Unhinged Romance

Warning: If you are looking for a sweet romance, please listen to any of our other episodes. Unhinged romance books are full of "wtf" and "why?!" moments. But if  you're looking for highly entertaining short reads this one is for you. 

Main characters include:

• Balloon Animal Shifters
• The Corona Virus
• Sentient Utensils
• A Were-Turkey
• A Door
• Dinosaurs
• Pillows

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Episode Transcript

Devonnie (00:02):
Welcome to Romance Re, where book besties Explore the
world of romance novels andencourage you to expand your
tbr.
Join us as we dive into thehottest releases and hidden gems
of the genre.
You can find us on Instagram andTikTok at Romance Rex Pod.
Hi guys I kind of forgot that iwas supposed to introduce myself

(00:23):
after that.
Hi guys, it's dev if youcouldn't tell messing up the
intro I am Kind of in betweenreading right now.
I've got some arcs that I needto power through have not
started them But next up foraudiobook is going to be a soul
to keep By opal rain I couldthat just came through on libby.
So i'm really excited becausei've been waiting to read that

(00:45):
for a while

Christina (00:46):
Hi guys.
You haven't heard from me for awhile, but I'm Christina back.
No,

Jordan (00:54):
yay.

Christina (00:56):
you.
I'm currently reading Heart ofMy Monster by Rena Kent.
It's the third book in thistrilogy, and I'm excited to tell
you about it later on.

Jordan (01:06):
Oh.

Devonnie (01:06):
nice

Jordan (01:07):
hi, I'm Jordan and I am currently Reading Keeper's Reign
by Eliza Leone.
And I'm re-listening to Corruptby Penelope Douglas because I
need some comfort read rightnow.
And what doesn't scream Comfortread then

Christina (01:21):
torture.

Jordan (01:22):
a torture, bully Romance.
Yeah, and I'm also listening toKnot All That Glitters by Devyn
Sinclair, because I'm goingthrough her whole catalogue.
So buckle up for some unhingedbookish banter.

Devonnie (01:37):
So unhinged

Christina (01:38):
a lot of buckles for this one.

Devonnie (01:40):
Wait, i'm actually so excited that you're reading
eliza's, book.
So

Jordan (01:44):
I've got, I've gotten really into it.
So for listeners, Eliza came toour book meetup this summer.
We met her.
She's amazing.
She's written her own book.
She just came out with the finalinstallment of this series too.
I started it months ago, butthen I got distracted by ARCs
and necessary reading and I'mback in it.

(02:05):
I'm like two thirds of the wayin, and I am so curious and it's
so good.

Devonnie (02:12):
Yeah, that's it.
I can't wait to read that Yeah,that is Um, right.

Jordan (02:24):
but I'm.
So nervous for this and it's theperfect one for Christina to
come back on.

Devonnie (02:29):
To be so unhinged.
I like, I, when I tell you I'mshaking in my boots at the
quotes that I've highlighted toread, I don't even know where to
begin.
I have about six and I can't

Christina (02:40):
I want to hear them all.

Devonnie (02:41):
going to.
Yeah.

Christina (02:42):
Just read them all.

Jordan (02:44):
so for those of you that didn't read the title of this
episode, These are unhinged Rex.
So I think they're all novellasbecause you can only take so
much unhinged in one and when wesay unhinged we're not talking
like, oh, this is dark romanceand they shouldn't have done
that.
It's who is doing what and howdoes that work?
And yeah.

(03:05):
Christina, do you want to readyour quote first?

Christina (03:08):
Sure.

Jordan (03:09):
you're back with us, you want to kick us off?

Christina (03:12):
Sure.
Okay.
My quote, is from Stuffed, whichis a pillow romance by Sylvia
Morrow.

Jordan (03:20):
Oh, yes the classic pillow.

Christina (03:22):
yes.
Well, we've all known it.

Devonnie (03:24):
I don't think all of us.

Christina (03:28):
okay.

Jordan (03:29):
I'm so happy

Christina (03:31):
She says, Your cock is like something impossible.
It's a combination of velvet,silk, and perfect latex.

Devonnie (03:47):
I

Jordan (03:47):
I mean it is impossible because it's a pillow because
it's a pillow.

Devonnie (03:51):
I, yeah that's real impossible.
Okay.
And the description.
Oh, I don't need it.
Okay.
I, let's see.
I'm going to pick, this is notsuper unhinged, honestly.
This just made me sick to mystomach and I just want to share
it with y'all.
Okay.
So this is actually from kissingthe Corona virus by MJ Edwards,

(04:13):
which yes, if you werewondering, am I going to talk
about this book later in theepisode?
You'd be correct.
I will be diving real deep intothis book because I just don't
understand.
But anyway this is our main,yeah, right.
Clearly which they actuallymentioned in the, anyway, let me
just, the quote is.

(04:35):
His tongue so soft and hot likea chunk of microwaved fish
sloshing around inside hermouth.
I

Jordan (04:48):
You already sent us that screenshot.
I did not need to relive that inaudio format.

Devonnie (04:52):
just, I just really

Christina (04:54):
Not warm fish.

Devonnie (04:57):
Why would microwave fish be the thing you're using
to make this sexy?
I don't know.
So enjoy that.

Jordan (05:05):
So we've had a pillow.
We've had the coronavirus.
And I'm gonna get festive withyou because it's almost
Thanksgiving and so my quote isfrom Stuffed by the Were Turkey
by Tate McKirk.
This was crazy.
She shouldn't be gettingaroused.
For fuck's sake.
The man looked like a turkey.

(05:25):
But those strong hands grippedher breasts, kneading them as
strongly as she had the quinoameatless loaf earlier.

Devonnie (05:38):
No, I will actually be sick.
I will actually be

Christina (05:43):
Not between fish and quinoa loaf.

Devonnie (05:46):
yeah, that's not as ruining foods.
Oh my gosh.
I would like to preface this bysaying guys, if you came to this
episode looking for the deepestreads that you've ever had for
your life of your life, if youwanted like something really
romantic and just so lovely,please go to another episode
that we have.
We have so many episodes whereyou could get.

(06:07):
such great content.

Jordan (06:09):
We just, this is our 26th episode.
We have 25 before this.
Yes, we just hit a big milestoneof

Devonnie (06:17):
love that.

Christina (06:19):
This is a

Jordan (06:19):
we had to celebrate by

Devonnie (06:20):
us.

Jordan (06:22):
taking ourselves seriously.
That's how we're

Devonnie (06:24):
Yeah.
This is, you're going to have alot of fun listening to these
recs and who knows, you may beso intrigued that you go
download these books and listenor read them yourselves.
And we would like to know.
Please

Jordan (06:38):
yes, they are good palette cleansers.
If you just need a laughHonestly, and just to be grossed
out

Christina (06:44):
If you need something un

Jordan (06:45):
you

Devonnie (06:47):
heavy on the grossed out.

Jordan (06:49):
if you want to freak out your partner and make them
question your entirerelationship like I did You just
download these and read a randomquote I mean it really gets them
wondering who they married 10years later and it's I don't
know about

Christina (07:03):
Just keepin it fresh.
Just keepin it

Devonnie (07:05):
Yeah.

Jordan (07:06):
Or not fresh in the coronavirus's opinion.
I mean like soggy fish.
I can't get over that.

Devonnie (07:11):
That's disgusting.
Okay.

Jordan (07:13):
Let's dive into this

Christina (07:15):
Okay,

Devonnie (07:16):
first rec is actually going to be, we're going to
bring it back to coronavirusbecause with that cliffhanger,
I'm sure you guys are waitingfor more.
Kissing the coronavirus is asyou would expect.
It's like Rushing to, you know,find a cure for this virus.
That's like taking everybodyaway from us.

