April 5, 2021 • 47 mins
Please welcome to the show, Vani from DotUrMinds. Vani is a special needs mom, raising her daughter with Epidermolysis Bullosa, or EB, is a rare genetic connective tissue disorder that affects 1 out of every 20,000 births (in the United States - approximately 200 children a year are born with EB). Her daughter is now 19 years old, thriving, now in college at UCLA and was able to give her graduation speech at her High School graduation. Vani is also the founder of DotUrMinds and is here to tell us all about her journey, words of advice for parents and about her DotUrMinds sessions, bringing mindfulness and art together!
In this episode, we cover so much ground:
- What is EB and when was your daughter diagnosed? We talk about her journey with her daughter, when she was diagnosed with EB just a few days out of the womb.
- Her biggest challenges as a parent of a daughter with special needs.
- How Vani handled her emotions and mental health through her journey.
- We talk about self-care, when she realized it was important in order to care for her daughter.
- How she discovered dot art and how she came to become the founder of DotUrMinds.
- It's not just another art class - this is a mindful activity - retraining your brain, where you’re focusing your time and where you focus your thoughts. You can only access your joy if you are intentional
- Slow yourself down to observe and create
- Relaxes your brain
- Her biggest advice to parents is all around fear. Don't let your own fear can get in the way of the progress of our own children. Give them the lane to move in - give them the room to make decisions and help them feel like they have control. Instill the fearlessness in her - it’s a bargain and decisions to make - to experience life.
Mindfulness, being in the present and pushing through our own fears is why Vani is so special, an incredible mother, woman, entrepreneur who is impacting others in a very positive way. I'm so grateful I have been able to meet Vani and showcase her strength, compassion and innovation in mindfulness on my podcast.
Connect with Vani:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dot_ur_minds/
Website: www.doturminds.com
Watch this space for upcoming 6 week Mindfulness for Busy Special Needs Parents Workshop: www.flowcode.com/page/doturminds
Connect with her daughter Mahi Shiroor:
Check out Mahi's youtube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=UUauNofQo8aSr14Sf44GVIGQ
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:09):
Hey everyone, and welcome to the rise with the
light podcast. My name is SusanFink and this is my weekly
podcast dedicated to supportingfamilies raising children with
special needs. I'm on a missionto provide hope and positivity
through sharing my personalinsights, stories, mindset
perspectives, and ways tonavigate through this journey.
Let's get started.
(00:50):
Thank you everyone so much forjoining the podcast today. And I
have such a special guest withme Vani from dot your minds, she
is a special needs mom raisingher daughter with epidermolysis
bullosa. I think I said that,right. That is Eb for short,
which is actually a rare geneticconnective tissue disorder that
in the US affects one out ofevery 20,000 births. And her
(01:14):
daughter is now 19 years old nowin college at UCLA and has been
able to even give her graduationspeech at her high school
graduation. And Vani is also thefounder of dot your minds, and
is here to tell us all about herjourney, words of advice for
parents, and about her dot yourmind sessions bringing
mindfulness and art together. Sothank you so much, Bonnie, for
(01:36):
joining me today. It's such apleasure to connect with you.
We've been able to have someconversations here together. And
I think you're so inspiring. AndI think that the listeners here
can learn so much about you andyour journey. So thank you so
much for joining me today. Thankyou, Susan, for having me. I
found you through a podcast. Imean, I'm a podcast listener.
(01:58):
That's one of the therapies I'veused over the years. And that's
where I found you. I'm so glad Ifound you. Yeah, and everything
you spoke,
Vani Shiroor (02:08):
you know, just resonated with me. I was
cooking, and I was crying. Oh mygoodness. So it took me back to
that timewhen my daughter was born, so I
think my introduction was sodifferent before I became a mom
to what I turned into after Inow had to deal with her
(02:29):
situation. So I'm Bonnie shearor I came to the United States,
I think in 1999. That's anotherstory for a whole podcast, I'll
send you the link about arrangedmarriages in India and how I got
here, how I landed in the US. Soto us was altogether new. For
me. It was just three years intous as when I had my daughter, I
(02:50):
have a computer science degree.
I'm a computer science engineerby profession. My aim was like
everybody else to get into abeing a computer science
engineer find a job here after Icame here. The dream was along
with that love. The idea ofbeing a parent was huge for me
and my husband too. We lovekids. And we would not have
(03:13):
stopped at one we would have atleast had three because I didn't
imagine myself as a soccer mom.
All right. And I didn't knowabout driving around or
how much it takes to have BS.
Right. Then, now since I gotpregnant, they started
maintaining a diary. And I thinkthat was something which I had
(03:34):
never thought of doing. But Idid that I think it was kind of
a lull before the storm that wasin our lap. So it was perfect. I
didn't have any morningsickness, nothing pregnancy was
beautiful. And I was like thishyper person always planning
trips and life was like a blisslike us was new to me and every
(03:59):
vacation and I was planning tothe tee and got pregnant and we
still there. You know our Indiandances like you know we for
Diwali, and all the festivals,celebrations. I even danced and
I was pregnant, and now they'reeverywhere. In the hospital.
B I gave birth to her she wasperfect and everything looked
(04:20):
beautiful. And all of a suddenon the third day, they said we
can't leave the hospital andthey realize that there's
something blistering on herbody. And they said that's when
the whole journey began. Like wehad no clue what to expect by
and they said they put us apartfor seven days. They said there
must be some infectious thinggoing on the newborn. They
(04:41):
didn't know it was an EB andthey took a skin graft. And that
since then, this week separatedfrom the whole like being cast
out. Right, right as a parentstarted right there. Because
they were just takingprecautions they didn't know
what it was if it was hurt.
face or something, conduct, youknow, disease that would spread.
(05:04):
It was clear it was notcontagious until they figured
out. But we were in Houston,Texas back then. And we had this
dream of getting home from thehospital, a huge party and all
these things, everything flippedright there on that moment,
because she was wounded her skinhad started falling off after
she came out, and even today, Itell her, it's like, every time
(05:27):
she has these medical situationscome up with her. It's like, I
wish I could take you back, youknow, into my womb where life
seemed so perfect to her likeshe didn't give me any problems
but she was in there or sheseemed so perfect because she
was in the amniotic fluid whichwhich meant no friction for her
(05:49):
skin. So epidural realizes belowso I'll give you a quick brief
on what it is. It's a geneticskin condition where one of the
proteins to heal the skin ismissing is either missing or
in the DNA you know the spellingis wrong where you know there
are the four ribosomes so youshould you would there is a
(06:11):
spelling mistake so the bodydoesn't know how to heal I say
so until now there is the onlyway to correct it is a genetic
therapy which is so rare becauseever like like autism or any
other condition it's so uniqueto the individual right like
same medication right would notwork for one kid to another in
(06:31):
AV there is no medication iscompletely so genetic that you
can add the most improve theelasticity of the skin with
Medicaid like Biogen or othersupplements or do maintenance
once there is there are blisterson the skin, you kind of
maintain it and it scars and itgoes away. So her condition in
(06:53):
her case it started affectingher nails so she she doesn't
have nails, teeth started notgrowing, and it affects their
eyes because it's epidermisepidermis is all over in some
form right inside and out. So itcould affect your internal
organs, it could affect yourexternal organs. And at the end
of it, body struggles so much toheal that it kind of gives up
(07:17):
and the terminal rates arepretty high. So kids don't
suffer too long depending on howsevere their external skin is.
And we are so thankful we are inthe US where skincare supplies
are amazing. Like Deborah dotorgy is where we order our
skincare supplies. She had to bewrapped in bandages almost every
single day. It's like a three tofour hour chore when for a
(07:40):
newborn to bathe them as a wholeordeal. things that seem so
simple for people like I dreamof a day when she can be in the
pool actually swimming like wecan go to the pool, but we can't
swim. Because after a year orso, her internal organ, her
vocal cords started gettingaffected because it's friction,
(08:01):
vocal cords, our skin and itinflamed and it closed up. So
now we had to put a tracheotomytube into us. So that led to a
few more challenges as we grewas she kept growing right. So
the my whole 19 year journey wasnow a challenge between because
she is mentally intellectuallyawesome. In the sense she is
(08:23):
going to experience everythingwhat a normal human like what I
would say, I think all of us areabnormal in some way. Right?
That's, that's how I've seen it.
But if mental disorders atleast, there are some things
they don't realize, right? Theydon't. Some things they they
just cannot fathom or understandor make sense of. But here she
can sense everything. Like she'sintellectually she knows
(08:45):
emotionally she understands. Soas a parent, it was so vital for
me to not show my emotions toher because if I had ever
regretted in front of a writing,it's the same with any condition
for that matter. It's even samewith a plant like you cannot if
they say right is if if you talkthat in front of a planet die.
(09:08):
Yeah, so it's Yes. It's so it's,it's somehow I never showed that
fear on my face in front of her.
Wow, it's just couldn't, right.
I think so many things. Yourjourney is I am sitting here
with, you know, tears in my eyesjust while you're talking about
your journey from the beginning.
(09:32):
And I think a lot of peoplelistening whether it's Eb or
autism or any other specialneeds, goes through a moment
like that and yours became inyour moment was in the
beginning, the very beginningright after birth. And yes, you
know, other people it's at twoor three or seven years old or
however old they are where thereis a diagnosis. There's
(09:54):
something that's going on, andin the beginning, you know, we
have our children and we havethe pregnancy
And we see the baby and it'slike beautiful. And then our
hopes and our dreams andaspirations and what we thought
things were going to be likequickly changes, because of a
diagnosis of whatever that is,and think we have to grieve some
(10:15):
of those things that we werethinking were going to happen,
which is a whole other episode,which I actually have an episode
on grieving what we didn't have.
