Episode 9 - Why College Stories Are Always Better with a Drink in Hand - Rowd & Loudy Comedy Podcast

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:20):
Welcome back to the Routin' Loudy podcast.
This is episode 9 and we got agreat show.
I'm excited, very, very excitedabout it.
It's going to be a banger.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
Oh yeah, we're going to get all up in it.
Brother, it's going down, dudeit's going down.

Speaker 1 (00:39):
So tonight we've got some college-era stories.
So what happened to us duringour college days?
And then we've got a top fiveof fuck one, kill one, marry one
, and I've actually got a littlebit of twist on it A little bit
.

Speaker 2 (00:57):
Yeah, some of mine are vulgar as hell.

Speaker 1 (01:00):
I'm sure I have no doubt.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
And also a little bit like really guy.
You know I got a good mix ofthose, oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:08):
So before we get started with that, we're going
to go over our top three fromthe previous episode.
Which was the best or no, itwas worst Things that you could
find on a dating profile.

Speaker 2 (01:20):
So you swipe right, you know, and you're reading
that description, you're likeokay, pictures are fine.
I don't know why I always go toa girl voice, but like it's
fine pictures, steve looksawesome, like I think he seems
like a good guy, but then youread that description like oh,
yeah all right.
So our recap of that previousNumber three my vagina has no

(01:47):
gag reflex.
She'd probably get a lot ofswipe rights for that.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
Number two married with a pegging fetish.
My husband's not into it.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
No ass, I'll pass okay, dude, that's a big no big
no how to go with mary's.

Speaker 2 (02:15):
Well, I mean, I haven't shit right for a week,
but wait, brother, how'd thathappen like you don't want to
know you know well love can be.

Speaker 1 (02:26):
I don't want to talk about it right, yeah, yeah,
don't look at her profile andthe number one from the previous
episode.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
I can flick a paper football with my boner and make
field goals, all damn day.
See, I think that's a talent,I'd want to see that all like.
If somebody See, I think that'sa talent, I'd want to see that
all Like, if somebody had likesomething like that, like, I
guess, if I was the opposite,you know I'm trying to think
about the girl equivalent.
Like I don't know, I can shoota ping pong ball out my you know
and be like prove it.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
Like prove it, I can play beer pong with my vagina.
Oh my God, just.

Speaker 2 (03:06):
She's better than you and she's not even using her
hands, bro.
What's your fucking excuse,right?

Speaker 1 (03:13):
Yeah, I can flip a paper football with my boner.

Speaker 2 (03:17):
Hold up the field goal for me.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
Yeah, that's my talent.

Speaker 2 (03:22):
Turn on Roseanne.
I got a oh shit.

Speaker 1 (03:28):
That would be a fumble Dude.
Why did?

Speaker 2 (03:31):
those ads never suggest watching Roseanne, like
you know.
If you have a boner for morethan four hours and you've
already watched 30 minutes ofRoseanne, then call the doctor.

Speaker 1 (03:40):
Yeah, then call the doctor.
I don't know.
We should suggest that weshould call Puffizer Puffizer
dude.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
Suggest that those fucking dumb dogs I get why, but
it's such a Puffizer.

Speaker 1 (03:52):
Right.

Speaker 2 (03:53):
But we can't talk shit about them because they
have deep pockets.
I don't want to go there.

Speaker 1 (03:57):
Right, yeah, yeah, they do have deep pockets.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah, deeper than us man.
Oh yeah, like deep, yeah, yeah,my pockets get a hole in it.
I know I chopped a quartertoday and I went and picked it
up and I was like I'm excitedfor the day, but I just don't
care, I just leave it there it'slike it's for the next guy.
Yeah, I'm take a penny, leavinga penny wherever I go right but
I never take them.
So I'm fucking balling.
Why don't you just use the takea penny, leave a penny?
I turned a new leaf right.
Just drop them.
Never take one, because I'mfucking balling.
Why don't you just use the takea penny, leave a penny?

Speaker 1 (04:28):
I turned a new leaf.
I just drop them shits in theparking lot, right, yeah, I just
throw them in the, yeah.
The people love it, so so Iwant to take this opportunity to
thank our fans, our listeners,our supporters that have been
with us since day one.
I wish I knew all their names,but unfortunately, dude, I know

(04:49):
a lot of them.

Speaker 2 (04:50):
Jay, justin is another buddy of mine from a
company that I used to work at.
Shit, my dad's a jury.
Oh yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (05:09):
Our wives.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
My mind doesn't listen much anymore.

Speaker 1 (05:13):
No, Well, I mean this is not really a show for girls,
that's really not.
I mean, I hope we have some, Ihope we have a lot that listen
to it.
I just can't imagine thatthere's going to be a lot no,
it's me maybe if we, we, I thinkeventually this show will
evolve a little bit and it'll bemore for everybody.

Speaker 2 (05:35):
But yeah, and I hope everyone gets enjoyment out of
it.
But like I just can't sit hereand talk to you about feelings,
or like I just I don't thinkit's gonna work.
No, you know, no, I don't thinkit's gonna work?

Speaker 1 (05:45):
no, you know no, I don't want that either and I
think I know why my wifeprobably doesn't like to listen
is she's quiet and she has tolisten.

Speaker 2 (05:53):
We talk all the day, so like if you've like added oh
yeah, another layer.

Speaker 1 (05:56):
She doesn't want to listen to you any more than she
has to I don't fucking blame her.
You know, I don't fucking blameher yeah, I don't think my wife
has listened to every episodeyet, but she's just not
dedicated.

Speaker 2 (06:08):
She's not that into you, dude.
I wish she was we all do.

Speaker 1 (06:14):
We all do.
Yeah, I wish she was that intome, but yeah, so but anyway any
banger college.

Speaker 2 (06:21):
Oh sorry, you're just saying thank you.
I want to say thank you too.
It's dude.
I never thought that we'd besitting here like nine episodes
in and like I get that we'restill going.
Dude, I want to hit a hundo youknow Like I want to keep going,
but like it is really cool,like realizing that it started
as just kind of an idea for andtell funny fucking things that

(06:42):
have happened in life, yeah, andit's kind of turned into an
outlet.

Speaker 1 (06:46):
Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
And it's kind of accomplished what I wanted it to
, yeah, so the people that dolisten, I sincerely, from the
bottom of my heart, appreciateit.
Yeah, I know I'm a wild guy,but I give a shit and thank you
so much.

Speaker 1 (07:00):
Yeah, at this point in time, just our our on one
statistics, or analytics, Iguess they're called.
We have 120 downloads and Idon't know how much is on our
youtube.
I haven't looked at that in awhile, but the last I looked it
was over 50 there.
So dude.

Speaker 2 (07:21):
Yeah, so we're probably like 200.
We might be close to 200listens, 200 downloads.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
So we're, you know I that's, it's cool.

Speaker 2 (07:29):
You know, I've never honestly didn't think that not
that we've like taken off oranything, but I didn't think
that there was going to be thatmany people I know that would
want to listen to us talk no butit's been cool, that's it's
kind of like a way of the of thefuture though it's like and I
understand it too, because Igotta listen to sports radio all
the time like when I get sickof music, like I just got the

(07:52):
new a day to remember cd, though, and that fucking bangs dude, I
haven't blaring that shit.
Yeah back, love that band butlike when I don't have something
, like I listen to a lot of liketalk radio, sports or like
podcast stuff, so I get it, yeah, and I think that comedy is
kind of an area that is lackingwith podcasts, if you ask me.
I think a lot of them areinformational a lot of them are.

(08:13):
There's a lot of them that Ivery niche yes, it's like
bigfoot or it's like, uh, murdermystery, or it's, you know, and
that's cool too, like that'swhat's, that's what's kind of
unique about it.
But I feel like there's not aton of like comedy on there,
there's some good ones, but likethat's an area that I would
like to be in and stay in.

Speaker 1 (08:34):
Oh yeah, absolutely yeah.
I want to make people laugh andI want it to be just continue
to be an outlet and I mean Ilaugh my ass off on these shows.

Speaker 2 (08:45):
I mean I laugh my ass off on these shows.

Speaker 1 (08:46):
I mean now I go back and listen to them just to make
sure that when I'm doing theediting and everything, I laugh
my ass off when I listen to it.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
I woke up my newborn and my wife dude the time I was
writing down the worst sponsorsfor football teams, and it was
the Pornhub Dallas Cowboysbecause they're used to
finishing disappointed and stillcoming back.
And I just fucking busted Justthe fact that I thought of that.

(09:13):
It was like you've got to befucking kidding.
Me brain Really Woke up both ofthem.
They were pissed and I wasstill laughing.
I'm sitting there just like butit's Pornhub On a jersey,
because they suck like but it'sPornhub.

Speaker 1 (09:26):
Like on a jersey Because they suck.
Yeah, oh God, yeah, that wasfucking hilarious.
But, yeah, I listened too Ihope that everybody out there
enjoys the show, continues tolisten, continues to get some
laughs yeah, and that's all I'mlooking for.

Speaker 2 (09:43):
Dude, we got to get like a text line.
I think that's the way of thefuture, right, like instead of
like comments on it.
Oh yeah, wouldn't that be coolif we just had like a dedicated
line that was like text.

Speaker 1 (09:52):
It would be 6969-6969 to 6969-6969.
We will be right with you, ohshit.

Speaker 2 (10:03):
Yeah, so talk to me about college age, Brad.
Did you go to school after ordid you?

Speaker 1 (10:11):
So I did so.
I had kind of a weird situationafter high school.
I was dating a chick in highschool.

Speaker 2 (10:22):
Was she hot Kinda yeah that's fine, that's
acceptable.

Speaker 1 (10:26):
Was she hot Kind of?

Speaker 2 (10:27):
Yeah, that's fine, that's acceptable Bees get
degrees dude.

Speaker 1 (10:29):
Yeah, so, but she ended up getting pregnant and
this was.

Speaker 2 (10:34):
Oh, yeah, how old were you?

Speaker 1 (10:38):
I was 16?
, 15?
, 16?
, yeah, but best part how'd sheget pregnant, brad?
Do we need to go to?
Do we need to discuss the birdsand the bees, eric?

Speaker 2 (10:54):
I mean, you know that the plane's not going to run
without the fuel right?

Speaker 1 (10:58):
right, so.
So I mean, so she ended upgetting pregnant, right, okay,
and it turns out it could havebeen three other dudes rather
than me.
Okay, like Three other dudes.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
Baby, baba Roulette.

Speaker 1 (11:15):
Yeah, so it turned out to be another guy, which was
fortunate for me, but anyway so.
But after after that I met myfirst wife, and that was just
before I left for college.
So I went down to lima, ohio,to a uh, it's called

(11:39):
northwestern, but it was um, itwasn't like the big northwestern
, it was an auto diesel techschool oh, that's cool.
So I went there for twosemesters, okay, so I did
automatic transmissions andmanual transmissions, so I did
both of those classes and thenmy first wife ended up getting

(12:02):
pregnant.

Speaker 2 (12:04):
Was there three guys this time?
No, thankfully it wasn't Justtwo.

Speaker 1 (12:07):
Yeah, no, it was me.

