June 6, 2025 • 37 mins
What if freedom costs more than an apology?
In this gut-wrenching episode of Rooted & Recovered, Dan and Justin unpack Step Nine of the 12-Step journey:
“Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”
This is where recovery gets real. It’s no longer about admitting the damage—it’s about repairing it. Step Nine isn’t just about saying “I’m sorry.” It’s about stepping into holy ground with trembling hands, a repentant heart, and the bold humility to say, “I broke it… now I want to help make it right.”
This episode will challenge everything in you that still wants to hide, justify, or forget. But healing won’t let you skip this step. Because making amends isn’t about control—it’s about character.
Key Highlights:
- Why apologies soothe guilt but amends restore dignity
- The difference between seeking closure and walking in freedom
- Why you may be rejected—and why it still matters
- Jacob and Esau: A story of bold return and unexpected grace (Genesis 32–33)
- What it means to stop running and finally face it
Scriptures Covered:
Romans 12:18 • Genesis 32–33 • Matthew 5:23-24 • 2 Corinthians 5:17
Final Truth:
Making amends isn’t about rewriting the past—it’s about proving it no longer owns you. The world may remember who you were, but grace declares who you are now. Show up not for a perfect response, but for holy obedience. Because when grace leads, guilt doesn’t get the final word.
Pray for courage. Share with someone who’s ready to stop hiding. Tag a brother or sister walking through Step Nine and remind them: you’re not alone in this.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
This world doesn't hand outhealing.
It offers quick fixes, cheappies and empty promises, but
real recovery.
It takes roots.
Roots that dig deep into truth,into identity, into the
unshakeable grace of God.
We're not here to sugarcoat thestruggle.
(00:22):
We've lived it.
Addiction, shame, relapse,regret, but we've also seen
resurrection.
We've seen what happened.
Happens when broken people getanchored in something real
rooted and recovered is morethan a podcast.
It's a battleground for thesoul.
A place where scars tellstories, where scripture speaks
(00:43):
louder than shame, where freedomisn't just a word.
It's a war we win daily.
So if you're tired of surfacelevel answers, if you want truth
that convicts, hope that heals,and conversations that cut
through the noise, you're in theright place.
Welcome to Rooted and Recovered.
Dan (01:08):
Welcome to another episode of Rooted and Recovered.
I am your host, Dan Pyles.
Got in the studio with me todayon this beautiful, beautiful,
sunny day, my partner in crime.
Justin, how you doing?
My friend?
Justin (01:23):
Blessed and highly favored.
As always, Dan.
It's an honor to be here, anhonor to get to do this, and I'm
just humbled that God's allowingus to do this and be a part of
people's lives.
Dan (01:32):
Yes, sir.
It is a privilege and honor tobe able to.
Be in your vehicle, your justyour ear, and listening to us
every single week as we producethese.
We pray about these every time,guys.
We, we don't ever want to sitbehind, uh, these microphones
and just spew junk.
Uh, we always want it to bespirit filled and we always
(01:53):
pray, anytime before we record.
Or just do anything in general.
We always want the spirit tolead and guide us.
And Justin, we are cooking rightalong, uh, the 12 step series.
I mean, guys, today we are goingto be tackling step nine and the
(02:14):
title Justin for.
Today's podcast is, it's Time toMake It Right.
Step nine tells us, make directamends to such people whenever
possible, except when to do sowould injure them or others.
And Justin, I wanna start thispodcast out with just a really
(02:34):
bold statement.
When we start looking at stepnine, brother.
It's really simple.
We're not asking for closure.
You're not asking for closure.
What you're doing in this step.
You're walking in freedom.
Guys, this is a step that justscares most people because it's
no longer just about reflection.
(02:56):
It's no longer just aboutconfession.
It's about humbling yourself youare saying, I know I hurt you,
but now I want to make it right.
Justin (03:09):
This is a toss up between inventory.
Step nine when it comes to themost difficult steps, because
this is, like you said, this iswhen it gets real.
This is when you confront yourpast.
We confronted, we looked at theman in the mirror.
We've confessed to God.
We've confessed to another humanbeing, and now we're going
(03:30):
looking at the person thateither hurt us that we've hurt
in saying, look, I'm sorry, or Iforgive you.
Right?
This is where.
You have to, and this is guys,we've been cooking through this
series.
Don't rush it.
Right?
Make sure before you don't justthink, oh man, I just turned it
(03:53):
on today.
I'm gonna go start tellingeverybody, I'm sorry.
Go back to step one.
Dan (03:57):
Mm-hmm.
Justin (03:57):
Restart the process.
If you get here and you feeluncomfortable doing this, and
make sure, first of all, thatyou're not trying to do it on
your own, that you're lettingGod lead and that you're relying
on the Holy Spirit's help.
Like Dan said earlier, we haveto have it for all things, even
when we do this, and you need ithere.
Because look, man, I've toldpeople, Hey, I'm sorry.
Dan (04:21):
Mm-hmm.
Justin (04:22):
It's hard, especially when you start looking at the
people you hurt the most.
Dan (04:26):
Well, and you gotta think about something, Justin, when
you look at step nine, man, it,it it has nothing about creating
a perfect apology.
Uh, it, it has nothing to dowith, um, even expecting a
perfect response when you givethat apology.
'cause you're not walking intothese moments asking for
(04:47):
closure.
You're walking into them becausefreedom has a cost, Justin, and
this is part of that price.
Justin (04:58):
I love what you said.
We're not looking for a perfectresponse.
You're not looking for them tosay, it's okay.
I forgive you, and just wraparms and hug you, because let's
be honest, there's still peopleout there that flinch every time
they hear your name.
Dan (05:14):
Yeah.
Justin (05:15):
When they hear Justin Miller, they say, Ooh, Ooh, I
know that guy.
When they hear so and so,whatever your name is.
They're probably a little leery,especially when they hear, oh
man, he's doing good, he's doingbetter, he's walking in
recovery.
Well, that's not the person Iknow.
Dan (05:32):
You know, and that's the thing, Justin, when we get to
this step and, and when youguys, when you get to this part
of your recovery, you're gonnahave to know sometimes.
Just the things that you havedone in life.
You've burnt bridges that youare not going to be able to
repair.
So I want to, I want to prepareyou in this step.
(05:54):
You know guys, some people arejust not going to respond.
I.
How you hope they would, somepeople may reject your apology,
but that's not the measure ofsuccess in this step, guys.
That's right.
Because the real question is,and you gotta be willing to ask
yourself, am I willing to dowhat's right, even if it doesn't
(06:16):
lead to a reconciliation?
Justin (06:19):
You're not in it for their response.
If you're coming into this steplooking for a response from the
other person, your heart's notright because this isn't about
them.
This is about you.
This is about you making itright between you, God and the
other person, and saying, look,I've done my part.
It's up to them to accept it.
(06:41):
Just like when Jesus went to thecross, he died for all.
Absolutely.
It's a free gift, but we have todo our part and receive that
grace.
What we're doing in this step isoffering up that grace.
Dan (06:51):
You're not just cleaning up your past family, you're
stepping into a brand newidentity.
One that doesn't run fromaccountability.
Man, that's a nasty cuss word,Justin.
That is a cuss word in thissociety today.
One that doesn't run fromaccountability, but walks into
accountability boldly.
Justin (07:12):
Faces it head on.
Dan (07:14):
Mm, yep.
Justin (07:15):
Look, I don't know about you, but for a long time I would
go and replay these scenarios inmy head and I couldn't sleep at
night.
