February 6, 2021 • 53 mins
It was a blessing to have Jamiel Owens, the founder and founder/host of the Ausome Show and incredible advocate for the autism community.
Jamiel's son was diagnosed with autism when he was 3 years old, and in this episode, we talk about his family, when his son was diagnosed, the challenges he faced as a father. We also get into discussion around having a spiritual foundation, ensuring you're communicating with your local police department and the things his son has taught him. Most of all, he provides incredible insight, perspective and advice for all parents out there, particularly remembering that everyone is unique in their way, to embrace who you are!
Jamiel is an incredible father, focused on his purpose to support the autism community, especially the black and brown community - to be the voice people can relate to, and provide support. He has many accollades of being published multiple times in Autism Parnet magazine and Next for Autism publications. He is also the co-host of the Ben and Jay Show and is working with the police departments to bring awareness to autism, incorporating awareness in their training.
Not only that, Jamiel is a volunteer fire fighter, a former corrections officer and you guessed it...a GREAT DAD!
I am just so honored to have met Jamiel and having the privilege to talk to him. I hope this episode inspires you, provides you with a different perspective and gives you hope.
Here are the areas you can find Jamiel and all of the work he has been working on:
Check out The Ausome Show (host)
Check out the Ben and Jay Show (co-host)
https://www.instagram.com/theausomeshow/
https://www.facebook.com/theausomeshow/
Thank you for listening.
Sidenote:
I have partnered with Inclusion and Kindness to offer a giveaway. Inclusion and Kindness is all about recognizing people who are kind and making a difference in this world. If you haven't heard about Inclusion and Kindness, they create jewelry, keychains and bookmarks all around kindness and inclusion! So, we want you to nominate someone who is living the life of kindness. Send me a DM on Instagram @susanfink.rise to nominate someone and tell me about why you nominated them. I will pick two kind people in March and Inclusion and Kindness will send a care package to them. Let's do this!! Let me know - DM me @susanfink.rise to nominate!
(https://www.instagram.com/inclusionandkindness/)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Susan Fink (00:09):
Hey everyone, and welcome to the rise with the
light podcast. My name is SusanFink and this is my weekly
podcast dedicated to supportingfamilies raising children with
special needs. I'm on a missionto provide hope and positivity
through sharing my personalinsights, stories, mindset
perspectives, and ways tonavigate through this journey.
Let's get started.
(00:48):
Everyone, thank you so much forjoining me today. Now I have a
really special guest, JamieOwens from the awesome show. S
he's not only the founder anhost of the podcast, the awesom
show, but he does so much worin the autism community. He is
huge advocate. In thiinterview, we talk about hi
family when his son wadiagnosed, his son was diagnose
when he was three and thdifferent things that his famil
(01:09):
went through, he also speakabout a father's perspective. S
clearly, I'm a mother and in thpodcast rise with the light,
focus a lot on my own personaexperiences. So this reall
brings a whole differenperspective that I would neve
be able to speak on. So hspeaks about a father'
perspective, we also talk a loabout the things that he'
learned and what his son hataught him as well as words o
(01:30):
advice. So this episode islittle bit longer than my norma
episodes. But there is so mucgreat information here. An
really great inspiring wordthat I hope that this reall
inspires you and uplifts you angives you hope, and just from
father's perspective to relatto so I hope that you can liste
to this all the way through. NoI did want to mention there wer
some audio challenges with thinterview sometimes that happen
(01:52):
when you're doing recordings fopodcasts. So it is a little bi
lighter on the vocals for mebut please, please, please bea
with it. Please listen to itThere's so much grea
information there for you. Noguys, before we jump into th
interview, I wanted to let yoknow I have partnered wit
inclusion in kindness to offerfree giveaway, inclusion an
kindness is all abourecognizing people who are kin
and making a difference in thiworld. And if you haven't hear
(02:14):
of inclusion and kindness, thecreate jewelry and key chain
and all types of other thingthat are all around kindness an
inclusion. So we want you tnominate someone who is livin
the life of kindness. So send ma DM at Susan Fink dot rise t
nominate someone and tell me whyou nominated them. I'm going t
pick a couple of winners and ware going to send them a fre
care package. So let's do thisLet me know who you want t
(02:37):
nominate and DM me at Susan Findot rise. All right, now let'
jump in. So you can meeeveryone I have Jamil from th
awesome show with me today. Annow Jamil is not only th
founder and host of the awesomshow, but he is also a voluntee
firefighter, a formecorrections officer. And mos
importantly, and the main reasohe is on the rise with the Liv
(03:00):
podcast is because he isfather raising his son who ha
autism and is a huge advocateAnd did I mentioned that he'
also published a few times. She has published articles an
autism parenting magazine, nexfor autism. And he's basicall
crushing it. So I'm so exciteto have you here. Thank you o
(03:21):
the rise with the light podcastThank you so much for joinin
me. Thank you. Thank you for yoknow, having me here. Grea
morning to everybody. You arawesome. I appreciate this
Definitely do. Yeah. And yoknow, it's so cool, because w
are clear across the entircountry. Yes. fornia. You're o
(03:42):
the east coast. Yes. So how coois this, that we get to joi
together and help and supporand inspire other people thi
morning. So what a blessing Thiis the show thrilled to hav
people hear your storyespecially from a father'
perspective. And I'm clearly noa father. So I'm talking abou
(04:03):
the podcast is really from, fromy perspective. So this I'm s
so happy that you're herbecause I think people ar
really going to be inspired anreally, you know, learn a lo
from your experience. I hope soI hope so that is that is th
major takeaway from what I'doing. And you know, the type o
person that I am now is jusreally inspiring people an
(04:24):
being inspired also. So yoknow, single mothers, such a
yourself, are inspiring mbecause it is letting me know
things that I may not understanor my audience may no
understand from a woman'perspective as far as raising
young man or a young lady. Sdefinitely, you know, we al
need to inspire everybody, yoknow each other
(04:45):
Absolutely couldn't have said itbetter myself. So let's jump
into this. So tell us about yourfamily and when your son was
diagnosed and kind of that wholeexperience and what you went
through. Oh man, so ah well
Jamiel Owens (05:00):
I'm gonna try to keep it as brief as possible.
It's, it's, it's crazy. I mean,I'm definitely blessed right
now, with an amazing supportsystem, my family, who supports
myself and not only myself, butalso my son. And his his
ability, you know, his gift tothis earth, when I'm speaking of
speaking in reference to autism,which we refer back to Awesome,
(05:23):
you know, hence the awesomeshow, you know, that's the word
verbiage we use. So let's,let's, let's let's chop it up.
Let's take it back to the verybeginning. You know, everybody
is afraid of having a child mostof us are because they don't
know, hey, am I going to be agood parent? Am I going to be
able to tackle life with a childAm I going to be responsible
enough, I had those fears.
Initially, when a chain which ismy son, his, his mother was
(05:46):
pregnant. And, you know, I wasjust worried, you know,
financially, I was just worriedjust being a man certain things
and aspects I was just worriedabout. Now, I was also battling
my own demons from from lifebefore I met his mom, I didn't
take care of those, which isvery, very intricate as far as
the process and we'll get backto that. Fast forward, she
(06:07):
became pregnant. Shane was born.
You know, in March, he was bornand I had the pleasure of
actually being there. Matter offact, the weirdest part about it
is that I worked in the Galleriahere in Philadelphia, a lot of
people may not know. But Iworked there, she was over at
Pennsylvania University. So Ihad to, I had a retail job as a
(06:30):
manager, I had to run to thegallery literally run to the
gallery, open up the store forthe manager, and then run back
and I just made the delivery intime to see my son born, which
was an amazing delivery. If youhave a weak stomach, fellas,
please wait outside, in a room.
The room is big enough. Theydon't need another bit in there.
But anyway.
(06:51):
So I was there the mostbeautiful thing I've ever seen
in my life, a life being born, Ido have a picture I remember
holding him and on my chestsmallest ever can be. And you
know, I couldn't wait to getthem home. That was the
beginning of the end. And what Imean by that is that it was the
beginning of a new life, the endof my previous life, but I
wasn't there yet.
(07:13):
Going into, you know, just beinga new father, a new mother, we
had a house it was there's a lotof different pressures going on.
And then what I started tonotice, whereas
some differences in the way hewill act, and I would notice
these things, but I was just sowrapped up in my own
(07:34):
indiscretions, my owndepressions my own, you know,
things of the world, I was sowrapped up with that my mindset
was like, okay, that's justsomething normal that kids go
through, he'll grow out of it.
favorite word for everybody touse, they'll grow out of it. So,
yes, on and on, he becamefascinated with trains,
(07:54):
which he started to line up, andI didn't know what was going on.
I'm like, Okay, well, that'snormal, it's trains, you line
them up, they go around to two.
But he started stemming, youknow, going back and forth
against a table, a linear objecthe could find and put the trains
exactly on the edge. And he kepton doing it and doing it again,
hence, so one particular day, Iwas coming home from night,
(08:14):
overnight work. And he was doingit and doing it so much. It
almost looked like my son waspossessed. And it scared the
hell out of me. Like this wassomething I'd never seen before.
And you know what, and I'm sorryto say this, but I have to be
transparent. I pushed him awayfrom it because I was scared.
And I was frightened. And Ididn't know what was going on.
(08:35):
And he fell with the trains. Andhe cried hysterically,
hysterically. And then he gotback up, he put the trains
exactly exactly the way it wasbefore. And he continued to go
on. Nevertheless, I went backinto a private room and I
started crying. Because at thatpoint in time, I knew there was
something going on. But not onlythat, I knew that I failed as a
(08:58):
father at that point in time,when the fact that I actually
had to physically do somethingto my son, because I was scared
instead of being a man andreally trying to prep myself to
understand what was going on myson. At that time, there was a
lot of relationship issues. Istressed this a lot, you know,
awesome parents, please, don'tlet autism be the crutch for the
(09:20):
given motive behind a divorce, abreakup. It is not. It's
actually a blessing to bringyour family and your circle
stronger together. Do not usethat talk. communication is the
key men talk. communication isthe key. Men talk. communication
is the key. I'm learning thisevery single day. Men talk.
(09:41):
communication is the key. I'mlearning this every single day.
So you are not alone. I saythis, because I'm being
transparent. So we went. We wentto the doctors and you know what
we we we feared the worse.
As far as the diagnosis, becausedeep down in our hearts, we knew
(10:03):
that there was something specialabout our son's veins, there was
something more that was going onwith him. We went into the
doctors, and they told us Yes,he is diagnosed with autism. And
that was at the age of three, Ihave to say, when I heard that
diagnosis, my world stop, it didcrumble. And the reason why, and
this is something that I wantyou men, and also women, to the
(10:23):
mothers to understand, it is notabout you, you should also
understand once you havechildren, it is never about you
anymore. It's about that child,you know what you have given up
your life to support and toserve that child. That's the
blessing that God has bestowedon you. So what I was dealing
with was me, Oh, God, why canyou do this to me, Oh, god, this
is not fair to me, oh, I want tohit the reset button. I don't
(10:45):
want to be here. God, I want tostart over with somebody else
and have a normal child, youknow, so what I started to do is
go out, started to direct myattention elsewhere, to bars, to
the clubs, to other women,things that really were
detrimental to my relationship,not only to my family, but most
importantly to my son. I didn'tunderstand that this was about
(11:06):
him and not about myself. So youknow, what ended up in divorce
with me and his mom,unfortunately, it ended up in
divorce, and my son wasn'taffected as much as he could
have been. And the reason whythis specific reason why not
give shout outs to his mom, isthat she did realize that I
needed to be there. But itwasn't it wasn't without
(11:28):
struggle, court systems back andforth. You know, that's a whole
nother topic in the court with achild with special needs. It's
crazy. But right, you know,going back and forth, and I kept
on going through life, notknowing what's going on, I kept
on going to disappointment, thedisappointment, and the one
person that one person thatalways smiled and hugged me and
said, I love you with my son, henever ever doubted who I was as
(11:51):
a man and who I could be it waslike he already seen the future
and knew exactly where I wouldbe right here in this position.
