Any takeaways from this episode?
Unrequited crushes. Questionable fiancés. Holiday hospital champagne. And one very comatose Peter Gallagher.
This week, we’re celebrating the 30th anniversary of the 1995 rom-com While You Were Sleeping starring Sandra Bullock and Bill Pullman (currently streaming on Disney+), and let’s just say—this movie has feelings. And fiancés. And furniture.
Kira Sabin (healthy dating educator + certified coach) and Dr. Isabel Morley (licensed couples therapist) dig deep into:
💍 Why this movie is built on a mountain of lies
🧠 What loneliness really does to our brains (and relationships)
💔 How fantasy and unrequited crushes keep us stuck
🛋️ Why Peter is basically Big and Jack is Aidan (Sex and the City parallels, anyone?)
🧃 And yes—we're side-eyeing that 90s hospital New Year's Eve party with alcohol flowing...
We ask the big questions:
- Would you lie to a family because the grandma has a heart condition?
- Why did every ‘90s rom-com end in a rushed proposal?
- And seriously—why does no one feed the cat?
Plus, we rewrite the ending you deserve, call out rom-com tropes that need to go (looking at you, angry-truth monologues), and explore how media conditioned Gen X women to wait for someone else to rescue them.
Mic-drop truth? If you’re dating out of loneliness, you’re probably not building from love.
Hot take? Jack and Lucy needed therapy, not a wedding.
Love lesson? What starts in fantasy rarely grows into real intimacy.
📊 Stick around for Kira’s loneliness stats (spoiler: it’s officially an epidemic), and Isabel’s clinical breakdown of why Lucy needed way more than a boyfriend.
Come talk with us about your favorite rom-coms on instagram, tiktok, & youtube and Bluesky!
Get show notes, transcripts, and more information on at Rom-ComRescue.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Izzy (00:00):
Unrequited crushes, lots of lies, comas, and so many
fiances.
That's right.
This week we are breaking down1995 Classic Romcom while you
were sleeping for their 30thanniversary with Sandra Bullock
and Bill Pullman currentlystreaming on Disney plus.
(00:26):
Welcome to the Romcom RescuePodcast, a brand new podcast
where we bring the love and lifelessons from your favorite
romcoms.
I'm Kira Sabin.
I'm a healthy dating educator, acertified coach, and a positive
psychology practitioner.
But more importantly, I spend mydays teaching the.
Skills and mindsets of dating.
And I'm Dr.
Isabelle Morley.
I'm a licensed clinicalpsychologist and an EFT
(00:47):
certified couples therapist, andI help couples have the
happiest, healthiestrelationship possible.
Join us weekly as we break downthe best love lessons from your
favorite rom-coms so we can allget into the best relationships
possible because we believe thatwe create our own happily ever
afters.
Kira (01:17):
Well, hello everybody.
Welcome back.
We have got a great classicromcom today.
One of us liked it more than theother.
I feel like I say that everyepisode lately.
Izzy (01:29):
I know.
I know.
Kira (01:30):
But I love that because we one of us keeps us on track and
one of us shares the magic,right?
The romcom magic.
So, it's the 30th anniversary ofwhile you were sleeping.
I have, I know, I.
know.
That's like the haunting type ofnumbers i, in my head every day
of how old I am.
And I had not seen this movie inyears.
(01:54):
Let's get into this.
What did you think?
I don't think we need to giveanybody the background that's
been around for 30 years.
If you haven't seen it, go watchit.
If you haven't seen it in awhile, go watch it.
'cause of course we always do adeep dive into relationship
dynamics and things like that.
But of course, this movie'spremise is semi crazy.
Izzy (02:14):
It's, I mean, it's concerning Kira, and I know this
is great because once again,it's been a, I think it's been a
few in a row that you've had therom-com magic blinders on, and I
have been like, what?
This isn't okay, blah, blah, andI'm gonna be that person again
for this movie because I hadnostalgic feelings towards it
and thought I was gonna be sweptaway by it.
(02:36):
But.
The level of deceit
Kira (02:39):
I know,
Izzy (02:39):
hard to get past.
I'm worried about Lucy and thechoices she's making.
I can't believe Peter Gallagher,this huge famous actor now is
asleep for the whole movie,which is just hilarious.
I do wanna point out somethingvery important, which is that.
Peter and Jack, the two brothersof this film, obviously Peter's
in a coma.
(03:00):
Jack is awake and falling.
For Lucy.
They are straight up big andAiden from Sex in the City,
Kira (03:07):
I see it.
I see it for sure.
I
Izzy (03:10):
Peter is big, fancy apartment.
Good job.
Kira (03:13):
emotionally unavailable dating a married woman.
Izzy (03:17):
yes,
Kira (03:17):
Ashley, whatever, Bacon.
because I always just remember'cause her name.
Yes.
exactly.
'cause I remember'cause her lastname's Bacon and,
Izzy (03:25):
furniture.
Kira (03:26):
Exactly.
But it's, I still loved it.
Izzy (03:31):
Oh.
Kira (03:32):
still, I feel like the big, how I know how I felt is
like at that end scene.
Am I smiling goof just in themoment or am I like judging, you
know, and going, yeah.
Okay.
And I was Smiling.
goof.
But I will say that.
What we see less now that makesboth you and I happy that we did
(03:53):
not see here is everybodygetting fucking married after
two seconds.
Why?
Why in the nineties, in the1990s are we seeing people
getting married or gettingengaged after knowing each other
for like two to three weeks?
How is that not crazy?
Izzy (04:12):
I, hold on.
Something just clicked intoplace for
Kira (04:14):
Okay.
Izzy (04:15):
cause I have wondered this about why so many reality TV
shows now have people gettingmarried before they've met each
other or after a week of datingeach other.
Is, is this the new way that weare doing the brief?
Engagement, quick to marriagething.
Is it through reality TV and notthrough rom-coms anymore
Kira (04:34):
Maybe I love that rom-coms have.
Izzy (04:38):
grown?
Kira (04:39):
Mostly grown on that level.
And it's interesting to see thatreality TV we're like, let's
throw people into this crazinessand see what happens.
That's, that's literally whatwe're doing.
We're taking something asbeautiful as love, as hard as
building a healthy fuckingrelationship and shoving two.
(05:01):
People on tv in a weird assenvironment, usually with a lot
of alcohol, right?
So,
Izzy (05:07):
binding situation that is hard to get out of should you
find yourself in the position ofwanting to get out of it.
It's crazy to do, and people inrom-coms definitely don't think
about.
What if we have to get divorced?
Like they're just operating onthat love high.
And I feel like the same forreality tv.
Everyone's this is exciting andthis is so
Kira (05:26):
This is it.
One of the things that my singleladies have really said years
over, like just again and againand again, is that a lot of
times they get sucked into theunhealthy or these ideas that
love comes instantly andeverything because they're like,
when is it my turn?
They see on romcoms, they see onreality shows like all these
(05:48):
people who are crazy pants,getting in relationships,
getting married and then, and Idon't mean that these people are
crazy pants, I'm saying thesituations are crazy pants.
And so I think that people arelike when they meet somebody who
is.
Telling them that they lovethem, even though they don't
know them, telling them theywanna spend the rest of their
life with them.
They're like, it's now
Izzy (06:07):
This is it.
Mm-hmm.
Kira (06:09):
It's my turn.
I've been waiting for it.
It's, yeah.
And that's how we get twinflames.
Hell,
Izzy (06:15):
bombed into a bad situation.
Kira (06:18):
And we do not talk enough about how.
Unpleasant, many marriages are,how hard it is to get out of
them, how legally, everythingelse.
And so, this is shitty,negligent behavior as far as I'm
concerned in entertainment andmedia that we're so promoting
bullshit like this.
And I get it that a lot ofpeople are entertained because
(06:40):
they don't think that they wouldever fall for this or get into
this.
And so they can make fun ofothers.
And let me tell you, that's nottrue.
Izzy (06:48):
No it's not.
No,
Kira (06:51):
That is not true at all.
But you have some questions thatthat popped up for you from this
very well thought out movie, so,
Izzy (07:02):
are.
Some are serious and some aremore serious.
So lemme start off with, I.
Kira (07:06):
go for it.
Izzy (07:07):
What do you think you would do if you witnessed
somebody fall on the rails?
Kira (07:14):
I hate to pull the age card, but 51-year-old Kira would
not be jumping down and savinghim.
25-year-old.
Kira, I think we're supposed toget that she's maybe mid late
twenties or something.
Probably could have done thatand I would've tried to save,
although nobody else in thatsituation seemed worried or
concerned
Izzy (07:31):
At all.
Kira (07:32):
at all.
'cause there were other peoplearound.
Izzy (07:34):
was like, oh, there she is on the rails with him.
Kira (07:38):
Yes.
Izzy (07:38):
Also, she was not worried enough.
She was like, sir, excuse me,sir.
Sir, can you, can you wake up?
I think you have to immediatelygo to crisis mode, pulling him
off the tracks.
Don't try to like
Kira (07:49):
wake up.
wake up.
you're gonna die.
We're both gonna put to die.
Yes, exactly.
Exactly.
So I would like to think that ayounger version of Kira would
have some hero moves on her.
Now my knees would not allow meto jump outta those tracks.
Izzy (08:07):
That's fair.
Kira (08:08):
And get up and move him and everything else.
I'd be like, young man.
Young man.
I would like.
Izzy (08:13):
would delegate.
That's
Kira (08:15):
I would lead the situation.
So what about you?
What about you?
Izzy (08:21):
In, in any crisis I've been in, what I've found that I
do, and this is I don't control,this, is I just go, oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
And.
I do take action.
I don't know what it would be.
I don't think I would jump downjust because I would be like in
my, oh my God, panic mode.
I also am always nervous aboutthe third rail.
(08:42):
I don't really understand it.
I don't, I don't know when it'sthere and when it's not there.
I feel like I couldn't trustmyself to not make things worse.
Kira (08:51):
I think that's fair and once again, this is a little bit
of that rom-com magic that shelike a five foot two woman.
When there's other peoplearound, other people working,
there is the person who
Izzy (09:01):
The only
Kira (09:02):
in to save him and everything else.
So.
Izzy (09:05):
It's a little rom-com magic that this rich guy is
taking the train every day.
Kira (09:11):
It's yeah, maybe especially, it says it's Chicago
and I'll tell you the L, whichis the Chicago Light Rail,
right?
I'm like, it did not make a goodshowing in this.
Izzy (09:24):
No, he's getting robbed on Christmas Day.
Kira (09:27):
know, I know.
So now I think of the s being, akind of better part of Chicago,
but during the eighties andnineties, because I've watched
some movies recently where it'son there and I was like, Ooh,
Chicago.
As a mid-westerner, I feelalways closest to Chicago as my
city.
So, yeah.
I was like, this is not makingChicago look fantastic.
(09:47):
Yes.
Same with the hospital.
I was like.
Izzy (09:50):
wait.
Let me ask you a hospitalquestion,
Kira (09:52):
Okay.
Okay.
Izzy (09:53):
this happened, I was like, what?
So, and this, I truly don'tknow.
Were doctors and nurses allowedto drink in hospitals on
holidays or whatever, because atNew Year's we see them all in
the background getting drunk,cheersing.
