September 19, 2025 • 24 mins
No one talks about it, but it’s real. That ache… that whisper…
“I miss who I used to be.”
You don’t miss the chaos.
You don’t miss the brokenness.
But maybe… just maybe… you miss the boldness, the numbness, the version of you that didn’t feel everything so deeply.
In this raw and unfiltered episode of Rooted & Recovered, Dan dives deep into one of the hardest truths of recovery: you will grieve the old you. And that doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.
This is the grief no one warned you about. Not just the pain of addiction, but the disorientation of healing. When you finally feel again—really feel—it doesn’t always feel like a miracle. It feels like war.
Key Highlights:
- What if the old you wasn’t evil—just exhausted?
- Why grief is part of growth—and why you don’t have to go back to grieve.
- The numbness you miss was never strength—it was survival mode.
- Recovery isn’t just detox—it’s identity reconstruction.
- You’re not returning to who you were—you’re becoming who God always saw in you.
Scriptures Covered:
Ephesians 4:22–24 • Romans 6:6 • 2 Corinthians 5:17 • Galatians 2:20 • Philippians 3:13–14
Final Truth:
You can miss who you were without going back to them.
Let the tears come. Let the grief breathe. But then walk forward. You’re not called to resurrect the past—you’re called to walk in the new. And this version of you—the healing, growing, wide-awake version? That’s the version hell is terrified of.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
This world doesn't hand outhealing.
It offers quick fixes, cheappies and empty promises, but
real recovery, it takes roots.
Roots that dig deep into truth,into identity, into the
unshakeable grace of God.
We're not here to sugarcoat thestruggle.
(00:22):
We've lived it.
Addiction, shame, relapse,regret, but we've also seen
resurrection.
We've seen what has.
Happens when broken people getanchored in something real
rooted and recovered is morethan a podcast.
It's a battleground for thesoul.
A place where scars tellstories, where scripture speaks
(00:43):
louder than shame, where freedomisn't just a word.
It's a war we win daily.
So if you're tired of surfacelevel answers, if you want truth
that convicts, hope that heals,and conversations that cut
through the noise, you're in theright place.
Welcome to Rooted and Recovered.
Dan (01:09):
Welcome to another episode of Rooted and Recovered.
I'm your host, Dan Pyles, sothankful to have you join me
today on this wonderful journeythat we get to call recovery,
and I could not think of abetter group of people to share
this time with than you.
(01:29):
So thank you so very much forallowing me into your ear, into
your car, into your home, yourcomputer.
Wherever you're listening tothis episode today, thank you so
very much from the bottom of myheart.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you guys.
We've got a powerful episodetoday.
I really hope that you'reenjoying season two.
(01:51):
Uh, guys, because these arepowerful and it's things that we
struggle with every single dayon a daily basis.
I don't care if you've beenserving God for five minutes,
five years, 15 years or 50years.
There's times in our lives whenwe feel inadequate.
There's times in our liveswhere.
We feel that we just don't addup to God's goodness and his
(02:15):
grace.
But as we have studiedthroughout season two, we have
found out that his mercies arenew.
Every single morning that ourscars in life tell and share the
story of who we used to be andhow we o have overcome.
And today's podcast episode issomething that I struggle with.
(02:39):
Early in my recovery.
And I'm sure if you're honestwith yourself, this is something
that you have struggled withtoo.
Maybe you're struggling with itright now.
Uh, so hopefully I pray thatthe, that this podcast falls on
the right ear, on the rightperson that needs to hear this.
Maybe it's not you, but maybeyou got a friend or a, a family
(03:00):
or relative or something that isstruggling, right?
Now with what we're gonna talkabout today, share this podcast
episode with it.
Get it into their hands, guys,because you might be carrying
the message that might changethat individual's life.
It's nothing I've said.
It's nothing I've done.
(03:20):
It's nothing you've said or havedone, but it's being a willing
vessel to allow God.
To use us as instruments andresources to reach those, uh,
who are so desperately hurtingand lost.
Today's title of our podcast iswhen you miss who you used to
be.
(03:40):
So let's talk about somethingthat most people in recovery
don't say out loud.
