July 24, 2022 • 23 mins
In this episode, I talk about how to deal with a deep sadness, which, in my experience, can lead to feeling stuck, paralyzed, anxious and overall a very sad, dark feeling that can also cause physical pain. I discuss a variety of actions you can take when you are feeling this deep sadness and emphasize the importance of awareness, intention and working through it rather than disregarding the emotion.
DM me @susanfink.rise to reach out for questions or if you need help. I'm a mindset coach helping other parents raising children with special needs, make significant changes in the way they think to get through what they're going through. Check out more information on risemindset.com
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hi everyone, and welcome to therise with the light podcast. My
(00:12):
name is Susan Fink and this ismy weekly podcast dedicated to
supporting families raisingchildren with special needs. I'm
on a mission to provide hope andpositivity through sharing my
personal insights, stories,mindset perspectives, and ways
to navigate through thisjourney. Let's get started.
(00:46):
everyone, and thank you so muchfor joining me today. I'm so
glad that you're here. I'm soglad that you're listening. And
I hope that the information andthe episodes that I'm putting
out are helping you or givingyou some perspective or helping
you relate and know that you arenot alone. And I'm actually
using this episode today to helpme with that exact thing. This
(01:07):
episode I'm actually have notwritten usually I will take time
to write and to think about whatI want to discuss on a specific
topic and to do some researchand to really think about what I
want to write about what I wantto say. But this episode is one
that is coming at you raw. It'ssomething that I am feeling
(01:31):
right now. And I have not feltthis way in a really long time.
And I know I've had this feelingbefore, it's very familiar to me
over the last five years ofworking with my son who all of
you know or people who may justbe tuning in, know that my son
is autistic, he was diagnosedwhen he was three. So over the
(01:55):
last five years, I know I've hadthis feeling. And this feeling
that I'm referring to is afeeling of deep sadness. It's
not like just feeling sad. It'slike my heart hurts. I have a
hard time focusing. I feelanxious. It's hard for me to
(02:18):
manage my emotions. And it is amoment. And it's feelings that I
definitely try not to suppress.
Because I do believe that it'svery important that we feel the
feelings that we feel, even ifthey are moment to moment, I do
believe it's important that weaddress those feelings, we
(02:39):
identify the root of thosefeelings and where that's coming
from. So they can be addressed.
And they can be handled andmanaged in the most positive,
healthy way. So this is actuallyone of those emotions and
feelings that I'm having that Ihave to work through. And one of
those ways I'm working throughit is with you right now.
Because I feel like this is agreat outlet for me to work
(03:04):
through a lot of differentthings that I've had to work
through and to share with all ofyou the things that I have
thought through throughout theday today to try to cope and
deal with this deep sadness thatI'm feeling. So well, I just
jumped right into this episoderight away, I do want to take a
pause for a moment to again,thank you for being here and for
(03:28):
listening. And for all of yoursupport and your DMS, the
messages that you sent me, Ireally appreciate that I really
appreciate hearing from you. Andplease, if you know anyone who
this episode or any of theepisodes, I have this overall
podcast could help pleasedefinitely share this podcast.
My mission is to help as manypeople as I can. I really am
(03:52):
just a person, a mother, asingle mother, you know, who
just is pouring out my hearthere and is also just providing
some perspective and of thethings that I've learned in my
experience when it comes tomindset when it comes to
handling different emotions,especially as it relates to
raising a child with specialneeds. And just going through
(04:12):
all the feelings going throughall the things that we as
parents go through going throughall the things as we as humans
go through. So this isn't justfor parents with special needs
children, but it definitely iscoming from that place. And so I
just want to again, pause andthank you for your support.
Thank you for listening. Thankyou for being here. So this sad,
(04:34):
feeling this deep, sad feeling.
Have you ever felt that before?
Is there something that you'veexperienced that makes you feel
so sad to your core, your hearthurts, it's difficult to
breathe, it's difficult tomanage your thoughts. It's
difficult to pull yourself outof this sadness. You know the
(04:58):
the thing that really sparkedthis for me, was watching my son
at school, doing a dance withthe rest of his class. It was
like a class performance. Andfirst and foremost, I'm so proud
that he was able to participate.
In the past, he hasn't been ableto participate, it's been very
(05:18):
difficult for him. And I totallyunderstand it, I never, ever
forced him to do anything thatis uncomfortable, and that if he
wouldn't want to participatetoday, that would have been
okay, too. But he did, he wasable to go up on the stage, he
was able to be there with therest of his class, he was able
to do some of the dance that hecould remember. And he was up
(05:42):
there for the entire time.
