October 5, 2025 • 31 mins
Chanda Spates needed a babysitter for her 17-year-old son.
Not because he was immature because severe bullying had led to a suicide attempt and she was terrified to leave him alone.
Her desperate Facebook post asking for help went viral and revealed a shocking truth: she wasn't alone.
Today, Chanda's Flourish Foundation Project is revolutionizing suicide prevention by meeting kids where they actually are—spending 7-8 hours a day on social media and music platforms.
This is how one mom's crisis became a movement that's saving lives.
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Learn more about Baz Porter at www.bazporter.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to
another episode of Rise from theAshes podcast.
I am so excited to have thisnext guest.
Her name is Shonda.
Don't ask me to pronounce secondnames because most people who
know me forget it.
I don't do the second names,always get them wrong, so I just
apologize in advance.
(00:22):
Shonda, you do a huge amount inthe nonprofit area.
Please tell the world who youare and a bit about what you do
and your passions.
SPEAKER_01 (00:31):
Absolutely.
Thank you.
First of all, thank you forhaving me.
I'm excited to be here.
But yes, I am Shonda Spates, andI am the founder of Flourished
Foundation Project.
We're a nonprofit organizationand we are we do double duty.
So we do suicide prevention andengaging ways for kids.
(00:53):
We're also a community behaviormental health services provider.
So that is our new thing thatwe're doing.
It was just workshops andafter-school programs.
We're moving into the counselingarea as well based on high
demand.
But we are looking at doingthings that reach kids where
they are, that remove stigmafrom mental health, and always
(01:15):
with the sole and main purposeof saving kids' lives from
suicide.
SPEAKER_00 (01:21):
Bessie, that's a huge amount of responsibility
work.
But I also I presume, and I'massuming it's a huge amount of
gratification as well.
SPEAKER_01 (01:32):
Absolutely.
I am a self-described mom on amission.
So that's where I came from.
Because I was, this is not whatI studied or my career path that
I thought it would be.
I fell into this because myoldest son was being bullied
pretty severely at school and heattempted to take his life.
And after that, we dealt withsuicide ideation and needing a
(01:54):
babysitter for a 17-year-old.
So it was a hard road.
And then I got on social mediaone day and just said, hey, I'm
looking for a babysitter for a17-year-old because I'm scared
to leave him home while I go towork.
So that was a reality of it.
And I went from about 300 andsome odd people on my page to
(02:16):
5,000 in two days because itstarted going and people were
sharing it.
And I found out that I wasn'talone.
And a lot of times you feel likeyou are.
And there's some uniquechallenges to that I had to
figure out in the midst of doingeverything else in life.
And that is what it's been acouple of years removed now.
(02:38):
So now he's fine, he survived,and he actually helps with my
business.
But at the time, going throughit, there weren't a lot of
resources.
Resources were disjointed, andyou just don't know what to do
and where to go.
And that's what I want toaddress with our nonprofit.
And then also on the other sideof it is kids are the most
(03:02):
non-compliant patients.
They're just not gonna do it.
I don't want to talk to thatguy.
I don't know that guy.
It's not what they want to do,it's not how they communicate,
it's not how what resonates withthem.
So it was a hard road.
But for me and my son, we foundmusic therapy.
And out of that, in certainstates, it's available, some
(03:26):
other states it's not as common.
Sometimes insurance covers it,sometimes it doesn't.
So we looked at just doing a gapanalysis.
I do gap analysis or did gapanalysis for businesses as part
of my corporate career beforethis.
And I did a gap analysis onsuicide.
What works, what doesn't work,what is driving it, what is more
(03:48):
effective.
And then created that into aprogram first to help my son.
But then when we started doingit, more people asked for it.
And that's how we got intomaking it a nonprofit and doing
a thing.
And now it's moving a little bitfaster than I can keep up with
because we're one of the feworganizations that truly
(04:11):
incorporate youth into oursolution.
So I'm not doing something andhoping kids get it.
We're our kids are on our board.
We make sure that we arereaching kids where they are and
how it resonates with them andgetting that feedback so we can
make sure that we're doing theright things that reach them.
(04:33):
Because we have the greatestprogram in the world, but if
they don't want to do it and itdoesn't ignite their interest,
then it's for nothing.
And that's where we are.
SPEAKER_00 (04:43):
I love what you stand for, what you do.
I was bullied as a kid atschool, sure.
That person they're listeningcan, if they if you've been
bullied, relate to this and theyknow the struggles firsthand.
But to go through it as a motherand watch your someone you love
(05:03):
and brought into this world, andgo through that journey as a
parent, I can I can't imagine Idon't have kids that age, and I
was I'm not that father mystepfather to uh adult kids and
age parents who have touched meprobably on this.
They never go up, they're stillgoing through something, and
they're always learning.
(05:24):
But when you found out that yourchild was going, this was
happening at school, what wasthat feeling like if you don't
mind sharing?
Was it anger?
Was it fear?
Was it frustration?
SPEAKER_01 (05:37):
Was it all of that at the same time?
And then it got into uh so wherewe are here, we have at the
school district, and it's stillin place now.
Whenever I can get to a placewhere I can, I would like to
challenge it in court.
But there is a zero tolerancepolicy, and the zero tolerance
(06:01):
policy here where I live inCharlotte says that if you are
involved in a fight, you get amandatory 10-day suspension.
My son has thermal palsy, hadmetal pins in his hips, does not
have the physical ability torun.
He can walk, but walked with avery significant limb.
And he was getting beat up everycouple of days by a gang present
(06:24):
in this school.
And I hesitate to call them gangbecause they were emulating a
gang.
But if you act like a gang, thenI'm gonna call you what you look
like.
That's just being honest.
If you're big and bold enough toact like a gang, then I'm gonna
call it a gang because that'swhat you're saying.