And that's something that Ithink a lot of us go through.
And for you your strength, whenyou talk about having to wrap
your baby in the three to fourhours, you know, of rapping, and
not being able to go andswimming and simple things that
(10:39):
a lot of people take forgranted. And then for you to
talk about showing your emotionor not showing your emotion.
Where did you get this abilityto make these decisions and
reserve your emotions and beaware of how that could affect
your daughter? Where did thatcome from? especially in the
beginning? That's a beautifulquestion. So then because
(11:02):
thinking back and imaginingourselves back there in Houston,
one of the stories that it'sabout acceptance, right, that
acceptance is huge. And it tookus It always takes time. And
thank God she was a baby. Shedidn't know because there was
the day like there were ourfriends coming in it because her
face was perfect. Like hereverything else was fine. Her
(11:22):
legs were the first ones thathad started peeling, we would
hide it To be frank, we just hitit like we socked her up and
then we pretended likeeverything was fine. You know,
there was a ocean of oceanveiling inside my husband and I,
and we couldn't tell it toIndia, we couldn't call them and
say, Oh, we have problem becausethey don't know none of us knew
(11:42):
what is called what thiscondition was. And we thought
it's gonna get better with justturmeric like we have for us.
Turmeric solves all skinproblems and which is true,
which has been our Savior, butthen we covered her up, showed
her to people or we just metthem. And we will come back in
and I still am proud to thinkback of that was, I think it was
because she was such a newborn,there was no time for us to
(12:06):
start dwelling and self pityingourselves in our for not having
her as a prize. Like usually,babies are like, you know, how
Simba holds? rats and mice heldup? Right? So we couldn't do
that. I mean, we we had no timeto cry over that not happening,
(12:27):
because there was a newborn inyour hands who needed our
attention. That's all we caredabout. I think that in that
situation in itself helped usget that strength you know, as a
new parent, you automaticallythat the strength a lot of
people not wanting to have kidsare scared of Oh my god, how am
I going to handle having a kidright? And but that Basic
(12:49):
Instinct just comes in, and allyou want to do is protect your
child. That is where we go wrongin the long run of protecting
the child and not letting itlearn to fly. Right. That's
that's the next thing when whichwe are to come up with but to go
back to your question. I thinkit was our partnership, my
husband and I his partnership, Istill don't remember I said no
(13:11):
crying to each other and sayingwhat happened to us? Like, why
did we kind of went throughsmall periods of that, you know,
like me, maybe after a year orso. But then he would do certain
things he was good at I would docertain things I was good at and
then we overlapped, we supportedeach other. You know, he would
go to work and I wasn't workingback then. And in the evening
(13:32):
would be my break time. And thenhe would find a way for me to
get out and things like that. Ithink that's how we just kept
going through it. Yeah, thatamazed it was taking care of
yourself first. And then whathappened? I'd taken all that is
we couldn't blame it on ourdaughter that she took it away
from us. It's because we weremaking space for ourselves. And
(13:54):
all she gave us was the smile.
Right? It's like her smiles hergrowth. Like be somehow were
tuned to her positive. The other80 things that was great about
her right that she could do,right. I think that has always
been our focus and pushing thatto the highest limit like she's
(14:17):
a pianist now. I mean, I couldtell stories for ages. I think
for things that we had to decidelike, that was in middle school,
I jump many years ahead and wehad to now think of an elective
for her and she now has a trickfor breathing right and then her
skin cannot take stringedinstruments.
And piano is not offered as aband instrument, not an
(14:39):
orchestra because she used to beplaying a piano but she couldn't
do that at school, but we knewshe needed music in her life.
And that's when a stringedinstrument wouldn't work. The
only thing left was drums areafraid. And usually you know how
it's not a girl thing. Right?
Right. And then she's she's likea tiny kid with all the
conditionNutrition levels. That's another
(15:00):
whole series of what we did totake care of her nutrition. That
was a whole ballgame, differentballgame in itself, because she
was nowhere on the chart. So Butanyways, so be a drummer. Like
drummers, can you imagine? Likethey have to be that big people?
Yeah. But then I'm like, okay,that's what you're going to do.
You're going to drop it. And glocked is amazing. And she won
(15:21):
the award there because she sheknew rhythm. And even though she
couldn't speak out loud, she wasthere holding the rhythm for the
whole band. So you'll alwaysfind things that they can do.
Yeah. At the end of the day.
Yeah, I still remember thatdiscussion. My head. Okay, what
are we gonna do? I think there'sno, I didn't want to let go of
(15:44):
any experience just because ofEb. Yeah, no, yeah. Because we
were lucky that you know, her,even her fingers were much
better than many Eb patients.
You know, it's it's scary. Whatthey go through and very secure
so fast, even with her tray.
Like there's fundraisings thatgo on. lot of moms are just
(16:05):
running marathons just to raisefunds, because it's so rare. The
skin just feels what do you do?
Yeah. You know, that's so Ithink the print came in just
from focusing on what can I do?
Yes, what can I do to not what Ican do, right? The things that
you said about acceptance, thatis so huge when it comes to any
(16:27):
special needs to acceptingwhat's going on, and what's in
front of you. And then thesupport that you and your
husband had for each other, andbeing able to have your own time
to also take care of yourself.
That's something that I talk alot about, too, I didn't do that
in the beginning for myself. Andas a single parent, from the
beginning to, I didn't have thatlevel of support. But when I
(16:49):
look back, having someone inyour life to support you,
whether it's a friend in thecommunity, any anyone, right, it
doesn't have to necessarily be aspouse, but if you do have a
spouse, having that support, butthen also carving out that time
and prioritizing your, youryourself too, so that you can
recharge and rejuvenate and notforget that you also need to be
(17:11):
healthy. And then focusing onthe positive things, I think
that is so beautiful, a lot ofpeople can start to really go
down a rabbit hole of negativityand focus on the things that
child cannot do. I have donethat too. You know, on some
harder day, it's difficult, youknow, to you see things and it's
you're witnessing things thatyour child is unable to do
(17:33):
because of their condition. Butit takes intention to really
turn it around, to then focus onthe things that they can do. And
to embrace those things. And tocelebrate those things, while
giving support for the otherthings that they can do. I think
that is so beautiful. And thatyou were able to focus on that
and drawing your strength fromthat and also showing your
(17:57):
daughter that she's capable ofso much, you know, even in her
condition. I think that's sobeautiful. Yeah, and her
condition, I think that's wheremindfulness made its way. Now I
know it's mindfulness. I didn'tknow it back then, that this was
a term write it because wealways know that we've heard
these sayings in our culture ineverywhere that just be
(18:19):
thankful. Be grateful for whatyou have, and enjoy what you
have in front of you. You don'tknow what's in the past is gone.
And what's in the future is notyou don't even know what it is
all you knows what's in front ofyou. And that I think staying in
the moment with her condition,one of the things that happens
is her eye abrasions, which ishuge. So what happens is her
(18:40):
skin tears in her eye in otherwe have a water fill, and with
the B that kind of tears. Andthat is I think most the most
excruciating thing that canhappen to anyone. I mean, we all
speak from our experiences Iknow everybody has, we can only
speak to our experiences. So inour experience, it's the most
(19:01):
painful thing that can happen.
So it happens early in themorning. So we don't know what's
in store for us tomorrow, right?
So it helps us to make ourdecisions quick and fast. We
don't linger on a decision. Wedon't have the time to linger on
something for many days and say,oh, should we do this? Should we
do that? Should we do that? Oh,no, this person is not coming.
(19:22):
I'm not going. So there are somany things we base our
decisions off of and forget theintention, why we want to do
certain certain things. Like forexample, you want to go on a
vacation. Don't overthink it,time's gonna run away, run out,
make your pick and do it becausethe next day we didn't know
whether her eyes will be open.
(19:42):
So we knew that today. She'sfine, that's all and then so I'm
going to make those playdatestoday. I'm going to call those
friends today. We'll doeverything that can be done
today. Just today, let's jumpinto these things and don't put
it away for another day that hasbecome a huge part of our life.
When we see other typical kidswith AI, she's been very lucky
(20:04):
to have great friends. Allthrough our life. It's difficult
otherwise in a society wherelooks at everything, and if
someone had damaged her theirself esteem, that would have
been the worst thing that couldhappen to her. And she was
blessed, great friends allthroughout, not too many, just a
few handful who kept her goingnot to out and then stuck
(20:26):
around. So we are so thankful tofor those friends. But before
any of those, I think for ourkids with disabilities, it
begins at home for us to putthem on that pedestrian, right?
Like you are the apple of my eyeand telling that out loud,
spending those moments with themand sitting down. And that
(20:46):
helped so much because myhusband loved getting dressed,
he loved reading our hair, andthat was their thing. That's the
cutest, like, Oh, God, one, oneless thing for me to do. While
because for me, I was there. AsI was, I'm the nutrition
therapist, I have to take careof the school, I have to make
sure these farms are filled upbecause she had an aid all her
(21:09):
life. And every school yearbeginning was a nightmare in the
faith. I wouldn't say nightmarein a bad sense. But there were
these tons of papers I had tofill up to make sure the nurses
know when to put on bed. Andwhen do they apply Vaseline to
our wounds, actually waswounded, right. She was a
wounded soldier going to schooland notes on when to suction her
(21:30):
because she has a trick forbreathing. So there is because
she was young and she couldn'tdo it on her own. So while I was
busy taking care of that, in away, now I kind of miss having
those moments with her because Iwas busy setting up the
practical side for her. Andsometimes I'm just without by
hospitals, you got to do allthis. Like, yeah, you didn't
(21:51):
know how to braid her hair.