But after I started makingamends, after I started letting
God show me how to make itright, yeah.
Satan would come knocking on mydoor and go, Hey, hey, remember
this?
I'd say, yeah, but I did mypart.
(07:38):
I can only do so much.
You can only do so much.
And what you can do is own it.
When I got to the end of myinventory, you know, I was
expecting to find all thesethings that I could point at
other people, what they had donewrong to me, and ah, this, and
I'm gonna have to forgive peoplefor this and this and this.
And when I got to the end of it,every single one, even the ones
(08:00):
that weren't my fault, at theend of it, I had to take a look
at myself and said, I never letit go.
I never owned up to my part inthis, so how can I expect them
to even not flinch it, my name?
Dan (08:16):
Right?
Justin (08:16):
But the thing is, I wasn't looking for people not to
flinch it my name.
I was looking to get it off ofmy chest so that when I laid my
head on the pillow at night, Ihad that good rest that Jesus
talks about.
Amen.
And that I know the other sideof tired.
This is us coming with thoseburdens.
We're weary and worn out, andJesus is saying, look, you're
(08:40):
gonna rest from work.
It doesn't mean you're not gonnado it, but the works you do like
offering amends is a rest thatbrings rest to the soul.
Dan (08:49):
Hey man.
You said something, you said theword amends, you know, and
Justin, there is a.
Huge difference between anapology and actually making
amends with somebody.
So let's slow down here for justa moment and let's talk real
guys, because this right here iswhere a lot of people get stuck.
(09:13):
It's not because they don't wantchange, but because they don't
want to face who they hurt to doit.
And I get it.
It's one thing to admit we'rewrong.
But family, it's a wholedifferent thing to back up, own
it and make it right, but let'sclear something up real quick.
(09:35):
There's a massive differencebetween an apology and making an
amend.
An apology says, I'm sorry youwere hurt.
And Amen says, here's what I didand here's how I want to repair
the damage that I caused.
Justin (09:53):
And that it's the owning it.
Like you said earlier, that isus taking ownership.
I can say I'm sorry all daylong, but when I say, look, I'm
sorry for this.
Mm-hmm.
And that's why when you gethere, it's not just a
generalized, Hey, I'm sorry forwhat I did.
That's not what this is about.
This is saying, Hey, I'm sorrythat I treated you like an
(10:16):
object.
I'm sorry that.
I got in a argument with youover over the color of the chair
right in the corner, because wehave a part in this, we like to
blame everybody else, and thisis us taking ownership for our
part and saying, look, not onlyam I sorry, I apologize and I
(10:39):
want to make it.
Right.
Like Dan said, it's not aboutjust saying, sorry.
It's about owning up theinstance, not just a bunch of'em
at one time, but the individualthing that keeps you up at
night.
Dan (10:53):
Right.
Because when you look at anapology, man, you know,
honestly, it's soothing.
Your guilt.
Justin (10:58):
Yes.
Dan (10:59):
You know, but when you make an amends, you're taking the
opportunity to restore thatindividual's dignity.
We're not trying, and this stepguys, you're not trying to feel
better about yourself.
We're stepping into the brokenplaces of people's lives that we
helped break.
You broke, I broke, and we'resaying you mattered then.
(11:23):
And guess what?
You matter now.
And I'm not hiding from thisanymore.
Justin the Bible tells us inRomans 12:18.
He says if, if it is possible,listen to what he said.
If it is possible, as far as itdepends on you.
(11:45):
Live at peace with everyone.
This doesn't mean family, thateveryone will accept what you
say.
This doesn't mean that they'regonna hug you and say, oh, it's
okay Dan.
It's okay.
Justin, I forgive you.
But guess what?
That's not the goal.
The goal is to stop running.
The goal is to stop avoiding andto do what's right, family, even
(12:10):
when it's hard, even when ithurts.
Even if they don't respondJustin to the way that you
hoped,
Justin (12:19):
and it's here also that we, I wanna go back to the step
for a second, except when to doso would injure yourself or
others.
Look, there's certain people,like it says, if it is possible,
there's certain people that youjust can't, right?
And, and if you've been abused.
(12:41):
If you've been the abuser
Dan (12:42):
mm-hmm.
Justin (12:44):
If you've done things to people that have caused
criminal, you know, justice tocome upon you, you're probably
not gonna have that opportunityif you know that it's gonna hurt
them.
If you know there's some peoplethat I haven't reached out to,
because as much as I'd like to,I know the damage I'd done and
(13:05):
it would cause even more damagejust to talk to me.
Right.
Doesn't mean I won't get theopportunity one day.
Right.
It just means I recognize thatit's not the right time and
sometimes all you can do is makeit right with you and God and
offer amends and forgiveyourself.
And I love, it's not aboutvalidation.
Dan (13:31):
Mm-hmm.
Justin (13:32):
It's about humbling ourselves and doing the right
thing.
That's called integrity.
This is what builds character,right?
This is us saying, I know I'vemessed up, but I'm gonna do what
I can to live at peace witheveryone.
Do not repay evil with evil, butrepay evil with good.
Dan (13:53):
Amen.
Justin (13:54):
And this is us saying, Hey, I've given you evil before,
but I'm trying to offer good,
Dan (14:00):
right guys.
This step right here, step nine.
It's not about getting aresponse.
It's about giving respect.
Justin (14:09):
Yes.
Dan (14:10):
the question that I gotta ask you guys, do you trust grace
to walk into the mess you made?
Let me throw that at you again.
Do you trust grace?
Amen.
Do you have enough faith?
Do you trust the process enoughwe've talked about this in
(14:31):
previous podcast episodes, that,that the Lord said that he would
never leave us, that he wouldnever forsake us.
You know, the Bible tells usthat he's a friend that sticks
closer than a brother.
Do you trust grace enough?
To walk into the mess that youmake.
'cause let's be honest, familymaking not an apology.
(14:54):
It's easy to apologize,apologies, do nothing but soothe
you.
Apologies, do nothing but makeyou feel better.
But I'm talking real to you.
I'm talking about a real genuineapology called in amends.
Let's be honest, family.
Making an amends with somebodyhurts because sometimes the
(15:15):
hardest part of recovery is notbecause we don't care, but it's
because we do.
Because when you start facingthe wreckage, the faces, the
memories, the silence.
Family.
You're not just revisiting thepast at this moment.
You're reopening rooms that youhave spent years just in trying
(15:38):
to keep locked up.
But guys, here's the truth.
Healing doesn't always come withnumbing.
Did you catch that?
Healing doesn't always come withnumbing.
Sometimes Justin, it comes withcutting and when, when you let
grace.
Walk into your life and intothat situation like a surgeon,
(16:03):
bro, that's the first thing thatthat popped into my head.
When you let grace go to worklike a surgeon, and it begins to
cut deep enough to remove the,the infection and that sickness,
not just to soothe the surface.
We're not talking aboutapologies anymore.
Not just to soothe the surface,but that's what this step is
(16:26):
about, allowing grace to comeinto your life and cut.
Cut and get deep enough toremove that nasty infection that
you and I have tried to hide inour lives for so long.
Justin, that's what this step isall about.
(16:46):
It's not just showing up withsome apology.
It's you stepping into holyground, grace filled ground more
than restored Justin type graceand saying, look man, I made a
mess.
I really messed things up inyour life, but Grace, grace
(17:08):
walked me here so I could helpclean it up.
Justin (17:14):
And that's what it's gonna take is grace.
