August 31, 2021 • 33 mins
Rafael Davila and his twin brother grew up in a middle class suburb of Detroit, raised by a single mother. They didn't grow up in poverty or lacking love, their mother was a school teacher who provided all they needed. However, Rafael shares with America's Podcaster, Kurt Caceres, how drug addiction can hit anyone, regardless of color, financial status or education. He started hanging with the wrong crowd and to overcome his insecurities, he fell into a life of drugs. His Mother, desperate and helpless, contacted their father, whom they had never met, and he entered into Rafael's life for the first time at 16 years old. He was beginning to build a relationship with his father, which helped him shake his substance addiction. They were becoming a real family, his father now being Grandfather to Rafael's two children. But then the tragedy of 9/11 arrived, and his father just so happened to be a paramedic in lower Manhattan. Though his father survived this historic catastrophe, he lived with PTSD and himself fell into a life of addiction to morphine and other drugs. One day he slammed to much and overdosed. Rafael spiraled from losing the father he had just met for the first time in his life. He ended up in the streets and gutters of Washington, D.C., a raging drug addict, barely holding on to life. Until his two children found him on the street, and the look on their faces changed his life forever.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Ladies and gentlemen, please take yourseats. The show is about to begin.
Yes, blackphone check Alexa stop.I was gonna ask you, can
(00:24):
you hear yourself? Wow? Didyou get a new computer? And I
fixed it? At the other daywe had we had major technical issues.
Man, we had a guest hereand she's like this, yeah, man,
super important. She like we costher like two million dollars and that's
(00:44):
fifteen That's what That's what it feltlike. It did. It felt like
that. I can't believe Alexa islistening tonight. Yeah. Second, all
the other day difficult. She didnot want to do anything. Okay,
let's do this. You guys readyjump into this. So this is it,
(01:19):
This is it, This is it. This is a Thursday Afternoon.
This is America's podcast of Kirkus Sarah'sWelcome to Roll Call the podcast. We
are one of the hottest shows onthe planner right now. And I'm not
just saying that because I want tosay it. It's true. It's a
stasistent statistic. It's a stat weare. We are in the top five
(01:41):
percent a podcast on the planet asof twenty twenty one. We have a
huge audience based a lot of fans, and we tell great stories that move
you, that make you laugh,to make you cry, and that help
inspire people to make it through thisworld and and be better people, but
better citizens of this of this worldand help each other out. And today's
(02:06):
episode is no difference. And todayI met this guy. I'm gonna introduce
him in a second, but Imet this guy and within five minutes I
just had this connection with him.I just knew he was special. And
I asked him, I said,man, you gotta just come on the
show, and he was like sure, Like we just instantly connected. I
just we have this. We justfelt it like it's man. So but
(02:28):
let me introduce you the co hostwe got here. We got Tony Frost
right here, Tony Frost, Tonyfront lively, Tony Frost, are you
live right now? It's okay,we should do it. And next to
him, once again, we haveour favorite. We have Chosan Marie.
(02:51):
I'd like to say Chosan Ja ZanMarie exactly, but a little and she
came with a notebook. Again,that's that's gonna be here. Her nickname
is the Notebook because she always comesprepared. So I just wanted to.
I wanted to start out by tellingyou, guys, so again, we
do this show to help people andinspire people. Some of these episodes we
(03:15):
do are hilarious. It's straight comedy, and we talk about different topics.
But this one right here is oneof those ones where we're coming at you
to kind of hope to inspire youand do our part to help make the
world better. And I want togive you some statistics before I introduced our
guest. Nineteen point seven million Americanadults age twelve and older battle the substance
(03:37):
used disorder in twenty nineteen. Almostseventy four percent of adults suffering from a
substance used disorder in twenty nineteen struggledwith an alcohol used disorder. Now I'm
using twenty nineteen because twenty twenty wasan outlier. As we'll get into later,
why everything increased, as I thinkeveryone can assume why so twenty nineteen,
(03:57):
About thirty eight percent of adults intwenty nineteen battled an illicit drug use
disorder. One out of every eightadults struggled with both alcohol and drug use
disorders. Simultaneously, eight point fivemillion American adults suffered from both a mental
disorder and a substance use disorder orco occurring disorders. This is twenty nineteen.
(04:18):
Yes, in twenty nineteen, drugabuse an addiction cost American society more
than seven hundred and forty billion annuallyand lost workplace productivity, healthcare expenses,
and crime related costs. And finally, seventy five percent of those people reported
(04:38):
never received any kind of treatment.And so here we are. We're going
to introduce the man. This guyhe is. He's a servant to me.
He's a servant to the people.He's putting in that the blood,
sweat, tears, and he's puttingin the work. And he is a
substance abuse group facilitator and a sobercoach. His name is Raphael Dabbi lay
(05:15):
and say that name. Good tosee you. Thank you for having to
thank you. I gotta say,like, after driving up here, it
was so comforting to walk in andjust who you and Tony Yeah, kicking
back and some potato chips and acouple of beers. I'm like, hey,
I'm at home. That's good.Oh good. Well, I'm so
glad you said that. Thank you, because we don't want this to be
like a stressful environ. Yeah,like an interview. Like what I always
(05:39):
tell people, and I'm not sureif I told you is we just like
it to be like friends hanging outtalking, Yeah, for sure, and
we're just gonna happen to talk abouta certain topic, you know, substance
abuse and recovery and then what youdo for you know, to help people.
Crazy stats just rolled, those arecrazy. Those are things that even
you being in the business, youdon't think about those things till you hear
it, not often because like sometimesyou're just so wrapped up and work.
(06:01):
Yeah, exactly, But I've heardsome different numbers. When you think about
that last that you said that seventyfive percent of people don't ever actually receive
treatment received treatment. That's that's nuts. And it's probably higher, you know,
do you think you think it's probablyfar less women too, who are
able to actually get treatment. Really? Oh yeah, there's why men.
(06:24):
I don't know, there's different factors. But women have kids, so to
drop everything and leave for thirty sixtyninety days, six months a year,
sometimes it's difficult to resources. It'shard to just take off. Yeah,
the resources for a woman that's eitherpregnant or has children to be in a
sober living environment or something like thatis just not as so as you guys
(06:48):
can hear the listening. Raphael's athis is um, he's a pro this
again. A substance abuse group facilitatorand sober coach, a substance abuse counselor
on. What he does is asupport system for people with drug and alcohol
problems, eating disorders, even inother behavioral issues. They teach individuals how
to modify their behavior with the intentionof full recovery. Because clients are susceptible
(07:12):
to relapses, many substance abuse counselorswork with clients on an ongoing basis,
go on and on and on.Yeah, Jozne, Now I'm gonna do
something different. We usually I'm gonnaI'm gonna give you the floor this time.
So because what happens with the twoof us were so like brilliant minds.
