thing
(31:04):
, without all those things, butalso without the selflessness.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Oh, yeah when he, when I say that, when I talk
about being selfless.
If you are getting married andyou have not worked out some
selfish things and selfishbehavior in your relationship
and in you as an individual, youare going to struggle when it
comes to another person, becausemarriage is the highest form of
serving someone else that youare ever experienced.
(31:30):
If you're not ready to do that,if you're not ready to put
yourself second and I'm not justtalking about the guys putting
everybody- ahead of them.
I'm talking about Renee puttingme ahead of her and me putting
Renee ahead of myself.
You should stay single for alittle while, yeah, and if
you're married and you haven't,if that's new information to you
(31:50):
well, we challenge you becausewe have realized that the more I
put Renee ahead of me Goals,dreams, aspirations, desires and
all those things and the more.
I put you ahead of me goals,dreams, aspirations, priorities
then you'll be amazed at how I'mable to accomplish the things
that I want to do and she's ableto accomplish the things she
wants to do by two peopleworking on it together but that
(32:14):
comes from.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
I came as a whole, 100%, person goes back to the
first one so I'm not losingmyself in him.
I am prioritizing him over mebecause I'm just as valuable,
and so I think sometimes kind ofpeople get confused between, um
, the two becoming one orprioritizing putting him first.
(32:36):
Putting him first does not meanthat I'm not valuable.
It just means that I say, whatdo you need, baby?
And then he.
So I'm putting him first andhe's putting me first.
So we're basically God isteaching us how to love the way
he loves, because God gave, goddidn't just talk, god gave and
(32:57):
he showed and he served.
Jesus came to serve, and so Ireally believe that when we
operate the way God has calledus to, marriage is attractive to
people around.
They see it.
There's something differentabout you.
There's a glow, there's a smile, there's a lightness, and it
comes from letting God carry theburden and not you having to do
(33:20):
it carry the burden and not youhaving to do it.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
And then another thing to help your relationship
thrive, and as far as beingChrist centered is thinking
about, do you have thoseunrealistic expectations when it
comes to your relationship?
When we have those unrealisticexpectations and we bring them
into our relationship, just likethis person said, it could be
utterly nonsense.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
So give some examples of men's unrealistic
expectations.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
For my wife to me to come home every day and my wife
going to have on and this issomething that was.
You're going to have on a sexyoutfit and have dinner on the
table For me every single day.
I come home from work andyou're going to have mad, crazy
sex whenever you want.
All those different things thatwill feed into my own desires
and my own selfishness.
That is realistic nonsense.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
Okay, so I'm going to talk about some of the
uncommunicated expectations thatwe bring as women.
When he's supposed to know whatI want, I shouldn't have to
tell him.
I shouldn't have to ask himnothing.
We've been together long enough.
He should be able to read mymind.
We bring some very unrealistic,we bring some uncommunicated
(34:29):
expectations to the relationship.
We sometimes feel that, by notsaying anything, that it's up to
him to figure it out.
One of the things that I usedto do when we first got married,
when I would get mad, I wouldjust be quiet and I would be
looking out the window, I wouldbe turning away.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
Come on, ladies, y'all know y'all do it.
I would be in the car lookingout the window at the other way.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
What's wrong?
Nothing.
What's wrong?
Nothing that's so childish thatyou're having a temper tantrum
and you want somebody else topull you back A part of having
God in your life.
When Matthew said, you move theplane from your own now before
you move the splinter, Iremember asking the Lord well,
why do they have a splinter andnot have a plane?
(35:13):
He said because you're alwaysworking on other people.
Sometimes, as women, we'rereally good at figuring out what
he needs to do Everybody elseneeds to do that and he needs to
work on.
Sweetie, what do you need towork on, sis, rich sis, what is
it in your relationship that youneed to work on?
And with your friends, withyour children, with your spouse,
(35:34):
with your person, what is itthat you need to work on?
You need to know that one ofthese I challenge us this year
is you should know your owngrowth areas.
You should not just yourstrengths, you should know your
growth areas.
What are some of the areaswhere your personality needs to
be tempered by love, joy,goodness, faith and it's done to
(35:58):
sneak this up control, becauseone of the things I know that we
have a tendency to say this isjust my face.
Well, if that's just your face,then is that face inviting?
We use some of, we use, we useour culture as an excuse to be
not so inviting and kind andwarm.
(36:21):
You know I'm not saying youhave to be someone else's
personality but, I, do believethat we have a responsibility.
love, joy, goodness,faithfulness, gentleness,
meekness and self-control that'snot my standard.
That's God's standard.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
That's in the Bible.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
Proof to the Spirit.
So I challenge us, as women, tobe very much aware of our own
growth areas and to be very muchaware of our own growth areas
and to be able to express andcommunicate that to someone who
is close to us, so that they canhold us accountable, so we can
get better.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
So we appreciate you guys hanging out with us.
We just share with you guys.
We are talking about themarital code to oneness.
We're talking about working inand on your marriage, in your
marriage.
We're talking about it Deep.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
If you want to know why she's working in your
marriage, you got to go back andwatch the video working.
This is we're working.
We're going deep.
We're working in our marriage,which means we're working on
ourself, and we still have to dothat, even as a couple, I'm
still working on myself so we'retalking about the marital code,
the oneness we're talking inwork, talking about in and on
your marriage, and this week istalking about in your marriage
(37:24):
and next week we're going totalk about on your marriage,
some of the things and tools andskills that you can actually
take into your marriage, andsome of the things you may be
doing already and doing well,and some of the things may be
new information.