I'm not gonna sit here and tellyou.
That this step is easy.
Like I said, there's a reasonpeople leave at step four and
step nine when you have to startdoing the work, it gets rough.
Dan (17:29):
Mm-hmm.
Justin (17:30):
But Grace, what did we talk about?
His grace I.
Sufficient.
Mm-hmm.
It's in your weakness.
His strength shows, and this isus admitting our weakness.
This is us walking to somebodyand saying, look, I wasn't who I
was supposed to be then.
That's not who I am anymore.
(17:51):
This is who God's made me, andHe's made me a man or a woman of
God that is a man or woman ofintegrity, one with character,
and Jesus Christ says that I'mforgiven.
I just want to let you know thatI'm still sorry, not because I
(18:11):
have to, not because it feelsgood to me, right?
But because God told me to doit.
God's grace will strengthen youto do that.
All you have to do in this stepis be willing to be willing.
There you go.
And he will do the, we make itso hard on ourselves.
(18:32):
Be willing to be willing.
It's it.
It starts with you saying, I'mdeciding to step in this grace.
I'm deciding to let this gracecut out that part of my life
that.
I don't want to, I don't wannalose sleepover anymore because
let's be honest, these are themoments that we lose sleepover.
Look, I'd love to tell you thatall I ever thought about was
(18:53):
what others had done to me.
I blamed people when things wentbad in my life.
That's what I thought about.
But when things weren't goingbad, I was sitting there blaming
myself.
I was sitting there thinkingabout all the things I had done.
And let me tell you something,even as a pastor, Satan still
likes to show up and say, Hey,remember what you've done?
Dan (19:12):
Oh, he sure does.
He sure does,
Justin (19:15):
and this is us punching Satan in the mouth and saying, I
know what I've done, and becauseof God's grace, I'm gonna step
in this place and I'm gonna makeamends because God asked me to,
and I want to be holy andpleasing the way he does.
Look it a pure heart.
Dan (19:37):
Mm-hmm.
Justin (19:38):
That doesn't mean it's just free from everything.
It means it's been tested,tried, and proven true.
And this is us going throughthat refining process of being
tested and tried.
This is us getting rid of thosethings in our heart that we need
to get rid of so that we canhave a clean heart.
A pure heart.
Dan (19:56):
No, that's, that's good.
Justin.
You know, it's in this step.
I, I feel,'cause I know early inmy recovery, Justin, I
constantly felt like I had toprove, I.
I had to prove that I changed.
I had to prove that, you know,this ain't the old me anymore
guys.
You are not, you're not justproving in this step that you've
(20:18):
changed guys.
You're letting God rewrite thestory with your actions.
Justin (20:24):
Yes.
Dan (20:25):
See, you're showing the world that this version of me.
The new me, the Bible says thatif anybody being Christ or a new
person, yes, amen.
That type of person, thisversion of me, doesn't run from
the wreckage, this version of mebecause of grace.
I'm gonna walk into it withgrace as my guide, and I'm gonna
(20:48):
tell you it might get awkward.
There might be some cryingmoments.
And you know what?
Truthfully, as Justin said atthe beginning of this podcast,
you might get shut down becauseof the, because of the things
that you've done to somebody'slife.
But listen, that moment is stillsacred because you're not
(21:08):
walking in guilt no more.
You are now walking in grace andfamily.
When grace leads guilt doesn'tget the final word.
Justin (21:20):
I, you know, I've had a good friend of mine tell me
this.
When you borrow money fromsomebody, that person basically
owns you.
If, if Dan gives me$20, if Idon't give it back to him, what
starts happening?
I start hiding.
(21:41):
I start going to places.
I know Dan's gonna, I stop goingto those places that I know
Dan's gonna be at.
I start trying to avoid him whenI don't have his money.
Well, guess what?
When you hurt somebody and youbroke'em, it's almost like they
own a piece of you because whenyou see'em, that shame and that
(22:02):
guilt tells you you can't gothere.
You ever been somebody or beensomewhere where you've seen
somebody, you've hurt and youalmost like Walmart and you have
to put your head down and rushto the next aisle because man, I
can't.
I can't face them.
Or you're in a room full ofpeople and that one person walks
in and everybody in there knowswho you are now, but that person
(22:24):
knows who you was then.
And you sit there and you go, ohman, this is this.
And it brings your fear overyou.
Well, this is us wiping thatslate clean.
This is us paying that debt backand saying, look, I know I've
done you wrong.
I'm offering amends.
It's hard, there's shame thatcomes with it, and it, it takes
a humbling of yourself andrelying upon God's grace to do
(22:47):
this.
But that's the beauty of it.
Mm-hmm.
He gives you the grace to do it.
He, he paid your debt so thatyou could go with the message of
reconciliation to others andreconcile first yourself to them
because it's there that you canstart showing them what Christ
looks like in you.
(23:08):
It's there that, and like Dansaid, it's not for validation.
It's so that people can seeJesus in you.
Dan (23:14):
Amen.
And that's the thing, when youallow grace to lead this.
Guilt, don't get the final word.
Justin (23:22):
That's guilt's been defeated.
Amen.
Dan (23:26):
Guilt has been defeated.
Family.
When Grace leads, when I thinkof the story of Jacob and Esau,
I encourage you to go read this.
You know, we're gonna be talkingabout today's in Genesis chapter
32 and 33.
We're gonna be talking about anencounter with Jacob and Esau,
(23:46):
but I encourage you to go backto the Book of Genesis and read
this story.
You wanna talk about being juststraight up, just deceived by
blood, bro, to have your ownfamily member deceive you and
then jet on you for years.
This wasn't just some pettyargument.
Justin (24:08):
Hmm.
Dan (24:09):
Guys.
Jacob stole from his brother.
He lied to his dad, his family,and he deceived his entire
family.
And then what's he do?
He runs.
And for years, guys, I knowJacob had to carry the weight of
what he did.
as you read the, the story ofJacob in, in the book of
(24:32):
Genesis, you'll see he tried tooutrun it.
He tried to build a life withoutfacing it, but the day came,
that's right.
That day came where every one ofus in recovery has to face.
The bill came due that day.
(24:52):
When you stop running and youstart returning, you see Jacob.
The Bible tells us that he, hereturns with trembling hands
and, and a broken heart.
He don't just, he don't comewith excuses.
He, he doesn't try to justifywhat happens.
The Bible says he comes low, hecomes humble.
(25:17):
And he comes ready to makethings right.
And guess what happens?
Family.
Esau runs to him, his brother,he runs to him, and the Bible
says he embraces him.
No lecture, no payback, norevenge.
Justin.
Just grace in action.
(25:38):
Now let me be clear with you.
You may not always get this kindof response.
You might get silence, you mightget rejection, but here's what
you'll get, Justin.
You'll get peace because whenyou walk into that hard place
with a repentant heart and cleanhands, you will leave the
situation knowing that you didyour part.
(26:02):
Because families, sometimes themiracle isn't how they respond.
Sometimes the miracle is youfinally stopping.
Hiding from it because sometimesthe person who needs your
apology the most is the one youlook at every day in the mirror.
Justin (26:26):
You know what, there's a part of this story too that I'm
gonna, I wanna talk about for asecond.
Jacob sends his whole family.
He sends his maids, he sends hisservants, he sends his wives,
his children, says, look whatI've got.
Look what I've got, Esau.
Look what I've got.
Look what I've got.
And he's left there by himselfand the night before he goes, he
(26:52):
wrestles with God.