And he wanted to keep on pushingme. You know, it was to the
point where I just got down onthe knees, I broke down, I
couldn't take it no more. Lifewas just throw me just rocks and
rocks and rocks, I was about tolose everything. And I just gave
it to God, I really found mypurpose in God in my in my
(12:15):
religious background, which isreally, really important. This
is a religious foundation foranybody in women, men, anybody
you need that in order not onlyfor awesome children, but for
life. And when I found that, Ireally started to understand for
one, God's love to thetransportation of His love into
(12:36):
four Well, actually, to me,three, the transportation of the
love He gave in my son to giveto me, and then for for me to
transfer that love back to God.
And not only God but everybodyelse, you guys, the community.
So in the midst of that, I wasable to learn all this. And what
happened is spark it and I'mlike, Oh my god, I lost so many
(12:57):
years of just trying to figureout why I was affected by this,
but I never knew what was goingon with my son. I wasn't at IEP
meetings. I wasn't, you know,any of his performances I missed
so much time. Got right on theball. And I started off
different, you know, women tendto start with, you know, the
research, you know, thetherapies, you know, different
(13:17):
things, which is perfectly fine,man, we're slow. We're turtles,
we're in the background. Youknow what, but I took that
momentum, and sort of like theslingshot and I went forward. So
what I did is I started my son'syou know, Autism Speaks.
Drive one year, I did a wholecampaign when I'm not autistic.
I'm awesome. That hence theawesome show. I raised 2500 for
(13:41):
Autism Speaks for his team. ThenI started to do the show that
awesome show. And what happenedon that is I wanted to give the
everyday people the average bluecollar workers that have people
that are working, working classpeople the opportunity to speak
out about autism. Yes. You knowwhat? Shout out to everybody who
goes to school for this who getsthe train and gets the
(14:02):
therapies. But unfortunately,people like me, you who look
like me and you tired bags undereyes, you know, we got stains on
our shirts, we got things thatare going on, we want to see
people who looks exactly like soI looked in the mirror and I say
Yo You know what, I look exactlylike you. You know what, so why
not speak out about it and moreprevalent in the black and brown
(14:24):
communities is actually needed.
You know what, this is notsomething that is just going to
shut off as they get older. Weneed to be proactive in our
thinking, you know, once again,I talked about this all the
time, we can be proactive ongetting those new Nikes
proactive on getting that newPlayStation, we need to be
proactive for our children andactually go out there and no one
wants to label our children. Youknow, nobody wants to put that
(14:44):
scarlet letter. I know youremember, back in the day, that
book no one wants to put thatscarlet letter on ourselves or
their children. But that scarletletter is actually their
superpower symbol that is theirdesk that is on their chest.
That's what they need to berecognized. So we know
Need to get them diagnose. Theplatform has grown. I had a you
(15:05):
know a very very articulategroup of individuals that kept
on being attracted to the onlineshow. It was on internet online
internet show. My first guestwas a gentleman by the name of
Ben Hart Rafa. 22 year oldautistic, which he has started
to build nj show, I'm actuallyhis co host on his platform. So,
(15:27):
you know, shout out to Ben,that's my, that's my brother
right there, him and his dad wason my platform. I've had
Christian rappers. I've haddoctors, I have had mothers who
have never spoken about theirchild ever, openly to the
public, be on my show. And Idiscovered more and more that
Yo, this is my purpose, this iswhat I'm supposed to do. So this
is, this is what I do it for. Idon't do it for me, I don't do
(15:49):
it to both me and my face and myson's face, I do it. So I could
step in front of a crowd ofpeople and say, Hey, you want to
know what autism looks like?
autism looks just like me, itlooks just like you, it looks
just like you. There is nodefinite look to autism. But
what we do share is the love thelove that you will never
experience in your life beforeunless you get to know us and we
(16:11):
welcome you openly to ourcommunity. So that's the purpose
behind everything. That is sobeautiful. And I think so many
things that you said are thingsthat so many of us parents go
through, you know, youmentioned, when he was born when
the you got the diagnosis, youknow, the denial, right, the
kind of why me the focus inwardinstead of really focusing on
(16:33):
your child. And I think that'sjust a natural thing that a lot
of people go through, and thereis a shift that has to happen.
The other thing about stimmingYou know, my son does a lot of
different types of stimming. Andso many kids do a lot of
different stimming. And it'shard to sometimes identify as
actually stimming Yes, so thenif you don't really know what
(16:54):
that is, especially early on,you do try to stop it. I mean,
I've done that, too. You know,I'm like, why is he doing this,
let's change that behavior. Butsomething that we know now that
we don't need to stop. It'ssomething that serves them and
their and their needs. So Ithink there's just so much that
people can really resonate withand everything that you said,
(17:16):
and also just all theawesomeness that you are exuding
right now. awesome things thatyou're doing to bring awareness.
You know, it's autism and anyother special needs. There's no
discrimination here, right? Itis across genders it is across
ethnicities, it does not matter.
(17:36):
And what is most important is wecan be a voice, you can be a
voice in the community, andshowcase the love that is there
as a foundation, yourspirituality as a foundation
that really will uplift theautism community, not only
support the children, but alsothe parents. You know, and I
think that's a big thing thatyou and I have a lot in common
(17:58):
of really wanting to helpsupport the parents share our
stories, let them know thatthey're not alone. And that this
is something that we can allwork through together and lean
on each other. Yeah, absolutely.
I just think you are so amazing.
I'm Thank you. Thank you. Thankyou. You are to that definitely,
definitely. You know whatinternet age, you know, this is
this is what it's about use theinternet for good and
(18:20):
positivity. We need this. So youknow, this is this is one thing
right here? Definitely.
Absolutely. So maybe switchinggears a little bit to talk about
some of your challenges as aparent and especially as a
father.
Susan Fink (18:34):
Do you want to dive a little bit more into what you
know, being a father who has achild with autism? What is that
like for you? Because I'm a I'ma mother, right? I'm also
divorced. And, you know, I don'thave a father figure in the
house here with me, for my son.
So I'm curious. And I thinkmaybe even some moms could even
who are listening, learn alittle bit more of a male's
(18:55):
perspective, okay, that couldalso even help their situation.
Jamiel Owens (19:02):
First off, and this touches, it just resonates
with me very much is because notuntil I was 24 did I know who my
father was? So shout out to allthe single mothers that awesome
others such as yourself that aredoing this Do not be misled to
believe that you cannot grow astrong man now. And that point
(19:24):
really there are some caseswhere that male that male figure
that male role model will beneeded? Yes, it is definitely
important with the growth ofmale but do not be hesitant to
believe that you can do thisbecause you can I am the product
of a single mom who bust theirbutt three jobs who never made
it to any one of my performancesbecause she was always working.
(19:46):
You know, who made sure that shekept food on the table? Yes, I
grew up in a hood. There wastimes where electric was off.
There was no food. You know,water was off. There was times
like that, but she tried herbest. And then I like to say you
When she passed away, it was thetransfer of energy because God
said, Okay, now it's time foryour father to come in and take
over for that. It was literallytwo years prior to my mom
(20:09):
passing away that I met my dad,and then we grew a bond. And my
mentality was like, Okay, well,I don't want to know why you
left in the in the past, that'sthe past, be here now and be
here from this point on. Soshout out to my dad, he's been
doing that. And he's been ashining example for me as far as
just being a man andaccountability and family, you
know, and he loves his grandson,he loves my son with everything
(20:32):
he loves. He may not understandautism, but he loves him just
the way he is. And I see thatevery single time. So it's
amazing. Um, first thing I haveto say is that men, and I'm
gonna be real, because I wasthat stop being a coward. Like,
seriously, stop being a coward,stop running away from the
problems, there is a way to getthrough this.
(20:53):
People say oftentimes, that is,you know, we can't we can't, we
can'tconverge on an agreement. We
can't make this work. It's, it'stoo late. It's never too late.
It's never too late. If it'ssomething that you want, it is
never too late. So work it out.
And I like to use this as thatit's always said that, if a man
(21:14):
leaves his household, he isbasically leaving his kingdom
open for the devil to comethrough and wreak havoc. You
don't have to sleep in a roomwith her for that night. For
those two nights, you got acouch, you got another room. But
do not leave your castle. Focuson what you guys need to repair
together, talk through it, yellthrough, cry through it whatever
(21:34):
you need to. But get through it,because it's not only you
watching him and him watchingyou. But there's a little one
that's watching you both, and issitting there and watching his
or her family fall apart onsomething that they don't
understand. Because the onlything they understand is the
love of mommy and daddy, andwhat they thrive off of that. So
you have to do it once again,not only for you, you're doing
(21:55):
it for the child, men step up,find out what it is that you are
disagreeing about this childthat is on the spectrum, that's
the first thing. The secondthing is that you have to start
to be open, you have to startrealizing that this is not your
fault. You have nothing to dowith this. Think of this as a
blessing. There's something inyour life that is incomplete.
(22:17):
God recognizes this, and he gaveyou a child with special needs
with this awesomeness in orderto bring something out of you.
It's often that we we sit thereand we search for belongingness
to a togetherness, we want tobelong to somebody, we want to
sit there and be the best personthat we can be. And then you
have different things out herethat says oh, well, he has to be
an alpha male, he has to bestrong or he has to be
(22:38):
compassionate, he has to bewilling to help others he has to
be sensitive, he has to be firm,and strength, he has to tell it
like it is. And all of thosecharacteristics that I just tell
you look at your awesome childand tell me that they do not fit
every single one. So if you sitin there and you're trying to
search out here in this world,you're never going to find it
you're going to find it and thatgift of the child that God has
(23:00):
given you. You need to learnfrom Nichelle how are you going
to learn from that child, ifyou're never there? Make sure
you are there. Okay. And let'sjust say, let's just say you
can't, you can't bring come toterms, you know, it's okay. And
you guys have two co parents,not the assets, but co parent,
men.
You're not a failure. It's notthe end of the world. But it's
(23:22):
just the beginning. I need youto be there for the IEP
meetings, I need you to bethere. For the performances,
there was plenty of times wheremyself and his mother sat
different parts of theauditorium. And her boyfriend
was there. And respectfully Icame up and said, Hey, how's it
going? You know, his name isChris. Hey, how's it going,
Chris, nice to see you again.
And we will together love on ourchild on his great performance.
(23:44):
Because we knew it wasn't aboutus. It was about our child, this
is what you need to do. You needto sit there and separate
yourself from the pettiness andstart really growing and trying
to be there. And that startswith the open communication.