Speaker 2 (12:14):
She can't ever get pregnant in the butt.
You can never remember that forsure.
Or if your pullout game isstrong, nothing to worry about,
right.

Speaker 1 (12:24):
So I was there for two semesters, right, so I
didn't have a lot of storiesfrom that time frame.
I did go to school.
I went back to college afterand went into uh machining and
got my journeyman's card and allthat stuff.

Speaker 2 (12:40):
So dude, but yeah, it's more of like that age, like
the 18, to like 25 is what Iwas going with.
Oh, yeah, yeah that age, likeit doesn't matter if you're.
That's why I asked you thatit's like it doesn't matter if
you're at school or trade school.
Yeah, it's just more that timeframe, yep.

Speaker 1 (12:58):
But it was so one of those times that I came back
from school.
So I'm living in Michigan.
I go down to Lima, Ohio it'sjust like a three-hour drive.
I come back one night.
She's got a pregnancy test onthe dresser.

Speaker 2 (13:20):
Oh God.

Speaker 1 (13:20):
She's like there's something in the dresser you
need to see.
I'm like, okay, so I walk inthere.
I don't think I spoke for likethree days.
After that I'm like, oh shit,how old were you, I was 18.
Fuck, no, I was 17.

Speaker 2 (13:39):
Sorry, because when my son was born, you were out of
high school at 17?
And then a trade school.

Speaker 1 (13:48):
Well, no, you must have been 19.
Well, I was trying to thinkhere.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
See, that's what Ohio does to you, dude.
It clouds everything.
Dude, it's just a big shittle.

Speaker 1 (13:59):
I must have been 18.
Yeah, I was 18.
That's what it was.
I was 18, and I was just aboutto turn 19, because the lady at
the hospital almost didn't letme stay in the room when my son
was born because I was 18 and itwas like under 18, you had to
leave at a certain time.

Speaker 2 (14:18):
So that's what parents, teachers, did your
parents sign the waiver?

Speaker 1 (14:23):
No.

Speaker 2 (14:24):
Like a field trip.
How old was your wife?

Speaker 1 (14:29):
She was 20.
She was a couple years olderthan me 2021.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
That's all the shit.
The crazy thing about that isthat I was at Western from when
I was 18 until 23.
And I let's see Lucy's 12 goingon 13.
So, yeah, it would have been 23.
So, like either it was rightafter, no, it was during college
.
Still, I think I was afive-year guy.

Speaker 1 (14:57):
I don't know, dude, it was too long ago for me to
put all those fucking numberstogether in my head.
But yeah, so I was 18 becausehe was born in February.

Speaker 2 (15:09):
February what.

Speaker 1 (15:11):
February 24th, so his birthday was a couple of days
ago, so anyway.

Speaker 2 (15:16):
I'm on the third.
That's why I asked.

Speaker 1 (15:18):
Yeah, so, and then my birthday is in March, so so I
was just about to turn 19.
But anyway, so I got back,obviously, from college and saw
that.
So after that I took the twosemesters in college and then I

(15:39):
went to work just basically toraise money to take care of my
family.
Oh yeah, but while I'm downthere, a couple stories happened
.

Speaker 2 (15:52):
In Ohio.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
In Ohio.
So at this college they had, wehad dorms that were kind of
different than normal.
Dorms were kind of differentthan normal dorms.
There was actually threebedrooms in the same, so it was
like the same dorm but it hadthree bedrooms.
There was one bathroom and thenwe had a little kitchen area

(16:17):
with a stove and all that shit.
So, coed no Damn, it was alldudes.
Shit no Damn, it was all dudes.

Speaker 2 (16:26):
Shit.

Speaker 1 (16:26):
Yeah, so I roommate or I bunked with a buddy of mine
that I went to high school withbecause he went there, and then
two other guys that were in theother room they actually were
guys that I met when I went toauto diesel school.
In in high school there was atech uh center that so I met

(16:50):
them and they actually ended upgoing.
And then there was another guythat was in the same.
I think I met him in that sameclass.
But then we had another guy hewas like a senior at the time
that was at um in the college,so he was a senior, so he was a
few years, a few years olderthan the rest of us.

(17:12):
Yeah so, but he, um, he waslike a.
I don't know where he was from.
If he was from ohio, if he wasfrom down south, I have no idea
hickorbo yeah, he was a.
He was a redneck like throughand through, okay rebel flag
tattoo kind of maybe yeah, buthe um so every night and I swear

(17:38):
to god it was every night, dudehe liked southern Comfort, like
that was his go-to drink.
I bet he had I don't know thisfor certain, but I bet he'd have
a bottle of that every night.
So he'd down this, he'd get outof school, down this bottle of
you know it was a fifth ofSouthern Comfort down the bottle

(18:04):
and then before he would go tobed he would walk out in the
middle of the complex, out inthe road, and yell yee-haw at
the top of his lungs and likeyee-haw, I mean just loud as
shit.

Speaker 2 (18:20):
And then he would go back in, walk through there, go
to bed and he was done everynight, the fuck, yeah, every
night, so only in ohio, likethere's no other place where
that's acceptable.
Like like dude, seriously, you,you think at western that
someone could do that, and it'slike no dude.
By night three, I'm going outthere and I'm giving that guy a
piece of my fucking mind and I'mlike bud, hey, right here, yeah

(18:44):
me tall guy.
Okay, yeah, six foot three.
Um, once again, six foot three.
How big was he?

Speaker 1 (18:50):
he was a big dude damn it yeah, he was big.
He was a big farm boy.
Yeah, nobody wanted to fuckwith him.

Speaker 2 (18:55):
Let's put it that way he put some x-lax in that
southern comfort.
So when he lets out that yeehaw, A lot more comes out and he's
embarrassed.

Speaker 1 (19:03):
Yeah, oh dude.
It was like, oh my God.
But the first night we're allthere, right, we get there,
we're hanging around the tableplaying cards and just doing
stupid shit that college kids do.
And he fucking gets done withhis bottle, walks outside and
does that and we're all lookinglike what the fuck is that, and

(19:25):
he walks back in, goes to bed.

Speaker 2 (19:28):
Did you ever explain it the next fucking night?
No, why Did you ever ask himwhy you do that?
No, See.
I'm bold as shit.

Speaker 1 (19:35):
I would have asked night one.
I would have been like hey.

Speaker 2 (19:38):
Trevor, the fuck are you doing?

Speaker 1 (19:40):
Well, I mean, just put it in perspective.

Speaker 2 (19:48):
What kind of response do you think you're going to
get when he's hammered as shit,does that and goes to bed.
I think it sounds somethinglike this Well, god damn it, I
just put my trousers on andbecause of that I went and got
my whiskey.
I'm not able to shoot my daggumrifle or shotgun out there, so
it's one of the things that justmakes sense to me in my mind.

Speaker 1 (20:08):
I guess yeah, I don't know, nobody asked.

Speaker 2 (20:10):
It was like Was he a Buckeye fan?

Speaker 1 (20:13):
I have no idea, I'm sure.
He might have.
I don't know if he was fromOhio, though.

Speaker 2 (20:17):
If you celebrate ignorance, you're a Buckeye fan.

Speaker 1 (20:21):
Anyway.
But yeah, it was like like itwas every night, dude, he would
down a bottle and do that go tobed.

Speaker 2 (20:27):
What if the only night he didn't do it in the
street was when he was likebanging out a chick and he knew
he was finished because he letout the same yeehaw all right,
bitch give me, my southerncomfort.
I gotta, I gotta go I gotta goyeah yeah, it was, uh, it was
weird, weird, weird as shit.
So if you ever have to work onyour resume again, I think in

(20:50):
special skills you should maybeput in there survived Ohio, like
I think that probably should goin there.

Speaker 1 (20:56):
Right yeah.

Speaker 2 (20:57):
A lot of people don't come back from that, Brad.

Speaker 1 (20:58):
Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 2 (21:01):
It's like a lack of concentration camp.
You know Like it's like a lackof concentration camp, you know
like it's just people who are solost.
You know not that you're lost,I mean you were a man amongst
boys, but like yeah you don'tcome back from Ohio with a smile
on your face.
No it's not like jet skiing.

Speaker 1 (21:18):
Right, it's like paddle boating.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not eventhat cool.

Speaker 2 (21:22):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not even that cool, it's
not even paddle boat cool.

Speaker 1 (21:25):
It's like you're behind the paddle boat kicking
the paddle boat because thepaddle boat broke, or you're
just on a raft.
Yeah, that smells You're on araft and going down the river.

Speaker 2 (21:35):
I'm on a raft.
I'm on a raft, all right, soyou get to play a little bit of
a college story roulette.
I got six of them for you doing.
Okay, all the funny names, andone of them involves southern
comfort.
Oh, really bush nap bush napstinky surprise where's waldo

(21:59):
tiny but hilarious.
Knock, knock, knock and no-go.
Soko Bush nap.
Stinky surprise where's WaldoTiny?

Speaker 1 (22:12):
but hilarious Knock knock.
I think we got to go withstinky surprise.

Speaker 2 (22:17):
That's a great one.
So I had a couple buddies thatI would go to parties with a lot
like in college and oh gosh.
So I hung out with a coupleguys from high school that I
ended up at college with, likeJacko, and then a couple of our

(22:39):
like suite mates we were reallytight with, but later on we kind
of ran with a different crowd,like so it was like malloy and
chad and all these guys, rightmalloy yeah, that was his name.
That's what everyone called him.
His real name was crisp.
His last name was malloy, soit's kind of like how people
call me schwab okay he was cool,cool fucking guy dude, yeah, um

(23:02):
, and we would go to all theseparties.
Like they were really I don'tknow.
They were like connected withlike the people that you should
be when.
Like I was more of like astoner, don't fucking care, kind
of guy.

Speaker 1 (23:13):
Right, yeah, right.

Speaker 2 (23:15):
So we were going to all these parties and I mean we
met some fucking douchebags dude, like, just like.
I mean we met some fuckingdouchebags dude, like, just like
.
I mean you know the guy thatcomes out with like the tribal
tattoos and like you can tellhe's been like in his room
fucking just pounding steroidsand red bull dude and just being

(23:35):
a fucking flamer dude, right,well, like we'd always see these
people and like chad was reallyoutgoing, I was really outgoing
, maloy was really outgoing.
And then we ran with a crewthat was wild as fuck dude.
There's like 15 of us like, butlike it was people you wouldn't
fuck with, like my friend dylanlike I mean, just mess people
up.
So we started going to theseparties more and I wasn't I mean

(24:00):
I I went to a bunch of parties,but like it wasn't that normal
to me to go all the time right.

Speaker 1 (24:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (24:06):
So I finally started talking to Malloy about it and I
was like dude, some of thesepeople we're meeting at these
parties are fucking douchebagsand I just started listing them.
He's like who, man?
I'm like Jason Corey, sean Greg.
Yeah, you know what makes them adouchebag?
It's like what makes them not adouche bag?