Thing like we always come up.We don't like talk about our notes
at the time, and we alwayshave the same stuff like, so I'm
(07:35):
gonna give her this time. Ladies, first, let's go, let's go
up with it and and talk withhim. Um. I was very excited
to hear that you're coming because it'ssuch a topic that's so necessary, especially
during this time, right. Imean we know about drug abuse, alcohol
abuse. I mean it's been goingon for centuries, right, forever,
(07:58):
forever, fortunately, and I thinkone of the main things, especially this
time. Why I say that,because we just came out of a pandemic.
Yeah, a lot of people werehome, and a lot of things
increase because they were home. Right, And when you start to think about
like addiction, right, I feellike everyone and you correct me if I'm
(08:18):
wrong on this, but like everyonehas some form of addiction personality to some
level. I guess you could saythat I don't you know. You know,
sometimes in the community they'll talk aboutpeople in recovery and then we'll talk
about normalis. It's like a termthat people and the community will use normies,
meaning they can drink and use certainsubstances without becoming addicted or without any
(08:46):
negative consequences. Right. Yeah,But the truth is that people recovery are
not that different from a normy,so to speak, exactly. That's that's
the point. Now, we're verymuch the same, We deal with the
same thing. It's just that whenI kick back and have a couple of
beers to deal with a stressful dayor a pandemic. And it wasn't just
(09:09):
a couple of beers for a lotof people doing a pandemic, you know
what I'm saying. Yeah, Yeah, if I kicked back just to you
know, took a little week justto kind of like calm my mind down
and deal with some of those thingsthat everyone deals with, I don't know
what else is going to happen afterthat, yeah, you know, And
it might not be that day,it might not be that week, it
(09:30):
might not be for the next year. But what my history tells me is
that eventually I go find my shit. Yeah. And the thing is is,
you know, you just don't knowwhen it's gonna happen. That's a
scary thing. That's a scary thing. I mean, like, I'm coming
up on God willing, August fourteenth, will be five years there. But
what good is it if you knowI can't cope and deal with the stress
(09:52):
of life. Yeah, job,relationship, god, relationships, you know,
just kids. I can't deal withthat. I go ahead and start
saying, you know what, I'veearned this right and I know my history.
Yeah, and five years off thewindow, you know, So it
(10:13):
doesn't matter the time frame, youknow, But it's just such a sneaky
thing, you know, because mymind will go back and remind me of
times where I did just go ona trip and have one long island or
a beer. Yeah right, andit'll just like conveniently forget all the other
times where I ended up slizzard onthe floor somewhere or you know, well,
(10:33):
let's talk. I like to comeup about the normans because I didn't
even think about that, Like what'sconsidered a normy because like I personally,
I've never done This is what's crazy. I've never done any hardcore drug in
my life, not even want Theonly thing that's ever done is alcohol and
weed. I've never tried one otherthing, which is rare. You don't
(10:54):
really like that? Yeah that wasluck, not just who I hung out
with, But alcohol, though Ihave to men, has been a problem.
I mean, I'm much better now, but just been years where I
woke up places I where the hellam I I did the most horrible things
I put life, I put peoplein dangerous situations. So what is a
(11:18):
normy? Like because I didn't havea drug and alcohol problem, you would
look at me and think I'm anormy, but I teetered on when anyone
else, well, I mean,we could look up definitions or whatnot.
The way I would simply define analcoholic ramatic would be somebody that has serious
(11:39):
enough, strong enough neggative consequences andproof that they shouldn't continue to use.
Oh yeah, but they continue todo it anyway. I get so,
like, if it's affecting your finances, it's affecting you showing up to work,
or because you know, some peopleare functional and affecting my money,
it's a facting my finances, it'saffecting my relationships. It's my second third
(12:03):
d ui, you know what Imean? That kind of stuff. Now,
yes, there are functional alcoholics geneticstoo, but if we really got
honest about it, there'd be someserious probably consequences somewhere in the right that
they are continuing to blow pass.At least that's just my opinion. A
normal would to me would be AndI don't necessarily like that term. I
(12:26):
mean, but it's just people useit, but it normally it almost seems
elitist, like you're a Norman,you're up here, but normally right,
But normals have thrown issues too,somebody who would be able to control their
use. So do people in recoverylook at normals as as a status,
like they're better than me or no, it's just that, No, I
(12:46):
don't think so. I guess itdepends on how you look at recovery.
Yeah. Yeah, if you're thinking, like, if you're kind of resentful
over the fact that I'd love tojust be able to kick back with a
beer, yeah right, Yeah,I just came out from Mexico. Ye,
So if I'm resentful about the factthat I can't have that shitty ass
(13:07):
alcohol by the pool, Yeah,then I might look at normans and be
like, oh, they got itmade, you know. Yeah. But
if I have the right perspective andI think about how much better my life
is today when I just don't drinkor use the things I do have back
in my life, and how I'mable to deal, you know, versus
(13:28):
when you know my kids had tocome find me in the streets of DC.
Yeah, you know, five yearsago, that look on my daughter's
face of like just horror, likeseeing like they never really see me fucked
up or post you know, aday or two bender or whatever. They
(13:48):
never really experienced that never forget thatlook on her face, you know.
So when I start comparing that,it's not a status thing, you know.
Yeah, and then what's what whatI love and is powerful what you're
saying is it? I think evenmore than the normies. What's powerful about
you, for example, is thatyou know it. You admit it.
Okay, I can't do this orI'm gonna possibly go overboard. Whereas a
(14:11):
lot of we call them normies nowthey don't admit they have a problem.
A lot of normalies they're sitting outthere doing this and they're they're causing they
have problems, but they don't admitit. At least. What's powerful about
you is that you you can atleast acknowledge, you know what, I've
got an issue that I've got aface and take care of. Like for
instance, if I'm having a badcouple of days or just shit, a
(14:35):
bad couple of days, it's justMonday, Tuesday, Wednesday. My job
is like really stressful. Yeah,going in and doing the groups. Food
makes me feel good. A bakingor fries like that like makes me feel
good. Yeah, I almost getpanted, my girl. Sometimes it's like
you're always like worried, like ifyou're not gonna have enough. But that's
(14:58):
like how I that discomfort? Right? YEA working out? Yeah, has
become sometimes a way for me todeal with my own insecurities about who I
am man, what it means tobe a man. And so if I
could just get a six pack andbuild my debts and different things like that,
then maybe, right, So allof us have these things, Yes,
(15:22):
it's just how we deal with themand cope with them. Yeah.
I just can't use a substance,yes, but that's good. I mean,
look the gym for example. Thatthat's a clean way. That's a
substance that's healthy. Is working out, that's like the best you feel good
after. I can find a wayto pollute that too, you know.
Yeah, I mean by relapsed fiveyears ago. Let's see, I realized
(15:46):
now that I was struggling with substanceabuse since I was I don't know.
And so you grew up in inoutside of Detroit. I grew up outside
of Detroit. Well, I wasraising Atlanta. My mom remarried, single
mom and moved outside of Detroit.So then here we are, we're outside
of Detroit in the suburbs and makingnew friends and right, about that age.