Susan Fink (23:59):
You know, synchronous, some real talk.
Right? It is it is it is. I loveall of that. Because I think a
couple a couple things that youmentioned the failure. Yeah, you
know, feeling like a failure, ormaybe even the finger pointing
right. Oh, the finger pointingwas a big thing. You and I
talked last week, you know, thefinger pointing, especially when
(24:20):
you're going through divorce?
Oh, you have challenges in yourmarriage. And there is a
diagnosis. And I think so manyof us go through that. Yes. You
know, and so it's trying to findthe blame. Yeah. But really,
really shifting the blame, andjust focusing on the things that
need to be done. That needs tobe supported for your child and
making that shift. And sometimesthat's really hard for people.
(24:42):
So I always like to say to isjust take it one day at a time.
One day, you don't have to lookso far ahead. Exactly what is
what needs to be done now toprovide that love and support.
And and really have to purposelyand intentionally
Stop the finger pointing andreally stop feeling like a
(25:03):
failure because like you justsaid, it's it's no one's fault.
Nobody, you know, and it'sreally just bonding together,
regardless of your circumstancespulling together for the the
health and the well being of theof your child. Absolutely.
Absolutely. Absolutely.
Jamiel Owens (25:20):
I think more I think more or less, it's women,
you have to understand. And thisis not to take away from your
feelings. What's your, What'syour feeling right now. But let
me You have to understand thatwe are conditioned in this
society to believe that we mustbear offspring that is going to
be our alpha, whether it'sfemale or male, we're supposed
(25:41):
to bring the healthiest specimento this world. And when we hear
diagnosis of autism or any otherdisability that could possibly
be, our heart stops, our egospeaks up in our heart stops,
and then we just think we'reultimate failure to society,
that's a US problem. We need tofigure that out. And I need you
(26:02):
as women to really, really checkus and be like you, that's a you
problem, you need to understandwhat you have right here, and
you need to step up again. Butat the same time, ladies, you
have to be able to be thatsupport system for us to and
really ask those hard questions.
What are you thinking? What's onyour mind? What's on your heart
about this? do you blame me askthat question? Because we're
(26:24):
gonna sit there and either we'regonna sit there and be like,
Well, you know, I don't or we'regoing to tell you is somebody
fought? And when you hear that,you know, try not to get too
emotional. Just try to be like,who fought? Do you think it is?
Come back with another openended question who fought Do you
think it is make us really thinkabout the stuff that comes out
of our mouths, you know, make usreally think about that. And I
(26:46):
think that's a that's a realintricate part about
communication, it will help youbuild that bond. Because
remember, when you're in arelationship leading, hopefully
to marriage, or in a marriage,that's your best friend, that is
your your cheerleader, you know,that both sides, that's your
cheerleader. So cheerleadersoften question people, you know,
the people who love you the mostis going to tell you like it is
(27:06):
straight to your face. That'sfacts, you know, so you got to
be willing to open tocommunicate with that.
Susan Fink (27:12):
Absolutely. 100% communication is so important.
You know, I would have to askyou about when, as a father, you
know, when you're handlingdifferent challenges with your
son, in different things thathe's going through or in your
relationship. I know, for me, asa mom, I have to do some things
to check myself and I have tokind of have some self care,
(27:35):
right, I need to step away, Ineed to take a deep breath, I
need to kind of figure out whatis in my toolbox of how do I
handle my own emotions. So I cancheck myself in these moments.
And sometimes that's reallydifficult takes a lot of
intention. But as a father, whatare some of the things that you
do to if you're in a moment, andsomething's going on? And it's a
(27:56):
challenging situation? What doyou do in that moment to kind of
take a step back in your mindand kind of work through those
feelings and emotions that youmight be going through?
Jamiel Owens (28:07):
Because that's a heavy question. It's a good one,
but it's a heavy question. Ithink I think for me personally,
and once again, I'm not here tosway you towards any type of
religion. I'm a Christian, I'mhere to sway you for a religious
balance, whatever that may be.
That's your, that's yourperspective. I have to say, it
goes back to God for me. I sitback and I really realize
(28:30):
everything that I've beenthrough through life, so much
pain, watching my mom die infront of me stage four cancer,
being the last person to see mygrandma dying of brain cancer.
Being out on the street on myown at 16. My mom suffered
schizophrenia. At a young age,she locked me out the house
(28:50):
sleeping on a porch, beingtransported to my grandma's
house in a in a police van thatwas covered with blood from a
patient that died just hoursbefore. You know, heartbreak
after heartbreak in life, youknow, just feeling lonely
sleeping from couch to couch atone point.
You know, going through thedivorce almost about to lose
(29:12):
everything in my household, lostmy car, lost my job lost the
person that I was involved with,at that time, lost everything.
And I really realized it'scrazy. But I want you to really
try to close your eyes andpicture this. I sat just on the
floor and when my knees balledup almost in a fetal position,
but vertically, and I didn't Iwas just alone, alone alone. And
(29:37):
I just I just breathed, Iinhaled and exhaled. And I just
asked God, please help me help.
And that's where it comes downto it comes down to that
surrender. And I think everysingle time you know I'm always
reminded, you know by my wifesurrender, why are you taking on
something that you cannot takeon?
(30:00):
by yourself, and it's likebeating a dead horse, but I have
to hear it. And then I have toget to the point where I'm so
close to anxiety because it's somuch, so much anxiety to give
out in this world, it'splentiful, it's around here,
that I have to just really juststep back and just say, I
surrender. And I have to reallyremember where I was into where
(30:21):
I was now, where I am now, andhow I surrendered back then, and
got to the place where I'm atnow. So what that means is that
he will never forsake me,there's always good positive
promises out of this, and that Iam able to make this if I
stopped thinking that I can takeon this battle by myself. And
that's, that's where I steppedback. That's my third person,
(30:43):
that's my sizing up my scenethat's looking at every
different view to possibly thinkof as a man. And what that
allows me to do is to open up myheart Even more to be able to
love on individuals who gave methat advice, such as my family
to love when my son in thosetimes to level my co workers to
level my boss to love when mynext door neighbor that doesn't
(31:05):
necessarily like people of mycolor, it allows me to sit there
and open up and be like, Okay,I'm going to get through this
for right now. I'm going to pushlove the agenda first. And I'm
gonna be following straight inback of it sort of just like
sort of like a quarterback, youknow, like your front line and
you to your to run it back andyou got that ball and you need
that that front line, I love tojust block everything out so you
(31:25):
can get through. Yeah, for thisweekend, you know, throw a
little, little Super Bowl, youknow,
go eagles, on top of that, goeagles. But listen, they're not
in it, but go eagles. But Ithink the most important part is
the pushing of that agenda. Mostimportantly, above anything, is
(31:46):
to surrender. Men, we have tolearn how to surrender
surrendering is not a deficit inmanhood. You You grew up on
cartoons, oh, we can retreat,live to fight another day.
things of this nature has provento be effective. In a lot of
(32:08):
different ways. And battles, wecould go into history and
history, there has been thingsthat have worked with surrender.
And it speaks about this everysingle day. My accountability is
my Bible speaks about this everysingle day in the Bible.
Surrender is a godson gift tous, we must take advantage of
it. So surrender, sighs to signup, look at your blessings,
(32:32):
obeah heart and go right backinto life, and go and push hard
and go forward.
Susan Fink (32:38):
Wow. I love that.
And you and I spoke before we'vebeen recording and your story
and the things that you've gonethrough and where you are now.
And how you are so open. And sovulnerable, is like, I mean, I
was like holding back tears, andwe were talking. So it is
really, really amazing. And, youknow, you and I share the same
kind of spiritual belief. Andthat is also what I believe my
(33:01):
purpose is as well to help otherpeople and share my experiences
and be open. Yeah. But somepeople don't have the same
belief. And like you said,That's okay, we are both of us
are not here to push any agenda.
No, but I think a couple thingsyou said are so critical that
regardless of your spiritualbeliefs, that's letting go of
(33:24):
your ego, putting your prideaside and giving it up
surrendering, realizing thatthis is what it is, you know,
and finding those blessings.
Yes, I think you can do that,regardless of your spiritual
beliefs. But that is a hugething, even as a woman having an
ego and, and having pride,right, it's like, I've also had
to really push through thosethings, to strip myself down to
(33:46):
be vulnerable, to be able to beopen and be open minded to
what's something that I didn'treally expect, right with autism
or whatever that is. So that'sthe render is I love that word
because it really is such apowerful word and a powerful act
that can truly open you up toacceptance, and taking action
that is needed. And like yousaid, Love is that foundation so
(34:09):
beautifully said I just shot.
Thank you. Thank you. Surrenderis a powerful word. It's a
powerful word. Definitely sopowerful. You know, I wanted to
switch gears real quick. Okay,we didn't have a chance yet to
talk about this. And I wanted tomake sure we did talk about it.
You have been involved withworking with different police
(34:32):
departments in area and you havehad experience in your past. As
we mentioned the beginning ofthe show, and you we had talked
about this and I you reallybrought something to my
attention for me, which I didn'teven think about so maybe you
can share with the listeners.
Some things that we talked aboutwith the police department.
Okay, so I'm happy you bringthis out, you know, shout out to
(34:55):
all the police officers. We have
Jamiel Owens (35:00):
A great deal of work to do in our communities as
far as police reform, as far asyou know, you know, knowing
what's right or wrong for ourprotectors of the community who
serve out there. At the end ofthe day, I want you to guys to
realize that they aren't justpeople, there's a speaker from a
law enforcement background, Iwas a corrections officer, I
(35:20):
know it, you know, we are justpeople. So, in that case, we do
have some people out there, weneed to get rid of we need to
work on. But we also need towork with the parents because
it's not only 100%, or lawenforcement, but it's also 100%
on a parent's to starts withthat, um, what I recognize, like
(35:40):
I said, I'm from the black andbrown communities, I represent
them. And my son is of thatheritage as well. He is going to
have a police interaction is nodoubt about it. I do not intend
to keep him bottled up in cageinside a bubble, I went to him
to experience life, the world,so forth and so on, you know, I
(36:01):
want him to have that. He needsto know how to interact with
those individuals in lawenforcement just in case there's
an emergency, if an officercomes up to him and questions on
because he looks like apotential suspect. They're doing
their job. So what I started toinvolve myself with is
trainings, and also speaking topublic, you know, public
(36:23):
officials and policedepartments, which here in
Montgomery County, Pennsylvania,myself, and my partner, Ben
Hart, rev, we have already beginto speak and do public speaking
engagements to policedepartments, to let them know
about autism, what triggers tolook out for what is considered
some potential strategies whendealing with a person that is on
(36:46):
the spectrum, we are beginningthose, I'm looking to start to
do these speaking inPhiladelphia, which I'm working
on now. And really, all acrossthe country, whoever it may be,
I don't really care. I want tospeak to you because I recognize
you're a person because Iunderstand that. But we're also
speaking to the parents,parents, it is very important
(37:07):
that we start talking to ourchildren about law, what their
purpose is there and how tointeract with them. Hi, my name
is you'll tell them like my son,Hi, my name is Shane.
I am on the autism spectrum.
This is my dad's or my, youknow, my dad's or my mom's
telephone number, they canbetter assist you with helping
(37:28):
me. And we have these cards, Idon't have the cards around. But
we do have these cards that weactually mailed out to anybody.