Kira (10:12):
I.
It was the nineties.
It was No, I'm just kidding.
To me, probably, right?
Like it's kind of like there arethings that I even think about
in the nineties, which doesn'tfeel that long ago, but is
right.
Yeah.
exactly.
Going to a restaurant andthere's a smoking section and,
that now seems crazy.
and gross to me.
But there was just a lot of kindof different things and yeah.
Izzy (10:37):
put, Kira.
There were a lot of
Kira (10:38):
different I just think that drinking on the job was
probably way more acceptableperiod.
Whether they're doctors ornurses or whatever oh, we're
just having a little nightcap,
Izzy (10:49):
Uhhuh,
Kira (10:49):
exactly.
But I can think of lots ofcareers OR jobs in the nineties
where we probably drankinappropriately, so.
I will just say that that'sprobably not that far off.
I feel like we would not seethat in 2025.
Izzy (11:04):
I don't think so.
It's a lawsuit waiting tohappen.
Kira (11:08):
It is for sure.
Any other questions you couldtook Very well thought out made
movie?
Izzy (11:14):
just one more, and this is the most serious one, so please
just think about your response.
Kira (11:19):
I will.
I am ready.
Izzy (11:21):
Would you want to live in Peter's apartment?
You wouldn't wanna live inloosies.
That's obvious, right?
Kira (11:31):
has such a classic, like my sister lived in an apartment
just like hers in the nine, likeit was so quintessential, like
nineties Chicago.
Everybody lived in kind of theselike slight suburbs in these
huge old apartment buildingswith wood floors and everything
else.
So, out of the two of them,Peter's apartment is the better
(11:54):
choice'cause it's probablydowntown.
We're probably talking LincolnPark.
Good view.
He's got a cat that nobody seemsto know or care about.
Once again, I, I feel like us asthe animal police in these
movies, like when she like pullsout the can and she's uhoh, he
has a cat that hasn't been fedfor three days, I'm like.
(12:15):
Now, and we learned it's AshleyBartlett, Bacon's Cat.
Just the same.
Nobody seemed very concernedabout this cat.
Izzy (12:22):
No,
Kira (12:24):
but
Izzy (12:25):
it was just a little weird.
It was a sterile apartment, it
Kira (12:28):
it's not my vibe, but do I wanna live there for a couple of
months?
Izzy (12:34):
Yeah, sure.
Kira (12:37):
Yeah, I
Izzy (12:38):
Thank you for your honest
Kira (12:39):
Yeah.
Especially now, anything that Idon't have to clean or and
Right, like, to me it lookedbig.
They probably had a cleaner comein once a week or whatever yeah,
yeah, yeah,
Izzy (12:55):
my man.
Mm-hmm.
Kira (12:56):
yeah.
It's, it's.
Let's get into the love lessons.
Here's the deal.
I am not going to say there weregreat love lessons in this.
I'm not gonna sit here andpretend for a second that any of
this made sense that there weregood love lessons on any level.
I just weirdly found it stillcharming and that it worked and
(13:17):
at the end I wanted her and Jackto get together.
And I feel like Bill Pullman, Ijust loved him in this.
I don't think you did.
I
Izzy (13:25):
we didn't,
Kira (13:26):
care.
Izzy (13:27):
and I like Bill Pullman, but I just, I didn't like his
character.
He was, he didn't trust her.
He was suspicious as he shouldhave been.
Kira (13:36):
should have been.
Izzy (13:37):
And then he's creeping on her and hitting on her when he
does believe that she's thefiance of his comatose brother.
It just, I, call me oldfashioned.
It just didn't quite work forme.
I really
Kira (13:52):
Call me old fashioned.
The lying and the
Izzy (13:56):
that,
Kira (13:58):
didn't work for me.
Oh
Izzy (14:00):
well, as I wrote, which I think you pointed out my first
love lesson sentences.
Starting with a lie is not agood foundation for,
Kira (14:09):
Sound like a true couple's therapist right there.
Absolutely, of course.
And I now am blown away by theamount of movies that have been
made.
Then I've even watched in thelast year that start on a huge
lie of either their relationshipstatus or their job or their,
(14:31):
whatever it is.
But I, okay, here is where thejustification starts coming in.
The weird part where it becameslightly okay to me was that,
yeah, okay.
I'm really
Izzy (14:46):
You're hearing it?
Kira (14:47):
I'm, I'm, I'm, yeah, that it was, it's'cause of the
grandmother, of course, who ofcourse is the mother from Mary
Poppins, which is
Izzy (14:54):
Oh, I know.
Wait, why?
'cause of her this, I can't waitto hear.
Heart condition
Kira (15:00):
yes.
Didn't wanna tell the truthbecause of the grandmother's
heart condition and she mightkill her in.
The moment
Izzy (15:07):
Wow.
I thought you were gonna saybecause of their family friend
who did know, and it was hisdeceit, which was even worse.
And she was just going alongwith him being the leader and
being in
Kira (15:20):
do you think his deceit was was worse?
Izzy (15:23):
Yeah, because he had a relationship with the family and
was deceiving them and he, hewas playing God, right?
Kira (15:29):
Really was, and he was trying to be helpful and was
zero helpful the whole entiretime.
He's I'll take care of this.
Izzy (15:35):
It walks away.
Kira (15:36):
yeah.
She's you have not taken care ofthis whatsoever.
No.
That's the thing.
Like for some reason, here'swhat it is.
They tied it up enough in alittle bit of a bow for me to
not see as many plot holes Ithink.
But of course this is ridiculousand I think that one of the
things that you and I bothtalked about right away is Lucy
(15:57):
is just lonely,
Izzy (15:59):
Ooh,
Kira (16:00):
right?
She is.
She's lost her father.
Her mother died when she wasyounger.
She is living a pretty lonelyexistence and.
On some level I would never callit like stalking, but it's
definitely unrequited crush onthis guy.
She's actually never talked toand just made up stories.
So I actually think that ifthere is one, good love lesson
(16:23):
is, we meet Peter and he is notthat great of a guy.
Izzy (16:27):
Not much there
Kira (16:28):
a putts.
He's a putz, I think is what hecalled him.
He's and, even the wholesquirrel thing.
Right.
Izzy (16:35):
Oh.
Kira (16:37):
And so, yes.
And so I do like the fact thatshe kind of emulated him.
She made up in her mind like whothis guy was and I think like a
knight in like a businessman andknight in shining armor.
Izzy (16:49):
Mm-hmm.
Kira (16:50):
then we just realized he's a jerk and he is cheating with a
married woman and he's prettyemotionally unavailable and not
connected to his family at all.
Izzy (16:58):
How about, that?
As a beginning point of theyhaven't even seen or talked to
him.
He is clearly not invested inwhat I would consider like the
most meaningful relationships oflike your family, maybe friends,
Kira (17:10):
would his mother not know that he lost a testicle?
Let's get into real shit here.
How would his own fucking mothernot know that he had, because
that had to have some kind ofminor surgery or something.
How would you probably notmention that to your family?
Izzy (17:28):
who helped him.
Was it Ms.
Bacon?
Mrs.
Bacon, who was there for himhelping him in his recovery.
Yeah.
But that loneliness can make us,it can make us desperate.
And it can make us idolizepeople and put them on a
pedestal, which she does, whichis not accurate.
And it puts you in a very badposition to enter a healthy
(17:49):
relationship because you willtake anything or you will, you
will look through bad behavioror signs, or
Kira (17:56):
crap.
Izzy (17:56):
You'll, yeah, and then you'll find yourself in a
relationship but not a good one,in which case you can be even
lonelier than you were before.
Kira (18:04):
And I think that that's true, and I've said that for
years of my podcast of justbeing alone doesn't equal
loneliness.
You can be alone and havecommunity and friends and being
lonely as a whole other thing,and.
I just happened to bring somestatistics here because, I like
(18:26):
to bring, I like to bring thatshit.
Especially not even since thenineties, but especially since
social media and phones,loneliness is really a problem.
And I always tell my clientsthat if you're dating out of
loneliness, your results are notgoing to be out of love.
Like the type of, like you justsaid, the type of behavior that
you will be okay with thatyou'll accept.
(18:49):
You know what, you will evenchoose like that.
It's not going to turn into therelationship of your dreams.
It's just not.
And that a lot of women I dotalk to say they were way
lonelier in their marriages orin their relationships than they
are single, and I, I think wehave to remember that, because
there's a lot of people inshitty, shitty fucking
(19:10):
relationships and marriages.
Because they're so scared to bealone.
And we are here to tell you,like
Izzy (19:16):
okay to be alone.
Kira (19:18):
and community and in a beautiful, amazing life, and you
might meet somebody who's abetter match.
But when we are lonely, the typeof decisions we're making, they
are all from fear.
And what I say is that whatstarts in fear as a very hard
time turning into love,
Izzy (19:34):
Yeah, and we see her stay in fantasy and imagine what it
would be like for him to justpropose to her out of nowhere
when she does have friends.
Like she's lost her parents.
But your parents shouldn't bethe only people in your life
when maybe when you're a kid,even as a kid, you should still
have friends and other people,other whatever, right?
Family.
(19:55):
She has friends that she's notinvested into.
She hasn't built up thoserelationships.
Eventually she is right, tells'em the truth of what's
happening, but there's ways inwhich she could not be lonely
and she chooses to stay in thisfantasy and make that her, her
way of alleviating theloneliness.
And that's how she finds herselfcaught in this crazy lie and
acting like the fiance to acomatose man that she has never
(20:17):
spoken to.
Kira (20:18):
That she has never even spoken to.
She is continually lying to hiswhole entire family
Izzy (20:24):
Mm-hmm.
Kira (20:24):
and yeah.
Izzy (20:26):
his brother.
Kira (20:27):
And falling for his brother.
So I'm gonna just give a coupleof stats here.
So, number one, because of theyblame a lot of this on social
media and technology.
61% of US adults report feelinglonely, at least some of the
time.
That sucks.
61%.
So men at 63 and women are 59.
And to me that's very newbecause women have always had
(20:50):
just because of.
Being oppressed.
We have had a tighter community.
Women have been there for eachother in a way that men are not
usually there for each other.
And it's heartbreaking to me tohear that 59% of women feel
lonely as well as it is aboutmen, but I'm just saying what
I'm saying.
And one in three adultsworldwide.
(21:13):
Say that feel either very orfairly lonely on a regular
basis.
So this is a global issue.
and I think I've mentioned onhere before that I think China
and England and multiplecountries have hired a minister
of loneliness to start workingon turning this.
around because.
Izzy (21:32):
Loneliness kills.
Kira (21:34):
Loneliness not only is bad, it kills, it's actually
feeling lonely as just as bad assmoking two packs of cigarettes
Izzy (21:41):
Yes, I know.
Now there's a lonelinessepidemic that is, has physical
health consequences.
Yeah.
Kira (21:47):
And the saddest thing I think I've heard is that 75% of
Gen Z adults, which are 18 to24, feel lonely.
So they are more than ever, andit's because.
Izzy (21:59):
They're not connecting the ways that are, that are
meaningful, right?
Because, oh God, social media,the internet.
Kira (22:06):
the internet and the, and phones.