(07:36):
This was a little too close toreality for me, but I digress.
Yeah, so there's a doctor slashscientist named Alexa and then.
There's supposed to be fourother scientists in this group
with her.
Two of them have already died.
Unfortunately.

Christina (07:51):
Oh no,

Devonnie (07:53):
death.

Jordan (07:54):
is actually serious trigger warnings for

Devonnie (07:56):
yeah, this, the this book coronavirus, I would say,
yeah, it might be a littlerough.
Take from that what you will.
Although it's very light.
It's only 16 pages, my love.
You can get through it, I think.
So yeah, it's just her and oneother scientist, Bob
Gurtlychund, which I hate hisname.
I shouldn't say that becauseit's just a name.

Jordan (08:18):
Bob what?

Devonnie (08:19):
st Bob Gurtlychund.
Gurtlychund?
Gurtlychund?
I stumbled over his name in myhead every single time I had to
say it.
I wanted to punch air.
Anyway, her and Bob are the lasttwo on the coronavirus thing.
We open with our good girl,Alexa, holding the tube of the
coronavirus and just immediatelyfeeling sexualized.

Jordan (08:41):
because when I think COVID, I'm like

Devonnie (08:44):
She's she's been trapped in this lab for months
now.
They've been working day andnight to find a cure.
She hasn't had anything big andstiff in a while.
So she sees this test tube andshe's interesting.
What we have here.
Thankfully Bob walks in on herand stops her thankfully.
But through this, we'rebasically going through the
motions of finding this cure.

(09:05):
Alexa, who is a scientist.
I want to keep, you know,reminding her that Alexa,

Jordan (09:11):
An intelligent woman.

Devonnie (09:13):
a very intelligent woman.
Okay.
She decides that even though thecure they have is ready to go
mass produced and like needs tobe sent out and it's so perfect.
She decides that she knows itjust needs a little bit more
Corona virus in it.
The girl opens up the fresh cureand taps a drop.

(09:33):
Of extra Corona into the curebecause she said, I just know
now it's perfect.
She alters the entire curebecause she just is so in love
with

Jordan (09:42):
Because that's how

Christina (09:42):
had a feeling.

Jordan (09:43):
how,

Devonnie (09:45):
yeah.
So that's what pissed me rightoff because not this being how
they do science, this is howthey science it in the

Jordan (09:51):
I love how that's what takes you out.

Devonnie (09:53):
Oh yeah.
That's the reality for me is

Christina (09:55):
That's the unrealistic part.

Devonnie (09:58):
I do have two quotes that I want to read that are
Like about alexa and every timeshe's getting like hot and
bothered the author makes hersay something that reminds her
of another thing that happenedbefore so there are two quotes
Please bear with me.
Hold on.
I'm, sorry because I willactually start dying Alexa's
heart fluttered like it had donethe time.

(10:19):
She fucked the farmer's crosseyed son and uncrossed his eyes

Jordan (10:27):
I've never,

Devonnie (10:28):
I'm, actually gonna pee on myself Hold on My body
just got hot and i'm lightheaded because why would you
write that in the middle of thescene?

Jordan (10:34):
How's that C section scar doing for you?
Because

Devonnie (10:36):
Oh, we're okay.
We're okay right now.

Jordan (10:39):
Oh!

Devonnie (10:40):
We're okay right now, but it might get worse with the
next one.
Hold on

Jordan (10:43):
Okay, I was about to take a drink, but I'll wait.
I don't want to spit take allover this, mic.
Okay.

Devonnie (10:48):
Okay There was lots of sound and shaking and alexa's
heart hammered harder than thetime She was hammered by the
carpet fitter when he came tofit carpets in her country manor

Jordan (11:00):
I'm sorry, the first one still got me better.
But th Is she just fucking anyrandom guy she finds that does
manual labor?
Is that what gets her hot?
I just

Devonnie (11:10):
I don't, Alexa, I don't understand Alexa's motives
other than getting out of thelab because she misses the real
world.
And I think both of thesestatements might have been said
before she even comes inphysical contact with
coronavirus

Jordan (11:20):
Okay, but I, so I do have a,

Devonnie (11:22):
a

Jordan (11:22):
one, one key detail is missing for me here.
What does she fuck?

Devonnie (11:28):
Okay.

Jordan (11:30):
but I want to know what am I picturing here?
That's my only other questionabout this.
I don't even need to know how hecomes into being.
I don't need that.
Give me an air of mystery withthis.
Hold that

Devonnie (11:39):
So he's a real man.
He's a real man.
He's a real man.
But remember how I mentioned,remember how I mentioned how
Alexa tips a little bit of thevirus into the cure?
Dr.
Gertlachand is it's too late forme, Alexa.
I also have coronavirus.
So I'm just going to take thecure.
We can test it on me and we'llsee if it works.

(11:59):
So he has

Jordan (12:00):
science.
Like

Devonnie (12:00):
Yeah.
So he shoots himself up.

Jordan (12:02):
Bob?

Devonnie (12:04):
He's green and he has, There's a line where

Jordan (12:08):
just gave up the whole plot twist.
I'm gonna beep all that outbecause I don't want to

Devonnie (12:12):
Yes.
Bleep it.
Yes.
I'm sorry.
Those are spoilers guys, but youknow, you're going to have to
read it to figure out what Ijust said, but yes, that is what
happens.
And there are, what is the DNAthreads?
Or no, what is it?
You know, when you look at avirus the it's mentioned in the
book, but she like describes it

Christina (12:32):
M R N A?
Myrna?

Devonnie (12:35):
there's another word There's another word that the
author used it with i'm prettysure that's probably the only
scientific thing in the book Butthat's he's essentially that
with those things Sticking outof his body.
So

Jordan (12:47):
mutagen?
I mean, obviously he mutated solike that.

Devonnie (12:49):
yeah, and Bob is no longer with us after that.
So

Jordan (12:55):
Maybe I do need to read this

Devonnie (12:58):
I mean for 16 pages you can do anything for 16 pages
So that is the time I kissed thecoronavirus Or

Jordan (13:06):
big and green,

Devonnie (13:08):
He's a big and green man, yes.
So everything is man, it's just

Jordan (13:12):
so I don't know why.
I imagine the coronavirus justhaving a really limp dick, but I
do.
That's just what I imagine., Idon't know why I'm imagining.
I

Christina (13:23):
he comin to you?
Straight Corona?

Jordan (13:26):
Oh, that's a great question!

Devonnie (13:29):
What is described is that she is filled up with love
lotion.

Christina (13:37):
I'm done.

Jordan (13:38):
I need to put

Devonnie (13:38):
The actual word The actual words used to describe
what she's filled up with afterdaddy corona comes is

Jordan (13:46):
Oh, Daddy.

Devonnie (13:47):
I hate it.
I hate it.
So that's my

Jordan (13:55):
say daddy.
See?

Devonnie (13:58):
oh no Is your dad's name Chad?

Jordan (14:01):
Yeah, please don't.

Devonnie (14:04):
Hey, you know he'd be listening.
I hope he's gone by this pointin the

Jordan (14:08):
I don't think he would.
If he's listening to anyepisode, it's this episode.

Christina (14:14):
Oopsies.

Jordan (14:14):
And he did it to himself.

Devonnie (14:16):
Right.
So yeah that's what I got foryou.
You're welcome.

Jordan (14:20):
I really appreciate that.
That was a really good start.
That was a really good start.
It was, yeah, Christina.
Please take it away

Christina (14:27):
Okay.
Here I

Jordan (14:29):
gobble up the next one.

Christina (14:30):
You're gonna make Devany die.
I'm sorry.

