March 25, 2024 • 32 mins
Discover the unspoken truths about infidelity and the pillars of a thriving relationship as Gil and I, Renee, share our three-decade journey of love and understanding. Uncover how resilience, integrity, compassion, and humility create an environment where the grass doesn't seem greener on the other side. Through our heartfelt conversation, we reveal the internal fortitude that keeps couples faithful and the shared language of love that anchors them through storms.
Embrace a new dimension of intimacy that transcends the physical, fostering an emotional and spiritual connection that is the true safeguard against straying hearts. Our dialogue takes you through the nurturing of emotional connections, the HOT principles of honesty, openness, and transparency, and the art of mutual respect that redefines nurturing beyond gender stereotypes. Learn how these elements form a tapestry of a love grounded not just in feelings, but in choice and deliberate action.
Join us as we explore the art of cultivating a relationship where encouragement and growth become the norm, not the exception. We discuss the importance of attention and intention in weaving a partnership that blooms with time and why celebrating each other's successes is essential to prevent the onset of complacency. Whether you're in the throes of newlywed bliss or navigating the complexities of long-term commitment, our insights and the support from our "Rich RR Marriage Mentors" app can help you foster a love that endures.
RICH RELATIONSHIPS REFUGE
Meet: Gil & Renée
Rich Relationships Refuge podcast with Gilbert J and Renée M. Beavers is fantastic because it's the best place to explore the reality of relationships — the good, the bad, and the painful and confusing. This podcast helps to illuminate what it means to be intimate with others and what it teaches people about them. It will make you want to strive for a kinder, more fun relationship with others., This a place where love flourishes, bonds deepen, and relationships thrive. We're Gil and Renee, authors, and marriage coaches, and we're honored to walk alongside you on your journey towards a rich and fulfilling partnership.
In a world where relationships can feel like a maze, we believe in providing you with the compass and map to navigate the path of love with confidence and grace. Whether you're single and seeking, newly dating, or preparing for marriage, our app is your sanctuary—a refuge where you can find guidance, support, and inspiration every step of the way.
https://www.richrrmarriagementors.com/book-online
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And Renee, where amazing things happen.
Our goal is to help build,repair and restore healthy
relationships, but tonight weare really thankful for all of
you guys who watched and sharedand who are part of this
community.
Tonight we are going to talkabout why rich couples don't
(00:32):
cheat.
I know you've said that's abold statement, sister.
Yes, why rich couples don'tcheat, and we talked last week
about rich.
What rich meant is people whoare resilient, who walk in
integrity, who lead withcompassion and who are driven by
(00:55):
or allow humility to shapetheir life.
So those are the people we'retalking to.
It's a journey that we're tryingto go on a becoming rich, but
we're going to talk about whypeople cheat.
Why do people cheat?
We're talking about why richcouples don't cheat and we're
(01:19):
going to show you some of thereasons that people cheat.
Why do people cheat?
There's a reason why peoplecheat, and a lot of times,
people cheat because ofsomething that's really going on
inside of their heart,something that's missing.
So we're going to talk tonightabout what we need to keep us
from cheating.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
I think it's important to kind of set the
ground Because, based on all ofthe comments from the shorts and
those things, everybody has anideal and opinion and a
viewpoint on relationships andwe're in this space because we
(01:59):
wanted to invest in people andtheir relationships, especially
people who are just gettingstarted on this journey.
Because, let's just be honest,we all have baggage that we drag
into our relationships.
We all have things that havehappened and it's going to
impact our relationships todayIf we don't get new information
(02:20):
and new things and new ways ofdoing things and we welcome you
guys for joining us for theproperty.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Thanks for joining us , thank you, thank you, comment
like.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
this is a dialogue.
We are just talking back andforth with you guys, Because
there's a lot of people who liketo comment.
Rehazement and comments all day, which is great, but we want to
make sure that we're just nothaving comments just for the
sake of comments.
We always want to bring valueand into your relationships,
(02:48):
because that's why we do what wedo and that's why we invest
this time into this time, toinvest into all of you guys out
there.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Yeah, and we love you guys and we're really great.
Our community is growing.
We have a surprise.
We're going to show that lateron, a little bit in the middle
but one of the reasons whypeople rich couples don't cheat
is because they have understoodand adopted a mutual
(03:20):
understanding of what love is,and so what love looks like to
each individual person is goingto look different.
So if you, you know, we allhave heard of the five love
languages, that's somethingthat's important to do and to
know what your love language is,because I know we were younger.
That was something we reallymissed each other a lot on,
(03:42):
because I didn't know your lovelanguage, you didn't know my
love language, and so now we'velearned that let's go.
I love.
I really am grateful for thenature of my husband because he
has these wonderful things thathe has written out to make this
trackable and duplicatable, andwe'll also share the notes with
(04:05):
you guys.
They'll be in the comments andall the link is down in the
comments.
Put that in the comments.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
To review because, as you're going through all the
stuff, we try to give you a lotof information, but we always
want to, like I said, establisha foundation, and the foundation
that we do and just like we'vebeen commenting to Renee's been
commenting to people today isthe Bible and our relationship
with Christ.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Jesus, the word and the blood.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
That is the foundation for every
relationship, regardless of whatyou, your background and what
you may think.
This is what we're coming from.
So all we can do is define whatwe're coming from.
First Corinthians, chapter 13.
If you're familiar with it, itis the love chapter.
And guess what?
There, the Bible also has astatement that says there's
nothing new under the sun.
So, whether you heard that in asong or not, no, it came from
(04:51):
the Bible.
They just put some nice beatsto it in some lyrics to it, but
there's nothing new under thesun.
And in that sense, because whenit comes to love and your
relationships, you are unique.
Your situation is not, and youknow how this topic came up.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
I asked Gil, cause we've been married for 35 years.
I have never cheated on Gil.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
And of course I have not cheated on Renee.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
And so I asked him I said well, why haven't you
cheated?
You know, why haven't you?
And I know I answered and Isaid you know, there's reasons
why people cheat and I always Ireally believe that it is an
internal thing, it reallydoesn't have anything to do with
the other person, but it canhelp when you kind of have some
(05:36):
guidelines.
I don't think that people arehuman, people are people and I
know we first got married.
I always say if you cheat on me, it's to death.
Do us part and I'm going tokill you.
And I used to say that all thetime.
And then I realized we weretelling our daughter that, like
we can't take.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
We got to change that .
Speaker 2 (05:55):
So, of course, I've grown, I matured, I realized
that sometimes people cheat andit has nothing to do with you,
and that's when you have to beable to extend grace, depending
on where you are, and we seelots of different ways of people
dealing with it.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
So let's jump into it and give you some of the things
that we're talking about as itpertains to Equipping you to not
have to or want to cheat.
The topics is and we kind ofnarrowed it down to three main
ingredients when it comes toyour relationships, that is a
gauge for if you're beingfulfilled in these three areas,
(06:28):
there's a high likelihood, or Ishould say a low likelihood,
that you will step outside ofyour relationship.