And ultimately one of the thingsthat I learned in,'cause I've
done an extensive amount ofresearch on online dating, and
one of the things that I'verealized is it creates fae
intimacy.
So texting creates foe and we,we feel safe because we could
erase things but actually itdoesn't create the intimacy we
(22:27):
think that it's creating and.
It just leads us down bad path.
I'm always here to, how do weactually get to love?
And that's not it.
By real life.
You can't edit every singlething that you say.
You can't, only come up with afunny response.
and I.
I think it's really pushed usinto a place of perfectionism, a
(22:47):
place of all of these thingswhich push out love.
So, it was, you mentioned thisfirst and then as soon as I
started watching this, justgoing, gosh, she's so lonely.
There's no way that this isprobably gonna turn out in her
favor because of that.
And and just here is the otherthing I really wanna point out
quickly.
(23:07):
That really stood out and.
I might wanna even do an episodeabout this, but what I think was
okay in 1995 for her character,she was so passive in her own
life.
It was, she was completelyunintentional.
Izzy (23:26):
Whatever happens.
Mm-hmm.
Kira (23:28):
Junior just comes in completely un boundaried.
She, besides get out but shenever really, you know, sets
true boundaries with him.
Like she is.
Izzy (23:38):
She responds.
She never
Kira (23:41):
Reacts or responds.
She is, She has a crush on thisguy.
She's never talked to.
Her father died, we hear thestory of, she had to leave
school because of her dadgetting sick, but she could be
going back to school.
She is stuck.
She is stuck.
But she is young, she is viral.
She, She, shouldn't be.
And that's what I think, I.
(24:03):
Did not like to see is howunintentional she was.
The whole entire movie.
Like she just kept thinking lifewas happening to her.
And I'm like, no, you arecreating this by not speaking
up, by ignoring things youshouldn't be ignoring.
Not just the lies, but her wholeentire existence in this movie
(24:24):
is just her going along witheverybody else and hoping it
works out okay.
And that is the opposite of whatI believe at this point.
Izzy (24:32):
Yeah, I agree.
And like at the very end we seethat kind of turnaround, but not
entirely because of her or onher terms.
Like she's definitely not incharge of her life.
And I think the best example iseven when Peter wakes up, and
there's not a genuine connectionthere and she still rushes into
almost getting married to himand it just feels like she just
(24:55):
is not, she's not the oneleading her story.
Kira (24:59):
Absolutely.
Like you're the here in yourstory, man.
You gotta save yourself becausewhen she says.
Who is it?
Her?
My favorite character is herboss.
That's my, he's the only onewith
Izzy (25:10):
like him.
Kira (25:11):
He is wait, which one is this?
Wait, what's going on?
And she says to him somethingalong the lines of, listen, I'm
like lonely.
I live with my cat.
A good looking rich man wants tomarry me.
Why wouldn't I do it?
I was like, really?
Izzy (25:26):
Uh, What's that value?
Rich and good looking.
That's enough to.
Almost,
Kira (25:34):
And I, and I don't know if that's 1995 or romcom writing,
but like it made me feel, blah,it made me feel
Izzy (25:43):
Icky.
Mm-hmm.
Kira (25:44):
and I just started thinking about.
Different female characters ofsome of the nineties movies that
we've been watching, like Maggieand Runaway Bride, like Meg
Ryan's character, and you've gotMale and they're all like
Izzy (25:59):
Yeah.
Oh, that's interesting.
Kira (26:01):
And I'm like, is this an episode or something?
Because it also makes me know.
That I was full on unbelief.
So whether we wanna believe thatI, I learned this from media or
whatever that for, myself to getlove.
I believed in the nineties, Ineeded to stay quiet.
I needed to let things happen tome.
(26:22):
I needed somebody to choose meto direct my life a little bit.
You know what I mean?
Like I really, and I don't knowif we wanna call it saving, but
I really.
Izzy (26:34):
way of letting someone be, be the man in the relationship.
Not, don't take up too muchspace.
Kira (26:41):
Which, by the way, if you're now listening to this and
going, well, I do think that'strue.
It's not.
17 years right here.
How many are you in?
Like 10.
So listen to us.
That's not it.
You are going in with an instantpower problem, power struggle
that you may never recover.
So I understand that we wannafeel like our spouse or partner
(27:05):
is strong and whatever strengthlooks a lot of different ways my
friends and.
It's, it's not in manliness andmacho.
And it's not in saving becausethe minute that somebody comes
in and saves you, guess whatthey think you owe them.
Izzy (27:21):
Everything.
Kira (27:22):
Yep.
Izzy (27:23):
It's, yeah, we rescue ourselves.
Kira (27:26):
Mic drop.
Izzy (27:28):
Lemme say one more thing about
Kira (27:29):
Yes.
Yes.
Izzy (27:30):
I'm gonna go on a different topic though, if you
wanna keep going on this.
Okay.
Here's another thing fromnineties rom-coms that I can go
ahead and skip.
I'm, but we still see, to thisday, we still see this in so
many rom-coms.
I can do without the angry,honest rant where the two main
characters point out eachother's deepest fears and flaws
(27:51):
and sensitivities and what'sholding them back from living
their life in this sort ofharsh, almost accusatory way,
but like to help them seethemselves more clearly.
And then they.
Forgive each other and move onfrom that as if it wasn't the
most painful thing you couldhear from somebody that you felt
close to.
And I just want
Kira (28:11):
barely know,
Izzy (28:13):
that you barely know
Kira (28:14):
that you barely
Izzy (28:15):
either way, but like everyone listening.
Don't do that to people youbarely know.
To people you know very well.
If you wanna give feedback, doit in a kind, compassionate way.
It should never be in this sortof angry.
Well, I'm gonna make you look inthe mirror and it's for your own
good kind of
Kira (28:33):
here's a laundry list of everything that you do wrong,
right?
Izzy (28:37):
welcome.
Kira (28:38):
Yes, exactly.
How does that create love?
How does that create trust?
How does that create respect andappreciation that keeps
relationships going?
It doesn't And I even have,like, when I do tough
conversations, I'm like, bringone thing I.
Don't bring six things.
Don't make this the every sixmonths.
You just bring all the thingsthat you're frustrated about
(28:59):
your relationship.
No.
You bring one thing that'simportant enough to talk about
and you need to be heard orthere's no point of the
conversation.
I think that's such a greatpoint, and I am so happy you
brought it up.
It was genius as always.
Thank you, Dr.
Izzy.
Izzy (29:15):
thank you so much.
Thank you for that validation.
Kira (29:18):
If they were our clients think we're not ridiculous, if
they were our clients what wouldyou do?
What would you say?
Izzy (29:26):
I think Lucy, we don't know Peter well enough to do
anything with him.
I think Lucy needs to take agood look at her life and figure
out why she has retreated fromit.
How she can reengage with beingthe one in charge with taking
action.
What are her goals?
What are her values?
Does she just want a rich guy topay for her life?
(29:47):
Does she wanna go back toschool?
Who the heck is she?
And she obviously has some griefto do.
She lost both her parents earlyand painful ways.
I'm sure attaching to peoplefeels scary and that's probably
why she lives in fantasy.
That's a very safe way to attachto people in your imagination.
So working through what I'm sureattachment, fears and wounds,
(30:08):
and I, I feel like she's got agood chunk of work to do before
I'd actually want to see her getmarried to Jack.
Kira (30:13):
A hundred percent.
To me, I would want her gettingclear on who she actually is.
Really.
Oh man.
I hate when I have to see
Izzy (30:21):
Uh Oh.
Uh Oh.
Kira (30:23):
I mean, Really, if we think about it, besides, I do
think their chemistry was reallygood in this.
I do.
Izzy (30:29):
They were cute
Kira (30:29):
and I loved, and I do love that some of the scenes where,
they're outside sliding on theice.
And as two northerners, we fullyget that right.
Absolutely.
Yes, yes.
And They had fun and theylaughed.
But Jack was also like, I meanthere was some weird like
overhearing, like the wholepregnancy.
(30:50):
Not he didn't, but her sis, thesister did.
And then he overheard the wholelike, Joe Junior, and I'm just
kind of like, oh.
Izzy (30:57):
Grow up guys.
Kira (30:58):
I know we're like, can we all just grow up a little and
have real conversations and justask?
But I needed both Lucy and Jackto get their own shit in line
before they even think aboutbuilding anything, because
really they've known each otherfor two to three weeks and
there's some chemistry there,but that's it.
Izzy (31:19):
built on a lie.
I'll just say that again.
You, do you think, do you thinkhis, Jack and Peter's family are
just gonna, I forgive her forlying
Kira (31:30):
supposed to believe it when they all show up To
Izzy (31:34):
To support.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I,
Kira (31:36):
end.
Izzy (31:37):
Which is a cute seed and I will grant you that.
It is very cute.
Kira (31:41):
Like I said, they tied this up for me enough that I can
believe it.
Where if we didn't see thefamily ever again, I would be
like, good luck with Christmas.
Is they all is there all oh yeswe do remember you.
You said that you were engagedto her, our son who was at a
coma and we're,
Izzy (32:00):
we let you into our family.
Kira (32:03):
And the thing is, is that I realized not to go back to
this, that Lucy was lonely, butthat was never okay enough for
a, a lie like that it worked outwell'cause of rom-com magic, but
that could have ended up hurtinga lot of people that could have,
it just, it could have brokentrust it's, it's not the way to
do things, people, it's not theway to do things
Izzy (32:25):
And I'm pretty sure that nurse was legally obligated to
Kick her out of the room onceshe realized she was not
actually the fiance.
But once again, the nurse wasprobably drunk as far as we
know.
There was no rules back then.
So
Kira (32:38):
I love how we talk about the 1990s, like it's the 1920s
now.
You know what I mean?
Just like Right.
Exactly.
Oh my gosh.
My new goal for the future is tohave a generation where we don't
have to say, well, you know, itwas different times, right?
Like, I'd like us to be healedenough.
(33:01):
As a society nowhere near rightnow, but I would like us to be
healed enough to be able to notlook back and just constantly
justify.
Really terrible crap and crappybehavior and Right, because,
well, it was just different backthen.
We can say it was different, butwe can also say it was shitty.
And I will say why I think Iliked Jack's character is it
(33:25):
didn't ever feel like he wastaking advantage.
He, I don't know why it didn'tfeel, he feel, felt like a good
match for her pace, but itwasn't Okay.
Izzy (33:35):
No, I, no, it wasn't.
Kira (33:38):
Will they make it?
Izzy (33:41):
What do you think?
Kira?
How about you tell me your ideaof if they're gonna make it or
not?
Kira (33:46):
Well, clearly through Romcom Magic they
Izzy (33:49):
They do.
Kira (33:50):
And even though they've only known each other for a few
weeks, and instead of justsaying, I
Izzy (33:57):
we date?
Kira (33:57):
right, let's date.
Izzy (34:01):
No.
No.
He
Kira (34:02):
because not, I guess in 1995, like we don't date, we
just, We get engaged orsomething.
So that part to me always drivesme crazy.
That's driven me crazy foryears.
Like, why would we think thatthat's okay?
Like, why would he just not sayI do have feelings for you and I
feel there's a connection there,and will you go on a date with
me?
Let's see where this goes.
(34:22):
And then I feel in if it was now2025, they would do like a two
years ahead at the Christmas.