Sometimes you miss who you usedto be.
Now, before you twist my wordsand before you're like, Dan,
what in the world?
Are you talking about?
I'm not talking about the chaos.
I'm not talking about the pain.
(04:01):
I'm not talking about theoverdose scars or the broken
relationships or, or that prisonof addiction, but maybe just
maybe.
You missed the version of youthat felt fearless, the one who
didn't care what anyone thought,the one who numbed the pain so
well, that you almost believedyou were invincible and now.
(04:25):
Now you're feeling everything,your recovery, you're in
sobriety and you're, you'restarting to get your senses back
about you.
Now you're starting to feeleverything, every emotion, every
mistake, every awkward silencein your soul.
You see, sobriety brought youclarity, but sometimes family
(04:46):
clarity hurts.
Why?
Because it exposes you.
Clarity makes you vulnerable,and if you're honest, there are
days where you wonder ifnumbness was easier.
Why?
Because this version of you,this, this healing, raw,
emotional, wide awake version ofyou.
(05:08):
Feels like a stranger sometimes,but hear me, what you lost in
numbness, family.
You gained in depth what youlaid down in recklessness.
You picked up in realness.
Maybe you missed the boldness ofthe old J, but what if that
(05:29):
boldness was just brokenness indisguise?
What if God isn't asking you toforget who you were?
But to redeem who you were.
See, because your story isn'terased, family, it's being
rewritten.
So if today you feel like you'recaught between the person you
(05:51):
were and the person you'rebecoming, then guess what?
Family welcome.
You're in the messy middle whereGrace does its deepest work.
In this episode, this moment, itisn't about shame for what you
feel.
It's about remembering that evenin the longing, God is still
(06:14):
leading.
Nobody tells you this in thoseearly days of getting clean.
The that you might grieve theold you and not just the broken,
chaotic rock bottom version ofyourself.
You grieve the person you usedto be before.
Life hits so hard, you miss theversion of you that could fake
(06:38):
confidence.
You miss that numbness that keptyou from feeling so much.
You miss not second guessingeverything.
You miss the fire in your life,even if it was destructive.
You see, that's the part thatnobody warned you about.
(06:59):
They told you that addictionwould steal your life.
They told you that recoverywould give it back, but what
they didn't tell you is thathealing would come with grief.
You see in addiction, you had arole family, you had a mask, you
had a rhythm, even if it wastoxic.
(07:22):
But now in recovery, everythingis new.
You don't know how to act.
You don't know how to relate.
You don't know how to cope.
Even your silence feelsdifferent now.
Why?
Because before silence wasnumbed, but now it's loud.
Before emotions were buried.
(07:43):
Now they rise up in you like aflood.
You see, we thought that healingwould feel peaceful, but
sometimes family healing feelslike chaos because you're
finally feeling again.
I can remember very early in myrecovery, I, I'm talking early
family.
(08:04):
I was so numb for so many yearsthat I did not know how to feel
emotions.
And I can just remember sittingon the couch one day and I can
just remember these, justgetting these anxious thoughts
and, and these feelings of, Idon't know.
And I, I just, it was freakingme out guys.
I was literally freaked out andI told my wife like, I have no
(08:28):
idea what's going on with mybody.
And she looked at me and shesaid, Dan, you're feeling what
it's like to be a human beingagain?
And she's absolutely right,family.
I went 14 years of numbing mybrain and my body with just dope
and just things to, to dis toget away from this that I was so
(08:49):
numb to the fact that I didn'tknow what emotions was.
I didn't know what, uh, whatanxiety felt like or what
sadness or grief or anythinglike that felt like because I
was numbing my body.
But now in recovery.
Now it's loud and, and myemotions that were once buried
(09:10):
are now coming in like a floodin my life.
And see, it was in that space.
Family.
This is where we gotta becareful because we will start
missing the person that we were.
Missing who you were is human,but becoming who you were made
(09:31):
to be.
Family that's holy.
Let that sink in for just amoment.
Family, you're not wrong forremembering the old you.
You're not less spiritual foroccasionally longing for how
easy it seemed to be before, butfamily, you are not going back
(09:51):
because the old version of youwas living a lie.
