July 27, 2021 • 26 mins
If you're anything like me - a naturally negative thinker, a glass half empty thinker, this episode is for you. In this episode, I discuss ways in which I have learned to flip the script from negative to positive thinking.
Who wants to live in the negative all of the time? I certainly don't. It takes a toll on your mental health, your emotional state, decreases motivation and productivity, has a negative impact on your relationships, work life, the list could go on and on. Positive thinking on the other has the opposite affect - things are much more colorful when you're living in the positive and quite frankly, things are much easier to manage throughout life.
In this episode, I unpack my thoughts and experiences around shifting your mindset from negative to positive. Daily practices, intention and ideas to help flip the script including:
- Discussions on hindsight. Let's not live in hindsight, let's life in the present
- Identifying your negative thought while you have it, stop it and replace it with positive thoughts
- Surround yourself with the right people, positive people. This may mean making some changes in your life that are not always easy decisions.
- Consider what you're grateful for and shifting your focus, redirecting your negative thoughts
- How smiling can have a positive impact on your mental state and positive outlook.
For me personally, positivity takes practice. Most people think I am a really positive person; however, what they may not know is positivity takes awareness, intention and lots of practice for me. But...the more you practice, the more naturally you start making the mindset shift to naturally gravitate toward positive thinking first.
I hope this episode helps you. I know this can be challenging for many, especially when going through emotionally challenges of raising children with special needs. It's even more critical for us as special needs parents to be ultra-aware of our mental health, how we are thinking and how we approach situations, which can have a positive or negative impact on those around us, especially our children.
To connect more, please DM me @susanfink.rise. I'm here to help. Remember, you are not alone in your journey. Reach out, there are resources and your people out there to support you.
My mission is to help as many people as I can by sharing my personal stories, insights and mindset perspectives. Please share this podcast to someone you may know who needs to hear it, so that we can continue to help other people through their journey.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Susan Fink (00:09):
Hey, everyone, and welcome to the rise with the
light podcast. My name is SusanFink. And this is my weekly
podcast dedicated to supportingfamilies raising children with
special needs. I'm on a missionto provide hope and positivity
through sharing my personalinsights, stories, mindset
perspectives, and ways tonavigate through this journey.
Let's get started.
(00:43):
Hi, there. And thank you so muchfor joining me today, I just
wanted to quickly take a momentto thank you so much for being
here, I am so grateful thatyou're listening, a big part of
my mission. And the vision Ihave for the reasons why things
have happened to me, is so thatI could help other people. And
for you to be listening rightnow is just so amazing. And I
(01:05):
really hope that the messagesthat I'm putting out the
episodes, sharing my personalexperiences is actually
resonating with you and ishelping you in your life and
helping you get through whatyou're going through. So thank
you so much for being here. Andif these episodes are helping
you please leave a star rating acomment and share this podcast
so that I can also help otherpeople. So thank you again for
(01:27):
being here. Today, I'm going totalk about something that's
really difficult for me, andmaybe this is difficult for you
to do you often find yourselfsitting in the negative, you're
stuck in the negative, you'rethinking negative thoughts all
of the time, that is totally me.
I typically gravitate toward thenegative about most situations,
that is my natural mental state,when something bad is happening
(01:49):
when there's a stressfulsituation when I'm dealing with
adversity, or even when goodthings happen. Right. Sometimes
good things happen. And I stillthink there's something negative
there. I'm always hunting forthat negativity, I'm always
thinking about the negative, I'mstuck in the negative. and it
drives me absolutely crazy. Iknow that this is a big part of
(02:11):
who I am. And I've been workingreally, really hard on trying to
shift that negative thinkingpattern. I'm trying to flip it.
I'm trying to shift it to bemore positive to naturally think
more positively, since Inaturally think negatively. When
somebody asks you, is the glasshalf empty? Or is it half full?
I'm like, yep, it's half empty.
(02:34):
That's me. I'm half emptythinker. Are you a half empty
thinker to it just naturally, Idon't do it on purpose. I feel
like it just is the first placewhere my brain goes. And maybe
it's because I have had a lot ofadversity in my life. I've
shared a lot of that informationwith you and with a lot of other
people. And I do believe thatbeing open about my experiences
(02:56):
can help other people. But Ihave had a lot of negative
things happen in my life. And soI wonder if that's why my brain
is shaped that way. I'm a halfempty thinker. And it totally
sucks. I'm not gonna lie. I donot like feeling like that. I
don't like thinking that way. Soover the years, I have been
working really hard on trying tomake that shift, I really want
(03:17):
to flip that mental script. Forme, I do find that when I think
positively, I feel better,right? I mean, it just is a no
brainer. When you thinknegatively you feel like crap,
you don't feel good. Everythingelse that comes after when you
have that negative thought isnegative, it perpetuates itself.