(24:28):
Like I don't mean to be likejudgmental guy, but like fucking
a and uh.
Maloy is one of those dudesthat would like drop something
that would make you think, butlike you wouldn't, you wouldn't
ever solve it for you.
So he just looks at me and goes, oh well, yeah, chad already
takes care of that.
And I was yeah, chad alreadytakes care of that.

(24:52):
I was like what the fuck doesthat mean?
He goes out.
I'll have him show you sometime.
And I was like all right, so wego to this, this party, and
this guy is fucking ridiculousand he's like he's got these
like two puppies or whatever atthis house.
There's like 300 people at thishouse they're getting fucking
smashed and we're smoking,drinking whatever typical
western party like yeah and thisguy's like don't let the dogs
out, don't let the dogs out, andwho let the dogs out?
Right, so, um, did you hear it?

(25:15):
Fuck, yeah, I was that guy.
I was that guy all day, andanyone listening knows that I'm
that guy I'm bold dude like I amnot good for somebody to be
sitting there like, hey, whydon't you?
you know, and I'm fucked up likehey, what if you, you know,
grab the cop's gun and point itat him?
I bet he'd like that.
Like you know, like dude, Idon't need one of those near me

(25:36):
when I'm fucking hammeredbecause I'll do it so this guy's
like don't let the dogs.
Oh, you know, and like, everytime he's talking he's talking
about how he plays lacrosse andhe's just a fucking douchebag,
the kind of guy that walks outwith a stick on his shoulder,
dude, at a party, and it's 1 am,it's like you know, fling the
ball in the yard.
What the fuck are you doing,right?
So after an hour of listeningto this dude babble and for some

(25:59):
reason the chicks liked him,liked him, I don't know, I
thought he was a dweeb he goesout to the front because one of
his buddies came and, um, I lookat chad and I look at maloy and
I'm like I'm gonna go let thedogs out.
And they're like dude, no,you're never, you're not gonna
do that.
Like you, you wouldn't do it.

(26:20):
I was like, yeah, you're right,I wouldn't.
So I walked to the bedroom andit's jimmied a little bit like
it's.
It's a locked door yeah so Iwhip out my credit card because
I've already committed.
Okay, I jimmy the door of thecredit card.
Yep, I let the dogs out.
Maloy's fucking dying.
Chad's nowhere to be found.

Speaker 1 (26:42):
This guy comes in, just fucking furious man like
and people are like starting topoint at me, but like you know,
me, dude, I'm goofier than fucklike I think I'd maybe be a hard
guy to be mad at because ofthat right like yeah

Speaker 2 (26:54):
so like they're like talking like, and I'm like, yeah
, I sure did, man, you know likeit was me, you know, almost
like, almost like mocking it.
Yeah, chad comes running downthe stairs and he goes we gotta
fucking go, we gotta fucking go,we gotta fucking go.
And I was like what's up?
So I grabbed maloy and we getthe fuck out of there.
We're like sprinting out ofthis house and we lived, uh like
three blocks down.

(27:15):
So I didn't live with chadmaloy, but I stayed over there
all the time because I getfucked up and, um, we get
outside and chad goes.
I was in the middle of teachingthose fuckers a lesson and
somebody came in the bathroomand I said what are you doing?
And my mind instantly went topissing somewhere or maybe I

(27:37):
don't know if you could jerk offquick or something I don't know
.
And I said what were you doingin there that made them freak
out off quick or something likecool, like I don't know.
Like you know, I I just didn'tand I I said what were you doing
in there that made them, youknow, freak out?
And he's like, oh, they came inthere fucking screaming and I
said what were you doing?
He goes.
Well, every time I meet adouchebag, like this fucking guy

(27:57):
that came out with the stick,and every time that, like you or
maloy, noticed they're adouchebag, I always take care of
it.
It and I said what does thatmean, bud?
He goes.
I give them an upper decker,you give them what An upper
decker.
And I didn't know what thatmeant at the time.
Yeah, he goes.
I pick up the lid of the toilet, I drop a shit bomb in there,

(28:22):
dude, like the stinkiest fuckingcollege kid shit you can think
of oh my god for some reason,I've always been able to pretty
much shit on demand, especiallywhen I'm drinking this beer like
I.
That's why I drank it right andlike everything about him just
made sense, like if I told youwhere this guy worked right now,
you'd be, astonished fortune500 like it all.

Speaker 1 (28:43):
It all makes sense now Fortune 500.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
Yeah, so someone came in while he was sitting on the
top of the toilet with his feeton the fucking lid of the toilet
Shitting.
That was shit, yeah, and that'swhy he came running down.
And then he told us in the carhe's like would you boys be

(29:06):
upset if I told you I didn't geta chance to wipe, like you know
?
Honestly, I think what you didback there was bold and brave
and we're going to let it go.
But yeah, it turns out that thatdude did that to like 30
different people, like just anytime we met a douchebag and we
were out partying the next stepfor him was he was like I'd
always like slam this beer andsmoke a dube and I could always
shit on demand so like god yeahdude, and if you've ever smelled

(29:31):
an after, so like I've actuallygone in after he's done that.
Oh, not knowing that he did thatbut like the whole ride home
I'm talking to maloy, I'm likedude, that bathroom smelled like
bathroom, smelled like afucking strip club.
It just felt like shame inthere.
I don't know how it smelledthat bad.

Speaker 1 (29:51):
I really don't understand.
What is the aroma of shame?
He's up there and just kind oflike he's at the back and I'm
asking him why it's funny.

Speaker 2 (30:03):
He's like shit's funny.
You could always mask it, butit's funny because he knew that
what I'm talking about is theconversations that were
happening in all these houseswhen we would fucking leave and
I didn't know, oh shit.
That's awesome Like dude guiltyby association.
Yeah, what if you don't know.

Speaker 1 (30:23):
Right.

Speaker 2 (30:26):
Like what if you don't know right.
Like what if that was a felonyto poopy in the top dude?
It's like I didn't know.

Speaker 1 (30:31):
He's a serial shitter a serial shitter, a serial
upper decker.
So I have a story to kind ofpiggyback off of that yeah same
college same group that and wehad.
We had a couple of guys thatwe'd hang out with that would
come over to our place.
We'd play cards, drink somebeers, that kind of thing.

(30:53):
And one night a guy from acouple a couple of blocks down
came over and he was pissedabout something.
I don't know what he was pissedabout.
I don't remember One of theguys that was staying that lived
with us.
He was pissed at him, I guess.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
I guess I didn't really ask.
This seems fair.

Speaker 1 (31:17):
Yeah, whatever, I didn't want to know I didn't
want to get involved, but anywaythis guy goes to the bathroom.
So the guy that's pissed at himtakes his.

Speaker 2 (31:29):
This is in his beard.

Speaker 1 (31:30):
No, the guy went to the bathroom, so the other guy
grabbed his beard.

Speaker 2 (31:34):
Oh, so you saw his dick and shit?
No, he took it outside In thecorner.

Speaker 1 (31:39):
In the corner I don't know where, but anyway he
pissed in his beard.
The fucking guy comes back outof the bathroom, takes a big
fucking swig dude, Big fuckingswig of pissed beer.

Speaker 2 (31:50):
Of pale ale.

Speaker 1 (31:51):
But nobody knew At that time, nobody knew that he
had pissed in it.
Okay, so he takes this big swigof beer, or what he thinks is
beer, and it's all piss, and hejust he sprays it, spits it all
over, you know did you get hit Ididn't get hit, but he was

(32:11):
pissed.
I mean you can imagine right?

Speaker 2 (32:14):
yeah, literally pissed like the mean, if you can
imagine Literally pissed likethe most literal pissed he could
ever be.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
So he's like who the fuck pissed in my beer?
Who the fuck he was so pissed?
And this fucking guy that'sover there he's laughing.
So he knows that he's thefucking guy that did it and for
whatever reason, he was pissedat him anyway.
So this guy why he decided todo this, I don't know.
He was probably drunk at thattime.
The guy that pissed in the beerhis car was parked outside our

(32:45):
apartment or our dorm.
Out in the parking lot.
Dude goes out, drops hisfucking pants and lays fucking
swirly on his hood.
Fucking shit's all over it.

Speaker 2 (32:57):
That's awesome, dude.
I like the second guy so muchbetter.
He didn't fight, he just goteven as shit.
Oh, you're going to fuckingpiss in my beer, son of a bitch.
Look at that, coily, you dumbfuck he coiled one up right on
his hood man.
Oh, was it hot or cold.

Speaker 1 (33:16):
It was hot.
He shit on his hood.
No, the temperature oh, it waspretty warm yeah.

Speaker 2 (33:25):
And then every time you drive and you look at that
spot again, you just know.

Speaker 1 (33:29):
And he did it right on the driver's side too, like
right where he would like hecould see the spot every time.

Speaker 2 (33:35):
It'd be so much cooler if he did it where he sat
.
So it was on the hood.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
Yeah, he got right up on the hood.

Speaker 2 (33:42):
Fucking drop trowel.
Were people out there likewatching this?

Speaker 1 (33:45):
Oh yeah, well, by that time, yeah, we knew
something happened.

Speaker 2 (33:50):
Dude, what a bunch of passive, aggressive pussies.
I'm just saying, if you'regoing to go out there and drop
trout on my car, you'redefenseless at that point.
You're crouching with yourpants down at an elevated place.

Speaker 1 (34:02):
Laying a swirly.

Speaker 2 (34:03):
Dude, a touch of the knee, a touch of the ankle.
You're fucking down.

Speaker 1 (34:07):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (34:08):
With shit on yourself .

Speaker 1 (34:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (34:11):
You don't tackle a dude that's shitting, though
that's a rule because thenyou're gonna get shit on you
because I was in like this dumb,like men's group thing where
this guy was like talking andhe's like I was in the driver's
seat of this car and a car likepulled in front of us and wedged
us in and then like this guywas trying to rob us and came

(34:31):
around the window and likestarted choking me and I was
like you didn't do anything.
It's like, well, no, I couldn'thave.
And it's like roll the fuckingwindow up, open the fucking door
and hit that motherfucker, backthe car up and hit him.
You just got a free pass tofucking do whatever you want
yeah you just sat there and tookit that's fucked up like why I

(34:57):
don't know.
This just blew my mind, like,can you imagine sitting there
while someone's shitting on yourvehicle and not doing anything
about it?
Like, but I understand thatthat tackle is going to have
consequences.
Right, yeah, but it's also theprinciple of like it's my house,
fuck.
Like it's my house, fuck you.
Second, it's my fucking carfuck you.

Speaker 1 (35:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (35:16):
But the other side of it is you've pissed in a man's
beer, right, so that dudedeserves whatever the fuck he
has coming.

Speaker 1 (35:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (35:22):
The duke.
He stands.

Speaker 1 (35:23):
Yeah, yeah, and there might have been.
You know, I was watching itfrom across the table, right, so
I'm sitting at the table, I'mlooking out the window as all
this shit is going on, and theremight have been some other guys
that let him shit on the hood,like he was holding the other
guy back.
I don't know, but yeah, herolled one up right on his hood,

(35:46):
man, oh my god, yeah and onceagain, when you shit like that,
he didn't wipe, so like he'sreally the loser because he
drank beer with piss in it andthen drove home with shit in his
pants.
Oh no, he was there.
That's where he was, ourroommate.

