April 8, 2024 • 38 mins
Imagine finding your soulmate in the place you'd least expect—Corey and Tamika Jefferson's love ignited in a physical therapy clinic and matured into a 25-year testament to love's enduring strength. We're honored to have them share their story on today's episode, where they reveal the significance of resilience, integrity, and spirituality in nurturing a lasting bond. Their journey from serendipitous meet-cute to weathering life's tempests together is nothing short of inspirational, serving as a guiding light for anyone seeking to foster a deep connection with their partner.
Character and shared values aren't just buzzwords for the Jeffersons; they are the cornerstones of their relationship. Corey's embodiment of family values and Tamika's mirror of his mother's virtues illustrate the profound impact upbringing and spirituality have on finding and keeping love. Listeners will uncover how the Jeffersons crafted a spiritual home that honors both their backgrounds, providing a blueprint for couples eager to intertwine their beliefs and create a partnership anchored in mutual respect and faith.
This episode is a treasure trove of marital wisdom, tackling the evolution from singlehood to a united front in marriage. The Jeffersons candidly discuss the hurdles of decision-making, integrating lives, and the power of placing Christ at the center of it all. You'll walk away with actionable insights on nurturing individual growth within the sanctity of marriage, the art of daily communication, and expressing gratitude through prayer. Join us as we celebrate this couple's legacy of love and discover the keys to your own enduring relationship.
RICH RELATIONSHIPS REFUGE
Meet: Gil & Renée
Rich Relationships Refuge podcast with Gilbert J and Renée M. Beavers is fantastic because it's the best place to explore the reality of relationships — the good, the bad, and the painful and confusing. This podcast helps to illuminate what it means to be intimate with others and what it teaches people about them. It will make you want to strive for a kinder, more fun relationship with others., This a place where love flourishes, bonds deepen, and relationships thrive. We're Gil and Renee, authors, and marriage coaches, and we're honored to walk alongside you on your journey towards a rich and fulfilling partnership.
In a world where relationships can feel like a maze, we believe in providing you with the compass and map to navigate the path of love with confidence and grace. Whether you're single and seeking, newly dating, or preparing for marriage, our app is your sanctuary—a refuge where you can find guidance, support, and inspiration every step of the way.
https://www.richrrmarriagementors.com/book-online
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil
and Renee, where amazing thingshappen.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Our goal is to help build, repair and restore
healthy relationships.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Hey, it's Renee and Gil from the Rich Relationship
Podcast Refuge.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
All that, all that.
We are so honored and excited.
We have some special guestswith us today, our rich friends,
and they are going to sharetheir love, ups and downs and
story with you guys.
Please welcome our amazing richfriends, corey and Tamika
(00:41):
Jefferson Yay.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
And before we actually get started, we want to
set this up for you guys,because one thing that good,
well, one thing that is goodthat came out of the, that the
pandemic.
I wasn't going to say that.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
But that's okay.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
But the thing that happened a couple years ago was,
I think it there was a lot oftragedy.
Obviously, a lot of people hadsufferings and things like that
and our hearts go out to them,but there was also a lot of good
that came out of it, and Ithink the book the Rich
Relationship, refuge One is Cold.
All those things gave us anopportunity to meet some amazing
(01:18):
people that we physicallydidn't meet.
This is one thing that, if youare in social media and you do
things, this is how social mediacan be a benefit to you.
It can be Because we met thesetwo amazing people through
social media, never met eachother never been in each other's
presence physically until thismorning.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
But now it seems like we've known them for years
because we actually got there.
And they're going to share alittle bit of their story with
you, but this is something thatwe want to just set out for you
as you watch this episode and asyou listen to it on the podcast
, because y'all hear us talk allthe time about stuff.
Well, we have some people thatare on the same track and we
appreciate you guys coming hereand standing up.
(01:56):
I just want to throw that outthere, just so everybody knows
exactly like where we're comingfrom with this.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Who are these people in washington?
Yeah, exactly because they arerich friends and we already
talked about what rich means.
It's our friends who have, whoare resilient, they have
integrity, they walk incompassion and what is it
r-i-c-h?
And they are humble they walkin humility, so that's a rich
stands for in our community sowe'll give it up to you guys.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Why don't y'all tell them a little bit about you guys
and where you're from, and justa little bit about you?
Speaker 3 (02:29):
guys and how long you've been married.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Yes, absolutely about that part.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
All right, we're the Jeffersons.
I'm Corey.
This is my wife, tamika.
We've been married forever.
What's forever what.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
What's forever?
What's forever, tell us?
Tell us, corey Been married for25 years.
Wow, woo, 25.
That's a blessing.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
It's been a blessing.
We enjoy hanging out with eachother and spending time with
each other and chasing our kidsaround.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
Yeah Well, I mean, we just, tag team, like I call it.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Yeah, it's good.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
We tag team when he's strong, I'm weak, and where I'm
weak, he's strong, that's it.
We just tag team.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
How did you guys meet ?
We always ask this storybecause everybody got their
version, so give them a littlebit of the brief version of how
you guys act.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
The real version.
Oh, here we go, here we go,here we go.
You tell your version, and youtell your version.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Or you clean it up for him.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
I'll let him, tell it , go ahead, tell your story.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Thomas, we met at a physical therapy clinic I was
working at here in San Antonio.
She was an intern, you were anintern and I was working with a
therapist who was super busy.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
So from time to time she would give me tasks to give
to the interns.
So you were her boss.
No, I'm just kidding.
Boss life, okay, okay.
She had to do what I said, butwe won't call it that other
thing.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Okay, yeah, but there's a patient that was
dedicated for pull therapy and Iwanted Tamika to do that duty
because I actually wanted to seeher in the bathing room, so I
thought she was cute.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
You're trying to tell the real story.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Come on, Tamika, tell the story.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
I was my last clinical affiliation.
Actually, this is like theanniversary of us actually
meeting.
The April 1st was our was myfirst day at that location and
it was my last clinicalaffiliation.
I was about to graduate, so heworked there for a few weeks.
We got to know each other, buthe was in a relationship.
I was in a relationship, weNothing happened there, but
(04:48):
years later, about a year latera year later he was the
designated driver for hisbrother and some friends to go
out or whatever, and I ended up.
I had just broken up with theperson I was with prior and I
didn't want to go nowhere, Ididn't want to talk to nobody,
but my cousins pulled me out ofthe house to be their designated
(05:08):
driver.
So we ended up at the samelocation and I ran into him
again and that was it.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
But you weren't in the bathing suit no, no, no, no
but he still had the picture ofyou in the bathing suit, did you
not?
Speaker 4 (05:25):
yes, so that just proves that men are visual so,
um, yeah, so we met up there and, um, we started talking, but I
was at that time I had movedback to houston, he was here in
San Antonio and I had did somework there and we just, you know
(05:49):
, started talking and I ended upa few months later moving back
to San Antonio, okay, and thenthat's when everything started
blossoming.
Who hit who up first?
Actually, no, you did not.
Yes, I did Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
So how long did you date before you got married?
Speaker 4 (06:12):
About a year—a little bit over a year, a little more
than a year.
A little more than a year,maybe a year and a half, okay,
wonderful.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
We—because we started in the fall of one year.
No, it was in the summer of of97 and we got married December
of 98.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
So even when you're going through the dating cycle.
So we talked about a little bitabout how you guys met and you
guys had a brief kind ofcourtship, if you want to call
it that.
What was something, if you canthink about it, that stood out
to you while you were datingthat you guys kind of focused on
?
As it related to because youare two individuals and I'm kind
of tying this into what theywrote in the book about the
inventory, because they did agreat chapter in the book and we
(06:57):
highly encourage you to checkit out about the inventory,
about that time of you lookingat yourself and you focusing on
you before you become one.
So what was something that youguys intentionally kind of
thought about?