They're from us here at theawesome show. And they basically
give you a little briefintroduction or background about
what that person has, how youcan help them as a law
enforcement professional, and itgives them contact information
(37:49):
on the back, we have to stopwith this stigma, that all cops
are bad that you don't snitchthat you don't talk to them. You
have to give them this vitalinformation in order for them to
do their job but also to tocreate a sense of of, I'm not
going to say liability but asense of community open
communication. You know, at theend of the day, other people
(38:10):
outside parties may ask, Well,did this individual give you
their name and information? Yes.
Okay. So why are you doing this?
You know it now it puts them ifthere any wrongdoing and malice
it puts them in the hot seat?
versus Oh, well, ma'am, your sondidn't say nothing. They didn't
give their age or communication.
It's it's a whole thing tounpack. And that's why I'm doing
(38:32):
it is because I see thepotential risks for my own son.
Once again, this is about menstepping up and speaking out for
their community. I recognizethis. So if I recognize this
with my own son, why am I goingto harbor the potential for me
to speak out and show my side ofwhat a concern autism dad or
awesome dad would feel like, ifI can't speak to on behalf of
(38:54):
everybody. So this is what wedo. We talk to the police
officers, we acknowledge theirefforts in the community, we
understand what their trainingis right now with their training
reprises off, but we know thatit's more and we let them know
this is what autism is. This iswhat we look at as being
individuals on the spectrumwhich is represented by Ben, a
22 year old Caucasian male, andthen what the parents are, which
(39:18):
is represented by me 39 year oldblack and brown representative
of the community. And look atthat combination together. Now
we're giving you both sides ofthe fence on the spectrum of the
spectrum, different upbringingsdifferent environments, and
we're giving that information toyou. So it's been phenomenal.
I'm looking to continue to do itbut only gets stronger and
(39:39):
bigger. I've been working alsowith Tom and Emily island for be
safe. The movie I just started.
Well, we have a relationship.
They've been on the show, butreally going into their training
program also to help out otherauthorities as well. So it's
been amazing. We got a lot ofwork to do. It's a lot of work
to do. You're awesome.
(40:00):
Some child right now is going togrow up to be an awesome adult
and an awesome individual. Andwe need to make sure that they
recognize the rules and youknow, what's around in their
surroundings, what's in place tohelp protect them, but also to
what's fair, and what's right.
You know, sometimes everythingis not going to be peaches and
cream, it's not going to be alllove. And you know what, that's
(40:20):
okay. But if we can arm them,you know, if we could give them
that armor and that knowledgeand that know how, but still
keep the compassion, we aredoing our jobs as parents.
Absolutely. And I love thatawareness that you're bringing
to the police department,because I think they also need
to be educated, like you said,on what autism is, what are the
different behaviors of childrenwho have autism and, and I love
(40:45):
that you're bridging that gap,you know, there is that need,
and I love that you're bringingthat together.
Susan Fink (40:53):
Let's go ahead and switch gears to I want to know,
and as a parent, I know that myson has taught me so many
different things, as a parentand as human beings. So what
would be some of the top thingsthat your son has talked about
being a father and about justbeing an awesome person?
Jamiel Owens (41:12):
Let's let's look at this in the challenge of
Super Bowl Sunday. So we're nowyou know, seconds away from
winning the Super Bowl for toolong, we got about 10 seconds
left on the clock, I have somecrappy wide receivers, I got a
good line, though. We're gonnamake it work. That's life, you
always have some crappy ins andouts, you got a good line,
(41:36):
that's your family structure ordebt can be just your self
confidence, we're going to makethe best out of it. One thing
that my son has taught me is theaccountability, the compassion,
the empathy, the trust, in thelove components about life,
these are these are allcharacteristics of God, he has
(41:56):
taught me these things he hastaught me these things time and
time again, is that for one, byaccepting his disability, is
allowing me to have process mydisability, because in the midst
of this whole interview, Ididn't really mention to you my
real, real, real, real bigbasis, the strongest connection
(42:16):
that I have with the disabilitycommunity to awesome community
as I consider them is that Ihave a medical disability myself
on my right leg, which is an AVfistula, I was born with this.
My mom was my advocate when shewas younger raising me,
therefore, I never fullyunderstood what it is to
actually advocate for somebodyto full blown go out for
(42:39):
somebody and other people whoare just like you until now. So
my son brought all of lifecircumstances with him, came
with me together and reallyopened up my eyes to see what
guy was actually doing with mylife. He gave me this, this
perfection of a right leg inorder for me to go through life
(43:02):
of the trials and tribulations,the hardships in order to sit
down and have a child that hasthese awesome capabilities in
order for me to learn aboutthose awesome capabilities, to
be able to speak out about thesecapabilities, to be able to love
myself in love individuals likemy son, and others with his
capabilities, to speak out, tolove him more, to now be able to
(43:26):
speak and leave a legacy for himto continue. These were the
building blocks, the snap, thatthe hike was snapped, I had the
ball I threw the ball up my lifewas that wide receiver running
through the go get that ballgoing towards the end zone. That
was my life that was was thelines the yardage that I had to
go through. And all in all, I'mgetting beat up by linemen, I'm
(43:50):
trying to get to that open balland that's life, then that's
finances. And that'srelationships. And that's past
hardships. And that's previousemployers just trying to tackle
me. And then I'm going into thefield and what I see that ball
is my son, that that ball isGod's love that ball is the
empathy, that ball is thecompassion, and I have my heart,
(44:10):
open my arms open to receivethat. And then when I finally
catch it,I opened my eyes and I'm here
now. I have made the touchdown.
I have made the Super Bowl. WhatI'm saying is that without me
really surrendering. Once againthat word that we fear fellas,
(44:31):
when I when I learned tosurrender, that's when I really
understood how much of ablessing my son was how much of
a better man that he has made meholy, to be able to love on my
family and my wife to be able tolove on my son be able to love
(44:52):
on others be able to love onanybody I come in contact with
that is the strongest principlethat no one can take
from me, that they can onlyspeak on and only look forward
to actually gaining themselves.
And every time they say, hey,how can I be just like you I
said, Don't chase me chasedemand that's upstairs because
he was the one that was able forme to see this and to understand
(45:12):
this. So that that I have to saythat is the gift. That's what I
have been blessed with. That hasbeen what has Shane has taught
me holy. And this is somethingthat, you know, on my on my
deathbed, you know, hopefullyI'm, I'm saying and I'm not
seeing out all over the place,but I will remember this to the
deaf day, you know, until I meetmy maker that, you know, thank
(45:35):
you for this gift. Becausewithout it, I would have just
been another statistic probablylocked away in prison or doing
something that was just harmfulto hurt other individuals
instead of uplifting them. Sothat's what my son actually
taught me. And fellas, I justimplore you, once again, stop
making this about you. If youfeel as though this is a you
(45:55):
problem, that's a you problem,you need to figure this out. And
that means that you need tofigure this out without hurting
other individuals, you need toreally sit down with yourself
and really understand who youare as a person deep down
inside. Wow. I love thatanalogy. And just the visual
that you gave us just nowcatching that ball.
Susan Fink (46:19):
You know, with the gift that you caught. And just
the difference that your son hasmade in your life. I mean, it is
so inspiring, and to be able tomake Thank you. And be open to
that is just incredible. Thankyou, thank you.
Jamiel Owens (46:38):
Yeah, it's a blessing. It definitely is a
blessing. Doing shows like thisis a blessing, you know, doing
public speaking engagements is ablessing. This is just things
that, you know, I've beenblessed with that I know
purposely is supposed to giveback to everyone else, you know,
loving on each other. You know,that's what it is. You have your
own podcast, where can peoplelisten to the awesome show?
(47:02):
Where can they find you. So youcan find that awesome show. I'm
on Facebook, under the awesomeshow. That's th e space, a US a
space sh o w. I'm also onInstagram, at the awesome show.
And that's th e au, s o m, e, sho w all one word. And then also
(47:26):
to I'm on anchor and Spotify. Iapologize. I do have some
episodes on there. I'm lookingto actually do some more. But
you can look up the awesomeshow. And we're just on those
three platforms right now. LikeI said, I am doing public
speaking engagements, a lot ofinterviews. I just did a men's
conference with the Universityof Drexel here and Philadelphia,
(47:50):
Pennsylvania. You can go on toPhilly autism and look at the
conference visually see theamazing gentlemen that I had the
privilege of partaking in thatwith you can read plenty of my
articles that are out Google meto mill Owens, j, m i l o w e
ns, and you'll find all of myworks on Google, you know, the
mastermind of life right now.
And that's it. Hopefully, somemore things to come. Awesome.
(48:13):
See what they're awesome for theawesome show?
Unknown (48:19):
Yeah, yes.
Susan Fink (48:22):
Well, Jamiel, I'm s happy that we were able to hav
you here on the rise of the Livpodcast. And I'm just so blesse
and honored to have met you anto learn more about you and t
hear your story and thinspiration that you'r
providing to other familiesNow, before we close things out
is there anything else that yowould like to say your las
(48:43):
words of advice for family?
Jamiel Owens (48:44):
My last words of advice, families, friends,
caretakers, mothers, fathersawesome individuals on the
spectrum is you have to realizethat your purpose here on this
planet is to be you and be thebest version of you that you
could possibly be what thatentails is not being like
(49:04):
someone else being outside thebox being different thinking
different, loving, different,continue to do that in a way
that you are a light in thisworld of darkness that resonates
out more than anything else thatcan be seen. We are in dark
times right now. Where it seemsas though people will be more
(49:26):
lovers of self than lovers ofothers. You are naturally born a
gift here on this planet to belovers of others. We need you.
Don't let anybody tell you thatwe do not need you to parents,
the caregivers. We need you. Weneed you to continue to push
these children to be the mostamazing individuals on this
(49:48):
planet. I implore you to look asyou are doing this world a
service. You are doing thisworld of service by having these
awesome children by you beingSome parents by you speaking
out, can continue to do so.
Continue to love on otherscontinue to go through life
battling your battling, get downand get knocked down seven stand
(50:11):
up eight times is a truestatement. Get back up, brush
your knees off, poke your chestout and continue looking
forward. Alright, and I love youguys. I love you contact DM me
if you need any talk, anyconversation, any words of
encouragement, we're here foryou. That's what the autism the
awesome community is about?
Susan Fink (50:30):
Well, you are incredible, and you are just an
amazing person. And I am just sohappy that you were able to
connect today to share yourstory to inspire other people to
give them differentperspectives. And so thank you
so, so much, Jamiel, for beingwith me.
Jamiel Owens (50:49):
No problem. Thank you, I listen, continue to do
what you do continue to knowthat you are awesome. Your
family's awesome, your child isawesome. I know that you have a
purpose that is bigger thanyourself bigger than your child
bigger than your area where youlive in this purpose is for the
world. So I commend you. And Iapplaud you and you inspire me
(51:11):
to continue to do what I'mdealing with this show in my
effort. So you have family overhere. Now you family had an
awesome show, family of the Benand j show. You know what,
anytime you need us, we're herefor you. I love it. Thank you so
much. No problem. No problem.
Thank you.
Susan Fink (51:28):
Well, like I said during that interview, I was
just so honored to meet Jamiland he really is making a huge
impact in the autism community.
