Episode 14 - Planes, Trains, and TSA

Send us a text

What happens when two Midwestern podcasters venture to opposite corners of the world? A hilarious comparison of travel misadventures that proves no matter how different the destination, suffering makes for great storytelling.

Fresh from their journeys, Eric and Brad reconnect to swap tales of their vastly different trips. Eric's adventure to Phoenix, Arizona to visit his friend Jacko and attend U-Fest (featuring A Day to Remember) seems simple enough until you factor in his 12-year flying hiatus, the desert heat he describes as "the sun being personally mad at all my pores," and an unforgettably creepy Uber driver named "Cool Rich." Meanwhile, Brad's business trip to India involves a 40-hour journey, language barriers that left him stranded at the airport for hours, accommodations comparable to "a jail cell," and a forced pilgrimage to 108 nearly identical temples in 102-degree heat.

Through their parallel stories, unexpected commonalities emerge—the punishing heat, transportation disasters, and the universal feeling of being a fish out of water. The episode peaks with a sidesplitting countdown of the "Top Five Worst Things to Bring Through TSA Security," featuring scenarios so absurd they'll forever change how you view airport security lines.

Beyond the laughs, there's something deeply relatable about these travel tales. Whether navigating foreign languages in Hyderabad or trying to maintain composure in an Arizona Uber while high as a kite, both hosts capture that universal vulnerability of being away from home—and the stories we earn through our discomfort.

Join us for an episode that travels from rock concerts to religious statues, from dispensary visits to diplomatic tensions, all while proving that sometimes the best souvenirs are the stories you'll be telling for years to come. Have your own travel disaster story? We'd love to hear it! Drop us a line at [e-mail].

ROWD and LOUDY is the ultimate comedy podcast where two best friends share hilarious, never-before-heard stories in every episode! Tune in for laughs, surprises, and spontaneous humor as each episode features fresh, funny tales that one of the hosts has never heard before. Plus, every episode includes a Top 5 list where we rank and discuss random topics, adding even more fun to the mix. Whether you’re into storytelling, comedy, or just want to hear two friends banter about life, ROWD and LOUDY has you covered.

Listen now for your weekly dose of laughter, entertainment, and raw, unfiltered humor.

Comedy, Funny Stories, Humor Podcast, Best Friend Podcast, Hilarious Podcast, Top 5 Podcast, Hilarious Podcast, Storytelling Podcast, Weekly Comedy Show, Laugh out Loud Podcast, Unfiltered Humor.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:20):
welcome back to the rowdy and loud Loudy Podcast.
This is episode 14.
Is it?
It is, that's neat and we gotsome.
So we've been traveling, Ericand I have been on the road in
planes, trains and automobiles,and we got some stories from our

(00:40):
travels abroad.
Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
And then we went to very similar places too, like,
like, so incredibly similar, soI went to phoenix arizona it was
.
It was really awesome.
I had fun, so much fun with, uh, my, oh, my good buddy.
Mr jackup and brad went toindia and there's so many
similarities and I just can'twait to go over those right,

(01:03):
yeah, yeah, there's.

Speaker 1 (01:04):
There's so many similarities and I just can't
wait to go over those, right,yeah, yeah, there's so many it's
not at all.
Not at all.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
I actually had to check my original arrangements
with the airlines to make sureit wasn't India, because it's so
close.
I just wanted to make sure Iwas actually flying into Phoenix
to tell Jacko where to go, youknow Right.

Speaker 1 (01:24):
So we got that going on and then we got a top five
and because we did sometraveling and we went through
some airports and stuff, we gota top five of worst things that
you could bring through the TSAsecurity line at the airport.

Speaker 2 (01:40):
So that's going to be good.
If you haven't been through TSAin a while.
It is a nerve-wracking processbecause you feel like like
everyone's like looking you upand down, like it's just fucking
crazy, right, especially forsomebody that's not doing
anything wrong.
Right, I'm not trying to doanything, you know, but like
piggybacking off of tsa realquick, dude, this is like a 30

(02:00):
seconder.
I get to the airport in arizona.
Okay, keep in mind, I haven'tflown since.
Probably I don't know it's been12 years okay, okay, so that's
been a while.
So I I walk up and first thing Ido is I like go to bag check,
which I have a carry-on like bagin a backpack, that's it, you
don't need to go there, you know.
So, like I waited in line there, you know, like, just like a

(02:22):
dumb, fuck dude just just out ofhere.
And then here's where it getsfunny, and this lady, after 10
minutes of waiting in line, thislady that works there, is like
are you checking either of those?
I was like no, she goes, whyare you in line?
It's like okay, cool, cool.
So I walk, she goes, tsa isover there.
So I walk up and there's twodifferent lines for TSA, a left

(02:46):
and a right, and I just get in aline and just stand there, you
know.
Oh my God, dude.
I wait in that line for like 25fucking minutes and all of a
sudden the lady at the front,that like where you put your ID
in the scanner, goes if you'rein the TSA check pre-check line,
you know that means you'vechecked ahead and you've gone on

(03:08):
the TSA website and like lightbulb kicks off for me.
I'm like I did not go on the.
Tsa website and pre-check.
I know that, so I had to go allthe way back out of the line.

Speaker 1 (03:18):
Oh yeah, Go to the normal line.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah, Like you're leaving to go piss in a movie
but you're all the way against awall on an end that's like 25,
40 people deep.

Speaker 1 (03:27):
Dude like oh my God.

Speaker 2 (03:29):
Then I get in the correct line.
Okay, so I've already made somany mistakes.

Speaker 1 (03:33):
So you've already been at like 35 minutes of the
wrong line For no reason.
Well, first was 10 minuteswaiting for baggage that you
didn't need to check, and then25 minutes in the line that you
shouldn't have been in.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
To put it in perspective for you, it'd be
like if you're at Cedar Point,there's lines for food, there's
lines for bathroom, there'slines for rides.
If there was a line just infront, it said nowhere I got in
that line.
Oh, 35 minute wait.
That's not bad.
That's not bad.
That's not bad.
It's not bad.
It's not bad.
You know what are you going todo?
Nothing, Nothing.

Speaker 1 (04:06):
Going nowhere yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
This is a me trip, so nothing Fucked it.
That's awesome, yeah.
So that's kind of why wehaven't been on as much.
We are going to get a littlebit more scheduled.
Our typical schedule with thispodcast is about two a month, so
I think we can get back on thatthree yeah, um, but yeah so, uh

(04:29):
, me and brad took very similartrips to india and arizona and
um, just so many similarities.
Uh, did you go to a rockconcert over there?

Speaker 1 (04:41):
no, I stared I.
I, you went to a rock symphonytoo.
There's rocks everywhere insand.
Yeah, I went and stared atrocks.
Fuck yeah.
Rock concert, fuck you.
Yeah, that's not even cool,dude.

Speaker 2 (04:59):
It was pretty hot, yeah, it was.

Speaker 1 (05:02):
How hot was it in India, I think, on the day that
I arrived?
Now, granted, this is at 2 inthe morning I get out of the
airport and I think it was still93 degrees, but the humidity
was like 95%.
And then throughout the coupleof days well, I was there a week

(05:25):
, but the like tuesday andwednesday it was 99 humidity and
I think it was 102 wow yeah howhot was it in arizona uh, I
believe it was like 97 and itfelt like 99,.

Speaker 2 (05:43):
dude, it was rough.
Good wind though you know.

Speaker 1 (05:46):
So the heat was what we had in common.

Speaker 2 (05:49):
Dude, I'm not built for that.
That was exhausting.

Speaker 1 (05:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:52):
Dude.
I had so much fun with Jackobut like dude, even when we went
into his house it was like 78or 76 or something like that.