All we're doing is sharingthings with you guys of 36 years
that we have practiced in ourmarriage, that we've been
working with couples for over 20plus years yeah, 20 years when
(37:46):
it comes to how to make therelationship better, because we
all can get better at this thingcalled marriage and at this
thing called relationships andone of the things I remember
watching this video there wasthis famous athlete I remember
his name and he was like one ofthe best golf players and he
said that every year at thebeginning of the year, he goes
(38:06):
back to the basics, because bythe end of the year, you've
gotten away from the basics.
What are some of the thingsyou're going back to Like?
I decided this year that I amgoing to read.
Like last year, I read throughthe Bible with the Bible app.
I love the YouVersion.
This year, I'm reading the Bibleapp.
I love the YouVersion.
This year, I'm reading theBible.
I'm going to read the wholeentire Bible.
So, join me, I'm reading fourchapters a day, every day,
(38:29):
because I feel that God deservesas much of my attention as I
give all the other things.
So that's one of the thingsI've made a decision to do.
And so what are some of thethings you're going to do this
year that's going to make youbetter than you were last year?
Speaker 1 (38:43):
So we hope you guys enjoy hanging out with us this
Saturday, If you want to.
If you didn't catch thebeginning, we apologize for the
hiccup, but that you may havemissed a little bit of the video
.
That actually happened.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Somebody called us, but that's OK.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
But marital code to oneness we're talking about in
and on your marriage.
Go back and check out the videoat the very beginning.
Do all the likes, subscribe,share, yeah, like subscribe,
share.
Speaker 2 (39:06):
Turn on the bell.
Okay, y'all this year.
I celebrate y'all for last year.
Hallelujah, you guys did great.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
We had 2,000 videos.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
We had over 38,000 followers on Instagram, on
YouTube and you guys, we have3.3 million views on YouTube.
We want to get to the placethat the people who are watching
our videos are subscribers.
We are getting a lot of viewsfrom people who are not
(39:36):
subscribers.
We want you to not justsubscribe to said that you're
not.
You're not subscribing andyou're not.
There's the bell.
Notification is not beingturned on.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
We need you to subscribe.
We need you to do that.
Turn on notifications.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Turn on notifications so that you can help us,
because it helps us to helpother people.
And it helps us to know that,hey, this is something people
want to watch, so share it withother people.
Thank you for watching.
We love you.
If you have comments andquestions, questions, put them
in the chat.
Um, we're going to give yousome time.
If you guys want to ask somequestions, please feel free to
(40:07):
do that.
Um, if you want to reach out tous personally, reach out to us
thank you for listening.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
Thank you for your investment in time.
Remember to subscribe to theshow and hit the notification
icon to be notified when newepisodes are posted on the
podcast platform that you'relistening from, or you can
always find us on our website atrichrelationshipsuscom, or our
YouTube channel, richRelationships with Gil Renee.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
If you found this podcast helpful or you think it
could help someone that you knowand care about, please pass it
along and share it with them.
Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil
and Renee, where amazing thingshappen.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Our goal is to help build, prepare and restore
healthy relationships.
Our very first marriage retreatwe ever went to was with Frank
and Bunny Wilson.
That was our first, and Kenanand Sharnika Jones treated us
and invited us.
We love you, kenan, andsharnika jones treated us,
invited us.
So we love you, kenan andsharnika.
Thank you for introducing us tofrankie, bunny wilson.
But one of the things that theydid that I thought was very
(00:32):
unique and I'm not seeinganybody else do it.
They included the singles andthe couples together, because so
many times, singles think thatmarried people have it going on
and married people think thatsingle people have it going on.
But guess what?
We all have growth areas andstrengths.
So we're going to practice thatsame model of if you are single
(00:52):
and seeking marriage, or ifyou're single and you are dating
.
Please join us during thesesessions as well, because it
applies to you.
You can ask questions, you canput your comments and your
feedback.
We still want you to be engaged, we want you to be involved,
and so we just thank you youknow, one of the things I
appreciated about the way lastyear ended out.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I think it was a few episodes that we did.
We had more engagement fromthis type of format and that's
what we're trying differentthings to bring you, the
information that God has put onour heart to bring to you guys,
to invest in your relationships.
So that's what we're our maingoal is to do and if you've
gotten someone out of it, Iappreciate everyone who chimes
(01:32):
in um with the chimes or thechats and everything.
We're reading those and we'retrying to incorporate that into
the conversation.
But if you have something tosay or comments, or even on
topic or off topic, we welcomeit.
Be positive.
You know, as we're going intothe new year, sometimes people
just want to poke just for thesake of poking, for whatever
reason.
(01:53):
Well, we like to say yeah yeah,hurting people hurt other people
, right, but what we like to sayis we are trying to make
investments and bring value toyou.
So if you're not bringing value, we're going to ignore you.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yeah, simple as that.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
We're not going to even comment, we're not going to
even say it.
You know, and I've seen it,where people in the comments, in
the chats, usually jump on theother people who are jumping in
there, who bring in thenegativity.
So be positive and be try to behelpful, be inquisitive.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
You want to know.
We don't know everything, butwe will share what we do
absolutely so we are going to betalking about what today we're
going to be talking about thedifference between working in
and on your marriage.
This is in the beginning of thebook.
Um, it's in the beginning ofthe workbook and in the
beginning of the book, and itwas something that I thought was
an important thing to focus on,because throughout the workbook
(02:41):
it's really it asks youquestions.
But I want you guys tounderstand why it asks you those
questions, because how many ofyou?