Or, if you can remember,something that you guys were
focused on in a dating stage.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
In the dating stage for me.
When I met Corey, I saw him assomeone that I knew would be a
great leader and he was a familyman and he loved to go to
church and as I was dating,there was not a lot of guys that
wanted to go to church Allthree of those.
(07:34):
Yeah they would not and I wouldask people.
They didn't want to go, but heasked me to go to church with
him.
So I was like, oh Okay, okay,you get some points for that.
Yes, and he was always kind andvery protective of me and with
me, I was always athletic andmoving around and everything.
(07:57):
So I needed a strong built man,robust.
So I got that.
But as far as the inventory, Iwas learning about myself.
I was in my early 20s when Imet him, but the inventory
really took place after marriage.
(08:18):
Yes, it really did.
I mean, you know, learning moreabout myself as a person and
then learning about him too andlearning how you know, how are
we going to manage this for alifetime?
Because I didn't want to live asa woman, as a mom, I learned a
lot of things not to do.
Oh, wow, so yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
And I can agree with that, because so many times, we
have so many people teaching uswhat not to do, but we have very
few people teaching us what todo.
Something that you said that Ithink is important, ladies, I
want you to hear this.
The things that she said shewas attracted to was he was a
family man, he loved god and hewas protected.
Then she said his physicalcharacteristics.
So many times we lead with thephysical characteristics and we
(09:23):
forget about the charactercharacters, what really matters.
So thank you for sharing that.
What were you thinking?
Speaker 1 (09:27):
cory, we lead with the physical characteristics and
we forget about the character.
Characters are what reallymatter, so thank you for sharing
that.
What were you thinking, corey?
Speaker 3 (09:31):
about when you were dating, miss Tamika.
Well, when we were dating, Ithink we had gone out maybe six
months or so and we were at thisparty.
One of my cousins had abirthday party and we were
hanging out and we were sittingon this bench and I told her I
said I got plans for you.
I was serious about it.
So I told her, I said I gotplans for you.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
She goes you do yeah, you got to elaborate on that.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
What's the plans?
Speaker 3 (09:58):
You'll see, you'll see.
And we ended up getting marriedanother what?
Eight months after that orsomething like that.
And it's funny, one day we weretalking about well, she had
asked me about my plans.
I was like you're living it.
When I first, when I met you,you were strong, you loved God
(10:21):
and you were beautiful.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
You had a backbone and you had a lot of qualities
that she hates when I say thisbut a lot of the qualities she
has are the same qualities thatmy mother has, so I saw a lot of
that in her and how she carriedherself, despite the things
that she'd been going through,in the way she was raised.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
Um, she's very close to her grandmother and she's
probably and out of everybody inher family she's the most,
she's the closest, she's the themost like her grandmother,
which was a.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
She was a very beautiful woman, smart, strong,
uh, determined, and all thosequalities are are in to me and I
think it's so important thatyou make that emphasis, because,
while our origin, sometimesthey say women look for the guys
that are like their dads, andsometimes it's the vice versa
with women.
Guys are attracted to peoplelike their mom, and that doesn't
mean mom is going to take careof you or I'm looking for a
(11:20):
woman to take care of you, andI'm sure that's what you were
kind of emphasizing.
But when you find someone tohave those characteristics of a
good quality woman, that's whatyou should be building your list
upon, not somebody to wash andclean and cook and all those
things that maybe your mom andthem did.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Those are just tasks, yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
You're looking for someone that you can partner in
with, because if you think aboutthe list that Corey just gave,
it wasn't about her doing taskslike a domestic servant type
thing.
It was somebody to partner inwith.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
And I noticed he didn't mention anything sexual.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
No.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Oh, so that wasn't a problem with this either.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Now you mentioned something in the book that I
want to actually bring up duringthis episode because I think it
was really important about.
One of the things that we kindof talked about was a struggle
that couples may go through whenit comes to disagreement, and
you guys both are spiritualpeople and sometimes you're
going to have spiritualdisagreements.
Can you talk a little bit aboutthe church, selection of a
(12:22):
church, because a lot of couplesgo through this about how
they're going to worship and ifthey have a disagreement, how do
you handle that?
How did you guys handle that?
And I love the story and I wantyou guys to elaborate on that
one.
Well, we can both talk, okay um, she grew up baptist.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
I grew up church of christ.
I grew up going to church everySunday with my mom.
My dad didn't go to church thatoften until later on in his
life.
But I grew up going to churchnot really a church people kind
of person, but I go toappreciate the word of God and
(12:59):
listen to it and apply it to mylife and when I found Tam was
some, that was something thatthat she was doing at the same
time as well.
Um, we just had a lot of thingsin common and as far as we were
looking for a church, we had alot of things in common, but the
church thing wasn't.
It was the one constant thatwas not coming.
(13:22):
Every, every Sunday was anargument Are we going here, are
we going there?
Are we going to my church?
Are we going to your church?
Are we going to a church youlike?
So I got to a point where shewas always telling me you can
try to go to Baptist churches.
You don't even try, you're justnot even going to try.
I'm like we'll go, let's go.
So we ended up going.
We see, I let her pick it andwe went and uh, we went for a
(13:46):
few years, not a few years wentfor a few, uh, few few weeks,
and she didn't like what wasgoing on at the church.
So we ended up going to anotherone.
This time I picked it and Ididn't like the pastor and I
didn't like what he was talkingabout and the church people, uh.
So this went on for 10 years.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Wow, that's a long time.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
You mean God didn't do it in like a week, you mean
it wasn't like 24 hours.
21 days.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Over those 10 years, those fights got worse and worse
and worse, to the point wherewe didn't want to go to church.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
Yeah, so the changing point was that day he's talking
about.
We were going to a church, weintended to go to a church, but
we were late for that church andwe just so happened to be on
the street of another churchthat we were invited to.
He was invited to and somethingin me just said God, god in me,
(14:40):
the Holy.
Ghost.
Yes the Holy Ghost in me toldme concede, just let it go this
is the opposite of work submit,submit.
Yes, because if I'm gonna livegod's will, god's will is for me
to submit, and so I did, youknow, and that was a changing
(15:01):
point for all of us for our kids, for him, for me, and we're
going to the same church now.
We've been there for 15 years.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
So what was it like with that that come to that
epiphany of submitting?
How did it feel after youdecided to submit?
How did it feel for youinternally?
Speaker 4 (15:18):
it was like casting that that care upon the lord and
he'll make your burden light.
You know, that's that's what itwas.
It was a relief when I saw mychildren when they came out of
the children's church.
They were so elated, they werehappy, and that gave me the
(15:40):
signal this is a church for youand the church.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
It's a Church of Christ church, but it is more
modern or liberal than thetraditional churches of Christ,
so it has some principles thatare not as staunch as some that
I feel the traditional churchesof Christ have been, and so it
(16:04):
wasn't so much the denomination,it was the application of the
Bible and how it makes you feelwelcome.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Yes, now, cory, did you during that time when she
decided to submit, was that likeyou had a sense of what's going
on?
Or did you know she was justacquiescing and just saying,
okay, I'm gonna let you lead?
Or was that a conversation?
It was a conversation?
Speaker 3 (16:23):
okay, um, it was a conversation it's something that
that, uh, like I said, we'retalking about it in that, in the
car, in the car, and to me it'slike she said I, I give up, I'm
submitting, we're gonna do itwhat you said and we'll we'll
see where it goes.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Now, when he she did that, did you go?
Yeah, that's right, that's whatyou're gonna do.
And I tell you, I was.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
I wasn't sure about the church we're getting ready
to go to either.
So, um, I was just glad thatshe was open to it, right, and
we're going to work it out fromthere.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
And that's so important because and I jokingly
said that, but that's what it'stalked about the Bible talks
about the two things that menare supposed to do, which is to
love their wife unconditionally,like Christ loved the church,
but also to lead yeah, christloved the church, but also to
lead, yeah.