That's why.
But anyway, so if I missed thosethings, but then when I see her
be that independent person, it'sthose stepping stones we
designed for her in a way, notactually holding her hands. But
you know, like I was tellingyou, it's that we are lane
markers and letting like anautonomous car, we let them
(22:13):
drive not letting them know thatwe are driving it in a way right
for that. Yes. Right. So that'show we kept going through every
experience, take it as alearning lesson and make them
the hero of the house and makeit so huge. That their
confidence wells in them, likebecomes so strong that it
(22:34):
carries them throughout. Like ifyou see my daughter now, she has
a confidence of I don't know, Imean, she's not arrogant, thank
God, but it's that confidencethat takes her through. Like
she's really sure of herself waymore sure of herself than me.
Wow. I'm really surprised. Like,what When did that happen,
though, that you just have toaccept that life will give you a
(22:56):
path, just pick that and go on.
For example, I was a scienceengineer. But then now I had to
find a path parallel to her. Mylife was defined by her, I could
still be learning things fromthat. It's like it's a
perception of you look atthings. So I said okay, what
always ask yourself, what canyou do? Right? So now this was
thrown into my plate. I said,Okay, I can't do the computer
(23:18):
science job. Because it's eightto five full time, you're
expected to be there. Now I hadto be in parallel. A parallel
educator wherever she went for afew years. It was my thing to be
next to her. I even pickedclasses next to her. So I'm
there but not really there infront of her right. So that way
you're watching them and arethere to support them. You're
(23:42):
their only advocate, you got toremember that you cannot just
expect them to take care ofthemselves. Yeah, you know, so
you have to speak out and I hadto in all my IEP is that
individual education plan. Andwe were lucky in new in
California is where she grew up.
I don't know how it is in Texas.
And I think there is one butalways make use of those in the
(24:02):
IPS. Every state has so much forespecially parents, we just have
to know he make use of that.
Yeah, like I had a paid familyleave when I started finally
working full time as a computerscience engineer, where I could
take days off and get paid 80%like get six to eight weeks from
(24:25):
state of California. That's yourdays off but you're paid the
company doesn't have to pay youthe employer, but the state pays
you so make use of thoseamenities that are around Yeah,
for you. But all those you cando only when you rise above
yourself, like you say, rightgotta rise about your pity or,
you know, just do it for a dayor two. That's fine. We all need
(24:48):
it. Don't let it kill you. Rightjust rise above it and say,
Okay, I'm dusted now. So whatcan I do about it? Yeah, I
always talk about it's okay tofeel the feelings that you
Susan Fink (25:00):
Feeling, feelings are not facts, you know, they're
not necessarily always real interms of what you're dealing
with in front of you. But it'sgood to let it out have the
emotional response. But thenrealize that there are
resources, there are things thatyou can do and that are
available to you, it's a matterof you picking yourself up and
(25:20):
dusting yourself off, like yousaid, and going after it and
advocating, sometimes that'sdifficult, especially for a new
diagnosis. But it's so true. AndI always say to be the squeaky
wheel, you know, in the IEP, I'mthe squeaky wheel in a nice way,
I can be nice about it, but Ihave to speak up for my son,
because he cannot speak up forhimself, you know, and we are
(25:43):
their voices. And we are theones that are there to make sure
they have what they need. And Ithink what you said is really
important about knowing yourresources and knowing that you
have options, you know, thereare things available out there
to support you and your family.
Yeah, something I wanted tobring up that you mentioned to
me on the phone the other daywas you said Don't let our own
(26:03):
fear get in the way of theprogress of our own children.
And that really resonated withme so much, because I feel that
a lot of parents who are goingthrough Eb or autism or a
diagnosis, a special needsdiagnosis, we have fear, we have
our own fear of wanting to makesure we're protecting our
(26:25):
children and to we are fearfulof what's to come, right. We're
thinking about the future. Inyour case, you know, we talked
and you were telling me so manybeautiful stories of how you did
not let your fear get in the wayof your daughter's growth, which
goes back to the confidencelevel that she has. Now. Can you
talk to me a little bit aboutthat? And what you're telling me
(26:46):
about? Yeah, I think the onewhich has been the biggest fear
when she was growing up wassimple things like putting her
on a slide for us was huge. Sothis was one of those things
which I knew as a child, she hasto experience right? For us
putting her on a slide was notas simple as it is, it is like
(27:07):
how hard can that friction, skincannot take friction. So if
imagine putting boiled potato,you know, on something, the skin
is just going to peel off, itwould be the same for her if I
ever put her on a slide. So Ihad only two choices, I don't
let her enjoy the slide feelingof what slide is. Or just go let
(27:29):
her experience it and see whathappens. But in that age, when
she was three or four, shedoesn't have the fear. She
doesn't know what is going tohappen. But all she knows is she
is going towards the slide. Shewants to try it and then said
okay, we are going to come backtomorrow. And this time, I was
like wrapping her up, hold backwas ready. My heart was gonna
(27:50):
sink of you know how, likeyou're putting somebody in front
of fire, right? It's that's howhard it is because I am
responsible for this child. Am Iputting her in danger? So those
questions of fear thought camein, forcing in. And I had to
overcome that at that moment.
(28:11):
Because if I let go of thosemoments at that age in her life
that would become a fear for herlife or future lies. So I had to
work on my small fear for nowmomentary and worst case, like
ask yourself, what is the worstcase that happened? Yes, about
backward peel. And how longwould it take? It may not ever
(28:32):
heal. We have wounds for manyyears that hasn't healed for
different reasons. But insteadof building that story, right of
story of 50% negative story,which says, Oh, this is the bad
things that can happen. But Ithink I told myself back then
what if nothing happens? What ifshe is able to slide through and
she loves it the exhilaratingfeeling experience of sliding,
(28:54):
being free and experiencing thatitself forms a neural new neural
neuron connection for now justtrying these new things. It's
not going to be just sliding. Ifyou remember sliding like a kid
as a kid. I wish we all did itmore often even when we are
done. But that letting go ofslide, right as you slide down,
(29:15):
you have that feeling it'sexhilarating. The feeling, and
I'm so glad I did it because Iput it on that slide holding my
enough crossing my fingers andhoping that I kill myself for
doing this. And there it was.
She was fine. She didn't haveany bruises. At least I let her
try. That's when I knew a lot oftimes. That's why I suggest that
before fear takes you over justdo it.
Unknown (29:40):
Because it can stop so many dreams. So many things in
its infancy. They won't even letyou won't even give them a
chance to grow. Right. That isso absolutely true. Yes. And
that has taken us a long ways.
Even when she started drivingthe car even I remember the
first time she started drivingthe car like she'd said
Mom, you're not sitting next tome, my dad is teaching me
(30:02):
because I could see my panic.
And I heard that from any othermoms two moms are not the best
teachers for driving.
But then I'm gonna lie down inthe backseat of my car, and you
drive. I'm not even there. And Idid that, like, I've done such
crazy things for her. Or formyself, I wouldn't say for her,
(30:23):
it's for my own sanity. And shestill laughs at that, Mom, how
did it help you lying down inthe back of the car? Yeah, then
I'm not advising you where togo. That means you can do it on
your own. So it's step by stepin letting go of our fear. A lot
of times our parents have puttheir fears in us. It's their
fear that we carry forward. Andeven every generation, if we
(30:46):
could kill one of those fears,and make them stronger, every
new generation will be so muchmore self confident and happy
with themselves. Yeah, I thinkthat's so true. Yep. So that I
think fear is I think falseexpectations appearing real.
That's what it is. Absolutely.
And it's, it's great for sometime. I mean, we all need it. We
are humans. And we have we weremeant to be fearful because that
(31:08):
was our tool when we are in theforest jungle. But now we we
don't have to be fearful ofourselves. At the end, we have
come to a stage where we arefearful of our own thoughts. And
that's what I think has led meto the mindfulness part of my
life. Yeah. And I wanted to getinto the mindfulness part,
because you mentioned that inthe beginning of your journey to
(31:31):
and your daughter helped youbecome much more mindful and
present, you know, you thinkabout not thinking so much about
the past or the future, butbeing in the, in the now. And
dealing with fear dealing withemotions, dealing with all the
feelings that come and theemotions that come with raising
a child with special needs. Themindfulness factor, and being in
(31:54):
the moment is so critical. Andwhen I saw your art that you do,
we are connected on Instagram,and I see your videos. It's it's
mesmerizing. And when we talkedthe other day, dot your minds is
all about bringing mindfulnessand art together, being able to
(32:14):
let go of your emotions and yourfeelings and the stress and
anxiety and all of those thingsin a creative way. And I think
it's so beautiful. And so youknow, authentic, and I wanted
people to know where that comesfrom, because it's not art,
right? It's something that comesYes, that has been around. And I
love that you're bringingawareness to this too. So tell
(32:35):
us about your minds and dot art.
Yes. So over a period of time, Ithink it's been 18 years, I've
learned through many life'sexperiences is through our
hospital stays. It is mespending hours in a dark room
with my daughter during her eyeabrasions, and noticing how I
have to be so slow, so gentlewith everything I do, which is
(33:00):
so completely against my nature.
Most of us women, especiallybecause we are doing hundreds of
things at once and we are goingand going and going we're not
stopping when even when we walktogether my daughter and I she
asked me to slow down becauseher feet have on such takes
time. But she takes her time asshe she reaches the same
destination as me. But I stilltwo steps behind. But there's no
(33:23):
point in hurrying, right, learnto slow down, there's so much
more slowing down I have tolearn through her. But all these
experiences, I think it had beenwithin me sitting inside me for
many years. And then last yearafter my mom passed away, I
think it had just culminated toa point after I lost, but she
(33:44):
was not around like she was myemotional support in all this
where I could, that was oneperson I could whine and crib
and complain to about my life.