Speaker 1 (05:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:58):
I was thinking to myself like fuck, dude, that's
warm still.
Yeah, dude, that's warm still,yeah.
But you gotta do what you gottado, yeah, dude.
Their house was dope.
I had so much fun.
I love those fucking dude.
Him and his wife are like.
They're tight like they're mydude yeah, he's my concert buddy
and also like my stoner moviebuddies.
So like, if I need somebody tolike bake out with and watch
them like half baked and justsit there and cheese, yeah,

(06:21):
perfect yeah, no, I didn't have,I did not have.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
Uh, quite the enjoyable experience so actually
funny story too.

Speaker 2 (06:32):
This is very true.
Uh, when brad was on his way toindia, he talked to me on the
phone in the car and some ofthose conversations me and brad
have like that, or did they justget off the fucking rails?
Dude oh yeah, I'm talking tobrad.
I'm like, hey, um, I have areally good idea for you that'll
make your india trip better.
And he's like what I was like.
Okay, when you get to the frontdesk dude, ask him if they have
a villa suite in india.

Speaker 1 (06:58):
Yeah, so, so I stayed , so it's it was called the
tanaica Resort, tenerica, and Ican guarantee you that there is
nobody in the States that ifthey were to go to a resort in
the States it is not comparableat all it would get less than a

(07:20):
star oh yeah, in America.
Oh yeah, like, what aboutnights in?
No dude, I showed you pictures,pictures.
It looked like a jail cell.
Yeah, yeah, honestly.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
yeah, I think jail's probably here or better, I mean
next time you could commit acrime like get out in a couple
days, you might sleep, you know.
Not bad, not bad strategy,tanner, what's the name of it?
Tana Rica Resort.
Okay, so Pakistan just fired amissile at India and you're in a
hotel that's named?
Sounds very similar toTannerite which explodes.

Speaker 1 (07:55):
Yeah, yeah, we weren't well, I wasn't anywhere
near the.
You know the shit that wasgoing down and you know what I
mean.
Obviously it was on the news.
I couldn't understand anythingthat was being said, but I could
see pictures and there was shitblowing up and rockets and
stuff like that.

Speaker 2 (08:16):
But you wouldn't have known otherwise that anything
was going on.
That's cool.

Speaker 1 (08:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (08:19):
I mean not really.
That's fucking crazy.
I can't imagine being overthere.

Speaker 1 (08:26):
The first thing that came to my mind is they're going
to close the fucking airportsand I'm going to be stuck here.
Oh, dude, we would have figuredit out.
I'd have been on a boat, dude,I'd have got out of there
somehow.
I just started swimming.

Speaker 2 (08:36):
Yeah, what about, like, I don't know, like those
semi-trailers that they likeboat over, dude, you know, get
smuggled in, so do you?
Got a funny story about India.

Speaker 1 (08:53):
So I've got a couple of funny things Well, not really
funny, but just if you travel.
So anybody out there thattravels with any sort of
frequency has, I'm sure, runinto different things, and
travel by airplane, by howeveryou're traveling, can be
stressful, it's oh yeah I meanto, in order to get to where I

(09:16):
go in india.
It's 40 hours of travel, likethat, doesn't count hotel stays,
that that is when I'm.
When I leave for the airport,flying, it's time in the airport
, layovers, shit like that, andthen next flights.
That's 40 hours to get to whereI'm going.

(09:39):
That sucks.

Speaker 2 (09:40):
Yeah, dude, that's also similar to mine, so my
flight.

Speaker 1 (09:44):
What was your flight?
Three hours?

Speaker 2 (09:46):
uh, four hours direct oh yeah, we had to fuel and it
yeah yeah, that soundsunbearable.
Yeah, yeah, so the first flightpercent, so like that's a weird
way of thinking about it righta flight from so you're from
detroit to arizona is 10th ofwhat you did.
Yeah, that's nuts.

Speaker 1 (10:07):
Yeah, so I take off in Grand Rapids.
I flew to Chicago, which isonly about an hour flight, and I
think I had a three-hourlayover in Chicago, which I hate
.
Chicago Airport I hate that youhave to leave security and you
have to go to a differentterminal.
You have to leave security, youhave to leave, basically, the

(10:28):
airport and then you have tocheck, you have to go back
through security, through TSA,through all that shit, in order
to get to your other gate when,if you just stayed in the
airport, you don't go throughall that shit again, through all

(10:49):
that shit again.
So then I'm taking, I I flew tohong kong from chicago, which
is like that's a 15 hour flightthat's a, that's a long ass
flight, yeah, um.
And then hong kong.
I had 50 minutes and actuallyhad I'll give props to the hong
k airport.
They had a guy waiting when wegot off the plane for three of
us.
There was three of us that weregoing to the same flight.

(11:11):
We had 50 minutes to get there,so the guy grabbed us, ran us
through security, ran us throughall that shit so that he made
sure that we made our flight.
That's awesome.
That was fucking awesome.
So props to Hong Kong airport.

Speaker 2 (11:26):
Is everything written in Japanese.

Speaker 1 (11:29):
It's Chinese.

Speaker 2 (11:30):
Oh fuck, I knew that.
Yeah, is everything written inChinese.
I'm so sorry.
I imagine how many people dothat.
My bad, but like, yeah, waseverything in Chinese, in
English or no?

Speaker 1 (11:39):
There was.
Honestly, I didn't even reallylook because I'm just following.
I mean, we're running to thenext flight because we have 50
minutes.
We got there a little bit latetoo, and they start boarding a
half hour before.
So I'm following him.
I'm not looking at anything,you know.

Speaker 2 (11:59):
It's China.
I knew that too.

Speaker 1 (12:00):
That's the best part, that's the best part, so I get
out of the flight.
I flew into Hyderabad,hyderabad, hyderabad, and so I
get out of the airport.
I'm the only.
I'm traveling by myself.
I get out of the airport and Ihave my itinerary and everything
.
I know what hotel I'm going toand there's supposed to be a

(12:21):
shuttle.
Yeah, that's every hour or so.
It comes to the airport andit'll pick you up.
This airport that I'm gettingout of.
There's a ton of places wherethis shuttle could be coming and
I can't.
It's all in.
What the hell is the Hindi?

(12:43):
It's all in Hindi.
All the writing and everything.
So I can't.
I don't know what any of itsays.
I don't know where the shuttleis, so I get on the phone, I
call the hotel.
Nobody there can understandwhat the hell I'm saying.
So they, like the chick putsthe phone down and some guy gets
on and he speaks English, but Ican't fucking understand him.

(13:07):
I mean, he has a very, veryheavy accent and I'm like I
finally understand.
He says number seven.
And I'm looking around and onthe poles by the airport there's
numbers.
I'm like fucking sweet, okay, Igo to number seven, that's
where the shuttle's going tocome.
I waited there for an hour anda half.

(13:29):
Oh my God, I called.
That makes so much sense.
I called the hotel.
They know I'm there waiting forthis shuttle to come.
How warm is it?
It's 102 degrees.
Well, at that point it was 93or something.
It was hot.
So I'm like I'm waiting, I callhim back like two or three

(13:55):
times trying to figure out.

Speaker 2 (13:56):
I'm like am.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
I at the right spot, are you guys coming, whatever?
And he, finally he gave thedriver my number so he could
call me when he got there.
Yeah, I was there a good hourand a half waiting for the
shuttle, oh my gosh.
So got to the hotel, checked in, all that shit, and the agency

(14:22):
that set up my room they set itup for me checking in on Sunday
and not Saturday, oh my God.
So I was there like 12 hoursbefore I should have been to
check into the room, so I endedup having to like luckily they
had a room available I could getin.