And when you led that way andyou said that was a practical,
real world example of leadingyour family.
(17:15):
And submission from submissionand leading, and we're going to
use that one forever.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
And he said we're going to church somewhere today.
So he turned into that church.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
So he led, and that's beautiful.
So he turned into that church,so he led and you led him there.
That's beautiful.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
Why don't you say that?
Because the church we were atbefore that it was a Valentine's
Day thing and for some reasonyou couldn't ever gain access to
the minister, okay, and ask himquestions or anything like that
.
But I just cornered him becausewe were there and he was there
and I was like, look bro, I gotthis issue.
My wife and I didn't grow up inthe same kind of churches and
(17:54):
we're trying to figure out wherewe need to go.
What would you do?
He said you're the man, ain'tyou Just like that?
Yeah, exactly.
So I said, alright, say less.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Say less, and what does that mean to you when
someone says something like that?
Speaker 3 (18:09):
well, what he meant was you're the husband, you're
the lead, right.
Do what you're supposed to doright, leave.
You don't necessarily have toleave by being domineering mmm,
but definitely lead her to whereit's.
It's gonna be a situation goodfor both of you.
And when he said said it, itkind of made me upset Not
(18:31):
necessarily upset I was likethat's too simple to be the
answer Do what you do, do whatyou're supposed to do.
It's my fault.
It is my fault and say thatagain it was my fault.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
That's so challenging for me because I get this
question from a lot of the guysthat I talk to doing this kind
of thing.
But they want to know what doesthat look like?
And sometimes it can be.
For me it was intimidating inthe beginning because you know
what's at stake.
You know it's not just memaking it.
When you're single, you make achoice or decision.
It's just you who want tosuffer the consequences.
(19:06):
But when you have a family andyou know I make something as a
decision, like what church arewe going to go to, and if I pick
wrong, guess who's going to beaccountable for that?
Right, and so that's a heavyweight and I think sometimes us
(19:26):
men don't take that seriousenough.
You know, or have someonechallenge us to say do what you
know to be right.
You guys talked a little bitabout struggles, just like this.
You had a church struggle andI'm sure you guys have had
challenges growing together inmarriage.
Why do you think some couplesstruggle when it comes to just
everyday things, when they gofrom being single individuals to
now they marry and they stillhave struggles?
Speaker 4 (19:47):
Because it's the struggle of two wheels.
You know you're, you come froma background, and they come from
a background and they're gonnaclash eventually.
They don't clash and so, like I, like I said before the that
that Christ is the center yes.
Christ is the center, he, he isthe common ground, the common
(20:09):
denominator, and when you gointo him and your husband's
going to him, then you aremeeting at the common ground
space and he is the forever parthe holds forever in his hands.
We're temporary people, we'remortals, so we're going to
change, we're going to get older, we're going to get sick, 're
(20:30):
going to, but with him it'sforever.
So that's where you go, that'syour guide, that's your compass,
that's your, your everything sothat's why you have to have
christ and I.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Just that was one of the things you know, because for
us, we've been working inservant immersion for 18 years
and, if I had to say, the onething that I realized is the
most important thing is that howcould you go into something
that god created and not let himbe in the center of it and
expect for it to work right?
So if you're dating or thinkingabout getting married, or even
(21:05):
if you are married, if christ isnot in the center, trust me, it
will fail.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
He has to be at the center of your heart and your
marriage for it to work so, ofcourse, from your perspective,
what does that look like fromthe guy's side of the street?
Speaker 3 (21:20):
well, I was going to add to that.
Yeah, yeah, as far as, becauseshe said christ is the center
and in the book we talk aboutthe unity candles the two
candles that are at the end.
Yeah, yeah, and christ in thecenter and in the book we talk
about the unity candles, the twocandles there at the end.
Yeah, yeah, christ in thecenter, and you can't have a
marriage without keeping Christin the center.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Right, it's true and she and I we.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
We may have fought a lot going leading up to being
able to go to the same churchand figure all that stuff out,
but through all that it was alot of prayer yeah and God got
us closer throughout all that.
So those struggles tend to getyou a little bit closer right,
and when I say closer, thatmeans us to being closer and us
two as one getting closer toChrist yeah, because I think
(22:03):
sometimes when couples feel thatdifficulty or they feel that,
um, tension, they naturally we,we're just going to give up
something that's wrong.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
You're going to, like you said, you're going to have
your differences.
So what made you guys say,instead of just giving up and
going your separate ways, whatmade you guys press in and say,
no, we're going to make thiswork?
Speaker 4 (22:25):
Well, both of us believe in vows and we believe
in God's promises, and thosethings never fail.
So we.
For me, I always humble myselfbecause, you know, I could.
I don't know, I don't know ifit's because I'm a competitive
person or something, but Ialways feel like, oh, I'm this,
(22:47):
I'm that, there's somethingwrong with him and him and him,
you know.
And then God was like, uh,excuse me, but I know, feel like
, oh, I'm this, I'm that, andthere's something wrong with him
and him, and him and him.
And then God was like uh, excuseme, but I know both of y'all.
God was like I know both ofy'all, and you ain't too great
either.
And so I started seeing myselfand I'm like, okay, I'm going to
hush now.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
And isn't it wonderful when you have that
moment, because I know we firstgot married Lord he need to do
this, and Lord he need to dothat, and they need to do this.
And he said, how about I showyou?
Speaker 1 (23:14):
you, because, when I show you, you then you'll begin.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
I said every time I come to you, I'm beginning to
realize that you're alwaystelling me about me.
So we start off with couples.
There's no such thing asmarriage problems there.
There's no such thing asmarriage problems.
They're individual problemsthat you bring into your
marriage.
You bring problems, he bringsproblems, and you have to take
them both to the Lord Right.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
So was there something, corey, that you
thought about when you were inyour singleness and you decided
to get married, that yourealized that was going to be a
struggle for you individuallycoming into it, struggle, or
something that was going to bechallenging that maybe that you
didn't think?
Or if you had to give yourselfadvice, young Corey advice,
knowing what you know.
Now, after 25 years, what issomething that you say, bruh?
(24:00):
You need to be made aware ofthis.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
That's a good question To 25 years.
What would I tell young Corey?
Speaker 2 (24:10):
I would tell him well , we have a young Corey.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Speak to him, speak to young.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Corey, we speak to you, young Corey.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
My advice to my son was when you start dating, you
make sure that she believes inGod and she loves God.
You do that first and foremost,that she believes in God and
she loves God.
You do that first and foremost.
All the other stuff, as far asthe looks, and all that stuff
that comes way down to the endyou want to make good family
values, that she loves God andthat you guys actually pray
(24:42):
together.
Yeah, and that's some of theadvice that I would tell young
Cora.
Also, the other advice I wouldgive him was to Look at yourself
and make sure that you're abetter person.
Make sure that you're able toHandle being a provider, handle
(25:05):
being a father.
Are you ready for any of thatthat stuff?
Do you know what goes alongwith it?
Are you able to handle being agood father?
Are you a good example?
Try not to have all the baggagethat you grew up with come into
your marriage.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
Some of it's going to come.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
But find somebody that is going to be there with
you and fight with you, fightfor you through all that.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
I have a question, because we get so many people in
the community who ask so manyquestions and they always say I
love what you guys are saying,but how do you do that?
So, as a man, as a black man,what is one thing that you do
every day that makes the thingsyou're explaining?
How do you make that happen?
Speaker 3 (25:50):
Well, it's constant prayer.
Tamika and I pray at night,before we go to bed, but that's
not the only time we pray.
I'll pray for her.
She'll pray for me throughoutthe day.
We'll pray for our childrenthroughout the day.
We even have things on ourphone that remind us pray for
Corey, pray for Taya.
Yeah, you know, we don't wantto miss a day without praying
(26:13):
for each other.