Jordan (14:31):
It's my goal.

Christina (14:32):
Okay.
Stuffed by Sylvia Morrow.
This short story is 87 pageslong.
It follows Anne, who has half aphobia, which is an intense fear
of being touched.
She despises human touch.
And she'll wash herself withheavy duty antiseptic soap
anytime anyone touches her.
She thinks humans are disgustingwith sweat and other bodily

(14:53):
fluids.
Sex is off the table for herbecause she can't touch human,
right?
But she does have pictophilia.
Which is what it's called whenyou're attracted to fictional
characters.
And I think we're all aware ofthat.

Devonnie (15:06):
I also

Jordan (15:06):
Well, I well no comment.
I mean

Christina (15:10):
Samesies.
Hahaha.

Jordan (15:13):
at you Sick fucks.

Christina (15:17):
However, she is still a woman, and she does have a
good orgasm, as we all do.
You know?

Devonnie (15:22):
As you do.
Yeah.

Christina (15:24):
So she often humps her pillow to find her releases.

Jordan (15:28):
Ah

Christina (15:29):
while watching anime, by the way, she gets off on this
one anime guy who's a butler.
Okay.

Jordan (15:36):
No comment.

Christina (15:39):
All right.

Jordan (15:39):
No comment

Christina (15:40):
What she doesn't know about her pillow is that among
all the goose down feathers isone single phoenix feather.

Devonnie (15:47):
please do not goose down for

Jordan (15:49):
Yes! This is, I don't know why I'm into this story
now, but I am.
There's anime.
There's Phoenix.
I need to hear more.
Hold on.
Let the woman talk.
I'm excited now.

Christina (16:01):
It can absorb living things to try to regenerate,
right?
So anytime a fly, fly lands onher pillow, it zaps it dead.
To suck in its to suck in itsstrength, right?
This

Jordan (16:14):
her in?

Christina (16:15):
no, not yet.

Jordan (16:17):
Aw, that was a missed opportunity.

Christina (16:19):
One day soon, maybe.
He's in love with Anne.
But she doesn't know he existsother than being her pillow.
But he's like the most perfectpillow, right?
He's always fluffy and cool.
Like he absorbs the little bugsto be a perfect pillow for her.
So she wakes up surrounded bydead bugs every morning.
It's fine.

Jordan (16:36):
Oh!

Christina (16:37):
It is what it is.

Jordan (16:38):
I'm really sorry.
This will be the last time Iinterrupt, I swear.
So this is the pillow she sleepson.
Is this also the pillow shehums?

Christina (16:47):
Yes, it is.
She just flips it over.

Jordan (16:49):
Oh, there's a hump side and a sleep side.
Makes perfect sense.
I am so sorry.
I will not interrupt again.

Devonnie (16:54):
This is crazy.

Christina (16:55):
Come on.
I'm just kidding.
One

Devonnie (16:57):
Anne's doing, on the pillow.

Christina (16:59):
exactly, one day a co worker comes from her house, or
comes over to her house to tryto bother her, and she hates
human touch.
And so he comes into her room,right, and touches the pillow.
The pillow, zoop! Sucks him in,right?
Takes all his energy.
So

Devonnie (17:14):
Kills him, immediately.

Christina (17:16):
yeah,

Jordan (17:16):
Touch her and die.

Christina (17:18):
Yes, he husks it up.
So then, as Anne goes to workthe next day, the pillow decides
to use that strength to build ahuman body.
Right?
He wants to become a man forAnne.
He wants to be Anne's man.
She comes home, and he's likehalf formed.
And she's okay, we'll go withthis.
He's like, how can I be theperfect guy for you?

(17:40):
So she like shows him the animeand he becomes the perfect
interpretation of this anime guyfor her.
Right.
He becomes her perfect man,literally.

Devonnie (17:51):
That.

Christina (17:53):
yeah, he designs himself specifically to her
specifications.
All her specifications, mindyou.
She names him Ori, O R I.
And she's able to bear his touchbecause it feels like satin.
Like a satin pillow, right?
Yeah and he can change shapehowever she wants, whenever she
wants, like, when he's in her.
He can expand a knotperfectness.

(18:13):
And he has a satin tongue, andshe loves it.
And his cum is goose feathers.

Jordan (18:20):
well, I don't want that in me.
You had me

Devonnie (18:22):
I don't,

Jordan (18:23):
feathers.

Christina (18:24):
Yeah, he pulled out,

Devonnie (18:25):
was

Christina (18:25):
pulled out, and then feathers fell all

Jordan (18:27):
Oh, but how cute is that?
It just, poof, how cute is that?
Okay.
I'm going to be honest.
I might actually like this book.
I'm gonna read it.

Christina (18:40):
There is a sequel called Double Stuffed, which is,
there's a second Pillow Man, andso it's a Y choose, pillow guys
for Ann.

Jordan (18:47):
Okay.

Devonnie (18:48):
choose moment.

Jordan (18:50):
I don't see anything wrong with anything you said.
And I don't know how I feelabout myself with that.
But I kind of love the conceptof all of this.

Christina (19:00):
It's a good quick literary.
It took me like a little over anhour, you know, 80 pages.
It's perfect.
The next one they'll be going.
Yeah.
Yeah, and he like anytime anyonetouches her he goes and zaps
some energy from them.

Jordan (19:13):
Yeah, touch her and die!

Christina (19:15):
I know, he's the perfect

Devonnie (19:16):
crazy all our favorite tropes all our favorite tropes
in a little pillow romance

Christina (19:22):
Exactly.
He says, I'm just one hell of agood pillow, that's what he
tells me.

Jordan (19:28):
yes, you are, buddy.
Yes, you are.

Devonnie (19:32):
so cute

Christina (19:33):
We stand for Ori the pillow.

Jordan (19:36):
I think I have to read this now.
And I have to questioneverything about myself.

Devonnie (19:41):
Yeah

Jordan (19:42):
let me tell you about a story that made me question my
whole existence and what thefuck I'm doing with my life.
So my first rec is Stuffed bythe Were Turkey by Tate McCurk.

Christina (19:58):
Gobble, gobble.

Jordan (19:58):
it's, yeah, and there's gobble, like a lot of gobbles.

Christina (20:03):
Gobble till you wobble.

Jordan (20:04):
no, it's only 13 pages.
It's only 13 pages.
It's Only

Christina (20:09):
Perfect.

Jordan (20:09):
13 pages.

Christina (20:11):
Just a little

Jordan (20:12):
Okay?
No.
He was not a little guy.
He was not a little turkey.
He was a big turkey with a biggobbler.
Don't know how to properlyexplain that there is so much in
these 13 pages.
That really made me re evaluatemy faith, and, or my lack of
faith, and just my entireexistence.

Christina (20:33):
A lot for 13 pages.

Jordan (20:35):
I don't even remember the main character's name
because I really tried to blockthis out.
But, you're gonna look it up,aren't you Dev?
I see you instantly go.
I see you instantly.

Devonnie (20:45):
That's exactly what I

Jordan (20:47):
right now.

Devonnie (20:48):
I opened up a web browser.
I was like, oh,

Jordan (20:51):
I just realized

Christina (20:52):
is on the

Jordan (20:53):
wait, hold on Joe..

Devonnie (20:54):
you found it before me.

Jordan (20:55):
So Jo is this big Vegan PETA activist.
Okay.
She's outside a turkey farmwhere people go to get their
fresh turkeys and she'sprotesting and a turkey runs out
a little turkey runs out of thebarn and runs straight to her

(21:16):
She grabs it and she runs awaywith it.
She's gonna save this turkeyOkay, it's almost thanksgiving
or it's the day beforethanksgiving.
She's gonna save this turkey thefarmer's chasing after her
shaking his fist.
She gets the turkey in the car.
She goes home she's gonna shedoesn't know what she's gonna do
with this turkey, but she'sgonna save it She's feeling
really good about herself.
She's a lifelong vegan andactivist.

