February 19, 2025 • 56 mins
What if you could relive the most chaotic and hilarious moments of your childhood? This episode promises a rollercoaster ride from the past, as we revisit the mischief that defined our early years. We kick it off with tales of schoolyard antics and the dread of those infamous calls to parents. Of course, we couldn't resist sharing our favorite out-of-office replies, including the infamous banana sculptures and tequila-fueled Netflix sessions that left us in stitches. We even revisit our hilariously off-base Super Bowl predictions, complete with a debate over Taylor Swift's surprise appearances.
Our journey continues as we poke fun at the music industry's quirks and the often-questioned authenticity of awards. Between the laughs, we reminisce about sleepovers and youthful pranks that once landed us in hot water. Whether it's the trials of sneaking alcohol into a resort or the innocent memories of a second-grade mishap, there's plenty of nostalgia to go around. And, of course, we can't forget the epic tale of gummy bears and semi-trucks during a wild road trip, proving that teenage adventures are as unpredictable as they are unforgettable.
Join us as we wrap up with cheeky humor and anecdotes that highlight family dynamics and parental influence. From the unforgettable chaos of vacation mishaps to the humor in family pranks, we celebrate the lessons learned from youthful indiscretions. And as always, we promise more laughs and memories in future episodes. So tune in, sit back, and let us transport you to a time when everything was simpler, but absolutely nothing was predictable.
ROWD and LOUDY is the ultimate comedy podcast where two best friends share hilarious, never-before-heard stories in every episode! Tune in for laughs, surprises, and spontaneous humor as each episode features fresh, funny tales that one of the hosts has never heard before. Plus, every episode includes a Top 5 list where we rank and discuss random topics, adding even more fun to the mix. Whether you’re into storytelling, comedy, or just want to hear two friends banter about life, ROWD and LOUDY has you covered.
Listen now for your weekly dose of laughter, entertainment, and raw, unfiltered humor.
Comedy, Funny Stories, Humor Podcast, Best Friend Podcast, Hilarious Podcast, Top 5 Podcast, Hilarious Podcast, Storytelling Podcast, Weekly Comedy Show, Laugh out Loud Podcast, Unfiltered Humor.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Welcome back to the Roud and Loudy podcast.
This is episode seven, and I'mhere with my good buddy, eric.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
What's up?
Speaker 1 (00:27):
I am Brad and we got a good show for you tonight.
We are going to cover basicallywhat we got in trouble for as
kids.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
My list is long.
I can't wait.
We might need a part 2 on thisone dude.
Need a part two on this onedude.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
I can't wait.
And then we're going to go overa top five reasons worst phone
calls that you could get fromyour child's school.
That's going to be aninteresting one.
I got some good ones for that.
I do too.
And then, before we get started, we're going to cover our top
three from our previous episode.
(01:03):
Eric oh, that's me, that is you.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Go for it.
So we came up with a beautifullist and, once again, if you
want to listen to the previousepisodes, we go through 10 ideas
on the previous episodes.
However you're listening, justlisten to the one before this,
right, and you'll fucking nailthat.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Go back one.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
So our list from last one, um, our top three, number
three.
My out of office reply wouldsay I've been whacking off for
all day.
When I come out of here, I'mgoing to look like Popeye the
sailor.
Imagine how fucking confusingthat would be.
Like it doesn't have any like Iquit, it doesn't have any.
Like you know, it's just liketelling them you're masturbating
yeah, it doesn't have any.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Like I quit, it doesn't have any like you know,
it's just like telling themyou're masturbating, right?
Yeah, I'm going to have troublewith typing when I get done.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Yeah, your next email will probably be from HR.
I made an inappropriate bananastatue at the company potluck.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
This is number two.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Yep, I made an inappropriate banana sculpture
at the company potluck.
That's something I wouldtotally do.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Oh yeah, I can see that, just make it look like a
dick, you know?
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Yeah, look it over.
Can you imagine if we were inthe same room?
It's like bah Bah.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Oh yeah, Check this out.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Dude, it looks like a dick.
Yes, stop paying attention tothe shitty meeting and look at
this dick sculpture that I justdid.
So our number one goes to Brad.
I'm binging Netflix anddrinking tequila.
I will respond once I run outof booze or shows, whichever
(02:36):
goes first.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
It was just a picture of all the booze that you've
consumed and ones that you gotfour or five half gallons left
Currently out of the office Putthe day that started.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Oh, yeah, end date just paid to be determined.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
To be determined.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
That would be some shit.
If I got that, I'd call them upand say, hey, when can I be
there?
Speaker 2 (03:02):
I want to come to this tequila party.
I feel like have you seenstranger things?
It's a.
There's a lot of content.
We have a lot of luck in thedrink, right?
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (03:10):
tequila always gets me wild.
Yeah, I well.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
I don't drink, so but when I was drinking tequila was
like my go-to dude, it bringsout like the party in you where
you're just like let's fuckinggo.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Yeah, yeah, I could drink a lot, it's not what you
drink when you're just likelet's fucking go, yeah yeah, I
could drink a lot of that too.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
It's not what you drink when you're sad.
I don't think people in KansasCity are drinking a lot of that
right now.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
No, no, speaking of that, yeah, speaking of that.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
We are not really going to go over our predictions
that we talked about in episodefive?
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Yeah, the Super Bowl predictions.
How many?
Speaker 2 (03:40):
times we'd show Taylor Swift how many set
changes there would be.
We were fucking off on all ofit.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
We completely blew the whole thing.
It was as bad as the halftimeperformance.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
And the game Together .
I don't know what one was worse.
Dude, that's been hilarious forme, like online reading all the
comments, because it's likeyou're white, you don't
understand this, and it's likeno, no, no, all, no, all right,
I like Prince, I like fuckingJimi Hendrix.
He's dead.
That's a bad example, but, likeyou know, like I like everybody
, it's cool.
It has nothing to do withsomeone being white, it's just
(04:12):
the dude sounds like he hasfucking cereal in his mouth.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Let's call it what it is Right.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
If it was Eminem, I'd say the same shit.
It has nothing to do with that.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
But I just I get such a kick out of that because,
like dude, most of the peoplethat are sitting at home
watching this game are like 40to 70.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
So you're going to wheel out this dude?
That's like mumble rapping withthese dude in red shirts, like
making a flag, like you didn'tunderstand the symbolism.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Right, is that what it was?
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Yeah, it's like I've never gone to an ACDC concert to
be like dude.
Did you see the fuckingcontrast and symbolism on their
stage, bro?
Right, they had such a goodmessage yeah that's why I'm here
yeah no, I'm here because theysing fucking hell's bells and I
want to hear it really fuckingloud right that I did.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
I don't care who they voted for.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Don't give a shit.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, I did see that he made some kind of a.
He played a song or somethingthat was supposedly at drake.
Oh yeah, yeah, it was Drake.
Yeah, I don't know what that'sall about, but Drake came from
Nickelodeon dude.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
He was in Degrassi.
Now he's fucking beefing withpeople and they're like did you
see?
I played the song that causedyou a bad person at the Super
Bowl?
It's like such a petty, stupidthing.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Yeah, I don't get it.
But yeah, all our predictionswere bad, that's what we got to
do.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
dude, we got to get into podcast battles and we'll
fake rap, so that's right.
Other podcasters out there.
If you want to start a fakebeef, all right and take this,
you know we'll take either side.
We'll be Drake or KendrickLamar and you get to be the
other person.
We'll mumble, rap, yeah, dude.
Oh yeah, we'll rap with cerealin our mouths, dude, for sure.
(05:48):
I'm starting to think that, like, these awards are just given
away too, because that dude thatsang with cereal in his mouth
26 grammys oh really 20 fuckingsix dude like that and
everyone's like he won thepulitzer prize and that's like
the best writer or something solike it just feels to me like
we're just handing these awardsout yeah like like beyonce got
it for country album of the yearthat no one listened to.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Yeah right, like it's just like but you don't put a
wig on and a cowboy hat andpretend you're country and win
country awards for country musicwhen you don't even you're not.
That's not country.
I know.
I don't know people that evenlove country music when you
don't even.
That's not country.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I know, I don't know People that even love country
music.
They don't like it that much.
You're putting this thing on apedestal.
That's not really you know.
I mean, if you really gave methe time, I could name 50 songs
for you right now about beerthat have to do with country.
It's a common thing, it's beerand it's like I that have to do
with country.
(06:46):
Oh yeah, it's just like it's acommon thing.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
It's beer and it's like I gotta shine my truck and
I gotta drink my whiskey andtalk to my wife and every
country song out there.
It's like I swear to God thesaying that they have.
Like you play it backwards andyou get all your shit back.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
I know, you know that's exactly that's what
country music is all about, butI don't know, I just I guess the
point I'm trying to make islike I hate when, when music's
becoming political right.
Yeah, like you, eitherentertain me or you don't.
And I'm not making that likeit's your job, go be a monkey,
entertain me.
Right, Like that's not what I'msaying, but what I'm saying,
more or less, is like I don'tneed to look at a backup dancer
(07:19):
to see what motion he's making,to see if it's a slam on
somebody else.
Just use your lyrics to do that, because I don't fucking know
what you're doing right it'slike when girls get mad at you
and they say you should know why.
That's how it feels with theseperformances why are you mad at
me?
you should know why it's likewhy was that a legendary
(07:39):
performance like you should know?
Why were you not payingattention?
Are you not in tune with today?
Speaker 1 (07:46):
No, Apparently I'm not.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
It's such a weird like such a like our generation
fucking thing to do.
It's so stupid yeah.
But, yeah, like I don't know.
We can thank Maroon 5 for thefucking halftime show.
Dude, Like, the last time we'vehad a band on stage was 2019.
We brought that Adam fuckingwhatever his name is out there,
those stupid fucking tattoos,and ever since that day,
everyone's like we're good.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Yep, yep.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Yeah, hi, I'm calling from Guns N' Roses.
We're a band.
It's like click, do you havestupid tattoos?
You're going to take yourfucking shirt off.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Oh, you're hired.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
We like our chances with Usher.
Thank you so much.
Like next year, it's going tobe someone we fucking don't know
at all.
Again, I didn't know this year.
I know, and the worst part ishe was on stage again in 2022.
So he's been on twice in likefive years and I think that
maybe like 7% of the people getit.
I didn't get it, but I liketrying to figure that out more
(08:41):
than I like trying to figure outhow much Mahomes is crying
right now after getting fuckingsmashed on live TV.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
I didn't even watch the game, to be honest.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
With your flopping ass, your flopping ass.
Should we get into some fuckingfunny stories, friend?
I think so.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
I think so.
So you going first, I will Allright, you go first, and then
you can decide what story I tell.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Ooh, story roulette.
Yeah, One story one gun Okay.
So this isn't so much a time Igot in trouble in school.
This is a time I got in troublein life, so probably fifth or
sixth grade.
I stayed the night at one of mybest friend's house at the time
Matt from Barbauer.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Oh yeah, so you would have been around 10 o'clock, 10
years old.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Yeah, I was 10 o'clock or 11 o'clock years old
at that time.
Click past 10.
So I stayed the night overthere and you know, typical
fucking dude sleepover like justplaying video games, doing dumb
shit, drinking Mountain Dew,eating Doritos, waking up the
next day figuring out what to do.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
So we woke up the next day and all the adults were
at work and we were there.
So we wake up, I don't know,probably like yeah, 11, 12, and
we look in the fridge freezerand we're like fuck this dude.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Like there's, like stouffers in there and like all
fucking stuff.
For like a week it's like whatare we gonna eat?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
dude, this sucks.
Oh, like stouffers, likelasagna, and yeah, and I'm
totally, and I'm totally lettingmatt take the lead on this,
like oh yeah, you know, I'm theguest.
So I'm not gonna be demanding,like you don't have pb and j
like no, I'm going along with it.
Right, I don't give a fuck if Iwalk out of there with three
Ritz crackers, but brother'shungry, let's fucking fill this
belly, you know.
So he lived off West Main.
(10:31):
Do you know where the LittleCaesars is in Kalamazoo on West
Main?
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Okay, first off, there's a shooting there and it
is as rough as it sounds, butthat's not where I'm going with
this.
But but that's not where I'mgoing with this.
But be warned, that's not avery good one.
Oh yeah, um so.
So he looks at me and goes dude, let's fucking walk to little
caesars we're like 10, 11, right, so like that's not a normal.
I mean back then you could walkand do stuff and it wasn't a
(10:56):
huge deal, like people weren'tgonna be all up in like parents
like nowadays, like hell no oh,yeah, sure so we're like, okay,
let's get a little scissors, butwe have no money.
We have no ride and no money.
So how the fuck are we gonnaget there?
And his house is like behind it, so like we have to walk
through like shady shit to getthere.
Like I don't think they reallycare about landscaping on the
(11:17):
back side of a shitty littlecaesars right.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Yeah, they don't care about landscaping on the front
side.
Yeah, so he.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Yeah, so he's looking around and he finds pop cans
first and I'm like where do wereturn the pop cans, matt,
without a fucking car Likewhat's our?
Okay?