So I'm so proud that he was ableto do all of that I'm so proud
of him, he faced his his ownanxiety, his own fear, his own
challenges, and he was able toparticipate and do that. The
thing that just made me so sad,at the end, coupled with the
(06:05):
excitement and happiness and joythat I felt, which is also a
very odd thing is to have thisvery happy, joyful time. And but
then at the same time havingthis like, deep, deep sadness,
and what really triggered it forme was just seeing the other
kids in the class and theirfriendships together, and taking
(06:25):
photos together and getting ingroups, and they're kind of
cliques and things. And, youknow, here my son is on his own.
And my son struggles with socialinteractions, he has a really
hard time making friends,keeping friends, interacting
with friends, havingconversation, staying on topic,
there's so many social thingsthat come from speech delays,
(06:48):
that affect his ability to makeconnections with other people to
make connections with friends.
And the thing that just made meso sad is because I know my son
wants to have those friendships,I know he desires to connect
with other people, he justdoesn't know exactly how to do
it. And that is something he isworking on. And his behavioral
(07:08):
therapy and the support that hereceives. So I know deep down,
he wants to have friends, hewants to have this connection,
and to see the exclusion of himat the school with the other
kids. Just I always thoughtabout cutting these parts out
when I'm crying. But maybeyou're crying too, with me,
(07:32):
seeing that exclusion. Andknowing his desire to have
friends just tore me apart,inside, in while he puts on this
really happy face. And he issuch a joy. And he is so loving
and kind and all of these thingsthat so many people cannot
experience because he isn't ableto connect with other people.
(07:56):
And I know that that will comewith him in time it just as a
parent, as a mother, as someonewho knows him so well and the
joy that he does bring, and thathe wants so deeply to have these
friendships. It's just reallytough to watch, really tough to
see as a parent, and, you know,with COVID, and everything
(08:22):
that's been going on. And we'veall been kind of isolated, of
course the kids are at school.
But this was one of the firsttimes in a while that I actually
saw him in his classroomenvironment, because we haven't
as parents haven't been able togo on the school campus. And
this was the first time I wasable to go there. And to see him
(08:43):
in his school setting around allof the other kids. It just
became more real for me of whatI already knew. But I could see
it. I don't know if that makessense. But you know, it was just
it was really hard. And I know,for him as much as he is put on
a happy face. And he is such ahappy, happy guy. I know, it's
(09:04):
really hard for him. And thathurts. And, you know, I sat here
thinking about, well, Ishouldn't compare, you know, and
of course, Comparison is thethief of all joy. And, you know,
it isn't necessarily mecomparing, it's more of just
knowing what my son wants andknowing that he really wants to
(09:27):
have friends and wants to beconnected. And he wants to, you
know, have create thosefriendships, and then to see the
challenges that he has, and thathe doesn't really have friends.
And that really is hard. It'shard on him. It's hard on me it
hurts my heart. And it createsthis deep sadness inside of me
(09:52):
and so went on way too longabout that, as far as wanting to
give you just the context ofwhere I'm coming from but again,
I've had that feeling before. Ifelt this feeling before and I
haven't felt it in a long time.
And maybe it's because havegotten good at coping with some
of it and redirecting some ofit. And, and that's what I want
(10:13):
to also get into now is what dowe do with this deep sadness?
What do we do as parents to notlet this affect us so much? And
to Yes, feel that sadness, tofeel that hurt, but to be able
to cope with it to keep movingforward to not get stuck in that
negative mindset?
(10:35):
What do we do? And how do we dothat? And how do we cope with
this feeling. So I want to justgive you a few of the things
that I did today, that helped meand one of those things is
talking to you right now. I'mliterally sitting here by myself
talking to into a microphone,but I'm imagining I'm talking to
(10:57):
you, I'm imagining I'm talkingto a friend, I'm talking to
someone who can relate to me whounderstands this feeling and
understands where I'm comingfrom has maybe had similar
experiences. I'm imagining thatright now. And that's helping me
feel better. It's cathartic. Ina way, this podcast is very
cathartic for me, becauseoftentimes, I don't speak about
(11:20):
a lot of these feelings. And sothis is actually really helpful
for me. So the first thing Iwould do is to talk to someone,
talk to someone about how you'refeeling, get it out, somehow,
release it out of your mind, getsome one that you you know, talk
to someone that you trustsomeone who can listen, maybe
(11:40):
someone who understands whereyou're coming from another
parent and other you know, afamily member or husband,
spouse, friend, whatever thatis, whoever that is.