Right, as a family, right,staying close to God is the best
way to handle all the thingsthat are going to be thrown at
you throughout the day, and eachday is a new day, yeah, so just
stay in constant prayer.
Yeah, you know whether you'resaying it in your head, talking
(26:34):
to God, or you're on your knees.
Yeah, think about it.
Pray to God every day, everysingle day, and that's something
that I wasn't doing, probably.
Probably, I didn't start doingall that stuff until, probably
10-15 years ago back then I'mlike I can handle this, I can do
(26:58):
that.
Do it in your own power.
Exactly, I'm a man's man, I canhandle it, I'm strong.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
I'm as strong as you think you are so, tamika, why do
you think women and I won't saynecessarily women, but
believers kind of struggle andnot think about god in their
marriage and why it's importantto invite a man and be present?
You guys talked a lot about howgod in the church and the
values that you had played arole in your marriage.
(27:27):
Why do you think maybe somepeople underestimate the value
of that?
Speaker 4 (27:33):
I'm not sure.
I think that a lot of peoplehave to see a physical
manifestation of God.
You know, they have to have avisual of God, since he's not a
tangible he can touch.
God they're out of sight, outof mind, type of thing.
(27:55):
Someone asked me on Facebookone time well, he wasn't asking
me, but he had just put aquestion out there why is
everybody always saying pray toGod?
Why in our marriage we got topray together to God?
And I told him well, god is theauthor of marriage, he's the
one who created it.
So who will bless us in thissituation?
(28:17):
You know, you go to the authorof it and he was like, oh, I
never really thought about itlike that.
Well, he is, he's the author,he's the creator, he established
it, he established marriage.
He's the creator, heestablished it, he established
marriage.
So, people, just since we're sovisual, we have videos for
everything we have videos andall of that you know.
(28:40):
It's a faith thing.
It's all about your faith leveland knowing that he's present
and seeing how he's evident inlife and everything that you do.
And once you get in that groovewith him, it's just beautiful.
It's a lifestyle.
It's really a lifestyle, andyour lifestyle has to be guided
(29:04):
by that book, by that Bible.
Yes, and that's the handbook toyour life, and I've been since.
I think I really began studyingthe Bible when I was 21.
I didn't really grow up in thechurch myself, but I always had
God with me, you know, I alwayshad.
(29:25):
My grandmother was the personwho would.
Whenever I was with her, wewould go to church with her and,
um, I learned a lot aboutchrist and and she, she was
always buying me bibles at everystage of my life and then she
gave me the real bible and allthat, but in her influence is
who?
(29:45):
how I developed my relationshipwith god.
You know I wanted to be likeChrist, so I were started
working in the medical fieldbecause I wanted to heal just
like Christ.
You know, that's my kids, so,but you know when I as I grew
and I still wanted that to berelational with people and be
(30:09):
hands-on.
So that's why I chose physicaltherapy, because I, you know,
help people and I help peoplerecover from illnesses to walk
in again or whatever.
So that's been my mission, mylife's Journey.
But you, just you have to havethat lifestyle.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
Yes, and I love that you said you guys both have said
it the H in rich humility.
And so many times people say,well, what does it look like,
what does it mean to be inChrist?
It's humility.
We have to check our pride, ourdesire to be private and our
(30:47):
ability to be proud.
If we check that at the door.
That opens up the door forgratitude and serving and loving
and leading and submitting.
And so so many times people areso used to people talking about
going to church we're talkingabout.
We're talking about being thechurch we're talking about.
(31:07):
We're talking about being thechurch.
We're talking about peoplelooking at your life.
You know, if you say people arevisual not that our marriages
are perfect and not that we haveit all figured out, but we want
to be a physical, walking,living, breathing example to you
all of what a godly,god-honoring marriage looks like
.
And so that's why we bring ourrich friends on here, so that
(31:28):
you guys can see that there arepeople who look like you, who
love Jesus and have a goodmarriage.
And so I have a question forboth of you.
If you were talking to someonewho was in the dating stage,
what would be something youwould say they need to be
working on before they go intotheir thinking about dating?
(31:50):
What should they be working onbefore they start dating?
Either one of you can answerfirst.
Speaker 4 (31:57):
What should they be thinking about before they start
dating?
Yes, as individuals, asindividuals, individuals.
(32:29):
Well, I think that they should.
They should want to kind oflook at themselves and see what
they haughty am.
I too, you know, am I expectingsomething of you that I don't
expect of myself?
Because that's a big one, youknow, a lot of this culture
today is he's gonna take care ofme, he's gonna buy me, and they
do that pause that that.
Stop that yes.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
They expect what?
Speaker 4 (32:50):
they can get from someone instead of what they can
give.
Oh man I love that how they canserve or how they can do for
someone else.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
So you said you should come to the relationship
to give and serve and not totake, take.
Yes, you're a jerk.
Speaker 3 (33:06):
Gloria, You're a jerk , I would tell them to make a
list of all the things that theywant in their spouse or their
girlfriend or boyfriend orwhatever, and, after they read
(33:31):
that list, ask themselves howmany of those qualities do you
need?
Speaker 2 (33:33):
yes, wow, yeah, so start by trying to fulfill those
qualities that you exactly bethe list, be the list, be the
list right, like what you see inthe mirror.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Yeah, right but you know it is so easy just to take
and look for things in otherpeople that that's for single
people to do, that Stay singlethen.
Yeah, if you selfish.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Stay single.
Nobody want to be with you ifyou selfish.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
And that's the point that I was getting to.
Thank you, baby, for giving memy point.
And that's what happens to youAfter you've been with somebody
for a while.
Speaker 3 (34:03):
They're going to finish your sentences.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
She's doing it right now they're going to finish your
sentences.
See, she's doing it right now.
They're going to finish yoursentences and we appreciate you
guys coming and hanging out withus.
You know the time flies, but aswe're closing out, why don't
you guys just if you are goingto now?
We talked about the singles.
What piece of advice would yougive somebody before they walk
down that aisle?
I love that you said about thevows earlier.
(34:29):
You mentioned vows and promisesthat you do at a wedding.
One piece of advice that youwould give that couple that is
the day before their weddingthat they need to be mindful
about as they go towards thoseyears together um, first of all,
(34:54):
we, we pray together.
Speaker 4 (34:55):
A lot of couples, they, they don't pray together.
They think, oh, I'm praying,he's praying, he's praying, yeah
, or you know, but together,when you come together, then
you're in unity, you're, you'rein one mind, you're in one body,
you know, and so that's aministry together.
That I think is vital.
Just continue to do that.
And it doesn't have to be along drawn out prayer it can be.
(35:18):
Thank you, father, for our unity, thank you for our home, thank
you for you know, prayers don'thave to be requesting something.
Prayers can be that prayers canbe painful parents could just
be great gratitude, you knowjust.
Thank you, lord.
Thank you, we made it today.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
They made out of traffic and into our house today
and sometimes our prayer needsto be those of repentance.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
Yes, forgive me for being so hardy.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
Forgive me for being so selfish, so snatchy, so
grabby, so tanky.
Speaker 4 (35:47):
That could be a prayer.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
That could be a prayer.
Speaker 4 (35:50):
You don't have to be drawn out, but just something
simple, every day, every day,step by step.
That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
How about you, sir?
Speaker 3 (36:01):
Mine, I would say communication.
You're in constantcommunication with God.
God knows you, god knows whatyou're about and knows your
flaws and your strengths andyour weaknesses.
Express those strengths andweaknesses to your spouse.
Speaker 4 (36:20):
Don't be afraid, be vulnerable.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
It's hard for a lot of us to do, to be vulnerable.
We want our spouse orgirlfriend to think that we're
strong enough to handle anythingand everything, and that we're
perfect and we don't have anyflaws.