That you are, even if you're notin a normal area.
So anyway, I digress, but it wasconcerned and then it was very
(06:50):
quickly into an angry place, notbeing angry and rude or anything
like that in the school, but atthe lack of empathy that our
school administrators had for mychild, because he doesn't have
the physical ability to runaway.
And literally, the assistantsuperintendent at my son's
(07:12):
school at an IEP meeting when Iwas fighting a suspension, I
think it was like the fourthsuspension of the year, for
something that he was jumped bynine people at that point, he
suspended because he did a blowback.
But what are you gonna do whennine people are puddling you and
(07:33):
you're on the ground?
What are you gonna do with that?
And then kids were filming it sothey can actually look at it.
And I said, exactly what is hesupposed to do?
And this particular incident wason a school bus and the school
bus is moving.
And I said to theadministrators, this child has
cerebral palsy, metal pains inhis hips.
He's surrounded by kids that arebeating him up.
(07:54):
If he does not try to protecthimself, what can he do?
What should he do?
And at that, and I have itrecorded, like I literally have
that meeting recorded.
And the assistant superintendentat the time told my son to jump
out the back of a moving bus.
unknown (08:13):
Wow.
SPEAKER_01 (08:13):
And that was it.
That was it for me.
I was fed up, done, and I lookedfor what else could I do to help
him?
And when I get to the place, Iwill go back and challenge that
zero tolerance policy becausezero tolerance policies don't
work if you ignore sometimesthat it makes it worse for
certain groups of kids.
(08:34):
If you have cerebral palsy, ifyou are disabled, then how can
you flee that situation?
And he has been rushed byambulance from school on two
separate occasions, twoconcussions.
He literally is fearing for hislife when nine people are
beating you up.
And one time it was 22.
(08:55):
On several occasions, the schoolhas called me and said, Hey, we
can't protect him.
Can you come and pick him up?
And their answer was to put himin an alternative school for,
and I said, Absolutely not.
You've got these kids that actlike a gang, but you refuse to
treat them like a gang.
And they did not want to suspendthem because there was too many
(09:17):
of them.
They didn't want to suspend 20some odd kids at one time.
So to me, our children's safetymatters the most.
And if you're bold enough to actlike a criminal, then you need
to be treated like a criminal.
So that's just the harsh realityof it.
It is our and there's lots ofreasons.
Social media glorifies somethings that are not necessarily
(09:40):
nice and things of that nature.
So we have to figure out how dowe get messages out there that
counter these things in a waythat children will receive it.
So if it looks like and soundslike an adult trying to be hip
and current, you know, just thefact that I said hip tells you
that that's not what I think isgonna work.
(10:01):
We have to know those things.
So the best thing that we canactually do from a standpoint of
going through the research, andI have white papers and
different things, there'sacademic publishing coming out
about it.
But we have this has to be apeer-led movement, and that's
what this is.
So we have an after-schoolprogram here in Charlotte.
That program hosts a podcastthat is and a radio station that
(10:26):
is run by children.
So the messages that need to besaid are being said in the
language that they understandand that they resonate with.
That is the best thing that wecan do.
And then our therapists and ourmentors are that second level to
make sure that the right thingsare being said.
But of course, it's supplementedwith therapy in group sessions
(10:49):
so many times a week, dependingon what that is needed for that
child or if that child needs it.
But I think this is the approachthat needs to happen so that
we're taking a common senseapproach to mental health and
suicide ideation and justapplying those things together.
The so it's a youth-led mission.
It is reinforced withcelebrities and influencers and
(11:12):
things that people that kidslook up to, sharing those
messages.
And thank you.
You actually did our first ourvideo for that for our Every 11
Minutes campaign, is share thosemessages because they need to
see it.
And then we need to put it wherethey are.
We're doing a whole lot ofthings in school, and a lot of
kids are not wanting to hearthat.
(11:33):
There's stigma behind it.
But what we do know, and whatthe studies and tell us is that
after school hours, so I'm nottalking about durance, but I'm
saying after school, kids arespending an average of seven and
a half to eight hours a dayconsuming music, video games,
and social media.
(11:55):
Eight hours a day.
So when they get out of school,they're scrolling in this sleep.
This is where these messagesneed to be.
This is where we need to say,hey, if you are being bullied
today, this is what you can do.
Here's what you can actually do.
Here's how that algorithm ismaking you spiral into these
sad, mad, depressive states.
(12:16):
And keep that in kid-fridlinglanguage so that they know what
they're doing and what they canactually do about it.
How do we counter out that?
So we are putting these messagesin the music.
We have an entire album that isproduced by some pretty major
producers and kids.
So we have Jay Stiles, formerlyof Blackstreet, Cody Pollard,
(12:38):
who's out of Nashville, andDallas Austin from the Dallas
Austin Foundation for MusicEducation.
So we put mental healthstrategies in song.
So now it sounds like what theyhear on the radio, but it
teaches you a life-saving skillin the music.
That's what I'm talking about.
So this is not, this isdifferent.
(13:00):
This is truly different, and itpull truly meets kids where they
are.
SPEAKER_00 (13:06):
I love this from personal experience that you
went through as a mother.
Identifying where the gaps wereand understanding that the
system, the education system,the schooling system,
essentially was corrupt andbroken, which is what it is, and
(13:27):
it has been for many reasons fora very long time.
And I think the most of thepopulation in the US know this
for one reason or another.
I don't know the stats andpercentages, but as I know, it's
very high with bullying, peoplehaving experience whether
they're related to somebody intheir family or they've been
(13:48):
through it themselves.
It's got to be in the I wouldsay 80s at least.
I again I don't know the stats,so if I'm wrong, please forgive
me.
But all of it is not about now.