But talking to someone, and evenif they just sit and listen so
that you can get it out candefinitely help you release
those emotions and almost lessenthe pain. If you don't have
(12:01):
someone to talk to write thefeelings down, write down what
you're feeling almost like ajournal entry. Right? Write it
down, get it out, I think thepoint I'm trying to say here is
to release it to talk it out towrite it out, to get it off of
your chest, get it out of yourmind. And vocalize it, write it
down, be able to identify wherethis pain is coming from and
(12:25):
where this sadness is comingfrom. And, you know, first and
foremost, just get it out. Andsecond is as you're writing, if
you're journaling. Think aboutthe things that are positive.
And I did do an episode onflipping the script from
negative thinking to positivethinking, and I did that episode
A while back. But that stillrings true here. The sadness
(12:46):
isn't necessarily a negativefeeling or negative thought. One
thing that I had to do today waswhile I was thinking about this
sadness that I had, I started toremind myself of the things that
I was proud of. For him, Ireminded myself of the journey
that he's had and the challengeshe's overcome. I reminded myself
(13:08):
of how proud he was of his ofhimself for doing the things
that he did the thecharacteristics that he's
developing as far as handlinghis anxiety and the bravery that
he had, and being able toparticipate in those steps that
he's taken the progression thathe's made, I had to really stop
myself. And while I needed tofeel the emotions, I was feeling
(13:30):
I still had to stop myself andsay, You know what, there are so
many positive things that I canfocus on, that are so much more
meaningful than this feelingthat I'm having. And I had to
really work hard to redirect mythoughts and to redirect where I
was headed. And to remind myselfof those things that he has done
(13:53):
and what he was able toaccomplish today and the
positive things that came out ofthat. And focusing on gratitude,
right? It's not, and what I justsaid, is not necessarily being
grateful. But gratitude isanother part of this being
grateful for whatever it is inyour life, it doesn't even have
(14:13):
to be related to what you'redealing with. It's more about
trying to really push thosepositive thoughts in your mind.
And so one of the things I wasthinking today was that I was
grateful that I could go to theschool presentation and the
school dance performance, I wasgrateful that I had the
flexibility at work to be ableto leave the office and be there
(14:35):
and be present. You know, reallykind of shifting the way that I
was thinking from this reallydeep sadness and sad thoughts to
Okay, look at all this stuffthat he's accomplished. Look at
what he was able to do today.
And I'm grateful that I was ableto be there. So it's really just
shifting the way that you'rethinking and being intentional
about it. And I think that'swhere the difficulty comes in is
(14:57):
that often we can get Stuck inour own heads. And we can get
stuck in this negative rabbithole or this thinking that we're
in. And it's hard to unravelthat. And it's hard to really
get out and think differently.
And so that's where thatintention comes in. And really
understanding and being aware ofwhat your thoughts are, and then
(15:18):
being able to shift thosethoughts. And again, writing it
down writing a gratitude listthat really helps. And that has
that can push you into adifferent mindset, a more
positive mindset. The otherthing I had to remind myself of
today was something that I justtalked about this last episode I
did on impermanence. Andimpermanence is simply just
(15:42):
realizing that things are notgoing to remain the same
forever. And, you know, thatcould be good things that could
be bad things that could bedifficult things. It could be
whatever, it's impermanent,everything is impermanent. So I
think that's something that Ihad to really think about today
was, you know, yeah, he doesn'thave friends right now, or he
may have a handful of friendsor, you know, he may have some
(16:03):
level of friendship. So when Ithink about impermanence, as it
relates to friendships, anddeveloping those relationships
for my son, I have to realizethat this is right now, right
now, he has a really difficulttime with developing those
connections with havingconversations with keeping
friends and keeping interest andunderstanding those social
(16:25):
interactions. But is that goingto be the way that it is
forever? I don't think that thatis the case. And the reason I
say that is because I've seenhim child being challenged with
so many other things. And overso many years, I've seen
progress and so many of thoseareas. And he has developed so
(16:45):
much and has overcome so much ofsome of the challenges that he's
faced. So I know that he isfully capable of having friends,
I know he's fully capable ofevolving, and learning and
growing, and being able to havethose connections. And so I had
to remind myself today that thisisn't going to be forever. And
(17:06):
while that can be reallydifficult to do when you're in a
negative state of mind, oryou're in an emotional state of
mind, like I am in, I was inI've been in, I'm starting to
come out of it beingintentional, realizing that that
is the case. And that issomething that we can hold on to
and that things are not alwaysgoing to be this way, I think
(17:28):
that that can also help us findserenity, it can help us find
peace, it can help us have findhope. And it can help us really
work through these things forourselves so that we can then
press forward in a positive way.