Speaker 2 (36:07):
It would have been funny when he came out and said
who did that?
If you could do that voice ofthat idiot that you lived with
and you just go, yeah, justright after.
Yeah, yeah, I pissed your beer.
You damn fuck dude.
Oh shit, oh, my god, I got onemore for you, all right.

(36:27):
So you gotta pick bush nap,tiny but hilarious, or knock,
knock, knock, knock okay, good.
You got to pick Bushnap Tinybut Hilarious, or Knock Knock,
knock, knock Okay, good one.
So my second year of college, Ilived on campus, but in a house
, not in the dorm.

Speaker 1 (36:44):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (36:45):
So are you familiar with Western's campus?
Yeah, you know where Lafayetteis.

Speaker 1 (36:51):
I don't know roads.
Okay, do you know?

Speaker 2 (36:53):
where the 7-Eleven was, right on the corner of
Howard and West Michigan.

Speaker 1 (36:57):
I think so, yeah, right there, yep.

Speaker 2 (36:58):
I lived like a street down.

Speaker 1 (37:00):
Okay, in a huge like 11.

Speaker 2 (37:03):
So it was a duplex six on one side, five on the
other.
Okay 11 people technically in ahouse, yeah, um.
So I lived with six guys andwe're all fucking stoners, so
smoking weed at one o'clock wasnot a thing like all time you
know, like all the time, yep, soone day, like we're getting

(37:26):
fucking wrecked, like we weredoing like a stony circle, so
like everyone would bring likeone like their favorite item, if
you will and then you just passit, so like bowls, joints,
blunts like you name it yeah.
It's like two o'clock, man,we're fucking fried.
It's like a I don't know.
We'll call it Tuesday, I don'tknow what day it was, but during
the week, so you know Mondaythrough Friday, like probably

(37:48):
I'll narrow it down Tuesdaythrough down tuesday through
thursday, all right, okay.
Um, and we're fucking baked andlike it's getting to.
It's getting to the point whereit's just like cloudy in that
fucking room and all of a suddenwe hear like at our door and
like we're thinking to ourselveslike everybody that knows us
just comes in.
Right, our neighbors don'tknock, they're just cool with us

(38:09):
, they'll just come in.
Our landlord doesn't knock.
Who the fuck is knocking at ourdoor?
I open up the door.
Dude, we've been smoking for anhour and a half straight in the
house Inside the house, dude,like just seven people.
Open it up, dude, a cloud offucking smoke goes out.
It's the president of Western,john Dunn, and I'm the one who

(38:35):
answered the door.

Speaker 1 (38:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (38:37):
I have a shit-eating grin on my fucking face.
Of course I'm baked out of myfucking mind and he's being a
good guy and he's going door todoor to the houses and
introducing himself.

Speaker 1 (38:49):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (38:50):
And letting us know if you ever need anything, stop
in my office.
I got your back and it's likedude, worst fucking time ever
he's like did you guys go toWestern.
I'm like, uh-huh, what are youguys studying Stuff?
I'm not giving you anyinformation because you know
what I've done.
Dude weed was illegal at thattime.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:07):
Yeah.
He had to know what was goingguy, though we fucking blew it
Like I wouldn't do it.
There's no way every house thathe went to was like that.
There's no way, because campusgot crazy at night, though, Like
it wasn't, I don't know, Idon't know.

(39:27):
I was raised to respectauthority, so for me it was a
big deal.

Speaker 1 (39:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:31):
Because it's like what the fuck?
I'm going to change my waysLike I'm done smoking.
I made it like three hours.
By the time I was done with myrant, I lit a dupe you know, but
that's the only time I evertalked to the president of
Western while I went there andgave him what?

(39:51):
80 grand $100,000, dude wasliterally while I was high off
my mind and I was just the onethat always answered the door.

Speaker 1 (40:01):
That's awesome.

Speaker 2 (40:02):
He was probably like thank you, Thank you so much.
Do you guys mind passing that?

Speaker 1 (40:07):
Yeah, speaking of academic, that would have been
awesome, dude.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:12):
But you couldn't, though.
If you were in that position,that would have been awesome,
Dude.
Yeah, but you couldn't though,if you were in that position
that would never happen.

Speaker 1 (40:18):
Yeah, no, there's no way.
No, it's like me right now.

Speaker 2 (40:20):
Right, I like pop, but I don't smoke during the day
.
That's a rule of mine.
Yeah, while I'm working.
No, no, no, not even a vape, Ijust don't.
I don't cloud mine, I'm in thezone.
That would be unwise, even ifpeople offered it to me and like
it still.
Right, my last place I worked,everybody smoked on the brakes

(40:41):
dude all the time.
Like did our parking lot smelllike a snoop dogg concert?
It's like sativa indica ohthat's a nice hybrid, pretty
pungent you know like I couldwalk through there and it could
be like six people are smoking.
I'd say three to the west andtwo to the east, you know, and
maybe one night here in thenorthwest.

Speaker 1 (40:57):
Yeah, you're like checking the wind, Like oh,
there's a guy Like just throwingup the grass.

Speaker 2 (41:01):
Yep, I'm going with that.

Speaker 1 (41:04):
That's an indica strain.

Speaker 2 (41:05):
Oh my God.
Yeah, if you ever want toremember how that works I don't
know if I've told you this, butit's literally so like when
people are like what's indica?

Speaker 1 (41:20):
steve right, steve is head high and indica is gonna
be body but, like the way Ialways remember is into couch
yeah, indica into couch likeyou're not fucking moving.

Speaker 2 (41:24):
So before the show, every single episode, I always
smoke a sativa because I'm nottrying to chill you know, trying
to grill, right, trying to getshit going, get Trying to grill.

Speaker 1 (41:33):
Right, right, trying to get shit going.
Get shit going.

Speaker 2 (41:36):
Yeah, I want to be like the Kendrick Lamar of
podcasting.

Speaker 1 (41:39):
Wow, dude, you're off the fucking show.

Speaker 2 (41:43):
All I got to do is move the mic closer.

Speaker 1 (41:50):
You're done son.

Speaker 2 (41:52):
Get out.
Didn't you see the symbolismwhen he moved his mic?

Speaker 1 (41:57):
I got a symbolism for you.
Suck my wiener.
Oh man, I think it's time forthe top five.

Speaker 2 (42:05):
I think so too, Bushnap and Tiny but Hilarious,
will make their way into ournext roulette episode we've got
the roulette episode coming up,next episode 10.

Speaker 1 (42:20):
So we're going to do we're each going to have three
different stories that could bein a bowl.
We're going to pull them out,and our top five is also going
to be roulette top five.
So we're going to have asubject and then we're going to
have to come up with somethingon the spot for the top five of
that subject.

Speaker 2 (42:38):
And I want to let everybody know too that Brad
just said a very intriguingkeyword.
He said pull out.
And I want to let you all knowthat Brad pulls out but, I,
never do.
I just want all our listenersto know that I want to make that
clear Crystal clear Apparently,I have a problem pulling out.

Speaker 1 (42:59):
I got two kids, so yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:02):
Yeah, girls can never get pregnant in the butt or on
their face Ever.

Speaker 1 (43:10):
Too far.

Speaker 2 (43:11):
It's good to know, yeah.

Speaker 1 (43:13):
Yeah, yeah, we're here.
This episode might be construedas a learning teaching moment.

Speaker 2 (43:21):
Will it.

Speaker 1 (43:22):
You know, hey, we're learning stuff.

Speaker 2 (43:24):
We are.

Speaker 1 (43:25):
Can't get a girl pregnant in the butt or on the
face.

Speaker 2 (43:28):
Kangaroos have three vaginas.

Speaker 1 (43:30):
Really, yeah, did not know that Pretty cool, did not
know that, pretty cool, did notknow that.

Speaker 2 (43:36):
I wonder if they all sync up too, like girls do here.

Speaker 1 (43:41):
Oh Jesus, if they all bleed at the same time.

Speaker 2 (43:43):
Yeah, I feel like it's Bluetooth right, like every
time you're in a room if you goon the cat it's like device
connection, you know, like whenyou're walking through, like
that hotel it's like would youlike to connect to Wi-Fi.
I feel like girls have thatinternally, but they always hit
yes.
So, like anytime that you'rewith girls for like I don't know
, six, seven days, like thosegirls have synced up and it's

(44:05):
like they have Bluetooth.

Speaker 1 (44:08):
Dude, that's.
You know what?
That is weird, let's bleed onThursdays.
That girls do that, that theywill actually sync up and be at
the same.
That's weird to me.

Speaker 2 (44:17):
A vagina is a powerful thing, and I think that
with that power comesconsequences.
You know how weird would thatbe, though, dude, like if every
time we went to the Bart Bauerbash it's like hey, brad, how's
your day going?
I'm like, yeah, pretty good,pretty good.

Speaker 1 (44:35):
But I just pissed blood, you know and it's like
dude bro, me too.

Speaker 2 (44:37):
I wonder if we synced up.

Speaker 1 (44:39):
That would be fucked up.
I'm glad that guys don't dothat.

Speaker 2 (44:42):
Yeah, yeah, there's all.
Yeah, I can't go down this road.

Speaker 1 (44:46):
Yeah, yeah, let's stop talking about bleeding
vaginas.

Speaker 2 (44:50):
I like mustard on my hot dog, no ketchup.

Speaker 1 (44:54):
What the fuck is mustard?
Okay, you don't want to know,dude, you don't want to know.
Okay, I don't.
I don't want to know.
All right, so top five.

Speaker 2 (45:05):
Marry one fuck one.
No, okay, so we'll do it thevulgar way, like the marry one
fuck one kill one, okay.

Speaker 1 (45:13):
So I'm going to change up a couple of things.
I am going to have some ofthose, but then I have a couple
of just you choose, okay.

Speaker 2 (45:22):
Okay, are you going first?

Speaker 1 (45:24):
I'll go first, yeah.

Speaker 2 (45:25):
Okay, so the way this works is more interactive,
where I have to answer hisquestion.
Yep, so okay, go Okay.

Speaker 1 (45:32):
This is bad dude Number five.
Number five, number five, marryone, fuck one, kill one.
Okay, whoopi Goldberg, joyBehar or Rosie O'Donnell, oh God
.

Speaker 2 (45:47):
Who is?

Speaker 1 (45:47):
Rosie Behar, joy Behar, they're all on the View.
Joy Behar, they're all on theview.
Joy Behar is the redhead on theview.
You know who Whoopi is.
You know who Rosie O'Donnell isright.

Speaker 2 (46:04):
Yeah, that's why I'm going to kill Joy Behar.

Speaker 1 (46:06):
She's just nobody to me right All right, all right,
all right.

Speaker 2 (46:15):
I think I'm going to angrily fuck Rosie O'Donnell to
the point that she's almost intears.
All right, before I finish, I'mgoing to say there's no crying
in baseball.
What the fuck?
What the fuck is baseball?

Speaker 1 (46:33):
That's from her movie dude.
She was in a movie and that'slike a very famous line that she
said, so I'd say it right backto her as I'm like, you know,
like okay, so you're going tomarry Whoopi.