You're looking to take a system,a narrative that is less than
adequate, we'll say thatpolitely, and actually turn on
(14:09):
its head and create support,momentum going forward to stop
what happened to your sonhappened to other people.
SPEAKER_01 (14:20):
Absolutely.
Is what can we do to do itdifferently so that it resonates
with children and also becausewe then empower and ignite
children so that they can betheir own health.
I love how frank your podcastis.
I'm gonna just say it like itis.
Hopefully, what is this for?
SPEAKER_00 (14:37):
Please.
SPEAKER_01 (14:38):
We have the system where sometimes we sugarcoat
things and we have to stop doingthat.
We have to just be frank and seewhere this is it is what it is,
right?
So we have a system that isbroken and callous.
unknown (14:51):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (14:51):
So that's one thing.
And then we have this thingwhere we are seeing more and
more school shootings.
And I dare to say that those arerelated to citization.
When those kids go in, youngadults go back to these schools,
they it's in my opinion, andagain, I am not a therapist, but
we do employ several, they'renot intending to come out of
(15:15):
those situations alive.
It let me end mine, or I don'twant to end my own, but let me
do something so drastic thatsomebody else will end this for
me.
So we have to look at that fromthat standpoint.
So when we develop this program,it's truly an ecosystem.
It's three level pieces or threebig pieces.
(15:35):
So it is an after-schoolenrichment program where we talk
to kids, let the kids be thefirst line of defense.
Now that's important because howmany times have you seen on the
news when there's a schoolshooting and they interview
someone, a child or teacher, andthey say, Oh, this child was
doing this, they were withdrawn,they were this, they were acting
(15:57):
out, they made these kind ofpictures.
They were, they mentioned doingsomething hurt someone else, or
this happened to them.
We see that time and time again.
And I got tired of seeing thaton the news because I didn't see
what happens when that happens,who's getting told, who's being
alerted.
And I see the interviews and Isaw the interviews so many times
(16:22):
of after the fact.
And of course, hindsight is2020, but our kids see those
things first.
When you look at the schoolsystem, and again, I'm not the
school system cannot doeverything.
We they are not the parents.
We have to come together and dothis, and that's what this is
about.
(16:42):
But kids see it first that weare least likely to train the
kids.
How many kids are trained in QPRsuicide prevention strategies?
How many kids are getting CPRtraining?
There are some it's a movementnow where you have to do it
before your senior year, but ifyou're not getting it until your
senior year, what's happeningbefore that?
(17:05):
And even with QPR, which is thequestion refer, sorry, question,
persuade, refer, you can't dothat with children under the age
of 16.
So we literally have a nationthat has no answer under 16.
SPEAKER_00 (17:22):
That's just unacceptable, it's unacceptable.
SPEAKER_01 (17:25):
Unacceptable, and then I want you to guess the
youngest case of suicide in achild in the United States was
what age?
Just didn't guess.
SPEAKER_00 (17:42):
I would guess seven or eight.
SPEAKER_01 (17:46):
Exactly.
Five, then eight, then eleven.
So if that's happening.
SPEAKER_00 (17:51):
That just blows me away.
SPEAKER_01 (17:53):
If that is happening and we don't have any type of
answer that we can give to kidsuntil they're 16, what's gonna
happen?
And then when you look at whichschools are targeted, it's
elementary.
But why can't we do that in anage-appropriate way?
(18:14):
That this isn't safe.
This is when you should tell ateacher.
There's ways to do it.
So my I am just taking quitehonestly a common freaking sense
approach to saving kids' lives.
And that's what we're doing.
And if we don't empower them tosave their own lives, look at
this one right here.
I had this one, I did aninterview with women not saving,
(18:35):
but he was an advisor for theoffice of president, not in this
administration, but a prioradministration until very
recently.
But he's the advisor for activeshooter preparedness for
schools.
And we had a conversation, andthat conversation lasted way
longer than our interview didbecause we just kept going.
(18:57):
But he's there's only so manythings that we can actually do.
We because of funding, we trainthe teachers.
But if a shooter walks into aschool and shoots up a classroom
of kids, let's say five kids arehit, if the only person in that
room that can do a tourniquetthat knows to put on pressure to
(19:21):
save a life is the teacher.
And sometimes there's aco-teacher in there, then you're
gonna automatically lose fourout of five kids.
And that, while we can't alwaysprevent the shooting, we can
proactively prepare them better.
And it doesn't have to be ascary thing.
(19:43):
It's just if we can do it forGirl Scouts and Boy Scouts, why
can't we do it any other way?
And understand it goes into afunding thing, but that's where
we have to come in together as acommunity, where we're looking
at what can we do to make thesesolutions, which is what
Flourish Foundation is doing.
But then we have thiscollaborative network so far of
138 organizations and a coupleof national brands too, but
(20:08):
we're coming together andsaying, that's not okay.
I need to save my kids' life, Iwant to save yours too.
So now what can we do to put outstigma-free, proactive, and
preventive measures?
Because if we can talk to kidsand say, this is what you do
when you feel down, now we canprevent some of those things
(20:30):
that are happening with CSIideation because we're telling
them how to deal with it here,the coping strategies before it
happens.
And then if it does happen,here's how you ask for help.
And if you see your peer goingthrough it, this is how you
refer that, and this is who youtell.
Those are the things that aremissing.
We're training teachers andasking so much of teachers.
(20:51):
And I'm a former teacher,special education, grade six
through eight in aself-contained classroom.
So I I know from what I speak.
We cannot do it all.
We are not the parents.
There are some things they haveto get at home, but if they're
not getting at home, we needprograms and enrichment things
to get it.
And I want to make sure peopleunderstand it's not a race
(21:15):
thing.
It's not one particular getdemographic because it
universally fits or affectsevery single demographic.
This is the one thing our nationcan get behind.
