Transforming Pain Into Power and Purpose with 4x TEDx Speaker and Thought Leader Elayna Fernandez

When I was pronounced dead, I knew it, not because they said it, but because all of those emotions were gone. I only felt peace, I had a deeper understanding and I was so hyper aware and it was like that's me, but I'm me and I'm just an energy, I'm just a presence.    - Elayna Fernandez

Have you experienced the transformative power of pain?

Today’s episode is extra special…  The extraordinary experience that my guest, Elayna Fernandez shares, from her upbringing in the slums of the Dominican Republic, to being kidnapped and assaulted, to literally dying in a terrible accident, to her incredible rise to the top as a world-renowned speaker, coach, and entrepreneur, are insanely inspiring.

As a 4x TEDx Speaker, TEDx Organizer, and Certified Speaker Coach, Elayna is a bestselling author, international keynote speaker, and award-winning storyteller who was named one of the 125 Top Impactful Leaders to Know worldwide by SUCCESS Magazine and has been sponsored by over 500 brands. 

I personally stumbled upon Elayna, who also happens to be vegan, when I was seeking support to take my own professional speaking career to the next level, and I hired her as a coach, which was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

In this episode, Elayna guides us through the philosophy of harnessing pain as a catalyst for growth, sharing her own remarkable journey to highlight how adversity can lead to profound positivity.

In a heartfelt narrative, we explore the significance of compassion, the alchemy of transforming pain into possibility, and the importance of setting bold visions for a future filled with love and abundance.

Elayna's story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, from her early struggles to her current influence as a global thought leader.

Wrapping up this inspiring conversation, we reflect on how personal tragedies can redefine our sense of self-worth and purpose. Through the creation of the Positive Mom brand and the values Elayna strives to impart to my children, she underscores the importance of embracing our painful experiences to forge a path of growth for ourselves and for future generations.

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Check out our
garbage.
It doesn't smell good, itdoesn't feel good, but I'm
allowing myself to grab onto apossibility, in that possibility

(00:23):
, then allowing myself to knowI'm getting there, but I'm still
here, being present, withoutpain.
So I always say in the midst ofpain, don't be positive, be
present, and being present willbring you to be positive.

Ella Magers (00:48):
Hey there and welcome to Rise and Thrive with
me, ella Majors.
I created this high-vibedpodcast from a place of profound
curiosity, fierce compassionand the deep desire to connect
you with the wisdom ofinspirational wellness, health,
fitness and conscious leadersand change makers.
Here's to discovering our blindspots and embracing life as the

(01:10):
adventure it is.
The time is now.
Let's do this.
Hey, hey, everyone Ella here.
So today's episode is extraspecial and I'll tell you why.
The extraordinary experiencesthat my guest, alaina Fernandez,

(01:34):
shares, from her upbringing inthe slums of the Dominican
Republic to being kidnapped andassaulted, to literally dying in
a terrible accident, to herincredible rise to the top as a
world-renowned speaker, coachand entrepreneur, are insanely
inspiring.
As a four times TEDx speaker,tedx organizer and certified

(01:57):
speaking coach, alaina is abest-selling author,
international keynote speakerand award-winning storyteller
who was named one of the top 20,sorry storyteller.
Who was named one of the 125top impactful leaders to know
worldwide by Success Magazineand has been sponsored by over

(02:20):
500 brands.
Not only that I personallystumbled upon Alaina when I was
speaking or sorry, not only that, I was not only that.
I personally stumbled uponAlaina when I was seeking
support to take my ownprofessional speaking career to

(02:41):
the next level, and I hired heras a business coach.
So, as a coach myself, I knowthe value of a high-quality
coach, and I'm rarely withoutone in my life in some capacity.
That said, I have a bigannouncement to make and a small
request so full transparency.

(03:03):
Last year, I consideredditching the Sexy Fit Vegan
brand that I founded in 2013,because I was feeling like I had
outgrown it in a sense, butinstead I've been able to put
the puzzle pieces together andreconnect to the brand in
profound ways, and I do shareabout that in a recent blog post

(03:26):
on SexyFitVegancom.
So I'm super excited to let youknow that this will be the last
of the Rise and Thrive podcastepisodes, and I'll be taking a
break to create a Sexy Fit Veganpodcast, which will have a

(03:47):
refreshing new format and it'lldeliver incredible value,
insights and a bunch of laughtertoo.
We need more of that in ourlives, don't we?
In the meantime, if you're notsubscribed to the Vegan Life
Coach podcast, our sister show,which you can find at

(04:07):
SexyFitVegancom forward slashpodcast, I encourage you to
subscribe and binge listen tothat one, starting at episode
one while you wait.
Because, well, because it'stotally binge worthy and very
different from Rise and Thrivein terms of what you get out of
it.
And if you're not subscribed tomy Sexy, fit, vegan, sole

(04:31):
aligned Sunday newsletter,please get on that list.
The link is in the show notesso that you can stay connected
and updated as we get closer tothe launch of this new show.
All right, I'll be wrapping uphere by saying that I could not
be more grateful to Alina forchallenging me and guiding me to

(04:55):
get the clarity I needed tomove forward in this exciting
and meaningful way, and for thisinterview, which is so packed
with gold.
All right, so finally, let's dothis.
Alina, I've been lookingforward to this conversation

(05:17):
since you said yes to being onthis podcast.
Thank you so much for beinghere.