(21:37):
She Puts it in her bathroomnaturally Right?

Christina (21:41):
As one does

Jordan (21:42):
She has to make Thanksgiving, her vegan
Thanksgiving meal for all of herfriends from PETA.
Like she, they have a localorganization from PETA, their
PETA chapter, and she's hostingThanksgiving.
So she's making all this stuffand she locks it in the
bathroom, but when she's inthere, The turkey keeps like

(22:02):
nudging her.
It's just the turkey you guys.
It's just the turkey.
And she's what is going on?
she leaves lots of turkey inthere.
She's making her food workingreally hard, but then she hears
like crashes and things in thebathroom and she's What is that
bird doing?
She goes in the bathroom tryingto clean when she's bent down

(22:24):
picking stuff up.
He keeps like bumping into herfrom behind Okay

Devonnie (22:30):
please go to jail.
Please go to jail right now.
I cannot.
I know where this is going.
No

Jordan (22:34):
Just then, a hand wrapped around her middle and
started to fondle her tit.
Huh! What?
You guys, it's been a while.
I don't know how I feel aboutthis.
She looks behind her.
I'm gonna read the description.
I'm gonna read the descriptionof this quote unquote rare
turkey.
Are you ready?

Christina (22:51):
I am ready.

Jordan (22:52):
It starts with the pubes.

Christina (22:55):
Perfect.

Jordan (22:56):
were a strange reddish brown fuzz.
Her gaze went higher, with herlooking at the man's chest.
Normal, except he had nonipples.
Come to think of it, no bellybutton either.
But there were more of thestrange fuzzy hairs on his
chest.
No, not hairs! They almostlooked like tiny feathers.

(23:17):
With a harsh swallow, her gazecontinued upward until she
settled on his face.
It took a moment for her toregister that she was, what she
was actually seeing.
The man's head was wrong.
All wrong.
He had a turkey's head.
More like THE turkey's head, youguys.

Christina (23:38):
Perfect.

Jordan (23:39):
His head never changes, he cannot speak, he can only
gobble, gobble.

Devonnie (23:44):
I hate it

Jordan (23:46):
feathers, but he has a man's body, he has arms and
legs.
He fucks her all over thisapartment, you guys.
He literally does her in heliterally does her in the mashed
potatoes.
There are two There are at leasttwo if not three moments where
she describes looking into hisblack beady eyes while they're
fucking.

(24:06):
Got the gobble.
He's got like the,

Devonnie (24:09):
this sounds like a haunted story a horror like

Jordan (24:11):
oh, I need to read one more, one more quote, one more
quote because then I'll get tothe end here.
It's just so It's somethingthat's said in the heat of
passion obviously by her becausehe can't talk cuz he's a fucking
turkey

Christina (24:24):
Gobble, gobble.

Jordan (24:26):
Ready?
Give me your meat.
I love it more.
Please more.
I want it all

Devonnie (24:34):
Jordan, please stop.
And why would you read it with

Jordan (24:38):
Because at the end, I'm just gonna give you the whole
I'm just gonna give you the endyou guys I'm so sorry spoilers
at the end like she forgets allabout her friends coming over
for Thanksgiving And I guess thenext day her friend from PETA
comes over and knocks on herdoor and she gets up and she
goes I'm And she's you are, youmake me sick.
I can't believe you'd do this tothe group.
And she's what are you talkingabout?
She's we heard you last night.

(24:58):
You were eating meat.
You kept asking him to give youmore meat.
You are kicked out of PETA.
And then she walks away and shejust and she thinks to herself,
well, it's fine.
At least I have my hunky turkeyto keep me company.
And she's totally happy withkeeping her weird turkey.

Devonnie (25:19):
So he

Jordan (25:19):
And that is it.

Devonnie (25:20):
bathroom.
That's what happened?
Like he just, he turned into aman?

Jordan (25:24):
We don't know more.
It's 13 pages you guys and

Devonnie (25:27):
Yeah.

Jordan (25:27):
has changed my soul for not the

Devonnie (25:31):
god.

Christina (25:31):
I need to

Jordan (25:32):
you know, it is, I know Christina needs it.
Look at her.
She's yes, give me this weirdstuff.

Devonnie (25:39):
The my favorite thing about these like unhinged books
is like when I'm readingnormally, of course, you know,
you have reactions I don't knowif everyone has reactions But I
like gasp and scream and likeplaying my Kindle or my book or
whatever it is But when I'mreading these specifically
unhinged So I feel like it'seven more intense because I am
little I like I'm screaming atthe top of my lungs I am

(26:02):
Cackling.
I'm highlighting ferociously.
I think that's the best part.
You really, even if you hate it,you really do have a good

Jordan (26:08):
I didn't even tell you about his dick.

Christina (26:10):
Oh,

Devonnie (26:11):
Oh, you didn't.

Jordan (26:12):
No, there are bumps on it.
There are bumps on it.
Like it's bumpy, like for rib,it's ribbed for her pleasure.

Christina (26:20):
And see, Jordan and I had a discussion about turkey
dicks.
And actually, their lack ofdicks, but

Jordan (26:26):
Oh, we did! I forgot! Yes! Because, when, right?
When, yeah, when you told yourhusband about the book, he's
well, turkeys don't even havedicks.
And I was like, well, let metell you about a where turkey
sticks.
Because he doesn't

Devonnie (26:39):
Wait, do they not?
In real life, do they

Christina (26:42):
birds don't.
Ducks are like the only speciesof birds, or one of the only few
species of birds that have them.
They have coicas.
I'll tell you about that in mydinosaur one.

Jordan (26:51):
Oh, dear God,

Devonnie (26:53):
so what the hell is going on?
How are we getting more turkeys?

Jordan (26:55):
What are we doing?
What are

Devonnie (26:57):
How are we getting more turkeys and birds?

Christina (26:59):
It's a cloaca, it's an opening, and so they put
their opening by the girl'sopening, and then it like,
splurts in there.

Devonnie (27:07):
No, I do not need that.
This is one science class I wishI didn't.
No,

Christina (27:10):
Well, you just asked!

Devonnie (27:11):
to openings.
I really did and I regret it.
Thank you.
No, thank you.
Okay, moving along.

Jordan (27:18):
I'm out of my cocktail and I feel like it was too soon
for that to happen.

Christina (27:22):
Sorry, I didn't I'll save

Devonnie (27:23):
these books will drive you to drink, yeah, I don't even
like that word, to be fair.
Let me find if you never said itagain, to be fair.
Okay, my next rec is actuallysuper unhinged because the

Jordan (27:35):
even have any listeners at

Devonnie (27:37):
Right.
The title is Unhinged by VeraValentine.
Vera, I will be sending you mytherapy bills because WTF.
This is labeled as an eroticdoor romance.
And like the opening tagline isdangers come a knocking.

(28:00):
Sorry, jail.
Okay.
There is one quote.
I'd love to start off with thisone though.

Christina (28:05):
Stop.