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Yeah, what's the plan here?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
So we start looking around this house, dude, and it
feels like we're detectivestrying to find a five in the
couch.
Like I found a five.
That's going to be a hot, readypizza.
We're good to go.
So all of a sudden I hear mattlike this 20 minutes later, like
he like pokes his head in thegarage and he's like dude,
schwab, I'm like what he's likeI solved it.
So I go out there and he's gotlike one of those huge, uh, like
(11:58):
coin holders.
It's glass oh, yeah, you knowlike they used to make the pop
bottle ones, the coke bottlelike, but it's just your typical
jug, but it's fucking huge.
That's a big dog like probablya couple feet tall.
Sure, I mean, if you were tofill that and then throw that
bitch in Coinstar, like you'relooking at, like six, seven
hundred bucks.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Okay, right, big Yep.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
So he starts dumping it on the ground and he's like I
solved it.
So this is still stealing.
I know this.
I'm telling him this.
He doesn't listen, doesn't givea fuck Right, and it's his
house.
So once again, I'm letting himgo with it.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Right yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
So he starts dumping it out and all of a sudden he
fucking drops it and glassshatters fucking everywhere.
So our chance of beinganonymous in this whole fucking
thing Gone, yeah, gone again.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
No car, 10 or 11 and all we're trying to get is pizza
like this sounds so, like dude,ridiculous, right.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yeah, coins all over the fucking garage, they were
everywhere oh yeah justeverywhere like oh, so we're
picking up the quarter justshattered okay, we're picking up
quarters like crackheadsoutside of a casino, you know.
It's just like oh 25, oh fuck,oh fuck, you know.
So we get like five pizzas andthree or four crazy breads for
two people, and this is beforepot too.
(13:11):
Jesus dude, here's how wejustified it yeah his mom loves
diet coke.
So he looks at me and he goesget as many diet cokes as you
can.
So like I got as many, twoliters and 12 ounce, like 20
ounce whatever.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
We must have spent I don't know $50 in that pizza
place Half of it was on DietCoke thinking that that would
get us out of trouble.
And the whole time I'm lookingat him I'm like, dude, we're
fucked.
Yeah, like we're absolutelyfucked.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Like if that thing maybe they wouldn't know, but
still wrong.
Like I don't know, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Yeah, so but you could have done.
You could have taken like six,seven dollars out of there and
been good and the chances ofthem knowing that that was gone.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
But instead we went in there like crackheads that
just got a free gift card.
You know, for seventy fivedollars we got to spend it all
you know, like how do you eatfour fucking pizzas with two
dudes?
Like not even like we probablyhad three pieces each yeah
fucking idiots, dude.
So I'm telling matt like his.
So his parents are still atwork, dude.
This is all going on whilethey're at work, yeah, working
(14:15):
the fucking day, slaving away,and we're fucking being dicks,
yeah, and he doesn't get this oh, yeah, so I'm explaining to him
like dude, my dad would fuckingkill me.
Love the guy, but this isgrounds for kill.
He's like we're fine, don'teven worry about it.
All right, we got Diet Coke inthe fridge.
We're fucking fine, I hear it.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
My mom's a crackhead and we got crack in the fridge,
so she's not going to care.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
The Diet Coke will distract her for a bit, right?
So I hear the garage pull upyou know, yeah, yeah, 20 seconds
later, matt get out here, so Istart picking up my shit right
like, I'm like, I'm going homefor sure, this is not gonna
fucking go well, so his daddrove me home, and matt didn't
(15:02):
get to come with me either, sothat was even weirder like that
was oh it was so awkward, dude.
Ah, so long story short.
If you're 10 to 11 and you'rehungry, just stick to the
fucking cabinets.
It is not worth all thisbullshit.
Don't go on an adventure anddiet coke will never appease a
parent that makes no fuckingsense.
Me, surge, we'll talk.
(15:23):
You want to wrap me and fill myfridge up with surge, I'm good
with it yeah, yeah, that's.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Your son might hear this later and he's gonna know
how to get away with shit, sobut surge is the truth, man like
but yeah, so I don't know I wasvery like shell-shocked around
them for a long time oh, yeah,like his parents.
They're sweet people they'rereally really nice people like,
I love them truly, both of themso was he like grounded for a
(15:52):
while.
Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah and Ilove maddie too.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
He's a great dude, but he's just confusing
sometimes.
Yeah, yeah he's just one ofthose dudes that, like you, just
don't like, like we're nottalking right now because he
didn't come to a friend's givingthat we literally scheduled
around his schedule.
Oh no shit.
He canceled it and then saidfuck you guys.
On Bart Bauer Bash.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
And it's like if someone were to come up to me
and ask me, like, what justhappened to this relationship?
My answer would be he didn'tput us on his fucking calendar.
We've given him 30 fuckingpasses on this kind of shit.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
He pissed off me and my wife, danny, and Danny's wife
and all the same fucking time.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
I had to put my fucking foot down because I'm so
sick of.
I'm sick of like having to bailfor him or like have to explain
it to everybody.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Right.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
And it's like that's why we're not buddies, Like
we're not buddies because hedidn't come to something and
then spit in my face about it.
Oh no shit, Go fuck yourself.
It's just like the coins, it'sjust like the coins.
I'm just waiting for my DietCoke, because that's how it
feels, Because that's going tomake it all better.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
You need Surge.
Oh my God, dude, oh shit.
So take your pick.
I got two stories so you canhear about Second Grade
Shitstorm or Lawnmower RockLaunch Dude those are awesome
choices, so what would yourather hear?
Speaker 2 (17:19):
I'm thinking Lawnmower, rock Launch, because
I have a funny feeling thatSecond Grade Shitstorm involves
a second grader taking a shit,and I don't know that.
I want to hear it.
No, if you don't want to hearabout that, then you really
don't want to hear that story,does that?
Speaker 1 (17:34):
have to do with Dookie.
It's about me.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Did you shit your pants in second grade?
Okay, so do you want to hearthat fucking story?
Apparently, I signed up for it.
I think we're here now.
We're that fucking story.
Apparently I signed up for it.
I think we're here now we're inthis space.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Okay, I started one way, I went the other right.
Okay, so back in second grade.
I was so back at that time myteacher at the time would make
us go to the corner and thenraise our hand if we wanted to
go to the bathroom.
Okay, Mm-hmm.
So I got up.
I go to the corner, raise myhand.
(18:11):
I don't know if she doesn't seeme, I don't know.
She waited way too fucking long.
Okay, how long was it up for?
I don't know.
Dude, a second grade I don'tfucking remember.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
You're like seven.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Yeah, I'm seven years old, so I'm holding it up and
I'm waiting, I'm waiting, I'mwaiting and I got to shit.
Okay, I got to go.
I don't remember if I actuallymade it to the bathroom or if I
was on my way, or if I shit mypants in the corner.
(18:41):
I don't know, but I shit mypants in the corner.
I don't know, but I shit mypants, okay.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
So I get.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Did everybody know?
No, wait, I'm getting there.
I'm getting there, so I get tothe bathroom and I've obviously
shit my pants, there's noquestion.
And it's fucking, it's runnydude Like bad.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
So I clean myself up the best I can.
How?
I'm seven years old Okay, let'sput that out there Seven years
old.
I clean myself up the best Ican, what I think is good.
I finish whatever I got to do,right.
I get back to the classroom.
Finish whatever I got to do,right?
(19:26):
I get back to the classroom, Iwalk in and I sit down and I
don't know.
A couple minutes go by and Inoticed that there's a couple of
kids like sitting beside me orbehind me.
They're like they're looking,they're kind of like pointing to
the teacher.
Dude, I had shit all over thechair behind me, because it was,
(19:47):
it was all over the back of me.
Dude, all over my shirt andshit I had no idea.
Oh my god it was shit were theynice or awful?
Huh, were they nice about it Idon't remember them being like,
you know, like dicks you know,like can be.
I don't remember that happening.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Yeah, but.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
I'm sure.
So obviously my mom gets calledright, oh fuck.
And she's like why didn't youjust go to the bathroom?
I'm like, because we got toraise our fucking hand and go to
the bathroom.
We got to wait.
Yeah, okay, I realize nowthat's never going to fucking
happen again.
If I got a shit and I bet you,I bet you without a doubt, that
(20:27):
the teacher changed her policyafter that happened.
Okay, like, if you got to go,just go.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Did the janitor come and put the wood chips down?
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Do you remember that?
Do you remember that?
Speaker 2 (20:53):
He shoved them out of the playground and put them in
there.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Yeah, I wonder what he did with those.
Put them back, put them back inthe but anyway.
So this was second grade, right?
Yeah, this was second grade,right.
Yeah, my sister, when she wentto college she went for
assistant teacher and she gother teaching certificate and all
that.
She ended up subbing at thatschool with that teacher and
(21:22):
she's like, obviously, it's herlast name, my last name were the
same.
She's like are you related to aBradley?
And she said, yeah, that's mybrother.
And she said I had him in myclassroom and he's shit, I'm
sure that story came up.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
How long ago was it?
Like 10 years oh?
Speaker 1 (21:43):
well, I was out of high school, I was, I was
graduated and everything so gladyou made it and I never shit on
another chair did you ever getmessed with for?
That no wow that's awesome.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I don't think kids today would be that nice.
Like kids today are fuckingbrutal.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Well do seven-year-olds even have like
phones and shit?
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Because if they were, if they had phones, that would
have been like all over, youknow what I mean Social media oh
yeah, yep.
Dude.
The day that seven-year-oldsstart posting videos to social
media is the day I quit.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Right, yeah, we do not need that shit.
We don't need that shit, wedon't need more honey.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
boo-boos, that's for fucking sure dude yeah.
But yeah, so what made it?
Speaker 1 (22:31):
even better that story was that my sister subbed
at that school with that teacher.
Was she a good teacher?
I honestly don't remembersecond grade all that much.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
I don't think any of us do yeah.
Yeah, I remember who the hotgirl was though.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
I don't remember that .
Speaker 2 (22:53):
I'm not going to say her name on air, but I know
exactly who the hot girl wasthat year.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
I don't remember though the hot girl.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
And I was, like I don't know, probably like four
years away from dropping allthose quarters and getting pizza
.
Oh shit, Little did I know Iwas going to become a legend
again.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
So I got a funny one for you All right.
So on the topic of getting introuble or like crazy situations
, so my parents and I would takea trip to Gulf Shores, alabama,
for spring break so we woulddrive I don't know, it's
probably 14 hours to 16 hoursfrom from Michigan.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Um, and like all the kids from school went to, so
like them and their families, solike all the adults hung out
and all the kids hung out.
It was kind of a cool setupright.
Yeah, Well, um, have you beento Gulf Shores?
Speaker 1 (23:49):
No.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Okay, it's like the only good thing about Alabama
Ever go to Gulf Shores.
It's a little scary sometimesI'm just kidding Alabama, but
you know what I'm saying.
I haven't even been to Alabama,so You're not missing a ton,
really?
Speaker 1 (24:06):
I mean no, it's nice.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
It's like the Alabama there's that Alabama and then
the Florida line.
That's a cool bar right on theline.
Okay, it's really cool.
Yes, let's make a country band,florida georgia line those dumb
dubs they're probably sittingat that bar the day they made
that.
oh yeah, but um, so we would godown there and I mean, all sorts
of shenanigans happened likeand that's not the story, but
(24:28):
like I'll get to it right likethere was one time we got caught
in a traffic jam.
There's hail, so we actuallyhad to pull over under a bridge
and let the hail kind of smokeour car, even though just the
wind.
I thought it was going to break,but there was a 65-car pileup,
(24:50):
including a boat just sitting inthe middle of the road.
So me and my buddies aresitting there licking gummy
bears and fucking chucking themat the the box part of the semi.
So they stick and it was sofunny counting all the ones like
because you'd drive for, likeyou'd drive for like an hour and
you'd look over and you'd seefucking gummy bears all over,
like a me Meyer turkey, on theside of a box truck.
(25:11):
But anywho, so 07 or 06, no, itwould have been my senior year.
So I actually took a friend, sowe stayed in the condo that was
right on the water and I'm sureit was probably reasonably
priced but probably a littleridiculous too.
So we had our own room in theback, like like our own like
(25:33):
door shut room, like it was afull-on condo.
So my parents had their ownroom, living room, you know,
back room.
so yeah, I mean, every night wewere there, you know, as soon as
it got dark we were drinking,oh yeah you know being stupid
and that's what's so funny aboutme, dude that that a lot of
people don't know or wouldn'tthink, is that I got so much of
(25:54):
that out when I was young, like17, 18, 19, 20, that by the time
I turned 21,.
I didn't even give a fuck.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Yeah, me too, I started going to bars more and
hanging out with buddies.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
We had a couple bars we could walk to at Westerns.
We'd get fucking plowed andjust walk home.
It was awesome.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
I was never a big bar guy at all.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
No, I just I don't really get it like I guess I
don't get it like I'm a verysocial guy, yeah, but like for
me, like I would like to be by abonfire with people or I'd like
to be like playing cornhole orplaying euchre oh my god,
playing cornhole.
