January 20, 2021 • 18 mins
If you are a parent with a child with autism and special needs, you totally get this. Each day can be completely different. You never know when the next meltdown or challenging situation will come up. You can anticipate all you want, but your child might have something that triggers a sensitivity, an emotion that shuts them down, something that makes them physically react. It can be challenging to try to handle a situation that might come out of nowhere.
It's like being on a rollercoaster every day. Some days are a smoother ride than others, but other days, the ride is pretty intense. You may be pulled right or left, or have an incredibly big dip or multiple loop-de-loops. As much as you might be able to predict them, you never know when your roller coaster might go from a smooth ride to a treacherous one.
Not only are you in need to take care of your child, to help, support and figure out a solution to work through the challenge, but you also have to deal with your own emotions. It can be incredibly exhausting and overwhelming emotionally, mentally and even physically.
How do you help your child and yourself off of the rollercoaster? How do you make sure this dip, however big or small, doesn't affect the rest of your day?
I have let meltdowns and these challenging rollercoaster rides affect my entire day, the rest of my day. It has taken over me and I have gone into a dark place. How do you prevent that? Figuring out your personal toolbox and what you can do to work through these emotions and your own dynamics becomes really important. Being aware and intentional in this is so critical to stay positive.
I hope this episode helps you and at least helps you know you are not alone.
Follow me @susanfink.rise and DM me. I'd love to hear if this helps you, if you can relate and what you do to get off the rollercoaster, or at least make it a less bumpy ride.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Susan Fink (00:09):
Hey everyone, and welcome to the rise with the
light podcast. My name is SusanFink and this is my weekly
podcast dedicated to supportingfamilies raising children with
special needs. I'm on a missionto provide hope and positivity
through sharing my personalinsights, stories, mindset
perspectives, and ways tonavigate through this journey.
Let's get started.
(00:48):
Hi, there. And thank you forjoining me today. And I wanted
to just mention, if you have notsubscribed yet to the podcast,
please make sure that yousubscribe so you don't miss
another episode. And let me knowif this is helping you please DM
me at Susan Fink Ries onInstagram, because I'd really
love to hear what you think. AndI would love any sort of
feedback that you'd like to giveme or even topics that you're
interested in hearing about. ButI wanted to just jump right into
(01:11):
this episode, because quitehonestly, I typically write all
of my episodes, I really thinkthrough what I want to say. And
I really put a lot of thoughtinto the episodes, writing them
out, identifying the order ofthem and all of those things.
But today's a little different.
I just felt so compelled towrite about my day today and
tell me if this resonates withyou. Have you ever felt like
(01:33):
you're just on a roller coasterthroughout the day? I mean, the
day starts off one way and thenebbs and flows throughout the
day, it goes up and down, up anddown, and then ends in a whole
different way that you did notexpect, especially from how the
day started from the beginning.
(01:53):
Oh, man, I am hoping that you'renodding your head and saying
yes, I totally get it a rollercoaster. And it's not just
today. I mean, it happens a lot.
And I really hope that you'reyou're agreeing with me because
I also don't want to feel likeI'm the only one who's going
through this crazy rollercoasterof emotions of just patience. I
mean, just so much that you haveto go through. So I just really
felt compelled to write aboutthis or to talk about this
(02:16):
today. And I didn't really writemuch down, I wrote a few words
down that I wanted to talkabout. But this is pretty much
off the cuff, which I typicallydon't do, I haven't done. But if
you could just bear with methrough this episode, I'm hoping
that something that I say willhelp you or resonate with you,
or just feel like you can relateto me or you have someone to
identify what you're goingthrough. So much like the rest
(02:38):
of the country, my son is doingdistance learning from home. And
today started off just an OKday, you know, he woke up and he
was just a little bit out of it.
But that's kind of how he is inthe mornings not really a
morning person. But as we gotinto the day, we listened to
some music, we played a littlebit before school started, got
(02:59):
ready for the day breakfast, allthat kind of stuff. And school
started, he was able to getthrough maybe the first quarter
of the day. And then once we gotinto a specific subject, which
is writing, writing is reallydifficult for him coming up with
sentences thinking about thosethings on his own, and I totally
get it, it just took a wholedifferent turns like you're on a
(03:21):
roller coaster, and then youdon't see it coming and all of a
sudden you're on like a loop deloop or you're taking a sharp
right or a sharp left. And thatjust really kind of threw me
because I know that he has ahard time with the subject. But
it was like things were great.