(14:43):
But yeah, I had to pay an extrafee or something to check in.
12 hours early, after I'd beenan hour and a half waiting for
the shuttle, I finally get to myroom.
It's 4 o'clock in the morning,oh my God, what time did you
land?

Speaker 2 (14:59):
What time did you land?

Speaker 1 (15:00):
About 1.
Yeah, 3 hours, I think 3 hoursAn hour and a half waiting for
the shuttle.
That was probably 10 minutes tothe hotel, maybe a little bit
longer.
But when I went in to check in,they're like, oh, we gotta do
this, we gotta do that to get aroom available for you, and so I
had to go wait in the waitingroom or the lobby or whatever to

(15:23):
.
So, yeah, it was four o'clockbefore I got in and got a chance
to actually go to bed.
That sucks Dick, yeah.
So tell me about yourexperience.

Speaker 2 (15:35):
Yeah, mine was so similar too.
So that's what happened exactlyto me.
You know, I was kind of lost inthe airport, kind of like Kevin
McAllister, and I called myfriend Jacko, who I could hear
him pretty good.
He does speak English.
He's good at it too.
His wife was with him.

Speaker 1 (15:52):
He's good at it.

Speaker 2 (15:53):
And yeah.
I'd say probably after I calledhim.
You know, I don't know, give ortake five minutes.
I had to wait Maybe ten, right,that sounds awful.
Yeah, I got to ride in thebackseat too, which is cool
Probably the best trip I took.
And then we went to adispensary, which was also cool.
It was very similar to yours,where I landed at 7.30 and got

(16:20):
picked up at 7.45.
You're such a dick, me.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:26):
No, yeah, yeah.
So let me tell you about myrecent trip to Arizona guy or as
I like to call it now, satan'swaiting room.
So I flew out to see Jack, asyou know, and we decided to go
to U-Fest, which I kind oftalked about in a couple of

(16:46):
other episodes.
So it was a big festival,starts at like 2 o'clock, doors
open at two, but everywhere thatthey kept posting on social
media is like get there early,you can get backstage passes and
shit.
Like dude, that's cool when youcan do that, like awesome.
So, um, we got there at a goodtime and, uh, like you, fest was

(17:07):
a day to remember headline andthey fucking murdered it.
Seether Dorothy Point North.
We Came as Romans, just an epicfucking show right In Hell's
Waiting Room, though, first ofall, it was 99 fucking degrees
outside and I know that yourswas hotter.
I get that right now.
Okay, but I didn't know thatgoing into this episode when I

(17:27):
wrote this, okay.
So I don't care what anyonesays about dry heat, it's not
fucking dry heat, it's angryheat, dude.
It's like the sun waspersonally mad at all of my
fucking pores.
I was sweating in places.
I didn't know I could sweat inbrad my kneecaps were moist.
It's not fucking normal, but Ican't tell jacko this.
He's telling me that he mightlike want a hoodie later you

(17:48):
know, like, like dude, he's likeused to it right and the
coolest part, though.
Like so we were in line, likeand they're selling water, like
it's like currency, but they'renot telling anyone the prices,
right, like it's not listed on.
The cooler, it's like who can Ifuck over five for you?
Oh yeah, 20, 25 bucks for awallet yeah, you that kind of
shit.

(18:09):
So we're waiting outside andthis lady actually walks up to
us.
They're walking by and givingout these wristbands to people,
so I walk up to her, bold asshit.
I am so stoned.
I want to make that clear too.
I'm already baked as fuck.
Dude, it's 2 o'clock and, likedude, we got an Uber there.

Speaker 1 (18:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:24):
I smoked myself stupid before I left and I
brought four dupes with mehidden on my body.
I had two in a pack.
I had one in a different pocket.
I'm going to be at this placefor 10 hours, dude.
I haven't been to somewherelike this in years, like 15, 20
years.
You know what?

Speaker 1 (18:41):
I mean yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:42):
Where it's like an all-day Typical concerts I go to
is an opener head like more ortwo openers and a headliner,
yeah.
So I go up to the score and weget backstage passes to meet
Point North, which is like oneof the bands we were so fucking
excited to see, and the peoplein front of us were like, yeah,
we could grab any of them.
We wanted backstage passes forDorothy.

(19:02):
We're like who the fuck isDorothy?
We didn't even know who she wasand like they're trying to
explain to us.
I was like, okay, I'll get toit.
Alright, they were right.
Me and Jack were looking ateach other like we know music so
well, like who the fuck is thatand who would want to meet her?
We did, we just didn't know it,oh yeah.
So the coolest part too is wewalk into this venue.

(19:23):
It's outside, so like picture,like a hill, a big lawn that
seats probably 30,000 people.
Okay, huge lawn Amphitheaterwith a roof outside, but inside
we had shade.
Yeah, awesome move, dude.
We were in the third row ofthis concert.
Nice, dude.
We had epic seats Because Itold Jack, if we're doing this,

(19:44):
let's go fucking big dude, let'smake this something we fucking
remember forever.
And we will.
It was in hell's waiting roomand I'll never forget that, you
know, because you can't complainabout it, because then you're a
bitch, which I am being a bitch, and it's now on paper and I'm
okay with it, it's on air, dude,but dude we walk into this
venue and everybody's fuckingbaked oh, yeah, and
everyone's smoking everywhere.

(20:05):
I walked up to a security guardand I'm like I'm from Michigan,
I don't want to get in trouble.
Where should I smoke?
Like anywhere, sweetheart, youknow, like no one gave a shit.
So I'm walking around findingspots.
We found a spot by an icecooler dude where we just took
up right by a fake arcade and Ialready had the spiel of someone
came and walked up to me.
It's like honey sweetie, no,honey sweetie, no, you can't do

(20:26):
that because it's patronizingPerson.
People have been getting highoutside of arcades for years.
Just let us fucking be you knowwhat.
I'm saying Someone said that tome and I was working.
Touche, I'll just stand.
Have a good day sir Right.
So we saw like the first bandwe saw was Point North.

(20:46):
They fucking crushed it andthen we went back to meet them.
That was a great experience.
And then we kind of like therewas a couple bands we didn't
really know and it was fine.
We'd go just and smoke and hang.
There's misters everywhere withfucking water.
Oh my God, dude.
I drank like 19 water bottles,dude, while I was there, full of
water.

(21:08):
Well, usually water bottles arefull of water you watch your
fucking tone, all right, I dudereal talk.
I probably drink 19 waterbottles a month.
I drank that in a day like okay, if I had to calculate it,
calculate the other thing.
Dude that like the weather washot, but also what I noticed,

(21:32):
the people were hot it wasfucking crazy.
Everyone was gorgeous.
I don't think I would make itout there.
But like so I'm talking to jack, but he works out and stuff,
but like we're talking about howit's a sauna.
And then I started lookingaround and I realized like
there's no like big peoplearound here, like it's because
everyone loses like 40 fuckingpounds and they move out there
right, you know what I mean yeah, that's why water's currency

(21:53):
dude yeah so, uh, so we ended upseeing uh dorothy play dude and
they were fucking aw, she wasincredible like I couldn't
believe how good she was and uhI don't think I've ever, I'd
never heard of her, but she'sgood, isn't?

Speaker 1 (22:08):
isn't she Like dude she?

Speaker 2 (22:10):
fucking murdered.
Like I absolutely respect herand her band and I thought that
they were excellent and I'veactually been trying to spread
the word a little bit LikeDorothy is, listen to the song
Rest in Peace, it's fantastic.
She murders it.
If you like that one, then divedeep but see her live.
She's fantastic.
Same.
If you like that one, then divedeep but see her live.
She's fantastic.
Same thing with Point NorthSeether was fucking awful.

Speaker 1 (22:32):
Really.

