July 2, 2025 • 22 mins
She mastered English in 3 months. She was diagnosed with ADHD in her 40s. What she discovered in between could change how you see your own potential.
Dr. CJ Leland isn’t your typical comeback story she’s a disruptor of timelines and a destroyer of expectations. In this raw, 20-minute interview, Baz Porter dives deep into the journey of a Filipina girl who arrived in the U.S. with zero English, learned through cassette tapes and Archie comics, and ended up a professor, dean, and business owner.
But it’s what happened after the degrees that will hit home. Diagnosed with ADHD decades late, CJ finally had a name for what made her different. Her words cut through the noise:
“For 80% of your life, you hear you are less than. That voice doesn’t leave easily. But you get to speak back.”
She reveals how strict routines, cultural resilience, and her grandmother’s wartime wisdom shaped her unstoppable mindset. Whether you’re navigating burnout, identity loss, or the silent shame of feeling behind this episode is a wake-up call.
What you’ll get out of this episode:
- How to use your learning style as a superpower
- The real cost of masking neurodiversity
- What radical self-discipline actually looks like
- Why discomfort is the birthplace of brilliance
This is for you if...
You’ve ever been told you’re too much, too late, or too different to succeed.
WATCH NOW.
Subscribe for more raw truth and real comeback stories.
If You’ve Been Hooked on These Episodes… This Is for You
If this podcast has been landing deep… if each story feels like it’s peeling back something raw and real in you… then don’t ignore that.
Every guest you’ve heard made the same decision: to stop performing and start healing.
Now it’s your turn.
Take the Silent Collapse Diagnostic. It’s not a quiz. It’s a wake-up tool for women who are done pretending they’re fine.
No fluff. No journaling prompts. Just a straight-up mirror into where you’re silently collapsing behind the mask of success.
If you're serious about reclaiming your energy, your clarity, your life start there.
Because breakthrough doesn’t begin with doing more. It begins with finally seeing what’s been stealing your power.
Learn more about Baz Porter at www.bazporter.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode
of Rice and the Ashes.
We are approaching the 100 mark.
My next guest is Dr Constantine.
Constantine, is that right?
Constance, yes, constance, I doapologize.
I am terrible with namesbecause I am dyslexic, or I like
to say dyspexic, so if I get itwrong, please tell me.
(00:22):
Can I call you CJ?
Yes, please.
Okay, awesome, welcome to theshow, and would you tell people
who you are, what you do and abit about your passions in life?
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Sure, so my name is Dr Constance Leland, cj is what
I prefer to be called,especially if you're not in my
classroom.
I am a professor for almost 14years now and I used to do K-12
for three and a half years.
My background is in propertyand casualty insurance,
commercial banking, all kinds ofinsurance, sales and marketing.
(00:55):
Before I became a full-timeeducator, I was also a dean at
three different universities,both online and on-ground, and
currently I work full-time as aprofessor for veterans
specifically.
My students are all veteransand I also own a company called
Level Up Academy and what we do.
Actually we're going to go deepinto it more, but it's all
(01:17):
about visibility and peoplealways say I'm visible and I say
you're actually not, dependingon your strategy.
So that's what I go through isfill in that gaps and I provide
courses and social mediamarketing as well.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
But you seem very busy and you've got a lot of
accolade and passions ofeducation behind your name.
What, originally going back,way back, in, way back, when it
spurred you to get all of these?
I call it prestige, but it'seducation, and it's not just
academic education.
You've traveled quite a bit,haven't you?
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Yeah, I have.
Okay, during my dissertation Iopted it was a challenge.
I opted to actually do amethodology that's dual and if
you ever go for your doctorateanybody's listening.
Don't ever do that.
I'm just saying I wanted achallenge.
So I actually had to travel toKorea, japan and Philippines to
(02:15):
finish my dissertation because Ineeded to interview executive
women.
And you're probably asking wehave technology now, cj, you can
just talk to people you don'tunderstand.
These people are owners and VPsof huge organizations and they
won't talk to you via Zoom.
So I had to travel and luckilymy family has a pole.
Even when the bank was closed,it was open.
(02:37):
For me.
That was the ideal and I loveAsian culture because we open
doors.
I mean, you know people, youjust know.
But if, if you don't do that,but I did travel a lot.
I also traveled for Nestleduring my, I think, motherhood.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
I quit full-time job but I was doing consulting, but
yeah, I love, maybe, agingcultures, and I've got that,
without going too much detailtattoos on my back.
It's always fascinated mewhat's the difference between
growing up in that culture andthen coming to the States with
(03:12):
virtually nothing and noexperience of the Western world?
What's the differences in that?
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Okay.
So I came here when I was 13,.