Speaker 2 (46:45):
Yeah, I feel like we go to Knicks games and have fun.
Remember my story of going?
Have I told the story of goingto Les Miserables?

Speaker 1 (46:51):
Oh, you told me that, but you haven't told it on the
show.

Speaker 2 (46:54):
Oh fuck.

Speaker 1 (46:57):
That has to be next.
Yeah, okay, so we got that oneout of the way, so this one is
better.
Okay, emma Stone, scarlettJohansson oh, hello, armila
Kunis.

Speaker 2 (47:14):
Oh my.

Speaker 1 (47:14):
God, oh, man Shut up hello.

Speaker 2 (47:15):
Or Mila Kunis, oh my God.
Oh man, shut up Meg.
Did you know that Mila Kunis isMeg in Family Guy?
So every time they're like,shut up Meg and fuck you, meg,
it's like the only hot one onthe cast, right, oh, that's a
great one.
Well, fuck.
Actually, me and my wife have afree pass.
So, like, each of us have onefree pass, okay, and mine has

(47:38):
always been, uh, anna kendrick,like the lady from pitch perfect
oh, yeah, yeah, yeah that she'snot on the list, dude, just not
one of the three and then itswitches to scarlett johansson
so that's where I was going withthat Gotcha, gotcha.
So I'm totally going to bang outScarlett Johansson and just
make it last a while.
All right, I'm going to killEmma Stone, even though it's

(48:04):
hard to do, and I'm going tomarry Mila Kunis.
Okay, because I feel like ofthose three, mila Kunis would be
the coolest and I feel like theother lady would be a good like
one for the old tool belt dude.

Speaker 1 (48:20):
Yeah, you know what Honestly I think that's probably
Was she Wonder Woman who?

Speaker 2 (48:27):
Scarlett Johansson.

Speaker 1 (48:29):
No, that was Gal Gadot, or I think it's Gal Gadot
, I it.
I remember her first name issomething got it gal got it.

Speaker 2 (48:39):
That's a dope name I don't, I can't.

Speaker 1 (48:41):
It may not be her right.

Speaker 2 (48:43):
I'd have to look it up here, let me look it up, but
yeah, I'd have to rebound fromthe rosie o'donnell thing yeah
and then I'd come back let's seewhy can't I find we're on the?

(49:06):
internet on the intro oh, dude,I came up.
So I know you're not a huge rapguy, but do you remember the
song that used to be like theysee me rolling?
Yeah, they hate it yeppatrolling and trying to catch
me riding dirty.
Yep, I came up with one forpeyton dude and it's fucking
funky, fresh.

(49:27):
And now that we got a littlebit of ad time right, they see
me rolling.
I'm peyton paw patrolling andtrying to catch my diaper dirty.
Trying to catch my diaper dirty.

Speaker 1 (49:41):
Trying to catch my diaper dirty so it was gail, got
it, dude gail does got it allright.

Speaker 2 (49:47):
What's number three?
Number three I'm getting in it.

Speaker 1 (49:50):
Okay, so these are TV shows.

Speaker 2 (49:54):
That I would fuck, marry kill.

Speaker 1 (49:56):
Well, no, it's characters on.
Tv show Okay, so on.
Married with Children PeggyBundy.

Speaker 2 (50:06):
I don't know who that is.

Speaker 1 (50:07):
Okay, I got it.
I got it, shit.

Speaker 2 (50:10):
I got it Okay so.

Speaker 1 (50:11):
Peggy Bundy Kitty Foreman from that 70s show.
She's awesome, though.
Or do you know the show, theNanny Fran Drescher?
Do you know that one?
Oh Peggy.

Speaker 2 (50:25):
Bundy's all right.
No, it kind of looks like TigerKing His mom.

Speaker 1 (50:32):
So Peggy Bundy, kitty Foreman or Fran Actually her
name on the show was Fran Fine,but she was the nanny Fran
Drescher.
If you don't know them, thenI'll go to somebody else.

Speaker 2 (50:48):
Yeah, I only know, kitty.

Speaker 1 (50:50):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (50:51):
And I'd probably kill her because of that.
Laugh, okay, and.

Speaker 1 (50:54):
I'd probably kill her because of that.
Laugh, okay, I asked you.
Okay, I'll go on to my next one.

Speaker 2 (51:03):
I'm sorry about that.
That's all right.

Speaker 1 (51:06):
You don't know shit.

Speaker 2 (51:07):
Dude, I do know shit, but I didn't watch a show
called the Nanny.

Speaker 1 (51:10):
That's fine, it's too old for you.
Okay, that sounds like it's'stoo old for you.

Speaker 2 (51:14):
Okay, that sounds like it's a Jeep thing.
You wouldn't get it.

Speaker 1 (51:18):
It's a Jeep thing.
You wouldn't understand.

Speaker 2 (51:19):
It was before your time, the Nanny.

Speaker 1 (51:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (51:24):
I watched a porno once called the Fanny, but I
don't know.

Speaker 1 (51:28):
Never mind Moving on Cameron Diaz, ooh, drew
Barrymore or Lucy Liu they wereCharlie's Angels.

Speaker 2 (51:44):
I okay, fuck, I'm gonna kill Cameron Diaz, because
if I killed Lucy Liu, it itlooks like a hate crime and I
think that 2025 doesn't deservea hate crime.

Speaker 1 (51:59):
Okay, sorry, cameron.

Speaker 2 (52:01):
And I'm marrying Drew Barrymore because she seems
lovely.

Speaker 1 (52:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (52:04):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (52:05):
Yep, she does seem lovely.

Speaker 2 (52:08):
I'd bury the boner in that for a minute, you know.

Speaker 1 (52:11):
For Lucy Liu, so you're going to fuck Lucy Liu.
Marry Drew Barrymore, killCameron.

Speaker 2 (52:18):
Diaz, I don't know.
Like you know, I don't mean tobe a dick or nothing, but like
I'm totally going to eat someorange chicken before I go over
there, I just feel like it hasto happen.
Like you know, orange chicken,egg roll, like rice, like eating
chopsticks, and then I'm goingto go banger, you know, and then
I'm going to go banger, youknow, and then I'm just going to
not eat Chinese food for awhile.

Speaker 1 (52:35):
What the fuck, dude, something like that.
All right, so that was three.
Oh man, that took a dark turn.

Speaker 2 (52:42):
You wouldn't have a couple fortune cookies after you
bang out a hot Asian.

Speaker 1 (52:50):
Come on, come on.
Wow, that's dark.

Speaker 2 (52:54):
It's not, though, okay.

Speaker 1 (52:55):
Okay, okay, I'm back.
So these are.
I'm going to give you twooptions and you have to choose
one to get rid of for the restof your life.
Okay, so it's a little bitdifferent.
So, if you had to choose one toget rid of Taco Bell, oh fuck
you.
Or pizza.

Speaker 2 (53:18):
Oh my God, You're a fucking asshole.
You would, you would, oh my God.

Speaker 1 (53:27):
That is awful.
It is that's bad, oh my.

Speaker 2 (53:32):
God, Because I would have loved a third option.
Like you know, know, Sonicmarry one, fuck one, kill one.
It's like I'm going to fuckTaco Bell because it's a taco,
you know, I'm used to that.
I'm going to marry pizza, youknow, because it comes in
different varieties.
Fucking A Dude.
I would have to like I wouldhold a funeral for Taco Bell if

(53:57):
I wasn't allowed Right yeah.
I close my eyes, Fuck.
But pizza is definitely on myfood pyramid.

Speaker 1 (54:14):
I knew this was going to be a bad one for you.
Oh my God, this is brutal.
Wait until you get to the nextone.
The next one's even worse, ohmy God.

Speaker 2 (54:24):
I was expecting like I don't know.
I don't think I can publiclysay it on air, so I'm going to
kill pizza.

Speaker 1 (54:37):
I love you tacos, I just I can't, can't, can't, not,
can't not have taco bell.
Okay, talk taco bell, it isokay.
Number number one or numberfive, whichever whichever Mambo
number five Do you remember thatsong?

Speaker 2 (54:57):
Oh yeah, okay, A horrible song, yes, so you had
to choose.

Speaker 1 (55:01):
Oh fuck, choose one.
Okay, okay, okay, weed, oh God,or sex, what the?

Speaker 2 (55:10):
fuck, fuck, dude.
Are you kidding me?
Are you fucking kidding?
Me, oh you placed four bulletsin the gun and they came out
taco bell, pizza, weed insects,the very existence of my being,

(55:30):
oh fuck oh my god.
I feel like he's such a, he'ssuch a downer dude Like when
they show like those depressionads and they show like that guy
that's like wandering in thesupermarket just staring down,
Like what happened to Eric.

Speaker 1 (55:54):
He's gotta choose.
Yeah, gotta choose.

Speaker 2 (55:55):
Yeah, they gotta make a choice, dude.
Oh, my god, we should turnthese into challenges for like
30 days.
No, fuck you, dude.
Yeah, then don't put all thesethings out there, okay?
Because I think real okay Ithink real, I play for keeps uh,
maybe say goodbye to pizza.
That was hard.
Yeah, now I gotta think aboutboners or fucking pot, because

(56:19):
the thing you gotta think aboutis that, like I'm killing weed,
how can I be the white SnoopDogg?
All right, but sex is awesome.

Speaker 1 (56:37):
Sex is awesome.

Speaker 2 (56:38):
You know, like weed's cool, but like sex is like
really cool.

Speaker 1 (56:41):
It's next level yeah.

Speaker 2 (56:43):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (56:45):
I'm surprised that it took you that long.
It's pot.

Speaker 2 (56:49):
And the way that I was thinking about it.
It's like, you know, whenyou're older it's pot.

Speaker 1 (56:54):
You're like when you're older, you're like when
you're when you said that whenyou said that you look like, you
look like a five-year-old, itwas like but like the way, like,
like, okay.

Speaker 2 (57:06):
So my, my little brain is thinking to myself is
good for everything.
I need to sleep, let's smoke.
I need to fucking eat let'ssmoke.
I need to laugh let's smoke.
I've had a bad day, let's smoke.
I've had to sleep let's smoke.
I need to fucking eat let'ssmoke.
I need to laugh let's smoke.
I've had a bad day, let's smoke.
I've had a good day, let'ssmoke, right, right.
But you could replace all thatwith sex.
That's just not logical becausemore than likely it's going to
turn into I have a headache.

(57:26):
Well, I didn't get much sleep.

Speaker 1 (57:27):
The other day.
You can always look in themirror.

Speaker 2 (57:32):
So what if you gave up weed and then the sex started
to like fizzle out a little bitright when it was like not as
much, and now you don't havethat thing to rely on and it's
like, dude, I'm reading bookscalled Don't Jump.
Oh shit, mine are a little bitdarker, that's for fucking sure.

(57:52):
Okay, all right, and also alittle bit darker, that's for
fucking sure, okay, all right.
And also a little bit like, oh,fucking gross right.

Speaker 1 (57:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (57:58):
Yeah, I went there Ready for a kind of gross one.
Yep, hillary Clinton.