Speaker 2 (22:36):
Awful.
I don't know what happened, butthey played five songs that
were great and four songs thatwere dog shit.
I don't know, it was not.
Me and Jagger have seen themwhen they're at their best and
dude, that wasn't it.

Speaker 1 (22:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:49):
I feel bad for saying best and dude.

Speaker 1 (22:50):
That wasn't it.
Yeah, I feel bad for sayingthat, but that wasn't it.
Hey, they're somebody.
Everybody has an off night youknow, like.

Speaker 2 (22:56):
But everybody out there was hot dude, like what's
in the water?
Is it the sun?
Is it like lizards, that likemaybe duke on their face or
something?
Dude, I don't know.
But every third person lookedlike they just left a fucking
penthouse shoot.
It was neat.
You know what I mean.
Meanwhile, I'm over here, dude.
I'm all this super sweatyMichigan dude looking like a

(23:19):
fucking rotisserie chicken on afucking sidewalk in gym shorts.
Dude Got swamp ass Dude,everyone was so hot dude, and
the festival was great.
It was called U-Fest and we gotto meet a band for free, Like I
highly recommend anyone goingout there.
Yeah, I was high as hell.
I fucking walked around thatbitch.
I smoked every hour on the hour.

Speaker 1 (23:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (23:41):
I was on vacation, bitch, like, all I was missing
was like a Jimmy Buffett shirt,you know, and I could have been
the king tourist dude.
Oh my god, so a day to remembermurdered it, dude and um yeah,
like dude.
It was just.
It was such a great trip, wehad so much fun, but I couldn't,
really.
I couldn't believe how hot itwas.

(24:01):
I would never make it out therelike dude.
That was like my fresh hell.
Like, if you want to put me Iactually thought of something
based on your story too If youwant me to gain like 10 years in
one day, you know, like howObama went into office and like
he came up four years laterlooking like he had like aged 40
years.
Yep, okay, if you want me to dothat in a day, send me to an
India airport where I don't knowwhere the fuck I'm going alone.

(24:24):
I'd be done, son.
I loan.
I'd be done, son.
I'd still be in that airportwaiting for the shuttle people
dropping off dollars and shit,and I don't even know what they
mean or how to spend them justhungry, yeah.
And the other thing, send methat same music festival.
But it's all like share indixie chicks and like I can't

(24:45):
leave, I have to watch it.
You know, yeah, yeah, in thatdry heat.

Speaker 1 (24:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (24:49):
I had so much fun, though I'm going back.
That's the great part.
Oh nice, like every time Ismoked weed dude, it was just
like owie Dude.
We had, yeah, just a fuckingblast man.

Speaker 1 (25:02):
Nice.

Speaker 2 (25:02):
Like just like one of those trips where it's like
seamless, where it's likeseamless, where it's like no
stress, like those are the bestones, like dude we had, so like
same same thing as yours.
Like just no I gotta justseamless, you know, like, like.
As soon as I landed, like there,he was kind of like your hotel
that was so good to you right um, and then, like I got to the
place, I asked jacko if he had avilla and he's like, yeah, you

(25:23):
can stay up there.
You know it's the penthousesuite upstairs and that that's
where I stayed.
It was great.
And then we went to a rockconcert, just like you did.

Speaker 1 (25:31):
Yeah, so the first day, right.
So I have a meeting with avendor.
Get through that.
We're on our way back to thehotel.
There's a couple of people withme.
They're actually our customers.
Do they speak English?
Yes, there's really.
Do they speak english?
Yes, they're there's really,but they speak english.
So, but on our way back to thehotel after that first meeting,

(25:56):
like he wanted to stop and checksome stuff out.
You know he wanted to sightseewhatever, and I'm like it's
fucking hot, I'm like I,whatever, I'm done, I just want
to go back to the hotel and justget in some cool air, you know.
But we stop at this.
It's called the Statue ofEquality.

(26:16):
Okay, that's what it's called,and it's a giant, and when I
mean giant, it's enormous.
It's 200 feet tall statue.
It's a like a hindu guy, uh,with like sitting indian style,
and he's, like you ever see,like the buddha statues, and
stuff it's just like that, onlyhe's 200 feet tall super cool

(26:39):
okay, and 108 different littlehuts or little.
They're all of these Indian gods.
I guess I don't know exactlywhat they are, but there's 108

(27:00):
temples that are around him andthe guy I'm with, he wants to go
check it out.
Oh my God, go check it out.
Oh God, it's 102 degrees.
I'm like, okay, we're here,I'll go.

Speaker 2 (27:17):
What time of day?

Speaker 1 (27:18):
It's in the afternoon , dude, it's hot as shit.
So the worst part, yeah thesun's like beating down on you,
Anyway.
So we walk up and we're goingto go into this interest deal
and it's 500 rupees, which isnothing.
It's probably like five bucksfor both of us to get in.
But you've got to take yourshoes off, you leave those at

(27:42):
this counter and you've got allyour phones, all your.
You can't have any.
No metal, no nothing.
And you got all your phones, allyour.
You can't have any.
No metal, no, nothing.
Yeah, you got to leave it all,either in your car or you can
leave it with these people totrack, gave them all that.
I go through and the bathroomis beyond where you take your

(28:08):
shoes off.
Okay, so you walk in, take yourshoes off, leave, leave it all,
and the bathroom is throughsecurity and we we got to go
like it's we've.
We've been on the road for anhour, so we walk into an indian
bathroom.
Floor is dirty as shit.
Those socks they're in church.
I threw them away as soon as wegot back to the hotel.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
Fuck yeah.

Speaker 1 (28:31):
So we go there and every single one of these little
temples that they have, I swearto God, they're the same.
I swear to God, they're thesame.
It's got a different name abovethe door, but they might have a
little bit different coloroutfit on or something you just

(28:52):
described.

Speaker 2 (28:52):
All the neighborhoods in Livonia, right?
Have you ever been throughthose?
No, those old war homes.
No, there's pockets outside ofDetroit where you drive through
neighborhoods, dude, like fourmiles.
It's all the same fucking house.
Oh yeah, all the same layout,but there like 5,000 of them and
the only thing different is thenameplate on it.

(29:13):
That's all I can think about.

Speaker 1 (29:14):
Yeah, but that's yeah .
So 108 of these, and there'slike monks that are out in front
of almost every one of them andthey want to like hand you
stuff and like put stuff on yourhead.
And like hand you stuff andlike put stuff on your head and,
dude, I was just so done bylike the third one.
I just kept walking.
This guy is like looking at him, I mean he's kind of walking

(29:37):
too, but I'm just like I'mfucking over it.
It's 102 fucking degrees.
Yeah, there's some shade, butit's hot as shit.
Oh my God, I'm not.
I, I'm not.

Speaker 2 (29:46):
I feel like you're more patient than me.
Dude, I would have really notgiven a fuck.
Can you imagine me in thatsituation?
I would have been like don'tfucking care bud.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
Yeah, I didn't, but he's a customer, so he wanted to
go check it out.
How long were you there?
It took us an hour to walkaround the 108 temples and then.

(30:14):
So we get done with that, andthen we find the elevator to go
up the 200 feet to the Buddhastatue.
We go out and we walk aroundthat and it's just, there's
absolutely nothing up there andwe walk.
There's a set of stairs that goall the way back down to where
you came in, so and it's allopen right.
So you're out in the sun andit's hot as shit and you're

(30:34):
walking up this, down the stairsand I was so over it.
I got back to my fucking room.
I'm like I am, this is so, I'mso done.
I went back and fucking rackedout.
I was Dude, fuck.

Speaker 2 (30:48):
That's crazy yeah.

Speaker 1 (30:50):
Fuck that, but yeah, if you're ever in Hyderabad, was
there a Taco Bell nearby?