Even if that lie wascomfortable, Let's get really
honest here.
Family, you lost some things inrecovery, the ability to escape
at will, that fake confidencethat came from those chemicals
we were pouring into our body.
That false sense of control,that numbness that made you feel
(10:15):
invincible, but look at whatyou've gained.
You have gained in recovery theability to feel deeply, the
capacity to love and be lovedwithout walls and a heart that
can grieve, heal, and growfamily.
The integrity to face paininstead of fleeing from it, the
(10:40):
spiritual strength to stand inthe middle of the storm instead
of trying to escape them.
Family.
That's not weakness, that'smaturity, that's transformation.
This is what the Bible tells us.
Our our scripture focus today isin Ephesians chapter four, and
it's verses 22 through 24.
(11:02):
Listen to what Paul says.
He says, you were taught withregard to your former way of
life to put off your old self.
Which is being corrupted by itsdeceitful desires to be made new
in the attitude of your mindsand to put on the new self
(11:26):
created to be like God in truerighteousness and holiness
family.
This isn't just a suggestion,it's an invitation to put off
the old self, not just your sin.
Family, but your survival mode,not just your habits, but your
(11:47):
identity that was shaped by painand trauma and addiction, and
put on something better family,righteousness, holiness, peace,
stability you put on a new selfbecause the old one was never
truly you, family.
It was a reaction to what brokeyou.
(12:11):
See, you're gonna have days whenthe old you starts to whisper.
You were stronger when youdidn't care.
You were happier when you werehigh.
See, you were more confidentwhen you had no boundaries.
Family, those are lies.
(12:33):
Lies from the enemy lies thatare all rooted in temporary
comfort.
Not eternal truth.
You see that voice family thatdoesn't want to restore you.
It wants to return you to yourold bondage.
But Grace says family, Hey, wedon't go back to Egypt.
(12:55):
We move forward even when it'shard.
You see, the enemy family wantsyou and I to romanticize about
our past.
It's crazy when you think aboutthis.
It's crazy how the enemy willtry to make you miss your
dysfunction.
(13:17):
He'll make you forget the jailcell and remember the freedom
he'll make you forget about thebroken relationships, but
remember the thrill he'll makeyou forget about the self
hatred.
Remember the adrenaline that youused to get from this, but
that's what deception does.
(13:38):
But God reminds you, you are notwho you used to be Your calling
isn't behind you.
That old version of you, thatone who used to manipulate to
survive, that one who knew howto lie to everyone, including
yourself.
(13:58):
That one who felt tough becauseyou couldn't feel anything.
That version is gone.
It's been crucified and it'sbeen buried.
And now family, you have beenraised into something new, not
just recovered.
Family, you're reborn.
You don't need to resurrect yourold self.
(14:19):
You need to walk in the new, yousee here, family.
Here's a few tools.
You can use when that old selfstarts creeping back up into
your thoughts.
Number one, you need to name thelie.
Call out.
What's false.
(14:39):
Say it out loud.
I'm not more powerful.
Numb, I, I'm more broken.
And begin to speak that truthover yourself.
Go back to Ephesians four, ourscripture, focus today and
remind yourself of who you arein Christ.
Write down who you were thenversus who you are now, but more
(15:05):
importantly, family.
Talk to someone.
Don't isolate.
Talk to your sponsor, yourmentor, a pastor, or some type
of accountability partner inyour life, family.
You're not crazy for feelingthis way.
You're just healing.
And sometimes family.
To be brutally honest with you,healing is messy.
(15:28):
But God, this is so awesomefamily.
God does his best work in themess.
I want you to take 15 minutestoday and do this.
Write a letter to your old self.
I know this sounds cheesy, butlisten to me.
It will work.
If you will apply it.
(15:50):
Take 15 minutes today and dothis.
Write a letter to your old self.
Thank them for surviving.
Forgive them for the damage, andthen release them because you
are not.
That person anymore.
(16:11):
You are becoming someone betterThere's something sacred about
grieving the person you used tobe.
And I'm not talking aboutglorifying your past.