This is the one thing.
I don't care what politics youhave.
We should all be able to unitein saving kids' lives.
(21:37):
And that's where we need to be.
So that is what my organizationdoes.
We figure out what will resonatewith children and we ask them.
We have a junior board of kidsand young adults that help guide
what we do and what we make.
So that's what we actually do.
And then we go in and say, hey,community, I need you to help
(21:58):
with this.
And this is what we're actuallydoing.
So we have the album project, wehave every 11 minutes, which is
a campaign, meeting childrenwhere they are, meeting teens
where they are, teens and youngadults.
So if they're gonna be spendingseven and a half hours a day,
and that's not an exaggeration,on social media and music
(22:21):
platforms and ganging platforms,then that's where those messages
need to be.
We're plastering schools withposters, but kids eight hours a
day are on social media, andyou're trying to tell people to
put it down, and they're notgonna do it.
(22:41):
They're just not.
So let's deal in the reality ofcan we take an 11-second message
and put that where they alreadyare?
So while you're going throughwhatever you're going through
and you're looking at it onsocial media, maybe you're going
into kids will play a fightvideo from someone fighting in
(23:04):
school.
Now the algorithm tells themthat they like fight videos.
So guess what they get?
They get their feed blasted withfight videos, and now you're
wondering why your kid isfighting their sibling.
Yeah.
We didn't teach you that.
What are you doing?
So that's what happens, but wehave to teach kids and empower
them how to master thosealgorithms.
(23:26):
So we have that, depending onwhat your grade level is, you
can go in and do a game and itteaches you how to outsmart the
algorithms.
So if you see that you'regetting emotional, if you see
that you're getting angry andthis is what you're doing, you
have to go in and reset thealgorithm and go purposely look
for something different.
And that one little strategycould be the difference between
(23:49):
fights in school, betweenbullying and so many other
things.
So if we can teach thosestrategies within a couple of
seconds, in the midst of whilethey're scrolling, that's what
we need.
And if we can reinforce thatwith the celebrities and the
influencers that are saying,hey, this is the same thing.
(24:09):
This is how I handle that.
Now they heard the message froma peer.
It was reinforced by someonethat they look up to.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (24:19):
I love what you're speaking into now.
The main one of the reasons thispodcast exists is because of
messages like this.
And it's never about thepodcast, it was never about me
or the podcast.
It's always always about peoplelike you and the guest and their
(24:40):
message, their mission, theirdrive, their passion.
Because I know because of my ownexperience, the underdog is
never served.
The underdog is the person thatjust goes in the background and
maybe they'll win, maybe theywon't.
But I love people like you whoare hellbent and changing
people's lives.
(25:00):
You've done something and youhacked a system that is that
most people only dream of.
And I'm explain that and what Imean.
So most people think marketingis trying to find the people and
try and find your niche and thento communicate with them.
(25:22):
But you did something to bypassall of that, and it's complete
genius.
You went for where the kids werehanging out already.
You had the data, you just hadto figure out how they would
resonate with something thatactually they would receive and
then diet you know, digest andthen take action on.
(25:50):
Because people have this fellowentrepreneurs, I've seen enough
now, and I was one of them,think marketing is sales,
marketing is branding, marketingis your message.
Marketing isn't any of themthings.
Market is a blanket word, but itdoesn't distill down what that
(26:11):
singular person wants.
In your case, you have amessage, you have a person, and
you've brought the bridge tobridge them together and met
them where they already hangout.
That is 90% of the struggle.
The other 10% is trying to findwhich is working, which is not
working, what they're gonnaresonate with, and there's some
(26:32):
a load of other psychology withit.
Now that's where the bit I comein because I dic dissect all the
belief systems that areindoctrinated in children.
I don't work with kids for athousand reasons, and I'm not a
therapist, but I can strip I'mvery good at stripping down
belief systems, value systems,and then rebuilding the identity
(26:56):
over a longer period of time,and then the business stuff and
all the rest of it.
But what your message is veryunique, and this is where I find
it very interesting.
I want to go into part two, waswhat you've got focus on now,
other than the 11 minutes andthat agenda, uh, that saga going
off.
(27:16):
But there's a few other thingsyou've got going on that I want
you to speak about in a fewminutes.
Before we end for part one,yeah, part one, because I've
lost parts of where I'm goingnow.
What's the main message for thatchild listening to this or that
parent listening to this?
Coming from a perspective of Iknow how it feels.
SPEAKER_01 (27:37):
Yes.
So you the main message isyou're not alone.
And that's for the parents andfor the kid.
You are not alone.
It feels like you're alone, butyou're not.
Someone is going through itright along with you, and we
just have to the challenge, it'sgetting the courage to let
someone know what you're dealingwith because sometimes you can
(28:00):
help each other.
Like again, I went from 300people to 5,000, and this whole
foundation started as ababysitting network of parents
that had kids dealing with this.
That's where we started.
And then it became Saturdaylunches and brainstorming, what
are we going to do next?
(28:21):
And then we started invitingdifferent people to say, hey,
what about this?
And who are the experts on this?
And then it got too big to be inmy den.
And it became a business.
And then I hate saying business,it's a nonprofit, but we have to
run it that way as a businessbecause it's so hard finding
funding to do different things.
(28:43):
So we had to find a way to makeourselves independently
sustainable.
So again, it is a business, butthe business funds the mission.
So everything just rolls rightback into if we get this done,
then we can do another programat another school.
So that's how we run loss.
SPEAKER_00 (29:02):
Yeah, I love that.
Shana, thank you very much foryour love, dedication, and
openness here.
I love interviewing people likeyourself.
I love doing this.
This is never a job for me.
And so it's never a chore.
I love doing it.
For myself, thank you forlistening.
Please share the message.
One person, all it takes is tochange a life.
