Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:09):
Hey everyone, and welcome to therise with the light podcast. My
name is Susan Fink and this ismy weekly podcast dedicated to
supporting families raisingchildren with special needs. I'm
on a mission to provide hope andpositivity through sharing my
personal insights, stories,mindset perspectives, and ways
to navigate through thisjourney. Let's get started.
(00:47):
everyone, and thank you so muchfor joining me today, I want to
take a moment just to thank youso much for listening. And for
tuning in, I have had a lot ofchanges that have happened over
the last six months. And as asingle parent raising an
autistic child and working fulltime, it has been challenging
for me to remain consistent withpublishing content on this
(01:08):
podcast as frequently as I wouldlike to. And there have been a
lot of transitions in my lifethat have happened that just I
that have had to take priority.
So I just want to thank you fortuning in. Thank you for
listening. Thank you fortrusting me with your time. And
I really hope that theseepisodes are helping you.
Because ultimately, that is mymission. My mission is to help
(01:30):
parents help people get throughwhat they're going through, help
them make mindset shifts, helpthem with a different
perspective, through sharing thestories that I have, they're
sharing my experience of thethings that I have learned that
have worked really well for me.
So I just really hope that thishelps you. And I just appreciate
you so much for listening. Andif you haven't already done so
(01:52):
please make sure that you followthis podcast so that you don't
miss another episode, becausethere will be more episodes in
2022. And if you feel likethere's anything that can help
other people, please share thepodcast, please share episodes
with others, so that we can helpmore people. So I won't spend
any more time on that. Thank youagain, so much for your support.
(02:13):
Thank you for listening. Andlet's jump right into this topic
of impermanence. So this conceptof impermanence is not really
anything new. But the worditself has been something that's
new to me. And something thatI've been studying and have been
meditating on for a while now.
And it's funny that theintroduction of this podcast was
(02:34):
all about making transitions andhaving transitions in my life
that have prohibited me frombeing able to contribute more to
this podcast. And that isexactly what impermanence is all
about. This also becomes reallyimportant as it relates to
raising children with specialneeds. And I'll get more into
(02:54):
that in a little bit. But let'slevel set exactly what
impermanence means. Soimpermanence on a fundamental
level is basically things thatare lasting for a limited period
of time, it's finite, it willend it will change. Other words
that are related to the wordimpermanence, is temporary
(03:15):
transition. So it basicallymeans that things are in
constant change, that thingswill change over time that
simply put, nothing ispermanent. So I want that to
settle in for a second. Becausethis whole concept has been a
(03:35):
huge shift in my mindset, andthe way that I think about a lot
of things. And it has adjustedthe way that I approach
different situations and how Ihandle different situations,
whether that's at work or withrelationships, or with my son,
or different situations that Irun into in life. So overall,
impermanence is a way ofthinking, it's an level of
(03:58):
understanding that things willnot always be this way, things
are not permanent. So this isalso kind of a tough one for me
personally, on one hand, thishelps me lead into a positive
state of mind, where if I'mstuck in a situation that is
negative, I realize that this isnot permanent, I can move
(04:21):
forward, things will change. Buton the other hand, when it's
something that is really fun andexciting, and is a situation
where I want to kind of settleback and live in that also will
change. So it's almost likeliving in the state of mind that
things are going to change thatany given moment that any given
(04:43):
situation, whether positive ornegative, will change and will
not be permanent and will not beforever. So how does that feel
for you? For me, it was reallyuncomfortable to shift this
mindset that I had to reallysettle in, in in permanence, and
(05:05):
basically changed the way I wasthinking about so many things.