Speaker 4 (36:34):
And sometimes you have to tell your spouse the
hard things about themselves andyou have to be humble enough to
accept okay, this is, you know,they are your mirror pretty
much.
Oh say that again.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
They're your mirror, he's not there when you say that
.
Speaker 4 (36:49):
Your spouse is your mirror for real, and they're not
.
When they give you thesecriticisms, it's a constructive
meaning building criticism.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
Because you're building a life together.
Speaker 4 (36:59):
You're building a life, the bricks, you know Right
.
Say it lovingly.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
Say it lovingly yeah you know, say it lovingly and
with patience and humility andcompassion and integrity.
Speaker 4 (37:14):
One thing that I've learned from him which I'm not a
yelly person or a naggy person,but he taught me that men don't
like all that.
And my son, he's 20 now he'sabout to be 21.
You know, like you know, I'mmama, so now I've learned to
quiet, let daddy do it.
You know, whatever Corey tellthat boy you know, so he'll
(37:35):
listen to his dad sooner than me, because they just eh.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
I think they hear our voice so much.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Sometimes you need to hear the same information from
a different voice so you cantake it in.
Speaker 4 (37:46):
Thank you.
Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil
and Renee, where amazing thingshappen.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Our goal is to help build, repair and restore
healthy relationships.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Hey, it's Renee and Gil from the Rich Relationship
Podcast Refuge.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
All that, all that.
We are so honored and excited.
We have some special guestswith us today, our rich friends,
and they are going to sharetheir love, ups and downs and
story with you guys.
Please welcome our amazing richfriends, corey and Tamika
(00:41):
Jefferson Yay.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
And before we actually get started, we want to
set this up for you guys,because one thing that good,
well, one thing that is goodthat came out of the, that the
pandemic.
I wasn't going to say that.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
But that's okay.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
But the thing that happened a couple years ago was,
I think it there was a lot oftragedy.
Obviously, a lot of people hadsufferings and things like that
and our hearts go out to them,but there was also a lot of good
that came out of it, and Ithink the book the Rich
Relationship, refuge One is Cold.
All those things gave us anopportunity to meet some amazing
(01:18):
people that we physicallydidn't meet.
This is one thing that, if youare in social media and you do
things, this is how social mediacan be a benefit to you.
It can be Because we met thesetwo amazing people through
social media, never met eachother never been in each other's
presence physically until thismorning.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
But now it seems like we've known them for years
because we actually got there.
And they're going to share alittle bit of their story with
you, but this is something thatwe want to just set out for you
as you watch this episode and asyou listen to it on the podcast
, because y'all hear us talk allthe time about stuff.
Well, we have some people thatare on the same track and we
appreciate you guys coming hereand standing up.
(01:56):
I just want to throw that outthere, just so everybody knows
exactly like where we're comingfrom with this.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Who are these people in washington?
Yeah, exactly because they arerich friends and we already
talked about what rich means.
It's our friends who have, whoare resilient, they have
integrity, they walk incompassion and what is it
r-i-c-h?
And they are humble they walkin humility, so that's a rich
stands for in our community sowe'll give it up to you guys.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Why don't y'all tell them a little bit about you guys
and where you're from, and justa little bit about you?
Speaker 3 (02:29):
guys and how long you've been married.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Yes, absolutely about that part.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
All right, we're the Jeffersons.
I'm Corey.
This is my wife, tamika.
We've been married forever.
What's forever what.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
What's forever?
What's forever, tell us?
Tell us, corey Been married for25 years.
Wow, woo, 25.
That's a blessing.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
It's been a blessing.
We enjoy hanging out with eachother and spending time with
each other and chasing our kidsaround.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
Yeah Well, I mean, we just, tag team, like I call it.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Yeah, it's good.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
We tag team when he's strong, I'm weak, and where I'm
weak, he's strong, that's it.
We just tag team.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
How did you guys meet ?
We always ask this storybecause everybody got their
version, so give them a littlebit of the brief version of how
you guys act.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
The real version.
Oh, here we go, here we go,here we go.
You tell your version, and youtell your version.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Or you clean it up for him.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
I'll let him, tell it , go ahead, tell your story.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Thomas, we met at a physical therapy clinic I was
working at here in San Antonio.
She was an intern, you were anintern and I was working with a
therapist who was super busy.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
So from time to time she would give me tasks to give
to the interns.
So you were her boss.
No, I'm just kidding.
Boss life, okay, okay.
She had to do what I said, butwe won't call it that other
thing.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Okay, yeah, but there's a patient that was
dedicated for pull therapy and Iwanted Tamika to do that duty
because I actually wanted to seeher in the bathing room, so I
thought she was cute.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
You're trying to tell the real story.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Come on, Tamika, tell the story.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
I was my last clinical affiliation.
Actually, this is like theanniversary of us actually
meeting.
The April 1st was our was myfirst day at that location and
it was my last clinicalaffiliation.
I was about to graduate, so heworked there for a few weeks.
We got to know each other, buthe was in a relationship.
I was in a relationship, weNothing happened there, but
(04:48):
years later, about a year latera year later he was the
designated driver for hisbrother and some friends to go
out or whatever, and I ended up.
I had just broken up with theperson I was with prior and I
didn't want to go nowhere, Ididn't want to talk to nobody,
but my cousins pulled me out ofthe house to be their designated
(05:08):
driver.
So we ended up at the samelocation and I ran into him
again and that was it.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
But you weren't in the bathing suit no, no, no, no
but he still had the picture ofyou in the bathing suit, did you
not?
Speaker 4 (05:25):
yes, so that just proves that men are visual so,
um, yeah, so we met up there and, um, we started talking, but I
was at that time I had movedback to houston, he was here in
San Antonio and I had did somework there and we just, you know
(05:49):
, started talking and I ended upa few months later moving back
to San Antonio, okay, and thenthat's when everything started
blossoming.
Who hit who up first?
Actually, no, you did not.
Yes, I did Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
So how long did you date before you got married?
Speaker 4 (06:12):
About a year—a little bit over a year, a little more
than a year.
A little more than a year,maybe a year and a half, okay,
wonderful.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
We—because we started in the fall of one year.
No, it was in the summer of of97 and we got married December
of 98.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
So even when you're going through the dating cycle.
So we talked about a little bitabout how you guys met and you
guys had a brief kind ofcourtship, if you want to call
it that.
What was something, if you canthink about it, that stood out
to you while you were datingthat you guys kind of focused on
?
As it related to because youare two individuals and I'm kind
of tying this into what theywrote in the book about the
inventory, because they did agreat chapter in the book and we
(06:57):
highly encourage you to checkit out about the inventory,
about that time of you lookingat yourself and you focusing on
you before you become one.
So what was something that youguys intentionally kind of
thought about?
Or, if you can remember,something that you guys were
focused on in a dating stage.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
In the dating stage for me.
When I met Corey, I saw him assomeone that I knew would be a
great leader and he was a familyman and he loved to go to
church and as I was dating,there was not a lot of guys that
wanted to go to church Allthree of those.
(07:34):
Yeah they would not and I wouldask people.
They didn't want to go, but heasked me to go to church with
him.
So I was like, oh Okay, okay,you get some points for that.
Yes, and he was always kind andvery protective of me and with
me, I was always athletic andmoving around and everything.
(07:57):
So I needed a strong built man,robust.
So I got that.
But as far as the inventory, Iwas learning about myself.
I was in my early 20s when Imet him, but the inventory
really took place after marriage.
(08:18):
Yes, it really did.
I mean, you know, learning moreabout myself as a person and
then learning about him too andlearning how you know, how are
we going to manage this for alifetime?
Because I didn't want to live asa woman, as a mom, I learned a
lot of things not to do.
Oh, wow, so yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
And I can agree with that, because so many times, we
have so many people teaching uswhat not to do, but we have very
few people teaching us what todo.
Something that you said that Ithink is important, ladies, I
want you to hear this.