(29:23):
Stop someone doing somethingthat cannot be undone.
Shauna is a prime example ofwhat is possible regarding a
dream, a vision, and a bit ofdrive.
Share the message, changesomeone's life.
Remember, you are the miracle.
(29:44):
I'll see you on part two.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to
another episode of Rise from theAshes podcast.
I am so excited to have thisnext guest.
Her name is Shonda.
Don't ask me to pronounce secondnames because most people who
know me forget it.
I don't do the second names,always get them wrong, so I just
apologize in advance.
(00:22):
Shonda, you do a huge amount inthe nonprofit area.
Please tell the world who youare and a bit about what you do
and your passions.
SPEAKER_01 (00:31):
Absolutely.
Thank you.
First of all, thank you forhaving me.
I'm excited to be here.
But yes, I am Shonda Spates, andI am the founder of Flourished
Foundation Project.
We're a nonprofit organizationand we are we do double duty.
So we do suicide prevention andengaging ways for kids.
(00:53):
We're also a community behaviormental health services provider.
So that is our new thing thatwe're doing.
It was just workshops andafter-school programs.
We're moving into the counselingarea as well based on high
demand.
But we are looking at doingthings that reach kids where
they are, that remove stigmafrom mental health, and always
(01:15):
with the sole and main purposeof saving kids' lives from
suicide.
SPEAKER_00 (01:21):
Bessie, that's a huge amount of responsibility
work.
But I also I presume, and I'massuming it's a huge amount of
gratification as well.
SPEAKER_01 (01:32):
Absolutely.
I am a self-described mom on amission.
So that's where I came from.
Because I was, this is not whatI studied or my career path that
I thought it would be.
I fell into this because myoldest son was being bullied
pretty severely at school and heattempted to take his life.
And after that, we dealt withsuicide ideation and needing a
(01:54):
babysitter for a 17-year-old.
So it was a hard road.
And then I got on social mediaone day and just said, hey, I'm
looking for a babysitter for a17-year-old because I'm scared
to leave him home while I go towork.
So that was a reality of it.
And I went from about 300 andsome odd people on my page to
(02:16):
5,000 in two days because itstarted going and people were
sharing it.
And I found out that I wasn'talone.
And a lot of times you feel likeyou are.
And there's some uniquechallenges to that I had to
figure out in the midst of doingeverything else in life.
And that is what it's been acouple of years removed now.
(02:38):
So now he's fine, he survived,and he actually helps with my
business.
But at the time, going throughit, there weren't a lot of
resources.
Resources were disjointed, andyou just don't know what to do
and where to go.
And that's what I want toaddress with our nonprofit.
And then also on the other sideof it is kids are the most
(03:02):
non-compliant patients.
They're just not gonna do it.
I don't want to talk to thatguy.
I don't know that guy.
It's not what they want to do,it's not how they communicate,
it's not how what resonates withthem.
So it was a hard road.
But for me and my son, we foundmusic therapy.
And out of that, in certainstates, it's available, some
(03:26):
other states it's not as common.
Sometimes insurance covers it,sometimes it doesn't.
So we looked at just doing a gapanalysis.
I do gap analysis or did gapanalysis for businesses as part
of my corporate career beforethis.
And I did a gap analysis onsuicide.
What works, what doesn't work,what is driving it, what is more
(03:48):
effective.
And then created that into aprogram first to help my son.
But then when we started doingit, more people asked for it.
And that's how we got intomaking it a nonprofit and doing
a thing.
And now it's moving a little bitfaster than I can keep up with
because we're one of the feworganizations that truly
(04:11):
incorporate youth into oursolution.
So I'm not doing something andhoping kids get it.
We're our kids are on our board.
We make sure that we arereaching kids where they are and
how it resonates with them andgetting that feedback so we can
make sure that we're doing theright things that reach them.
(04:33):
Because we have the greatestprogram in the world, but if
they don't want to do it and itdoesn't ignite their interest,
then it's for nothing.
And that's where we are.
SPEAKER_00 (04:43):
I love what you stand for, what you do.
I was bullied as a kid atschool, sure.
That person they're listeningcan, if they if you've been
bullied, relate to this and theyknow the struggles firsthand.
But to go through it as a motherand watch your someone you love
(05:03):
and brought into this world, andgo through that journey as a
parent, I can I can't imagine Idon't have kids that age, and I
was I'm not that father mystepfather to uh adult kids and
age parents who have touched meprobably on this.
They never go up, they're stillgoing through something, and
they're always learning.
(05:24):
But when you found out that yourchild was going, this was
happening at school, what wasthat feeling like if you don't
mind sharing?
Was it anger?
Was it fear?
Was it frustration?
SPEAKER_01 (05:37):
Was it all of that at the same time?
And then it got into uh so wherewe are here, we have at the
school district, and it's stillin place now.
Whenever I can get to a placewhere I can, I would like to
challenge it in court.
But there is a zero tolerancepolicy, and the zero tolerance
(06:01):
policy here where I live inCharlotte says that if you are
involved in a fight, you get amandatory 10-day suspension.
My son has thermal palsy, hadmetal pins in his hips, does not
have the physical ability torun.
He can walk, but walked with avery significant limb.
And he was getting beat up everycouple of days by a gang present
(06:24):
in this school.
And I hesitate to call them gangbecause they were emulating a
gang.
But if you act like a gang, thenI'm gonna call you what you look
like.
That's just being honest.
If you're big and bold enough toact like a gang, then I'm gonna
call it a gang because that'swhat you're saying.
That you are, even if you're notin a normal area.
So anyway, I digress, but it wasconcerned and then it was very
(06:50):
quickly into an angry place, notbeing angry and rude or anything
like that in the school, but atthe lack of empathy that our
school administrators had for mychild, because he doesn't have
the physical ability to runaway.
