July 26, 2022 • 22 mins
If you are living in automatic, reacting and leading with your feelings in how you respond in everyday life to a variety of situations and encounters with others, this episode is for you. Pausing can be incredibly powerful to discover more about yourself, identify and analyze what drives your feelings and help you break free from reacting and have a more positive, productive outcome. In this episode, I share when and why to pause, what you can do when you pause and how to do it. It may sound easy, but pausing takes practice. I hope this episode resonates with you and provides you with a different perspective in hope for positive changes in your life. Please share this with others who this could help.
DM me @susanfink.rise to reach out for questions or if you need help. I'm a mindset coach helping other single parents and parents raising children with special needs, make significant changes in the way they think to get through what they're going through. Check out more information on risemindset.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hieveryone and welcome to the rise
(00:09):
with the light podcast. My nameis Susan Fink and this is my
weekly podcast dedicated tosupporting families raising
children with special needs. I'mon a mission to provide hope and
positivity through sharing mypersonal insights, stories,
mindset perspectives, and waysto navigate through this
journey. Let's get started.
(00:46):
everyone, and thank you so muchfor joining me today. I wanted
to take a quick moment to justthank you for being here. Thank
you for listening. And if youare a new listener, a new
subscriber to this podcast, Iwould love to invite you to go
back and look at some of theother episodes that I have on
specific topics that might alsobe helping you so you may have
(01:06):
found this and thought yeah,this episode definitely
resonates with me. But I have somany other topics that I think
can also help you. And if youfind something that is helpful,
please DM me at Susan Fink dotRhys, let me know how the
episode has resonated with youlet me know if it does help you.
And also if you find that youthink that this could also help
(01:26):
other people, please share thispodcast with others. That is my
mission to help as many peopleas I can by sharing my own
personal experiences my journeyin being a single Special Needs
parent, and all of the differentthings that I have learned and
how to handle life, how to workthrough different situations how
(01:47):
to have a different perspective,using mindset coaching, using
mindfulness using intention, andso many other things. So thank
you again, so much for beinghere. And welcome if you are
new. Alright, let's go ahead andjump into this specific topic
about pausing. I call thisepisode pausing is powerful.
(02:09):
Have you ever been in asituation where you have
responded to something orreacted to something right away
automatically without thinking?
And you've done that, because ofyour emotional state? Or because
of how something affected you?
what somebody did what somebodysaid, Have you ever just
(02:31):
responded without thinkingwithout pausing. I think on a
human level many of us have donethat so many of us have really
reacted because of our emotionsbecause of how we feel at the
time. And often that can bereally dangerous, not only in
terms of different relationshipsthat we might have, but also
dangerous for ourselves. We'renot really being respectful of
(02:53):
ourselves, we're not beingrespectful of others. When we do
that, we are just reactingrather than really thinking
through how to approach adifferent situation or project,
whatever kind of situation thatyou're in, or respond to someone
else, which is why I call thisepisode pausing is powerful.
Because taking a pause, right,taking a beat before you respond
(03:16):
to anything is very powerful.
And you can actually learn quitea bit about yourself if you just
take a pause. So let's kind ofdive a little bit deeper into
why we should do it when weshould do it. What do we do when
we pause? How do we actuallypause this is sounds so simple
to just pause. But it can bereally hard to do, especially if
(03:37):
you are working in operating anautomatic and you're letting
your emotions and your feelingstake control of how you respond
to things. So let's talk aboutwhen when should you consider
pausing, pausing when you'reangry, pausing when you're sad,
pausing when you're anxious,pausing when you're agitated,
(03:57):
pausing in any situation whereyou feel there is an emotional
response. That could also bemore negative and negative
emotional response, where youare about to react and reacting
using your emotion or using yourfeeling. So that would be what I
would suggest doing. When youneed to pause, consider when you
(04:21):
need to pause. So pausing whenyou're agitated, pausing when
you're angry, pausing, even whenyou're sad, because sometimes
when we're in a sad state thatcan also lead to us making
decisions or making comments orresponding in a way that isn't
really coming from our trueself. It's coming from how
whatever feeling that we feel atthe time.
(04:47):
So anytime you feel any of thoseemotions, it could be so many
different types of emotions.