Elayna Fernandez (05:22):
Oh, I've been looking forward to it since you
invited me.
I am delighted to be here.

Ella Magers (05:28):
You know one of the things I like to ask my guests,
because you've got a veryextensive bio and you've had so
many experiences and so manyaccolades and TEDx talks and all
of this in your bio.
But what I'd like to ask is whois the person behind all of
that?
Who is Alina?

Elayna Fernandez (05:50):
I love that.
I call myself a storyteller, astrategist and a student of fame
and the last one usuallydoesn't make a lot of sense for
people Like what is a student ofpain?
And I think that being astudent of pain has been really

(06:10):
truly my essence and my identity, since I can think of my
conscious self, because who I amis someone who learns from the
pain that is inevitable and is,I would say, ever present in our
lives.

(06:31):
And when we think about pain,it's like we are birthed with
pain and we move forward to thenext realm through pain, and
it's usually this constantthreat.
I always call it the threat ofhumanity, and so I think that's
who I am.

(06:51):
It's someone who studies painand turns it into something else
, like an alchemist.

Ella Magers (07:00):
And so interesting.
You just said that.
So one of the things that Quinnand I were doing on our trip to
Guatemala, I brought the bookthe Alchemist and we were
reading it back and forth toeach other, like I'd read a
chapter, he'd read a chapter outloud, so it was so interesting
that you said that and I hadn'theard that before, and it makes

(07:21):
so much sense.
The birth process, how we comeinto this world, how we leave
this world, and then everythingin between.
We want to run from it, butthat is the foundation.

Elayna Fernandez (07:32):
Absolutely, and it's the common thread of
humanity, because one of thethings you know we call it love,
but I call it compassion.
One of the main themes of howwe commune in this world is
through compassion and if youlook at the meaning, the
etymology, you know I'm a wordnerd.
We already got that.
Yes, I love this about you.

(07:53):
And I love, like that, readingchapters to each other, love
that.
But one of the things in theetymology of the word compassion
is that it means to suffer with, to suffer together.
And so when I think about ourworld, when I think about
humanity, when I think about thepurpose of us being here is to

(08:17):
actually see each othersuffering, to be present with
each other suffering and toreally participating, easing
that suffering, not in a way,like you said, like running or
disguising or masking orsuppressing, but in a way that

(08:39):
heals each other.
And it starts with ourself.

Ella Magers (08:43):
You know, for people who don't know your story
, I think it is importantbecause this is how you come to
all these conclusions is throughyour own experiences, starting
with when you were born intothis world.
Can you share?
And then along the way, we cankind of make little turns and
twists and explore.
Yes, there's so much right.

Elayna Fernandez (09:02):
There is.

Ella Magers (09:03):
It's like we need maybe five episodes to cover it
all.

Elayna Fernandez (09:07):
Yes, exactly, and you know, as you said, it
starts when we are born, becausethat's something that we don't
choose where or who we're borninto.
Not that we remember it anyway,right, right.
And so when we first look atwhere we're born, who we're born
into we don't say I chose this,that's not how it feels right,

(09:31):
it feels like this was somethingthat was assigned to me and I
remember being five years oldand looking at my environment
and looking at where I live andlooking at my reality and
thinking I don't want to bealive Not only, you know,
because I was born into extremepoverty, growing up in a slum,

(09:56):
and definitely poverty has avery, I would say, demolarizing
element to it, because you don'thave your basic needs and you
feel that everything is hard.
And, as a five year old, tothink about how your life is so
hard and so tiring, how you haveto fetch your water and wake up

(10:23):
before everybody is awake sothat you can provide for your
family, so that you can earn theright to go to school, but then
know that you're somehowprivileged because in your
environment no one goes toschool, no one has basic
sanitation, basic medical care,basic nutrition, and how there's

(10:50):
so much dysfunction around you,and I wasn't consciously
thinking about those words, Ijust thought this is too hard.
I don't want to be here everysingle day being told I was
worthless and I didn't reallyhave the right to be alive, and
so it was a very painfulchildhood, and very rarely do I

(11:15):
think of glimpses or moments inwhich I felt joy and I felt love
and I felt acceptance andbelonging in this world.
So it was definitely somethingthat was hard on a child, and I
have to sit with my inner littlegirl very often and say to her

(11:35):
I was so hard for you, I'm sosad you went through that.
So that's how my conscious lifebegan.
And just knowing that I wasvery invalidated because not
only I had all this messagingfrom the people that were
supposed to take care of me, butalso I had these other messages

(11:57):
that told me like you're afighter, you can do this, you
survive so much.
You know, I was told the storyabout how I three months old, so
I have suffered from epilepticseizures, and at three years old
I was brought back to life froma seizure and everyone thought
that I was gone, and so Iremember hearing this messaging

(12:21):
that I should be grateful to bealive at the same time as you
don't deserve being alive, andthat has been kind of the thread
that runs through my entireexistence, wow.