And then all of a sudden, it waslike boom, you know, here we go
and a whole other direction, Ineed to change my mind, I need
to rethink things I need toreally be patient, I need to
(03:44):
think about what I'm saying howI'm handling the situation. And
it just really kind of surprisedme. But again, I really
shouldn't have been surprised Ishould have known this was
coming. I mean, this is prettymuch every day, there's some
sort of turn that we're taking.
And we're on a little bit of aroller coaster, maybe a little
bumpy one. But today it was alot bigger of a roller coaster.
And so I just felt deflated. Icould feel the tears in my eyes
(04:09):
coming. He was crying. He had areally hard time with just
making the shift. And and withschool. He's in a general
education class. And of coursewith distance learning. I mean,
kids are on zoom. And it's hard.
This is not easy for them. Imean, in person is definitely
much better. But it just addsanother layer of complexity
right when they're at homedistance learning. So he was in
(04:29):
tears. I started tearing up butI really didn't want him to see
me crying because I try not todo that because it does kind of
feel him He is very empatheticand he will feel bad if he sees
me crying. And so I wasn'tnecessarily crying out of
sadness. I was just frustrated.
You know, I was frustrated thatthings kind of took another
(04:52):
turn. I was unsure how to handlethings in the moment. You know,
when we're in these situations,we have to pivot really fast and
that's not always an easy Thething to do every single time,
especially when maybe you didn'tget a lot of sleep the night
before, maybe you're justoverwhelmed with a lot of things
going on, especially with beingat home. And with a pandemic
that's going on, you know, maybeyou're just feeling exhausted
(05:14):
emotionally. And I totally getthat. And that's how I was
feeling today, I didn't getreally good sleep last night, I
really felt overwhelmed with alot of things that are going on.
And I just am emotionallydrained To be quite honest. And
so pivoting was really hard forme today. And sometimes it's
easier, sometimes it's harder,but it was hard today. So that
was a really sharp turn on theroller coaster for me. And I had
to quickly find a way to helpcall my son down to help him get
(05:39):
through this period of hismeltdown or just the transition
for him of going into adifficult subject.
And I also had to temper myemotions and trying to do all of
that at the same time is notalways easy. So I wanted to just
tell you some things that I doin this kind of situation are
things that I did today. So thefirst thing is that I just had
(05:59):
to pause, I pause the school Imeaning I, the way that I paused
the school was I just put theteacher on mute. And I turned
off his screen and I put thescreen down so that he didn't
see any of the people in theclassroom right on the screen.
So I paused, I took away thedistractions, I paused and
silence so that he could feellike he was in a safe space that
(06:23):
he could cry and that he couldlet it out. And I asked him, Why
are you so upset, and hecouldn't articulate it. But I
wanted him toknow that I'm concerned about
him, and I'm here for him. Soagain, the first thing I did was
pause. And pausing is sopowerful. If you've ever been in
a situation where you feel soexhausted and overwhelmed and
frustrated, agitated, anything,any sort of emotion, then maybe
(06:44):
more of a negative emotion.
pausing is so important, becauseit helps you regroup yourself,
it helps you from potentiallynot saying something that you
may regret, it helps you justcollect your thoughts, collect
your emotions and just pause. Itdoesn't have to be a long pause.
It can be a quick pause, maybehowever long you need it to be.