And she will say everything'sgonna be fine, fine, you want to
went Go ahead, I'm here. And Ilost that. Right? I didn't have
that person now. And I had thislife's huge, immense amount of
(34:06):
learnings I've done. And peoplealways questioned me it's like,
oh, wow, how do you do the SEC?
How are you able to take yourlife forward with so many
hospitals, it's you have, Idon't know what future holds.
And now I had to figure out away to put all this in a really
simplistic way for people tounderstand how do they because
not everybody has to have aspecial needs child to go
(34:27):
through and life's challengesare a blessing in a way. And
when I look back that has mademe the better person I am. I
think everybody should face alife's challenge of some sort. I
mean, I'm not saying this way,it's not in a bad way. But you
have to get uncomfortable beforeyou realize your strengths. You
realize all this mental strengthyou have and we don't even
(34:48):
access 2% of our mental strengthwe give in and turn on Netflix
right because we want to numbersyes and and that kills our only
way to experience life.
I was never an artist. And therewas this disconnection between
me and my thoughts. It's likeit's all over the place. And I
knew I had to do something aboutit for some reason. And then I
(35:10):
had this sand laying around,which is what we use in India.
It's a form of blessing, whichwe put in front of the house
early in the morning, my mom andmy grandmother used to do as
part of their daily routine,then I was just like journaling,
we all do. And they would comein front of the house, wash the
front of the house and drawthese beautiful patterns with
(35:31):
sand. And I needed something todo, especially last year during
COVID. Suddenly, now I wasdisconnected with the whole
world like everybody else. Andthat's when I took to this and I
realized that art is what wasthat was the final chord that
was missing in my life I hadjust been doing so much. And my
now my daughter was in college,she had already gotten into
(35:51):
UCLA, it was my dream to travellast year when I with my mom,
and there's so many things thatfind out for 2020. And none of
those were going to happen. Andnow how do I define myself,
right? We define ourselvesthrough the actions we do. But
we forget that we should bedefining ourselves with what we
what we can be within ourselveswhat you can feel, then a lot of
(36:13):
those outer things disappear,right. And that's when I started
reading about how art istherapeutic. It's been there for
ages, right drawing andpainting. But painting, I took
up painting and it just left meanxious because my paintings
were not good enough, it wasjust, you know, we don't know
how to pay that takes years topractice. But with this dot art,
(36:36):
I think it was simple enough,it's a grid of dots. You can
even do it with pencil paint,and you know, pens and sketch
pens, I started with pencil.
First, it's a grid of dots. Andif you go to my Instagram,
you'll see some videos, and youconnect the dots in a
symmetrical way it flows itback, that is a balance. And
that all adds up and it accessesthe right side of your brain for
(36:57):
especially special needs momswhose head spins with the tasks
we have to do, let alone justthe moms. Right, we have to
pause it you have to slow itdown. At some point in the day,
we have to slow it down. That'swhere I brought this up to cover
mindfulness practitioner course,to understand it more deeply.
(37:17):
Because meditation what washappening is I still needed
somebody to keep talking to meabout where my mind should go,
and then breathing andeverything. And even when doing
meditation, my mind would notstop wandering, it would still
go into the cycles, right? Yeah,having something tangible in my
hand like a sand sand is thebest way to do it. When I
(37:39):
realized that connection of ifmy mind is somewhere else, I
can't let go of the sun and itgoes all over the place. I can
actually see my mind thoughtsdefining what I'm doing. And
because it's sad, it'simpermeable. You know, it's it's
impermanence, is what is thebest part of it, imagine a beach
right in it, just the waves comein and go back. So it's easy to
(38:01):
let it go with the sun. It'seasy to forgive yourself.
Because you know, it's sad. It'snot permanent. It's ingrained in
your head that outside I canjust erase it and start all over
again. And that's the way Ithink I started forgiving myself
for things as a parent,especially especially parent,
you feel like Oh, I know this, Ican't help my kid I because
(38:23):
certain things they're born withno, you cannot change it but
doing something so therapeuticand artistic lets you start
believing in yourself that youcan create something beautiful,
because time is something youcan let go. It's easy to raise
your mistakes. And that kind offolds into it's okay to make
mistakes. It's not the end ofthe world. That's what the art
(38:44):
teaches you that it's okay,you're gonna erase and you'll
start all over again everymorning. That was what the
ritual was even if it was themost beautiful art you have to
raise it and start all overagain. Same thing with life's
too it's it could be the perfectvacation it is but it's gonna
come to an end you got to learnto let go of that and when you
come on a Monday after a oneweek vacation in Hawaii, you
(39:06):
better be at work this learn tolet go you enjoy your time in
Hawaii, Stan, right. Gotta startafresh. We are right we as
modern society are so stuck onholding on to things holding on
is what I think makes us refillhaving it as we go days go by
you're going to feel heavybecause you're holding on to so
many things good and bad. If youjust let it go, as I learned
(39:29):
came, that's what the artteaches you the art of letting
go a new possibility for newthings, new ideas, right? That's
where I got the idea for dachaminds. So I loved how you were
talking about letting go in yourminds and I was actually
watching one of your videos onInstagram and one of your
clients came in and she wassaying how she was full of
(39:51):
anxiety and just stressed outand she was taking your class
and she felt just this reliefbecause you're the sand
is actually impermanent, thesand just kind of you know, went
away and the art went away, itfelt like this relief of tension
and relief of anxiety and justbeing able to let go. So I think
that's just such a beautifulthing to do when you're creating
(40:15):
something and then you you letit go. I mean it What an amazing
thing that relates back to justeveryday life that is perfect,
exactly what I want the clientsto experience and the beauty of
just letting it be. And aspecial needs parent, especially
you know, we there is aperception of a society we want
it to be a part of, and we arenot and it's not like we are sad
(40:38):
about that view, we haveoutgrown that we are able to
have made a great life withoutbeing that perfect picture yet,
we don't take the time to pauseand relax into it. sink into it,
you know, the feeling I try tobring into my clients when they
come in is the feeling of, youknow, when you're in a sand,
(41:00):
you're at the beach, and yourfeet are in the water, and the
water pulls you back. And thenthe sinking feeling you have,
it's one of my favoriteexperiences when I go to the
beach. And that's the mostsoothing and relaxing because
I'm letting it and letting I'mjust being there, and then the
water and the sand that'spulling that energy is doing all
(41:22):
the work and I'm letting it be.
That's what I want people toexperience through the power of
the sand art is like givingourselves permission to be
happy, right? giving ourselvespermission to soak in the
goodness of life that isprovided to us. We have to stop
for things to start happeninggood things to happen to us be
(41:42):
in the receptive mode. Andthat's where prayer comes in.
That's where being in a flow ofdoing something if you're a
pianist, or if you're amusician, any kind of musician,
anything that can put you in aflow, here's what I realized was
missing in my life. I never gavemyself permission to be because
I thought I should always bedoing things I thought I should
(42:03):
be moving from one task toanother, be productive every
single minute of the day is whenI would feel happy, right? But
even after having eight hours ofbusy life, why why aren't we
happy then if you think work isgoing to make you happy. It's
why aren't you it's not aboutthe kind of work you're doing.
It's what what kind of attentionyou're paying to your work.
(42:25):
right it is. That's all it isnot all of us can have passion,
something out of thin air to do.
But that's what I want to havethe clients experience through
one hour or six weeks ofmindfulness coaching program is
to start experiencing lifemoment by moment, being able to
use the power that you havegained by training your mind
(42:47):
through the sand dot r to reinin all those times when your
mind goes away, you pull it backin that trick I want to teach
people and the easiest way forme was to come up with this
technique. So usually it's anhour classes I provide to
introduce you to this conceptit's pretty heavy if you think
about it, once you get it, it'syour life's biggest tool to be
(43:11):
able to feel like you're incontrol and not the other way
around where life controls you.
And I think it takes practiceright it's you know, being able
to rein in your own thoughts andbeing able to really understand
and know that you do have morecontrol than you really thought
being able to clear your mindrelax your mind slowing down all
of that takes a lot of intentionand practice and I love that
(43:33):
your your minds courses can beyou know, even through six weeks
because it will take practice tobuild that strong foundation so
that you can use this toolthroughout different situations.
So tell us and tell me and thelisteners where they can sign up
for your classes where they canreach out to you to start their
practice without your mindswhere can they find you. You can
(43:56):
find me on got your minds thatis d o t u r like the letter U r
m i n d as in dog as sudachilions.com you can connect with
me on their way through thecontact me page for our events
online. I do mindfulness classesonline for 30 minutes sessions
(44:17):
for both matching east coast andWest Coast people that is a
pencil art sessions and thereare sandata art for in person
sessions. And if you are not inperson and are within 1520 miles
radius of me, you can orderstuff from Amazon I can I give
them a list and we then jump ona call and we start the practice
and six weeks program is afterwe do a couple of these
(44:40):
individual classes and you get ahang of it. I'll get to figure
out what it is and after our oneon one discovery call sessions.
We can jump into understandingthe biggest problems you have
right now. You know like for me,it was just anxious, running
free thoughts and I had to findWe read them all. And that was
my problem and feeling thiscalm. And you know, being in
(45:03):
love with myself was my biggestreason I have I was doing this.