Devonnie (28:07):
Wrapping my round brass protrusion in a soft cloth
in a firm grip, she startedpolishing my knob with slow,
smooth strokes that stirredsomething deep in my wood.
Obviously this is the POV of thedoor.
You mostly get the POV of thedoor because, I mean, he's

(28:29):
seeing everything, baby.
He's the door.
You know what I'm saying?
He has, account of everything.
Yeah Tana.
I think that's how you pronounceher name has moved into an
apartment and her door is verysentient, even though he's
shaped as a door.
There's trouble afoot though.
Danger truly does come aknocking because not only is

(28:49):
Tana's door obsessed with her,but so is her landlord.
And we are pretty sure that thelandlord has been offing girls
in the.
Building community or whatever.
The door catches the landlord,like sneaking into her
apartment, you know, using hisbig old landlord keys and like
rifling through her underweardrawer, drinking her orange

(29:10):
juice, like just random shit.
But obviously what is he goingto do?
He's a door.
The best he could do is slamreal hard.
There's not, there's not much.

Jordan (29:19):
that's like every woman living alone, that's like all of
our worst nightmares.

Christina (29:23):
Fierce.

Devonnie (29:24):
That your landlord is walking in and doing all these
things.
And when she's home, thelandlord always tries to go in
while she's home Oh, I need tofix your light bulb.
Oh, I need to double check youroven.
And she's always she knows it'screepy.
So she's always no, thank you.
No, thank you.
Then one day she gets a brightidea.
Well, to be fair, she doesn'tget the bright idea.

(29:45):
She starts having dreams wherebasically the, her door is
trying to warn her and somehowends up in her dreams to warn
her, to tell her what thelandlord is doing and that she
needs to protect herself becausesome girls have disappeared.
He's pretty.
Sure, he saw the landlord do it.
You know, Vera, this is givingpsychological thriller as well,
babe.
It's unhinged, but alsopsychological thriller.

(30:06):
I just realized that.
So yeah, Tana is like believingthe dream.
She's no, this is too crazy.
I have to believe it.
Okay.
So she believes it.
She's like, all right, I need tobe on my P's and Q's.
I need to make sure things aregood.
And then, you know, she's butthe door.
So she, Does the door as youwhile he's a door.
He got a round little knob Andas you could tell from my

(30:28):
earlier quote, it's very smoothand polished.
And she goes to

Jordan (30:33):
chode of a doorknob, though.

Devonnie (30:35):
Yeah, it really is but that thing must bust her wide
open because after that Now he'sreal he becomes real.
Oh also mythology is in thisbecause hera and i'm pretty sure
zeus Or also he's like a spawn.
Yeah, exactly.
Everybody's zeus's kid but likesome tree in some grove that
zeus done did something to witha dryad or something and now we

(30:58):
have this wood From that is nowthe door anyway now he becomes a
real person but like every fullmoon He'll turn back into a door
or something Anyway, troubleensues the door and hannah They
do all kind of crazy stuff thenhe becomes a man and he has to
learn how to walk and do allthese things and You He does a
lot of things to her and westill have the threat of our

(31:18):
crazy ass.
What's his name?
Not his name.
Landlord.
Yes.
So yeah, it actually, now I'mleaving a lot out because this
thing was actually psychotic.
Even though this one has waymore plot than kissing the
coronavirus.
I don't want you to go inthinking that this is going to
be something super amazing.

(31:39):
The door, the story is calledunhinged babe.
Like truly it's going to beunhinged.
But it was really good.
I do want to read.
Another quote though.
Oh no.
Oh, so Hara also said thatyou'll turn back into a door
every full moon.
So we'll need to repeat thiswhen you transform so I can
bring you back with my magicpussy.

Jordan (32:02):
Mm well, who doesn't want a magic, who doesn't want
to have a magic pussy?
I mean,

Devonnie (32:07):
that, first of all, the fact that she realized it's
magical by inserting a doorknob,I don't want that kind of magic.
I'm all right.
I'll pass.
No, thank you.
Last quote, because I feel likethis kind of summarizes the
entire episode, but I mean, itcan't hurt anything, right?
I mean women fuck cucumbers andbedposts and balloons and shit.

(32:29):
This isn't that weird, right?
I Go into Yeah, so that's my recfor unhinged enjoy

Jordan (32:42):
Can I just say, why do we not have a whole, or at least
I don't know if we do, I neversaw it in this weird search
we've been doing.
I need a series of Zeus fuckingrandom things.

Devonnie (32:59):
cuz he was up to no good a lot of the

Jordan (33:01):
he fucked everything, all these animals, dry he fucked
everything.
So like, why do we not have awhole series of this?

Devonnie (33:10):
maybe there is.
We just gotta find it.

Jordan (33:13):
Vera Valentine.

Devonnie (33:15):
Yeah, get on it.

Christina (33:16):
Get on this.

Devonnie (33:17):
We need that.

Jordan (33:18):
Oh my.
Get on

Devonnie (33:20):
Ha, does he ever.

Jordan (33:23):
Christina, what do you have?

Christina (33:25):
this one is called forked by Ruth Cardello.
This series is actually atrilogy.
The first one is Forked, whichfollows Mercedes and Hugh.
The second is Spooned, whichfollows Cheryl and Jack.
And the third is Knifed, whichhas Ashley and Ray.
So they're couples.
But they're all interlinked,right?
So it's a trilogy.

(33:46):
This series, I will just read toyou what I have written down.
This series is about World WarII super soldiers, whose job is
to hunt down German scientiststo prevent the creation of an
atomic bomb.
The soldiers were all originallyturned down for military service
due to their disabilities.
Hugh lost

Devonnie (34:02):
Wait,

Jordan (34:03):
Wait, we're this is Captain Amer this is Captain
America.
This is not where I saw this

Christina (34:07):
tells

Devonnie (34:08):
is not where I thought we were heading.

Christina (34:10):
I told you this

Jordan (34:11):
about cutlery!

Christina (34:12):
deeper.
I'm gonna get going.
Let me just tell you.

Jordan (34:15):
Oh, is this the one that you really liked?
Is this the

Christina (34:18):
I really liked this one.
Yes! I did not expect it goinginto this.
I'm gonna tell you there's awhole

Jordan (34:24):
I'm gonna, I'm gonna mute myself now.
I'm gonna mute myself.

Christina (34:27):
All three of these soldiers, they wanted to join
the military but they got turneddown for disabilities.
Hugh lost a finger.
In a wood chopping accident as achild, Jack was born blind and
Ray was beaten by his fatheruntil he was in a wheelchair
from his disability, or becausehe couldn't move anymore.
So a secret government agencydecided to recruit these guys, a
bunch of people and gave theminjections, super soldier
injections, and told them like,it's either gonna, it's either

(34:49):
gonna heal you or kill you.
Okay, of the 50 men thatstarted, 12 of them survived and
began working for thegovernment.
These super soldiers are notonly healed of their
disabilities, but they havesuper strength, super speed, and
they can stretch any part oftheir body.
And that's important later on.

Devonnie (35:08):
Okay, taking notes.

Christina (35:10):
Okay on the day that Germany surrenders the war in
1945, right?
The government agency decides touse a ray gun to get rid of
these super soldiers.
to cover up their tracks.
You know, it's a secretgovernment agency, right?
Unfortunately, due to some hightech science, I don't really
understand the super soldiersweren't killed but turned into
the silverware that were on thetable behind them.

Jordan (35:28):
I'm sorry,

Devonnie (35:29):
Oh my god.

Jordan (35:30):
but maybe because it's fictional and never, it's like,
of course you didn't understand.
It's,

Christina (35:36):
but there's all these words like atomic bo atomic
bonding.

Jordan (35:41):
Yes,

Christina (35:42):
got rearranged and stuff and anywho, so like in
2024 they're asking AI if thisis even possible and AI is no.
Anywho, so we wake up to it

Devonnie (35:51):
turn them into the silverware.
That's

Christina (35:55):
later.
Mercedes buys this box ofantique silverware, right?
And she is immediately drawn tothis fork.
It's her favorite fork.
Food just tastes better whenshe's got it in her mouth,
right?
She's always just twirlingaround her tongue.
She's gotta have this fork withher at all times, right?
And then she decides to lay downon the couch and get intimate
with her fork.