(07:05):
But we pause. And then I askedhim that question. He wasn't
able to answer it. He didn'tknow why he was feeling the way
he was feeling. So I basicallytold him and reaffirmed him that
it's okay that you're going toget through this and I will help
you. And I wanted him to calmhimself down. And one way that
he knows how to do that isactually taking deep breaths. He
(07:28):
learned taking deep breaths inABA therapy. And this is not
always easy for him to do. A lotof times he will be defiant and
not do the deep breathingbecause he just is being defined
and doesn't want to do it. Butthis time, he actually did do
it. So again, we were not on thescreen anymore, I took the
screen down and I wanted him tofeel like he was in a safe space
with me. And after clearing outthe boogers and wiping the
(07:49):
tears, we both took a deepbreath together and breathing
for him helps calm him down. Andone thing that I do with him
because again, he's just sevenyears old. One thing I do with
him is just make it kind of asilly thing where you can
breathe in through his nose, andthen he can blow out into my
face as fast as he can and ashard as he can. So I started
doing this with him when he wasyounger, because it helped him
(08:12):
kind of made taking a deepbreath into something a little
bit more humorous. And that'sthe way that my son really
responds well to. And so I hadhim take a deep breath, and then
blow it out into my face. And Ialso took a deep breath with
him. So number one, he doesn'tfeel like he's doing it alone.
And number two, I also neededthat deep breath. Breathing can
(08:32):
help you calm your nerves canhelp you calm your emotions and
taking deep breaths can help youjust pause and collect yourself.
And so I needed to take a deepbreath, I started to feel
anxious just like him. I know myson has anxiety with his autism
and the anxiety comes from doingthings that are really hard. I
mean, if you are constantlyasked to do something that is
(08:54):
hard for you to do, wouldn't youfeel anxious to that's totally
how my son feels, I can see theanxiety building up in him. And
I start to feel anxious for him.
And then I start to feel anxiouson top of it for how I'm going
to handle the situation. Sobreathing is so important. So we
took a deep breath, we paused,we took away all the
distractions. We eliminated thepeople on the screen, I
(09:16):
eliminated the sound so that wemuted everyone. So it was just
the two of us. I wanted him toreally feel safe. I wanted him
to feel like he was okay. Iwanted him to feel like I was
hearing him I understood whatwas going on. And I wanted him
to know that I was supportinghim. And after about another 10
more minutes after that. We wereable to get through the rest of
(09:40):
the day. So we had this likereally big dip right and the
roller coaster. We took a momentwe paused we talked about things
as much as we could talk aboutthem or not even talk about
them. We took some deep breaths,eliminated the distractions and
then after taking that time, wewere able to reset ourselves to
(10:01):
go into the next lesson. And hewas able to do that he was able
to get through using thesetechniques that he has also
learned in ABA therapy to getthrough this period of this
roller coaster dip in our day.
And then we went back up andthen it was like nothing had
happened. It was like, there wasno dip, there was no right or
(10:25):
left turn, it was like nothinghad happened. And that kind of
blows my mind. Sometimes I amgoing through this emotion with
him, I am going through thisroller coaster with him and I
have whiplash from this eventthat just happened. And he can
pretty much go about the rest ofhis day, it was positive, we
were able to go through thelessons we did talk more about
(10:46):
what had happened and how we canwork together to work on his
writing and how I will be thereto support him and all of those
great things that I'm tellinghim to reaffirm him to build his
confidence and to let him knowthat he's not alone, and that
it's okay to have a hard timethat it's okay to have a hard
day. But he went on the rest ofthe day, like nothing had
(11:07):
happened. And I'm sitting therelike, I want to go curl up in a
ball and cry my eyes out andjust I am so overwhelmed, right?
I don't know if you have everfelt like this. But after an
event that has happened, I feelcompletely drained. I am so
exhausted from it. So I totallyget that this happens so much
(11:28):
every day is so different. Andit's almost like I feel like I'm
on edge sometimes on when thosemoments are going to happen. And
I'm want to anticipate them. SoI'm kind of on edge all day
long. And then sometimes nothinghappens. And then sometimes
something happens. And we're onthis roller coaster, sometimes
it's a really pleasant rollercoaster, and we're going along
throughout the day. And thenother times it's like this
(11:48):
crazy, you know twisty turny, aroller coaster that has multiple
loops, and twists and turns andall those things, right. It's
like super big drops, and reallybig hills. And it is just all
over the place. And today was alittle bit like that. But every
day is so different. And so Ifeel totally drained from that.