Ella Magers (12:35):
That's pretty incredible that you can place
yourself back, and I got fullbody chills when you're talking
about being five.
I mean, that is an age like wethink about our children I don't
have children, but most of ouraudience a lot of them, do you
know and wanting children to beable to be children.
You didn't really have thatopportunity to be a child, to

(12:59):
play, to find delight, and whenwe think about children, it's
like wow, we want to be morechildlike because they're so
present, because they're sojoyful and so playful, and to
not have that in your life iswow amazing.

Elayna Fernandez (13:15):
Yeah, and that's why I'm childlike now.
Yeah, so both yes, there we go.

Ella Magers (13:23):
I mean talk about resilience.
So as you started to get older,when did things shift and how
did you start to balance thatthought of not wanting to be
here versus I'm a fighter, I'mgoing to make it.
I'm going to make something ofmyself.

Elayna Fernandez (13:36):
Yeah, I love that question because it's both,
and I still live in that battle.
And I call it a battle becauseit definitely is very easy to go
to a dark place and it's alsovery easy when you have the

(13:57):
tools to find the light.
And so I think you know it'ssomething that we all go through
and that I am on a mission tohelp validate in humanity, to
realize that is not either orthat it's both, that we have
this darkness that we're workingwith and this light that helps

(14:22):
us understand what the darknessis.
So you know, I'm still in thatjourney and I remember the first
time that I had, you know kindof that epiphany that I was more
than that is when and you knowthese stories when my brother
and I are in the back of ourlittle shed and we're in the

(14:44):
landfill and I always say theland filled with toys and
treasures.
So we're in this landfill andeverything is so yucky and muggy
and you know it's really hot.
It was in the Caribbean.
I'm from the Dominican Republicand I saw this magazine and I

(15:07):
heard a call within myself and Isaw this vision, because in the
magazine was a very happyfamily and those children who
are being children, to yourpoint.
They were playing with realtoys, they had books, their
families were reading together.
There was this energy of loveand light that I was just

(15:29):
desiring and craving for myselfand that I thought was not
possible for me.
But in that moment I embracedthat ray of light, I embraced
that vision and I said I wantthis and I can have it, and I
will have it if I learn thislanguage.
And so I decided to somehowhave embraced this bold vision.

(15:55):
I call them bold goals now, notsmart goals, because that wasn't
really smart.
It was something that just cameto me and I turned to my little
brother he's my favorite personin the world, by the way and I
said if we learn this language,we can have this life.
And it was a life of abundance.

(16:16):
It was a life of love andsafety, which was something that
wasn't present in the chaos ofviolent and very, I would say,
perfectionistic environment fora spirited person.
I also was medicated for myseizures, so it was really

(16:40):
requiring the impossible ofsomeone like me, and so I
remember that being a pivotalpoint in my life because I was
able to embrace that assomething that was possible for
me.
And I think you know foreveryone who's listening is that
sense of possibility, which isyucky Everything is around us

(17:04):
and how much garbage and trashand pain and discomfort there is
but that we understand thepotential that we have and the
possibilities that are reallyout there for us, and that we
grab onto those, even if they'reso far fetched.

(17:25):
That's why I call it a boldvision, because if I was
thinking about what wasrealistic and what was reachable
, I would have never allowedmyself to start that journey.

Ella Magers (17:37):
And with your own clients.
Today, do you still use boldinstead of?

Elayna Fernandez (17:42):
Absolutely, I use bold goals.
I love that.
Yeah, absolutely.
That's actually the first partof our journey together in one
of the programs that I have isrealizing that we need a bold
vision and to have bold goals.
And it started there because Istarted then saving up and doing

(18:02):
all of this.
I had this cardboard puppettheater that I started telling
stories in the slum.
There was no electricity, so Iused that candle and cardboard
puppets to talk about thisamazing life that was possible
and with those coins I was ableto enroll myself in English

(18:25):
classes after four years andthis is where we are now today.

Ella Magers (18:32):
Incredible.
One detour I wanted to kind ofgo back to, because you had
mentioned both love andcompassion and then kind of
talked about them beingdifferent.
Can you talk about how you useeach and what they mean to you?
Yeah, absolutely.

Elayna Fernandez (18:46):
Well, you know , I speak Spanish, so it's very
close to Latin root of the words.
And one of the things that arereally, you know, just something
that I really love about theromance languages is that we
have different words for love.
So in English, the word love isused for shoes and for a

(19:09):
favorite food, and for a brotherand a sister and a soulmate,
all at the same time.
And so if we were to talk inSpanish, we know if you like,
like somebody because te quiero,me gustas and I love you.
Te amo are completely differentwords, verbs, and they are used

(19:33):
with different people, and wedon't use the word love for
things.
We use me encanta, which islike I really like it and I
enjoy it.
So I would say me encanta achocolate and amo a la.

(19:56):
And so the thing with theorigin of the words, that when I
think about when we feel loved,when we truly feel that someone
is present with us, it's not somuch in the good times, when
they compliment us, when theypraise us, when they hug us and

(20:18):
kiss us, because they feel arush of emotion, of closeness.
It's really when we haveintimacy, it's really in the
moments of vulnerability, in themoments of suffering.
So how do you know someone hasdeep affection for you?
It's going back to the childrenand babies, right.

