The Beautiful Disaster Of Saying Goodbye To Childhood

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Ready or not, you've crossed the threshold into the strange twilight zone known as senior year—that bizarre final chapter where the rulebook gets tossed out the window and the only metric that matters is how quickly you can secure that screenshot from Cash App.

Senior year exists in its own reality. It's the academic equivalent of The Purge, but for responsibility. Students navigate this final stretch operating at peak horniness while college essays get outsourced to ChatGPT between vape hits and TikTok scrolling sessions. Meanwhile, equally burnt-out teachers are just counting down to retirement, teaching Shakespeare like it's a hostage negotiation or showing Dead Poets Society for the fifteenth time while quietly sobbing in the back row.

The most damning indictment of our education system becomes crystal clear during this final year. We'll force you through calculus but never teach you how to pay rent without crying. You'll memorize the mitochondria's function but remain clueless about filing taxes. The real curriculum—the one that actually prepares you for adult life—gets delivered through TikTok sex ed, Snapchat drug awareness, and that one entrepreneurial friend who somehow already has an OnlyFans and a 1099. Senior year transforms into this emotional hurricane—part funeral for your childhood, part reckless celebration of impending freedom—where you're simultaneously terrified of what comes next while desperately trying to hook up one last time before heading off to community college. It's Project X meets Degrassi meets The Walking Dead, with anxiety and an STD test sprinkled on top. Subscribe now for more unfiltered, unaccredited education as we continue exploring the beautiful disasters of young adulthood and prepare to tackle college orientation in our next episode.

 #SeniorYearSurvival
 #HighSchoolTwilightZone
 #AcademicPurge
 #BurnoutAndVibes
 #UnfilteredEducation
 #DeadPoetsAndDeadInside
 #CashAppGoals
 #AdultingIsAMyth
 #MitochondriaAndMisinformation
 #OnlyFansAndOverdueAssignments

 #SatiricalScholar
 #LOLcurriculum
 #HostageNegotiation101
 #TearsAndTaxes
 #ProjectXWithHomework
 #PeakHornyProductivity
 #TikTokDiploma
 #VapeHitsAndVerbTense
 #CalculusAndCrisis
 #GraduationOrArmageddon

 #GenZGraduation
 #ClassOf2025Chaos
 #SenioritisOnSteroids
 #CollegeAppsAndCrisis
 #DegrassiWithDebt
 #WalkingDeadButGraduating
 #SchoolSystemSatire
 #BurntOutAndBroke
 #CounselorSaidGoodLuck
 #FutureDropoutsOfAmerica

Peace, Love & God Above! :-)

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, congrats, filthy animals.
You have reached the finishline of the dumbest, horniest,
most unnecessarily complicatedobstacle course since American
Ninja Warrior ADHD edition.
Welcome to senior year.
Grades don't matter.
Attendance is optional.
The only diploma you're chasingis a screenshot from Cash App.
I'm telling you All right.

(00:21):
So let me tell you what senioryear is.
It's the fucking purge.
But for responsibility, you gotone year to do absolutely
nothing, fail upwards and stillget handed a piece of paper that
says congrats, you survived ataxpayer-funded fucking prison.
Let's not pretend you have beenoperating at a solid 8.6 on the
horny teen movie scale sincejunior prom.

(00:41):
Your college essay was probablyjust a chat gbt draft you copy
between vape hits and tiktokfucking thirst traps.
You know I'm right, you gotmore snap streaks than passing
grades.
Your airpods haven't left yourear since 2022.
At this point, you've got moreof a relationship with spotify
than you do with your ownfucking parents.
You get to leave school early,which means exactly two fucking

(01:02):
things chick-fil-A runs andhotboxing your mom's RAF4.
While pretending to care aboutyour future, you only care about
the opposite sex right now andwhere the next fucking party is.
You don't eat lunch.
You fucking pregame it Gatorade, sour gummies.
Leftover.
Edible from homecoming equals awell-balanced academic diet.

(01:24):
Over edible from homecomingequals a well-balanced academic
diet.
Your idea of career planning isDMing an influencer with 11,000
fucking followers Yo, how do Iget rich without fucking working
?
Don't ask Mr Beast.
That motherfucker works his assoff.
So let's be fucking real now.
Your teachers are just as doneas you are.
Mr Dinkins been tenured sinceSaved by the Bell was on air.

(01:45):
He's got 14 years tillretirement and he's still
teaching Shakespeare like it's afucking hostage negotiation.
Your English teacher entirelesson plan is just watching
Dead Poets Society and crying.
Your gym teacher still rockingthe same whistle from 03.
Hasn't physically moved sinceBush was in office.
The substitute looks like he orshe wandered in from community
theater.
Performance of csi cafeteriaduty, all right.