Speaker 2 (30:58):
No, they did have a McDonald's.
That sounds a lot like my hosttoo, Like Jacko wanted to go see
some stuff so he took me to adispensary and then after that
we went and got food.
It was like very similar wedispensary.
And then after that we went andgot food and it's like very
similar, probably we got.
We did go to mcdonald'safterwards, but they don't have

(31:18):
burger because they don't have,so like you can't get.
Uh, there I put my dick in somemcchickens.
Dude, we had chicken nuggets.
Did it taste like yeah?

Speaker 1 (31:21):
they, uh, they weren't bad.
It was kind of.
I mean, the fries were.
Fries were pretty decent.
I, out of all the differentcountries that I've been to,
there's only been one wherethey've really fucked up fries
and yeah, but yeah.
So we're sitting at thisMcDonald's, right, we're in the
middle of India, and two girlswalk in that I don't know if

(31:48):
they were from the States, butthey really look like it and I'm
thinking to myself what are theodds?
in the middle of India, in aMcDonald's, there's going to be
two chicks that walk in that arefrom the States.

Speaker 2 (32:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (32:02):
But they didn't say anything, so they might have
been Fuck them.

Speaker 2 (32:05):
They could have saved that whole situation, you know
but, they just chose not to.

Speaker 1 (32:09):
Yeah, yeah, dude I.

Speaker 2 (32:14):
Yeah, it's so similar .

Speaker 1 (32:19):
Not at all.

Speaker 2 (32:21):
Not at all, it's pretty much the same thing.
Yeah, we had to go to like Idon't know like two different
places where we made up our mindon what fast food place to go
to.
Oh my God, no, we got pizza.
Oh yeah, we just went and gotweed and then smoked weed and
then waited for it whilewatching funny shows.

Speaker 1 (32:39):
Yeah, it sounds so much.
Same thing as going to a monkvillage dude.
So so, on the way back, right.
So I take.
So I'm literally planes, trainsand automobiles, right.
So the second place I visit.

(33:07):
I've got to take a train fromthere all the way back to Mumbai
, which is seven hours on atrain.
The car ride from the airportto the second place I visited
was a four-hour car ride and theroads, oh my God.

Speaker 2 (33:20):
I think what they do is they keep people from
speeding.

Speaker 1 (33:21):
They'll, like, have asphalt.
It'll be like a two-milestretch of asphalt and then it's
just dirt, like they just stop,they stop building, and then
they pick back up, like it'll go100 yards of dirt and it picks
back up and it's asphalt.
It's so strange, that's soweird.
It is.

Speaker 2 (33:41):
It's the weirdest yeah.

Speaker 1 (33:43):
And they don't have stoplights.

Speaker 2 (33:44):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (33:45):
There's no lights.
There's no.

Speaker 2 (33:46):
Dude, I wouldn't have done well in this, even with a
customer.
You know I'd be like hey, eric,you want to go sightseeing,
like in fucking India?

Speaker 1 (33:53):
Yeah, I mean, there's some places that are cool, dude
, but not that place.
It wasn't.
I didn't, I don't know, butanyway, so we get.
So I fly back from Mumbai.
It's like a 14-hour flight, yep, well, six hours.
I flew back to Hong Kong andthen from Hong Kong to Chicago

(34:14):
was like 14 hours.
I get to Chicago and I've gotlike a three-hour layover and I
find my gate.
I get in there.
We're all sitting.
Flight's supposed to take offat 5.05.
Okay, at 5 o'clock, everybody'sthere, we're all waiting.
Nothing has, not a word, not apeep out of the person at the

(34:37):
desk that says O'Hare.
Yeah, not a peep out of them tosay hey, we're boarding, hey,
we're delayed, hey, we'rewhatever Nothing.
Say hey, we're boarding, hey,we're delayed, hey, we're
whatever nothing.
505 comes and goes, 510 comesand goes 515 they finally get on
the pa and say your gate haschanged to and it's all the way
across the fucking airport andwe're like what the fuck?

(34:59):
Everybody behind me I'm sittinglike in the front row because I
got there early and everybody Ihear this like what the fuck?
Going on, I'm like we'renothing, nothing is said,
nothing.
So we all get up and fuckingrun to the other gate because
we're thinking that it's goingto take off soon.
We get to the other gate,everybody's kind of there.

(35:20):
45 minutes go by, nothing isnothing being said, nothing is
being communicated.
They finally get on and say,okay, we're going to board.
This is 45 minutes after we getto the next gate 5.45?
.
Well, it's probably 6 o'clock atthis point because, it took us
15 minutes to get to the otherfucking gate.

(35:41):
So 6 o'clock, they get.
Okay, we're going to startboarding.
Awesome, everybody boards.
So six o'clock, they get.
Okay, we're gonna startboarding.
Awesome, we, everybody boards.
We get on the plane, close thedoors, pilot comes on.
Yeah, sorry, we're gonna have adelay.
We gotta wait for fuel.
We sat on the fucking airplanefor another hour, so it's seven

(36:06):
To get fuel.
Oh, my god, see, I was twohours late getting it because we
were on top of the other.

Speaker 2 (36:12):
delay, oh dude.

Speaker 1 (36:14):
I got back to Grand Rapids and I'm like fuck this,
this is yeah, what airlineshould we continue to use Brad?
I'm not going to say Okay.
I'm not going to say Okay, I'mnot going to bad mouth you.
It's probably not the airline'sfault.

Speaker 2 (36:32):
Anyway it's probably the fucking airport Way to go.
Yeah, you know.

Speaker 1 (36:36):
I mean it's yeah, there's so many things and
there's so many things that goon inside the airport and behind
the scenes.
Yeah, but yeah it was.

Speaker 2 (36:46):
Oh my God, dude, the airport than behind the scenes.
And yeah, but yeah, it was, ohmy god dude, my my funny, uh,
airport story that's so similarto yours.
So, uh, so I'm in, uh, I'm insatan's waiting room right and
I'm hanging out with jacko andit, dude, it's like seven
o'clock at this festival.
And I look at him and I'm like,oh fuck, dude, my flight's
tomorrow at four.
Should I check in?
He goes duh.
So I'm sitting there checking inand like I've bare bones, this

(37:08):
whole trip, dude, like I gotround trip for like 240, yeah,
right.
So I'm looking at it and it'slike seat upgrade window with
extra room, dude, 144, like thisis 50 bucks.
And I'm thinking myself likeman, I haven't spent that much.
Like maybe, maybe I should doit, you know.
And, uh, I sit there and justkind of look around for a second
.
I look at Jacko, dude, withouteven blinking, and I go luck of

(37:31):
the fucking draw dude.
And I hit the fucking buttonfor free, right, like, just like
luck of the draw bitch, youknow, like I can upgrade later,
whatever it put me in the $140scene for fucking zero dollars,
nice.
So the whole rest of the trip,dude, anytime, something went
our way that was so.
Luck of the draw motherfuckerdude.

Speaker 1 (37:49):
That was so.

Speaker 2 (37:50):
Luck of the draw and anytime something didn't go our
way, that was not very luck ofthe draw yeah, yeah so yeah,
from now on, if I ever say luckof the draw, that's exactly what
that means.
Dude, like I was just superbaked in arizona, exhausted at a
concert, not in India.
That I think could have beensaid to me Actually, I said that

(38:13):
to myself a couple times.
I talked to you right beforeyou boarded.

Speaker 1 (38:16):
I was in the airport too.

Speaker 2 (38:17):
I was talking to Brad about fucking stupid episodes
and things that he probablydoesn't want to talk about, but
it happened.

Speaker 1 (38:24):
I think you called me after the bombing that went on.
I thought you were dead.