And I said it's so calm, dude,I'm gonna call my wife after
this we're just gonna startcalling it bags.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Okay, playing cornhole and.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
I said it so calm, dude, I'm going to call my wife
after this.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
We're just going to start calling it bags, okay,
yeah cornhole's got to go.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Yeah, cornhole's got to go.
We're over this Anywho.
So this isn't like the Playingcornhole out by the fire with
the guys.
The prime of my getting fuckedup, eric okay, is on this trip.
So on one of the last nights,like my dad was, my dad and mom
aren't very strict.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
They're awesome.
I mean to a fault Like theydon't like you ragging on people
.
They don't like you like racialanything.
You know, but like one of thelast nights, like my dad was,
dad was like hey, you guys gotto be in by 12 30 tonight.
We're, you know, blah, blah,blah and it's like what the fuck
?
It's like yeah, I'd be in by 1230, what do you?
What do you have to do?
That's after 12.
(27:20):
I just explained it to me likeit's like okay nothing good ever
happens after 12, 30, yeah, some and chris are down at the
beach at like 10 and um.
The cool thing is is that itwas a resort, but there was
eight of them, so we're insomething called the Phoenix
Resort, which I'm guessing, Ithink is in Gulf Shores, where
(27:41):
you go, or, I'm sorry, myrtleBeach, where you go.
Okay, the.
Phoenix, right?
Isn't that a chain down there?
I don't know of the Phoenix,something like that, but I mean
really cool like racquetballcourts inside, like indoor hot
tub, outdoor pool, right on thebeach yeah so like all the kids
would go down and party and itwas fucking wild dude like.
(28:02):
I saw some cool titties like Imean, it was just fun wow, those
are real.
So that night me and chris godown, we got our our snucking in
booze, you know, like in waterbottles in our suitcase.
Like parents, if you're outthere listening right now and
you want to make sure your kidsaren't drinking on a trep, make
(28:23):
sure there's no fucking waterbottles in their suitcase,
because what kid brings water?
Speaker 1 (28:27):
it's booze dude.
You just fucked everybody oh,they can eat it all the kids out
there were like fuck you man.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Yeah, just fucking I don't know.
Store some joints in yourbutthole.
Some joints in your prison wall,start practicing being a drug
mule if college doesn't work out.
So we're getting fucked up.
There's probably 30, 40 of usdown by the beach just drinking,
(28:55):
fucking, hanging out, justhaving a blast, and so what we
did is we went up back to theroom and it's probably I don't
know 12.35,.
A little bit late, but not liketoo late.
So we get back and like, dude,my dad snores and so does my
mom's, like I know they're bothfucking gone.
Like they're done, son, likeyou know, like that, like, yeah,
(29:19):
like I could have done whateverI wanted during that time,
right?
So I look at Chris, I'm likedude, let's, let's sneak out for
a little bit.
And he's like are you sure?
I was like no, but let's do it.
So we went back down to thebeach, dude, and had a blast.
Like it's like telling a funnyjoke in church, like when you're
(29:41):
not supposed to laugh, it's somuch funnier.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
So we go back down to the beach and, dude, we're
fucked up Like if I had to guess.
Like dude, we're blowing like.15s right now, 0.18 you know,
like we're fucking, we'rehammered okay drinking hard
liquor out of a water bottle,warm, awful, awful fucking move,
yep, but it equals a great time.
So I mean, we're hanging outgirls, we're doing our fucking
(30:06):
thing.
I look at my phone, dude, andit's 2 45 in the morning, dude,
like we didn't like kind ofsneak out like we like said fuck
you dude right, the best partis like we I remember we like
made our bed with like pillows,like to make it and they like
turn the fanon, like you know, so we go
(30:27):
walking like you thought aheadof that shit we go walking up to
the room and it's like it'slike three o'clock in the
morning, dude, and we get up tothe room, we unlock the door and
it was so loud, like the door,just like you know, like one of
those kind of doors that, likeyou, can't leave it open, it's
gonna hinge closed, and I meanstraight out of a movie dude,
(30:49):
like my dad's on the couch andhe's just fucking grilling us
like how's your night?
How are you guys doing?
The fuck is wrong with you yeahyou're a fucking idiot.
Yep, like I asked you for onething, brought you on fucking
vacation, and here you guys arecoming in like a bunch of dumb
(31:11):
asses reeking of rum.
The fuck is wrong with you.
Lost it as he should.
Okay as he should, if this wasme, I can't even imagine what
I'd do right now.
I'd be fucking livid oh yeah,right, like if this was lucy or
like any of my people, like dude, no fucking yeah right.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
So like me and chris, you know that's gonna happen,
though, right?
Speaker 2 (31:30):
oh, fuck, yeah, dude, I'm wild as shit, and my kids
are gonna be wild as shit and Idon't know.
But like, so me and chris aresleeping with one eye open, dude
, we're just like you know.
Like, oh god, dude, he's gonnacome back here and stab us like
we.
We did it.
Now, you know, looks like wehave two empty bucket seats for
the way home, honey, you know,um, and the best part, about
(31:51):
this whole thing is it's likenine in the morning looks like
we have two empty bucket seatsfor the way home, honey, you
know, um, and the best partabout this whole thing is it's
like nine in the morning andthey wake us up Like my dad
comes in the room and turns thelight.
I was like guys, breakfast isready and like, my mom is so mad
.
Like you think my dad gets madabout shit.
Like dude, my mom takes it to anew fucking level.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Where she thinks of all the for all we do for him.
That motherfucker Yep, oh yeah,and she has every right to be.
I am not in any way, shape orform saying they did anything
wrong.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
I know, I fucking blew it.
Yeah, yeah, you fucked up.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
Dude, they had breakfast and me and Chris sat
there froze because we boththought that it was poisoned.
Because we both thought that itwas poisoned.
We're hungover, we're fuckingscared.
We just slept with one eye openand they're fucking livid.
And it's like this is not agood way to end a vacation,
because we're leaving the nextday yeah.
(32:45):
So my dad's like you're stayingin for a little bit today so we
can figure out what the fuck todo with you, and it's just like,
oh my god, dude.
So, long story short, we had anabsolute blast for a little
while it's like dude.
So that trip too.
And it's funny too because mydad's gonna listen and I just
don't care anymore.
But, um, so the first night wewere there we're in a hot tub
(33:07):
and it's like me and my buddyjared and jacko and I think our
friend rachel, someone else.
We're just sitting in this hottub like, and it's like me and
my buddy jared and jacko and Ithink our friend rachel, someone
else, we're just sitting inthis hot tub like, and it's kind
of funny too, because it's 85degrees outside, sunny, and it's
like there's a pool and, yeah,you know ocean, and we're like
let's stay indoors.
And hot tub.
Yeah, well, the guys before ustotally lost their bag of weed
in the fucking hot tub.
(33:28):
Oh, no shit, this is before weknew what weed was so we fucking
took it back to our room, dude,like smelling like chlorine,
like it got into the bag, likeit's fucking terrible.
We put it in the microwave likewe had nothing to roll it with
dude, because we were with ourparents so like we got out a
piece of like notebook paper oh,jesus it like, rolled that
bitch up, went on the fuckingand, dude, we got baked as balls
(33:51):
.
Whatever the fuck that was,thank you.
The worst part was is he cameback looking for it, so we're
sitting in the hot tub and it'sliterally wrapped in my towel
and he goes.
Did you guys find a baggieanywhere?
I was like what kind of bag?
What are you talking about?
Almost to the point that Iasked too many questions.
(34:11):
If he would have been any sortof salesperson or somebody that
was in the know, he would haveknown I was full of shit.
Now, were you stoned at?
Speaker 1 (34:18):
that time not yet so you were holding it together.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
So me, Jared and Jacko rolled it in computer
paper as soon as it got dark andI think we played like uh, I
think we played racquetball fora while after we were really
high, just because we thoughtit'd be funny and it was I'm
sure it was yeah, because whatlaughter echoes in there, you
know like and that's what wereally want.
(34:46):
Yeah, oh my god, and it justechoed, but it's just one of
those stories where, like, I'llnever forget that feeling of
like sitting down at breakfastwhen someone's that mad at you
that they're ready to give up onthe fact that they're your
parent.
It's like the best breakfastever too, and we didn't eat any
of it because we were so afraid,and by then it's poisoned.
Fast forward 45 minutes.
(35:06):
Chris is packing his shit.
He's already found someone elseto take him home.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
He's fucking getting out of there, dude.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
So the worst part about all this is Chris was
always there when shit went bad,yep, and my parents probably
look back and think it's Chris,it was me.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
I was the bad influence on him, but you've
been the common denominator allthis time, right?
Speaker 2 (35:30):
Yeah, they probably.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
There's been other friends that they probably knew.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
yeah, oh yeah, they probably know parents know, dude
, my dad's the coolest too.
Like he was, he was he was agreat father.
Like just still is a greatfather.
But like he was, he was awonderful dad growing up, great
example.
So like when you pissed him off, like you fucking blew it right
.
Dude, we're farting in church.
We're fucking telling jokesduring Christian songs Like we
(35:55):
were raunchy fucking kids.
Yeah, raunchy as shit.
Yep, if we could push the barjust a little bit.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
We did it.
Oh yeah, you were going to Yep.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
So that's why, like these moments are so significant
is because like they're likealmost think of like a
relationship with a grandparent,right, Like and, like you know,
when you were cool with thatgrandparent, like why was it
always cool with thatgrandparent?
Well, it was always cool withthat grandparent because they're
not, like, trained to tell youto fuck off when you get you
(36:24):
know, do that shit, they justpass you off to mom.
Yeah, they give you back to momand dad, my parents almost had
that mentality where we had beenthrough so much as a family and
I'll get into that someday, butlike true trauma, crazy shit.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
That like us laughing and having like fun time was
was almost.
Almost like they wanted it yeah, almost like they they kind of
endorsed it.
So when you fucked up to thepoint that like he's turning a
fucking lamp on at 3 am and likewhat's up, yeah where are you
guys at yep?
Did you guys have fun?
Speaker 1 (36:56):
I hope it was fucking worth it see, I always had the
relationship with my kids.
I always told them I knowyou're gonna do stupid shit,
it's gonna happen inevitably.
You're going to drink or you'regoing to try something.
I said if you ever get behindthe wheel and you're fucked up,
you're dead if you get home.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
I know, I don't even know how that's a good rule.
My parents always said that tome too.
Like I would rather be pissedat you for drinking than having
to go to your funeral.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
If they would have called me.
And you know what it neverreally happened.
I don't know if they ever gotfucked up and were behind the
wheel but I hope not, but if itever happened and they called me
, I wouldn't have been pissed, Iwould have been like thank you
for calling.
Yeah, we'll deal with thistomorrow.
You know, I I knew that theywere gonna do stupid shit I
(37:47):
think, because every kid does.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
I think it's gonna be like when my kids grow up, I
think in the next seven, eightyears, when Lucy's growing up.
I think it's going to be morevapes and pot that you're
finding than it is going to bebooze because times have changed
.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true being a drunk isn'tlike a glorious thing anymore.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
I don't think it was ever a glorious thing.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
It was fun, yeah, but no one wants a drunk weatherman
.
I learned that Right?
Speaker 1 (38:18):
yeah, you learned that a few times, All right.
So do you want to hear aboutthe lawnmower rock launch?
I do so.
It's a quick story.
I got in trouble for it and I'mnot really sure why, Because
it's not really my fucking fault, but I'm mowing the lawn, going
along.
I'm you know how old.
(38:40):
Probably 14, I think at the time.
Okay, yep, and my sisterhappened to be home from college
and she parked along the sideof the road.
Okay, and I'm mowing the lawn.
I'm mowing the lawn, boom, Ihit this fucking rock and it
launches that fucking rock intoher side window and shatters it,
(39:01):
Fucking.
I mean, there is no glass left.
Oh, my God, my dad comes out andhe's so fucking pissed, I'm
sure he's pissed because I brokethe window or because it
happened and I was just therethere and it happened to me.
But now he's got to pay, or mysister's got to pay to replace
(39:22):
the window.
I mean, at that point in timeshe was going to Western too.
Was she pissed at you?
Oh, I'm sure she was.
I mean, what the fuck did I do?
I'm mowing the fucking lawn.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
There's a rock in the yard.
Guy who mows the lawn, guy whoowns the property, who should we
be mad at?
Right, yeah, but you got tothink about this too, like a
weird angle for you, right, thatI just thought of through this
awesome podcast.
Maybe parents get mad in thosesituations because they have a
situation now on their platethat they have to solve.
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
I'm sure that that's part of it.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
But I just didn't think like that growing up
either, where there's an effectand a cause.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Right, yeah, but I mean, like I said, my sister was
going to college.
I'm sure money was tight at thetime.
That's probably me.
I'm sure money was tight at thetime, so I'm sure it was that,
that it was like oh shit, we gotto pay for this window now,
which is why he was pissed, buthe came out like full on yelling
(40:22):
and yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
Money was tighter than a Vietnamese hooker who
used to be a nun on her firstday.