Starting out with and Reneecame up with this because we
started out with thisconversation and the three key
elements are Because I said baby, why have you never cheated on
me?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
I said, because my needs are met.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
I was like that's right, oh, okay.
But when you break it down evenmore, when you talk about your
needs, what are those needs?
The needs break down into threeareas, and those three areas
are love, nurturing and support.
Yes, and we're gonna break eachone of those down for you a
little bit deeper, but everybodythinks about love in different
(07:05):
contexts.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
But most people think about love and they're thinking
about emotions, they'rethinking about feelings.
We're not talking about that.
We're talking about the love.
That is an emotional connection.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Right.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
We're talking about love, that is, that you make a
conscious decision to extendyourself, to yield yourself to
someone, the love that we'retalking about.
It makes you feel valued.
What's one of the?
Someone put it in the comments.
They said man, you can alwaystell when a woman is being loved
properly because of the way sheglows.
(07:40):
And I really believe that whenyou're loved and respect and
honored, it really does.
It shows in the way you liveyour life.
It shows in a way that you evencommunicate with each other.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
So, as you're putting it in the comments and I'm kind
of reading them as we go, so ifyou do have a question or a
comment or something you wannaput in there, if it's within the
boundaries and the taste ofwhat we're talking about, yes,
we will shout it out.
We will call it out.
People are asking for shoutouts.
Well, if you wanna shout out,put a question up, put a comment
in, and then we will shout youout?
Speaker 2 (08:11):
And where are you shouting us out from?
Where are?
Speaker 1 (08:14):
you at.
I'll put it this way we'regoing to shout you out if you
engage and if you add value tothe conversation.
How about that?
So we'll shout you out in thatcontext.
But if you do have a questionand just like you're saying here
, if it's a genuine question,even if it's insensitive, we can
talk about it and we'll reviewit and see it and if it is
(08:35):
something that we think thatwill bring value to other people
who are watching, then, yeah,we'll definitely bring it up.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
But if you have a question that you believe is
sensitive, reach out to us.
Our email isrichrelationshiprefuge at
gmailcom or you can go to helpat richrelationshererefugecom,
because we do want to help you.
But this is not a session.
This is a time where we cantalk and dialogue, but sometimes
some topics are too sensitiveto do an open platform like that
(09:02):
.
So, because this is what we do,we don't ever want to put
anyone on blast.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Yep, so when we talk about it.
So Rene already talked aboutthe emotional connection.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
So I'm going to just throw something with that saying
.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
From my experience and those around me, I've
noticed that black people tendto be homophobic around me.
I'm just curious why that seemsto be the case with that
community.
Can't answer that one whenwe're talking about it.
So what we're talking about?
I would need more context inwhat you're talking about.
But when we're talking aboutthis in the context of the
(09:34):
relationship, we're talkingabout it from why people are
cheating.
That's what we're trying to dois stay on topic and not veer
off into rabbit holes, becausewe can go down a rabbit hole and
we won't get to cover and talkabout the things that people are
kind of engaged about.
So, no, no, it's no reason toapologize.
We just want to make sure wejust kind of level everything
(09:55):
when it comes to the comments.
So when we talk about it.
Rene already mentioned theemotional connection and
hopefully you may get an answerto your question as we go
through these things about it.
When it comes to relationships,intimacy people hear that word
and that term and they thinkautomatically the first thing
they usually gravitate to is sex.
We're not talking about thattype of intimacy.
(10:17):
Why don't you elaborate alittle bit on the intimacy we're
talking about?
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Well, it's important to understand that intimacy
emotional, spiritual Intimacycan lead to sex, but you can
have intimacy without sexBecause, basically, intimacy is
the ability to be, to be, toknow yourself and be known.
It's to be vulnerable, it's tobe transparent and that's what's
(10:42):
important to cultivate, becausewhat we see in our generation,
in this generation, we seepeople being sexually intimate
but not emotionally, like youcan have sex with someone.
They don't know your middlename, they don't know how much
money you made, they don't knowyour birthday, they don't know
your favorite ice cream.
So it's important that youdevelop emotional and spiritual
(11:04):
intimacy before you just jumpinto sexual intimacy, because
that again goes back to yourfeelings.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Yep and go ahead, no, go ahead.
So we want to.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
we want to kind of help you to have a love that is
sustainable and a love that isgenuine, and that is not a
feeling, that is a choice.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
And when you think about the intimacy, it really
starts out with you being kindof like what my shirt say a
little bit about being hot,honest, open and transparent.
The hotter you can be withsomebody that's where you really
establish intimacy with thatperson and the more hot you are
with that person guess what?
Sex is going to play a verysmall role in it.
(11:41):
It's a very beautiful role inmarriage and I was getting boy
say that, girl say that.
We want to quantify everythingthat we're talking about it from
that to yeah within marriage.
Another thing that you, when wetalk about it, when it comes to
love, is you actually have tovalue the other person, your
partner, that you're in therelationship with.
If that person is not feelingvalued, they don't have the
(12:03):
emotional connection, they don'thave the intimacy, they're not
feeling like they're valued.
Guess what they're going to do?
They're probably going tostrike, yeah.
So when we talk about value,I'm talking about it from the
context of you actually caringabout the things that they're
caring about.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
We're talking about.
When he talks to you and he'sflirting with you, he makes you
blush.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
She blushed today.
She blushed today.
We were talking and she wastalking about how you talk to
people.
But I say, well, when you talkto your significant other, your
whole continence and your voiceand your inflection and all that
.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
No, he started off with saying do you still, if you
not still get butterflies orsomething?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Do you get butterflies in your stomach when
you with your partner?
I'm telling you, if you stilldon't get butterflies after 35
years, I still get butterflieswith Renee.
There are certain things thatshe may say or that she may do.
You still blush, you still getbutterflies.
And she got it right then andshe was like arguing y'all.
She was arguing and then I puton the phone call voice.
(13:01):
You know that voice, See, she'slaughing, the voice that you
have when you call in yoursignificant other.
You remember, go back to whenyou were dating and when you
were courting, However you wantto describe it, when you're
trying to get with this person,you know you put on that voice.
She starts to see she's doingit.
But you put on that voice and,ladies, y'all know, y'all get a
(13:23):
little bit more smoother, alittle sexier with the yeah.
See, she's saying yeah now, butshe wasn't saying that oh see,
hold on, Send me down.
We're going to keep it.
We're going to keep it nice.
We're going to keep it nice.
Let's move on.
Let's talk about mutual respect.
We talked about that.
Oh, did you talk about mutualrespect?
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Let's go to.
So we talked about love, sothere's three things we're going
to talk about tonight.
The first one is love.
I kind of broke love down, sonow we're going to talk about
the word that gives us likepeople don't like that word
because it sounds weak.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
The word is nurture, nurture, nurture.
From a guy's perspective, guys,I mean, if you're out there,
hit me up.
I mean say I thought, even justthinking about it, I was like
nurture, that's a woman thing.
Ain't nobody nurturing thatthing?