Jordan (36:18):
I mean, can you just tell me like, mouth or other get
intimate?

Christina (36:23):
Other.
It vibrates.

Jordan (36:25):
It's a fu okay.

Christina (36:27):
She is the other end,

Devonnie (36:28):
do you mean it vibrates?

Christina (36:30):
Well, because, like, when the guy is

Devonnie (36:31):
Not the tines of the fork?

Jordan (36:34):
but who doesn't have

Christina (36:34):
yeah, she uses the

Jordan (36:35):
okay, to be fair Doesn't everyone have a favorite
utensil?
Not to be weird about it.
Not like that kind of favoriteutensil,

Christina (36:41):
In

Devonnie (36:42):
gonna lie.
Yeah, I like eating from woodenspoons.
And I know that's like weird.

Jordan (36:47):
you.
Okay.
Okay, not get intimate weird,but

Devonnie (36:50):
No,

Christina (36:51):
in this book, they call it their cutlery kink cult.
Anywho, okay,

Devonnie (36:58):
do they?

Jordan (36:59):
I like that for them.

Christina (37:01):
yes, it's perfect for them.
Anywho, as she's doing hervibration, right as he's, she's
about to hit the big O, poof, heturns back into a man.
And, yeah.
So he's fully there in hisuniform because he had just been
at this fancy dinner forGermany's surrender and yada.
So he's in his all World War IIuniform, and Mercedes is like,
WTF, and she's hears his,

Jordan (37:23):
That's why you liked it, man in uniform.
You're a sucker.

Christina (37:28):
was good.
It was good.
Hears his whole backstory andshe literally tells him, she's
you're exactly like CaptainAmerica.

Devonnie (37:33):
Okay, so the author knew

Christina (37:35):
it, but he doesn't.
Because Marvel didn't exist backthen, but, anyhow, that's all I
think.
Anyways, so she decides to,

Jordan (37:41):
if in this world Marvel was written based on him?
Sorry, Captain Marvel.
I'm sorry.

Christina (37:46):
That was a forking good comment, Jordan.
Mercedes wants all the re well,Mercedes and Hugh, that's his
name, the soldier.
He wants to unlock the rest ofhis Platoon, because it's you
know, they're brothers and theyall said, till death, you know,
we're gonna stay together.
And he wants to like, see whatthis government agency's up to.
So she gives her good friendCheryl a spoon, and Cheryl gets

(38:07):
intimate with the spoon in thesequel, and brings about Jack.
And then there's a third friendin the third one, and that is,
um, Ray.
He's a knife.
Because he's a really dangerousguy, right?
It's a whole thing.
But they adapt really quickly.
They are able to use phones andstuff, and they're like, It's

(38:27):
just interesting to me, becauseI wouldn't think someone from 80
years ago would adapt easily tothis day and age.
But they seem to do pretty well.
And they're like,

Jordan (38:34):
it.

Devonnie (38:35):
Yeah, Christina's deep thinking about the forks, about
the damn cutlery.
Coming

Jordan (38:41):
Christina, let's be honest.
Are you gonna write some fanficon AO3 about

Christina (38:47):
I might.
It's pretty good.
This is pretty good.

Jordan (38:50):
Need to Yeah.

Christina (38:52):
author says one day maybe she'll write A follow up,
and call it Sporked, and it'sabout their kids.

Jordan (38:58):
Yes.

Devonnie (38:59):
No.

Jordan (38:59):
different responses.

Devonnie (39:01):
Yes.

Jordan (39:02):
No.

Christina (39:03):
Well, anywho

Jordan (39:04):
can I do you need a co author?
Do you need

Devonnie (39:07):
right,

Christina (39:08):
I'll write with you.

Jordan (39:09):
I have ideas.

Christina (39:10):
they're trying to take down the secret government
agency, figure out what allhappened.
Here's my favorite part, Jordan,you'll understand why.
The one girl, she's a scientist,and she figures out what was
given to them to help themtransform and stuff.
And so it was, like, anatomy, orDNA of certain sea creatures,
right?
Cephalopods.
Octopi.
Bye! Which is why they canregrow limbs and stuff.

Jordan (39:30):
I don't know why you say me, this is about you, ma'am.

Christina (39:33):
But I knew you'd get

Devonnie (39:34):
I was like, why would Jordan like this?

Jordan (39:38):
Christina, it's, look in the mirror, babe.

Christina (39:42):
Okay Yes,

Jordan (39:43):
sorry, no, keep going, please tell me about

Christina (39:45):
They have super speed, super strength, and they
can regrow any limbs.
If they haven't been 100 percentkilled, they can come back from
anything.
Even a snap neck.
They can come back from prettymuch everything.
It's just really cool andinteresting.
And they also can grow towhatever size they want.
So There's a lot of hot steamysex involving that and also like
they move at super speedincluding their tongues, which

(40:06):
is great.
It's just a lot of steamy sex

Devonnie (40:09):
understand why that fork was funny.

Christina (40:12):
library.

Devonnie (40:13):
we were all talking at once right there.

Christina (40:14):
I don't know.
I just love this series a lotmore than I was so good.

Devonnie (40:18):
Well, okay i'm not gonna lie to be fair so far
yours sounds like it has themost plot

Christina (40:24):
It

Devonnie (40:24):
what I'm saying?

Christina (40:25):
a hundred and eighty pages

Devonnie (40:26):
a lot of smutty scenes and super erotica.

Jordan (40:29):
That or

Devonnie (40:30):
yeah, so they're a long way longer.
Yeah.

Christina (40:32):
Mhm.

Jordan (40:34):
that or she just is really into it and is like
talking.

Christina (40:37):
I'm just like, yes, keep going.

Jordan (40:39):
It's what?

Devonnie (40:40):
Wait,

Christina (40:41):
No, just me.
Dreaming about it, that's all.
I want to get forked.

Devonnie (40:44):
sorry Adrion.

Jordan (40:45):
Oh, there it is.
There's the quote of the night.
Thank you.

Devonnie (40:48):
interesting.

Jordan (40:50):
Ah,

Devonnie (40:51):
No thanks.
Yeah,

Christina (40:54):
Yeah, Jordan,

Devonnie (40:54):
say.

Christina (40:55):
take us in.
I

Jordan (40:56):
squeak.
I should have gotten balloonsfor this and rubbed them
together for the

Devonnie (41:02):
No, that would actually drive me crazy.
I

Jordan (41:05):
Because, so for my second squeak who knew?
I'm going to cut so much of thisdirty stuff.

Devonnie (41:13):
don't have another rec,

Christina (41:14):
have one more and it's short,

Jordan (41:15):
okay.
Squeakverse, number one, fromVera Valentine.
Okay.
This is a twisted tale.

Christina (41:27):
Dun!

Jordan (41:27):
I want you to just, I need everyone to close their
eyes for a moment, and I needyou to Two balloon animals, one
a vibrant purple, and another abright red.
And those are your two MMCs,okay?
This is a Why Choose.
This is an Omegaverse.
Which it said that at thebeginning, but it did not quite

(41:48):
register in my brain Omegaverseuntil I got to that part in the
book and I was like, oh, whatthe mother just happened?
Okay.
So Poppy, everyday gal, she'sgoing to art school at a local
com Yep, at a local communitycollege.
She goes to the zoo with hersketchbook because that's the

(42:10):
best place for her to see getinspiration and like sketch
people, right?
She has this corner.
She goes and sits in.
One day, really hot.
She's thinking about goingacross the way to go to the
water fountain, but she doesn'twant to pack all her stuff up to
go a few feet, but she doesn'ttrust to leave it and all of a
sudden she hears this squeakbehind her.
And she looks behind her and theballoon, the guy that does the

(42:32):
balloon animals.
Is standing behind her and he'sso hot.
Enter Sebastian.
He does balloon animals for allthe kids.
He's I'll watch your stuff foryou if you need to go get a
drink.
Better yet.
Better yet.
My buddy is working in theconcession and if you want to
come cool off in the concessionstand, I'll get you a bottle of
water.

