The Unsupportive Family Members

This is a difficult topic for many. I’ve had the opportunity to speak to other parents and this is one of their struggles. 

When going through this journey, and especially in the initial diagnosis, you may run across family members who don’t understand, are unsupportive, not willing to learn about the diagnosis, may even say things like - it’s just a phase. 

You may have to reset your own expectations of your family members.

They may not be able to provide the support you need, your child needs, your family needs. 

Let me ask you a question. What does support look like to you? Are you not receiving what you need? 

The truth is, they may not be able to give you what you need, the type of support you’re looking for. This could be for many reasons, and reasons I have heard include: 

• They don’t understand the diagnosis. They don’t understand what’s going on 
• They are in denial - they may not want to understand, they may be telling themselves something different because of denial
• They don’t believe in the diagnosis - they think it’s a phase
• Cultural beliefs - I have heard in some countries, autism and other special needs are viewed as mental illnesses, which is incredibly sad, but unfortunately true.

So, what do you when you have family members who do not and cannot support you. 

• Realize you can’t control anyone else. You can advocate and try to educate as much as possible, but ultimately, you can’t control how they think, or their actions. 
• Be clear with them on how they can support you - they may just not know how they can support your child and family. You may need to give them a blueprint on how to guide them to provide better support.
• Realize some people are not capable of meeting your expectations. YOU may need to change your expectations of them. 
• Set boundaries. If there is any negative talk about your child and their special needs, you can set boundaries to not accept, listen to or tolerate negative talk. 
• Seek out others who understand and create your own support group. This may need to be outside of your family - other parents, moms, community members, church - seek out other people who are open, supportive and inclusive

The bottom line is sometimes family is not the source of support. As much as we may believe family should be inclusive, supportive and helpful - they may not always be and it could be for the previous reasons I mentioned. It’s important for you to be clear on what that support looks like, to set expectations and boundaries, and to seek out support elsewhere if you’re not able to receive it through your family. 

That’s it for this episode. If you can relate to this, please follow this podcast so you never miss an episode and share this podcast to those who may need it. If you need help, I am a mindset and life coach - DM me @susanfink.rise or you can also check out my site risemindset.com to connect. I want you to remember is you’re not alone in this journey. Stay connected, reach out, there are solution out there to help you!

My mission is to help as many people as I can and I cannot do that without you. Thank you, thank you thank you for listening, thank you for your support in sharing this podcast to help others. And until next time, I appreciate, I empathize, and I am here for you. and...We...can do this

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Episode Transcript

Susan Fink (00:09):
Hey, everyone, and welcome to the rise with the
light podcast. My name is SusanFink and this is my weekly
podcast dedicated to supportingfamilies raising children with
special needs. I'm on a missionto provide hope and positivity
through sharing my personalinsights, stories, mindset
perspectives, and ways tonavigate through this journey.
Let's get started.

(00:48):
Hi, there. And thank you so muchfor joining me today, I wanted
to quickly mention to make surethat you're following this
podcast so that you don't missanother episode. And if these
episodes are helping you pleaseleave a star rating a comment or
share this podcast so I can helpother people too. So I'm going
to get into a topic that may bedifficult for many. And I've had
the opportunity to speak withother parents about this. And

(01:09):
this is one of their struggles.
When we go through this journey,and especially on the initial
diagnosis, you may run acrossfamily members who don't
understand who are unsupportive,and who are not willing to learn
about the diagnosis, and mayeven say things like it's just a
phase, it'll pass Don't worryabout it. Oh, you don't know if
the diagnosis is real, they mayjust say things that are

(01:30):
discouraging. And unfortunately,you may have to reset your own
expectations of your familymembers. And this is really
difficult for a lot of people,family members may not be able
to provide the support that youneed the support your child
needs, the support your familyneeds. Let me ask you a
question. What does support looklike to you? Are you receiving

(01:53):
that support? Or are you notreceiving that support that you
need through your familymembers? The truth is your
family may not be able toprovide you with what you need
the type of support you'relooking for. And this could be
for many reasons, they may notunderstand the diagnosis. They
just don't understand what'sgoing on. They may be in denial.