Those are just some examples. Iwould recommend pausing why
should we pause we should pausebefore we
You are say something we do notmean. And this is so fundamental
right? It's like don't sayanything, you don't mean, don't
do anything you don't mean, alot of times people respond
(05:11):
because of how they're feeling.
And often that can bedestructive. So if we're able to
pause, within that given moment,within that feeling before we
react, we can save ourselvessome heartache, we can save
ourselves from hurting others,we can save ourselves from doing
something saying something thatwe don't mean, we can also pause
and we should pause to giveourselves a mental break. So
(05:33):
sometimes when we're dealingwith different emotions, and
we're overwhelmed or anxious, orwe're just feeling just so many
different feelings and emotions,at the same time, it's a great
opportunity to pause and giveyourself that respect to
acknowledge that maybe you doneed just a mental break before
you actually respond toanything. This is also an
(05:55):
opportunity to really understandhow you take care of yourself,
and how you can also respectother people. So when you do
take a pause, you're taking thetime that you need to have a
more positive response, a morepositive and productive
response. So those are just someof the reasons why I think
pausing is something that weshould do and why we should do
(06:17):
it, again, to really protectourselves to protect other
people to give ourselves amental break to have some self
care and take care of ourselvesand also provide that more
positive productive responsethat comes from taking a pause
and comes from evaluating howyou're feeling and how those
feelings could be affecting theway in which you respond to
(06:37):
anything. So what can we do whenwe take a pause? When we take a
beat? Sometimes that pausedoesn't really need to last that
long. And sometimes the pausemaybe last for days, I don't
know, it really can depend onthe situation. But giving
yourself that time is reallyvaluable, really powerful to
identify a lot of differentthings when you need to take a
(06:59):
moment to yourself. So here aresome things that you can do when
you pause, you can breathe, takesome deep breaths, you can ask
yourself some questions aboutthe situation. Is it true? What
can I control? What can't Icontrol? What's the next right
action that I should be doing?
What are the things that Ishould consider and how I'm
(07:21):
responding? So you can askyourself questions, ask
yourself, why, why am I feelingthis way? What is at the root of
the feeling the emotion or theresponse? If I was going to
respond in an automatic way, ifI paused before I was going to
respond or say something orreact in a certain way, I can
also ask myself, what is at theroot of that automatic response?
(07:45):
What is the root of thatreaction? Why would I have that
reaction? Where is that coming?
From? What kind of feeling Am Ifeeling? Is there history here?
Is there trauma that maybe Ineed to evaluate? So you can
take that time to ask yourselfdifferent questions to really
evaluate those feelings andemotions and what you would
normally do to respond by reallytaking that time to really
(08:07):
evaluate that for yourself. Youcan also pray in this time, if
you are into praying, taking amoment to pray, to let things go
to give it to your higher powerto your God, whoever that is,
whatever that is to you. You canalso pray, pray for
understanding, pray for peace,pray for strength, pray for
(08:29):
wisdom, you can sit and pray. Ifthat's something that you're
comfortable doing something thatyou normally would do, you can
take that time to pray, if youalso need to get it out, maybe
there's something that youreally need to digest and
understand. And maybe journalingis something that really helps
you journal those feelings,figure out what are the things
(08:51):
that are driving these emotions?
What are the things that aredriving the feelings Where's
that coming from, and journalingis a great way of releasing
that. So you can get it off ofyour mind, get it off of your
chest, really try to release itso that it doesn't come out in a
negative way and using that timeto pause to journal. If you're
(09:12):
not somebody who likes tojournal or write it down. Maybe
you need to talk to someoneelse. Maybe you need to talk to
a friend, a family member, aloved one, someone who is not
tied to whatever the situationthat you're going through and
getting some perspective, askingsomeone else to help you
evaluate what's going on so thatyou can understand maybe
something from a differentperspective from a different
(09:33):
angle and find a differentmeaning around it. So talk to
someone else, somebody that youtrust somebody that you can
confide in. The other thing thatyou can do when you take a pause
is to get outside, change yourenvironment. Sometimes when we
are in the same environment wecan get stuck in our thought
process and I this is very truefor me. When I am working from
(09:55):
home and at home and with my sonat home, I really need to get
outside I have to change myenvironment, I need to get some
fresh air, I need to regroundmyself in nature, I need to
really change my environment tohelp me change my perspective
helped me take some deepbreaths, put myself in a
different place where I canmentally really identify and
think. And sometimes it's hardto do that when you're in the
(10:16):
same place, especially if youare somebody like me, who is
affected by their surroundings,and energy. And if I get outside
and change that environment, itreally helps me to get a much
better sense of what's going onand, and really helps me to
clear my head. So those are someof the things that you can do
when you pause. And like I said,it doesn't have to be a long
(10:39):
pause, it doesn't have to be ashort pause, it really just
depends on the situation, itdepends on what is going on the
people who are involved, it isreally depending on what you're
comfortable with. And kind ofgoing back to why we should
pause, it's also taking thattime to take care of yourself.
