Ever sat through a meeting so pointless you could feel your life force slowly draining away? That's exactly what happened when our local school board gathered for what can only be described as "The Meeting That Time Forgot."
For a painful 42 minutes, we witnessed the superintendent transform into Captain Blabbermouth, delivering a speech that managed to announce "Spring is here" as though he'd personally arranged the changing of seasons. Meanwhile, truly remarkable achievements were relegated to footnotes in this administrative circus. Student scientists conducting groundbreaking research in biochemistry and physics barely received a mention, while two wrestling champions—including Aaron with his jaw-dropping 180 career wins—weren't celebrated until halfway through the monologue.
Most shocking was the treatment of Council Rock South's cardiac emergency team, who literally saved a student's life with quick AED and CPR action. This heroic act was buried as "action item seven," appearing after less urgent matters like renaming the tech department to "Education Systems of Information" (a change that surely sent ripples through Silicon Valley). All while board member Al Funk sat alone in the corner, contributing nothing but his apparently questionable breath to the proceedings.
The entire spectacle culminated with the superintendent attempting to read calendar dates, resulting in what can only be described as a verbal blue screen of death. "Thursday, March 27th, no April 3rd... no wait... 5pm, no 5am..." Control-Alt-Delete, brain rebooted.
Listen now to hear the full breakdown of this administrative theater and join us in wondering: when did we start prioritizing endless thank-yous over celebrating the students and staff who actually make our schools worth talking about? Subscribe, share your own school board horror stories, and remember—if you can't say anything nice, just start a podcast.
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Peace, Love & God Above! :-)
Episode Transcript
Ladies and gentlemen, parents, teachers, students,
taxpayers and people whoaccidentally clicked on this
podcast because they werelooking for a crockpot recipe
welcome back to my favorite, theRock Bottom Podcast, where the
tea is hot, the sarcasm isscalding and the
superintendent's voice stillechoes in my soul like a CVS
receipt.
That won't end this week'sepisode.
(00:21):
The meeting that time forgot Asuperintendent, a solo funk and
42 minutes of absolute fuckingnothing.
That's what we sat through.
An entire school board meetingwhere the only useful thing said
was da-da-da, ding-ding-ding,said by the children Absolutely
so let's start off with theopening ceremony, a musical
(00:41):
number by the Rolling HillElementary School Chorus, who
are the only ones that cameprepared.
Mrs Margie Harding, you're anational treasure.
You walk into that meeting likehere's some kits.
You can actually do somethingproductive.
They sang, they smiled, theydipped.
That was the high point.
Should have shut the meetingdown right after that.
But no, no, no.
Here comes the main eventCaptain Blabbermouth himself,
(01:03):
the superintendent.
Here comes the main eventCaptain Blabbermouth himself,
the superintendent.
This man sat down next to themic and delivered the fucking
Gettysburg Address.
Welcome, good evening.
Thank you staff, thank youcommunity, thank you to the
janitor, who made eye contactwith me once in 2009.
Bro, we get it.
You love the mic, you love thecrowd, you love the sound of
your own voice more than akaraoke dad at Applebee's.
And who's that?
One guy sitting all by himselfwho looked like a sad uncle at a
(01:26):
wedding with no plus one.
Oh, that's Al Funk.
You guys stuck him in a cornerwith nobody next to him.
Must be the breath.
I got a whiff of that.
That's his rank.
My man sat there like he justrealized he wasn't supposed to
be at the meeting, just vibing,saying nothing contributing even
less, just breathing in ouroxygen.
Luckily he didn't breathe itout.
Ow, baby, blink twice if you'rebored.
(01:48):
Oh, but hold on.
Then came the biggest news ofthe night.
It was major, major news Springis here.
Yeah, that's right.
This man spent taxpayer time totell us the weather has changed
.
We've entered the most excitingstretch of the school year Field
days, art shows, senior trips,graduation.
Buddy, you described the lasttwo months of every school year
since the dawn of education.
(02:09):
Ain't nobody gasping over fieldday like it's Coachella?
Sit down, let's get to the kids, the geniuses.
They're out here doing labexperiments like mad scientists
radon gas, biochemistry, highenergy, physics.
Meanwhile, I'm over herestruggling to microwave a
burrito without burning it.