So we do that in our discoverycall. And following that we
design that six week program,it's almost individually based,
because each person is sodifferent. I like to design a
core person and their needs. Andif there are your friends who
want to john, join the cohort,and then we do like four to five
(45:24):
people at the same time, that'seven better for the same boat
that that's the best would be togo through my website, and then
follow me on Instagram, I thinkthat would give you a good idea
what this art is all about,right. And I will make sure that
all of your links are in theshow notes to on the podcast and
so that people know how to getin touch with you too. And I
just thank you so much Vani forjoining me today. And you've
(45:46):
really provided so much wisdomand guidance and advice for
parents and families goingthrough not only raising
children with special needs, butthen also just being more
present, working through youremotions, being mindful, and
knowing that there are resourcesout there, whether you have
special needs children or not,you know, this is pretty much
(46:07):
for anyone where they need help.
And I just love that there aresolutions, like dot your minds
out there. So I just want tothank you so much for joining me
today and giving our listenersjust so much information and you
are just amazing. And yourjourney has really inspired me
as well. So thank you so muchfor joining me just so much. I
(46:30):
love being here forward tomeeting you all
Hey everyone, and welcome to the rise with the
light podcast. My name is SusanFink and this is my weekly
podcast dedicated to supportingfamilies raising children with
special needs. I'm on a missionto provide hope and positivity
through sharing my personalinsights, stories, mindset
perspectives, and ways tonavigate through this journey.
Let's get started.
(00:50):
Thank you everyone so much forjoining the podcast today. And I
have such a special guest withme Vani from dot your minds, she
is a special needs mom raisingher daughter with epidermolysis
bullosa. I think I said that,right. That is Eb for short,
which is actually a rare geneticconnective tissue disorder that
in the US affects one out ofevery 20,000 births. And her
(01:14):
daughter is now 19 years old nowin college at UCLA and has been
able to even give her graduationspeech at her high school
graduation. And Vani is also thefounder of dot your minds, and
is here to tell us all about herjourney, words of advice for
parents, and about her dot yourmind sessions bringing
mindfulness and art together. Sothank you so much, Bonnie, for
(01:36):
joining me today. It's such apleasure to connect with you.
We've been able to have someconversations here together. And
I think you're so inspiring. AndI think that the listeners here
can learn so much about you andyour journey. So thank you so
much for joining me today. Thankyou, Susan, for having me. I
found you through a podcast. Imean, I'm a podcast listener.
(01:58):
That's one of the therapies I'veused over the years. And that's
where I found you. I'm so glad Ifound you. Yeah, and everything
you spoke,
Vani Shiroor (02:08):
you know, just resonated with me. I was
cooking, and I was crying. Oh mygoodness. So it took me back to
that timewhen my daughter was born, so I
think my introduction was sodifferent before I became a mom
to what I turned into after Inow had to deal with her
(02:29):
situation. So I'm Bonnie shearor I came to the United States,
I think in 1999. That's anotherstory for a whole podcast, I'll
send you the link about arrangedmarriages in India and how I got
here, how I landed in the US. Soto us was altogether new. For
me. It was just three years intous as when I had my daughter, I
(02:50):
have a computer science degree.
I'm a computer science engineerby profession. My aim was like
everybody else to get into abeing a computer science
engineer find a job here after Icame here. The dream was along
with that love. The idea ofbeing a parent was huge for me
and my husband too. We lovekids. And we would not have
(03:13):
stopped at one we would have atleast had three because I didn't
imagine myself as a soccer mom.
All right. And I didn't knowabout driving around or
how much it takes to have BS.
Right. Then, now since I gotpregnant, they started
maintaining a diary. And I thinkthat was something which I had
(03:34):
never thought of doing. But Idid that I think it was kind of
a lull before the storm that wasin our lap. So it was perfect. I
didn't have any morningsickness, nothing pregnancy was
beautiful. And I was like thishyper person always planning
trips and life was like a blisslike us was new to me and every
(03:59):
vacation and I was planning tothe tee and got pregnant and we
still there. You know our Indiandances like you know we for
Diwali, and all the festivals,celebrations. I even danced and
I was pregnant, and now they'reeverywhere. In the hospital.
B I gave birth to her she wasperfect and everything looked
(04:20):
beautiful. And all of a suddenon the third day, they said we
can't leave the hospital andthey realize that there's
something blistering on herbody. And they said that's when
the whole journey began. Like wehad no clue what to expect by
and they said they put us apartfor seven days. They said there
must be some infectious thinggoing on the newborn. They
(04:41):
didn't know it was an EB andthey took a skin graft. And that
since then, this week separatedfrom the whole like being cast
out. Right, right as a parentstarted right there. Because
they were just takingprecautions they didn't know
what it was if it was hurt.
face or something, conduct, youknow, disease that would spread.
(05:04):
It was clear it was notcontagious until they figured
out. But we were in Houston,Texas back then. And we had this
dream of getting home from thehospital, a huge party and all
these things, everything flippedright there on that moment,
because she was wounded her skinhad started falling off after
she came out, and even today, Itell her, it's like, every time
(05:27):
she has these medical situationscome up with her. It's like, I
wish I could take you back, youknow, into my womb where life
seemed so perfect to her likeshe didn't give me any problems
but she was in there or sheseemed so perfect because she
was in the amniotic fluid whichwhich meant no friction for her
(05:49):
skin. So epidural realizes belowso I'll give you a quick brief
on what it is. It's a geneticskin condition where one of the
proteins to heal the skin ismissing is either missing or
in the DNA you know the spellingis wrong where you know there
are the four ribosomes so youshould you would there is a
(06:11):
spelling mistake so the bodydoesn't know how to heal I say
so until now there is the onlyway to correct it is a genetic
therapy which is so rare becauseever like like autism or any
other condition it's so uniqueto the individual right like
same medication right would notwork for one kid to another in
(06:31):
AV there is no medication iscompletely so genetic that you
can add the most improve theelasticity of the skin with
Medicaid like Biogen or othersupplements or do maintenance
once there is there are blisterson the skin, you kind of
maintain it and it scars and itgoes away. So her condition in
(06:53):
her case it started affectingher nails so she she doesn't
have nails, teeth started notgrowing, and it affects their
eyes because it's epidermisepidermis is all over in some
form right inside and out. So itcould affect your internal
organs, it could affect yourexternal organs. And at the end
of it, body struggles so much toheal that it kind of gives up
(07:17):
and the terminal rates arepretty high. So kids don't
suffer too long depending on howsevere their external skin is.
And we are so thankful we are inthe US where skincare supplies
are amazing. Like Deborah dotorgy is where we order our
skincare supplies. She had to bewrapped in bandages almost every
single day. It's like a three tofour hour chore when for a
(07:40):
newborn to bathe them as a wholeordeal. things that seem so
simple for people like I dreamof a day when she can be in the
pool actually swimming like wecan go to the pool, but we can't
swim. Because after a year orso, her internal organ, her
vocal cords started gettingaffected because it's friction,
(08:01):
vocal cords, our skin and itinflamed and it closed up. So
now we had to put a tracheotomytube into us. So that led to a
few more challenges as we grewas she kept growing right. So
the my whole 19 year journey wasnow a challenge between because
she is mentally intellectuallyawesome. In the sense she is
(08:23):
going to experience everythingwhat a normal human like what I
would say, I think all of us areabnormal in some way. Right?
That's, that's how I've seen it.
But if mental disorders atleast, there are some things
they don't realize, right? Theydon't. Some things they they
just cannot fathom or understandor make sense of. But here she
can sense everything. Like she'sintellectually she knows
(08:45):
emotionally she understands. Soas a parent, it was so vital for
me to not show my emotions toher because if I had ever
regretted in front of a writing,it's the same with any condition
for that matter. It's even samewith a plant like you cannot if
they say right is if if you talkthat in front of a planet die.
(09:08):
Yeah, so it's Yes. It's so it's,it's somehow I never showed that
fear on my face in front of her.
Wow, it's just couldn't, right.
I think so many things. Yourjourney is I am sitting here
with, you know, tears in my eyesjust while you're talking about
your journey from the beginning.
(09:32):
And I think a lot of peoplelistening whether it's Eb or
autism or any other specialneeds, goes through a moment
like that and yours became inyour moment was in the
beginning, the very beginningright after birth. And yes, you
know, other people it's at twoor three or seven years old or
however old they are where thereis a diagnosis. There's
(09:54):
something that's going on, andin the beginning, you know, we
have our children and we havethe pregnancy
And we see the baby and it'slike beautiful. And then our
hopes and our dreams andaspirations and what we thought
things were going to be likequickly changes, because of a
diagnosis of whatever that is,and think we have to grieve some
(10:15):
of those things that we werethinking were going to happen,
which is a whole other episode,which I actually have an episode
on grieving what we didn't have.
And that's something that Ithink a lot of us go through.
And for you your strength, whenyou talk about having to wrap
your baby in the three to fourhours, you know, of rapping, and
not being able to go andswimming and simple things that
(10:39):
a lot of people take forgranted. And then for you to
talk about showing your emotionor not showing your emotion.
Where did you get this abilityto make these decisions and
reserve your emotions and beaware of how that could affect
your daughter? Where did thatcome from? especially in the
beginning? That's a beautifulquestion. So then because
(11:02):
thinking back and imaginingourselves back there in Houston,
one of the stories that it'sabout acceptance, right, that
acceptance is huge. And it tookus It always takes time. And
thank God she was a baby. Shedidn't know because there was
the day like there were ourfriends coming in it because her
face was perfect. Like hereverything else was fine. Her
(11:22):
legs were the first ones thathad started peeling, we would
hide it To be frank, we just hitit like we socked her up and
then we pretended likeeverything was fine. You know,
there was a ocean of oceanveiling inside my husband and I,
and we couldn't tell it toIndia, we couldn't call them and
say, Oh, we have problem becausethey don't know none of us knew
(11:42):
what is called what thiscondition was. And we thought
it's gonna get better with justturmeric like we have for us.