Sometimes you don't read thebeginning of the book.
You just start going into thefirst chapter.
With our books you don't wantto do that.
There are always going to benuggets and insights into who we
are and why we do what we do atthe beginning of the book.
So, the beginning of the book,it talks about working in your
(03:03):
marriage and working on yourmarriage.
Well, and I see here that longball.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
I think that's long ball actually put in there.
That leaves me out.
Nope, no maybe you missed thebeginning, but we said you could
be a fly on the wall, becausethis stuff is the information
that is applicable to when youactually get married.
So by all means, stick around,still stay in and hang out get
married.
So by all means, stick around,still, stay in and hang out.
(03:28):
But the reason why we actuallytitled this chapter was when we
first got married.
I went back to work after wewere uh, got married literally
the week after you were 21 yeah,we were very young and anybody
know anybody in my marriedcouples how many people try to
give you advice about we need tofind out.
you're newlywed.
Everybody just comes with alist of what you need to do and
what you don't need to do.
Well, that happened to me whenI went back to work.
(03:49):
My supervisor at the time,trying to be helpful, basically
said you know, if you just wantto have a good marriage, you
just need to work on yourmarriage.
And I said, okay, and I'msitting there waiting for some
kind of nuggets or someinformation.
And that person gave me zero,gave me nothing, and I thought
about that and I was like well,you know what?
(04:10):
What does that really mean?
Working in and on your marriageand I took that and that was
literally at the very beginningof our marriage and God sold
that into my heart and I alwayskept that in the back of my mind
as we have grown in ourrelationship of 36 years.
We just celebrated ouranniversary a couple weeks ago,
or actually last week, um, andone thing that actually
(04:32):
resonated with me was well, workon your marriage.
And that means applying some ofthe things that we're going to
share with you today about whatthat actually means when we say
work in and on your marriage andso I'm going to give you an
example, because you guys know Ilike examples.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Okay, so this, this will be.
This will be geared towardsfemales, but men will understand
it too.
Okay, this is a product.
This is not a sponsored ad.
This is just something I haveused for years.
This is, um, it's actually aclay.
It is actually a deep cleansingmask.
You can use it's bentonite clay.
You can wash your face with thepeople, even if they do a lot
(05:07):
of different things withbentonite clay, but this is, I
have found to be a very gooddeep cleansing mask to clean
your skin, right, right.
And then this is one of myfavorite companies.
Again, this is not sponsored.
I like the lipstick bar, I liketheir lipstick and that's how I
can kiss Gil and not get makeupon him, but this is a concealer,
(05:29):
so these are both for your skin, right?
Well, this one deep cleans andleaves your skin because Gil
even said it feels so smoothLeaves it clean and smooth and
with nothing on it, this you canhave bumps and pimples and this
(05:49):
covers it up.
When we're talking aboutworking on your marriage, we're
talking about a deep clean andyou really getting to know you,
the areas where you need to growthe areas where you need to
change, the areas where you needto mature.
Working on your marriage isjust giving you a tool,
communication and consequences.
So the difference betweenworking in and on is the end is
really about you and the on isabout the tools you use to make
(06:14):
things better.
That's good, so thank you.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
That's the dealer gaming that's actually pretty
good so that's we talked today.
We're talking about working inyour marriage so the very first
one that we actually talk about.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Renee kind of mentioned it, right there the on
, we're on, so it's just you On.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Well now, I'm going to always remember this y'all
when it comes to the clay.
So when we say on that's numberone.
That's number one is actuallythat personal inventory.
When you think about personalinventory of an individual, of
(07:01):
yourself, we if you've looked atany of the other videos in the
past, all the videos we got outthere and all the stuff we talk,
or even if you've seen us teachlive and things like that, we
are individual.
Just like uh ball was justsaying here I'm single, I don't
need.
Well, this doesn't apply to me.
Well, it does because at thevery beginning, you're an
individual and you're actuallygoing to need to know yourself
very, very well.
That's where that personalinventory comes in, to where you
(07:22):
want to go into yourrelationship having a clear,
confident understanding of whoyou are as an individual.
First, because what tends tohappen and it happened even in
our marriage, you know, becausewe all have experiences and
things that we have come throughand past hurts and pains and
all those things.
Well, we got to bring thoseinto our relationship.
(07:42):
Well, when you bring that intoyour relationship, that is going
to always set you up forchallenges that you're going to
go through, because you have towork through some things prior
to actually understanding whoyou are as an individual, before
you can ever become a couple.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
And let's give you some examples of what that looks
like.
Ok, Psalms 139.
Search me, o Lord.
And so we need to be searchingourselves.
We need to be looking to seeokay, do I know my communication
style?
Do I know?
There are so many things.
Do you know your love language?
There's a new book that we'restudying and we're reading right
now.
It's called the Five Voices.
(08:18):
Do you know your voice?
There are so many assessments.
If you get our app, our, ourmarital code, if you go to the
app store and look up marriagementors, rich, rr, there are
assessments on there so that youcan search and examine yourself
.
You need to know what's yourcommunication style, what's your
(08:40):
personality, what are yourlikes, what are your dislikes,
what are your strengths, whatare your growth areas.
You need to know all that aboutyourself so that when you get
with another person and they sayto you, oh, you're
short-tempered, or oh, you knowyou're very direct, you can say
you know what I am and you knowwhat?
(09:01):
I think that's something.
How does that make you feel?
So?
If you are, if someone tells yousomething about you that you
don't already know, it's very,very easy to get defensive and
to start, um, making it seemlike it's the other person.