(20:39):
And then the very babies iswhen someone completely depends
on you and they can trust you.
They can trust you at theirworst, at the most vulnerable
moment, where you need that airand when you need to suffer with
them.

(21:00):
And that truly is the essence ofthat love that I'm talking
about.
It's not just whoa, I thinkyou're adorable, I like the way
your skin fills next to mine, orI really think you're amazing
and I admire you, or I like yourcompany.
It's more like can I becompletely authentic with you

(21:24):
and can you accept me?
After that?
One of my favorite songs saysnothing you confess will make me
love you less, I'll stand byyou.
Yes, I love that line becauseit's like nothing you confess
will make me love you less.
That's like the essence of allconditional love, and that comes

(21:47):
through compassion.
Compassion is a different typeof love, the love that we all
aspire to feel, the love thattruly has meaning, because it's
the antidote of that suffering.

Ella Magers (22:05):
Oh, makes perfect sense.
You explain that so gracefully,so beautifully.
So okay, so we've got theEnglish classes.
What would you say is the nextbig kind of milestone?
And then pain, you know lessonthat you get in your life.

Elayna Fernandez (22:21):
Yeah.
So you know, the Englishlessons helped me aspire to
something that was love-centeredthat's the L in bold Something
that comes from something biggerthan me, something that I knew
I am not my circumstances, but Iam bigger than that and there's
more possibility.

(22:41):
And then the second piece Ithink in the biggest piece
happened when I was in a coma,and I have to tell you both
stories so that you see thecontrast, because the thing is
that I realized that the missingkey of that pain and love was

(23:03):
truly that compassion piece thatwe're talking about.
So when I was 19 years old, Iwas in the capital of my country
and feeling on top of the world, like achieving the material
things and the success and theaccolades that I wanted, and I
was very driven by achievementand you know, at that time that

(23:27):
served me because it helped mesee a different version of who I
was, and at the same time Ifelt emptiness because that's
not truly where love comes fromand self-love.
And I was in school.
I was going to college, which Iloved and I know you can relate

(23:48):
to that because you were alsovery successful in your school
and in your degree and so thatfilled me with a lot of
fulfillment in the way that Ifelt good about myself.
I felt like I could change mylife, like I had agency of what
was happening and I had leftbehind just the poverty but also

(24:12):
the pain of the violence that Iwas experiencing daily in my
home life.
And so one day I was takingtransportation and I ended up
being kidnapped by a very mucholder man who pretended to be

(24:32):
sort of a newer driver or leftdriver in today's modern
terminal.
And I remember just feeling solow, and not only because of
what was happening, but becausethat was a combination of
feeling very powerless, like nomatter where I go or what I do,

(24:54):
I am attracting this violenceinto my life and this harsh
words and this demoralizingbehavior.
And it was really interestingthat I was fighting for my life,
even though I felt that therewas no value in my life anymore.
And when I was able to get outof this situation, I remember

(25:17):
just feeling very angry, angrywith everything I believed in,
god.
And then I was angry with Godand just felt very alone, and I
didn't really realize it,because I felt that there was
something wrong with me.
Why wasn't I grateful, likeeverybody was telling me oh my

(25:39):
goodness, you survived.
We are so grateful that yousurvived, we are so grateful
that the pregnancy test isnegative, we are so grateful
that you can go to court andface him, we are so grateful
that justice is going to beserved.
And I didn't feel grateful.

(25:59):
And so there was all this shame, because I wasn't grateful and
I wasn't focusing on thismiracle that happened.
I just felt ugly, dirty, I feltbecause of programming that I
had from my childhood, I feltlike the only value in my purity

(26:19):
was gone, that I was tainted,forever unlovable.
And I felt alone.
Because people were motivatingme.
They just kept telling meeverything happens for a reason
and I was thinking also well,the reason must be that I'm
worthless and that everyone thatcomes into my life needs to

(26:42):
hurt me, because what otherreason would there be?
And I felt like I don't care ifI will look back at this and be
grateful for it.
I don't want to look back at it.
It's happening right now.
I go into the future and findthis silver lining.
It's not a good thing that Idon't have an STD, and I was

(27:07):
just thinking about all thesegreat things that weren't even
issues the day before thishappened, I wasn't necessarily
going to be taking a pregnancytest the day before, or to be
screened for any of theseillnesses, or to worry about
what I was going to look backupon, and it was just this

(27:29):
really, really dark place inwhich, every single day, I wish
I would die every single day.
And so, after six months ofthis torture, in which the
nightmares were inescapable, Ijust had nightmares, terrors,
felt alone, felt like thesepeople are supposed to love me,

(27:50):
but they don't, because theyjust don't get it, they don't
want to see my pain.
No one is sad about this,everybody's grateful.
And so, past four or six months,I am trying to reintegrate into
my life.
I started enrolling in a newsemester, go to school.
My brother is now living withme, which was really exciting

(28:15):
because I had been living bymyself and then my friend offers
to give us a ride home fromschool and we have a car
accident.
And in this car accident I comeout being declared dead on
arrival.
And you know, spoiler alert Iwas revived.