The things that she said shewas attracted to was he was a
family man, he loved god and hewas protected.
Then she said his physicalcharacteristics.
So many times we lead with thephysical characteristics and we
(09:23):
forget about the charactercharacters, what really matters.
So thank you for sharing that.
What were you thinking?
Speaker 1 (09:27):
cory, we lead with the physical characteristics and
we forget about the character.
Characters are what reallymatter, so thank you for sharing
that.
What were you thinking, corey?
Speaker 3 (09:31):
about when you were dating, miss Tamika.
Well, when we were dating, Ithink we had gone out maybe six
months or so and we were at thisparty.
One of my cousins had abirthday party and we were
hanging out and we were sittingon this bench and I told her I
said I got plans for you.
I was serious about it.
So I told her, I said I gotplans for you.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
She goes you do yeah, you got to elaborate on that.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
What's the plans?
Speaker 3 (09:58):
You'll see, you'll see.
And we ended up getting marriedanother what?
Eight months after that orsomething like that.
And it's funny, one day we weretalking about well, she had
asked me about my plans.
I was like you're living it.
When I first, when I met you,you were strong, you loved God
(10:21):
and you were beautiful.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
You had a backbone and you had a lot of qualities
that she hates when I say thisbut a lot of the qualities she
has are the same qualities thatmy mother has, so I saw a lot of
that in her and how she carriedherself, despite the things
that she'd been going through,in the way she was raised.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
Um, she's very close to her grandmother and she's
probably and out of everybody inher family she's the most,
she's the closest, she's the themost like her grandmother,
which was a.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
She was a very beautiful woman, smart, strong,
uh, determined, and all thosequalities are are in to me and I
think it's so important thatyou make that emphasis, because,
while our origin, sometimesthey say women look for the guys
that are like their dads, andsometimes it's the vice versa
with women.
Guys are attracted to peoplelike their mom, and that doesn't
mean mom is going to take careof you or I'm looking for a
(11:20):
woman to take care of you, andI'm sure that's what you were
kind of emphasizing.
But when you find someone tohave those characteristics of a
good quality woman, that's whatyou should be building your list
upon, not somebody to wash andclean and cook and all those
things that maybe your mom andthem did.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Those are just tasks, yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
You're looking for someone that you can partner in
with, because if you think aboutthe list that Corey just gave,
it wasn't about her doing taskslike a domestic servant type
thing.
It was somebody to partner inwith.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
And I noticed he didn't mention anything sexual.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
No.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Oh, so that wasn't a problem with this either.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Now you mentioned something in the book that I
want to actually bring up duringthis episode because I think it
was really important about.
One of the things that we kindof talked about was a struggle
that couples may go through whenit comes to disagreement, and
you guys both are spiritualpeople and sometimes you're
going to have spiritualdisagreements.
Can you talk a little bit aboutthe church, selection of a
(12:22):
church, because a lot of couplesgo through this about how
they're going to worship and ifthey have a disagreement, how do
you handle that?
How did you guys handle that?
And I love the story and I wantyou guys to elaborate on that
one.
Well, we can both talk, okay um, she grew up baptist.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
I grew up church of christ.
I grew up going to church everySunday with my mom.
My dad didn't go to church thatoften until later on in his
life.
But I grew up going to churchnot really a church people kind
of person, but I go toappreciate the word of God and
(12:59):
listen to it and apply it to mylife and when I found Tam was
some, that was something thatthat she was doing at the same
time as well.
Um, we just had a lot of thingsin common and as far as we were
looking for a church, we had alot of things in common, but the
church thing wasn't.
It was the one constant thatwas not coming.
(13:22):
Every, every Sunday was anargument Are we going here, are
we going there?
Are we going to my church?
Are we going to your church?
Are we going to a church youlike?
So I got to a point where shewas always telling me you can
try to go to Baptist churches.
You don't even try, you're justnot even going to try.
I'm like we'll go, let's go.
So we ended up going.
We see, I let her pick it andwe went and uh, we went for a
(13:46):
few years, not a few years wentfor a few, uh, few few weeks,
and she didn't like what wasgoing on at the church.
So we ended up going to anotherone.
This time I picked it and Ididn't like the pastor and I
didn't like what he was talkingabout and the church people, uh.
So this went on for 10 years.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Wow, that's a long time.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
You mean God didn't do it in like a week, you mean
it wasn't like 24 hours.
21 days.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Over those 10 years, those fights got worse and worse
and worse, to the point wherewe didn't want to go to church.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
Yeah, so the changing point was that day he's talking
about.
We were going to a church, weintended to go to a church, but
we were late for that church andwe just so happened to be on
the street of another churchthat we were invited to.
He was invited to and somethingin me just said God, god in me,
(14:40):
the Holy.
Ghost.
Yes the Holy Ghost in me toldme concede, just let it go this
is the opposite of work submit,submit.
Yes, because if I'm gonna livegod's will, god's will is for me
to submit, and so I did, youknow, and that was a changing
(15:01):
point for all of us for our kids, for him, for me, and we're
going to the same church now.
We've been there for 15 years.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
So what was it like with that that come to that
epiphany of submitting?
How did it feel after youdecided to submit?
How did it feel for youinternally?
Speaker 4 (15:18):
it was like casting that that care upon the lord and
he'll make your burden light.
You know, that's that's what itwas.
It was a relief when I saw mychildren when they came out of
the children's church.
They were so elated, they werehappy, and that gave me the
(15:40):
signal this is a church for youand the church.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
It's a Church of Christ church, but it is more
modern or liberal than thetraditional churches of Christ,
so it has some principles thatare not as staunch as some that
I feel the traditional churchesof Christ have been, and so it
(16:04):
wasn't so much the denomination,it was the application of the
Bible and how it makes you feelwelcome.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Yes, now, cory, did you during that time when she
decided to submit, was that likeyou had a sense of what's going
on?
Or did you know she was justacquiescing and just saying,
okay, I'm gonna let you lead?
Or was that a conversation?
It was a conversation?
Speaker 3 (16:23):
okay, um, it was a conversation it's something that
that, uh, like I said, we'retalking about it in that, in the
car, in the car, and to me it'slike she said I, I give up, I'm
submitting, we're gonna do itwhat you said and we'll we'll
see where it goes.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Now, when he she did that, did you go?
Yeah, that's right, that's whatyou're gonna do.
And I tell you, I was.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
I wasn't sure about the church we're getting ready
to go to either.
So, um, I was just glad thatshe was open to it, right, and
we're going to work it out fromthere.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
And that's so important because and I jokingly
said that, but that's what it'stalked about the Bible talks
about the two things that menare supposed to do, which is to
love their wife unconditionally,like Christ loved the church,
but also to lead yeah, christloved the church, but also to
lead, yeah.
And when you led that way andyou said that was a practical,
real world example of leadingyour family.
(17:15):
And submission from submissionand leading, and we're going to
use that one forever.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
And he said we're going to church somewhere today.
So he turned into that church.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
So he led, and that's beautiful.
So he turned into that church,so he led and you led him there.
That's beautiful.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
Why don't you say that?
Because the church we were atbefore that it was a Valentine's
Day thing and for some reasonyou couldn't ever gain access to
the minister, okay, and ask himquestions or anything like that
.
But I just cornered him becausewe were there and he was there
and I was like, look bro, I gotthis issue.
My wife and I didn't grow up inthe same kind of churches and
(17:54):
we're trying to figure out wherewe need to go.
What would you do?
He said you're the man, ain'tyou Just like that?
Yeah, exactly.
So I said, alright, say less.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Say less, and what does that mean to you when
someone says something like that?
Speaker 3 (18:09):
well, what he meant was you're the husband, you're
the lead, right.
Do what you're supposed to doright, leave.
You don't necessarily have toleave by being domineering mmm,
but definitely lead her to whereit's.