And the last thing I'll say hereis related to grounding. You
(17:48):
know, we have these five sensesthat sometimes we take for
granted. And when we are in adifficult state of mind, when we
are going through somechallenging times, especially in
our minds, we can use groundingtechniques using our senses, to
help us to become more presentto help us to become in the
(18:11):
moment and to help us to pushthrough some of those thoughts.
So when you're having adifficult thought, or
challenging emotion that you'retrying to work through, being
able to go outside and gettingsome fresh air, looking around,
using your senses to seewhatever is in front of you to
smell whatever's around you tofeel the ground to feel the wind
(18:36):
against your face. Right. So,you know, if you're washing the
dishes, to feel the water, tosee the soap to smell the
fragrance of the soap, you know,it's really about using those
senses to be able to groundyourself in the present. And
sometimes when you groundyourself in the present, you're
able to redirect your mind andgetting out of a negative
(18:59):
thought process and potentiallygoing down a rabbit hole in a
negative way. And you're able tochange the way that you're
thinking through grounding. Andso that's something that I did
today too. I had to go outside,take a deep breath, walk around,
look around, you know, that'swhat I had to do today. I had to
(19:22):
redirect myself so that I canbecome more present and more
focused. Instead of rethinkingand ruminating about what I saw
the school I had to reallyredirect where my thoughts were.
And grounding is something thatI did do today to try to help me
so that I could keep working. Ihad to go back to work after all
(19:43):
of that. So I needed to be ableto focus and so going outside
getting some fresh air, beingable to walk around feel what I
was feeling as far as using mysenses to see to smell to just
take it in and Changing myenvironment helped me to just
become more present. And sosometimes that's all you need to
(20:05):
do. And that that can reallyhelp you to redirect your mind.
But when I say redirect, I don'tmean not deal with the emotion,
I mean, just for that moment tobecome present, so that you can
work through those emotions andthose feelings. So I don't want
to negate actually workingthrough the emotion by
(20:26):
redirecting, I don't think thatthat's healthy, I think you do
need to work through youremotions and work through the
pain that you're feeling. Andunderstanding where the root of
that is, so that you can addressit at the root. And you work
through that using differenttools and using different
mindfulness activities that canhelp you talking to someone else
(20:46):
journaling, all the things Ijust talked about, but also
redirecting you using yoursenses to become more present,
so that you can handle thoseemotions in a more positive way.
And that you can press forwardwith your day and you don't let
all of that hold you down. Andthat's definitely what I was
feeling. I felt stuck. I feltanxious, I felt like I really
(21:11):
almost like was paralyzed. Ialmost felt like I couldn't move
forward with my day. And I hadso much to get done for work. I
had a lot of things I needed todo today after this the school
performance. And so I had towork hard to break through those
emotions and this feelings andthat sadness that I was feeling.
And you know, having now talkedfor the last 23 minutes. And I
(21:35):
hope that you're still here. Ihope this is helping you. I hope
that it's giving youperspective, I hope it's helping
you know that you are not alone,because that's how I feel right
now. I feel like I'm not alone.
Even if I am sitting heretalking to myself, I want to
envision, like I said, I'mtalking to you. feeling these
feelings is not a bad thing.
(21:55):
We're human, we are going tofeel these things. We're going
to experience life in so manydifferent ways. But I think the
most important thing is tryingto understand how you can cope,
how you can handle thosefeelings so that it doesn't
affect you in a negative way.
And that you can be the bestperson you can be for yourself,
for your family, for yourfriends, for your children. And
(22:16):
I really hope that this episodehas helped you. I appreciate you
for being here and listening.
This episode has helped me andlike I said, this is one of the
first episodes I've ever donethat I've never written
anything. I just came straightout with very raw emotional
episode. And it definitelyhelped me a lot. So thank you.
(22:40):
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you so much for beinghere. Thank you for listening.