(02:07):
So why do schools make you takecalculus, but not how to pay
rent without fucking crying orgoing into debt?
They'll teach you aboutmitochondria for six years
straight, but not how to do yourfucking taxes.
Why?
Because they don't give a fuck.
It's academic fraud.
This is exactly why eighthplace trophies were no good.
You shouldn't have collected aneighth place trophy.

(02:28):
Mom, I don't know how to do it,johnny.
Just fucking pour the milk intothe bowl and stir.
I mean, come on, ah yes, thereal curriculum Sex ed taught by
TikTok, drug ed taught bySnapchat.
Life schools taught by that onefriend who somehow has an only
fans and a 1099, and we all havethat one friend.

(02:51):
There's one kid in your classthat has everything together and
already knows what he's goingto be doing when he's 24 years
old or she.
Let's not act like you didn'thook up with someone in a car in
the parking lot during fourthperiod.
The dent in the back seat,that's extra credit.
You vape like it's fucking anOlympic event.
Your school backpack got agrinder, a pair of Crocs, three

(03:12):
empty cellulose cans.
Dude, you are not okay.
And some of you are out hereslinging edibles in the hallway
like it's Shark Tank DegenerateTeen Edition.
I don't give a shit what it is,as long as it's kind of high
level.
I mean, come on, you're fuckinghigh school kids.
That's what you're supposed todo, right?
I don't know in this world, I'mnot sure if you or someone you

(03:32):
know has mistaken fivemilligrams of thc for 50
milligrams.
Please report immediately tothe nurse's office for a caprice
son and an emotional support.
Ferret, I'm telling you whyjust fucking do, fucking do it.
Don't ask questions.
Just go find a nurse namedCarrie or something.
Y'all ain't trying to be doctors, you're trying to be verified.
Now you can pay for that shit.

(03:53):
You want six figures, 10million followers, zero work and
all the clout.
You just want to be fuckingfamous.
College used to be about highereducation.
Now it's about a higher weedtolerance and seeing how long
you can ride daddy's Discovercard before Sally Mae fucking
finds you and asks you to payinterest.
You're not writing coverletters.
You're writing captions foryour IG thirst trap that says

(04:16):
grind now, shine later, whilesitting on a couch your mom
still is paying for.
Listen, dude, the closest thingto a long-term investment
you've made is that.
Get rich, cry trying NFT.
You bought sophomore year andhaven't looked at since.
Career day was just a Googlemeet with your uncle who sells
crypto and swears he's not apyramid scheme Spoiler he is.
You ever realize how weirdsenior year is?

(04:36):
It's like a year-long funeralfor your childhood, where you
dress in pajamas, twerk atfootball games and then fucking
whine when someone signs youryearbook.
Hacks google that shit.
You're saying goodbye to peopleyou've known since kindergarten
by flipping them off, taggingthem an instagram story and
writing don't forget about mewhen you're famous under a
blurry fucking group pic whileyou're on your way to penn state
or alabama, to I don't know,find more guys and more girls

(04:58):
and figure out freshman year,while you're still making
TikToks and Instagram videos.
Like the whole school turnsinto the Bachelor by the end of
the year.
Everybody's trying to hook uplike one last time, like you're
going off to war, not fuckingBucks County Community College.
Oh, my goodness gracious,you're gonna cry when you walk
across that stage, not becauseof the pride, because that
fucking rope cost you 85 and itmakes you look like a broke ass.

(05:20):
Hogwarts dropout oh my goodnessgracious, I wore the same
fucking rope twice, actuallythree times.
Yo, high school's over you,beautiful disasters.
You are now legally allowed tofail.
Do whatever you want.
You're 18.
Mom and dad are not going tobail you out of jail.
Well, they still might bail youout of jail jail but they don't

(05:41):
have to be there when thehomicide detective or the
narcotics detective or whateverfucking detective questions you.
They don't need to be thereanymore.
You got to learn the hard waythat post-balloon lyrics don't
count as financial planning.
All right, senior year is themost lit, most ratchet, most
emotional, unstable rom-com ofyour life.
It's project x meets Degrassi,meets the Walking Dead, with
some anxiety and an STD testsprinkled on top.

(06:04):
Follow my fucking podcastunfiltered, unaccredited and
emotionally unstable educationyou can ever get Coming.
Next week we're gonna docollege orientation, not the
road trip edition.
With Tom Green.
I'm gonna teach you how to getrobbed by a meal plan.
You won't wanna miss this one.
I'm going to teach you how toget robbed by a meal plan.
You won't want to miss this one.
I'm DJ EST.
Peace, love and God above.

(06:24):
And thank you for listening tothe Rock Bottom Podcast and I'm
out Bye-bye.