(16:10):
You know, it's the eighties andDare was really big. Ya remember
though, you know, black familygrowing up single that we so so you
m oh, I was gonna say, like I can remember. I don't
know if you guys relate to this, but single black mom, black family
growing up in Atlanta. I rememberbeing at parties with adults, you know,
(16:34):
be some kind of party or whatever, and all the kids would hang
out in the back back bedroom,jumping around whatever. And there's always certain
smell at these parties. I neverthought about it growing up, certain smell,
And I can remember the night andleaving a party where my brother and
I probably had like ten years old, figured out, oh, they're smoking
weed, and we were crying.We can't believe you guys are smoking weed,
(16:59):
you know, because it's there andall that kind of stuff. And
it wasn't even just six months lateror maybe some time later, like that's
fifth grade, going in sixth gradewhere we're twisting up our first joint,
ye know. So it just wentfrom that feeling of like drugs are bad
too, let's connect, you knowwhat I'm saying. Back then, you
didn't play sports or anything you wantthat. I played sports I didn't keep
(17:25):
you away from Also, it wasn'ta bad kid. Matter of fact,
my twin brother was a class clown. I was at a roll student.
I always just want to do theright thing, you know what I'm saying.
Um, I wanted to be likeI was a mama's boy, you
know what I'm saying. Yeah,but I played little league football. But
I wasn't like a super duper athleteor anything. But we did that kind
of stuff. But we didn't getinto trouble, you know. But it
(17:48):
was when we moved to Michigan andthen we slowly started smoking. We didn't
even know to break the weed up. What do you what do you think
it was that got you into Wasit the environment in outside of Detroit?
Now? And I don't know exactlywhere it comes from. It's ongoing therapy
where I try to figure this shitout, because, like I said,
my mom really looked out for us. Well, it was you lived in
(18:11):
the suburb of Detroit. Right,suburbs, So that suburb, dude,
is not a cheap if it's predominantlywhite. Yeah. So there might have
been fifty black kids in my highschool out of twenty five, right,
So it is like I'm coming fromAtlanta, right, yea, and not
really caring about that kind of stuff, and all of a sudden, it
was a lot of insecurity because alot of insecurity being put in that situation
(18:36):
as one of the only people werekind of make friends. Yes, it's
around the same age where when you'rea teenager you're trying to find yourself.
Yeah, you know, did thathave anything? Because I hear you talk
about your mom a single mom.Where was your dad? I never met
my dad until I was seventeen,I was telling Kurts, So this is
I talked to him maybe once ortwice on the phone. All I knew
was that he was a paramedic inNew York City. And so it wasn't
(19:00):
until it really started struggling with drugsand not going to school and still not
getting a whole lot of trouble trouble, but just stop going to school and
like all I want to do issmoke weed all day and trip and so
that's kind of like, you know, a lot of insecurities and just wanting
to fit in and make friends.But it was a lot of fun too.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Did you think um and the
(19:22):
reason I'm asking because I think youknow, when you talk about parents and
having parents, two parents in thehome, UM, I feel like to
some level of fathers UM contribute toa child's identity values. UM, you
know, value system uh to toraise them with a certain form of trust
(19:44):
and confidence that I think that that. I mean a mom, A mother
does that too in your own way, but I think a father channels that
more. Whether you're so, doyou think you know? Because when sometimes
when you think of any kind ofsubstance abuse, UM, I always feel
like it's a part of there's something, there's a void, like you could
(20:07):
try for fun, but there becomesa void right inside. Do you think
it had anything to do with thefact, at some point connected with your
dad or anything like that, youknow? I mean nowadays everything is so
different too, and I don't knownecessarily growing up with a single mom my
twin brother, I never really missedhaving a dad. I thought there's two
(20:32):
guys in the house already guys,and then I had my grandparents. You
miss something, you don't know,That's the thing. I don't know.
I always kind of wanted to havethat. I knew I didn't have that
I've even looked at and started tolook, you know, and think about
the fact that my mom loved thehell out of me my brother. Yeah,
but she was a school teacher andso she had to give us a
(20:52):
lot of time with daycare and babysitters, and so there was a lot of
time where I wasn't even around mymom too, you know. And so
it brings up something that in recovery, I've really been dealing with in my
relationships and how I interact with people. But I don't know if you guys
ever heard of like an adult attachmenttheory. Well, so it just the
idea of from infancy, how yourelate to affection from your caregivers can have
(21:18):
serious impact and as an adult,how you relate to other intimate partners and
in your adult relationships. So ifI'm afraid dad, I'm gonna be left
abandoned, rejected somewhere. And thisis happening like in the subconscious, because
I don't remember me being an infant, you know. Yeah, but possibly
that leads to me having like acertain kind of anxiety about people leaving.
(21:45):
And so now I want to peopleplease, I want to fit in.
Even though you didn't really realize thatyour dad being gone you felt abandoned.
Oh yeah, for sure. Andalso both my parents are school teachers,
and I know that life too becausethey're gone, they're guard teachers, aren't
home. They leave early and theycome home late. So I left myself
in and you know, in theafternoon, were gone in the morning before
(22:07):
I woke up, and then Icome up from school and they didn't get
home till hours later, and wewere by ourselves. And that's the same.
I probably would have gotten the drugstoo. If I didn't play sports.
I kept me out. I meanI was playing sports and stuff too,
but it's just like the culmination ofit. Yeah, that wanting to
fit in was way way stronger thanjust me playing sports. Yeah. I
played football, lacrosse and you know, um did those type of things.
(22:33):
But then I started meeting people andthere's another friend on the football team that
loves to get high before practicing games. Yeah, yeah, and so that's
what we do. That's kind offun, you know what I'm saying.
Or also wanting to fit in andbe accepted, which every teenager you don't
kind of like, you don't realizeat that age that, um, you're
(22:53):
being you're succe susceptible, susceptible.Yeah, these sort of things. Yeah,
and um, the people that aredoing it around you, you don't
get even realized, you know,what type of what they're actually going through
that forces them to do that typeof thing. And you're having to meet
them there, you know, andstay there, you know, the same
(23:15):
way they are. And then backyou talked about like just having a father
figure, so to speak, Andthere were different men in my life,
like my uncle and coaches or whateverwho tried to add as it progressed.
You know where I'm missing school nowand you know, like we would trip,
you know, do ye drop acouple of times? Ask it?
(23:37):
We just have fun in high schooljust laughing. Yeah, I'm in Michigan,
you know, all of a sudden, like like this what I was
gonna say. I wanted to fitin with different groups. And so even
though I played football, I wasn'ta jock. And then my friends,
you know, I grew up withfriends where they were more kind of like
(23:59):
that, like this is the ninetiesnow, this is like that biggie I'm
saying around with uh zodiacs shoes oryou know what I'm saying yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. It was allabout style and stuffing like my brother
and my friends. But then Ialways wanted to hang out the hippies too.