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Everyone needs to be nurtured.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
But then you know what, when she said that, I
started thinking about it thisafternoon and I looked up the
word, and when you really thinkabout it, you want to be doing
this in your relationship,because what it really talks
about is care and encouragementfor development, positive those
types of things.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
So you definitely want to nurture your
relationship when you thinkabout it, and some of the ways
you can nurture your man is totell him that you're proud of
him, that you love him.
Another way you can nurture himis, like y'all saw, I made a
video.
I was making some chicken salad.
He told me he wants somechicken salad.
I made him some chicken salad.
Nurturing is a form of servingthat meets more than just a
(14:55):
physical need.
It meets an emotional need.
It meets a need because guesswhat?
That's what we all grew upbeing exposed to it's being
nurtured.
And so a lot of times peoplewill say, oh, he married someone
like his mom.
Well, if your mom was nurturing, then that's what you're going
to look for, and unfortunately,sometimes that was absent, and
(15:16):
so one thing that I wanted tobring in, even in this comment,
is it made me think about.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Renee is into gardening.
She started to garden againsince we just moved back to
Texas.
She's in here and she's got alittle patio garden.
She's working on it.
But I thought about it.
When you think about nurture,think about it in this context
and in the context of yourrelationship, but with the ideal
of a garden.
And when we say that, I'mtalking about when you plant a
(15:43):
garden, the first thing you dois plant seeds.
Yes, Just like in yourrelationship, when you're dating
or you're just getting started,you should be planting positive
seeds, the things that you wantto grow.
Emphasize that point the things, the positive things that you
want to grow in yourrelationship, Because what's
going to happen is life is goingto take over and these things
(16:05):
called weeds are going to comeinto your garden and choked out
the seeds.
If you don't care for yourgarden.
Think about it in what we'retalking about nurturing If
you're not caring for yourgarden, the weeds are going to
come and choke it out.
Just like in your relationship,If you're seeded and you're
positive and you're growing andyou're watering and you're
nurturing your garden and thenthose seeds come and you don't
(16:25):
take care of them.
Guess what's going to happen?
It's going to choke out therelationship, or it's going to
lead you to say you know what?
I'm going to get a new gardenand you know what that means.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Yeah, and normally the grass always looks greener
on the other side and sometimesit's greener because you're just
not over there and so it's justimportant that we realize that
we bring Gil set at thebeginning.
We all bring a lot of baggage,and so it's better to nurture
the garden you already havebuilt and established than to be
looking around at otherpeople's lawn.
It's important that you nurture, and the thing is that we both
(17:01):
men and women both need to benurtured, and I think that's
something that we're talkingabout.
Is that so many times we leavewith so many things, the things
that we're talking about?
If you leave with these threethings Because I was like I
don't know what make you want tomarry me, I don't know, but
when I saw this, I was like youknow what?
Okay, I can understand that.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Yeah, so even as you go even a little bit further
with the nurturing aspect, itrequires your attention.
You have to be attentive andintentional about the
relationship If you are justkind of getting a little bit
lazy or complacent.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Or you're not pursuing because you're not
calling, you're not responding,you're not initiating anything.
That's not nurturing, and sothis is just something that's
supposed to be checking.
Am I loving, am I nurturing?
Speaker 1 (17:52):
How many times do you neglect or take for granted
your partner?
When you start taking yourpartner for granted, that's a
sign that some weeds have comein the weed of neglect, the weed
of complacency, the weed ofboredom.
And if you're bored in arelationship, guess who's
responsible for kickstartingthat thing?
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Yeah, you talked about that last week.
It's the man's job to lead andlove, so that's your role and
that's your job.
And so a lot of times, mensometimes look to women to do it
, and because I was talking tosomeone, they were saying, these
men, they don't even want topay for anything.
I said, sweetie, that's not aman, that's a boy.
Because there's things that menknow that they are called to do
(18:34):
and that you don't have to tellthem to do it.
And so investing time,investing your attention, is an
important part of nurturing arelationship.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
So the other part about nurturing is do you
support each other in gettingbetter at whatever, whether it's
a hobby, a vocation, cooking?
Speaker 2 (18:54):
If you know that the other person is trying to lose
weight or be healthier, preparemeals for them.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
How are you supporting them?
I think about when Renee wasstarting to learn, even to all
the tech stuff that she wasdoing.
Believe it or not, renee does alot of the tech stuff that you
see, whether it's on the website, whether it's on YouTube and
all those things.
That's all Renee, even thoughI'm in the tech field.
That's all Renee.
She's doing all that stuff.
(19:23):
But guess what?
It was because I encouraged herto get more tech savvy.
One because I got tired of,like, fixing a computer and
stuff like that.
I'll be honest with you Futureman to fish.
But she done took it far beyondeven my capabilities right now,
and this is what I do for aliving.
So she's far beyond some of thethings that she can do tech
(19:45):
wise.
But what that does is goes backto being nurturing.
You're basically positivelyencouraging the development and
the growth of your significantother.
Are you doing that?
If you're not doing that, guesswhat?
That's a we.
You need to prune that thing,you need to rip it out and say
you know what babe or babe goesboth ways.
(20:07):
You need to.
You're doing good at that, orit just encouraging.
We talked about the lovelanguages, of words, of
affirmation.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
And we like the sandwich.
Two positive things, onenegative thing.
I am not going to give Kio fivethings that he needs to work on
, because that's overwhelming.
So a part of being nurturing isbeing mindful of the fact that
no one is encouraged by beingtorn down Right, no one is
(20:35):
encouraged by that, and so tonurture them, you have to make
sure that you're doing thingsthat are going to build them up
and give them the ability tofeel like they can accomplish
anything when you're together.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
When I think about it and I know this is probably
somebody's party going to put itin the comments Well, what if
that person, what if they don'tdo it?
What if they ain't neverencouraging to me?
Yeah, that it kind of goes backto what we talked about last
week Be first to love, be firstto the punch, be first to do the
things.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Sometimes, if you want something, you have to
plant some seeds, you have toyou have to be the change you
want to see, and I know a lot ofthese things that we're saying
may seem challenging, and a lotof times it's challenging
because we're trying to do it inour own power, and so when you
have a relationship with God, heempowers you to do a lot of the
things we're saying to do,because you're doing it in his
(21:25):
power, not in yours.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
And I'll say this part, we've been doing this
together thing as far asboyfriend, girlfriend, husband,
wife for 35 or over 40 years nowis with each other.
We said 38, 39 years, 38 plusyears and 35, marry.
So I think we're just sharingwith you the things that we know
worked with us.
(21:47):
Now these are just some of theprinciples.
Now you also obviously can takethem and make them work for
your relationship and massagethem around the edges.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
But you got to have love, nurturing and support.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Regardless of how it looks like, the way that it's
going to look, for eachindividual couple is going to be
different.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Because, like my love Languages, words of Affirmation
Gills is quality time, physicaltouch, and so you have to know
that.
You have to figure out.
How does the person I'm withGilles always says it become a
student of the person that youwant to spend the rest of your
life with, because you're notgoing to get to know them and
know what they want and need ifyou don't communicate.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
And that's going to be a whole another video that
we'll do multiple times.
We'll do it again, yes, we will.
And then the last one we'regoing to talk about is support.