Turmeric solves all skinproblems and which is true,
which has been our Savior, butthen we covered her up, showed
her to people or we just metthem. And we will come back in
and I still am proud to thinkback of that was, I think it was
because she was such a newborn,there was no time for us to
(12:06):
start dwelling and self pityingourselves in our for not having
her as a prize. Like usually,babies are like, you know, how
Simba holds? rats and mice heldup? Right? So we couldn't do
that. I mean, we we had no timeto cry over that not happening,
(12:27):
because there was a newborn inyour hands who needed our
attention. That's all we caredabout. I think that in that
situation in itself helped usget that strength you know, as a
new parent, you automaticallythat the strength a lot of
people not wanting to have kidsare scared of Oh my god, how am
I going to handle having a kidright? And but that Basic
(12:49):
Instinct just comes in, and allyou want to do is protect your
child. That is where we go wrongin the long run of protecting
the child and not letting itlearn to fly. Right. That's
that's the next thing when whichwe are to come up with but to go
back to your question. I thinkit was our partnership, my
husband and I his partnership, Istill don't remember I said no
(13:11):
crying to each other and sayingwhat happened to us? Like, why
did we kind of went throughsmall periods of that, you know,
like me, maybe after a year orso. But then he would do certain
things he was good at I would docertain things I was good at and
then we overlapped, we supportedeach other. You know, he would
go to work and I wasn't workingback then. And in the evening
(13:32):
would be my break time. And thenhe would find a way for me to
get out and things like that. Ithink that's how we just kept
going through it. Yeah, thatamazed it was taking care of
yourself first. And then whathappened? I'd taken all that is
we couldn't blame it on ourdaughter that she took it away
from us. It's because we weremaking space for ourselves. And
(13:54):
all she gave us was the smile.
Right? It's like her smiles hergrowth. Like be somehow were
tuned to her positive. The other80 things that was great about
her right that she could do,right. I think that has always
been our focus and pushing thatto the highest limit like she's
(14:17):
a pianist now. I mean, I couldtell stories for ages. I think
for things that we had to decidelike, that was in middle school,
I jump many years ahead and wehad to now think of an elective
for her and she now has a trickfor breathing right and then her
skin cannot take stringedinstruments.
And piano is not offered as aband instrument, not an
(14:39):
orchestra because she used to beplaying a piano but she couldn't
do that at school, but we knewshe needed music in her life.
And that's when a stringedinstrument wouldn't work. The
only thing left was drums areafraid. And usually you know how
it's not a girl thing. Right?
Right. And then she's she's likea tiny kid with all the
conditionNutrition levels. That's another
(15:00):
whole series of what we did totake care of her nutrition. That
was a whole ballgame, differentballgame in itself, because she
was nowhere on the chart. So Butanyways, so be a drummer. Like
drummers, can you imagine? Likethey have to be that big people?
Yeah. But then I'm like, okay,that's what you're going to do.
You're going to drop it. And glocked is amazing. And she won
(15:21):
the award there because she sheknew rhythm. And even though she
couldn't speak out loud, she wasthere holding the rhythm for the
whole band. So you'll alwaysfind things that they can do.
Yeah. At the end of the day.
Yeah, I still remember thatdiscussion. My head. Okay, what
are we gonna do? I think there'sno, I didn't want to let go of
(15:44):
any experience just because ofEb. Yeah, no, yeah. Because we
were lucky that you know, her,even her fingers were much
better than many Eb patients.
You know, it's it's scary. Whatthey go through and very secure
so fast, even with her tray.
Like there's fundraisings thatgo on. lot of moms are just
(16:05):
running marathons just to raisefunds, because it's so rare. The
skin just feels what do you do?
Yeah. You know, that's so Ithink the print came in just
from focusing on what can I do?
Yes, what can I do to not what Ican do, right? The things that
you said about acceptance, thatis so huge when it comes to any
(16:27):
special needs to acceptingwhat's going on, and what's in
front of you. And then thesupport that you and your
husband had for each other, andbeing able to have your own time
to also take care of yourself.
That's something that I talk alot about, too, I didn't do that
in the beginning for myself. Andas a single parent, from the
beginning to, I didn't have thatlevel of support. But when I
(16:49):
look back, having someone inyour life to support you,
whether it's a friend in thecommunity, any anyone, right, it
doesn't have to necessarily be aspouse, but if you do have a
spouse, having that support, butthen also carving out that time
and prioritizing your, youryourself too, so that you can
recharge and rejuvenate and notforget that you also need to be
(17:11):
healthy. And then focusing onthe positive things, I think
that is so beautiful, a lot ofpeople can start to really go
down a rabbit hole of negativityand focus on the things that
child cannot do. I have donethat too. You know, on some
harder day, it's difficult, youknow, to you see things and it's
you're witnessing things thatyour child is unable to do
(17:33):
because of their condition. Butit takes intention to really
turn it around, to then focus onthe things that they can do. And
to embrace those things. And tocelebrate those things, while
giving support for the otherthings that they can do. I think
that is so beautiful. And thatyou were able to focus on that
and drawing your strength fromthat and also showing your
(17:57):
daughter that she's capable ofso much, you know, even in her
condition. I think that's sobeautiful. Yeah, and her
condition, I think that's wheremindfulness made its way. Now I
know it's mindfulness. I didn'tknow it back then, that this was
a term write it because wealways know that we've heard
these sayings in our culture ineverywhere that just be
(18:19):
thankful. Be grateful for whatyou have, and enjoy what you
have in front of you. You don'tknow what's in the past is gone.
And what's in the future is notyou don't even know what it is
all you knows what's in front ofyou. And that I think staying in
the moment with her condition,one of the things that happens
is her eye abrasions, which ishuge. So what happens is her
(18:40):
skin tears in her eye in otherwe have a water fill, and with
the B that kind of tears. Andthat is I think most the most
excruciating thing that canhappen to anyone. I mean, we all
speak from our experiences Iknow everybody has, we can only
speak to our experiences. So inour experience, it's the most
(19:01):
painful thing that can happen.
So it happens early in themorning. So we don't know what's
in store for us tomorrow, right?
So it helps us to make ourdecisions quick and fast. We
don't linger on a decision. Wedon't have the time to linger on
something for many days and say,oh, should we do this? Should we
do that? Should we do that? Oh,no, this person is not coming.
(19:22):
I'm not going. So there are somany things we base our
decisions off of and forget theintention, why we want to do
certain certain things. Like forexample, you want to go on a
vacation. Don't overthink it,time's gonna run away, run out,
make your pick and do it becausethe next day we didn't know
whether her eyes will be open.
(19:42):
So we knew that today. She'sfine, that's all and then so I'm
going to make those playdatestoday. I'm going to call those
friends today. We'll doeverything that can be done
today. Just today, let's jumpinto these things and don't put
it away for another day that hasbecome a huge part of our life.
When we see other typical kidswith AI, she's been very lucky
(20:04):
to have great friends. Allthrough our life. It's difficult
otherwise in a society wherelooks at everything, and if
someone had damaged her theirself esteem, that would have
been the worst thing that couldhappen to her. And she was
blessed, great friends allthroughout, not too many, just a
few handful who kept her goingnot to out and then stuck
(20:26):
around. So we are so thankful tofor those friends. But before
any of those, I think for ourkids with disabilities, it
begins at home for us to putthem on that pedestrian, right?
Like you are the apple of my eyeand telling that out loud,
spending those moments with themand sitting down. And that
(20:46):
helped so much because myhusband loved getting dressed,
he loved reading our hair, andthat was their thing. That's the
cutest, like, Oh, God, one, oneless thing for me to do. While
because for me, I was there. AsI was, I'm the nutrition
therapist, I have to take careof the school, I have to make
sure these farms are filled upbecause she had an aid all her
(21:09):
life. And every school yearbeginning was a nightmare in the
faith. I wouldn't say nightmarein a bad sense. But there were
these tons of papers I had tofill up to make sure the nurses
know when to put on bed. Andwhen do they apply Vaseline to
our wounds, actually waswounded, right. She was a
wounded soldier going to schooland notes on when to suction her
(21:30):
because she has a trick forbreathing. So there is because
she was young and she couldn'tdo it on her own. So while I was
busy taking care of that, in away, now I kind of miss having
those moments with her because Iwas busy setting up the
practical side for her. Andsometimes I'm just without by
hospitals, you got to do allthis. Like, yeah, you didn't
(21:51):
know how to braid her hair.
That's why.
But anyway, so if I missed thosethings, but then when I see her
be that independent person, it'sthose stepping stones we
designed for her in a way, notactually holding her hands. But
you know, like I was tellingyou, it's that we are lane
markers and letting like anautonomous car, we let them
(22:13):
drive not letting them know thatwe are driving it in a way right
for that. Yes. Right. So that'show we kept going through every
experience, take it as alearning lesson and make them
the hero of the house and makeit so huge. That their
confidence wells in them, likebecomes so strong that it
(22:34):
carries them throughout. Like ifyou see my daughter now, she has
a confidence of I don't know, Imean, she's not arrogant, thank
God, but it's that confidencethat takes her through. Like
she's really sure of herself waymore sure of herself than me.
Wow. I'm really surprised. Like,what When did that happen,
though, that you just have toaccept that life will give you a
(22:56):
path, just pick that and go on.