Speaker 2 (38:31):
I'm so glad you're alive, dude, it's awesome.

Speaker 1 (38:34):
It's so awesome you fucking did it.
And anyway I'm glad.

Speaker 2 (38:38):
I survived too, because, as flawless and awesome
as the U-Fest experience was, Iprobably smoked three joints
before I left.
No, I brought two, yeah, Ibrought four with me.

Speaker 1 (38:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (38:53):
They were gone.
We got in the Uber dude.
I thought I was going tofucking die.
So the Uber on the way out waslike kind of a more street guy
with like neck tattoos.
We had fucking hilarious timeswith him.

Speaker 1 (39:05):
Dude awesome.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
I could do a whole episode on the fun conversations
that we had with that guy.
The guy that picked us up,though, dude, he was named Rich
Richard and this dude showed up.
So, like at U-Fest, it's like11 o'clock, whatever, and we're
starving.
We're fucking waiting for anUber.
Jacko lives like 25 minutesfrom there.
So this Uber driver shows upand he's like hey guys, I'm rich

(39:28):
, but some people call me coolrich.
And it's like what the fuckdoes that mean?
It's the most awkward guy, dude.
Like think about like anengineer or like that weird
creepy janitor or that computerscience guy at school.
That dude's always fucking weird.

Speaker 1 (39:42):
Right.

Speaker 2 (39:46):
Like chop you into fucking pieces and turn you into
wind chimes weird like hangyour ears for wind chimes so
he's playing music.
It goes from the doors yep tothe all-american rejects, to the
black eyed peas and he's likefucking fist bumping and shit.
It's so fucking awkward inthere.
We just got done with theconcert.
The last thing we want is musicon level 30 yeah, and you ding
Cool Rich.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
Right, not a good DJ, bud, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:08):
He starts singing like Alicia Keys, out loud, dude
.
And that's when Jacko startslaughing.
And I start laughing, dude, andI realize that if I look at him
we're going to fucking lose it,dude.
So this guy was so weird, dude.
Every time an ambulance went by, he's like stay blessed, man,
stay blessed.
Every time, like, do you knowhow many ambulances are in

(40:30):
Phoenix?
Dude, like there's peoplegetting hurt.
It's fucking 100 degreesoutside.
Dude, If you take a nap on thesidewalk, your face is burnt.

Speaker 1 (40:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:37):
Not like India, but, like you know, it's more charred
.

Speaker 1 (40:41):
They don't have sidewalks.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
Dude, I looked at Jacko like and he looked at me
and like we had the same look onher face of like don't fucking
look at me, don't fucking laugh,we are gonna get chopped in a
tiny fucking pieces.
So we literally just kind oflike straight faced it.
Dude, like we started talkingabout like a taco bell order.
Yeah, that bitch didn't bringus baja blast.
How do you get taco bell and nobaja blast?

(41:09):
Latricia or whatever the fuckyour name is, that blew our
order like a 50 taco bell order.
You blew it you know it, dudemight as well call her lewinsky.
With those mouth, that mouth,dude, and all the fucking
mistakes she makes.
She's known for blowing it, butdude, yeah, and that was like
honestly one of the weirdestrides of my life.
Like I will totally be way morefine with like just I don't

(41:31):
know, not ever selecting an Uberdriver named Richard.
I will never.
I didn't make this pick.
That was not very luck of thedraw.

Speaker 1 (41:43):
Brian.

Speaker 2 (41:43):
But all baked in the back of a car that, like you
think, probably, you know,probably chop you up and throw
you into some SpaghettiOs athome and then pet a cat.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
I'm very sorry for your experience, Eric.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (42:01):
Dude, it's so amazing to hear you say that Eric's
just sold up a sign that sayseat a dick.

Speaker 1 (42:03):
It doesn't.
No, it doesn't, I don't think.
Does it?
Yeah, it does I really.
He sold up a sign that says eata dick, it doesn't.

Speaker 2 (42:06):
No, it doesn't, I don't think.
Does it?
Yeah, it does, I can read it.

Speaker 1 (42:17):
It says eat a dick.

Speaker 2 (42:19):
Oh man Well, how about a?

Speaker 1 (42:21):
TV Smiley.

Speaker 2 (42:22):
America.

Speaker 1 (42:24):
Top five time.
I think it is Also kind offunny.

Speaker 2 (42:28):
We did not do a recap of the previous top five and
that's okay.

Speaker 1 (42:32):
Maybe this is a good flow.

Speaker 2 (42:33):
Yeah, because we went right into it, dude.

Speaker 1 (42:35):
Yeah, well, it's been a minute.

Speaker 2 (42:37):
We said fuck you foreplay, I'm getting in it.

Speaker 1 (42:41):
You know what I mean.
We dove, in, dove in head first.

Speaker 2 (42:44):
Well, yeah, long story short.
We've had very similar trips toArizona and India and I really
dude.
I was anxious as fuck.
So like when I'm getting readyto go on a plane, like of course
a brother's getting a littlehigh before he goes, like dude,
I was hitting my pen the wholeway there because I'm leaving it
in the car.

Speaker 1 (43:01):
You know what I mean, yep.

Speaker 2 (43:10):
So when I got got the airport, made all those
mistakes, man, it was awful.
But like now I'm thinking aboutit even more, like, right, and
I never put myself in your shoeseither, like in this whole
situation, like I'm horriblewith directions.
Can you imagine if I was inchina, like when all the signs
are in chinese?
and people are speaking chineselike.
It's like what the fuck?
What the fuck, what the I'd belosing it.
I would have never made it toIndia, dude, I would have ended
up in the weirdest fucking placeever, like Russia, just because

(43:32):
he couldn't read the signs.

Speaker 1 (43:34):
That's okay.

Speaker 2 (43:36):
You know, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (43:39):
Luckily I had a guy take me to the plane.

Speaker 2 (43:42):
You know all the people that were hooked on
phonics.
He wasn't one of them.
Oh that's another good one.
So top five time.
I think you should start yourtop five because I just kind of
went with a story.
But yeah, I'm so glad that wehad similar experiences, dude.

Speaker 1 (44:01):
Yeah, me too.
I mean, they really soundsimilar.
You know like everything Allabout it.
You know Dude the whole.

Speaker 2 (44:08):
Yeah, same exact.

Speaker 1 (44:10):
Right.

Speaker 2 (44:10):
Dude, the bands that I saw there were fucking sweet
right.
Just like India, a Day toRemember was awesome, and so was
we Came as Romans, point North.

Speaker 1 (44:20):
Dorothy.

Speaker 2 (44:21):
Dorothy yeah, fucking great dude, yeah yeah, dorothy.
Yeah, fucking great dude, yeahyeah, I'm trying to think
there's one more that I don'tknow, but yeah, it was fucking
great dude.
I'm so glad we had similarexperiences.
It's so good to share it.
Right, yeah, it just feels likeover coffee.

Speaker 1 (44:36):
Yeah, you know, I'm glad.

Speaker 2 (44:43):
I'm glad you had a good time.

Speaker 1 (44:47):
So my number one and this could be, you know, male,
female, doesn't matter whoever.
I think it would be awful orembarrassing, or this is number
one.
This is number one.
Well, I'm going to go one tofive.
They're not, you know,necessarily like my top one to

(45:09):
my one, one two three, one, two.
Okay, that's my thing.
Yeah, that's you know.
I'm gonna say an inserted buttplug like in you like in, so
when you do the arms over thehead, then they would see it.

Speaker 2 (45:24):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (45:26):
And then you gotta do a cavity search.
Right Dude, you'd have to.

Speaker 2 (45:30):
You'd have to wear those glasses with the cameras
in it so you can get the shot ofthe computer.