Sometimes that can be kind ofoverlapping with nurturing,
because you're kind of doingsome of the same things, but
when we talk about support, it'stalking about it from the thing
of being in a relationship towhere you know what are the ups
(22:52):
and downs of your partner, whatare the things that.
Have you ever had that time inthat season where you know
something is wrong or somethingis just off or you just don't
feel right?
Well, you know that becauseyou've been investing, you've
been spending time and you'vebeen a student of your
significant other.
So now you are in a position ofsupporting them and figuring
(23:13):
out what is it that I can do tomake their life a little bit
easier?
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Okay, so I'm going to give an analogy, because you
know that's just me when Ithought of support ladies.
Do you know what it's like tohave on a bra that has wire in
it versus a bra that doesn'thave wire?
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Go ahead.
I'm just listening to this one.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Support, healthy support is not like a wired bra,
because a wired bra it can cutinto your skin, it can make you
feel uncomfortable but a brathat's like a good sports bra
that doesn't have any wire butthey hold you like if you're
trying to run or do somethingand nothing is moving around.
That's the kind of supportwe're talking about.
We're talking about a supportthat holds you close but doesn't
(23:57):
hurt you, because sometimes wethink it's support but it's
really controlled.
And so we want support.
We want to have the ability togive us the freedom I give.
He didn't say girl, he was likehairstyle, what you trying to
do tech, for that's notsupportive, that's so.
So healthy support helps youstretch beyond your capacity and
(24:19):
do things that they support,helps you to see things when
someone's supporting you.
They help you to see thingsthat you don't see in yourself.
And I think about these threethings are not just for marriage
, they're also for relationships.
Your friends should love,nurture and support you.
Girl, I can't stand you.
You get on my nerves.
(24:41):
That's not very nurturing.
You can't do that.
Nobody's ever did it.
That's not supporting you, andso we need this in our lives.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
And then we're going to move on to empathy.
Empathy is another form ofsupport when it comes to your
relationship.
We talked about it in thecontext of we mentioned intimacy
.
Be first, that's being honest,open and transparent.
Empathy is putting yourself inyour partner's position and
trying to get to a point ofunderstanding where they're
coming from.
Doesn't mean that you're goingto always agree, but it does
(25:15):
mean you have to listen to them,to understand where they're
coming from, to be able to get aperspective about how they see
things and how they view things.
That's a part of being astudent of your spouse.
The more you are in that vein,or trying to navigate that area,
you're going to find thatyou're going to be a whole lot
more productive when it comes tobeing empathy.
It may not be so quick to justjudge or snap or respond before
(25:39):
you really understand what'sgoing on.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
And I think the thing that I love about empathy and
it's something I had to reallywork on developing is that
empathy is I'm listening and I'mpresent to understand, not to
change your view, not to makeyou see things my way, but to
really lend myself in a waywhere I can help you hear and
(26:02):
see things, because I thinksometimes men and women bring
different things to therelationship.
There's things that I bring thatyou didn't bring to the
relationship, and empathy isunderstanding that and accepting
it and not always thinking thatthe other person and I know we
all have a past and I know we'vehad things that have happened
to us, but we can't keepbringing our past into every
(26:24):
single relationship that we'rein.
We have to sometimes haveempathy towards ourselves.
We have to be able to lend thatsame all the things we were
saying we're going to give tothis other person.
I can give you a love andnurture and support, because I
give that to myself, and ifyou're not in a relationship
right now, you should be loving,nurturing and supporting
yourself.
Then that way you know what itfeels like for you, because how
(26:47):
can we tell somebody what weneed when we really don't know
what?
Speaker 1 (26:52):
you need what we need , and then the last one we're
going to give you becauseRenee's battery is getting ready
to die is celebrate theaccomplishments when we get to.
If you're loving, you'renurturing, you're supporting,
and then they're getting betterin their development, whatever
that looks like, celebrate eachother.
That's something that I thinkgets overlooked and overshadowed
(27:15):
, because we tend to getcomplacent again and things that
are taking the little thingsfor granted that we think, oh,
don't take all that, it ain'tthat big of a deal.
Well, renee did something andshe can talk about it now that
she accomplished over the weekthat it's a big deal.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Well, let's put the.
Let's take the.
We're going to take our micsoff and plug the phone in so we
don't die.
Let's do that.
We just unplugged that, Okay,so we're going to take our mics
off.
We have our mics on.
This is behind the scenes stuff, y'all.
We have our mics on because wehave a podcast and the sound
quality really does matter, butwe want to be able to tell you
guys what's next.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
What are we doing?
Hold on, okay, pause Pause.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
Look at that.
Yay, now we have power.
Y'all, we got the power, okay,okay, so you can finish.
You want to?
You want to finish?
Speaker 1 (28:04):
No, go ahead.
No, oh, you want to take?
Speaker 2 (28:06):
the mic off.
No, no, okay.
So, guys, we have a new way toserve you.
We have a mobile app.
Yes, we have a mobile app.
So if you have an Android phoneright now, it's in the Google
App Store, because we want to beable to have you guys to have
help at your fingertips.
We want to be able to be inyour pocket, because so many
(28:28):
times we go to different places,we go to apps to find a mate.
We go to apps to date, we needto go to apps to learn how to be
the best version of ourselves.
Before we find a mate, we needto find ourself.
Before we get a divorce, weneed to make sure we have a good
(28:50):
understanding of where we needto change.
So our app is called Rich RRMarriage Mentors, please go and
purchase it.
It is $7.99.
Yes, $7.99.
And it helps us to help othercouples, it helps us to take
care of all the things, and soit is such a feeling of just
(29:15):
gratitude because now we have aplace that's ours, y'all, it's
ours, it's our place, it's ourlittle place that we can come
and meet and connect and growand help each other.
So go to the Google App StoreRich Relationship.
It's Rich, rr, marriage Mentorsand purchase it and tell your
family and friends and leave usa review.
Let us know what you thinkabout it.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
So we hope you enjoyed this one.
Just to recap real quick, it'slove, nurture, support.
Those are the key elements tokeeping each other engaged in a
relationship, and not infulfilled and not looking to
stray away.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
Because people don't just stray Okay, I'll say this
Sometimes people it's just theirnature to do that and it has
nothing to do with you.
But these are some things thatwe realize are important for us
as individuals and as well ascouples, to develop and
cultivate.
Now we want to open it up.
Do you guys have any questions?
Anything you guys want to know?
Any questions in the comments?
So if you guys have questionsor things you want to know, we
(30:17):
want to open it up now that ifyou guys want to have a
conversation, you have aquestion, something that you're
thinking about.
We invited a lot of our peoplefrom TikTok.
Thank you for everybody fromTikTok who has joined us tonight
.
If you join us from TikTok, sayhey, I came from TikTok.
We're really grateful for theplaces that God has allowed us
to be, because we realize thatso many people won't go to a
(30:39):
counselor, won't go to church,won't get help, and so that's
what we're trying to do.
We're trying to provide youguys with a safe place to have
real people talking about reallife and the things you're going
and going through.
We love you guys.
And we are glad you guys arehere with us tonight.