And I hope this has given yousome perspective, a different
perspective of father'sperspective, something that I
would never be able to provide.
So I was just so grateful thathe was willing to join me here
on the rise with the lightpodcast now. That is it for this
(51:49):
episode. It was long. Thank youso much for listening. If you've
gotten this far, if you have notsubscribed please subscribe to
this podcast and follow thispodcast so that you never miss
another episode. Let me knowwhat you think. Is this helping
you? Are these episodes helpingyou DM me at Susan Fink Ries, I
would really love to hear fromyou. And don't forget to
nominate someone for theinclusion and kindness free
(52:11):
giveaway. DM me at Susan Finkdot rise to tell me who you want
to nominate who lives a life ofkindness. So as you know, my
mission is to help as manypeople as I can. And I cannot do
that without you. So thank you.
Thank you. Thank you so much forlistening. Thank you for
supporting and sharing thispodcast to help others. And
until next time, I appreciate Iempathize and I am here for you
and we can do this
Hey everyone, and welcome to the rise with the
light podcast. My name is SusanFink and this is my weekly
podcast dedicated to supportingfamilies raising children with
special needs. I'm on a missionto provide hope and positivity
through sharing my personalinsights, stories, mindset
perspectives, and ways tonavigate through this journey.
Let's get started.
(00:48):
Everyone, thank you so much forjoining me today. Now I have a
really special guest, JamieOwens from the awesome show. S
he's not only the founder anhost of the podcast, the awesom
show, but he does so much worin the autism community. He is
huge advocate. In thiinterview, we talk about hi
family when his son wadiagnosed, his son was diagnose
when he was three and thdifferent things that his famil
(01:09):
went through, he also speakabout a father's perspective. S
clearly, I'm a mother and in thpodcast rise with the light,
focus a lot on my own personaexperiences. So this reall
brings a whole differenperspective that I would neve
be able to speak on. So hspeaks about a father'
perspective, we also talk a loabout the things that he'
learned and what his son hataught him as well as words o
(01:30):
advice. So this episode islittle bit longer than my norma
episodes. But there is so mucgreat information here. An
really great inspiring wordthat I hope that this reall
inspires you and uplifts you angives you hope, and just from
father's perspective to relatto so I hope that you can liste
to this all the way through. NoI did want to mention there wer
some audio challenges with thinterview sometimes that happen
(01:52):
when you're doing recordings fopodcasts. So it is a little bi
lighter on the vocals for mebut please, please, please bea
with it. Please listen to itThere's so much grea
information there for you. Noguys, before we jump into th
interview, I wanted to let yoknow I have partnered wit
inclusion in kindness to offerfree giveaway, inclusion an
kindness is all abourecognizing people who are kin
and making a difference in thiworld. And if you haven't hear
(02:14):
of inclusion and kindness, thecreate jewelry and key chain
and all types of other thingthat are all around kindness an
inclusion. So we want you tnominate someone who is livin
the life of kindness. So send ma DM at Susan Fink dot rise t
nominate someone and tell me whyou nominated them. I'm going t
pick a couple of winners and ware going to send them a fre
care package. So let's do thisLet me know who you want t
(02:37):
nominate and DM me at Susan Findot rise. All right, now let'
jump in. So you can meeeveryone I have Jamil from th
awesome show with me today. Annow Jamil is not only th
founder and host of the awesomshow, but he is also a voluntee
firefighter, a formecorrections officer. And mos
importantly, and the main reasohe is on the rise with the Liv
(03:00):
podcast is because he isfather raising his son who ha
autism and is a huge advocateAnd did I mentioned that he'
also published a few times. She has published articles an
autism parenting magazine, nexfor autism. And he's basicall
crushing it. So I'm so exciteto have you here. Thank you o
(03:21):
the rise with the light podcastThank you so much for joinin
me. Thank you. Thank you for yoknow, having me here. Grea
morning to everybody. You arawesome. I appreciate this
Definitely do. Yeah. And yoknow, it's so cool, because w
are clear across the entircountry. Yes. fornia. You're o
(03:42):
the east coast. Yes. So how coois this, that we get to joi
together and help and supporand inspire other people thi
morning. So what a blessing Thiis the show thrilled to hav
people hear your storyespecially from a father'
perspective. And I'm clearly noa father. So I'm talking abou
(04:03):
the podcast is really from, fromy perspective. So this I'm s
so happy that you're herbecause I think people ar
really going to be inspired anreally, you know, learn a lo
from your experience. I hope soI hope so that is that is th
major takeaway from what I'doing. And you know, the type o
person that I am now is jusreally inspiring people an
(04:24):
being inspired also. So yoknow, single mothers, such a
yourself, are inspiring mbecause it is letting me know
things that I may not understanor my audience may no
understand from a woman'perspective as far as raising
young man or a young lady. Sdefinitely, you know, we al
need to inspire everybody, yoknow each other
(04:45):
Absolutely couldn't have said itbetter myself. So let's jump
into this. So tell us about yourfamily and when your son was
diagnosed and kind of that wholeexperience and what you went
through. Oh man, so ah well
Jamiel Owens (05:00):
I'm gonna try to keep it as brief as possible.
It's, it's, it's crazy. I mean,I'm definitely blessed right
now, with an amazing supportsystem, my family, who supports
myself and not only myself, butalso my son. And his his
ability, you know, his gift tothis earth, when I'm speaking of
speaking in reference to autism,which we refer back to Awesome,
(05:23):
you know, hence the awesomeshow, you know, that's the word
verbiage we use. So let's,let's, let's let's chop it up.
Let's take it back to the verybeginning. You know, everybody
is afraid of having a child mostof us are because they don't
know, hey, am I going to be agood parent? Am I going to be
able to tackle life with a childAm I going to be responsible
enough, I had those fears.
Initially, when a chain which ismy son, his, his mother was
(05:46):
pregnant. And, you know, I wasjust worried, you know,
financially, I was just worriedjust being a man certain things
and aspects I was just worriedabout. Now, I was also battling
my own demons from from lifebefore I met his mom, I didn't
take care of those, which isvery, very intricate as far as
the process and we'll get backto that. Fast forward, she
(06:07):
became pregnant. Shane was born.
You know, in March, he was bornand I had the pleasure of
actually being there. Matter offact, the weirdest part about it
is that I worked in the Galleriahere in Philadelphia, a lot of
people may not know. But Iworked there, she was over at
Pennsylvania University. So Ihad to, I had a retail job as a
(06:30):
manager, I had to run to thegallery literally run to the
gallery, open up the store forthe manager, and then run back
and I just made the delivery intime to see my son born, which
was an amazing delivery. If youhave a weak stomach, fellas,
please wait outside, in a room.
The room is big enough. Theydon't need another bit in there.
But anyway.
(06:51):
So I was there the mostbeautiful thing I've ever seen
in my life, a life being born, Ido have a picture I remember
holding him and on my chestsmallest ever can be. And you
know, I couldn't wait to getthem home. That was the
beginning of the end. And what Imean by that is that it was the
beginning of a new life, the endof my previous life, but I
wasn't there yet.
(07:13):
Going into, you know, just beinga new father, a new mother, we
had a house it was there's a lotof different pressures going on.
And then what I started tonotice, whereas
some differences in the way hewill act, and I would notice
these things, but I was just sowrapped up in my own
(07:34):
indiscretions, my owndepressions my own, you know,
things of the world, I was sowrapped up with that my mindset
was like, okay, that's justsomething normal that kids go
through, he'll grow out of it.
favorite word for everybody touse, they'll grow out of it. So,
yes, on and on, he becamefascinated with trains,
(07:54):
which he started to line up, andI didn't know what was going on.
I'm like, Okay, well, that'snormal, it's trains, you line
them up, they go around to two.
But he started stemming, youknow, going back and forth
against a table, a linear objecthe could find and put the trains
exactly on the edge. And he kepton doing it and doing it again,
hence, so one particular day, Iwas coming home from night,
(08:14):
overnight work. And he was doingit and doing it so much. It
almost looked like my son waspossessed. And it scared the
hell out of me. Like this wassomething I'd never seen before.
And you know what, and I'm sorryto say this, but I have to be
transparent. I pushed him awayfrom it because I was scared.
And I was frightened. And Ididn't know what was going on.
(08:35):
And he fell with the trains. Andhe cried hysterically,
hysterically. And then he gotback up, he put the trains
exactly exactly the way it wasbefore. And he continued to go
on. Nevertheless, I went backinto a private room and I
started crying. Because at thatpoint in time, I knew there was
something going on. But not onlythat, I knew that I failed as a
(08:58):
father at that point in time,when the fact that I actually
had to physically do somethingto my son, because I was scared
instead of being a man andreally trying to prep myself to
understand what was going on myson. At that time, there was a
lot of relationship issues. Istressed this a lot, you know,
awesome parents, please, don'tlet autism be the crutch for the
(09:20):
given motive behind a divorce, abreakup. It is not. It's
actually a blessing to bringyour family and your circle
stronger together. Do not usethat talk. communication is the
key men talk. communication isthe key. Men talk. communication
is the key. I'm learning thisevery single day. Men talk.
(09:41):
communication is the key. I'mlearning this every single day.
So you are not alone. I saythis, because I'm being
transparent. So we went. We wentto the doctors and you know what
we we we feared the worse.
As far as the diagnosis, becausedeep down in our hearts, we knew
(10:03):
that there was something specialabout our son's veins, there was
something more that was going onwith him. We went into the
doctors, and they told us Yes,he is diagnosed with autism. And
that was at the age of three, Ihave to say, when I heard that
diagnosis, my world stop, it didcrumble. And the reason why, and
this is something that I wantyou men, and also women, to the
(10:23):
mothers to understand, it is notabout you, you should also
understand once you havechildren, it is never about you
anymore. It's about that child,you know what you have given up
your life to support and toserve that child. That's the
blessing that God has bestowedon you. So what I was dealing
with was me, Oh, God, why canyou do this to me, Oh, god, this
is not fair to me, oh, I want tohit the reset button. I don't
(10:45):
want to be here. God, I want tostart over with somebody else
and have a normal child, youknow, so what I started to do is
go out, started to direct myattention elsewhere, to bars, to
the clubs, to other women,things that really were
detrimental to my relationship,not only to my family, but most
importantly to my son. I didn'tunderstand that this was about
(11:06):
him and not about myself. So youknow, what ended up in divorce
with me and his mom,unfortunately, it ended up in
divorce, and my son wasn'taffected as much as he could
have been. And the reason whythis specific reason why not
give shout outs to his mom, isthat she did realize that I
needed to be there. But itwasn't it wasn't without
(11:28):
struggle, court systems back andforth. You know, that's a whole
nother topic in the court with achild with special needs. It's
crazy. But right, you know,going back and forth, and I kept
on going through life, notknowing what's going on, I kept
on going to disappointment, thedisappointment, and the one
person that one person thatalways smiled and hugged me and
said, I love you with my son, henever ever doubted who I was as
(11:51):
a man and who I could be it waslike he already seen the future
and knew exactly where I wouldbe right here in this position.