Speaker 1 (45:34):
Oh yeah, yeah, you're gonna drop trowel and they're
gonna see this butt plugsticking out of your ass.

Speaker 2 (45:37):
It's gotta be a weird shape like a dolphin or like
something just odd, you know.
Yeah, like a Tootsie.

Speaker 1 (45:47):
Pop that still has the wrapper on, oh shit.
So number two I've seen a lotof them, you know, and that
reminds me too.
I've seen a lot of videoslately of, like these girls that
have some kind of a somethingin their vagina that's glowing.

Speaker 2 (46:08):
I don't know why that's know that's so cool, but
if they stick it's, you can findthis.

Speaker 1 (46:12):
It's got like different colors.
I don't know it's, you can findthe scene.
But if they were wearingvibrating panties, oh, that's
cool.

Speaker 2 (46:21):
It is cool.
You'd have to turn the remoteand hopefully it didn't get
turned up in the machine.
You'd have to turn it up right,yeah, it didn't get turned up
in the machine.
You'd have to turn it up.

Speaker 1 (46:27):
Right, yeah, you've got to put it in the thing.
Oh my God, yeah.
Or your partner, whoever you'rewith, like, turns it on and
you're going through the scanner.

Speaker 2 (46:36):
Dude, how are you?

Speaker 1 (46:44):
Number three oh fuck, have you had just a suitcase
full of dildos?
Oh fuck, have you had just asuitcase full of dildos?
Oh fuck.
But when they go through thescanner they all turn on Dude oh
my God, and that's it.

Speaker 2 (47:00):
They're off.
That's all you have.
You don't have underwear.

Speaker 1 (47:03):
You don't have pants.
You don't have shirts.

Speaker 2 (47:05):
All you got is a great big suitcase full of
dildos, and you're goinginternational too.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
They've got a long flight.

Speaker 2 (47:11):
Guess what motherfuckers are carrying?
Same setup All dildos justturned on.
They're right behind theluggage, that's all you know.
They're the same.

Speaker 1 (47:19):
Right International.
Yeah, it's going to be a longtrip.

Speaker 2 (47:28):
Oh, my God, oh, you don't want to touch that one,
honey.

Speaker 1 (47:29):
Trust me, trust me.
I know where that one's at.
Call that one.

Speaker 2 (47:32):
Matilda, matilda the dildo, we're getting sticky
situations son Number four, arolling suitcase.

Speaker 1 (47:42):
This is definitely not a bomb in glitter, oh my God
.

Speaker 2 (47:45):
Definitely not, is definitely not a bomb in glitter
oh my God, definitely not,definitely not a bomb.

Speaker 1 (47:50):
Oh my God yeah.

Speaker 2 (47:52):
Oh my God, what would they?

Speaker 1 (47:56):
do.
I'm sure that when it goesthrough the scanner they're
going to see that it doesn'thave that.

Speaker 2 (48:03):
And you do the hands over and have the butt plug.
You got the double whammy to goto that secret room, dude.

Speaker 1 (48:09):
Oh yeah, You're definitely going to get the body
cavity surgery.
Can you just wait for the?

Speaker 2 (48:12):
radio Like we got a fucking other one.

Speaker 1 (48:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (48:15):
Un-fucking-believable .
This is the fourth today.

Speaker 1 (48:19):
And number five.
So when you run your bagthrough the scanner there's
always, you know, they got thex-ray machine and everything.
So if you have metal letteringinside the cover, like
underneath, and on the inside itsays it's not gay if it's TSA,
oh, my God and everyone, youkind of do the hand too.

Speaker 2 (48:42):
Hey, shilane, when you do the hands up, it's a
spirit one.
Yeah, this is a great thing,it's not game.

Speaker 1 (48:50):
It's TSA on the screen Dude.
I really I don't know how theywould react if somebody was
wearing that shirt.
I see people that go throughand I'm bold, but like that's
yeah, I'm bold, but like that'snot a prank place.
Right, yeah, that's why theseare so funny.
None of those people ever laugh.

(49:10):
You can try to joke with themand try to talk to them, but
they don't ever laugh.
No.
It must be like you have tohave that character flaw in
order to be a TSA agent.

Speaker 2 (49:27):
Yeah, it's all the people that didn't make it as
like toll booth operators, thosepeople who hate their lives too
, are accountants, you know,like people that are just like
fuck this shit.
Yeah, you know what I'm goingto do.
I'm going to take a step in myfuture and tell people what the
fuck to do.
No laughs, no games all day,tsa.
Yeah you.

(49:51):
No laughs, no games all day,tsa.
Yeah, you can't make them.
Look, I don't know, some ladiesnear me were cool, same I'm not
saying that they're not cool,yeah, I'm just they.

Speaker 1 (49:55):
They don't seem to have much of a sense of humor
and that's probably becausethey've seen and heard and I
mean, can you imagine being atsa agent that kind of shit that
you would see?

Speaker 2 (50:04):
on a daily.
I got five really good onesthat would make me hate my job
if.
I got promoted there.
Yeah, their life sucks.
They have people getting in thewrong lines all the time Wrong
lines.

Speaker 1 (50:19):
They're trying to pass shit through that they
shouldn't have like vibratorsand dildos and shit.

Speaker 2 (50:28):
So I got a couple of good ones here.
All right, what if you had areal life sex doll that was
dressed like a flight attendantnamed Skyla, with handles on her
, and that's all you broughtwith you, dude?
And guess what she's here for.
Emotional support in Beveragesservice Beverages.

(50:51):
Yep support in Beverages.

Speaker 1 (50:57):
Now do you have to take her out of the bag?
No, it's just the life size.

Speaker 2 (51:01):
We're talking like a five-foot actual doll with
straps on it.
You're walking it through.
There's no bag, she's just out.
No, she's just out.

Speaker 1 (51:11):
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 (51:12):
Checked her in on a carry-on and you're bringing her
in.
She's got her own ticket.
It's Skyla, you know.
Oh man, I know where he'd puthis beer too, if he needed the
tray.

Speaker 1 (51:30):
Got the old cup holder there.

Speaker 2 (51:32):
Okay, here's a good one ready.
Number two what if there were,like, furry handcuffs in your
bag and attached to the furryhandcuffs was one of the TSA
agents Photo that's in the light.
Oh, that's for later.
I really like my pat-downsintimate man.

(51:53):
Oh, wow, sarah, they're usingyour picture again.
I'm like God damn, not againthese creepy motherfuckers oh
shit number three I likeconfusing things.

(52:18):
I think that's funny.
You know what?
If it was just a box like ashoe box, okay, you brought
nothing else and it was labeledbutt stuff, emergency kit, and
inside was a roll of duct tape,wet wipes and a whole pack of
big red gum, nothing else.
And it said butt stuff, buttstuff, emergency kit, with duct

(52:43):
tape, wet wipes and a pack ofbig red gum.
That's it.
Can you imagine the look?

Speaker 1 (52:48):
on somebody like what the fuck, dude, you'd be
talking about that for weeks.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I would If Iwas a TSA agent.
I'd be like what the fuck.
Dude, I gotta check this out.
I gotta check out this box.

Speaker 2 (53:00):
Okay, butt stuff, emergency butt stuff.
How about this number four?
And it's also kind of sex dollrelated, and I'm sorry but this
one's in a bag, so I'll help alittle bit.
But a sex doll in a bag in aspirit airlines uniform with a
name tag that says captaincrotch, she gets me where I need

(53:23):
to go, emotionally, physically,and of course I mean literally.

Speaker 1 (53:31):
Captain.

Speaker 2 (53:32):
Crouch.
Oh man, those are back-to-backsex dolls.
One's in a bag, one's not.
That's a little different.