We always say there's no suchthing as marriage problems.
They're only individualproblems that you bring into
(09:23):
your marriage.
So if you don't take the timeto get to know you as an
individual, how are you going toreally be able to receive or
even work on getting to know theother person?
If you're still trying to getto know you, how you can get to
know this other person?
So it's very, very, very, very,very crucial that you take that
long journey and work and youlearn all these things about
(09:45):
yourself that are going to helpyou to better understand you and
then begin to do some of thethings you say you like for
yourself, that you do that byyourself.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Absolutely.
You know, proverbs talks aboutguarding your heart, when
Proverbs four talks aboutguarding your heart, because
when you don't do that, you haveto examine your heart on top of
that.
When you examine your heart,this is where some of your past
hurts, your past pains, some ofthe things that you have
experienced throughout lifeactually comes up, and this is
(10:15):
where you want to really take adeep dive into looking at those
things, because anything thatyou don't talk about and work
out, you're going to bring intoyour next relationship you don't
talk, you're going to bring itin.
And when you don't understandwhere is this coming from, why?
Why does?
When this person does ABC, Ireact with CD and E, and when
you don't understand where isthis coming from, that is going
(10:37):
to set you up for challengesthat you may not be equipped to
do, but when you hang out withus, you read some of the books
that we may mention.
You actually are working onyourself.
That's where you become awareof the things and the challenges
that you have had in your lifethat actually are going to set
you up for success, because thebeginning of it is god, put two
(10:58):
people together.
It's in even in yourrelationship.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
It's got to be three yes you want to tell about the
yes okay, it's a triangle, sothere has to be you and your,
your person down here and god atthe top, because without god
being a part of it, the thingsthat you're expected to do to be
kind and patient and loving andgentle and slow to speak and
(11:22):
presenting yourself to God inliving sacrifice holy, all these
things that it takes to makeyour relationship work the two
of you will not be able to do it.
It's not until you get into arelationship with God as an
individual that you begin to see.
Because one of the things thatwe talk about and we were
watching y'all know I love theirFuture Wifey podcast y'all know
(11:43):
I do.
And we were watching y'all knowI love their future wifey
podcast I know I do.
And we were watching theepisode with Fawn and Keith
Weaver.
And one of the things that Isaid that just resonated with me
so much was it's amazing to mewhen someone says and
articulates what you live.
One of the things that Irealized when me and Gil first
got married, I noticed a patternEvery single time I went to God
(12:06):
about Gil, God would always saywell, what about you?
And I remember the Lord.
I would go to the Lord aboutthe girls.
Well, they're doing this andthey're doing that.
And he said how about I changeyou so that when they do what
they're going to do, it doesn'taffect you?
And so one of the things thatVaughn said was we have to have
(12:27):
the mindset, and she justarticulated we have to have the
mindset that I am not going tolook at what happens between us
as Gil, I'm going to look atwhat happens to us as me,
(12:48):
happens to us as me.
We, when other things arebothering you, external things
we always say you really don'thave a, it's not a um, your
temper is really a problem.
That's an internal issue.
The reason why things bump you,they only push out of you what
was inside of you when you getmarried.
Marriage is the place whereyou're going to see the things
about yourself that you neverknew were there.
And so that's not his fault,that's me.
(13:08):
And so we have to go intorelationships with the mindset.
Is the only thing someone cando is pull what's inside of me
out.
I need to find out where itcame from.
How did it get there and changeme?
So we have to approachsituations with the mindset that
I only have control over me.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
You know it's always easy to find the growth areas in
others and seeing that theBible talks about it in Matthew,
about remove the plank fromyour eye you know one thing that
we have to focus on, especiallywhen you're getting into
another relationship, it's easyto identify problems and, just
like Mr Ball is just saying here, when that problem comes up and
the person doesn't want tofocus on it or doesn't want to
(13:50):
respond to it in a way thatactually says you know what, we
need to work on this.
You know that's why Godpartnered you in with somebody
and you're going to find that,more than likely, this person
has some strengths in the areasthat you have growth areas and
vice versa, because they are thethings that God is bringing to
you to help you get throughthose things, because if not,
(14:11):
they wouldn't be growth areas.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
You wouldn't have any struggles, you wouldn't have
any problems and it's all abouthow you respond, because it's
something we.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
I gave the example about when I burned the air
fryer, the fire outside, and Gilcame and said you know, we in a
marriage, in order for amarriage, in order for any
relationship to have longevity,there has to be this one thing
that is like a superpower, andit's called humility.
We have to approach each otherwith love and kindness.
(14:41):
And if you don't start off withthat because most people have
it in the beginning, when theyfirst start dating, you're so
nice and kind and gentle, youdon't want to hurt their
feelings, but then the longeryou get you've been together,
the more abrasive and the lessrespect and restraint you have
for one another.
You have to have that samelevel of gentleness and kindness
(15:03):
, and one of the things that meand Gil have as a rule is that I
already know that if he'ssaying something to me, it's
because he loves me, he wants tomake me better, it's not
because he's trying to destroyme or he's trying to hurt my
feelings.
And so there's some guidelines.
Number one God has to be at thecenter of it.
Number two, you have to havehumility.
And number three, you have tounderstand he is here or she is
(15:25):
here to have my back and thenmake me better, and sometimes a
part of making you better meansthey're going to say something
that you may not like, and soyou have to prepare yourself for
that.
So I know that.
I know how Gil is.
I know how his mind works.