So if you put that into yourpractice, you can really use
(11:01):
that time for self care, usethat time to get better
understanding, to find themeaning to find the root of
what's going on, why you'refeeling the way that you're
feeling and really evaluate whatis going on before you say
something that you don't mean,before you do something you
don't mean before you respondand react, using your emotions
(11:23):
and really coming from yourfeelings. So this really helps
to separate your feelings versuswhat is going on and not
responding and reacting rightaway, which can be damaging,
right? I think all of us havebeen through those situations,
it can cause confusion, it canbe damaging, it can hurt
relationships, it can hurtpeople, pausing is so so
(11:44):
powerful. And you can use thatpause, and so many different
ways to really provide a better,more positive response that is
better and more productive foryou, too. So how do you do this?
It sounds so easy. Like I saidfundamentally? Pause right?
Okay, super easy, right? I gotit. No, this is not that easy.
(12:05):
And for some people, it may beeasier than others. I know for
me, pausing is something that Ihad to practice, this was not my
normal response process. I amnormally somebody who reacts to
things, I let my feelingsdictate my actions, I let my
feelings dictate what I say andwhat I do. And I am a very
(12:28):
emotional person. And I've hadto really figure out how do I
separate my feelings andemotions from my reactions. And
pausing is something that is noteasy for me, I operate more on
an automatic, I am much morereactive. And I can get heated
right, we can let our emotionsreally heat us up and let that
(12:49):
drive our response. But we don'thave to make that part of our
normal process anymore. And howto do that is to basically
practice, practicing pausing isso important to really get to a
point where you are able to bevery intentional with your
words, intentional with youractions, and really be mindful
(13:10):
of what's going on around you.
And setting good intentions andreally understanding where
everything is coming from. Andthat comes from being very aware
and mindful of your feelings ofyour emotions of how you respond
and changing that behavior. So alot of times this is habitual,
(13:30):
the way in which we respond tothings is almost like a habit.
It's just become who we are. Andthat's also something that
people say, Well, this is who Iam, this is how I am. And that
doesn't necessarily have toremain the same Sure, the way
that you are, and the way thatyou respond to things could be
conditional, it's conditionalbased on what's been modeled for
(13:51):
you. It's conditional based onhow you've always reacted to
things, you haven't taken thetime to maybe change that
approach. So if that's somethingthat you've always done, it's
something that how you've alwaysresponded to things. This is
going to take some practice, andthat's okay. You may not get it
right the first time, you maynot know what to do. But the
(14:12):
first step is really beingmindful and being very aware of
how you respond to things of howyou react, and how you use your
feelings to dictate thosereactions. So those things can
be changed. habits can bechanged, how you respond to
things can be changed, how youtake a pause and take care of
(14:34):
yourself can be changed, be openminded to what that could look
like, and how that could have amuch more positive effect on
your life. We don't have tooperate on automatic. We don't
have to operate in the way thatwe were taught or in the way
that we were modeled for us orin the way that we've always
been. We can make intentionalchanges in our lives by making
(14:59):
this choice.
is to pause. And one thing Iwanted to remind everyone about
is that you do have a choice andhow you respond, you have
control over that, you may nothave control over what somebody
else does or says to you, butyou have control over how you
respond. And that is actuallyyour responsibility in the
(15:23):
situation and how you respond.
And if you are choosing to bereactive, and let your feelings
guide you and your responses,that could be really damaging.
And it could be very hurtful notonly for somebody else, but for
you too. So if you're able topause and practice pausing, you
could have a very differentoutcome, you can really start
(15:45):
gaining more control of how yourespond of when you respond, and
how the outcome is you can havemuch more control over that. And
I think that's something that alot of people don't really get
is that you have so much morecontrol than you know, you have
control in what you do what yousay the decisions, you make how
(16:07):
you respond, you have so muchmore control. And often people
say, well, they made me angry,they made me do this, they made
me get upset, they made me lashout, they made me you know,
whatever the situation is right?