Who used to be a nun on herfirst day, so piggybacking off
that real quick.
I actually had somethingsimilar happen, but it was with
we had a Middle Eastern familythat lived in our backyard and I
(40:45):
was mowing the yard and I usedto chip golf balls all the time
into targets.
I always liked golf.
It doesn't show like I get that, like it doesn't.
You know, there's definitely nofruits of my labor, like I'm
still bad at chipping, but um,it doesn't display out on the
golf course that you've spentthat much time practicing.
Yeah, I think it's just that Idon't give a fuck right, like
(41:06):
I'm naturally, like I'mnaturally athletic, like I'll
bet, if I tried really hard atgolf, I I bet I'd fucking kill
it.
Why don't you try then?
I don't fucking care.
I know I'm going to do it likefour times a year, dude.
It's like Really Five maybetimes a year, like I just I
don't, does that make sense?
Like, like when?
I got into a rhythm when I gotinto a rhythm where the pin all
the fucking time.
(41:26):
Well, yeah, if you practice allthe time.
You get good at it.
But then I realized it's likewalking on a treadmill without
playing a sport and it's likewhat am I getting good at this
for?
To talk shit to my friends thataren't good either.
Like okay this just doesn'tseem like goals.
You know to wave a fuckingtrophy from an outing that I won
(41:50):
Like I still don't give a fuckright, yeah, but you win
trophies when you don't evenplay golf.
so yeah, all conference.
I just got to live up to thename.
Dude Right, Is it top five?
Speaker 1 (42:04):
time.
I think it's top five time.
Is it me or you?
I'll go first.
Hit it, I'll go first.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
Okay, so these are the top five reasons that you
got a phone call from the officefrom the office not involving
dookie.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
I'm sure that was an awful phone call for my mom.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
Oh my god, yeah hi, this is connie calling um.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
Your son is shit every what's what's up in shit.
This is.
Speaker 2 (42:31):
Connie calling Okay.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
Number five your son or daughter forced another
student to wear a ball gag.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Oh my God, Was it the parent's ball gag?
Speaker 1 (42:47):
It was the parent's ball gag.
When you go and confront yourkids, you're like I was just
trying to get them to shut upbut I didn't realize that they
would enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
Oh my God, I just picture your two kids next to
the girl wearing the ball gagand they're all trying to
explain what happened.
It's like we didn't mean to Dad.
Seriously, we didn't mean to.
Oh my God, we didn't realizethat she would seriously we
didn't mean to.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
Oh, we didn't realize that she would enjoy it.
Oh my God, okay, number fourOkay, they caught your son or
daughter in another locker room.
Yeah, that'd be bad.
Speaker 2 (43:26):
That would be so bad, dude.
That would be like frighteningbad, because it's like do we
have another dommer on our hands?
What do we do?
Speaker 1 (43:32):
Well, but nowadays you have to wonder if they're
like.
Are they thinking they're adifferent sex?
Speaker 2 (43:41):
I hope not.
I hope not.
Speaker 1 (43:42):
Okay, oh my God, yeah , there's many different reasons
that that would be a bad phonecall.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
Yeah, all you'd need is a visitor badge that said he,
her, him, how they, them, those, the, everything asterisk,
everything you know just like no.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
The visitor badge would say the visitor badge
would say hole or pole.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
Where's your visitor badge?
Okay, number three.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
Three All their.
So you get a phone call fromthe teacher and she says the
call would say the call wouldsay the call would say the
teacher says you know, we'reworried about your kid.
We think that they have alearning disability.
All their homework that theybrought in was all wrong.
It was all completely backwards.
(44:47):
We think that they have alearning disability.
Could you come in?
And all this time you'rethinking like I did their
fucking homework.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
Wait, that's my handwriting.
You fucking cock.
Double check it.
No, double check it.
Show them how you did your work.
I don't know, dan.
Okay, here's what we did.
Right, oh, dan?
Okay, here's what we did Right.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
Oh shit, Number two.
So this actually happened at myschool.
Somebody had put a fart bomb ina school vent system.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
And that actually happened in my school.
What is a fart bomb?
Speaker 1 (45:29):
if you don't mind.
It's like the can of fart spray.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
So it's like deer piss.
Speaker 1 (45:34):
But no, no, no, no, it's an actual aerosol you can
spray.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
Was this a thing?
Yeah, where the fuck would youbuy that?
Speaker 1 (45:41):
Probably Spencer's at the mall that's probably where
they got it Like a big can of it.
I don't know how big the canwas, but yeah, they had to
evacuate the school because itstunk everything.
Oh my God, it was bad.
It was bad.
Speaker 2 (45:56):
So would they have to spray it at it?
Speaker 1 (45:59):
I don't know if they would have had to spray it at it
or if they took something tohold it down.
I don't know, but it was bad,it was horrible.
Speaker 2 (46:11):
You know what would have been even cooler, though,
if they would have figured outhow to hotbox the whole school.
They filled the whole schoolWith weeds.
Oh Jesus, can you imagine?
Hotbox the whole school?
Speaker 1 (46:26):
That would have been a great day, Dude I'd call down
to the cafeteria.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
All subtle and I'd be like, hey, what's up You're
going to get a run on thecafeteria.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
All subtle and I'd be like, hey, what's up?
Speaker 2 (46:32):
um, just you're gonna get a run on the cafeteria
whatever the normal size is fortoday, I would double it.
I'm like what's going?
Speaker 1 (46:40):
on, just just devil it, trust me, yep, yep, oh shit,
all the you guys can if youguys have anything that's about
to expire, just throw it on apizza.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
you call it whatever the fuck you want Everybody's
going to want it.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
Yep, yep.
Speaker 2 (46:55):
Oh shit, fart bomb dude.
They evacuated school.
Speaker 1 (46:59):
Yeah, that's cool.
Yeah, they evacuated the wholeschool because of this.
Speaker 2 (47:03):
So if the kid got in trouble, would it be a bomb
threat?
Speaker 1 (47:09):
I don't know, I don't know what they classified that
at.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
We'll call TSA and ask them.
Speaker 1 (47:13):
Yeah, there you go, okay.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
And my number one Wait, I want to say, you just
did three.
Speaker 1 (47:24):
I did two.
Two was they put a fart bomb inthe school, oh yep.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
Stay with me, stay with the program, motherfucker.
Speaker 1 (47:34):
Number one, un.
My son took his cat to schoolthis morning Got a call from the
school.
Said he took it to schoolbecause he heard me say to his
mom that I was going to eat thatpussy after he left and we have
(47:57):
a number one for next episode.
Speaker 2 (47:59):
Folks dude, can you imagine that?
Oh, it'd be so hard not tolaugh oh yeah, dude, I'd lose it
, oh my god or the shit, dude,like I'd have to like.
This is connie calling.
We got ourselves a rollingbrown out going on here I was
just wondering if you're by akmart, jc, penny or kohl's,
(48:21):
because we're gonna need somebradley.
What size pants are you?
We're gonna need some pantsdown here, stat you know, like
one of those.
All right, you ready for my topfive, my friend?
Speaker 1 (48:32):
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
So top five of the reason off is called.
I'm going to take a little bitof a different approach.
I'm going to use Jan's voice,or Barb, you know, when she's
calling.
Ah geez, Hi, this is Conniecalling about Tucker.
It seems as though he's createda I don't even know what this
(48:54):
means but a black marketbutt-chugging club.
Please call us back.
This has gotten out of fuckinghand Butt-chugging.
Kids do that these days.
How weird is that, dude?
Once kids invent a way to dobutt dupes, dude that's when
it'll take over dude, you want abog hit man like zip.
(49:17):
You know, fuck, yeah, I do.
Number four number four yeah,hi, this is sharon calling.
It seems as though we caughttucker selling homemade whacking
off tapes in the cafeteria.
I wasn't't able to watch it,but I just wanted to go through
real quick and read off thechapters to you and see what you
(49:39):
think about this.
Chapter one is called ShowerJerk.
Chapter two is called PocketPussy, paula.
Chapter three is Jerking inPublic.
I don't know what he means bythat.
Number four is jerking on aplane.
I don't know why someone wouldmake footage of that.
And number five is calledjacking and stacking Jacking and
(50:04):
stacking.
This is absolutely unacceptable.
Please give us a call at yourearliest convenience.
We won't make Tucker come in.
It seems as though he's doneenough coming for one day.
Just all his moves In hindsight, dude, he should have had
something with like a dartboard,like where he's aiming the shot
(50:26):
.
You know the bullseye banditthey called him dude Every
fucking time number three, threehi, yeah, uh, this is sharon
calling again.
It seems as though your sonsent out fake permission slips
(50:50):
for anatomy class to Deja Vu.
It does put bring singles on theside of sleep and sent these
out to all the students for afield trip and it's actually
been accepting money.
He'll only accept singles andonly ones covered in glitter
will be accepted.
Please give us a call back atyour earliest convenience.
(51:11):
Oh shit something.
Please give us a call back atyour earliest convenience.
Number two hi, yeah, this issharon calling again.
Um, it's in relation to yourson, tucker.
So apparently tucker asked missjacobs if she swallows while
(51:32):
she was eating some cake in HomeEc.
This is absolutely unacceptable.
I mean, of course she swallows,but not in the way that a
teenage boy wants her to.
Please give me a call back.
Oh shit, thank you.
Speaker 1 (51:46):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (51:47):
That'd be a good one.
Speaker 1 (51:48):
That sounds like me, that sounds like something you
would ask.
Speaker 2 (51:51):
Do you swallow yeah?
Hey girl something you wouldask Do you swallow?
Yeah, hey, girl.
Speaker 1 (51:57):
Hey girl.
Speaker 2 (52:04):
Number one Hi, yeah, this is Sharon calling for a
last time.
I'm just getting fucking sickof this, sharon calling for a
last time.
I'm just getting fucking sickof this.
It seems as though Tucker,during sex ed, raised his hand
and asked Mrs Jacobs, who alsoteaches that poor girl Home Ec
and fucking sex.
Ed asked if she could help thewhole class with a proper
(52:25):
pull-out technique.
Speaker 1 (52:27):
It seems as though.
Speaker 2 (52:29):
Tucker would like a little instruction.
He said usually in porn theypull out and do Casper the ghost
.
I'm not sure what Casper theghost means, but I think it's
sticky and gross.
And the whole class startedlaughing and it's just become a
fucking thing.
Come get your child.
Tucker's pullout game is strong.
Dude Tucker pulls out.
(52:50):
Dude couches pull out, butTucker never does.
Trucks pull out, but Tuckernever does.
Speaker 1 (53:02):
Oh shit, oh man, that was a good top five.
I liked it.
That was good.
That was good.
Speaker 2 (53:08):
Oh, dude Well hey.
Speaker 1 (53:09):
So everybody out there, we need to know what your
favorites are.
Give us some comments dudejason commented.
Speaker 2 (53:17):
We got to check that he did on on spotify.
Do you know what it says?
Speaker 1 (53:22):
no, I didn't see that .
I did not see any comments findit yeah, look for it.
So yeah, if you got anycomments out there, you want to
get a hold of us?
It's rowdandloudy at gmailcom.
Speaker 2 (53:39):
that's r-o-w-d, a-n-d , l-o-u-d-y at gmailcom thank
you guys so much for joining us.
We had an absolute fuckingblast.
And thank you, guys so much forjoining us.
Um, we, we had an absolutefucking blast.
And uh, spoiler alert for youwhile you're listening to this
one, there's another one comingoh yeah, and it's not tuck it's
(54:01):
not tucking.
We're not gonna pull out it'sactually funny too, because mel
tucker for michigan state didyou hear we got?
He got in trouble for no firinga wrister off on the phone with
a girl that wasn't oh, michiganstate, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (54:13):
So the thing I don't know.
Speaker 2 (54:15):
The thing everyone would say is tuck coming.
So it's funny that I told abunch of jizz jokes about a guy
named tucker.
Right, because it fucking fitshis sponsors need to be kleenex,
dude, vaseline, vaseline andkleenex.
And he needs to host pressconferences with the hat on like
he's a NASCAR fucking driver.
It cleans up any sort of mess.
(54:38):
Let me tell you about dudewipes.
Okay, now, I don't know what'sin there.
It's a solvent or a cream, butit sure takes the jizz out of a
keyboard.
Let me show you how.
And then he draws it up likeplays for, like football, like
with x's and o's dude, this isyour keyboard.
X that you came on.
(54:59):
Oh, and this is your dude web.
You're gonna go right up thegut gotta go right over the r.
Gotta get the r you know umsomething that I think that.
Uh, so a little double spoileralert.
We already recorded this.
We had to redo it, which isfucking great, yeah yeah, you
(55:20):
know what, though we're goodthough we're good, but one of
the things that I really enjoyedthat we talked about last time
is that, like this, has become areally cool outlet for us oh
yeah and that we really justthat's all we're trying to do.
Speaker 1 (55:30):
We're trying to have fun.
Speaker 2 (55:31):
We don't care about the fame.
We don't care about likegetting big, we don't care like
it's okay.