Gil's very analytical, gil is aa think, he is a visionary,
he's looking at the future, andthat's not the way I operate,
(15:48):
and so I had to learn how to sayokay, babe, I see how that
could be beneficial.
Whereas when I was younger, mydream was and one of the things
I came up with, you always blowout my candles, and that was my
mindset was that when I wouldbring him something big and I
was excited about it, he'dalways tell me all the things
that could go wrong, and insteadof seeing that as a negative, I
(16:10):
had to see that as provisionand insight you know, when you
think about the relationshipsthat you're in, you have to
credit the person with havingyour back.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Yes, you have to credit the person with the
righteousness and the positivitythat you're seeking, or you
probably wouldn't be inrelationship with them If you
automatically gravitate to anegative aspect of this person
excuse me, of this person whoyou are actually spending the
rest of your life with and wantto spend the rest of life with,
and then you are alreadycrediting them with undermining
(16:41):
you or doing something negativetowards you.
You may have to do some morereassessing and reevaluating.
Maybe there's issues that youhave unresolved as far as trust
issues or unrealisticexpectations or things that you
have brought into therelationship that this person
had nothing to do with, thatthis person had nothing to do
(17:01):
with.
It could have been from pastexperiences that you have
brought into the presentrelationship or even in your
marriage, that you say you knowwhat this person I know Renee is
never going to try to hurt meintentionally.
I have to believe that from thevery beginning, or we wouldn't
have made it this long thatwe've been together, because if
your natural response is toalways think that there's
something negative brewing orsomething negative coming up
(17:21):
that this person is as she said.
I'm trying to blow out hercandles, not because she doesn't
want to celebrate, but I'mtrying to.
I see it as protection.
When you have this person Ithink as a man we naturally are
Are we going to protect modefirst?
Yes, that's our normal default,that's just what we do.
And when you do that, renee hasto think about OK, he's not
(17:45):
trying to hurt me, he's nottrying to disappoint me, he's
not trying to lower my, my fundmeter.
He's actually trying to see thethings that, because I want her
to be successful in the thingsthat she's trying to do, but I'm
thinking about the things thatcan become obstacles or could
become hindrances tosuccessfully accomplishing what
it is that she set out to do.
Because, guess what, I'm tryingto protect her from
disappointment, yes, so when youthink about that, that is the
(18:07):
focus and the goal that the manshould actually.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
That's our default right and it's important to
understand that when you getmarried, the two you know it's
called our marital code tooneness.
The goal of marriage is for twodifferent people to become one,
and that takes three.
That takes you, god and theother person.
But does that mean you becomethe same person?
No, it means that I look at hisstrengths and I see them as a
(18:34):
benefit, even though they mayfeel foreign to me.
And he has to do the same,because there's things that I'm
going to introduce him to thathe may not have ever thought of
and he could dismiss it as, oh,that's not necessary.
But a part of becoming one isrealizing that everything about
me is not right and great andeverything about him is not
(18:55):
right and great, and everythingabout me is not broken and wrong
, and everything about him isnot broken and wrong and about
him is not broken and wrong.
And so it's reallyunderstanding and knowing
yourself and knowing I know mygrowth areas, I know my
strengths, I know the thingsabout me that I think, areas
where I need to grow, and, andin a marriage relationship and
even in your friendships, that'swhat that rub is going to come
(19:16):
from, and if your relationshipsdon't make you better and draw
you closer to God, then I wouldask you to reevaluate the value
of those relationships.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Absolutely.
You know one thing that weactually are bringing to you in
this episode of our Saturdayafternoon chat, or whatever you
want to say we're talking about,if you just joined us we're
talking about the marital codeto oneness.
We appreciate you guys hangingout with us on these Saturdays,
because what we're trying to dois start out the new year
working on even our relationshipAfter 36 years we are still
(19:47):
trying to work and figure thingsout.
And that's what we are bringingto you guys the things that we
do on a regular habit and aregular daily basis, the tools
and the skills to invest intoyou guys to actually say you
know what, make it your own.
We're not telling you to do itverbatim, but we're telling you
the principle and the guidelinesof things that you need to be
thinking about as you navigatethis thing called marriage,
(20:09):
because it is bring it up topoint number three it is
spiritual warfare.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
It is, and I think that's something that's so
important for people tounderstand.
That's why God ordainedmarriage, and so, therefore, he
is the only one that has thepower to protect and sustain it.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
So if he's not a part , of it.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
That's why the divorce rate is so high because
we go into something that Godcreated and we don't want him to
be a part of it.
We say, well, that was good formy parents and my grandparents.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
But you know, I got this new thing going on and I'm
worried about vibrations and I'mworrying about the.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Uh, the bible says there is nothing new under the
sun.
We have got to, got to, got to,got to, got to let the lord be
the head of our life, the lordbe the head of our relationships
, because if we don't, we willallow ourselves and the and
media.
And you got to hit that babe,because if not, it's going to
cut the volume off.
It's important.
I don't know if the sound wentout or not, but we have got to
(21:10):
let the Lord be the part, thehead.
It'll come back on.
Okay, youtube, come on back onone.
(21:31):
I wonder if it's still filming,or do we?
How long did we go?
Speaker 1 (21:37):
23 minutes and it stopped, did it?
Why is it on one minute?
And there we go, we just had ahiccup, sorry.
Boy, we were just going to hitthat button and say oh, man, we
went.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
No, we did it we still here.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
We still here.
Nw we still here.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
Sorry, we're here.
We're here.
Can you hear us?
Speaker 1 (21:59):
NW, put a thumbs up or thumbs up.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Give us some hearts.
