Romancing the Pod

“Did I fall asleep for a second?”

This week’s hottest movie is... The Wedding Banquet. This film has everything: Avant-garde quilt energy. Sexy paperwork. And a surprise pregnancy caused by Bowen's THAAAAAAAAANG.If you love drag dragons, Civil War diary entries, and marriage proposals that would make ICE furious, this episode’s for you!

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“He’s on a 1% Rumspringa.”

This week’s hottest movie is... My Own Private Idaho. This film has everything: Narcoleptic street naps. A Shakespearean crime daddy and his Red Hot Chili hype goblin. And the most emotionally devastating campfire scene since The Parent Trap. If you love cult leader Paige, Dutch Boy roleplay, and bisexual tragedy on a wheatfield highway, this episode’s for you.

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“Jennifer Tilly is playing F Chess.”

This week’s slickest lesbian noir is... Bound. This film has everything: a mob nepo baby who looks like he got kicked out of Boyz II Men, a literal money-laundering montage complete with ironing, and a full-on power move where Gina Gershon goes knuckles deep... then shakes the husband’s hand. If you love vibey noir lighting, criminal scissoring, and domination so subtle it gets hand-deli...

"She looks like one of the people from Planet of the Apes. And by people, I mean apes."

This week’s most unhinged movie is… Color of Night. This film has everything: a possessed Casio keyboard soundtrack, a man narrating his own life out loud like a noir detective who’s never heard of internal monologue, and a surprise Bruce Willis full-frontal that gives the only believable performance in the entire film. If you love chaot...

“She just threw up a Kristen Stewart.”

This week’s thirstiest movie is Love Lies Bleeding. This film has everything: A gym manager elbow-deep in body horror plumbing. Ed Harris’s forehead winning the Picard for best hairline. An underground love story so jacked on roids and vibes it’s basically She-Hulk by way of A24. If you love magical realism, anabolic steroids, and bodybuilder thirst with a side of murder, this episode’...

“Welcome back to posthumous pregnancy court, where we decide if this dead lady was actually pregnant or not.”

This week’s thirstiest thriller is... Fatal Attraction. This film has everything: A 100-minute rage mixtape that makes “Side B” a hostage situation, a man with the kind of dick that makes you skip the hospital and reach for the knife drawer, and Glenn Close dressed like she’s about to hack Keanu Reeves’ brain chip i...

"Diane Lane gave it all up for a dude who would go down on her."

This week’s thirstiest trainwreck is… Unfaithful.

This film has everything: a murder snow globe, Diane Lane furiously scrubbing her nethers with literal train water, and a full Beauty and the Beast crossover you’ll never see coming. If you love messy affairs, murder husbands, and sex scenes that somehow involve a public restroom soap dispenser, this episode’s ...

"How dare she do that to Puss in Boots?"

This week’s most confused kink movie is... Babygirl. This film has everything: a possibly unhinged needle drop, a disappearing cult subplot, and a main character trying to explore vulnerability while also spearheading the automation apocalypse. If you love messy power dynamics, baffling sex scenes, and standing in the corner like a good girl, this episode’s for you!

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"Could you do a dick lineup?"

This week’s thirstiest movie is... Spy. This film has everything. An Olympian level hip dick. A CIA agent demanding access to Schrödinger’s Face/Off machine. And the answer to "What’s the only acceptable catcall in Italy?" If you love unhinged spycraft, extremely subtle romance, and Jason Statham literally falling upward, this episode’s for you!

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"You gotta go get it with your tongue, please.”

This week’s hottest movie is... The Spy Who Dumped Me. This film has everything: A rogue microchip hidden in a very personal location, Spy skills honed through Duck Hunt, and a missed opportunity Todd just couldn't not mention. If you love chaotic horniness, spy movies written by people who’ve never met a spy, and Mila Kunis falling for the first tall man with an accent, this...

“This is Mr. & Mrs. Smith if they had a baby right after college.”

This week’s hottest movie is... Date Night. This film has everything: A chicken nugget mysteriously covered in black ink. A Tripplehorn reference that amazingly isn't about a Ska Band. That moment when someone turns the gun sideways and you know—that’s the kill shot. If you love mid-marriage chaos, Tina Fey’s feral judgment skills, and Steve Carell just ...

“They become shooting star-crossed lovers. It’s Shakespearean, Paige.”

This week’s hottest movie is... Lockout. This film has everything, A briefcase full of absolutely nothing, A plot so chaotic they didn’t even credit cocaine with a story credit, And The Rock… but like, in space, with none of the emotional depth and all of the Guy Pearce. If you love milky-eyed villains, fake Shakespeare, and romance that’s more punches t...

"This movie is the Emperor's New Clothes… but from the Emperor’s perspective."

This week’s hottest movie is... S1m0ne. This film has everything: A man with an eye tumor from sitting too close to a computer, a studio exec who hears "never pay actors again" and says "perfect," and a pair of parasocial paparazzi Rosencrantz and Guildensterns who are horny for a woman who doesn’t exist. If you love digital delusions, movie-maki...

"Holly Hunter convincingly portrays someone who wants to fuck a man six feet shorter than her"

This week’s weirdest romance movie is... Always (With Special Guest Eli Bosnick). This film has everything... A ghost who spends his afterlife trying to cockblock his ex, John Goodman single-handedly carrying the emotional weight of the movie, Richard Dreyfuss refusing to let death stop him from being the worst boyfriend ever. If ...

"Angela does a drive-by on her own bedroom."

This week’s wildest movie is Why Did I Get Married Too? This film has everything: K-9-level detective work from a man who can smell infidelity, a trauma wheel that only Tyler Perry would dare spin, and a woman who looked at divorce court and said, “Nah, I’ll just commit vehicular manslaughter.”

If you love chaos, questionable legal decisions, and a completely unhinged look at marr...

"They know how to use a Blige."

This weeks Hottest movie is.... I Can Do Bad All By Myself. This movie has everything. A man with an unsettling attachment to a VCR, A Madea and Dadea that may or may not be married, and Plot logic that only exists because it needs to. If you enjoy Tyler Perry morality plays that make you wonder about the meaning of the word pew, you'll love this movie.

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"Does this woman have unlimited trench coats?!?"

This week's hottest movie is... Obsessed. This movie has everything: An ambitious woman with a foolproof dating system. A deranged temp who will stop at nothing to get ‘Elba Deep’. And Beyoncé, who at first ignores the red flags, but eventually channels her inner Lemonade rage, screaming ‘I’ve been through this too long, but I’ll be damned if I see another chick on your arm!’...

"Jada Stinkett Piss"

This week, the gang packs their bags, grabs a grapefruit (or two), and heads to Essence Fest as we cover Girls Trip! This movie has everything: Tiffany Haddish being an unhinged menace, Queen Latifah making questionable career choices, Regina Hall absolutely not having it all, and Jada Pinkett Smith living that "mom friend" life—until she isn't. Join us as we celebrate the Flossy Posse and the power of ...

"Her Juilliard auditions have a higher kill count than most Horror Virgin movies."

This week’s hottest movie is Save the Last Dance—the film that made us all think we could master hip-hop in a single montage. This movie has everything: Julia Stiles looking vaguely uncomfortable while dancing, Sean Patrick Thomas being effortlessly smooth, Kerry Washington in full Big Sister Mode, and a romance so electric it almost makes us...