She's with Jack.
Maybe Peter now has a nicerelationship or something,
whatever.
And like things aren't like,that's what I think would happen
now is they would do that bump.
Because they do that a lot.
(34:43):
Exactly.
So what about you?
Do you think that, do you thinkthat.
The two weeks that they've knowneach other that she lied through
the whole time was enough forbeautiful love and healthy
relationship.
Izzy (34:55):
I can hear your sarcasm, but Kira, if you're a soulmate,
you, it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
You can make it throughanything.
If you are soulmates, it doesn'tmatter.
No, I
Kira (35:06):
What if, what if somebody ever clipped that from our
podcast?
Izzy (35:09):
I just said, Isabel said, if we're soulmates,
Kira (35:13):
Then we're okay.
Yes, exactly.
Oh my gosh.
Izzy (35:17):
I, in no world do I think anyone is getting over that
level of deceit and you can beit, I don't care how doe-eyed
she is about it.
And like I was lonely.
I felt caught, I was told tokeep going with it, but I don't
think anyone can or shouldforgive her ultimately.
For that also.
'cause she doesn't like reallytake responsibility.
I don't see her like really ownup to it in, in the way that I
(35:41):
would need her to.
So I think they get engaged.
They date, everyone realizes theextent of her lying.
And then they, they break up andshe has to figure herself out.
That's what I think.
Kira (35:56):
And to me.
Ready for it?
Oh man.
I'm really controversial.
I mean, That's the gift, right?
Is they break up and she gets tofigure herself out.
That to me is probably the bestrom commenting on some level
for, at least when some of ourcharacters are.
Just not ready And this lookingat her and her life and you've
(36:18):
said this a thousand times, I'vesaid this a thousand times, like
if you are not happy single,just'cause you get in a
relationship, it doesn't meanthat all of a sudden you're
going to be happy.
You still show up, your shitstill shows up.
The stuff that Danny and I fightabout are like.
External things, But my shitstill still shows up.
I gotta take care of me.
(36:39):
You know?
That's not his job And
Izzy (36:42):
And I think she was like looking to avoid that work.
She's the kind of person whowould like, get in the
relationship and not thenself-examine and figure out why
she lied.
Like she was looking to just nothave to do that stuff.
So.
Kira (36:56):
I feel like she had oddly given up a little bit, right?
It's Chicago.
There are millions of jobs.
Millions of jobs.
And she's working in a cold assbooth
Izzy (37:10):
Where
Kira (37:11):
at, it in an unsafe area.
It just, it, it feels like shejust gave up and
Izzy (37:19):
She quiet quit her life.
Kira (37:21):
and.
We didn't see that growthreally.
We didn't see besides her thatnice scene where she says to the
family, she says the nice sceneto the family.
Like I, I, she goes, I fell foryou.
And then the dad, who's the dadfor everybody loves Raymond.
Later, Peter, somebody, I'mforgetting his name right now.
But he goes, wait, you fell inlove with me.
She goes, no, but all of you.
(37:41):
And I understand that she wanteda family, but that's not enough
reason to lie to somebody.
That's not enough reason to takeadvantage on some level of
people because she did.
'cause they didn't have the sameinformation as she did.
Izzy (37:54):
Exactly, and you know what
Kira (37:56):
out of the
Izzy (37:57):
I know, whereas I don't, I I give this to you.
I hear you.
If we had seen her.
Apply to school and start takingclasses again.
If we had seen her, make abigger effort with her friends
and really try to build up thoserelationships, I think that I
would feel better about theending.
'cause it would show that shehad done that self-growth, not
(38:19):
attached to a relationship.
Kira (38:21):
What's our rewrite?
I feel like the rewrite is,
Izzy (38:24):
She goes back to school.
Kira (38:25):
she leaves like after, after like the Peter thing comes
out and she's I've, and says tothe whole family and apologized
to Jack and she kind of, sheleaves, right?
I would've loved to see her forthe
Izzy (38:37):
A montage.
Kira (38:38):
Get her shit together, right?
Get back in school workingtowards things that she's
interested and love havingfriends, having community like,
you know.
Izzy (38:50):
with people, with her
Kira (38:51):
Exactly.
And then, after some time ifJack shows up and says, I'm
still thinking about you.
Do we wanna date?
Izzy (38:59):
Better than that, she goes to Jack's furniture store, which
he opened after leaving thefamily business.
And she says, listen, I stillhave feelings for you.
Will you go on a date with me?
'cause that would be her and the
Kira (39:12):
It is her grand gesture.
You're right.
See I nineties that
Izzy (39:16):
man.
Kira, you are just, well, thismovie,
Kira (39:19):
it's so
Izzy (39:20):
really just love the nostalgic.
Yeah.
Kira (39:22):
is.
'cause like I was like, I justnineties that because yeah, it's
her grand gesture to make,right.
It's her
Izzy (39:29):
out there.
Mm-hmm.
Kira (39:30):
know, and so yeah, we just wrote a way better movie that
probably nobody wants to watch,but hey.
Izzy (39:36):
People wanna watch that.
I think
Kira (39:38):
Yeah, because, I always think that,
Izzy (39:41):
mm-hmm.
Kira (39:43):
blonde isn't a rom-com really, because honestly, the
relationship between her andLuke, what's his name right now,
is minor, right?
But why we all love that movieis at the end, she finds
herself, she finds herconfidence, she starts finding
her worth and who she is.
(40:03):
And I just, why is thathappening in 2001 and not
happening in 2025 as much?
And just things like that.
So Yeah.
we really just shoved thischaracter, Lucy, into all of the
nineties tropes and,
Izzy (40:18):
but it still worked for you?
Kira (40:19):
It still worked for me.
It did.
And I just, and Bill Pullman hadthat nineties hair.
I love so much that little bitlonger He did.
It was so cute.
And I wonder if there's evenlike a Midwestern thing I'm tied
to here.
Although they mocked Wisconsinin the first three minutes.
I, it's the first thing I wrotedown.
I'm like making fun of my statein the first three minutes.
(40:41):
Rude,
Izzy (40:44):
but you moved past
Kira (40:45):
I moved, I guess I clearly moved past it.
I did think that they alsonailed his family a little bit
for a pretty quintessentialMidwestern family.
Yes, exactly.
Can I feed you?
Take your, you know what I mean?
Like, because they would, theywould say, come join us.
Come to our Christmas, come tothat is how well we can be sweet
(41:06):
and also passive aggressive, so.
Izzy (41:08):
Yeah.
Well,
Kira (41:11):
I do have some really good trivia behind the curtain stuff,
and most of it, most of it isthere were a lot of people tied
to this movie before, before
Izzy (41:24):
got cast.
Okay.
Kira (41:26):
ton of people.
So it was written for DemiMoore.
Izzy (41:31):
What.
Kira (41:32):
I know and at one point Patrick Swayze was brought up
'cause they had just had a hugehit, ghost
Izzy (41:41):
Oh,
Kira (41:42):
Demi Moore.
So they were talking PatrickSwayze about bringing them back
together.
Nicole Kidman auditioned to playLucy.
Izzy (41:50):
Okay.
I could see that.
Kira (41:52):
This was also brought to as a completely different
feeling.
Harrison Ford and Gina Davis.
Izzy (41:59):
Whoa.
Different.
Kira (42:03):
know, and then an unknown.
Matthew McConaughey also testedfor this, the role of Jack,
Izzy (42:10):
Jack.
Kira (42:10):
but was dropped because of his accent.
'cause they decided to throw itinto Chicago.
And then the director rejectedoffers to cast Russell Crow also
in it.
Izzy (42:22):
Well, they had their pick, huh?
They really,
Kira (42:24):
really, really did.
And I also, I mean there's awhole list of people who were
considered yeah, those are themain ones.
But Sandra Bullock ended uptaking the role saying she could
really relate to it.
She had just broken up from afour year relationship.
I don't know if you know whothis is, Tate Donovan.
And he actually went on then todate Jennifer Aniston before she
was dating.
(42:45):
Brad Pitt.
so very nineties celebritystuff, but she and t Donovan
were in the movie Love Potionnumber nine, which is one of
Izzy (42:53):
Oh
Kira (42:55):
Do you know that movie?
Izzy (42:56):
yes.
Should we do that one?
Kira (42:59):
Oh we maybe should Guys tell us if Love Potion number
nine.
and'cause I delightfully lovethat movie.
I've seen it many times
Izzy (43:07):
love that
Kira (43:08):
I do too.
That's Tate Donovan and they metthere and dated for four years,
and she has said multiple timesthat he, I don't know if she
would say that now, but in, inthe past she said that he was
the love of her life.
Izzy (43:21):
oh,
Kira (43:22):
which is hard, but I know that she's also recently lost, I
think, a partner which super
Izzy (43:28):
Oh God.
Kira (43:29):
So, and then here's the other piece of trivia, which I
think you and I are fully gonnaagree with, is the original
screenplay was about a woman ina coma and a man pretending to
be her fiance, but I
Izzy (43:42):
Ooh.
Kira (43:43):
So this is good.
Actually, many studio executivesthought that this would be too
predatory.
Suggested reversing the roles.
So once it was rewritten, thenit got picked up.
But
Izzy (43:54):
That's so funny, Kira.
'cause I was thinking earlier inthis, when we were talking about
things to say if the genderswere reversed, we would be so
clearly outraged by what washappening.
And if it was a sister flirtingwith the supposed fiance, we
would be like, this is so fuckedup.
But it's how we just, we likeallow things for different
genders in a way that weshouldn't.
(44:16):
That's interesting.
Well, at least they have thatlevel of insight
Kira (44:19):
I'm
Izzy (44:19):
in 1995.
Kira (44:21):
you the truth in 1995, 'cause we've seen a lot of
questionable movies come outsince then.
But yeah.
So what are our tacos?
What did you give it?
Izzy (44:30):
Listen.
Listen.
I gave it a three overallbecause I enjoyed it and I did
get a little butterflies at theend when he puts the ring in
for, and when she says you haveto pay before you come through.
I thought that was, so I gave ita three overall.
I gave it a one for the lovelessons, which I think is fair.
Kira (44:47):
I think it's totally fair.
I think it's totally fair.
Izzy (44:49):
What about you?
Five and five.
Kira (44:51):
No, no, no, no.
I'm not that blind to this.
Overall I would say four.
It's not, it's not, I reallyenjoyed it.
It does hit a nostalgia note.
It weirdly held up for me, likeNicely.
There was no glaring.
Racist, homophobic stuff.
I, I hate to say it, but thathonestly shows up a lot in
nineties movie.
It makes me uncomfortable.
But the love lessons were zero.
(45:14):
Like basically one, I can't,you're right.
Like I could not give it tothem.
There's not a lot there.
I love the chemistry between thetwo of them.
I think Bill Pullman was areally, I wish that this
would've start launched a, aromcom career for him
personally.
'cause I think he would've done.
He was in a couple more, I thinkthere he was in one called Mr.
(45:35):
Wrong?
I don't, he was in a couple thatnever really made it anywhere,
but I, I did like him in thisand I thought their chemistry
was really good.
I really bought into it.
I don't know.
Izzy (45:45):
Yeah.
That's
Kira (45:45):
Nostalgia, man, it's,
Izzy (45:47):
I know it's powerful force.