Give us some hearts.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
If you can still hear us.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
Can you hear us?
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Let us know, hopefully you're still there,
but we're just going to keepgoing.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Yes, okay.
So we need to understand thatmarriage is something that was
ordained by God and in order formarriage to work, it takes
three, and in all of yourrelationships, it takes you and
that other person to God becausejust, let's just be honest
we're living in a time whenpeople's emotions and anxiety
(22:29):
and past pain is leaving them.
They're being governed by that.
So if we don't allow the Lordand the fruit to the spirit to
govern us, everyone you come incontact with is going to be in a
bad mood and have a badattitude, and so you have to
make a decision that you are notgoing to be that person that
you are going to search me, lord, because I don't believe that
(22:53):
you know when people talk about.
Oh, you know what I have roadrage.
No, you had bathroom ragekitchen rage grocery store
grocery store rage, church rage.
You have to really ask yourselfwhy does that make me so mad?
Why does something as simple asI can remember, something as
(23:14):
simple as when um, I rememberwhen Erin was little, she had
this big thing of barrettes andit fell over and I lost it and
the Lord was like.
Now she's like two.
I understand her temper tantrum, but why are you so angry
inside?
We have to ask ourselves why amI so angry inside?
Why am I so on edge?
Why am I so easily offended?
(23:37):
And so it's important that weexamine ourselves.
And if you look at ourselvesand sometimes other than just we
need Jesus, we need community,we need therapy.
Some of us need to see atrained professional.
Some of us need to help, havesomeone to help us walk through
(23:58):
the pain of our past.
We will tell you what we dowith couples.
We help them with communitysupport tools, accountability
and assessments.
If we assess and go throughworking with you and we realize
that there are some things thatyou need to see a professional
therapist, we do not have anypride in saying, hey, what you
(24:20):
need is beyond our skill set.
So we're coaches and mentors.
We are not therapists, we arenot psychotherapists, we are not
counselors and we are verycomfortable and secure in the
vein that we are called to walkin and that is where we will
stay and you won't pull us intoor drag us into an area that we
know we're not.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
There's no grace on the line for us again if you
just join us.
We had that little hiccup inthe video in a quick second, but
we're talking about working inand on your marriage no, and
today.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Next week is on on.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
So we're talking about in and on your marriage,
and this is in deep okay, thisis from the marital code to one
is the actual book that we didthis.
This is the workbook and we'rejust sharing this with you.
We invested in our singles thelast.
What was it?
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Four months of the year.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
The last four months we talked a lot about the
singles, things that singlesactually go through.
If you want to see what thosevideos are all about, go back to
the channel, check out thosethings.
We're talking specifically tothe singles and about those
things.
Nw checked in here and he waslike, uh, this doesn't apply to
me.
Well, if you want somethingspecifically tailored to singles
, go look at that.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Those videos, they're out there and you can get the
book from barnes and noble.
It's called the singlesblueprint for dating and
marriage.
It's at barnes and noble.
You can get it online at barnesand noble.
And so now we're talking aboutour marital code to oneness,
which is also available atBarnes Noble, and we're going to
put the names of the authorsfor the other books in there.
I want to share something.
(25:46):
Go ahead, no, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Okay, so I'm going to share something.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
So if you guys watched our video from our trip
to Houston we did the unboxingyesterday and I thought it was
so hot it made me sad, becauseGil was really disappointed,
because it was just shinier thanI thought.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
No, it was not as shiny, as you thought that it
was going to turn out to be.
I know you're probably sayingwhat are you talking about, this
shiny thing?
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Okay, so I'm going to show you.
I'm going to show you.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Okay, so he was disappointed with the way it
looked, and so you, you know, ify'all know me, I am crafty, and
so I said you know what baby sokind of make him look better.
So what we did, was.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
If you see, go check out the video.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
When they did it was it a short yesterday I did the
long video and the long video.
But anyway, we were doing datenight and we were having some
fun and we went and did thislittle artsy thing.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
This is the creating something.
It's a bank.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
It's a bank.
It's something that we did as acouple's date night.
It was in the Archie For our36th anniversary In.
Houston for our anniversary.
On our anniversary weekend trip.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
But you know, and so that was a really good example
Of how our expectations Couldlead us to disappointment,
because things don't always Turnout the way you planned.
So what do you do?
When things don't go as planned?
You have to add to it and makeit better.
So this is what I have done tomake him more aesthetically
(27:07):
pleasing, and Gil said that hethought that she looked really
cute.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
A lot better.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
And so I'm going to put some clear coat over it.
So, rather than throwing thisaway because it didn't meet our
expectations, we just added toit and made it better, and
that's what we have to bewilling to do with our
relationships and if you knowanything about us, you could
probably imagine who's the goldand glitter and who's the gray.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
So I'll just say that this is a blending.
This is just like what yourmarriage is like.
It's a blending of two differentthings and some things two
different people coming togetherto create one thing, and you'll
notice that there's some goldmixed in there and there's some
gray mixed into the gold andsome gold mixed into the gray.
Well, guess what your marriageis going to be just like that.
There are going to be someareas that get mixed in to each
(27:55):
other that you're going to haveto work out.
And it doesn't mean that it'sgoing to be bad or it's going to
be, and it doesn't mean thatit's going to be bad, or it's
going to be and it's not goingto be perfect, no, but it is a
blending of.
The two shall become one.
That's what the Bible talksabout it the two shall becoming
one.
Well, we were talking about thelast point that we were talking
about is having a thriving inyour relationship, because it
has to be Christ centered.