(42:53):
Thank you so much.
Okay.
Let's go.
Anyway, she goes.
This other guy, his friend,glares her down.
Doesn't want her in there.
What the fuck is she doing inhere?
Get out of here.
She's drawn to those broodyeyes.
But she leaves.
She's not welcome.
Okay, plot twist.
I guess, Sebastian and I alwaysforget the other guy's name.

(43:13):
Kian.
They are not just BFFs.
They are lovers.

Christina (43:17):
Nice.
Okay.

Jordan (43:18):
Not only that, but they are were balloons?
They're all they're technicallytulpas.
So tulpas are, it comes from aform of magic where if you
believe in something enough andput belief into an object, it
will come to life.
So these are balloon men.
Essentially they appear human.

(43:40):
There's a whole system to dowith their cocks based on the.
What is it, the, not the tulpamaster, the tulpa whatever
person.
This woman from a carnivalbrought them into being using
magic that she had found and shebasically used them as sex
slaves.
And slaves around her tent ingeneral.

(44:01):
And they discovered that theydidn't have to just exist for
her.
They could be together.
And so they found comfort ineach other until they finally
were able to sneak away from herin the circus.
And so what they're doing atthis zoo, is they got jobs there
to try and find a way to becomepermanent without being around

(44:23):
her, right?
So they're on a clock.
They're trying to get away fromthis abusive situation.
So it's actually, there's a veryserious Side to this

Devonnie (44:30):
that's very serious.

Jordan (44:32):
there's, yes, it is very serious.
It's 54 pages.
Just a heads up, it's not likethis big novel.
And there together, Kian is veryterritorial over Sebastian.
Sebastian was created to be likethe fun, charismatic guy to hand
out tickets and get sales.
Kian was more muscle to like,take down the tents and things

(44:55):
like that, so he's very seriousabout that.
But Kian goes to try to findthey need an artist to do these
sigils, right?
Because the magic will only workif a real living being does it.
They are technically not realliving beings, so they cannot do
the magic that's needed.
And that's why Sebastian broughther in to begin with, because
he's she's a really good artist,she can do these sigils, like we

(45:16):
can get her to do this for us.
And Kian's screw that, she's,the way she's, I don't like the
way she's looking at you, I'mgonna get a different artist.
So he takes the bus to the localschool.
And he accidentally ends up,spoiler, he ends up near the art
class, right?
Cause he's looking for anartist.
And the teacher's thinks he'sthe male model, because of
course the woman that createdthem made them into her perfect

(45:39):
images.
So they're of course hot.
So he gets stripped down topose.
Peace.
Guess who's class he's in topose for?
And guess who ends up fucking inthe supply closet after class?
Things happen.
And if you know Omegaverse, knowwhat happens in the act.
And so it's like this big thingThings are revealed But I'm

(46:03):
gonna read.
I just I won't tell you all thedetails of the dicks in this
because There is somethingspecial about it.
Obviously, if it's Omegaverse,there's nodding.
it's very unique to this.
Also, their cum is funnel cakefrosting

Christina (46:20):
would literally love that.
I'd be drinking it

Jordan (46:23):
because they're from the circus.
I mean, yeah, Dev, you're onmute, but like I see you
agreeing.
Yeah.

Devonnie (46:30):
I forgot I was on mute.
But yeah, I would love that.

Jordan (46:33):
Yeah.
I mean, who

Christina (46:34):
gobbling that up.

Jordan (46:35):
This is from the Supply Closet.
Poppy, you're safe, but wereally need to talk.
He tilted his hips and noddeddownwards, where his entire
pelvic region, still locked intomy own, had gone a deep royal
purple and translucent.
I screamed.

Christina (46:55):
I would too.

Devonnie (46:56):
too.
Can you imagine?
You look down and there's aballoon?
That's crazy.

Jordan (47:02):
You just had the best sex of your life and you look
down and it's it's aninflatable.
And

Devonnie (47:07):
Oh my

Jordan (47:08):
heard squeaking.

Devonnie (47:09):
Vera.
Oh, no.

Christina (47:11):
Squeak.

Devonnie (47:14):
No,

Christina (47:15):
10 out of 10.

Jordan (47:16):
good.
Anyways, it's actually, ifyou're looking for something
unhinged, it was good.
I mean, like for unhinged, it,there was a plot.
I thought of you a lot,Christina.
I was like, this is Christinawritten all over it.
So that's squeaking.

Christina (47:32):
read that.

Devonnie (47:33):
Yeah,

Christina (47:33):
Okay, so back to me again.

Jordan (47:35):
I'll never look at it the same.

Devonnie (47:37):
right.

Christina (47:38):
I would just lick

Jordan (47:38):
you have another one, I have one to mention, but you do
your last one.

Christina (47:42):
Okay, here's my last rec.
This book is called Triceratopsand Bottoms by Lola Faust.

Jordan (47:48):
Yes.

Christina (47:50):
If you couldn't tell by the title, this is a dinosaur
erotica.
It's very short, about an houron Audible, which is how I
listen to it.
It's set about a hundred yearsin the future.
Humans have nanobots that caterto their every need.
They also have Dev, this is foryou.
Interactions with aliens,specifically blue aliens.

Jordan (48:12):
Oh, yeah.
I was like, why are you callingher out?
Oh, that's why.

Devonnie (48:21):
Love my blue aliens.

Christina (48:23):
so the main character, Erin, has had
interactions with these aliensand she's done pretty much
everything she wants to do andshe's she's a sexaholic and
she's bored.
So she decides to try somethingnew and use this new invention
called a time belt, which islike a time machine you wear to
travel back to the Jurassicperiod.
And She decides.

Jordan (48:42):
dinosaur.

Christina (48:43):
Mhm, yeah.
It is.
She decides she wants new sexpartners.
Her first is a Triceratops thatshe names Sarah.
I mean, they can't speak, right?
But she's thinking that he'sinto her,

Devonnie (48:56):
wait a minute.

Christina (48:59):
Yes, Jordan.

Jordan (49:00):
Christina?

Christina (49:02):
Yeah.

Jordan (49:03):
So I guess my first and really only question for this
one is are these literaldinosaurs?

Christina (49:09):
They are, Jordan.
They are.

Jordan (49:12):
Are they able to give consent?
Follow up.

Christina (49:17):
I mean, they seem to be into it, I guess, in the

Jordan (49:21):
Oh, no.
Oh

Devonnie (49:23):
crazy.
I thought we had, I thought we

Christina (49:26):
goes underneath the Triceratops and she's like
underneath.

Devonnie (49:33):
No

Christina (49:35):
She also takes it from behind, which I think would
be really hard.

Jordan (49:38):
Crushed

Devonnie (49:39):
could imagine.

Jordan (49:40):
Did

Christina (49:40):
She says he's very gentle and doesn't step on her.
But it's not just Sarah, okay?
She goes back multiple times toa Plesiosaur, a Carnotaurus, a
Pterodactyl.
Plesiosaur is in and out of thewater.
Pterodactyl while they'reflying.
She gets banned from the use ofthis time belt because of her

(50:02):
sexual explications withDinosaur.