Kira (45:49):
It really is.
All right, guys.
That's a wrap on this episode ofRomcom Rescue.
We laughed, we analyzed, we'veuncovered the real life love
lessons or lack thereof of thismovie.
Izzy (46:05):
Now it's your turn.
Tell us what you think.
Was this romcom relationshipgoals or a total disaster Vote
in our Instagram polls and DM usyour hot takes.
Kira (46:15):
And make sure you follow, subscribe, and leave a review.
If you love what we do, I amputting a ton more clips up on
Instagram, so make sure you'refollowing us there if you wanna
see our beautiful spaces givingvery, very important one minute
thoughts.
So it helps us, bring us moreromcom magic and real talk your
(46:36):
way because at the end of theday.
Izzy (46:39):
We believe that we create our own happily ever afters and
remember.
We rescue ourselves.
Hooray.
Beautiful.
Unrequited crushes, lots of lies, comas, and so many
fiances.
That's right.
This week we are breaking down1995 Classic Romcom while you
were sleeping for their 30thanniversary with Sandra Bullock
and Bill Pullman currentlystreaming on Disney plus.
(00:26):
Welcome to the Romcom RescuePodcast, a brand new podcast
where we bring the love and lifelessons from your favorite
romcoms.
I'm Kira Sabin.
I'm a healthy dating educator, acertified coach, and a positive
psychology practitioner.
But more importantly, I spend mydays teaching the.
Skills and mindsets of dating.
And I'm Dr.
Isabelle Morley.
I'm a licensed clinicalpsychologist and an EFT
(00:47):
certified couples therapist, andI help couples have the
happiest, healthiestrelationship possible.
Join us weekly as we break downthe best love lessons from your
favorite rom-coms so we can allget into the best relationships
possible because we believe thatwe create our own happily ever
afters.
Kira (01:17):
Well, hello everybody.
Welcome back.
We have got a great classicromcom today.
One of us liked it more than theother.
I feel like I say that everyepisode lately.
Izzy (01:29):
I know.
I know.
Kira (01:30):
But I love that because we one of us keeps us on track and
one of us shares the magic,right?
The romcom magic.
So, it's the 30th anniversary ofwhile you were sleeping.
I have, I know, I.
know.
That's like the haunting type ofnumbers i, in my head every day
of how old I am.
And I had not seen this movie inyears.
(01:54):
Let's get into this.
What did you think?
I don't think we need to giveanybody the background that's
been around for 30 years.
If you haven't seen it, go watchit.
If you haven't seen it in awhile, go watch it.
'cause of course we always do adeep dive into relationship
dynamics and things like that.
But of course, this movie'spremise is semi crazy.
Izzy (02:14):
It's, I mean, it's concerning Kira, and I know this
is great because once again,it's been a, I think it's been a
few in a row that you've had therom-com magic blinders on, and I
have been like, what?
This isn't okay, blah, blah, andI'm gonna be that person again
for this movie because I hadnostalgic feelings towards it
and thought I was gonna be sweptaway by it.
(02:36):
But.
The level of deceit
Kira (02:39):
I know,
Izzy (02:39):
hard to get past.
I'm worried about Lucy and thechoices she's making.
I can't believe Peter Gallagher,this huge famous actor now is
asleep for the whole movie,which is just hilarious.
I do wanna point out somethingvery important, which is that.
Peter and Jack, the two brothersof this film, obviously Peter's
in a coma.
(03:00):
Jack is awake and falling.
For Lucy.
They are straight up big andAiden from Sex in the City,
Kira (03:07):
I see it.
I see it for sure.
I
Izzy (03:10):
Peter is big, fancy apartment.
Good job.
Kira (03:13):
emotionally unavailable dating a married woman.
Izzy (03:17):
yes,
Kira (03:17):
Ashley, whatever, Bacon.
because I always just remember'cause her name.
Yes.
exactly.
'cause I remember'cause her lastname's Bacon and,
Izzy (03:25):
furniture.
Kira (03:26):
Exactly.
But it's, I still loved it.
Izzy (03:31):
Oh.
Kira (03:32):
still, I feel like the big, how I know how I felt is
like at that end scene.
Am I smiling goof just in themoment or am I like judging, you
know, and going, yeah.
Okay.
And I was Smiling.
goof.
But I will say that.
What we see less now that makesboth you and I happy that we did
(03:53):
not see here is everybodygetting fucking married after
two seconds.
Why?
Why in the nineties, in the1990s are we seeing people
getting married or gettingengaged after knowing each other
for like two to three weeks?
How is that not crazy?
Izzy (04:12):
I, hold on.
Something just clicked intoplace for
Kira (04:14):
Okay.
Izzy (04:15):
cause I have wondered this about why so many reality TV
shows now have people gettingmarried before they've met each
other or after a week of datingeach other.
Is, is this the new way that weare doing the brief?
Engagement, quick to marriagething.
Is it through reality TV and notthrough rom-coms anymore
Kira (04:34):
Maybe I love that rom-coms have.
Izzy (04:38):
grown?
Kira (04:39):
Mostly grown on that level.
And it's interesting to see thatreality TV we're like, let's
throw people into this crazinessand see what happens.
That's, that's literally whatwe're doing.
We're taking something asbeautiful as love, as hard as
building a healthy fuckingrelationship and shoving two.
(05:01):
People on tv in a weird assenvironment, usually with a lot
of alcohol, right?
So,
Izzy (05:07):
binding situation that is hard to get out of should you
find yourself in the position ofwanting to get out of it.
It's crazy to do, and people inrom-coms definitely don't think
about.
What if we have to get divorced?
Like they're just operating onthat love high.
And I feel like the same forreality tv.
Everyone's this is exciting andthis is so
Kira (05:26):
This is it.
One of the things that my singleladies have really said years
over, like just again and againand again, is that a lot of
times they get sucked into theunhealthy or these ideas that
love comes instantly andeverything because they're like,
when is it my turn?
They see on romcoms, they see onreality shows like all these
(05:48):
people who are crazy pants,getting in relationships,
getting married and then, and Idon't mean that these people are
crazy pants, I'm saying thesituations are crazy pants.
And so I think that people arelike when they meet somebody who
is.
Telling them that they lovethem, even though they don't
know them, telling them theywanna spend the rest of their
life with them.
They're like, it's now
Izzy (06:07):
This is it.
Mm-hmm.
Kira (06:09):
It's my turn.
I've been waiting for it.
It's, yeah.
And that's how we get twinflames.
Hell,
Izzy (06:15):
bombed into a bad situation.
Kira (06:18):
And we do not talk enough about how.
Unpleasant, many marriages are,how hard it is to get out of
them, how legally, everythingelse.
And so, this is shitty,negligent behavior as far as I'm
concerned in entertainment andmedia that we're so promoting
bullshit like this.
And I get it that a lot ofpeople are entertained because
(06:40):
they don't think that they wouldever fall for this or get into
this.
And so they can make fun ofothers.
And let me tell you, that's nottrue.
Izzy (06:48):
No it's not.
No,
Kira (06:51):
That is not true at all.
But you have some questions thatthat popped up for you from this
very well thought out movie, so,
Izzy (07:02):
are.
Some are serious and some aremore serious.
So lemme start off with, I.
Kira (07:06):
go for it.
Izzy (07:07):
What do you think you would do if you witnessed
somebody fall on the rails?
Kira (07:14):
I hate to pull the age card, but 51-year-old Kira would
not be jumping down and savinghim.
25-year-old.
Kira, I think we're supposed toget that she's maybe mid late
twenties or something.
Probably could have done thatand I would've tried to save,
although nobody else in thatsituation seemed worried or
concerned
Izzy (07:31):
At all.
Kira (07:32):
at all.
'cause there were other peoplearound.
Izzy (07:34):
was like, oh, there she is on the rails with him.
Kira (07:38):
Yes.
Izzy (07:38):
Also, she was not worried enough.
She was like, sir, excuse me,sir.
Sir, can you, can you wake up?
I think you have to immediatelygo to crisis mode, pulling him
off the tracks.
Don't try to like
Kira (07:49):
wake up.
wake up.
you're gonna die.
We're both gonna put to die.
Yes, exactly.
Exactly.
So I would like to think that ayounger version of Kira would
have some hero moves on her.
Now my knees would not allow meto jump outta those tracks.
Izzy (08:07):
That's fair.
Kira (08:08):
And get up and move him and everything else.
I'd be like, young man.
Young man.
I would like.
Izzy (08:13):
would delegate.
That's
Kira (08:15):
I would lead the situation.
So what about you?
What about you?
Izzy (08:21):
In, in any crisis I've been in, what I've found that I
do, and this is I don't control,this, is I just go, oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
And.
I do take action.
I don't know what it would be.
I don't think I would jump downjust because I would be like in
my, oh my God, panic mode.
I also am always nervous aboutthe third rail.
(08:42):
I don't really understand it.
I don't, I don't know when it'sthere and when it's not there.
I feel like I couldn't trustmyself to not make things worse.
Kira (08:51):
I think that's fair and once again, this is a little bit
of that rom-com magic that shelike a five foot two woman.
When there's other peoplearound, other people working,
there is the person who
Izzy (09:01):
The only
Kira (09:02):
in to save him and everything else.
So.
Izzy (09:05):
It's a little rom-com magic that this rich guy is
taking the train every day.
Kira (09:11):
It's yeah, maybe especially, it says it's Chicago
and I'll tell you the L, whichis the Chicago Light Rail,
right?
I'm like, it did not make a goodshowing in this.
Izzy (09:24):
No, he's getting robbed on Christmas Day.
Kira (09:27):
know, I know.
So now I think of the s being, akind of better part of Chicago,
but during the eighties andnineties, because I've watched
some movies recently where it'son there and I was like, Ooh,
Chicago.
As a mid-westerner, I feelalways closest to Chicago as my
city.
So, yeah.
I was like, this is not makingChicago look fantastic.
(09:47):
Yes.
Same with the hospital.
I was like.
Izzy (09:50):
wait.
Let me ask you a hospitalquestion,
Kira (09:52):
Okay.
Okay.
Izzy (09:53):
this happened, I was like, what?
So, and this, I truly don'tknow.
Were doctors and nurses allowedto drink in hospitals on
holidays or whatever, because atNew Year's we see them all in
the background getting drunk,cheersing.
Kira (10:12):
I.
It was the nineties.
It was No, I'm just kidding.
To me, probably, right?
Like it's kind of like there arethings that I even think about
in the nineties, which doesn'tfeel that long ago, but is
right.
Yeah.
exactly.
Going to a restaurant andthere's a smoking section and,
that now seems crazy.
and gross to me.
But there was just a lot of kindof different things and yeah.
Izzy (10:37):
put, Kira.
There were a lot of
Kira (10:38):
different I just think that drinking on the job was
probably way more acceptableperiod.
Whether they're doctors ornurses or whatever oh, we're
just having a little nightcap,
Izzy (10:49):
Uhhuh,
Kira (10:49):
exactly.
But I can think of lots ofcareers OR jobs in the nineties
where we probably drankinappropriately, so.
I will just say that that'sprobably not that far off.
I feel like we would not seethat in 2025.
Izzy (11:04):
I don't think so.