It's gonna be a situation goodfor both of you.
And when he said said it, itkind of made me upset Not
(18:31):
necessarily upset I was likethat's too simple to be the
answer Do what you do, do whatyou're supposed to do.
It's my fault.
It is my fault and say thatagain it was my fault.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
That's so challenging for me because I get this
question from a lot of the guysthat I talk to doing this kind
of thing.
But they want to know what doesthat look like?
And sometimes it can be.
For me it was intimidating inthe beginning because you know
what's at stake.
You know it's not just memaking it.
When you're single, you make achoice or decision.
It's just you who want tosuffer the consequences.
(19:06):
But when you have a family andyou know I make something as a
decision, like what church arewe going to go to, and if I pick
wrong, guess who's going to beaccountable for that?
Right, and so that's a heavyweight and I think sometimes us
(19:26):
men don't take that seriousenough.
You know, or have someonechallenge us to say do what you
know to be right.
You guys talked a little bitabout struggles, just like this.
You had a church struggle andI'm sure you guys have had
challenges growing together inmarriage.
Why do you think some couplesstruggle when it comes to just
everyday things, when they gofrom being single individuals to
now they marry and they stillhave struggles?
Speaker 4 (19:47):
Because it's the struggle of two wheels.
You know you're, you come froma background, and they come from
a background and they're gonnaclash eventually.
They don't clash and so, like I, like I said before the that
that Christ is the center yes.
Christ is the center, he, he isthe common ground, the common
(20:09):
denominator, and when you gointo him and your husband's
going to him, then you aremeeting at the common ground
space and he is the forever parthe holds forever in his hands.
We're temporary people, we'remortals, so we're going to
change, we're going to get older, we're going to get sick, 're
(20:30):
going to, but with him it'sforever.
So that's where you go, that'syour guide, that's your compass,
that's your, your everything sothat's why you have to have
christ and I.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Just that was one of the things you know, because for
us, we've been working inservant immersion for 18 years
and, if I had to say, the onething that I realized is the
most important thing is that howcould you go into something
that god created and not let himbe in the center of it and
expect for it to work right?
So if you're dating or thinkingabout getting married, or even
(21:05):
if you are married, if christ isnot in the center, trust me, it
will fail.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
He has to be at the center of your heart and your
marriage for it to work so, ofcourse, from your perspective,
what does that look like fromthe guy's side of the street?
Speaker 3 (21:20):
well, I was going to add to that.
Yeah, yeah, as far as, becauseshe said christ is the center
and in the book we talk aboutthe unity candles the two
candles that are at the end.
Yeah, yeah, and christ in thecenter and in the book we talk
about the unity candles, the twocandles there at the end.
Yeah, yeah, christ in thecenter, and you can't have a
marriage without keeping Christin the center.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Right, it's true and she and I we.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
We may have fought a lot going leading up to being
able to go to the same churchand figure all that stuff out,
but through all that it was alot of prayer yeah and God got
us closer throughout all that.
So those struggles tend to getyou a little bit closer right,
and when I say closer, thatmeans us to being closer and us
two as one getting closer toChrist yeah, because I think
(22:03):
sometimes when couples feel thatdifficulty or they feel that,
um, tension, they naturally we,we're just going to give up
something that's wrong.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
You're going to, like you said, you're going to have
your differences.
So what made you guys say,instead of just giving up and
going your separate ways, whatmade you guys press in and say,
no, we're going to make thiswork?
Speaker 4 (22:25):
Well, both of us believe in vows and we believe
in God's promises, and thosethings never fail.
So we.
For me, I always humble myselfbecause, you know, I could.
I don't know, I don't know ifit's because I'm a competitive
person or something, but Ialways feel like, oh, I'm this,
(22:47):
I'm that, there's somethingwrong with him and him and him,
you know.
And then God was like, uh,excuse me, but I know, feel like
, oh, I'm this, I'm that, andthere's something wrong with him
and him, and him and him.
And then God was like uh, excuseme, but I know both of y'all.
God was like I know both ofy'all, and you ain't too great
either.
And so I started seeing myselfand I'm like, okay, I'm going to
hush now.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
And isn't it wonderful when you have that
moment, because I know we firstgot married Lord he need to do
this, and Lord he need to dothat, and they need to do this.
And he said, how about I showyou?
Speaker 1 (23:14):
you, because, when I show you, you then you'll begin.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
I said every time I come to you, I'm beginning to
realize that you're alwaystelling me about me.
So we start off with couples.
There's no such thing asmarriage problems there.
There's no such thing asmarriage problems.
They're individual problemsthat you bring into your
marriage.
You bring problems, he bringsproblems, and you have to take
them both to the Lord Right.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
So was there something, corey, that you
thought about when you were inyour singleness and you decided
to get married, that yourealized that was going to be a
struggle for you individuallycoming into it, struggle, or
something that was going to bechallenging that maybe that you
didn't think?
Or if you had to give yourselfadvice, young Corey advice,
knowing what you know.
Now, after 25 years, what issomething that you say, bruh?
(24:00):
You need to be made aware ofthis.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
That's a good question To 25 years.
What would I tell young Corey?
Speaker 2 (24:10):
I would tell him well , we have a young Corey.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Speak to him, speak to young.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Corey, we speak to you, young Corey.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
My advice to my son was when you start dating, you
make sure that she believes inGod and she loves God.
You do that first and foremost,that she believes in God and
she loves God.
You do that first and foremost.
All the other stuff, as far asthe looks, and all that stuff
that comes way down to the endyou want to make good family
values, that she loves God andthat you guys actually pray
(24:42):
together.
Yeah, and that's some of theadvice that I would tell young
Cora.
Also, the other advice I wouldgive him was to Look at yourself
and make sure that you're abetter person.
Make sure that you're able toHandle being a provider, handle
(25:05):
being a father.
Are you ready for any of thatthat stuff?
Do you know what goes alongwith it?
Are you able to handle being agood father?
Are you a good example?
Try not to have all the baggagethat you grew up with come into
your marriage.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
Some of it's going to come.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
But find somebody that is going to be there with
you and fight with you, fightfor you through all that.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
I have a question, because we get so many people in
the community who ask so manyquestions and they always say I
love what you guys are saying,but how do you do that?
So, as a man, as a black man,what is one thing that you do
every day that makes the thingsyou're explaining?
How do you make that happen?
Speaker 3 (25:50):
Well, it's constant prayer.
Tamika and I pray at night,before we go to bed, but that's
not the only time we pray.
I'll pray for her.
She'll pray for me throughoutthe day.
We'll pray for our childrenthroughout the day.
We even have things on ourphone that remind us pray for
Corey, pray for Taya.
Yeah, you know, we don't wantto miss a day without praying
(26:13):
for each other.
Right, as a family, right,staying close to God is the best
way to handle all the thingsthat are going to be thrown at
you throughout the day, and eachday is a new day, yeah, so just
stay in constant prayer.
Yeah, you know whether you'resaying it in your head, talking
(26:34):
to God, or you're on your knees.
Yeah, think about it.
Pray to God every day, everysingle day, and that's something
that I wasn't doing, probably.
Probably, I didn't start doingall that stuff until, probably
10-15 years ago back then I'mlike I can handle this, I can do
(26:58):
that.
Do it in your own power.
Exactly, I'm a man's man, I canhandle it, I'm strong.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
I'm as strong as you think you are so, tamika, why do
you think women and I won't saynecessarily women, but
believers kind of struggle andnot think about god in their
marriage and why it's importantto invite a man and be present?
You guys talked a lot about howgod in the church and the
values that you had played arole in your marriage.
(27:27):
Why do you think maybe somepeople underestimate the value
of that?
Speaker 4 (27:33):
I'm not sure.
I think that a lot of peoplehave to see a physical
manifestation of God.
You know, they have to have avisual of God, since he's not a
tangible he can touch.