Thank you for sharing thispodcast. Please leave a comment
drop me a DM at Susan Fink dotRies let me know what you think
about this episode. Let me knowif there's something that I can
do to help you and also pleaseshare this podcast with anyone
that you think that this couldhelp. And as always, I
(23:03):
appreciate I empathize and I'mhere for you. And we can do this
Hi everyone, and welcome to therise with the light podcast. My
(00:12):
name is Susan Fink and this ismy weekly podcast dedicated to
supporting families raisingchildren with special needs. I'm
on a mission to provide hope andpositivity through sharing my
personal insights, stories,mindset perspectives, and ways
to navigate through thisjourney. Let's get started.
(00:46):
everyone, and thank you so muchfor joining me today. I'm so
glad that you're here. I'm soglad that you're listening. And
I hope that the information andthe episodes that I'm putting
out are helping you or givingyou some perspective or helping
you relate and know that you arenot alone. And I'm actually
using this episode today to helpme with that exact thing. This
(01:07):
episode I'm actually have notwritten usually I will take time
to write and to think about whatI want to discuss on a specific
topic and to do some researchand to really think about what I
want to write about what I wantto say. But this episode is one
that is coming at you raw. It'ssomething that I am feeling
(01:31):
right now. And I have not feltthis way in a really long time.
And I know I've had this feelingbefore, it's very familiar to me
over the last five years ofworking with my son who all of
you know or people who may justbe tuning in, know that my son
is autistic, he was diagnosedwhen he was three. So over the
(01:55):
last five years, I know I've hadthis feeling. And this feeling
that I'm referring to is afeeling of deep sadness. It's
not like just feeling sad. It'slike my heart hurts. I have a
hard time focusing. I feelanxious. It's hard for me to
(02:18):
manage my emotions. And it is amoment. And it's feelings that I
definitely try not to suppress.
Because I do believe that it'svery important that we feel the
feelings that we feel, even ifthey are moment to moment, I do
believe it's important that weaddress those feelings, we
(02:39):
identify the root of thosefeelings and where that's coming
from. So they can be addressed.
And they can be handled andmanaged in the most positive,
healthy way. So this is actuallyone of those emotions and
feelings that I'm having that Ihave to work through. And one of
those ways I'm working throughit is with you right now.
Because I feel like this is agreat outlet for me to work
(03:04):
through a lot of differentthings that I've had to work
through and to share with all ofyou the things that I have
thought through throughout theday today to try to cope and
deal with this deep sadness thatI'm feeling. So well, I just
jumped right into this episoderight away, I do want to take a
pause for a moment to again,thank you for being here and for
(03:28):
listening. And for all of yoursupport and your DMS, the
messages that you sent me, Ireally appreciate that I really
appreciate hearing from you. Andplease, if you know anyone who
this episode or any of theepisodes, I have this overall
podcast could help pleasedefinitely share this podcast.
My mission is to help as manypeople as I can. I really am
(03:52):
just a person, a mother, asingle mother, you know, who
just is pouring out my hearthere and is also just providing
some perspective and of thethings that I've learned in my
experience when it comes tomindset when it comes to
handling different emotions,especially as it relates to
raising a child with specialneeds. And just going through
(04:12):
all the feelings going throughall the things that we as
parents go through going throughall the things as we as humans
go through. So this isn't justfor parents with special needs
children, but it definitely iscoming from that place. And so I
just want to again, pause andthank you for your support.
Thank you for listening. Thankyou for being here. So this sad,
(04:34):
feeling this deep, sad feeling.
Have you ever felt that before?
Is there something that you'veexperienced that makes you feel
so sad to your core, your hearthurts, it's difficult to
breathe, it's difficult tomanage your thoughts. It's
difficult to pull yourself outof this sadness. You know the
(04:58):
the thing that really sparkedthis for me, was watching my son
at school, doing a dance withthe rest of his class. It was
like a class performance. Andfirst and foremost, I'm so proud
that he was able to participate.
In the past, he hasn't been ableto participate, it's been very
(05:18):
difficult for him. And I totallyunderstand it, I never, ever
forced him to do anything thatis uncomfortable, and that if he
wouldn't want to participatetoday, that would have been
okay, too. But he did, he wasable to go up on the stage, he
was able to be there with therest of his class, he was able
to do some of the dance that hecould remember. And he was up
(05:42):
there for the entire time.