It's a lawsuit waiting tohappen.
Kira (11:08):
It is for sure.
Any other questions you couldtook Very well thought out made
movie?
Izzy (11:14):
just one more, and this is the most serious one, so please
just think about your response.
Kira (11:19):
I will.
I am ready.
Izzy (11:21):
Would you want to live in Peter's apartment?
You wouldn't wanna live inloosies.
That's obvious, right?
Kira (11:31):
has such a classic, like my sister lived in an apartment
just like hers in the nine, likeit was so quintessential, like
nineties Chicago.
Everybody lived in kind of theselike slight suburbs in these
huge old apartment buildingswith wood floors and everything
else.
So, out of the two of them,Peter's apartment is the better
(11:54):
choice'cause it's probablydowntown.
We're probably talking LincolnPark.
Good view.
He's got a cat that nobody seemsto know or care about.
Once again, I, I feel like us asthe animal police in these
movies, like when she like pullsout the can and she's uhoh, he
has a cat that hasn't been fedfor three days, I'm like.
(12:15):
Now, and we learned it's AshleyBartlett, Bacon's Cat.
Just the same.
Nobody seemed very concernedabout this cat.
Izzy (12:22):
No,
Kira (12:24):
but
Izzy (12:25):
it was just a little weird.
It was a sterile apartment, it
Kira (12:28):
it's not my vibe, but do I wanna live there for a couple of
months?
Izzy (12:34):
Yeah, sure.
Kira (12:37):
Yeah, I
Izzy (12:38):
Thank you for your honest
Kira (12:39):
Yeah.
Especially now, anything that Idon't have to clean or and
Right, like, to me it lookedbig.
They probably had a cleaner comein once a week or whatever yeah,
yeah, yeah,
Izzy (12:55):
my man.
Mm-hmm.
Kira (12:56):
yeah.
It's, it's.
Let's get into the love lessons.
Here's the deal.
I am not going to say there weregreat love lessons in this.
I'm not gonna sit here andpretend for a second that any of
this made sense that there weregood love lessons on any level.
I just weirdly found it stillcharming and that it worked and
(13:17):
at the end I wanted her and Jackto get together.
And I feel like Bill Pullman, Ijust loved him in this.
I don't think you did.
I
Izzy (13:25):
we didn't,
Kira (13:26):
care.
Izzy (13:27):
and I like Bill Pullman, but I just, I didn't like his
character.
He was, he didn't trust her.
He was suspicious as he shouldhave been.
Kira (13:36):
should have been.
Izzy (13:37):
And then he's creeping on her and hitting on her when he
does believe that she's thefiance of his comatose brother.
It just, I, call me oldfashioned.
It just didn't quite work forme.
I really
Kira (13:52):
Call me old fashioned.
The lying and the
Izzy (13:56):
that,
Kira (13:58):
didn't work for me.
Oh
Izzy (14:00):
well, as I wrote, which I think you pointed out my first
love lesson sentences.
Starting with a lie is not agood foundation for,
Kira (14:09):
Sound like a true couple's therapist right there.
Absolutely, of course.
And I now am blown away by theamount of movies that have been
made.
Then I've even watched in thelast year that start on a huge
lie of either their relationshipstatus or their job or their,
(14:31):
whatever it is.
But I, okay, here is where thejustification starts coming in.
The weird part where it becameslightly okay to me was that,
yeah, okay.
I'm really
Izzy (14:46):
You're hearing it?
Kira (14:47):
I'm, I'm, I'm, yeah, that it was, it's'cause of the
grandmother, of course, who ofcourse is the mother from Mary
Poppins, which is
Izzy (14:54):
Oh, I know.
Wait, why?
'cause of her this, I can't waitto hear.
Heart condition
Kira (15:00):
yes.
Didn't wanna tell the truthbecause of the grandmother's
heart condition and she mightkill her in.
The moment
Izzy (15:07):
Wow.
I thought you were gonna saybecause of their family friend
who did know, and it was hisdeceit, which was even worse.
And she was just going alongwith him being the leader and
being in
Kira (15:20):
do you think his deceit was was worse?
Izzy (15:23):
Yeah, because he had a relationship with the family and
was deceiving them and he, hewas playing God, right?
Kira (15:29):
Really was, and he was trying to be helpful and was
zero helpful the whole entiretime.
He's I'll take care of this.
Izzy (15:35):
It walks away.
Kira (15:36):
yeah.
She's you have not taken care ofthis whatsoever.
No.
That's the thing.
Like for some reason, here'swhat it is.
They tied it up enough in alittle bit of a bow for me to
not see as many plot holes Ithink.
But of course this is ridiculousand I think that one of the
things that you and I bothtalked about right away is Lucy
(15:57):
is just lonely,
Izzy (15:59):
Ooh,
Kira (16:00):
right?
She is.
She's lost her father.
Her mother died when she wasyounger.
She is living a pretty lonelyexistence and.
On some level I would never callit like stalking, but it's
definitely unrequited crush onthis guy.
She's actually never talked toand just made up stories.
So I actually think that ifthere is one, good love lesson
(16:23):
is, we meet Peter and he is notthat great of a guy.
Izzy (16:27):
Not much there
Kira (16:28):
a putts.
He's a putz, I think is what hecalled him.
He's and, even the wholesquirrel thing.
Right.
Izzy (16:35):
Oh.
Kira (16:37):
And so, yes.
And so I do like the fact thatshe kind of emulated him.
She made up in her mind like whothis guy was and I think like a
knight in like a businessman andknight in shining armor.
Izzy (16:49):
Mm-hmm.
Kira (16:50):
then we just realized he's a jerk and he is cheating with a
married woman and he's prettyemotionally unavailable and not
connected to his family at all.
Izzy (16:58):
How about, that?
As a beginning point of theyhaven't even seen or talked to
him.
He is clearly not invested inwhat I would consider like the
most meaningful relationships oflike your family, maybe friends,
Kira (17:10):
would his mother not know that he lost a testicle?
Let's get into real shit here.
How would his own fucking mothernot know that he had, because
that had to have some kind ofminor surgery or something.
How would you probably notmention that to your family?
Izzy (17:28):
who helped him.
Was it Ms.
Bacon?
Mrs.
Bacon, who was there for himhelping him in his recovery.
Yeah.
But that loneliness can make us,it can make us desperate.
And it can make us idolizepeople and put them on a
pedestal, which she does, whichis not accurate.
And it puts you in a very badposition to enter a healthy
(17:49):
relationship because you willtake anything or you will, you
will look through bad behavioror signs, or
Kira (17:56):
crap.
Izzy (17:56):
You'll, yeah, and then you'll find yourself in a
relationship but not a good one,in which case you can be even
lonelier than you were before.
Kira (18:04):
And I think that that's true, and I've said that for
years of my podcast of justbeing alone doesn't equal
loneliness.
You can be alone and havecommunity and friends and being
lonely as a whole other thing,and.
I just happened to bring somestatistics here because, I like
(18:26):
to bring, I like to bring thatshit.
Especially not even since thenineties, but especially since
social media and phones,loneliness is really a problem.
And I always tell my clientsthat if you're dating out of
loneliness, your results are notgoing to be out of love.
Like the type of, like you justsaid, the type of behavior that
you will be okay with thatyou'll accept.
(18:49):
You know what, you will evenchoose like that.
It's not going to turn into therelationship of your dreams.
It's just not.
And that a lot of women I dotalk to say they were way
lonelier in their marriages orin their relationships than they
are single, and I, I think wehave to remember that, because
there's a lot of people inshitty, shitty fucking
(19:10):
relationships and marriages.
Because they're so scared to bealone.
And we are here to tell you,like
Izzy (19:16):
okay to be alone.
Kira (19:18):
and community and in a beautiful, amazing life, and you
might meet somebody who's abetter match.
But when we are lonely, the typeof decisions we're making, they
are all from fear.
And what I say is that whatstarts in fear as a very hard
time turning into love,
Izzy (19:34):
Yeah, and we see her stay in fantasy and imagine what it
would be like for him to justpropose to her out of nowhere
when she does have friends.
Like she's lost her parents.
But your parents shouldn't bethe only people in your life
when maybe when you're a kid,even as a kid, you should still
have friends and other people,other whatever, right?
Family.
(19:55):
She has friends that she's notinvested into.
She hasn't built up thoserelationships.
Eventually she is right, tells'em the truth of what's
happening, but there's ways inwhich she could not be lonely
and she chooses to stay in thisfantasy and make that her, her
way of alleviating theloneliness.
And that's how she finds herselfcaught in this crazy lie and
acting like the fiance to acomatose man that she has never
(20:17):
spoken to.
Kira (20:18):
That she has never even spoken to.
She is continually lying to hiswhole entire family
Izzy (20:24):
Mm-hmm.
Kira (20:24):
and yeah.
Izzy (20:26):
his brother.
Kira (20:27):
And falling for his brother.
So I'm gonna just give a coupleof stats here.
So, number one, because of theyblame a lot of this on social
media and technology.
61% of US adults report feelinglonely, at least some of the
time.
That sucks.
61%.
So men at 63 and women are 59.
And to me that's very newbecause women have always had
(20:50):
just because of.
Being oppressed.
We have had a tighter community.
Women have been there for eachother in a way that men are not
usually there for each other.
And it's heartbreaking to me tohear that 59% of women feel
lonely as well as it is aboutmen, but I'm just saying what
I'm saying.
And one in three adultsworldwide.
(21:13):
Say that feel either very orfairly lonely on a regular
basis.
So this is a global issue.
and I think I've mentioned onhere before that I think China
and England and multiplecountries have hired a minister
of loneliness to start workingon turning this.
around because.
Izzy (21:32):
Loneliness kills.
Kira (21:34):
Loneliness not only is bad, it kills, it's actually
feeling lonely as just as bad assmoking two packs of cigarettes
Izzy (21:41):
Yes, I know.
Now there's a lonelinessepidemic that is, has physical
health consequences.
Yeah.
Kira (21:47):
And the saddest thing I think I've heard is that 75% of
Gen Z adults, which are 18 to24, feel lonely.
So they are more than ever, andit's because.
Izzy (21:59):
They're not connecting the ways that are, that are
meaningful, right?
Because, oh God, social media,the internet.
Kira (22:06):
the internet and the, and phones.
And ultimately one of the thingsthat I learned in,'cause I've
done an extensive amount ofresearch on online dating, and
one of the things that I'verealized is it creates fae
intimacy.
So texting creates foe and we,we feel safe because we could
erase things but actually itdoesn't create the intimacy we
(22:27):
think that it's creating and.
It just leads us down bad path.
I'm always here to, how do weactually get to love?
And that's not it.
By real life.
You can't edit every singlething that you say.
You can't, only come up with afunny response.
and I.
I think it's really pushed usinto a place of perfectionism, a
(22:47):
place of all of these thingswhich push out love.
So, it was, you mentioned thisfirst and then as soon as I
started watching this, justgoing, gosh, she's so lonely.
There's no way that this isprobably gonna turn out in her
favor because of that.
And and just here is the otherthing I really wanna point out
quickly.
(23:07):
That really stood out and.
I might wanna even do an episodeabout this, but what I think was
okay in 1995 for her character,she was so passive in her own
life.