I'm not talking aboutsugarcoating the pain, but
acknowledging that who you wereeven in the mess.
(16:35):
Was a version of you thatsurvived and sometimes the parts
of that old self still tug atour identity.
Sometimes that part of you thatcould just shut it all off when
things got difficult.
That part of you that didn'tcare what anyone thought, that
(16:56):
part, that felt fearless.
Even sometimes if we're honestwith ourselves, family, when it
was reckless, that version thatgot things done, that version
that didn't cry, that versionthat didn't need help.
But what if those weren'tstrengths?
(17:17):
Family, but just survivalmechanisms?
What would happen if yougrieved?
Without going back.
You see some of us were nevertaught how to grieve without
returning.
We either bury the past andpretend it didn't happen, or we
(17:42):
let the pool of the past drag usback in.
But grief and return family arenot the same thing.
You see.
You can feel sorrow for who youwere.
Without resurrecting them, youcan honor the strength it took
(18:02):
to survive because some, some ofus, if we're real, some of us
should not even be here today.
Some of us should not be even belistening to this podcast, but
the grace of God that you and Iare still standing here.
So what if we can honor thestrength it took to survive that
(18:23):
addiction or that breakup or, orthat, that suicide attempt
without readopting the behaviorthat broke us to begin with.
You see, you could, you can misspieces of the old you while
still saying, I want what God isbuilding in me now.
(18:47):
Family.
That's what maturity looks like.
That's what healing feels like.
Not running from the old self,not running back to it either,
but letting God redeem it.
Think about this.
What if the old you wasn't amistake, but a foundation that
(19:09):
God is building on?
I'm talking about every scar,every flaw.
Every failure becomes a brick inthe story God is telling through
you.
See, you don't have to pretendthat the old version of you, the
(19:32):
old you never existed.
You just have to stop giving itthe final word.
And here's the truth, if youonly miss who you used to be.
You'll stay stuck in nostalgia,but if you let God show you who
you're becoming family, you'llstep into freedom.
(19:55):
So let the tears come if theyneed to.
Let the memory surface, if theymust, but don't camp out there.
Don't pitch your tent in trauma,grieve it, learn from it, and
then grow past it.
Family, it's okay to miss whoyou were.
(20:15):
Just don't forget who you arebecoming family.
You were never meant to stay insurvival mode.
You and I were made to walk inpurpose and every time the old
you tries to take the mic, justremind yourself I am becoming, I
(20:37):
am growing.
I am not who I used to be andthat.
Is the grace of God and family.
As we get ready to wrap thisepisode up today, I want you to
remember healing.
It's hard family.
It's messy.
It is not easy, it's not pretty,and it's not always
(20:59):
inspirational.
Sometimes it's just messy.
It's gut-wrenching and it'slonely work, and some days.
Becoming new doesn't feel like amiracle.
It feels like an ongoing,everyday battle.
You're doing the right things,you're saying the right prayers,
(21:22):
you're walking the right path,and you're still wondering why
it feels harder now than it didwhen you were numb to
everything.
But hear this, you weren'tcalled to be who you used to be.
You were called to become whoGod always saw in you, even when
(21:43):
you were buried under shame.
Even when you were buried underaddiction.
Even when you were buried undersurvival mode.
Family, you don't have to hatethe old you, but you do have to
outgrow them.
You don't have to pretend youweren't tough back then, but now
(22:03):
you're walking in truth.
That takes a different kind ofstrength.
This is the part that nobodytalks about.
Missing who you were doesn'tmean you're going backwards.
It means you're human.
It means you're grieving, but itdoesn't mean you're supposed to
return because what God isbuilding in you now is so much
(22:26):
stronger, so much deeper, somuch freer, and far more
powerful than what you had backthen.
so when those flashbacks hit,when you feel the tug of your
old identity, when you wonder ifthe old you was somehow better,
somehow easier, somehow mour incontrol.
(22:48):
Once you go look in the mirror,look at the healing, look at the
freedom.
Look how far grace has carriedyou, then speak this truth over
yourself.
I miss who I was.
I love who I'm becoming.
You're not done yet.
You're not defeated and you'redefinitely not disqualified.