Think about that for a second.
It wasn't easy.
He wrestled with God on what hewas gonna do.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
He was sitting there going, God,and God says.
Okay.
You wanna wrestle?
And he wrestled with him andhe's, he, he held him down.
(27:13):
And Jacob said, but I, I, I wanta blessing.
The blessing, we can talk abouthow God poured out Israel came
through him and he changed hisname.
Right.
But the blessing was thereconciliation that happened
with his family and the strengthto go confront his brother that
he was scared to do.
Amen.
(27:34):
Right, and that's the thing,guys, you're probably wrestling
with God and God saying, Hey,you need to make amends to this
person.
And you're saying, no, I don't.
I'm fine on this side of theJordan.
I'm fine.
Me and mine are just fine.
I'm okay with this.
And God's saying, wait a minute,do you really want my blessing?
You're gonna have to put in thework.
(27:55):
Look, God doesn't you pray toGod.
For a hole and he gives you ashovel.
You're gonna have to do somedigging.
Dan (28:01):
Absolutely.
Justin (28:02):
This is us doing that digging.
This is us putting in the workand look, it's not work on our
own.
And when I hear that word, itmakes my, I get chicken skin
'cause I don't like itsometimes.
'cause this isn't about youdoing to be saved.
This is about you doing becauseyou are safe.
This is about you.
Like Dan said, walking into thatgrace and walking into that
(28:24):
blessing, walking into thatmiracle.
Look you want, you want the HolySpirit to work in your lives.
We want recovery.
Well, recovery takes steps.
Well, guess who's gotta takethose steps?
You have to be willing to takethat step.
We walk by faith, not by sight.
That's right.
It, it's not gonna look the wayyou want it to look.
(28:45):
what Jacob did to Esau wasworthy of death.
In fact, if it wasn't for hismother, Jacob would've been
dead.
Dan (28:53):
Oh, absolutely.
Justin (28:53):
Because Esau was a man of the land.
Esau, I imagine, was a bigburley fellow.
Dan (28:58):
Mm-hmm.
Justin (28:58):
He, he liked to hunt, he liked to fish.
He was, he was a man's man.
Jacob was the, was the guy whowas sitting there making beans.
Right.
Right.
That you Right, I got you bigbro.
You know what I mean?
I think of me and my brother andhow he'd say, Hey, I'm gonna tie
this tricone to the back of mybicycle and ride you around.
Okay.
And he'd just sling me off thatthing until mailbox.
(29:21):
Right.
And he was, he was fearful ofhim.
And you're probably fearful ofmaking amends with that person
in your life that.
You know you've done wrong to,but look, quit wrestling.
Just give in and let God havethe victory that he's gonna win
(29:43):
no matter what, if you're trulyright.
If you're truly following him.
Right.
Look, it's gonna happeneventually anyway.
We used to say that in coalmines, man.
Some people would struggle whenwe go to draw a mustache, Sean
and be like, look, we're notgonna stop, so you might as well
just give in.
Right.
This is you just saying, youknow what?
I'm willing to take thatmustache.
I'm willing to do what God wantsme to do because I understand,
(30:06):
like Dan said earlier, thatthere is a blessing on the other
side of this, and this is aboutthe grace of God.
It's it, it's not about thegrace of Dan, it's not about the
grace of Justin.
It's not about a perfect ending.
It's about the grace of Goddoing what the grace of God can
do.
And so many times we think ofthe grace of God as, and it is,
(30:27):
it's undeserved favor.
It's undeserved merit.
It's, it's receiving somethingthat we don't deserve.
But look, in the Bible, theGreek word for grace has two
meanings because it also, itdoes mean undeserved favor, but
it also means the divineinfluence of God on one's heart,
(30:51):
and its reflection in his life.
Hmm.
That's good.
And this, this is us reflectingthat influence of God in our
heart.
It's real good.
This is us saying, you knowwhat?
His grace saved me and his graceblesses me.
Because that's when the blessingcomes, when you start walking in
that undeserved favor andletting it reflect in your life
and all aspects of it.
Dan (31:14):
That's very good.
You know, and Justin, I mean, aswe get ready to wrap this
podcast up, you know, I, I gottaask.
Who are you still afraid toface?
Because let's get honest,because step nine family will
demand it.
Who are you still afraid toface?
(31:37):
Whose name do you skip over whenyou pray?
Whose memory makes your stomachturn?
Because you know, deep downinside it's unfinished.
Guys, God's not calling you togo back so you can relive the
(31:57):
pain.
He's calling you to go back, sohe can redeem the moment.
It's not about dragon shamebehind you.
It's about showing up as a newcreation.
We've talked about this today.
It's about showing up as a newcreation because he grace.
(32:19):
Has been forming you andrecreating you.
You don't go back as the oldyou.
You don't go back carrying thefruit of your surrender.
Guys, the evidence of yourhealing, the light of a life
that has finally been touched bygrace is being honest and making
(32:45):
amends, not apologies.
Making amends with people inyour life that you hurt.
Hear me?
That's powerful family.
When you walk into the pastcarrying the presence of God,
you change how the story ends,guys, because making amends,
(33:10):
it's not about pretending thepast never happened.
It's about proving that thepast.
Doesn't control you anymore,
Justin (33:20):
and this is that breaking of chains.
Look, Jesus is the chainbreaker.
This is those chains beingbroken.
This is the chains falling off.
This is a saying.
I'm not gonna be bound by thatanymore.
I.
For too long.
I've let it control my life.
(33:41):
I've let that person dictatewhere I can go, when I can go,
what I should say, how I shouldact.
This is us saying no more.
Dan (33:50):
Mm-hmm.
Justin (33:50):
This is us saying, I'm a man of God.
I'm a woman of God.
I'm following what he calls meto do.
This is us, like I said,punching Satan in the mouth and
saying, you thought you wouldhold this against me, but not
anymore.
What?
Not today.
Satan.
Dan (34:06):
Right.
Guys, you can't change the past.
We can't.
Nope.
I wish we could.
There's just some things in ourlife guys, we just can't change.
But what we can do is we canwalk into it with a heart.
that's been made new.
If anybody being Christ, they'rea new person.
(34:28):
Justin, is there anything youwant to close with Brother as we
get ready to wrap up today'sepisode?
Justin (34:35):
Don't be afraid of your past.
Don't think the mistakes you'vemade are what's gonna define you
for the rest of your life.
Remember, like Dan said, you area new creation in Christ.
Behold, all things have becomenew.
The old has passed away.
(34:56):
Quit letting the things you'vedone.
Keep you from the things you'recalled to do.
Dan (35:03):
Amen.
Justin (35:05):
I do want to add this, Dan.
Look guys, this is of God, thespirit of God's with us in this.
Keep praying for us.
Go to our Facebook page, go toour Instagram page like share,
because there's people who needto hear this and we want you to
(35:25):
be a part of that.
We put out a thing a few weeksago.
If you have a testimony, sendit.
Don't give us the 45 minuteversion.
We can't promise you we'll haveit out there, right?
But take take 30 to 60 to 90seconds and tell us what God's
done.
Tell us who God is for you.
Share your recovery storybecause this is more than about
(35:48):
just me and Dan.
This is about family, theforever family found in Christ.
Pray for us, like share it,subscribe, send it to others.
Remember, God loves you.
Dan (36:02):
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Guys, step nine, man.
It's one of the hardest stepsthat you and I are ever gonna
face, It takes guts to face whatyou broke.