(28:38):
You know, my brother is toblame.
I used to say to blame becauseI didn't want to be alive.
I remember just looking at mylifeless body and saying good,
finally, rest, peace.
You know I wrote a poem calledRest and Peace and how that
sounds like rest in peace,because that's what I wanted.

(29:01):
I want to rest and I want topeace.
All this working, striving andfeeling, this turmoil, inner and
outer, I was just so tired,ella.

Ella Magers (29:13):
How did it feel being outside your body, like
that experience of looking in?
Was there confusion at first?
Was it very clear the wholetime?
Can you talk a little bit aboutthat?

Elayna Fernandez (29:24):
It was like going into an abyss and then
going into a light, and that wasreally, really, I think,
symbolic for me that it was sodark and then it was so bright
and I remember thinking you know, yes, I want this, this feels
good.
And so I knew exactly what washappening and I could see myself

(29:49):
, and there's a funny thingabout how I was having before I
got to the hospital and waspronounced dead.
I didn't have consciousness,but I was kind of half in my
body.
It's kind of hard to explain,because I knew exactly the
moment that my whole spirit leftmy body.
And so I remember being angrybecause people were stealing

(30:12):
from me and you're probably tooyoung to remember pagers or
beepers.

Ella Magers (30:18):
Oh, no Girl, I had a pager 9-1-1 and all that.

Elayna Fernandez (30:24):
Oh my gosh.
So I remember having a beeperattached to my pants, like
clipped to my pants, and seeingsomeone stealing them from me
and just thinking, being angry.
And then, when I was pronounceddead, I knew it, not because
they said it, but because all ofthose emotions were gone.
I only felt peace, I had adeeper understanding and I was

(30:49):
so hyper aware and it was likethat's me, but I'm me and I'm
just an energy, I'm just apresence.
And I say just only to kind ofthink about what I thought in
that moment.
But now I know that there's nojust.
It was all encompassing, therewere no words, there was

(31:14):
understanding, there wasexchange and in that moment in
which I was in that realm,everything was beautiful.
And I don't know if you knowthe Coldplay song they're one of
my favorite bands.
Yes, I love Coldplay.
So when I heard that songyellow, yellow I started to cry,
because that's exactly what itwas like up there it was all

(31:38):
yellow.

Ella Magers (31:40):
And you say you were angry at your brother.
How did this turn around?

Elayna Fernandez (31:44):
Yeah.
So I wasn't angry at him, but Iwas just like no, just let him
leave me.
Because they said to him, likewe want to check if you're okay,
because she's no longer with us, I can't do anything about her.
And he just started crying andweeping.
And my brother is like themellowest person you've ever

(32:04):
meet and my favorite person, buthe was really being feisty and
really saying no, don't touch me, don't be near me, see what's
going on with my sister.
I'm trying to translate in myhead, but it was rescue my
sister.
That's kind of the translationthat I'm going for right now.

(32:25):
And so he was just so, sointense and I had never seen my
brother like that.
And that was the firstrevelation for me that when
people suffer with you and theysuffer for you is when you feel

(32:46):
love.
It was that compassion that hewas not thinking about his own
suffering, because he was hurt.
It wasn't lethal, but he wasalso hurt.
He was thinking about my heartand about the possibility of
losing me, and that was thecommon thread.
After that, you know, I was in acoma.

(33:08):
I was told it was not my time,so I came back into my body and
while I was in that coma, peoplewould come and cry near my bed,
at my bedside.
People would be angry and theywould say things that they had
never said before, like she'sbeen through so much.

(33:29):
After she went through thehorrible experience, look at
where she is now.
Nobody told me it was horriblebefore and I remember thinking,
even in that state.
When they motivated me, Iwanted to die.
When they made it positive, Iwanted to die.

(33:49):
When they sat with my pain,when they shared in my pain, I
wanted to live.

Ella Magers (33:59):
What a powerful lesson for us all, and I think
one of the hardest things isbeing the other person, when
somebody's grieving right Likewhen my dog died right and I'm
feeling badly for the peoplearound me because I know it's
hard to know what to say what todo, and I think what you're
saying right now is so helpfulfor all of us to know how to

(34:24):
just be with somebody and sit init with them when they're in
pain.

Elayna Fernandez (34:30):
Exactly, you know I call it the three essence
silence, safety and spacebecause we want to fix it and
you know I am a mom.
I will tell you, I have wantedto fix my girl's pain.
It's so tempting, it's such anurge because we are not taught

(34:51):
to sit in the discomfort of ourown pain.
And so when we sit in the fireof our own discomfort regularly
and we will allow our pain andwe validate our pain, we express
our pain, then we become morecomfortable when someone else is
in pain and then we can providethem that space for them to be

(35:14):
with their pain, that silencethat they need to process and to
express, and also that safetythat, no matter what they say,
we're going to consider it validand that we're going to say
that, that we're going to sayit's valid that you're feeling
this way.
Because one of the things andit's my biggest pet peeve is

(35:34):
that I share these stories and Ihave plenty of those stories,
believe me and people comparetheir pain and pain is pain.
There's no little pain or bigpain or this is a big one,
because, for many reasons, whenpeople say first world problems,
it's just like a dagger to myheart Number one there's no

(35:59):
third world.
Please don't say that.
Yes, but at the same time it'slike who are we to judge what
level of pain is?
Because we really don'tunderstand the depth of what's
happening inside of that person.
Have you ever heard of Gabo orMate?