You put negative thinking outthere, you put negative thoughts
in your brain, it basicallymakes everything gray and
(03:39):
negative. But when you can flipit and you have a positive
thought you have positivethinking everything feels more
colorful, right? I want to be inthat colorful state. Do you want
to be in that colorful state allthe time, or most of the time,
let's say 80% of the time, youwant to be in that colorful
state versus that negative gray,empty state. The other thing
(04:01):
that drives me crazy is thisthing about hindsight, you're
like, oh, what I went through ismade me who I am today, or I
didn't realize that there weregood things that were going to
happen through these difficulttimes. And I find that a lot
when I'm thinking about my son,the challenges that we go
through the very, very difficultmoments that I can think back
on, I get really choked up whenI think about them. Like right
(04:24):
now. Man, there have been andcontinue to be some very
difficult times. But do we haveto be in that difficult time
thinking negatively? Do we haveto say Oh, in hindsight, I
learned so much about myself orOh, in hindsight, there was a
purpose behind this. There is asilver lining in here. focusing
(04:44):
on the negative during thosedifficult times only makes them
more difficult, right. Do youagree with that? How do you
think negative thinking helps ina difficult situation. For me
personally, it doesn't. It'shard for me to be present
sometimes in those difficultmoments. Because my mind is
Racing in the negative, it'shard for me to identify the
blessings in those difficultmoments are the things that I'm
(05:05):
learning the things that I'm myson and I both are learning, the
things that can help us actuallygrow and to find those silver
lining moments within thesedifficult times that it can be
really, really difficult to dodifficult to see difficult to
shift your focus on negativethinking, or why is this
happening? A woe is me thinkingand thought process? Or why
(05:29):
couldn't things be different? Imean, there's so many things
that you can be thinking aboutwhen you're in difficult
situations, or you're goingthrough an episode of being in a
difficult situation with yourchild or even with yourself with
other people at work. I mean,it's all over. Right? It's this
is life. So how do we flip thescript? in our mind? How do we
flip that mental script? How dowe refocus on the good when
(05:49):
we're in difficult situations orin bad situations? How do we
shift our mind from goingdirectly to the negative to
going to the positive, and Ihave to tell you, being a half
empty thinker, being someone whois naturally gravitating toward
the negative to flip that scriptis really difficult. It takes
work, it takes work to see theupside, it takes work to see the
(06:12):
silver lining, it takes work tosee the blessings in those
difficult times. Let's not thinkabout it, in hindsight, let's
think about positive things. Inthose difficult moments in the
present. It would change so manythings in our trajectory of our
lives. If we didn't live inhindsight, if we lived in the
moment if we lived in thepresent. And if we could
(06:33):
identify those positive momentsin the present versus realizing
them in hindsight. But how do wedo that man, it is so difficult,
it takes work, it takes effort,it takes intention, you have to
practice, you have to practiceretraining, your brain
retraining your mind practiceflipping that mental script from
negative to positive, I amtelling you, it is not easy to
(06:55):
not try to be a Debbie Downerhere. I'm just speaking from my
personal experience that thatshifting from a negative thought
process to a positive thoughtprocess and shifting that
natural instinct of going fromnegative to positive is
difficult to do, especially inthe beginning. But you The more
you practice, the easier it doesbecome because you're retraining
your brain, you're almostrewiring your brain to think
(07:17):
positively versus negatively.
Wouldn't that be so amazing? Ifevery situation you've ever run
across at work with family, withyour children, with yourself any
situation positive or negativein the middle? Whatever it is,
you're just thinking positively?
I know there's people out therewho think positively all the
time, and I'm like, Who are you?
(07:40):
How do you do that? I want to belike that. I want to think
positively about everything.
It's just feel so much better.
So how do we do that? Okay, soI've been going on and on about
all of this, let's get into whatare some of the things that we
can do to pivot? What are thethings we can do to pivot from
our negative thinking topositive thinking, the first
(08:00):
thing is actually letting go ofthe negative thinking, I know
that that's really hard to do.
But letting it go realizing thatyou are thinking negatively
being aware of it is so criticalat this point, you know, I heard
something the other day abouthow negative thoughts manifest
in our conscious mind. And ittakes about 25 seconds of a
negative thought or image to gointo our conscious mind. And
(08:23):
then after that affect our moodthat is really fast, 25 seconds.
So we really need to be aware ofhow we're thinking, we need to
realize when we are thinkingnegatively, we have to be so
consciously intentional andaware of where our brain is
going. And when we're in asituation if we're having a
(08:45):
negative thought, or if we'rehaving a negative image about
something, we have to stop itand let it go right away. So one
way to do that is when youidentify that you are having a
negative thought or you have anegative image, just tell
yourself to stop literally say,Stop thinking that way. Say it
in your mind better than sayingit just inside of your brain in
your mind. If you're doing selftalk, it's actually better to
(09:08):
say it out loud. Just say Stop,stop it and let it go. Once you
stop that negative thought ornegative image, flip it,
redirect your thoughts issomething that is positive. So
this again, is takes intention.
So think about three positivethings in that given situation
(09:29):
in that given moment. Andwhatever you're dealing with,
think about three positivethings, even, maybe not even
three. But to start off withmaybe just one, think of one
positive thing, substitute thatnegative thought with a positive
thought.
And if you can do more than onethat's even better, because then
what you'll start to realize isthat Oh, there are positive
things here. And this can bereally challenging for parents
(09:52):
who have special needs childrenwith my son, I have been in very
challenging moments and where Iend up in tears, and I feeling
helpless and hopeless, and it'sjust a lot. But if I can shift
that negative thought and say,I'm here, I'm present, I'm in
the moment with my son, I amavailable for my son, I'm
(10:13):
supporting him right now, thatis a more positive thought than
thinking negatively and feelingsorry for myself, right. So it
doesn't have to be this likegrandiose positive thought, it
can be something just verybasic. If you wake up, and
you're just not feeling thatgreat, you're in a grumpy mood,
you're in a negative mood. Thinkabout something that you're
(10:33):
grateful for, think aboutsomething positive, I'm grateful
for the cup of coffee I have I,I really liked this coffee. I
mean, it can be something sobasic, but it's just a matter of
switching that negative thoughtto a positive thought. And
again, if you can do more thanjust one positive thought that
would be even more helpful. Butyou have to stop that initial
(10:54):
negative thought. And then youhave to replace it with a
positive thought. So be aware,stop and replace, I think a big
thing is that we can't change alot of the outcome of
situations, there's so much thatis out of our control. So when
you realize there's somethingout of your control, I kind of
go back to the Serenity Prayer,right? What are the things that
(11:14):
you can and can't control,identifying the difference,
knowing the difference betweenthe two, and letting things go,
if you have negative thoughtsabout a situation you cannot
control, you can replace thatnegative thought with a positive
thought. And you have to realizethat negative thoughts really
take a toll on your body. It notonly hurts your body,
physically, but also mentallyand emotionally in every single
(11:36):
aspect of your life. So we justhave to stop that negative
thought at the beginning of it.