And I'll give you examples ofhow this really has helped me,
especially as a parent with anautistic son, a special needs
parent. This has really helpedme so much in focusing on
impermanence. And it has alsohelped me like I said, in a lot
(05:25):
of other areas of my life, andpracticing and understanding
impermanence, and incorporatingit into my life in the way that
I think has really helped me tobe more successful at letting
things go. And helping me pressthrough different challenges. So
as far as letting things go,when something happens, and I
(05:47):
get upset, or it stirs a certainnegative emotion, if I can
settle back in realizing thatthings are impermanent, that
this will not last forever, itactually changes the way that I
think about a situation andgives me hope, and gives me kind
of like this light at the end ofthe tunnel that this will pass,
that this is impermanent, andthings will not be this way
(06:10):
forever. And it helps menavigate through being able to
let go a lot easier. So thatalso helps me press forward
through different challenges. SoI'm faced with a challenge I'm
faced with the situation. If I'mrealizing that that challenge is
not permanent, it's somethingthat will not last forever. And
having that mindset andremembering and living in that
(06:33):
impermanence helps me pushthrough even faster, push
through a challenge or face achallenge even faster. So
impermanence is a way ofthinking impermanence is a
reminder for us that noteverything will stay the same.
And most things are notpermanent. So this also goes
back to advice that I had veryearly on in my son's diagnosis.
(06:56):
So when my son was three yearsold, and maybe he was three or
four years old, and he was inpreschool. This was very early
in his diagnosis. One of hisaides in preschool gave me some
advice. And she basically said,don't think that far ahead.
Don't think more than threemonths in advance, because
things will change. Not onlywill his challenges change, new
(07:21):
challenges will replace olderchallenges, things will evolve
over time. And the reason whyshe gave me this advice was
because when I was talking toher, I was thinking so far
ahead. I mean, he's three orfour years old at this point,
and I was already thinking ofhim being in high school, and
feeling anxious and having allthese different anxieties and
stories that I was tellingmyself about how things were
(07:42):
going to be like for him in highschool. And she basically
stopped me in my thoughts andstopped me in my tracks and was
like, Susan, don't think thatfar ahead, things evolve so
quickly, and the challenges thathe has now are not going to be
the same challenges he'll have,when he's a teenager, they will
be different. So if this goesback to that idea of
impermanence, we might be facingdifferent challenges with our
(08:06):
children that are challenges forright now. Those challenges will
not and more than likely not bechallenges in the future.
There's a level of impermanencehere, this is not permanent.
Now granted, their condition ortheir diagnosis may be
(08:26):
permanent. My son is autistic,he will always be autistic. I
know that about him. And Iaccept all of that about him,
right. But the challenges thathe's facing and the help that
he's getting, and the differentsituations that he's running
into those are impermanent, hemay still struggle with
different challenges, but theywill get easier for him as he
(08:46):
learns how to handle thosedifferent challenges. And he
learns different methods thatwill help him the challenges
that he faces now, like Imentioned, are not going to be
the same challenges that hefaces later. And I've seen that
firsthand. He was diagnosed fiveyears ago, he's been receiving
support through his school,through therapists in different
areas, and that he needs helpin. And I've seen a lot of the
(09:10):
progress that he's made. AndI've also seen the changes in
him. So things that I wasconcerned about five years ago,
things that I was concernedabout, three, four years ago,
things that I was concernedabout yesterday, no longer
exists. Those were impermanent,they were not permanent. They
were temporary.
And I know that in the momentwhen we're going through these
(09:33):
challenges when we're workingthrough them when we see them in
our children, it's so difficult.
I know for me personally to seemy son struggle I it is just
such an emotional process forme. But when I can settle back
into understanding impermanenceand realizing this is temporary
realizing that this one may notbe something that we actually
struggle with later, right. It'sit's not permanent. It's just
(09:57):
right nowAnd I don't have to go down this
rabbit hole of thinking, Oh, howis this going to affect him 10
years from now,I have to remember that this is
impermanent.