But my family?
I was just having aconversation with someone
yesterday about corporate worldand I said, come to think of it,
I don't think any of my familymembers work for anybody.
We own businesses, period.
I don't remember owning like.
I think I'm the only one who'sworking for corporate here in my
(03:38):
family and I have a lot offamily everywhere.
So I grew up there in thePhilippines since I came here
when I was 13.
So most of my life, reallypredominantly my life here, is
in America.
But I do believe that the first10 years of your upbringing
actually creates your entirefuture and in Asian culture,
academics is like breathing.
(03:59):
So if you don't go to school,you get labeled a certain way
and it's not just about you.
You're like I don't really care, like here.
If nobody's educated, theydon't really care.
Over there it's a pressure ofthe family.
So if you are a mess up kid whodon't go to school, the whole
family is a mess up family.
Does that make sense?
It's labeled because it'scommunal.
(04:20):
So the huge difference is thateducation for us is like
breathing.
So the huge difference is thateducation for us is like
breathing.
I also realize that educationis not for everybody and the way
we learn is so important, and Ithink a lot of kids and adults
now realize that the reason Ididn't really like education is
the way they taught me Icouldn't get it.
My dad is dyslexic.
(04:40):
He went to college for one year.
Everything was prayed for.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Books were never open because he can't read it right
what did you find growing upwith dyslexia, adhd, all of
these labels now, and they'reall valid.
I'm not discarding them, butdid you find that a challenge
when you were going through theeducation system and learning
doctorates, professors,professors, o-levels, a-levels
(05:06):
this is going back a while now.
This is in the UK For me.
I always was challenged atschool.
I was labelled thick, I waslabelled stupid, but it wasn't
the case.
You understand this and peoplewho have dyslexia or ADHD, add,
whatever you want to call it welearn differently.
Did you find that on yourjourney going back then?
(05:28):
What was the stigma around yourchallenges and what was your
experience?
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Okay.
So I actually wrote this on abook in the anthology.
I remember there was a scienceclass and it was about like
learning all the planets.
And in my head I planned itlike I was an engineer okay,
like I'm gonna do this papermache, this glue, this blah,
(05:53):
blah, blah.
And I was telling all myclassmates and they were so
excited.
But the end results was nothingbut like my, because I didn't
know I had ADHD.
I didn't even know until I wasalready over my 40 years of age
and I learned differently.
But I also push myself incertain ways and I learned how
(06:14):
to cope with my weaknesses andmake my strength really high.
I can work in multiple projects,but if it's boring I will drop
the ball Right.
And it's not that I'm notcapable.
I am more than capable.
I already know because I'veproven myself over and over.
But it's my brain.
There's something in my brainthat switches like, okay, that's
just so boring, I can't.
(06:34):
It's like getting your hands onthis blackboard, like that's
how I feel, right, and mylearning style is actually
kinesthetic and also visual.
So if you give me a book andread the text, I can read it.
Will I grasp it?
Maybe I read really fast, but Iwill actually.
How I do my brain is I read thefirst word and the last word
(06:57):
and I can tell within the middlealready, like I can literally
tell.
That's how, because I've readthousands and thousands, I can
read 10,000 pages, probably in aweek or less that's just insane
.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Yeah, we actually have a lot in common that I
didn't realize.
I didn't know I was.
I didn't know about ADHD untilabout three years ago and I just
thought this was just normalbefore that and then I started
to understand more about it.
My wife is actually a therapistshe.
She had an incredible backstoryon her.
She was in charge of the SouthBay in Los Angeles in Kaiser
(07:33):
Permanente for all the intakes,for about 13 years she worked
for Kaiser Permanente.
She put me onto it because shesaw all the signs.
As she gradually therelationship deepened, she was
like I think you're dyslexic andI was like I think you're ADHD
and I was like what's that?
So it is real.
(07:54):
And what I find fascinating is,like you, I didn't know that I
had that even existed until Iwas mid forties.
But do you find that common oris it just a one-off?
Speaker 2 (08:10):
No, that's very common.
I actually have a couple offriends, including Susanna, who
she didn't know she had it untilI told her I'm like you, have
it, and I said I'm not apsychiatrist or a psychologist,
so I need you to go see someoneSpecifically for ADHD.
It took me four psychiatriststo actually get diagnosed.
The first thing they say is oh,you have four degrees, you're
(08:32):
fine, you don't have any ADHD.
But there are different.
It's so ignorant.
There are different types ofADHD out there, right?
Especially for boys also.
And women are actually oftenmisdiagnosed.
And I actually am writing notme, but part of my members we're
writing an academic publishing.
It's going to be published inlike 60 countries, into 120
(08:55):
different universities in theworld.