It takes grace to walk into thatmoment without hiding.
Don't wait to feel brave.
(36:24):
Don't wait until it's easy.
Show up because you're free.
Show up because grace got youhere, and even if the outcome
isn't what you hoped, theobedience still matters family.
Until next time, stay rooted,stay recovered, and let's get to
(36:45):
work.
You are not just surviving.
You are becoming, becomingrooted in truth, becoming
recovered by grace, and becomingthe person God always knew you
could be.
Thanks for joining us on Rootedin Recovered.
If this episode stirredsomething in you, don't keep it
(37:08):
to yourself.
Share it, live it, let it takeroot.
We'll see you next time righthere where scars become
testimonies and hope rises fromthe ashes.
This world doesn't hand outhealing.
It offers quick fixes, cheappies and empty promises, but
real recovery.
It takes roots.
Roots that dig deep into truth,into identity, into the
unshakeable grace of God.
We're not here to sugarcoat thestruggle.
(00:22):
We've lived it.
Addiction, shame, relapse,regret, but we've also seen
resurrection.
We've seen what happened.
Happens when broken people getanchored in something real
rooted and recovered is morethan a podcast.
It's a battleground for thesoul.
A place where scars tellstories, where scripture speaks
(00:43):
louder than shame, where freedomisn't just a word.
It's a war we win daily.
So if you're tired of surfacelevel answers, if you want truth
that convicts, hope that heals,and conversations that cut
through the noise, you're in theright place.
Welcome to Rooted and Recovered.
Dan (01:08):
Welcome to another episode of Rooted and Recovered.
I am your host, Dan Pyles.
Got in the studio with me todayon this beautiful, beautiful,
sunny day, my partner in crime.
Justin, how you doing?
My friend?
Justin (01:23):
Blessed and highly favored.
As always, Dan.
It's an honor to be here, anhonor to get to do this, and I'm
just humbled that God's allowingus to do this and be a part of
people's lives.
Dan (01:32):
Yes, sir.
It is a privilege and honor tobe able to.
Be in your vehicle, your justyour ear, and listening to us
every single week as we producethese.
We pray about these every time,guys.
We, we don't ever want to sitbehind, uh, these microphones
and just spew junk.
Uh, we always want it to bespirit filled and we always
(01:53):
pray, anytime before we record.
Or just do anything in general.
We always want the spirit tolead and guide us.
And Justin, we are cooking rightalong, uh, the 12 step series.
I mean, guys, today we are goingto be tackling step nine and the
(02:14):
title Justin for.
Today's podcast is, it's Time toMake It Right.
Step nine tells us, make directamends to such people whenever
possible, except when to do sowould injure them or others.
And Justin, I wanna start thispodcast out with just a really
(02:34):
bold statement.
When we start looking at stepnine, brother.
It's really simple.
We're not asking for closure.
You're not asking for closure.
What you're doing in this step.
You're walking in freedom.
Guys, this is a step that justscares most people because it's
no longer just about reflection.
(02:56):
It's no longer just aboutconfession.
It's about humbling yourself youare saying, I know I hurt you,
but now I want to make it right.
Justin (03:09):
This is a toss up between inventory.
Step nine when it comes to themost difficult steps, because
this is, like you said, this iswhen it gets real.
This is when you confront yourpast.
We confronted, we looked at theman in the mirror.
We've confessed to God.
We've confessed to another humanbeing, and now we're going
(03:30):
looking at the person thateither hurt us that we've hurt
in saying, look, I'm sorry, or Iforgive you.
Right?
This is where.
You have to, and this is guys,we've been cooking through this
series.
Don't rush it.
Right?
Make sure before you don't justthink, oh man, I just turned it
(03:53):
on today.
I'm gonna go start tellingeverybody, I'm sorry.
Go back to step one.
Dan (03:57):
Mm-hmm.
Justin (03:57):
Restart the process.
If you get here and you feeluncomfortable doing this, and
make sure, first of all, thatyou're not trying to do it on
your own, that you're lettingGod lead and that you're relying
on the Holy Spirit's help.
Like Dan said earlier, we haveto have it for all things, even
when we do this, and you need ithere.
Because look, man, I've toldpeople, Hey, I'm sorry.
Dan (04:21):
Mm-hmm.
Justin (04:22):
It's hard, especially when you start looking at the
people you hurt the most.
Dan (04:26):
Well, and you gotta think about something, Justin, when
you look at step nine, man, it,it it has nothing about creating
a perfect apology.
Uh, it, it has nothing to dowith, um, even expecting a
perfect response when you givethat apology.
'cause you're not walking intothese moments asking for
(04:47):
closure.
You're walking into them becausefreedom has a cost, Justin, and
this is part of that price.
Justin (04:58):
I love what you said.
We're not looking for a perfectresponse.
You're not looking for them tosay, it's okay.
I forgive you, and just wraparms and hug you, because let's
be honest, there's still peopleout there that flinch every time
they hear your name.
Dan (05:14):
Yeah.
Justin (05:15):
When they hear Justin Miller, they say, Ooh, Ooh, I
know that guy.
When they hear so and so,whatever your name is.
They're probably a little leery,especially when they hear, oh
man, he's doing good, he's doingbetter, he's walking in
recovery.
Well, that's not the person Iknow.
Dan (05:32):
You know, and that's the thing, Justin, when we get to
this step and, and when youguys, when you get to this part
of your recovery, you're gonnahave to know sometimes.
Just the things that you havedone in life.
You've burnt bridges that youare not going to be able to
repair.
So I want to, I want to prepareyou in this step.
(05:54):
You know guys, some people arejust not going to respond.
I.
How you hope they would, somepeople may reject your apology,
but that's not the measure ofsuccess in this step, guys.
That's right.
Because the real question is,and you gotta be willing to ask
yourself, am I willing to dowhat's right, even if it doesn't
(06:16):
lead to a reconciliation?
Justin (06:19):
You're not in it for their response.
If you're coming into this steplooking for a response from the
other person, your heart's notright because this isn't about
them.
This is about you.
This is about you making itright between you, God and the
other person, and saying, look,I've done my part.
It's up to them to accept it.
(06:41):
Just like when Jesus went to thecross, he died for all.
Absolutely.
It's a free gift, but we have todo our part and receive that
grace.
What we're doing in this step isoffering up that grace.
Dan (06:51):
You're not just cleaning up your past family, you're
stepping into a brand newidentity.
One that doesn't run fromaccountability.
Man, that's a nasty cuss word,Justin.
That is a cuss word in thissociety today.
One that doesn't run fromaccountability, but walks into
accountability boldly.
Justin (07:12):
Faces it head on.
Dan (07:14):
Mm, yep.
Justin (07:15):
Look, I don't know about you, but for a long time I would
go and replay these scenarios inmy head and I couldn't sleep at
night.
But after I started makingamends, after I started letting
God show me how to make itright, yeah.
Satan would come knocking on mydoor and go, Hey, hey, remember
this?
I'd say, yeah, but I did mypart.
(07:38):
I can only do so much.
You can only do so much.
And what you can do is own it.
When I got to the end of myinventory, you know, I was
expecting to find all thesethings that I could point at
other people, what they had donewrong to me, and ah, this, and
I'm gonna have to forgive peoplefor this and this and this.
And when I got to the end of it,every single one, even the ones
(08:00):
that weren't my fault, at theend of it, I had to take a look
at myself and said, I never letit go.
I never owned up to my part inthis, so how can I expect them
to even not flinch it, my name?