And literally, the assistantsuperintendent at my son's
(07:12):
school at an IEP meeting when Iwas fighting a suspension, I
think it was like the fourthsuspension of the year, for
something that he was jumped bynine people at that point, he
suspended because he did a blowback.
But what are you gonna do whennine people are puddling you and
(07:33):
you're on the ground?
What are you gonna do with that?
And then kids were filming it sothey can actually look at it.
And I said, exactly what is hesupposed to do?
And this particular incident wason a school bus and the school
bus is moving.
And I said to theadministrators, this child has
cerebral palsy, metal pains inhis hips.
He's surrounded by kids that arebeating him up.
(07:54):
If he does not try to protecthimself, what can he do?
What should he do?
And at that, and I have itrecorded, like I literally have
that meeting recorded.
And the assistant superintendentat the time told my son to jump
out the back of a moving bus.
unknown (08:13):
Wow.
SPEAKER_01 (08:13):
And that was it.
That was it for me.
I was fed up, done, and I lookedfor what else could I do to help
him?
And when I get to the place, Iwill go back and challenge that
zero tolerance policy becausezero tolerance policies don't
work if you ignore sometimesthat it makes it worse for
certain groups of kids.
(08:34):
If you have cerebral palsy, ifyou are disabled, then how can
you flee that situation?
And he has been rushed byambulance from school on two
separate occasions, twoconcussions.
He literally is fearing for hislife when nine people are
beating you up.
And one time it was 22.
(08:55):
On several occasions, the schoolhas called me and said, Hey, we
can't protect him.
Can you come and pick him up?
And their answer was to put himin an alternative school for,
and I said, Absolutely not.
You've got these kids that actlike a gang, but you refuse to
treat them like a gang.
And they did not want to suspendthem because there was too many
(09:17):
of them.
They didn't want to suspend 20some odd kids at one time.
So to me, our children's safetymatters the most.
And if you're bold enough to actlike a criminal, then you need
to be treated like a criminal.
So that's just the harsh realityof it.
It is our and there's lots ofreasons.
Social media glorifies somethings that are not necessarily
(09:40):
nice and things of that nature.
So we have to figure out how dowe get messages out there that
counter these things in a waythat children will receive it.
So if it looks like and soundslike an adult trying to be hip
and current, you know, just thefact that I said hip tells you
that that's not what I think isgonna work.
(10:01):
We have to know those things.
So the best thing that we canactually do from a standpoint of
going through the research, andI have white papers and
different things, there'sacademic publishing coming out
about it.
But we have this has to be apeer-led movement, and that's
what this is.
So we have an after-schoolprogram here in Charlotte.
That program hosts a podcastthat is and a radio station that
(10:26):
is run by children.
So the messages that need to besaid are being said in the
language that they understandand that they resonate with.
That is the best thing that wecan do.
And then our therapists and ourmentors are that second level to
make sure that the right thingsare being said.
But of course, it's supplementedwith therapy in group sessions
(10:49):
so many times a week, dependingon what that is needed for that
child or if that child needs it.
But I think this is the approachthat needs to happen so that
we're taking a common senseapproach to mental health and
suicide ideation and justapplying those things together.
The so it's a youth-led mission.
It is reinforced withcelebrities and influencers and
(11:12):
things that people that kidslook up to, sharing those
messages.
And thank you.
You actually did our first ourvideo for that for our Every 11
Minutes campaign, is share thosemessages because they need to
see it.
And then we need to put it wherethey are.
We're doing a whole lot ofthings in school, and a lot of
kids are not wanting to hearthat.
(11:33):
There's stigma behind it.
But what we do know, and whatthe studies and tell us is that
after school hours, so I'm nottalking about durance, but I'm
saying after school, kids arespending an average of seven and
a half to eight hours a dayconsuming music, video games,
and social media.
(11:55):
Eight hours a day.
So when they get out of school,they're scrolling in this sleep.
This is where these messagesneed to be.
This is where we need to say,hey, if you are being bullied
today, this is what you can do.
Here's what you can actually do.
Here's how that algorithm ismaking you spiral into these
sad, mad, depressive states.
(12:16):
And keep that in kid-fridlinglanguage so that they know what
they're doing and what they canactually do about it.
How do we counter out that?
So we are putting these messagesin the music.
We have an entire album that isproduced by some pretty major
producers and kids.
So we have Jay Stiles, formerlyof Blackstreet, Cody Pollard,
(12:38):
who's out of Nashville, andDallas Austin from the Dallas
Austin Foundation for MusicEducation.
So we put mental healthstrategies in song.
So now it sounds like what theyhear on the radio, but it
teaches you a life-saving skillin the music.
That's what I'm talking about.
So this is not, this isdifferent.
(13:00):
This is truly different, and itpull truly meets kids where they
are.
SPEAKER_00 (13:06):
I love this from personal experience that you
went through as a mother.
Identifying where the gaps wereand understanding that the
system, the education system,the schooling system,
essentially was corrupt andbroken, which is what it is, and
(13:27):
it has been for many reasons fora very long time.
And I think the most of thepopulation in the US know this
for one reason or another.
I don't know the stats andpercentages, but as I know, it's
very high with bullying, peoplehaving experience whether
they're related to somebody intheir family or they've been
(13:48):
through it themselves.
It's got to be in the I wouldsay 80s at least.
I again I don't know the stats,so if I'm wrong, please forgive
me.
But all of it is not about now.
You're looking to take a system,a narrative that is less than
adequate, we'll say thatpolitely, and actually turn on
(14:09):
its head and create support,momentum going forward to stop
what happened to your sonhappened to other people.
SPEAKER_01 (14:20):
Absolutely.
Is what can we do to do itdifferently so that it resonates
with children and also becausewe then empower and ignite
children so that they can betheir own health.