But if we do great, you know ourmain thing is trying to help
our listener laugh their fuckingass off when they have a moment
right, like if you have that,like okay, if you're a girl, say
you have that boyfriend, thatsucks right.
And like every time you go seefucking chad, you know chadwick,
(55:51):
you know you leave therefucking pissed and you're like I
just don't think it's gonnawork, it's not okay.
But what you need to do is justturn on our fucking podcast.
All right, even our titty anddick jokes are gonna make you
laugh right and if you're a dudeand like say your wife's not
putting out for like a month andshe's just driving you, fucking
nuts, come hang out with us fora little bit, right?
Hell yeah, dude, we'll helpheart the Red Sea like Moses,
(56:13):
alright.
Speaker 1 (56:23):
Oh, my god, oh fuck.
Speaker 2 (56:27):
And I'm going to leave you guys with a joke.
So what do you call a lesbianwith fat fingers?
Brad?
Well hung Well, hung Well, hung.
All right, thank you, we'llcatch you all on the next
episode.
Oh my God, Thanks for hangingout with us.
Speaker 1 (56:42):
Okay, see you all later.
Peace, peace, peace.
Welcome back to the Roud and Loudy podcast.
This is episode seven, and I'mhere with my good buddy, eric.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
What's up?
Speaker 1 (00:27):
I am Brad and we got a good show for you tonight.
We are going to cover basicallywhat we got in trouble for as
kids.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
My list is long.
I can't wait.
We might need a part 2 on thisone dude.
Need a part two on this onedude.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
I can't wait.
And then we're going to go overa top five reasons worst phone
calls that you could get fromyour child's school.
That's going to be aninteresting one.
I got some good ones for that.
I do too.
And then, before we get started, we're going to cover our top
three from our previous episode.
(01:03):
Eric oh, that's me, that is you.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Go for it.
So we came up with a beautifullist and, once again, if you
want to listen to the previousepisodes, we go through 10 ideas
on the previous episodes.
However you're listening, justlisten to the one before this,
right, and you'll fucking nailthat.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Go back one.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
So our list from last one, um, our top three, number
three.
My out of office reply wouldsay I've been whacking off for
all day.
When I come out of here, I'mgoing to look like Popeye the
sailor.
Imagine how fucking confusingthat would be.
Like it doesn't have any like Iquit, it doesn't have any.
Like you know, it's just liketelling them you're masturbating
yeah, it doesn't have any.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Like I quit, it doesn't have any like you know,
it's just like telling themyou're masturbating, right?
Yeah, I'm going to have troublewith typing when I get done.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Yeah, your next email will probably be from HR.
I made an inappropriate bananastatue at the company potluck.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
This is number two.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Yep, I made an inappropriate banana sculpture
at the company potluck.
That's something I wouldtotally do.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Oh yeah, I can see that, just make it look like a
dick, you know?
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Yeah, look it over.
Can you imagine if we were inthe same room?
It's like bah Bah.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Oh yeah, Check this out.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Dude, it looks like a dick.
Yes, stop paying attention tothe shitty meeting and look at
this dick sculpture that I justdid.
So our number one goes to Brad.
I'm binging Netflix anddrinking tequila.
I will respond once I run outof booze or shows, whichever
(02:36):
goes first.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
It was just a picture of all the booze that you've
consumed and ones that you gotfour or five half gallons left
Currently out of the office Putthe day that started.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Oh, yeah, end date just paid to be determined.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
To be determined.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
That would be some shit.
If I got that, I'd call them upand say, hey, when can I be
there?
Speaker 2 (03:02):
I want to come to this tequila party.
I feel like have you seenstranger things?
It's a.
There's a lot of content.
We have a lot of luck in thedrink, right?
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (03:10):
tequila always gets me wild.
Yeah, I well.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
I don't drink, so but when I was drinking tequila was
like my go-to dude, it bringsout like the party in you where
you're just like let's fuckinggo.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Yeah, yeah, I could drink a lot, it's not what you
drink when you're just likelet's fucking go, yeah yeah, I
could drink a lot of that too.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
It's not what you drink when you're sad.
I don't think people in KansasCity are drinking a lot of that
right now.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
No, no, speaking of that, yeah, speaking of that.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
We are not really going to go over our predictions
that we talked about in episodefive?
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Yeah, the Super Bowl predictions.
How many?
Speaker 2 (03:40):
times we'd show Taylor Swift how many set
changes there would be.
We were fucking off on all ofit.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
We completely blew the whole thing.
It was as bad as the halftimeperformance.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
And the game Together .
I don't know what one was worse.
Dude, that's been hilarious forme, like online reading all the
comments, because it's likeyou're white, you don't
understand this, and it's likeno, no, no, all, no, all right,
I like Prince, I like fuckingJimi Hendrix.
He's dead.
That's a bad example, but, likeyou know, like I like everybody
, it's cool.
It has nothing to do withsomeone being white, it's just
(04:12):
the dude sounds like he hasfucking cereal in his mouth.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Let's call it what it is Right.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
If it was Eminem, I'd say the same shit.
It has nothing to do with that.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
But I just I get such a kick out of that because,
like dude, most of the peoplethat are sitting at home
watching this game are like 40to 70.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
So you're going to wheel out this dude?
That's like mumble rapping withthese dude in red shirts, like
making a flag, like you didn'tunderstand the symbolism.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Right, is that what it was?
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Yeah, it's like I've never gone to an ACDC concert to
be like dude.
Did you see the fuckingcontrast and symbolism on their
stage, bro?
Right, they had such a goodmessage yeah that's why I'm here
yeah no, I'm here because theysing fucking hell's bells and I
want to hear it really fuckingloud right that I did.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
I don't care who they voted for.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Don't give a shit.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, I did see that he made some kind of a.
He played a song or somethingthat was supposedly at drake.
Oh yeah, yeah, it was Drake.
Yeah, I don't know what that'sall about, but Drake came from
Nickelodeon dude.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
He was in Degrassi.
Now he's fucking beefing withpeople and they're like did you
see?
I played the song that causedyou a bad person at the Super
Bowl?
It's like such a petty, stupidthing.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Yeah, I don't get it.
But yeah, all our predictionswere bad, that's what we got to
do.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
dude, we got to get into podcast battles and we'll
fake rap, so that's right.
Other podcasters out there.
If you want to start a fakebeef, all right and take this,
you know we'll take either side.
We'll be Drake or KendrickLamar and you get to be the
other person.
We'll mumble, rap, yeah, dude.
Oh yeah, we'll rap with cerealin our mouths, dude, for sure.
(05:48):
I'm starting to think that, like, these awards are just given
away too, because that dude thatsang with cereal in his mouth
26 grammys oh really 20 fuckingsix dude like that and
everyone's like he won thepulitzer prize and that's like
the best writer or something solike it just feels to me like
we're just handing these awardsout yeah like like beyonce got
it for country album of the yearthat no one listened to.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Yeah right, like it's just like but you don't put a
wig on and a cowboy hat andpretend you're country and win
country awards for country musicwhen you don't even you're not.
That's not country.
I know.
I don't know people that evenlove country music when you
don't even.
That's not country.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I know, I don't know People that even love country
music.
They don't like it that much.
You're putting this thing on apedestal.
That's not really you know.
I mean, if you really gave methe time, I could name 50 songs
for you right now about beerthat have to do with country.
It's a common thing, it's beerand it's like I that have to do
with country.
(06:46):
Oh yeah, it's just like it's acommon thing.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
It's beer and it's like I gotta shine my truck and
I gotta drink my whiskey andtalk to my wife and every
country song out there.
It's like I swear to God thesaying that they have.
Like you play it backwards andyou get all your shit back.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
I know, you know that's exactly that's what
country music is all about, butI don't know, I just I guess the
point I'm trying to make islike I hate when, when music's
becoming political right.
Yeah, like you, eitherentertain me or you don't.
And I'm not making that likeit's your job, go be a monkey,
entertain me.
Right, Like that's not what I'msaying, but what I'm saying,
more or less, is like I don'tneed to look at a backup dancer
(07:19):
to see what motion he's making,to see if it's a slam on
somebody else.
Just use your lyrics to do that, because I don't fucking know
what you're doing right it'slike when girls get mad at you
and they say you should know why.
That's how it feels with theseperformances why are you mad at
me?
you should know why it's likewhy was that a legendary
(07:39):
performance like you should know?
Why were you not payingattention?
Are you not in tune with today?
Speaker 1 (07:46):
No, Apparently I'm not.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
It's such a weird like such a like our generation
fucking thing to do.
It's so stupid yeah.
But, yeah, like I don't know.
We can thank Maroon 5 for thefucking halftime show.
Dude, Like, the last time we'vehad a band on stage was 2019.
We brought that Adam fuckingwhatever his name is out there,
those stupid fucking tattoos,and ever since that day,
everyone's like we're good.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Yep, yep.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Yeah, hi, I'm calling from Guns N' Roses.
We're a band.
It's like click, do you havestupid tattoos?
You're going to take yourfucking shirt off.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Oh, you're hired.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
We like our chances with Usher.
Thank you so much.
Like next year, it's going tobe someone we fucking don't know
at all.
Again, I didn't know this year.
I know, and the worst part ishe was on stage again in 2022.
So he's been on twice in likefive years and I think that
maybe like 7% of the people getit.
I didn't get it, but I liketrying to figure that out more
(08:41):
than I like trying to figure outhow much Mahomes is crying
right now after getting fuckingsmashed on live TV.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
I didn't even watch the game, to be honest.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
With your flopping ass, your flopping ass.
Should we get into some fuckingfunny stories, friend?
I think so.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
I think so.
So you going first, I will Allright, you go first, and then
you can decide what story I tell.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Ooh, story roulette.
Yeah, One story one gun Okay.
So this isn't so much a time Igot in trouble in school.
This is a time I got in troublein life, so probably fifth or
sixth grade.
I stayed the night at one of mybest friend's house at the time
Matt from Barbauer.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Oh yeah, so you would have been around 10 o'clock, 10
years old.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Yeah, I was 10 o'clock or 11 o'clock years old
at that time.
Click past 10.
So I stayed the night overthere and you know, typical
fucking dude sleepover like justplaying video games, doing dumb
shit, drinking Mountain Dew,eating Doritos, waking up the
next day figuring out what to do.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
So we woke up the next day and all the adults were
at work and we were there.
So we wake up, I don't know,probably like yeah, 11, 12, and
we look in the fridge freezerand we're like fuck this dude.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Like there's, like stouffers in there and like all
fucking stuff.
For like a week it's like whatare we gonna eat?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
dude, this sucks.
Oh, like stouffers, likelasagna, and yeah, and I'm
totally, and I'm totally lettingmatt take the lead on this,
like oh yeah, you know, I'm theguest.
So I'm not gonna be demanding,like you don't have pb and j
like no, I'm going along with it.
Right, I don't give a fuck if Iwalk out of there with three
Ritz crackers, but brother'shungry, let's fucking fill this
belly, you know.
So he lived off West Main.
(10:31):
Do you know where the LittleCaesars is in Kalamazoo on West
Main?
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Okay, first off, there's a shooting there and it
is as rough as it sounds, butthat's not where I'm going with
this.
But but that's not where I'mgoing with this.
But be warned, that's not avery good one.
Oh yeah, um so.
So he looks at me and goes dude, let's fucking walk to little
caesars we're like 10, 11, right, so like that's not a normal.
I mean back then you could walkand do stuff and it wasn't a
(10:56):
huge deal, like people weren'tgonna be all up in like parents
like nowadays, like hell no oh,yeah, sure so we're like, okay,
let's get a little scissors, butwe have no money.
We have no ride and no money.
So how the fuck are we gonnaget there?
And his house is like behind it, so like we have to walk
through like shady shit to getthere.
Like I don't think they reallycare about landscaping on the
(11:17):
back side of a shitty littlecaesars right.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Yeah, they don't care about landscaping on the front
side.
Yeah, so he.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Yeah, so he's looking around and he finds pop cans
first and I'm like where do wereturn the pop cans, matt,
without a fucking car Likewhat's our?
Okay?
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Yeah, what's the plan here?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
So we start looking around this house, dude, and it
feels like we're detectivestrying to find a five in the
couch.
Like I found a five.
That's going to be a hot, readypizza.
We're good to go.
So all of a sudden I hear mattlike this 20 minutes later, like
he like pokes his head in thegarage and he's like dude,
schwab, I'm like what he's likeI solved it.
So I go out there and he's gotlike one of those huge, uh, like
(11:58):
coin holders.
It's glass oh, yeah, you knowlike they used to make the pop
bottle ones, the coke bottlelike, but it's just your typical
jug, but it's fucking huge.
That's a big dog like probablya couple feet tall.
Sure, I mean, if you were tofill that and then throw that
bitch in Coinstar, like you'relooking at, like six, seven
hundred bucks.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Okay, right, big Yep.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
So he starts dumping it on the ground and he's like I
solved it.
So this is still stealing.
I know this.
I'm telling him this.
He doesn't listen, doesn't givea fuck Right, and it's his
house.
So once again, I'm letting himgo with it.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Right yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
So he starts dumping it out and all of a sudden he
fucking drops it and glassshatters fucking everywhere.