They made they somebody elsemade you do something or
somebody else made you feel acertain way somebody else made
(16:28):
you say something that maybe youdidn't mean, this is a really
tough thing to wrap your headaround, but nobody's making you
do anything you are making thechoices. You are the one who has
control over how you respondover what you say over what
comes out of your mouth overwhat your feelings are. And the
(16:49):
more we can understand that wehave a lot more control over it,
the better the outcome will bethe better we can heal
ourselves, the better we cantake care of ourselves, the
better, we can have moreproductive, effective
relationships, we can reallyunderstand where these things
are coming from and have adifferent response. And a lot of
(17:09):
times that comes from pausing,pausing in agitation, pausing
when you're angry, pausing whenyou're anxious, pausing when you
have any sort of emotion,pausing is so powerful. And it
gives you the ability and theopportunity to understand what
you can and cannot control andtake accountability and
ownership of that. Now, I'm notsaying this is easy, this is
(17:31):
very difficult. For mepersonally, it may be really
difficult for you and maybeeasier for other people. But the
more that you practice this, themore that you can really think
in this way and change yourperspective and change the lens
in which you're looking atcontrol and what you do have
control over and how you can usepausing in a very productive
effective way, you will be ableto see these changes happen and
(17:55):
you will feel so much more freebecause you actually know what
you have control over. Andnobody else can really dictate
that for you. The other thing Iwanted to mention is you don't
have to feel pressure to respondright away to anything. If
you're in a heated discussion,you're in a situation where
somebody is expecting a responsefrom you, you do not have to
(18:15):
respond, you have that controlas well. If you need to pause
and take a moment to yourself,you can do that. A lot of times
as people pleasers I am a formerpeople pleaser I've been trying
to recover from people pleasingfor many, many, many, many
years, basically my whole life.
And as a people pleaser, weoften want to please others,
right? We want to meet theirexpectations, we want to deliver
(18:38):
what their what they are askingof us. But in the reality of it,
we don't have to do that wedon't need to feel pressure
right away. And out of respectfor you out of respect for
others, you can ask for thatpause. You can take a moment,
however long that is to gatheryour thoughts to go through the
(18:59):
processes that you need to dopraying, journaling, talking to
someone getting outside askingyourself questions, really
diving deeper into betterunderstanding yourself, to
better understanding thesituation, to give yourself that
respect that you can take thatmoment to then come back to the
situation in a more positive wayin a more productive way. And
(19:20):
giving yourself that time todigest, evaluate, analyze, cry,
breathe, whatever you need todo, to get to a place where you
feel comfortable responding andthat you know you've done the
work, whatever that is a fewminutes, two days, however,
whatever that looks like for youin different situations, to then
get to a good place to be ableto come to the table and offer
(19:42):
your full self and offer a verymuch more thoughtful response
versus a quick response thatjust working in automatic that
you may not have reallyunderstood what what's going on.
And you may say or do somethingthat you don't
mean, and you're also leadingwith your feelings. So if we're
(20:03):
able to just take a moment topause,
it can be so powerful. And likeI said, it will take practice.
So pausing is powerful and takespractice. I know this firsthand.
I've been working on this for afew years now. And it is
difficult because I know how Inormally operate isn't
(20:26):
automatic, I am reactive. But Iknow that when I can pause and
take a moment to myself, I cancome back to the table with a
more clear head in the mostpositive productive way that
doesn't hurt anyone that is moreintentional. I'm more mindful,
I'm more aware, I have much moreunderstanding of what's going on
(20:48):
when I take that time. So Iwould encourage you to practice
pausing. And if you do startpractice pausing, I would love
to hear from you DM me at SusanFink dot Rhys on Instagram, I
would love to hear if you arepracticing pausing, what does
that look like for you, it'sprobably going to feel a little
uncomfortable at first when youstart doing it. And you have to
(21:09):
be very aware of when you needto do it. So that navigating
when you need to pause is goingto take some time. But I
guarantee you, you will feel somuch better. And you will
understand so much more aboutyourself. So I really encourage
you to try this. And I reallyhope that this episode has
helped you. If you know somebodywho also needs to pause, please
(21:33):
share this episode with them.