(23:13):
You are in the middle ofbecoming, and this version of
you, the one that's healing,growing, stretching, and
becoming is the version familythat hell is terrified of.
You're not just survivinganymore, you're stepping in who
you are always meant to be.
(23:35):
So until next time, family, stayrooted, stay recovered, and
let's get to work.
You are not just surviving.
You are becoming, becomingrooted in truth, becoming
recovered by grace, and becomingthe person God always knew you
(23:57):
could be.
Thanks for joining us on Rootedin Recovered.
If this episode stirredsomething in you, don't keep it
to yourself.
Share it, live it, let it takeroot.
We'll see you next time righthere where scars become
testimonies and hope rises fromthe ashes.
This world doesn't hand outhealing.
It offers quick fixes, cheappies and empty promises, but
real recovery, it takes roots.
Roots that dig deep into truth,into identity, into the
unshakeable grace of God.
We're not here to sugarcoat thestruggle.
(00:22):
We've lived it.
Addiction, shame, relapse,regret, but we've also seen
resurrection.
We've seen what has.
Happens when broken people getanchored in something real
rooted and recovered is morethan a podcast.
It's a battleground for thesoul.
A place where scars tellstories, where scripture speaks
(00:43):
louder than shame, where freedomisn't just a word.
It's a war we win daily.
So if you're tired of surfacelevel answers, if you want truth
that convicts, hope that heals,and conversations that cut
through the noise, you're in theright place.
Welcome to Rooted and Recovered.
Dan (01:09):
Welcome to another episode of Rooted and Recovered.
I'm your host, Dan Pyles, sothankful to have you join me
today on this wonderful journeythat we get to call recovery,
and I could not think of abetter group of people to share
this time with than you.
(01:29):
So thank you so very much forallowing me into your ear, into
your car, into your home, yourcomputer.
Wherever you're listening tothis episode today, thank you so
very much from the bottom of myheart.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you guys.
We've got a powerful episodetoday.
I really hope that you'reenjoying season two.
(01:51):
Uh, guys, because these arepowerful and it's things that we
struggle with every single dayon a daily basis.
I don't care if you've beenserving God for five minutes,
five years, 15 years or 50years.
There's times in our lives whenwe feel inadequate.
There's times in our liveswhere.
We feel that we just don't addup to God's goodness and his
(02:15):
grace.
But as we have studiedthroughout season two, we have
found out that his mercies arenew.
Every single morning that ourscars in life tell and share the
story of who we used to be andhow we o have overcome.
And today's podcast episode issomething that I struggle with.
(02:39):
Early in my recovery.
And I'm sure if you're honestwith yourself, this is something
that you have struggled withtoo.
Maybe you're struggling with itright now.
Uh, so hopefully I pray thatthe, that this podcast falls on
the right ear, on the rightperson that needs to hear this.
Maybe it's not you, but maybeyou got a friend or a, a family
(03:00):
or relative or something that isstruggling, right?
Now with what we're gonna talkabout today, share this podcast
episode with it.
Get it into their hands, guys,because you might be carrying
the message that might changethat individual's life.
It's nothing I've said.
It's nothing I've done.
(03:20):
It's nothing you've said or havedone, but it's being a willing
vessel to allow God.
To use us as instruments andresources to reach those, uh,
who are so desperately hurtingand lost.
Today's title of our podcast iswhen you miss who you used to
be.
(03:40):
So let's talk about somethingthat most people in recovery
don't say out loud.
Sometimes you miss who you usedto be.
Now, before you twist my wordsand before you're like, Dan,
what in the world?
Are you talking about?
I'm not talking about the chaos.
I'm not talking about the pain.
(04:01):
I'm not talking about theoverdose scars or the broken
relationships or, or that prisonof addiction, but maybe just
maybe.
You missed the version of youthat felt fearless, the one who
didn't care what anyone thought,the one who numbed the pain so
well, that you almost believedyou were invincible and now.
(04:25):
Now you're feeling everything,your recovery, you're in
sobriety and you're, you'restarting to get your senses back
about you.
Now you're starting to feeleverything, every emotion, every
mistake, every awkward silencein your soul.
