Romancing the Pod

“It would be like standing right next to Gallagher as he smashes a watermelon”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Poetic Justice. This film has everything: a possible Italian sandwich, passing out in Waffle Houses, And a risky Yelp review reviews. If you love road trip poetry, Maya Angelou cameos, and Tupac delivering mail like it’s foreplay, this episode’s for you!

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"Any way you slice that, that's the most interesting funeral you've ever been to."

This week’s most romantic movie is... Deliver Us From Eva. This film has everything: A Mayor involved in a pending sex scandal, a $5,000 house, And a plan that would straight up get you thrown in federal prison. If you love mayoral wingmen, salty sisters, and felonies as foreplay, this episode’s for you!

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"Paige made us look at duck titties"

This week’s most romantic movie is... Howard the Duck. This film has everything: Tiny used condoms, illegal jacuzzis you can rent by the hour, And a horrific truth about ducks that are "Tops". If you love Cajun sushi diners, Quack Fu mugging lessons, and a Stargate that’s somehow being used to test space gases, this episode’s for you!

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"The Mask is sexy Animaniacs."

This week’s most romantic movie is... The Mask. This film has everything: a live action Pepe Le Pew, pants pockets filled with gags, And the dumbest version of the Hulk you'll ever see. If you love green zoot-suits, balloon-animal's crossing the rainbow bridge, and literal puppy heros, this episode’s for you!

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"May I Keep It"

This week's most romantic movie is... Robin Hood: Men in Tights. This film has everything: a cell block maitre d. Dummies built for battle. And Dave back when he was really funny. If you love velcro beards, soup-can helmets, and red-carpet rollup mid-brawl, this episode's for you!

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"Like a church dance at a laser quest."

This week's most romantic movie is... Mannequin: On the Move. This film has everything: Sunglasses Scissors, Mole's with a rat tail, and an overly flirtatious Blue Knight. If you love sitcom-length plots, where-the-butt-starts debates, and GDP measured in mannequins, this episode's for you!

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"She put her hands in God's mouth."

This week's most romantic movie is... When Harry Met Sally. This film has everything: Wagon wheel coffee tables, a surprise Christmas grovel, and a first kiss that was as weak as a LaCroix. If you love pastrami priorities, Chris Bridge's dating rules, and song-machine chaos, this episode's for you!

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"Holy shit, is this Christmas Carol, John Wick?"

This week’s most romantic movie is... Spirited. This movie has everything: Monthly Showers, Dolly getting Dickens'ed down, And the worst Tattoo ideas you ever hear come out of Tampa. If you love afterlife office politics, musical numbers that absolutely commit, and wildly confident bad ideas, this episode’s for you!

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"I hope she's got a lot of lotion or another sex cardigan."

This week's most romantic movie is... Wicked: For Good. This film has everything: Technicolor Arrakis, the third worst pizza Paige has ever laid eyes on, and lifting a possible lover 20 feet off the ground... because of the implication. If you love whip-stealing women, killer songs, and two people yelling "JUST KISS ALREADY" at the screen, this episode's for you!

Pl...

“Bitch, I am the Wizard”

This week’s most romantic movie is… Wicked. This film has everything: A flying squirrel playing drums, A master in chaos theory doing shitty slight of hand, And a Orgy when you least expect it. If you love erotically serious line readings, talking horses, and square-trouser roasts, this episode’s for you!

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“The sexiest thing a man can wear is a properly fitting apology.”

This week’s most romantic movie is… Die Hard. This film has everything: The world’s scariest airport, Graceful high kicks, And a man standing in front of his wife asking her to duck already. If you love film-school flexes, Krampus-level holiday pettiness, and Karate Kid chaos in a skyscraper, this episode’s for you!

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“ We’re Americans and consumerism is our God. ”

This week’s most romantic movie is… A Merry Little Ex-Mas. This film has everything: Ungrateful little shits, A tearaway tux posing as heroic formalwear, And the longest commercial for energy efficient appliances...ever. If you love sultry Saint Nick vibes, Simpsons snowplow callbacks, and stripper-puppeteer chaos, this episode’s for you!

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“This movie was written by child GPT.”

This week’s hottest movie is… Our Little Secret. This film has everything: Idiots building business plans, A long lost MacFarlane brother, And a Praise and Worship band that actually slaps. If you love alien screenwriting seminars, phantom cookie exchanges, and time-traveling church-lady couture, this episode’s for you!

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“The swine intervention.”

This week’s hottest movie is… Penelope. This film has everything: intimate corkscrew logistics, Bacon ads at the worst time, And nailing the premise of Love is Blind a full 15 years before the Lachey's decided to ruin peoples lives with it. If you love fairytale chaos, snack-based outrage, and messy modern romance, this episode’s for you!

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“Oh, look, it’s the trash-ass apple again.”

This week’s hottest movie is... The Wrong Paris. This film has everything: sexy shirtless land barons, a “Nashville” accent that’s as Nashville as Shania Twain, and proposals that sparkle with diamonds and, yes, actual gold bars. If you love city synonyms servicing skullduggery, a shirtless man "Washing" a horse, and a country girl realizing she needs more country in her life, th...

“My brain just went ribbit.”

This week’s hottest movie is... The Shape of Water. This film has everything: terrible pick up lines. a secret hatch to untold pleasures. And a women who loves getting wet. If you love movies with cursed flirting, forbidden hardware, and unapologetically aquatic thirst, this episode’s for you!

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“Ma’am, you are not the devil, but you may be the devil’s daughter.”

This film has everything: a self-help guide for escaping incellery. religious recommendations from a stranger no one likes. And a cautionary tale about why you should avoid the super-hot stranger who’s a little too into you. If you love late nights with the devil and Brendan Fraser pining over his soulmates doppelgänger, this episode’s for you!

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“He’s the worst ophthalmologist ever, he never saw any of this coming.”

This week’s hottest movie is... Crimson Peak.

This film has everything: a six foot baguette sadly loafing around, terrible real estate choices, And a mother doesn't love her daughter enough to properly warn her. If you love sad bread energy, cursed property vibes, and siblings that can't want to get one in, this episode’s for you!

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“If he had brought a pig under his arm—it’s Hamlet.”

This week’s hottest movie is... Teen Witch. This film has everything: a bow-tyrant teaching civics, An agent of chaos that thinks he's in a different movie, And a hallway rap squad you wish would just lose themselves, and give you a moment with mom's spaghetti. If you love terrible teachers, gremlin energy, and haunted hallways, this episode’s for you!

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