So our chance of beinganonymous in this whole fucking
thing Gone, yeah, gone again.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
No car, 10 or 11 and all we're trying to get is pizza
like this sounds so, like dude,ridiculous, right.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yeah, coins all over the fucking garage, they were
everywhere oh yeah justeverywhere like oh, so we're
picking up the quarter justshattered okay, we're picking up
quarters like crackheadsoutside of a casino, you know.
It's just like oh 25, oh fuck,oh fuck, you know.
So we get like five pizzas andthree or four crazy breads for
two people, and this is beforepot too.
(13:11):
Jesus dude, here's how wejustified it yeah his mom loves
diet coke.
So he looks at me and he goesget as many diet cokes as you
can.
So like I got as many, twoliters and 12 ounce, like 20
ounce whatever.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
We must have spent I don't know $50 in that pizza
place Half of it was on DietCoke thinking that that would
get us out of trouble.
And the whole time I'm lookingat him I'm like, dude, we're
fucked.
Yeah, like we're absolutelyfucked.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Like if that thing maybe they wouldn't know, but
still wrong.
Like I don't know, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Yeah, so but you could have done.
You could have taken like six,seven dollars out of there and
been good and the chances ofthem knowing that that was gone.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
But instead we went in there like crackheads that
just got a free gift card.
You know, for seventy fivedollars we got to spend it all
you know, like how do you eatfour fucking pizzas with two
dudes?
Like not even like we probablyhad three pieces each yeah
fucking idiots, dude.
So I'm telling matt like his.
So his parents are still atwork, dude.
This is all going on whilethey're at work, yeah, working
(14:15):
the fucking day, slaving away,and we're fucking being dicks,
yeah, and he doesn't get this oh, yeah, so I'm explaining to him
like dude, my dad would fuckingkill me.
Love the guy, but this isgrounds for kill.
He's like we're fine, don'teven worry about it.
All right, we got Diet Coke inthe fridge.
We're fucking fine, I hear it.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
My mom's a crackhead and we got crack in the fridge,
so she's not going to care.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
The Diet Coke will distract her for a bit, right?
So I hear the garage pull upyou know, yeah, yeah, 20 seconds
later, matt get out here, so Istart picking up my shit right
like, I'm like, I'm going homefor sure, this is not gonna
fucking go well, so his daddrove me home, and matt didn't
(15:02):
get to come with me either, sothat was even weirder like that
was oh it was so awkward, dude.
Ah, so long story short.
If you're 10 to 11 and you'rehungry, just stick to the
fucking cabinets.
It is not worth all thisbullshit.
Don't go on an adventure anddiet coke will never appease a
parent that makes no fuckingsense.
Me, surge, we'll talk.
(15:23):
You want to wrap me and fill myfridge up with surge, I'm good
with it yeah, yeah, that's.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Your son might hear this later and he's gonna know
how to get away with shit, sobut surge is the truth, man like
but yeah, so I don't know I wasvery like shell-shocked around
them for a long time oh, yeah,like his parents.
They're sweet people they'rereally really nice people like,
I love them truly, both of themso was he like grounded for a
(15:52):
while.
Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah and Ilove maddie too.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
He's a great dude, but he's just confusing
sometimes.
Yeah, yeah he's just one ofthose dudes that, like you, just
don't like, like we're nottalking right now because he
didn't come to a friend's givingthat we literally scheduled
around his schedule.
Oh no shit.
He canceled it and then saidfuck you guys.
On Bart Bauer Bash.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
And it's like if someone were to come up to me
and ask me, like, what justhappened to this relationship?
My answer would be he didn'tput us on his fucking calendar.
We've given him 30 fuckingpasses on this kind of shit.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
He pissed off me and my wife, danny, and Danny's wife
and all the same fucking time.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
I had to put my fucking foot down because I'm so
sick of.
I'm sick of like having to bailfor him or like have to explain
it to everybody.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Right.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
And it's like that's why we're not buddies, Like
we're not buddies because hedidn't come to something and
then spit in my face about it.
Oh no shit, Go fuck yourself.
It's just like the coins, it'sjust like the coins.
I'm just waiting for my DietCoke, because that's how it
feels, Because that's going tomake it all better.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
You need Surge.
Oh my God, dude, oh shit.
So take your pick.
I got two stories so you canhear about Second Grade
Shitstorm or Lawnmower RockLaunch Dude those are awesome
choices, so what would yourather hear?
Speaker 2 (17:19):
I'm thinking Lawnmower, rock Launch, because
I have a funny feeling thatSecond Grade Shitstorm involves
a second grader taking a shit,and I don't know that.
I want to hear it.
No, if you don't want to hearabout that, then you really
don't want to hear that story,does that?
Speaker 1 (17:34):
have to do with Dookie.
It's about me.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Did you shit your pants in second grade?
Okay, so do you want to hearthat fucking story?
Apparently, I signed up for it.
I think we're here now.
We're that fucking story.
Apparently I signed up for it.
I think we're here now we're inthis space.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Okay, I started one way, I went the other right.
Okay, so back in second grade.
I was so back at that time myteacher at the time would make
us go to the corner and thenraise our hand if we wanted to
go to the bathroom.
Okay, Mm-hmm.
So I got up.
I go to the corner, raise myhand.
(18:11):
I don't know if she doesn't seeme, I don't know.
She waited way too fucking long.
Okay, how long was it up for?
I don't know.
Dude, a second grade I don'tfucking remember.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
You're like seven.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Yeah, I'm seven years old, so I'm holding it up and
I'm waiting, I'm waiting, I'mwaiting and I got to shit.
Okay, I got to go.
I don't remember if I actuallymade it to the bathroom or if I
was on my way, or if I shit mypants in the corner.
(18:41):
I don't know, but I shit mypants in the corner.
I don't know, but I shit mypants, okay.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
So I get.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Did everybody know?
No, wait, I'm getting there.
I'm getting there, so I get tothe bathroom and I've obviously
shit my pants, there's noquestion.
And it's fucking, it's runnydude Like bad.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
So I clean myself up the best I can.
How?
I'm seven years old Okay, let'sput that out there Seven years
old.
I clean myself up the best Ican, what I think is good.
I finish whatever I got to do,right.
I get back to the classroom.
Finish whatever I got to do,right?
(19:26):
I get back to the classroom, Iwalk in and I sit down and I
don't know.
A couple minutes go by and Inoticed that there's a couple of
kids like sitting beside me orbehind me.
They're like they're looking,they're kind of like pointing to
the teacher.
Dude, I had shit all over thechair behind me, because it was,
(19:47):
it was all over the back of me.
Dude, all over my shirt andshit I had no idea.
Oh my god it was shit were theynice or awful?
Huh, were they nice about it Idon't remember them being like,
you know, like dicks you know,like can be.
I don't remember that happening.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Yeah, but.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
I'm sure.
So obviously my mom gets calledright, oh fuck.
And she's like why didn't youjust go to the bathroom?
I'm like, because we got toraise our fucking hand and go to
the bathroom.
We got to wait.
Yeah, okay, I realize nowthat's never going to fucking
happen again.
If I got a shit and I bet you,I bet you without a doubt, that
(20:27):
the teacher changed her policyafter that happened.
Okay, like, if you got to go,just go.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Did the janitor come and put the wood chips down?
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Do you remember that?
Do you remember that?
Speaker 2 (20:53):
He shoved them out of the playground and put them in
there.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Yeah, I wonder what he did with those.
Put them back, put them back inthe but anyway.
So this was second grade, right?
Yeah, this was second grade,right.
Yeah, my sister, when she wentto college she went for
assistant teacher and she gother teaching certificate and all
that.
She ended up subbing at thatschool with that teacher and
(21:22):
she's like, obviously, it's herlast name, my last name were the
same.
She's like are you related to aBradley?
And she said, yeah, that's mybrother.
And she said I had him in myclassroom and he's shit, I'm
sure that story came up.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
How long ago was it?
Like 10 years oh?
Speaker 1 (21:43):
well, I was out of high school, I was, I was
graduated and everything so gladyou made it and I never shit on
another chair did you ever getmessed with for?
That no wow that's awesome.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I don't think kids today would be that nice.
Like kids today are fuckingbrutal.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Well do seven-year-olds even have like
phones and shit?
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Because if they were, if they had phones, that would
have been like all over, youknow what I mean Social media oh
yeah, yep.
Dude.
The day that seven-year-oldsstart posting videos to social
media is the day I quit.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Right, yeah, we do not need that shit.
We don't need that shit, wedon't need more honey.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
boo-boos, that's for fucking sure dude yeah.
But yeah, so what made it?
Speaker 1 (22:31):
even better that story was that my sister subbed
at that school with that teacher.
Was she a good teacher?
I honestly don't remembersecond grade all that much.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
I don't think any of us do yeah.
Yeah, I remember who the hotgirl was though.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
I don't remember that .
Speaker 2 (22:53):
I'm not going to say her name on air, but I know
exactly who the hot girl wasthat year.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
I don't remember though the hot girl.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
And I was, like I don't know, probably like four
years away from dropping allthose quarters and getting pizza
.
Oh shit, Little did I know Iwas going to become a legend
again.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
So I got a funny one for you All right.
So on the topic of getting introuble or like crazy situations
, so my parents and I would takea trip to Gulf Shores, alabama,
for spring break so we woulddrive I don't know, it's
probably 14 hours to 16 hoursfrom from Michigan.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Um, and like all the kids from school went to, so
like them and their families, solike all the adults hung out
and all the kids hung out.
It was kind of a cool setupright.
Yeah, Well, um, have you beento Gulf Shores?
Speaker 1 (23:49):
No.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Okay, it's like the only good thing about Alabama
Ever go to Gulf Shores.
It's a little scary sometimesI'm just kidding Alabama, but
you know what I'm saying.
I haven't even been to Alabama,so You're not missing a ton,
really?
Speaker 1 (24:06):
I mean no, it's nice.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
It's like the Alabama there's that Alabama and then
the Florida line.
That's a cool bar right on theline.
Okay, it's really cool.
Yes, let's make a country band,florida georgia line those dumb
dubs they're probably sittingat that bar the day they made
that.
oh yeah, but um, so we would godown there and I mean, all sorts
of shenanigans happened likeand that's not the story, but
(24:28):
like I'll get to it right likethere was one time we got caught
in a traffic jam.
There's hail, so we actuallyhad to pull over under a bridge
and let the hail kind of smokeour car, even though just the
wind.
I thought it was going to break,but there was a 65-car pileup,
(24:50):
including a boat just sitting inthe middle of the road.
So me and my buddies aresitting there licking gummy
bears and fucking chucking themat the the box part of the semi.
So they stick and it was sofunny counting all the ones like
because you'd drive for, likeyou'd drive for like an hour and
you'd look over and you'd seefucking gummy bears all over,
like a me Meyer turkey, on theside of a box truck.
(25:11):
But anywho, so 07 or 06, no, itwould have been my senior year.
So I actually took a friend, sowe stayed in the condo that was
right on the water and I'm sureit was probably reasonably
priced but probably a littleridiculous too.
So we had our own room in theback, like like our own like
(25:33):
door shut room, like it was afull-on condo.
So my parents had their ownroom, living room, you know,
back room.
so yeah, I mean, every night wewere there, you know, as soon as
it got dark we were drinking,oh yeah you know being stupid
and that's what's so funny aboutme, dude that that a lot of
people don't know or wouldn'tthink, is that I got so much of
(25:54):
that out when I was young, like17, 18, 19, 20, that by the time
I turned 21,.
I didn't even give a fuck.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Yeah, me too, I started going to bars more and
hanging out with buddies.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
We had a couple bars we could walk to at Westerns.
We'd get fucking plowed andjust walk home.
It was awesome.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
I was never a big bar guy at all.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
No, I just I don't really get it like I guess I
don't get it like I'm a verysocial guy, yeah, but like for
me, like I would like to be by abonfire with people or I'd like
to be like playing cornhole orplaying euchre oh my god,
playing cornhole.
And I said it's so calm, dude,I'm gonna call my wife after
this we're just gonna startcalling it bags.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Okay, playing cornhole and.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
I said it so calm, dude, I'm going to call my wife
after this.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
We're just going to start calling it bags, okay,
yeah cornhole's got to go.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Yeah, cornhole's got to go.
We're over this Anywho.
So this isn't like the Playingcornhole out by the fire with
the guys.
The prime of my getting fuckedup, eric okay, is on this trip.
So on one of the last nights,like my dad was, my dad and mom
aren't very strict.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
They're awesome.
I mean to a fault Like theydon't like you ragging on people
.
They don't like you like racialanything.
You know, but like one of thelast nights, like my dad was,
dad was like hey, you guys gotto be in by 12 30 tonight.
We're, you know, blah, blah,blah and it's like what the fuck
?
It's like yeah, I'd be in by 1230, what do you?
What do you have to do?
That's after 12.
(27:20):
I just explained it to me likeit's like okay nothing good ever
happens after 12, 30, yeah, some and chris are down at the
beach at like 10 and um.