So what can we do to helpourselves? What can we do to
(12:11):
help our own mental health, ourown emotions, our own things
that are being affected? Youknow, I get it, my son is number
one, my son is the mostimportant thing to me, my son is
the most important person to me,he's my favorite person in the
whole wide world. And he cankind of push through it. And I
think children have the abilityto do that. But for me, I have a
(12:32):
hard time letting things go, Ihave a hard time just moving on
throughout the day, right? Moveon, let it go. And everything is
great. Now, what can you do tohelp yourself a couple things
that I've done in the past iswalking away for a minute,
sometimes you just have to stepaway from the situation. And
it's not like you're neglectingyour child. But if it's safe to
walk away, go in another roomfor a second step away for a
(12:55):
minute collect yourself, it'ssimilar to pausing, right, you
can pause within the momentwithin the same room or you can
pause somewhere else. And Ithink having that minute of just
stepping away kind of takes youout of the moment and resets
yourself so that you can walkback into the moment a little
bit more grounded. So if you areable to walk away for a minute,
and it's safe for your child todo that, do that. And I think
(13:18):
coming back to it with a clearmind, coming back to it with a
more positive approach couldalso help the situation after
the moment has passed. What canyou do then, if you're able to
go for a walk around the block,if you're able to, you know, get
some exercise, maybe if you'reable to maybe do just some
stretching, or something like tojust reframe your brain. If
(13:41):
you're into journaling, write itdown, get it out, get everything
out of your brain, so that youcan just dump it out and make
room for more positive things tocome into your brain. How do we
eliminate these emotions? How dowe let them go, something else I
do is I pray, I pray to let thisgo. I write it down and put it
in my box. I have a god box. Andso I write down something that's
(14:05):
bothering me and I put it in mygod box and I just give it away
I let it go. We have to findtechniques to be able to let
these things go so that itdoesn't ruin the rest of our
day. And that we can move on ina positive light. And as much as
this is so draining for us. Andas much as this is so
emotionally draining, physicallydraining, mentally draining all
of those things. We have to findways to cope with those emotions
(14:27):
and not just hold on to themthroughout the day. So if there
is a moment where you can writeit down, if there is a moment
where you can pray about it, ifthere is a moment that you can
take a walk around the block orjust do some light stretching or
some yoga or something that willphysically help you get that out
and release that tension andrelease that emotional strain.
That will be such a great thingfor you to do so that you can go
(14:49):
back into a situation or you cango back into the day and not let
it ruin the rest of your day.
And I have had those times Ihave had those moments where
meltdowns and these kinds ofsituations which You're even
bigger than they were today. Imean, today wasn't as big, but I
have had these huge meltdownsthat will have lasted for 45
minutes to an hour, if notlonger, and I have let those
moments ruin the rest of my day,I have let those moments get in
(15:12):
the way of finding what'spositive throughout the day, I
have let those things get in theway of having a good rest of the
day and ending the day on a goodnote. So be intentional. Know
that these things are going tohappen, we know that these
things are going to happen. I'veseen it happen day in and day
out, right? We don't knowexactly when they will happen or
(15:33):
what triggers it. But we knowthat these things will happen.
So build that toolbox foryourself, figure out how do I
not only support my child, buthow do I support myself? What
are those tools that I can do sothat I can let these things go
that I can continue onthroughout the day with a
positive light and a positivemindset. And I know this is not
(15:56):
easy. And by no means am Isaying this is an easy thing to
do. This really does takeintention, you have to be
intentional about this, you haveto recognize in your own mind
when something is really turningnegative when you're going down
a really bad path. And I havealso let these things take me
down a very depressing path. Ihave been in the dark so much
(16:18):
throughout our journey, and Ihave had to dig myself out of
the darkness. To find the light.
I had to get through thesethings to figure out okay, what
are the tools that I can use tohelp me push through the rest of
the day so that it doesn'tcompletely take over the rest of
my day, that I can have apositive day even in the midst
(16:40):
of these meltdowns or thesesituations. So build that
toolbox for you what is it thatwill help you feel better. And I
really encourage you to identifythat to be intentional with what
that is, and to move forwardwith letting it go and to move
forward with finding a way tonot let it affect the rest of
your day and to get on a muchmore smooth roller coaster for
(17:04):
the rest of the day. So I don'tknow if this has helped you. I
just felt so compelled today totalk about this because of what
was going on today. And what hashappened in so many other days
previous to today. But if youever feel like you're on a
roller coaster, I totally getit. I understand and so many of
us are on those roller coastersevery day and you are not alone.