And he wanted to keep on pushingme. You know, it was to the
point where I just got down onthe knees, I broke down, I
couldn't take it no more. Lifewas just throw me just rocks and
rocks and rocks, I was about tolose everything. And I just gave
it to God, I really found mypurpose in God in my in my
(12:15):
religious background, which isreally, really important. This
is a religious foundation foranybody in women, men, anybody
you need that in order not onlyfor awesome children, but for
life. And when I found that, Ireally started to understand for
one, God's love to thetransportation of His love into
(12:36):
four Well, actually, to me,three, the transportation of the
love He gave in my son to giveto me, and then for for me to
transfer that love back to God.
And not only God but everybodyelse, you guys, the community.
So in the midst of that, I wasable to learn all this. And what
happened is spark it and I'mlike, Oh my god, I lost so many
(12:57):
years of just trying to figureout why I was affected by this,
but I never knew what was goingon with my son. I wasn't at IEP
meetings. I wasn't, you know,any of his performances I missed
so much time. Got right on theball. And I started off
different, you know, women tendto start with, you know, the
research, you know, thetherapies, you know, different
(13:17):
things, which is perfectly fine,man, we're slow. We're turtles,
we're in the background. Youknow what, but I took that
momentum, and sort of like theslingshot and I went forward. So
what I did is I started my son'syou know, Autism Speaks.
Drive one year, I did a wholecampaign when I'm not autistic.
I'm awesome. That hence theawesome show. I raised 2500 for
(13:41):
Autism Speaks for his team. ThenI started to do the show that
awesome show. And what happenedon that is I wanted to give the
everyday people the average bluecollar workers that have people
that are working, working classpeople the opportunity to speak
out about autism. Yes. You knowwhat? Shout out to everybody who
goes to school for this who getsthe train and gets the
(14:02):
therapies. But unfortunately,people like me, you who look
like me and you tired bags undereyes, you know, we got stains on
our shirts, we got things thatare going on, we want to see
people who looks exactly like soI looked in the mirror and I say
Yo You know what, I look exactlylike you. You know what, so why
not speak out about it and moreprevalent in the black and brown
(14:24):
communities is actually needed.
You know what, this is notsomething that is just going to
shut off as they get older. Weneed to be proactive in our
thinking, you know, once again,I talked about this all the
time, we can be proactive ongetting those new Nikes
proactive on getting that newPlayStation, we need to be
proactive for our children andactually go out there and no one
wants to label our children. Youknow, nobody wants to put that
(14:44):
scarlet letter. I know youremember, back in the day, that
book no one wants to put thatscarlet letter on ourselves or
their children. But that scarletletter is actually their
superpower symbol that is theirdesk that is on their chest.
That's what they need to berecognized. So we know
Need to get them diagnose. Theplatform has grown. I had a you
(15:05):
know a very very articulategroup of individuals that kept
on being attracted to the onlineshow. It was on internet online
internet show. My first guestwas a gentleman by the name of
Ben Hart Rafa. 22 year oldautistic, which he has started
to build nj show, I'm actuallyhis co host on his platform. So,
(15:27):
you know, shout out to Ben,that's my, that's my brother
right there, him and his dad wason my platform. I've had
Christian rappers. I've haddoctors, I have had mothers who
have never spoken about theirchild ever, openly to the
public, be on my show. And Idiscovered more and more that
Yo, this is my purpose, this iswhat I'm supposed to do. So this
is, this is what I do it for. Idon't do it for me, I don't do
(15:49):
it to both me and my face and myson's face, I do it. So I could
step in front of a crowd ofpeople and say, Hey, you want to
know what autism looks like?
autism looks just like me, itlooks just like you, it looks
just like you. There is nodefinite look to autism. But
what we do share is the love thelove that you will never
experience in your life beforeunless you get to know us and we
(16:11):
welcome you openly to ourcommunity. So that's the purpose
behind everything. That is sobeautiful. And I think so many
things that you said are thingsthat so many of us parents go
through, you know, youmentioned, when he was born when
the you got the diagnosis, youknow, the denial, right, the
kind of why me the focus inwardinstead of really focusing on
(16:33):
your child. And I think that'sjust a natural thing that a lot
of people go through, and thereis a shift that has to happen.
The other thing about stimmingYou know, my son does a lot of
different types of stimming. Andso many kids do a lot of
different stimming. And it'shard to sometimes identify as
actually stimming Yes, so thenif you don't really know what
(16:54):
that is, especially early on,you do try to stop it. I mean,
I've done that, too. You know,I'm like, why is he doing this,
let's change that behavior. Butsomething that we know now that
we don't need to stop. It'ssomething that serves them and
their and their needs. So Ithink there's just so much that
people can really resonate withand everything that you said,
(17:16):
and also just all theawesomeness that you are exuding
right now. awesome things thatyou're doing to bring awareness.
You know, it's autism and anyother special needs. There's no
discrimination here, right? Itis across genders it is across
ethnicities, it does not matter.
(17:36):
And what is most important is wecan be a voice, you can be a
voice in the community, andshowcase the love that is there
as a foundation, yourspirituality as a foundation
that really will uplift theautism community, not only
support the children, but alsothe parents. You know, and I
think that's a big thing thatyou and I have a lot in common
(17:58):
of really wanting to helpsupport the parents share our
stories, let them know thatthey're not alone. And that this
is something that we can allwork through together and lean
on each other. Yeah, absolutely.
I just think you are so amazing.
I'm Thank you. Thank you. Thankyou. You are to that definitely,
definitely. You know whatinternet age, you know, this is
this is what it's about use theinternet for good and
(18:20):
positivity. We need this. So youknow, this is this is one thing
right here? Definitely.
Absolutely. So maybe switchinggears a little bit to talk about
some of your challenges as aparent and especially as a
father.
Susan Fink (18:34):
Do you want to dive a little bit more into what you
know, being a father who has achild with autism? What is that
like for you? Because I'm a I'ma mother, right? I'm also
divorced. And, you know, I don'thave a father figure in the
house here with me, for my son.
So I'm curious. And I thinkmaybe even some moms could even
who are listening, learn alittle bit more of a male's
(18:55):
perspective, okay, that couldalso even help their situation.
Jamiel Owens (19:02):
First off, and this touches, it just resonates
with me very much is because notuntil I was 24 did I know who my
father was? So shout out to allthe single mothers that awesome
others such as yourself that aredoing this Do not be misled to
believe that you cannot grow astrong man now. And that point
(19:24):
really there are some caseswhere that male that male figure
that male role model will beneeded? Yes, it is definitely
important with the growth ofmale but do not be hesitant to
believe that you can do thisbecause you can I am the product
of a single mom who bust theirbutt three jobs who never made
it to any one of my performancesbecause she was always working.
(19:46):
You know, who made sure that shekept food on the table? Yes, I
grew up in a hood. There wastimes where electric was off.
There was no food. You know,water was off. There was times
like that, but she tried herbest. And then I like to say you
When she passed away, it was thetransfer of energy because God
said, Okay, now it's time foryour father to come in and take
over for that. It was literallytwo years prior to my mom
(20:09):
passing away that I met my dad,and then we grew a bond. And my
mentality was like, Okay, well,I don't want to know why you
left in the in the past, that'sthe past, be here now and be
here from this point on. Soshout out to my dad, he's been
doing that. And he's been ashining example for me as far as
just being a man andaccountability and family, you
know, and he loves his grandson,he loves my son with everything
(20:32):
he loves. He may not understandautism, but he loves him just
the way he is. And I see thatevery single time. So it's
amazing. Um, first thing I haveto say is that men, and I'm
gonna be real, because I wasthat stop being a coward. Like,
seriously, stop being a coward,stop running away from the
problems, there is a way to getthrough this.
(20:53):
People say oftentimes, that is,you know, we can't we can't, we
can'tconverge on an agreement. We
can't make this work. It's, it'stoo late. It's never too late.
It's never too late. If it'ssomething that you want, it is
never too late. So work it out.
And I like to use this as thatit's always said that, if a man
(21:14):
leaves his household, he isbasically leaving his kingdom
open for the devil to comethrough and wreak havoc. You
don't have to sleep in a roomwith her for that night. For
those two nights, you got acouch, you got another room. But
do not leave your castle. Focuson what you guys need to repair
together, talk through it, yellthrough, cry through it whatever
(21:34):
you need to. But get through it,because it's not only you
watching him and him watchingyou. But there's a little one
that's watching you both, and issitting there and watching his
or her family fall apart onsomething that they don't
understand. Because the onlything they understand is the
love of mommy and daddy, andwhat they thrive off of that. So
you have to do it once again,not only for you, you're doing
(21:55):
it for the child, men step up,find out what it is that you are
disagreeing about this childthat is on the spectrum, that's
the first thing. The secondthing is that you have to start
to be open, you have to startrealizing that this is not your
fault. You have nothing to dowith this. Think of this as a
blessing. There's something inyour life that is incomplete.
(22:17):
God recognizes this, and he gaveyou a child with special needs
with this awesomeness in orderto bring something out of you.
It's often that we we sit thereand we search for belongingness
to a togetherness, we want tobelong to somebody, we want to
sit there and be the best personthat we can be. And then you
have different things out herethat says oh, well, he has to be
an alpha male, he has to bestrong or he has to be
(22:38):
compassionate, he has to bewilling to help others he has to
be sensitive, he has to be firm,and strength, he has to tell it
like it is. And all of thosecharacteristics that I just tell
you look at your awesome childand tell me that they do not fit
every single one. So if you sitin there and you're trying to
search out here in this world,you're never going to find it
you're going to find it and thatgift of the child that God has
(23:00):
given you. You need to learnfrom Nichelle how are you going
to learn from that child, ifyou're never there? Make sure
you are there. Okay. And let'sjust say, let's just say you
can't, you can't bring come toterms, you know, it's okay. And
you guys have two co parents,not the assets, but co parent,
men.
You're not a failure. It's notthe end of the world. But it's
(23:22):
just the beginning. I need youto be there for the IEP
meetings, I need you to bethere. For the performances,
there was plenty of times wheremyself and his mother sat
different parts of theauditorium. And her boyfriend
was there. And respectfully Icame up and said, Hey, how's it
going? You know, his name isChris. Hey, how's it going,
Chris, nice to see you again.
And we will together love on ourchild on his great performance.
(23:44):
Because we knew it wasn't aboutus. It was about our child, this
is what you need to do. You needto sit there and separate
yourself from the pettiness andstart really growing and trying
to be there. And that startswith the open communication.
Susan Fink (23:59):
You know, synchronous, some real talk.
Right? It is it is it is. I loveall of that. Because I think a
couple a couple things that youmentioned the failure. Yeah, you
know, feeling like a failure, ormaybe even the finger pointing
right. Oh, the finger pointingwas a big thing. You and I
talked last week, you know, thefinger pointing, especially when
(24:20):
you're going through divorce?
Oh, you have challenges in yourmarriage. And there is a
diagnosis. And I think so manyof us go through that. Yes. You
know, and so it's trying to findthe blame. Yeah. But really,
really shifting the blame, andjust focusing on the things that
need to be done. That needs tobe supported for your child and
making that shift. And sometimesthat's really hard for people.
(24:42):
So I always like to say to isjust take it one day at a time.
One day, you don't have to lookso far ahead. Exactly what is
what needs to be done now toprovide that love and support.
And and really have to purposelyand intentionally
Stop the finger pointing andreally stop feeling like a
(25:03):
failure because like you justsaid, it's it's no one's fault.