The cool thing is is that itwas a resort, but there was
eight of them, so we're insomething called the Phoenix
Resort, which I'm guessing, Ithink is in Gulf Shores, where
(27:41):
you go, or, I'm sorry, myrtleBeach, where you go.
Okay, the.
Phoenix, right?
Isn't that a chain down there?
I don't know of the Phoenix,something like that, but I mean
really cool like racquetballcourts inside, like indoor hot
tub, outdoor pool, right on thebeach yeah so like all the kids
would go down and party and itwas fucking wild dude like.
(28:02):
I saw some cool titties like Imean, it was just fun wow, those
are real.
So that night me and chris godown, we got our our snucking in
booze, you know, like in waterbottles in our suitcase.
Like parents, if you're outthere listening right now and
you want to make sure your kidsaren't drinking on a trep, make
(28:23):
sure there's no fucking waterbottles in their suitcase,
because what kid brings water?
Speaker 1 (28:27):
it's booze dude.
You just fucked everybody oh,they can eat it all the kids out
there were like fuck you man.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Yeah, just fucking I don't know.
Store some joints in yourbutthole.
Some joints in your prison wall,start practicing being a drug
mule if college doesn't work out.
So we're getting fucked up.
There's probably 30, 40 of usdown by the beach just drinking,
(28:55):
fucking, hanging out, justhaving a blast, and so what we
did is we went up back to theroom and it's probably I don't
know 12.35,.
A little bit late, but not liketoo late.
So we get back and like, dude,my dad snores and so does my
mom's, like I know they're bothfucking gone.
Like they're done, son, likeyou know, like that, like, yeah,
(29:19):
like I could have done whateverI wanted during that time,
right?
So I look at Chris, I'm likedude, let's, let's sneak out for
a little bit.
And he's like are you sure?
I was like no, but let's do it.
So we went back down to thebeach, dude, and had a blast.
Like it's like telling a funnyjoke in church, like when you're
(29:41):
not supposed to laugh, it's somuch funnier.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
So we go back down to the beach and, dude, we're
fucked up Like if I had to guess.
Like dude, we're blowing like.15s right now, 0.18 you know,
like we're fucking, we'rehammered okay drinking hard
liquor out of a water bottle,warm, awful, awful fucking move,
yep, but it equals a great time.
So I mean, we're hanging outgirls, we're doing our fucking
(30:06):
thing.
I look at my phone, dude, andit's 2 45 in the morning, dude,
like we didn't like kind ofsneak out like we like said fuck
you dude right, the best partis like we I remember we like
made our bed with like pillows,like to make it and they like
turn the fanon, like you know, so we go
(30:27):
walking like you thought aheadof that shit we go walking up to
the room and it's like it'slike three o'clock in the
morning, dude, and we get up tothe room, we unlock the door and
it was so loud, like the door,just like you know, like one of
those kind of doors that, likeyou, can't leave it open, it's
gonna hinge closed, and I meanstraight out of a movie dude,
(30:49):
like my dad's on the couch andhe's just fucking grilling us
like how's your night?
How are you guys doing?
The fuck is wrong with you yeahyou're a fucking idiot.
Yep, like I asked you for onething, brought you on fucking
vacation, and here you guys arecoming in like a bunch of dumb
(31:11):
asses reeking of rum.
The fuck is wrong with you.
Lost it as he should.
Okay as he should, if this wasme, I can't even imagine what
I'd do right now.
I'd be fucking livid oh yeah,right, like if this was lucy or
like any of my people, like dude, no fucking yeah right.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
So like me and chris, you know that's gonna happen,
though, right?
Speaker 2 (31:30):
oh, fuck, yeah, dude, I'm wild as shit, and my kids
are gonna be wild as shit and Idon't know.
But like, so me and chris aresleeping with one eye open, dude
, we're just like you know.
Like, oh god, dude, he's gonnacome back here and stab us like
we.
We did it.
Now, you know, looks like wehave two empty bucket seats for
the way home, honey, you know,um, and the best part, about
(31:51):
this whole thing is it's likenine in the morning looks like
we have two empty bucket seatsfor the way home, honey, you
know, um, and the best partabout this whole thing is it's
like nine in the morning andthey wake us up Like my dad
comes in the room and turns thelight.
I was like guys, breakfast isready and like, my mom is so mad
.
Like you think my dad gets madabout shit.
Like dude, my mom takes it to anew fucking level.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Where she thinks of all the for all we do for him.
That motherfucker Yep, oh yeah,and she has every right to be.
I am not in any way, shape orform saying they did anything
wrong.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
I know, I fucking blew it.
Yeah, yeah, you fucked up.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
Dude, they had breakfast and me and Chris sat
there froze because we boththought that it was poisoned.
Because we both thought that itwas poisoned.
We're hungover, we're fuckingscared.
We just slept with one eye openand they're fucking livid.
And it's like this is not agood way to end a vacation,
because we're leaving the nextday yeah.
(32:45):
So my dad's like you're stayingin for a little bit today so we
can figure out what the fuck todo with you, and it's just like,
oh my god, dude.
So, long story short, we had anabsolute blast for a little
while it's like dude.
So that trip too.
And it's funny too because mydad's gonna listen and I just
don't care anymore.
But, um, so the first night wewere there we're in a hot tub
(33:07):
and it's like me and my buddyjared and jacko and I think our
friend rachel, someone else.
We're just sitting in this hottub like, and it's like me and
my buddy jared and jacko and Ithink our friend rachel, someone
else, we're just sitting inthis hot tub like, and it's kind
of funny too, because it's 85degrees outside, sunny, and it's
like there's a pool and, yeah,you know ocean, and we're like
let's stay indoors.
And hot tub.
Yeah, well, the guys before ustotally lost their bag of weed
in the fucking hot tub.
(33:28):
Oh, no shit, this is before weknew what weed was so we fucking
took it back to our room, dude,like smelling like chlorine,
like it got into the bag, likeit's fucking terrible.
We put it in the microwave likewe had nothing to roll it with
dude, because we were with ourparents so like we got out a
piece of like notebook paper oh,jesus it like, rolled that
bitch up, went on the fuckingand, dude, we got baked as balls
(33:51):
.
Whatever the fuck that was,thank you.
The worst part was is he cameback looking for it, so we're
sitting in the hot tub and it'sliterally wrapped in my towel
and he goes.
Did you guys find a baggieanywhere?
I was like what kind of bag?
What are you talking about?
Almost to the point that Iasked too many questions.
(34:11):
If he would have been any sortof salesperson or somebody that
was in the know, he would haveknown I was full of shit.
Now, were you stoned at?
Speaker 1 (34:18):
that time not yet so you were holding it together.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
So me, Jared and Jacko rolled it in computer
paper as soon as it got dark andI think we played like uh, I
think we played racquetball fora while after we were really
high, just because we thoughtit'd be funny and it was I'm
sure it was yeah, because whatlaughter echoes in there, you
know like and that's what wereally want.
(34:46):
Yeah, oh my god, and it justechoed, but it's just one of
those stories where, like, I'llnever forget that feeling of
like sitting down at breakfastwhen someone's that mad at you
that they're ready to give up onthe fact that they're your
parent.
It's like the best breakfastever too, and we didn't eat any
of it because we were so afraid,and by then it's poisoned.
Fast forward 45 minutes.
(35:06):
Chris is packing his shit.
He's already found someone elseto take him home.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
He's fucking getting out of there, dude.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
So the worst part about all this is Chris was
always there when shit went bad,yep, and my parents probably
look back and think it's Chris,it was me.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
I was the bad influence on him, but you've
been the common denominator allthis time, right?
Speaker 2 (35:30):
Yeah, they probably.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
There's been other friends that they probably knew.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
yeah, oh yeah, they probably know parents know, dude
, my dad's the coolest too.
Like he was, he was he was agreat father.
Like just still is a greatfather.
But like he was, he was awonderful dad growing up, great
example.
So like when you pissed him off, like you fucking blew it right
.
Dude, we're farting in church.
We're fucking telling jokesduring Christian songs Like we
(35:55):
were raunchy fucking kids.
Yeah, raunchy as shit.
Yep, if we could push the barjust a little bit.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
We did it.
Oh yeah, you were going to Yep.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
So that's why, like these moments are so significant
is because like they're likealmost think of like a
relationship with a grandparent,right, Like and, like you know,
when you were cool with thatgrandparent, like why was it
always cool with thatgrandparent?
Well, it was always cool withthat grandparent because they're
not, like, trained to tell youto fuck off when you get you
(36:24):
know, do that shit, they justpass you off to mom.
Yeah, they give you back to momand dad, my parents almost had
that mentality where we had beenthrough so much as a family and
I'll get into that someday, butlike true trauma, crazy shit.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
That like us laughing and having like fun time was
was almost.
Almost like they wanted it yeah, almost like they they kind of
endorsed it.
So when you fucked up to thepoint that like he's turning a
fucking lamp on at 3 am and likewhat's up, yeah where are you
guys at yep?
Did you guys have fun?
Speaker 1 (36:56):
I hope it was fucking worth it see, I always had the
relationship with my kids.
I always told them I knowyou're gonna do stupid shit,
it's gonna happen inevitably.
You're going to drink or you'regoing to try something.
I said if you ever get behindthe wheel and you're fucked up,
you're dead if you get home.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
I know, I don't even know how that's a good rule.
My parents always said that tome too.
Like I would rather be pissedat you for drinking than having
to go to your funeral.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
If they would have called me.
And you know what it neverreally happened.
I don't know if they ever gotfucked up and were behind the
wheel but I hope not, but if itever happened and they called me
, I wouldn't have been pissed, Iwould have been like thank you
for calling.
Yeah, we'll deal with thistomorrow.
You know, I I knew that theywere gonna do stupid shit I
(37:47):
think, because every kid does.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
I think it's gonna be like when my kids grow up, I
think in the next seven, eightyears, when Lucy's growing up.
I think it's going to be morevapes and pot that you're
finding than it is going to bebooze because times have changed
.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true being a drunk isn'tlike a glorious thing anymore.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
I don't think it was ever a glorious thing.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
It was fun, yeah, but no one wants a drunk weatherman
.
I learned that Right?
Speaker 1 (38:18):
yeah, you learned that a few times, All right.
So do you want to hear aboutthe lawnmower rock launch?
I do so.
It's a quick story.
I got in trouble for it and I'mnot really sure why, Because
it's not really my fucking fault, but I'm mowing the lawn, going
along.
I'm you know how old.
(38:40):
Probably 14, I think at the time.
Okay, yep, and my sisterhappened to be home from college
and she parked along the sideof the road.
Okay, and I'm mowing the lawn.
I'm mowing the lawn, boom, Ihit this fucking rock and it
launches that fucking rock intoher side window and shatters it,
(39:01):
Fucking.
I mean, there is no glass left.
Oh, my God, my dad comes out andhe's so fucking pissed, I'm
sure he's pissed because I brokethe window or because it
happened and I was just therethere and it happened to me.
But now he's got to pay, or mysister's got to pay to replace
(39:22):
the window.
I mean, at that point in timeshe was going to Western too.
Was she pissed at you?
Oh, I'm sure she was.
I mean, what the fuck did I do?
I'm mowing the fucking lawn.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
There's a rock in the yard.
Guy who mows the lawn, guy whoowns the property, who should we
be mad at?
Right, yeah, but you got tothink about this too, like a
weird angle for you, right, thatI just thought of through this
awesome podcast.
Maybe parents get mad in thosesituations because they have a
situation now on their platethat they have to solve.
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
I'm sure that that's part of it.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
But I just didn't think like that growing up
either, where there's an effectand a cause.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Right, yeah, but I mean, like I said, my sister was
going to college.
I'm sure money was tight at thetime.
That's probably me.
I'm sure money was tight at thetime, so I'm sure it was that,
that it was like oh shit, we gotto pay for this window now,
which is why he was pissed, buthe came out like full on yelling
(40:22):
and yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
Money was tighter than a Vietnamese hooker who
used to be a nun on her firstday.
Who used to be a nun on herfirst day, so piggybacking off
that real quick.
I actually had somethingsimilar happen, but it was with
we had a Middle Eastern familythat lived in our backyard and I
(40:45):
was mowing the yard and I usedto chip golf balls all the time
into targets.
I always liked golf.
It doesn't show like I get that, like it doesn't.
You know, there's definitely nofruits of my labor, like I'm
still bad at chipping, but um,it doesn't display out on the
golf course that you've spentthat much time practicing.
Yeah, I think it's just that Idon't give a fuck right, like
(41:06):
I'm naturally, like I'mnaturally athletic, like I'll
bet, if I tried really hard atgolf, I I bet I'd fucking kill
it.
Why don't you try then?
I don't fucking care.
I know I'm going to do it likefour times a year, dude.
It's like Really Five maybetimes a year, like I just I
don't, does that make sense?
Like, like when?
I got into a rhythm when I gotinto a rhythm where the pin all
the fucking time.
(41:26):
Well, yeah, if you practice allthe time.
You get good at it.
But then I realized it's likewalking on a treadmill without
playing a sport and it's likewhat am I getting good at this
for?