Ella Magers (36:20):
Oh my goodness, he's the reason I went to Peru,
yeah.

Elayna Fernandez (36:23):
All right.
So he says drama, trauma.
Drama is not what happens toyou, is what happens inside of
you as a result of what happensto you.
So the reason that we measurepain or compare pain is because

(36:43):
we're really assigning an eventas the trauma, when trauma is
not an event, it's an experience.
And so, ella, you might justspill juice on your top and that
may be very, very painful andtraumatic for you and I may burn

(37:05):
my hand, and that may not betraumatic for me because it's
not an event.
It's the meaning that we assignit.
And maybe we're thinking, well,why do you assign it that
meaning?
Well, it's not that easy.
I also think that we sometimeshave the wrong messaging about

(37:25):
how we control our thoughts andwe control our reaction.
There are many experiences thatshape our beliefs, and many of
those beliefs are unconsciousand subconscious, and so it may
be very automatic and very deepand very rooted into something

(37:48):
that maybe didn't even startwith us.

Ella Magers (37:51):
Right, yeah, yeah, that makes perfect sense when we
think about just our differentreactions and the tools that we
have to deal with them.
And it's also very empoweringwhat you're saying, right,
because it's validating, andempowering because it also says
that those are our own.
We get to own that and it'sokay whatever it is.

Elayna Fernandez (38:16):
Absolutely and that we are lovable, not in
spite of it, but with it.
Yes, you know, with our shadows,with our pain.
You know one of my coping toolsnow that I'm compassionate with
myself when any thought of deathcomes through, that, you know,

(38:40):
has been my companion since Iwas five years old and those
thoughts still come and it's apart of me, a manifest in itself
in that way, and I can sit withthat part and we do poetry, we
do art, we do, you know, wepartner with each other to

(39:04):
transform that pain andtransform those thoughts.
But before I will use to shameit, like, oh, my goodness,
because that's the stigma andthe different messages that we
get in society, like oh, but whywould you think like that about
your life?
You have four beautifulchildren or you have achieved so

(39:28):
much, and it's like it's a both, and I am grateful and happy
and just over the moon delightedand honored to live the beauty
in my life.
And I am also excited to workwith those thoughts that come

(39:48):
through and with the emotionsthat I'm feeling and to
experience a deeper healing andto know that, even though it's
uncomfortable and I was justtelling you this in another
conversation that we had like,and I have those moments like
really seriously this is whatwe're dealing with right now and

(40:08):
to move it into an opportunityfor learning and being a student
in that moment.

Ella Magers (40:17):
And is that what you mean?
Because we've talked a lotabout sitting in discomfort and
being okay with that and yourbrand is the positive mom.
Oh my gosh, we could talk forhours.
So let's move forward a littlebit, because I want to talk
about your journey to creatingthis brand and then that kind of
difference between positive andbeing okay with negative, or

(40:41):
what we call negative emotion,and how you align all of that.

Elayna Fernandez (40:46):
I love that question because I'm sneaky.
Yes you are, because I thinkthat positive only comes through
negative and when we thinkabout, like how I went through
that dark abyss and then it wasall yellow.
That is how we move throughpain and I know that you've

(41:09):
participated in a lot of healingmodalities and ceremonies and
things that teach you about that.
It is through sitting in thatdiscomfort that you get to the
positive and anything else ismasking, anything else is
bypassing.
Unless you express, you feel,you move through that pain, it

(41:33):
is not going to be transformedand I think I don't remember who
said this.
But if we don't transform ourpain, then we transmit it and I
call it the alchemy of pain,because it will turn into
something.
It will turn into fear, it willturn into being on edge, it

(41:57):
would turn into disease.
I call it the three D'sdysfunction, disease or
disconnection in some case, insome way.
Or you could turn it into whatI call the gifts of pain, which
is power, purpose, process,progress, peace, prosperity.

(42:20):
So we have this option totransform our pain, turn it into
something else, and it's theonly option.
We just choose which way to go.
Do we mask it and it turns intodisease, dysfunction and
disconnection, or do we processit through validation and

(42:44):
transforming it into all thesebeautiful gifts that we have.
And that's what being positivemeans is allowing yourself to
validate your pain and movethrough it, knowing about the
possibility and the end, justlike in the slum right, I'm in
this pile of garbage, doesn'tsmell good, doesn't feel good,

(43:07):
but I'm allowing myself to grabonto a possibility and that
possibility and that possibilitythen allowing myself to know
I'm getting there, but I'm stillhere, being present, without
pain.
So I always say, in the midstof pain, don't be positive, be

(43:28):
present, and being present willbring you to be positive.

Ella Magers (43:35):
Yes, oh, it's so clear.
It's so clear, you and youralliteration and all your words
that just go perfectly togetherand are magical and poetic.
It's so amazing.
All right, and when you were inthe coma, going back to that,
you were in still in Dominican.
Yeah yeah, and so when you cameout of that, what was the

(43:56):
journey back and when did all ofthese things like?
In this new way of it seemslike just the lens, like I
picture going to theophthalmologist, you know what,
and they do the different lensesright, and it's like choosing
how or discovering new ways, newlenses through which to see the
world.
It's like you've tried on somany lenses right, and you keep

(44:19):
trying them.