Dan (08:16):
Right?
Justin (08:16):
But the thing is, I wasn't looking for people not to
flinch it my name.
I was looking to get it off ofmy chest so that when I laid my
head on the pillow at night, Ihad that good rest that Jesus
talks about.
Amen.
And that I know the other sideof tired.
This is us coming with thoseburdens.
We're weary and worn out, andJesus is saying, look, you're
(08:40):
gonna rest from work.
It doesn't mean you're not gonnado it, but the works you do like
offering amends is a rest thatbrings rest to the soul.
Dan (08:49):
Hey man.
You said something, you said theword amends, you know, and
Justin, there is a.
Huge difference between anapology and actually making
amends with somebody.
So let's slow down here for justa moment and let's talk real
guys, because this right here iswhere a lot of people get stuck.
(09:13):
It's not because they don't wantchange, but because they don't
want to face who they hurt to doit.
And I get it.
It's one thing to admit we'rewrong.
But family, it's a wholedifferent thing to back up, own
it and make it right, but let'sclear something up real quick.
(09:35):
There's a massive differencebetween an apology and making an
amend.
An apology says, I'm sorry youwere hurt.
And Amen says, here's what I didand here's how I want to repair
the damage that I caused.
Justin (09:53):
And that it's the owning it.
Like you said earlier, that isus taking ownership.
I can say I'm sorry all daylong, but when I say, look, I'm
sorry for this.
Mm-hmm.
And that's why when you gethere, it's not just a
generalized, Hey, I'm sorry forwhat I did.
That's not what this is about.
This is saying, Hey, I'm sorrythat I treated you like an
(10:16):
object.
I'm sorry that.
I got in a argument with youover over the color of the chair
right in the corner, because wehave a part in this, we like to
blame everybody else, and thisis us taking ownership for our
part and saying, look, not onlyam I sorry, I apologize and I
(10:39):
want to make it.
Right.
Like Dan said, it's not aboutjust saying, sorry.
It's about owning up theinstance, not just a bunch of'em
at one time, but the individualthing that keeps you up at
night.
Dan (10:53):
Right.
Because when you look at anapology, man, you know,
honestly, it's soothing.
Your guilt.
Justin (10:58):
Yes.
Dan (10:59):
You know, but when you make an amends, you're taking the
opportunity to restore thatindividual's dignity.
We're not trying, and this stepguys, you're not trying to feel
better about yourself.
We're stepping into the brokenplaces of people's lives that we
helped break.
You broke, I broke, and we'resaying you mattered then.
(11:23):
And guess what?
You matter now.
And I'm not hiding from thisanymore.
Justin the Bible tells us inRomans 12:18.
He says if, if it is possible,listen to what he said.
If it is possible, as far as itdepends on you.
(11:45):
Live at peace with everyone.
This doesn't mean family, thateveryone will accept what you
say.
This doesn't mean that they'regonna hug you and say, oh, it's
okay Dan.
It's okay.
Justin, I forgive you.
But guess what?
That's not the goal.
The goal is to stop running.
The goal is to stop avoiding andto do what's right, family, even
(12:10):
when it's hard, even when ithurts.
Even if they don't respondJustin to the way that you
hoped,
Justin (12:19):
and it's here also that we, I wanna go back to the step
for a second, except when to doso would injure yourself or
others.
Look, there's certain people,like it says, if it is possible,
there's certain people that youjust can't, right?
And, and if you've been abused.
(12:41):
If you've been the abuser
Dan (12:42):
mm-hmm.
Justin (12:44):
If you've done things to people that have caused
criminal, you know, justice tocome upon you, you're probably
not gonna have that opportunityif you know that it's gonna hurt
them.
If you know there's some peoplethat I haven't reached out to,
because as much as I'd like to,I know the damage I'd done and
(13:05):
it would cause even more damagejust to talk to me.
Right.
Doesn't mean I won't get theopportunity one day.
Right.
It just means I recognize thatit's not the right time and
sometimes all you can do is makeit right with you and God and
offer amends and forgiveyourself.
And I love, it's not aboutvalidation.
Dan (13:31):
Mm-hmm.
Justin (13:32):
It's about humbling ourselves and doing the right
thing.
That's called integrity.
This is what builds character,right?
This is us saying, I know I'vemessed up, but I'm gonna do what
I can to live at peace witheveryone.
Do not repay evil with evil, butrepay evil with good.
Dan (13:53):
Amen.
Justin (13:54):
And this is us saying, Hey, I've given you evil before,
but I'm trying to offer good,
Dan (14:00):
right guys.
This step right here, step nine.
It's not about getting aresponse.
It's about giving respect.
Justin (14:09):
Yes.
Dan (14:10):
the question that I gotta ask you guys, do you trust grace
to walk into the mess you made?
Let me throw that at you again.
Do you trust grace?
Amen.
Do you have enough faith?
Do you trust the process enoughwe've talked about this in
(14:31):
previous podcast episodes, that,that the Lord said that he would
never leave us, that he wouldnever forsake us.
You know, the Bible tells usthat he's a friend that sticks
closer than a brother.
Do you trust grace enough?
To walk into the mess that youmake.
'cause let's be honest, familymaking not an apology.
(14:54):
It's easy to apologize,apologies, do nothing but soothe
you.
Apologies, do nothing but makeyou feel better.
But I'm talking real to you.
I'm talking about a real genuineapology called in amends.
Let's be honest, family.
Making an amends with somebodyhurts because sometimes the
(15:15):
hardest part of recovery is notbecause we don't care, but it's
because we do.
Because when you start facingthe wreckage, the faces, the
memories, the silence.
Family.
You're not just revisiting thepast at this moment.
You're reopening rooms that youhave spent years just in trying
(15:38):
to keep locked up.
But guys, here's the truth.
Healing doesn't always come withnumbing.
Did you catch that?
Healing doesn't always come withnumbing.
Sometimes Justin, it comes withcutting and when, when you let
grace.
Walk into your life and intothat situation like a surgeon,
(16:03):
bro, that's the first thing thatthat popped into my head.
When you let grace go to worklike a surgeon, and it begins to
cut deep enough to remove the,the infection and that sickness,
not just to soothe the surface.
We're not talking aboutapologies anymore.
Not just to soothe the surface,but that's what this step is
(16:26):
about, allowing grace to comeinto your life and cut.
Cut and get deep enough toremove that nasty infection that
you and I have tried to hide inour lives for so long.
Justin, that's what this step isall about.
(16:46):
It's not just showing up withsome apology.
It's you stepping into holyground, grace filled ground more
than restored Justin type graceand saying, look man, I made a
mess.
I really messed things up inyour life, but Grace, grace
(17:08):
walked me here so I could helpclean it up.
Justin (17:14):
And that's what it's gonna take is grace.
I'm not gonna sit here and tellyou.
That this step is easy.
Like I said, there's a reasonpeople leave at step four and
step nine when you have to startdoing the work, it gets rough.
Dan (17:29):
Mm-hmm.
Justin (17:30):
But Grace, what did we talk about?
His grace I.
Sufficient.
Mm-hmm.
It's in your weakness.
His strength shows, and this isus admitting our weakness.
This is us walking to somebodyand saying, look, I wasn't who I
was supposed to be then.
That's not who I am anymore.
(17:51):
This is who God's made me, andHe's made me a man or a woman of
God that is a man or woman ofintegrity, one with character,
and Jesus Christ says that I'mforgiven.