Once you start ruminating. Andgoing beyond that, it becomes
really difficult to unravel itright. So when you can identify
it, be really aware of it in thebeginning, that will actually
help you be able to flip it muchfaster. So there's a number of
other things you can do tobecome more positive to be a
(11:56):
more positive thinker to be ahalf full thinker versus a half
empty thinker to get unstuckfrom the negative. So some of
this is pretty basic. But forme, it takes a lot of effort. It
takes time intention, practice,it takes effort. And if you're
not willing to put in theeffort, it's gonna be hard to
(12:16):
change from a negative thinkingto positive thinking, it's gonna
be harder to flip the script. Sothat's why I keep harping on
this. It takes practice, ittakes effort, it takes
intention, especially if you'reanything like me. And that is
your natural process of thinkingis negative thinking. It takes
time and energy, and it takescommitment to actually
practicing this. So I hope thatyou will take that time for
(12:41):
yourself because it is so muchbetter to live in the positive
and the negative. And even justsaying, Hey, I'm going to switch
my thinking to be more positive,just saying that it won't
happen. You can't just sayyou're going to be more positive
and think that it's going tohappen naturally, if you're
anything like me. So it doestake intention, it takes
awareness, it takes practice, ittakes effort. So here are some
(13:04):
other things that you can domake time for positivity, make
time in your schedule to dosomething that makes you happy.
And this was really hard for me,especially being a single
parent, especially having achild who's autistic and has
needs and I am all there forhim. So because I work full time
and being a single parent andhaving my son and the needs that
(13:27):
he has all of those thingsreally came first. So it was
really hard for me to find timeto do something positive for
myself, that makes me happy. Soit took me some time to really
try to carve out that time, ittook me time to realize like, I
needed to do something formyself, because I was just so
negative, I was just not happy.
(13:48):
And I felt so unfulfilled. So Iwas able to find some time. And
even if it's just for 10minutes, even if it's just
starting out small, taking timeto do something positive for
yourself, or do something thatmakes you happy, can really
shift the way that you think inthe way that you feel. You can
also picture something thatyou're happy about or you're
(14:10):
grateful for. So say you'resitting at work and you're just
in a stressful situationin your mind or maybe even
looking at a photo or something,you can actually shift your
negative thought process ornegative state to something more
positive just by looking atsomething that is making you
happy that brings positivememories that makes you feel
good. I often open my phone andgo to my photos and look at the
(14:33):
photos of my son and I and thethings that we did like over the
past weekend or over theprevious day and just looking at
those photos. It just makes mesmile. It makes me so happy to
see him happy and having fun. Itmakes me so happy and grateful
to see us together and that wecan spend quality time together
and that we have a greatrelationship and that we're so
(14:56):
close and you I just love him somuch. So when I'm in a negative
state of mind, I often gravitatetoward those photos, and it
makes me feel better. But again,that kind of takes practice, if
you're not used to doing that,it's not something that you do
or comes naturally, things justtake time and take energy. And
it takes practice. But that'sanother thing you can do. So
(15:19):
make time for something positivein your life, do something that
makes you happy, and that'sfulfilling for you. And look at
some photos that make you happy.
look at pictures, or imagine itin your mind, if you have
something coming up in thefuture, imagine it and realize
that it's gonna be so much fun.
Another thing is, you may haveto change the people around you.
(15:40):
Another thing you can do issurround yourself with people
who are positive, if yousurround yourself with people,
or have people in your life whoare negative, who think
negatively or just are toxic. Ifyou're in a toxic work
environment, right? If you're ina toxic relationship, if you
have toxic friends or negativepeople around you, how do you
(16:00):
think you're going to feelyou're gonna feel toxic, you're
gonna feel negative, right?
Identify positive people in yourlife and spend more time with
those people. That may meanchanging your relationships that
may mean letting go of peopleout of your life, or just making
a shift, you don't have to tellthem like, Hey, I'm not gonna
hang out with you anymore, butmaybe just gradually shifting
(16:23):
and spending time with otherpeople. And I personally had to
do that I have had to let go ofpeople out of my life, because
they were not really positivepeople, they didn't bring joy
into my life, it was just atoxic situation, I had to do
that with work, I had to leavetoxic work environments, places
that were just negative and mademe feel worse, I had to make
(16:44):
those changes. And sometimesthey're not easy. And I'm not
saying this lightly. Sometimesit's not easy to change the
people around you to change yourwork environment. But I think
identifying the things that youhave control over, you have
control over a lot more than youmay think. So identify what you
actually have control over andmaking those changes. And it
(17:05):
doesn't have to be overnight.
Like I said, it could begradual, so surround yourself
with people and environmentsthat are positive, you have a
lot of choices here, and youhave more control. Other ways to
shift your brain from negativethinking to positive thinking is
actually writing things down.
Even just for a few minutes,write about something that is
good in your life. Write aboutsomething that you're grateful
(17:26):
for the gratitude list. I'veprobably harped on this so much
throughout the episodes here.
But gratitude and writing itdown being grateful for
something even if it's like thesimplest thing, like I said
earlier about the coffee, right?