(24:21):
Yeah, so I would go toDave Matthews band concerts or the when
Jerry Garcia died, the further fastI go hang out in the parking lot.
Didn't be some random dude. Hey, I just made some answer.
You want to try it, I'llbe like, yeah, sure, that's
different. I'm just having fun.Ways, because the biggest demographic of substance
(24:41):
abuse is with the youth in thesuburbs. In're basically just telling us why
because well, being a teenager's roughman. Now though I think that was
the case, and maybe it stillis. But like I saw a stat
once. There's a guy who hasa great documentar, Todd z man Zawkins
(25:02):
The Long Way Back, and sohe kind of grew up with Sublime,
and he was kind of like,it's a great documentary if you get a
chance to watch, you know.But when the stats in the beginning the
documentary talks about how maybe twenty yearsago I forgot the number. Let's say
it's eighty five percent of people intreatment were thirty plus today it's flip floped.
(25:26):
You know what you're starting to seenow though, Two is older people,
house wives, elderly people get stuckon some opiates for some kind of
surgery or something like that, youknow what I mean. So you're starting
to see that every it just touchesit. So it's like prescription drugs though.
(25:49):
Now, so as a sober person, could you or do you have
people who say who cheat sobriety byusing pills? Well, I'm not going
to cheat sobriety. Is that Imean? Is there for them? Do
they think they're still sober? Ikind of believe pills. I kind of
(26:11):
believe it's gonna come out and wash. Yeah, I can rationalize me taking
whatever. Ultimately, I know thatwhat I'm really trying to do is change
how I feel to get more comfortablein my own skin. Yeah right,
(26:33):
I'm not saying that, like,let's say I was having major surgery,
that I might not need to takesome kind of pain pills. But I
know my history. Yeah, I'mgonna have my sponsor, my fiance hold
that shit. Yeah, you knowwhat I mean. And I'm gonna have
to humble myself to say you're gonnahave to ull this out to me,
(26:59):
because my history tells me that's gonnafeel real good. It's gonna feel good
to have a relief from life fora little bit, you know what I'm
saying. So that's the whole thing, you know, So then let's go.
Let's go before we get too farfrom that. So you started as
a team in high school and didall that, and then what you were
telling me earlier, which I didn'trealize that is that you and your twin
(27:23):
brother were kind of reconnected with yourfather because he came to kind of help
you guys. Right, Well,yeah, my mom didn't know what to
do with us because now by thetime we're juniors and seniors in high school,
like, we're just kind of goingoff on a different track. Yeah,
not a whole lot of trouble,yeah, but just not going to
school, not very mature, notreally into anything, no plans for college,
(27:45):
no plans for whatever, and startingto get in little things here and
there. And so I think,out of the last ditch aff, my
mom contacted my dad after sixteen years, and yo, I don't know what
to do. And so my dadshows up one summer when we was seventeen
and we meet our dad for thefirst time. It was really awkward.
(28:08):
It was really weird, you know. I mean, but it's interesting because
I like there was part of methat always really kind of wanted to know
I guess I grew up watching NICKD. Knight and yeah, and this idea
of like this fantasy of what afamily is supposed to be. Like,
I always wanted to know what it'slike to have a dad, you know.
So it was kind of like,Okay, I'm down for this.
(28:30):
It's just weird, but you know. And so as I graduated high school
dot knowing what the hell I wasgonna do with my life, I joined
the Navy. I got stationed inDC, and I just took it upon
myself to start to build that relationshipwith my father. You know. Not
at the time, I'm not usingany hard drugs because I'm in the Navy.
And again, I always wanted tojust do the right thing. I
(28:51):
don't want to get kicked out,dishonorable, I don't want to get in
trouble. But I was drinking awhole you know, but I wasn't using
any drugs. But you still,you served your time. You did my
four years or whatever, and I'mbuilding this relationship with my fathers. Fast
forward a few years. I getout of the Navy. Still really immature
though, but I got a wife, I got kids, and uh,
(29:15):
life is just kind of like goingalong. My dad is now granddad to
my kids and involved as much ashe care. You're building a relationship.
Nine eleven happens. My dad isa paramedic. His battalion was down there
and the fish wharfor whatever, rightthere by Wall Street. Yeah, it's
like, so that's two thousand andone. Nine eleven happens. My dad,
(29:40):
who was in the program too,Like he had been sober for some
years, but after nine eleven starteddipping and dabbling a little bit, you
know. And my dad was crazy, who was like New York, Puerto
Rican up and down, all attitude, golden cologne, yeah, the stereotype.
Yeah, and like a tough Itoo as a paramedic. Now,
(30:02):
So nine eleven happens. He survivesthat day, he can read his account
online and everything, and then slowlybut surely life goes on. He's still
around, he comes to visit,stays with it. He's Granddamn, my
kids are kind of you know,getting a little bit older, but slowly
but surely he starts getting sicker andsicker. He's dealing with PTSD, he
(30:22):
can't work. Yeah, my dadwas a big shit talker. He's in
New York Puerto Rican. So sometimesthough I wouldn't be able to tell,
he'd be like, Papa, I'mnot doing that good. I'm like,
oh, you're all right. Lastmonth he told me you're in Miami fucking
bitches and this and that. That'show you would talk, right, Yeah,
yeah, I was like, you'regood, like whatever. You know.
Yeah, I get these weird stories. Like sometimes he'd be all right
(30:44):
and he'd be like, oh mygod, I lost an eight ball in
my car somewhere. I'm like,wow, what are you doing? Like
what you know? But yeah,right, So but then over time,
like he just kept getting skinnier andskinnier, and I just thought it was
like just healthy. I was sonaive. We'll come to find out he's
slamming morphine and so in two thousandand eight ending up overdose and dying.
(31:08):
And when I think about it,that at the time, I'm not even
really drinking. Kind of all thatstuff with the tripping and the drugs is
really behind me. I wasn't veryhappy though. I wasn't very happy.
But my dad dies and I goto clean up his apartment and now I
(31:29):
think I like had like a littlemany nervous breakdown and my stepmom smoke weed.
And so that weekend, like Iremember, I started smoking weed again
non stop just to kind of dealwith the stretch. And that was just
kind of like the start of Yeah. So, and that's what we were
talking about earlier before we started rollingcameras, was you had just reconnect with
(31:52):
your dad within the last many years, all of a sudden, he doesn't
him in his life for sixteen.Now he has a father in his life,
he has a grandfather to his kids. You're building a relationship and then
he gets I feel like I foundsomebody who can actually teach me what a
man supposed to do, and thenhe gets taken away. So then you
(32:13):
spiral, So I spiral. Andthat is Raphael Dabilah on role called the
podcast This is America's podcaster Kirkus Sarah'scoming at you. And that's how we
bring it. We bring a raw, we bring truth, we bring a
real because we're here to inspire We'rehere to bring hope to others. There
are millions of people every day.They need to hear this story. Whether
(32:34):
it's you, a family member,a friend, share this with the world
because it gives hope that you twothey too can overcome. We ended this
part part one with Raphael's spiraling hittingrock bottom, landing in the gutter.