(17:24):
So make sure that you reach outto someone make sure that you
talk about it. Make sure youfigure out what works for you to
let these things go so that itand that it doesn't take over
your day.
So if this resonates with you,and if you know someone who this
can relate to please subscribeand share this podcast. You can
also follow me at Susan Fink dotrise on Instagram and feel free
to DM me to tell me what youthink. Have you been on a roller
(17:47):
coaster lately? What did you doto get off the roller coaster?
What did you do to turn your dayaround? What did you do to
support your child I would loveto hear from you. And as you
know my mission is to help asmany people as I can and I
cannot do that without you. Sothank you so much for listening.
And thank you for your supportand sharing this podcast to help
others and until next time. Iappreciate I empathize and I am
(18:09):
here for you.
Hey everyone, and welcome to the rise with the
light podcast. My name is SusanFink and this is my weekly
podcast dedicated to supportingfamilies raising children with
special needs. I'm on a missionto provide hope and positivity
through sharing my personalinsights, stories, mindset
perspectives, and ways tonavigate through this journey.
Let's get started.
(00:48):
Hi, there. And thank you forjoining me today. And I wanted
to just mention, if you have notsubscribed yet to the podcast,
please make sure that yousubscribe so you don't miss
another episode. And let me knowif this is helping you please DM
me at Susan Fink Ries onInstagram, because I'd really
love to hear what you think. AndI would love any sort of
feedback that you'd like to giveme or even topics that you're
interested in hearing about. ButI wanted to just jump right into
(01:11):
this episode, because quitehonestly, I typically write all
of my episodes, I really thinkthrough what I want to say. And
I really put a lot of thoughtinto the episodes, writing them
out, identifying the order ofthem and all of those things.
But today's a little different.
I just felt so compelled towrite about my day today and
tell me if this resonates withyou. Have you ever felt like
(01:33):
you're just on a roller coasterthroughout the day? I mean, the
day starts off one way and thenebbs and flows throughout the
day, it goes up and down, up anddown, and then ends in a whole
different way that you did notexpect, especially from how the
day started from the beginning.
(01:53):
Oh, man, I am hoping that you'renodding your head and saying
yes, I totally get it a rollercoaster. And it's not just
today. I mean, it happens a lot.
And I really hope that you'reyou're agreeing with me because
I also don't want to feel likeI'm the only one who's going
through this crazy rollercoasterof emotions of just patience. I
mean, just so much that you haveto go through. So I just really
felt compelled to write aboutthis or to talk about this
(02:16):
today. And I didn't really writemuch down, I wrote a few words
down that I wanted to talkabout. But this is pretty much
off the cuff, which I typicallydon't do, I haven't done. But if
you could just bear with methrough this episode, I'm hoping
that something that I say willhelp you or resonate with you,
or just feel like you can relateto me or you have someone to
identify what you're goingthrough. So much like the rest
(02:38):
of the country, my son is doingdistance learning from home. And
today started off just an OKday, you know, he woke up and he
was just a little bit out of it.
But that's kind of how he is inthe mornings not really a
morning person. But as we gotinto the day, we listened to
some music, we played a littlebit before school started, got
(02:59):
ready for the day breakfast, allthat kind of stuff. And school
started, he was able to getthrough maybe the first quarter
of the day. And then once we gotinto a specific subject, which
is writing, writing is reallydifficult for him coming up with
sentences thinking about thosethings on his own, and I totally
get it, it just took a wholedifferent turns like you're on a
(03:21):
roller coaster, and then youdon't see it coming and all of a
sudden you're on like a loop deloop or you're taking a sharp
right or a sharp left. And thatjust really kind of threw me
because I know that he has ahard time with the subject. But
it was like things were great.
And then all of a sudden, it waslike boom, you know, here we go
and a whole other direction, Ineed to change my mind, I need
to rethink things I need toreally be patient, I need to
(03:44):
think about what I'm saying howI'm handling the situation. And
it just really kind of surprisedme. But again, I really
shouldn't have been surprised Ishould have known this was
coming. I mean, this is prettymuch every day, there's some
sort of turn that we're taking.
And we're on a little bit of aroller coaster, maybe a little
bumpy one. But today it was alot bigger of a roller coaster.