Nobody, you know, and it'sreally just bonding together,
regardless of your circumstancespulling together for the the
health and the well being of theof your child. Absolutely.
Absolutely. Absolutely.
Jamiel Owens (25:20):
I think more I think more or less, it's women,
you have to understand. And thisis not to take away from your
feelings. What's your, What'syour feeling right now. But let
me You have to understand thatwe are conditioned in this
society to believe that we mustbear offspring that is going to
be our alpha, whether it'sfemale or male, we're supposed
(25:41):
to bring the healthiest specimento this world. And when we hear
diagnosis of autism or any otherdisability that could possibly
be, our heart stops, our egospeaks up in our heart stops,
and then we just think we'reultimate failure to society,
that's a US problem. We need tofigure that out. And I need you
(26:02):
as women to really, really checkus and be like you, that's a you
problem, you need to understandwhat you have right here, and
you need to step up again. Butat the same time, ladies, you
have to be able to be thatsupport system for us to and
really ask those hard questions.
What are you thinking? What's onyour mind? What's on your heart
about this? do you blame me askthat question? Because we're
(26:24):
gonna sit there and either we'regonna sit there and be like,
Well, you know, I don't or we'regoing to tell you is somebody
fought? And when you hear that,you know, try not to get too
emotional. Just try to be like,who fought? Do you think it is?
Come back with another openended question who fought Do you
think it is make us really thinkabout the stuff that comes out
of our mouths, you know, make usreally think about that. And I
(26:46):
think that's a that's a realintricate part about
communication, it will help youbuild that bond. Because
remember, when you're in arelationship leading, hopefully
to marriage, or in a marriage,that's your best friend, that is
your your cheerleader, you know,that both sides, that's your
cheerleader. So cheerleadersoften question people, you know,
the people who love you the mostis going to tell you like it is
(27:06):
straight to your face. That'sfacts, you know, so you got to
be willing to open tocommunicate with that.
Susan Fink (27:12):
Absolutely. 100% communication is so important.
You know, I would have to askyou about when, as a father, you
know, when you're handlingdifferent challenges with your
son, in different things thathe's going through or in your
relationship. I know, for me, asa mom, I have to do some things
to check myself and I have tokind of have some self care,
(27:35):
right, I need to step away, Ineed to take a deep breath, I
need to kind of figure out whatis in my toolbox of how do I
handle my own emotions. So I cancheck myself in these moments.
And sometimes that's reallydifficult takes a lot of
intention. But as a father, whatare some of the things that you
do to if you're in a moment, andsomething's going on? And it's a
(27:56):
challenging situation? What doyou do in that moment to kind of
take a step back in your mindand kind of work through those
feelings and emotions that youmight be going through?
Jamiel Owens (28:07):
Because that's a heavy question. It's a good one,
but it's a heavy question. Ithink I think for me personally,
and once again, I'm not here tosway you towards any type of
religion. I'm a Christian, I'mhere to sway you for a religious
balance, whatever that may be.
That's your, that's yourperspective. I have to say, it
goes back to God for me. I sitback and I really realize
(28:30):
everything that I've beenthrough through life, so much
pain, watching my mom die infront of me stage four cancer,
being the last person to see mygrandma dying of brain cancer.
Being out on the street on myown at 16. My mom suffered
schizophrenia. At a young age,she locked me out the house
(28:50):
sleeping on a porch, beingtransported to my grandma's
house in a in a police van thatwas covered with blood from a
patient that died just hoursbefore. You know, heartbreak
after heartbreak in life, youknow, just feeling lonely
sleeping from couch to couch atone point.
You know, going through thedivorce almost about to lose
(29:12):
everything in my household, lostmy car, lost my job lost the
person that I was involved with,at that time, lost everything.
And I really realized it'scrazy. But I want you to really
try to close your eyes andpicture this. I sat just on the
floor and when my knees balledup almost in a fetal position,
but vertically, and I didn't Iwas just alone, alone alone. And
(29:37):
I just I just breathed, Iinhaled and exhaled. And I just
asked God, please help me help.
And that's where it comes downto it comes down to that
surrender. And I think everysingle time you know I'm always
reminded, you know by my wifesurrender, why are you taking on
something that you cannot takeon?
(30:00):
by yourself, and it's likebeating a dead horse, but I have
to hear it. And then I have toget to the point where I'm so
close to anxiety because it's somuch, so much anxiety to give
out in this world, it'splentiful, it's around here,
that I have to just really juststep back and just say, I
surrender. And I have to reallyremember where I was into where
(30:21):
I was now, where I am now, andhow I surrendered back then, and
got to the place where I'm atnow. So what that means is that
he will never forsake me,there's always good positive
promises out of this, and that Iam able to make this if I
stopped thinking that I can takeon this battle by myself. And
that's, that's where I steppedback. That's my third person,
(30:43):
that's my sizing up my scenethat's looking at every
different view to possibly thinkof as a man. And what that
allows me to do is to open up myheart Even more to be able to
love on individuals who gave methat advice, such as my family
to love when my son in thosetimes to level my co workers to
level my boss to love when mynext door neighbor that doesn't
(31:05):
necessarily like people of mycolor, it allows me to sit there
and open up and be like, Okay,I'm going to get through this
for right now. I'm going to pushlove the agenda first. And I'm
gonna be following straight inback of it sort of just like
sort of like a quarterback, youknow, like your front line and
you to your to run it back andyou got that ball and you need
that that front line, I love tojust block everything out so you
(31:25):
can get through. Yeah, for thisweekend, you know, throw a
little, little Super Bowl, youknow,
go eagles, on top of that, goeagles. But listen, they're not
in it, but go eagles. But Ithink the most important part is
the pushing of that agenda. Mostimportantly, above anything, is
(31:46):
to surrender. Men, we have tolearn how to surrender
surrendering is not a deficit inmanhood. You You grew up on
cartoons, oh, we can retreat,live to fight another day.
things of this nature has provento be effective. In a lot of
(32:08):
different ways. And battles, wecould go into history and
history, there has been thingsthat have worked with surrender.
And it speaks about this everysingle day. My accountability is
my Bible speaks about this everysingle day in the Bible.
Surrender is a godson gift tous, we must take advantage of
it. So surrender, sighs to signup, look at your blessings,
(32:32):
obeah heart and go right backinto life, and go and push hard
and go forward.
Susan Fink (32:38):
Wow. I love that.
And you and I spoke before we'vebeen recording and your story
and the things that you've gonethrough and where you are now.
And how you are so open. And sovulnerable, is like, I mean, I
was like holding back tears, andwe were talking. So it is
really, really amazing. And, youknow, you and I share the same
kind of spiritual belief. Andthat is also what I believe my
(33:01):
purpose is as well to help otherpeople and share my experiences
and be open. Yeah. But somepeople don't have the same
belief. And like you said,That's okay, we are both of us
are not here to push any agenda.
No, but I think a couple thingsyou said are so critical that
regardless of your spiritualbeliefs, that's letting go of
(33:24):
your ego, putting your prideaside and giving it up
surrendering, realizing thatthis is what it is, you know,
and finding those blessings.
Yes, I think you can do that,regardless of your spiritual
beliefs. But that is a hugething, even as a woman having an
ego and, and having pride,right, it's like, I've also had
to really push through thosethings, to strip myself down to
(33:46):
be vulnerable, to be able to beopen and be open minded to
what's something that I didn'treally expect, right with autism
or whatever that is. So that'sthe render is I love that word
because it really is such apowerful word and a powerful act
that can truly open you up toacceptance, and taking action
that is needed. And like yousaid, Love is that foundation so
(34:09):
beautifully said I just shot.
Thank you. Thank you. Surrenderis a powerful word. It's a
powerful word. Definitely sopowerful. You know, I wanted to
switch gears real quick. Okay,we didn't have a chance yet to
talk about this. And I wanted tomake sure we did talk about it.
You have been involved withworking with different police
(34:32):
departments in area and you havehad experience in your past. As
we mentioned the beginning ofthe show, and you we had talked
about this and I you reallybrought something to my
attention for me, which I didn'teven think about so maybe you
can share with the listeners.
Some things that we talked aboutwith the police department.
Okay, so I'm happy you bringthis out, you know, shout out to
(34:55):
all the police officers. We have
Jamiel Owens (35:00):
A great deal of work to do in our communities as
far as police reform, as far asyou know, you know, knowing
what's right or wrong for ourprotectors of the community who
serve out there. At the end ofthe day, I want you to guys to
realize that they aren't justpeople, there's a speaker from a
law enforcement background, Iwas a corrections officer, I
(35:20):
know it, you know, we are justpeople. So, in that case, we do
have some people out there, weneed to get rid of we need to
work on. But we also need towork with the parents because
it's not only 100%, or lawenforcement, but it's also 100%
on a parent's to starts withthat, um, what I recognize, like
(35:40):
I said, I'm from the black andbrown communities, I represent
them. And my son is of thatheritage as well. He is going to
have a police interaction is nodoubt about it. I do not intend
to keep him bottled up in cageinside a bubble, I went to him
to experience life, the world,so forth and so on, you know, I
(36:01):
want him to have that. He needsto know how to interact with
those individuals in lawenforcement just in case there's
an emergency, if an officercomes up to him and questions on
because he looks like apotential suspect. They're doing
their job. So what I started toinvolve myself with is
trainings, and also speaking topublic, you know, public
(36:23):
officials and policedepartments, which here in
Montgomery County, Pennsylvania,myself, and my partner, Ben
Hart, rev, we have already beginto speak and do public speaking
engagements to policedepartments, to let them know
about autism, what triggers tolook out for what is considered
some potential strategies whendealing with a person that is on
(36:46):
the spectrum, we are beginningthose, I'm looking to start to
do these speaking inPhiladelphia, which I'm working
on now. And really, all acrossthe country, whoever it may be,
I don't really care. I want tospeak to you because I recognize
you're a person because Iunderstand that. But we're also
speaking to the parents,parents, it is very important
(37:07):
that we start talking to ourchildren about law, what their
purpose is there and how tointeract with them. Hi, my name
is you'll tell them like my son,Hi, my name is Shane.
I am on the autism spectrum.
This is my dad's or my, youknow, my dad's or my mom's
telephone number, they canbetter assist you with helping
(37:28):
me. And we have these cards, Idon't have the cards around. But
we do have these cards that weactually mailed out to anybody.
They're from us here at theawesome show. And they basically
give you a little briefintroduction or background about
what that person has, how youcan help them as a law
enforcement professional, and itgives them contact information
(37:49):
on the back, we have to stopwith this stigma, that all cops
are bad that you don't snitchthat you don't talk to them. You
have to give them this vitalinformation in order for them to
do their job but also to tocreate a sense of of, I'm not
going to say liability but asense of community open
communication. You know, at theend of the day, other people
(38:10):
outside parties may ask, Well,did this individual give you
their name and information? Yes.
Okay. So why are you doing this?
You know it now it puts them ifthere any wrongdoing and malice
it puts them in the hot seat?
versus Oh, well, ma'am, your sondidn't say nothing. They didn't
give their age or communication.
It's it's a whole thing tounpack. And that's why I'm doing
(38:32):
it is because I see thepotential risks for my own son.
