Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up, ladies and
gentlemen, and welcome to
today's adventure of the RockBottom Podcast episode how
American schools got left backwhile the world graduated with
honors and me, being the goodlittle Jewish boy that I am,
shout out to Tel Aviv.
All right, buckle up buttercup,because this episode right here
, this one's flaming thesispaper titled how American Public
(00:20):
Schools Got Spanked so Hard bythe Rest of the world, they're
now repeating the grade insummer school detention.
Welcome to the Rock BottomPodcast, where truth gets tenure
and bullshit gets expelled.
Today we're going international, baby, I'm talking a global
roast of American education,because while we're busy
fighting over standardized testscores, bathroom policies and
whether a teacher can wear jeanson Friday, other countries are
(00:42):
out here raising future NobelPeace Prize winners who speak
five languages and compose theirown launch.
Let's go Finland, where kidsactually want to go to school.
You've heard of Finland, right?
Yeah, it's the place atHogwarts for emotional,
intelligent geniuses.
No standardized tests untilhigh school.
(01:03):
No homework for elementary kids, teachers with master's degrees
and respect oh, and get this.
They call their teachers bytheir first names.
Meanwhile, in the US, studentsare still doing two hours of
homework a night, getting gradedon worksheets printed in Comic
Sans and calling their burnoutteachers, mr Smith, like it's a
fucking hostage negotiation.
In Finland, school starts at 9am and ends at 2 pm and the kids
(01:28):
still come out smarter than us.
We make kids wake up at 6 30 tolearn geometry before their
frontal lobe has even logged in.
Be there by 7 45 and if you'relate more than twice, your mom
has to come to a meeting Overthere.
Wake up, enjoy some porridge.
Let's learn about ecosystemswhile sitting in one.
Singapore, the Asian Ivy Leaguemachine.
(01:51):
Now let's talk Singapore, acity-state so tight with their
education that they make Harvardlook like a daycare.
They use this thing calledmastery learning, which is code
for actually make sure the kidsunderstand shit before moving on
.
In america, billy failedchapter three, but here comes
chapter four singaporeans Ididn't know that was a thing.
(02:11):
Singaporeans also dominate mathand science rankings globally.
Why?
Because they train theirteachers harder than navy seals.
Our teacher prep programs.
They're like three youtubevideos and a broken laminator
and they don't have 10000multi-choice tests a year.
Because, guess what, no one'sgoing to ask you to fill in a
fucking Scantron.
(02:32):
Oh, my God, I said that wrong.
No one's going to ask you tofill in a fucking Scantron at
your job.
Ever See, I told you, eventhough I do write this shit down
, there's no point in editing itout, because me funny is you
funny and I don't even know whatthe fuck I just said in segment
three, germany's got yourcareer path mapped out like a
(02:52):
GPS.
Germany said college isn't foreveryone, and that's okay.
They have two major tracksacademic or vocational.
And the vocational path oh,it's not some afterthought trade
school.
You can become a master,electrician, earn bank and get
social respect.
Meanwhile, in America, guidancecounselors are telling students
well, your SAT score is 780.
(03:14):
Have you thought about applyingto Clown College, aka BCCC?
Segment four One, two, three,four.
Yes, we're on number four.
The Netherlands, first off.
If you guys have not seenToppers Different thing, I don't
even know why I even broughtthat up.
But Amsterdam, netherlands,Holland, just Google Toppers
(03:36):
Live 2024, 2025 is coming outsoon.
It's going to be amazing.
Netherlands, where kids have asay and teachers don't cry in
their cars.
In the Netherlands, studentshelp design their own learning
paths, mixed age classrooms,teachers pick their own
curriculum.
It's like flexible and it'sjoyful, I guess here in America
it's like scripts and it'sjoyful, I guess.
Um, here in america it's likescripts and state mandated
(03:56):
pacing guides, like today.
Read pages 17 to 22 of thetextbook about the dust bowl.
Answer questions 1 to 18.
Pretend this is relevant toanything in your life.
But in the netherlands schoolis for the student.
In america school is for thedistrict budget.
Yeah, the guy we pay 220 000for to put together this is what
we're gonna do, and then paythe other budget.
Yeah, the guy we paid $220,000for to put together.
(04:17):
This is what we're going to do.
And then pay the other guy withthe breath.
That's what we're going to do.
And then we're going to paythis guy to teach that guy.
To teach that guy.
I mean, there are so many steps.
It's like whisper down the laneby the time it gets to the
student.
Who knows the testing companyand whoever you got promoted to
executive director, what I mean?
Like that's sort of where we'reat on that one.
Uh segment five japan,discipline, clean floors, no
excuses.
Japanese kids clean their ownfucking classrooms, period.
(04:40):
There are no janitors, there'sno whining, uh, just pride and
discipline.
And guess what?
They're better for it?
In the us we've got studentssmashing chromebooks.
I hate chromebooks, fuck thechromebooks.
I don't even know why we evenhave chromebooks.
We should all use Apple becausethat's where everything else is
Trashing bathrooms for TikTok,that's fun.
And teachers mopping floorsbecause a district cut custodial
(05:01):
staff to fund another adminposition.
Wait, no, we didn't.
We found a custodial staff thathas 80% retention rate and we
get a full timer in the starbuilding.