But as you're going to hear inpart two, he rose from the ashes.
Now to be a leader in thecommunity. Now to be a leader
(32:58):
for others, to guide others outof the darkness and find hope themselves.
Life isn't easy. We need mentors, we need friends, we need guides,
and that's why we're here for you. A roll call the podcast with
my co host Josane Marie Tony Frost. This is America's podcaster Kirkus Serras,
and that is Raphael Davio.
Ladies and gentlemen, please take yourseats. The show is about to begin.
Yes, blackphone check Alexa stop.I was gonna ask you, can
(00:24):
you hear yourself? Wow? Didyou get a new computer? And I
fixed it? At the other daywe had we had major technical issues.
Man, we had a guest hereand she's like this, yeah, man,
super important. She like we costher like two million dollars and that's
(00:44):
fifteen That's what That's what it feltlike. It did. It felt like
that. I can't believe Alexa islistening tonight. Yeah. Second, all
the other day difficult. She didnot want to do anything. Okay,
let's do this. You guys readyjump into this. So this is it,
(01:19):
This is it, This is it. This is a Thursday Afternoon.
This is America's podcast of Kirkus Sarah'sWelcome to Roll Call the podcast. We
are one of the hottest shows onthe planner right now. And I'm not
just saying that because I want tosay it. It's true. It's a
stasistent statistic. It's a stat weare. We are in the top five
(01:41):
percent a podcast on the planet asof twenty twenty one. We have a
huge audience based a lot of fans, and we tell great stories that move
you, that make you laugh,to make you cry, and that help
inspire people to make it through thisworld and and be better people, but
better citizens of this of this worldand help each other out. And today's
(02:06):
episode is no difference. And todayI met this guy. I'm gonna introduce
him in a second, but Imet this guy and within five minutes I
just had this connection with him.I just knew he was special. And
I asked him, I said,man, you gotta just come on the
show, and he was like sure, Like we just instantly connected. I
just we have this. We justfelt it like it's man. So but
(02:28):
let me introduce you the co hostwe got here. We got Tony Frost
right here, Tony Frost, Tonyfront lively, Tony Frost, are you
live right now? It's okay,we should do it. And next to
him, once again, we haveour favorite. We have Chosan Marie.
(02:51):
I'd like to say Chosan Ja ZanMarie exactly, but a little and she
came with a notebook. Again,that's that's gonna be here. Her nickname
is the Notebook because she always comesprepared. So I just wanted to.
I wanted to start out by tellingyou, guys, so again, we
do this show to help people andinspire people. Some of these episodes we
(03:15):
do are hilarious. It's straight comedy, and we talk about different topics.
But this one right here is oneof those ones where we're coming at you
to kind of hope to inspire youand do our part to help make the
world better. And I want togive you some statistics before I introduced our
guest. Nineteen point seven million Americanadults age twelve and older battle the substance
(03:37):
used disorder in twenty nineteen. Almostseventy four percent of adults suffering from a
substance used disorder in twenty nineteen struggledwith an alcohol used disorder. Now I'm
using twenty nineteen because twenty twenty wasan outlier. As we'll get into later,
why everything increased, as I thinkeveryone can assume why so twenty nineteen,
(03:57):
About thirty eight percent of adults intwenty nineteen battled an illicit drug use
disorder. One out of every eightadults struggled with both alcohol and drug use
disorders. Simultaneously, eight point fivemillion American adults suffered from both a mental
disorder and a substance use disorder orco occurring disorders. This is twenty nineteen.
(04:18):
Yes, in twenty nineteen, drugabuse an addiction cost American society more
than seven hundred and forty billion annuallyand lost workplace productivity, healthcare expenses,
and crime related costs. And finally, seventy five percent of those people reported
(04:38):
never received any kind of treatment.And so here we are. We're going
to introduce the man. This guyhe is. He's a servant to me.
He's a servant to the people.He's putting in that the blood,
sweat, tears, and he's puttingin the work. And he is a
substance abuse group facilitator and a sobercoach. His name is Raphael Dabbi lay
(05:15):
and say that name. Good tosee you. Thank you for having to
thank you. I gotta say,like, after driving up here, it
was so comforting to walk in andjust who you and Tony Yeah, kicking
back and some potato chips and acouple of beers. I'm like, hey,
I'm at home. That's good.Oh good. Well, I'm so
glad you said that. Thank you, because we don't want this to be
like a stressful environ. Yeah,like an interview. Like what I always
(05:39):
tell people, and I'm not sureif I told you is we just like
it to be like friends hanging outtalking, Yeah, for sure, and
we're just gonna happen to talk abouta certain topic, you know, substance
abuse and recovery and then what youdo for you know, to help people.
Crazy stats just rolled, those arecrazy. Those are things that even
you being in the business, youdon't think about those things till you hear
it, not often because like sometimesyou're just so wrapped up and work.
(06:01):
Yeah, exactly, But I've heardsome different numbers. When you think about
that last that you said that seventyfive percent of people don't ever actually receive
treatment received treatment. That's that's nuts. And it's probably higher, you know,
do you think you think it's probablyfar less women too, who are
able to actually get treatment. Really? Oh yeah, there's why men.
(06:24):
I don't know, there's different factors. But women have kids, so to
drop everything and leave for thirty sixtyninety days, six months a year,
sometimes it's difficult to resources. It'shard to just take off. Yeah,
the resources for a woman that's eitherpregnant or has children to be in a
sober living environment or something like thatis just not as so as you guys
(06:48):
can hear the listening. Raphael's athis is um, he's a pro this
again. A substance abuse group facilitatorand sober coach, a substance abuse counselor
on. What he does is asupport system for people with drug and alcohol
problems, eating disorders, even inother behavioral issues. They teach individuals how
to modify their behavior with the intentionof full recovery. Because clients are susceptible
(07:12):
to relapses, many substance abuse counselorswork with clients on an ongoing basis,
go on and on and on.Yeah, Jozne, Now I'm gonna do
something different. We usually I'm gonnaI'm gonna give you the floor this time.
So because what happens with the twoof us were so like brilliant minds.
Thing like we always come up.We don't like talk about our notes
at the time, and we alwayshave the same stuff like, so I'm
(07:35):
gonna give her this time. Ladies, first, let's go, let's go
up with it and and talk withhim. Um. I was very excited
to hear that you're coming because it'ssuch a topic that's so necessary, especially
during this time, right. Imean we know about drug abuse, alcohol
abuse. I mean it's been goingon for centuries, right, forever,
(07:58):
forever, fortunately, and I thinkone of the main things, especially this
time. Why I say that,because we just came out of a pandemic.