And so I just felt deflated. Icould feel the tears in my eyes
(04:09):
coming. He was crying. He had areally hard time with just
making the shift. And and withschool. He's in a general
education class. And of coursewith distance learning. I mean,
kids are on zoom. And it's hard.
This is not easy for them. Imean, in person is definitely
much better. But it just addsanother layer of complexity
right when they're at homedistance learning. So he was in
(04:29):
tears. I started tearing up butI really didn't want him to see
me crying because I try not todo that because it does kind of
feel him He is very empatheticand he will feel bad if he sees
me crying. And so I wasn'tnecessarily crying out of
sadness. I was just frustrated.
You know, I was frustrated thatthings kind of took another
(04:52):
turn. I was unsure how to handlethings in the moment. You know,
when we're in these situations,we have to pivot really fast and
that's not always an easy Thething to do every single time,
especially when maybe you didn'tget a lot of sleep the night
before, maybe you're justoverwhelmed with a lot of things
going on, especially with beingat home. And with a pandemic
that's going on, you know, maybeyou're just feeling exhausted
(05:14):
emotionally. And I totally getthat. And that's how I was
feeling today, I didn't getreally good sleep last night, I
really felt overwhelmed with alot of things that are going on.
And I just am emotionallydrained To be quite honest. And
so pivoting was really hard forme today. And sometimes it's
easier, sometimes it's harder,but it was hard today. So that
was a really sharp turn on theroller coaster for me. And I had
to quickly find a way to helpcall my son down to help him get
(05:39):
through this period of hismeltdown or just the transition
for him of going into adifficult subject.
And I also had to temper myemotions and trying to do all of
that at the same time is notalways easy. So I wanted to just
tell you some things that I doin this kind of situation are
things that I did today. So thefirst thing is that I just had
(05:59):
to pause, I pause the school Imeaning I, the way that I paused
the school was I just put theteacher on mute. And I turned
off his screen and I put thescreen down so that he didn't
see any of the people in theclassroom right on the screen.
So I paused, I took away thedistractions, I paused and
silence so that he could feellike he was in a safe space that
(06:23):
he could cry and that he couldlet it out. And I asked him, Why
are you so upset, and hecouldn't articulate it. But I
wanted him toknow that I'm concerned about
him, and I'm here for him. Soagain, the first thing I did was
pause. And pausing is sopowerful. If you've ever been in
a situation where you feel soexhausted and overwhelmed and
frustrated, agitated, anything,any sort of emotion, then maybe
(06:44):
more of a negative emotion.
pausing is so important, becauseit helps you regroup yourself,
it helps you from potentiallynot saying something that you
may regret, it helps you justcollect your thoughts, collect
your emotions and just pause. Itdoesn't have to be a long pause.
It can be a quick pause, maybehowever long you need it to be.
(07:05):
But we pause. And then I askedhim that question. He wasn't
able to answer it. He didn'tknow why he was feeling the way
he was feeling. So I basicallytold him and reaffirmed him that
it's okay that you're going toget through this and I will help
you. And I wanted him to calmhimself down. And one way that
he knows how to do that isactually taking deep breaths. He
(07:28):
learned taking deep breaths inABA therapy. And this is not
always easy for him to do. A lotof times he will be defiant and
not do the deep breathingbecause he just is being defined
and doesn't want to do it. Butthis time, he actually did do
it. So again, we were not on thescreen anymore, I took the
screen down and I wanted him tofeel like he was in a safe space
with me. And after clearing outthe boogers and wiping the
(07:49):
tears, we both took a deepbreath together and breathing
for him helps calm him down. Andone thing that I do with him
because again, he's just sevenyears old. One thing I do with
him is just make it kind of asilly thing where you can
breathe in through his nose, andthen he can blow out into my
face as fast as he can and ashard as he can. So I started
doing this with him when he wasyounger, because it helped him
(08:12):
kind of made taking a deepbreath into something a little
bit more humorous. And that'sthe way that my son really
responds well to. And so I hadhim take a deep breath, and then
blow it out into my face. And Ialso took a deep breath with
him. So number one, he doesn'tfeel like he's doing it alone.