Elayna Fernandez (44:20):
I love that analogy so much, ella, love it
so much, especially since I wentto the ophthalmologist and now
I can't read without these.
But yeah, I started to seemyself in a new light,
especially because of my braininjury, I lost what I thought
was most precious to me.

(44:41):
So it's crazy because I hadn'teven thought of that until you
asked this question.
That year I had these twotraumatic events happen to me,
and the first one, as you know,I came out with anger and all of
these emotions, which are alsopositive, they're neutral,

(45:04):
they're just messenger and I wasstripped of something that I
thought was my worth, which wasmy virginity.
When I had the car accident, Ilost my ability to do math, so I
came back and my whole body onthe right side was affected,
which was my dominant hand, so Ilearned to use my left hand.

(45:27):
I still have trouble thinkingleft from right and so my
identity was pretty muchstripped, like I'm not the smart
one anymore, which was very bigdominant thing, of why I had
worth as a child.
It was like, yeah, I'mworthless, but I'm the smart one
and I can do math really reallywell, and so now I wasn't a

(45:51):
virgin, so I wasn't pure,spiritually, supposedly, the
belief that I had beenprogrammed with and I wasn't the
smart one, so who was I?
And so having that experienceand knowing that I'm more than
my physical body, that I'm morethan my mind, that I am a

(46:13):
luminous being that is beyondthis life and beyond this
existence, really started toform in me.
Now I had to do a lot of otherlearning and go through a lot of
other experiences that haveenhanced my vision, and one of
those was exactly when thepositive mom brand started, and

(46:34):
it was when I found myself inthe fetal position, thinking
again that I needed to die andthat all of this was a lie,
because I never had thatmagazine vision in my life.
And then realizing allowingmyself to go to that negative
space that we call it negativebut it's really just human and

(46:58):
allowing myself to be in thatdark space, thinking those
thoughts, processing thosethoughts, and in processing
those thoughts I thought of thevision again.
It came to my reality again,because I was thinking that was
a lie.
I never had it.
It doesn't matter what I do.
I'm now in a new place, in adifferent country.

(47:21):
I have two babies, one and twoand I'm still on the ground in
the fetal position, thinking Ishould be dead.
And that's when it hit me.
That vision wasn't for me, itwas for my children.
I could transform my childhood,not into a childhood that

(47:45):
existed, but a childhood that ispossible for someone else.
And that is, again, the trueessence of love is to suffer
together.
Because it was outside of me,it was like, yes, I can make
this possible.
I have something that drives me, and I know you and I have

(48:06):
spoken about that drive to helpothers, to help humanity, and
that's where the positive momcame from.
I realized I couldn't doanything.
I was experiencing homelessness, I didn't know how to drive.
I couldn't go back to mycountry because I wasn't yet a

(48:27):
citizen, I didn't have one centto my name, I didn't have a bank
account.
So all of the things that oneperson does were outside of my
awareness.
Like, what am I going to do?
Just die with this to littlegirls?
It was the only thing that Icould think about.

(48:49):
And yet, when I decided to be, Istarted to write a to be list,
and that was the first thing Iwrote.
It was be positive.
And so that's where thepositive mom came from, and when
I switched from doing to being.
Then all kinds of ideas startedto flow, and that's when I

(49:13):
started to write, like I wrotemy first blog post with paper
and pen and I started to get allthis energy because, it's true,
like I didn't know what to doand it was a true reality and I
validated that for myself, like,yeah, you're right, there's
nothing you can do.
But then I remember about whatcan you be, who can you be?

(49:35):
And so that's my daily practiceand I wanna live it with
everyone.
Every single morning I writemyself a to be list of who I
wanna be that day and that'swhat I strive to do.
And so that's where thepositive mom came from.
I started processing my painthrough writing.
It was one of my tools that Iuse, and then I started to think

(50:00):
about the vision that I had formy daughters.
It was a renewed vision now.
Then it turned into the visionthat I want for every child.
And it starts with a positivemom, with a mom that, from the
womb, is sending thosevalidating messages to the child

(50:22):
who is growing in pain, growingpains, that child that's
working together through birth.
And even if you adopt, it'sgonna be painful the adoption
process to say but whatever itis like, you're working together
with that child to adjust, tolearn everything together, and

(50:45):
you can say that with our veryfriends too, and with each other
.
And so now it started from thislittle thing for my children,
and then for other children, andthen for the children of the
world, and guess what?
It ended with going back tomyself.

Ella Magers (51:06):
I was just about to say that.
Full circle, yeah.

Elayna Fernandez (51:09):
Yeah, you know .
I realized then later on, as Istarted to experience other
things, that that little girlwas so connected and that it was
a holistic turn and that Ineeded to go back to her and
think about what she needed,because that's what I need to

(51:30):
give myself every day.

Ella Magers (51:32):
I mean, and I can so relate and I have no doubt so
many people here listening canrelate to that it is that full
circle and let's share aboutthis connected us so deeply when
you told me the story aboutyour daughter and the vegan
story going vegan story becauseshe was seven.
Can you share this?

