Romancing the Pod

“My mother's maiden name is LeBaron, and when my friend found that out, he called me Chrysler for three years.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Mrs. Winterbourne. This film has everything: stallion-mouth self-help, Shredder-style childbirth, And Catholic tits-and-ass rulings. If you love mandatory bad Boston accents, murder-scene Better Cheddars, and family-wide Spartacus defenses, this episode’s for yo...

“He can't have a dick made of magic and money.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... The Rocketeer. This film has everything: Handsaw helmet engineering, jetpack chicken nuggets, And Timothy Dolphin sponsorship drives. If you love dog-shaped airstrip diners, accidental aviation hyperfixations, and smuggled Nazi cartoons, this episode’s for you!

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“If you think teeth are bad on nursing, try a beak.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Rock a Doodle. This film has everything: Lisa Frank vomit spells, TARDIS rooster helicopters, And gay-owl organ recitals. If you love no-birds penguin dress codes, Left Shark starfish Snuggies, and OnlyFeathers side hustles, this episode’s for you!

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"What's Bowie gonna do with that baby"

This week's most romantic movie is... Labyrinth. This film has everything: environmental fart math, size-magic pharmaceuticals, And arboreal revenge sequels. If you love Goblin Parliament marketing plans, truckstop sex-worker wigs, and M.C. Escher slander, this episode's for you!

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"Your crucifixion maxing, bro.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Sing Street. This film has everything: celestial class warfare, postmortem party planning, And vampire foreshadowing. If you love Canadian-model alibis, Morrissey-loving gangsters, and tech-bro yacht etiquette, this episode’s for you!

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“I guess I'll just die then”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Legend. This film has everything: combustible studios, darkness wrecking balls, And hoop-ready couture. If you love fish-based marriage loopholes, AOL goblin poetry, and federal-prison Letterboxd, this episode’s for you!

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“This man is not analog. He's rich.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Something Wild. This film has everything: mandatory funeral serenades, lethally sexy sharks, And liquor-store pipe wisdom. If you love Christmas-in-June, Diet Coke performance reviews, and horribly misquoted Bible studies, this episode’s for you!

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“I could make it 100% better in just four words: Directed by Baz Luhrmann.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Sense and Sensibility. This film has everything: front diapers, Terrorist heartbreakers, And tears for the landed gentry. If you love Fanny wordplay, wedding cakes on stilts, and are really anal about horse cinematography, this episode’s for you!

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“I’d recognize that dick print a mile away.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Letters to Juliet. This film has everything: conveniently widowed vineyard owners, WW2 era celebratory sex pests, And a Spartacus-sized Lorenzo census. If you love hostile truffle games, newsroom understudies, and divinely discounted hot dogs, this episode’s for you!

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“The first act of this movie is not a rom-com. It’s the perfect crime.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... You, Me & Tuscany. This film has everything: Victorian raccoon crime syndicates, open-ended Tuscany tickets, And Matrix-glitch rock gardens. If you love Criss Angel sandwich wrapping, eight-pack sprinkler rescues, and Liam Neeson travel planning, this episode’s for you!

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“Did you just take Barbarian and control-all ‘murder’ to put in ‘kissing’?”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Love in the Villa. This film has everything: cheese trafficking, an modest sangria empire, And TripAdvisor instead of screenwriters. If you love orphanage luggage deliveries, olive-based attempted murder, and toilet-pamphlet plotlines, this episode’s for you!

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“Pasta is the warmest color.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Under the Tuscan Sun. This film has everything: literal duckface, mean compliments, And way too much writer self-love. If you love Tuscan Raiders, never-ending breadstick diplomacy, and romantic Barbarian energy, this episode's for you!

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“She is a clown blazer away from just a full ass clown suit.”

This week's most romantic movie is... Roman Holiday. This film has everything: emergency bangs consultations, comically long paper money, And a first kiss so disgusting, it's guaranteed to give you Giardia. If you love Italy tourism propaganda, top crisis secrets, and loose Gambinos, this episode's for you!

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“Good food made by great people who made bad decisions.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Rent. This film has everything: Window Pains, Killer songs, And Cows on the right side of history. If you love narc documentaries, Law and Order math, and TMNT grief counseling, this episode’s for you!

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“I’ll shoot it, Paige. It’s my Roomba.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Dicks the Musical, featuring special guest Danielle Perez. This film has everything: Homemade sand, Hand-job methphors, And Fire Island DJ cosplaying as god. If you love the sewer-boys, medically horny twins, and Uber rides with benefits, this episode’s for you!

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“What is the outside of a cheese stick if not a cheese condom?”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Kissing Jessica Stein. This film has everything: equine flatulence, attendee hecklers, And knowing when to walk away from Hot Cross Buns-level art. If you love lavender marriage math, twin-bed logistics, and Jon Hamm as a sexual-orientation litmus test, this episode’s for you!

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“I think Ang Lee has some sort of tear fetish."

This week’s most romantic movie is... Brokeback Mountain. This film has everything: Alma the Elder, rodeo-clown rejection, And Thanksgiving turkey chainsaws. If you love crying through cowboy hats, sheep-based emotional support, and store-wrapped fishing evidence, this episode’s for you!

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“It was wild to me that when they get there, they didn’t try the 'Helen Who' defense.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Troy. This film has everything: Cutting edge fighting techniques, Roasting neighborhood children, And using a papyrus scroll to call in sick to war. If you wish you could copy-and-paste Jason Mantzoukas, see the world’s dopest trick horse, and Pentatonix pantheons, this episode&rs...

“Please, sir, can I have some less?”

This week's most romantic movie is... Lady Chatterley's Lover. This film has everything: Gushed-up getaways, God-approved marriage counseling, And historically accurate parachute panties. If you love 50 Shades of Hay, horny gamekeepers, and class-war cunnilingus, this episode's for you!

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