I just want to let you know thatI'm still sorry, not because I
(18:11):
have to, not because it feelsgood to me, right?
But because God told me to doit.
God's grace will strengthen youto do that.
All you have to do in this stepis be willing to be willing.
There you go.
And he will do the, we make itso hard on ourselves.
(18:32):
Be willing to be willing.
It's it.
It starts with you saying, I'mdeciding to step in this grace.
I'm deciding to let this gracecut out that part of my life
that.
I don't want to, I don't wannalose sleepover anymore because
let's be honest, these are themoments that we lose sleepover.
Look, I'd love to tell you thatall I ever thought about was
(18:53):
what others had done to me.
I blamed people when things wentbad in my life.
That's what I thought about.
But when things weren't goingbad, I was sitting there blaming
myself.
I was sitting there thinkingabout all the things I had done.
And let me tell you something,even as a pastor, Satan still
likes to show up and say, Hey,remember what you've done?
Dan (19:12):
Oh, he sure does.
He sure does,
Justin (19:15):
and this is us punching Satan in the mouth and saying, I
know what I've done, and becauseof God's grace, I'm gonna step
in this place and I'm gonna makeamends because God asked me to,
and I want to be holy andpleasing the way he does.
Look it a pure heart.
Dan (19:37):
Mm-hmm.
Justin (19:38):
That doesn't mean it's just free from everything.
It means it's been tested,tried, and proven true.
And this is us going throughthat refining process of being
tested and tried.
This is us getting rid of thosethings in our heart that we need
to get rid of so that we canhave a clean heart.
A pure heart.
Dan (19:56):
No, that's, that's good.
Justin.
You know, it's in this step.
I, I feel,'cause I know early inmy recovery, Justin, I
constantly felt like I had toprove, I.
I had to prove that I changed.
I had to prove that, you know,this ain't the old me anymore
guys.
You are not, you're not justproving in this step that you've
(20:18):
changed guys.
You're letting God rewrite thestory with your actions.
Justin (20:24):
Yes.
Dan (20:25):
See, you're showing the world that this version of me.
The new me, the Bible says thatif anybody being Christ or a new
person, yes, amen.
That type of person, thisversion of me, doesn't run from
the wreckage, this version of mebecause of grace.
I'm gonna walk into it withgrace as my guide, and I'm gonna
(20:48):
tell you it might get awkward.
There might be some cryingmoments.
And you know what?
Truthfully, as Justin said atthe beginning of this podcast,
you might get shut down becauseof the, because of the things
that you've done to somebody'slife.
But listen, that moment is stillsacred because you're not
(21:08):
walking in guilt no more.
You are now walking in grace andfamily.
When grace leads guilt doesn'tget the final word.
Justin (21:20):
I, you know, I've had a good friend of mine tell me
this.
When you borrow money fromsomebody, that person basically
owns you.
If, if Dan gives me$20, if Idon't give it back to him, what
starts happening?
I start hiding.
(21:41):
I start going to places.
I know Dan's gonna, I stop goingto those places that I know
Dan's gonna be at.
I start trying to avoid him whenI don't have his money.
Well, guess what?
When you hurt somebody and youbroke'em, it's almost like they
own a piece of you because whenyou see'em, that shame and that
(22:02):
guilt tells you you can't gothere.
You ever been somebody or beensomewhere where you've seen
somebody, you've hurt and youalmost like Walmart and you have
to put your head down and rushto the next aisle because man, I
can't.
I can't face them.
Or you're in a room full ofpeople and that one person walks
in and everybody in there knowswho you are now, but that person
(22:24):
knows who you was then.
And you sit there and you go, ohman, this is this.
And it brings your fear overyou.
Well, this is us wiping thatslate clean.
This is us paying that debt backand saying, look, I know I've
done you wrong.
I'm offering amends.
It's hard, there's shame thatcomes with it, and it, it takes
a humbling of yourself andrelying upon God's grace to do
(22:47):
this.
But that's the beauty of it.
Mm-hmm.
He gives you the grace to do it.
He, he paid your debt so thatyou could go with the message of
reconciliation to others andreconcile first yourself to them
because it's there that you canstart showing them what Christ
looks like in you.
(23:08):
It's there that, and like Dansaid, it's not for validation.
It's so that people can seeJesus in you.
Dan (23:14):
Amen.
And that's the thing, when youallow grace to lead this.
Guilt, don't get the final word.
Justin (23:22):
That's guilt's been defeated.
Amen.
Dan (23:26):
Guilt has been defeated.
Family.
When Grace leads, when I thinkof the story of Jacob and Esau,
I encourage you to go read this.
You know, we're gonna be talkingabout today's in Genesis chapter
32 and 33.
We're gonna be talking about anencounter with Jacob and Esau,
(23:46):
but I encourage you to go backto the Book of Genesis and read
this story.
You wanna talk about being juststraight up, just deceived by
blood, bro, to have your ownfamily member deceive you and
then jet on you for years.
This wasn't just some pettyargument.
Justin (24:08):
Hmm.
Dan (24:09):
Guys.
Jacob stole from his brother.
He lied to his dad, his family,and he deceived his entire
family.
And then what's he do?
He runs.
And for years, guys, I knowJacob had to carry the weight of
what he did.
as you read the, the story ofJacob in, in the book of
(24:32):
Genesis, you'll see he tried tooutrun it.
He tried to build a life withoutfacing it, but the day came,
that's right.
That day came where every one ofus in recovery has to face.
The bill came due that day.
(24:52):
When you stop running and youstart returning, you see Jacob.
The Bible tells us that he, hereturns with trembling hands
and, and a broken heart.
He don't just, he don't comewith excuses.
He, he doesn't try to justifywhat happens.
The Bible says he comes low, hecomes humble.
(25:17):
And he comes ready to makethings right.
And guess what happens?
Family.
Esau runs to him, his brother,he runs to him, and the Bible
says he embraces him.
No lecture, no payback, norevenge.
Justin.
Just grace in action.
(25:38):
Now let me be clear with you.
You may not always get this kindof response.
You might get silence, you mightget rejection, but here's what
you'll get, Justin.
You'll get peace because whenyou walk into that hard place
with a repentant heart and cleanhands, you will leave the
situation knowing that you didyour part.
(26:02):
Because families, sometimes themiracle isn't how they respond.
Sometimes the miracle is youfinally stopping.
Hiding from it because sometimesthe person who needs your
apology the most is the one youlook at every day in the mirror.
Justin (26:26):
You know what, there's a part of this story too that I'm
gonna, I wanna talk about for asecond.
Jacob sends his whole family.
He sends his maids, he sends hisservants, he sends his wives,
his children, says, look whatI've got.
Look what I've got, Esau.
Look what I've got.
Look what I've got.
And he's left there by himselfand the night before he goes, he
(26:52):
wrestles with God.
Think about that for a second.
It wasn't easy.
He wrestled with God on what hewas gonna do.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
He was sitting there going, God,and God says.
Okay.
You wanna wrestle?
And he wrestled with him andhe's, he, he held him down.
(27:13):
And Jacob said, but I, I, I wanta blessing.
The blessing, we can talk abouthow God poured out Israel came
through him and he changed hisname.
Right.
But the blessing was thereconciliation that happened
with his family and the strengthto go confront his brother that
he was scared to do.
Amen.
(27:34):
Right, and that's the thing,guys, you're probably wrestling
with God and God saying, Hey,you need to make amends to this
person.
And you're saying, no, I don't.
I'm fine on this side of theJordan.