Again, if you guys have anyquestions, please put them in
the comments.
If you don't put it in thereright now, you can always later
(31:02):
on put them in, If you'rewatching live or if you could
watch later on.
Please, please, please.
Let us know your thoughts, whatyou need and how we can better
serve you.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
So we look forward to seeing you guys next week.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
We'll see you next Saturday at 8 pm Central
Standard Time.
Remember we Please share thisvideo, leave us comments, watch
more of our long content onYouTube.
We create long content becausewe want to give you more than
just 30 seconds or 15 seconds,so we try to make it at least 30
minutes.
Now remember we're strongertogether and we love you and you
(31:36):
are more than enough.
See you guys next Saturday Bye.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for your investmentin time.
Remember to subscribe to theshow and hit the notification
icon to be notified when newepisodes are posted on the
podcast platform that you'relistening from.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
Or you can always find us on our website at
richrelationshipsuscom, or ourYouTube channel, rich
Relationships with Gil Renee.
If you found this podcasthelpful or you think it could
help someone that you know andcare about, please pass it along
and share it with them.
Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And Renee, where amazing things happen.
Our goal is to help build,repair and restore healthy
relationships, but tonight weare really thankful for all of
you guys who watched and sharedand who are part of this
community.
Tonight we are going to talkabout why rich couples don't
(00:32):
cheat.
I know you've said that's abold statement, sister.
Yes, why rich couples don'tcheat, and we talked last week
about rich.
What rich meant is people whoare resilient, who walk in
integrity, who lead withcompassion and who are driven by
(00:55):
or allow humility to shapetheir life.
So those are the people we'retalking to.
It's a journey that we're tryingto go on a becoming rich, but
we're going to talk about whypeople cheat.
Why do people cheat?
We're talking about why richcouples don't cheat and we're
(01:19):
going to show you some of thereasons that people cheat.
Why do people cheat?
There's a reason why peoplecheat, and a lot of times,
people cheat because ofsomething that's really going on
inside of their heart,something that's missing.
So we're going to talk tonightabout what we need to keep us
from cheating.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
I think it's important to kind of set the
ground Because, based on all ofthe comments from the shorts and
those things, everybody has anideal and opinion and a
viewpoint on relationships andwe're in this space because we
(01:59):
wanted to invest in people andtheir relationships, especially
people who are just gettingstarted on this journey.
Because, let's just be honest,we all have baggage that we drag
into our relationships.
We all have things that havehappened and it's going to
impact our relationships todayIf we don't get new information
(02:20):
and new things and new ways ofdoing things and we welcome you
guys for joining us for theproperty.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Thanks for joining us , thank you, thank you, comment
like.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
this is a dialogue.
We are just talking back andforth with you guys, Because
there's a lot of people who liketo comment.
Rehazement and comments all day, which is great, but we want to
make sure that we're just nothaving comments just for the
sake of comments.
We always want to bring valueand into your relationships,
(02:48):
because that's why we do what wedo and that's why we invest
this time into this time, toinvest into all of you guys out
there.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Yeah, and we love you guys and we're really great.
Our community is growing.
We have a surprise.
We're going to show that lateron, a little bit in the middle
but one of the reasons whypeople rich couples don't cheat
is because they have understoodand adopted a mutual
(03:20):
understanding of what love is,and so what love looks like to
each individual person is goingto look different.
So if you, you know, we allhave heard of the five love
languages, that's somethingthat's important to do and to
know what your love language is,because I know we were younger.
That was something we reallymissed each other a lot on,
(03:42):
because I didn't know your lovelanguage, you didn't know my
love language, and so now we'velearned that let's go.
I love.
I really am grateful for thenature of my husband because he
has these wonderful things thathe has written out to make this
trackable and duplicatable, andwe'll also share the notes with
(04:05):
you guys.
They'll be in the comments andall the link is down in the
comments.
Put that in the comments.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
To review because, as you're going through all the
stuff, we try to give you a lotof information, but we always
want to, like I said, establisha foundation, and the foundation
that we do and just like we'vebeen commenting to Renee's been
commenting to people today isthe Bible and our relationship
with Christ.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Jesus, the word and the blood.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
That is the foundation for every
relationship, regardless of whatyou, your background and what
you may think.
This is what we're coming from.
So all we can do is define whatwe're coming from.
First Corinthians, chapter 13.
If you're familiar with it, itis the love chapter.
And guess what?
There, the Bible also has astatement that says there's
nothing new under the sun.
So, whether you heard that in asong or not, no, it came from
(04:51):
the Bible.
They just put some nice beatsto it in some lyrics to it, but
there's nothing new under thesun.
And in that sense, because whenit comes to love and your
relationships, you are unique.
Your situation is not, and youknow how this topic came up.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
I asked Gil, cause we've been married for 35 years.
I have never cheated on Gil.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
And of course I have not cheated on Renee.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
And so I asked him I said well, why haven't you
cheated?
You know, why haven't you?
And I know I answered and Isaid you know, there's reasons
why people cheat and I always Ireally believe that it is an
internal thing, it reallydoesn't have anything to do with
the other person, but it canhelp when you kind of have some
(05:36):
guidelines.
I don't think that people arehuman, people are people and I
know we first got married.
I always say if you cheat on me, it's to death.
Do us part and I'm going tokill you.
And I used to say that all thetime.
And then I realized we weretelling our daughter that, like
we can't take.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
We got to change that .
Speaker 2 (05:55):
So, of course, I've grown, I matured, I realized
that sometimes people cheat andit has nothing to do with you,
and that's when you have to beable to extend grace, depending
on where you are, and we seelots of different ways of people
dealing with it.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
So let's jump into it and give you some of the things
that we're talking about as itpertains to Equipping you to not
have to or want to cheat.
The topics is and we kind ofnarrowed it down to three main
ingredients when it comes toyour relationships, that is a
gauge for if you're beingfulfilled in these three areas,
(06:28):
there's a high likelihood, or Ishould say a low likelihood,
that you will step outside ofyour relationship.
Starting out with and Reneecame up with this because we
started out with thisconversation and the three key
elements are Because I said baby, why have you never cheated on
me?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
I said, because my needs are met.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
I was like that's right, oh, okay.
But when you break it down evenmore, when you talk about your
needs, what are those needs?
The needs break down into threeareas, and those three areas
are love, nurturing and support.
Yes, and we're gonna break eachone of those down for you a
little bit deeper, but everybodythinks about love in different
(07:05):
contexts.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
But most people think about love and they're thinking
about emotions, they'rethinking about feelings.
We're not talking about that.
We're talking about the love.
That is an emotional connection.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Right.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
We're talking about love, that is, that you make a
conscious decision to extendyourself, to yield yourself to
someone, the love that we'retalking about.
It makes you feel valued.
What's one of the?
Someone put it in the comments.
They said man, you can alwaystell when a woman is being loved
properly because of the way sheglows.
(07:40):
And I really believe that whenyou're loved and respect and
honored, it really does.
It shows in the way you liveyour life.
