Romancing the Pod

"What's Bowie gonna do with that baby"

This week's most romantic movie is... Labyrinth. This film has everything: environmental fart math, size-magic pharmaceuticals, And arboreal revenge sequels. If you love Goblin Parliament marketing plans, truckstop sex-worker wigs, and M.C. Escher slander, this episode's for you!

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"Your crucifixion maxing, bro.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Sing Street. This film has everything: celestial class warfare, postmortem party planning, And vampire foreshadowing. If you love Canadian-model alibis, Morrissey-loving gangsters, and tech-bro yacht etiquette, this episode’s for you!

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“I guess I'll just die then”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Legend. This film has everything: combustible studios, darkness wrecking balls, And hoop-ready couture. If you love fish-based marriage loopholes, AOL goblin poetry, and federal-prison Letterboxd, this episode’s for you!

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“This man is not analog. He's rich.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Something Wild. This film has everything: mandatory funeral serenades, lethally sexy sharks, And liquor-store pipe wisdom. If you love Christmas-in-June, Diet Coke performance reviews, and horribly misquoted Bible studies, this episode’s for you!

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“I could make it 100% better in just four words: Directed by Baz Luhrmann.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Sense and Sensibility. This film has everything: front diapers, Terrorist heartbreakers, And tears for the landed gentry. If you love Fanny wordplay, wedding cakes on stilts, and are really anal about horse cinematography, this episode’s for you!

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“I’d recognize that dick print a mile away.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Letters to Juliet. This film has everything: conveniently widowed vineyard owners, WW2 era celebratory sex pests, And a Spartacus-sized Lorenzo census. If you love hostile truffle games, newsroom understudies, and divinely discounted hot dogs, this episode’s for you!

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“The first act of this movie is not a rom-com. It’s the perfect crime.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... You, Me & Tuscany. This film has everything: Victorian raccoon crime syndicates, open-ended Tuscany tickets, And Matrix-glitch rock gardens. If you love Criss Angel sandwich wrapping, eight-pack sprinkler rescues, and Liam Neeson travel planning, this episode’s for you!

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“Did you just take Barbarian and control-all ‘murder’ to put in ‘kissing’?”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Love in the Villa. This film has everything: cheese trafficking, an modest sangria empire, And TripAdvisor instead of screenwriters. If you love orphanage luggage deliveries, olive-based attempted murder, and toilet-pamphlet plotlines, this episode’s for you!

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“Pasta is the warmest color.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Under the Tuscan Sun. This film has everything: literal duckface, mean compliments, And way too much writer self-love. If you love Tuscan Raiders, never-ending breadstick diplomacy, and romantic Barbarian energy, this episode's for you!

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“She is a clown blazer away from just a full ass clown suit.”

This week's most romantic movie is... Roman Holiday. This film has everything: emergency bangs consultations, comically long paper money, And a first kiss so disgusting, it's guaranteed to give you Giardia. If you love Italy tourism propaganda, top crisis secrets, and loose Gambinos, this episode's for you!

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“Good food made by great people who made bad decisions.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Rent. This film has everything: Window Pains, Killer songs, And Cows on the right side of history. If you love narc documentaries, Law and Order math, and TMNT grief counseling, this episode’s for you!

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“I’ll shoot it, Paige. It’s my Roomba.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Dicks the Musical, featuring special guest Danielle Perez. This film has everything: Homemade sand, Hand-job methphors, And Fire Island DJ cosplaying as god. If you love the sewer-boys, medically horny twins, and Uber rides with benefits, this episode’s for you!

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“What is the outside of a cheese stick if not a cheese condom?”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Kissing Jessica Stein. This film has everything: equine flatulence, attendee hecklers, And knowing when to walk away from Hot Cross Buns-level art. If you love lavender marriage math, twin-bed logistics, and Jon Hamm as a sexual-orientation litmus test, this episode’s for you!

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“I think Ang Lee has some sort of tear fetish."

This week’s most romantic movie is... Brokeback Mountain. This film has everything: Alma the Elder, rodeo-clown rejection, And Thanksgiving turkey chainsaws. If you love crying through cowboy hats, sheep-based emotional support, and store-wrapped fishing evidence, this episode’s for you!

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“It was wild to me that when they get there, they didn’t try the 'Helen Who' defense.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Troy. This film has everything: Cutting edge fighting techniques, Roasting neighborhood children, And using a papyrus scroll to call in sick to war. If you wish you could copy-and-paste Jason Mantzoukas, see the world’s dopest trick horse, and Pentatonix pantheons, this episode&rs...

“Please, sir, can I have some less?”

This week's most romantic movie is... Lady Chatterley's Lover. This film has everything: Gushed-up getaways, God-approved marriage counseling, And historically accurate parachute panties. If you love 50 Shades of Hay, horny gamekeepers, and class-war cunnilingus, this episode's for you!

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“Satan has a summer home in his voice box.”

This week's most romantic movie is... The Count of Monte Cristo. This film has everything: Terrible sense of directions, Montel-style paternity reveals, And landlocked sea-leg maintenance. If you love Spirit Halloween, goatee-level disguises, and the count of sandwiches, this episode's for you!

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“Foiled again by our own made up rules.”

This week's most romantic movie is... Pride and Prejudice. This film has everything: Darcy’s opinion kink, historically accurate boredom, And more compliments that a potato is due. If you love only-hands thirst traps, laundry zip lines, and pig-testicle cinematography, this episode's for you!

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“Is it like a hubris Bermuda Triangle over there?”

This week's most romantic movie is... Titanic. This film has everything: Nudes leaked by the news, Ghost Math, And makeout-based maritime disasters. If you love synthesizer church, God’s cocktail, and walking-pasta immigration stories, this episode's for you!

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What did you...