It was, she was completelyunintentional.
Izzy (23:26):
Whatever happens.
Mm-hmm.
Kira (23:28):
Junior just comes in completely un boundaried.
She, besides get out but shenever really, you know, sets
true boundaries with him.
Like she is.
Izzy (23:38):
She responds.
She never
Kira (23:41):
Reacts or responds.
She is, She has a crush on thisguy.
She's never talked to.
Her father died, we hear thestory of, she had to leave
school because of her dadgetting sick, but she could be
going back to school.
She is stuck.
She is stuck.
But she is young, she is viral.
She, She, shouldn't be.
And that's what I think, I.
(24:03):
Did not like to see is howunintentional she was.
The whole entire movie.
Like she just kept thinking lifewas happening to her.
And I'm like, no, you arecreating this by not speaking
up, by ignoring things youshouldn't be ignoring.
Not just the lies, but her wholeentire existence in this movie
(24:24):
is just her going along witheverybody else and hoping it
works out okay.
And that is the opposite of whatI believe at this point.
Izzy (24:32):
Yeah, I agree.
And like at the very end we seethat kind of turnaround, but not
entirely because of her or onher terms.
Like she's definitely not incharge of her life.
And I think the best example iseven when Peter wakes up, and
there's not a genuine connectionthere and she still rushes into
almost getting married to himand it just feels like she just
(24:55):
is not, she's not the oneleading her story.
Kira (24:59):
Absolutely.
Like you're the here in yourstory, man.
You gotta save yourself becausewhen she says.
Who is it?
Her?
My favorite character is herboss.
That's my, he's the only onewith
Izzy (25:10):
like him.
Kira (25:11):
He is wait, which one is this?
Wait, what's going on?
And she says to him somethingalong the lines of, listen, I'm
like lonely.
I live with my cat.
A good looking rich man wants tomarry me.
Why wouldn't I do it?
I was like, really?
Izzy (25:26):
Uh, What's that value?
Rich and good looking.
That's enough to.
Almost,
Kira (25:34):
And I, and I don't know if that's 1995 or romcom writing,
but like it made me feel, blah,it made me feel
Izzy (25:43):
Icky.
Mm-hmm.
Kira (25:44):
and I just started thinking about.
Different female characters ofsome of the nineties movies that
we've been watching, like Maggieand Runaway Bride, like Meg
Ryan's character, and you've gotMale and they're all like
Izzy (25:59):
Yeah.
Oh, that's interesting.
Kira (26:01):
And I'm like, is this an episode or something?
Because it also makes me know.
That I was full on unbelief.
So whether we wanna believe thatI, I learned this from media or
whatever that for, myself to getlove.
I believed in the nineties, Ineeded to stay quiet.
I needed to let things happen tome.
(26:22):
I needed somebody to choose meto direct my life a little bit.
You know what I mean?
Like I really, and I don't knowif we wanna call it saving, but
I really.
Izzy (26:34):
way of letting someone be, be the man in the relationship.
Not, don't take up too muchspace.
Kira (26:41):
Which, by the way, if you're now listening to this and
going, well, I do think that'strue.
It's not.
17 years right here.
How many are you in?
Like 10.
So listen to us.
That's not it.
You are going in with an instantpower problem, power struggle
that you may never recover.
So I understand that we wannafeel like our spouse or partner
(27:05):
is strong and whatever strengthlooks a lot of different ways my
friends and.
It's, it's not in manliness andmacho.
And it's not in saving becausethe minute that somebody comes
in and saves you, guess whatthey think you owe them.
Izzy (27:21):
Everything.
Kira (27:22):
Yep.
Izzy (27:23):
It's, yeah, we rescue ourselves.
Kira (27:26):
Mic drop.
Izzy (27:28):
Lemme say one more thing about
Kira (27:29):
Yes.
Yes.
Izzy (27:30):
I'm gonna go on a different topic though, if you
wanna keep going on this.
Okay.
Here's another thing fromnineties rom-coms that I can go
ahead and skip.
I'm, but we still see, to thisday, we still see this in so
many rom-coms.
I can do without the angry,honest rant where the two main
characters point out eachother's deepest fears and flaws
(27:51):
and sensitivities and what'sholding them back from living
their life in this sort ofharsh, almost accusatory way,
but like to help them seethemselves more clearly.
And then they.
Forgive each other and move onfrom that as if it wasn't the
most painful thing you couldhear from somebody that you felt
close to.
And I just want
Kira (28:11):
barely know,
Izzy (28:13):
that you barely know
Kira (28:14):
that you barely
Izzy (28:15):
either way, but like everyone listening.
Don't do that to people youbarely know.
To people you know very well.
If you wanna give feedback, doit in a kind, compassionate way.
It should never be in this sortof angry.
Well, I'm gonna make you look inthe mirror and it's for your own
good kind of
Kira (28:33):
here's a laundry list of everything that you do wrong,
right?
Izzy (28:37):
welcome.
Kira (28:38):
Yes, exactly.
How does that create love?
How does that create trust?
How does that create respect andappreciation that keeps
relationships going?
It doesn't And I even have,like, when I do tough
conversations, I'm like, bringone thing I.
Don't bring six things.
Don't make this the every sixmonths.
You just bring all the thingsthat you're frustrated about
(28:59):
your relationship.
No.
You bring one thing that'simportant enough to talk about
and you need to be heard orthere's no point of the
conversation.
I think that's such a greatpoint, and I am so happy you
brought it up.
It was genius as always.
Thank you, Dr.
Izzy.
Izzy (29:15):
thank you so much.
Thank you for that validation.
Kira (29:18):
If they were our clients think we're not ridiculous, if
they were our clients what wouldyou do?
What would you say?
Izzy (29:26):
I think Lucy, we don't know Peter well enough to do
anything with him.
I think Lucy needs to take agood look at her life and figure
out why she has retreated fromit.
How she can reengage with beingthe one in charge with taking
action.
What are her goals?
What are her values?
Does she just want a rich guy topay for her life?
(29:47):
Does she wanna go back toschool?
Who the heck is she?
And she obviously has some griefto do.
She lost both her parents earlyand painful ways.
I'm sure attaching to peoplefeels scary and that's probably
why she lives in fantasy.
That's a very safe way to attachto people in your imagination.
So working through what I'm sureattachment, fears and wounds,
(30:08):
and I, I feel like she's got agood chunk of work to do before
I'd actually want to see her getmarried to Jack.
Kira (30:13):
A hundred percent.
To me, I would want her gettingclear on who she actually is.
Really.
Oh man.
I hate when I have to see
Izzy (30:21):
Uh Oh.
Uh Oh.
Kira (30:23):
I mean, Really, if we think about it, besides, I do
think their chemistry was reallygood in this.
I do.
Izzy (30:29):
They were cute
Kira (30:29):
and I loved, and I do love that some of the scenes where,
they're outside sliding on theice.
And as two northerners, we fullyget that right.
Absolutely.
Yes, yes.
And They had fun and theylaughed.
But Jack was also like, I meanthere was some weird like
overhearing, like the wholepregnancy.
(30:50):
Not he didn't, but her sis, thesister did.
And then he overheard the wholelike, Joe Junior, and I'm just
kind of like, oh.
Izzy (30:57):
Grow up guys.
Kira (30:58):
I know we're like, can we all just grow up a little and
have real conversations and justask?
But I needed both Lucy and Jackto get their own shit in line
before they even think aboutbuilding anything, because
really they've known each otherfor two to three weeks and
there's some chemistry there,but that's it.
Izzy (31:19):
built on a lie.
I'll just say that again.
You, do you think, do you thinkhis, Jack and Peter's family are
just gonna, I forgive her forlying
Kira (31:30):
supposed to believe it when they all show up To
Izzy (31:34):
To support.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I,
Kira (31:36):
end.
Izzy (31:37):
Which is a cute seed and I will grant you that.
It is very cute.
Kira (31:41):
Like I said, they tied this up for me enough that I can
believe it.
Where if we didn't see thefamily ever again, I would be
like, good luck with Christmas.
Is they all is there all oh yeswe do remember you.
You said that you were engagedto her, our son who was at a
coma and we're,
Izzy (32:00):
we let you into our family.
Kira (32:03):
And the thing is, is that I realized not to go back to
this, that Lucy was lonely, butthat was never okay enough for
a, a lie like that it worked outwell'cause of rom-com magic, but
that could have ended up hurtinga lot of people that could have,
it just, it could have brokentrust it's, it's not the way to
do things, people, it's not theway to do things
Izzy (32:25):
And I'm pretty sure that nurse was legally obligated to
Kick her out of the room onceshe realized she was not
actually the fiance.
But once again, the nurse wasprobably drunk as far as we
know.
There was no rules back then.
So
Kira (32:38):
I love how we talk about the 1990s, like it's the 1920s
now.
You know what I mean?
Just like Right.
Exactly.
Oh my gosh.
My new goal for the future is tohave a generation where we don't
have to say, well, you know, itwas different times, right?
Like, I'd like us to be healedenough.
(33:01):
As a society nowhere near rightnow, but I would like us to be
healed enough to be able to notlook back and just constantly
justify.
Really terrible crap and crappybehavior and Right, because,
well, it was just different backthen.
We can say it was different, butwe can also say it was shitty.
And I will say why I think Iliked Jack's character is it
(33:25):
didn't ever feel like he wastaking advantage.
He, I don't know why it didn'tfeel, he feel, felt like a good
match for her pace, but itwasn't Okay.
Izzy (33:35):
No, I, no, it wasn't.
Kira (33:38):
Will they make it?
Izzy (33:41):
What do you think?
Kira?
How about you tell me your ideaof if they're gonna make it or
not?
Kira (33:46):
Well, clearly through Romcom Magic they
Izzy (33:49):
They do.
Kira (33:50):
And even though they've only known each other for a few
weeks, and instead of justsaying, I
Izzy (33:57):
we date?
Kira (33:57):
right, let's date.
Izzy (34:01):
No.
No.
He
Kira (34:02):
because not, I guess in 1995, like we don't date, we
just, We get engaged orsomething.
So that part to me always drivesme crazy.
That's driven me crazy foryears.
Like, why would we think thatthat's okay?
Like, why would he just not sayI do have feelings for you and I
feel there's a connection there,and will you go on a date with
me?
Let's see where this goes.
(34:22):
And then I feel in if it was now2025, they would do like a two
years ahead at the Christmas.
She's with Jack.
Maybe Peter now has a nicerelationship or something,
whatever.
And like things aren't like,that's what I think would happen
now is they would do that bump.
Because they do that a lot.
(34:43):
Exactly.
So what about you?
Do you think that, do you thinkthat.
The two weeks that they've knowneach other that she lied through
the whole time was enough forbeautiful love and healthy
relationship.
Izzy (34:55):
I can hear your sarcasm, but Kira, if you're a soulmate,
you, it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
You can make it throughanything.
If you are soulmates, it doesn'tmatter.
No, I
Kira (35:06):
What if, what if somebody ever clipped that from our
podcast?
Izzy (35:09):
I just said, Isabel said, if we're soulmates,
Kira (35:13):
Then we're okay.
Yes, exactly.
Oh my gosh.
Izzy (35:17):
I, in no world do I think anyone is getting over that
level of deceit and you can beit, I don't care how doe-eyed
she is about it.