Jordan (50:05):
Rhysand?

Christina (50:11):
Yeah, she was probably into the Batboys.
Living out a fantasy.
This is a very specific nichekink, just letting you know
that.
Also there's eight books in thisDinosaur Erotica series by Lola
Faust.
I'll read you two of my favoritetitles.
All I Want for Christmas isUtahraptor.
And Tyrannosaurus Sext.

Jordan (50:31):
I

Christina (50:31):
haven't read them all.
I just read this one.
But yeah.
Oh yeah, the All I Want forChristmas is Utahraptor, that's
the Christmas special one, ifyou want to unwrap a dick in a
box, that's very large.

Devonnie (50:40):
This actually

Jordan (50:42):
dicks.
I thought you said they don'thave dicks.

Christina (50:44):
Yes, now I'm, that gets to my scientific part of
this.
Dinosaurs don't have dicksbecause birds are their
descendants, right?
But in this story, they haddicks because she's all up
rubbing on their hard length andstuff like with two hands
because they're very large,right?

Jordan (51:00):
She's just walking up to random I'm

Christina (51:02):
well, she says,

Devonnie (51:04):
Yeah, she has a problem.

Jordan (51:06):
Oh,

Devonnie (51:06):
needs to seek help.
In her world, she needs help.
How does she know?

Christina (51:11):
Well, like there's a Tyrannosaurus after her and the
herd of Triceratops protectsher, like puts her inside the
herd like they do the babies,you know, and stuff like when

Jordan (51:20):
because she's tiny.

Christina (51:22):
And so this one keeps nudging on her and stuff and
looks into her eyes and she's Ifelt a connection.

Jordan (51:28):
Hey, you didn't think it was sweet when the turkey in the
were stuffed by the were turkeydid it, so why is it sweet when
a dinosaur does it?
It's not.

Devonnie (51:36):
It's not.

Christina (51:37):
It's unhinged, that's all I have to say.

Devonnie (51:39):
Like I like that she gets her privileges revoked from
the

Christina (51:44):
take away her rights.
But then a really rich lady buysher another time belt because
the rich don't have any lawsthey have to follow.
Go figure.
So Anywho, if you are apaleontologist, you may not like
this story because you know thatdinosaurs have cloacas.
Daphne doesn't like the wordcloaca, but they have cloacas.

(52:04):
And, not dicks, but cloacas.

Jordan (52:12):
love you so much.
I'm so glad you're here to giveus these recs.
I'm gonna talk about one that Iintended to read, but I didn't
have enough time.
I'm just gonna move away fromthat word and pretend it never
happened.
So one I really want to read.
So for reference, we are filmingthis on November 4th.
Tomorrow is the election here inthe United States and we're all

(52:34):
feeling a lot of feels.
Okay, a lot of us are verystressed.
It's we're trying todisassociate But if you would
like to disassociate andobviously this is going to come
out after the election forwhatever happens Which I comment
but no comment.
If you need something to laughabout In relation to this pushin

(52:56):
cushions a political sentientobject romance by vera valentine
in unfortunate reads

Devonnie (53:04):
look

Christina (53:04):
about?

Devonnie (53:04):
Pharah.

Jordan (53:06):
Dennis J.
Rantz has been under immensepressure since being chosen as
the vice presidential candidate.
His running mate is a dumpsterfire, his wife left him, and
he's working 90 hours a week.
He desperately needs a break anddecides it's time to take care
of himself for once.
So what's a man to do?
Yeah, what's a man to do whenhe's alone and needs release?

(53:30):
Not the shower, apparently.
Cause, well, Dennis is a littledifferent.
When his unusual usual methodsfail, it's time to indulge in
one of his most forbiddendesires.
It worked for him in college,with that ratty old couch.
And this new one is just soplush.

(53:53):
Dennis doesn't know thisfurniture has a sinister secret
of its own.
This is a demon couch and hefucks the demon couch.

Devonnie (54:04):
I just yeah Vera, you're something else, babe.

Jordan (54:10):
Okay, so that's the description on goodreads, but I
do want to I do want to bringthis over to the The legal info
they had to put at the beginningof this book So if you're
listening to this and you areoffended by this and you're
offended by this Sorry, you'regonna be offended by a lot, I
would say.
But the following sentientobject romance story is a work

(54:32):
of fiction and is classified asparody.
For legal reasons, the authorsare clearly stating that there
is no hard evidence that anyRepublican vice presidential
candidate has ever had ordesired sexual relationships
with furniture or oceanicmammals.
Political satire is an art formthat has existed for hundreds of

(54:55):
years.
This is just the latestincarnation.
Regardless of whether you findthis story hilarious or
infuriating, we encourage you tocheck out Our voter
registrations your voterregistration status and show up
to the polls on election day toexercise your rights.

Devonnie (55:10):
Yeah, I remember reading that.
I was like, good for you.

Christina (55:14):
I love it.

Devonnie (55:16):
Cause that one came out this year, I

Jordan (55:18):
yeah.

Devonnie (55:19):
Pushing Cushions

Jordan (55:20):
This came out july 27.
It's like the story broke.
They're like perfect.
We're writing it Let's do it.
44 pages I look forward to We'llsee how tomorrow goes I might
not be in the read the mood toread it But I feel like i'm
gonna be in the mood to read itsoon no matter what happens Like
it's gonna be a good catharticand when I tell you so I'm

(55:40):
looking at the ratings This hasa for an unhinged vera valentine
story.
It has a 3.
89 It has 142 5 star ratings 89

Christina (55:51):
Wow.

Jordan (55:52):
4 stars so 40 rated it 5 star 25 rated it 4.
I mean

Christina (56:00):
It's well liked.

Jordan (56:01):
The top review is titled Justice for Cat Ladies.
That's all I have to say.

Christina (56:07):
The childless cat ladies are here.

Jordan (56:08):
Push

Christina (56:08):
love that.
That's just perfect.

Jordan (56:10):
Deb, did you had one that you were gonna read?
Or you were going to and youdidn't have time or something?

Devonnie (56:15):
Yes, I wanted to read Cold Sweat, which is also by
Vera Valentine, and this one islike a step sibling romance, but
the male sibling is actually theKool Aid man.
That's all I got for you.
That's all I got for you aboutthat one.

Jordan (56:35):
I saw

Christina (56:35):
my gosh.
Literally was when I startedlike researching these books and
like the recommended books thatwere coming up and I'm like,
There's so many of these.
This is great.

Jordan (56:44):
so funny.
It made, it makes me feel like Icould write something.
I mean, this gives you theaudacity, right?
This makes you think.

Christina (56:51):
Jordan, do one about your, do one about your podcast
microphone.

Jordan (56:57):
mean this

Christina (56:58):
one night while I was editing, it was just me

Jordan (57:02):
It's awfully

Devonnie (57:03):
That would actually be funny.

Christina (57:05):
It'd be perfect.

Jordan (57:06):
Oh god.

Christina (57:07):
Put it up on AO3, I'll read it.
Aw,

Jordan (57:10):
This is I really missed you

Christina (57:12):
I

Jordan (57:12):
We talked a lot outside of it But I have really missed
you in this space and I hopewe'll have more time in the
future thanks everyone forlistening to us ramble about our
truly unhinged romance books.
If you're looking for moreRomance Recs, be sure to follow
us on Instagram and TikTok atRomance Recs Pod.
You can also find us on Threadsnow and Discord.

(57:36):
You can find our favorite bookRecs from our episodes as well
as behind the scenes content.
Again, that's at Romance RecsPod, so make sure to give us a
follow and we'll be back in alittle bit with another episode.
Bye!

Christina (57:51):
Bye!

Devonnie (57:52):
Bye!