So I'm so proud that he was ableto do all of that I'm so proud
of him, he faced his his ownanxiety, his own fear, his own
challenges, and he was able toparticipate and do that. The
thing that just made me so sad,at the end, coupled with the
(06:05):
excitement and happiness and joythat I felt, which is also a
very odd thing is to have thisvery happy, joyful time. And but
then at the same time havingthis like, deep, deep sadness,
and what really triggered it forme was just seeing the other
kids in the class and theirfriendships together, and taking
(06:25):
photos together and getting ingroups, and they're kind of
cliques and things. And, youknow, here my son is on his own.
And my son struggles with socialinteractions, he has a really
hard time making friends,keeping friends, interacting
with friends, havingconversation, staying on topic,
there's so many social thingsthat come from speech delays,
(06:48):
that affect his ability to makeconnections with other people to
make connections with friends.
And the thing that just made meso sad is because I know my son
wants to have those friendships,I know he desires to connect
with other people, he justdoesn't know exactly how to do
it. And that is something he isworking on. And his behavioral
(07:08):
therapy and the support that hereceives. So I know deep down,
he wants to have friends, hewants to have this connection,
and to see the exclusion of himat the school with the other
kids. Just I always thoughtabout cutting these parts out
when I'm crying. But maybeyou're crying too, with me,
(07:32):
seeing that exclusion. Andknowing his desire to have
friends just tore me apart,inside, in while he puts on this
really happy face. And he issuch a joy. And he is so loving
and kind and all of these thingsthat so many people cannot
experience because he isn't ableto connect with other people.
(07:56):
And I know that that will comewith him in time it just as a
parent, as a mother, as someonewho knows him so well and the
joy that he does bring, and thathe wants so deeply to have these
friendships. It's just reallytough to watch, really tough to
see as a parent, and, you know,with COVID, and everything
(08:22):
that's been going on. And we'veall been kind of isolated, of
course the kids are at school.
But this was one of the firsttimes in a while that I actually
saw him in his classroomenvironment, because we haven't
as parents haven't been able togo on the school campus. And
this was the first time I wasable to go there. And to see him
(08:43):
in his school setting around allof the other kids. It just
became more real for me of whatI already knew. But I could see
it. I don't know if that makessense. But you know, it was just
it was really hard. And I know,for him as much as he is put on
a happy face. And he is such ahappy, happy guy. I know, it's
(09:04):
really hard for him. And thathurts. And, you know, I sat here
thinking about, well, Ishouldn't compare, you know, and
of course, Comparison is thethief of all joy. And, you know,
it isn't necessarily mecomparing, it's more of just
knowing what my son wants andknowing that he really wants to
(09:27):
have friends and wants to beconnected. And he wants to, you
know, have create thosefriendships, and then to see the
challenges that he has, and thathe doesn't really have friends.
And that really is hard. It'shard on him. It's hard on me it
hurts my heart. And it createsthis deep sadness inside of me
(09:52):
and so went on way too longabout that, as far as wanting to
give you just the context ofwhere I'm coming from but again,
I've had that feeling before. Ifelt this feeling before and I
haven't felt it in a long time.
And maybe it's because havegotten good at coping with some
of it and redirecting some ofit. And, and that's what I want
(10:13):
to also get into now is what dowe do with this deep sadness?
What do we do as parents to notlet this affect us so much? And
to Yes, feel that sadness, tofeel that hurt, but to be able
to cope with it to keep movingforward to not get stuck in that
negative mindset?
(10:35):
What do we do? And how do we dothat? And how do we cope with
this feeling. So I want to justgive you a few of the things
that I did today, that helped meand one of those things is
talking to you right now. I'mliterally sitting here by myself
talking to into a microphone,but I'm imagining I'm talking to
(10:57):
you, I'm imagining I'm talkingto a friend, I'm talking to
someone who can relate to me whounderstands this feeling and
understands where I'm comingfrom has maybe had similar
experiences. I'm imagining thatright now. And that's helping me
feel better. It's cathartic. Ina way, this podcast is very
cathartic for me, becauseoftentimes, I don't speak about
(11:20):
a lot of these feelings. And sothis is actually really helpful
for me. So the first thing Iwould do is to talk to someone,
talk to someone about how you'refeeling, get it out, somehow,
release it out of your mind, getsome one that you you know, talk
to someone that you trustsomeone who can listen, maybe
(11:40):
someone who understands whereyou're coming from another
parent and other you know, afamily member or husband,
spouse, friend, whatever thatis, whoever that is.