And like I was lonely.
I felt caught, I was told tokeep going with it, but I don't
think anyone can or shouldforgive her ultimately.
For that also.
'cause she doesn't like reallytake responsibility.
I don't see her like really ownup to it in, in the way that I
(35:41):
would need her to.
So I think they get engaged.
They date, everyone realizes theextent of her lying.
And then they, they break up andshe has to figure herself out.
That's what I think.
Kira (35:56):
And to me.
Ready for it?
Oh man.
I'm really controversial.
I mean, That's the gift, right?
Is they break up and she gets tofigure herself out.
That to me is probably the bestrom commenting on some level
for, at least when some of ourcharacters are.
Just not ready And this lookingat her and her life and you've
(36:18):
said this a thousand times, I'vesaid this a thousand times, like
if you are not happy single,just'cause you get in a
relationship, it doesn't meanthat all of a sudden you're
going to be happy.
You still show up, your shitstill shows up.
The stuff that Danny and I fightabout are like.
External things, But my shitstill still shows up.
I gotta take care of me.
(36:39):
You know?
That's not his job And
Izzy (36:42):
And I think she was like looking to avoid that work.
She's the kind of person whowould like, get in the
relationship and not thenself-examine and figure out why
she lied.
Like she was looking to just nothave to do that stuff.
So.
Kira (36:56):
I feel like she had oddly given up a little bit, right?
It's Chicago.
There are millions of jobs.
Millions of jobs.
And she's working in a cold assbooth
Izzy (37:10):
Where
Kira (37:11):
at, it in an unsafe area.
It just, it, it feels like shejust gave up and
Izzy (37:19):
She quiet quit her life.
Kira (37:21):
and.
We didn't see that growthreally.
We didn't see besides her thatnice scene where she says to the
family, she says the nice sceneto the family.
Like I, I, she goes, I fell foryou.
And then the dad, who's the dadfor everybody loves Raymond.
Later, Peter, somebody, I'mforgetting his name right now.
But he goes, wait, you fell inlove with me.
She goes, no, but all of you.
(37:41):
And I understand that she wanteda family, but that's not enough
reason to lie to somebody.
That's not enough reason to takeadvantage on some level of
people because she did.
'cause they didn't have the sameinformation as she did.
Izzy (37:54):
Exactly, and you know what
Kira (37:56):
out of the
Izzy (37:57):
I know, whereas I don't, I I give this to you.
I hear you.
If we had seen her.
Apply to school and start takingclasses again.
If we had seen her, make abigger effort with her friends
and really try to build up thoserelationships, I think that I
would feel better about theending.
'cause it would show that shehad done that self-growth, not
(38:19):
attached to a relationship.
Kira (38:21):
What's our rewrite?
I feel like the rewrite is,
Izzy (38:24):
She goes back to school.
Kira (38:25):
she leaves like after, after like the Peter thing comes
out and she's I've, and says tothe whole family and apologized
to Jack and she kind of, sheleaves, right?
I would've loved to see her forthe
Izzy (38:37):
A montage.
Kira (38:38):
Get her shit together, right?
Get back in school workingtowards things that she's
interested and love havingfriends, having community like,
you know.
Izzy (38:50):
with people, with her
Kira (38:51):
Exactly.
And then, after some time ifJack shows up and says, I'm
still thinking about you.
Do we wanna date?
Izzy (38:59):
Better than that, she goes to Jack's furniture store, which
he opened after leaving thefamily business.
And she says, listen, I stillhave feelings for you.
Will you go on a date with me?
'cause that would be her and the
Kira (39:12):
It is her grand gesture.
You're right.
See I nineties that
Izzy (39:16):
man.
Kira, you are just, well, thismovie,
Kira (39:19):
it's so
Izzy (39:20):
really just love the nostalgic.
Yeah.
Kira (39:22):
is.
'cause like I was like, I justnineties that because yeah, it's
her grand gesture to make,right.
It's her
Izzy (39:29):
out there.
Mm-hmm.
Kira (39:30):
know, and so yeah, we just wrote a way better movie that
probably nobody wants to watch,but hey.
Izzy (39:36):
People wanna watch that.
I think
Kira (39:38):
Yeah, because, I always think that,
Izzy (39:41):
mm-hmm.
Kira (39:43):
blonde isn't a rom-com really, because honestly, the
relationship between her andLuke, what's his name right now,
is minor, right?
But why we all love that movieis at the end, she finds
herself, she finds herconfidence, she starts finding
her worth and who she is.
(40:03):
And I just, why is thathappening in 2001 and not
happening in 2025 as much?
And just things like that.
So Yeah.
we really just shoved thischaracter, Lucy, into all of the
nineties tropes and,
Izzy (40:18):
but it still worked for you?
Kira (40:19):
It still worked for me.
It did.
And I just, and Bill Pullman hadthat nineties hair.
I love so much that little bitlonger He did.
It was so cute.
And I wonder if there's evenlike a Midwestern thing I'm tied
to here.
Although they mocked Wisconsinin the first three minutes.
I, it's the first thing I wrotedown.
I'm like making fun of my statein the first three minutes.
(40:41):
Rude,
Izzy (40:44):
but you moved past
Kira (40:45):
I moved, I guess I clearly moved past it.
I did think that they alsonailed his family a little bit
for a pretty quintessentialMidwestern family.
Yes, exactly.
Can I feed you?
Take your, you know what I mean?
Like, because they would, theywould say, come join us.
Come to our Christmas, come tothat is how well we can be sweet
(41:06):
and also passive aggressive, so.
Izzy (41:08):
Yeah.
Well,
Kira (41:11):
I do have some really good trivia behind the curtain stuff,
and most of it, most of it isthere were a lot of people tied
to this movie before, before
Izzy (41:24):
got cast.
Okay.
Kira (41:26):
ton of people.
So it was written for DemiMoore.
Izzy (41:31):
What.
Kira (41:32):
I know and at one point Patrick Swayze was brought up
'cause they had just had a hugehit, ghost
Izzy (41:41):
Oh,
Kira (41:42):
Demi Moore.
So they were talking PatrickSwayze about bringing them back
together.
Nicole Kidman auditioned to playLucy.
Izzy (41:50):
Okay.
I could see that.
Kira (41:52):
This was also brought to as a completely different
feeling.
Harrison Ford and Gina Davis.
Izzy (41:59):
Whoa.
Different.
Kira (42:03):
know, and then an unknown.
Matthew McConaughey also testedfor this, the role of Jack,
Izzy (42:10):
Jack.
Kira (42:10):
but was dropped because of his accent.
'cause they decided to throw itinto Chicago.
And then the director rejectedoffers to cast Russell Crow also
in it.
Izzy (42:22):
Well, they had their pick, huh?
They really,
Kira (42:24):
really, really did.
And I also, I mean there's awhole list of people who were
considered yeah, those are themain ones.
But Sandra Bullock ended uptaking the role saying she could
really relate to it.
She had just broken up from afour year relationship.
I don't know if you know whothis is, Tate Donovan.
And he actually went on then todate Jennifer Aniston before she
was dating.
(42:45):
Brad Pitt.
so very nineties celebritystuff, but she and t Donovan
were in the movie Love Potionnumber nine, which is one of
Izzy (42:53):
Oh
Kira (42:55):
Do you know that movie?
Izzy (42:56):
yes.
Should we do that one?
Kira (42:59):
Oh we maybe should Guys tell us if Love Potion number
nine.
and'cause I delightfully lovethat movie.
I've seen it many times
Izzy (43:07):
love that
Kira (43:08):
I do too.
That's Tate Donovan and they metthere and dated for four years,
and she has said multiple timesthat he, I don't know if she
would say that now, but in, inthe past she said that he was
the love of her life.
Izzy (43:21):
oh,
Kira (43:22):
which is hard, but I know that she's also recently lost, I
think, a partner which super
Izzy (43:28):
Oh God.
Kira (43:29):
So, and then here's the other piece of trivia, which I
think you and I are fully gonnaagree with, is the original
screenplay was about a woman ina coma and a man pretending to
be her fiance, but I
Izzy (43:42):
Ooh.
Kira (43:43):
So this is good.
Actually, many studio executivesthought that this would be too
predatory.
Suggested reversing the roles.
So once it was rewritten, thenit got picked up.
But
Izzy (43:54):
That's so funny, Kira.
'cause I was thinking earlier inthis, when we were talking about
things to say if the genderswere reversed, we would be so
clearly outraged by what washappening.
And if it was a sister flirtingwith the supposed fiance, we
would be like, this is so fuckedup.
But it's how we just, we likeallow things for different
genders in a way that weshouldn't.
(44:16):
That's interesting.
Well, at least they have thatlevel of insight
Kira (44:19):
I'm
Izzy (44:19):
in 1995.
Kira (44:21):
you the truth in 1995, 'cause we've seen a lot of
questionable movies come outsince then.
But yeah.
So what are our tacos?
What did you give it?
Izzy (44:30):
Listen.
Listen.
I gave it a three overallbecause I enjoyed it and I did
get a little butterflies at theend when he puts the ring in
for, and when she says you haveto pay before you come through.
I thought that was, so I gave ita three overall.
I gave it a one for the lovelessons, which I think is fair.
Kira (44:47):
I think it's totally fair.
I think it's totally fair.
Izzy (44:49):
What about you?
Five and five.
Kira (44:51):
No, no, no, no.
I'm not that blind to this.
Overall I would say four.
It's not, it's not, I reallyenjoyed it.
It does hit a nostalgia note.
It weirdly held up for me, likeNicely.
There was no glaring.
Racist, homophobic stuff.
I, I hate to say it, but thathonestly shows up a lot in
nineties movie.
It makes me uncomfortable.
But the love lessons were zero.
(45:14):
Like basically one, I can't,you're right.
Like I could not give it tothem.
There's not a lot there.
I love the chemistry between thetwo of them.
I think Bill Pullman was areally, I wish that this
would've start launched a, aromcom career for him
personally.
'cause I think he would've done.
He was in a couple more, I thinkthere he was in one called Mr.
(45:35):
Wrong?
I don't, he was in a couple thatnever really made it anywhere,
but I, I did like him in thisand I thought their chemistry
was really good.
I really bought into it.
I don't know.
Izzy (45:45):
Yeah.
That's
Kira (45:45):
Nostalgia, man, it's,
Izzy (45:47):
I know it's powerful force.
Kira (45:49):
It really is.
All right, guys.
That's a wrap on this episode ofRomcom Rescue.
We laughed, we analyzed, we'veuncovered the real life love
lessons or lack thereof of thismovie.
Izzy (46:05):
Now it's your turn.
Tell us what you think.
Was this romcom relationshipgoals or a total disaster Vote
in our Instagram polls and DM usyour hot takes.
Kira (46:15):
And make sure you follow, subscribe, and leave a review.
If you love what we do, I amputting a ton more clips up on
Instagram, so make sure you'refollowing us there if you wanna
see our beautiful spaces givingvery, very important one minute
thoughts.
So it helps us, bring us moreromcom magic and real talk your
(46:36):
way because at the end of theday.
Izzy (46:39):
We believe that we create our own happily ever afters and
remember.
We rescue ourselves.
Hooray.
Beautiful.
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