It can be something so, sosimple. It doesn't have to be
this like magical gratitude listof all these amazing things that
(17:46):
you're grateful for. It doesn'thave to be that way. So
sometimes that gets in the wayof people actually practicing
gratitude, you could just begrateful for feeling the wind in
your face, right, you can begrateful for looking up at the
sun and feeling the sun againstyour skin and the warmth. There
are so many studies that go intoeven just writing for a few
minutes, what you're gratefulfor what you're happy about can
(18:10):
really change the way that youthink. And I do this in the
morning, usually, because when Iwake up, I'm not always in a
positive state of mind. Like Isaid, it takes a lot of practice
for me, I'm a naturally negativethinker. And I'm not afraid to
admit it, because I think thismay help other people. But I'm
usually negative. And I think alot of people are like, why are
(18:31):
you really positive person, it'slike, that takes a lot of effort
for me. I do feel like I am apositive person. But it's not
because it comes naturally. It'sbecause I work really hard at
it. So I started a gratitude jarwith my son, I got this great
idea from another friend ofmine. And when we're at dinner,
we actually write down and talkabout things that we're grateful
(18:53):
for. And we put that in a jar.
When I asked my son, how do youfeel after you tell me what
you're grateful for? He said, Ifeel happy. I mean, he's seven.
He's not lying. Right? kids saywhat's on their mind. And in our
Ron, I wish more of us werelike that. But it just goes to
show that if you focus ongratitude, you will be here. I
(19:17):
mean, and it's not difficult todo, right? If you think
fundamentally, oh, I can justwrite down three things that I'm
grateful for every day. It kindof is hard. It's kind of it's
harder. If you're a negativethinker, like me, I'm like, Oh,
I gotta write what I'm gratefulfor. Like, this is not natural
for me. But the more I starteddoing it, the more it became
(19:39):
easier for me to really identifythings I'm grateful for. And
sometimes those things are thesame from the previous day
because I'm like, I don't knowwhat else I have a hard time
sometimes finding thatgratitude. I have a hard time
sometimes identifying what thegratitude is, but once I do it,
I feel so much better. So that'ssuch an easy thing to do. It's
free, right? It's such an easything to do to write down what
(20:02):
you're grateful for just for afew minutes, it can really
change your mood, it can reallychange the way that you're
thinking. And the last thingI'll mention is smile. Even if
you have to fake a smile, whenyou actually smile, your brain
releases endorphins, your bodyreleases endorphins in your
brain. And those endorphinsactually are responsible for
(20:25):
helping you feel good. It alsohelps you lower your stress
level. So happiness andpositivity can actually be
projected by your own physicalactions. So it doesn't
necessarily just start and endin the mind, in the way that
you're thinking it can actuallycome from your physical actions
like smiling or laughing. Iactually noticed this more
(20:46):
recently, because when I'mplaying with my son, and we're
together, we're having a funtime, I am smiling mostly, and I
feel so much better. I'm smilingright now, this topic is really
hard for me, but actually canfeel something shift in my
brain, I can feel it, I'm soaware of what is going on in my
body that I can actually feel ashift. So smile more often, even
(21:08):
if you have to pretend to smile,just smile. And that will
actually help your brain from ascientific biological level with
endorphins, it can actually helpyour brain make that shift. So I
know I've gone on about allthese different ways that you
can actually shift your brainfrom being negative to positive.
And I do want to mention that, Iknow that there are very
(21:31):
difficult times that you may begoing through as a single
parent, as a single parent withan autistic child, going through
my divorce when I was eightmonths pregnant, dealing with
brain surgery, dealing withcancer, dealing with so many
things in my life, I have beenvery open about all of that,
because I do want people torealize that you can get through
(21:52):
those things. But I also wantpeople to know that you can get
through these difficult times ina more positive way, and
changing the way that you thinkand flipping your mental script.
I know that it can be reallyhard and hard times can actually
often be blessings in disguise.
(22:14):
And I absolutely believe in thatI have seen that in my life, I
have been able to identify theblessings in hindsight about
difficult situations. But I wishI didn't have to see the
blessings in hindsight yearslater, see the blessings and see
the positivity, see the silverlining. See that in the moment.
And it takes practice and timeand intention and work to
(22:38):
actually do that in the moment,at least for me, I know it can
be really hard. I know it can bechallenging. But if we can make
this shift, if you can be awareof your negative thoughts, if
you can stop it from thebeginning. If you can replace it
with something positive, if youcan practice all the things that
I just mentioned, I think youmay find that you start to see
(23:00):
things in a more colorful way,in a more positive way than in a
negative way. And I am proofthat it is possible. The amount
of adversity have gone throughmy life, the challenges that
I've seen, it has not been easy.
I'm not gonna lie. I wish I hadthese tools. And I wish I was
more present and available formyself and my thoughts to be
able to make changes. But beforeLike I said, I don't want to
(23:25):
live in hindsight, I want tolive in the now I want to be
positive. Now. I don't want tobe positive about something
234 510 years later, does thisresonate with you? Are you with
me here to my talking to mypeople, my talking to my
negative people and my negativethinkers out there.
I hope that this has helped youbecause I know that a lot of
(23:47):
these things that I'm tellingyou right now from a personal
experience have helped me makeso many shifts in my mental
state in my emotional state, andhas changed so much about myself
and my relationship to otherpeople my relationship with my
son My relationship with work,my relationship to just
everything in my life. Andagain, I don't wake up positive,
(24:10):
but I make a conscious effort toshift the way that I think I
make a conscious effort, anintentional effort to focus on
the positive and I really reallyhope that this episode resonates
with you and that this episodehas helped you so that's it. If
you can relate to this pleasefollow this podcast so that you
(24:31):
don't miss another episode andalso share this if you know a
negative thinker shared thiswith someone even if they're not
a parent with special needschildren I This podcast was
started to support special needsparents and parents who have
autistic children. But what I'mfinding is that as I'm talking
about these different topics, itactually resonates with a lot of
other people just dealing withlife dealing with difficult
(24:52):
times. So if you know someonewho has a negative thinker,
please share this podcast withthem to help them or just give
them some thought right food forthought. I'm not saying you have
to do all of these things, I'mnot making you do anything. I'm
just sharing what has helped mein my personal experience. So I
am a mindset in life coach, DMme at Susan Fink dot rise. Or
you can also check out mywebsite rise mindset.com to
(25:14):
connect and I want you toremember every single time after
this these episodes, I want youto remember that you are not
alone. A lot of times when weare in difficult moments when
when we are dealing withchallenges sometimes it does
feel very lonely and I totallyget that I have been alone for
so many challenges in my life.