But talking to someone, and evenif they just sit and listen so
that you can get it out candefinitely help you release
those emotions and almost lessenthe pain. If you don't have
(12:01):
someone to talk to write thefeelings down, write down what
you're feeling almost like ajournal entry. Right? Write it
down, get it out, I think thepoint I'm trying to say here is
to release it to talk it out towrite it out, to get it off of
your chest, get it out of yourmind. And vocalize it, write it
down, be able to identify wherethis pain is coming from and
(12:25):
where this sadness is comingfrom. And, you know, first and
foremost, just get it out. Andsecond is as you're writing, if
you're journaling. Think aboutthe things that are positive.
And I did do an episode onflipping the script from
negative thinking to positivethinking, and I did that episode
A while back. But that stillrings true here. The sadness
(12:46):
isn't necessarily a negativefeeling or negative thought. One
thing that I had to do today waswhile I was thinking about this
sadness that I had, I started toremind myself of the things that
I was proud of. For him, Ireminded myself of the journey
that he's had and the challengeshe's overcome. I reminded myself
(13:08):
of how proud he was of his ofhimself for doing the things
that he did the thecharacteristics that he's
developing as far as handlinghis anxiety and the bravery that
he had, and being able toparticipate in those steps that
he's taken the progression thathe's made, I had to really stop
myself. And while I needed tofeel the emotions, I was feeling
(13:30):
I still had to stop myself andsay, You know what, there are so
many positive things that I canfocus on, that are so much more
meaningful than this feelingthat I'm having. And I had to
really work hard to redirect mythoughts and to redirect where I
was headed. And to remind myselfof those things that he has done
(13:53):
and what he was able toaccomplish today and the
positive things that came out ofthat. And focusing on gratitude,
right? It's not, and what I justsaid, is not necessarily being
grateful. But gratitude isanother part of this being
grateful for whatever it is inyour life, it doesn't even have
(14:13):
to be related to what you'redealing with. It's more about
trying to really push thosepositive thoughts in your mind.
And so one of the things I wasthinking today was that I was
grateful that I could go to theschool presentation and the
school dance performance, I wasgrateful that I had the
flexibility at work to be ableto leave the office and be there
(14:35):
and be present. You know, reallykind of shifting the way that I
was thinking from this reallydeep sadness and sad thoughts to
Okay, look at all this stuffthat he's accomplished. Look at
what he was able to do today.
And I'm grateful that I was ableto be there. So it's really just
shifting the way that you'rethinking and being intentional
about it. And I think that'swhere the difficulty comes in is
(14:57):
that often we can get Stuck inour own heads. And we can get
stuck in this negative rabbithole or this thinking that we're
in. And it's hard to unravelthat. And it's hard to really
get out and think differently.
And so that's where thatintention comes in. And really
understanding and being aware ofwhat your thoughts are, and then
(15:18):
being able to shift thosethoughts. And again, writing it
down writing a gratitude listthat really helps. And that has
that can push you into adifferent mindset, a more
positive mindset. The otherthing I had to remind myself of
today was something that I justtalked about this last episode I
did on impermanence. Andimpermanence is simply just
(15:42):
realizing that things are notgoing to remain the same
forever. And, you know, thatcould be good things that could
be bad things that could bedifficult things. It could be
whatever, it's impermanent,everything is impermanent. So I
think that's something that Ihad to really think about today
was, you know, yeah, he doesn'thave friends right now, or he
may have a handful of friendsor, you know, he may have some
(16:03):
level of friendship. So when Ithink about impermanence, as it
relates to friendships, anddeveloping those relationships
for my son, I have to realizethat this is right now, right
now, he has a really difficulttime with developing those
connections with havingconversations with keeping
friends and keeping interest andunderstanding those social
(16:25):
interactions. But is that goingto be the way that it is
forever? I don't think that thatis the case. And the reason I
say that is because I've seenhim child being challenged with
so many other things. And overso many years, I've seen
progress and so many of thoseareas. And he has developed so
(16:45):
much and has overcome so much ofsome of the challenges that he's
faced. So I know that he isfully capable of having friends,
I know he's fully capable ofevolving, and learning and
growing, and being able to havethose connections. And so I had
to remind myself today that thisisn't going to be forever. And
(17:06):
while that can be reallydifficult to do when you're in a
negative state of mind, oryou're in an emotional state of
mind, like I am in, I was inI've been in, I'm starting to
come out of it beingintentional, realizing that that
is the case. And that issomething that we can hold on to
and that things are not alwaysgoing to be this way, I think
(17:28):
that that can also help us findserenity, it can help us find
peace, it can help us have findhope. And it can help us really
work through these things forourselves so that we can then
press forward in a positive way.