So I don't know if this helpsyou. Because I know for me, it
does help me. And as I saidbefore, I'm really speaking on
(10:18):
my own personal experiences andthe things that I have
researched and learned and triedto incorporate into my life,
that have helped me as a parent,with my mindset and helped me
push through some of thesechallenges and some of the
emotional strain that it has onme, where I'm able to settle
into this level of impermanence,his understanding of
impermanence, and realizing thatthe things that my son is going
(10:41):
through right now may not be thesame as later. And this is not
permanent, it's temporary. So Ithought that that was really
great advice that hit one of histherapist gave me at the school,
because it really did make methink like, Hey, I'm thinking
way too far in advance, I amgoing down this rabbit hole. And
(11:01):
this is really not healthy. Thisis not the way that I can
support him and advocate forhim. This is my emotions,
getting in the way the fear thatI have getting in the way, all
of these things that I wasthinking that may never happen,
right, I wasn't really in thepresent. But I was also thinking
that everything he was dealingwith now is going to be the same
(11:23):
in 1012 years, 14 year, howevermany years, and that is just not
true. Things will evolve, thingswill change, nothing is
permanent. So how do we actuallyembrace impermanence. This was
really hard for me when Istarted meditating on
impermanence. When I startedlearning more about it, when I
(11:43):
started learning how I canincorporate it into my life. It
really was a huge mental shift.
For me, it was a huge mindsetshift for me, and how I approach
things, especially with my son,and especially with the
challenges that he faces, butalso helping me become a better
advocate for him helping me tocheer him on even more. And it
gave me a level of empowerment,I felt more empowered once I was
(12:05):
able to settle in and toimpermanence, I felt stronger. I
felt less anxious, I felt lessworry, I realized that I was
telling myself stories of thingsthat may happen in the future,
that may never happen, Irealized that I was not letting
things go. And I was lettingthose things in my thoughts
(12:26):
affect my current situation andcurrent level of being present.
So impermanence was really bigshift for me, and a really big
change in the way that I wasthinking, Do you think that this
is something that you couldembrace as well, that you could
incorporate into your life, Ialmost guarantee you that you
will feel so much more free andfull of joy, if you can accept
(12:50):
that things will not be the sameforever. And that goes for the
good things and the bad things,right? This is not just about
the negative things. Sometimesgood things also don't last
forever, and things change. Andbeing open minded to
impermanence, really living asif things will change and
(13:10):
knowing and anticipating thatthat will be the case, there is
a level of freedom that comesfrom that. And there is a level
of empowerment, like I said, anda joy that comes from being able
to feel free. And to know thatthese challenges and the things
that we may be going through arenot going to be forever. And if
(13:31):
we can embrace that change inthe future, if we can live more
presently, in the moment andrealize that that is something
that will come, it will give youa shift in the way that you live
that will give you the shift inthe way that you think and how
you approach differentsituations in your life and
different challenges. And I willsay, as it relates to my son as
(13:52):
it relates to being a parentwith a special needs child, my
son who was autistic who is themost important person in my
life, and that I would doanything for him. I know that
making this shift that reallyembracing this impermanence has
really made me a much bettermother a much better advocate,
(14:13):
and has also helped me controlmy emotions a lot better, so
that I don't let my emotionsdrive, how I'm handling
different situations, I realizeand I know that things are not
going to be this way forever.
And if I can settle into that Ican be a better mother and I can
(14:34):
help my son with the tools thathe needs and I can be there for
him in a completely differentway. So that's it for this
episode. I really hope I gaveyou something to consider or
think about. I would encourageyou to meditate on impermanence,
to journal about impermanence,to maybe look more into it and
(14:55):
if you need some help, pleasereach out to me you can DM me at
Susan Fink dot rise on Twitter.
Graeme and let me know what youthink. Is this something that
you can incorporate in yourlife? I will say it is not easy,
at least in my experience, maybeit comes easy for some people,
but it has not been as easy forme. But pushing through that
pain, pushing through that fearpushing through. Being open
(15:18):
minded to impermanence, and howI can incorporate into my life
has really changed me in so manyways in a positive way. So I
hope that this has helped you.
Like I said earlier, thank youso much for listening. And if
you feel like this resonateswith you send me a message, let
me know. You can DM me onInstagram at Susan Fink dot
rise. And please share thispodcast with someone that may
(15:40):
need it. Whether you share justthis episode, or whether you
share the entire podcast. Pleaseshare this with someone who may
need to hear these messages whoyou think can help because as I
mentioned in the beginning, mymission is to help as many
people as I can and I cannot dothat without you. And as I
always say, I'm here for you, Iempathize with you, and we can
(16:01):
do this