It's coming up soon.
I hope that it will get sixdifferent languages and
translated, because we aretalking about ADHD and women are
often misdiagnosed because welike to multitask anyway.
So it's like, oh, it's just amom thing, or oh, I'm just like
that, right.
But what they don't understandis that now it's glorified, it's
(09:17):
annoying the heck out of me,but it comes with depression and
anxiety.
That's not fun.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
No People speaking to is amazing, but this is the
outcome of years of dedicationyou mentioned earlier.
Without going into this isgoing to be a whole different
conversation.
Otherwise, the different waysof learning you mentioned visual
kinesthetic.
There's audio.
There's other ways of peoplelearning.
(09:44):
People aren't aware of that or,most sorry, wrong statement.
There's a lot of people thataren't aware of that.
But your education was a.
It seemed to be acceleration to, to build your credibility into
something else which you usetoday.
But going back in yourchildhood, how was that for you?
(10:06):
Going through that culture,understanding the world, trying
to find your footing?
You're working for corporateamerica, which is hell.
From my understanding from alot of people I did a lot of
research with what I dointerviewed, probably hold on, I
don't get rid of that.
People are calling meinterviewed over 400 women who
(10:30):
are corporate or executives, butI didn't.
Like you said earlier, I couldnever break through into the
Asian markets because they areclosed doors.
I don't want to be online.
What was that like, coming fromthat sort of culture into the
Western world as a child andthen proving yourself in a very
competitive space?
Speaker 2 (10:52):
I love competition, except I'm a sore loser.
So I already tell people that,like I can't do sports, I'll
beat you up, even though I'mfive feet tall, if I lose.
So I just stay away from it.
Okay, but in all honesty, whenI was young because my parents
left me when I was two I grew upwith my grandparents and in
Asian culture basically sayinghey, if you are really smart,
(11:16):
your parents will love you,right, that's the condition.
And so I thought if I'm numberone out of 7,000 kids, my
parents will come back for me.
So that was my goal.
I would do everything, like you, would see lots of awards on me
, and only my nanny was there.
There was no mom and dad.
I never even met my mom until Iwas seven, only for 12 hours.
(11:36):
And then I didn't meet my daduntil I came to America at age
13.
Competition is everything.
When I came here in America, Ididn't know how to speak English
.
I remember it was June and mydad's, like you, got to go to
summer school to practice yourEnglish so that when you go to
ELD English Language Developmentyou can communicate and I'm
(11:59):
like ugh, just send me back tothe Philippines, I don't need to
learn English Bye.
My dad's like this is your newhome.
I'm like ugh, this is apractice home, I'm not staying
here.
That's what I told my dad.
And, come to think of it,during summer you have to take
three years of ELD to move on tosenior year for a regular
English and then go to college,because you need four years.
And so I challenged my teacher.
I said can you teach me?
(12:20):
She was a Spanish teacher butshe was teaching ELD.
Teach me whatever you can.
And I want to test out for thisthree years.
She's like no one ever doesthat, like we just take it slow.
I'm like no, no, no, just testme.
So I had cassette tape at thattime.
I had a cassette tape and Iwould go to the library until I
sleep, from the time I wake upuntil I sleep midnight every day
(12:41):
listening to English, and thenI would take Archie Archie
magazine and I would readEnglish then.
And I took three years ofEnglish into three months and
and I tested out.
But I got actually embarrassedon that and there was a lawyer
involved because my counselorsaid it's not possible, it's
(13:02):
never happened.
This school is 100 years old.
Nobody ever comes in to learnEnglish three years, for three
months, I said.
But you tested me.
My stepmom was so upset she'slike you tested her, so you put
her where she needs to be.
So it's been difficult in termsof always trying to go against
the grain, but I don't take nofor an answer.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Well, I mean, I love that about you because you're so
focused on achievement and it'smore than that, because you
love to have impact.
Where does that stem from?
Because I think it's soimportant for this conversation,
because impact is less knownand less experienced, only in an
(13:46):
idea.
But you've not just had thatimpact, you're actually doing it
.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
I think it has to do with my grandmother.
She told me so much aboutgrowing up during World War and
how her family had been impactedin so many ways.
And her sister got raped andshe had to shave her head, she
had to bond her body parts tolook like a boy forever body
(14:17):
parts to look like a boy forever.
And she said we didn't.
Women didn't have a voice.
And I said why, if you did allthe work?
And she said that's just theman's world.
But I'm hoping that you andyour and my great grandkids
would never live like that.
And I said what could you havedone differently?
And she said what we did isteach our children to be
resilient.
And she would actually.
I grew up with nannies anddrivers, but every year for
(14:38):
three months she would send meto the farm.