Once again, this is about menstepping up and speaking out for
their community. I recognizethis. So if I recognize this
with my own son, why am I goingto harbor the potential for me
to speak out and show my side ofwhat a concern autism dad or
awesome dad would feel like, ifI can't speak to on behalf of
(38:54):
everybody. So this is what wedo. We talk to the police
officers, we acknowledge theirefforts in the community, we
understand what their trainingis right now with their training
reprises off, but we know thatit's more and we let them know
this is what autism is. This iswhat we look at as being
individuals on the spectrumwhich is represented by Ben, a
22 year old Caucasian male, andthen what the parents are, which
(39:18):
is represented by me 39 year oldblack and brown representative
of the community. And look atthat combination together. Now
we're giving you both sides ofthe fence on the spectrum of the
spectrum, different upbringingsdifferent environments, and
we're giving that information toyou. So it's been phenomenal.
I'm looking to continue to do itbut only gets stronger and
(39:39):
bigger. I've been working alsowith Tom and Emily island for be
safe. The movie I just started.
Well, we have a relationship.
They've been on the show, butreally going into their training
program also to help out otherauthorities as well. So it's
been amazing. We got a lot ofwork to do. It's a lot of work
to do. You're awesome.
(40:00):
Some child right now is going togrow up to be an awesome adult
and an awesome individual. Andwe need to make sure that they
recognize the rules and youknow, what's around in their
surroundings, what's in place tohelp protect them, but also to
what's fair, and what's right.
You know, sometimes everythingis not going to be peaches and
cream, it's not going to be alllove. And you know what, that's
(40:20):
okay. But if we can arm them,you know, if we could give them
that armor and that knowledgeand that know how, but still
keep the compassion, we aredoing our jobs as parents.
Absolutely. And I love thatawareness that you're bringing
to the police department,because I think they also need
to be educated, like you said,on what autism is, what are the
different behaviors of childrenwho have autism and, and I love
(40:45):
that you're bridging that gap,you know, there is that need,
and I love that you're bringingthat together.
Susan Fink (40:53):
Let's go ahead and switch gears to I want to know,
and as a parent, I know that myson has taught me so many
different things, as a parentand as human beings. So what
would be some of the top thingsthat your son has talked about
being a father and about justbeing an awesome person?
Jamiel Owens (41:12):
Let's let's look at this in the challenge of
Super Bowl Sunday. So we're nowyou know, seconds away from
winning the Super Bowl for toolong, we got about 10 seconds
left on the clock, I have somecrappy wide receivers, I got a
good line, though. We're gonnamake it work. That's life, you
always have some crappy ins andouts, you got a good line,
(41:36):
that's your family structure ordebt can be just your self
confidence, we're going to makethe best out of it. One thing
that my son has taught me is theaccountability, the compassion,
the empathy, the trust, in thelove components about life,
these are these are allcharacteristics of God, he has
(41:56):
taught me these things he hastaught me these things time and
time again, is that for one, byaccepting his disability, is
allowing me to have process mydisability, because in the midst
of this whole interview, Ididn't really mention to you my
real, real, real, real bigbasis, the strongest connection
(42:16):
that I have with the disabilitycommunity to awesome community
as I consider them is that Ihave a medical disability myself
on my right leg, which is an AVfistula, I was born with this.
My mom was my advocate when shewas younger raising me,
therefore, I never fullyunderstood what it is to
actually advocate for somebodyto full blown go out for
(42:39):
somebody and other people whoare just like you until now. So
my son brought all of lifecircumstances with him, came
with me together and reallyopened up my eyes to see what
guy was actually doing with mylife. He gave me this, this
perfection of a right leg inorder for me to go through life
(43:02):
of the trials and tribulations,the hardships in order to sit
down and have a child that hasthese awesome capabilities in
order for me to learn aboutthose awesome capabilities, to
be able to speak out about thesecapabilities, to be able to love
myself in love individuals likemy son, and others with his
capabilities, to speak out, tolove him more, to now be able to
(43:26):
speak and leave a legacy for himto continue. These were the
building blocks, the snap, thatthe hike was snapped, I had the
ball I threw the ball up my lifewas that wide receiver running
through the go get that ballgoing towards the end zone. That
was my life that was was thelines the yardage that I had to
go through. And all in all, I'mgetting beat up by linemen, I'm
(43:50):
trying to get to that open balland that's life, then that's
finances. And that'srelationships. And that's past
hardships. And that's previousemployers just trying to tackle
me. And then I'm going into thefield and what I see that ball
is my son, that that ball isGod's love that ball is the
empathy, that ball is thecompassion, and I have my heart,
(44:10):
open my arms open to receivethat. And then when I finally
catch it,I opened my eyes and I'm here
now. I have made the touchdown.
I have made the Super Bowl. WhatI'm saying is that without me
really surrendering. Once againthat word that we fear fellas,
(44:31):
when I when I learned tosurrender, that's when I really
understood how much of ablessing my son was how much of
a better man that he has made meholy, to be able to love on my
family and my wife to be able tolove on my son be able to love
(44:52):
on others be able to love onanybody I come in contact with
that is the strongest principlethat no one can take
from me, that they can onlyspeak on and only look forward
to actually gaining themselves.
And every time they say, hey,how can I be just like you I
said, Don't chase me chasedemand that's upstairs because
he was the one that was able forme to see this and to understand
(45:12):
this. So that that I have to saythat is the gift. That's what I
have been blessed with. That hasbeen what has Shane has taught
me holy. And this is somethingthat, you know, on my on my
deathbed, you know, hopefullyI'm, I'm saying and I'm not
seeing out all over the place,but I will remember this to the
deaf day, you know, until I meetmy maker that, you know, thank
(45:35):
you for this gift. Becausewithout it, I would have just
been another statistic probablylocked away in prison or doing
something that was just harmfulto hurt other individuals
instead of uplifting them. Sothat's what my son actually
taught me. And fellas, I justimplore you, once again, stop
making this about you. If youfeel as though this is a you
(45:55):
problem, that's a you problem,you need to figure this out. And
that means that you need tofigure this out without hurting
other individuals, you need toreally sit down with yourself
and really understand who youare as a person deep down
inside. Wow. I love thatanalogy. And just the visual
that you gave us just nowcatching that ball.
Susan Fink (46:19):
You know, with the gift that you caught. And just
the difference that your son hasmade in your life. I mean, it is
so inspiring, and to be able tomake Thank you. And be open to
that is just incredible. Thankyou, thank you.
Jamiel Owens (46:38):
Yeah, it's a blessing. It definitely is a
blessing. Doing shows like thisis a blessing, you know, doing
public speaking engagements is ablessing. This is just things
that, you know, I've beenblessed with that I know
purposely is supposed to giveback to everyone else, you know,
loving on each other. You know,that's what it is. You have your
own podcast, where can peoplelisten to the awesome show?
(47:02):
Where can they find you. So youcan find that awesome show. I'm
on Facebook, under the awesomeshow. That's th e space, a US a
space sh o w. I'm also onInstagram, at the awesome show.
And that's th e au, s o m, e, sho w all one word. And then also
(47:26):
to I'm on anchor and Spotify. Iapologize. I do have some
episodes on there. I'm lookingto actually do some more. But
you can look up the awesomeshow. And we're just on those
three platforms right now. LikeI said, I am doing public
speaking engagements, a lot ofinterviews. I just did a men's
conference with the Universityof Drexel here and Philadelphia,
(47:50):
Pennsylvania. You can go on toPhilly autism and look at the
conference visually see theamazing gentlemen that I had the
privilege of partaking in thatwith you can read plenty of my
articles that are out Google meto mill Owens, j, m i l o w e
ns, and you'll find all of myworks on Google, you know, the
mastermind of life right now.
And that's it. Hopefully, somemore things to come. Awesome.
(48:13):
See what they're awesome for theawesome show?
Unknown (48:19):
Yeah, yes.
Susan Fink (48:22):
Well, Jamiel, I'm s happy that we were able to hav
you here on the rise of the Livpodcast. And I'm just so blesse
and honored to have met you anto learn more about you and t
hear your story and thinspiration that you'r
providing to other familiesNow, before we close things out
is there anything else that yowould like to say your las
(48:43):
words of advice for family?
Jamiel Owens (48:44):
My last words of advice, families, friends,
caretakers, mothers, fathersawesome individuals on the
spectrum is you have to realizethat your purpose here on this
planet is to be you and be thebest version of you that you
could possibly be what thatentails is not being like
(49:04):
someone else being outside thebox being different thinking
different, loving, different,continue to do that in a way
that you are a light in thisworld of darkness that resonates
out more than anything else thatcan be seen. We are in dark
times right now. Where it seemsas though people will be more
(49:26):
lovers of self than lovers ofothers. You are naturally born a
gift here on this planet to belovers of others. We need you.
Don't let anybody tell you thatwe do not need you to parents,
the caregivers. We need you. Weneed you to continue to push
these children to be the mostamazing individuals on this
(49:48):
planet. I implore you to look asyou are doing this world a
service. You are doing thisworld of service by having these
awesome children by you beingSome parents by you speaking
out, can continue to do so.
Continue to love on otherscontinue to go through life
battling your battling, get downand get knocked down seven stand
(50:11):
up eight times is a truestatement. Get back up, brush
your knees off, poke your chestout and continue looking
forward. Alright, and I love youguys. I love you contact DM me
if you need any talk, anyconversation, any words of
encouragement, we're here foryou. That's what the autism the
awesome community is about?
Susan Fink (50:30):
Well, you are incredible, and you are just an
amazing person. And I am just sohappy that you were able to
connect today to share yourstory to inspire other people to
give them differentperspectives. And so thank you
so, so much, Jamiel, for beingwith me.
Jamiel Owens (50:49):
No problem. Thank you, I listen, continue to do
what you do continue to knowthat you are awesome. Your
family's awesome, your child isawesome. I know that you have a
purpose that is bigger thanyourself bigger than your child
bigger than your area where youlive in this purpose is for the
world. So I commend you. And Iapplaud you and you inspire me
(51:11):
to continue to do what I'mdealing with this show in my
effort. So you have family overhere. Now you family had an
awesome show, family of the Benand j show. You know what,
anytime you need us, we're herefor you. I love it. Thank you so
much. No problem. No problem.
Thank you.
Susan Fink (51:28):
Well, like I said during that interview, I was
just so honored to meet Jamiland he really is making a huge
impact in the autism community.
And I hope this has given yousome perspective, a different
perspective of father'sperspective, something that I
would never be able to provide.
So I was just so grateful thathe was willing to join me here
on the rise with the lightpodcast now. That is it for this
(51:49):
episode. It was long. Thank youso much for listening. If you've
gotten this far, if you have notsubscribed please subscribe to
this podcast and follow thispodcast so that you never miss
another episode. Let me knowwhat you think. Is this helping
you? Are these episodes helpingyou DM me at Susan Fink Ries, I
would really love to hear fromyou. And don't forget to
nominate someone for theinclusion and kindness free
(52:11):
giveaway. DM me at Susan Finkdot rise to tell me who you want
to nominate who lives a life ofkindness. So as you know, my
mission is to help as manypeople as I can. And I cannot do
that without you. So thank you.
Thank you. Thank you so much forlistening. Thank you for
supporting and sharing thispodcast to help others. And
until next time, I appreciate Iempathize and I am here for you
and we can do this
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