Like I said, my mission is tohelp as many people as I can to
help them on their journey andsharing my own personal
experiences and the things thatI've learned. So thank you.
Thank you. Thank you so much forjoining me today. Thank you for
listening. And until next time,I appreciate I empathize and I
am here for you. And we can dothis
Hieveryone and welcome to the rise
(00:09):
with the light podcast. My nameis Susan Fink and this is my
weekly podcast dedicated tosupporting families raising
children with special needs. I'mon a mission to provide hope and
positivity through sharing mypersonal insights, stories,
mindset perspectives, and waysto navigate through this
journey. Let's get started.
(00:46):
everyone, and thank you so muchfor joining me today. I wanted
to take a quick moment to justthank you for being here. Thank
you for listening. And if youare a new listener, a new
subscriber to this podcast, Iwould love to invite you to go
back and look at some of theother episodes that I have on
specific topics that might alsobe helping you so you may have
(01:06):
found this and thought yeah,this episode definitely
resonates with me. But I have somany other topics that I think
can also help you. And if youfind something that is helpful,
please DM me at Susan Fink dotRhys, let me know how the
episode has resonated with youlet me know if it does help you.
And also if you find that youthink that this could also help
(01:26):
other people, please share thispodcast with others. That is my
mission to help as many peopleas I can by sharing my own
personal experiences my journeyin being a single Special Needs
parent, and all of the differentthings that I have learned and
how to handle life, how to workthrough different situations how
(01:47):
to have a different perspective,using mindset coaching, using
mindfulness using intention, andso many other things. So thank
you again, so much for beinghere. And welcome if you are
new. Alright, let's go ahead andjump into this specific topic
about pausing. I call thisepisode pausing is powerful.
(02:09):
Have you ever been in asituation where you have
responded to something orreacted to something right away
automatically without thinking?
And you've done that, because ofyour emotional state? Or because
of how something affected you?
what somebody did what somebodysaid, Have you ever just
(02:31):
responded without thinkingwithout pausing. I think on a
human level many of us have donethat so many of us have really
reacted because of our emotionsbecause of how we feel at the
time. And often that can bereally dangerous, not only in
terms of different relationshipsthat we might have, but also
dangerous for ourselves. We'renot really being respectful of
(02:53):
ourselves, we're not beingrespectful of others. When we do
that, we are just reactingrather than really thinking
through how to approach adifferent situation or project,
whatever kind of situation thatyou're in, or respond to someone
else, which is why I call thisepisode pausing is powerful.
Because taking a pause, right,taking a beat before you respond
(03:16):
to anything is very powerful.
And you can actually learn quitea bit about yourself if you just
take a pause. So let's kind ofdive a little bit deeper into
why we should do it when weshould do it. What do we do when
we pause? How do we actuallypause this is sounds so simple
to just pause. But it can bereally hard to do, especially if
(03:37):
you are working in operating anautomatic and you're letting
your emotions and your feelingstake control of how you respond
to things. So let's talk aboutwhen when should you consider
pausing, pausing when you'reangry, pausing when you're sad,
pausing when you're anxious,pausing when you're agitated,
(03:57):
pausing in any situation whereyou feel there is an emotional
response. That could also bemore negative and negative
emotional response, where youare about to react and reacting
using your emotion or using yourfeeling. So that would be what I
would suggest doing. When youneed to pause, consider when you
(04:21):
need to pause. So pausing whenyou're agitated, pausing when
you're angry, pausing, even whenyou're sad, because sometimes
when we're in a sad state thatcan also lead to us making
decisions or making comments orresponding in a way that isn't
really coming from our trueself. It's coming from how
whatever feeling that we feel atthe time.
(04:47):
So anytime you feel any of thoseemotions, it could be so many
different types of emotions.
Those are just some examples. Iwould recommend pausing why
should we pause we should pausebefore we
You are say something we do notmean. And this is so fundamental
right? It's like don't sayanything, you don't mean, don't
do anything you don't mean, alot of times people respond
(05:11):
because of how they're feeling.