I love how frank your podcastis.
I'm gonna just say it like itis.
Hopefully, what is this for?
SPEAKER_00 (14:37):
Please.
SPEAKER_01 (14:38):
We have the system where sometimes we sugarcoat
things and we have to stop doingthat.
We have to just be frank and seewhere this is it is what it is,
right?
So we have a system that isbroken and callous.
unknown (14:51):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (14:51):
So that's one thing.
And then we have this thingwhere we are seeing more and
more school shootings.
And I dare to say that those arerelated to citization.
When those kids go in, youngadults go back to these schools,
they it's in my opinion, andagain, I am not a therapist, but
we do employ several, they'renot intending to come out of
(15:15):
those situations alive.
It let me end mine, or I don'twant to end my own, but let me
do something so drastic thatsomebody else will end this for
me.
So we have to look at that fromthat standpoint.
So when we develop this program,it's truly an ecosystem.
It's three level pieces or threebig pieces.
(15:35):
So it is an after-schoolenrichment program where we talk
to kids, let the kids be thefirst line of defense.
Now that's important because howmany times have you seen on the
news when there's a schoolshooting and they interview
someone, a child or teacher, andthey say, Oh, this child was
doing this, they were withdrawn,they were this, they were acting
(15:57):
out, they made these kind ofpictures.
They were, they mentioned doingsomething hurt someone else, or
this happened to them.
We see that time and time again.
And I got tired of seeing thaton the news because I didn't see
what happens when that happens,who's getting told, who's being
alerted.
And I see the interviews and Isaw the interviews so many times
(16:22):
of after the fact.
And of course, hindsight is2020, but our kids see those
things first.
When you look at the schoolsystem, and again, I'm not the
school system cannot doeverything.
We they are not the parents.
We have to come together and dothis, and that's what this is
about.
(16:42):
But kids see it first that weare least likely to train the
kids.
How many kids are trained in QPRsuicide prevention strategies?
How many kids are getting CPRtraining?
There are some it's a movementnow where you have to do it
before your senior year, but ifyou're not getting it until your
senior year, what's happeningbefore that?
(17:05):
And even with QPR, which is thequestion refer, sorry, question,
persuade, refer, you can't dothat with children under the age
of 16.
So we literally have a nationthat has no answer under 16.
SPEAKER_00 (17:22):
That's just unacceptable, it's unacceptable.
SPEAKER_01 (17:25):
Unacceptable, and then I want you to guess the
youngest case of suicide in achild in the United States was
what age?
Just didn't guess.
SPEAKER_00 (17:42):
I would guess seven or eight.
SPEAKER_01 (17:46):
Exactly.
Five, then eight, then eleven.
So if that's happening.
SPEAKER_00 (17:51):
That just blows me away.
SPEAKER_01 (17:53):
If that is happening and we don't have any type of
answer that we can give to kidsuntil they're 16, what's gonna
happen?
And then when you look at whichschools are targeted, it's
elementary.
But why can't we do that in anage-appropriate way?
(18:14):
That this isn't safe.
This is when you should tell ateacher.
There's ways to do it.
So my I am just taking quitehonestly a common freaking sense
approach to saving kids' lives.
And that's what we're doing.
And if we don't empower them tosave their own lives, look at
this one right here.
I had this one, I did aninterview with women not saving,
(18:35):
but he was an advisor for theoffice of president, not in this
administration, but a prioradministration until very
recently.
But he's the advisor for activeshooter preparedness for
schools.
And we had a conversation, andthat conversation lasted way
longer than our interview didbecause we just kept going.
(18:57):
But he's there's only so manythings that we can actually do.
We because of funding, we trainthe teachers.
But if a shooter walks into aschool and shoots up a classroom
of kids, let's say five kids arehit, if the only person in that
room that can do a tourniquetthat knows to put on pressure to
(19:21):
save a life is the teacher.
And sometimes there's aco-teacher in there, then you're
gonna automatically lose fourout of five kids.
And that, while we can't alwaysprevent the shooting, we can
proactively prepare them better.
And it doesn't have to be ascary thing.
(19:43):
It's just if we can do it forGirl Scouts and Boy Scouts, why
can't we do it any other way?
And understand it goes into afunding thing, but that's where
we have to come in together as acommunity, where we're looking
at what can we do to make thesesolutions, which is what
Flourish Foundation is doing.
But then we have thiscollaborative network so far of
138 organizations and a coupleof national brands too, but
(20:08):
we're coming together andsaying, that's not okay.
I need to save my kids' life, Iwant to save yours too.
So now what can we do to put outstigma-free, proactive, and
preventive measures?
Because if we can talk to kidsand say, this is what you do
when you feel down, now we canprevent some of those things
(20:30):
that are happening with CSIideation because we're telling
them how to deal with it here,the coping strategies before it
happens.
And then if it does happen,here's how you ask for help.
And if you see your peer goingthrough it, this is how you
refer that, and this is who youtell.
Those are the things that aremissing.
We're training teachers andasking so much of teachers.
(20:51):
And I'm a former teacher,special education, grade six
through eight in aself-contained classroom.
So I I know from what I speak.
We cannot do it all.
We are not the parents.
There are some things they haveto get at home, but if they're
not getting at home, we needprograms and enrichment things
to get it.
And I want to make sure peopleunderstand it's not a race
(21:15):
thing.
It's not one particular getdemographic because it
universally fits or affectsevery single demographic.
This is the one thing our nationcan get behind.
This is the one thing.
I don't care what politics youhave.
We should all be able to unitein saving kids' lives.
(21:37):
And that's where we need to be.
So that is what my organizationdoes.
We figure out what will resonatewith children and we ask them.
We have a junior board of kidsand young adults that help guide
what we do and what we make.