And the last thing I'll say hereis related to grounding. You
(17:48):
know, we have these five sensesthat sometimes we take for
granted. And when we are in adifficult state of mind, when we
are going through somechallenging times, especially in
our minds, we can use groundingtechniques using our senses, to
help us to become more presentto help us to become in the
(18:11):
moment and to help us to pushthrough some of those thoughts.
So when you're having adifficult thought, or
challenging emotion that you'retrying to work through, being
able to go outside and gettingsome fresh air, looking around,
using your senses to seewhatever is in front of you to
smell whatever's around you tofeel the ground to feel the wind
(18:36):
against your face. Right. So,you know, if you're washing the
dishes, to feel the water, tosee the soap to smell the
fragrance of the soap, you know,it's really about using those
senses to be able to groundyourself in the present. And
sometimes when you groundyourself in the present, you're
able to redirect your mind andgetting out of a negative
(18:59):
thought process and potentiallygoing down a rabbit hole in a
negative way. And you're able tochange the way that you're
thinking through grounding. Andso that's something that I did
today too. I had to go outside,take a deep breath, walk around,
look around, you know, that'swhat I had to do today. I had to
(19:22):
redirect myself so that I canbecome more present and more
focused. Instead of rethinkingand ruminating about what I saw
the school I had to reallyredirect where my thoughts were.
And grounding is something thatI did do today to try to help me
so that I could keep working. Ihad to go back to work after all
(19:43):
of that. So I needed to be ableto focus and so going outside
getting some fresh air, beingable to walk around feel what I
was feeling as far as using mysenses to see to smell to just
take it in and Changing myenvironment helped me to just
become more present. And sosometimes that's all you need to
(20:05):
do. And that that can reallyhelp you to redirect your mind.
But when I say redirect, I don'tmean not deal with the emotion,
I mean, just for that moment tobecome present, so that you can
work through those emotions andthose feelings. So I don't want
to negate actually workingthrough the emotion by
(20:26):
redirecting, I don't think thatthat's healthy, I think you do
need to work through youremotions and work through the
pain that you're feeling. Andunderstanding where the root of
that is, so that you can addressit at the root. And you work
through that using differenttools and using different
mindfulness activities that canhelp you talking to someone else
(20:46):
journaling, all the things Ijust talked about, but also
redirecting you using yoursenses to become more present,
so that you can handle thoseemotions in a more positive way.
And that you can press forwardwith your day and you don't let
all of that hold you down. Andthat's definitely what I was
feeling. I felt stuck. I feltanxious, I felt like I really
(21:11):
almost like was paralyzed. Ialmost felt like I couldn't move
forward with my day. And I hadso much to get done for work. I
had a lot of things I needed todo today after this the school
performance. And so I had towork hard to break through those
emotions and this feelings andthat sadness that I was feeling.
And you know, having now talkedfor the last 23 minutes. And I
(21:35):
hope that you're still here. Ihope this is helping you. I hope
that it's giving youperspective, I hope it's helping
you know that you are not alone,because that's how I feel right
now. I feel like I'm not alone.
Even if I am sitting heretalking to myself, I want to
envision, like I said, I'mtalking to you. feeling these
feelings is not a bad thing.
(21:55):
We're human, we are going tofeel these things. We're going
to experience life in so manydifferent ways. But I think the
most important thing is tryingto understand how you can cope,
how you can handle thosefeelings so that it doesn't
affect you in a negative way.
And that you can be the bestperson you can be for yourself,
for your family, for yourfriends, for your children. And
(22:16):
I really hope that this episodehas helped you. I appreciate you
for being here and listening.
This episode has helped me andlike I said, this is one of the
first episodes I've ever donethat I've never written
anything. I just came straightout with very raw emotional
episode. And it definitelyhelped me a lot. So thank you.
(22:40):
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you so much for beinghere. Thank you for listening.
Thank you for sharing thispodcast. Please leave a comment
drop me a DM at Susan Fink dotRies let me know what you think
about this episode. Let me knowif there's something that I can
do to help you and also pleaseshare this podcast with anyone
that you think that this couldhelp. And as always, I
(23:03):
appreciate I empathize and I'mhere for you. And we can do this
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