(02:14):
A lot of parents go throughdenial when they have a
diagnosis. So other familymembers, your mom, your dad, and
uncle, sister, brother, whoever,they may also be in denial, they
may not want to understandbecause they're in denial, they
may be telling themselvessomething different because
they're in denial. Some peoplemay not believe the diagnosis,

(02:37):
they think it's a face. Andthere's also cultural beliefs.
I've heard in some othercountries that through some
family members that I've spokenwith, that autism and other
special needs are viewed asmental illnesses. I mean, that
is just horrible. And I thinkincredibly sad, but
unfortunately true. So somefamily members may abandon them,
because they see this as anegative thing. And they see the

(03:00):
diagnosis as something that theydon't want to deal with that
they see it as a mental illness,and they feel ashamed about it.
So what do you need from yourfamily members? What kind of
support Do you need,unfortunately, you may not be
able to get it from your family.
And part of this process is tobe okay with that. But there are

(03:21):
some things that you can do toget through this because I know
this is very difficult for a lotof people. So when you have
family members who do not orcannot support you, you have to
realize that you can't controlanyone else, you can advocate,
you can try to educate as muchas possible. But ultimately, you
can't control how other peoplethink you can't control their

(03:41):
actions. So you have to let itgo. You also need to be clear
with them on how they cansupport you. They may just not
know how they may not understandwhat they can do. So sometimes
when people don't understand orthey don't know what to do, they
just flee, they, they don't doanything they don't support. So
you might have to be veryexplicit on how you need support

(04:05):
on what they can do. Give them ablueprint, give them a guide so
that they can provide bettersupport for you and your family
and your child. Realize thatsome people are just not capable
of meeting your expectations.
You may need to change yourexpectations of them. You may
need to set some boundaries. Ifthere's any negative talk about
your child and their specialneeds. You can also set

(04:27):
boundaries, set boundaries tonot accept it, not listen to it
and not tolerate the negativetalk. And I've heard this from
other parents where their familymember says things negatively or
condescending or they make crudecomments and it's really up to
you to set those boundaries. AndI know that can be very
difficult with family membersbut you also need to put your
foot down and set thoseboundaries especially if it's

(04:50):
having a negative effect on yourown family and your child and
the kind of environment you wantyour child to be in. So if your
family members are not able tosupport you if you have tried to
educate them. And they're notresponding if you have tried to
tell them how they can supportyou and what they can do to
provide that, if you realizeeventually that they're not
capable of meeting yourexpectations, even after you've

(05:12):
maybe adjusted thoseexpectations or set boundaries,
you may have to seek out others.
Others who understand otherpeople that you can reach out to
this may be outside of yourfamily members, other parents,
other moms, other fathers,community members, church, seek
out other people who are openand inclusive, other people who

(05:33):
can support you and your familyand the journey that you're
going to be going through thatyou are going through. The
bottom line is that sometimesfamily is not the source of
support, not the best source ofsupport. As much as we want to
believe that family should beinclusive, supportive and
helpful, they may not always beable to do those things. And it
could be for different reasons.
Like I mentioned, it's importantfor you to be very clear on what

(05:55):
support looks like for you toset expectations and boundaries
for your family and to seek outsupport elsewhere. If you're not
able to get it from your family,other people are out there to be
able to support you thatunderstand who are open minded
to understand, it is veryimportant to have support. Our
journey as parents with specialneeds children is not always

(06:19):
easy. We not only are dealingwith a lot of different
situations with our child, butalso our own emotions, our own
journey, our own feelings, ourown personal challenges as
parents, and if you're singleparent like me, there's another
layer of support that Ipersonally need to. And
sometimes those things can comefrom family members. But if you

(06:41):
realize that that's not going tohappen, find other people who
can support you, it is soimportant for your own health,
your own mental well being yourown mindset to be a strong
parent to support your child. Sothat's it for this episode. I
know that this was a short one.
But I wanted to really get rightto the point because this is a

(07:03):
big topic for people. And it'snot always easy to realize that
your family may not be your mainsource of support, and it can be
very hurtful and painful. So Itotally get that. But again,
make sure that you're findingsupport that you need, define it
for yourself and seek it out. SoI hope that this has helped you

(07:23):
please follow this podcast soyou don't miss an episode and
share this podcasts for otherpeople who may need it. You may
know other family members whoare going through the same thing
and they may need to hear thisfrom someone else from someone
they don't know someone who isunbiased, they may need to hear
it from someone else. And if youneed help, I am a mindset and
life coach, DM me at Susan Finkdot rise. Or you can also check

(07:46):
out my website, rise mindsetcalm to connect. And I want you
to remember that you're notalone in this journey. So stay
connected, reach out there aresolutions out there to help you.
And my mission is to help asmany people as I can. And I
cannot do that without you. Sothank you. Thank you. Thank you
so much for listening. Thank youfor your support and sharing
this podcast to help others anduntil next time, I appreciate I

(08:08):
empathize and I am here for youand we can do this