(28:16):
That is something that webelieve at the nucleus and at
the foundation of ourrelationship, and what we
believe when we work withcouples is God has got to be the
center, and what does that looklike?
We talked about it beingspiritual warfare, because God
is going to show you thingsabout your relationship and
about your spouse and yoursignificant other that there's
(28:37):
no other way you can find thesethings out, because there may be
things about Renee that she iseven unaware of, and things
about me that I'm unaware ofbecause they are blind spots.
There are things that about usthat we have no idea that is
impacting our relationships.
But when you have someone whohas had a for real relationship
with God and is seeking God onyour behalf on a daily basis
(28:58):
with prayer and interceding andreading the word, and there God
is going to show you thingsabout them that you are going to
be there to be an aid to Right.
In Matthew 15, it talks aboutloving one another.
Love is, and that's what we aretrying to actually talk about
and demonstrate, Even when wetalk about having a God centered
God.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Thriving marriage is because that is the essence of
who you are as an individual andwhen it comes to your
relationship and the reason whywe're saying is spiritual
warfare is because there's gonnabe external forces trying to
push constantly that God is notthe source of the spiritual
warfare, he is the protector ofspiritual warfare.
Yes, the enemy is going toattack what?
(29:39):
And one of the things that Ithink is important for you to be
like well, until I got married,I was fine.
Well, and when you go intosomething that God created, now
you become a threat to the enemy.
Yes, because marriage is aninstitution ordained by God,
whether you go into it knowingthat or not.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Whether people believe it or not.
Whether people believe it ornot, it's irrelevant.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Whether people believe it or not.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
Whether people believe, it or not, it's
irrelevant.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
You will experience difficulty and adversity, that,
without the power of God and theword of God and the fruits of
the spirit and the angels andall the things that God provides
your life with, you will getinto the attack of the enemy.
That makes you say I marriedthe wrong person, I made the
(30:21):
wrong decision.
Just like when Gil saw this, hecould have said, oh, I married
the wrong person, I made thewrong decision.
Just like when Gil saw this, hecould have said, oh no, throw
it away.
That's not what I wanted,that's not the way I wanted it
to look.
Let's just throw it away.
Well, no, you got to work on it.
You got to be willing to makesome investments, you have to be
willing to make someimprovements and it has to
reflect you both.
And so I think it's importantthat we understand that, just
(30:44):
like some of the things that we,some of the decisions we make
and the projects we create andthe choices, you're going to be
willing to go through thedifficulty and the adversity and
be on the other side of that,because you will never become
everything you want to becomewithout some adversity, without
some difficulty, without somepulling and then the other thing
(31:04):
, without all those things, butalso without the selflessness.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Oh, yeah when he, when I say that, when I talk
about being selfless.
If you are getting married andyou have not worked out some
selfish things and selfishbehavior in your relationship
and in you as an individual, youare going to struggle when it
comes to another person, becausemarriage is the highest form of
serving someone else that youare ever experienced.
(31:30):
If you're not ready to do that,if you're not ready to put
yourself second and I'm not justtalking about the guys putting
everybody- ahead of them.
I'm talking about Renee puttingme ahead of her and me putting
Renee ahead of myself.
You should stay single for alittle while, yeah, and if
you're married and you haven't,if that's new information to you
(31:50):
well, we challenge you becausewe have realized that the more I
put Renee ahead of me Goals,dreams, aspirations, desires and
all those things and the more.
I put you ahead of me goals,dreams, aspirations, priorities
then you'll be amazed at how I'mable to accomplish the things
that I want to do and she's ableto accomplish the things she
wants to do by two peopleworking on it together but that
(32:14):
comes from.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
I came as a whole, 100%, person goes back to the
first one so I'm not losingmyself in him.
I am prioritizing him over mebecause I'm just as valuable,
and so I think sometimes kind ofpeople get confused between, um
, the two becoming one orprioritizing putting him first.
(32:36):
Putting him first does not meanthat I'm not valuable.
It just means that I say, whatdo you need, baby?
And then he.
So I'm putting him first andhe's putting me first.
So we're basically God isteaching us how to love the way
he loves, because God gave, goddidn't just talk, god gave and
(32:57):
he showed and he served.
Jesus came to serve, and so Ireally believe that when we
operate the way God has calledus to, marriage is attractive to
people around.
They see it.
There's something differentabout you.
There's a glow, there's a smile, there's a lightness, and it
comes from letting God carry theburden and not you having to do
(33:20):
it carry the burden and not youhaving to do it.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
And then another thing to help your relationship
thrive, and as far as beingChrist centered is thinking
about, do you have thoseunrealistic expectations when it
comes to your relationship?
When we have those unrealisticexpectations and we bring them
into our relationship, just likethis person said, it could be
utterly nonsense.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
So give some examples of men's unrealistic
expectations.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
For my wife to me to come home every day and my wife
going to have on and this issomething that was.
You're going to have on a sexyoutfit and have dinner on the
table For me every single day.
I come home from work andyou're going to have mad, crazy
sex whenever you want.
All those different things thatwill feed into my own desires
and my own selfishness.
That is realistic nonsense.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
Okay, so I'm going to talk about some of the
uncommunicated expectations thatwe bring as women.
When he's supposed to know whatI want, I shouldn't have to
tell him.
I shouldn't have to ask himnothing.
We've been together long enough.
He should be able to read mymind.
We bring some very unrealistic,we bring some uncommunicated
(34:29):
expectations to the relationship.
We sometimes feel that, by notsaying anything, that it's up to
him to figure it out.