And often that can bedestructive. So if we're able to
pause, within that given moment,within that feeling before we
react, we can save ourselvessome heartache, we can save
ourselves from hurting others,we can save ourselves from doing
something saying something thatwe don't mean, we can also pause
and we should pause to giveourselves a mental break. So
(05:33):
sometimes when we're dealingwith different emotions, and
we're overwhelmed or anxious, orwe're just feeling just so many
different feelings and emotions,at the same time, it's a great
opportunity to pause and giveyourself that respect to
acknowledge that maybe you doneed just a mental break before
you actually respond toanything. This is also an
(05:55):
opportunity to really understandhow you take care of yourself,
and how you can also respectother people. So when you do
take a pause, you're taking thetime that you need to have a
more positive response, a morepositive and productive
response. So those are just someof the reasons why I think
pausing is something that weshould do and why we should do
(06:17):
it, again, to really protectourselves to protect other
people to give ourselves amental break to have some self
care and take care of ourselvesand also provide that more
positive productive responsethat comes from taking a pause
and comes from evaluating howyou're feeling and how those
feelings could be affecting theway in which you respond to
(06:37):
anything. So what can we do whenwe take a pause? When we take a
beat? Sometimes that pausedoesn't really need to last that
long. And sometimes the pausemaybe last for days, I don't
know, it really can depend onthe situation. But giving
yourself that time is reallyvaluable, really powerful to
identify a lot of differentthings when you need to take a
(06:59):
moment to yourself. So here aresome things that you can do when
you pause, you can breathe, takesome deep breaths, you can ask
yourself some questions aboutthe situation. Is it true? What
can I control? What can't Icontrol? What's the next right
action that I should be doing?
What are the things that Ishould consider and how I'm
(07:21):
responding? So you can askyourself questions, ask
yourself, why, why am I feelingthis way? What is at the root of
the feeling the emotion or theresponse? If I was going to
respond in an automatic way, ifI paused before I was going to
respond or say something orreact in a certain way, I can
also ask myself, what is at theroot of that automatic response?
(07:45):
What is the root of thatreaction? Why would I have that
reaction? Where is that coming?
From? What kind of feeling Am Ifeeling? Is there history here?
Is there trauma that maybe Ineed to evaluate? So you can
take that time to ask yourselfdifferent questions to really
evaluate those feelings andemotions and what you would
normally do to respond by reallytaking that time to really
(08:07):
evaluate that for yourself. Youcan also pray in this time, if
you are into praying, taking amoment to pray, to let things go
to give it to your higher powerto your God, whoever that is,
whatever that is to you. You canalso pray, pray for
understanding, pray for peace,pray for strength, pray for
(08:29):
wisdom, you can sit and pray. Ifthat's something that you're
comfortable doing something thatyou normally would do, you can
take that time to pray, if youalso need to get it out, maybe
there's something that youreally need to digest and
understand. And maybe journalingis something that really helps
you journal those feelings,figure out what are the things
(08:51):
that are driving these emotions?
What are the things that aredriving the feelings Where's
that coming from, and journalingis a great way of releasing
that. So you can get it off ofyour mind, get it off of your
chest, really try to release itso that it doesn't come out in a
negative way and using that timeto pause to journal. If you're
(09:12):
not somebody who likes tojournal or write it down. Maybe
you need to talk to someoneelse. Maybe you need to talk to
a friend, a family member, aloved one, someone who is not
tied to whatever the situationthat you're going through and
getting some perspective, askingsomeone else to help you
evaluate what's going on so thatyou can understand maybe
something from a differentperspective from a different
(09:33):
angle and find a differentmeaning around it. So talk to
someone else, somebody that youtrust somebody that you can
confide in. The other thing thatyou can do when you take a pause
is to get outside, change yourenvironment. Sometimes when we
are in the same environment wecan get stuck in our thought
process and I this is very truefor me. When I am working from
(09:55):
home and at home and with my sonat home, I really need to get
outside I have to change myenvironment, I need to get some
fresh air, I need to regroundmyself in nature, I need to
really change my environment tohelp me change my perspective
helped me take some deepbreaths, put myself in a
different place where I canmentally really identify and
think. And sometimes it's hardto do that when you're in the
(10:16):
same place, especially if youare somebody like me, who is
affected by their surroundings,and energy. And if I get outside
and change that environment, itreally helps me to get a much
better sense of what's going onand, and really helps me to
clear my head. So those are someof the things that you can do
when you pause. And like I said,it doesn't have to be a long
(10:39):
pause, it doesn't have to be ashort pause, it really just
depends on the situation, itdepends on what is going on the
people who are involved, it isreally depending on what you're
comfortable with. And kind ofgoing back to why we should
pause, it's also taking thattime to take care of yourself.