And number two, I also neededthat deep breath. Breathing can
(08:32):
help you calm your nerves canhelp you calm your emotions and
taking deep breaths can help youjust pause and collect yourself.
And so I needed to take a deepbreath, I started to feel
anxious just like him. I know myson has anxiety with his autism
and the anxiety comes from doingthings that are really hard. I
mean, if you are constantlyasked to do something that is
(08:54):
hard for you to do, wouldn't youfeel anxious to that's totally
how my son feels, I can see theanxiety building up in him. And
I start to feel anxious for him.
And then I start to feel anxiouson top of it for how I'm going
to handle the situation. Sobreathing is so important. So we
took a deep breath, we paused,we took away all the
distractions. We eliminated thepeople on the screen, I
(09:16):
eliminated the sound so that wemuted everyone. So it was just
the two of us. I wanted him toreally feel safe. I wanted him
to feel like he was okay. Iwanted him to feel like I was
hearing him I understood whatwas going on. And I wanted him
to know that I was supportinghim. And after about another 10
more minutes after that. We wereable to get through the rest of
(09:40):
the day. So we had this likereally big dip right and the
roller coaster. We took a momentwe paused we talked about things
as much as we could talk aboutthem or not even talk about
them. We took some deep breaths,eliminated the distractions and
then after taking that time, wewere able to reset ourselves to
(10:01):
go into the next lesson. And hewas able to do that he was able
to get through using thesetechniques that he has also
learned in ABA therapy to getthrough this period of this
roller coaster dip in our day.
And then we went back up andthen it was like nothing had
happened. It was like, there wasno dip, there was no right or
(10:25):
left turn, it was like nothinghad happened. And that kind of
blows my mind. Sometimes I amgoing through this emotion with
him, I am going through thisroller coaster with him and I
have whiplash from this eventthat just happened. And he can
pretty much go about the rest ofhis day, it was positive, we
were able to go through thelessons we did talk more about
(10:46):
what had happened and how we canwork together to work on his
writing and how I will be thereto support him and all of those
great things that I'm tellinghim to reaffirm him to build his
confidence and to let him knowthat he's not alone, and that
it's okay to have a hard timethat it's okay to have a hard
day. But he went on the rest ofthe day, like nothing had
(11:07):
happened. And I'm sitting therelike, I want to go curl up in a
ball and cry my eyes out andjust I am so overwhelmed, right?
I don't know if you have everfelt like this. But after an
event that has happened, I feelcompletely drained. I am so
exhausted from it. So I totallyget that this happens so much
(11:28):
every day is so different. Andit's almost like I feel like I'm
on edge sometimes on when thosemoments are going to happen. And
I'm want to anticipate them. SoI'm kind of on edge all day
long. And then sometimes nothinghappens. And then sometimes
something happens. And we're onthis roller coaster, sometimes
it's a really pleasant rollercoaster, and we're going along
throughout the day. And thenother times it's like this
(11:48):
crazy, you know twisty turny, aroller coaster that has multiple
loops, and twists and turns andall those things, right. It's
like super big drops, and reallybig hills. And it is just all
over the place. And today was alittle bit like that. But every
day is so different. And so Ifeel totally drained from that.