For example, I was a scienceengineer. But then now I had to
find a path parallel to her. Mylife was defined by her, I could
still be learning things fromthat. It's like it's a
perception of you look atthings. So I said okay, what
always ask yourself, what canyou do? Right? So now this was
thrown into my plate. I said,Okay, I can't do the computer
(23:18):
science job. Because it's eightto five full time, you're
expected to be there. Now I hadto be in parallel. A parallel
educator wherever she went for afew years. It was my thing to be
next to her. I even pickedclasses next to her. So I'm
there but not really there infront of her right. So that way
you're watching them and arethere to support them. You're
(23:42):
their only advocate, you got toremember that you cannot just
expect them to take care ofthemselves. Yeah, you know, so
you have to speak out and I hadto in all my IEP is that
individual education plan. Andwe were lucky in new in
California is where she grew up.
I don't know how it is in Texas.
And I think there is one butalways make use of those in the
(24:02):
IPS. Every state has so much forespecially parents, we just have
to know he make use of that.
Yeah, like I had a paid familyleave when I started finally
working full time as a computerscience engineer, where I could
take days off and get paid 80%like get six to eight weeks from
(24:25):
state of California. That's yourdays off but you're paid the
company doesn't have to pay youthe employer, but the state pays
you so make use of thoseamenities that are around Yeah,
for you. But all those you cando only when you rise above
yourself, like you say, rightgotta rise about your pity or,
you know, just do it for a dayor two. That's fine. We all need
(24:48):
it. Don't let it kill you. Rightjust rise above it and say,
Okay, I'm dusted now. So whatcan I do about it? Yeah, I
always talk about it's okay tofeel the feelings that you
Susan Fink (25:00):
Feeling, feelings are not facts, you know, they're
not necessarily always real interms of what you're dealing
with in front of you. But it'sgood to let it out have the
emotional response. But thenrealize that there are
resources, there are things thatyou can do and that are
available to you, it's a matterof you picking yourself up and
(25:20):
dusting yourself off, like yousaid, and going after it and
advocating, sometimes that'sdifficult, especially for a new
diagnosis. But it's so true. AndI always say to be the squeaky
wheel, you know, in the IEP, I'mthe squeaky wheel in a nice way,
I can be nice about it, but Ihave to speak up for my son,
because he cannot speak up forhimself, you know, and we are
(25:43):
their voices. And we are theones that are there to make sure
they have what they need. And Ithink what you said is really
important about knowing yourresources and knowing that you
have options, you know, thereare things available out there
to support you and your family.
Yeah, something I wanted tobring up that you mentioned to
me on the phone the other daywas you said Don't let our own
(26:03):
fear get in the way of theprogress of our own children.
And that really resonated withme so much, because I feel that
a lot of parents who are goingthrough Eb or autism or a
diagnosis, a special needsdiagnosis, we have fear, we have
our own fear of wanting to makesure we're protecting our
(26:25):
children and to we are fearfulof what's to come, right. We're
thinking about the future. Inyour case, you know, we talked
and you were telling me so manybeautiful stories of how you did
not let your fear get in the wayof your daughter's growth, which
goes back to the confidencelevel that she has. Now. Can you
talk to me a little bit aboutthat? And what you're telling me
(26:46):
about? Yeah, I think the onewhich has been the biggest fear
when she was growing up wassimple things like putting her
on a slide for us was huge. Sothis was one of those things
which I knew as a child, she hasto experience right? For us
putting her on a slide was notas simple as it is, it is like
(27:07):
how hard can that friction, skincannot take friction. So if
imagine putting boiled potato,you know, on something, the skin
is just going to peel off, itwould be the same for her if I
ever put her on a slide. So Ihad only two choices, I don't
let her enjoy the slide feelingof what slide is. Or just go let
(27:29):
her experience it and see whathappens. But in that age, when
she was three or four, shedoesn't have the fear. She
doesn't know what is going tohappen. But all she knows is she
is going towards the slide. Shewants to try it and then said
okay, we are going to come backtomorrow. And this time, I was
like wrapping her up, hold backwas ready. My heart was gonna
(27:50):
sink of you know how, likeyou're putting somebody in front
of fire, right? It's that's howhard it is because I am
responsible for this child. Am Iputting her in danger? So those
questions of fear thought camein, forcing in. And I had to
overcome that at that moment.
(28:11):
Because if I let go of thosemoments at that age in her life
that would become a fear for herlife or future lies. So I had to
work on my small fear for nowmomentary and worst case, like
ask yourself, what is the worstcase that happened? Yes, about
backward peel. And how longwould it take? It may not ever
(28:32):
heal. We have wounds for manyyears that hasn't healed for
different reasons. But insteadof building that story, right of
story of 50% negative story,which says, Oh, this is the bad
things that can happen. But Ithink I told myself back then
what if nothing happens? What ifshe is able to slide through and
she loves it the exhilaratingfeeling experience of sliding,
(28:54):
being free and experiencing thatitself forms a neural new neural
neuron connection for now justtrying these new things. It's
not going to be just sliding. Ifyou remember sliding like a kid
as a kid. I wish we all did itmore often even when we are
done. But that letting go ofslide, right as you slide down,
(29:15):
you have that feeling it'sexhilarating. The feeling, and
I'm so glad I did it because Iput it on that slide holding my
enough crossing my fingers andhoping that I kill myself for
doing this. And there it was.
She was fine. She didn't haveany bruises. At least I let her
try. That's when I knew a lot oftimes. That's why I suggest that
before fear takes you over justdo it.
Unknown (29:40):
Because it can stop so many dreams. So many things in
its infancy. They won't even letyou won't even give them a
chance to grow. Right. That isso absolutely true. Yes. And
that has taken us a long ways.
Even when she started drivingthe car even I remember the
first time she started drivingthe car like she'd said
Mom, you're not sitting next tome, my dad is teaching me
(30:02):
because I could see my panic.
And I heard that from any othermoms two moms are not the best
teachers for driving.
But then I'm gonna lie down inthe backseat of my car, and you
drive. I'm not even there. And Idid that, like, I've done such
crazy things for her. Or formyself, I wouldn't say for her,
(30:23):
it's for my own sanity. And shestill laughs at that, Mom, how
did it help you lying down inthe back of the car? Yeah, then
I'm not advising you where togo. That means you can do it on
your own. So it's step by stepin letting go of our fear. A lot
of times our parents have puttheir fears in us. It's their
fear that we carry forward. Andeven every generation, if we
(30:46):
could kill one of those fears,and make them stronger, every
new generation will be so muchmore self confident and happy
with themselves. Yeah, I thinkthat's so true. Yep. So that I
think fear is I think falseexpectations appearing real.
That's what it is. Absolutely.
And it's, it's great for sometime. I mean, we all need it. We
are humans. And we have we weremeant to be fearful because that
(31:08):
was our tool when we are in theforest jungle. But now we we
don't have to be fearful ofourselves. At the end, we have
come to a stage where we arefearful of our own thoughts. And
that's what I think has led meto the mindfulness part of my
life. Yeah. And I wanted to getinto the mindfulness part,
because you mentioned that inthe beginning of your journey to
(31:31):
and your daughter helped youbecome much more mindful and
present, you know, you thinkabout not thinking so much about
the past or the future, butbeing in the, in the now. And
dealing with fear dealing withemotions, dealing with all the
feelings that come and theemotions that come with raising
a child with special needs. Themindfulness factor, and being in
(31:54):
the moment is so critical. Andwhen I saw your art that you do,
we are connected on Instagram,and I see your videos. It's it's
mesmerizing. And when we talkedthe other day, dot your minds is
all about bringing mindfulnessand art together, being able to
(32:14):
let go of your emotions and yourfeelings and the stress and
anxiety and all of those thingsin a creative way. And I think
it's so beautiful. And so youknow, authentic, and I wanted
people to know where that comesfrom, because it's not art,
right? It's something that comesYes, that has been around. And I
love that you're bringingawareness to this too. So tell
(32:35):
us about your minds and dot art.
Yes. So over a period of time, Ithink it's been 18 years, I've
learned through many life'sexperiences is through our
hospital stays. It is mespending hours in a dark room
with my daughter during her eyeabrasions, and noticing how I
have to be so slow, so gentlewith everything I do, which is
(33:00):
so completely against my nature.
Most of us women, especiallybecause we are doing hundreds of
things at once and we are goingand going and going we're not
stopping when even when we walktogether my daughter and I she
asked me to slow down becauseher feet have on such takes
time. But she takes her time asshe she reaches the same
destination as me. But I stilltwo steps behind. But there's no
(33:23):
point in hurrying, right, learnto slow down, there's so much
more slowing down I have tolearn through her. But all these
experiences, I think it had beenwithin me sitting inside me for
many years. And then last yearafter my mom passed away, I
think it had just culminated toa point after I lost, but she
(33:44):
was not around like she was myemotional support in all this
where I could, that was oneperson I could whine and crib
and complain to about my life.
And she will say everything'sgonna be fine, fine, you want to
went Go ahead, I'm here. And Ilost that. Right? I didn't have
that person now. And I had thislife's huge, immense amount of
(34:06):
learnings I've done. And peoplealways questioned me it's like,
oh, wow, how do you do the SEC?
How are you able to take yourlife forward with so many
hospitals, it's you have, Idon't know what future holds.
And now I had to figure out away to put all this in a really
simplistic way for people tounderstand how do they because
not everybody has to have aspecial needs child to go
(34:27):
through and life's challengesare a blessing in a way. And
when I look back that has mademe the better person I am. I
think everybody should face alife's challenge of some sort. I
mean, I'm not saying this way,it's not in a bad way. But you
have to get uncomfortable beforeyou realize your strengths. You
realize all this mental strengthyou have and we don't even
(34:48):
access 2% of our mental strengthwe give in and turn on Netflix
right because we want to numbersyes and and that kills our only
way to experience life.