So if you put that into yourpractice, you can really use
(11:01):
that time for self care, usethat time to get better
understanding, to find themeaning to find the root of
what's going on, why you'refeeling the way that you're
feeling and really evaluate whatis going on before you say
something that you don't mean,before you do something you
don't mean before you respondand react, using your emotions
(11:23):
and really coming from yourfeelings. So this really helps
to separate your feelings versuswhat is going on and not
responding and reacting rightaway, which can be damaging,
right? I think all of us havebeen through those situations,
it can cause confusion, it canbe damaging, it can hurt
relationships, it can hurtpeople, pausing is so so
(11:44):
powerful. And you can use thatpause, and so many different
ways to really provide a better,more positive response that is
better and more productive foryou, too. So how do you do this?
It sounds so easy. Like I saidfundamentally? Pause right?
Okay, super easy, right? I gotit. No, this is not that easy.
(12:05):
And for some people, it may beeasier than others. I know for
me, pausing is something that Ihad to practice, this was not my
normal response process. I amnormally somebody who reacts to
things, I let my feelingsdictate my actions, I let my
feelings dictate what I say andwhat I do. And I am a very
(12:28):
emotional person. And I've hadto really figure out how do I
separate my feelings andemotions from my reactions. And
pausing is something that is noteasy for me, I operate more on
an automatic, I am much morereactive. And I can get heated
right, we can let our emotionsreally heat us up and let that
(12:49):
drive our response. But we don'thave to make that part of our
normal process anymore. And howto do that is to basically
practice, practicing pausing isso important to really get to a
point where you are able to bevery intentional with your
words, intentional with youractions, and really be mindful
(13:10):
of what's going on around you.
And setting good intentions andreally understanding where
everything is coming from. Andthat comes from being very aware
and mindful of your feelings ofyour emotions of how you respond
and changing that behavior. So alot of times this is habitual,
(13:30):
the way in which we respond tothings is almost like a habit.
It's just become who we are. Andthat's also something that
people say, Well, this is who Iam, this is how I am. And that
doesn't necessarily have toremain the same Sure, the way
that you are, and the way thatyou respond to things could be
conditional, it's conditionalbased on what's been modeled for
(13:51):
you. It's conditional based onhow you've always reacted to
things, you haven't taken thetime to maybe change that
approach. So if that's somethingthat you've always done, it's
something that how you've alwaysresponded to things. This is
going to take some practice, andthat's okay. You may not get it
right the first time, you maynot know what to do. But the
(14:12):
first step is really beingmindful and being very aware of
how you respond to things of howyou react, and how you use your
feelings to dictate thosereactions. So those things can
be changed. habits can bechanged, how you respond to
things can be changed, how youtake a pause and take care of
(14:34):
yourself can be changed, be openminded to what that could look
like, and how that could have amuch more positive effect on
your life. We don't have tooperate on automatic. We don't
have to operate in the way thatwe were taught or in the way
that we were modeled for us orin the way that we've always
been. We can make intentionalchanges in our lives by making
(14:59):
this choice.
is to pause. And one thing Iwanted to remind everyone about
is that you do have a choice andhow you respond, you have
control over that, you may nothave control over what somebody
else does or says to you, butyou have control over how you
respond. And that is actuallyyour responsibility in the
(15:23):
situation and how you respond.
And if you are choosing to bereactive, and let your feelings
guide you and your responses,that could be really damaging.
And it could be very hurtful notonly for somebody else, but for
you too. So if you're able topause and practice pausing, you
could have a very differentoutcome, you can really start
(15:45):
gaining more control of how yourespond of when you respond, and
how the outcome is you can havemuch more control over that. And
I think that's something that alot of people don't really get
is that you have so much morecontrol than you know, you have
control in what you do what yousay the decisions, you make how
(16:07):
you respond, you have so muchmore control. And often people
say, well, they made me angry,they made me do this, they made
me get upset, they made me lashout, they made me you know,
whatever the situation is right?
