School Board Is On Holiday - Meanwhile, Your Taxes Are Going Up And No One Voted On The Budget Yet

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Ever wonder what your school administrators do when they're not dodging your emails? Our Memorial Day special takes you behind the scenes of the fictional "Council Rock Dysfunctional Avengers" as they celebrate the holiday weekend with all the incompetence you've come to expect Monday through Friday.

Meet Andy the superintendent, hosting a "strategic cookout planning retreat" where the only thing getting properly grilled is parents who dare ask questions. Watch Al, the director of secondary education, perfecting the art of looking busy with empty clipboards and meaningless doodles. Witness board members divided into opposing camps—"Can't Pretend Transparency" and "Can't Passive Aggressive"—where they practice faking concern while enjoying charcuterie boards funded by your tax dollars.

The satirical journey continues through what we call the "District Dysfunction Olympics," featuring events like Competitive Buzzword Bingo (stuffing terms like "instructional coherence" into conversations about potholes) and Synchronized Excuse-Making (blaming "unexpected complexities" for blatant failures). We expose a board culture where members won't share potato salad because of minor disagreements and administrators lecture PTO moms about "data-informed cafeteria experiences" while their own children fight geese.

Meanwhile, across Newtown, Richborough, Ivyland, Churchville, and Holland, families enjoying their holiday weekend can't help wondering: Why does my kid's school smell like despair? Why is the lunch menu more mysterious than an M. Night Shyamalan movie? Why is our superintendent tweeting inspirational quotes while the science classroom roof leaks?

This episode serves as the Ghost of Accountability Past, haunting educational leaders who've forgotten their purpose. Because when it comes to serving students, our administrators who have done enough damage Monday through Friday—deserve no holiday from our scrutiny.

Subscribe to Rock Bottom Podcast for more unfiltered commentary on the educational system and the leaders who need to do better. Your kids deserve it.

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#SchoolBoardCircus

#PencilsNotPowerPoints

#BudgetSchmudget

#WhereDidTheMoneyGo

#PaperPushersUnite

#ModularMadness

#EducratsInTheWild

#SlideshowSadness

#FiscalFiction

#SuperintendentSloth

#AlNeedsAnExitPlan

#CRSDComedyHour

#RantResponsibly

#ParentTaxRevolt

#BrokeDistrictRichExcuses

Peace, Love & God Above! :-)

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Memorial Day weekend, baby, a time to honor heroes
and expose zeros.
As we salute the brave men andwomen who gave everything for
this country, our school boardsalutes themselves and proudly
writes a resolution about itwith 13 typos and a paragraph
about pickleball.
Let's take a peek at theexclusive Memorial Day itinerary
of the Council RockDysfunctional Avengers.

(00:21):
Andy the superintendent ishosting a strategic cookout
planning retreat where the onlything getting grilled is the
parents who dared to send emails.
Hot dogs are raw, buns arestale and the only thing
seasoned is his deflectiontechnique.
Al, the director of secondarywaste management, is parked in a
folding chair reading how toPretend You're Busy.
In three easy Zoom calls he'sgot a clipboard with nothing on

(00:44):
it but doodles of studentengagement flow charts that look
suspiciously like genitalia.
The board members are splitinto camps can't pretend
transparency, where theypractice faking concern and
mirrors can't passive aggressive, where they rehearse we
appreciate your feedback infront of charcuterie boards paid
for with your tax dollars.
And, of course, camp we don'ttalk to her anymore where the

(01:04):
political shade is thicker thanthe smoke from their undercooked
ribs.
Meanwhile, the parents are justtrying to figure out why the
only thing that seems fullyfunded is Andy's travel budget
and Al's gelled goatee.
If there were a districtdysfunction Olympics, these
clowns would podium it.
Competitive buzzword bingo,where they try to stuff 21st
century skills, instructionalcoherence and vision alignment

(01:25):
into every conversation aboutpotholes in the bus loop.
Synchronized excuse making.
Every time they botch adecision they do a dramatic
synchronized head nod and blameunexpected complexities.
Translation we had no clue whatwe were doing.
And backyard bureaucracy, whereinstead of burgers, they're
flipping binders of nonsense,offering up rubbery logic of
gluten-free paper plates,ketchup packet Nope, just a

(01:46):
nine-step process for requestingone that ends in a closed-door
session and a shrug.
They're not flipping burgers,they're flipping narratives, and
every time they say we hear thecommunity, a grill explodes in
protest.
Memorial Day is usually aboutunity, but in the House of
Council Rock it's a mean girlspicnic.
One board member won't sit nextto another because she likes
too many facebook posts, anotherone refuses to share potato

(02:09):
salad because someone voted noon a minor landscaping proposal.
And one of them thinks robert'srules of order is a new
mini-series on netflix spoiler,it's not.
Meanwhile, their idea of a goodtime is concerning a pto mom at
a picnic and lecturing her ondata-informed cafeteria
experiences, while their ownkids are over there eating mulch
and fighting a goose.
The only thing this board canrun smoothly is a sprinkler, and

(02:31):
even that would flood a laptopcart.
They forgot to cover what'sAndy's beach tote this weekend?
Well, spf 75, super protectiveframing for when he needs to
shield himself fromaccountability rays.
A copy of Eat Pray Gaslight,the self-help book he wrote
using district letterhead.
Four unread parent emails at aprinted out google doc that says
defer to all in comic sans, apolaroid of him standing in

(02:52):
front of a construction sitethat hasn't moved in three years
, capturing coming soonish.
Andy thinks he's on vacation,but the real beach he's on is
denial island, where the wateris murky and the lifeguards are
asleep.
So here we are, families acrossnewtown, richborough, ivyland,
churchville, slapping burgers onthe grill and wondering.
I forgot about holland.
Why does my kid's school smelllike a gym sock wrapped in
despair?
Why is my lunch menu moremysterious than an m night

(03:13):
shamalan movie?
Why is our superintendenttweeting quotes from the rock
while the roof leaks in scienceclass?
And while you're asking realquestions, here's what your
fearless leaders are doingdebating whether the word
transparency should be added tonext year's mission statement,
scheduling a retreat to figureout how to retreat from every
tough conversation, creatinganother subcommittee for
district wellness which consistsof group yoga, and aggressively
ignoring angry parents.

(03:33):
They're roasting wieners andwe're roasting them.
The only difference our fire isreal.
So to Andy, al and the schoolboard buttercup brigade, this
Memorial Day, may your ice creammelt faster than your
credibility.
May your burgers be raw, yourbeach chairs collapse and your
Bluetooth speakers only playNickelback.
May everybody you're close toremind you of the disaster
you're leaving for the kids youclaim to serve.
You've done enough damageMonday through Friday, so we
thought we'd stop by thisweekend uninvited, like the

(03:54):
ghost of accountability passjust to make sure your
relaxation is fully ruined Fromall of us at the Rock Bottom
Podcast aka me and tell the wifeand kids I said hello, peace,
love and God above and I'm outBye-bye.