So you are not alone. Stayconnected, reach out there are
(25:35):
solutions out there for you.
There are other people that youcan lean on so that you do not
have to go through anythingalone. So my mission is to help
as many people as possible and Icannot do that without you. So
thank you. Thank you. Thank youso much for listening. I'm so
grateful for you. And thank youfor your support and sharing
this podcast to help others anduntil next time, I appreciate I
(25:59):
empathize and I am here for you.
Hey, everyone, and welcome to the rise with the
light podcast. My name is SusanFink. And this is my weekly
podcast dedicated to supportingfamilies raising children with
special needs. I'm on a missionto provide hope and positivity
through sharing my personalinsights, stories, mindset
perspectives, and ways tonavigate through this journey.
Let's get started.
(00:43):
Hi, there. And thank you so muchfor joining me today, I just
wanted to quickly take a momentto thank you so much for being
here, I am so grateful thatyou're listening, a big part of
my mission. And the vision Ihave for the reasons why things
have happened to me, is so thatI could help other people. And
for you to be listening rightnow is just so amazing. And I
(01:05):
really hope that the messagesthat I'm putting out the
episodes, sharing my personalexperiences is actually
resonating with you and ishelping you in your life and
helping you get through whatyou're going through. So thank
you so much for being here. Andif these episodes are helping
you please leave a star rating acomment and share this podcast
so that I can also help otherpeople. So thank you again for
(01:27):
being here. Today, I'm going totalk about something that's
really difficult for me, andmaybe this is difficult for you
to do you often find yourselfsitting in the negative, you're
stuck in the negative, you'rethinking negative thoughts all
of the time, that is totally me.
I typically gravitate toward thenegative about most situations,
that is my natural mental state,when something bad is happening
(01:49):
when there's a stressfulsituation when I'm dealing with
adversity, or even when goodthings happen. Right. Sometimes
good things happen. And I stillthink there's something negative
there. I'm always hunting forthat negativity, I'm always
thinking about the negative, I'mstuck in the negative. and it
drives me absolutely crazy. Iknow that this is a big part of
(02:11):
who I am. And I've been workingreally, really hard on trying to
shift that negative thinkingpattern. I'm trying to flip it.
I'm trying to shift it to bemore positive to naturally think
more positively, since Inaturally think negatively. When
somebody asks you, is the glasshalf empty? Or is it half full?
I'm like, yep, it's half empty.
(02:34):
That's me. I'm half emptythinker. Are you a half empty
thinker to it just naturally, Idon't do it on purpose. I feel
like it just is the first placewhere my brain goes. And maybe
it's because I have had a lot ofadversity in my life. I've
shared a lot of that informationwith you and with a lot of other
people. And I do believe thatbeing open about my experiences
(02:56):
can help other people. But Ihave had a lot of negative
things happen in my life. And soI wonder if that's why my brain
is shaped that way. I'm a halfempty thinker. And it totally
sucks. I'm not gonna lie. I donot like feeling like that. I
don't like thinking that way. Soover the years, I have been
working really hard on trying tomake that shift, I really want
(03:17):
to flip that mental script. Forme, I do find that when I think
positively, I feel better,right? I mean, it just is a no
brainer. When you thinknegatively you feel like crap,
you don't feel good. Everythingelse that comes after when you
have that negative thought isnegative, it perpetuates itself.
You put negative thinking outthere, you put negative thoughts
in your brain, it basicallymakes everything gray and
(03:39):
negative. But when you can flipit and you have a positive
thought you have positivethinking everything feels more
colorful, right? I want to be inthat colorful state. Do you want
to be in that colorful state allthe time, or most of the time,
let's say 80% of the time, youwant to be in that colorful
state versus that negative gray,empty state. The other thing
(04:01):
that drives me crazy is thisthing about hindsight, you're
like, oh, what I went through ismade me who I am today, or I
didn't realize that there weregood things that were going to
happen through these difficulttimes. And I find that a lot
when I'm thinking about my son,the challenges that we go
through the very, very difficultmoments that I can think back
on, I get really choked up whenI think about them. Like right
(04:24):
now. Man, there have been andcontinue to be some very
difficult times. But do we haveto be in that difficult time
thinking negatively? Do we haveto say Oh, in hindsight, I
learned so much about myself orOh, in hindsight, there was a
purpose behind this. There is asilver lining in here. focusing
(04:44):
on the negative during thosedifficult times only makes them
more difficult, right. Do youagree with that? How do you
think negative thinking helps ina difficult situation. For me
personally, it doesn't. It'shard for me to be present
sometimes in those difficultmoments. Because my mind is
Racing in the negative, it'shard for me to identify the
blessings in those difficultmoments are the things that I'm
(05:05):
learning the things that I'm myson and I both are learning, the
things that can help us actuallygrow and to find those silver
lining moments within thesedifficult times that it can be
really, really difficult to dodifficult to see difficult to
shift your focus on negativethinking, or why is this
happening? A woe is me thinkingand thought process? Or why
(05:29):
couldn't things be different? Imean, there's so many things
that you can be thinking aboutwhen you're in difficult
situations, or you're goingthrough an episode of being in a
difficult situation with yourchild or even with yourself with
other people at work. I mean,it's all over. Right? It's this
is life. So how do we flip thescript? in our mind? How do we
flip that mental script? How dowe refocus on the good when
(05:49):
we're in difficult situations orin bad situations? How do we
shift our mind from goingdirectly to the negative to
going to the positive, and Ihave to tell you, being a half
empty thinker, being someone whois naturally gravitating toward
the negative to flip that scriptis really difficult. It takes
work, it takes work to see theupside, it takes work to see the
(06:12):
silver lining, it takes work tosee the blessings in those
difficult times. Let's not thinkabout it, in hindsight, let's
think about positive things. Inthose difficult moments in the
present. It would change so manythings in our trajectory of our
lives. If we didn't live inhindsight, if we lived in the
moment if we lived in thepresent. And if we could
(06:33):
identify those positive momentsin the present versus realizing
them in hindsight. But how do wedo that man, it is so difficult,
it takes work, it takes effort,it takes intention, you have to
practice, you have to practiceretraining, your brain
retraining your mind practiceflipping that mental script from
negative to positive, I amtelling you, it is not easy to
(06:55):
not try to be a Debbie Downerhere. I'm just speaking from my
personal experience that thatshifting from a negative thought
process to a positive thoughtprocess and shifting that
natural instinct of going fromnegative to positive is
difficult to do, especially inthe beginning. But you The more
you practice, the easier it doesbecome because you're retraining
your brain, you're almostrewiring your brain to think
(07:17):
positively versus negatively.