Yeah, a lot of people werehome, and a lot of things
increase because they were home. Right, And when you start to think about
like addiction, right, I feellike everyone and you correct me if I'm
(08:18):
wrong on this, but like everyonehas some form of addiction personality to some
level. I guess you could saythat I don't you know. You know,
sometimes in the community they'll talk aboutpeople in recovery and then we'll talk
about normalis. It's like a termthat people and the community will use normies,
meaning they can drink and use certainsubstances without becoming addicted or without any
(08:46):
negative consequences. Right. Yeah,But the truth is that people recovery are
not that different from a normy,so to speak, exactly. That's that's
the point. Now, we're verymuch the same, We deal with the
same thing. It's just that whenI kick back and have a couple of
beers to deal with a stressful dayor a pandemic. And it wasn't just
(09:09):
a couple of beers for a lotof people doing a pandemic, you know
what I'm saying. Yeah, Yeah, if I kicked back just to you
know, took a little week justto kind of like calm my mind down
and deal with some of those thingsthat everyone deals with, I don't know
what else is going to happen afterthat, yeah, you know, And
it might not be that day,it might not be that week, it
(09:30):
might not be for the next year. But what my history tells me is
that eventually I go find my shit. Yeah. And the thing is is,
you know, you just don't knowwhen it's gonna happen. That's a
scary thing. That's a scary thing. I mean, like, I'm coming
up on God willing, August fourteenth, will be five years there. But
what good is it if you knowI can't cope and deal with the stress
(09:52):
of life. Yeah, job,relationship, god, relationships, you know,
just kids. I can't deal withthat. I go ahead and start
saying, you know what, I'veearned this right and I know my history.
Yeah, and five years off thewindow, you know, So it
(10:13):
doesn't matter the time frame, youknow, But it's just such a sneaky
thing, you know, because mymind will go back and remind me of
times where I did just go ona trip and have one long island or
a beer. Yeah right, andit'll just like conveniently forget all the other
times where I ended up slizzard onthe floor somewhere or you know, well,
(10:33):
let's talk. I like to comeup about the normans because I didn't
even think about that, Like what'sconsidered a normy because like I personally,
I've never done This is what's crazy. I've never done any hardcore drug in
my life, not even want Theonly thing that's ever done is alcohol and
weed. I've never tried one otherthing, which is rare. You don't
(10:54):
really like that? Yeah that wasluck, not just who I hung out
with, But alcohol, though Ihave to men, has been a problem.
I mean, I'm much better now, but just been years where I
woke up places I where the hellam I I did the most horrible things
I put life, I put peoplein dangerous situations. So what is a
(11:18):
normy? Like because I didn't havea drug and alcohol problem, you would
look at me and think I'm anormy, but I teetered on when anyone
else, well, I mean,we could look up definitions or whatnot.
The way I would simply define analcoholic ramatic would be somebody that has serious
(11:39):
enough, strong enough neggative consequences andproof that they shouldn't continue to use.
Oh yeah, but they continue todo it anyway. I get so,
like, if it's affecting your finances, it's affecting you showing up to work,
or because you know, some peopleare functional and affecting my money,
it's a facting my finances, it'saffecting my relationships. It's my second third
(12:03):
d ui, you know what Imean? That kind of stuff. Now,
yes, there are functional alcoholics geneticstoo, but if we really got
honest about it, there'd be someserious probably consequences somewhere in the right that
they are continuing to blow pass.At least that's just my opinion. A
normal would to me would be AndI don't necessarily like that term. I
(12:26):
mean, but it's just people useit, but it normally it almost seems
elitist, like you're a Norman,you're up here, but normally right,
But normals have thrown issues too,somebody who would be able to control their
use. So do people in recoverylook at normals as as a status,
like they're better than me or no, it's just that, No, I
(12:46):
don't think so. I guess itdepends on how you look at recovery.
Yeah. Yeah, if you're thinking, like, if you're kind of resentful
over the fact that I'd love tojust be able to kick back with a
beer, yeah right, Yeah,I just came out from Mexico. Ye,
So if I'm resentful about the factthat I can't have that shitty ass
(13:07):
alcohol by the pool, Yeah,then I might look at normans and be
like, oh, they got itmade, you know. Yeah. But
if I have the right perspective andI think about how much better my life
is today when I just don't drinkor use the things I do have back
in my life, and how I'mable to deal, you know, versus
(13:28):
when you know my kids had tocome find me in the streets of DC.
Yeah, you know, five yearsago, that look on my daughter's
face of like just horror, likeseeing like they never really see me fucked
up or post you know, aday or two bender or whatever. They
(13:48):
never really experienced that never forget thatlook on her face, you know.
So when I start comparing that,it's not a status thing, you know.
Yeah, and then what's what whatI love and is powerful what you're
saying is it? I think evenmore than the normies. What's powerful about
you, for example, is thatyou know it. You admit it.
Okay, I can't do this orI'm gonna possibly go overboard. Whereas a
(14:11):
lot of we call them normies nowthey don't admit they have a problem.
A lot of normalies they're sitting outthere doing this and they're they're causing they
have problems, but they don't admitit. At least. What's powerful about
you is that you you can atleast acknowledge, you know what, I've
got an issue that I've got aface and take care of. Like for
instance, if I'm having a badcouple of days or just shit, a
(14:35):
bad couple of days, it's justMonday, Tuesday, Wednesday. My job
is like really stressful. Yeah,going in and doing the groups. Food
makes me feel good. A bakingor fries like that like makes me feel
good. Yeah, I almost getpanted, my girl. Sometimes it's like
you're always like worried, like ifyou're not gonna have enough. But that's
(14:58):
like how I that discomfort? Right? YEA working out? Yeah, has
become sometimes a way for me todeal with my own insecurities about who I
am man, what it means tobe a man. And so if I
could just get a six pack andbuild my debts and different things like that,
then maybe, right, So allof us have these things, Yes,
(15:22):
it's just how we deal with themand cope with them. Yeah.
I just can't use a substance,yes, but that's good. I mean,
look the gym for example. Thatthat's a clean way. That's a
substance that's healthy. Is working out, that's like the best you feel good
after. I can find a wayto pollute that too, you know.
Yeah, I mean by relapsed fiveyears ago. Let's see, I realized
(15:46):
now that I was struggling with substanceabuse since I was I don't know.
And so you grew up in inoutside of Detroit. I grew up outside
of Detroit. Well, I wasraising Atlanta. My mom remarried, single
mom and moved outside of Detroit.So then here we are, we're outside
of Detroit in the suburbs and makingnew friends and right, about that age.