It shows in a way that you evencommunicate with each other.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
So, as you're putting it in the comments and I'm kind
of reading them as we go, so ifyou do have a question or a
comment or something you wannaput in there, if it's within the
boundaries and the taste ofwhat we're talking about, yes,
we will shout it out.
We will call it out.
People are asking for shoutouts.
Well, if you wanna shout out,put a question up, put a comment
in, and then we will shout youout?
Speaker 2 (08:11):
And where are you shouting us out from?
Where are?
Speaker 1 (08:14):
you at.
I'll put it this way we'regoing to shout you out if you
engage and if you add value tothe conversation.
How about that?
So we'll shout you out in thatcontext.
But if you do have a questionand just like you're saying here
, if it's a genuine question,even if it's insensitive, we can
talk about it and we'll reviewit and see it and if it is
(08:35):
something that we think thatwill bring value to other people
who are watching, then, yeah,we'll definitely bring it up.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
But if you have a question that you believe is
sensitive, reach out to us.
Our email isrichrelationshiprefuge at
gmailcom or you can go to helpat richrelationshererefugecom,
because we do want to help you.
But this is not a session.
This is a time where we cantalk and dialogue, but sometimes
some topics are too sensitiveto do an open platform like that
(09:02):
.
So, because this is what we do,we don't ever want to put
anyone on blast.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Yep, so when we talk about it.
So Rene already talked aboutthe emotional connection.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
So I'm going to just throw something with that saying
.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
From my experience and those around me, I've
noticed that black people tendto be homophobic around me.
I'm just curious why that seemsto be the case with that
community.
Can't answer that one whenwe're talking about it.
So what we're talking about?
I would need more context inwhat you're talking about.
But when we're talking aboutthis in the context of the
(09:34):
relationship, we're talkingabout it from why people are
cheating.
That's what we're trying to dois stay on topic and not veer
off into rabbit holes, becausewe can go down a rabbit hole and
we won't get to cover and talkabout the things that people are
kind of engaged about.
So, no, no, it's no reason toapologize.
We just want to make sure wejust kind of level everything
(09:55):
when it comes to the comments.
So when we talk about it.
Rene already mentioned theemotional connection and
hopefully you may get an answerto your question as we go
through these things about it.
When it comes to relationships,intimacy people hear that word
and that term and they thinkautomatically the first thing
they usually gravitate to is sex.
We're not talking about thattype of intimacy.
(10:17):
Why don't you elaborate alittle bit on the intimacy we're
talking about?
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Well, it's important to understand that intimacy
emotional, spiritual Intimacycan lead to sex, but you can
have intimacy without sexBecause, basically, intimacy is
the ability to be, to be, toknow yourself and be known.
It's to be vulnerable, it's tobe transparent and that's what's
(10:42):
important to cultivate, becausewhat we see in our generation,
in this generation, we seepeople being sexually intimate
but not emotionally, like youcan have sex with someone.
They don't know your middlename, they don't know how much
money you made, they don't knowyour birthday, they don't know
your favorite ice cream.
So it's important that youdevelop emotional and spiritual
(11:04):
intimacy before you just jumpinto sexual intimacy, because
that again goes back to yourfeelings.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Yep and go ahead, no, go ahead.
So we want to.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
we want to kind of help you to have a love that is
sustainable and a love that isgenuine, and that is not a
feeling, that is a choice.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
And when you think about the intimacy, it really
starts out with you being kindof like what my shirt say a
little bit about being hot,honest, open and transparent.
The hotter you can be withsomebody that's where you really
establish intimacy with thatperson and the more hot you are
with that person guess what?
Sex is going to play a verysmall role in it.
(11:41):
It's a very beautiful role inmarriage and I was getting boy
say that, girl say that.
We want to quantify everythingthat we're talking about it from
that to yeah within marriage.
Another thing that you, when wetalk about it, when it comes to
love, is you actually have tovalue the other person, your
partner, that you're in therelationship with.
If that person is not feelingvalued, they don't have the
(12:03):
emotional connection, they don'thave the intimacy, they're not
feeling like they're valued.
Guess what they're going to do?
They're probably going tostrike, yeah.
So when we talk about value,I'm talking about it from the
context of you actually caringabout the things that they're
caring about.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
We're talking about.
When he talks to you and he'sflirting with you, he makes you
blush.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
She blushed today.
She blushed today.
We were talking and she wastalking about how you talk to
people.
But I say, well, when you talkto your significant other, your
whole continence and your voiceand your inflection and all that
.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
No, he started off with saying do you still, if you
not still get butterflies orsomething?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Do you get butterflies in your stomach when
you with your partner?
I'm telling you, if you stilldon't get butterflies after 35
years, I still get butterflieswith Renee.
There are certain things thatshe may say or that she may do.
You still blush, you still getbutterflies.
And she got it right then andshe was like arguing y'all.
She was arguing and then I puton the phone call voice.
(13:01):
You know that voice, See, she'slaughing, the voice that you
have when you call in yoursignificant other.
You remember, go back to whenyou were dating and when you
were courting, However you wantto describe it, when you're
trying to get with this person,you know you put on that voice.
She starts to see she's doingit.
But you put on that voice and,ladies, y'all know, y'all get a
(13:23):
little bit more smoother, alittle sexier with the yeah.
See, she's saying yeah now, butshe wasn't saying that oh see,
hold on, Send me down.
We're going to keep it.
We're going to keep it nice.
We're going to keep it nice.
Let's move on.
Let's talk about mutual respect.
We talked about that.
Oh, did you talk about mutualrespect?
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Let's go to.
So we talked about love, sothere's three things we're going
to talk about tonight.
The first one is love.
I kind of broke love down, sonow we're going to talk about
the word that gives us likepeople don't like that word
because it sounds weak.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
The word is nurture, nurture, nurture.
From a guy's perspective, guys,I mean, if you're out there,
hit me up.
I mean say I thought, even justthinking about it, I was like
nurture, that's a woman thing.
Ain't nobody nurturing thatthing?
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Everyone needs to be nurtured.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
But then you know what, when she said that, I
started thinking about it thisafternoon and I looked up the
word, and when you really thinkabout it, you want to be doing
this in your relationship,because what it really talks
about is care and encouragementfor development, positive those
types of things.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
So you definitely want to nurture your
relationship when you thinkabout it, and some of the ways
you can nurture your man is totell him that you're proud of
him, that you love him.
Another way you can nurture himis, like y'all saw, I made a
video.
I was making some chicken salad.
He told me he wants somechicken salad.
I made him some chicken salad.
Nurturing is a form of servingthat meets more than just a
(14:55):
physical need.
It meets an emotional need.
It meets a need because guesswhat?
That's what we all grew upbeing exposed to it's being
nurtured.
And so a lot of times peoplewill say, oh, he married someone
like his mom.
Well, if your mom was nurturing, then that's what you're going
to look for, and unfortunately,sometimes that was absent, and
(15:16):
so one thing that I wanted tobring in, even in this comment,
is it made me think about.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Renee is into gardening.
She started to garden againsince we just moved back to
Texas.
She's in here and she's got alittle patio garden.
She's working on it.
But I thought about it.
When you think about nurture,think about it in this context
and in the context of yourrelationship, but with the ideal
of a garden.