So that was the tradeoff 80%retention rate.
They raised the price on that,that was a past podcast, and we
get one full-time custodian inthe star building.
(05:23):
Oh goodness gracious.
Japan schools teach character,american schools teach don't
vape in the bathroom, which, tothe assistant of whatever
superintendent, administrator,secondary education guy with the
bald head named Al, was moreimportant than kid safety.
I keep going back to that.
I would love to stand up in acourt of law and strap a
(05:45):
polygraph to my arm and sayladies and gentlemen, this is
what this idiot told me in ameeting in the social uh
administrative building next tothe superintendent and right
before they didn't hire me for ajob that they hired me for
because my neighbor who does thelamination work already made my
badge.
Yeah, great anyway.
Segment six uh, uwc and the ibcult of global brilliance.
(06:08):
Let me introduce you to theunited world colleges and the
international baccalaureate Ithink I said that right AKA the
Global Educational Illuminati.
Students from over 150countries require community
service, core classes likeglobal politics and philosophy.
Meanwhile, in the US, welcometo civics.
Today we're going to read theConstitution.
Try not to cry.
Ib students are out here curingdiseases and debating climate
(06:31):
policy at 16.
American kids are just tryingto figure out how to fake a
google doc timestamp to avoid azero.
We tried that back in the daywith those little uh, fill in a,
b, c and d things.
I remember sit there, uh, abd,cba, and we just all yell it out
across and figure out, and Iactually used to tell people if
we all failed, we all pass.
You know what I mean, but therewas always that one girl that
(06:53):
was like no, her name wasusually Becky.
Segment seven, new Zealandlearning while barefoot in
nature.
They say let's teach real shitlike emotional intelligence,
outdoor survival and respectingindigenous cultures.
In the US we're out here stillarguing whether or not to
include black history past MLK.
Yeah, you probably should,because black history is
(07:13):
important.
They use personalized learningpathways.
We use one-size-fits-noneworksheets from a district
office run by people who haven'tbeen in a classroom since
dial-up internet?
Yeah, pretty much.
Segment eight Denmark'shuman-centered school vibes.
Denmark prioritizes play, trustand happiness.
They treat students like futurehumans, not test monkeys.
Want to know how radical it is.
The kids are actually happy inschool.
(07:35):
American schools anxiety levelsso high.
We need therapy dogs.
We also need therapy dogs forhumans on planes, but we'll
leave that one alone.
Meditation rooms and threeassistant principals just to
manage hallway fights.
We need three assistantprincipals just to manage one
fucking grade here.
Ridiculous Denmark.
Peaceful, functioning learning.
America equalsinstitutionalized chaos With a
(07:56):
bell schedule.
Nine Canada, america's smartercousin O Canada, where dual
language education is normal,inclusion is mandatory and
teachers actually get funded tosupport Neurodiverse kids.
Meanwhile, in the US we haveone special education teacher
With 38 IEPs Very smart one,though no power support and a
box of broken fidget toys.
Well, we're getting some helpwith that this year, but that's
(08:17):
about it.
Canada has mandatory medialiteracy.
We have schools still teachingkids to format MLA citations in.
Once again, love them.
Google Docs, the American SchoolModel, segment 10.
A letter love to bureaucracy.
Sorry, I just went all in onAces versus Kings.
Hold on, click Better.
Love to bureaucracy Sorry, Ijust went all in on Aces versus
Kings.
Hold on, click.
American public education islike Blockbuster in the age of
(08:38):
Netflix Stuck, outdated,terrified of innovation.
We're over here like teachingcursive.
Oh, I won 120 bucks, thank you.
Teaching cursive, but notcredit scores.
Cutting arts while increasingschool police budgets Really
(08:58):
School police budgets.
I met the guy that runs cancerrock south and sits in the front
yeah, he's barely awake testingkids to death, then blaming
them for our system's failure.
And every time you ask aquestion like why don't we offer
life skill classes, someoneanswers with well, the state
standards don't allow that.
In the fiscal cycle, bro, whatthe fuck is a fiscal cycle?
So, while finland is raisingemotional balance, multilingual,
forest bathing geniuses whoenjoy learning, the us is
raising sleep deprived, testcrammed anxiety, test-cramped,
anxiety-ridden zombies who thinkmitochondria is the answer to
every science question.
Well, I got that right with onebreath.
(09:19):
While Singapore trains eliteteachers like Jedi, we treat
ours like fast-food employeesand pay them less than
babysitters.
While Germany builds tracepeople with careers and pride,
we drown kids in college debt sothey can graduate with a BA in
student loans.
While Japan teaches disciplineand order, we teach to test.
While Canada focused on equity,the US is still arguing over
what books are allowed in the7th grade library, and while
international schools empowerkids to think, feel, lead,
(09:41):
collaborate and change the world, american schools are debating
dress code policies like croptops and a root cause of global
decline.
So the US education system?
On behalf of the Rock BottomPodcast congratulations.
You've officially failedupwards.
Fix it, or watch every parentwith a passport leave your
broken classroom behind.
Well, either that, or watchyour son or daughter open up an
(10:02):
only fans page by junior year ofcollege.
Anyway, I'm dj esg.
Peace, love and God above.
I'm out bye.