We had a farm and I would sleepthere for three months with our
farmers and there is no windows, it's just a foundation and it
sticks and I sleep on two by two, no mattress or anything.
Sleep on two by two, nomattress or anything.
I learned how to raise a pig,kill the pig, skin a pig chicken
(15:04):
, pick up eggs, sell eggs to myneighbors.
I learned all of that and Ialways cry and she's like, if
you can survive this, you cansurvive anywhere in the world.
And she was right.
And then she also say that theonly thing we have in this life
not money, not accolades, notanything is your kindness and
how you actually make otherpeople's life easier.
(15:25):
That's what I'm doing for youand hope that you will do that
for the rest of your life forsomebody else.
But when you're a kid and youget her that, you're like, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
But when you grow up, you'relike, oh, she was right and she
only graduated third grade, butshe was the smartest woman
you'll ever know ever.
She taught me leadership.
(15:46):
My great-grandmother, who diedat 101, taught me about
leadership.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
I love that and I think some of the biggest
lessons you learn are from yourgreat grandparents.
Your grandparents, I knowcertainly my nan taught me a lot
of the values I still holdtoday.
What I find interesting aboutthis is they come from a
different era but their lessons,their education which are
(16:13):
sometimes the best in the world,still are relevant today.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Going through all that, going through all the
transitions you've had in yourlife, what's been the biggest
challenge for you, not just on aprofessional level but on a
personal level, I think,self-doubt, because when you
hear 80% of your life that youare less than trying to get out
of your head that you can hasalways been a challenge.
(16:43):
Couple that with depression andanxiety for no reason at all,
plus a curveball in your life.
Raising a family, married andworking with a business is a lot
, but I thrive on those things.
I love the challenge.
(17:03):
I'm competing with myself.
Like yesterday, cj, you didn'tdo this, so today you're going
to do this.
Like that's what I do withmyself every day.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
So I want to touch briefly on your relationship, if
I may.
Sure You're very, very busy.
You've got things over there, apot cooking over there kids.
How do you fit time in for yourpartner and also your children?
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Everything is scheduled.
I so Fridays.
I've been married 22 years, soFridays Fridays we have date
nights and date lunch.
So every Friday, it doesn'tmatter what he's doing or what
I'm doing, he's super busy aswell.
We go to lunch.
We talked about whateverhappened to our kids.
Usually we talk smack about ourkids and you're like she didn't
listen to this one, we're notgonna let her do this one really
(17:53):
.
And then we talk about work andsometimes my husband's like
well, how do you deal with this?
Because I had 19,000 employees,uh, when I was a dean.
And so he's like I don'tunderstand how this?
I'm like you don't need tounderstand, you just need to
understand yourself and how youhandle it, because you'll never
understand people, but you needto understand how you react.
And she was like oh, you'reright, I taught my husband APA
(18:15):
at work and he uses it all thetime now.
And his manager was like, wow,that's so amazing.
And then he tells me I didn'ttell him he was you, but I feel
good about that.
You know, he was so funny.
And then my kids.
I have Saturdays with my child.
We usually have dates.
And then I, on Sundays, I havedates with my sisters, my
friends, we have dates with mysisters.
(18:36):
My friends, we have zoom, orsometimes every day we have zoom
and calls, but literally I justfit in pretty much anything,
because I still drive myyoungest and then my oldest is
out of the house, but I talk toher every Sunday and so is my
mother every Sunday.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
I think you, you just hit on something that's so
important and that's family, andhaving that bond between the
closest people in your life and,no matter what, scheduling it
in and making that a priority,no matter what chaos is going on
, I think that's a very goodcomponent to a healthy
(19:11):
relationship, not just with your, your kids, but also your
partner and your parent.
I really admire that about you.
It says a lot about yourcharacter.
Um no, thank you for being here.
This is why I love having thisconversation, because you make
the show.
It's not me, it's you and it'syour message, and these, these
(19:31):
help other people going throughsimilar struggles.
So, thank you.
Is there anything you'd like toleave this part of the show,
because it's only part one and,as we move into part two, is
there anything you'd like toshare with the audience before
we go for part two?
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Yeah, definitely so.
If you are watching this or ifyou're listening to this and you
have struggles, I don't carewhat struggles you're having
financial, mental, physical it'snot the end of the life that
you're wanting, it's actuallythe beginning.
The harder your life is I knowit sounds weird the more lessons
(20:10):
you need to pay attention to,the more you build up yourself.
Rather than looking forexternal like, oh my god, this
person is doing this or that.
Rather than looking at that asthe bible for your life, look at
it and extrapolate what you cantest.