Wouldn't that be so amazing? Ifevery situation you've ever run
across at work with family, withyour children, with yourself any
situation positive or negativein the middle? Whatever it is,
you're just thinking positively?
I know there's people out therewho think positively all the
time, and I'm like, Who are you?
(07:40):
How do you do that? I want to belike that. I want to think
positively about everything.
It's just feel so much better.
So how do we do that? Okay, soI've been going on and on about
all of this, let's get into whatare some of the things that we
can do to pivot? What are thethings we can do to pivot from
our negative thinking topositive thinking, the first
(08:00):
thing is actually letting go ofthe negative thinking, I know
that that's really hard to do.
But letting it go realizing thatyou are thinking negatively
being aware of it is so criticalat this point, you know, I heard
something the other day abouthow negative thoughts manifest
in our conscious mind. And ittakes about 25 seconds of a
negative thought or image to gointo our conscious mind. And
(08:23):
then after that affect our moodthat is really fast, 25 seconds.
So we really need to be aware ofhow we're thinking, we need to
realize when we are thinkingnegatively, we have to be so
consciously intentional andaware of where our brain is
going. And when we're in asituation if we're having a
(08:45):
negative thought, or if we'rehaving a negative image about
something, we have to stop itand let it go right away. So one
way to do that is when youidentify that you are having a
negative thought or you have anegative image, just tell
yourself to stop literally say,Stop thinking that way. Say it
in your mind better than sayingit just inside of your brain in
your mind. If you're doing selftalk, it's actually better to
(09:08):
say it out loud. Just say Stop,stop it and let it go. Once you
stop that negative thought ornegative image, flip it,
redirect your thoughts issomething that is positive. So
this again, is takes intention.
So think about three positivethings in that given situation
(09:29):
in that given moment. Andwhatever you're dealing with,
think about three positivethings, even, maybe not even
three. But to start off withmaybe just one, think of one
positive thing, substitute thatnegative thought with a positive
thought.
And if you can do more than onethat's even better, because then
what you'll start to realize isthat Oh, there are positive
things here. And this can bereally challenging for parents
(09:52):
who have special needs childrenwith my son, I have been in very
challenging moments and where Iend up in tears, and I feeling
helpless and hopeless, and it'sjust a lot. But if I can shift
that negative thought and say,I'm here, I'm present, I'm in
the moment with my son, I amavailable for my son, I'm
(10:13):
supporting him right now, thatis a more positive thought than
thinking negatively and feelingsorry for myself, right. So it
doesn't have to be this likegrandiose positive thought, it
can be something just verybasic. If you wake up, and
you're just not feeling thatgreat, you're in a grumpy mood,
you're in a negative mood. Thinkabout something that you're
(10:33):
grateful for, think aboutsomething positive, I'm grateful
for the cup of coffee I have I,I really liked this coffee. I
mean, it can be something sobasic, but it's just a matter of
switching that negative thoughtto a positive thought. And
again, if you can do more thanjust one positive thought that
would be even more helpful. Butyou have to stop that initial
(10:54):
negative thought. And then youhave to replace it with a
positive thought. So be aware,stop and replace, I think a big
thing is that we can't change alot of the outcome of
situations, there's so much thatis out of our control. So when
you realize there's somethingout of your control, I kind of
go back to the Serenity Prayer,right? What are the things that
(11:14):
you can and can't control,identifying the difference,
knowing the difference betweenthe two, and letting things go,
if you have negative thoughtsabout a situation you cannot
control, you can replace thatnegative thought with a positive
thought. And you have to realizethat negative thoughts really
take a toll on your body. It notonly hurts your body,
physically, but also mentallyand emotionally in every single
(11:36):
aspect of your life. So we justhave to stop that negative
thought at the beginning of it.