So what can we do to helpourselves? What can we do to
(12:11):
help our own mental health, ourown emotions, our own things
that are being affected? Youknow, I get it, my son is number
one, my son is the mostimportant thing to me, my son is
the most important person to me,he's my favorite person in the
whole wide world. And he cankind of push through it. And I
think children have the abilityto do that. But for me, I have a
(12:32):
hard time letting things go, Ihave a hard time just moving on
throughout the day, right? Moveon, let it go. And everything is
great. Now, what can you do tohelp yourself a couple things
that I've done in the past iswalking away for a minute,
sometimes you just have to stepaway from the situation. And
it's not like you're neglectingyour child. But if it's safe to
walk away, go in another roomfor a second step away for a
(12:55):
minute collect yourself, it'ssimilar to pausing, right, you
can pause within the momentwithin the same room or you can
pause somewhere else. And Ithink having that minute of just
stepping away kind of takes youout of the moment and resets
yourself so that you can walkback into the moment a little
bit more grounded. So if you areable to walk away for a minute,
and it's safe for your child todo that, do that. And I think
(13:18):
coming back to it with a clearmind, coming back to it with a
more positive approach couldalso help the situation after
the moment has passed. What canyou do then, if you're able to
go for a walk around the block,if you're able to, you know, get
some exercise, maybe if you'reable to maybe do just some
stretching, or something like tojust reframe your brain. If
(13:41):
you're into journaling, write itdown, get it out, get everything
out of your brain, so that youcan just dump it out and make
room for more positive things tocome into your brain. How do we
eliminate these emotions? How dowe let them go, something else I
do is I pray, I pray to let thisgo. I write it down and put it
in my box. I have a god box. Andso I write down something that's
(14:05):
bothering me and I put it in mygod box and I just give it away
I let it go. We have to findtechniques to be able to let
these things go so that itdoesn't ruin the rest of our
day. And that we can move on ina positive light. And as much as
this is so draining for us. Andas much as this is so
emotionally draining, physicallydraining, mentally draining all
of those things. We have to findways to cope with those emotions
(14:27):
and not just hold on to themthroughout the day. So if there
is a moment where you can writeit down, if there is a moment
where you can pray about it, ifthere is a moment that you can
take a walk around the block orjust do some light stretching or
some yoga or something that willphysically help you get that out
and release that tension andrelease that emotional strain.
That will be such a great thingfor you to do so that you can go
(14:49):
back into a situation or you cango back into the day and not let
it ruin the rest of your day.
And I have had those times Ihave had those moments where
meltdowns and these kinds ofsituations which You're even
bigger than they were today. Imean, today wasn't as big, but I
have had these huge meltdownsthat will have lasted for 45
minutes to an hour, if notlonger, and I have let those
moments ruin the rest of my day,I have let those moments get in
(15:12):
the way of finding what'spositive throughout the day, I
have let those things get in theway of having a good rest of the
day and ending the day on a goodnote. So be intentional. Know
that these things are going tohappen, we know that these
things are going to happen. I'veseen it happen day in and day
out, right? We don't knowexactly when they will happen or
(15:33):
what triggers it. But we knowthat these things will happen.
So build that toolbox foryourself, figure out how do I
not only support my child, buthow do I support myself? What
are those tools that I can do sothat I can let these things go
that I can continue onthroughout the day with a
positive light and a positivemindset. And I know this is not
(15:56):
easy. And by no means am Isaying this is an easy thing to
do. This really does takeintention, you have to be
intentional about this, you haveto recognize in your own mind
when something is really turningnegative when you're going down
a really bad path. And I havealso let these things take me
down a very depressing path. Ihave been in the dark so much
(16:18):
throughout our journey, and Ihave had to dig myself out of
the darkness. To find the light.
I had to get through thesethings to figure out okay, what
are the tools that I can use tohelp me push through the rest of
the day so that it doesn'tcompletely take over the rest of
my day, that I can have apositive day even in the midst
(16:40):
of these meltdowns or thesesituations. So build that
toolbox for you what is it thatwill help you feel better. And I
really encourage you to identifythat to be intentional with what
that is, and to move forwardwith letting it go and to move
forward with finding a way tonot let it affect the rest of
your day and to get on a muchmore smooth roller coaster for
(17:04):
the rest of the day. So I don'tknow if this has helped you. I
just felt so compelled today totalk about this because of what
was going on today. And what hashappened in so many other days
previous to today. But if youever feel like you're on a
roller coaster, I totally getit. I understand and so many of
us are on those roller coastersevery day and you are not alone.
(17:24):
So make sure that you reach outto someone make sure that you
talk about it. Make sure youfigure out what works for you to
let these things go so that itand that it doesn't take over
your day.
So if this resonates with you,and if you know someone who this
can relate to please subscribeand share this podcast. You can
also follow me at Susan Fink dotrise on Instagram and feel free
to DM me to tell me what youthink. Have you been on a roller
(17:47):
coaster lately? What did you doto get off the roller coaster?
What did you do to turn your dayaround? What did you do to
support your child I would loveto hear from you. And as you
know my mission is to help asmany people as I can and I
cannot do that without you. Sothank you so much for listening.
And thank you for your supportand sharing this podcast to help
others and until next time. Iappreciate I empathize and I am
(18:09):
here for you.
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