And when we say that, I'mtalking about when you plant a
(15:43):
garden, the first thing you dois plant seeds.
Yes, Just like in yourrelationship, when you're dating
or you're just getting started,you should be planting positive
seeds, the things that you wantto grow.
Emphasize that point the things, the positive things that you
want to grow in yourrelationship, Because what's
going to happen is life is goingto take over and these things
(16:05):
called weeds are going to comeinto your garden and choked out
the seeds.
If you don't care for yourgarden.
Think about it in what we'retalking about nurturing If
you're not caring for yourgarden, the weeds are going to
come and choke it out.
Just like in your relationship,If you're seeded and you're
positive and you're growing andyou're watering and you're
nurturing your garden and thenthose seeds come and you don't
(16:25):
take care of them.
Guess what's going to happen?
It's going to choke out therelationship, or it's going to
lead you to say you know what?
I'm going to get a new gardenand you know what that means.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Yeah, and normally the grass always looks greener
on the other side and sometimesit's greener because you're just
not over there and so it's justimportant that we realize that
we bring Gil set at thebeginning.
We all bring a lot of baggage,and so it's better to nurture
the garden you already havebuilt and established than to be
looking around at otherpeople's lawn.
It's important that you nurture, and the thing is that we both
(17:01):
men and women both need to benurtured, and I think that's
something that we're talkingabout.
Is that so many times we leavewith so many things, the things
that we're talking about?
If you leave with these threethings Because I was like I
don't know what make you want tomarry me, I don't know, but
when I saw this, I was like youknow what?
Okay, I can understand that.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Yeah, so even as you go even a little bit further
with the nurturing aspect, itrequires your attention.
You have to be attentive andintentional about the
relationship If you are justkind of getting a little bit
lazy or complacent.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Or you're not pursuing because you're not
calling, you're not responding,you're not initiating anything.
That's not nurturing, and sothis is just something that's
supposed to be checking.
Am I loving, am I nurturing?
Speaker 1 (17:52):
How many times do you neglect or take for granted
your partner?
When you start taking yourpartner for granted, that's a
sign that some weeds have comein the weed of neglect, the weed
of complacency, the weed ofboredom.
And if you're bored in arelationship, guess who's
responsible for kickstartingthat thing?
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Yeah, you talked about that last week.
It's the man's job to lead andlove, so that's your role and
that's your job.
And so a lot of times, mensometimes look to women to do it
, and because I was talking tosomeone, they were saying, these
men, they don't even want topay for anything.
I said, sweetie, that's not aman, that's a boy.
Because there's things that menknow that they are called to do
(18:34):
and that you don't have to tellthem to do it.
And so investing time,investing your attention, is an
important part of nurturing arelationship.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
So the other part about nurturing is do you
support each other in gettingbetter at whatever, whether it's
a hobby, a vocation, cooking?
Speaker 2 (18:54):
If you know that the other person is trying to lose
weight or be healthier, preparemeals for them.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
How are you supporting them?
I think about when Renee wasstarting to learn, even to all
the tech stuff that she wasdoing.
Believe it or not, renee does alot of the tech stuff that you
see, whether it's on the website, whether it's on YouTube and
all those things.
That's all Renee, even thoughI'm in the tech field.
That's all Renee.
She's doing all that stuff.
(19:23):
But guess what?
It was because I encouraged herto get more tech savvy.
One because I got tired of,like, fixing a computer and
stuff like that.
I'll be honest with you Futureman to fish.
But she done took it far beyondeven my capabilities right now,
and this is what I do for aliving.
So she's far beyond some of thethings that she can do tech
(19:45):
wise.
But what that does is goes backto being nurturing.
You're basically positivelyencouraging the development and
the growth of your significantother.
Are you doing that?
If you're not doing that, guesswhat?
That's a we.
You need to prune that thing,you need to rip it out and say
you know what babe or babe goesboth ways.
(20:07):
You need to.
You're doing good at that, orit just encouraging.
We talked about the lovelanguages, of words, of
affirmation.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
And we like the sandwich.
Two positive things, onenegative thing.
I am not going to give Kio fivethings that he needs to work on
, because that's overwhelming.
So a part of being nurturing isbeing mindful of the fact that
no one is encouraged by beingtorn down Right, no one is
(20:35):
encouraged by that, and so tonurture them, you have to make
sure that you're doing thingsthat are going to build them up
and give them the ability tofeel like they can accomplish
anything when you're together.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
When I think about it and I know this is probably
somebody's party going to put itin the comments Well, what if
that person, what if they don'tdo it?
What if they ain't neverencouraging to me?
Yeah, that it kind of goes backto what we talked about last
week Be first to love, be firstto the punch, be first to do the
things.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Sometimes, if you want something, you have to
plant some seeds, you have toyou have to be the change you
want to see, and I know a lot ofthese things that we're saying
may seem challenging, and a lotof times it's challenging
because we're trying to do it inour own power, and so when you
have a relationship with God, heempowers you to do a lot of the
things we're saying to do,because you're doing it in his
(21:25):
power, not in yours.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
And I'll say this part, we've been doing this
together thing as far asboyfriend, girlfriend, husband,
wife for 35 or over 40 years nowis with each other.
We said 38, 39 years, 38 plusyears and 35, marry.
So I think we're just sharingwith you the things that we know
worked with us.
(21:47):
Now these are just some of theprinciples.
Now you also obviously can takethem and make them work for
your relationship and massagethem around the edges.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
But you got to have love, nurturing and support.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Regardless of how it looks like, the way that it's
going to look, for eachindividual couple is going to be
different.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Because, like my love Languages, words of Affirmation
Gills is quality time, physicaltouch, and so you have to know
that.
You have to figure out.
How does the person I'm withGilles always says it become a
student of the person that youwant to spend the rest of your
life with, because you're notgoing to get to know them and
know what they want and need ifyou don't communicate.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
And that's going to be a whole another video that
we'll do multiple times.
We'll do it again, yes, we will.
And then the last one we'regoing to talk about is support.
Sometimes that can be kind ofoverlapping with nurturing,
because you're kind of doingsome of the same things, but
when we talk about support, it'stalking about it from the thing
of being in a relationship towhere you know what are the ups
(22:52):
and downs of your partner, whatare the things that.
Have you ever had that time inthat season where you know
something is wrong or somethingis just off or you just don't
feel right?
Well, you know that becauseyou've been investing, you've
been spending time and you'vebeen a student of your
significant other.
So now you are in a position ofsupporting them and figuring
(23:13):
out what is it that I can do tomake their life a little bit
easier?
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Okay, so I'm going to give an analogy, because you
know that's just me when Ithought of support ladies.
Do you know what it's like tohave on a bra that has wire in
it versus a bra that doesn'thave wire?
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Go ahead.
I'm just listening to this one.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Support, healthy support is not like a wired bra,
because a wired bra it can cutinto your skin, it can make you
feel uncomfortable but a brathat's like a good sports bra
that doesn't have any wire butthey hold you like if you're
trying to run or do somethingand nothing is moving around.
That's the kind of supportwe're talking about.