They made they somebody elsemade you do something or
somebody else made you feel acertain way somebody else made
(16:28):
you say something that maybe youdidn't mean, this is a really
tough thing to wrap your headaround, but nobody's making you
do anything you are making thechoices. You are the one who has
control over how you respondover what you say over what
comes out of your mouth overwhat your feelings are. And the
(16:49):
more we can understand that wehave a lot more control over it,
the better the outcome will bethe better we can heal
ourselves, the better we cantake care of ourselves, the
better, we can have moreproductive, effective
relationships, we can reallyunderstand where these things
are coming from and have adifferent response. And a lot of
(17:09):
times that comes from pausing,pausing in agitation, pausing
when you're angry, pausing whenyou're anxious, pausing when you
have any sort of emotion,pausing is so powerful. And it
gives you the ability and theopportunity to understand what
you can and cannot control andtake accountability and
ownership of that. Now, I'm notsaying this is easy, this is
(17:31):
very difficult. For mepersonally, it may be really
difficult for you and maybeeasier for other people. But the
more that you practice this, themore that you can really think
in this way and change yourperspective and change the lens
in which you're looking atcontrol and what you do have
control over and how you can usepausing in a very productive
effective way, you will be ableto see these changes happen and
(17:55):
you will feel so much more freebecause you actually know what
you have control over. Andnobody else can really dictate
that for you. The other thing Iwanted to mention is you don't
have to feel pressure to respondright away to anything. If
you're in a heated discussion,you're in a situation where
somebody is expecting a responsefrom you, you do not have to
(18:15):
respond, you have that controlas well. If you need to pause
and take a moment to yourself,you can do that. A lot of times
as people pleasers I am a formerpeople pleaser I've been trying
to recover from people pleasingfor many, many, many, many
years, basically my whole life.
And as a people pleaser, weoften want to please others,
right? We want to meet theirexpectations, we want to deliver
(18:38):
what their what they are askingof us. But in the reality of it,
we don't have to do that wedon't need to feel pressure
right away. And out of respectfor you out of respect for
others, you can ask for thatpause. You can take a moment,
however long that is to gatheryour thoughts to go through the
(18:59):
processes that you need to dopraying, journaling, talking to
someone getting outside askingyourself questions, really
diving deeper into betterunderstanding yourself, to
better understanding thesituation, to give yourself that
respect that you can take thatmoment to then come back to the
situation in a more positive wayin a more productive way. And
(19:20):
giving yourself that time todigest, evaluate, analyze, cry,
breathe, whatever you need todo, to get to a place where you
feel comfortable responding andthat you know you've done the
work, whatever that is a fewminutes, two days, however,
whatever that looks like for youin different situations, to then
get to a good place to be ableto come to the table and offer
(19:42):
your full self and offer a verymuch more thoughtful response
versus a quick response thatjust working in automatic that
you may not have reallyunderstood what what's going on.
And you may say or do somethingthat you don't
mean, and you're also leadingwith your feelings. So if we're
(20:03):
able to just take a moment topause,
it can be so powerful. And likeI said, it will take practice.
So pausing is powerful and takespractice. I know this firsthand.
I've been working on this for afew years now. And it is
difficult because I know how Inormally operate isn't
(20:26):
automatic, I am reactive. But Iknow that when I can pause and
take a moment to myself, I cancome back to the table with a
more clear head in the mostpositive productive way that
doesn't hurt anyone that is moreintentional. I'm more mindful,
I'm more aware, I have much moreunderstanding of what's going on
(20:48):
when I take that time. So Iwould encourage you to practice
pausing. And if you do startpractice pausing, I would love
to hear from you DM me at SusanFink dot Rhys on Instagram, I
would love to hear if you arepracticing pausing, what does
that look like for you, it'sprobably going to feel a little
uncomfortable at first when youstart doing it. And you have to
(21:09):
be very aware of when you needto do it. So that navigating
when you need to pause is goingto take some time. But I
guarantee you, you will feel somuch better. And you will
understand so much more aboutyourself. So I really encourage
you to try this. And I reallyhope that this episode has
helped you. If you know somebodywho also needs to pause, please
(21:33):
share this episode with them.
Like I said, my mission is tohelp as many people as I can to
help them on their journey andsharing my own personal
experiences and the things thatI've learned. So thank you.
Thank you. Thank you so much forjoining me today. Thank you for
listening. And until next time,I appreciate I empathize and I
am here for you. And we can dothis
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!