I'm fine.
Me and mine are just fine.
I'm okay with this.
And God's saying, wait a minute,do you really want my blessing?
You're gonna have to put in thework.
(27:55):
Look, God doesn't you pray toGod.
For a hole and he gives you ashovel.
You're gonna have to do somedigging.
Dan (28:01):
Absolutely.
Justin (28:02):
This is us doing that digging.
This is us putting in the workand look, it's not work on our
own.
And when I hear that word, itmakes my, I get chicken skin
'cause I don't like itsometimes.
'cause this isn't about youdoing to be saved.
This is about you doing becauseyou are safe.
This is about you.
Like Dan said, walking into thatgrace and walking into that
(28:24):
blessing, walking into thatmiracle.
Look you want, you want the HolySpirit to work in your lives.
We want recovery.
Well, recovery takes steps.
Well, guess who's gotta takethose steps?
You have to be willing to takethat step.
We walk by faith, not by sight.
That's right.
It, it's not gonna look the wayyou want it to look.
(28:45):
what Jacob did to Esau wasworthy of death.
In fact, if it wasn't for hismother, Jacob would've been
dead.
Dan (28:53):
Oh, absolutely.
Justin (28:53):
Because Esau was a man of the land.
Esau, I imagine, was a bigburley fellow.
Dan (28:58):
Mm-hmm.
Justin (28:58):
He, he liked to hunt, he liked to fish.
He was, he was a man's man.
Jacob was the, was the guy whowas sitting there making beans.
Right.
Right.
That you Right, I got you bigbro.
You know what I mean?
I think of me and my brother andhow he'd say, Hey, I'm gonna tie
this tricone to the back of mybicycle and ride you around.
Okay.
And he'd just sling me off thatthing until mailbox.
(29:21):
Right.
And he was, he was fearful ofhim.
And you're probably fearful ofmaking amends with that person
in your life that.
You know you've done wrong to,but look, quit wrestling.
Just give in and let God havethe victory that he's gonna win
(29:43):
no matter what, if you're trulyright.
If you're truly following him.
Right.
Look, it's gonna happeneventually anyway.
We used to say that in coalmines, man.
Some people would struggle whenwe go to draw a mustache, Sean
and be like, look, we're notgonna stop, so you might as well
just give in.
Right.
This is you just saying, youknow what?
I'm willing to take thatmustache.
I'm willing to do what God wantsme to do because I understand,
(30:06):
like Dan said earlier, thatthere is a blessing on the other
side of this, and this is aboutthe grace of God.
It's it, it's not about thegrace of Dan, it's not about the
grace of Justin.
It's not about a perfect ending.
It's about the grace of Goddoing what the grace of God can
do.
And so many times we think ofthe grace of God as, and it is,
(30:27):
it's undeserved favor.
It's undeserved merit.
It's, it's receiving somethingthat we don't deserve.
But look, in the Bible, theGreek word for grace has two
meanings because it also, itdoes mean undeserved favor, but
it also means the divineinfluence of God on one's heart,
(30:51):
and its reflection in his life.
Hmm.
That's good.
And this, this is us reflectingthat influence of God in our
heart.
It's real good.
This is us saying, you knowwhat?
His grace saved me and his graceblesses me.
Because that's when the blessingcomes, when you start walking in
that undeserved favor andletting it reflect in your life
and all aspects of it.
Dan (31:14):
That's very good.
You know, and Justin, I mean, aswe get ready to wrap this
podcast up, you know, I, I gottaask.
Who are you still afraid toface?
Because let's get honest,because step nine family will
demand it.
Who are you still afraid toface?
(31:37):
Whose name do you skip over whenyou pray?
Whose memory makes your stomachturn?
Because you know, deep downinside it's unfinished.
Guys, God's not calling you togo back so you can relive the
(31:57):
pain.
He's calling you to go back, sohe can redeem the moment.
It's not about dragon shamebehind you.
It's about showing up as a newcreation.
We've talked about this today.
It's about showing up as a newcreation because he grace.
(32:19):
Has been forming you andrecreating you.
You don't go back as the oldyou.
You don't go back carrying thefruit of your surrender.
Guys, the evidence of yourhealing, the light of a life
that has finally been touched bygrace is being honest and making
(32:45):
amends, not apologies.
Making amends with people inyour life that you hurt.
Hear me?
That's powerful family.
When you walk into the pastcarrying the presence of God,
you change how the story ends,guys, because making amends,
(33:10):
it's not about pretending thepast never happened.
It's about proving that thepast.
Doesn't control you anymore,
Justin (33:20):
and this is that breaking of chains.
Look, Jesus is the chainbreaker.
This is those chains beingbroken.
This is the chains falling off.
This is a saying.
I'm not gonna be bound by thatanymore.
I.
For too long.
I've let it control my life.
(33:41):
I've let that person dictatewhere I can go, when I can go,
what I should say, how I shouldact.
This is us saying no more.
Dan (33:50):
Mm-hmm.
Justin (33:50):
This is us saying, I'm a man of God.
I'm a woman of God.
I'm following what he calls meto do.
This is us, like I said,punching Satan in the mouth and
saying, you thought you wouldhold this against me, but not
anymore.
What?
Not today.
Satan.
Dan (34:06):
Right.
Guys, you can't change the past.
We can't.
Nope.
I wish we could.
There's just some things in ourlife guys, we just can't change.
But what we can do is we canwalk into it with a heart.
that's been made new.
If anybody being Christ, they'rea new person.
(34:28):
Justin, is there anything youwant to close with Brother as we
get ready to wrap up today'sepisode?
Justin (34:35):
Don't be afraid of your past.
Don't think the mistakes you'vemade are what's gonna define you
for the rest of your life.
Remember, like Dan said, you area new creation in Christ.
Behold, all things have becomenew.
The old has passed away.
(34:56):
Quit letting the things you'vedone.
Keep you from the things you'recalled to do.
Dan (35:03):
Amen.
Justin (35:05):
I do want to add this, Dan.
Look guys, this is of God, thespirit of God's with us in this.
Keep praying for us.
Go to our Facebook page, go toour Instagram page like share,
because there's people who needto hear this and we want you to
(35:25):
be a part of that.
We put out a thing a few weeksago.
If you have a testimony, sendit.
Don't give us the 45 minuteversion.
We can't promise you we'll haveit out there, right?
But take take 30 to 60 to 90seconds and tell us what God's
done.
Tell us who God is for you.
Share your recovery storybecause this is more than about
(35:48):
just me and Dan.
This is about family, theforever family found in Christ.
Pray for us, like share it,subscribe, send it to others.
Remember, God loves you.
Dan (36:02):
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Guys, step nine, man.
It's one of the hardest stepsthat you and I are ever gonna
face, It takes guts to face whatyou broke.
It takes grace to walk into thatmoment without hiding.
Don't wait to feel brave.
(36:24):
Don't wait until it's easy.
Show up because you're free.
Show up because grace got youhere, and even if the outcome
isn't what you hoped, theobedience still matters family.
Until next time, stay rooted,stay recovered, and let's get to
(36:45):
work.
You are not just surviving.
You are becoming, becomingrooted in truth, becoming
recovered by grace, and becomingthe person God always knew you
could be.
Thanks for joining us on Rootedin Recovered.
If this episode stirredsomething in you, don't keep it
(37:08):
to yourself.
Share it, live it, let it takeroot.
We'll see you next time righthere where scars become
testimonies and hope rises fromthe ashes.
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