Our life and our journey is awhole bunch of tests and if you
(20:30):
just test yourself on yourcapabilities and push yourself
to the most uncomfortable placeever and you will learn that you
are more than enough.
You are good, you're resilient,you're amazing and you're
brilliant.
Right, but stay humble.
Humility is everything.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
That's all.
I agree with everything you'vesaid.
Thank you for sharing that.
It's completely true For mylisteners.
If this is inspiring you,please share it with a friend.
Share it with.
This is inspiring you.
Please share it with a friend.
Share it with your dog cat,share it with somebody.
That's going to changesomeone's life.
I'm baz porter.
This is cj and the end of partone of rise from the ashes and I
(21:07):
do look forward to part twowhere we go on the ascent and cj
.
Thank you very much for joiningme.
Until part two.
My listeners, my friends, myfamily, thank you very much have
joining me.
Until part two.
My listeners, my friends, myfamily, thank you very much.
Have an amazing day on purpose.
See you soon see ya.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode
of Rice and the Ashes.
We are approaching the 100 mark.
My next guest is Dr Constantine.
Constantine, is that right?
Constance, yes, constance, I doapologize.
I am terrible with namesbecause I am dyslexic, or I like
to say dyspexic, so if I get itwrong, please tell me.
(00:22):
Can I call you CJ?
Yes, please.
Okay, awesome, welcome to theshow, and would you tell people
who you are, what you do and abit about your passions in life?
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Sure, so my name is Dr Constance Leland, cj is what
I prefer to be called,especially if you're not in my
classroom.
I am a professor for almost 14years now and I used to do K-12
for three and a half years.
My background is in propertyand casualty insurance,
commercial banking, all kinds ofinsurance, sales and marketing.
(00:55):
Before I became a full-timeeducator, I was also a dean at
three different universities,both online and on-ground, and
currently I work full-time as aprofessor for veterans
specifically.
My students are all veteransand I also own a company called
Level Up Academy and what we do.
Actually we're going to go deepinto it more, but it's all
(01:17):
about visibility and peoplealways say I'm visible and I say
you're actually not, dependingon your strategy.
So that's what I go through isfill in that gaps and I provide
courses and social mediamarketing as well.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
But you seem very busy and you've got a lot of
accolade and passions ofeducation behind your name.
What, originally going back,way back, in, way back, when it
spurred you to get all of these?
I call it prestige, but it'seducation, and it's not just
academic education.
You've traveled quite a bit,haven't you?
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Yeah, I have.
Okay, during my dissertation Iopted it was a challenge.
I opted to actually do amethodology that's dual and if
you ever go for your doctorateanybody's listening.
Don't ever do that.
I'm just saying I wanted achallenge.
So I actually had to travel toKorea, japan and Philippines to
(02:15):
finish my dissertation because Ineeded to interview executive
women.
And you're probably asking wehave technology now, cj, you can
just talk to people you don'tunderstand.
These people are owners and VPsof huge organizations and they
won't talk to you via Zoom.
So I had to travel and luckilymy family has a pole.
Even when the bank was closed,it was open.
(02:37):
For me.
That was the ideal and I loveAsian culture because we open
doors.
I mean, you know people, youjust know.
But if, if you don't do that,but I did travel a lot.
I also traveled for Nestleduring my, I think, motherhood.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
I quit full-time job but I was doing consulting, but
yeah, I love, maybe, agingcultures, and I've got that,
without going too much detailtattoos on my back.
It's always fascinated mewhat's the difference between
growing up in that culture andthen coming to the States with
(03:12):
virtually nothing and noexperience of the Western world?
What's the differences in that?
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Okay.
So I came here when I was 13,.
But my family?
I was just having aconversation with someone
yesterday about corporate worldand I said, come to think of it,
I don't think any of my familymembers work for anybody.
We own businesses, period.
I don't remember owning like.
I think I'm the only one who'sworking for corporate here in my
(03:38):
family and I have a lot offamily everywhere.
So I grew up there in thePhilippines since I came here
when I was 13.
So most of my life, reallypredominantly my life here, is
in America.
But I do believe that the first10 years of your upbringing
actually creates your entirefuture and in Asian culture,
academics is like breathing.
(03:59):
So if you don't go to school,you get labeled a certain way
and it's not just about you.
You're like I don't really care, like here.
If nobody's educated, theydon't really care.
Over there it's a pressure ofthe family.
So if you are a mess up kid whodon't go to school, the whole
family is a mess up family.
Does that make sense?
It's labeled because it'scommunal.
(04:20):
So the huge difference is thateducation for us is like
breathing.
So the huge difference is thateducation for us is like
breathing.
I also realize that educationis not for everybody and the way
we learn is so important, and Ithink a lot of kids and adults
now realize that the reason Ididn't really like education is
the way they taught me Icouldn't get it.