(16:10):
You know, it's the eighties andDare was really big. Ya remember
though, you know, black familygrowing up single that we so so you
m oh, I was gonna say, like I can remember. I don't
know if you guys relate to this, but single black mom, black family
growing up in Atlanta. I rememberbeing at parties with adults, you know,
(16:34):
be some kind of party or whatever, and all the kids would hang
out in the back back bedroom,jumping around whatever. And there's always certain
smell at these parties. I neverthought about it growing up, certain smell,
And I can remember the night andleaving a party where my brother and
I probably had like ten years old, figured out, oh, they're smoking
weed, and we were crying.We can't believe you guys are smoking weed,
(16:59):
you know, because it's there andall that kind of stuff. And
it wasn't even just six months lateror maybe some time later, like that's
fifth grade, going in sixth gradewhere we're twisting up our first joint,
ye know. So it just wentfrom that feeling of like drugs are bad
too, let's connect, you knowwhat I'm saying. Back then, you
didn't play sports or anything you wantthat. I played sports I didn't keep
(17:25):
you away from Also, it wasn'ta bad kid. Matter of fact,
my twin brother was a class clown. I was at a roll student.
I always just want to do theright thing, you know what I'm saying.
Um, I wanted to be likeI was a mama's boy, you
know what I'm saying. Yeah,but I played little league football. But
I wasn't like a super duper athleteor anything. But we did that kind
of stuff. But we didn't getinto trouble, you know. But it
(17:48):
was when we moved to Michigan andthen we slowly started smoking. We didn't
even know to break the weed up. What do you what do you think
it was that got you into Wasit the environment in outside of Detroit?
Now? And I don't know exactlywhere it comes from. It's ongoing therapy
where I try to figure this shitout, because, like I said,
my mom really looked out for us. Well, it was you lived in
(18:11):
the suburb of Detroit. Right,suburbs, So that suburb, dude,
is not a cheap if it's predominantlywhite. Yeah. So there might have
been fifty black kids in my highschool out of twenty five, right,
So it is like I'm coming fromAtlanta, right, yea, and not
really caring about that kind of stuff, and all of a sudden, it
was a lot of insecurity because alot of insecurity being put in that situation
(18:36):
as one of the only people werekind of make friends. Yes, it's
around the same age where when you'rea teenager you're trying to find yourself.
Yeah, you know, did thathave anything? Because I hear you talk
about your mom a single mom.Where was your dad? I never met
my dad until I was seventeen,I was telling Kurts, So this is
I talked to him maybe once ortwice on the phone. All I knew
was that he was a paramedic inNew York City. And so it wasn't
(19:00):
until it really started struggling with drugsand not going to school and still not
getting a whole lot of trouble trouble, but just stop going to school and
like all I want to do issmoke weed all day and trip and so
that's kind of like, you know, a lot of insecurities and just wanting
to fit in and make friends.But it was a lot of fun too.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Did you think um and the
(19:22):
reason I'm asking because I think youknow, when you talk about parents and
having parents, two parents in thehome, UM, I feel like to
some level of fathers UM contribute toa child's identity values. UM, you
know, value system uh to toraise them with a certain form of trust
(19:44):
and confidence that I think that that. I mean a mom, A mother
does that too in your own way, but I think a father channels that
more. Whether you're so, doyou think you know? Because when sometimes
when you think of any kind ofsubstance abuse, UM, I always feel
like it's a part of there's something, there's a void, like you could
(20:07):
try for fun, but there becomesa void right inside. Do you think
it had anything to do with thefact, at some point connected with your
dad or anything like that, youknow? I mean nowadays everything is so
different too, and I don't knownecessarily growing up with a single mom my
twin brother, I never really missedhaving a dad. I thought there's two
(20:32):
guys in the house already guys,and then I had my grandparents. You
miss something, you don't know,That's the thing. I don't know.
I always kind of wanted to havethat. I knew I didn't have that
I've even looked at and started tolook, you know, and think about
the fact that my mom loved thehell out of me my brother. Yeah,
but she was a school teacher andso she had to give us a
(20:52):
lot of time with daycare and babysitters, and so there was a lot of
time where I wasn't even around mymom too, you know. And so
it brings up something that in recovery, I've really been dealing with in my
relationships and how I interact with people. But I don't know if you guys
ever heard of like an adult attachmenttheory. Well, so it just the
idea of from infancy, how yourelate to affection from your caregivers can have
(21:18):
serious impact and as an adult,how you relate to other intimate partners and
in your adult relationships. So ifI'm afraid dad, I'm gonna be left
abandoned, rejected somewhere. And thisis happening like in the subconscious, because
I don't remember me being an infant, you know. Yeah, but possibly
that leads to me having like acertain kind of anxiety about people leaving.
(21:45):
And so now I want to peopleplease, I want to fit in.
Even though you didn't really realize thatyour dad being gone you felt abandoned.
Oh yeah, for sure. Andalso both my parents are school teachers,
and I know that life too becausethey're gone, they're guard teachers, aren't
home. They leave early and theycome home late. So I left myself
in and you know, in theafternoon, were gone in the morning before
(22:07):
I woke up, and then Icome up from school and they didn't get
home till hours later, and wewere by ourselves. And that's the same.
I probably would have gotten the drugstoo. If I didn't play sports.
I kept me out. I meanI was playing sports and stuff too,
but it's just like the culmination ofit. Yeah, that wanting to
fit in was way way stronger thanjust me playing sports. Yeah. I
played football, lacrosse and you know, um did those type of things.
(22:33):
But then I started meeting people andthere's another friend on the football team that
loves to get high before practicing games. Yeah, yeah, and so that's
what we do. That's kind offun, you know what I'm saying.
Or also wanting to fit in andbe accepted, which every teenager you don't
kind of like, you don't realizeat that age that, um, you're
(22:53):
being you're succe susceptible, susceptible.Yeah, these sort of things. Yeah,
and um, the people that aredoing it around you, you don't
get even realized, you know,what type of what they're actually going through
that forces them to do that typeof thing. And you're having to meet
them there, you know, andstay there, you know, the same
(23:15):
way they are. And then backyou talked about like just having a father
figure, so to speak, Andthere were different men in my life,
like my uncle and coaches or whateverwho tried to add as it progressed.
You know where I'm missing school nowand you know, like we would trip,
you know, do ye drop acouple of times? Ask it?
(23:37):
We just have fun in high schooljust laughing. Yeah, I'm in Michigan,
you know, all of a sudden, like like this what I was
gonna say. I wanted to fitin with different groups. And so even
though I played football, I wasn'ta jock. And then my friends,
you know, I grew up withfriends where they were more kind of like
(23:59):
that, like this is the ninetiesnow, this is like that biggie I'm
saying around with uh zodiacs shoes oryou know what I'm saying yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. It was allabout style and stuffing like my brother
and my friends. But then Ialways wanted to hang out the hippies too.
(24:21):
Yeah, so I would go toDave Matthews band concerts or the when
Jerry Garcia died, the further fastI go hang out in the parking lot.
Didn't be some random dude. Hey, I just made some answer.
You want to try it, I'llbe like, yeah, sure, that's
different. I'm just having fun.Ways, because the biggest demographic of substance
(24:41):
abuse is with the youth in thesuburbs. In're basically just telling us why
because well, being a teenager's roughman. Now though I think that was
the case, and maybe it stillis. But like I saw a stat
once. There's a guy who hasa great documentar, Todd z man Zawkins
(25:02):
The Long Way Back, and sohe kind of grew up with Sublime,
and he was kind of like,it's a great documentary if you get a
chance to watch, you know.But when the stats in the beginning the
documentary talks about how maybe twenty yearsago I forgot the number. Let's say
it's eighty five percent of people intreatment were thirty plus today it's flip floped.