One of the things that I usedto do when we first got married,
when I would get mad, I wouldjust be quiet and I would be
looking out the window, I wouldbe turning away.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
Come on, ladies, y'all know y'all do it.
I would be in the car lookingout the window at the other way.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
What's wrong?
Nothing.
What's wrong?
Nothing that's so childish thatyou're having a temper tantrum
and you want somebody else topull you back A part of having
God in your life.
When Matthew said, you move theplane from your own now before
you move the splinter, Iremember asking the Lord well,
why do they have a splinter andnot have a plane?
(35:13):
He said because you're alwaysworking on other people.
Sometimes, as women, we'rereally good at figuring out what
he needs to do Everybody elseneeds to do that and he needs to
work on.
Sweetie, what do you need towork on, sis, rich sis, what is
it in your relationship that youneed to work on?
And with your friends, withyour children, with your spouse,
(35:34):
with your person, what is itthat you need to work on?
You need to know that one ofthese I challenge us this year
is you should know your owngrowth areas.
You should not just yourstrengths, you should know your
growth areas.
What are some of the areaswhere your personality needs to
be tempered by love, joy,goodness, faith and it's done to
(35:58):
sneak this up control, becauseone of the things I know that we
have a tendency to say this isjust my face.
Well, if that's just your face,then is that face inviting?
We use some of, we use, we useour culture as an excuse to be
not so inviting and kind andwarm.
(36:21):
You know I'm not saying youhave to be someone else's
personality but, I, do believethat we have a responsibility.
love, joy, goodness,faithfulness, gentleness,
meekness and self-control that'snot my standard.
That's God's standard.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
That's in the Bible.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
Proof to the Spirit.
So I challenge us, as women, tobe very much aware of our own
growth areas and to be very muchaware of our own growth areas
and to be able to express andcommunicate that to someone who
is close to us, so that they canhold us accountable, so we can
get better.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
So we appreciate you guys hanging out with us.
We just share with you guys.
We are talking about themarital code to oneness.
We're talking about working inand on your marriage, in your
marriage.
We're talking about it Deep.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
If you want to know why she's working in your
marriage, you got to go back andwatch the video working.
This is we're working.
We're going deep.
We're working in our marriage,which means we're working on
ourself, and we still have to dothat, even as a couple, I'm
still working on myself so we'retalking about the marital code,
the oneness we're talking inwork, talking about in and on
your marriage, and this week istalking about in your marriage
(37:24):
and next week we're going totalk about on your marriage,
some of the things and tools andskills that you can actually
take into your marriage, andsome of the things you may be
doing already and doing well,and some of the things may be
new information.
All we're doing is sharingthings with you guys of 36 years
that we have practiced in ourmarriage, that we've been
working with couples for over 20plus years yeah, 20 years when
(37:46):
it comes to how to make therelationship better, because we
all can get better at this thingcalled marriage and at this
thing called relationships andone of the things I remember
watching this video there wasthis famous athlete I remember
his name and he was like one ofthe best golf players and he
said that every year at thebeginning of the year, he goes
(38:06):
back to the basics, because bythe end of the year, you've
gotten away from the basics.
What are some of the thingsyou're going back to Like?
I decided this year that I amgoing to read.
Like last year, I read throughthe Bible with the Bible app.
I love the YouVersion.
This year, I'm reading the Bibleapp.
I love the YouVersion.
This year, I'm reading theBible.
I'm going to read the wholeentire Bible.
So, join me, I'm reading fourchapters a day, every day,
(38:29):
because I feel that God deservesas much of my attention as I
give all the other things.
So that's one of the thingsI've made a decision to do.
And so what are some of thethings you're going to do this
year that's going to make youbetter than you were last year?
Speaker 1 (38:43):
So we hope you guys enjoy hanging out with us this
Saturday, If you want to.
If you didn't catch thebeginning, we apologize for the
hiccup, but that you may havemissed a little bit of the video
.
That actually happened.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Somebody called us, but that's OK.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
But marital code to oneness we're talking about in
and on your marriage.
Go back and check out the videoat the very beginning.
Do all the likes, subscribe,share, yeah, like subscribe,
share.
Speaker 2 (39:06):
Turn on the bell.
Okay, y'all this year.
I celebrate y'all for last year.
Hallelujah, you guys did great.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
We had 2,000 videos.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
We had over 38,000 followers on Instagram, on
YouTube and you guys, we have3.3 million views on YouTube.
We want to get to the placethat the people who are watching
our videos are subscribers.
We are getting a lot of viewsfrom people who are not
(39:36):
subscribers.
We want you to not justsubscribe to said that you're
not.
You're not subscribing andyou're not.
There's the bell.
Notification is not beingturned on.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
We need you to subscribe.
We need you to do that.
Turn on notifications.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Turn on notifications so that you can help us,
because it helps us to helpother people.
And it helps us to know that,hey, this is something people
want to watch, so share it withother people.
Thank you for watching.
We love you.
If you have comments andquestions, questions, put them
in the chat.
Um, we're going to give yousome time.
If you guys want to ask somequestions, please feel free to
(40:07):
do that.
Um, if you want to reach out tous personally, reach out to us
thank you for listening.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
Thank you for your investment in time.
Remember to subscribe to theshow and hit the notification
icon to be notified when newepisodes are posted on the
podcast platform that you'relistening from, or you can
always find us on our website atrichrelationshipsuscom, or our
YouTube channel, richRelationships with Gil Renee.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
If you found this podcast helpful or you think it
could help someone that you knowand care about, please pass it
along and share it with them.
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