My dad is dyslexic.
(04:40):
He went to college for one year.
Everything was prayed for.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Books were never open because he can't read it right
what did you find growing upwith dyslexia, adhd, all of
these labels now, and they'reall valid.
I'm not discarding them, butdid you find that a challenge
when you were going through theeducation system and learning
doctorates, professors,professors, o-levels, a-levels
(05:06):
this is going back a while now.
This is in the UK For me.
I always was challenged atschool.
I was labelled thick, I waslabelled stupid, but it wasn't
the case.
You understand this and peoplewho have dyslexia or ADHD, add,
whatever you want to call it welearn differently.
Did you find that on yourjourney going back then?
(05:28):
What was the stigma around yourchallenges and what was your
experience?
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Okay.
So I actually wrote this on abook in the anthology.
I remember there was a scienceclass and it was about like
learning all the planets.
And in my head I planned itlike I was an engineer okay,
like I'm gonna do this papermache, this glue, this blah,
(05:53):
blah, blah.
And I was telling all myclassmates and they were so
excited.
But the end results was nothingbut like my, because I didn't
know I had ADHD.
I didn't even know until I wasalready over my 40 years of age
and I learned differently.
But I also push myself incertain ways and I learned how
(06:14):
to cope with my weaknesses andmake my strength really high.
I can work in multiple projects,but if it's boring I will drop
the ball Right.
And it's not that I'm notcapable.
I am more than capable.
I already know because I'veproven myself over and over.
But it's my brain.
There's something in my brainthat switches like, okay, that's
just so boring, I can't.
(06:34):
It's like getting your hands onthis blackboard, like that's
how I feel, right, and mylearning style is actually
kinesthetic and also visual.
So if you give me a book andread the text, I can read it.
Will I grasp it?
Maybe I read really fast, but Iwill actually.
How I do my brain is I read thefirst word and the last word
(06:57):
and I can tell within the middlealready, like I can literally
tell.
That's how, because I've readthousands and thousands, I can
read 10,000 pages, probably in aweek or less that's just insane
.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Yeah, we actually have a lot in common that I
didn't realize.
I didn't know I was.
I didn't know about ADHD untilabout three years ago and I just
thought this was just normalbefore that and then I started
to understand more about it.
My wife is actually a therapistshe.
She had an incredible backstoryon her.
She was in charge of the SouthBay in Los Angeles in Kaiser
(07:33):
Permanente for all the intakes,for about 13 years she worked
for Kaiser Permanente.
She put me onto it because shesaw all the signs.
As she gradually therelationship deepened, she was
like I think you're dyslexic andI was like I think you're ADHD
and I was like what's that?
So it is real.
(07:54):
And what I find fascinating is,like you, I didn't know that I
had that even existed until Iwas mid forties.
But do you find that common oris it just a one-off?
Speaker 2 (08:10):
No, that's very common.
I actually have a couple offriends, including Susanna, who
she didn't know she had it untilI told her I'm like you, have
it, and I said I'm not apsychiatrist or a psychologist,
so I need you to go see someoneSpecifically for ADHD.
It took me four psychiatriststo actually get diagnosed.
The first thing they say is oh,you have four degrees, you're
(08:32):
fine, you don't have any ADHD.
But there are different.
It's so ignorant.
There are different types ofADHD out there, right?
Especially for boys also.
And women are actually oftenmisdiagnosed.
And I actually am writing notme, but part of my members we're
writing an academic publishing.
It's going to be published inlike 60 countries, into 120
(08:55):
different universities in theworld.
It's coming up soon.
I hope that it will get sixdifferent languages and
translated, because we aretalking about ADHD and women are
often misdiagnosed because welike to multitask anyway.
So it's like, oh, it's just amom thing, or oh, I'm just like
that, right.
But what they don't understandis that now it's glorified, it's
(09:17):
annoying the heck out of me,but it comes with depression and
anxiety.
That's not fun.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
No People speaking to is amazing, but this is the
outcome of years of dedicationyou mentioned earlier.
Without going into this isgoing to be a whole different
conversation.
Otherwise, the different waysof learning you mentioned visual
kinesthetic.
There's audio.
There's other ways of peoplelearning.
(09:44):
People aren't aware of that or,most sorry, wrong statement.
There's a lot of people thataren't aware of that.
But your education was a.
It seemed to be acceleration to, to build your credibility into
something else which you usetoday.
But going back in yourchildhood, how was that for you?
(10:06):
Going through that culture,understanding the world, trying
to find your footing?
You're working for corporateamerica, which is hell.
From my understanding from alot of people I did a lot of
research with what I dointerviewed, probably hold on, I
don't get rid of that.