Once you start ruminating. Andgoing beyond that, it becomes
really difficult to unravel itright. So when you can identify
it, be really aware of it in thebeginning, that will actually
help you be able to flip it muchfaster. So there's a number of
other things you can do tobecome more positive to be a
(11:56):
more positive thinker to be ahalf full thinker versus a half
empty thinker to get unstuckfrom the negative. So some of
this is pretty basic. But forme, it takes a lot of effort. It
takes time intention, practice,it takes effort. And if you're
not willing to put in theeffort, it's gonna be hard to
(12:16):
change from a negative thinkingto positive thinking, it's gonna
be harder to flip the script. Sothat's why I keep harping on
this. It takes practice, ittakes effort, it takes
intention, especially if you'reanything like me. And that is
your natural process of thinkingis negative thinking. It takes
time and energy, and it takescommitment to actually
practicing this. So I hope thatyou will take that time for
(12:41):
yourself because it is so muchbetter to live in the positive
and the negative. And even justsaying, Hey, I'm going to switch
my thinking to be more positive,just saying that it won't
happen. You can't just sayyou're going to be more positive
and think that it's going tohappen naturally, if you're
anything like me. So it doestake intention, it takes
awareness, it takes practice, ittakes effort. So here are some
(13:04):
other things that you can domake time for positivity, make
time in your schedule to dosomething that makes you happy.
And this was really hard for me,especially being a single
parent, especially having achild who's autistic and has
needs and I am all there forhim. So because I work full time
and being a single parent andhaving my son and the needs that
(13:27):
he has all of those thingsreally came first. So it was
really hard for me to find timeto do something positive for
myself, that makes me happy. Soit took me some time to really
try to carve out that time, ittook me time to realize like, I
needed to do something formyself, because I was just so
negative, I was just not happy.
(13:48):
And I felt so unfulfilled. So Iwas able to find some time. And
even if it's just for 10minutes, even if it's just
starting out small, taking timeto do something positive for
yourself, or do something thatmakes you happy, can really
shift the way that you think inthe way that you feel. You can
also picture something thatyou're happy about or you're
(14:10):
grateful for. So say you'resitting at work and you're just
in a stressful situationin your mind or maybe even
looking at a photo or something,you can actually shift your
negative thought process ornegative state to something more
positive just by looking atsomething that is making you
happy that brings positivememories that makes you feel
good. I often open my phone andgo to my photos and look at the
(14:33):
photos of my son and I and thethings that we did like over the
past weekend or over theprevious day and just looking at
those photos. It just makes mesmile. It makes me so happy to
see him happy and having fun. Itmakes me so happy and grateful
to see us together and that wecan spend quality time together
and that we have a greatrelationship and that we're so
(14:56):
close and you I just love him somuch. So when I'm in a negative
state of mind, I often gravitatetoward those photos, and it
makes me feel better. But again,that kind of takes practice, if
you're not used to doing that,it's not something that you do
or comes naturally, things justtake time and take energy. And
it takes practice. But that'sanother thing you can do. So
(15:19):
make time for something positivein your life, do something that
makes you happy, and that'sfulfilling for you. And look at
some photos that make you happy.
look at pictures, or imagine itin your mind, if you have
something coming up in thefuture, imagine it and realize
that it's gonna be so much fun.
Another thing is, you may haveto change the people around you.
(15:40):
Another thing you can do issurround yourself with people
who are positive, if yousurround yourself with people,
or have people in your life whoare negative, who think
negatively or just are toxic. Ifyou're in a toxic work
environment, right? If you're ina toxic relationship, if you
have toxic friends or negativepeople around you, how do you
(16:00):
think you're going to feelyou're gonna feel toxic, you're
gonna feel negative, right?
Identify positive people in yourlife and spend more time with
those people. That may meanchanging your relationships that
may mean letting go of peopleout of your life, or just making
a shift, you don't have to tellthem like, Hey, I'm not gonna
hang out with you anymore, butmaybe just gradually shifting
(16:23):
and spending time with otherpeople. And I personally had to
do that I have had to let go ofpeople out of my life, because
they were not really positivepeople, they didn't bring joy
into my life, it was just atoxic situation, I had to do
that with work, I had to leavetoxic work environments, places
that were just negative and mademe feel worse, I had to make
(16:44):
those changes. And sometimesthey're not easy. And I'm not
saying this lightly. Sometimesit's not easy to change the
people around you to change yourwork environment. But I think
identifying the things that youhave control over, you have
control over a lot more than youmay think. So identify what you
actually have control over andmaking those changes. And it
(17:05):
doesn't have to be overnight.
Like I said, it could begradual, so surround yourself
with people and environmentsthat are positive, you have a
lot of choices here, and youhave more control. Other ways to
shift your brain from negativethinking to positive thinking is
actually writing things down.
Even just for a few minutes,write about something that is
good in your life. Write aboutsomething that you're grateful
(17:26):
for the gratitude list. I'veprobably harped on this so much
throughout the episodes here.
But gratitude and writing itdown being grateful for
something even if it's like thesimplest thing, like I said
earlier about the coffee, right?
It can be something so, sosimple. It doesn't have to be
this like magical gratitude listof all these amazing things that
(17:46):
you're grateful for. It doesn'thave to be that way. So
sometimes that gets in the wayof people actually practicing
gratitude, you could just begrateful for feeling the wind in
your face, right, you can begrateful for looking up at the
sun and feeling the sun againstyour skin and the warmth. There
are so many studies that go intoeven just writing for a few
minutes, what you're gratefulfor what you're happy about can
(18:10):
really change the way that youthink. And I do this in the
morning, usually, because when Iwake up, I'm not always in a
positive state of mind. Like Isaid, it takes a lot of practice
for me, I'm a naturally negativethinker. And I'm not afraid to
admit it, because I think thismay help other people. But I'm
usually negative. And I think alot of people are like, why are
(18:31):
you really positive person, it'slike, that takes a lot of effort
for me. I do feel like I am apositive person. But it's not
because it comes naturally. It'sbecause I work really hard at
it. So I started a gratitude jarwith my son, I got this great
idea from another friend ofmine. And when we're at dinner,
we actually write down and talkabout things that we're grateful
(18:53):
for. And we put that in a jar.
When I asked my son, how do youfeel after you tell me what
you're grateful for? He said, Ifeel happy. I mean, he's seven.