You see, sobriety brought youclarity, but sometimes family
(04:46):
clarity hurts.
Why?
Because it exposes you.
Clarity makes you vulnerable,and if you're honest, there are
days where you wonder ifnumbness was easier.
Why?
Because this version of you,this, this healing, raw,
emotional, wide awake version ofyou.
(05:08):
Feels like a stranger sometimes,but hear me, what you lost in
numbness, family.
You gained in depth what youlaid down in recklessness.
You picked up in realness.
Maybe you missed the boldness ofthe old J, but what if that
(05:29):
boldness was just brokenness indisguise?
What if God isn't asking you toforget who you were?
But to redeem who you were.
See, because your story isn'terased, family, it's being
rewritten.
So if today you feel like you'recaught between the person you
(05:51):
were and the person you'rebecoming, then guess what?
Family welcome.
You're in the messy middle whereGrace does its deepest work.
In this episode, this moment, itisn't about shame for what you
feel.
It's about remembering that evenin the longing, God is still
(06:14):
leading.
Nobody tells you this in thoseearly days of getting clean.
The that you might grieve theold you and not just the broken,
chaotic rock bottom version ofyourself.
You grieve the person you usedto be before.
Life hits so hard, you miss theversion of you that could fake
(06:38):
confidence.
You miss that numbness that keptyou from feeling so much.
You miss not second guessingeverything.
You miss the fire in your life,even if it was destructive.
You see, that's the part thatnobody warned you about.
(06:59):
They told you that addictionwould steal your life.
They told you that recoverywould give it back, but what
they didn't tell you is thathealing would come with grief.
You see in addiction, you had arole family, you had a mask, you
had a rhythm, even if it wastoxic.
(07:22):
But now in recovery, everythingis new.
You don't know how to act.
You don't know how to relate.
You don't know how to cope.
Even your silence feelsdifferent now.
Why?
Because before silence wasnumbed, but now it's loud.
Before emotions were buried.
(07:43):
Now they rise up in you like aflood.
You see, we thought that healingwould feel peaceful, but
sometimes family healing feelslike chaos because you're
finally feeling again.
I can remember very early in myrecovery, I, I'm talking early
family.
(08:04):
I was so numb for so many yearsthat I did not know how to feel
emotions.
And I can just remember sittingon the couch one day and I can
just remember these, justgetting these anxious thoughts
and, and these feelings of, Idon't know.
And I, I just, it was freakingme out guys.
I was literally freaked out andI told my wife like, I have no
(08:28):
idea what's going on with mybody.
And she looked at me and shesaid, Dan, you're feeling what
it's like to be a human beingagain?
And she's absolutely right,family.
I went 14 years of numbing mybrain and my body with just dope
and just things to, to dis toget away from this that I was so
(08:49):
numb to the fact that I didn'tknow what emotions was.
I didn't know what, uh, whatanxiety felt like or what
sadness or grief or anythinglike that felt like because I
was numbing my body.
But now in recovery.
Now it's loud and, and myemotions that were once buried
(09:10):
are now coming in like a floodin my life.
And see, it was in that space.
Family.
This is where we gotta becareful because we will start
missing the person that we were.
Missing who you were is human,but becoming who you were made
(09:31):
to be.
Family that's holy.
Let that sink in for just amoment.
Family, you're not wrong forremembering the old you.
You're not less spiritual foroccasionally longing for how
easy it seemed to be before, butfamily, you are not going back
(09:51):
because the old version of youwas living a lie.
Even if that lie wascomfortable, Let's get really
honest here.
Family, you lost some things inrecovery, the ability to escape
at will, that fake confidencethat came from those chemicals
we were pouring into our body.
That false sense of control,that numbness that made you feel
(10:15):
invincible, but look at whatyou've gained.
You have gained in recovery theability to feel deeply, the
capacity to love and be lovedwithout walls and a heart that
can grieve, heal, and growfamily.
The integrity to face paininstead of fleeing from it, the
(10:40):
spiritual strength to stand inthe middle of the storm instead
of trying to escape them.
Family.
That's not weakness, that'smaturity, that's transformation.