People are calling meinterviewed over 400 women who
(10:30):
are corporate or executives, butI didn't.
Like you said earlier, I couldnever break through into the
Asian markets because they areclosed doors.
I don't want to be online.
What was that like, coming fromthat sort of culture into the
Western world as a child andthen proving yourself in a very
competitive space?
Speaker 2 (10:52):
I love competition, except I'm a sore loser.
So I already tell people that,like I can't do sports, I'll
beat you up, even though I'mfive feet tall, if I lose.
So I just stay away from it.
Okay, but in all honesty, whenI was young because my parents
left me when I was two I grew upwith my grandparents and in
Asian culture basically sayinghey, if you are really smart,
(11:16):
your parents will love you,right, that's the condition.
And so I thought if I'm numberone out of 7,000 kids, my
parents will come back for me.
So that was my goal.
I would do everything, like you, would see lots of awards on me
, and only my nanny was there.
There was no mom and dad.
I never even met my mom until Iwas seven, only for 12 hours.
(11:36):
And then I didn't meet my daduntil I came to America at age
13.
Competition is everything.
When I came here in America, Ididn't know how to speak English
.
I remember it was June and mydad's, like you, got to go to
summer school to practice yourEnglish so that when you go to
ELD English Language Developmentyou can communicate and I'm
(11:59):
like ugh, just send me back tothe Philippines, I don't need to
learn English Bye.
My dad's like this is your newhome.
I'm like ugh, this is apractice home, I'm not staying
here.
That's what I told my dad.
And, come to think of it,during summer you have to take
three years of ELD to move on tosenior year for a regular
English and then go to college,because you need four years.
And so I challenged my teacher.
I said can you teach me?
(12:20):
She was a Spanish teacher butshe was teaching ELD.
Teach me whatever you can.
And I want to test out for thisthree years.
She's like no one ever doesthat, like we just take it slow.
I'm like no, no, no, just testme.
So I had cassette tape at thattime.
I had a cassette tape and Iwould go to the library until I
sleep, from the time I wake upuntil I sleep midnight every day
(12:41):
listening to English, and thenI would take Archie Archie
magazine and I would readEnglish then.
And I took three years ofEnglish into three months and
and I tested out.
But I got actually embarrassedon that and there was a lawyer
involved because my counselorsaid it's not possible, it's
(13:02):
never happened.
This school is 100 years old.
Nobody ever comes in to learnEnglish three years, for three
months, I said.
But you tested me.
My stepmom was so upset she'slike you tested her, so you put
her where she needs to be.
So it's been difficult in termsof always trying to go against
the grain, but I don't take nofor an answer.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Well, I mean, I love that about you because you're so
focused on achievement and it'smore than that, because you
love to have impact.
Where does that stem from?
Because I think it's soimportant for this conversation,
because impact is less knownand less experienced, only in an
(13:46):
idea.
But you've not just had thatimpact, you're actually doing it
.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
I think it has to do with my grandmother.
She told me so much aboutgrowing up during World War and
how her family had been impactedin so many ways.
And her sister got raped andshe had to shave her head, she
had to bond her body parts tolook like a boy forever body
(14:17):
parts to look like a boy forever.
And she said we didn't.
Women didn't have a voice.
And I said why, if you did allthe work?
And she said that's just theman's world.
But I'm hoping that you andyour and my great grandkids
would never live like that.
And I said what could you havedone differently?
And she said what we did isteach our children to be
resilient.
And she would actually.
I grew up with nannies anddrivers, but every year for
(14:38):
three months she would send meto the farm.
We had a farm and I would sleepthere for three months with our
farmers and there is no windows, it's just a foundation and it
sticks and I sleep on two by two, no mattress or anything.
Sleep on two by two, nomattress or anything.
I learned how to raise a pig,kill the pig, skin a pig chicken
(15:04):
, pick up eggs, sell eggs to myneighbors.
I learned all of that and Ialways cry and she's like, if
you can survive this, you cansurvive anywhere in the world.
And she was right.
And then she also say that theonly thing we have in this life
not money, not accolades, notanything is your kindness and
how you actually make otherpeople's life easier.
(15:25):
That's what I'm doing for youand hope that you will do that
for the rest of your life forsomebody else.
But when you're a kid and youget her that, you're like, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
But when you grow up, you'relike, oh, she was right and she
only graduated third grade, butshe was the smartest woman
you'll ever know ever.
She taught me leadership.
(15:46):
My great-grandmother, who diedat 101, taught me about
leadership.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
I love that and I think some of the biggest
lessons you learn are from yourgreat grandparents.
Your grandparents, I knowcertainly my nan taught me a lot
of the values I still holdtoday.