Elayna Fernandez (51:51):
story?
Oh, absolutely yeah.
So she's now 20 years old.
No, it's crazy because I havefour daughters now and Alyssa,
she was my baby, who never askedfor anything.
She's always, you know,thinking about others before
herself, so very focused onbigger things and in deeper

(52:16):
things.
And so for her seventh birthday, I kept asking her what would
you like for your seventhbirthday?
And she didn't know.
And she said oh, mom, you don'tneed to get me anything.
But very close to her seventhbirthday, we went to the library
and she said I know what I wantfor my seventh birthday and you

(52:37):
have to say yes, mom, you haveto say yes.
So I'm getting nervous becauseI think, like, can I even order
it?
Can?
I even afford it.
I mean, like what is this thing?
Because, you know, that's how Ithought in that time.
And she said, okay, for myseventh birthday, what I want is
to be vegan.

(52:57):
And I said what does that mean?
I had never heard that.
I have heard the wordvegetariano in Spanish, but
never vegan, which is a newthing, right, and so she said
mom is when someone doesn't eatanything, that has a mom.

(53:18):
And so I immediately got it.
I got it, I couldn't say no tothat, like everything within me
and it's interesting because Iremember it.
You know, I grew up in a slum,so you had to eat whatever was
there, and sometimes we wouldhave our friends and we would
eat them for dinner.
And it felt so disconnected andI just hugged her tight and I

(53:40):
said, of course, honey, ofcourse you can be vegan forever,
and I didn't believe her,though, just full transparency.
I thought she's going to growout of this, but I'll support
her as long as she does it for.
And yeah, it's been 13 yearsand now not only am I vegan, my

(54:04):
oldest daughter is also vegan,who is one year older than her,
and her soon to be husband nextweek is also vegan.
My two little ones, 10 and four, were vegan from the belly,
from conception, and it's been atrue blessing in our lives, not

(54:24):
only because of the compassionthat she felt and that she
transmitted to us, it's alsobeing a way to that was very
supportive of our health and ourawareness and our clarity, so I
feel not only that it hasrenewed my spirit and my mind,

(54:46):
but also my body.

Ella Magers (54:48):
What a beautiful story, Amazing.
Alina.
What projects are you workingon now that you're excited about
?
I know you have so manyprograms and speaking and you've
got a bio.
That's will be all in the shownotes so people can read all
about it and link to yourwebsite and all of that.
But is there anything you'dlike to share about what you're

(55:09):
doing and how people can get toknow you better and take
advantage of anything thatyou're offering?

Elayna Fernandez (55:14):
Thank you.
Well, yes, I do have a lot ofprojects, but something that I'm
excited about is really trulyhelping others share their story
of pain, and so I started acollection of stories called the
gifts of pain.
I'm inviting people to share intheir 300 words of their

(55:34):
painful story and to find thatgift through processing that
story and making it bigger.
Because, I'm very transparent,it is really hard to share
painful stories and yet I knowthat is serving a deeper purpose
, and so now I know I am calledto also facilitate that for

(55:57):
others and that's reallysomething that I'm excited about
and to do it in so manydifferent ways.
So, just like I turn my paininto poetry, then turning pain
into performance, turning paininto paintings, so it's really
transforming that pain andcontinuing that alchemy.

Ella Magers (56:20):
Beautiful.
We will make sure people canconnect to that in the show
notes and I would love to haveyou back on in the future.
There's so many things I wantto talk about.
I mean just to name a few.
I know you've said being anadvocate for your body is the
best thing you can do and whyyour journey has led you so that
mind and spirit come easier toyou.

(56:40):
And I'm very interested in youknow, in the connection of the
body.
I love how I quote I don't callmyself busy, I call myself, I
call myself blessed.
Love that one.
And your peace, peace on purpose.
I want to cover all of that.
So will you come back in thefuture?
I?

Elayna Fernandez (56:55):
would love that.
Thank you for that opportunityand thank you for the amazing
work that you're doing in theworld.
Thank you so much, alayna.

Ella Magers (57:05):
I'm so grateful to be connected with you, and I'll
be sharing more about the workwe're doing together, too, in
the future.
Thank you.

Elayna Fernandez (57:14):
Thank you.

Ella Magers (57:20):
Thanks for listening to this week's episode
of Rise and Thrive with me,ella Majors.
I truly hope you found itinspiring and, if you did,
please help me spread the wordby leaving a rating and review
on your favorite podcast playerand by sharing the show with
your friends.
As you probably know by now, mylife's purpose is to use my
voice to make this world a moreconscious and compassionate

(57:42):
place, and your reviews andshares make a huge impact.
And last, I'm getting a ton ofinsanely positive feedback about
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for the Way Out Is Through.
I give my top five latest badassdiscoveries, insights and
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(58:03):
I'm obsessed with books andshows I'm loving and workouts
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Head on over to my website,ellamajorscom, to sign up and
check out all the other awesomeresources I have for you and
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Sanctuary, where our mission isto create the best life for farm

(58:24):
animals while inspiringcompassion for all living beings
.
Thanks a lot, and I'll see youon the next one.