To talk shit to my friends thataren't good either.
Like okay this just doesn'tseem like goals.
You know to wave a fuckingtrophy from an outing that I won
(41:50):
Like I still don't give a fuckright, yeah, but you win
trophies when you don't evenplay golf.
so yeah, all conference.
I just got to live up to thename.
Dude Right, Is it top five?
Speaker 1 (42:04):
time.
I think it's top five time.
Is it me or you?
I'll go first.
Hit it, I'll go first.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
Okay, so these are the top five reasons that you
got a phone call from the officefrom the office not involving
dookie.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
I'm sure that was an awful phone call for my mom.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
Oh my god, yeah hi, this is connie calling um.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
Your son is shit every what's what's up in shit.
This is.
Speaker 2 (42:31):
Connie calling Okay.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
Number five your son or daughter forced another
student to wear a ball gag.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Oh my God, Was it the parent's ball gag?
Speaker 1 (42:47):
It was the parent's ball gag.
When you go and confront yourkids, you're like I was just
trying to get them to shut upbut I didn't realize that they
would enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
Oh my God, I just picture your two kids next to
the girl wearing the ball gagand they're all trying to
explain what happened.
It's like we didn't mean to Dad.
Seriously, we didn't mean to.
Oh my God, we didn't realizethat she would seriously we
didn't mean to.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
Oh, we didn't realize that she would enjoy it.
Oh my God, okay, number fourOkay, they caught your son or
daughter in another locker room.
Yeah, that'd be bad.
Speaker 2 (43:26):
That would be so bad, dude.
That would be like frighteningbad, because it's like do we
have another dommer on our hands?
What do we do?
Speaker 1 (43:32):
Well, but nowadays you have to wonder if they're
like.
Are they thinking they're adifferent sex?
Speaker 2 (43:41):
I hope not.
I hope not.
Speaker 1 (43:42):
Okay, oh my God, yeah , there's many different reasons
that that would be a bad phonecall.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
Yeah, all you'd need is a visitor badge that said he,
her, him, how they, them, those, the, everything asterisk,
everything you know just like no.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
The visitor badge would say the visitor badge
would say hole or pole.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
Where's your visitor badge?
Okay, number three.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
Three All their.
So you get a phone call fromthe teacher and she says the
call would say the call wouldsay the call would say the
teacher says you know, we'reworried about your kid.
We think that they have alearning disability.
All their homework that theybrought in was all wrong.
It was all completely backwards.
(44:47):
We think that they have alearning disability.
Could you come in?
And all this time you'rethinking like I did their
fucking homework.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
Wait, that's my handwriting.
You fucking cock.
Double check it.
No, double check it.
Show them how you did your work.
I don't know, dan.
Okay, here's what we did.
Right, oh, dan?
Okay, here's what we did Right.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
Oh shit, Number two.
So this actually happened at myschool.
Somebody had put a fart bomb ina school vent system.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
And that actually happened in my school.
What is a fart bomb?
Speaker 1 (45:29):
if you don't mind.
It's like the can of fart spray.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
So it's like deer piss.
Speaker 1 (45:34):
But no, no, no, no, it's an actual aerosol you can
spray.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
Was this a thing?
Yeah, where the fuck would youbuy that?
Speaker 1 (45:41):
Probably Spencer's at the mall that's probably where
they got it Like a big can of it.
I don't know how big the canwas, but yeah, they had to
evacuate the school because itstunk everything.
Oh my God, it was bad.
It was bad.
Speaker 2 (45:56):
So would they have to spray it at it?
Speaker 1 (45:59):
I don't know if they would have had to spray it at it
or if they took something tohold it down.
I don't know, but it was bad,it was horrible.
Speaker 2 (46:11):
You know what would have been even cooler, though,
if they would have figured outhow to hotbox the whole school.
They filled the whole schoolWith weeds.
Oh Jesus, can you imagine?
Hotbox the whole school?
Speaker 1 (46:26):
That would have been a great day, Dude I'd call down
to the cafeteria.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
All subtle and I'd be like, hey, what's up You're
going to get a run on thecafeteria.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
All subtle and I'd be like, hey, what's up?
Speaker 2 (46:32):
um, just you're gonna get a run on the cafeteria
whatever the normal size is fortoday, I would double it.
I'm like what's going?
Speaker 1 (46:40):
on, just just devil it, trust me, yep, yep, oh shit,
all the you guys can if youguys have anything that's about
to expire, just throw it on apizza.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
you call it whatever the fuck you want Everybody's
going to want it.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
Yep, yep.
Speaker 2 (46:55):
Oh shit, fart bomb dude.
They evacuated school.
Speaker 1 (46:59):
Yeah, that's cool.
Yeah, they evacuated the wholeschool because of this.
Speaker 2 (47:03):
So if the kid got in trouble, would it be a bomb
threat?
Speaker 1 (47:09):
I don't know, I don't know what they classified that
at.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
We'll call TSA and ask them.
Speaker 1 (47:13):
Yeah, there you go, okay.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
And my number one Wait, I want to say, you just
did three.
Speaker 1 (47:24):
I did two.
Two was they put a fart bomb inthe school, oh yep.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
Stay with me, stay with the program, motherfucker.
Speaker 1 (47:34):
Number one, un.
My son took his cat to schoolthis morning Got a call from the
school.
Said he took it to schoolbecause he heard me say to his
mom that I was going to eat thatpussy after he left and we have
(47:57):
a number one for next episode.
Speaker 2 (47:59):
Folks dude, can you imagine that?
Oh, it'd be so hard not tolaugh oh yeah, dude, I'd lose it
, oh my god or the shit, dude,like I'd have to like.
This is connie calling.
We got ourselves a rollingbrown out going on here I was
just wondering if you're by akmart, jc, penny or kohl's,
(48:21):
because we're gonna need somebradley.
What size pants are you?
We're gonna need some pantsdown here, stat you know, like
one of those.
All right, you ready for my topfive, my friend?
Speaker 1 (48:32):
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
So top five of the reason off is called.
I'm going to take a little bitof a different approach.
I'm going to use Jan's voice,or Barb, you know, when she's
calling.
Ah geez, Hi, this is Conniecalling about Tucker.
It seems as though he's createda I don't even know what this
(48:54):
means but a black marketbutt-chugging club.
Please call us back.
This has gotten out of fuckinghand Butt-chugging.
Kids do that these days.
How weird is that, dude?
Once kids invent a way to dobutt dupes, dude that's when
it'll take over dude, you want abog hit man like zip.
(49:17):
You know, fuck, yeah, I do.
Number four number four yeah,hi, this is sharon calling.
It seems as though we caughttucker selling homemade whacking
off tapes in the cafeteria.
I wasn't't able to watch it,but I just wanted to go through
real quick and read off thechapters to you and see what you
(49:39):
think about this.
Chapter one is called ShowerJerk.
Chapter two is called PocketPussy, paula.
Chapter three is Jerking inPublic.
I don't know what he means bythat.
Number four is jerking on aplane.
I don't know why someone wouldmake footage of that.
And number five is calledjacking and stacking Jacking and
(50:04):
stacking.
This is absolutely unacceptable.
Please give us a call at yourearliest convenience.
We won't make Tucker come in.
It seems as though he's doneenough coming for one day.
Just all his moves In hindsight, dude, he should have had
something with like a dartboard,like where he's aiming the shot
(50:26):
.
You know the bullseye banditthey called him dude Every
fucking time number three, threehi, yeah, uh, this is sharon
calling again.
It seems as though your sonsent out fake permission slips
(50:50):
for anatomy class to Deja Vu.
It does put bring singles on theside of sleep and sent these
out to all the students for afield trip and it's actually
been accepting money.
He'll only accept singles andonly ones covered in glitter
will be accepted.
Please give us a call back atyour earliest convenience.
(51:11):
Oh shit something.
Please give us a call back atyour earliest convenience.
Number two hi, yeah, this issharon calling again.
Um, it's in relation to yourson, tucker.
So apparently tucker asked missjacobs if she swallows while
(51:32):
she was eating some cake in HomeEc.
This is absolutely unacceptable.
I mean, of course she swallows,but not in the way that a
teenage boy wants her to.
Please give me a call back.
Oh shit, thank you.
Speaker 1 (51:46):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (51:47):
That'd be a good one.
Speaker 1 (51:48):
That sounds like me, that sounds like something you
would ask.
Speaker 2 (51:51):
Do you swallow yeah?
Hey girl something you wouldask Do you swallow?
Yeah, hey, girl.
Speaker 1 (51:57):
Hey girl.
Speaker 2 (52:04):
Number one Hi, yeah, this is Sharon calling for a
last time.
I'm just getting fucking sickof this, sharon calling for a
last time.
I'm just getting fucking sickof this.
It seems as though Tucker,during sex ed, raised his hand
and asked Mrs Jacobs, who alsoteaches that poor girl Home Ec
and fucking sex.
Ed asked if she could help thewhole class with a proper
(52:25):
pull-out technique.
Speaker 1 (52:27):
It seems as though.
Speaker 2 (52:29):
Tucker would like a little instruction.
He said usually in porn theypull out and do Casper the ghost
.
I'm not sure what Casper theghost means, but I think it's
sticky and gross.
And the whole class startedlaughing and it's just become a
fucking thing.
Come get your child.
Tucker's pullout game is strong.
Dude Tucker pulls out.
(52:50):
Dude couches pull out, butTucker never does.
Trucks pull out, but Tuckernever does.
Speaker 1 (53:02):
Oh shit, oh man, that was a good top five.
I liked it.
That was good.
That was good.
Speaker 2 (53:08):
Oh, dude Well hey.
Speaker 1 (53:09):
So everybody out there, we need to know what your
favorites are.
Give us some comments dudejason commented.
Speaker 2 (53:17):
We got to check that he did on on spotify.
Do you know what it says?
Speaker 1 (53:22):
no, I didn't see that .
I did not see any comments findit yeah, look for it.
So yeah, if you got anycomments out there, you want to
get a hold of us?
It's rowdandloudy at gmailcom.
Speaker 2 (53:39):
that's r-o-w-d, a-n-d , l-o-u-d-y at gmailcom thank
you guys so much for joining us.
We had an absolute fuckingblast.
And thank you, guys so much forjoining us.
Um, we, we had an absolutefucking blast.
And uh, spoiler alert for youwhile you're listening to this
one, there's another one comingoh yeah, and it's not tuck it's
(54:01):
not tucking.
We're not gonna pull out it'sactually funny too, because mel
tucker for michigan state didyou hear we got?
He got in trouble for no firinga wrister off on the phone with
a girl that wasn't oh, michiganstate, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (54:13):
So the thing I don't know.
Speaker 2 (54:15):
The thing everyone would say is tuck coming.
So it's funny that I told abunch of jizz jokes about a guy
named tucker.
Right, because it fucking fitshis sponsors need to be kleenex,
dude, vaseline, vaseline andkleenex.
And he needs to host pressconferences with the hat on like
he's a NASCAR fucking driver.
It cleans up any sort of mess.
(54:38):
Let me tell you about dudewipes.
Okay, now, I don't know what'sin there.
It's a solvent or a cream, butit sure takes the jizz out of a
keyboard.
Let me show you how.
And then he draws it up likeplays for, like football, like
with x's and o's dude, this isyour keyboard.
X that you came on.
(54:59):
Oh, and this is your dude web.
You're gonna go right up thegut gotta go right over the r.
Gotta get the r you know umsomething that I think that.
Uh, so a little double spoileralert.
We already recorded this.
We had to redo it, which isfucking great, yeah yeah, you
(55:20):
know what, though we're goodthough we're good, but one of
the things that I really enjoyedthat we talked about last time
is that, like this, has become areally cool outlet for us oh
yeah and that we really justthat's all we're trying to do.
Speaker 1 (55:30):
We're trying to have fun.
Speaker 2 (55:31):
We don't care about the fame.
We don't care about likegetting big, we don't care like
it's okay.
But if we do great, you know ourmain thing is trying to help
our listener laugh their fuckingass off when they have a moment
right, like if you have that,like okay, if you're a girl, say
you have that boyfriend, thatsucks right.
And like every time you go seefucking chad, you know chadwick,
(55:51):
you know you leave therefucking pissed and you're like I
just don't think it's gonnawork, it's not okay.
But what you need to do is justturn on our fucking podcast.
All right, even our titty anddick jokes are gonna make you
laugh right and if you're a dudeand like say your wife's not
putting out for like a month andshe's just driving you, fucking
nuts, come hang out with us fora little bit, right?
Hell yeah, dude, we'll helpheart the Red Sea like Moses,
(56:13):
alright.
Speaker 1 (56:23):
Oh, my god, oh fuck.
Speaker 2 (56:27):
And I'm going to leave you guys with a joke.
So what do you call a lesbianwith fat fingers?
Brad?
Well hung Well, hung Well, hung.
All right, thank you, we'llcatch you all on the next
episode.
Oh my God, Thanks for hangingout with us.
Speaker 1 (56:42):
Okay, see you all later.
Peace, peace, peace.
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