What I find interesting aboutthis is they come from a
different era but their lessons,their education which are
(16:13):
sometimes the best in the world,still are relevant today.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Going through all that, going through all the
transitions you've had in yourlife, what's been the biggest
challenge for you, not just on aprofessional level but on a
personal level, I think,self-doubt, because when you
hear 80% of your life that youare less than trying to get out
of your head that you can hasalways been a challenge.
(16:43):
Couple that with depression andanxiety for no reason at all,
plus a curveball in your life.
Raising a family, married andworking with a business is a lot
, but I thrive on those things.
I love the challenge.
(17:03):
I'm competing with myself.
Like yesterday, cj, you didn'tdo this, so today you're going
to do this.
Like that's what I do withmyself every day.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
So I want to touch briefly on your relationship, if
I may.
Sure You're very, very busy.
You've got things over there, apot cooking over there kids.
How do you fit time in for yourpartner and also your children?
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Everything is scheduled.
I so Fridays.
I've been married 22 years, soFridays Fridays we have date
nights and date lunch.
So every Friday, it doesn'tmatter what he's doing or what
I'm doing, he's super busy aswell.
We go to lunch.
We talked about whateverhappened to our kids.
Usually we talk smack about ourkids and you're like she didn't
listen to this one, we're notgonna let her do this one really
(17:53):
.
And then we talk about work andsometimes my husband's like
well, how do you deal with this?
Because I had 19,000 employees,uh, when I was a dean.
And so he's like I don'tunderstand how this?
I'm like you don't need tounderstand, you just need to
understand yourself and how youhandle it, because you'll never
understand people, but you needto understand how you react.
And she was like oh, you'reright, I taught my husband APA
(18:15):
at work and he uses it all thetime now.
And his manager was like, wow,that's so amazing.
And then he tells me I didn'ttell him he was you, but I feel
good about that.
You know, he was so funny.
And then my kids.
I have Saturdays with my child.
We usually have dates.
And then I, on Sundays, I havedates with my sisters, my
friends, we have dates with mysisters.
(18:36):
My friends, we have zoom, orsometimes every day we have zoom
and calls, but literally I justfit in pretty much anything,
because I still drive myyoungest and then my oldest is
out of the house, but I talk toher every Sunday and so is my
mother every Sunday.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
I think you, you just hit on something that's so
important and that's family, andhaving that bond between the
closest people in your life and,no matter what, scheduling it
in and making that a priority,no matter what chaos is going on
, I think that's a very goodcomponent to a healthy
(19:11):
relationship, not just with your, your kids, but also your
partner and your parent.
I really admire that about you.
It says a lot about yourcharacter.
Um no, thank you for being here.
This is why I love having thisconversation, because you make
the show.
It's not me, it's you and it'syour message, and these, these
(19:31):
help other people going throughsimilar struggles.
So, thank you.
Is there anything you'd like toleave this part of the show,
because it's only part one and,as we move into part two, is
there anything you'd like toshare with the audience before
we go for part two?
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Yeah, definitely so.
If you are watching this or ifyou're listening to this and you
have struggles, I don't carewhat struggles you're having
financial, mental, physical it'snot the end of the life that
you're wanting, it's actuallythe beginning.
The harder your life is I knowit sounds weird the more lessons
(20:10):
you need to pay attention to,the more you build up yourself.
Rather than looking forexternal like, oh my god, this
person is doing this or that.
Rather than looking at that asthe bible for your life, look at
it and extrapolate what you cantest.
Our life and our journey is awhole bunch of tests and if you
(20:30):
just test yourself on yourcapabilities and push yourself
to the most uncomfortable placeever and you will learn that you
are more than enough.
You are good, you're resilient,you're amazing and you're
brilliant.
Right, but stay humble.
Humility is everything.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
That's all.
I agree with everything you'vesaid.
Thank you for sharing that.
It's completely true For mylisteners.
If this is inspiring you,please share it with a friend.
Share it with.
This is inspiring you.
Please share it with a friend.
Share it with your dog cat,share it with somebody.
That's going to changesomeone's life.
I'm baz porter.
This is cj and the end of partone of rise from the ashes and I
(21:07):
do look forward to part twowhere we go on the ascent and cj
.
Thank you very much for joiningme.
Until part two.
My listeners, my friends, myfamily, thank you very much have
joining me.
Until part two.
My listeners, my friends, myfamily, thank you very much.
Have an amazing day on purpose.
See you soon see ya.
Popular Podcasts
United States of Kennedy
United States of Kennedy is a podcast about our cultural fascination with the Kennedy dynasty. Every week, hosts Lyra Smith and George Civeris go into one aspect of the Kennedy story.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com