Speaker 1 (58:03):
Oh Jesus.

Speaker 2 (58:04):
Nancy.

Speaker 1 (58:04):
Pelosi.
Oh fuck, dude, I was going togo there, I was not Kamala
Harris.
Oh fuck Jesus, I know, I know.

Speaker 2 (58:14):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (58:14):
Hillary Clinton's got to go.
You think I'm off on her.

Speaker 2 (58:17):
Yep, I don't care what the fucking she's got to go
, okay, so Dude bad options,like if you were at like a mail
order bride site right withthese two last options, like
this would be the deep clearanceyeah summer like summer

(58:37):
overstock event yeah, I thinkfuck.

Speaker 1 (58:43):
I know, I think I would have to.
I think I would have to do thesame thing like angry fuck nancy
pelosi, because there's nofucking way that I could spend
the money with her.

Speaker 2 (58:52):
How's this for a policy, you dumb?
Fuck so.

Speaker 1 (58:56):
I guess I'd have to marry Kamala, okay, oh, but
she's.
You know what she's ditzy.

Speaker 2 (59:05):
Our podcast wouldn't exist.
There's too much privilege inthis room.

Speaker 1 (59:21):
You know what the?

Speaker 2 (59:22):
fuck dude.
Oh yeah, so that's that's.
Yeah, that's what I'm gonnahave to do.
Okay, I understand that youready for a real, real good one
yeah the michelin man, michelinman jesus.
The lemu emu from thecommercials oh yeah, michelin
man Jesus.

Speaker 1 (59:34):
The.

Speaker 2 (59:34):
Limu Emu from the commercials.
Oh yeah.
And a furry that never takesthe costume off?
Do you know what a furry is?

Speaker 1 (59:48):
Yeah, Weird right.
What do they dress like?

Speaker 2 (59:51):
Good question, you can do this, I will elaborate
too.
Okay, any question you have, Iwill right.
Golden retriever michelin manis a normal mission michelin man
garb, he will talk.
Wow, if you were to choose fuck, he can't talk um.

(01:00:11):
And then the emu.
I mean, that's just bestialityyou're choosing that you're
choosing that, so yeah, but freethat never takes the costume
off.
You marry that.
Okay, dude, I would starttaking that thing to church yeah
, so I'm gonna go with.

Speaker 1 (01:00:30):
I'm gonna marry the furry because I like dogs and
they never take the costume off,then I don't need to know,
that's how I met my wife.
And then I guess I'm going tohave to kill the ostrich and

(01:00:54):
fuck the Milt Street Michelinman.

Speaker 2 (01:00:55):
I don't know, dude, he's begging for it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:59):
I feel like I'm curious of what he has for
plumbing, because is he justgoing to?
Have a big hole like a tire, Imean.

Speaker 2 (01:01:08):
I'd assume that if you were to make like a
life-size marshmallow and thenpunch it, I feel like that's
what you'd be fucking.

Speaker 1 (01:01:18):
It's all going to be fucking a marshmallow.
I'm all right with that.

Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
It might have some sponginess to it, but we'll
never know.

Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:01:27):
I think the emu is just going to sit there and be
like, or whatever.

Speaker 1 (01:01:32):
I feel like I'd probably get a donkey kick if I
try to yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:01:36):
The correct answer was to bang the Michelin man on
the emu but we're past it, allright.
So that's two.
Yep, so that was five, and four, so number three.
This is so bad buddy.
This one is so bad.
Anne Frank.

Speaker 1 (01:02:03):
Anne Frank.

Speaker 2 (01:02:04):
The one who wrote the diary, because she was hiding
from the Jews?

Speaker 1 (01:02:09):
Was she?

Speaker 2 (01:02:12):
I'm not even sure what she looks like she hid in
an attic.
Yeah, I don't know what shelooks like she hid in an attic.

Speaker 1 (01:02:15):
Yeah, I don't know what she looks like, yeah none
of us do.

Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
Okay, helen Keller or Rosa Parks?
Wow, helen will never say no.
Rosa Parks is really good atsitting down.

(01:02:41):
Anne Frank's a real writer.
She's gonna be vivid.
So, and if you killed Helen,she'd never see it coming.
Oh shit, maybe we don't do thison air.
And if he killed Helen, she'dnever see it coming.
Oh shit, maybe we don't do thison air, because this one's
pretty rough.
Should I switch it?

(01:03:02):
What do you mean?
Why?
Let's roll, I'm going to rollwith it.
Helen Keller blind, deaf, dumb.
Anne Frank, girl who grew up inan attic writing about how
she's hiding from the JewsHorrible life.
Rosa Parks, famous for sittingon a bus.

Speaker 1 (01:03:15):
Yeah, I'm going to.
I'm going to fuck Rosa Parksbecause I feel like she would be
really good at sitting on it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:29):
Oh yeah, she's used to that.

Speaker 1 (01:03:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:03:36):
What part of the bus do you think it's?
I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 (01:03:44):
I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to.
I'm going to kill Anne Frankand marry.

Speaker 2 (01:03:53):
Whoa whoa.
No, I do, Helen, whoa whoa.

Speaker 1 (01:03:57):
Helen.

Speaker 2 (01:03:58):
You're marrying Helen .
Yep, yeah, she can't ever sayno, I get that.

Speaker 1 (01:04:02):
That's good logic.
Yeah, she'll always be smarterthan her dude, did she, did you
know like she figured out how tocommunicate?
Not being able to see or orhear?

Speaker 2 (01:04:18):
like she could communicate I mean all of us
could.
It's like.
This means I means.

Speaker 1 (01:04:24):
I'm mad.
Yeah, but how are you going toknow that you can't see?
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:04:32):
So I think she was pretty intelligent, but I mean,
for all we know, the person thatwrote that book is full of
fucking shit.
That's very possible, but Ithink it was the nurse that
wrote the book, what it calledagain whoa, whoa, I don't know.
Do you remember that themiracle worker where, like, they

(01:04:53):
get helen to talk and all shesays is, and then it ends no, I
never saw that.
Yeah, don't watch it okay ifyou want to have a bad day,
watch the miracle worker.
Okay, number two number twomartha stewart, but she's never
allowed to shower never allowedto shower she just never showers

(01:05:17):
it's a stinky martha stinkymartha oprah.
But every single time you'reabout to climax, she shouts at
the top of her lungs you get acum shot, you get a cum shot,
you get a cum shot.

Speaker 1 (01:05:35):
Or.

Speaker 2 (01:05:35):
Kim Kardashian, but any time that you were to get
intimate involving kissing,blowjob, whatever Kanye West is
allowed to watch from the cornerand just says stuff like oh,
hell, yeah, the whole time thatyou're there.

Speaker 1 (01:05:52):
Oh shit.
So I don't like Oprah, soOprah's out for me.
She's gone.

Speaker 2 (01:05:59):
Okay, martha Stewart, kim Kardashian, you are also
marrying Kanye West.

Speaker 1 (01:06:06):
Yeah, I don't care if he watches, though that would
be so weird.
It would be weird, but I mean Idon't know Dude, I couldn't
handle Dude.

Speaker 2 (01:06:21):
That would be weirder than you think.
I'm sure it would Like what ifyou're going to eat that puss
dude and all of a sudden he'slike Aw, yeah, dude, get in
there, man.

Speaker 1 (01:06:30):
Oh hell, yeah, I saw that you brushed and right, but
how can you do that to martha,where she's never gonna shower?
It's her fault but that Icouldn't like it's.

Speaker 2 (01:06:45):
It's kind of like it's kind of like to give or
take right.
So martha's a bad, bad.
Kim kardashian's hot.
She's got that nice donkeybooty but comes with baggage
like she's got more baggage thanthe tsa both of them come with
baggage oh yeah but can youimagine walking around with

(01:07:07):
martha stewart as your wife,dude, I mean old fuck yeah but
she likes weed.
I'm sure kim does too.

Speaker 1 (01:07:15):
She's dated all of the nba yeah, I guess I'm gonna
have to.
Uh, I don't know, I guess I'mgonna have to get it over with
one time with martha and thenmarry kim oh, I next one comes.

Speaker 2 (01:07:28):
Number one has a little bit of consequence, you
know.

Speaker 1 (01:07:32):
Okay, jeffrey the giraffe, jeffrey the giraffe, oh
, from Toys R.

Speaker 2 (01:07:38):
Us.

Speaker 1 (01:07:39):
Mickey.

Speaker 2 (01:07:40):
Mouse, oh Jesus.
Or Tony the tiger, tony thetiger, I'm going to kill one.

Speaker 1 (01:07:44):
Or Tony the.

Speaker 2 (01:07:45):
Tiger.

Speaker 1 (01:07:48):
Marry one, fuck one, kill one.

Speaker 2 (01:07:50):
Now Jeff can get stuff for you off the top shelf
with that giant fucking neck ofhis right.

Speaker 1 (01:07:57):
Right, oh, oh, whoa, brad oh, that feels good.
Oh, whoa, oh.
How'd you do that, brad oh?

Speaker 2 (01:08:06):
Oh Mousecatool, how'd you do that, brad Mousecatool?

Speaker 1 (01:08:14):
Is it time for me to use my mousecatool, jesus?

Speaker 2 (01:08:24):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (01:08:27):
They're great.
I can't handle Mickey Mouse.
Me neither I couldn't handlethat fucking voice.
Huh, are you about ready toclimax?
I'm hungry.
Huh, okay, mickey's out, he'sdead.
I think I would have to fuckTony the Tiger and marry the
giraffe.

Speaker 2 (01:08:47):
Yep, that's just yeah , because jeffrey the giraffe,
like I feel like he's morecaring than fictional tony the
tiger more caring mickey's soupset though dude, he's blasting
off right now somewhere infucking Disney World.
He's just like oh fuck him oh,fuck him oh.

(01:09:10):
All right.

Speaker 1 (01:09:11):
So I've got some other ones for you.
Yep, so Mimi from the DrewCarey show, oh God.
Roseanne, oh no.

Speaker 2 (01:09:27):
Or A can of tomato soup.

Speaker 1 (01:09:33):
Or the last one is Mama Fratelli from the Goonies.

Speaker 2 (01:09:39):
Oh buddy, oh my God, that's such a class of awful.
I would have to kill Roseannebecause she drives me bonkers.

Speaker 1 (01:09:50):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:09:50):
And what she did to John Goodman Fuck you.

Speaker 1 (01:09:53):
Yeah, all right, so Roseanne's out.

Speaker 2 (01:09:56):
And my other two are the Goonies and.

Speaker 1 (01:09:59):
Mimi from the Drew.

Speaker 2 (01:10:00):
Carey show.

Speaker 1 (01:10:00):
Oh my God, I'm marrying Mimi and killing the
Goonie Lady, but then I'm goingto divorce Mimi you already
killed Roseanne, so you'd haveto fuck Mama Portelli bed her
dude fuck.

Speaker 2 (01:10:22):
That's awful legends never die, but today they will.

Speaker 1 (01:10:30):
Is that where you're going with?
No?

Speaker 2 (01:10:36):
Can I kill Roseanne and the Goonie Lady with one
bullet?