40 counselor students presentedresearch that would make bill
nye pass out, and the man stillspent more time naming their
(02:31):
teachers and describing theirwork.
Also real quick, can we talkabout the teacher's names?
Chase, berlin, dave curry,theresa, grateful pancake,
grateful pancake.
That sounds like a hippiebrunch spot, not a science coach
.
What are we doing here?
I bet you she's cool, though.
Wrestling bell ding, ding, ding.
Oh wait, students first, always.
We're just getting to thestudents right now and, holy
shit, we're about six minutesinto a speech.
(02:51):
Students halfway through,always.
But then we hit the mat.
Wrestling shout outs, give itup for anthony and aaron
absolute savages on the mat.
Anthony wins his match nine tothree.
Aaron wins his title 1-0 andwalks away with 180 career wins.
That ain't high schoolwrestling, that's gladiator 2025
.
These motherfuckers should havebeen the first thing out of
your mouth when you sat down.
Nothing else, not spring thesedudes.
(03:12):
You've ever beat another human180 times and still have time to
study for bio class?
No, exactly.
Give these boys the fucking keyto the city already.
Hell, give them whatever thefuck they want.
They're badasses.
Next up the special educationplan update.
Look, I'm all for compliance,but this dude described the
process like he was filing a taxreturn while getting audited by
the ghost of the PennsylvaniaDepartment of Education.
We held two public sessionsforming a steering committee
(03:35):
following PDE protocols.
You updated a fucking PDF.
Dude, don't act like you spitthe atom.
Also, calling it steeringcommittee sounds like a failed
pirate ship.
Just say you'll have a Zoomcall with five tired teachers
and move on.
And then, holy shit, braceyourself.
Brace yourself.
Name change.
The tech department is nowcalled drum roll please.
(03:56):
Education systems ofinformation.
Oh shit, you hear that theworld just changed.
Apple shook, microsoft weeping.
This is what happens whenpeople have absolutely nothing
to do and too many meetings.
They rebrand their departmentlike it's a boy band reunion
tour.
You didn't do anything, youjust changed the name of it.
But hold on.
Finally, something serious.
Council Rock South's cardiacemergency team saved a damn life
(04:18):
.
Why is that so far down thelist of shit?
Shouldn't that have been upthere with the wrestlers?
A student collapsed.
The team jumped into action aed, cpr, bam, life saved and you
know what they got?
A two-minute footnote betweenthe tech renaming and the
kindergarten sign up priorities.
Baby, save a life and youraction item seven.
And then the grand finale thecalendar meltdown.
My dude tried to read off a fewmeeting dates and sounded like
(04:40):
a speak and spell having a panicattack.
Thursday, march 27th no, april3rd.
7, no, wait.
5, 5 pm, no5, 5 am, april 5th.
Hold on, let me try again.
Dude rebooted mid-sentence.
He control alt, deleted hisbrain.
Live 220 000.
He can't even get dates right.
And just when you thought it wasover, surprise, a public
service announcement about fakesocial media.
(05:00):
Apparently we shouldn't trustfacebook pages not officially
blessed by the district because,heaven forbid, anyone tells the
truth with a meme.
Hey, superintendent, if youwant people to trust your info,
maybe don't bury it under 87thank yous.
Any reading of the school lunchmenu.
I guess I'm one of those socialmedia outputs.
Well, me.
And the guy lives over there inrichboro who has the unofficial
counselor rock parents pagethat says whatever the fuck they
(05:20):
want, because you know whatuncensorship is the way to go on
social media First, amendmentrights.
So to recap, the kids amazing,the teachers saints.
The wrestling team builtdifferent.
Al Funk, still confused, stillby himself, breath still stinks,
adds nothing to conversations.
The superintendent doing theverbal equivalent of juggling
flaming spaghetti noodles.
If you made it through themeeting without losing brain
cells, you deserve a trophy.
(05:40):
A trophy if you watched ittwice, seek help.
This has been the rock bottompodcast.
And remember, if you can't sayanything nice, just start a
podcast and say it here.
I'm dj esg signing off.
Keep it sarcastic, keep it realand, for the love of god,
someone please unplug thesuperintendent's fucking
microphone and get al funk, somefucking banaca.
Thank you so much.
I will talk to you soon.
I'm dj esg peace, love and godabove, and I'm out bye.
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