We're talking about a supportthat holds you close but doesn't
(23:57):
hurt you, because sometimes wethink it's support but it's
really controlled.
And so we want support.
We want to have the ability togive us the freedom I give.
He didn't say girl, he was likehairstyle, what you trying to
do tech, for that's notsupportive, that's so.
So healthy support helps youstretch beyond your capacity and
(24:19):
do things that they support,helps you to see things when
someone's supporting you.
They help you to see thingsthat you don't see in yourself.
And I think about these threethings are not just for marriage
, they're also for relationships.
Your friends should love,nurture and support you.
Girl, I can't stand you.
You get on my nerves.
(24:41):
That's not very nurturing.
You can't do that.
Nobody's ever did it.
That's not supporting you, andso we need this in our lives.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
And then we're going to move on to empathy.
Empathy is another form ofsupport when it comes to your
relationship.
We talked about it in thecontext of we mentioned intimacy
.
Be first, that's being honest,open and transparent.
Empathy is putting yourself inyour partner's position and
trying to get to a point ofunderstanding where they're
coming from.
Doesn't mean that you're goingto always agree, but it does
(25:15):
mean you have to listen to them,to understand where they're
coming from, to be able to get aperspective about how they see
things and how they view things.
That's a part of being astudent of your spouse.
The more you are in that vein,or trying to navigate that area,
you're going to find thatyou're going to be a whole lot
more productive when it comes tobeing empathy.
It may not be so quick to justjudge or snap or respond before
(25:39):
you really understand what'sgoing on.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
And I think the thing that I love about empathy and
it's something I had to reallywork on developing is that
empathy is I'm listening and I'mpresent to understand, not to
change your view, not to makeyou see things my way, but to
really lend myself in a waywhere I can help you hear and
(26:02):
see things, because I thinksometimes men and women bring
different things to therelationship.
There's things that I bring thatyou didn't bring to the
relationship, and empathy isunderstanding that and accepting
it and not always thinking thatthe other person and I know we
all have a past and I know we'vehad things that have happened
to us, but we can't keepbringing our past into every
(26:24):
single relationship that we'rein.
We have to sometimes haveempathy towards ourselves.
We have to be able to lend thatsame all the things we were
saying we're going to give tothis other person.
I can give you a love andnurture and support, because I
give that to myself, and ifyou're not in a relationship
right now, you should be loving,nurturing and supporting
yourself.
Then that way you know what itfeels like for you, because how
(26:47):
can we tell somebody what weneed when we really don't know
what?
Speaker 1 (26:52):
you need what we need , and then the last one we're
going to give you becauseRenee's battery is getting ready
to die is celebrate theaccomplishments when we get to.
If you're loving, you'renurturing, you're supporting,
and then they're getting betterin their development, whatever
that looks like, celebrate eachother.
That's something that I thinkgets overlooked and overshadowed
(27:15):
, because we tend to getcomplacent again and things that
are taking the little thingsfor granted that we think, oh,
don't take all that, it ain'tthat big of a deal.
Well, renee did something andshe can talk about it now that
she accomplished over the weekthat it's a big deal.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Well, let's put the.
Let's take the.
We're going to take our micsoff and plug the phone in so we
don't die.
Let's do that.
We just unplugged that, Okay,so we're going to take our mics
off.
We have our mics on.
This is behind the scenes stuff, y'all.
We have our mics on because wehave a podcast and the sound
quality really does matter, butwe want to be able to tell you
guys what's next.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
What are we doing?
Hold on, okay, pause Pause.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
Look at that.
Yay, now we have power.
Y'all, we got the power, okay,okay, so you can finish.
You want to?
You want to finish?
Speaker 1 (28:04):
No, go ahead.
No, oh, you want to take?
Speaker 2 (28:06):
the mic off.
No, no, okay.
So, guys, we have a new way toserve you.
We have a mobile app.
Yes, we have a mobile app.
So if you have an Android phoneright now, it's in the Google
App Store, because we want to beable to have you guys to have
help at your fingertips.
We want to be able to be inyour pocket, because so many
(28:28):
times we go to different places,we go to apps to find a mate.
We go to apps to date, we needto go to apps to learn how to be
the best version of ourselves.
Before we find a mate, we needto find ourself.
Before we get a divorce, weneed to make sure we have a good
(28:50):
understanding of where we needto change.
So our app is called Rich RRMarriage Mentors, please go and
purchase it.
It is $7.99.
Yes, $7.99.
And it helps us to help othercouples, it helps us to take
care of all the things, and soit is such a feeling of just
(29:15):
gratitude because now we have aplace that's ours, y'all, it's
ours, it's our place, it's ourlittle place that we can come
and meet and connect and growand help each other.
So go to the Google App StoreRich Relationship.
It's Rich, rr, marriage Mentorsand purchase it and tell your
family and friends and leave usa review.
Let us know what you thinkabout it.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
So we hope you enjoyed this one.
Just to recap real quick, it'slove, nurture, support.
Those are the key elements tokeeping each other engaged in a
relationship, and not infulfilled and not looking to
stray away.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
Because people don't just stray Okay, I'll say this
Sometimes people it's just theirnature to do that and it has
nothing to do with you.
But these are some things thatwe realize are important for us
as individuals and as well ascouples, to develop and
cultivate.
Now we want to open it up.
Do you guys have any questions?
Anything you guys want to know?
Any questions in the comments?
So if you guys have questionsor things you want to know, we
(30:17):
want to open it up now that ifyou guys want to have a
conversation, you have aquestion, something that you're
thinking about.
We invited a lot of our peoplefrom TikTok.
Thank you for everybody fromTikTok who has joined us tonight
.
If you join us from TikTok, sayhey, I came from TikTok.
We're really grateful for theplaces that God has allowed us
to be, because we realize thatso many people won't go to a
(30:39):
counselor, won't go to church,won't get help, and so that's
what we're trying to do.
We're trying to provide youguys with a safe place to have
real people talking about reallife and the things you're going
and going through.
We love you guys.
And we are glad you guys arehere with us tonight.
Again, if you guys have anyquestions, please put them in
the comments.
If you don't put it in thereright now, you can always later
(31:02):
on put them in, If you'rewatching live or if you could
watch later on.
Please, please, please.
Let us know your thoughts, whatyou need and how we can better
serve you.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
So we look forward to seeing you guys next week.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
We'll see you next Saturday at 8 pm Central
Standard Time.
Remember we Please share thisvideo, leave us comments, watch
more of our long content onYouTube.
We create long content becausewe want to give you more than
just 30 seconds or 15 seconds,so we try to make it at least 30
minutes.
Now remember we're strongertogether and we love you and you
(31:36):
are more than enough.
See you guys next Saturday Bye.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for your investmentin time.
Remember to subscribe to theshow and hit the notification
icon to be notified when newepisodes are posted on the
podcast platform that you'relistening from.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
Or you can always find us on our website at
richrelationshipsuscom, or ourYouTube channel, rich
Relationships with Gil Renee.
If you found this podcasthelpful or you think it could
help someone that you know andcare about, please pass it along
and share it with them.
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