Speaker 1 (01:10:40):
No, we're just like bop, bop you know Bop?

Speaker 2 (01:10:42):
No, no, fuck, that's so bad.
No, no, fuck, that's so bad.
I am going to put a plastic bagover Mama Fratelli's face and
nail her, okay, and then andmirror Mimi Yep Okay.
What about OJ Simpson, hitleror Putin?

Speaker 1 (01:11:06):
Oh my God, Holy shit.
Wow, OJ Simpson Putin andHitler.
Hitler, hitler's got to go.

Speaker 2 (01:11:22):
I know.

Speaker 1 (01:11:27):
I feel like, if I married OJ, that I'd just end up
dead.

Speaker 2 (01:11:31):
You'd bang him.
The juice is loose.

Speaker 1 (01:11:38):
So yeah, I guess Fucking OJ and marrying Putin If
the glove fits.
Oh shit, okay, so I got anotherone.
Yeah, so you watched theGoonies Sloth?
Oh my God, rocky Road.
No, it was Baby Ruth, baby Ruth, baby Ruth.

(01:12:01):
Sloth, hunchback of Notre Dame,or Frankenstein's Monster, oh
my God, I'm going to kill Sloth,hunchback of Notre Dame, or
Frankenstein's.

Speaker 2 (01:12:09):
Monster.
Oh my God, I'm going to killSloth.
I'm going to fuckFrankenstein's Monster, because
it was lab created and thatpussy would be tight, and then
I'm going to marry.

Speaker 1 (01:12:21):
Marry the Hunchback.

Speaker 2 (01:12:23):
Yeah, that way I always feel like I have a leg up
.
What about your wife's bestfriend, your wife's worst enemy
or your wife's grandma on theother side?

Speaker 1 (01:12:33):
what horrible right can you imagine if you had that
choice?
So my wife's best friend, yourwife's worst enemy, my wife's
worst enemy and then your wife'smom my wife's's mom or be
grandma my wife's grandma.

Speaker 2 (01:12:50):
Horrible.
I shouldn't have said it, butwe're here.

Speaker 1 (01:12:55):
So my wife's grandma.

Speaker 2 (01:12:57):
So we're talking like 98 and frail If you hit that
wrong.
Like if you angrily fuck, likeyou're going to do to Pelosi,
like for sure she's gone, whatnow?
Like if you angrily fuck an old98 lady she's not coming back
from that, right?

Speaker 1 (01:13:13):
yeah, wife's best friend, wow.
So I think I'm probably goingto have to kill the worst enemy.
I don't even know who that is,who my wife's worst enemy is.
It's more of a hypothetical.

Speaker 2 (01:13:34):
I wasn't actually talking about.
That's just weird, you know.

Speaker 1 (01:13:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:13:40):
Circle back to me.

Speaker 1 (01:13:43):
I don't know, that's a tough one, dude.
I don't really want to off thegram them, but I think I have to
in that scenario.
That's what old people do, bradthey die, yeah, they die.
So she's not too far off anyway, so I'm just doing her a favor,
yeah.
And then fucking her worstenemy and marrying her best

(01:14:05):
friend.

Speaker 2 (01:14:06):
Brad Kevorkian over here, I'm just helping out, just
helping out.
Now why why, why, dude?
Do you have any other ones?

Speaker 1 (01:14:17):
And while you're looking, Do you know who Anna
Faris is?

Speaker 2 (01:14:20):
Oh, yes, I do.

Speaker 1 (01:14:21):
Okay, anna Faris, jamie Presley, mm-hmm.
Or Julie Bowen, I think it'sClaire on the Modern Family.

Speaker 2 (01:14:34):
Those three I am going to marry Anna Faris.
Okay, I'm going to bang thechick from Modern and kill Judy
Lawless.
What was her name?

Speaker 1 (01:14:52):
Jamie Presley.
Jamie Presley, same.
Thing.

Speaker 2 (01:14:57):
Madonna, lady Gaga or Ellen DeGeneres.

Speaker 1 (01:15:00):
Oh, ellen DeGeneres is gone, she's gone.
Dude but seriously If I couldkill her twice.

Speaker 2 (01:15:06):
Seriously, though, tell me that you could stick
your wiener in madonna or ladygaga and come back from a dude.
I wouldn't come back from adude okay I'm getting pornhub
premium and I'm making sure Igot a projector in my house and
I'm watching nothing but hottitties.

Speaker 1 (01:15:18):
So you said madonna and who lady gaga okay, I'm
gonna say madonna from back inthe 80s.

Speaker 2 (01:15:27):
Nope, that's not it.

Speaker 1 (01:15:28):
You didn't fucking specify, motherfucker, current
day.

Speaker 2 (01:15:31):
No, current.
No, I make the rules here, Idon't give a shit.
Current day, madonna dude lookslike a bag of fucking wet rice.

Speaker 1 (01:15:39):
Lady.

Speaker 2 (01:15:39):
Gaga, who has a brilliant voice and sounds good,
but when you look at her it'slike, oh, God, I think I got to.

Speaker 1 (01:15:49):
I there's no fucking way I could marry madonna, so I
gotta fuck her and marry ladygaga.
But ellen degeneres does noteven come into the not into the
equation for me, if I could killher twice I would.

Speaker 2 (01:16:01):
What about your priest, your doctor or your
mechanic?

Speaker 1 (01:16:07):
What the fuck Dude?

Speaker 2 (01:16:08):
What about the Hulk?
A great white shark and asilverback gorilla?
Marry one, fuck one, kill one.
You would like me when I'mangry?
Jesus, jesus.

Speaker 1 (01:16:22):
So I have a story about a silverback gorilla Is it
real, do you?
Want to hear it.
Is it real?
So I don to hear it.
Is it real?
So I don't know how real it is,but I heard it on another
podcast that I listened to.
Okay, so it's about hunting.
I listen to a lot of huntingpodcasts and this one

(01:16:42):
specifically.
There's a guy on there.
He's doing an interview withthe, the guy that usually runs
the show.
Um, should I say the name?
It's texas predator hunting.
Yeah, tph.
Um, I listen to that one all thetime anyway, he's interviewing
this guy and he's talking abouthunting experiences and stories

(01:17:06):
and shit.
So apparently he got a callfrom one of his listeners and
he's telling them a story abouta buddy of his.
There was actually two guys,two or three guys that went out.
They went to a Texas huntingpreserve kind of thing and they

(01:17:26):
go out really early in themorning texas hunting preserve
kind of thing and they go out itreally early in the morning.
It's like 4 am, it's dark asshit and there's pine trees and
shit like that all around.
So it gets like in the pinetrees and shit.
It's really dark you can't seeshit.
Yeah, it's so dark when you walkout the moonlight, there's
nothing yep, so one of thestands is right there in the

(01:17:48):
pine trees, so they drop bob offat the first stand and they're
in like a side by side.
Yep, so they drop bob off andthey're headed to the next stand
.
And they get to the next standand they're gonna drop joe off

(01:18:08):
and all of a sudden you hearthis like five shots go off and
like what the fuck?
What the fuck is bob shootingat you?
They can tell it's coming fromfrom bob's stand, who got
dropped off first.
Right, yeah, bob got droppedoff first.
He's like what the fuck is, butit's four, four in the morning
there's fucking pitch dark, it's, you can't see shit.
Like what the fuck is she?
What the fuck is going on?
So, joe and the guy that'srunning the, the uh preserve or

(01:18:34):
whatever, they get back in theside by side and they're headed
back.
Well, they don't even get tofucking bob stand and that
motherfucker is running down thefucking trail fucking full tilt
, running like, like what theyget to him and like what the
fuck bob?
What, what the fuck is going on.
He's fucking shaking.
He can't.
I mean, he is like somethinghappened.
They're like what the fuck bob,what the fuck he was shooting

(01:18:56):
at?
He's like I just shot bigfoot,I just fucking shot bigfoot,
whoa.
Then they're like what the fuck?

Speaker 2 (01:19:02):
are you talking about ?

Speaker 1 (01:19:03):
no, you did so so go back to the stand right and
fucking Bob is freaked out Likehe doesn't want to go anywhere
near that motherfucking stand.

Speaker 2 (01:19:14):
I wouldn't either.

Speaker 1 (01:19:15):
So he gets there and they're like what the fuck?
He's like.
They get up to the stand andsure enough, there's fucking
five holes in the side of theblind.
And they look over at bob.
Like what the fuck happened?
Bob, he's like I was fucking, Ijust fucking shot big fish.
I'm sitting there in my standand I'm on my facebook on my
phone and shit, the motherfuckerreached in, grabbed my phone

(01:19:38):
and walked off.
So I fucking pulled my fuckingrifle and boom, boom, boom
through the fucking side, fiveshots and sure enough, there's
fucking blood on the side of thefucking stand, on the outside
of it.
So they're like what the fuck?
And the guy that's running theplace, he's like well, we'll
fucking, we'll wait till lateand then we'll go.

(01:20:00):
He's like I'm going back to thefucking lodge, that's where I'm
staying.
So they all get back in theside-by-side and they roll into
the lodge and during this timethe guy that runs the place

(01:20:22):
called a couple other guys tohave him come out and
investigate, right?
So obviously Bob is stillshaking, he's fucking up.
And they're like okay, bob,let's go out to the stand and
see where it going.
He's like motherfucker, you cancall the us fucking navy.
I ain't going in the fuckingwoods, I ain't going anywhere
near that fucking place.
I am staying my ass here I justshot him.
I don't want to talk to him sothey're like okay, so he stays

(01:20:44):
there, bob stays in the in thelodge.
All these other boys roll out.
They got trucks and they gottheir side-by-side and shit they
roll out to the stand.
And they follow, they startfollowing the fucking blood
trail and, sure enough, like 100.
No, I think it was 500 yards.
Somewhere in that vicinityYou'd have to listen to the

(01:21:05):
podcast.
500 yards.
There is a fucking Bigfootholding this fucking guy's food,
this fucking guy's phone.
It's a silverback gorilla.
Oh my God, that had reached in.
Apparently he had escaped fromlike a local zoo or something
like that.
But yeah this fucking guy is onhis phone and this fucking

(01:21:28):
silverback gorilla reaches inand grabs his fucking phone and
walks away.
You fucking imagine fouro'clock in the fucking morning,
pitch black, and thismotherfucking hairy ass arm
reaches in and grabs your phoneOut of shit my pants.
Yeah, fuck, yeah, whether ornot I have no fucking idea.
If it's true, I mean this islike third fucking story.
Yeah, third, yeah, whether ornot I have no fucking idea.
If it's true, I mean this islike third fucking story.

Speaker 2 (01:21:49):
Yeah, third, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:21:51):
But can you?
I mean that fucking story aloneIn the world we live in.

Speaker 2 (01:21:54):
I don't see it being that great Like in the right
area.
You never know.

Speaker 1 (01:21:58):
I mean he said it was in Texas, so you know, like a
Texas zoo or a lab or whereverthis fucking gorilla was at, I
don't know.
Know, but holy fuck dude, Icouldn't I mean I can't even
fucking fathom that happeningwhen I would lose it, buddy.