I was never an artist. And therewas this disconnection between
me and my thoughts. It's likeit's all over the place. And I
knew I had to do something aboutit for some reason. And then I
(35:10):
had this sand laying around,which is what we use in India.
It's a form of blessing, whichwe put in front of the house
early in the morning, my mom andmy grandmother used to do as
part of their daily routine,then I was just like journaling,
we all do. And they would comein front of the house, wash the
front of the house and drawthese beautiful patterns with
(35:31):
sand. And I needed something todo, especially last year during
COVID. Suddenly, now I wasdisconnected with the whole
world like everybody else. Andthat's when I took to this and I
realized that art is what wasthat was the final chord that
was missing in my life I hadjust been doing so much. And my
now my daughter was in college,she had already gotten into
(35:51):
UCLA, it was my dream to travellast year when I with my mom,
and there's so many things thatfind out for 2020. And none of
those were going to happen. Andnow how do I define myself,
right? We define ourselvesthrough the actions we do. But
we forget that we should bedefining ourselves with what we
what we can be within ourselveswhat you can feel, then a lot of
(36:13):
those outer things disappear,right. And that's when I started
reading about how art istherapeutic. It's been there for
ages, right drawing andpainting. But painting, I took
up painting and it just left meanxious because my paintings
were not good enough, it wasjust, you know, we don't know
how to pay that takes years topractice. But with this dot art,
(36:36):
I think it was simple enough,it's a grid of dots. You can
even do it with pencil paint,and you know, pens and sketch
pens, I started with pencil.
First, it's a grid of dots. Andif you go to my Instagram,
you'll see some videos, and youconnect the dots in a
symmetrical way it flows itback, that is a balance. And
that all adds up and it accessesthe right side of your brain for
(36:57):
especially special needs momswhose head spins with the tasks
we have to do, let alone justthe moms. Right, we have to
pause it you have to slow itdown. At some point in the day,
we have to slow it down. That'swhere I brought this up to cover
mindfulness practitioner course,to understand it more deeply.
(37:17):
Because meditation what washappening is I still needed
somebody to keep talking to meabout where my mind should go,
and then breathing andeverything. And even when doing
meditation, my mind would notstop wandering, it would still
go into the cycles, right? Yeah,having something tangible in my
hand like a sand sand is thebest way to do it. When I
(37:39):
realized that connection of ifmy mind is somewhere else, I
can't let go of the sun and itgoes all over the place. I can
actually see my mind thoughtsdefining what I'm doing. And
because it's sad, it'simpermeable. You know, it's it's
impermanence, is what is thebest part of it, imagine a beach
right in it, just the waves comein and go back. So it's easy to
(38:01):
let it go with the sun. It'seasy to forgive yourself.
Because you know, it's sad. It'snot permanent. It's ingrained in
your head that outside I canjust erase it and start all over
again. And that's the way Ithink I started forgiving myself
for things as a parent,especially especially parent,
you feel like Oh, I know this, Ican't help my kid I because
(38:23):
certain things they're born withno, you cannot change it but
doing something so therapeuticand artistic lets you start
believing in yourself that youcan create something beautiful,
because time is something youcan let go. It's easy to raise
your mistakes. And that kind offolds into it's okay to make
mistakes. It's not the end ofthe world. That's what the art
(38:44):
teaches you that it's okay,you're gonna erase and you'll
start all over again everymorning. That was what the
ritual was even if it was themost beautiful art you have to
raise it and start all overagain. Same thing with life's
too it's it could be the perfectvacation it is but it's gonna
come to an end you got to learnto let go of that and when you
come on a Monday after a oneweek vacation in Hawaii, you
(39:06):
better be at work this learn tolet go you enjoy your time in
Hawaii, Stan, right. Gotta startafresh. We are right we as
modern society are so stuck onholding on to things holding on
is what I think makes us refillhaving it as we go days go by
you're going to feel heavybecause you're holding on to so
many things good and bad. If youjust let it go, as I learned
(39:29):
came, that's what the artteaches you the art of letting
go a new possibility for newthings, new ideas, right? That's
where I got the idea for dachaminds. So I loved how you were
talking about letting go in yourminds and I was actually
watching one of your videos onInstagram and one of your
clients came in and she wassaying how she was full of
(39:51):
anxiety and just stressed outand she was taking your class
and she felt just this reliefbecause you're the sand
is actually impermanent, thesand just kind of you know, went
away and the art went away, itfelt like this relief of tension
and relief of anxiety and justbeing able to let go. So I think
that's just such a beautifulthing to do when you're creating
(40:15):
something and then you you letit go. I mean it What an amazing
thing that relates back to justeveryday life that is perfect,
exactly what I want the clientsto experience and the beauty of
just letting it be. And aspecial needs parent, especially
you know, we there is aperception of a society we want
it to be a part of, and we arenot and it's not like we are sad
(40:38):
about that view, we haveoutgrown that we are able to
have made a great life withoutbeing that perfect picture yet,
we don't take the time to pauseand relax into it. sink into it,
you know, the feeling I try tobring into my clients when they
come in is the feeling of, youknow, when you're in a sand,
(41:00):
you're at the beach, and yourfeet are in the water, and the
water pulls you back. And thenthe sinking feeling you have,
it's one of my favoriteexperiences when I go to the
beach. And that's the mostsoothing and relaxing because
I'm letting it and letting I'mjust being there, and then the
water and the sand that'spulling that energy is doing all
(41:22):
the work and I'm letting it be.
That's what I want people toexperience through the power of
the sand art is like givingourselves permission to be
happy, right? giving ourselvespermission to soak in the
goodness of life that isprovided to us. We have to stop
for things to start happeninggood things to happen to us be
(41:42):
in the receptive mode. Andthat's where prayer comes in.
That's where being in a flow ofdoing something if you're a
pianist, or if you're amusician, any kind of musician,
anything that can put you in aflow, here's what I realized was
missing in my life. I never gavemyself permission to be because
I thought I should always bedoing things I thought I should
(42:03):
be moving from one task toanother, be productive every
single minute of the day is whenI would feel happy, right? But
even after having eight hours ofbusy life, why why aren't we
happy then if you think work isgoing to make you happy. It's
why aren't you it's not aboutthe kind of work you're doing.
It's what what kind of attentionyou're paying to your work.
(42:25):
right it is. That's all it isnot all of us can have passion,
something out of thin air to do.
But that's what I want to havethe clients experience through
one hour or six weeks ofmindfulness coaching program is
to start experiencing lifemoment by moment, being able to
use the power that you havegained by training your mind
(42:47):
through the sand dot r to reinin all those times when your
mind goes away, you pull it backin that trick I want to teach
people and the easiest way forme was to come up with this
technique. So usually it's anhour classes I provide to
introduce you to this conceptit's pretty heavy if you think
about it, once you get it, it'syour life's biggest tool to be
(43:11):
able to feel like you're incontrol and not the other way
around where life controls you.
And I think it takes practiceright it's you know, being able
to rein in your own thoughts andbeing able to really understand
and know that you do have morecontrol than you really thought
being able to clear your mindrelax your mind slowing down all
of that takes a lot of intentionand practice and I love that
(43:33):
your your minds courses can beyou know, even through six weeks
because it will take practice tobuild that strong foundation so
that you can use this toolthroughout different situations.
So tell us and tell me and thelisteners where they can sign up
for your classes where they canreach out to you to start their
practice without your mindswhere can they find you. You can
(43:56):
find me on got your minds thatis d o t u r like the letter U r
m i n d as in dog as sudachilions.com you can connect with
me on their way through thecontact me page for our events
online. I do mindfulness classesonline for 30 minutes sessions
(44:17):
for both matching east coast andWest Coast people that is a
pencil art sessions and thereare sandata art for in person
sessions. And if you are not inperson and are within 1520 miles
radius of me, you can orderstuff from Amazon I can I give
them a list and we then jump ona call and we start the practice
and six weeks program is afterwe do a couple of these
(44:40):
individual classes and you get ahang of it. I'll get to figure
out what it is and after our oneon one discovery call sessions.
We can jump into understandingthe biggest problems you have
right now. You know like for me,it was just anxious, running
free thoughts and I had to findWe read them all. And that was
my problem and feeling thiscalm. And you know, being in
(45:03):
love with myself was my biggestreason I have I was doing this.
So we do that in our discoverycall. And following that we
design that six week program,it's almost individually based,
because each person is sodifferent. I like to design a
core person and their needs. Andif there are your friends who
want to john, join the cohort,and then we do like four to five
(45:24):
people at the same time, that'seven better for the same boat
that that's the best would be togo through my website, and then
follow me on Instagram, I thinkthat would give you a good idea
what this art is all about,right. And I will make sure that
all of your links are in theshow notes to on the podcast and
so that people know how to getin touch with you too. And I
just thank you so much Vani forjoining me today. And you've
(45:46):
really provided so much wisdomand guidance and advice for
parents and families goingthrough not only raising
children with special needs, butthen also just being more
present, working through youremotions, being mindful, and
knowing that there are resourcesout there, whether you have
special needs children or not,you know, this is pretty much
(46:07):
for anyone where they need help.
And I just love that there aresolutions, like dot your minds
out there. So I just want tothank you so much for joining me
today and giving our listenersjust so much information and you
are just amazing. And yourjourney has really inspired me
as well. So thank you so muchfor joining me just so much. I
(46:30):
love being here forward tomeeting you all
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