So that's what we actually do.
And then we go in and say, hey,community, I need you to help
(21:58):
with this.
And this is what we're actuallydoing.
So we have the album project, wehave every 11 minutes, which is
a campaign, meeting childrenwhere they are, meeting teens
where they are, teens and youngadults.
So if they're gonna be spendingseven and a half hours a day,
and that's not an exaggeration,on social media and music
(22:21):
platforms and ganging platforms,then that's where those messages
need to be.
We're plastering schools withposters, but kids eight hours a
day are on social media, andyou're trying to tell people to
put it down, and they're notgonna do it.
(22:41):
They're just not.
So let's deal in the reality ofcan we take an 11-second message
and put that where they alreadyare?
So while you're going throughwhatever you're going through
and you're looking at it onsocial media, maybe you're going
into kids will play a fightvideo from someone fighting in
(23:04):
school.
Now the algorithm tells themthat they like fight videos.
So guess what they get?
They get their feed blasted withfight videos, and now you're
wondering why your kid isfighting their sibling.
Yeah.
We didn't teach you that.
What are you doing?
So that's what happens, but wehave to teach kids and empower
them how to master thosealgorithms.
(23:26):
So we have that, depending onwhat your grade level is, you
can go in and do a game and itteaches you how to outsmart the
algorithms.
So if you see that you'regetting emotional, if you see
that you're getting angry andthis is what you're doing, you
have to go in and reset thealgorithm and go purposely look
for something different.
And that one little strategycould be the difference between
(23:49):
fights in school, betweenbullying and so many other
things.
So if we can teach thosestrategies within a couple of
seconds, in the midst of whilethey're scrolling, that's what
we need.
And if we can reinforce thatwith the celebrities and the
influencers that are saying,hey, this is the same thing.
(24:09):
This is how I handle that.
Now they heard the message froma peer.
It was reinforced by someonethat they look up to.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (24:19):
I love what you're speaking into now.
The main one of the reasons thispodcast exists is because of
messages like this.
And it's never about thepodcast, it was never about me
or the podcast.
It's always always about peoplelike you and the guest and their
(24:40):
message, their mission, theirdrive, their passion.
Because I know because of my ownexperience, the underdog is
never served.
The underdog is the person thatjust goes in the background and
maybe they'll win, maybe theywon't.
But I love people like you whoare hellbent and changing
people's lives.
(25:00):
You've done something and youhacked a system that is that
most people only dream of.
And I'm explain that and what Imean.
So most people think marketingis trying to find the people and
try and find your niche and thento communicate with them.
(25:22):
But you did something to bypassall of that, and it's complete
genius.
You went for where the kids werehanging out already.
You had the data, you just hadto figure out how they would
resonate with something thatactually they would receive and
then diet you know, digest andthen take action on.
(25:50):
Because people have this fellowentrepreneurs, I've seen enough
now, and I was one of them,think marketing is sales,
marketing is branding, marketingis your message.
Marketing isn't any of themthings.
Market is a blanket word, but itdoesn't distill down what that
(26:11):
singular person wants.
In your case, you have amessage, you have a person, and
you've brought the bridge tobridge them together and met
them where they already hangout.
That is 90% of the struggle.
The other 10% is trying to findwhich is working, which is not
working, what they're gonnaresonate with, and there's some
(26:32):
a load of other psychology withit.
Now that's where the bit I comein because I dic dissect all the
belief systems that areindoctrinated in children.
I don't work with kids for athousand reasons, and I'm not a
therapist, but I can strip I'mvery good at stripping down
belief systems, value systems,and then rebuilding the identity
(26:56):
over a longer period of time,and then the business stuff and
all the rest of it.
But what your message is veryunique, and this is where I find
it very interesting.
I want to go into part two, waswhat you've got focus on now,
other than the 11 minutes andthat agenda, uh, that saga going
off.
(27:16):
But there's a few other thingsyou've got going on that I want
you to speak about in a fewminutes.
Before we end for part one,yeah, part one, because I've
lost parts of where I'm goingnow.
What's the main message for thatchild listening to this or that
parent listening to this?
Coming from a perspective of Iknow how it feels.
SPEAKER_01 (27:37):
Yes.
So you the main message isyou're not alone.
And that's for the parents andfor the kid.
You are not alone.
It feels like you're alone, butyou're not.
Someone is going through itright along with you, and we
just have to the challenge, it'sgetting the courage to let
someone know what you're dealingwith because sometimes you can
(28:00):
help each other.
Like again, I went from 300people to 5,000, and this whole
foundation started as ababysitting network of parents
that had kids dealing with this.
That's where we started.
And then it became Saturdaylunches and brainstorming, what
are we going to do next?
(28:21):
And then we started invitingdifferent people to say, hey,
what about this?
And who are the experts on this?
And then it got too big to be inmy den.
And it became a business.
And then I hate saying business,it's a nonprofit, but we have to
run it that way as a businessbecause it's so hard finding
funding to do different things.
(28:43):
So we had to find a way to makeourselves independently
sustainable.
So again, it is a business, butthe business funds the mission.
So everything just rolls rightback into if we get this done,
then we can do another programat another school.
So that's how we run loss.
SPEAKER_00 (29:02):
Yeah, I love that.
Shana, thank you very much foryour love, dedication, and
openness here.
I love interviewing people likeyourself.
I love doing this.
This is never a job for me.
And so it's never a chore.
I love doing it.
For myself, thank you forlistening.
Please share the message.
One person, all it takes is tochange a life.
(29:23):
Stop someone doing somethingthat cannot be undone.
Shauna is a prime example ofwhat is possible regarding a
dream, a vision, and a bit ofdrive.
Share the message, changesomeone's life.
Remember, you are the miracle.
(29:44):
I'll see you on part two.
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