Speaker 1 (53:39):
Yeah, I wonder what.
I wonder if there's anything,do you think there's anything
metal in?
I don't know, I don't have one.

Speaker 2 (53:49):
So yeah, mine does.
That'd be so weird.
I don't know.
I like human sex.

Speaker 1 (53:57):
Right, yeah.

Speaker 2 (53:59):
Unless the robot gives me compliments and feeds
me tacos, and we'll talk aboutit.
I'm good.
Number five's a banger dude, afrozen cucumber with a GoPro
attached to it, and in the GoProis 47 minutes of footage.
And then you're going to needto watch all of this before you
board the plane.
Oh man, the biggest dick-shapedfruit you've ever seen, with a

(54:29):
GoPro mounted on it and insideis 47 minutes of footage.
Nothing else, maybe a buckethat.
You might want to put a buckethat for that one.

Speaker 1 (54:41):
Oh man, that's, uh, that's yeah.

Speaker 2 (54:46):
I really like the box-label labeled butt stuff.
Emergency kit with duct tape,wet wipes and big red gum like
what the fuck, like I'd be soyeah, oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (54:54):
I'd be curious.
I'd have to ask questions likewhat the fuck are you using this
for?
What's the big red gum for what?
What's going on here?

Speaker 2 (55:03):
yeah, it'd be kind of funny to get like bunch of VHS,
like old school VHS porn tapes,put them in a hockey bag and
just walk through with just porn, nothing else.

Speaker 1 (55:18):
Or those, what was that?
The girls that were alwaysshowing their tits on?

Speaker 2 (55:25):
Janet Jackson.

Speaker 1 (55:26):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It was like some guy that wouldalways record the drunk girls,
oh Girls Go.
Wild yeah, all those tapes.

Speaker 2 (55:34):
That guy always seemed like such a creep.
Yeah, he's got to be.
I mean, all of us were thinkingabout going into the t-shirt
business.
So after seeing those ads, it'slike fuck man, they did those
ads.
It's like fuck man, they didthis for a shirt.
Yeah, imagine what they do fora zip up hoodie.
It's time to climb that ladderoh shit, yeah, oh man shit our

(55:58):
next, probably episode isprobably gonna be a little bit
though, isn't it?

Speaker 1 (56:02):
we'll talk, we'll figure it out yeah, so I've got
to travel again.
Um, this one is just in thestates, so it'll be better.
Where are you going?
We'll talk, we'll figure it out.
Yeah, so I've got to travelagain.
This one is just in the States,so it'll be better when are you
?
Going.
I'm going to Missouri.

Speaker 2 (56:12):
That's the same thing as India.

Speaker 1 (56:13):
Not quite.

Speaker 2 (56:14):
Definitely get the villa.

Speaker 1 (56:20):
I mean think, about how much comfier you were in
India with a sleep number.

Speaker 2 (56:23):
Bed dude yeah, yeah.
I heard the HBO's dope dudeLike the porn and shit they show
.
Did you have a TV?
No, no.
Did you have any pot?
No, that sounds like a bad trip.
I don't want to get invited.
The mattress.

Speaker 1 (56:36):
I bet the mattress was all, like everything three
inches thick and that includes,like the wood piece that you're
basically laying on a piece ofplywood.
That's neat.
Yeah, I'm sure your bed was thesame.
You know pretty much, yeah,yeah.

Speaker 2 (56:54):
Mine was a pull-out dude that couch pulls out, but I
never do Not once dude, notonce bro.
Keep it pimping, keep it going.
Keep it pimping, dude.
I had so much fun, man.
The best part too, like I don'teven know if this is like
completely true, but I calledJacko a couple days ago and we
haven't talked since Arizona,because that was last week.

(57:15):
So Yep.
Yeah, like a week from tomorrow.
It'll be a week tomorrow that Iwas there and I'm talking to
him.
He's kind of talking a littledifferent, almost like a guy in
a movie.
Normally when I call him he'slike hey, what's up,
motherfucker?
And this time he's like hey man, how you doing?
I didn't get the hint at all,dude.

(57:36):
So I just go into it and I waslike hey man, I'm just letting
you know I had a blast inArizona, but I did tell my wife
about all the pussy that you hadat your place.
He has three cats, so I waslike I did tell her about all
the pussy at the house, but shewas fine with it.
You know, turns out he's withhis mother and father-in-law in
a fucking closed space.
Dude, I hope they weren't anearshot, but like I'm, you know

(57:58):
I'm kind of figuring some shitout.
You know I made some mistakes,but I just thought that was so
funny.
Like here I am trying to drop ajoke, dude, it's like bad
timing.
Yeah, oh yeah, that's.
The funny thing too is he wasjust in kalamazoo oh really yeah
, but I think he had like awedding and some other shit, I
don't know.
Yeah, it's probably one ofthose times where, like, I mean,

(58:19):
his parents are here, hisbrother's here, his you know
he's got shit to do.
Yep, and also he just saw mefor a whole weekend, so like go
see, go see some other buddiesand I get that like well, you
know what, honestly.
So now we should have an episodebefore the bark bauer, I think
we are going to do one live fromthe bar we are yep we have a

(58:40):
very interesting topic to goover, including the entire
nation, and it's going to bequite awesome.

Speaker 1 (58:45):
Yeah, yeah, that's going to be a good episode.

Speaker 2 (58:49):
Oh yeah, Everyone's doing it.

Speaker 1 (58:53):
Well, all right, you got.
Anything else you want to addthere?

Speaker 2 (58:57):
People in Arizona are really pretty.
It's way too hot there.
Jacko's fucking awesome, thebands were great and it was very
similar to India and I'm soglad that we were able to kind
of cross that and make thatconnection.

Speaker 1 (59:07):
Thank you Right, yeah .

Speaker 2 (59:09):
Yeah, dude, I'm glad I'm going back.
Are you going back to India?
I hope not.
Never again, dude, I hope not.

Speaker 1 (59:17):
Did I ever tell you about the time I was at?
This is one of the hotels inMumbai and the guy at the
counter I'm checking out of thehotel, I'm going to the airport
and he asked me.
He says are you here forbusiness or pleasure?
And I said business and he saidout of all the years I've
worked here, nobody has saidpleasure.

Speaker 2 (59:38):
Not once, not once.

Speaker 1 (59:41):
Nobody goes to India for pleasure.

Speaker 2 (59:42):
Dude, that sounds like Des Moines Iowa here.
Who's there?

Speaker 1 (59:46):
for just fun yeah.

Speaker 2 (59:48):
I like cornfields.

Speaker 1 (59:49):
A lot.
I like corn, so does my wife.
I like corn.

Speaker 2 (59:52):
There's actually 108 different cornfields here and we
can go through and the farmersare going to give you a piece of
corn when you go through.
It's about five bucks to getboth in.
Yeah, they call Des Moines Iowa, little India.
Yeah, just so you've beenwarned.

Speaker 1 (01:00:07):
Oh man, well, all right, yeah, I think we'll have
the episode next episode herecoming up in a couple weeks.

Speaker 2 (01:00:15):
Yeah, yeah, if you want to listen to the previous
episodes, we are on Spotify,youtube, amazon.
Go through and listen to those.
If you want to get in touchwith the show, it's rowdandloudy
at gmailcom, just like itsounds r-o-w-d-a-n-d-l-o-d-y at
gmailcom but other than that.

(01:00:35):
Yeah, big titties and baldeagles.

Speaker 1 (01:00:38):
Dude, I'm ready for some fucking cookouts, bud yeah,
it's getting there, we'regetting there and now is about
to be the music Hell yeah, hey,everybody, Thanks for listening
and we'll catch you on the nextepisode.
Ba-dum Ha ha ha.