God they're out of sight, outof mind, type of thing.
(27:55):
Someone asked me on Facebookone time well, he wasn't asking
me, but he had just put aquestion out there why is
everybody always saying pray toGod?
Why in our marriage we got topray together to God?
And I told him well, god is theauthor of marriage, he's the
one who created it.
So who will bless us in thissituation?
(28:17):
You know, you go to the authorof it and he was like, oh, I
never really thought about itlike that.
Well, he is, he's the author,he's the creator, he established
it, he established marriage.
He's the creator, heestablished it, he established
marriage.
So, people, just since we're sovisual, we have videos for
everything we have videos andall of that you know.
(28:40):
It's a faith thing.
It's all about your faith leveland knowing that he's present
and seeing how he's evident inlife and everything that you do.
And once you get in that groovewith him, it's just beautiful.
It's a lifestyle.
It's really a lifestyle, andyour lifestyle has to be guided
(29:04):
by that book, by that Bible.
Yes, and that's the handbook toyour life, and I've been since.
I think I really began studyingthe Bible when I was 21.
I didn't really grow up in thechurch myself, but I always had
God with me, you know, I alwayshad.
(29:25):
My grandmother was the personwho would.
Whenever I was with her, wewould go to church with her and,
um, I learned a lot aboutchrist and and she, she was
always buying me bibles at everystage of my life and then she
gave me the real bible and allthat, but in her influence is
who?
(29:45):
how I developed my relationshipwith god.
You know I wanted to be likeChrist, so I were started
working in the medical fieldbecause I wanted to heal just
like Christ.
You know, that's my kids, so,but you know when I as I grew
and I still wanted that to berelational with people and be
(30:09):
hands-on.
So that's why I chose physicaltherapy, because I, you know,
help people and I help peoplerecover from illnesses to walk
in again or whatever.
So that's been my mission, mylife's Journey.
But you, just you have to havethat lifestyle.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
Yes, and I love that you said you guys both have said
it the H in rich humility.
And so many times people say,well, what does it look like,
what does it mean to be inChrist?
It's humility.
We have to check our pride, ourdesire to be private and our
(30:47):
ability to be proud.
If we check that at the door.
That opens up the door forgratitude and serving and loving
and leading and submitting.
And so so many times people areso used to people talking about
going to church we're talkingabout.
We're talking about being thechurch we're talking about.
(31:07):
We're talking about being thechurch.
We're talking about peoplelooking at your life.
You know, if you say people arevisual not that our marriages
are perfect and not that we haveit all figured out, but we want
to be a physical, walking,living, breathing example to you
all of what a godly,god-honoring marriage looks like
.
And so that's why we bring ourrich friends on here, so that
(31:28):
you guys can see that there arepeople who look like you, who
love Jesus and have a goodmarriage.
And so I have a question forboth of you.
If you were talking to someonewho was in the dating stage,
what would be something youwould say they need to be
working on before they go intotheir thinking about dating?
(31:50):
What should they be working onbefore they start dating?
Either one of you can answerfirst.
Speaker 4 (31:57):
What should they be thinking about before they start
dating?
Yes, as individuals, asindividuals, individuals.
(32:29):
Well, I think that they should.
They should want to kind oflook at themselves and see what
they haughty am.
I too, you know, am I expectingsomething of you that I don't
expect of myself?
Because that's a big one, youknow, a lot of this culture
today is he's gonna take care ofme, he's gonna buy me, and they
do that pause that that.
Stop that yes.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
They expect what?
Speaker 4 (32:50):
they can get from someone instead of what they can
give.
Oh man I love that how they canserve or how they can do for
someone else.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
So you said you should come to the relationship
to give and serve and not totake, take.
Yes, you're a jerk.
Speaker 3 (33:06):
Gloria, You're a jerk , I would tell them to make a
list of all the things that theywant in their spouse or their
girlfriend or boyfriend orwhatever, and, after they read
(33:31):
that list, ask themselves howmany of those qualities do you
need?
Speaker 2 (33:33):
yes, wow, yeah, so start by trying to fulfill those
qualities that you exactly bethe list, be the list, be the
list right, like what you see inthe mirror.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Yeah, right but you know it is so easy just to take
and look for things in otherpeople that that's for single
people to do, that Stay singlethen.
Yeah, if you selfish.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Stay single.
Nobody want to be with you ifyou selfish.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
And that's the point that I was getting to.
Thank you, baby, for giving memy point.
And that's what happens to youAfter you've been with somebody
for a while.
Speaker 3 (34:03):
They're going to finish your sentences.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
She's doing it right now they're going to finish your
sentences.
See, she's doing it right now.
They're going to finish yoursentences and we appreciate you
guys coming and hanging out withus.
You know the time flies, but aswe're closing out, why don't
you guys just if you are goingto now?
We talked about the singles.
What piece of advice would yougive somebody before they walk
down that aisle?
I love that you said about thevows earlier.
(34:29):
You mentioned vows and promisesthat you do at a wedding.
One piece of advice that youwould give that couple that is
the day before their weddingthat they need to be mindful
about as they go towards thoseyears together um, first of all,
(34:54):
we, we pray together.
Speaker 4 (34:55):
A lot of couples, they, they don't pray together.
They think, oh, I'm praying,he's praying, he's praying, yeah
, or you know, but together,when you come together, then
you're in unity, you're, you'rein one mind, you're in one body,
you know, and so that's aministry together.
That I think is vital.
Just continue to do that.
And it doesn't have to be along drawn out prayer it can be.
(35:18):
Thank you, father, for our unity, thank you for our home, thank
you for you know, prayers don'thave to be requesting something.
Prayers can be that prayers canbe painful parents could just
be great gratitude, you knowjust.
Thank you, lord.
Thank you, we made it today.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
They made out of traffic and into our house today
and sometimes our prayer needsto be those of repentance.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
Yes, forgive me for being so hardy.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
Forgive me for being so selfish, so snatchy, so
grabby, so tanky.
Speaker 4 (35:47):
That could be a prayer.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
That could be a prayer.
Speaker 4 (35:50):
You don't have to be drawn out, but just something
simple, every day, every day,step by step.
That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
How about you, sir?
Speaker 3 (36:01):
Mine, I would say communication.
You're in constantcommunication with God.
God knows you, god knows whatyou're about and knows your
flaws and your strengths andyour weaknesses.
Express those strengths andweaknesses to your spouse.
Speaker 4 (36:20):
Don't be afraid, be vulnerable.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
It's hard for a lot of us to do, to be vulnerable.
We want our spouse orgirlfriend to think that we're
strong enough to handle anythingand everything, and that we're
perfect and we don't have anyflaws.
Speaker 4 (36:34):
And sometimes you have to tell your spouse the
hard things about themselves andyou have to be humble enough to
accept okay, this is, you know,they are your mirror pretty
much.
Oh say that again.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
They're your mirror, he's not there when you say that
.
Speaker 4 (36:49):
Your spouse is your mirror for real, and they're not
.
When they give you thesecriticisms, it's a constructive
meaning building criticism.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
Because you're building a life together.
Speaker 4 (36:59):
You're building a life, the bricks, you know Right
.
Say it lovingly.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
Say it lovingly yeah you know, say it lovingly and
with patience and humility andcompassion and integrity.
Speaker 4 (37:14):
One thing that I've learned from him which I'm not a
yelly person or a naggy person,but he taught me that men don't
like all that.
And my son, he's 20 now he'sabout to be 21.
You know, like you know, I'mmama, so now I've learned to
quiet, let daddy do it.
You know, whatever Corey tellthat boy you know, so he'll
(37:35):
listen to his dad sooner than me, because they just eh.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
I think they hear our voice so much.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Sometimes you need to hear the same information from
a different voice so you cantake it in.
Speaker 4 (37:46):
Thank you.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.