He's not lying. Right? kids saywhat's on their mind. And in our
Ron, I wish more of us werelike that. But it just goes to
show that if you focus ongratitude, you will be here. I
(19:17):
mean, and it's not difficult todo, right? If you think
fundamentally, oh, I can justwrite down three things that I'm
grateful for every day. It kindof is hard. It's kind of it's
harder. If you're a negativethinker, like me, I'm like, Oh,
I gotta write what I'm gratefulfor. Like, this is not natural
for me. But the more I starteddoing it, the more it became
(19:39):
easier for me to really identifythings I'm grateful for. And
sometimes those things are thesame from the previous day
because I'm like, I don't knowwhat else I have a hard time
sometimes finding thatgratitude. I have a hard time
sometimes identifying what thegratitude is, but once I do it,
I feel so much better. So that'ssuch an easy thing to do. It's
free, right? It's such an easything to do to write down what
(20:02):
you're grateful for just for afew minutes, it can really
change your mood, it can reallychange the way that you're
thinking. And the last thingI'll mention is smile. Even if
you have to fake a smile, whenyou actually smile, your brain
releases endorphins, your bodyreleases endorphins in your
brain. And those endorphinsactually are responsible for
(20:25):
helping you feel good. It alsohelps you lower your stress
level. So happiness andpositivity can actually be
projected by your own physicalactions. So it doesn't
necessarily just start and endin the mind, in the way that
you're thinking it can actuallycome from your physical actions
like smiling or laughing. Iactually noticed this more
(20:46):
recently, because when I'mplaying with my son, and we're
together, we're having a funtime, I am smiling mostly, and I
feel so much better. I'm smilingright now, this topic is really
hard for me, but actually canfeel something shift in my
brain, I can feel it, I'm soaware of what is going on in my
body that I can actually feel ashift. So smile more often, even
(21:08):
if you have to pretend to smile,just smile. And that will
actually help your brain from ascientific biological level with
endorphins, it can actually helpyour brain make that shift. So I
know I've gone on about allthese different ways that you
can actually shift your brainfrom being negative to positive.
And I do want to mention that, Iknow that there are very
(21:31):
difficult times that you may begoing through as a single
parent, as a single parent withan autistic child, going through
my divorce when I was eightmonths pregnant, dealing with
brain surgery, dealing withcancer, dealing with so many
things in my life, I have beenvery open about all of that,
because I do want people torealize that you can get through
(21:52):
those things. But I also wantpeople to know that you can get
through these difficult times ina more positive way, and
changing the way that you thinkand flipping your mental script.
I know that it can be reallyhard and hard times can actually
often be blessings in disguise.
(22:14):
And I absolutely believe in thatI have seen that in my life, I
have been able to identify theblessings in hindsight about
difficult situations. But I wishI didn't have to see the
blessings in hindsight yearslater, see the blessings and see
the positivity, see the silverlining. See that in the moment.
And it takes practice and timeand intention and work to
(22:38):
actually do that in the moment,at least for me, I know it can
be really hard. I know it can bechallenging. But if we can make
this shift, if you can be awareof your negative thoughts, if
you can stop it from thebeginning. If you can replace it
with something positive, if youcan practice all the things that
I just mentioned, I think youmay find that you start to see
(23:00):
things in a more colorful way,in a more positive way than in a
negative way. And I am proofthat it is possible. The amount
of adversity have gone throughmy life, the challenges that
I've seen, it has not been easy.
I'm not gonna lie. I wish I hadthese tools. And I wish I was
more present and available formyself and my thoughts to be
able to make changes. But beforeLike I said, I don't want to
(23:25):
live in hindsight, I want tolive in the now I want to be
positive. Now. I don't want tobe positive about something
234 510 years later, does thisresonate with you? Are you with
me here to my talking to mypeople, my talking to my
negative people and my negativethinkers out there.
I hope that this has helped youbecause I know that a lot of
(23:47):
these things that I'm tellingyou right now from a personal
experience have helped me makeso many shifts in my mental
state in my emotional state, andhas changed so much about myself
and my relationship to otherpeople my relationship with my
son My relationship with work,my relationship to just
everything in my life. Andagain, I don't wake up positive,
(24:10):
but I make a conscious effort toshift the way that I think I
make a conscious effort, anintentional effort to focus on
the positive and I really reallyhope that this episode resonates
with you and that this episodehas helped you so that's it. If
you can relate to this pleasefollow this podcast so that you
(24:31):
don't miss another episode andalso share this if you know a
negative thinker shared thiswith someone even if they're not
a parent with special needschildren I This podcast was
started to support special needsparents and parents who have
autistic children. But what I'mfinding is that as I'm talking
about these different topics, itactually resonates with a lot of
other people just dealing withlife dealing with difficult
(24:52):
times. So if you know someonewho has a negative thinker,
please share this podcast withthem to help them or just give
them some thought right food forthought. I'm not saying you have
to do all of these things, I'mnot making you do anything. I'm
just sharing what has helped mein my personal experience. So I
am a mindset in life coach, DMme at Susan Fink dot rise. Or
you can also check out mywebsite rise mindset.com to
(25:14):
connect and I want you toremember every single time after
this these episodes, I want youto remember that you are not
alone. A lot of times when weare in difficult moments when
when we are dealing withchallenges sometimes it does
feel very lonely and I totallyget that I have been alone for
so many challenges in my life.
So you are not alone. Stayconnected, reach out there are
(25:35):
solutions out there for you.
There are other people that youcan lean on so that you do not
have to go through anythingalone. So my mission is to help
as many people as possible and Icannot do that without you. So
thank you. Thank you. Thank youso much for listening. I'm so
grateful for you. And thank youfor your support and sharing
this podcast to help others anduntil next time, I appreciate I
(25:59):
empathize and I am here for you.
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