Speaker 2 (01:22:14):
Yeah, I'd fucking lose it.
I would.

Speaker 1 (01:22:16):
I'd be pooping I definitely would be blowing
holes in the side of my fuckingstand.

Speaker 2 (01:22:21):
I can tell you that yeah, yeah, you look like the
michelin man when I was done,dude I would never go out there
again either.
I'd just be like nope, I'm allabout peace, I'm on the other
side now.
Um we should really protect thedeer population just switch
like I'm converted I'm convertedto pita I'd be about as

(01:22:44):
annoying as a scientologist atthat deer camp yeah, but yeah,
that was the yeah, that you.

Speaker 1 (01:22:51):
We said that fucking silverback gorilla.

Speaker 2 (01:22:54):
That reminded me of that story so I guess I'll
change my answer on the whole,uh, rosanne thing, because I
think she could probably takethat gorilla on.
So I'm gonna marry rosanne,you're gonna stuck with her for
life well, dude, think about it.
You're a grizzly bear like, andyou look out and you see me and
I get on big like, but you seeher and you're like that every

(01:23:15):
time, every time.
Man, oh shit, I don't have torun faster than that, I gotta
run faster than you.

Speaker 1 (01:23:23):
You know one of those situations yeah, did I tell you
about the bear story in alaska?
No, I got chased by a bearreally.
Yeah, my dad and I were upthere fishing and we're down by
the river and this guy next tome is he's caught a fish, right,
and my dad and I are fishingand this fucking we're like

(01:23:45):
we're where two rivers convergethe key and I and the russian
river where they come together,and this bear and there's a mama
and her cub they've beenwalking up the fucking river so
everybody like gets up, goes upto the bank, is like giving them
all the fucking space that theywant.
Fucking guy next to me carriesthe fucking fish with him, like

(01:24:05):
you fucking dumb, dumb.
That's why she is fucking there.
So we get up to the top.
We all split and go separateways.
Guy behind me is following meand I'm thinking to myself the
only fucking person that I needto be faster than is you,
motherfucker, because you'recarrying fucking food yeah and
she gets up to the top.
she follows him up.

(01:24:26):
We all go up the stairs.
She follows, follows him up,hops over the fence Like it's
not even fucking there, this islike a five-foot fence.
And she just puts both pawsover the top and just comes over
.
She jumps over the fence andstarts running towards us and I
swear to God with all of mykids' lives, she was within 30

(01:24:47):
feet of us.
Fucking guy next to me orbehind me runs back down to the
river and I think what he did isdumped the fish back into the
river because he came up theother fucking side and did not.
I don't know if he ever had thefish.
I don't know.
I was fucking walking him,getting the fuck out of there
because the cub what a fuckingidiot.

(01:25:08):
We have no idea where the cubis right.
So if she gets in between, likeif we're in between her cub and
her, it's game over, dude Ithink I know where they.

Speaker 2 (01:25:17):
I think I know where the cub is.
I think it's losing baseballgames in chicago somewhere.
Yeah, yeah, that was fucked up.
Nuts, that was fucked up.
We had three.
That's nuts.

Speaker 1 (01:25:26):
Dude that was fucked up.
We had three bears that daythat walked up and down that
river, but yeah, the cub and themom that was fucked up.

Speaker 2 (01:25:37):
They don't play games , dude, especially like yeah,
she showed up wanting pizza andyou walked out and waved a hot
and ready.

Speaker 1 (01:25:44):
Right, yeah, like you , fucking dumb, dumb.
Yeah, I couldn't believe thisfucking guy's carrying the
fucking fish with him.
Like you, fucking, you're anidiot.

Speaker 2 (01:25:51):
Dude, who do you think eats more fish in a year?
A bear, a Chinaman or a pornstar?
Porn star no question he laysdown rugs dude, yeah oh shit so,

(01:26:12):
like guys have fluffers, whatdo girls have like wetters?

Speaker 1 (01:26:22):
I don't think girls get fluffers.
That sucks I I don't know.
I mean, do they need fluffers?
Like the whole idea of afluffer is to get the guy hard.

Speaker 2 (01:26:33):
What if they have an emotional fluffer and like they
come in and it's like they havea lady that comes.

Speaker 1 (01:26:38):
They have a psychologist that comes in and
talks You're beautiful you'restrong.

Speaker 2 (01:26:41):
The notebook Channing Tatum Diaries Okay, I'm good,
bring him in.
I'll fuck him now.

Speaker 1 (01:26:58):
Jesus, oh man, oh shit, I had one more for you,
okay.
Dave Chappelle, chris Rock,kevin Hart.
Oh man, this sounds like I'mgoing to get in trouble for this

(01:27:20):
one.
Actually, I listened to DaveChappelle a little bit on the
way he was doing an interviewwith Joe Rogan.
Oh yeah, he's great, joe roganyeah, listen to this podcast
today, my way dude, I love davechapelle.

Speaker 2 (01:27:35):
Uh, like his old, like chapelle show yeah, fuck,
yeah, he's funny as shit Iactually met chapelle when
chapelle was going big.
Oh no shit, in dc when I was 18, when chaappelle was big.
So that was 2007, whenChappelle was going.

Speaker 1 (01:27:48):
With Chappelle's show Yep.

Speaker 2 (01:27:52):
Give me the three again.

Speaker 1 (01:27:53):
Dave Chappelle Chris Rock Kevin Hart.

Speaker 2 (01:27:59):
I'm going to kill Chris Rock I love him, though.
I'm going to bang Kevin Hartbecause he's small and then uh,
mary dave chappelle I'm gonnamarry dave chappelle, all right,
yeah, he made half-baked man.

Speaker 1 (01:28:17):
Yeah, dude, he's funny as shit yeah you know what
, and listen to that, thatpodcast and that interview that
joe rogan did with him seemslike he's fucking just cool as
shit down to earth.

Speaker 2 (01:28:28):
Oh yeah, just yeah the type of dude that would
smoke a do with you and justkind of talk and like hang out
like that would be so cool, liketo have those moments, like you
know, because at the end of theday, we're all people.
We're all just like you knowyou know, but I I feel like
there's select few that would becool, like that.
I feel like he'd be one of them.

Speaker 1 (01:28:47):
Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2 (01:28:49):
I've always wanted to get like baked out of my
fucking mind with like SethRogan or like Will Ferrell.
Oh, yeah, just so stoned, Justlike dangerously, like you're
driving home stoned you know,like, like when.
I'm in that mindset, but didn'tyou give this up for Lent?
Yeah, mindset.

(01:29:11):
But didn't you give this up forlent?
Yeah, fuck you.
Brad you stupid weed or tacobell or pussies or pizzas, dude,
fuck man, that took me to adark place.
All I could see is me in apadded room.
Just real sad real sad.

Speaker 1 (01:29:24):
Yeah, that, yeah, I knew were going to have problems
with those.

Speaker 2 (01:29:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:29:31):
Yeah, Dude your face.

Speaker 2 (01:29:33):
I'm serious, dude, you look like a fucking five
year old.

Speaker 1 (01:29:36):
That was just Dude, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:29:40):
It's awful man Pizza Dude.
It's like taking cherry piesAway fromason biggs dude.
That's all he knows.
You know?
That's all he knows.
I thought it was apple pie, Idon't know, but I seriously I
mean that wholeheartedly likelike top three weird scenarios I

(01:30:03):
could ever have.
And I'd love to meet jason biggsin a bakery and I would just
walk up to the counter.
I'd grab the first apple pie Isaw.
I'd open up that little lid,that little plastic.
I'd beat the fucking shit outof that pie, dude.
I'd put the lid on, I'd sealthat shit.
I'd have them sign on the top.
All fucked up.

Speaker 1 (01:30:34):
That'd be awesome.
Uh, yeah, but like you open itup before you do that and be
like this looks like one that Iwould fuck, yeah right, I named
it nadia too.

Speaker 2 (01:30:39):
Oh my god, dude, oh shit, oh fuck.
Well, dude, god bless america,god bless america, oh my God
dude oh shit, oh fuck.

Speaker 1 (01:30:47):
Well, dude, God bless America.
God bless America Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (01:30:58):
Yeah, if you don't like it, you can get out.
I'm just kidding, but go bald.
Eagles, bud lights and boobiesthat's all I got to say last.
Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 1 (01:31:07):
I was just going to wrap up.
Wrap it up, dude, wrap it up.

Speaker 2 (01:31:10):
If you would have known that earlier, you know,
you would have been one in three, right?
Yeah, you know.

Speaker 1 (01:31:19):
Yeah.
Yeah, that was a bad situationfor me, but hey, you learn from
all of those stupid, shittythings that you did as kids.

Speaker 2 (01:31:28):
so there's a line that you'll learn in blue
mountain state.
That's hilarious uh there's oneof the someone gets pregnant.
They're trying to figure outwho it is and harman keeps going
with them everywhere wherethey're trying to figure it out
and, like, this personidentifies himself and every
time she goes, harman, you can'tget pregnant in the butt.
I've told you this severaltimes.
And then he'll just go.

(01:31:49):
Okay, go, I'm out, like, andjust walk away.
It's like he forgets, dude,yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:31:54):
My God, oh shit.
Well, hey, thanks for listening.
Hope you enjoyed the show.
You can reach us atrowdandloudy at gmailcom that's
R-O-W-D-A-N-D-L-O-U-D-Y atgmailcom.
Or you can hit us up oncomments and we'll look into

(01:32:15):
that number.
Get a number.

Speaker 2 (01:32:18):
It's going to be 6969-6969-69-420.

Speaker 1 (01:32:23):
I'm pretty sure that that number's taken.
Dude, what if?

Speaker 2 (01:32:25):
we got 420--6-9-6-9?
.
That would be dope.

Speaker 1 (01:32:33):
We'll work on that.
We'll work on that.

Speaker 2 (01:32:35):
It's 5-5-5-6-6-6.
Yeah, we'll get some.
That would be sweet, though Ithink that would be better
because, like, who checks email?
I don't.

Speaker 1 (01:32:43):
Yeah, well, I mean, I'd check it if we got any, but
we haven't got any, so yeah,that's all right People.
You know what People arelistening and that's really the
only thing that I care aboutthat people are enjoying the
show, laughing their asses off,that's it.

Speaker 2 (01:32:57):
Yeah, we're trying to tingle the senses, something
that Helen would know nothingabout.
Jesus.
I'm done.
I'm done, but thank you guys somuch for joining us.
It's been an absolute blast.

Speaker 1 (01:33:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:33:10):
Episode 10 should be a little bit funky.

Speaker 1 (01:33:12):
Oh yeah, Episode 10 will be good.

Speaker 2 (01:33:14):
We're doing some bowl roulette.

Speaker 1 (01:33:16):
Bowl roulette.

Speaker 2 (01:33:18):
Bald eagles and bitches y'all.
It's loud and loudy.

Speaker 1 (01:33:23):
All right, everybody.
Thanks for listening.
We'll catch you on the nextepisode.

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Episode 9 - Why College Stories Are Always Better with a Drink in Hand

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Episode 9 - Why College Stories Are Always Better with a Drink in Hand