This is what the Bible tells us.
Our our scripture focus today isin Ephesians chapter four, and
it's verses 22 through 24.
(11:02):
Listen to what Paul says.
He says, you were taught withregard to your former way of
life to put off your old self.
Which is being corrupted by itsdeceitful desires to be made new
in the attitude of your mindsand to put on the new self
(11:26):
created to be like God in truerighteousness and holiness
family.
This isn't just a suggestion,it's an invitation to put off
the old self, not just your sin.
Family, but your survival mode,not just your habits, but your
(11:47):
identity that was shaped by painand trauma and addiction, and
put on something better family,righteousness, holiness, peace,
stability you put on a new selfbecause the old one was never
truly you, family.
It was a reaction to what brokeyou.
(12:11):
See, you're gonna have days whenthe old you starts to whisper.
You were stronger when youdidn't care.
You were happier when you werehigh.
See, you were more confidentwhen you had no boundaries.
Family, those are lies.
(12:33):
Lies from the enemy lies thatare all rooted in temporary
comfort.
Not eternal truth.
You see that voice family thatdoesn't want to restore you.
It wants to return you to yourold bondage.
But Grace says family, Hey, wedon't go back to Egypt.
(12:55):
We move forward even when it'shard.
You see, the enemy family wantsyou and I to romanticize about
our past.
It's crazy when you think aboutthis.
It's crazy how the enemy willtry to make you miss your
dysfunction.
(13:17):
He'll make you forget the jailcell and remember the freedom
he'll make you forget about thebroken relationships, but
remember the thrill he'll makeyou forget about the self
hatred.
Remember the adrenaline that youused to get from this, but
that's what deception does.
(13:38):
But God reminds you, you are notwho you used to be Your calling
isn't behind you.
That old version of you, thatone who used to manipulate to
survive, that one who knew howto lie to everyone, including
yourself.
(13:58):
That one who felt tough becauseyou couldn't feel anything.
That version is gone.
It's been crucified and it'sbeen buried.
And now family, you have beenraised into something new, not
just recovered.
Family, you're reborn.
You don't need to resurrect yourold self.
(14:19):
You need to walk in the new, yousee here, family.
Here's a few tools.
You can use when that old selfstarts creeping back up into
your thoughts.
Number one, you need to name thelie.
Call out.
What's false.
(14:39):
Say it out loud.
I'm not more powerful.
Numb, I, I'm more broken.
And begin to speak that truthover yourself.
Go back to Ephesians four, ourscripture, focus today and
remind yourself of who you arein Christ.
Write down who you were thenversus who you are now, but more
(15:05):
importantly, family.
Talk to someone.
Don't isolate.
Talk to your sponsor, yourmentor, a pastor, or some type
of accountability partner inyour life, family.
You're not crazy for feelingthis way.
You're just healing.
And sometimes family.
To be brutally honest with you,healing is messy.
(15:28):
But God, this is so awesomefamily.
God does his best work in themess.
I want you to take 15 minutestoday and do this.
Write a letter to your old self.
I know this sounds cheesy, butlisten to me.
It will work.
If you will apply it.
(15:50):
Take 15 minutes today and dothis.
Write a letter to your old self.
Thank them for surviving.
Forgive them for the damage, andthen release them because you
are not.
That person anymore.
(16:11):
You are becoming someone betterThere's something sacred about
grieving the person you used tobe.
And I'm not talking aboutglorifying your past.
I'm not talking aboutsugarcoating the pain, but
acknowledging that who you wereeven in the mess.
(16:35):
Was a version of you thatsurvived and sometimes the parts
of that old self still tug atour identity.
Sometimes that part of you thatcould just shut it all off when
things got difficult.
That part of you that didn'tcare what anyone thought, that
(16:56):
part, that felt fearless.
Even sometimes if we're honestwith ourselves, family, when it
was reckless, that version thatgot things done, that version
that didn't cry, that versionthat didn't need help.
But what if those weren'tstrengths?
(17:17):
Family, but just survivalmechanisms?
What would happen if yougrieved?
Without going back.
You see some of us were nevertaught how to grieve without
returning.