(25:26):
You know what you're starting to seenow though, Two is older people,
house wives, elderly people get stuckon some opiates for some kind of
surgery or something like that, youknow what I mean. So you're starting
to see that every it just touchesit. So it's like prescription drugs though.
(25:49):
Now, so as a sober person, could you or do you have
people who say who cheat sobriety byusing pills? Well, I'm not going
to cheat sobriety. Is that Imean? Is there for them? Do
they think they're still sober? Ikind of believe pills. I kind of
(26:11):
believe it's gonna come out and wash. Yeah, I can rationalize me taking
whatever. Ultimately, I know thatwhat I'm really trying to do is change
how I feel to get more comfortablein my own skin. Yeah right,
(26:33):
I'm not saying that, like,let's say I was having major surgery,
that I might not need to takesome kind of pain pills. But I
know my history. Yeah, I'mgonna have my sponsor, my fiance hold
that shit. Yeah, you knowwhat I mean. And I'm gonna have
to humble myself to say you're gonnahave to ull this out to me,
(26:59):
because my history tells me that's gonnafeel real good. It's gonna feel good
to have a relief from life fora little bit, you know what I'm
saying. So that's the whole thing, you know, So then let's go.
Let's go before we get too farfrom that. So you started as
a team in high school and didall that, and then what you were
telling me earlier, which I didn'trealize that is that you and your twin
(27:23):
brother were kind of reconnected with yourfather because he came to kind of help
you guys. Right, Well,yeah, my mom didn't know what to
do with us because now by thetime we're juniors and seniors in high school,
like, we're just kind of goingoff on a different track. Yeah,
not a whole lot of trouble,yeah, but just not going to
school, not very mature, notreally into anything, no plans for college,
(27:45):
no plans for whatever, and startingto get in little things here and
there. And so I think,out of the last ditch aff, my
mom contacted my dad after sixteen years, and yo, I don't know what
to do. And so my dadshows up one summer when we was seventeen
and we meet our dad for thefirst time. It was really awkward.
(28:08):
It was really weird, you know. I mean, but it's interesting because
I like there was part of methat always really kind of wanted to know
I guess I grew up watching NICKD. Knight and yeah, and this idea
of like this fantasy of what afamily is supposed to be. Like,
I always wanted to know what it'slike to have a dad, you know.
So it was kind of like,Okay, I'm down for this.
(28:30):
It's just weird, but you know. And so as I graduated high school
dot knowing what the hell I wasgonna do with my life, I joined
the Navy. I got stationed inDC, and I just took it upon
myself to start to build that relationshipwith my father. You know. Not
at the time, I'm not usingany hard drugs because I'm in the Navy.
And again, I always wanted tojust do the right thing. I
(28:51):
don't want to get kicked out,dishonorable, I don't want to get in
trouble. But I was drinking awhole you know, but I wasn't using
any drugs. But you still,you served your time. You did my
four years or whatever, and I'mbuilding this relationship with my fathers. Fast
forward a few years. I getout of the Navy. Still really immature
though, but I got a wife, I got kids, and uh,
(29:15):
life is just kind of like goingalong. My dad is now granddad to
my kids and involved as much ashe care. You're building a relationship.
Nine eleven happens. My dad isa paramedic. His battalion was down there
and the fish wharfor whatever, rightthere by Wall Street. Yeah, it's
like, so that's two thousand andone. Nine eleven happens. My dad,
(29:40):
who was in the program too,Like he had been sober for some
years, but after nine eleven starteddipping and dabbling a little bit, you
know. And my dad was crazy, who was like New York, Puerto
Rican up and down, all attitude, golden cologne, yeah, the stereotype.
Yeah, and like a tough Itoo as a paramedic. Now,
(30:02):
So nine eleven happens. He survivesthat day, he can read his account
online and everything, and then slowlybut surely life goes on. He's still
around, he comes to visit,stays with it. He's Granddamn, my
kids are kind of you know,getting a little bit older, but slowly
but surely he starts getting sicker andsicker. He's dealing with PTSD, he
(30:22):
can't work. Yeah, my dadwas a big shit talker. He's in
New York Puerto Rican. So sometimesthough I wouldn't be able to tell,
he'd be like, Papa, I'mnot doing that good. I'm like,
oh, you're all right. Lastmonth he told me you're in Miami fucking
bitches and this and that. That'show you would talk, right, Yeah,
yeah, I was like, you'regood, like whatever. You know.
Yeah, I get these weird stories. Like sometimes he'd be all right
(30:44):
and he'd be like, oh mygod, I lost an eight ball in
my car somewhere. I'm like,wow, what are you doing? Like
what you know? But yeah,right, So but then over time,
like he just kept getting skinnier andskinnier, and I just thought it was
like just healthy. I was sonaive. We'll come to find out he's
slamming morphine and so in two thousandand eight ending up overdose and dying.
(31:08):
And when I think about it,that at the time, I'm not even
really drinking. Kind of all thatstuff with the tripping and the drugs is
really behind me. I wasn't veryhappy though. I wasn't very happy.
But my dad dies and I goto clean up his apartment and now I
(31:29):
think I like had like a littlemany nervous breakdown and my stepmom smoke weed.
And so that weekend, like Iremember, I started smoking weed again
non stop just to kind of dealwith the stretch. And that was just
kind of like the start of Yeah. So, and that's what we were
talking about earlier before we started rollingcameras, was you had just reconnect with
(31:52):
your dad within the last many years, all of a sudden, he doesn't
him in his life for sixteen.Now he has a father in his life,
he has a grandfather to his kids. You're building a relationship and then
he gets I feel like I foundsomebody who can actually teach me what a
man supposed to do, and thenhe gets taken away. So then you
(32:13):
spiral, So I spiral. Andthat is Raphael Dabilah on role called the
podcast This is America's podcaster Kirkus Sarah'scoming at you. And that's how we
bring it. We bring a raw, we bring truth, we bring a
real because we're here to inspire We'rehere to bring hope to others. There
are millions of people every day.They need to hear this story. Whether
(32:34):
it's you, a family member,a friend, share this with the world
because it gives hope that you twothey too can overcome. We ended this
part part one with Raphael's spiraling hittingrock bottom, landing in the gutter.
But as you're going to hear inpart two, he rose from the ashes.
Now to be a leader in thecommunity. Now to be a leader
(32:58):
for others, to guide others outof the darkness and find hope themselves.
Life isn't easy. We need mentors, we need friends, we need guides,
and that's why we're here for you. A roll call the podcast with
my co host Josane Marie Tony Frost. This is America's podcaster Kirkus Serras,
and that is Raphael Davio.
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