We either bury the past andpretend it didn't happen, or we
(17:42):
let the pool of the past drag usback in.
But grief and return family arenot the same thing.
You see.
You can feel sorrow for who youwere.
Without resurrecting them, youcan honor the strength it took
(18:02):
to survive because some, some ofus, if we're real, some of us
should not even be here today.
Some of us should not be even belistening to this podcast, but
the grace of God that you and Iare still standing here.
So what if we can honor thestrength it took to survive that
(18:23):
addiction or that breakup or, orthat, that suicide attempt
without readopting the behaviorthat broke us to begin with.
You see, you could, you can misspieces of the old you while
still saying, I want what God isbuilding in me now.
(18:47):
Family.
That's what maturity looks like.
That's what healing feels like.
Not running from the old self,not running back to it either,
but letting God redeem it.
Think about this.
What if the old you wasn't amistake, but a foundation that
(19:09):
God is building on?
I'm talking about every scar,every flaw.
Every failure becomes a brick inthe story God is telling through
you.
See, you don't have to pretendthat the old version of you, the
(19:32):
old you never existed.
You just have to stop giving itthe final word.
And here's the truth, if youonly miss who you used to be.
You'll stay stuck in nostalgia,but if you let God show you who
you're becoming family, you'llstep into freedom.
(19:55):
So let the tears come if theyneed to.
Let the memory surface, if theymust, but don't camp out there.
Don't pitch your tent in trauma,grieve it, learn from it, and
then grow past it.
Family, it's okay to miss whoyou were.
(20:15):
Just don't forget who you arebecoming family.
You were never meant to stay insurvival mode.
You and I were made to walk inpurpose and every time the old
you tries to take the mic, justremind yourself I am becoming, I
(20:37):
am growing.
I am not who I used to be andthat.
Is the grace of God and family.
As we get ready to wrap thisepisode up today, I want you to
remember healing.
It's hard family.
It's messy.
It is not easy, it's not pretty,and it's not always
(20:59):
inspirational.
Sometimes it's just messy.
It's gut-wrenching and it'slonely work, and some days.
Becoming new doesn't feel like amiracle.
It feels like an ongoing,everyday battle.
You're doing the right things,you're saying the right prayers,
(21:22):
you're walking the right path,and you're still wondering why
it feels harder now than it didwhen you were numb to
everything.
But hear this, you weren'tcalled to be who you used to be.
You were called to become whoGod always saw in you, even when
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you were buried under shame.
Even when you were buried underaddiction.
Even when you were buried undersurvival mode.
Family, you don't have to hatethe old you, but you do have to
outgrow them.
You don't have to pretend youweren't tough back then, but now
(22:03):
you're walking in truth.
That takes a different kind ofstrength.
This is the part that nobodytalks about.
Missing who you were doesn'tmean you're going backwards.
It means you're human.
It means you're grieving, but itdoesn't mean you're supposed to
return because what God isbuilding in you now is so much
(22:26):
stronger, so much deeper, somuch freer, and far more
powerful than what you had backthen.
so when those flashbacks hit,when you feel the tug of your
old identity, when you wonder ifthe old you was somehow better,
somehow easier, somehow mour incontrol.
(22:48):
Once you go look in the mirror,look at the healing, look at the
freedom.
Look how far grace has carriedyou, then speak this truth over
yourself.
I miss who I was.
I love who I'm becoming.
You're not done yet.
You're not defeated and you'redefinitely not disqualified.
(23:13):
You are in the middle ofbecoming, and this version of
you, the one that's healing,growing, stretching, and
becoming is the version familythat hell is terrified of.
You're not just survivinganymore, you're stepping in who
you are always meant to be.
(23:35):
So until next time, family, stayrooted, stay recovered, and
let's get to work.
You are not just surviving.
You are becoming, becomingrooted in truth, becoming
recovered by grace, and becomingthe person God always knew you
(23:57):
could be.
Thanks for joining us on Rootedin Recovered.
If this episode stirredsomething in you, don't keep it
to yourself.
Share it, live it, let it takeroot.
We'll see you next time righthere where scars become
testimonies and hope rises fromthe ashes.
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